#» out of character — ⌜what about the nobodies and the nothings‚ the invisible girls?⌟

[vvraithqueen]

“ The problem was that the creatures who had managed to survive the city he’d made were a new kind of misery entirely — Brekker, his WRAITH QUEEN, his rotten little court of thugs. A fearless breed, hard-eyed and feral, hungrier for vengeance than for gold. ”

independent, mutuals only inej ghafa from leigh bardugo's grishaverse. as understood by mel

[gwynrieldreams]

It just striked me so hard how boring Elriel is as a ship.

Or maybe it's because of what Elriels have invisioned. Elain is apparantly already very happy and content in the night court. Her family, the IC is with her and so is her second family, Azriel and the wraiths. Her and Azriel are already in love and the only thing that stands in their way of their ultimate happily ever after are 2 redheads. One who would accept rejection and the other who's literally just minding her own business.

Then there's the fact that apparantly you.. aren't allowed to be cold to Elain? No, you have to be very nice and soft with her! The wraiths are good enough to be friends with her cause they'd never challenge her, unlike Vassa and Jurian.

No Elain absolutely never did anything wrong! She's perfect and very powerful!

- they've made fun of gwynriel cause Azriel wasn't already so trusting with Gwyn in the bonus chapter. Laughing that he doesn't consider her a friend.. like??? Yeah?? Why would I want them to be already in love? Lmao it's not the end of the world that they aren't close?? It makes perfect sense that they aren't. I actually prefer it that way.

Same with Elucien. Because they aren't close it means it's a lost cause! Elain isn't comfortable with Lucien! (even though we don't know why and Lucien hasn't done anything to make her feel that way).

Maybe it's just cause they want Gwyn and Lucien out of their way, which is why those 2 could never win in their eyes no matter what. Azriel thinking nothing beyond sexual fantasies is fine and understandable but how dare Lucien breath the same air as Elain?! He's abusive! How dare he stay away 7 courts away from her?! He doesn't care about her!

Idk. I'm just not interested in reading a book about a girl who has everything she wants and everyone loves her and her obstacles very easy to overcome. Why does Elain's love interest have be a complete simp? Elriels can't even take the smallest inconvenience. Lucien giving her gifts on Winter solstice is enough to traumatize them I guess.

I want to read Gwynriel's whole progress. I can take Azriel being harsh or not trusting to her sometimes. I'm cool with it. I want them to go from 0% to 100% in a full book, ON PAGE. I want them to challange each other.

It's all over the place but I hope you get what I'm trying to say..

To be fair, I get why some people want to read a story about defying fate and god and say fuck to all of that, I will follow my heart BUT I don't think they will find that sort of thing in SJM's books, let alone in elriel.

Azriel, like the rest of the ic, puts her in a box. He constantly unknowingly contradicts her wishes during acosf. Elain wants to scry for the Trove, Azriel doesn't want her to. Elain doesn't want to be fought over, Azriel wants to fight for her. Azriel contemplating killing her mate just because he assumed she's not interested WITHOUT EVER DISCUSSING IT WITH HER! (I love Az but he made me so mad in this part). Even in acowar nobody acknowledged her part in killing Hybern, but Lucien. Lucien has done nothing but respect her wishes.

I've already made a post about it but I will shortly explain why elriel doesn't make sense to me. Their "romance" could end in like 5 chapters. Elain rejects Lucien, Lucien accepts it, they live happily ever after. There is not going to be any Blood Duel between them because if it did then sb would have to die. SJM can't kill her characters. Even if she did though, who would lead the next vassien book that all elriels like to claim will happen? If there's no conflict and everything is perfect how is that a good story? What would be the logic in making Lucien the villain in the elriel book and in the next we'd have to fall in love with him through Vassa's eyes?

The irony is that her stans also fight over her and baby her like no other. As if she so fragile, she will break if she faces any kind of inconvenience. I'm sorry to be the one to tell them but Elain in her book will probably go through shit -like any other mc- because that's what makes a good story. If you want to read about Elain frolicking in flower fields and baking go read a fanfic.

Let's not forget Azriel is never going to reject his mate. Gwyn and Az are perfect for each other in so many ways.

"He didn't consider her a friend, but..." First of all this happened in the Winter Solstice, when they barely knew each other. Second, I thought it was a wink wink monent as in he hasn't "friendzoned" her, so maybe they can be friends or sth more(?) I definitely wouldn't want to be best bros with the guy I liked. I don't know if SJM will go with the friends to lovers route, I wouldn't mind it. I'd personally prefer if they had more like a rivalry, constantly challenging and teasing each other (maybe because that's how I flirt 😅 but I also think that's more SJM's style).

[gwynniethenymph]

I know Gwyn's powers have already been hinted and absolutely love the possibility she has some really unique, special power, but...

the dAMN PARASITES IN ME still wonder sometimes what it would be like if she had no power or very "small amounts" of it.

I would find a really interesting topic to read and discover more about, how it would feel for her to be powerless while surrounded by incredibly powerful beings. When war comes and she has to fight side by side with Lady Death and The Lord of Bloodshed, while she's simply... Gwyn.

She's not the Cauldron's favorite or blessed by the Mother. No magical sword chose her, her singing sounds special simply because it's beautiful and she definitely can't breathe underwater or lure someone. All she has is a simple, common sword, a witty mind and some training.

And that sounds so unfair when she dedicated her whole life to worship the Mother and the Cauldron, when she was born fae and yet the former human girls who reject fae religion are the chosen ones. Their enemies could kill her in a blink, while the people around her can defend themselves with ice wolves, or silver flames, or freaking sentient shadows. She's nothing but herself, and that seems insufficient. But she'll find out that's more than enough.

and quoting my dear Knife Wife, Wraith of the Barrel, Inej Ghafa: "[...] What about the nobodies and the nothings, the invisible girls? We learn to hold our heads as if we wear crowns. We learn to wring magic from the ordinary. That was how you survived when you weren’t chosen, when there was no royal blood in your veins. When the world owed you nothing, you demanded something of it anyway [...]"

and I could write an essay about Gwyn and Inej's similarities, but it's a dangerous topic because one is the most perfect character I've ever read about and the other one is... written by SJM. Don't get me wrong, Gwyn is my favorite SJM character and she's quite well written, but it's unfair to compare them.

[linguist-in-a-blanket]

I saw so many BBC Ghosts fans here trashing the American version that I finally gave up and watched the original.

Well, thanks, I hate it.

Some of the plots were more amusing, yes. I personally liked how the sister story played off. I mean, when in American version we see Jo from Mythic Quest show up with that "nice" smile for one episode, we know what's up from the first second. When it's a seemingly genuine woman who has a couple of episodes to actually earn Alison's and our trust, it's much better. I also liked most of the ones that didn't make it into the remake.

But the core of this premise is characters. And British characters... They're just bad, I'm sorry, they're bad. They are all one note! There is no arc for anybody! Even the most annoying one, Thomas! His whole thing is that he doesn't know what boundaries or consent are, and this goes on for five seasons! Come on, man! Trevor in the American version has charisma, and he comes a long way in just 2 and half seasons we've seen him. This all really makes up for him being a huge jerk: at least he's a lovable jerk, plus he changes. Julian is not lovable at all, Thomas never changes, he's the same since episode 1 till the finale one. Why should we care about two one-note jerks? Flower has a lot about herself aside from being not-all-here: sex-drive, pacifism, commitment issues, basketball, backstories about at least three close people from her life (two boyfriends and brother)... Kitty is just a stupid cutie who is not-all-here, nothing else.

And this drives me to my next point. Such one-note characters without any development simply cannot have a deep connection. Nobody likes each other in this show. I've seen a lot of takes that American ghosts and Sam are friends, while British ghosts and Alison are family. Well, if you mean an abusive family that you can't get away from, that never gives you any good feelings, sure. But do we really need that? Whom of the ghosts does Alison actually like? She hates Thomas and Fanny (never has this realization about her unrealized motherly feelings, and Fanny herself never realizes why she is like she is and how she can change), she doesn't understand Robin (after spending a day with him and learning what he knows, she just gives him to Fanny as a pet), at the very best she pities Kitty. The only one who actually likes Alison as a person is Kitty, but she has her own projections, she is like a duckling who saw the first person near them and said "mommy". She's actually not much better than Thomas in that way, same level of neediness and clinginess, just more lovable than him, and it's not sexual harrassment, more... platonic harrassment? Yay?..

By the way, Alison also doesn't change. Whenever she sees a new ghost in a new place, she is creeped out. This was okay in the beginning, but after living in a house with 9+ ghosts for a couple of years, she is still creeped out by others! Oh, I'm so sorry for your inconvenience, mam, this guy just, you know, didn't have anybody to see him or talk to him in a couple of centuries, but no, no big deal, sure. Sam is fascinated by her gift, she is always happy to explore and talk to new ghosts, Alison just finds it weird and unsettling, even after, what, five years? Girl, you are a fucking superhero! Talk to the invisible people, damn you!

Sure, it could be about not being able to change, especially after you're dead, but then... why? Why should we look at bad people who stay bad, and most importantly, why should we look at them for five seasons?

When Alison weighed pros and cons for staying, she put "ghosts" in both columns. I'm sorry, but why? We almost never see her enjoying their company, almost never see the ghosts helping her (which is petty, but when American ghosts did this for Sam a couple of first times, that's when she warmed up to them)... They are always an incovenience for Alison. Never do they respect any boundaries, all they can do is do one big gesture (song, dance, theater) and move on to being annoying and needy. Never can they hear "no", never can they respect what she asks of them.

Sam says a lot of times she can't leave the ghosts, and I believe her. Even Jay loves the American ghosts! Sam has this whole group of friends and enjoys their company. They all have connections with each other and with the livings. British don't, they move in a pack and look for somebody to annoy, be that Alison or that poor neighbor ghost.

[deliciousangelfestival]

My Problematic Girl-Chapter 7

Character: College!Steve Rogers x Rich!Female Reader

Words Count: 1,200,-

Prologue:  Steve has lived being nobody in this prestigious university. He just wants to graduate and get a job to get more money to pay the bills for his mother's surgery. 

But his life turned upside when a new student attended his class. His quiet and dull life became dangerous and full of surprises.

A/N: In chapters 6 and 7, we will learn about Y/N's background story. 

×××

She exhaled the cigarette smoke from her lips. She still doesn’t care even though he told her he has asthma. 

She looked at Steve and said, “Bark for me.”

Steve felt humiliated, and his pride was crushed. But she held his life and secrets. He had to bury his dignity to the ground, and he murmured, 

“Woof.”

******

I would appreciate any comments and feedback you can give me. 

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Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapter 8, Chapter 9,-

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Y/N has never stepped into the Solomon house again since that day. Brian became a famous lawyer all those years, and his image as a loving husband and father towards Sophia and Sarah always appeared in the newspaper since Sophia was a socialite. 

One day, on her 15th birthday, her father called her. She thought he had realised his mistakes, but she became more disappointed. 

It turned out he asked her about the share from Starks company. Back then, Stark was just a small company, but now it has become an industry and beat Solomon company. It was unpredictable and put shame, especially on the main family of Solomon. They want some share from the Starks. 

Brian remembered his deceased wife owned a share at the Starks industries. How surprised he was when he discovered that Evelyn was the top main shareholder, and she gave it to Y/N. 

He wants it. 

Y/N rejected him upfront. He has taken everything from her, her mother, and her ability to play the piano, and now he wants to take the last gift Evelyn gave her. 

“Don’t you ever feel sorry about your wife?"

"Your anger means nothing because it doesn't change anything."

"Don't you know what today is?"

"What?"

"Today is my birthday."

There’s no guilty expression on her father's face. He typed his phone without looking at her. "Do you want to have dinner here? I'll call Sophia and Sarah."

Y/N scoffed. "Goodbye, Father."

"You should've said see you again. It seems like you don't want to come back here." 

She ignored him and left. Nothing here made her feel at home as long as she stayed with Stark's household; that's enough. 

She should've made that wish in front of the birthday cake with a candle to make it come true. 

Because Howard and Maria got into a car accident three days after her birthday, the bridge they drove through collapsed.

Tony couldn't accept his parents being gone. He searched for the answer and found an inspection about what there was. The quality of the materials is poor. And another important clue is that the company responsible for building this bridge is Solomon construction company. 

He already has the evidence, but the court denied the case. Say the evidence is not enough. That must be her father doing.

Y/N want to burn the Solomon company to the ground. But she remembered her anger was useless. She needs a bullet to shot. 

Solomon became untouched after her father joined the family. No law can bring them down. That means she has to understand their mind and her father. 

"I will go back to that house to find the evidence."

Tony shook his head. "No, you will die if you stay there." 

"Whatever it takes to find the evidence."

Y/N went back to the prison house and became invisible. If she has to suffer, so be it to find any document related to her mother, Sophia's first husband and the collapsed bridge. 

But she got nothing. 

Then there are left 2 options—the document could be in her father's law firm office or with Maximus. 

Since then, Y/N has studied all the time to become a lawyer. 

But then her father said no. She must enter medical school at the Imperial University to become a doctor. 

"You want me to become a doctor to help your stepdaughter if she finds any difficulty at the university."

"That's right. Both of you need to help each other. Your grade is more than enough to enter the Imperial University."

"No, you want me to be her loyal dog like you with that woman. I don't owe anything to these people!!!"

"Y/N, just listen to what I said for your good."

"Fuck you!!!"

Y/N clenched her fist even though it was painful. 

She doesn't want to be a doctor. It was Sarah's dream, not hers. 

Y/N must save her place as a law student; to do that, she must meet Maximus.

Her father underestimated her. Not just him who knew how to blackmail; she also got dirt on that old man. That was the first time she learned that blackmail was useful. 

Her trick worked, and she entered law school without any problem, and there she met Brock Rumlow. A bright and friendly person. Both of them start as friends, and he is always there when she feels down. 

With one goal in her mind, Y/N was able to graduate faster than her classmates and join her father's law firm. 

At her father's law firm, Y/N didn't find anything that related to the case, but she found a clue that Maximus had it. 

But before she met Maximus, she got kicked out from the family because of the case she handled vs Imperial University, and she rejected the engagement with Brock Rumlow after she found out he's been with Sarah all this time. 

"How does it feel to lose?"

She hates it.

"You could ignore me as your father, but you can't deny my blood ran in your veins."

"It's true, but I won't be a loyal dog like you."

Brian smirked. "In this world, you need power to survive and not be underestimated. Kindness won't make me rich, Y/N."

"Is that why you left your wife? It's never enough for you!!!"

Brian sighed, he loves Evelyn, but it's not enough. He wants more. He doesn't want to live as middle class for the rest of his life. Especially with his job as a lawyer. Reputation is important in the industry. 

When he met Sophia, a stupid but ambitious woman, he admired her greed and honesty to get whatever she wanted, and she could hear it because she was a Solomon. 

His biggest regret is that Evelyn found out about his cheating. If she stayed quiet and did not ruin his reputation at his office, they wouldn't fight, and Sophia would only be his mistress. 

Brian wishes his daughter could have the same view as him, but it's difficult to tame her. 

"If you just sit still, you could enjoy the good life of being Solomon."

How? All he ever did is taken everything from her. "When you die, I'll laugh on your grave."

"If you make another problem, I will make you lose your lawyer’s license and send Lilly somewhere else, and you'll never find her."

Y/N snapped; there's no right and wrong to her anymore. She approached her father, her hand reaching his neck and strangling him. "Just once, please be a father to me."

"Uurgh." Her hands are on his neck, but why does she have difficulty breathing? 

"Y/N!!!"

That voice. Steve? She looked right and left, but where was he?

"Y/N!!! Wake up!!!"

When Y/N opened her eyes, she was confused; her eyes weren't accustomed to brightness. Her hand covered her eyes. "Steve? What are you doing in my place?"

Steve's hands hold her shoulders, "Tony called me. You don't realize you have a seizure in your sleep?"

Thank you for reading. I hope you like it.

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[alovesongforu]

Three - Tragedy in Blood

Nine hours and a half of flight was a lot. I got on the plane with my heart pounding on my chest. I'm alone. Completely alone. I'm nobody's daughter, I'm nobody's friend, I'm not wanted by anyone.

The flight attendant smiles sweetly at me before pointing in the direction of my seat. First

Class. At least I would have a few hours of luxury before becoming another miserable person starving at USA's streets. Not that I'm unfamiliar with hunger, but I'm not looking forward to get back together with my old friend again.

A little bewildered, I sit, watching people walk by and sit down too. A nine-year-old boy with his parents, a businessman, a couple in their twenties...I like being invisible in public places.

No one ever notices the scrawny little girl with bushy hair staring at you. I like to trying to imagine these people's lives, it makes me realize I'm surrounded by humans, like me. Everyone here feels sadness, joy, euphoria, anger...everyone here bleeds, has dreams, expectations, fears...don't you think that's beautiful?

We're humans. Our life is short and fleeting compared to Earth's life. We live short and feel intensely, inventing stories about something higher to cling into faith. I think this is beautiful, but I'm weird, so don't take my opinions into account. I wonder what are all this people thinking.

You see, I never had many friends, none if I'm being honest, so I got used to diving into fantasy, action or suspense books, where I had knowledge of the characters' thoughts. Real life it's not like that, sadly. People are unreadable, they don't open up at this level, exposing their deeps and disturbing thoughts or telling you the reason behind all their actions.

I have a natural interest in human beings. I want to crawl into their brains , capture every little bit of information about everyone, truly know people the way I know the back of my hand. I know it's weird, but I'm a curious person. I just wanna know more and more about everything.

When I was a little kid, I used to write little stories, creating characters and actually knowing them. After all, I was their creator. For a long time, being a writer was my dream, but it doesnt matter anymore. A long time ago, mommy's dad found the notebook I used to write and set it on fire. My stories burned away with my dream. Why? That's a good question. I think he just didn't want to see me happy, 'cause he destroyed everything that made me smile.

Anyway, I'm distracted from my thoughts when the flight attendants start that speech, showing what to do if there's turbulence and bla bla bla. I buckle up and open my purse, wanting to put my phone on airplane mode. I put my hand inside and feel for my cell phone, but I feel the texture of... paper?

This is strange. Other than my sketchbook and a book, I didn't put anything else that had paper in my purse. I take it out to examine it and find a piece of notebook paper torn out with my mom's handwriting.

Half Blood Hill

Long Island, New York

(800) 009-0009

Speak with the director upon arrival.

Well, at least she looked for a place so as not to leave me wandering the streets.

Look, I'll spare you from describing the next boring hours 'cause there wasn't much to do. I only watched a few movies, read a little and drew, but nothing much. It didn't take me long to get bored, and believe me, when you have ADHD, sitting around for a long time with nothing to entertain you feels like torture.

I start trying to imagine the lives of other flight passengers, but I quickly get even more bored. With a grunt, I throw my head back and close my eyes. I do what I do best: I imagine. I imagine a world in which an artist painted a portrait of his daughter with her own blood. I imagine what the little girl's death was like.

What her last moments were like before life drained from her little body. I imagine how the artist had a lonely and miserable life before he died. How the painting is discovered years later. How it is displayed in a museum centuries later. How the child's spirit began to haunt the place, thirsty for revenge. That's a good story. I think about writing it for a second, but I remember the flames turning paper to dust and then I give up.

°°°

"I HATE YOU!" A child screams angrily before slamming her door.

The intoxicatingly clean smell of hospital. Blinding white lights. Weak coughs. Aged and pale skin. Diarrhea. Vomiting. Nurses here and there. Distance from her. Guilt slowly eats away at my insides with each passing day. White hair and kind green eyes. She didn't blame me for it. But she should.

Grandma doesn't have long to live. I can feel it. I'm at the bedroom door, waiting. I could only visit her when everyone had already talked to her, but this time it was different. I think she also knew that death was caressing her cheek and calling her. Mommy's dad pushes me inside roughly before leaving the room without looking back.

My uncles, aunts, cousins ​​and even my mom leave the room, leaving me alone with her. I know I should keep my distance because of the disease, but I don't care, I even hope that I die with her. I approach Grandma and intertwine her fingers with mine. I held back the tears.

She looked so bad, so so bad. Her body was covered in lumps, her eyes were beginning to become translucent and dull, her nose and lip area were stained red. I've made this.

"Beatrice..."

Her voice sounded hoarse, weak. I swallowed a sob. I didn't notice the tears wetting my cheeks until she reached out her hand with large, purple lumps to wipe them away.

"I-I...I'm sorry." I choked. It hurts. My chest hurts. Was this healthy? Wouldn't I be having a heart attack?

"Why are you apologizing, my princess?"

"I'm sorry. It's my fault, I'm sorry! I didn't meant to." I sobbed.

"It's not your fault, Beatrice. You're just a child." That was a lie. We both knew that.

But she didn't hold a grudge against me. Even when I breathed the disease into her fragile body. Even when I couldn't fix the mess I made. Even with the agonizing pain she suffered day and night, she didn't hate me. I wish I was mature like that, because even without having gone through her pain, I hated myself. I was hoping with my family that I would die in a car accident or in another painful way.

