#ᴀʟʟ ʏᴇ ᴡʜᴏ ᴇɴᴛᴇʀ ʜᴇʀᴇ [ meme ]

[hopeisxverything]

Desperate Housewives Season 1 Sentence Meme

Feel free to change pronouns, etc. if you want!

“I know someone who knows someone who knows an elf.”

“I will call Santa and tell him you want socks for Christmas.”

“We all have moments of desperation, but if we can face them head on, that’s when we find out how strong we really are.”

“It tastes like it’s burnt and undercooked.”

“I’m very big with the under five set.”

“Ease up you little vampire.”

“Every time I’m around that man, he tries to grab my ass.”

“Apologize now I am begging you."

“You’re the one always acting like she’s running for Mayor of Stepford.”

“Not now, honey, Mommy’s threatening Daddy.”

“Tell me again why I fought for custody of you?”

“I just can’t live in this… detergent commercial anymore.”

“It was the sound of a family secret.”

“I’m not feeling the grass!”

“She’ll find a way to survive. We all do.”

“She may be trash, but she’s still a human being.”

“And silverware. Remember silverware?”

“I don’t even have time to wash my face.”

“It’s like a high five on the lips.”

“People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw soda cans.”

“We are raising little terrors, you know that, don’t you?”

“Don’t worry I’m not packing heat.”

“To live in fear is not to live at all.”

“You better get over there. She’s wearing cotton.”

“They’re six years old, make them.”

“She always overcompensates when she’s stressed.”

“You burned your rival’s house down. If that isn’t desperate, then what is?”

“Thank you, that’s the nicest way you could’ve said that.”

“Get her out of here, she’s killing it for the rest of us.”

“Why do I even let you out of the house?"

“I hate that I’m turning you into a little thief.”

“I got a sunburn the other day washing my car.”

“Keep going. I’m mad at you for about 7000 other things.”

“When can I have my door back?”

“Just know that inside, I am quietly but decidedly hating your guts.”

“They won’t make it to their later years if I have to spend all day with them.”

“If another sacrifice has to be made, I think it’s your turn on the merry-go-round.”

“Mom when this is over we need to talk about your parenting skills.”

“Sometimes evil drives a minivan.”

“Perhaps he should shove your head into a locker.”

“I always assumed I’d have sex for the first time before you had it again.”

“What do you know. It’s eighty degrees outside and you’re wearing fur.”

“Oh my God. I just want to slap and shake you.”

“Slow down you jerk! This is a residential neighborhood!”

“I’m going to have to burn every sheet you’ve touched.”

“You look old in that.”

“You’re never gonna be a sailor, what do you care?"

“If you came in here to judge me, you can just leave.”

“Lassie would’ve had a firetruck here by now!”

“I love my kids so much. I am so sorry they have me as a mother.”

“I am so tired of feeling like a failure.”

“Treachery never goes out of style.”

“When I was your age, my pen pal lived on a farm in Ohio, not a mental institution.”

“Our last version of normal had me popping pills. Normal is a bad, bad plan.”

“He hung out in your womb for a few months back in the 80s!”

“If you were my mom I’d smoke pot too!”

“I guess he does sort of have a dorky charm.”

“It’s a constant battle between the better angels of our nature and our inner demons.”

“Sometimes the only way to ward off the darkness is to shine the light of compassion.”

“Fine, fine, be 3’8” for the rest of your life. See if I care?”

“I’m not a mutual fund!”

“She didn’t like worrying. She felt it gave her wrinkles.”

“Trust is a fragile thing.”

“She’s like a roach.”

“We’re not like other families are we?”

“Why couldn’t he have embezzled like other white collar criminals?”

“Please don’t mistake my anal retentiveness for actual affection.”

“You kissed me as though that would end this conversation and it so won’t.”

“My husband won’t admit that he has lust in his heart.”

“It will snow on the hills of hell before I ever

“A more eel would seem safe after you.”

