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sanjisblackasswife · 2 years ago

Note

hiii! I saw that you already did dad headcanons, but I was wondering how you think those same boys would react to hearing the news about their s/o being pregnant. And how would they break it to the crew?

A/N: OP Boys As Daddies Here! Enjoy!

Next part will have Cora and Law <3

Monster Trio React to Their S/O Being Pregnant (SFW)

Cw: VERY SLIGHT mentions of abortion

Black Fem Reader in Mind

Ft., Luffy, Zoro, Sanji

Sanji

I mean it was bound to happen.

Not saying Sanji has a breeding kink, but he has a breeding kink. He got with you and just didn’t know wtf pull out meant.

Plus he does not believe in condoms.

But none the less Sanji would be a treat to tell

It was after dinner and you and Sanji were talking as he cleaned and you wanted to let him know gently because he was a very dramatic man.

“Ji… how do you feel about kids?”

He answers you with glee, he loves kids, he always wanted to have a little family of his own with you once you all achieve your goals. It actually ends up calming the nerves you began to have.

You kept asking baby questions and eventually he turned around and caught on.

“Y/N…”

“Hm?”

“Y/n….what are you trynna tell me…”

“….”

“…”

“I am pr—-“

The words didn’t even come out of your mouth yet his eyes lit up like a light and he grabbed you tightly crying on your shoulder not even believing you at first until you brought him the pregnancy test.

He still has it btw.

Sanji somehow had a suspicion you were pregnant. He knows your body better than yourself, so even though he cried a little he was happy that his assumptions were correct.

You both didn’t even sleep that night, you just kept talking about your future. You had to hold him to keep him still he just couldnt stop jumping around

As for how you both announced the pregnancy he wanted to tell everybody at breakfast so he made a feast. When Robin asked what the occasion was he grabbed you by the hand and told everyone.

“Y/N and I….are pregnant.” :)

Luffy: Men can’t get pregnant…

“LUFFY!”

None the less it was super sweet and honestly you becoming pregnant changed him in a pleather of ways.

He became more mature, protective, vigilant, calm, and even slowed down on his simping for other women. Because now that you have his baby inside you

You both are his only focus now.

Zoro

He didn’t believe you but Chopper was the one to tell you both actually which was really cute because they both nearly fainted.

Also He actually doesn’t understand how you could have gotten pregnant

“UM???? YOU CUM IN ME EACH TIME?!”

“Yeah, but i thought after you take a shower it all comes out.”

Bless him

Though his reaction is a bit …delayed best believe he does become happy.

Shocked, but happy.

He will respect your decision whether you want to keep the baby or not but deep inside he hopes you keep it

But thank God you do!

You actually caught him doing that and teased him all day.

He becomes a damn menace though.

He steals parenting books from the library and reads them after training. Even though he acts like having a baby isnt a big deal he is internally panicking.

He wants the best for both you and the baby and it shows in the most annoying way though.

He doesnt even tell the crew yet because he believes them knowing would stress you out

However Zoro is doing that all alone himself

“What are you doing?”

“I cant get up?”

“Its not good for the baby!”

“….i have to pee….AND IM LIKE 2 WEEKS PREGNANT AND IT IS???”

The crew found out because Zoro was upset

You and Zo are known for drinking together alot but of course you stopped and plenty of people began to notice everytime you turned down a drink.

You were sitting on Zo’s lap by the fire with everyone and even Luffy was drinking except you.

“Y/N are you sick? Why arent you drinking?”

“She cant.”

“Why?”

“Because i said so, Luffy.”

“Youre not the boss of Y/N she can drink if she wanna—“

“SHE CAN’T IT’S NOT GOOD FOR THE BABY!”

Cue in the dramatics.

Zoro to this day slaps his head thinking about how harshly he made sure YOU and Chopper won’t spill but he ended up doing it himself.

But his worries were diminished realizing the amount of well support you both got from the crew since then.

Zoro puts your safety above his every single time and actually gets mad when you don’t listen.

He takes more care of hisself and he isn’t too reckless when he is fighting. For the first time in his life he knew his life was worth taking care of for his future family.

Luffy

Doesn’t get it, but he is a good sport

When you and Chopper tell him he just can’t understand???

“Who’s baby is it?”

“YOURS OBVIOUSLY!?”

“I thought you said if i pull out you wouldn’t get—“

“PULLING OUT BEFORE You ejaculate not AFTER—“

Not until you’re about 2 maybe 3 months and showing is when he finally registers he is going to be a dad.

Every month up until then he looks at you and wonders why you don’t drink, fight, or any thing that you usually do until FINALLY Law explains it to him like he’s 5.

Now that he is up to speed about you being pregnant he suddenly becomes pregnant?

You got cravings? So do Luffy.

You want cake and tacos at 2am

Bless Sanji heart because Luffy do too

He actually ends up gaining a little bit of weight but it wasn’t even noticeable really, he trains too the rubber man really just bulked up

Luffy was showing his concern of being a father to Robin alot. He didn’t want to worry you in thinking he didn’t want the kid especially if you were willing to rid of the baby if he suggested.

Overrall during pregnancy he intrust the crew to watch over you when he leaves. He has complete trust to make sure you are okay and well and healthy.

A few cute things is he will have some moments where he stretches out his belly to bump yours, talk to the baby, sing to it, and even place his hat on your tummy always reminding him or her that their daddy will be the king of the pirates.

You honestly believe you having this baby has matured him in ways you didn’t think was possible.

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ju-vondy · 5 months ago

Text

Headcanon Gwyn scene

Guys, I just wrote this for the Chapter 11 in the Gwynriel fanfic I'm posting on Wattpad and I wanted to share with you all because yes, LOL.

This is the kind of building I hope Sarah does for Gwyn. Our girl has so much to grow! I hope you all enjoy. Please leave your thoughts!

WARNING: May contain anxiety triggers.

Count of words: 1.876

Some context before starting: Our beloved Valkyries accepted Rhysand's proposal to form a legion of female warriors (the Reborn Valkyries) and now Gwyn is about to embark on a mission with Azriel. The day is coming, a lot has been happening and, well... Let's see what happens?

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The torches cast faint light across the library, creating dancing shadows on the walls as Gwyn leaned over the ancient manuscripts. The room was silent, except for the soft rustle of parchment pages as Gwyn turned them, struggling to keep her eyes open.

Her eyes burned with exhaustion, but she refused to succumb to sleep. There was an important and lengthy translation to complete before the mission and she couldn't afford to leave anything unfinished. Several days had passed since the conversation where Azriel had suggested Gwyn stop serving as a priestess, and... She was trying to ignore that advice with all her might.

Only a week and a half remained before they departed. But as exhausting as the routine had been, she owed everything to those females, didn’t she? Even though Merrill was a bossy and authoritarian figure, Gwyn had grown so fond of her colleagues and... And singing! Singing during the services made her feel like she was floating, like she belonged to something.

Stopping her work as a priestess would surely erase a part of herself that Gwyn was not willing to let go of.

The Valkyrie yawned again. The fatigue finally caught up with her, enveloping her like a heavy blanket. Her eyes began to blink slowly, giving in to the irresistible desire to close. Then, without realizing it, Gwyn fell asleep, her head resting on the ancient scrolls.

It was Merrill's sharp voice that woke her abruptly.

Gwyn blinked, confused and dazed, as Merrill stared at her with an expression of disapproval and fury.

"What do you think you're doing, Gwyneth?" Merrill growled, her words as sharp as knives. "Sleeping in the library, as if there wasn't important work to be delivered before the journey? You have a responsibility here, and you chose to sleep instead of working?"

Gwyn tried to compose herself, shame burning in her cheeks as she quickly stood up.

"I'm sorry, Merrill, I... I didn't realize I had fallen asleep. I was just trying to finish the translation before Silphie officially takes over my duties..."

Merrill interrupted her with a brusque gesture of her hand.

"Apologies won't fix this, Gwyneth. You're here to serve as a priestess, not as an exhausted soldier who can't fulfill her responsibilities."

"The High Lord said I could..."

"I don't care what the High Lord said," Merrill crossed her arms. "He'll certainly change his mind after I have a word with him. You need to choose: do you want to be a warrior or a priestess? Because clearly you can't handle being both."

Merrill's words hit Gwyn like a blow, leaving her stunned and hurt. She couldn't find a response, her thoughts muddled and foggy with fatigue.

"Are you listening to me, Gwyneth?"

The Valkyrie growled, frustrated. How long would Merrill continue to treat her this way? A fire began to spread inside her body as she closed her notebook, the books and started to organize the manuscripta.

Enough.

She had enough.

"If you don't like my work, why didn't you dismiss my services as soon as I started training?" Gwyn exhaled, standing up. "You still haven't found anyone to replace me, have you? No one likes working for you." The Valkyrie crossed her arms, narrowing her eyes and finally letting the anger inside her overflow as she said something that had been stuck in her throat for a long time: "Because you're a demanding and authoritarian bitch."

Gwyn blinked, barely recognizing her voice as she said that ugly word. Merrill's expression twisted into a mask of rage, her eyes sparking with indignation as she stared at Gwyn.

"How dare you disrespect this sacred place with your temper?" Merrill shouted, her voice echoing through the library corridors. "Aren't you ashamed of insulting your superior like this? You aren't worthy of wearing the protective stone like all the others!"

Merrill's cutting words pierced Gwyn's heart with sharp pain. She quickly regretted thinking she could stand up to Merrill. Gwyn struggled to hold back the tears threatening to overflow from her eyes, her jaw clenched tightly as she fought against the wave of emotions consuming her body.

The few priestesses still circulating through the library watched the scene with shock and disbelief, some murmuring among themselves in tones of disapproval. Gwyn felt the weight of their gazes on her, the weight of judgment and condemnation. Her anger began to transform into a burning flame within her chest.