Her hands move away from me to try to take off the necklace with the strawberry pendant she always wore.

"Listen, child. I don't have much time left, much less materials to bequeath, but I want you to have this."

"I don't deserve it."

"You deserve it. Beatrice, know that I don't blame you. I could never. You're blood of my blood and I love you. Every time you miss me, look at the necklace."

It hurts. God, why does it hurt so much? Why? If you exist, God, why not heal her? Why rip away one of the only people who love me?

"Stay with me. Please."

I begged. For the millionth time, I try to fix my mess. Pull the disease out of her body, suck it into me. Nothing. I feel as if hundreds of maggots were eating me from the inside out that time.

I took pity of her failed attempts and took the necklace off her neck. Grandma gives me a faint smile.

"There's so much I want to say to you, but I'm afraid I won't have time."

Grandma lets out a groan of pain and straightens her head, closing her eyes and taking her last breath. I froze. I wanted to make God have mercy on me, to make a miracle happen, but I never knew how to pray.

I remained still, holding her hand and feeling her warmth begin to fade. Do past lives exist? What had I done in one of them to pay for so many sins in this life? I felt angry. Then I realized: God does not exist.

Don't get me wrong, I don't hate God, I can't hate something whose existence isn't real, but I know it doesn't exist. And even if it exists, it's not as Christians preach. If he exists, he's not kind. He's sadistic and evil. I have no idea how long I was alone in the room with Grandma, but mommy's dad enters the room after what seems like years, and it doesn't take long to connect the dots.

I remember his hands around my neck, pushing my spine into the hard wall behind me. Panic clouds my senses. I can't breathe. I can't let go. I think I hear my mom shouting something, but his hands tighten.

I just waited for the sound. That sound of bones breaking, when I would fall to the ground, limp like a rag doll. I could see nurses bursting into the room, but my vision went black. I felt my limbs weaken and I imagined Death eager for the moment when my heart stopped beating.

I woke up drenched in sweat with the announcement that the plane was landing. I look around, stunned. That memory always stunned me. Hey mate, I know you must be confused right now, so let me explain: I killed my grandmother. It wasn't intentional, but that's not an excuse or explanation. Her blood stains my hands and drips and leaves a trail wherever I go, and I know it.

My cousin bullied me. I cursed him. Grandma arrived and scowled at me for calling him names. I said I hated her. I hate you. I don't know how I did it, much less why, but those words injected the Ebola virus into her already aging body. Yes, I know, I'm a horrible person. Yes, I deserve to be hanged in a public square. Go through the goat torture. Being impaled. You choose, but yes, I deserve it all.

Happily for both, me and you, dear reader, I'll probably go through hell right now. The plane jolts as it lands and I remember something: my English. As you can see so far, I think very well in English. Maybe I even write reasonably well, but my pronunciation...eeeh, no. I like to describe my accent as that of a choking redneck.

I never participated much in English conversation classes at school. I know my accent is ridiculous and I never wanted to give people more reasons to ridicule me. I regret that now. North-americans are arrogant. No matter how hard you try, they won't try to understand you if you make one small pronunciation mistake.

Anticipatory fear begins to infiltrate my blood as people start to take off their belts. Nobody here knows me, I could just pretend to be mute, right? That's it, I'm going to pretend to be mute! Oh...but I don't where do is this...Half Blood Hill. Danmit!

I left stunned. I held my bag tightly as I fixed my eyes on the airport building. I'm not going to let myself be enchanted by the architecture and aesthetics of this place. I managed to grab my bags and looked around. Men and women rushing past me, people working, on work calls... I don't trust no one here to ask for help. They would certainly realize that I'm alone and only God knows what would go through these people's minds. I tried searching for the address on Google Maps. Nothing. Great, mommy made up a random address.

Fear begins to build up in my chest, caging itself in my ribs and making its home in my bones. What now? I look around as if a prince in shining armor is suddenly going to save me. I go down to the bus station. Maybe I could live from city to city, providing services and eating cheap food. At least I wouldn't starve.

Fear makes it difficult to breathe. I force myself to stop and take a deep breath, trying to clear the fog in my head. Bus ticket, I need a bus ticket. Something coos next to me. I look in the direction. A pigeon tilts its head at me. I feel relief.

Lost, miss? He asks, in my head.

Yes. Can you help me, mr...

Beaumont. Call me Beaumont. Where do you need to go, Your Highness?

I bet you must be in disbelief now, right? Turns out I'm not crazy. Pigeons, rats and bugs really talk to me. I blush at my new friend's politeness. Even though they're always nice to me, I never get used to kindness from people (or animals) who aren't my mom.

I, uh...Mr. Beaumont, can you tell me if there's a place called...Half Blood Hill?

He takes flight and I raise two fingers to serve as a perch. I'm already used to it. Pigeons friends, remember?

You wanna go home, naturally. I'm afraid that no bus takes the route towards your destination, but I can show you the way.

I let out a relieved sigh. I went back to the building to buy Mr. Beaumont a raspberry muffin and then we left. 'But Bea, you shouldn't be feeding the pigeons!'

If you thought or said that, close this book. Never, ever again read my story. You lack the necessary levels of empathy. I was once a friend of hunger, and it is an experience that I wish only for those whose crimes are so sadistic and evil that our brains can barely rationalize them. So yes, I am feeding the pigeons, illegal or not. If you think I being dramatic, think of your best friend. Think of them with their his hip and rib bones popped out. If you imagined this, you can understand me.

Well, back to reality, I walked for so long that I ended up on a road, with nothing but vegetation and cars speeding past me. It must have been around seven o'clock at night, and I was starting to feel scared, but a pigeon can't do anything too bad to me, right? I look at him, perched on my shoulder.

Hey, Mr. Beaumont?...

Yes, Your Highness?

You..you're sure that we're in the right way?

Absolutely, Your Highness. You see that hill to your right? That's your destination.

I look at a dark mass of vegetation a few meters in front of me. I know you're judging me now, but I trust pigeons more than humans. One way or another, Mr. Beaumont was right. As I climbed that hill (which wasn't easy), I found lights a little way down. Lights in a house. I wasn't going to sleep on the street today. I thanked my friend and gave him the cereal bars I had in my purse.

I went down to what looked like a giant house and went inside. Yellow lights bathed me, along with moths flying directly into the lamps. I heard voices ahead, and followed. Maybe I would meet the director here?

Further ahead, two men were playing cards. One of them appeared to be middle aged, had brown hair and eyes, a thick beard and was in a wheelchair. The other had curly hair so black it seemed to glow purple, was built like one of those barroom old mans, and was wearing a Hawaiian tiger-print T-shirt. I didn't felt afraid of him. Didn't seem to be disgusting pedophiles to me.

The man in the Hawaiian shirt narrowed his eyes at me, letting out a deep sigh and and setting his can of Diet Coke down at the table with a tud.

"Another one..." he grumbled.

The weelchair one gives him a sympathetic glance before looking at me. I felt embarassed.

"Oh, um...I'm sorry. I'll wait on that bench while you finish your business."

I wince at how bad my accent sounds, then turn my back to the two men. The Hawaiian shirt man continued to stare at me, but the weelchair man stops me.

"No, no, you don't have to wait." He says, kindly and the other man gruffs in agreement.

"What's your name, child?" He asks, gruffly

I thought about lying my name, but that wouldn't work. I wouldn't answer if someone called.

"...Beatrice, sir."

The man lets out a snort hearing this. I feel a little offended. Why would he laugh of my name? I know it's not the prettiest, but it carries a beautiful meaning: the one who brings joy.

"Beatrice." He repeats, his voice full of mockery. "A pretty name, but it doesn't fit a cursed soul."

I can feel the blood draining from my face. What does he mean by that?

"Pardon?..."

The man grins cruelly.

"Oh, you didn't know, did you?" He asks sarcastically.

"You're cursed, kid. Tragedy follows you around like a lost puppy. You'll never have a happy ending."

The weelchair man opens his mouth, but the man shuts him.

"No use sugarcoating it, Chiron. She needs to know."

[m1ckeyb3rry]

Pomegranate Ink: II

Series Synopsis: Unable to heal but willing to fight, with a fiancé in Kyoto and a last name that looms over everything you do, you accept an offer to study at Tokyo Jujutsu Tech. What you did not know was that your salvation and your ruination alike would soon join you at the school, neatly wrapped in the form of a boy followed by death.

Chapter Synopsis: You meet your new classmates. Later, Gojo approaches you with a strange request.

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Yuta Okkotsu × Female Reader

Chapter Word Count: 5.5k

Content Warnings: angst, misogyny, naoya zenin, forbidden relationships, canon-typical violence, character death, original characters included

A/N: i’m a big lover of Y/N having relationships outside of her love interests

Gojo said that your new classmates were excited to see you, but this didn’t stop you from fiddling with your uniform, straightening out nonexistent wrinkles and brushing away invisible dust particles. You wished to make a good impression on them, after all, these strangers who would soon become your closest allies. You would have to rely on them above all, this trio whose school year you were somewhat-rudely barging into.

When you had asked Gojo who, exactly, your new classmates were, he had only giggled ominously and told you to wait. Patience, he claimed, was a virtue, so you were left entirely in the dark.

You hoped they would not hate you. You had never had many friends as a child, and indeed rarely spoke to people your own age at all — besides Noritoshi, of course. You were too busy trying to carry on your family’s name to make time for such things, which meant you were somewhat in the dark on how to approach this first meeting.

“Your worry is making the air all heavy and gross,” Gojo commented from where he was writing equations on the blackboard, “Relax. They’re good kids, honestly.”

You sat in the very front seat, hands neatly folded in your lap and books arranged in a careful pile on your desk. Your legs were crossed at the ankles, and every five seconds, you’d look up at the clock.

“They’re going to be late,” you said.

“Class doesn’t start until 10:30,” he said.

“It’s 10:29,” you pointed out. Gojo shrugged lazily. He had donned the bandages today, the white cloth obscuring his eyes and making it impossible to guess what he was thinking.

“They’ll make it on time, though I don’t much care if they don’t. As long as they’re here eventually, that’s all that matters,” he said.

“You’re rather relaxed,” you observed, “It’s disconcerting.”

“I don’t see a point about stressing over such things. Might as well enjoy life, ya know?” he said, and if you thought about it more, you might’ve realized his smile was a little too forced, a little too candy-bright to be entirely genuine. But you were distracted by the door creaking open and the shuffling footsteps of the other first-years entering the classroom.

The first in was a girl, her dark hair pulled back in a neat ponytail and a pair of glasses resting on the bridge of her nose. Her sharp stare trapped you like a mosquito in amber, though there was no malice to it. Indeed, she even smiled in approval.

“Finally, another girl,” she said, flouncing over to sit next to you and sticking her hand out, “I’m Maki Zenin.”

You accepted it hesitantly, hoping she was nothing like her kinsman, Naoya. She did not seem the type, but, then, perhaps she was just a good actor.

The next in was a panda. Nobody seemed to find this out of the ordinary, though Gojo’s lips twitched at the expression of shock that crossed your well-schooled expression. The panda walked upright, even settling at a desk and nodding at you in greeting.

“Yo. I’m Panda,” he said. You startled at the speech, giving Maki a worried look. She was unperturbed, though, so you gathered yourself and dipped your head in acknowledgement.

“Nice to meet you…Panda,” you said, realizing no explanation would be forthcoming. You supposed that in a world filled with curses, a talking panda was probably the least odd thing you’d have to face.

“Where’s your final classmate?” Gojo said.

“He had to pick up some cough syrup from Shoko, said his throat’s been itching more than normal recently,” Panda offered. The door scraped open, and the third student entered. To your surprise —

“Hey, I know you!” you said, pointing at Toge Inumaki, hardly having expected him of all people to be standing there, a bottle of medicine in one hand and the other pointing at himself in surprise.

“Salmon?” he said politely. Though a teal collar covered his signature markings, the brilliance of his irises left no question about it: in front of you was the very boy you had once wanted to marry.

“You both have met before?” Gojo said.

“Bonito flakes,” Inumaki said, forehead creasing in apologetic frown, as if you’d hold it against him.

“We haven’t,” you confirmed, “My parents have mentioned him once or twice before, that’s all.”

“I see,” Gojo said. Before he could continue to speak, Maki interrupted him, a frown on her pointed face.

“So who are you, anyways?” she said, leaning forwards eagerly, the tip of her nose nearly brushing yours. You flinched but did not otherwise move away — what if it were a test of some sorts? If that was the case, then you were determined not to fail, so you stayed still.

“Y/N L/N,” you said. She drew back in surprise, jaw dropping and then her eyes narrowing. It was obvious she recognized your name — and just as well, for she belonged to one of the Big Three clans.

“L/N? Of the L/N family?” she said.

“That’s right,” you said uncomfortably, knowing what her likely next question would be.

“So you can heal?” she said, as you had thought. You shrugged halfheartedly.

“Nah,” you said. Maki at least had enough tact to not question it further, humming thoughtfully in response.

“Seems like we have a lot in common, then,” she said. You did not fully know what she meant by this, but there was a pain disguised deep in her voice that spoke of troubles worse than anything you had ever had to face.

The greater the expectations, the greater the disappointment. Maybe you and Maki did understand each other, in more ways than one.

“Perfect!” Gojo said, grinning and flashing all of you a double-thumbs-up, “Now that you’re all finally acquainted with one another, we can get on with today’s lesson.”

“Woah, hold on a second there,” Maki said, holding out a hand as if to stop him, “You’re going to have to give us more to go off of. Why is she randomly transferring into our year? What can she even do, if she can’t heal?”

“I still have my family’s cursed technique, I just can’t use its Reversed form,” you said before deflating, “Though, I don’t really know how helpful that is. It doesn’t really give me much advantage in battle.”

Maki scoffed. “Better than nothing, though, I’m sure. Don’t go about whining as if we all should feel sorry for you.”

“Bonito flakes,” Inumaki interjected.

“Toge’s right,” Panda agreed, “Don’t be too harsh on her.”

You were certain how Panda had managed to interpret all of that just from two words, but you still gave him and Inumaki a trembling, delicate smile.

“It’s alright. She’s right; I am more well off than most. At least my technique has some use; through it, I am able to see a target’s weak points. It’s just the rest that I have to come up with,” you said.

“And that’s why you’re here!” Gojo chirped, “We’ll help you hone your technique to its most effective, and then you can get out there and exorcise curses with the best of us!”

Inumaki popped the cap off of his cough syrup and took a swig, moving his collar down for only an instant before returning it to its previous position. Though the fabric covered his mouth once he was finished with the medicine, you could tell he was beaming in welcome. A warm feeling spread throughout you, and you pursed your lips, looking away to hide how flustered the simple gesture had made you.

“That’s right!” Panda said, high-fiving you with his large paw, nearly knocking you over with the force of his exuberance. “You’re going to love it here!”

“There’s room to work with,” Maki acquiesced, looking you over critically, “Yeah, I think you’ll do just fine.”

“Okay,” you said, gaze still trained on the floor and heat creeping up your neck at their kindness, “I’m glad to hear that.”

“Isn’t she so shy?” Gojo said, clapping his hands together and swooning, “It’s adorable! Ah, if only she had met Megumi before Noritoshi.”

“Megumi?” you said.

“Maybe I can convince the Kamos to annul your engagement, so that you and Megumi get the chance you deserve,” he said instead of responding to you, lost in thought.

“Uh, please don’t,” you said in alarm, “I am not even certain who Megumi is.”

“Unimportant,” Maki said, waving dismissively, “And stop trying to set him up with someone, Gojo, you know he’d kill you if he found out about all of this.”

“He’d certainly try,” Gojo said smugly. Of course — no matter who this Megumi was, he could not so much as hold a candle to Gojo. Gojo was the strongest.

“Moving on,” Maki said, unimpressed, “Do you actually have anything important for lessons today, or can we train?”

“I was going to teach you all about differentiating equations,” Gojo said.

“Math?” Panda said with a groan, “Why do we even need to learn about that kind of thing? We’re going to be sorcerers, not engineers!”

“You never know what your future will hold. And, anyways, education is always good!” Gojo said.

“Bonito flakes,” Inumaki said.

“Exactly! Are you even qualified to be teaching about this kind of thing?” Panda said. Again, you weren’t certain how Panda had managed to interpret an entire train of thought from the simple utterance, but you looked forward to the day that you could do the same.

“Nope!” Gojo said, “But it’s a good way to waste time.”

“You — you useless miscreant!” Maki said, pointing at him.

“Heh, miscreant? That’s a new one,” he said.

“Why do you wish to waste our time?” you said, as non-confrontational as possible. You were just as curious as the others, only you did not have the same comfort level as, say, Maki — who by now had drawn her spear and was brandishing it at Gojo threateningly. For his part, the white-haired sorcerer did not even bat an eye, though it wasn’t as if you’d be able to tell if he did.

“Well, I am required to teach you about normal school subjects, too, not just sorcery. It’s a new standard Principal Yaga set up,” Gojo said with a disdainful sniff, “One hour a day. Then we can get to the fun stuff!”

“He did mention that,” Panda mused, stroking his chin. “I suppose we’ll have to suffer through it, then.”

“Salmon,” Inumaki said, shaking his head and taking a notebook out. His eyes lit up as he stared at the paper, and while the rest of you begrudgingly got out your supplies, he hastily scrawled out a note and then handed it to you.

Hi! I’m Toge Inumaki, you can just call me Toge though. I only really speak in rice ball ingredients, so I’m afraid we probably won’t be able to talk a lot, but it’s nice to meet you! Sorry I didn’t recognize you earlier :(

He had drawn a little sad face at the end of the message, and you folded up the paper, tucking it away in your bag where it would be sure to be safe.

“It’s okay,” you whispered, softly so that only he could hear, “I wasn't expecting you to. It’s nice to meet you, too — in person, I mean. I look forward to getting to know you more.”

Satisfied that you were not upset with him, he relaxed slightly before returning his attention to Gojo, who had begun his attempts at teaching the four of you Calculus. It was somewhat futile, but you found it entertaining to watch his mounted frustration, so you did not complain as much as Panda did.

“Finally!” Gojo said, near tears from relief when an alarm on his phone went off, “We’re finished!”

“Thank goodness,” Maki said, shaking her head, “That was awful. Never try to be a math teacher, Gojo, you’d be awful at it.”

“I’ll leave it to my colleagues,” he agreed with a shudder, “I don’t understand how some people actually dream of such a lifestyle.”

“It confuses you and me both,” Panda said. Toge didn’t even speak, merely gathering his things and heading out the door, Panda trailing after and continuing to rant to him. To his credit, Toge did not interrupt nor respond — though this might have been because he mostly could not.

“Where are we going now?” you said.

“Training to beat curses, which is what we actually do at this school. At least, when Gojo isn’t dabbling in mathematics,” Maki said.

“It wasn’t by choice!” Gojo insisted, though Maki was deaf to his protests, “I was forced!”

“Anyways,” Maki said, grabbing your hand and dragging you out of the room with her, “I’m a Cursed Tools specialist. Toge uses Cursed Speech, as I’m certain you already knew, and Panda mostly uses blows made of pure cursed energy — he has more than typical beings his size. What this basically boils down to is training sucks.”

“Why?” you said.

“It’s so boring just fighting Panda day after day! I tried sparring with Toge once, but he just told me to hold still, and that was the end of it!” she said, obviously aghast at this transgression.

“That’s pretty useful. For him, I mean,” you said.

“But it leaves me to fight with a giant bear all of the time! Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to have a partner at all, and Panda definitely challenges me a lot, but there comes a narrowness to one’s experience if there is no shifting in partners,” she said.

“I don’t see why you’re telling me all of this,” you said, “I can’t commiserate. I’ve never really fought much before.”

“Because,” she said, the sunlight reflecting off of her glasses as you reached a large, open training field, “You are going to be my new partner.”

This made you pause, your brain rapidly turning this information over. You were to be Maki’s new partner; the thought was so absurd you nearly burst into laughter. But when you looked over at her, she was dead serious.

“Is this your version of a joke? I told you I have never fought before. I do not even know what kind of weapons I would use. And you are a Cursed Tools specialist? For me to fight you would be suicidal!” you said.

“It’s not like I’ll go all out. It’ll be training; even a glass butterfly like you can handle that, right?” she said, one hand on her hip and eyebrows raised.

“In all honesty, I have no idea,” you said, “There is something to be feared about you.”

She grinned. It was a feral, predatory expression, and you swallowed hard at it.

“I’m glad you noticed. I was beginning to think I hid it too well.”

You looked around desperately for some sort of escape. If you darted over to where Toge and Panda were talking, she’d undoubtedly follow you, and perhaps make them join in on the torture as well. But, then, standing here and waiting would do you no good either, not when she looked one breath away from forcing a katana into your hands in some orchestrated fight that would end with you on the ground in defeat.

