#—◆ ruinedtendencies (hange) | they looked my demons in the eye and smiled. they fell for the very thing i thought they'd fear

[moved-naitfall]

theme: Levi & Hange ( @ruinedtendencies ). Two souls, lost and broken, chase after one another, ignorant of what's inside each other's heart.

Neptune — Sleeping At Last [Lyrics]

Pitch black, pale blue,

It was a stained glass

Variation of the truth

And I felt empty handed.

You let me set sail

With cheap wood.

So I patched up

Every leak that I could,

'Til the blame grew too heavy.

Stitch by stitch I tear apart.

If brokenness is a form of art,

I must be a poster child prodigy.

Thread by thread I come apart.

If brokenness is a work of art,

Surely this must be my masterpiece.

I'm only honest when it rains.

If I time it right, the thunder breaks

When I open my mouth.

I want to tell you but I don't know how.

I'm only honest when it rains,

An open book with a torn out page,

And my ink's run out.

I want to love you but I don't know how.

I don't know how,

No I don't know how.

I don't know how.

I want to love you but I don't know how.

I want to love you...

Pitch black, pale blue,

These wild oceans

Shake what's left of me loose

Just to hear me cry mercy.

A strong wind at my back,

So I lift up the only sail that I have,

This tired white flag.

I'm only honest when it rains.

If I time it right, the thunder breaks

When I open my mouth.

I want to tell you but I don't know how.

I'm only honest when it rains,

An open book with a torn out page,

And my ink's run out.

I want to love you but I don't know how.

I don't know how, know how, know how,

I want to love you but I don't know how.

I want to love you...

[moved-naitfall]

@ruinedtendencies / them

By ha_youli

Source Tweet

Artist’s Pixiv

[moved-naitfall]

He couldn't respond to their concern. He couldn't lower his armor, even for a moment. He couldn't do it for them. Not when his survival was at stake, because in fact, they were right. Else he'd die. And Levi had decided a few years ago to keep on living. He had decided to fight, even after having lost everything. Even if it wasn't for himself, but for the sake of others. ❝ This is no battlefield, dumbass. ❞ That was a lie. The battle wasn't over, not even behind the walls. Was it against the enemies of the Survey Corps they battled, was it the families of those deceased they had to face, or their own conscience — being the ones temporarily spared in a world robbing them of their humanity first, and their life second. ❝ Better take some rest. You're already spouting more nonsense than usual. ❞ They were different, he claimed, but it was his aura to have changed — cold, distant, at the edge of hostile. It was Hange's fault, their decision to stick around, even when having warned them. Loss had made his bitter persona even more insufferable to be around, yet the Captain hadn't the heart to care. Not when the silence in the hallways kept haunting him all day long. ❝ Alright, but don't touch anything as I work. ❞ Back was turned on them, eyes fixated on Petra's diary. He still hadn't gone to pay her parents a visit.

his words quick enough to cause them whiplash, hange remains silent. tight lipped, if anything. they're so concentrated on him, the mere fact that they're both fighting for survival in this world. the one where hange's enclosed with titans -- interested in their body, their ways. ❝ alone? you'll die,  ❞ words laced with concern, protesting in silence. of course, they're fisting their hands into balls at his words, the fact that he remains stoic, neutral. as if he were plotting something behind their back. ❝ messed up, levi -- messed up. . ❞ eyes glancing down for a minute, giving themselves space, the time that they've needed all along to revolt against his words. ❝ i'm not leaving you behind, i refuse to. ❞ with their fallen comrades, hange doesn't want anyone else, much less the one standing in front of them to be the next. ❝ i'm staying, & there's nothing you can do about it. ❞

[moved-naitfall]

Silent, observing, satisfied. There was no need for words, and especially not gratitude. Watching their reaction, the spark he'd see even more rarely these days return, was enough of a reward. No human being did anything selflessly, after all. It was to his benefit, for Hange to enjoy this special day. For them to take a break, be reminded of long lost days when responsibility didn't weigh on their shoulders and made them bend. An even more dim future awaited them, of dead ends and lost hopes. Celebrating was a matter of preservation. Store strength, for what was about to come.