She lifted her chin, determined not to show weakness before Merrill and the other priestesses. She wasn't unworthy, no matter what they said. She was strong, determined, and capable. She was the rock against which the shadows break. And she would not let Merrill's cruel words bring her down.

With her jaw still tense, Gwyn swallowed hard, gathering all her courage to say: "I am no less worthy than any other priestess in this library," her voice trembled slightly, but she made sure to keep it firm and determined. "I strive every day to honor our duties and our faith."

Merrill snorted disdainfully.

"You can try to fool yourself while you play soldier, Gwyneth. But I know the truth:" Merrill pointed a finger in the redhead's face. "You are a disgrace to our order, and your presence here only brings dishonor to our sacred duties."

With one last disdainful look, Merrill turned and left the library, leaving Gwyn alone with her turbulent emotions. The anger boiled inside her, a burning flame that threatened to consume her entirely. What had started as a fire had become a dangerous explosion.

She was a Valkyrie, a fearless and courageous warrior. Nothing Merrill said was true. She was worthy, just like all the others. Wasn’t she? She was not a disgrace. Or was she?

"I am the rock against which the surf crashes..." Gwyn said as she adjusted her hood to leave the library, trying to silence the noise in her head and not let those thoughts defeat her. "Nothing can break me."

Nothing can break me, she repeated in her mind as she climbed the stairs to go to the House.

Gwyn felt an overwhelming mix of emotions inside her, a burning energy that drove her to act. She knew she needed a way to release all that accumulated tension, so she decided to go to the training ring, even though it was cold and dark outside.

It was the middle of the night, but she didn't care at all.

Entering the spacious and airy ring, Gwyn saw the punching bag hanging in the center. Without hesitation she threw off her priestess cloak, not even bothering to wrap her fingers, and advanced towards the object — her fists clenched and her eyes sparking with determination.

Starting to deliver several blows in the punching bag, Gwyn let the pain take over as she said through gritted teeth:

"Nothing." A right punch. "Can..." another, from the left. "Break." and then a solid kick. "Me." a hook followed by a determined growl.

Gradually, the frustration began to dissipate slowly, replaced by a sense of relief. Still, Gwyn continued to punch with will: each impact causing a release of all the weight and pain she carried in her heart.

As the minutes passed and the intensity of her blows increased, Gwyn barely noticed she was overdoing it. Her fingers began to throb with pain, but she ignored the sensation completely. She was so immersed in her own anguish that she barely noticed the blood dripping from her hands.

The punches were no longer just about Merrill: it was about her past, the loss of her sister, the day she was raped... Every damn thing that had ever happened to her.

It was only when her tears began to blur her vision and her lungs felt heavy as she tried to swallow her sobs that Gwyn finally realized how far she had gone. Her sobs echoed through the walls of the ring, but she didn't want to stop.

She couldn't stop.

"I am the rock..." she gasped, abruptly stopping her blows against the object. When Gwyn extended her fingers to see the extent of the injuries, her hand was trembling. She sniffled and whispered softly: "Against which the surf crashes..."

A groan of pain escaped Gwyn's lips as she let herself fall to her knees on the ground, her body trembling with the intense effort, her heart racing with her turbulent emotions.

She let out an angry scream. With her hand on her thighs, the Valkyrie focused on trying to control her breathing, without much success. All she could do was cry and cry, giving small nervous laughs in the process, mentally cursing the voices in her head who were saying she wasn't worth it.

Gwyn heard light, hurried footsteps approaching her, but she didn't bother to look in the direction behind her when she said:

"Go away."

"What happened?" the familiar voice sounded worried.

"Go. Away." Gwyn said, her voice still choked with tears. She used her wrists to dry her eyes and sobbed. "Please, Nesta. I want to be alone."

"See, Az?" Nesta continued, ignoring Gwyn's request. "She just wants to be alone. You called me for nothing."

Gwyn turned back when she heard Azriel's nickname. Nesta raised an eyebrow, curious.

"Azriel?" the redhead said, confusion in her voice. And then, as if emerging from the shadows, he appeared, silent as the night. His amber eyes were serious, and a look of concern marked his face, slightly illuminated by the moonlight and stars. "You were here the whole time?"

He nodded. Gwyn glared at him, but before she could open her mouth to protest, Nesta intervened:

"He thought it best to call me because he panics when he sees a female crying." Nesta took a step closer and Gwyn didn't tell her to go away this time.

"After Mor broke a champagne bottle over my head when I tried to comfort her during a tough time, I was traumatized." Azriel joked, just to lighten the mood.

Gwyn laughed, something sparking in her chest.

"You idiot," was all she could whisper.

Nesta crouched, taking her friend's hands. "By the Mother, Gwyn! Look at this, it's horrible."

Azriel approached them, alarmed. "Let me see."

Gwyn looked away when tje shadowsinger, with gentle and precise movements, checked the bruises and cuts.

"I hope she didn't broke a finger." Nesta murmured, trying not to show panic. The wingtips of Azriel's shadow quickly fluttered at this, but the male kept his expression calm.

"It seems to be ok. Just some cuts and bruises, we'll have to clean it and apply a few bandages."

Gwyn sighed, feeling embarrassed for losing control to the point of hurting herself that badly. She didn't want to appear weak, especially not in front of Azriel and Nesta.

"How did you do this?" Nesta asked, her expression a mix of concern and curiosity. And why? — Nesta only thought that.

Gwyn sighed again, fighting back the tears threatening to return.

"I was... discounting my frustration on the punching bag." She admitted, feeling foolish for not being more careful. "I think I got a bit too carried away."

"Let's take care of this." Azriel said with a comforting gentleness in his voice.

Together, the three headed inside the House, where a "first aid" kit awaited them, as if the House had anticipated their needs. Azriel guided Gwyn to the table. Gwyn insisted she could do it herself, but Azriel's serious look as he said "Sit down" in a low, authoritative tone made her obey without protest. Nesta offered her silent support, placing a hand tenderly on her Gwyn's shoulder.

The quietness of the house enveloped them. Slowly, Nesta felt the silence mix with the concern in her chest. She found herself reflecting for a moment: what had caused Gwyn to explode like this? They had much to discuss.

Gwyn felt her friend's gaze and asked: "Something wrong, Nesta?"

Nesta sighed, pondering how to approach the delicate subject.

"It's just... " she began, hesitant. " Are you... alright?"

" I'm trying to be" Gwyn admitted, her voice a whisper. "But it's been hard lately. Too much happening at once. It's just..." she swallowed hard and glanced at Azriel, who had finished her right hand and now began to clean the wounds on her left hand." I'd rather not talk about it now.

"Alright." Nesta agreed, but didn't leave Gwyn's side.

Gwyn turned her attention to Azriel, who skillfully tended to her injuries. His precise and delicate movements revealed a dexterity she imagined he had acquired over time. She spent a long moment watching Azriel's nimble hands, appreciating the beauty of the gesture.

Nesta did the same. She raised an eyebrow at Azriel, noticing the meticulous care he employed while treating Gwyn's injury — a gentleness that contrasted with the strength of his hands. A rare glimpse of the sensitivity hidden behind the iron facade he constantly carried.

"You're good at this" Gwyn whispered when the shadowsinger was almost finished.

"Years of practice" Azriel replied with a bitter smile, his gaze wandering to his own hands marked by scars of the past. "Don't worry, your hands won't look as horrible as mine do."

Gwyn frowned, surprised by Azriel's self-deprecation.

"I wasn't... I wasn't looking at them like that" she murmured, embarrassed as Azriel placed the final bandage on her right hand and announced he was done. Gwyn held his wrist for a moment before speaking: "Hey. Your hands aren't ugly, Azriel."

Azriel flinched from Gwyn's touch as if it burned him and stood up.

"Good to know someone still has faith in my appearance" he said with a hint of sarcasm, giving an ironic smile before stepping away. "Good night to you both. Don't forget to change the bandages tomorrow, Gwyn."

Gwyn stood up, about to call him back, but Nesta interrupted her:

"It's no use, Gwyn." Nesta sighed, taking a step closer to her friend. "He never listens."

"But..." Gwyn stammered.

"Forget it." Nesta grunted, holding back the urge to grab Azriel by the collar and slap him for treating Gwyn like that after such a calm exchange they were having. Nesta had seen the look her friend gave his hands: admiration. No disgust, no repulsion. Pure admiration. "How about some hot chocolate before bed? I can stay in your room until you fall asleep. If you want to vent, you know..."

"But Cassian..." Gwyn hesitated.

"He will understand." Nesta assured. "Come on, I'm sure the House will prepare a delicious chocolate cake as well."

Gwyn nodded, letting Nesta guide her through the halls. The comforting aroma of hot chocolate enveloped them even before they entered Gwyn's room, making her feel grateful for her friend's presence.

" Thank you, Nesta" Gwyn murmured, feeling more at ease with the warm friendship by her side.

Nesta smiled, wrapping Gwyn in a comforting embrace.

"I will always be here for you, Gwyn."

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THAT'S ALL, MY FELLAS!

I'm crying, are you crying?

This is the kind of thing I'm hoping for Gwynriel: they hate themselves but when they look to each other they say "Hey buddy you're worth it, stop hating yourself!!"

Literally "Do as I say, not as I do, dumbass!!" thing hahaha

I'm sorry but I have to tag you guys @gwynrielweeksofficial @bookish-brainrot @arcturustarlight @bookishwithathought @mycadences who maybe would like reading it :)

Xoxo. Have a good weekend!

#gwyneth berdara #gwynriel #gwyn x azriel #acosf #pro gwynriel #azriel #sarah j maas

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calciumdeficientt · 1 month ago

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I'm fighting with the rest of the asks in Ur inbox for dominance GIVE ME LENORA AND PARKER HEADCANONS!!! ESP PROM ONES

Oh no no no i cant reduce it to just hcs. You’re getting the full Nelson baby!!!!!!! As per the prophecy, link for custom longform writings is here dudes!