“There you are!” Gojo said. You nearly kissed his feet, you were so grateful. His appearance gave Maki cause to back off; what’s more, it seemed that he needed you for something, which meant you had escaped your fate — for now.

“Where else would we be?” Maki deadpanned.

“Doing…womanly things?” he said. Despite your earlier fear of her, you exchanged an exasperated look with Maki. An irritation with men provided solidarity amongst all women.

“Well, we’re not, so what do you need?” she said. There was no sense in correcting him; you doubted he would listen, anyways.

“Miss L/N here! We have to figure out what to do with her cursed technique so that she can actually exorcise curses, and I think I have the perfect idea!” he said, clapping his hand on your shoulder.

“You do?” you said.

“That’s right. It was actually inspired by what you did on that balcony,” he said.

“And what would that be?” Maki said.

“Doesn’t matter. What does matter is that if this works, you might find yourself more grateful than not to that cursed technique of yours!” he said.

“Let’s hear it, then,” you said eagerly. Anything that meant you would be stronger was welcome. Increased competence was something to be celebrated, after all.

“Take a look at these!” he said, whipping out a small container and letting you inspect it. It was a tiny box, clear and probably able to fit in your breast pocket, but it was packed with hundreds upon hundreds of thin, sharp silver needles.

“Did you pick up embroidering or something?” Maki said, wrinkling her nose, “Interesting hobby. I was always bad at it.”

“I’m pretty good, though I don’t know why that matters. Did you need me to monogram your uniform or something? I mean, I can, if you want,” you said, somewhat put-out at this development.

“Oh, can you do mine? I tried once, but I had to quit because it was so ugly it made me cry,” Maki said eagerly.

“Sure, what color?” you said.

“White —”

“They’re not for embroidering!” Gojo said, cutting her off, “They’re for fighting. I cursed them the way you cursed that hairpin, see? The concept is the same. You use your technique to pick out a weak spot and then hit it with one of these. The difference is that these needles are far more deadly precise than any mere accessory ever could be.”

“That makes more sense,” you said.

“Seriously? Seriously? I finally found a new partner, and you make her specialize in long-range attacking? I’ll never forgive you for this!” Maki screeched.

“It’s not really my fault. Blame it on her cursed technique!” Gojo said. Maki was fuming now; you could practically see the steam pouring out of her ears.

“The next person you bring me better want to learn close combat, or so help me, Gojo, I’ll — I’ll — ugh!” She threw her hands in the air, stomping away and leaving you standing with Gojo.

“Will she be alright?” you said.

“She’ll get over it,” he promised. “Don’t worry.”

“I feel bad she’s disappointed, but I won’t lie and say I wanted to train with her,” you said with a shiver as she began to trade brutal blows with Panda, neither of them holding anything back.

“I don’t blame you,” Gojo said, tone far away and dreamy, “She reminds me of someone I knew once, and if she’s truly anything like that, then you’re right to be scared.”

“Thanks for the boost in confidence,” you muttered.

“Count yourself lucky that you’re friends with her, then. There’s some people that Maki Zenin would go to the ends of the earth to protect; it would not surprise me if you are one of them. And if you are not yet, then you will be, soon enough,” he said.

“That almost feels worse,” you said, “I don’t want to be the reason someone goes to the end of the earth. I want the people I care for to be safe.”

“We can hardly control what others do for us out of love,” he said before flicking you on the forehead, “Now enough depressing talk. Let’s throw some needles!”

You pouted and rubbed the now-sore spot sadly. Gojo ignored this, snickering and setting up a target while you waited patiently for something to happen.

“Obviously, since this isn’t a living being, you won’t be able to use your cursed technique on it, so I’ve taken the liberty of creating several false weak spots. Your job is to stick a needle in all of them! It sounds easy, but I foresee it to be quite difficult. After all, who ever heard of throwing needles?” he said.

“Not me,” you said, “This was a bizarre idea.”

“True, but needles are far easier to store than knives, and anyways, I thought it somewhat ironic, you know? The failed healer, using needles to kill people. Creating wounds instead of stitching them,” he said.

“Wow, you’re a regular poet,” you said dryly, accepting the box he gave you.

“Thanks, I know. These needles aren’t the cursed ones, by the way; I didn’t see the sense in wasting the good ones when it’s unnecessary. Not that it’ll be hard to create more if needed,” he said.

“Right,” you said, taking the first needle out and rolling it over in your hand. The metal was smooth and cold, warming only slightly in your palm. The sunlight glinted on it, causing an almost unbearably bright glare. You tore your eyes away, focusing them on the target.

Taking careful aim, you tossed the needle towards it. The silver object did not even make it halfway before its arc petered out and it fell to the ground, lost in the dusty sand of the practice field.

“I told you!” Gojo said. “It’s hard. You have to think of it less like a ball and more like a bullet.”

“What does that even mean?” you said, throwing another needle. Just like the first, it fell far before the target, and you winced at the abysmal failure.

“You’re throwing it, but really, what you want to do is shoot it through the air. It should go straight, not in an arc,” he said.

“This is all so complex,” you said, adjusting your stance and then trying to do as he had instructed. To your surprise, it worked — the needle stuck in the target, though your aim was wildly off. You were nowhere near any of the weak spots Gojo had marked, but you still allowed yourself to feel a little bit of pride at the small improvement.

“Nice improvement. Now I want you to not think about the needle at all,” he said.

“What? What do you mean?” you said. He hummed in thought, perhaps trying to find the words to clarify his statement.

“If you focus on the needle, that means you’ve lost sight of your target. In order to actually hit something with finesse, you can’t think about the action but rather the end result. That’s all that matters, right? Don’t worry about what might happen. Don’t worry about your hand wavering. Just — just hit the target,” he said.

“You make it sound so simple,” you said, clenching your jaw and trying once again. You missed this time, too, and it made you groan in dismay.

“I know. I’m sorry,” he said, though that hardly made anything better, “It’s something that will come to you eventually. All that you can do is practice.”

The entire afternoon was whiled away in this manner. Everything faded into the background; the only thing remaining was the sharp tang of sweat, the feeling of metal between your fingers, and the burn in your muscles as you pushed, harder and harder. You were determined not to quit until you did it at least once; until you hit one of the weak spots. Gojo had created three, none any bigger than the head of a pin. You were barely able to see them from your distance, another barrier to your success — though this was not a permanent one, as your cursed technique had no such limitations.

Gojo tried halfheartedly to get you to stop a couple of times, but he was too willing to back down when you refused. He wanted this as much as you did, so you sacrificed sanity for strength and kept going until the sun began to set.

“One more try,” you begged when you saw him open his mouth, “Just one more.”

You both knew it was a lie. It would not be enough until you hit the target, but he did not point this out, only nodding.

“One more try,” he agreed.

You closed your eyes and tried to take apart your movements. What was it that you were missing? What were you doing wrong? What minor shifts could you make that would ensure success? What, what, what?

“Bonito flakes.” A voice startled you out of your rumination; you were not sure when the others had gotten there, but Maki, Toge, and Panda were all standing and watching you. Maki was scowling, Panda seemed contemplative, and Toge’s face was carefully blank.

“True enough,” Panda said before adding for your sake, “He says you’re overthinking.”

“And he’s right!” Maki said, “Ignore whatever Gojo’s taught you. I’m your combat instructor, and don’t you forget it! I’ll admit I don’t know much about throwing weapons…but it’s certainly more than he does!”

“Okay,” you said dubiously.

“You’re so concerned about getting everything perfect that you’re forgetting the truth of it — once you’ve thrown, the needle’s out of your hands, both literally and figuratively. Don’t be scared or try to overcorrect before the mistake even happens! Throw it and be done with the affair,” she said.

“Huh?” you said. She knocked on your skull, as if checking to see whether it was hollow or not.

“I know you heard what I said, so I won’t repeat it, because I’m not in the business of wasting anybody’s time, unlike certain individuals. You’re so stuck in your own head that you’ve already mentally gone through an infinite amount of failures before you so much as lift your hand. Trust in yourself a little more,” she said.

“Salmon!” Toge said encouragingly.

“You’ve got this, Y/N!” Panda said. You were overwhelmed, both at their support and at Maki’s words. Stupid, stubborn tears sprung to your eyes, and you wiped them away hurriedly. There was no reason for you to cry; they were only being polite to a classmate.

“Go on, then,” Maki said, standing beside you with arms crossed, jutting her chin out at the target, “Hit it so we can all shower and get something to eat.”

“You guys didn’t have to wait for me,” you said.

“Yeah, we did,” she said brusquely, “What kind of friends would we be if we didn’t? Now hurry up.”

Biting your lip, you listened to her advice and pushed every thought out of your mind. Gojo’s words rang in your head, too, and surprisingly they helped as well. Your vision sharpened and everything came into crystal-focus as you took a deep breath.

“Thank you, Maki,” you said. You knew the needle would hit before you had even thrown it; it was just something you were certain of, deep in your bones.

“This is what I specialize in. It’s nothing. There’s no need for you to thank me when I was just giving advice to a fellow sorcerer,” she said. The needle struck true, piercing the mark over the target’s heart. Gojo whooped, and Panda burst into cheers.

“Tuna tuna!” Toge said, pointing at the target, as if you had not already seen, as if he had to drive home the fact that you had done it.

Your attention, though, was only on Maki, who was blushing slightly, a frown twisting her features, arms folded across her chest protectively.

“That’s not what I was thanking you for,” you said.

“Whatever,” she said, turning away, tossing her hair, “Like I said, it was no big deal. You can thank me by taking a really good shower — because right now, you’re disgusting.”

“Sounds like a plan,” you said, “And…Maki?”

“What?” she snapped. You smiled brightly at her.

“If you drop off your uniform in front of my room, I can have it embroidered by the end of this week. White, right?” you said. Her expression softened, and she nodded.

“Yeah, white is…white is good.”

Embroidering was familiar and comfortable, the repetitive, painstaking motions of the needle soothing your racing mind. You were lost in the monotony, a peculiar calm settling over you. You did not think nor feel; you simply existed, with nothing and nobody to worry about besides getting the next stitch right.

This was why, when your door slammed open, you did not so much as look up from your careful work. You continued until you had finished, breaking off the thread with your teeth and tying it in a nearly imperceptible knot. It was perfect, the lines ruler-straight and even, the thread flat, without any gaps where the fabric might peek through.

“You really are good at embroidery!” Gojo said, clapping in delight as he peered over your shoulder.

“Thank you,” you said, setting aside the shirt and turning to face him, “Is there a reason you burst into my room? What if I had been indecent?”

“I knocked for about a minute. When you didn’t respond, I got a bit worried!” he said.

“I was distracted,” you said.

“That much is evident. Anyways, I’m here because I need your help!” he said.

“You do?” you said. He considered this.

“In a manner of speaking. See, reports have it that there’s a dangerous curse present in a high school nearby — I’m talking special-grade,” he said.

“Oh, no,” you said, a pit forming in your stomach, “That’s not good. Does it have any victims?”

“A few. See, the thing is, it doesn’t behave like a normal, wild curse — it’s been tamed somewhat, in a way. Or, more likely, it’s attached itself to someone at this school. I’ve identified a likely suspect, and the story checks out. The people the curse attacked were bullies of the boy, so he almost definitely thought it was a sort of self-defense. We have to apprehend him, though, can’t have wild curses roaming about for no reason and whatnot,” he said.

“Who’s we?” you said, “In what world can I handle a special-grade curse?”

“None of them! Er, no offense,” he said.

“None taken. That’s exactly my point. I won’t do much good at all, so why bring me along in the first place?” you said.

“Ah, see, I want to avoid a firefight. Who knows what the consequences of that might be? If it comes down to it, I’m confident I can subdue the curse, but I shudder to think of the destruction that might follow such an event. And, contrary to popular belief, I don’t relish in carnage, so I was thinking that you could join me and convince the curse’s wielder to come along without a struggle,” he said.

“How do you expect me to do that?” you said.

“I’m so glad you asked. Well, Y/N, it comes down to this: you’re a pretty girl, and he’s a high school boy! Turn your charm up, darling, flutter your eyelashes or whatever else it takes to make him view you favorably. He’ll be more willing to let his guard down with someone who looks as harmless as you always do!” he said.

“Explains why you didn’t go to Maki,” you said, trying to imagine her flirting and finding yourself unable to even picture it.

“So, will you? I can do it without you, of course, but it would be a great way to get more practical experience before your first mission tomorrow,” he said.

“Tomorrow? My first mission is tomorrow, and you didn’t tell me?” you said in horror.

“These aren’t the sort of things you know about well in advance,” he said awkwardly.

“I’m not prepared at all!” you wailed. Though you itched to get into the field, this was tempered with the good sensibility to know that joining a fight while so untrained was a death sentence.

“You’ll have Toge with you. He’s more than capable; he’ll look out for you,” Gojo said. This only lifted your spirits slightly.

“Then I’ll be a useless deadweight!” you said, cringing at the thought of dragging poor Toge down. He would not only have to worry about exorcising the curses but also protecting you; it made you shudder.

“So come with me! That way, you’ll be more prepared and not likely to fold under the pressure when you have to go it alone. I’m not asking you to fight. You won’t be in any danger,” he said.

“Fine,” you allowed, “but do not tell Noritoshi about this. He might burst a blood vessel if he finds out you’re using me in this way.”

“My lips are sealed,” Gojo said, miming a zipper shutting his mouth, “Though you know your presence will come out in the report, right?”

“Yes, I thought so. Just…don’t tell him why I’m really going, okay? I know it’s not truly infidelity, but it still feels like a betrayal of sorts to even consider looking fondly upon another man, feigned though it may be,” you said.

“Your secret is safe with me. Though, for what it’s worth, I doubt you have anything to worry about. Nobody could consider it a betrayal…unless you plan on actually falling in love with this kid?” he said, watching as you grabbed a coat and pulled it on.

“Don’t be stupid,” you said, doing up the buttons with an air of finality and tucking your needles in your pocket, “Of course I don’t.”

[glamphantasm]

OMxWhumptober 23

I wrote four different pieces for this prompt - mostly because I have utterly no idea how to write Thirteen. Don't get me wrong, she's a fun character, love her. But... girl - I have no idea how to use your voice. sorry. I tried.

Thirteen watches as the human stumbles through the last trap, bleeding from invisible wounds. It’s almost beautiful in a distorted, ruined way – how they’ve kept going despite everything she’s thrown at them, dodging death and destruction like it’s a game they’re too stubborn to lose.

She hates them for it. Hates how they’ve become her shadow, how their need for the truth – her truth – has infected everything. Hates how every pitfall, every wicked twist of magic, has only brought them closer. Years. Years of this. And yet, here they are, standing in her cave, eyes wide like a child about to unwrap the worst present of their life.

"Do you even know what you’re asking for?" she says, the words tumbling out like broken glass. Her voice is thin, sharp. "This isn’t some secret that’ll set you free. This will end you. This will end me."

They blink, slow, like they’re processing the words as if it’s all just theory. Like there’s some academic comfort in the unraveling of the world. "I’ve come this far."

"Yeah, congratulations." Her laugh is brittle, a sound that echoes too loud in the silence. "You dodged every bullet, crawled through every trap. But here’s the thing – this isn’t about survival anymore. This is about you wanting something that doesn’t belong to you. You’ll tear us both apart to get it."

The human takes a step forward, and she feels her breath catch, just for a second, before she forces herself to breathe. "I can’t stop now," they say. "You know that."

Her stomach twists, knots forming and reforming, like the truth itself is choking her. She wants to scream, to throw them back into whatever dimension they clawed their way from, but it’s too late. It’s been too late for years. You should have stopped them back then, some distant part of her thinks. But she didn’t. And now they’re standing in front of her, waiting for the curtain to drop on the whole grotesque, bloody show.

"You think this will give you what you’re looking for?" she says, her voice low, dark. "Some piece of mind? Some great cosmic understanding? Let me tell you something – it won’t. It’ll just make you realize how small and pathetic everything is. You, me, this whole fucking world. And then what? What happens after you tear down the veil and there’s nothing left?"

The human’s mouth quirks, just a little. "Then at least I’ll know."

She almost laughs again, but it catches in her throat, turns into something uglier, something she can’t quite swallow. "Know what?" she snaps. "That you’ve destroyed everything for a glimpse of the afterlife? That you’ve broken the only laws that keep all of this from turning into chaos? You’re playing with something you can’t control."

They don’t flinch. They never do. That’s what makes it worse. "I don’t care about the laws."

Of course they don’t. Nobody ever does until the consequences are right in front of them, staring them down with hollow eyes and an endless, gaping mouth. The laws aren’t real until they come to collect.

She can already feel the weight of it pressing down on her chest. The reaper’s code, the rules that govern what she can and can’t do, the codex she’s broken just by letting this human get this far. The punishment that’ll come for her the second she steps any further out of line. It’s all so close she can taste it. Like the moment before an accident when you know the crash is inevitable, but you’re stuck in it, helpless, waiting for the impact. When you can taste the flesh in your teeth, but realize a moment too late – it is your own.

"You think they won’t come for me?" she says, her voice shaking despite herself. "You think I won’t be ripped to shreds for showing you something that’s not for you to see?"

The human shrugs, the movement so casual, like this isn’t the end of everything. "Maybe. But you’re already involved now. And I think part of you wants me to see it."

That’s when she knows it’s over. They’ve already won. There’s no way out. They’ve been crawling through her traps for so long, dodging death and laughing in the face of every consequence, and now she’s just another one of their obstacles. Just another monster they think they’ve already outsmarted.

Her breath is shallow, the walls of her cave closing in, the air too thick, too sharp. She can feel the reapers at her back, waiting. The balance of realms teetering on the edge, ready to fall.

"You don’t get it," she whispers, but it’s too late for that. She’s talking to herself now, talking to the shadows of the world they’re about to break. "You’ve already ruined me." Thirteen’s body twists unnaturally, bones snapping as flesh melts away in oozing strips, revealing black tendrils, snaking out from nothingness that appears between crackling ribs. Her limbs elongate, fingers extending into monstrous, warping claws. As a hollow, inhuman rasp escapes her, the swirling colors in her eyes fade, darken – a void. With a sickening, wet burst, skeletal wings tear from her back, dripping oily shadows. Her vibrant hair becomes a cowl, covering an abyss. She stares towards the human, every last ounce of humanity stripped, leaving only the void in it’s place.

And with that, she lets go. She pulls them both into the space between, the world warping, bending, collapsing into the emptiness where nothing exists but the cold truth of the dead. The air is thick with the screams of souls long gone, the silence so loud it’s deafening.

The human gasps, clutching at their throat, the weight of it hitting them all at once. This is what they wanted. This is what they came for.

"This is your afterlife," she says, her voice hollow, a shadow of itself. "It’s not peace. It’s not answers. It’s nothing."

They fall to their knees, eyes wide, breath ragged, the truth tearing them apart from the inside. She watches, numb, as they break under the weight of it, just like she knew they would. Just like she always knew.

And as the reapers close in on her, ready to take what’s left of her for the crime she’s committed, she wonders if maybe this is what she wanted too.

[skye-huntress]

She’s so Cheeky for a Commoner Volume 3 Thoughts

This is the last volume from Claire’s perspective, ending with Part One of the original.

First off, can we talk about the fact that for a brief moment after Rod’s proposal when she was thinking about what married life with Rae would be like, she actually considered allowing Lilly to be Rae’s mistress? Don’t do that! Lilly always gets the short end of the stick. First, she fell in love with a girl so devoted to another, she wouldn’t even consider looking another girl’s way. Then the stuff with Alter, and Lilly feeling a need to atone for the actions of another person her own father created in her head. Then there’s who knows how many times her own god used her as her personal meat puppet. And the series ended with her being teased with the life with Rae she always wanted, but it was all TAIM trying to erase Claire from history. Give this girl a break already, don’t just tease us!

I’m surprised Kristoff chose to turn, but then again we didn’t really know much about him. I just condemned him when I learned he was directly involved in the human trafficking.

So for once Pepi saves the day with the siren abilities she picked up from Misha, and her magical instrument that she managed to sneak in. Thane also got one more chance to look cool before he lost all his relevancy. And Loretta has our condolences for having a crush who is so completely dense, even Rae feels the need to apologise to her rival in love.

So Catherine was an assassin all along, going back to when she would have been barely more than a toddler! I don’t even think she was old enough to safely start learning basic magic, much less doing something as advanced as erasing specific parts of someone’s memory in real time while fighting. That’s even more monstrous than what I originally thought but reinforces what I already thought about Clèment. He’s far more arrogant than clever. He didn’t have the brains to plan out and cover his crimes properly like Dole and Salas could. If it weren’t for his status and Catherine’s magic (which isn’t all powerful), he might not have lasted as long as he did. And he’s such an asshole, of course his own children readily betrayed him.