The captain didn't want to be seen, not for who he could have been, and rarely chose to show. Levi wouldn't want to be mistaken for someone kind, for someone who still had his heart. It was his conscious choice, not to be that person ( resisting it with all his strength, and failing ). Soldiers didn't need a parent, a friend, or someone to keep their nightmares away at night. Soldiers needed a figure to rely on. Someone to bring them back to their senses, when everything stopped making sense. He'd be that person, who they truly needed him to be ( not who they wished he was ). And if he had to play the role of the misfit, of the cold-hearted bastard with no genuine emotions, he would. His love language, skillfully hidden in discreet gestures, difficult to read for what they were truly meant for. In this case, make their eyes light up again.

He returned with their meal at hand, serving the two of them before sitting down. ❝ Grab a bite. It ain't worth shit if it gets cold. ❞

❝ You're late. ❞ He should have expected it, predicted their behavior before preparing dinner. The part of him who wished them to find a set table with all their favorite flavors in it, had taken over the practical side of him that was certain the food would get cold as he'd wait. ❝ And yes, that's yours, ❞ he gestured towards the wrapped box, before returning to the kitchen to warm up their dinner, while wearing his usual disinterest towards anything he found important. Inside the package was a new suit, handmade by Levi's trusted tailor. Lines and colors were picked to match Hange's tastes, but also make them look their best. The formal outfit to add to their closet. ft. @naitfall + hange.

frame stepped inside of the cottage , hange lets out a small huff -- eyes rolling as they're listening to his words , almost wanting to say something in retort , but hold themselves back from saying anything too . . what's the word ? demeaning . & they'd hate to ruin his good mood , it seems . eye glancing at the prepared table , instantly feeling bad as they're aiming on apologizing for their late arrival , hange lets out a small sigh . " not that late , " they're letting out , chewing down on their lower lip , studying the other before saying something else , head tilting . wondering what to fully say , although , letting out miniscule words wouldn't seem so nice , according to them . " . . you didn't have to get me anything , levi . " they're sighing softly , hands hovering over the gifted box before deciding to open it . he's too sweet , kindhearted , even if he doesn't think he is . yet , curious tones come out from their eyes , soon tearing the ribbon , then the top part of the box . eyes widening to the clothing that's been folded into the package , their heart beating against their chest . they're silent , hands taking the fabrics out of the box -- hovering against their body , fit to their size .

[moved-naitfall]

Selfish was the human nature, and Levi had tried many times before to defy his own. Dedicated his heart to fight for them, he had long decided he'd only be a TOOL for their purpose. He belonged to them, inside and outside of the battlefield. His mind and soul — his entire being, for them to use as they wished. He wasn't supposed to give in, for his emotions to control him, even if cornered, if desperate. They were soldiers, in a merciless world where such vulnerabilities — bonds of such deep affection, were impossible to survive.

It was a moment of clarity, while observing the way their eyes shone as they spoke at him, he realized both were beyond saving. They were already damned. What was left for him? To seal said curse, for them to share the same sins, the same madness — for him to take on his shoulders what they couldn't carry on their own. His intentions had originally been this pure. Yet now, unintentionally, he selfishly had trusted them with the last of his humanity. The last part of him that hadn't known darkness, and would die with them, if ever they were to depart before him.

They were right, those feelings having taken shape a long time ago. Never once holding back, always speaking directly from their heart, they had their way of making the atmosphere lighter, for any tension between them to instantly vanish. ❝ I just told you, didn't I? ❞ Unfamiliar to intimacy he was, but he doubted their experience differed much. ❝ You never shut up. ❞ A petty excuse, lacking in usual bitterness, but Hange shouldn't be asking for more. Not when he had just exposed the parts of him even he hadn't known.