PROM NIGHT

5,329 words of pure SAP

Bullworth had always seemed very stuck in its ways. From the architecture, gothic, awe-inspiring and decaying; to the uniforms, unchanged since the school was merely a concept, a set of white lines on blue architect’s paper sometime in the early 20th century; and most especially, its ethos- the school rules sprawled over ten pages of the A5 student handbook each member of the student body received at the beginning of their time at Bullworth. These rules were unchanged, untested. A Time Capsule. Written in the prose of their forefathers, forbidding many things that were far from the taboos they were then. One such rule was for any and all school dances, parties and other such social events: ‘one’s partner must be of the opposite sex, students are permitted to attend alone but partners of the same sex are strictly foreboden’. This created a barrier for Lenora Harker, who took great pride in being Bullworth’s resident party girl. In years gone by she would have gladly paired up with Kirby or Dan or any other jock willing to have her on his arm for the five seconds they were under the watchful eye of the prefects on the door. But those were past days, distant and fading. Most of her friends were seniors, and they were settling down into relationships that would soon fray once they reached college. They were settling with real girls, or trying to anyway. Those that were her age just wanted to go solo, pick up, and leave. Lenora was chopped liver.

It’s not like she’d just assumed either, she’d asked everyone she could think of. It was a resounding ‘No’ from all parties. Once her entire mental checklist was ticked off, Lenora cut the rest of her classes for the day and drove out to Old Bullworth Vale. She couldn’t quite place why she liked it so much, maybe because it was quiet. Lenora always thought better when she hung around Old Bullworth Vale, possibly because the locals regarded her with intense malign and scrutiny. It promoted self reflection in a twisted sort of way, much like an arsonist promotes warmth by setting a house on fire, treasured family memories still inside. Presently, Bullworth was in that strange sort of limbo between spring and summer, the weather was still cool, but things were starting to look brighter, livelier, around the town. Everything was flourishing… apart from Lenora, who seemed to have shrivelled into herself, like a snail brave enough to pass through a ring of salt or a houseplant that an adventurous plant-mother bought, and promplty forgot about. It was such a stupid thing to get her heart broken over, a school dance; and yet here she was, sat on the splintering wood of Old Bullworth Vale’s dock, her running shoes and gym socks off and placed to one side, her feet plunged into the cool water of the harbour, letting it lap at her ankles like an excited terrier, like one of the dogs she had waiting for her at home… sulking. Like a child that had been denied a toy. Her heart ached and throbbed in her chest, call it karmic justice for acting like such a playboy, but she sure as hell wasn’t feeling happy about getting dumped by the guys she thought were her friends.

The boards groaned under the weight of another person, their footsteps light and tentative despite what the noises of the protesting wood would have you believe. There was a weight and a warmth beside her, a rich scent of warm wood, amber, and freshly printed money. It was Parker by her side. She shouldn’t have been surprised that he came to find her, she bailed on their Friday afternoon coffee, they’d been doing that every week for close to two years; and she wasn’t exactly incognito, her hair gave her away instantly. A wild mane of blonde ringlets, that seemed to settle around her face like a halo drawn by a monk with a nasty tremor. “Hey” he hummed, his voice held its usual sunny lilt but it also contained a modicum of concern, as did his face, lightly twisted into a mask of confusion “Hey Park” she responded, an unnaturally low tone to her voice giving her away “You okay? You look a little blotchy” “Hm? What, yeah I’m fine… I got that- that hay fever” he nodded, letting out a low hum to show his approval. “Yeah, I hear it’s going around. Tissue?” “Sure.. thank you” Lenora wiped her face off with the tissue, trying to stop the flow of tears before Parker saw. “So what’s really going on” he hummed, quirking a brow, his brown eyes fixed on her hazel ones “I told you man, it’s hay fever, seriously” “Lenora come on… a problem shared is a problem halved, so spill the beans” Lenora shook her head, it was so trivial she couldn’t even tell Parker. God she really was losing her edge. “Parks, c’mon. It’s nothing” “Lenora Harker I will push you in this water if you don’t tell me” Lenora shook her head again, it’s all she could really do. God how she needed a cigarette, or a toke… or a shotgun slug to the forehead. “You’re gonna laugh at me” Parker sighed, Lenora was a good friend to have but when she was difficult, she was bloody difficult. “I’m not… going to laugh at you” “Yes you are! It’s so stupid… look, okay…” she passed her hands over her face, despite all her attempts to wipe off the snot and tears didn’t work, a thin stream glittered beneath her nose. She pawed at it with the back of her hand, trying to look presentable “It’s prom, okay? No one…” she swallowed thickly, trying hard to keep her voice steady “No one asked me to prom”

Parker leaned back on his hands, admittedly, it was actually a little stupid but he didn’t have the heart to tell her that, he was raised to treat ladies with utmost respect. It was the first time he’d ever seen Lenora so fragile, so open. If he pushed her too far she might snap shut again. The wood groaned as his weight shifted “I’ll take you” his voice while still sunny, was also full of determination. If there was one thing being a prep had taught him: You don’t back down, you don’t surrender. You push until the other party relents and accepts the deal. Lenora pulled her feet out of the water and looked at him with surprise, her eyebrows shooting up until they reached her hairline, before dropping into a furrow, like one of those silly pauper rides at the carnival. “What? No. Parker you’ve got that- that thing I can’t make you skip that” “What, the cotillion? It’s the same every year. I don’t need to go again” Lenora tucked her knees up to her chest and rested her chin on her kneecaps. It was a little painful, she had a zit on the underside of her jaw “Won’t they be mad at you?” “Sure, for a while. But they’ll soon forget once they’ve had enough to drink”. The preps were simple creatures, all could be forgotten with enough vintage port, Parker knew that better than anyone. Lenora felt her heart tighten in her chest. It was such a noble gesture, but she couldn’t make him abandon his friends just because hers abandoned her “Park, it’s not that serious, I just… I won’t go, okay? I’ll wait until the afterparty. You don’t have to do this” Parker set his jaw, his eyes narrowing into slits, he felt a little bit like Clint Eastwood in one of those old westerns; but instead of trying to best Lenora in a shootout, he was trying to make her stubborn ass change her mind “You’d do it for me, right?” “I…” she was almost too stunned to speak, all the crying definitely didn’t help her. Her mouth was dry, her eyes were wet and she just really really wanted to go home. “Yeah…. I guess I would” her eyes broke from his for a second to look down at their shoes. Well… his shoes and her lack thereof admiring the leather of his loafers. Likely Italian and likely more expensive than her entire existence. Parker straightened up as things started to go his way “That’s what friends are Lenora, equals. I’m not doing this for me… I’m doing it for you, because we’re friends. Because we’re equals, okay?” “Ok.” “Okay… now put your shoes on”

Lenora looked at her feet, still soaking wet from her little sulky paddle, and then to her socks. Wet feet and dry socks seemed like as bad of a combination as Jeffery Epstein being a keynote speaker at an elementary school graduation. In a purely mindless action she twisted her leg up to rub her foot dry on her track uniform “Eugh” “What?” “I’ll wait for you at the end of the dock, okay?” “What? What?!” she continued to call, not fully grasping Parker’s disgust, her head following his form as it rose from its sitting position beside her, to a standing one, to one in motion, treading the boards of the dock with practised ease. Eventually, her feet were dry enough for her to put her shoes back on and the pair of them walked up the steps off of the beach and onto the street. Lenora wiped her eyes again and looked to Parker “Where are we headed?” “Don’t worry about it, you’ll like it” Lenora scrunched up her face, sometimes she highly doubted Parker’s judgement, especially after having dinner at Harrington House… she’d never forget that poor pig’s expression. What a waste of a good apple. “You said I’d like caviar and it tasted like the floor of a tuna factory” Parker cringed at her severe lack of a refined palate but held his tongue, she kind of had a point.

They walked up and away from the dock, chatting idly about the latest happenings in their respective cliques. Lenora liked to know what sort of petty things Parker’s friends were bickering about, talk of fistfights over cutlery and severed friendships due to shirt colour made her giggle. Parker just liked to know how the other half lived, he managed to pry stories of bar fights, roller derby fights and fights with potential girlfriends out of Lenora with relative ease, and it was safe to say he enjoyed hearing her perspective on things around Bullworth, Parker didn’t like the rose-tinted aquaberry glasses he’d been sailing through life with. He needed a poorer perspective. A real perspective. “Hey, has Justin been weird with you recently?” he queried, looking over at her with concern. Lenora pulled a face “Define weird” “Like… clingy. Needy ""I mean he offered to help me carry my books… oh my god” her face fell, she really sincerely thought another Prep had wanted to be her friend “He was USING ME?!” “Lenora it’s not like that. Justin he just… he likes you guys, he wants to BE with you guys. He just has a funny way of showing he cares” “Man, go figure, I thought he was all up in Ted’s business.” Lenora wasn’t sure if she’d said something she shouldn’t but after seeing those two getting into some heavy petting in broad daylight, she thought it was fair game “He’s a cool dude, even if he ate all the nut roast last time I came over so I had to sit there and eat spinach for dinner” Parker cringed again, remembering just how sad Lenora had looked as she pushed a heap of sautéed spinach around her plate “Yeah, sorry about that. I did tell them your diet was…. restrictive but clearly they didn’t listen to me”

Eventually, they reached the point of no return, the entrance to Aquaberry. The neon sign captivated Lenora for a good long while. She stood, completely awestruck by its swooping lettering and green glow of the neon inside. She wondered how much it cost to make and light and, considering the temperament of some Bullworth residents… replace. Parker clapped her on the shoulder to stun her out of her daze “I have something I need to take care of, you go in and get yourself comfortable” Lenora looked at him like she’d just been asked to teach a dog Portuguese “What, me? Unattended?” she asked, looking behind at the Outlet and then back towards Parker “Yes, you’ll be alright.” she paused, looked at her outfit. Carefully examining the highly worn fabric of her track uniform, the taped soles of her running shoes and the general unkempt nature of her bare skin: grass stains, cuts, bruises. “Just go in, tell them you’re a friend of the Ogilvie's, they'll warm up, I promise. They’re not bad people they’re just….. wary” Parker’s expression softened and he ushered her in.

