#— ❝ ❬ 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐓𝐒 → miller banks ! ❭

[caligiinous]

in miller’s defence, it wasn’t as if he’d wanted to develop feelings for his girlfriend’s best friend. but he’d been seeing her a lot more recently, probably even more-so than his own damn girlfriend, and they’d just... clicked. and he felt like a terrible person for it, the guilt weighing heavy in the pit of his stomach. almost the same way the image of her weighed heavy in his mind. constantly. even when he knew it shouldn’t, even when he wished it didn’t. and so, he’s finding it rather confining to be with her right now when his girlfriend wasn’t home. his knee bounces a little, fingertips drumming against the denim of his jeans. “ did she not tell you she’d be running late tonight ? something about some work project, i think, ” the question comes awkwardly on his behalf, but they’d already been waiting for awhile. “ do you want a drink or something while you wait ? i think there’s beer in the fridge, maybe cider ? ” / @tvnkerbell​

[strvngerdays]

a tag drop for miller banks !

[caligiinous]

from the moment they’re pulling into the driveway of his childhood home, there’s an instant shift in his demeanor. the holidays happened to be his least favourite time of year; the thought of having to visit his family, in a town that felt so suffocating, to plaster a smile on his face when all he felt was existential dread and despondency towards a childhood, an entire life that he never felt fully connected to, felt exigent, arduous. “ you’re not nervous, are you ? ” coming from miller, who in fact, was extremely nervous. it wasn’t that he didn’t want devon here ( after-all, he was the one who had suggested for her to come home with him ), but the thought of his two worlds colliding allowed for apprehensive fraught to settle in the depths of his stomach, in the crevices of his features, in the spaces between his ribs. somehow her presence simultaneously calmed him and had him on edge. but the latter mostly came from his deep fear that her opinion of him would change over the next few days. “ you shouldn’t be, if you are. ” because who was he really trying to convince: her or himself ? his gaze tears away from the looming four walls ahead of them, only to turn his head to look at her in the passengers seat, soft smile upon his lips. it’s only when he looks at her, really looks at her, that he finds it within himself to turn off the headlights, and eventually his car. “ seriously, my mom’s gonna love you, though. probably even more than she likes me, ” and while light laughter weaves within his words, there’s some truth behind them, depending on what version of her laid waiting for them on the other side of the door. “ i told her we were coming, but uh ─ her memory’s pretty shocking, and she works weird hours. so, don’t be surprised if she acts like she completely forgot you were comin’. ” / @amberedskies​

[caligiinous]

had tonight been his finest moment ? no, probably not. but that didn’t mean he entirely regretted it. entirely being the key word, because now that he was outside, burning his way through a cigarette, and had the time to reflect back on the night’s events ─ yeah, he probably shouldn’t have fucking done that. but he’d been downing his drinks a little quicker than usual, anything to stop that unusual feeling in his chest, in his abdomen ─ almost as if his insides were consistently winding and unwinding themselves together at the mere sight of her with somebody else. with somebody who treated her so poorly, talked about her so poorly. yeah, that was it. had been the reason why he’d taken the first swing, at least; something he was growing to be more embarrassed by, by the second. upon hearing the door open, miller’s head pivots towards the sound, expecting to see anybody other than her, assuming she would’ve been inside, tending to the damage he’d caused.  “ if you’re gonna be mad or lecture me, i’ve already heard it all from everyone inside, ” he sighs, turning his back to her. it had been out of character for him, he knew that ─ completely uncalled for, causing unnecessary drama, as some of their friends had put it. and while he didn’t entirely regret it, no, that had been enough to have him feeling disconcerted, to feel as if removing himself from the situation was the best option for everyone involved, to aid to his aching, bruising knuckles alone ─ which surprisingly, didn’t hurt as much as he thought it would. come to think about it, the amount he’d consumed tonight probably offered an explanation for that, his gaze still a little hooded, unfocused, even if he’d lost some of his buzz, following the fight. still, he couldn’t tell if that part was because of the liquor that lined his stomach, or if he was just too embarrassed to look at her. whatever it is, he’ll distract himself with another drag, releasing the smoke into the cold night’s air. except miller didn’t feel particularly cold, deciding to reach for the bottle he’d brought out with him, another swig, and then another ─ maybe to make up for some of the feeling he’d lost, or maybe to prepare himself for whatever she had to say to him. “ i know i shouldn’t have done that, i don’t know why i did─ ” yes he did. “ but seriously, dev. everyone’s already told me i’m an asshole. i don’t need to hear it from you, too. ” / @hurtingkind​

[caligiinous]

@solutiions​ sent: ‘ i can’t help but wish you took me with you . ’, from this ask meme !

that statement alone, one that caused his heart to fall so deeply into his gut so quickly, was quite easily the biggest regret of his existence. he wonders if it’s written all over his face, if he could be read like an open book ─ it would forever remain his dead giveaway. “ it was never the same without you, ” the admission falls quietly, as if it’s a secret for their ears and theirs only. “ i think i looked for you in every city. ”