Send "Shut up!" for sender to push receiver against a wall and kiss them to make them shut up. / @knightinsourarmor.

hange's head is backed into a corner, as the rest is their body. their eyes are looking down at levi, widening, of course. there's this somewhat unfair silence in the air as hange's still keeping their eyes on the other : watching as he's on his tiptoes : almost chewing down on their lower lip, yet interrupted as they can feel his lips on theirs, hands gripping onto his side, almost tight. wondering what brought this on. wondering what could have possibly possessed him to do something like this -- they were friends, right? perhaps, something more than that, if hange were to be honest. with their longing, their banter, the way that they both took care of each other, it couldn't have been nothing, it had to be something. sure, the kiss caught them offguard, but hange kissed back. hange kissed back -- the sense of longing, of wanting to be with him was there. their head getting dizzy, because of the way his kiss was. because of how someone like him truly made them feel this way, loved? cared for? whatever it was, it was hidden in the kiss, in the way that levi treated them, looked at them. three, two, one : there hange goes, pulling away. contemplating on why he did it, though, they're letting out this brief chuckle, shaking their head.

❛ what took you so long? ❜

[moved-naitfall]

No matter how unpredictable, how absurd Hange's behavior often was, Levi could always sense the beating of their heart, detect any abnormalities. As if connected to one another they were, a bond pre-existing their linked roles as the head of the Survey Corps. He expected they wouldn't have been prepared for the responsibility lying on their shoulders ( how could anyone be? ). Fighting a cruel war against titans, losing everyone they cared for, was far different from being responsible for the fate of so many lives. Hange had swapped places with Erwin, getting to see for themself what was the world the two of them had seen. Levi was the same, after all, even if having taken up another role. Captain of the Survey Corps, humanity's strongest, he carried the dying wishes of everyone they've lost, and the hopes of the living. He and Hange, both forced to give up on their sense of self, serving a greater cause — humanity's future. The least they owed Erwin, who had sacrificed his humanity for the same purpose.

Emotions weren't foreign to Levi. He'd notice more than he admitted, discover more about one's self than they'd want. It was his conscious choice, not getting too attached. Making sure his voice wouldn't get mixed with that of their subconscious — not interfere in the way one would speak to their own heart. Usually he observed from afar, rarely speaking of his mind, unless believing it was asked or needed of him. “ Didn't say such a thing. ” His intention, not to poke his nose where he wasn't needed, but to remind Hange of his presence — remaining close, nearly invisible, for whenever they'd need him. It seemed as if he had spoken too early, his timing being wrong.

He raised his head to stare at them, subtly disapproving of their poor attempt to intimidate him. Wearing a look of understanding despite the tense atmosphere between them — despite having not played the role of a punching bag many times before, and certainly not for their predecessor. Always secretive about what his feelings were, not even Levi who had been by side for years, had seen Erwin's expression change many times. But Hange was different. As they SHOULD be. Because they were chosen to be commander for who they were, not for who they were supposed to be. Because Levi believed in their ability to lead. “ I think I should get going. ” Giving them the time and space they needed, along with an opening in case they wanted him to stay.

❛   you tried to change, didn’t you?  ❜ / @new-darknessbaund.

the natural pang in their heart as he's speaking, knowing that he's right. he always has been -- being able to read them like a book, like the ones they've read about titans in. all hange does is give him a glance, blinking as if he's stupid, but deep down, he's right. there's nothing they could say that would change his mind, they're aware of that. the commander title going to their head, just a bit. giving them a power trip no one has ever felt before. hange scoffs, shaking their head for a moment, soon laughing it off. ❛ think you know me, is that it? ❜ they're stepping to him, their height compared to his : eyes looking down on him, knowing that he wouldn't do anything physical, not at all. nonetheless, hange is careful, not wanting to step on eggshells with him. considering that he might say something too snarky, something that'd get on their nerves.