Lenora looked around, utterly dazed. She was too afraid to breathe in case she damaged something and had to pay for it. God knew she could barely afford an aquaberry sock let alone anything else. The steward on the door narrowed her eyes at Lenora, who widened hers and smiled in an attempt to look less criminal. It didn’t quite work, and the woman reached for her walkie talkie “Wait wait wait nononono I’m a friend of Parker’s…. Parker Ogilvie?” the steward’s eyes narrowed even further “And where exactly is young Mr Ogilvie?” Her tone carried an intense sense of superiority, despite the fact she was an employee and not a patron. “He’s doing something, honestly, I would never dream of stealing. I’m a good girl, really” “I’m going to put you behind the register… if he doesn’t show up in ten minutes. You’re banned”

Meanwhile, Parker had wandered down to a local craft store and was sifting through the many hundreds of poster paints they had on offer. He already had some poster board tucked underneath his arm and was deciding if glitter paint, or paint and glitter glue would look the best for a staged prom-posal. Eventually, he decided to get all three and some loose glitter and diamantes too. He wanted it to be extravagant and gaudy, Parker couldn’t half ass it. Lenora was counting on him to show up and show out, and admittedly he had been looking for an excuse to give her crappy friends what for. At the register, he artfully dodged questions from the cashier about the nature of his project when he received a string of texts from Lenora, he had a special text tone just for her, not that he’d ever tell her ‘PARKR HALP PLZ’ ‘THEY HAZ ME TRAPPED’ ‘PARKER PLZ HALP THEY R GONNA GET MEH’ He laughed at her stupid typing, but then managed to decode her message. His eyes widened and he snapped his phone shut “Keep the change, thank you have a good day!” he called as he was already out of the door. The cashier looked down at the note in his hands, utterly dumbfounded “This is a hundred…. it was seven bucks”

He was quick to approach Aquaberry, taking the time to preen himself in the window before he stormed in. The clerk scuttled over, all smiles. It wasn’t all that convincing; she looked palpably nervous “Mr Ogilvie, what can we do for you today?” “Well, you can start by releasing my friend” “Hm? Oh” she turned back to Lenora with a disgruntled expression, Lenora waved politely to Parker who was struggling to hold his stern expression. The woman allowed Lenora to go free, and she took her time strolling over to Parker. Hands in her pockets and a smug smile on her lips. “And might I just say how incredibly disgusted I am with your decorum. I have half a mind to take our business elsewhere” Parker stiffened, doing his best impression of Gord when he had one of his shopping tantrums. The woman’s face turned red and she seemed to droop a little, thoroughly embarrassed. “What is your name?” he snapped, knowing full well that he could just read her name tag “Uh… Lillian” “Well Lillian, expect a strongly worded letter from my father in the coming days… I suggest you begin making copies of your resume. I hear that burger place is hiring” He gave her the coldest glare he could muster and folded his arms “Now, we are going to have a private dress fitting and you are going to get someone else to relieve you of your duties of you will lose my family’s patronage. For good.”

Parker stormed off and Lenora followed, matching his stride as they walked towards a private dressing room. She leaned into his ear “Hey nice freak out man, was that off the dome?” “Nooooo, I’ve had that planned for months. It just seemed so fun” “So your dad’s not really gonna send a letter?” “Oh no he absolutely is. For fun if nothing else, he’ll humour me” “…Dope”. Parker opened the door to the dressing room and allowed her to step in, ever the gentleman, Lenora did a weird janky curtsy and took a seat on one of the resplendent teal couches. She pulled a rather large string of pearls out of her pocket, admiring the way they shone in the sickly white light of the room. “Where did you get that?” “What? It was just out, I thought I could grab one… for like, compensation” Parker wanted to be angry, but that was just Lenora. He couldn’t change that. “Okay, does it have a price tag?” “Uhhhhm” Lenora surveyed the necklace, looking for a price. Eventually she found one, showing it to Parker “Hey are these commas or decimals” Parker squinted “Commas. ” “30…. oh my god $30,000 take it off me. I should NOT be holding this. Take it off me now” Parker worked quickly, snatching the pearls out of Lenora’s hands and she lay back on the couch, still reeling. “I have to pee” Parker snorted at her sudden change of topic “Okay, do you know where the bathrooms are?” “There’s a big sign that says Laboratory, isn’t not that is it?” he snorted again, trying really hard to not outright laugh at her “Lenora” “Hm?” she asked, raising herself up off the couch “Lavatory. It means bathroom” “Whatever… same thing”

Parker was greeted by another attendant soon enough, and he shared with him Lenora’s dress size and his general understanding of her colour palette. The worker simply nodded and scurried off to make some selections for him. Lenora struggled with the automatic flushes and which fancy soap bottle was actually soap and not lotion. Rich people must have been confused all the time. Maybe they enjoyed it. Upon exiting the bathroom, she was greeted by a sullen looking Lillian who placed a flute of champagne in her hand. Lenora downed it and barrelled back into the dressing room, excited as ever “Hey you were right, I DO like this place. The creepy door lady just handed me champagne” Parker gestured for her to stand on the little pedestal in the centre of the room “Hey, just don’t have so much of that okay, don’t get drunk and buy an ugly dress”

They cycled through a good number of dresses, and it was usually Parker who turned them down. Lenora wasn’t used to seeing herself all dolled up, it felt alien. It felt wrong.The new attendant had tried her in every colour he could think of: Dark blue, navy blue, ultramarine, baby blue, sap green, sage, salmon pink, lemon yellow, burnt umber, baby pink. The list went on and on and always, it seemed, something was fundamentally wrong with the dress. Exasperated, he went into the archives and pulled out something more delicate, something that had been reserved in the 90’s and abandoned. Plum coloured, spaghetti strapped, a black mesh overlay, delicately beaded to create an intricate ivy design. It was his last resort. Lenora pulled it on, trying her best not to damage it. She could see the way he glared at her tattooed skin, and so tried to clothe herself quickly. He handed her a pair of shoes and sent her out to Parker. He was on the phone to Bryce, trying to convince him to play messenger and let Derby know he couldn’t come to the Prep Meeting that evening, he did a double take and quickly snapped his phone shut. Hanging up without a goodbye “Wow” he hummed, watching how the beads glittered in the light as she twisted to look at herself in the dress “It’s weird isn’t it… ugh” she did another twirl, smoothing her hands down her sides “I hate that I don’t hate it” Parker saw the apprehension on her face, and did his best to try and conquer it “It looks like it was made for we you, it’d be wrong of me to say that it wasn’t perfect.” Lenora paused, she stood stock still in the mirror, talking in her figure. She tried to remember the last time she’d worn a dress, a nice dress. Sometimes if it was free entry for girls at the club she’d put on a shitty, tight and altogether too revealing mini dress or something like that, she found the more leg she exposed, the less the bouncers cared that her ID was fake.

The last time she’d worn a dress like this had been when she was about 13. She had gone to a daddy daughter dance, it was the first and only time she’d seen her father in full military dress uniform and the last time she’d seen him smile. Remembering him, his grizzled face curled up into a grin, the low growl of his voice as he complimented her appearance, the hours he’d spent polishing his medals, it choked her up because now… he was half the world away in Iraq. “I look like… like a girl” she hummed, giving herself a final once over.

With the dress fitting all squared away, Parker paid in cash for the dress and Lenora drove them back to school. They sat back to back for the remainder of the evening, drawing up Parker’s prom-posal poster. Decking it out in so much glitter it was basically a flashbang. Holding it up for one final inspection,Lenora slid her sunglasses over her eyes in one fluid motion, this told Parker it was perfectly garish enough. He set it to dry and snuck her out of the building just as he had snuck her in. Tomorrow afternoon, he’d pull out all the stops on the football field and really make a statement to her two timing jock friends, he’d just have to endure a weekend of agony, waiting to pull his big showstopper… he had to make several calls.

Monday morning came and went, Lenora had slept in and missed most of her pre-lunch classes. She got her pitiful, slimy vegetarian lunch as usual and then retreated to the football field, as per usual, texting Parker to let him know their plan was a-go. She hummed a greeting to Kirby as he took a seat beside her on the bleachers “Hey we’re cool right?” “What?” “Like you’re not mad we don’t wanna go to prom with you?” he leaned a little into her, trying to read her face “What? No, I'm fine. It’s fine” “You missed the clique meeting last night” he hummed, stuffing what was supposed to be a meatball in his mouth “That was last night? Jeez I’m really sorry, I thought it was today” “Jeez? Really? Are you a prep or something man, just say fuck like the rest of us” she scrunched up her nose a little bit “I’m trying to cut down on the swearing… it makes us sound uneducated” Kirby snorted and went back to eating his lunch. Lenora was acting crazy weird, but it was likely she was just sober and bummed out. Kirby considered Lenora a good friend, but not good enough to rob him of some action at prom. She understood.