Speaking of Catherine’s magic, not invisibility, but erasing memories?! Memories are an integral part of what makes us who we are, for better and worse. And Catherine tried to erase herself from Claire’s and everyone else’s memories as part of some misguided attempt at atonement. But it didn’t work, and I’m sure Claire gave her an earful later when they reunited.

I’m also not on board with doing that to Clèment. It permanently removes him as a threat, but he got off easy. He deserved to have everything taken from him, from his title to his freedom, knowing what it is that he lost, and that he’ll never get any of it back. Ideally, he should also know that it was his own fault he went from apparently the third most powerful noble to a nobody with nothing, but that would definitely be expecting too much of someone with his ego.

You know if Emma was actually described as being a much older woman, I would have suspected she was the mother of Dorothea. She’s the only character we know who is fully immune to magic.

So even though Catherine went through all the trouble of making everyone think it was an accident, Clèment was such an arrogant buffoon he couldn’t help giving up the game for a cheap jab at Dole. It’s a wonder he lasted as long as he did.

The second half of Dole’s segment mostly pertains to his belief about the afterlife, though I wonder how much of that would even apply in a world where people are artificially reincarnated over and over again.

I’m somewhat disappointed we don’t really get Claire’s reaction to the knowledge Rae (allegedly) reincarnated from another world, although I suppose I can understand why she was more focused on all the scheming to place her as the hero of the revolution to avoid her execution. In a way, I can understand why her pride wouldn’t allow her to go along with that original plan, but going along with that farce of an execution is where pride turns to just pure stupidity.

The most relevant part of Claire’s misguided decision was her false belief that Rae would be just fine without her. The reality is in Rae’s previous life she wasn’t really living, she was just existing, going through the motions without any hope of achieving anything resembling happiness or even contentment. Then she met Claire and devoted her second chance to ensuring Claire had that future, even opened up her heart to the idea she would be part of that happiness. Rae finally had hope for her own future again, and Claire unwittingly almost denied her that. If Rae were that capable of moving on with someone else, the Demon Queen wouldn’t have existed.

Good for Pepi that she’s finally started making moves on Loretta and actually getting somewhere. Since they showed up for Rae and Claire’s wedding, I didn’t have to worry about their survival, at least.

Once again, we have to talk about the double standards. Forget what happened with the Aurouseau’s, Pepi was not only innocent, but she also helped apprehend Clèment and effectively saved the King’s life, and she still lost her noble status. But Kristoff was a confirmed participant in his father’s crimes, and he still gets to be a viscount? The whole “sins of the father” thing is BS enough, but the kingdom can’t even be consistent with it.

And through the power of basic human decency, Pepi and Loretta won the battle for the rear gate, but still lost the civil war. You tried your best, girls, but unfortunately no matter how much more interesting you’ve become, you’re still just minor background characters.

So even without the masked man “disguise”, Alter is still referred to by male pronouns? Is this an indication of Alter’s actual gender? I’m cool with it if it is, but I feel like it might need to be clarified, especially since the original series didn’t identify Lilly’s alter ego differently to her since their reveal.

In between shaking my head about Claire’s cluelessness about how hopeless Rae actually is without her, I did find it amusing how much Rae made Salas and his men shit themselves with her one-woman raid (with a minor assist from Ralaire as I recall).

It was interesting to hear a bit more about what other characters were up to during the time since they went off to do their own things.

Manaria once again proves she is too powerful and too smart to be a main character of this series.

I suppose Misha is right that Rae is a little too used to failure. She was once a corporate drone with all the cynicism and pessimism that comes with that existence, to say nothing of her messy love life. But that is a side of herself Rae doesn’t show much.

One particular peeve of mine, we know Rod loses an arm but we never got it clarified which arm he lost! Left or right, that’s all I needed to know to adjust my mental image of him, but I was denied that tiny bit of information. I was worried I’d have to wait for the manga to get to that point. FYI, it was his right.

So Claire and Rae kept diaries. I was wondering about that, Catherine’s magic can affect memories, but surely it couldn’t affect written records, so something as simple as a diary could easily thwart her plan to ghost everyone. That and Manaria’s frankly broken magic. Claire is absolutely right though, her memories, good and bad belong to her and make her who she is, and Catherine has no right to take them, even if it was just to punish herself.

I do hope that Loretta and Pepi get to play their instruments again, and there’s no reason why they shouldn’t. The arts are an important part of freedom of expression for any society. We know that Thane goes on to perform concerts, so perhaps he’ll have a hand in helping them get back into music. Oh, and they definitely had their wedding sometime after Rae and Claire’s.

[neowinestainedress]

helloooo rebs i am once again with a review and this time is about hits different so let’s fucking goooo!!!!

But when you finally are done, he doesn’t shut up, he’s not half asleep like he usually is when you sneak out of his place on your tiptoes like a thief. 

OKAYYY SO THIS ISNT A ONE TIME THING

Yeah, that’s why. It’s got nothing to do with the fact you created a list of rules to follow when you two started this and you would’ve rather got hit by lighting than broken one of those. He doesn’t know it, though. So, your different personalities and lifestyles make up a good excuse. 

well i cant blame her shes smart for putting rules even if they are only for herself

He sucks his teeth, rolling his eyes at your panicked eyes that are looking around the room, before he responds nonchalantly, “Couch, probably. You always throw it there.” You quirk a brow. Always? Are you picking up habits?

i actually love when the characters unconsciously pick up habits and even more when the other person starts to realize about them something so sweet and domestic of knowing the little things about each other….

But you didn’t want to start a new thing, your ex was traumatic, no matter how good the sex was (it wasn’t even that good, currently he’s the only one you can get sex from without having to hold boring conversations with a drink in hand and spend the ride back to their place hoping you didn’t end up in the arms of a killer) he was an asshole.

SOOOOO REAL i totally get her

The fear that it was his way to confess to you and screw up twenty years of friendship got your skin crawling for a second, but when you were left alone with the black-haired man to your right, it all made sense. 

omg that’s the worst fear of being a girl and having a male friend cause why would they always wannt to ruin EVERYTHING

Haechan smiles, or smirks, it’s almost a chuckle, you can’t quite describe it. “At the gym.” 

that smirk he always make is SO HOT im on my knees for him

You shake your head, sipping on the glass of alcohol and emptying it. “No, I’ve always been like this. I think nobody made a mess of me to leave me hooked on them.” 

kinda wish i was her…

Back then you didn’t know where that night would’ve led you. You had no idea that the person that would’ve made a mess of you was right there by your side. But of one thing you can be sure, it was Johnny’s fault. 

GRABBING MY HAIR RN IM SO EXCITED ALREADY (future me editing this: oh poor me… you didn’t know what was coming 😭)

You’re sure that night nothing clicked between you and Haechan; whatever Johnny had in mind, didn’t happen. You two didn’t even exchange numbers, you can’t even remember if you said a proper goodbye to him when you stumbled out of that restaurant hanging from your best friend’s arm. 

girl wdym u didn’t ask for his number and nothing happened if i was her they would’ve had to take me away from him with security

But with him, that didn’t happen. When your eyes met again you felt something. He looked different, probably it was the black hair framing his face perfectly, some make-up on his face too, or the leather jacket he was wearing and the chains around his neck. You remembered him, clear as the sky. But he was even hotter, attracting you without saying a word, not that you would’ve heard. You were at a club, and he was leaning against the bar on the other side of you. But his eyes were speaking louder than words, and your feet followed an invisible path that got you right there, on the stool next to him. 

GOD HES SO HOT I WANT HIM SO BAD

STANDING AT THE BAR LIKE SOMETHING’S FUNNY BUBBLE ONCE YOU FIX YOUR FACE I’M GOING IN

You’re stunned and a bit taken aback because you weren’t expecting that answer, and you don’t even expect your body to light on fire. It’s not really about the words, it’s the way he gets you, like nobody ever did before, like you want him to get you, to keep up with you. And it’s also in the way his body talks, it’s addictive, it is charming, the small fidgeting of the fingers, the bounce of his legs while his legs are a bit spread open and his thighs are perfectly wrapped by those jeans that make you want to do unholy things, and his eyes, that taunting, witty light and the grin on his face. 

if i say what i’m thinking i’m going to jail……

No, you haven’t, and soon you also find out why you’ve never done it.

so true do NOT recommend

He laughs and then shakes his head. “So shitty you can’t take some more for me?” He tilts his head, raising his brows while he briefly looks down where his hands are patiently waiting for your good to go and get out of his pants. 

doggy, missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, upside down, inside out, one leg up, two legs up, in public, on a spaceship, in the garden, on the grass, in a car, in a box, on a table, against a wall

but you want him too badly and you can’t wait any longer, so you propose a thing, “Sit here, I’ll ride.” 

she’s so me

he’s too hot and uses it to his advantage a bit too often, he can’t keep getting away with it.

i’ve been saying….

“Wanted to fuck you since I saw you standing at the bar,” you confess nonchalantly, and he thinks you can’t be real, but he has no time to dwell on you and the way you are because you’re taking his breath away. He can’t even lie, he wanted you too since the same moment, if not since the very first night, so having you here feels a bit unreal. 

me too girl, me too.

It might seem strange that there’s no rule implying not falling in love, right? Well, it’s not in your brain because you never even thought that could happen. You’re not even sure you ever loved the people you dated, how could you fall for your friend with benefits? 

well unfortunately i have some news for her…

You hate to admit it, but you stare at the phone a little too long, why is he so polite about it? Damn, is your bar set so low? Is it really that bad that 90% of the men you met would’ve sent you a dick pic as the first message or a ‘what would you if I was in the shower with you’ text? Probably it is. 

lmaooo so true

you really couldn’t get those tricks, truly sure that if somebody is interested in you they won’t disappear or appear based on how fast or slow you reply

not related to the story but this made me sad cause this reminded me of my “best friend” and i think the same

do you know whom you’re talking to? A loser.

PLEASKEDJSKX 😭😭😭

The biggest surprise Haechan gifts you is that… he is not an asshole. 

WE CHEERED (the bar is in hell)

“Keep your eyes on me,” he orders and you unwillingly open them again, locking them in his. “That’s it, pretty girl.” 

god im not your strongest soldier

You weren’t in the mood, too busy letting your thoughts get the best of you, a mix of lewd images of what you would’ve done to the man you couldn’t drift your eyes from and sadness looming over your head like a cartoon cloud. 

literally me

“We do,” he replies but it’s like he’s not done, as if there’s something more he wants to tell or confess. He stops for a second, sipping on his bottle while staring at the sea at the horizon before resting his forearm on his knees and sighing, “but you never say anything about yourself.” 

i want to be mysterious like her so bad but i don’t know how to shut up

He laughs, shaking his head. This time he’s the one diverting his gaze, the next words that are about to come out sound too vulnerable in his head and he doesn’t want to imagine how heavy they will sound out loud. “I’m just saying, I would keep some things of you only for me to know

he’s so cute

“I was thinking — oh, shit,” Haechan mumbles before you shut him up by jumping on him and crashing his lips on yours, your fingers locking immediately in his hair and pulling it back harshly. “Wow, fuck, needy tonight?” 

this made me sad :( like i get her but i also get him so i feel this whole situation is kinda unfair for him but at the same time they both know this is clearly only sex

“and don’t mark me, you don’t want the others to find out, right?” No, you don’t. Or maybe you do, maybe it’s time for something to happen and break you and him apart. Cause you feel you’re going down a slippery slope and you don’t like this. Maybe you should fuck this whole thing up like you always do. But you can’t, deep down, you don’t want to. 

god no please nooo she needs therapy

SHES THE ALBATROSS SHE IS HERE TO DESTROY YOU

“Look at you,” he whispers, biting your earlobe, “is it so terrible to not have everything under control?” You feel a hint of bitterness in his voice, almost as if he’s mad at you for not letting go like this under other circumstances. “You don’t have to worry about anything.” (…) Yes, with me,” he says. “You don’t have to think about anything when you’re with me. I’ve got you.” 

my cutie ☹️☹️

NO I KNOW IM A WALKING CONTRADICTION AND IT SHOWS GOT A HISTORY OF BEING IN CONTROL IM AWARE THAT I COULD END UP HERE ALONE

That made perfect sense, but it doesn’t make sense that you panicked at the idea of him with another girl, almost feeling sick to your stomach and about to throw up.

I PICTURED YOU WITH OTHER GIRLS IN LOVEEEEE THEN THREW UP ON THE STREET

“I have a spare one,” he says before you can go back to your true self, “it can be yours.” 

crying, he’s soo sweet

That toothbrush eventually becomes yours. It sits there, right next to his, and every time you get up in the morning to escape from his bed, you’re reminded of all the lines you’ve crossed. You didn’t bring it from home, he fucking gave a toothbrush to you, and he doesn’t keep it scored somewhere in case you need it, no, it stays right there, always, next to his, as if it belongs there.  

WAIT THIS IS SO SWEET SJDJSKDJSK ITS JUST A TOOTHBRUSH BUT IT HOLDS SO MUCH MEANING

If you were your usual you, you would’ve been able to see the glint that crossed Haechan’s eyes at your words, probably even to hear his heart skip a beat and his hands shake for a brief moment, but again, you are not there tonight

im crying he likes her so much i need them to get together asap or ill die

Not everyone can carry the baggage that we bring with us, and that’s fine.”

he feels like a warm hug ❤️‍🩹

“It’s fine, I’m used to an empty bed anyway, so it’s not much of a difference when I wake up and don’t find you there.” 

oh ☹️

“Also doing Channie a favour, you know,” he winks and then chuckles, but you don’t find the implications funny, and your stomach twitches in discomfort. 

GIRL i have something to tell you….

“Think they’ll end up doing it in the bathroom or the car?” 

mark just shut up 😭😭😭😭😭

“Yes,” he replies as if he’s shocked by your underestimation. “People know what goes on even if they can’t see, and then it moves and fogs and it’s… embarrassing. Haechan has never been that attracted to somebody to the point of fucking in a car, he’d rather go home with his balls blue.” 

WE’RE SO BACK (kinda)

“Hey, pretty,” a man’s voice speaks from the side; barely five minutes of peace and you are already crowded with unwanted attention

i HATE when im not in the mood and this happens

“Her boyfriend,” Haechan talks before you can even think of an answer, too dumb you were already thinking of a short way to explain what was going on between you. “Needed something, sir?” 

SHDHAKDBSKDNSK STOP YES YES YES I WAS PRAYING FOR THIS TO HAPPEN

Your head is not facing the ground anymore, with a snap so fast you know it’s a miracle you didn’t break your neck, your eyes lock with Haechan’s. And then you laugh, hysterically. It’s a fake laugh and he gets it, he can see you panic, he saw it in your eyes that brief moment they intertwined, and he knows. You are jealous.

im grinning so hard rn

“I didn’t drink,” you huff, throwing your head back against the seat and closing your eyes while you damn every decision that led you there. “Got two small glasses of something that wasn’t even worth it while I watched you grind on her all night.” 

she’s so funny cause she refuses to be vulnerable in front of him and let him know her more but then she gets jealous and end up behaving like this shdjsj but i get her if i see haechan flirting with someone else i would also make a scene just to not lose him

You have everything there anyway. His toothbrush that became yours. His white t-shirt that became yours. A new set of towels he had bought just for you. His favourite mug that became yours. A warm bed. A pillow with a beating heart. And probably something else you’re not ready to face yet. 

“Yeah, let’s go home.” 

STOP IM ABOUT TO CRY AND MY CHEEKS HURT FROM GRINNING SO MUCH I LOVE THEM 😭

“Oh, sure, of course, you weren’t just hugging me, fuck,” he curses when you tease his inner thighs, never touching his sensitive part. There is a hint of sadness in his words but you pretend you don’t get it. 

nooo stop im getting kinda mad cause she’s making him suffer just to “protect” herself when in reality she’s just hurting them both

This doesn’t feel like fun like your usual hard fucks, it’s like a sense of sadness and bitterness is running between you and it makes your heart sting. 

THIS IS HER FAULT

“What?” He growls in response, hips slamming harshly against your ass. “Is this still not enough? Am I still not enough? Will I ever be enough for you?” 

nooooo my baby she fucked up so bad and i feel really bad for him :(

CAUSE ALL I EVER WANTED WAS TO BE ENOUGH FOR YOU DONT YOU THINK I LOVED YOU TOO MUCH TO BE USED AND DISCARDED DONT YOU THINK I LOVED YOU TOO MUCH TO THINK I DESERVE NOTHING?? (everything goes back to the traitor series…)

He nods quickly and then starts thrusting into you, this time he won’t stop until you come, but he pushes your body up against his because he needs you. He needs your scent to be all over his skin, he needs to remind himself you’re not a dream even if you continuously slip from his fingers, he needs to remind  you  and  himself that he’s the only one that has you like this. He is the best you ever had and that’s a little consolation

this is so sad im so sad he truly is a cutie

You just proposed to fuck, it was normal in your relationship, so why was he mad and why were you sad? What happened in that fragment when your bodies were tangled in a mess bigger than what it looked like? 

girl be serious she’s making me mad now 😑 (me from the future: i was genuinely starting to get so mad here sidjsjdj)

And the best solution would be to talk about it, set some boundaries again, or put an end to things like adults, but, even if the years pass by, you feel like you only keep getting older but not wiser. 

I HAVE THIS THING WHERE I GET OLDER BUT JUST NEVER WISER (same)

You ghosted him. Left his place after breakfast with a promise to text him in the week just to never pick up the phone to go to his contact again. You even have to avoid Johnny and your friend’s nights out because you can’t face him. 

i want to slap her CAN I SLAP HER???

SPLENDIDLY SELFISH CHARMINGLY HELPLESS EXCELLENT FUN TIL YOU GET TO KNOW HER THEN SHE RUNS LIKE ITS A RACE BEHIND HER BACK HER BEST MATES LAUGHED AND THEY NICKNAMED HER THE BOLTER

You went back to your ex and met up with two people you met at a club, when, too heartbroken, you needed someone to fill the void inside of you, only for things to get worst and leave you heartbroken, full of guilt and unsatisfied. 

WTFF?????? im so mad right now like she’s seriously so dumb i understand (maybe)l, not really) trying to get away because she was scared and hooking up with other men but go back to fuck her ex??? that’s so low

But you still don’t pick up that damn phone, not even when a month passes by and Haechan reaches for you, apologizing. 

OH NO SHES FUCKING SICK.

i won’t bother you again i promise 

I GAVE YOU ALL MY BEST MES MY ENDLESS EMPATHY AND ALL I DID WAS BLEED AS I TRIED TO BE THE BRAVEST SOLDIER FIGHTING IN ONLY YOUR ARMY FRONTLINES DONT YOU IGNORE ME

DO SOMETHING BABE SAY SOMETHING!!!! LOSE SOMETHING BABE RISK SOMETHING!! CHOOSE SOMETHING BABE I GOT NOTHING TO BELIVE. UNLESS. YOURE CHOOSING ME.

You don’t reply even this time, but you cry and sob into your pillow, covered by your sheets as the phone glows in the dark. And you cry and cry until you feel like you can’t breathe and the weight on your chest gets heavier and pushes you down into your misery. 

oh SHUT UP im so mad at her right now that i cant even sympathize with her. haechan was nothing but understanding and caring and loving with her and she was just an asshole she even had the opportunity to change but she chose not to and hurt him so much

It takes you a while, but you get over him and get back to your daily life, the real one. No more depressing couch-sitting-eating sessions or extremely exhausting workouts to burn your brain down, no more avoiding social life and crying yourself to sleep. 

i hate her so much right now…

“You first say I need some fun and then the fun breaks my heart and now the fun at the bar is not okay because I’m not sober to you and him and why I can’t have nice things?” 

“the fun breaks my heart”

SHUT THE FUCK UPPPP THIS IS LITERALLY YOUR FAULT

“He seems rather heartbroken, and he asked a weird question about you.” 

and when i punch her then what

Your eyes lock with Johnny’s and your brain would like to lie and mumble some nonsense but your heart can’t keep bleeding without being taken care of anymore. So, hot salt starts streaming down your face silently and your head faces the ground while two strong arms wrap around you

i’m still too mad at her so i cant sympathize sorry (not really)

“But I’m scared. I hated seeing him with someone that wasn’t me. The mere idea of him being with somebody else now makes me sick. This is scary.” 

l PICTURED YOU WITH OTHER GIRLS IN LOOOOVEEE THEN THREW UP ON THE STREETS

You breathe in deeply and rub your temples. “But what if it’s wrong? What if… God, I’m doing all this and I’m not even sure he likes me back.” 

SHES SO DUMB ILL PUNCH HER

It will tear you into pieces if you keep putting rules to things that are destined to flow freely.”

EXACTLY like you can put rules to something you can’t control she’s not talking about school or a job she’s talking about feelings !!!!