“Well we’re not negotiating my uterus.”

“I hope someday you have lots of children.”

“You’re the man of the house? You can’t even leave it!”

“You know the house isn’t that big, you’re going to have to stop avoiding me.”

“Memories lie.”

“Every once in a while even I want to do the right thing.”

“A lifetime of responsibility isn’t always easy.”

“Sooner or later, we must all become responsible adults.”

“Most mothers will tell you their children are a gift from God. Most mother will also tell you there are some days you wish you could return them.”

“The only reason you have anything in your life is because you’re pretty!”

“That place is so pretentious. I’ve been dying to go.”

“Guys, my hands are tied! Thieves get spanked. That’s just the way it works.”

“Do you know what psychological warfare means? No? Well too bad for you.”

“Let’s just say I’ve put those feelings in a box and I don’t plan on looking at them for awhile.”

“After a few decades whiz by, I’m sure I’ll find a way to forgive him.”

“We’re WASPs. Not acknowledging the elephant in the room is what we do best.”

“No offense, but you’re getting up there in years you probably forget where you put things.”

“Nobody in my family knows or cares where your stupid clock is.”

“I may be stupid enough to shoot myself, but I’m not stupid enough to walk away from you.”

“He’s a teenage boy! We could take away his penis, he’d still try to have sex.”

“Guys, this isn’t a hockey league could you take it outside?”

“I forgot how fun you are when you’re bitter.”

“I’m gonna go take a shower. Jail’s kinda gross.”

“My daughter is considering giving you her virginity and I would consider it a personal favor if you wouldn’t take it.”

“You know I’ve been broke many times in my life, but I’ve never been poor. Because poor is just a state of mind.”

“Throughout even the most respectable of neighborhoods, you can hear the sound of scandal.”

“Awwww, I miss how we used to steal things from each other.”

“Oh sweetie, they didn’t abandon you because you’re a whore. You weren’t all that nice to begin with.”

“I was on vacation. It made sense at the time.”

“What the hell kind of street do we live on?”

“Good friends offer to help in a crisis. Great friends don’t take no for an answer.”

“Everyone loves a scandal. No matter how big or how small.”

“We all honor heroes for different reasons.”

“You talk to him all you want. I’m gonna check out the place with the electrified fence.”

“That sounds kinda formal for a burrito and a soda.”

“You know I so much wanna like you, but you just won’t let me.”

“You have to hand it to the Catholics, they do Greek better than anyone.”

“Would you like a glass of water and maybe an excuse to talk to me?”

“That’s me. Never afraid to create a scene.”

“I used to have all these questions about how you got to be the way you are. They were all just answered.”

“Today I have a chance to rejoin the human race.”

“I know, baby, it hurts to lose.”

“This is the place where good taste goes to die.”

“And tonight, whatever you do, don’t call me beautiful.”

“Some dreams are just too beautiful to come true.”

“I could explain to you what might happen, but I’m a lady and I don’t use that sort of language.”

“I would love you even if you were a murderer.”

“Could you please at least wait for desert before calling our son a sodomite?”

“Honey, I’m hating you a little bit right now.”

“Half of life is obligations.”

“You just threw rocks in her mother’s face!”

“She sorta thinks you’re evil.”

“You’re basically a predator. I need your advice.”

“You’re such a Republican!”

“I plan on getting really fat as a tribute to your mother.”

“It’s not my fault you don’t have love in your life!”

“You are so far out of your league that you’re playing a completely different sport.”

“I can’t have donuts and juice it’s unnatural.”

“Why did you hit the lawn boy?”

“Maybe after lunch, we could talk about your leather beanbag chair.”

“I’m pregnant, caveman, remember?”

“For the last time, I won’t bring my daughter to stalk my boyfriend.”

“If you don’t want to talk to me, fine! At least have the courtesy to hide!”

“Not everyone gets a happy ending.”