As if on cue to break up the weird tension, Parker appeared with a boombox on his shoulder, heart shaped sunglasses over his eyes, tailed by two large men in suits. Out of the boombox began to rattle the sultry sounds of Aerosmith. A band he'd never heard in his entire life. He placed it onto the grass and whipped out a megaphone from behind his back and began to sing, in key but it was clear he’d only barely learned the lyrics. The speaker was hardly good quality, so his voice was crackly as well as loud. “DONT WANNA CLOOOSE MY EYES, I DONT WANNA FAALLL ASLEEP, CUZ I MISS YOU BABE, AND I DONT WANNA MISS A THIIING”

Lenora put her hands over her face, to her confused meathead friends she just looked bashful, but underneath, she was giggling like a lunatic. He pulled the sign from his back as the instrumental soared, and Lenora was really losing composure. Then as a small crowd gathered, Parker’s large assistants released at least 200 beautiful turtle doves into the air. Lenora scuttled down the steps of the bleachers to partly to wrap Parker in a tight embrace, but also to avoid the hail of bird droppings pelting the football field “Oh Parker,” she sighed, lifting him off the floor to spin him around “You committed social suicide for me… thank you” “Oh don’t thank me, thank my father. He paid for the birds” “You got a little….” Lenora pulled back and giggled, noticing a small white streak in his usually jet black hair “Yes yes I know, I’m trying to ignore it” “Okay buddy, coffee?” “Sure” The pair strolled off, meanwhile the spectating jocks now found themselves fighting for their lives against a sea of very agitated doves “AW SICK! THAT PIGEON IS GONNA GET SOME SERIOUS POUNDCAKE” Lenora looked back over her shoulder to a very angry, very bird poop soaked Kirby “… we should leave” “Yes, yes we should”

Days turned into weeks and then in the blink of a lazy writer’s eye, prom night was upon Bullworth like a blanket over a misbehaving parrot’s cage, or some rare disease that makes students of all kinds raid cosmetics stores and costume jewellery sellers’ stalls like looters in the midst of an apocalypse. Parker invited Lenora into Harrington house freely, knowing full well that his friends were at each others’ throats about the cuts of their tuxedos and the fabric of their pocket squares. Harrington house was as close to chaos as it would ever come, Bif was not manning the door like usual, so she was free to waltz in, touch antiques and take silverware. Parker was yet to dress, he wouldn’t take long, he never did. He decided to get Lenora all set up with his expansive team of hair and makeup minions and get ready in his room. Lenora never wore makeup. Not because she didn’t want to, all the ladies she had crushes on had perfectly made up faces, she thought it looked so beautiful; but everything she needed to do her own makeup properly was too big to steal and too expensive to buy. She liked the feel of the brushes on her face. Sometimes when her mother wasn’t home as a very small child she used to run them over her skin to enjoy the sensation. “What do I ask them for?” “Don’t worry, I’ve already briefed them. Just sit and look pretty, okay?”

Downstairs, chaos reigned. It sounded like alley cats fighting over scraps of a discarded sandwich. Lenora swore she could hear vases breaking. She didn’t even know that jackets had different cuts, in her eyes she thought a suit was just a suit. Plain and simple: you get your little shirt, your jacket with big shoulder pads, your slacks and your little tap dancing shoes on, she also knew sometimes if you were feeling really fancy you’d put a tie on, so that when you got drunk you could tie it around your head and pretend to be Rambo. The hair ladies were ruthless, wetting and yanking at the knots in the mess of Lenora’s curls, slathering on about 50 sweet smelling products, twisting, pulling and pinning so close to her scalp she swore the bobby pins were scraping her skull. They didn’t hand her a mirror, but simply switched places with the loitering makeup artists, much like the football team swapped out their offensive players for their defensive counterparts. The makeup girls were significantly kinder but not altogether gentle. They talked her through what needed to be done, and what to do. Blink when they applied her mascara, suck her cheeks in like a fish when they applied her blush, pucker really hard when applying her lipstick. Eventually, they stepped back and handed her a mirror. Once she got over the absurdity of her hair all twisted up like a pineapple and a tiara of assuredly real precious gems slid into the cleft of it, the majesty of the beaded dress, neatly protected by a cape for a good amount of the makeup process and the half tonne of clown paint on her face she found that she looked rather… pretty.. Like a princess. Like a real girl.

Parker had walked into the room part way through Lenora’s base makeup having gotten bored reorganising some of the photos in files on his computer, and watched her talk so easily to his assistants. Chatting like she’d known them for years. Eventually, he crept up behind her and she, naturally, reacted with violence. After barely avoiding a mirror swing, Parker tilted Lenora’s chin up so she was looking at him. Her lashes fluttered over her cheeks for a second “You look like a penguin” she giggled, admiring his black and white suit, with little pops of purple just like her dress. He made a weird face and she rushed to rectify her blunder “That’s a compliment, I promise. Penguins are great, I love penguins” Parker released a burst of air through his nose, trying to keep a snort from leaving. it instead “Thanks” he hummed, not letting his hand leave her face “Yknow if I was straight I’d have a fat crush on you, those girls are missing out” “And don’t I know it… can I interest you in a corsage” “Indeed you can, thank you” He fiddled with it, getting it nicely on her wrist. The flowers were gorgeous, neatly arranged and all the most gorgeous shade of deep purple. He placed his matching boutonnière in her hand and proudly presented his chest for her to pin.

Lenora reached her hands up to smooth Parker’s collar. Slim, nimble digits smoothed out the small creases and divots in the fabric, and trailed down to his lapel where she pinned his boutonnière “You’re gonna make some girl very happy someday, Ogilvie” She said with a voice dripping in fondness, and a smile on her lips. He looked up at her with a wry smile, placing his smaller hands on top of hers on his lapel “Hey…. I already have” Lenora tried hard not to weep “Hey, don’t cry, I spent good money on that makeup, stop it” Parker chided playfully, using his thumb to gently wipe a tear that had betrayed her. Large and fat and glistening like a pearl in the dim light of the rising moon. “Sorry, sorry… thank you Parker” he smiled reassuringly “Hey, don’t be sorry for being my friend, It’s my honour and…” he checked his watch before offering his arm to Lenora, much taller than usual in her designer heels “Your carriage awaits, milady” “Milord” she replied, dabbing her eyes gently before the pair of them retreated from Harrington house to tear up the dance floor.

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lilac-5ky · 2 years ago

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Dating Joui-era Takasugi Headcanons

A/N: It’s that time of the year when people want to feel a bit cozy and they write Christmas headcanons and all that jazz. BUT Joui-era Shinsuke is what makes me feel all cozy, and so, instead of Christmas headcanons I’ll opt for this :3 (unless y’all want me to actually write a christmas special with him LMAO sounds wacky af)

Warning: It's late. Idk what I've written. Random delirious thoughts I'm afraid. and also it gets a bit SMUTTY with the details

Let’s start with the period of “crushing” and namely “crushing” from his side. Chances are Takasugi had his eyes on you long before he decided to make a move. Something about being on war, something about being a tsundere, something about knowing that if he shows interest then Gin will DEFINITELY force his way in to get on his nerves; all those reasons were enough to make him reluctant.

He thought that crushes were like the common flu. Terrible at first, but it will go away if you ignore it. Eventually. Some day. Oh well.

Months have gone by and you are still living rent-free in his mind. Even when they are stationed far away, he can’t stop thinking about you and hopes he gets to outlive one more battle, just to see your face again.

He is always on the lookout for news about you. Whenever someone mentions your name, or anything that remotely resembles the first syllable of it, his ears perk up. He wants to know you are safe and doing well, but more importantly, he wants to hear that you are still not involved with anyone and won't be until the day he makes it back. Because, secretly, he hopes that when that day comes, he'll get to make you his.

Once, you sent him a letter. Nothing memorable or grandiose. Just you congratulating him on a victory, wishing a safe return and telling him you'll be waiting to see him soon. He never told you, but he treasured that letter, so much that he carried it inside his vest everywhere he went. The content itself wasn't as important, but the fact that you were thinking about him was all the motivation he needed.

At some point, he might start to write back. He’ll talk about the places they see, the fights they win, the petty arguments between Gintoki and him, how Tatsuma tried to buy out an entire red light district and how Zura rejected the advances of a general’s wife for a widow.

He mostly tries to keep his letters lighthearted, presenting you with the pretty side of things. He keeps the real ugliness of war to himself, and doesn’t really vent about his struggles. All he wants is to be close to you, but not too close as to be vulnerable. Not yet, at least.

I’d imagine him indirectly suggesting that some day you revisit certain places together. It’s more of a promise to himself, than an actual suggestion, hoping that one day he can actually deliver on that.

One would expect that when he finally comes back, he’d start interacting more with you and open up. WRONG. He reverts to his quiet and stoic self, acting as if you are no more than an acquaintance. It’s not that he isn’t interested. He simply prefers to let his eyes do the talking, when in company of the others.

If you catch him looking, he doesn’t immediately look away. He loves watching you and he loves how every time your eyes cross, you seem more flustered than before. The sight alone is enough to make him smile, that soft and nearly innocent smile he reserves for you exclusively.

I actually have this scenario in my head that involves camping around the fire with Joui 4. There’s laughing, there’s drinking and there’s talking, and during the entirety of it, you keep gawking at one another (lowkey eye-fucking one another OOPS) until everyone else falls asleep. When that happens, you sit side by side, Shinsuke adding more wood to the fire while you snuggle up to him, resting your head against his shoulder. A very warm, quiet and intimate moment you share together.

At this point, everyone knows something’s going on between you two, and naturally, they start to mess around by calling you “chibi’s girlfriend”. By “they” I most definitely mean Gintoki, though Zura and Tatsuma make sure to contribute with a chuckle. Shinsuke HATES this kind of jokes and is quick to dispute their claims, which in return leads to them suggesting they should get it on with you instead, considering how you’re single and all.

Gintoki because “How could a shrimp ever please you with his tiny shrimp dick”, Tatsuma because “bRoS beFOrE hOEs” and Katsura because… actually Katsura is the one who’s least likely to say that. Unless you are a widow. (auto correct made it window at first and I died at the idea of being window-sexual)

The jokes soon lose their momentum, and become sort of this daily routine he chooses to ignore. That is when it’s just the four of them. However, if Gintoki dares bring them up in your presence, then Shinsuke loses all self restraint and attempt to murder him by repeatedly stomping on his head, saying something along the lines of “You don’t need to carry an empty shell on your shoulders if you’re never gonna use it”

The only consolation is that you found his reaction so entertaining that you burst into laughter. Not at Gintoki’s attempted murder, but at Shinsuke’s adorable grumpy expressions.