No, you didn’t pick up the phone even after that conversation with Johnny. It felt humiliating to crawl back to him after so much time, so you decided that whatever was going on, was destined to die. 

my anger was starting to die down but now it is BACK AGAIN

You didn’t do anything but sit on a bench and hold back your tears while everybody else was having fun. You should’ve stayed at home, it would’ve been better than having to deal with Wonyoung — apparently, that was her name — laugh and giggle every time Haechan opened his mouth, or their intertwined hands while they both tried to learn how to use the ski. And now it’s not going better, she’s sitting on his lap while he caresses her hair with one hand and the other draws circles on her palm, and all your friends are sharing knowing glares as they point at them. 

IM ABOUT TO KILL MYSELF

I SAW YOU MET SOMEBODY AND IM JEALOUS AS HELL THAT I CANT EVEN STOMACH LOVING SOMEBODY ELSE

You never had that with him, and the jealousy mixes with bitterness, until you realize that the arrangement you had didn’t include any of that. So why did you want it so much? Why do you want to be her so badly right now? 

SHUT THE FUCK UPPPP

“It doesn’t matter, you had all the right to stop it,” he shrugs, looking down for a second, probably closing the app on his phone because you don’t hear the faint sound of the video playing anymore. “I don’t cry for sex.” 

ouch she totally deserves it but it hurt

“I…” you stop and look away. Your leg is bouncing nervously and you’re playing with your fingers, pressing your nails into your skin. “I have to tell you something.”  “Yeah?”  “I… I lo—” “Haechannie!” Wonyoung’s voice rings loudly in the room, stopping you from going on. “We are taking a look around, want to come with me and keep me warm? Also, we’ll have dinner together.” You shouldn’t find the way she bats her eyes so irritating, neither her voice, or the way she’s looking at him right now, but you feel like puking, and you hope Haechan will decline; out of all the things he said before, you heard he was tired and wanted to go to bed, so he will say no, right? “Yeah, I’d love to. Be there in a minute.” 

no but IM THE ONE ABOUT TO THROW UP STOP IM SUPER SAD

“No, definitely didn’t change,” he whispers when you run away from his fingers again. He wants to block you in, to stop you from slipping away, but if he couldn’t do it months ago, he doesn’t see how he can do it now. After all, you’ve never been his. This isn’t different from what you used to do in the morning, now he looks at you and can see that nothing changed. (…) You are long gone and he doesn’t even know how and why he lost you. Maybe it’s better like this, maybe all this silence coming from you can give him a reason to hate you and move on. 

im not joking when i say im about to cry this is so sad :((((

CAUSE YOU WERENT MINE TO LOOSEEE YOU WEREN MINE TO LOSE (happy august btw!!!!)

But moving on from you seems something impossible to do. 

moving on was always easy for me to do…. it hits different it hits different cause it's you

You hum and feel your heart break into million pieces again. It shouldn’t hit you so hard and leave you trembling, but it does. 

rebs why would you to this to me 😭😭😭😭😭

“It wasn’t even started.”

oh so you HATE ME not this phrase it literally haunts me it’s been YEARS

He snorts and you glare at him, but that doesn’t faze him. “You said you were doing fine; it doesn’t look like it.” 

i know its selfish but PLEASE HAECHAN DO SOMETHING I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE

“No. And don’t call me babe. I’m not your problem and I’m not your babe.” 

IM NOT YOUR PROBLEM ANYMORE SO WHO AM I OFFENDING NOW

“She’s not my girlfriend,” he says resolutely

smiling fot the first time in ages

You glare at him, eyes dropping on your intertwined arms in disbelief when he links them and starts walking away from there. 

please dont get my hopes up if this wont take them anywhere or ill kill myself… (future me: should’ve killed myself back then….)

after all these months he knows you can pass as bossy sometimes, and like things in a certain way, so he lets you. 

sjdhs literally mee

“Thanks,” you utter, looking out of the window and grinning. This is wild, all over the place, and smells like the calm before the storm, but you like it because you’re back with him by your side. 

girl who’s going to be okay

“I missed this,” he whispers after a few minutes when you’re both halfway through your order (…) “I missed this, dumbass,” he says, and you feel your heart in your throat when your eyes meet, and he has that glint that you love so much. It’s like a light shining through, and some softness that only shows up in certain moments, you still don’t know what causes it, but you love it.

he’s so sweet and selfless she doesn’t deserve him but if they dont end up together ill kill myself

“I don’t have a toothbrush at your place,” he laughs, reminding you that in the heat of the rush, you never went back to pick up all your things at his place. 

AAAAAH WE’RE SO FUCKING BACK (future me: if only i knew…)

Things go back to normal after that. You’re not sure it’s healthy, considering you didn’t confess your feelings (…) The good sex is back. Haechan is back. You are back. The tension in the air is gone and you can enjoy the nights out without Mark worrying about you looking more dead than alive. And Johnny thinks you finally let loose. 

seriously??? 😑

“No,” you cry out. He couldn’t play with you like that, sending you a video of him fucking his fist while he moaned and whimpered. You had spent the past six days replaying it, waiting for this moment to come, and even if he was so hot even through the camera, you needed to feel him inside, outside everywhere.

i have so much to say about this im going insane.

You feel lost in a haze when you turn around and snuggle closer to him, breathing in his scent and running your fingers on his chest. You look up and see him smiling lazily at you, and you reciprocate (…) Once he has ordered food and you’re both sitting in the bathtub, you let the warmth of the water wrap around you. It feels nice after the exhausting sex, and you love the scent of Haechan’s body wash, you love feeling his arms around you and his hands on you. 

am i reading this right… is this aftercare??? we’ve come so far i’m so proud of her<3 (future me: ……….)

From anything else that ever happened before with anybody else, and even with him. And you think you might get used to this. To a home, not a house. To a place to come back to that’s full of life and love. To him, and his laugh, and his voice, and his clothes scattered around, and his screams when he loses against his friends. 

ILL KILL FOR THEM

NOW PRETTY BABY IM RUNNING TO THE HOUSE WHERE YOU STILL WAIT UP AND THAT PORCH LIGHT GLEAMS (…) AINT NO WAY IM GONNA SCREW UP NOW THAT I KNOW WHATS AT STAKE

But all the fears you have to face still appear like an insurmountable wall that menaces crashing on you. 

suppressing my anger rn…

Haechan has no intention of letting it slide this time. When he can’t reach you through call, when you still don’t answer his texts after five days, he knows he won’t write pathetic, heartbroken messages to you to let you go again. 

is she fucking kidding me right now ill fucking kill her cant stand her anymore (future me: i was TRULY mad here)

“I’m scared, okay? What’s between us is… is not going where I planned it to go and it’s becoming so much. I just don’t know what to do,” you try to explain, trying to keep your composure and don’t shake like a leaf. 

SHUT THE FUCK UPPPP YOURE A GROWN ASS ADULT GET OVER IT OR STOP HURTING HIM 😑😑😑😑😑

You break into a cry, but you immediately stop yourself, forcing the tears back in your eyes and the sobs down your throat. Once again you can’t give him an answer, just a useless apology. “I’m sorry,” you mutter, keeping eye contact no matter how much it hurts because you need him to know you’re being honest, you’re not lying or putting up walls. It’s just hard to tear down the ones you already have built around yourself.  

im so sick and tired of her.

PUSH AWAY ALL THE PEOPLE WHO KNOW ME THE BEST BUT ITS ME WHOS BEEN MAKING THE BED IM SO TIRED OF BEING THE GIRL THAT I AM EVERY GOOD THING HAD TURNED INTO SOMETHING I DREAD AND IM PLAYING THE VICTIM SO WELL IN MY HEAD BUT ITS ME WHOS BEEN MAKING THE BED

“Everything. All of this is new to me and I… I’m trying to be a better person. I’m trying not to hurt the ones that I love, and don’t fuck everything up, but I can’t. Everything I touch becomes sick and dies and… and I don’t know what to do.”

??????????????? girl be serious i need her to THINK before she speaks cause shes just saying bullshit at this point. “im trying not to hurt the ones that i love” my ass

EVERY SINGLE THING I TOUCH BECOMES SICK WITH SADNESS CAUSE ITS ALL OVER NOW ALL OUT TO SEA

“But why? I thought I was better than your ex, why are you pushing me away?” He knows he’s not perfect, but he’s never done anything to hurt you, moreover, he always tried everything to protect you and make you feel good, and that went beyond sex. He thought it was clear, but apparently, it was all to waste. 

she doesn’t deserve him.

“Oh, really?” It’s a scoff, full of sarcasm, mockery and resentment and it’s even followed by a click of the tongue. 

i’m 100% with him in this

AND DOWN THE ROAD YOU WILL LOVE ME UNTIL YOU RESENT ME

“I don’t know.” 

someone PLEASE slap her

“Because I love you?” He screams, jaw dropping as he realizes what he said. “Fuck, there, I said it, and I scared you away once and for all, but honestly, I can’t keep doing this any longer. I love you. I don’t know why but I guess I am dumb and always fall for the people I can’t have. But I do. And I would love to sit here and listen to you because, guess what, I want this to work out. Because that’s what normal people do. They talk and they listen. They don’t run away.” 

he deserves so much better….

“Grow up.” “Grow up because you need to learn how to deal with this shit, whatever it is, whatever is making you act like this. Excuses and apologies are not enough. You might not hurt people on purpose, but you still do and I…” 

THATS RIGHT TELL HER and while you’re at it please slap her too 😁

Your breath gets stuck in your throat and more tears flood your face, blurring your view. Those words feel like a gunshot straight to your heart and you can’t believe you’re hearing them from him. You know that wasn’t his initial thought, but he doesn’t backtrack. 

here she goes… playing the victim one again 😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑

“No, please,” you scream when Haechan starts walking to the door swiftly, opening it before you can even make him out. “Don’t leave,” you cry, struggling to stand on your knees. “Don’t leave me, too.”

oh so she can leave and ghost people but they need to be patient and understanding with her? fuck off

“I need to be alone,” his voice is broken and he’s clearly holding back tears, and you’d like to run in his arms and hug him, but, once again, the rational part of you is holding you back, so you let him go, like you let go every other person of your life, with the difference you didn’t care about them as you care about him. 

😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑 literally no words rn.

Johnny chuckles, “And what if he’s the love of your life?” 

more like the loss of her life at this point…

DANCING PHANTOMS ON THE TERRACE ARE THEY SECOND HAND EMBARRASSED THAT I CANT GET OUT OF BED CAUSE SOMETHING COUNTERFEITS DEAD

“You let Haechan in, maybe explain something to him so he puts his mind at ease because I think that both Adele and Taylor Swift’s discographies are about to end, he seemed rather depressed in his stories.” 

lmao he’s so me

Haechan chuckles, it’s a bitter laugh, trapped in the back of his throat while his eyes roll to the sky and his head shakes. “Us? Now you decided there’s an us?” 

the satisfaction i’m feeling right now

He hums, he’d love to add that he doesn’t want you to leave, but he keeps his mouth shut and waits for you to talk.

oh my sweetie selfless cutie pie☹️

“No, I do, because you let me… you let me in. You talked about your family, about your struggles, how you moved here on your own and I said a few things and I even lied.” 

here comes my anger again….

“Remember when I told you about Johnny and my brother?” Haechan nods, even if he doesn’t get its correlation with you two. “I lied. They never fought; my brother died,” your voice falters as it comes out to give him such a big piece of you. You take a deep breath and then exhale, “It was all my fault.” 

listen i know that must have been very traumatizing for her specially since she was only 15 when it happened but i still blame her and dont pity her cause she should’ve went to therapy a loooong time ago but she chose to be selfish and hurt everyone around her so i cant sympathize with her (future: i still can’t sympathize with her 😭)

“I love you,” you confess, looking into his eyes and he freezes, the hold on your palm loosening. “And that’s the shitties confession ever, and I’m so sorry I just finished trauma dumping you, but I… I can’t keep losing good things in life because I’m afraid of taking risks. I can’t erase you, I’ve tried, but I can’t.” 

i honestly dont know how to feel

ONE DAY ILL MAKE SURE YOU GET A REAL APOLOGYYYYY

I love you too much to care about what will happen, to worry about something that might not even happen. But even if it will, even if life will ever tear us away, I want to live in the present, I want to kiss you in front of our friends, I want to hold hands when you pick me up from work, I want to sing with you in the car as we drive to our favorite place, I want to wake up next to you and don’t have to sneak out like a thief. I want to leave my toothbrush at your place, next to yours, right where it belongs.”

 FINALLY she’s expressing her feelings and making him feel loved

“And I know I’m hard to be with but if you want me, if you feel like you can take me for who I am, I promise that I won’t disappear ever again and I will let you in.” 

crying she doesn’t deserve him but im happy for him<3

You smile, gulping before moving closer, leaving only a few millimetres between you. “To us.” When your lips meet it feels like a patch being put on your broken wings.

IF YOU KISS ME WILL IT BE JUST LIKE I DREAMED IT WILL IT PACH YOUR BROKEN WINGS??

It’s soft, and there’s still a lot of fear in your shaking hands and lips, but it feels like floating in the sky. You know it’s going to be hard for the both of you, he has his skeletons just like you have yours, but this feels right. This feels like the place where you have to be. In his arms, hanging from his lips. 

AWWW FINALLYYYYYYYY WE FUCKING CHEERED WOHOOO IM HAPPY FOR THEM AND I WISH NOTHING BUT HAPPINESS FOR THEIR FUTURE (not me talking as if they were an irl couple) AND IF SOMEONE TRIES TO SEPARATE THEM ILL KILL THEM AND THEN KILL MYSELF

well… so it is 3:23 am and i just finished. this was such a rollercoaster of emotions i went from haha this is so fun to aaw they are so sweet i love them to i FUCKING HATE HER SHUT UP!!!! to omg i want to fucking die i’m so miserable to we’re so fucking back!! to I HATE HER SO MUCH!!!! to i love them please get married ill kill for them

the amount of anger i felt is not a joke i wanted to punch her so bad at one (two) point(s) 😭 thank god johnny is such a good friend cause if they didn’t end up together i would have KILLED MYSELF and honestly you never fail to impress me they way you write is so good and every time you make me feel so many emotions like the amount of ANGER i felt was only because of your good writing so i applaud you rebs

also i hope you know i dont mean bad when i say i hate her and everything because in reality (i do hate her sjdj im jk) i love every character you wtite cause they are so different and complex every time, you truly feel you get to know them while reading the story. the way you describe them is so good i love it!

and i can’t wait to read the bonus asap (i was planning to read it immediately but i end up finishing hits different later than i planned and also i didn’t expect the bonus to be so long but i love you for that) (future me: im hoping i can read the “sequel” this weekend so well see)

also i’d like to add they way you write is so smart cause not also you describe the characters so well and add the perfect amount of angst jokes love etc but you also manage to put in little details of the song that inspired you to write this… for example i loved when she was saying his name in the car (i slur your name til someone puts me in a car i stopped receiving invitations) cause it made sense and didn’t feel forced? idk i love those little details<3

anyways read you soon rebs have an amazing weekend 🩷

p.s: i tried to edit this to correct some grammar mistakes but i also did it past midnight soooo… if you see some mistakes no you didn’t

- 💌

i’m so ready for this!!! let's go!

Yeah, that’s why. It’s got nothing to do with the fact you created a list of rules to follow when you two started this and you would’ve rather got hit by lighting than broken one of those. He doesn’t know it, though. So, your different personalities and lifestyles make up a good excuse.  well i cant blame her shes smart for putting rules even if they are only for herself

past you not knowing you would’ve hated her for this ajsoaisa

He sucks his teeth, rolling his eyes at your panicked eyes that are looking around the room, before he responds nonchalantly, “Couch, probably. You always throw it there.” You quirk a brow. Always? Are you picking up habits? i actually love when the characters unconsciously pick up habits and even more when the other person starts to realize about them something so sweet and domestic of knowing the little things about each other….

“something so sweet and domestic” before the storm and the total chaos lmao (no but it’s really cute)

But you didn’t want to start a new thing, your ex was traumatic, no matter how good the sex was (it wasn’t even that good, currently he’s the only one you can get sex from without having to hold boring conversations with a drink in hand and spend the ride back to their place hoping you didn’t end up in the arms of a killer) he was an asshole. SOOOOO REAL i totally get her

this is so funny after reading the whole ask you went through 100 different emotions

The fear that it was his way to confess to you and screw up twenty years of friendship got your skin crawling for a second, but when you were left alone with the black-haired man to your right, it all made sense.  omg that’s the worst fear of being a girl and having a male friend cause why would they always wannt to ruin EVERYTHING

no fr men always ruin everything thank god johnny is not like this

Haechan smiles, or smirks, it’s almost a chuckle, you can’t quite describe it. “At the gym.”  that smirk he always make is SO HOT im on my knees for him ù

if I don’t make him smirk in every single one of my fics i will DIE

You shake your head, sipping on the glass of alcohol and emptying it. “No, I’ve always been like this. I think nobody made a mess of me to leave me hooked on them.”  kinda wish i was her…

same

Back then you didn’t know where that night would’ve led you. You had no idea that the person that would’ve made a mess of you was right there by your side. But of one thing you can be sure, it was Johnny’s fault.  GRABBING MY HAIR RN IM SO EXCITED ALREADY (future me editing this: oh poor me… you didn’t know what was coming 😭)

THIS IS SO FUNNY AKSAOOSA

You’re sure that night nothing clicked between you and Haechan; whatever Johnny had in mind, didn’t happen. You two didn’t even exchange numbers, you can’t even remember if you said a proper goodbye to him when you stumbled out of that restaurant hanging from your best friend’s arm.  girl wdym u didn’t ask for his number and nothing happened if i was her they would’ve had to take me away from him with security

she was trying to be mysterious

But with him, that didn’t happen. When your eyes met again you felt something. He looked different, probably it was the black hair framing his face perfectly, some make-up on his face too, or the leather jacket he was wearing and the chains around his neck. You remembered him, clear as the sky. But he was even hotter, attracting you without saying a word, not that you would’ve heard. You were at a club, and he was leaning against the bar on the other side of you. But his eyes were speaking louder than words, and your feet followed an invisible path that got you right there, on the stool next to him.  GOD HES SO HOT I WANT HIM SO BAD STANDING AT THE BAR LIKE SOMETHING’S FUNNY BUBBLE ONCE YOU FIX YOUR FACE I’M GOING IN

pick your poison babe… i’m poison either way…

You’re stunned and a bit taken aback because you weren’t expecting that answer, and you don’t even expect your body to light on fire. It’s not really about the words, it’s the way he gets you, like nobody ever did before, like you want him to get you, to keep up with you. And it’s also in the way his body talks, it’s addictive, it is charming, the small fidgeting of the fingers, the bounce of his legs while his legs are a bit spread open and his thighs are perfectly wrapped by those jeans that make you want to do unholy things, and his eyes, that taunting, witty light and the grin on his face.  if i say what i’m thinking i’m going to jail……

TELL ME I WANT TO KNOW

He laughs and then shakes his head. “So shitty you can’t take some more for me?” He tilts his head, raising his brows while he briefly looks down where his hands are patiently waiting for your good to go and get out of his pants.  doggy, missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, upside down, inside out, one leg up, two legs up, in public, on a spaceship, in the garden, on the grass, in a car, in a box, on a table, against a wall

this is insane omg what happened to shame? (same)

but you want him too badly and you can’t wait any longer, so you propose a thing, “Sit here, I’ll ride.”  she’s so me

at least you get her when it’s time to be horny that’s good

It might seem strange that there’s no rule implying not falling in love, right? Well, it’s not in your brain because you never even thought that could happen. You’re not even sure you ever loved the people you dated, how could you fall for your friend with benefits?  well unfortunately i have some news for her…

she thought she did something (just like haechan did in wave)

you really couldn’t get those tricks, truly sure that if somebody is interested in you they won’t disappear or appear based on how fast or slow you reply not related to the story but this made me sad cause this reminded me of my “best friend” and i think the same

oh that’s so bad, i’m sorry, i hate when people fight over that, it’s so, so stupid

do you know whom you’re talking to? A loser. PLEASKEDJSKX 😭😭😭

called his ass OUT

“We do,” he replies but it’s like he’s not done, as if there’s something more he wants to tell or confess. He stops for a second, sipping on his bottle while staring at the sea at the horizon before resting his forearm on his knees and sighing, “but you never say anything about yourself.”  i want to be mysterious like her so bad but i don’t know how to shut up

same unfortunately

“I was thinking — oh, shit,” Haechan mumbles before you shut him up by jumping on him and crashing his lips on yours, your fingers locking immediately in his hair and pulling it back harshly. “Wow, fuck, needy tonight?”  this made me sad :( like i get her but i also get him so i feel this whole situation is kinda unfair for him but at the same time they both know this is clearly only sex

this part broke my heart so badly ngl. i always feel insane to say this because they only exist in my head but the way haechan wanted her to happy, to lift the weight off her shoulders even when he didn’t know what it was, even his love was so selfless, you know? (especially after when he tells her to let go of control) and the way he was already so happy he could at least somehow do it while they had sex makes me so sad. he’s the best