When it’s just the two of you, Shinsuke feels much more at ease. He’ll probably offer to accompany you to places or join in on a task, considering how rare it is to spend some quality time together. Long walks through the woods, hitting up convenience stores miles away from the camp and Gintoki , “accidentally” hitting up all sorts of romantic hidden spots is definitely his thing.

He wants to thoroughly get to know you, and there’s no better way than sharing conversations without any disruptions. You can really talk to him about everything and he’ll listen without complaints, though expect him to tease you at any given time. It’s his way of flirting, and even if he calls you stupid, it’s just a term of endearment to him. When he is alone with you, he gets to forget all about warfare and tactics, becoming just a regular boy courting the girl he likes.

Honestly, even after all that, don’t expect a confession from him. He’ll either force you to say it yourself, or muster up the courage to straight up kiss you when the moment feels right. Going with the first one, he’ll insist to show you his most charming self until you can no longer exist around him without acting like a complete mess. That is when you blurt to him that you can’t wait for this war to be over, which has him all smirking and asking you what for. He really wants to hear you say it.

However, supposing that things don’t really go his way then he’ll be forced to make a move. He’d find an excuse to get you far away from everyone else, and when it’s clear, he’ll lean forward and press his lips against yours. He is not very experienced with romance. Correction: He is not experienced with romance AT ALL. For him to kiss you, it means that he likes you so much that his impulse takes over and he can’t help it anymore.

The kiss itself is forced, but oddly hesitant. It’s as if his eyes seek confirmation in yours, and when your lips answer him back instead, then you know it’s game over. In the blink of an eye, he has you pressed against his body, gloved fingers studying over the details of your face, hoping to somehow imprint the softness of your skin upon his pads. He is firm and intense, but gentle in a way that has you completely melting into his touch. That’s when both of you inaudibly decided that you won’t wait for war to decide your outcome.

Dates with him aren’t exactly dates in the traditional sense. Between relocating, battling and keeping your relationship a secret, he doesn’t have much time to take you out on fancy dates, but you knew that before mixing it up with him. Things will remain unchanged; secret meetups in the dead of night, strolling around stranded beaches and nearby woods, or, if he’s daring enough, his tent. What does change is the quality of said dates. (wink wink)

Like I said, he spends a lot of time away from you. Even when they go to Yoshiwara, he isn’t touching any woman because he can’t think of another woman the way he thinks about you. He wants you and you want him, and it doesn’t take long for things to boil over.

But let’s get more specific. If you find yourselves in the forest by the camp, then he most certainly has you back against a tree, knees around his waist, slowly thrusting into you with a hand over your mouth to muffle all sounds. It’s risky and anyone could spot you, but that’s what makes it even more fun. Sometimes he can’t help but groan against your ear, letting you know just how good you make him feel, right before replacing his hand gets with his lips. Deep kisses turn sloppy in between lovely grins and quiet chuckles, till you both climax as one.

When it’s not for a quickie, and especially for the first time, he’ll make an effort by either bringing you into his tent or taking you to the sea. It’s not so much about the place itself, but about how he’d much rather have you spend the night lying in his arms. It doesn’t matter how bleak and grim reality is. On those nights when the world quiets down, he really feels as if he has a chance of winning. As if by next dawn, the war will come to an end and he won’t ever need to say goodbye to you again.

Lastly, speaking about goodbyes. It becomes a habit between you to make stupid pinky promises about things. It can be something as silly as “I pinky swear to bring you a croquette sandwich tomorrow”, or something as profound as “I pinky swear I’ll come back alive”. He doesn’t want to make promises he can’t honor, but at the same time these promises bring comfort to you both. No matter how silly, a promise is about the future and as long as there is something that binds you to a shared future, then you have nothing to fear.

A/N: Sigh, you can’t tell me that Shinsuke in love isn’t a huge romantic. He might be a bit too cynic and sharp tongued at times, but that doesn’t prevent him from being an actual sweetheart. Plus, back then was when he was happiest. He’d be free to joke around and share a laugh without much guilt, and he’d be far more susceptible to falling in love T-T

#Takasugi Shinsuke #gintama #gintama fanfiction #gintama imagine #shinsuke <3 #gintama oneshot #gintama headcanons #Takasugi Headcanons #joui war Takasugi #joui war Headcanons #takasugi imagine #takasugi fanfiction #takasugi shinsuke x reader #takasugi gintama #takasugi x reader #gintoki x takasugi

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matenrou-fan · 2 years ago

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hi hi ! congrats on getting all those requests done:D

i habe a request for hypmic if its okay, could you write some headcanons on dating both samatoki and sasara at the same time? especially with the uh rough end to mad comic dialogue, i think it would be interesting having them getting along again and dating the same person. and if its not too much, maybe both sfw and nsfw headcanons for the threesome?

thank you !!❤️❤️ hope u have a great day btw !

Samatoki x reader x Sasara General HC (SFW + NSFW)

ooh hii star!! thank you for all your kind words <3 I wish you also have a great day!!! writing for poly is so fun and hard in the same time..

NBreader, fluff, swearing, just wholesome stuff;; also teasing, fingering, oral (giving/receiving), threesome;;

SFW:

-Fuck. Samatoki has no idea how he ended up in this shit. And the stupidest thing here is that he actually likes this shit.

-Let's be honest, he was feeling something for Sasara due to the Mad Comic Dialogue era. Even if they don't talk all this time he was still thinking about why his friend changed his behavior so suddenly back then.

-But now here he is. Not only talking with this airheaded clown but literally sharing his precious lover with him! Maybe it's a great opportunity to finally shed some light on the rough end of their duo.. But honestly all Samatoki can't think about is burning jealousy inside him.

-He would be so so envious in the beginning of this polyamorous relationship, as it's all kinda new for him and he still can't understand what he's feeling now.

-When Sasara is so chill about it..! Well if you love them both then why not? He's kinda open minded so he doesn't mind trying something like this.

-"Maybe back then me and Samatoki didn't work out together.." - he sighs, then this casual goofy smile appears on his lips - "But you know what they say? If at first you don't succeed, try triad again..!"

"The heck do you mean?! I'm gonna kill you..!" - Samatoki mumble with soft blush while you start laughing.

-Sasara will always try to cheer up Samatoki with jokes, reminding him of good old days when he annoyed Yakuza the same way. But now you are also here, helping comedian come up with new jokes.

-Your life has become a little bit more chaotic because now almost every day something funny is happening with you three and Sasara's terrible puns adding fuel to the fire.

-So you were a little afraid that Samatoki would soonly lose his patience and just leave you two but one situation changed your mind.

-You were on a little cute date in the library. Bad decision, really, especially how loud Samatoki can be and how Sasara can't keep his mouth shut for more than five minutes.

-So very soon the young Yakuza showed his hot temperament and accidentally hit one of the bookshelves, too angry. Various encyclopedias and journals fall down to your legs.

-"Woah, buddy! You have no shelf control…!" - Sasara whistled but you froze in place, thinking that it's gonna be the last step before Samatoki snapped. He looks at you two with the most angriest annoyance in his eyes, and then..

-.. he laugh. To your (and Sasara's) surprise he just burst out laughing, his pale face softened almost immediately and a slight blush appeared on his cheeks.

-You were kicked out of the library anyway. But as you walk away, Samatoki gets between you two and hugs you by shoulders, still with a wild smirk on his amused face.

-"Hehe, they're such sissies..! Don't let us have some fun.." - he mumbled while Sasara sigh nervously.

-"Aren't you the one who ruined everything..?" - you chuckle without malice but your boyfriend just scoffs.

-"Blame this funny fella, not me."

-He becomes more chill after that, and less jealous. After all, Samatoki can see that Sasara also really loves you and him and all his worries about being abandoned again disappeared.

-And honestly, it's hard to be angry at someone who shows his love and care with such goofiness. Brilliant comedians always have a bunch of half compliments - half puns about your appearance, or just some joke to light up your or Samatoki's mood.

-He's just so silly, you absolutely love to tease him a little. The way Sasara's face becomes hot and red when you interrupt his chatter with a sudden kiss is so cute. Extra points to his shyness if you do this in front of Samatoki who's now smirking at him, asking what's wrong.

-It goes in a circle - these two men teasing you, sitting on both sides of your trembling figure, kissing you passionately, arms roaming around your body, as they can stop to touching you, their pretty darling.. then you and Sasara keep making Samatoki blush with stupid jokes and quick sudden kisses there and there, your arms in his white hair while comedian stroking his trembling hands, and Samatoki tries to act like he's just annoyed, not embarrassed. But you two can hear how fast his heart beats.. And then, finally, you and Yakuza confuse this poor goofy man with more smooches and strokes, his face almost lit red when Samatoki kisses him roughly and you keep squeezing his waist. He even has no single thought or pun to calm down himself.

-But actually every one of you can say that two others enjoy that really much.

-People get so confused sometimes, when with one hand you hold such a cheerful and funny young guy, so many puns break out from his mouth.. when with another one you are holding such a big cold well-known member of Yakuza who keeps piercing at strangers who dare to look at you three strangely.

-But who's give a fuck when the main thing is that you all so happy now?

-You didn't expect but your relationship has become much softer and calmer now, as you three support each other. It even looks like Samatoki becomes more chill with you and Sasara around and Sasara looks more at ease now, as if he wants everything to be like that for a long time.. And your own confidence has risen as now you have not one, but two men who're always ready to listen to your vent and take care of all your problems.

-It's like a comeback of Mad Comic Dialogue, but only for you to see, darling. And for you to reward these boys..

NSFW:

-Your time in bed would be a little bit messy the first few times.

-Samatoki has a habit to get too passionate during sexy times and prefers some rough fast pounding when Sasara likes to be playful, teasing you for some time until you start begging in a whiny voice and only then give you some deep long thrusts.

-So you all have to talk a little first, before you want to have a threesome. And oh god you feel like it was a mistake.

-God know what these two were talking about when you were not with them, but now they both suddenly get down to you, Samatoki keeps your legs spread as Sasara starts teasing you with such light strokes to your crotch, sending tingles to your already heated core.

-You never saw them with such smuggy smirks, Sasara's jokes took such a playful mocking tone and Samatoki got along with that so quickly, also threw in a few teasing comments about your blushing face and pathetic gaze.

-Having one man go down to you is good, but two? It was the best orgasm in your life as you keep squirming around, voice so high pitched as you grasp sheets around you, almost tearing it from intensive pulsing waves of pleasure between your legs.

-Samatoki would like it if you would go down to him together with Sasara. He doesn't want to admit it but the view of these two blushing faces with needy eyes and hot tongues around his dick sends him to heaven. And vice versa, as Sasara also would like a double attention to his throbbing cock from his lovers, he quickly becomes a whiny moaning mess so you two need to hold his trembling legs tight while sucking him.

-And what do you think about trying to take them both, as you kneeling in front of two smirking men, both dicks in your hands as they cooed to you how good and obedient you are?

-If we start talking about oral, why don't you try the daisy chain too? Cause it would be such an interesting experience due to the fact that you all have different paces.

-And to the main act: most of time Samatoki is the one who's preparing you, his fingers so deep inside your wet hot hole while Sasara keep playing with your body, squeezing nipples and leaving hickeys on your collarbone (Samatoki doing the same on your thighs).

-The tower bridge, golden classic. Their favorite position, it doesn't matter who is in what place, as it's just perfect thing to have fun and pleasure to y'all in the same time.

-Sasara learn Samatoki to play with you longer and Samatoki learn Sasara to love fast and aggressive sex so now be prepared for a long night with these two men teasing you in such different but pleasuring ways..

#hypmic x reader #hypmic imagines #hypmic #hypnosis mic #hypmic samatoki #hypnosis mic samatoki #samatoki aohitsugi #samatoki x reader #Samatoki Aohitsugi x reader #sasara nurude x reader #sasara x reader #hypmic sasara #sasara nurude #hypnosis mic Sasara

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lcnnypooh · 2 years ago

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Spell out your url with song titles and tag 10 people. // All of the song titles I used are songs I think relate to Lenny as a muse. :) You can find Lenny's Spotify Playlist here.

L - Life's About to Get Good by Shania Twain.

C - Creep by Radiohead.

N - Night Changes by One Direction.

N - No Judgement by Niall Horan.

Y - You're on Your Own Kid by Taylor Swift.

P - Pocketful of Sunshine by Natasha Bedingfield.

O - One Step at a Time by Jordin Sparks

O - One Day You Will by Lady Antebellum.

H - I Do Not Hook Up by Kelly Clarkson.

Tagging :: @writelives, @eternalxloyalxspirits, @alcoholtm, @darkncsskng, @hhorakhty, @hcpemikaelscn, @mckiingbiird, and anyone else who wants to do this can say I tagged you.

Tagged by :: Nobody tagged me, but I did this on Annaleigh's blog a while ago and decided I would give it a try here.

#dash memes #the more boys i meet the more i love my cat (aesthetic)#let me be the one to light a fire inside those eyes (headcanons)#I didn't have an h song on her playlist so i went with a song with an h word in the title

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thuganomxcs · 8 months ago

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❝ poltergeist report: 𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐘 𝐁𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐇𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝐘𝐔𝐒𝐔𝐊𝐄 | 𝙼𝙸𝚂𝚂𝙸𝙾𝙽: Botan can barely contain her excitement, jumping to hug Yusuke upon first sight. "Happy Birthday, Yusuke! Are you excited?" she chimes, always enthused by holidays. She steps away just long enough to pull a gift from her bag, wrapped in blue paper. She pushes it into his hands.

Inside is a scrap book, decorated with Yusuke's name and stickers that she just couldn't resist. And in the scrap book are all the photos taken through their adventures, images of the whole group. But that's not all.

"You mentioned recently that you lost a lot of family photos in the fire that occurred when we first met. (ref: a headcanon post you made a while ago) Now, it was rather tricky to recreate them. After all, humans are forbidden from viewing their own Soul Records. But I managed to work out a loophole with Koenma." Inside are reproductions of the photos lost, as many as she could get. She'd gone through his and his mother's memories and rather than taking photos of the memories, she took photos from them looking at the photographs. A picture of a picture, far enough removed from the memory as to hopefully not trigger any abnormal side effects. "Although, if you start to hallucinate or feel like you're leaving your body, please let me know. But you should be fine, I tested it." She adds, nonchalant before looking at one the pictures.

"Ah, you were so cute as a little one. Who would have guessed~ Look at those chubby cheeks~" she pinches his cheek teasingly, laughing. | client: @infintasmal | 𝙰𝙲𝙲𝙴𝙿𝚃𝙸𝙽𝙶.

To ask if he was excited..not so much. He appreciated the hug, hell had it not been for his strongly planted feet she probably would have push him over with that tackle. There was one unintentional spin before he set her back down. He remembered when it came to parties, festivals or even birthdays Botan was just the merriest one. Yusuke then took ahold of the blue bag she pushed into his grasp. Suffice to say he looked upon it with curiosity at first.

━━ ❝ 𝐀𝐰𝐰𝐰..𝐁𝐨𝐭𝐚𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨. ❞ It seemed she went all out on this gift too. In a way he could understand her reasoning, she’s missed three of his other birthdays considering he wasn’t exactly around for her to celebrate it with him. So, she must have taken the opportunity to really go out and get him something memorable..and a 𝙢𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙚 gift it is. His eyes spotted a book, a picture of him on the cover..one four years ago when he was just fourteen.

Each page were littered with pictures of his childhood..better days really. His mother looked happy as well, there was one picture of him struggling to stand, another of him as a baby where he held his mother’s finger with his smaller hand. Pages after that he saw more photos of him growing up slightly wearing different clothing, one with him and Keiko as children as well and even one where him and his mother wore matching hats.

Page after page there were more of these photos that brought flashes of images in his mind, then stopping at one where again he’s but a baby..a newborn held in his mother’s arms. Botan said that there could be side effects occurring, Yusuke could definitely those side effects right now. Along with the gentle 𝙥𝙞𝙣𝙘𝙝 of his cheek his eyes caught the sight of a drop of water hitting the page. Tears were streaming from his eyes…throughout so much 𝙙𝙖𝙧𝙠𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨 there were moments of light, moments where things were alright. Botan reminded him of those bright days.

“𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐬 𝐁𝐨𝐭𝐚𝐧...𝐛𝐮𝐭..𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐢𝐧 𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧' 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐤.” A hand reaches up to wipe the falling tears with his sleeve. “You really went against the rules for this huh…thanks a lot.”

#❛ mail ━━ when i rush make your butt pucker the fuck up.#infintasmal #gift USING A HEADCANON i made so long ago??!?! MEGA PLUS

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lcnnypooha · 2 years ago

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MORAL ALIGNMENT TEST.

You are 100% good, 76.7% lawful, making you lawful good.

Lawful Good

People who are Lawful Good believe that an orderly, strong society with a moral government can work to make life better for the great majority of the people. When the laws are fair and the people respect them and try to help one another, humanity as a whole prospers. Therefore, people who are Lawful Good strive for a social order that will bring the greatest benefit to everyone and cause the least harm. Lawful Good personalities may sometimes find themselves faced with the dilemma of whether to obey the law or do good when the two conflict. For example, when upholding the law of the land would lead to unfairness or harm or when there is a conflict between two orders of what is right, such as between the ways of their community and the law of the government.

tagged by :: Actually, I found this test myself and decided to give it a go.

tagging :: @thedrma @mythcaels @diverse-hearts (ngl i kinda want to know what saeran’s is.), @tximidity, @aspiringroleplays, && and anyone else who wants to do this can say i tagged them.

#dash meme #let me be the one to light a fire inside those eyes (headcanons)

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lenny-pooh-archived · 5 years ago

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48. do they have social media? do they like it or hate it? obsess over it?

Lenny does have social media. She has Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

Lenny’s Facebook is set to private - meaning people can only view certain aspects of her profile. If she doesn’t have you as a friend, then you can only see her profile picture / header, her intro, and featured photos. Her profile picture is a selfie that she took while at the animal shelter one day, while her header is a picture of her cats. The main reason Lenny got a Facebook account was so she can keep in contact with a lot of her American relatives. Most of her friends on the account are family. Her bio said :: A veterinary student with a love for cats. Lenny does not use Facebook Messenger, as it gives her anxiety due to the fact that anyone can message her with that, so she does not have the app installed into her phone.

Her Instagram is less private and she will let people view the photos she posts. However, she is self conscious about who she lets follow her there. If someone seems sketchy, she will block them and she doesn’t accept private messages from strangers. Her Instagram is mostly filled with photos of her cats as well as some photos from the animal shelter. She often promotes the shelter on her Instagram and uses the site to help find animals homes. Her profile picture is a selfie that she took with her cats. Also her description says the same thing that her Facebook one says :: A veterinary student with a love for cats. However, underneath that there is also this line of lyrics :: Now I’m falling it’s a long way down from here.

Her Twitter is not private either, but she doesn’t post photos there. Usually she just writes out text posts or little updates on her life. Like with Instagram, she is strict on who she let’s follow her. Her profile picture is a selfie that she took with Faith. Her header is a photo of midnight.

Lenny doesn’t hate social media, but sometimes it does give her anxiety. It’s not something that she’s on all the time because of that. She tends to get on Facebook the most and that is just so she can keep her family updated on her life. She’s not one to obsess over social media. She would rather update people in person about how her life is going, but she can’t always do that, since she lives far away from a lot of her family.