“and don’t mark me, you don’t want the others to find out, right?” No, you don’t. Or maybe you do, maybe it’s time for something to happen and break you and him apart. Cause you feel you’re going down a slippery slope and you don’t like this. Maybe you should fuck this whole thing up like you always do. But you can’t, deep down, you don’t want to.  god no please nooo she needs therapy SHES THE ALBATROSS SHE IS HERE TO DESTROY YOU

I SCREAMED LMAO (true)

SHE’S THE DEATH YOU CHOSE YOU’RE IN TERRIBLE DANGER

“Look at you,” he whispers, biting your earlobe, “is it so terrible to not have everything under control?” You feel a hint of bitterness in his voice, almost as if he’s mad at you for not letting go like this under other circumstances. “You don’t have to worry about anything.” (…) Yes, with me,” he says. “You don’t have to think about anything when you’re with me. I’ve got you.”  my cutie ☹️☹️ NO I KNOW IM A WALKING CONTRADICTION AND IT SHOWS GOT A HISTORY OF BEING IN CONTROL IM AWARE THAT I COULD END UP HERE ALONE

THIS OMG DELETE (but this part was what i was referring to before, that "i’ve got you" held so many unsaid words)

That made perfect sense, but it doesn’t make sense that you panicked at the idea of him with another girl, almost feeling sick to your stomach and about to throw up. I PICTURED YOU WITH OTHER GIRLS IN LOVEEEEE THEN THREW UP ON THE STREET

I love it when you get the lyrics references

That toothbrush eventually becomes yours. It sits there, right next to his, and every time you get up in the morning to escape from his bed, you’re reminded of all the lines you’ve crossed. You didn’t bring it from home, he fucking gave a toothbrush to you, and he doesn’t keep it scored somewhere in case you need it, no, it stays right there, always, next to his, as if it belongs there.   WAIT THIS IS SO SWEET SJDJSKDJSK ITS JUST A TOOTHBRUSH BUT IT HOLDS SO MUCH MEANING

ikr? such a small thing but so nice

If you were your usual you, you would’ve been able to see the glint that crossed Haechan’s eyes at your words, probably even to hear his heart skip a beat and his hands shake for a brief moment, but again, you are not there tonight im crying he likes her so much i need them to get together asap or ill die

spoiler: you died…

Not everyone can carry the baggage that we bring with us, and that’s fine.” he feels like a warm hug ❤️‍🩹

he does :(

“Think they’ll end up doing it in the bathroom or the car?”  mark just shut up 😭😭😭😭😭

mark was a menace lmao

“Yes,” he replies as if he’s shocked by your underestimation. “People know what goes on even if they can’t see, and then it moves and fogs and it’s… embarrassing. Haechan has never been that attracted to somebody to the point of fucking in a car, he’d rather go home with his balls blue.”  WE’RE SO BACK (kinda)

we weren’t back at all

“Hey, pretty,” a man’s voice speaks from the side; barely five minutes of peace and you are already crowded with unwanted attention i HATE when im not in the mood and this happens

worst thing ever, i was sick even while writing it

“Her boyfriend,” Haechan talks before you can even think of an answer, too dumb you were already thinking of a short way to explain what was going on between you. “Needed something, sir?”  SHDHAKDBSKDNSK STOP YES YES YES I WAS PRAYING FOR THIS TO HAPPEN

it’s cliché i know but i HAD TO WRITE IT

“I didn’t drink,” you huff, throwing your head back against the seat and closing your eyes while you damn every decision that led you there. “Got two small glasses of something that wasn’t even worth it while I watched you grind on her all night.”  she’s so funny cause she refuses to be vulnerable in front of him and let him know her more but then she gets jealous and end up behaving like this shdjsj but i get her if i see haechan flirting with someone else i would also make a scene just to not lose him

she truly thought she was slick and smart and was failing terribly

You have everything there anyway. His toothbrush that became yours. His white t-shirt that became yours. A new set of towels he had bought just for you. His favourite mug that became yours. A warm bed. A pillow with a beating heart. And probably something else you’re not ready to face yet.  “Yeah, let’s go home.”  STOP IM ABOUT TO CRY AND MY CHEEKS HURT FROM GRINNING SO MUCH I LOVE THEM 😭

they were at their best here (it lasted one week)

“Oh, sure, of course, you weren’t just hugging me, fuck,” he curses when you tease his inner thighs, never touching his sensitive part. There is a hint of sadness in his words but you pretend you don’t get it.  nooo stop im getting kinda mad cause she’s making him suffer just to “protect” herself when in reality she’s just hurting them both

this was so sad to write cause i could perfectly see haechan sulking because he was expecting something sweet and she just wanted to fuck

This doesn’t feel like fun like your usual hard fucks, it’s like a sense of sadness and bitterness is running between you and it makes your heart sting.  THIS IS HER FAULT

IT’S COMPLICATED THO i know it's not the same haechan cause this is a different universe but… the winestainedress!haechan got his payback for the way he acted in sour. you have to be honest we forgave him FAR WORSE THAN THIS!!!!

“What?” He growls in response, hips slamming harshly against your ass. “Is this still not enough? Am I still not enough? Will I ever be enough for you?”  nooooo my baby she fucked up so bad and i feel really bad for him :( CAUSE ALL I EVER WANTED WAS TO BE ENOUGH FOR YOU DONT YOU THINK I LOVED YOU TOO MUCH TO BE USED AND DISCARDED DONT YOU THINK I LOVED YOU TOO MUCH TO THINK I DESERVE NOTHING?? (everything goes back to the traitor series…)

once again... hits different!haechan is paying the price of what sour!haechan did

You just proposed to fuck, it was normal in your relationship, so why was he mad and why were you sad? What happened in that fragment when your bodies were tangled in a mess bigger than what it looked like?  girl be serious she’s making me mad now 😑 (me from the future: i was genuinely starting to get so mad here sidjsjdj)

i can only imagine how mad you were i’m sorry aodosids

And the best solution would be to talk about it, set some boundaries again, or put an end to things like adults, but, even if the years pass by, you feel like you only keep getting older but not wiser.  I HAVE THIS THING WHERE I GET OLDER BUT JUST NEVER WISER (same)

must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero (it is, it’s me, rooting for the mc)

You ghosted him. Left his place after breakfast with a promise to text him in the week just to never pick up the phone to go to his contact again. You even have to avoid Johnny and your friend’s nights out because you can’t face him.  i want to slap her CAN I SLAP HER??? SPLENDIDLY SELFISH CHARMINGLY HELPLESS EXCELLENT FUN TIL YOU GET TO KNOW HER THEN SHE RUNS LIKE ITS A RACE BEHIND HER BACK HER BEST MATES LAUGHED AND THEY NICKNAMED HER THE BOLTER

SHUT UP WHY IS THE BOLTER HER SONG OMG AOSKOASJO

splendidly selfish, charmingly helpless, excellent fun 'til you get to know her, then she runs like it's a race. behind her back, her best mates laughed and they nicknamed her "The Bolter"

You went back to your ex and met up with two people you met at a club, when, too heartbroken, you needed someone to fill the void inside of you, only for things to get worst and leave you heartbroken, full of guilt and unsatisfied.  WTFF?????? im so mad right now like she’s seriously so dumb i understand (maybe)l, not really) trying to get away because she was scared and hooking up with other men but go back to fuck her ex??? that’s so low

that’s the sign that she was desperate…

i won’t bother you again i promise  I GAVE YOU ALL MY BEST MES MY ENDLESS EMPATHY AND ALL I DID WAS BLEED AS I TRIED TO BE THE BRAVEST SOLDIER FIGHTING IN ONLY YOUR ARMY FRONTLINES DONT YOU IGNORE ME DO SOMETHING BABE SAY SOMETHING!!!! LOSE SOMETHING BABE RISK SOMETHING!! CHOOSE SOMETHING BABE I GOT NOTHING TO BELIVE. UNLESS. YOURE CHOOSING ME.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO STOP NOT THIS SONG

do i throw out everything we built or keep it? i'm getting tired even for a phoenix always risin' from the ashes, mendin' all her gashes. you might just have dealt the final blow. my poor haechannie :(

You don’t reply even this time, but you cry and sob into your pillow, covered by your sheets as the phone glows in the dark. And you cry and cry until you feel like you can’t breathe and the weight on your chest gets heavier and pushes you down into your misery.  oh SHUT UP im so mad at her right now that i cant even sympathize with her. haechan was nothing but understanding and caring and loving with her and she was just an asshole she even had the opportunity to change but she chose not to and hurt him so much

looking back at this i’m surprised people made it to the end of the story cause with no explanation she was a bit insufferable

“You first say I need some fun and then the fun breaks my heart and now the fun at the bar is not okay because I’m not sober to you and him and why I can’t have nice things?”  “the fun breaks my heart” SHUT THE FUCK UPPPP THIS IS LITERALLY YOUR FAULT

…true

“He seems rather heartbroken, and he asked a weird question about you.”  and when i punch her then what You breathe in deeply and rub your temples. “But what if it’s wrong? What if… God, I’m doing all this and I’m not even sure he likes me back.”  SHES SO DUMB ILL PUNCH HER

THIS IS KILLING ME AJDSOSAKSJ

It will tear you into pieces if you keep putting rules to things that are destined to flow freely.” EXACTLY like you can put rules to something you can’t control she’s not talking about school or a job she’s talking about feelings !!!!

SHE’S TRAUMATIZED LEAVE HER ALONE (no but you and johnny are right it’s just hard for her...)

No, you didn’t pick up the phone even after that conversation with Johnny. It felt humiliating to crawl back to him after so much time, so you decided that whatever was going on, was destined to die.  my anger was starting to die down but now it is BACK AGAIN

i’m not supposed to laugh but i can’t help it

You didn’t do anything but sit on a bench and hold back your tears while everybody else was having fun. You should’ve stayed at home, it would’ve been better than having to deal with Wonyoung — apparently, that was her name — laugh and giggle every time Haechan opened his mouth, or their intertwined hands while they both tried to learn how to use the ski. And now it’s not going better, she’s sitting on his lap while he caresses her hair with one hand and the other draws circles on her palm, and all your friends are sharing knowing glares as they point at them.  IM ABOUT TO KILL MYSELF I SAW YOU MET SOMEBODY AND IM JEALOUS AS HELL THAT I CANT EVEN STOMACH LOVING SOMEBODY ELSE

STOP I’LL CRY NOOOO

“It doesn’t matter, you had all the right to stop it,” he shrugs, looking down for a second, probably closing the app on his phone because you don’t hear the faint sound of the video playing anymore. “I don’t cry for sex.”  ouch she totally deserves it but it hurt

real (if someone said that to me i would kill myself right in front of them)

“I…” you stop and look away. Your leg is bouncing nervously and you’re playing with your fingers, pressing your nails into your skin. “I have to tell you something.”  “Yeah?”  “I… I lo—” “Haechannie!” Wonyoung’s voice rings loudly in the room, stopping you from going on. “We are taking a look around, want to come with me and keep me warm? Also, we’ll have dinner together.” You shouldn’t find the way she bats her eyes so irritating, neither her voice, or the way she’s looking at him right now, but you feel like puking, and you hope Haechan will decline; out of all the things he said before, you heard he was tired and wanted to go to bed, so he will say no, right? “Yeah, I’d love to. Be there in a minute.” 

no but IM THE ONE ABOUT TO THROW UP STOP IM SUPER SAD

we could’ve avoided some pain if wongyoung minded her business

“No, definitely didn’t change,” he whispers when you run away from his fingers again. He wants to block you in, to stop you from slipping away, but if he couldn’t do it months ago, he doesn’t see how he can do it now. After all, you’ve never been his. This isn’t different from what you used to do in the morning, now he looks at you and can see that nothing changed. (…) You are long gone and he doesn’t even know how and why he lost you. Maybe it’s better like this, maybe all this silence coming from you can give him a reason to hate you and move on.  im not joking when i say im about to cry this is so sad :(((( CAUSE YOU WERENT MINE TO LOOSEEE YOU WEREN MINE TO LOSE (happy august btw!!!!)

BACK WHEN WE WERE STILL CHANGING FOR THE BETTER WANTING WAS ENOUGH FOR ME IT WAS ENOUGH TO LIVE FOR THE HOPE OF IT ALL CANCEL PLANS JUST IN CASE YOU CALL AND SAY MEET ME BEHIND THE MALL SO MUCH FOR SUMMER LOVE AND SAYING US (happy august!!!)

You hum and feel your heart break into million pieces again. It shouldn’t hit you so hard and leave you trembling, but it does.  rebs why would you to this to me 😭😭😭😭😭

i’m so sorry (i will do it again)

“It wasn’t even started.” oh so you HATE ME not this phrase it literally haunts me it’s been YEARS

please don’t tell me someone said it to you😭😭

He snorts and you glare at him, but that doesn’t faze him. “You said you were doing fine; it doesn’t look like it.”  i know its selfish but PLEASE HAECHAN DO SOMETHING I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE

do something = pay for her therapy lmao

“No. And don’t call me babe. I’m not your problem and I’m not your babe.”  IM NOT YOUR PROBLEM ANYMORE SO WHO AM I OFFENDING NOW

noooooooooooooooooo but also i offer you “don’t call me kid, don’t call me baby, look at this godforsaken mess that you made me”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” he says resolutely smiling fot the first time in ages

did not last long i fear :(

You glare at him, eyes dropping on your intertwined arms in disbelief when he links them and starts walking away from there.  please dont get my hopes up if this wont take them anywhere or ill kill myself… (future me: should’ve killed myself back then….)

yes… it would’ve hurt less

“Thanks,” you utter, looking out of the window and grinning. This is wild, all over the place, and smells like the calm before the storm, but you like it because you’re back with him by your side.  girl who’s going to be okay

(is not going to be okay)

“I missed this,” he whispers after a few minutes when you’re both halfway through your order (…) “I missed this, dumbass,” he says, and you feel your heart in your throat when your eyes meet, and he has that glint that you love so much. It’s like a light shining through, and some softness that only shows up in certain moments, you still don’t know what causes it, but you love it. he’s so sweet and selfless she doesn’t deserve him but if they dont end up together ill kill myself

he really is the perfect man

“I don’t have a toothbrush at your place,” he laughs, reminding you that in the heat of the rush, you never went back to pick up all your things at his place.  AAAAAH WE’RE SO FUCKING BACK (future me: if only i knew…)

IT’S JOEVER

Things go back to normal after that. You’re not sure it’s healthy, considering you didn’t confess your feelings (…) The good sex is back. Haechan is back. You are back. The tension in the air is gone and you can enjoy the nights out without Mark worrying about you looking more dead than alive. And Johnny thinks you finally let loose.  seriously??? 😑

disjodisorf

“No,” you cry out. He couldn’t play with you like that, sending you a video of him fucking his fist while he moaned and whimpered. You had spent the past six days replaying it, waiting for this moment to come, and even if he was so hot even through the camera, you needed to feel him inside, outside everywhere. i have so much to say about this im going insane.

share it with the class…

You feel lost in a haze when you turn around and snuggle closer to him, breathing in his scent and running your fingers on his chest. You look up and see him smiling lazily at you, and you reciprocate (…) Once he has ordered food and you’re both sitting in the bathtub, you let the warmth of the water wrap around you. It feels nice after the exhausting sex, and you love the scent of Haechan’s body wash, you love feeling his arms around you and his hands on you.  am i reading this right… is this aftercare??? we’ve come so far i’m so proud of her<3 (future me: ……….)

ajdkjsdfs at least you were proud of her for like… two seconds…

From anything else that ever happened before with anybody else, and even with him. And you think you might get used to this. To a home, not a house. To a place to come back to that’s full of life and love. To him, and his laugh, and his voice, and his clothes scattered around, and his screams when he loses against his friends.  ILL KILL FOR THEM NOW PRETTY BABY IM RUNNING TO THE HOUSE WHERE YOU STILL WAIT UP AND THAT PORCH LIGHT GLEAMS (…) AINT NO WAY IM GONNA SCREW UP NOW THAT I KNOW WHATS AT STAKE

BUT IT’S GONNA BE ALRIGHT I DID MY TIME (it’s truly gonna be alright)

Haechan has no intention of letting it slide this time. When he can’t reach you through call, when you still don’t answer his texts after five days, he knows he won’t write pathetic, heartbroken messages to you to let you go again.  is she fucking kidding me right now ill fucking kill her cant stand her anymore (future me: i was TRULY mad here)

ahsdskfkfkdl i’m so sorry

You break into a cry, but you immediately stop yourself, forcing the tears back in your eyes and the sobs down your throat. Once again you can’t give him an answer, just a useless apology. “I’m sorry,” you mutter, keeping eye contact no matter how much it hurts because you need him to know you’re being honest, you’re not lying or putting up walls. It’s just hard to tear down the ones you already have built around yourself.   im so sick and tired of her. PUSH AWAY ALL THE PEOPLE WHO KNOW ME THE BEST BUT ITS ME WHOS BEEN MAKING THE BED IM SO TIRED OF BEING THE GIRL THAT I AM EVERY GOOD THING HAD TURNED INTO SOMETHING I DREAD AND IM PLAYING THE VICTIM SO WELL IN MY HEAD BUT ITS ME WHOS BEEN MAKING THE BED

THIS IS SO HER NOOOOOOOO

“Everything. All of this is new to me and I… I’m trying to be a better person. I’m trying not to hurt the ones that I love, and don’t fuck everything up, but I can’t. Everything I touch becomes sick and dies and… and I don’t know what to do.” ??????????????? girl be serious i need her to THINK before she speaks cause shes just saying bullshit at this point. “im trying not to hurt the ones that i love” my ass EVERY SINGLE THING I TOUCH BECOMES SICK WITH SADNESS CAUSE ITS ALL OVER NOW ALL OUT TO SEA

the way this applies to her brother too… i’m gonna be sick

“Oh, really?” It’s a scoff, full of sarcasm, mockery and resentment and it’s even followed by a click of the tongue.  i’m 100% with him in this AND DOWN THE ROAD YOU WILL LOVE ME UNTIL YOU RESENT ME

he’s god strongest soldier tbh

“I don’t know.”  someone PLEASE slap her

johnny was really close to doing it

“Because I love you?” He screams, jaw dropping as he realizes what he said. “Fuck, there, I said it, and I scared you away once and for all, but honestly, I can’t keep doing this any longer. I love you. I don’t know why but I guess I am dumb and always fall for the people I can’t have. But I do. And I would love to sit here and listen to you because, guess what, I want this to work out. Because that’s what normal people do. They talk and they listen. They don’t run away.”  he deserves so much better….

she will become the better he deserves i promise

Your breath gets stuck in your throat and more tears flood your face, blurring your view. Those words feel like a gunshot straight to your heart and you can’t believe you’re hearing them from him. You know that wasn’t his initial thought, but he doesn’t backtrack.  here she goes… playing the victim one again 😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑

i would like to be excluded from the narrative

“I need to be alone,” his voice is broken and he’s clearly holding back tears, and you’d like to run in his arms and hug him, but, once again, the rational part of you is holding you back, so you let him go, like you let go every other person of your life, with the difference you didn’t care about them as you care about him.  😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑 literally no words rn.

the emojis are killing me ajsoaios

Johnny chuckles, “And what if he’s the love of your life?”  more like the loss of her life at this point… DANCING PHANTOMS ON THE TERRACE ARE THEY SECOND HAND EMBARRASSED THAT I CANT GET OUT OF BED CAUSE SOMETHING COUNTERFEITS DEAD

oh, what a valiant roar, what a bland goodbye. the coward claimed (s)he was a lion. i’m combing through the braids of lies. “i’ll never leave” ...“never mind”. our field of dreams, engulfed in fire. your arson’s match your somber eye..................................... (killing myself right now)

“Remember when I told you about Johnny and my brother?” Haechan nods, even if he doesn’t get its correlation with you two. “I lied. They never fought; my brother died,” your voice falters as it comes out to give him such a big piece of you. You take a deep breath and then exhale, “It was all my fault.”  listen i know that must have been very traumatizing for her specially since she was only 15 when it happened but i still blame her and dont pity her cause she should’ve went to therapy a loooong time ago but she chose to be selfish and hurt everyone around her so i cant sympathize with her (future: i still can’t sympathize with her 😭)

the worst thing about this is... that she only really hurt donghyuck cause before him she never had something serious with anyone else 😭 but yeah therapy was necessary can't say otherwise

“I love you,” you confess, looking into his eyes and he freezes, the hold on your palm loosening. “And that’s the shitties confession ever, and I’m so sorry I just finished trauma dumping you, but I… I can’t keep losing good things in life because I’m afraid of taking risks. I can’t erase you, I’ve tried, but I can’t.”  i honestly dont know how to feel ONE DAY ILL MAKE SURE YOU GET A REAL APOLOGYYYYY

she will get better i promise

I love you too much to care about what will happen, to worry about something that might not even happen. But even if it will, even if life will ever tear us away, I want to live in the present, I want to kiss you in front of our friends, I want to hold hands when you pick me up from work, I want to sing with you in the car as we drive to our favorite place, I want to wake up next to you and don’t have to sneak out like a thief. I want to leave my toothbrush at your place, next to yours, right where it belongs.”  FINALLY she’s expressing her feelings and making him feel loved

she needed time (84 years...)