@kaibacorp-bros (cause i can’t tag your main) // SEND ME A # TO LEARN AN UNUSUAL HC ABOUT MY MUSE!

#kaibacorp-bros #thanks for the ask!#i'd love to get more headcanon asks tbh #ask #answered #let me be the one to light a fire inside those eyes (lenny facts)#meew3

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haikyuu-boys-headcanons · 4 years ago

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𝙷𝙰𝙸𝙺𝚈𝚄𝚄 𝙱𝙾𝚈𝚂 - 𝙴𝙼𝙱𝙰𝚁𝙰𝚂𝚂𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝚂𝙴𝚇 𝙼𝙾𝙼𝙴𝙽𝚃𝚂

hehe, i’m back at it again with one of these long ass posts but this idea’s literally been in my head all day long so here you go !! obvious nsfw warning :)

tw: this whole post is just nsfw and embarrassing to read so read at your own risk >:)

𝙳𝙰𝙸𝙲𝙷𝙸 » during a super intense and loud session, his voice cracked as he asked you “does that feel goOD- good baby?” to this day, he still prays that you couldn’t hear him over the sound of your own moans

𝚂𝚄𝙶𝙰𝚆𝙰𝚁𝙰 » you were riding him and he went to slap your ass, but something went wrong either because you were riding too quickly or he was shaking too much, boy ended up slapping himself in the balls. you’ve never heard that boy scream that loud in your life

𝙰𝚂𝙰𝙷𝙸 » literally pulled out in the middle of sex to get up and rush to the corner of his room to flip around his childhood teddy bears. your just laying there with your tiddies and coochie out waiting for asahi to shield the eyes of mr. wiggles

𝚃𝙰𝙽𝙰𝙺𝙰 » you two were having pretty intense shower sex until tanaka did the number one thing your not supposed to do during shower sex; this muthafucker slipped while holding you. long story short, y’all were okay but just ended up having nasty shower floor sex??

𝙽𝙸𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙾𝚈𝙰 » this tiny ass 5′2 man was unconsciously humping your leg while you were both asleep?? his presumably pleasurable wet dream had turned into a sudden nightmare when you literally had to KICK him off you to stop the humping. bad nishinoya, bad!

𝙺𝙰𝙶𝙴𝚈𝙰𝙼𝙰 » came WAYYY too early inside you, but he was too embarrassed to say anything so he just... kept going. sadly, no one had warned kageyama of the intense effects of overstimulation. he was shaking and whimpering so badly behind you to the point where you had to ask him to pull out and bring him a glass of water to calm down

𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙰𝚃𝙰 » the first time you squirted on him, he just blatantly asked you these exact few words that left you feeling mortified: “did you just piss on me?” nuh uh hinata, this water fountain ain’t yours to drown in anymore >:(

𝚃𝚂𝚄𝙺𝙸𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙼𝙰 » kei was hitting it from the back pretty hard this time, so hard that you were suddenly... on an angle? suddenly, now you two were much closer to the floor than before. the bed ended up collapsing, yes literally collapsing due to kei’s powerful thrusts. worst part is, nobody got to finish since kei dragged you to ikea to grumpily buy a new bedframe. but hey, he bought you ikea meatballs; that shit hits so different

𝚈𝙰𝙼𝙰𝙶𝚄𝙲𝙷𝙸 » one super duper intense night, he passed out the SECOND he came. no matter how much you flicked the temple of his forehead, yamaguchi was dead asleep. you had to literally slap him awake to get him to clean up, you ain’t risking a ranky stanky UTI puthy in the morning

𝙾𝙸𝙺𝙰𝚆𝙰 » kept calling himself a sex machine during the act. i don’t know if it was due to the 6 tequila shots he had beforehand or just his inner ego revealing, whatever it was it was about to make your pussy close

𝙸𝚆𝙰𝚉𝚄𝙼𝙸 » this one time, he kept going in at a weird angle which caused you to repeatedly queef for 7 minutes straight. every time you told him to pull out and go in properly, he laughed and kept going in at that one weird angle!! was your embarrassment a turn on for him?? maybe!! but were you mortified? absolutely!!

𝙼𝙰𝚃𝚃𝚂𝚄𝙽 » i’m sorry to have to be the one to announce this, but this man had the worst case of full blown bush you’ve ever seen. like, he didn’t even try to manscape or anything at all. you ended up begging him to trim just a tiny bit because you weren’t gonna risk choking on a pube whilst your going down on him

𝙷𝙰𝙽𝙰𝙼𝙰𝙺𝙸 » rubbed your left labia thinking it was your clit. and he kept doing that. the whole. fucking. time. even when you subtly moved his fingers towards your clit, he just kept going back to the left lip.

𝙺𝚄𝙽𝙸𝙼𝙸 » had the most dry and dull dirty talk you’ve ever heard. like, it’s not even dirty talk at this point; it’s just clean talk. there’s no passion when he talks! he uses the same tone he would use for anyone else at any other moment. to paint the picture, imagine riding kunimi and he’s just there with a furrowed expression like “yup, that feels really good”

𝙺𝚈𝙾𝚃𝙰𝙽𝙸 » tried to pull one of those unexpected anal scenes that he saw from a porno, without telling you beforehand. life lesson here; if you party at shit's house, don't be surprised if shit's at the party

𝙺𝚄𝚁𝙾𝙾 » you two were looking to get a little more kinky in terms of BDSM, so kuroo watched like 30 tutorials on youtube on how to safely tie you up so you won’t fall or anything. this bitch ended up tying rope knots that were practically impossible to undo, which resulted in you hanging from the ceiling for approximately 2 hours pussy-ass naked while kuroo tried to cut you down with a kitchen knife

𝙺𝙴𝙽𝙼𝙰 » wanted to spice things up with some dirty talk, like the real nasty talk they use in pornos but not the normal pornos; the shitty company ones with horrific acting. he really ended up announcing that he was going to “fuck your fucking fanny off, you twat”

𝙻𝙴𝚅 » got super excited while he was opening the lube since he hadn’t gotten to fuck you in a WHILE, which resulted the lube leaked everywhere and a giant 6′5 man slipping and hitting his head on the bed frame. worst part is; he had to go to the ER with a hard on that refused to go away

𝙱𝙾𝙺𝚄𝚃𝙾 » speaking of boners that wouldn’t go away, let’s not forget that one time bokuto took two viagras when you texted him to come over for a special occasion. he horribly misinterpreted the ‘special occasion’ text, because he showed up to your house with a huge buldge in his pants as your parents stand before him holding anniversary cards, completely horrified

𝙰𝙺𝙰𝙰𝚂𝙷𝙸 » wanted to make valentines day sex as romantic as he could, so he did the classic lighting candles and giving roses. everything was beautiful, until he accidently knocked one of the bigger candles over during missionary. this not only caused a huge ass fire in your bedroom, but he came right as the fire began to spread. boy was debating on whether his orgasm was to die for or not

𝙺𝙾𝙽𝙾𝙷𝙰 » had a nose bleed when he was going down on you and you both were immediately horrified, you thinking it was your period and him thinking he just ate coochie blood. yet as you went to go clean up, you realized his face had much more blood on it than your coochie did. to this day, he still blames it on your period

𝚄𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙹𝙸𝙼𝙰 » threw you onto the bed and your head went through the wall. he didn’t even bother to ask you if you were okay, he just sighed and went “well, now i have to make a call to the construction guy. excuse me” and he left you and your concussed ass head sit there once again, pussy ass naked

𝚃𝙴𝙽𝙳𝙾𝚄 » during a blowjob, he held your head down right as he was coming causing the cum to shoot up your throat and somehow pour out of your nose. by the time he pulled out, he could barely breath from laughing at you. sure, the classic ‘milk shooting out of nose’ thing was funny at first until you got a sinus infection and had to breath out of your mouth for the next three days

𝚂𝙴𝙼𝙸 » always insists having sex in the most inconvenient places?? like he would pull you to side while grocery shopping and start grinding up against you as you pick which brand of cheese would be better??

𝙶𝙾𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙺𝙸 » he kept getting frustrated that his bangs were clouding his field of vision, so he irritably grabbed a hair tie and frantically tied up the sides of his bangs while he was fucking you. you immediately burst out laughing since he looked exactly like boo from monsters inc.

𝚃𝙴𝚁𝚄𝚂𝙷𝙸𝙼𝙰 » got so drunk that he ended up fucking the couch. like he was just there on top of you, and his dick was just sliding between the folds of the leather couch. you decided to let him finish like that

𝚂𝙰𝙺𝚄𝚂𝙰 » had a really bad reaction to one of the products he used while shaving and ended up getting super irritated down there so he kept having to pull out in-between thrusts to itch his crotch. to make things worse, you joking suggested that he looked like he had syphilis and he got so disgusted at the idea of that thought that he literally had to pull out and take a breather

𝙾𝚂𝙰𝙼𝚄 » drizzled ‘warm’ chocolate down your chest and was about to seductively lick it off until you screamed in pain and horror as the chocolate was literally burning your skin off. osamu panicked, obviously not knowing what to do if chocolate was burning his partners skin off so he just... frantically licked it off. you still had to go to the ER afterwards to get treated for mild burns

𝙰𝚂𝚃𝚄𝙼𝚄 » didn’t know what a hymen was until the first time he tried to have sex with you. no matter how much he tried to shove his schlong in, it really just wasn’t working + “yer puss is broken”

𝚂𝚄𝙽𝙰 » pinched your nipples so fucking hard to the point where you started crying. he thoughts these were tears of pleasure until you literally had to kick him off you. but hey, he gave you ice for your sore nipples and mcdonalds! what more could a girl possibly want :)

uh the end lol

also, this idea was inspired by the first haikyuu headcanon i ever read, “awkward sex moments” by @bbytetsu <3

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