You smile, gulping before moving closer, leaving only a few millimetres between you. “To us.” When your lips meet it feels like a patch being put on your broken wings. IF YOU KISS ME WILL IT BE JUST LIKE I DREAMED IT WILL IT PACH YOUR BROKEN WINGS??

it DID patch their broken wings

It’s soft, and there’s still a lot of fear in your shaking hands and lips, but it feels like floating in the sky. You know it’s going to be hard for the both of you, he has his skeletons just like you have yours, but this feels right. This feels like the place where you have to be. In his arms, hanging from his lips.  AWWW FINALLYYYYYYYY WE FUCKING CHEERED WOHOOO IM HAPPY FOR THEM AND I WISH NOTHING BUT HAPPINESS FOR THEIR FUTURE (not me talking as if they were an irl couple) AND IF SOMEONE TRIES TO SEPARATE THEM ILL KILL THEM AND THEN KILL MYSELF well… so it is 3:23 am and i just finished. this was such a rollercoaster of emotions i went from haha this is so fun to aaw they are so sweet i love them to i FUCKING HATE HER SHUT UP!!!! to omg i want to fucking die i’m so miserable to we’re so fucking back!! to I HATE HER SO MUCH!!!! to i love them please get married ill kill for them the amount of anger i felt is not a joke i wanted to punch her so bad at one (two) point(s) 😭 thank god johnny is such a good friend cause if they didn’t end up together i would have KILLED MYSELF and honestly you never fail to impress me they way you write is so good and every time you make me feel so many emotions like the amount of ANGER i felt was only because of your good writing so i applaud you rebs also i hope you know i dont mean bad when i say i hate her and everything because in reality (i do hate her sjdj im jk) i love every character you wtite cause they are so different and complex every time, you truly feel you get to know them while reading the story. the way you describe them is so good i love it!

i didn’t reply to some things before because i wanted to give a broader explanation without repeating myself 10 times. i get why you feel this way toward her, she’s not an easy character at all. and i know this time i dragged the pain for long but as someone with some not-so-healthy coping mechanisms i know it’s not easy to snap out of them no matter how much you want to. it doesn’t justify anything because she DID hurt him but, at the end, they talked about it and that’s what matters. if both are willing to grow i believe you can put the pain of the past in the past and move on. also (probably it’s not clear cause it’s not from his pov) but haechan knew there was something deeper and that’s why he decided to not let go and talk to her and listen, if he didn’t care for her he would’ve dipped long before they reached that point. same thing goes for her, it was a lot, and if she let him in it’s only because she deeply cared for him.

i always see the same dynamics in fwb to lovers when the man pushes her away but with no reason to do so other than being an asshole. i wanted to give it a twist and don’t write the same old “she falls in love first and he doesn’t like her like that, and she’s miserable”. i wanted to put something more and give more depth to everything, like the lack of communication and where it leads you and how hard it is to heal and that love doesn’t solve everything but sometimes makes it harder cause it feels like something more to carry and not ✨a light happy feeling ✨. i’m aware this way it hurts much more also because the reader knows both have feelings but well, traumas suck so it is what it is.

and let’s be honest, the one who did the most was johnny and I’m really happy about that because friends are so important in these situations and he opened up her eyes, supporting her but also being honest and pushing her to get out of her comfort zone.

i’m happy you liked it either way. actually, it makes me happier that you liked it even if you didn’t vibe with her cause damn, that means i am good at something hahaha

and i can’t wait to read the bonus asap (i was planning to read it immediately but i end up finishing hits different later than i planned and also i didn’t expect the bonus to be so long but i love you for that) (future me: im hoping i can read the “sequel” this weekend so well see)

i hope you will like her more in the sequel cause even if i would’ve strangled her now and then i love her a lot, she was such a complex character to write and i had so much fun. (yeah it is long, i had a lot to say lmao but i really love them and i missed writing about them)

also i’d like to add they way you write is so smart cause not also you describe the characters so well and add the perfect amount of angst jokes love etc but you also manage to put in little details of the song that inspired you to write this… for example i loved when she was saying his name in the car (i slur your name til someone puts me in a car i stopped receiving invitations) cause it made sense and didn’t feel forced? idk i love those little details<3

i always panic about everything being balanced and in the right amount so this makes me take a breath of relief. YOU NOCITED THAT YAS! i love that line in the song, i had to also put it in the story somehow. i put a lot of efforts in details so when someone picks them up it makes me incredibly happy

anyways read you soon rebs have an amazing weekend 🩷 p.s: i tried to edit this to correct some grammar mistakes but i also did it past midnight soooo… if you see some mistakes no you didn’t

see you at the next aks! don’t worry about the mistakes i understand anyway and i’m sure i make them too

have a great week! 💖💖💖

[vvraithqueen]

my biggest issue with inej in the show is how they refuse to address her trauma. in the first season, the scene where she goes to heleen unarmed and being sassy is absurd - one of the most blatant indications of how much heleen and the menagerie still affect her comes early in the book, before they leave fo the ice court, when inej tries to simply walk by the menagerie alone because she can do it with the dregs but being there alone leaves her shaken (her heart was pounding, and she could hear the roar of blood in her ears as the gilded façade came into view and It was just a bit of decoration, part of a lavish flower arrangement, but the panic inside her didn’t care. It rose up, clutching at her breath and As soon as she was out of sight of the menagerie, the tight feeling in her chest and throat began to ease.)

the sight of it is enough to leave her this anxious, and when heleen herself shows up, i'd say it's pretty clear she has a panic attack (Inej’s vision blurred. Trapped. Trapped. Trapped again. / Move, her mind screamed, but she couldn’t. Her muscles had locked up; a high whine of terror filled her head. / “I know what you are, lynx. I know what you’re worth down to the cent. Cobbet, maybe we should take her home now.” Black crowded into Inej’s vision. / Inej stood frozen, shaking. / The run-in with Tante Heleen had left her shaken, and the heft of the daggers in her hands wasn’t enough to soothe her rattled nerves.) and that's when she's outside and armed.

and the second season made it worse, in my opinion, because it seems they just don't want to deal with the fact she has baggage too. so they just killed heleen offscreen and never addressed anything again, but it's also worse than that with how her own issues with intimacy are ignored. inej being able to hug her friends is a development, it's progress, it's something she wasn't always comfortable with, but you'd really have no idea considering how the show presents it (remember 'The first time Nina hugged me, I flinched.' and Jesper will put his arm around my waist, and I feel like I’m going to vanish.). and then when it comes to romantic interactions it's just so much worse and i don't think it's inherently bad she's shown to want it (she also wants it in the books) but that it's positioned as an central character drive as opposed to her development in the books that is all about finding her own purpose, and how that's not connected to or reliant on what kaz can offer - it's what she wants, it's the difference she wants to make, and even by the end of ck when he openly tries to let his armor down, that doesn't change she goes on with her plans regardless. her trauma is just never addressed by the show, and that in itself is so prejudicial to her development as a character, but i really deeply dislike that beyond that, she also barely gets her character arc and moments that could be somewhat significant are instead turned to romantic interest, and they just skip over to an ending that echoes her ending in ck but also with far less independence and like, being in charge of what she's doing than in the books.

[ravenboysandcrows]

welcome to my blog!

"What about the nobodies and the nothings, the invisible girls? We learn to hold our heads as if we wear crowns. We learn to wring magic from the ordinary. That was how you survived when you weren't chosen, when there was no royal blood in your veins. When the world owed you nothing, you demanded something of it anyway." - Inej Ghafa, Crooked Kingdom

Hello! Welcome to my goofy little blog. I’m Maya, I’m 15, and I’m a really delusional hopeless romantic and dreamer. This is just a random little thing I decided to start. I will mainly be reblogging things and occasionally I might add a headcanon or little rambling/thought I have. As my bio says, I am obsessed with fictional bird boys, so the Raven Boys from the Raven Cycle and the Crows from Six of Crows.

some basic info about me: white/caucasian, she/they, fifteen, lesbian, infp, scorpio, ravenclaw, sweet tea addict, cat lover, huge reader, introvert, english and history lover, autumn stan, apple music > spotify, folklore and evermore girlie, kinda mentally unstable (😅), perfectionist, suffers from a lot of burn out

Hobbies: reading, listening to music, writing fanfiction, watching anime, napping, baking, hiking, deep intellectual conversations and debates, playlist-making, procrastinating, overthinking everything at 3 a.m.

Artists: Phoebe Bridgers (probably my favorite), Julien Baker, Lucy Dacus, boygenius, Mitski, beabadoobee, Taylor Swift, Cavetown, Lizzy McAlpine, Searows, Bon Iver, Iron & Wine, Jason Isbell, Elliott Smith, Death Cab for Cutie, Bright Eyes, the Lumineers

Books: Six of Crows duology, the Raven Cycle, King of Scars duology, Lonely Castle in the Mirror, the Secret History, Normal People, Conversations with Friends, Legends and Lattes, the Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society, Into the Wild, Slaughterhouse Five

TV Shows + Movies: Coraline, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, Spy x Family, Skip and Loafer, Fruits Basket, A Silent Voice, Gintama, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Haibane Renmei, Natsume’s Book of Friends, basically any Studio Ghibli movie, Fantastic Mr. Fox, Wolfwalkers, the Breadwinner, Juno, the Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society, Shadow and Bone, Lockwood and Co.

Characters: Wylan Van Eck, Inej Ghafa, Nina Zenik, Jesper Fahey, Ronan Lynch, Adam Parrish, Blue Sargent, Noah Czerny, Francis Abernathy, Connell Waldron, Coraline Jones, Alphonse Elric, Yuki Sohma, Saki Hanajima, Shoya Ishida, Kagura Yato, Natsume Takashi, Ash Fox (not a furry I promise 😭)

Thank you for visiting my blog! Feel free to ask or message me anytime!

[thegreatmelodrama]

which characters do u relate the most to?

Ooh this is hard. I can relate to a bunch of characters in different ways. But I do find that I relate to Inej quite a bit.

“But what about the rest of us? What about the nobodies and the nothings, the invisible girls? We learn to hold our heads as if we wear crowns. We learn to wring magic from the ordinary. That was how you survived when you weren’t chosen, when there was no royal blood in your veins. When the world owed you nothing, you demanded something of it anyway”

And this was something that really struck me and that I related to quite a bit. The drive and determination to make something of yourself, even when life throws so many obstacles in your path. The struggle to accept where you are at and strive to obtain to where you want to be. And also figuring out your place in the world.

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball Super Manga ch.36-38

Yeah, this manga Tournament of Power kind of sucks.

The big problem I’m seeing here is that there’s so many characters in this arc, and only ten chapters to showcase them, so ultimately nobody gets a chance to really shine.  Vegeta’s a major player in this thing, but we don’t even see him doing anything until Part 4 of this story.

And the scene he gets is pretty basic.  Top and Dyspo view him as U7′s #2 guy, and Vegeta takes offense and fights them until Top has to admit that Vegeta’s at least as good as Goku.  There’s nothing wrong with that, and while I’m only showing the beginning and end of that encounter, there is a good action sequence in the middle.  Still, it feels like it needs something more.  

The anime version solved that problem by having Vegeta constantly distracted by whatever Goku was doing at the time.  So even though he claimed to be U7′s ace, he couldn’t help but notice Goku’s rise to Ultra Instinct.  And the whole thing Vegeta had with Cabba was there too.  We get a little of Vegeta and Cabba later, but not nearly as much.  And if Toyotaro doesn’t have time for Vegeta in this story, then what chance does any other character have?

Again, the action in this thing is really great.  There’s plenty of hard-hitting shots and page after page of clobbering. The art’s not the problem, but the pacing is. 

Let’s look at the manga’s version of Ribrianne.  Here, there is no magical girl transformation.  Ribrianne, Rosie, and Kankusa are just Like This from the start.  Either they don’t have base forms in this version, or they transformed at home before heading to the Null Realm.  That isn’t too big a deal. 

Nor is it a big problem that manga Ribrianne flips the script from her anime counterpart.  In the anime, Ribrianne viewed 18 as a “fellow maiden”, but expressed shock that she would be married to a ugly dork like Krillin.  But here, she thinks 18 is ugly...

... and Krillin is the hottie.  She’s so disgusted that 18 could land a hot dude like Krillin that her attacks begin to weaken, and 18 defeats all three of the maidens.  Oh, by the way...

Rosie and Kankusa have stretchy arm powers in this?  I think this is about all they do in this version, so it’s kind of weird that they’re so fundamentally different.  It exposes some things about the way Dragon Ball Super is written as a whole.  I always want to believe that Akira Toriyama is hammering away at a computer, typing up longform, detailed scripts for everything that happens.  Because that’s how I’d want to do it if it was my story and someone else was drawing and animating the whole thing.  But by all accounts that’s not how it works at all.  A lot of work went into the character designs for the Tournament of Power, and from what I’ve read, Toriyama didn’t even design all of them.  Caulifla was something Toriyama drew as a partner for Kale, who came from someone at Toei, I think.  And Belmod and Marcarita were Toyotaro designs, I think. 

Clearly, some thought was put into Rosie and Kakusa.  They’re Ribrianne’s sidekicks, but that’s about it.  I don’t think Toriyama or anyone else wrote down “They have stretchy limbs” or “They do claws and weird ki blasts”.   It’s not a case of the anime and manga contradicting one another.  There was simply no guidance to contradict. 

And you might be wondering “What difference does it make?  It’s just Kankusa and Rosie.”  Sure, but the point is that if no one was in charge of deciding what powers they have, then no one was really minding the store for a lot of other plot elements.  Such as...

The invisible fighters from Universe 4 knock out Rosie, and Kankusa, and Ribrianne, and 18.   Then Piccolo defeats one invisible fighter and gets taken out by the other, and 17 takes out the second one.  Toei got a lot of mileage out of seven of those characters, but Toyotaro’s just zipping right through them like he’s got a plane to catch. 

As far as the invisible fighter stuff goes, that plays out almost exactly like it does in the anime, so I think that part might actually have been planned out in some detail.   Toriyama’s notes probably look like this:

“18 fights Ribrianne, and Ribrianne is very much into beauty and love.  She’s considered very beautiful in Universe 2, but in our world...?  She is upset to learn that 18 and Krillin are married”.

“Piccolo defeats the invisible fighter by sensing his ki, but when he tries to defeat the second invisible fighter, he fails and gets eliminated!  Then 17 listens carefully, and finds out that the second fighter isn’t invisible at all!  He’s just very, very small.”

“(laughs)”

And Toei and Toyotaro each got a copy of these notes, and went in totally different directions on the first one, but were able to stay fairly consistent on the second.  Toei had Goku help 17 out a little more, while Toyotaro had 17 flip his hair back over his ears, because he’s a huge fanboy who wanted to do a callback to Super 17 in GT.  Respect.

What I’m driving at here is that you end up with two different versions of the same story, and while one of them is bound to be better than the other, it seems strange to me that anyone would want it to play out like this.  For example, in the manga, Kale doesn’t discover her Super Saiyan form until we’re well into the tournament.  Frieza starts clobbering Caulifla, and Cabba realizes that Kale has been holding back out of respect for Caulifla.  She doesn’t want Caulifla to know that she’s stronger than her leader.  But as Frieza defeats Caulifla and Cabba, she loses it and flips out. 

And this is awesome!  No problem here, but what bothers me is how things go from this point forward.

Kale starts going berserk and eliminates almost everybody.  Universes 2, 3, and 10 all fall.  I think I lost track of Universe 4, so she might have gotten them too.  Dr. Paparoni and his three robots combine together into that big guy whose name I don’t want to look up, and Kale literally one-shots him.  It’s like Toyotaro was obligated to use every fighter in this arc, including this combined form, but no one said he had to let them stick around very long. 

Kale even chucks out her own teammates.  She picks up Auta Magetta, which even Vegeta couldn’t do, and when Saonel and Pilina try to reason with her, she throws them out too.  And this is also fine, because fuck Auta Magetta, but also, if you’re going to have a berserker Super Saiyan in your tournament, then let her go berserk. 

As Caulifla and Cabba decide how to handle this, they worry that Kale might self-destruct, so they have to try to stop her.  Then Caulifla drops a pair of Potara earrings,  which she stole from the Universe 6 Supreme Kai before the tournament.  Champa tells her to put one in her own ear and one in Kale’s ear.  In the anime, this was all planned out in advance, but here in the manga, it was blind luck that Caulifla happened to steal these things, and Champa called an audible. 

My beef here is that fusing Caulifla and Kale into Kefla this way doesn’t solve Kale’s long-term problem.  It solves Universe 6′s problem, because now instead of Kale going nuts, you have Kefla, who’s even stronger and retains her senses.  But there’s no scene where Kale learns how to control herself, and no scene where the two of them agree to use the Potara.  A lot of pages are devoted to Caulifla and Kale, but there’s not much character development to any of it.  It’s mostly just Kale going nuts and then Kefla wiping out the last of the small fry in this tournament. 

So you might be wondering: Well what about Goku and Jiren?  Well, the theme of this arc is that Goku’s been going straight after Jiren this whole time, but stuff like the invisible fighter and Kale’s rampage keep interrupting them.  We don’t get to see them fight in this part of the story, but the implication is that they’ve been fighting off-panel.  Then Kefla tries to attack them both, until...

... Gohan steps in and challenges Kefla so that Goku can focus on Jiren.  On paper, that doesn’t sound like a bad idea, but it really doesn’t work because we’re supposed to believe that Goku vs. Jiren is important but they won’t show any of it. 

Everything is sort of... implied with this adaptation. I can’t put my finger on it, but I get the sense that Toyotaro just sort of took it for granted that his readers already know these characters from the anime, so there was no pressing need to showcase them in the manga.  Anyway, here’s Winger with “Headed for a Heartbreak.” 

Wow, Winger sucks so much ass...

[leana-armen]

Destined Families - Part 1: “What are soul marks?”

Fandom: Avatar: the Last Airbender

Pairings: None in this first part besides a hint at future Mai/Zuko

Summary: A soulmate AU where people are born with marks indicating the people they are destined to love, either romantically or platonically. When they meet one of their soulmates, they can perform a soulbond and be taken to moments from the other person's past, during which they're invisible and can only interact by touch with the person they're soulbonding with.

Part 1 features Zuko and Toph learning about soul marks, and Katara’s and Sokka’s experiences with their soulmates during and shortly after the raid by the Southern Raiders.

Warnings: Mentions of Azulon/Ozai intentionally burning an infant Zuko and a newlywed Ursa; Character death, though nothing is described in detail; Character falls through ice and nearly drowns/freezes; No research was put into how the characters should respond to said near drowning in freezing water so possible medical liberties taken.

Also posted to AO3

****

Zuko always enjoyed when Azula had her friends over. For one, it meant she was less likely to start picking on him out of boredom. For two, it meant he could see Mai. Out of the trio of girls, he always had found Mai the easiest to get along with.

“So, why do you wear those gloves with the fingers cut off?” Zuko asked Mai one day. Ty Lee was teaching Azula some of the new gymnastics tricks she’d been practicing, but neither Mai nor Zuko wanted to have anything to do with it. Instead, they watched the two 8-year-olds doing cartwheels from the shade of a nearby tree.

Mai turned to Zuko, an eyebrow raised in a silent question Zuko didn’t know how to answer. “They cover my soul marks,” she eventually said, voice quieter than usual, and she began to absently fiddle with one of the gloves.

“Soul marks?” Zuko parroted, tilting his head in clear confusion.

“Do you… not have soul marks?” Mai had to lean towards Zuko in order for him to even hear her whisper. Zuko shook his head. He must not have them if he doesn’t know what they are, right? An emotion that Zuko couldn’t quite place flashed across Mai’s face. Sadness? Disappointment? But as soon as Zuko noticed it, it was gone as a thud followed by Azula’s laugh pulled Mai’s attention back to the other girls.

——

“Mom, what are soul marks?” Zuko asked Ursa later that night, tugging on the sleeve of her robe as she came in to tuck him into bed.

Ursa could tell this would be a long conversation, so she slid onto the bed to sit next to her son. “When did that come up, sweetie?” she asked, careful to keep her tone light and curious.

Zuko, however, still frowned, feeling like he somehow did something wrong by bringing it up. Still, he explained to his mother the conversation he’d had with Mai.

“Soul marks are little pictures that people are often born with on their skin that indicate that person’s soulmates. Soulmates are people outside of your family who you’re destined to love and are destined to love you, whether it’s romantic love or an unbreakable friendship,” Ursa explained.

Zuko’s lip began to tremble. “But I don’t have any soul marks. Does that mean nobody outside our family will love me?”

Ursa immediately scooped Zuko into her arms. “Do not tell your father or sister I told you this, but you have six soulmates,” she whispered into the young prince’s hair.

Zuko’s eyes widened. “Six?” He repeated. “Why haven’t I noticed them?” He looked over his body as though the soul marks would suddenly appear.

Ursa let out a sad sigh as she gently pulled up Zuko’s top, looking at the very old burn scar roughly in the shape of a hand on the right side of his abdomen. “Your father and grandfather think that soulmates are a sign of weakness, so when you were a baby, they burned your marks off.” She dropped his shirt, letting it cover the scar once again. “I only got a quick look, but I counted six marks.”

“Do YOU have any soul marks?” Zuko asked, now glancing over his mother.

Ursa sighed again, pulling the sleeve of her robe all the way up to show Zuko a burn scar of her own on her shoulder. “I did,” she explained. “When I married your father, I had to cut all ties to my life before the Royal Family. My soul mark was a part of that.” She let go of her sleeve and she instead reached forward to cup Zuko’s face in her hands. “Tell me, my love, have you felt a presence you couldn’t see? Invisible hands like ghosts giving you comfort, or trying to guide you?”

Zuko thought for a moment, then slowly nodded. “I thought that I was imagining things, or that some spirits decided they liked me. Either way, I didn’t want to ask anyone because I didn’t want them to go away,” Zuko admitted. He felt a firm hand clap onto his shoulder as though assuring him that they’re still here. He suddenly sat up straighter in a mix of surprise and happiness. “I feel one of them now!” Zuko said. “What does it mean?”

Ursa smiled at her young boy. “It means you will meet your soulmates one day.”

****

“Stupid Master Yu and stupid dad and mom,” Toph grumbled, punching the pillow on her bed. “You don’t need eyes to earthbend, you just need arms and legs! My arms and legs work just fine!”

Toph felt a pat on her shoulder and nearly jumped out of her skin. “What? Who’s there?” she demanded, the hand immediately pulling away. She hadn’t heard anybody enter her room, she was pretty sure her door was closed. Gently, as though not to startle her again, the mysterious presence tapped on the back of her left shoulder. She struck out with her left arm, swinging her fist in an arc around her. Surely she would’ve hit whoever was touching her shoulder, but she found nothing but air.

“GUARDS!” she shouted.

The bedroom door flew open. “Toph, what’s wrong?” Toph relaxed slightly upon hearing the voice of her favorite guard, Xiuying.

“I thought I felt someone touch me,” Toph explained. She heard Xiuying move around the room, checking every potential hiding place and entry point.

“There’s nobody here,” Xiuying stated. Toph felt the bed shift with her weight as she sat down. “What did you feel exactly?” she asked.

“It was like there was a hand on my shoulder,” Toph explained, putting her hand on her shoulder where she felt the presence as a demonstration. “And then a poke on the back right here.” She turned away from Xiuying to show her.

Xiuying had a theory, which was all but confirmed when she noticed a light blue arrow poking out from under Toph’s night clothes near where she said she felt the poke. “It seems that Fate has decided you could use some support from one of your soulmates,” the guard stated with a smile.

“I have soul marks?” Toph asked, sounding genuinely surprised.

“Your parents never told you?” Xiuying asked.

Toph dramatically flopped back onto her pillow. “They never tell me ANYTHING!” she complained. “Especially not about soulmate stuff.”

“Well, you’re supposed to be getting to bed. How about a bedtime story?” Xiuying asked, pulling back the covers on Toph’s bed and helping the blind earthbender settle in.

“Okay,” Toph agreed as she got herself comfortable.

“A long, long time ago, before the spirit and mortal worlds were separated, before the Avatar and benders, spirits of Fate and Destiny watched over and guided the early humans. They saw that humans were social creatures, needing love and connection, and they came up with a plan to ensure that we would get the support we need through our lives and find the people who could give it to us. They gave us marks, little pictures that give us a hint as to who will play an important role in our lives. And when a person finds one of their soulmates, a touch of blood will bring them both into each other’s pasts. Their presence is invisible but felt by their soulmate, and they are brought to the moments throughout their soulmate’s life where either they were needed, or there’s something important they need to see. Through that soulbond, even new friends can instantly understand each other on a deep level and be there for each other throughout their lives.”

Toph had closed her eyes at some point during the story, but she stubbornly refused sleep until it was over and Xiuying gave a whispered “good night” as she left Toph’s room to resume her guard outside the door.

****

Katara stood there, frozen. There was a Fire Nation man in her family’s home, standing over her mother. She could feel all four of her soulmates urging her to RUN. She had one gripping each hand - the soulmate with a feather-light touch was at her right hand and the soulmate who radiated heat clutched her left - both pulling in the direction of the igloo’s front door flaps. The soulmate who had a particularly strong presence was trying to push Katara by her shoulders towards the exit, and the last of the four was standing protectively at Katara’s front, as if trying to be a barrier between her and the man. Despite their combined efforts, however, the young waterbender remained rooted.

“Mom, I’m scared,” Katara said, voice small and wavering.

“Go find your dad, Sweetie. I’ll handle this,” Kya told her, projecting a confidence that neither she nor her daughter actually felt.

Katara was still frozen for a moment, staring into the eyes of the cruel man standing over her mother, until she finally snapped out of it. Turning and running out of the igloo with eyes blurry from tears, she followed her soulmates’ pull, trusting them to guide her to her dad.

“Dad! I think mom’s in trouble!” Katara shouted the moment she spotted him. Once he looked at her, she pointed back in the direction of their home. “There’s a m-”

Katara was cut off when Hakoda winced, groaning in pain as a gloved hand went up to the base of his neck, where Katara knew his soulmarks were. “Kya!” he gasped out, his attention narrowing in on his home as he ran as fast as he could. Katara ran after, not nearly as quick but still entering shortly after her dad, barreling right through one of her soulmates trying to keep her from entering the igloo. She didn’t care what waited for her behind the door flaps, her dad would protect her and she HAD to be there for her mom.

But her mom was already gone. A teary-eyed Bato soon entered the igloo and scooped up the sobbing young waterbender, taking her to his home and setting her down next to her confused brother. She felt all four sets of her soulmates’ arms wrap around her small, shaking form.

“Katara, what’s- The Fire Nation left, what’s wrong?” Sokka asked, pulling his sister towards him. “Bato wouldn’t let me go home.”

“It’s- it’s mom. She’s-“ Katara couldn’t get the last word out without a sob drowning it out.

“Gone,” Bato supplied, barely louder than a whisper as he sat in front of the young siblings. He had taken off the wrappings around his left arm, allowing the Water Tribe siblings to see his soulmarks for the first time. He had two on the back of his right arm, one white and vibrant blue in the shape of the tooth-and-bone necklace their dad wore, and the other now a dull gray pine branch. Sokka had seen the pine branch on his dad, he knew it represented their mom and was supposed to be a deep green. But he also knew what a dull gray soulmark meant, that what Katara and Bato were saying was true. Their mom was gone, and they’ll never see her again.

The instant Bato opened his arms in invitation to the siblings, they jumped at the comfort he offered. The three of them sat on the floor of his igloo, Sokka and Katara clinging to Bato’s sides and to each other as they cried. At some point, Hakoda finally joined them with Gran-Gran in tow so they could all grieve Kya’s death as a family.

——

About a month after the Fire Nation raid, most of the tribe had gone back to normal, though Chief Hakoda still found it hard to find the motivation to go out to fish or hunt. Bato made sure the Chief and his kids had enough to eat, but Katara could tell that Bato wasn’t doing much better himself. So she decided it was time for her and Sokka to lend a hand.

It took some prodding from Katara (mostly to get Sokka to wake up and get out of bed) but the siblings soon found themselves a fair distance from the village, sitting next to a hole in the ice with Sokka’s fishing gear in hand.

A couple hours later, when they’d only caught two fish that were each barely big enough for a meal, Katara and Sokka agreed that they’d try for just one more fish before heading home.

Katara studied the ice hole while waiting for something to bite and frowned. “Is it just me, or is the fishing hole getting smaller?” she asked, holding out her mittened hands to the size she remembered it being when they started.

“It’s freezing back up,” Sokka agreed, reeling the line back in so he could set the pole aside to focus on the ice. “Can’t you melt it with your water magic?”

“Waterbending,” Katara corrected almost out of habit more than anything. She shook her head. “I’m barely able to freeze water on my own, and that’s with everything already being so cold. No clue how to unfreeze it.”

“Alright, I’ll get it,” Sokka said with a dramatic sigh as he stood up and peered into the hole. He placed a boot firmly on the edge, testing the strength of the ice before lifting his foot and bringing it down with as much force on the edge of the hole as a 9-year-old could manage. He was just trying to chip away some of the ice from the side, and was careful not to put too much of his weight so close to the slick edge.

It took a couple stomps but Sokka got a thin piece of ice to drop from the edge and into the water. “Hey, it’s working!” he said, taking a small step so he could begin stomping on a new section of the ice around the hole.

“Sokka, be careful!” Katara warned.

“I am, I know what I’m doing!” Sokka assured her. He, however, paused as he felt a tugging on his arm as though the presence was trying to get him to step back from the edge of the ice. “One of the soulmates is apparently worried, too. It’s fine!” He waved the presence off with a giggle, their feathery touch almost tickling Sokka in its persistence. Ignoring the warnings, he stomped again at the edge of the hole, but instead of just chipping away the ice like expected, the entire chunk under Sokka’s boot fractured and broke off, plunging into the depths. The surprise jolt was enough to throw off Sokka’s balance, sending him tumbling into the polar water.

“SOKKA!” Katara shouted, dropping to her stomach to peer into the water from the edge of the ice.

Despite almost gasping at the shock of hitting the cold water, Sokka thankfully managed to keep from losing the air he had been able to get into his lungs as he fell. Of course, holding his breath was only the first of Sokka’s worries - the hole he had fallen into was likely the only spot for miles around where he could reach the surface and avoid being trapped under solid ice. He had to find that hole and FAST, but he didn’t even know which way was up. He tried to open his eyes underwater, but it hurt and what little he could see was too blurry to be helpful, and Katara’s voice shouting for him sounded like it could be coming from anywhere. But before panic could fully set in, Sokka felt something wrap around him, guiding him as he oriented his body upright, then when it started pulling him, he followed. While quick to trust the help, his mind was much slower at identifying the source, eventually realizing it was a soulmate, and recognizing their touch as different from the soulmate who had tried to warn him in the first place.

The soulmate led Sokka directly to the hole in the ice, but even then, his lungs were burning with the need for air by the time his head hit the surface. His desperate gasp for breath unfortunately brought some water in with the air, making Sokka sputter and complicated his goal of getting out of the dangerously cold water. Katara managed to catch his arms in her hands as they flailed in search of solid ice, and she slid backwards on her stomach to pull him to the edge with her.

“I got you, Sokka. I’ll help you up,” Katara assured, pulling her brother onto the ice with all her strength. “Then we gotta get back home QUICK to warm you up.”

A weak nod was all the response Sokka could manage between the effort of dragging himself out of the water and his lungs trying to expel the water he’d inhaled. As soon as Sokka was firmly on the ice and out of the water, he took a moment to focus on being able to breathe properly. A third soulmate, the one with the strongest touch out of the bunch, decided to help by giving Sokka’s back some firm pats to help guide the water out of his lungs.

Once his breathing was mostly back to normal, it finally registered to Sokka just how COLD he was. More than just feeling cold, his body had gone straight past being numb to the point that the cold felt more like a million sharp knives stabbing through his skin and to his bones. While Katara pushed herself to her feet to start walking back, Sokka instinctively curled into a tight ball, trying to conserve what body heat he had as he continued to sit on the ice.

“Sokka, we need to go back,” Katara stated, offering her hand to help Sokka up.

“Is-cold,” Sokka managed to say through chattering teeth. “Can’t-”

“That’s WHY we need to get back, so you can warm up,” Katara pleaded.

Sokka’s brows furrowed in confusion as, while Katara spoke, he suddenly felt like someone draped a fire-warmed blanket over his back.

“Your shivering slowed. Is it a good-slowed or a bad-slowed?” Katara asked, crouching to try and get a closer look at Sokka’s face.

“I think one of my soulmates is sharing body heat with me,” Sokka explained. He looked to the side to address his soulmate. “Give me a tap if I’m right.” A tap on Sokka’s knee, which was still pulled up close to his chest, and Sokka smiled. “Whichever soulmate you are, you make a good blanket.” He felt the presence shake a little, which Sokka guessed was a chuckle.

Once he was ready to get up, Katara helped Sokka to his feet and held his hand during the walk back to the village. Sokka could still feel the much-needed warmth from his soulmate’s presence as they walked, but he could tell that they struggled with finding a way to keep consistent contact while moving, so he didn’t stay quite as warm as he hoped.

“Dad! Gran-Gran!” Katara called as soon as they reached the village. “Sokka got wet, we need to warm him up!”

Hakoda was running up to his kids in an instant, looking them over for any sign of injury. “Let’s get him over by the fire for the moment,” he suggested, guiding the kids towards a fire near the middle of the village and sitting them down on a couple leather mats that had been placed around the fire pit. “What happened, is everything alright?”

“We went out ice fishing, but when Sokka tried making the hole bigger, there was a thin spot and he fell in,” Katara explained, trying to ignore the small crowd forming as the villagers were checking to see if the kids were alright.

“It’s remarkable you were able to make it back,” Gran-Gran commented as she walked up to Sokka to look him over. “To have found your way out of the water, and still have enough energy to keep you warm enough to make it back here is something of a miracle.”

“My soulmates helped, actually,” Sokka replied with a smile. “One guided me back to the hole while I was underwater so I wouldn’t get trapped under the ice, and another is really warm and was able to share their body heat with me so I could make it home!”

The village was silent for a moment, before chatter returned in nervous murmurings and hushed whispers. Sokka’s smile fell - he thought the tribe would be excited that his soulmates saved his life; he couldn’t figure out why they were reacting the way they were. “What?” he asked, glancing around the tribe before looking between his dad and Gran-Gran for one of them to explain.

“A soulmate’s soulbond presence feels different depending on if they’re a bender or not, and on what kind of bender if they are,” Gran-Gran explained. “Waterbenders have a presence that’s cold to the touch; earthbenders have a particularly strong touch - a very solid presence; airbenders, if memory serves, were said to have a feather-light touch in contrast to the earthbenders.” She sighed, and dread pooled in Sokka’s stomach as he realized what was coming next. “And finally, the presence of a firebender gives off enough heat that it’s said it can be felt even without a direct touch from the presence.”

“So, one of my soulmates is a firebender?” Sokka asked in a small voice. Gran-Gran nodded. “How- why-?” He looked at his dad, hoping for answers to the questions he couldn’t even form.

“I’m not sure,” was the only answer Hakoda could offer his son. “I’m just grateful at least that they very likely saved your life today.” He smiled in a way he hoped was reassuring.

“I’m going to go change into dry clothes and warm up in bed,” Sokka decided with a sigh, standing up to head into their igloo. He’d had enough stares and whispering from the rest of the tribe when he just couldn’t wrap his head around it himself.

——

Katara gave Sokka a good several minutes to change and have a moment to himself before she joined him inside. “Sokka?” she called to announce her presence as she pushed past the door flaps, letting them fall back into place behind her. She spotted Sokka instantly: he was in his bed and laying on his back, with his left arm bare of the wrappings he usually wore and held over his face so he could study his soulmarks.

“Hey, Katara,” Sokka sighed in greeting, glancing briefly in her direction as she came closer. As she sat on his bed by his legs, he didn’t move, still apparently looking for some kind of answers to emerge from the simple pictures.

“I’ve felt the firebender too,” Katara admitted, pulling a foot up to rest on the bed so she could wrap her arms around her knee.

“Well, that rules out the crescent moon as being the firebender,” Sokka stated, finally lowering his arm and sitting up. “The fact we feel them means we’ll meet them someday. That we’ll trust them enough to soulbond. But WHY? After everything the Fire Nation has done to us, our Tribe…” Sokka’s voice cracked and he paused for a moment so he could get his emotions under control. “How will a firebender even be able to gain our trust?”

“I donno. But clearly we’ll find out some day,” Katara replied with a shrug.

Sokka seemed lost in thought for a moment before speaking again. “You’ve felt all four of your soulmates, right? I felt four today.” He trailed his right hand down the line of marks on the front of his arm.

Katara nodded as she pulled open the collar of both her coat and tunic so she could look down at her own soul marks. They all matched with four of Sokka’s five, even following the same order down Sokka’s arm as clockwise around the front of Katara’s shoulder. At the top for both of them was a light blue arrow pointing down, followed by an eye with a cloudy blue iris and only slightly darker pupil, a crossed pair of curved broadswords with dark blue handles, and a golden fan. The fifth on Sokka’s arm, below the others and just above his wrist, was a light blue crescent moon, the ends pointing to the right, matching the moon on the Water Tribe’s emblem.

“Besides the firebender, which I’m GUESSING is the fan because it’s the only one not blue… also, can’t fans be used to help make fires bigger? Like when you blow on a fire to get it big enough to cook on?” Katara started, briefly getting distracted by her own logical reasoning until she remembered she actually intended on getting the conversation OFF of the firebending soulmate. “One of our soulmates seems like they hit really hard. Maybe they’re an earthbender, with a solid presence like what Gran-Gran was saying?”

“I half expect to get bruises with some of his friendly punches,” Sokka commented, wrapping an arm around himself to rub near where they had hit his back earlier. “He helped me cough up the water I ended up breathing in.” Even though Katara has insisted on avoiding using gender-specific words for her soulmates until she meets them and knows for sure which to use, Sokka figured there’s no harm in making guesses about his soulmates’ genders and using the pronouns that match his guesses. If he turns out to be wrong, he’ll just switch to the correct pronouns whenever he finds out. “He could be any of the three other marks, but if he bends, he probably wouldn’t use swords. Especially with earthbending. So probably either the eye or the arrow?”

Katara nodded in agreement. “One has a really light touch, like Gran-Gran said airbenders feel like, but that’s impossible. Probably just shy or something,” she guessed. “No clue which mark they might be.”

“She was the one who tried to get me away from the ice hole. I should’ve listened,” Sokka scolded himself.

Katara frowned slightly, but just continued on. “The last one doesn’t have anything notable with how their touch feels, but they seem particularly… protective. Kinda like you, actually.” She smirked as she poked her brother in the chest. “Trying to stand between me and danger, watching my back when I leave the village.”

“Protective enough to get in the water WITH me to make sure I made it back to the surface,” Sokka agreed. “My guess is he’s a strong warrior, probably the swords.” He tapped at the swords on his arm before beginning to trace the crescent moon with his fingertip. “I don’t think I’ve felt whoever the moon represents. With everyone else being there to help today, even Firebender, I’m starting to worry I never get to soulbond with Crescent Moon.”

Katara shrugged. “It’s possible. Or they just might be even more shy than Light-Touch.”

“Light-Touch? That’s the name you’re going with?” Sokka teased. “You should just leave the nicknames to me.”

****

Author’s Notes:

1. Yes, Sokka made assumptions about the genders of three of his soulmates and got them ALL wrong. Also, he and Katara got Zuko's and Suki's marks confused for each other. It should be pretty clear who's supposed to be who, but for anyone who wants a clear list:

Aang - arrow - feather-light touches

Toph - cloudy blue eye - strong presence

Zuko - twin swords - warm

Suki - fan - protective

Yue - crescent moon

2. I was heavily inspired by The Family You Choose by TunaFishChris on AO3 for this fic. The soulmate AU concept is largely taken from that fic (though with a few small changes to how soulmarks work, and a couple characters have different symbols representing them) as are a few plot details, such as Ozai burning Zuko’s soulmarks off.

3. If anyone wants to discuss this AU with me at all, PLEASE don’t hesitate to message me! I have a bunch of ideas in mind, as well as a bunch of details I’m undecided about. I’d love to discuss my ideas and thoughts, and hear about other ideas I might not’ve considered yet~

[carolinawrenn]

👯📚

Thank you for the ask, @tinyarmedtrex! 👯 Favorite ships/duos/dynamics (friendships are also ships!)?

 Kaz and Inej. Both because they are such interesting and complicated characters in their own right and because there is so much tension and complexity in their relationship. It starts in a dark and messed-up place—Kaz offers Inej a way out of hell, but at the cost of continued servitude and betraying her deeply held moral principles—but it very gradually grows into something hopeful and beautiful. They come from such different backgrounds and perspectives, but they are similar in ways neither of them would want to admit. And although they love each other deeply, they want very different things (as @linearao3 put it in her latest fic, “I want you, I don’t want your life.”) It is messy and fascinating, and there is so much going on there to explore.

📚 Favorite book quote/scene?

From Crooked Kingdom: “But what about the rest of us? What about the nobodies and the nothings, the invisible girls? We learn to hold our heads as if we wear crowns. We learn to wring magic from the ordinary. That was how you survived when you weren’t chosen, when there was no royal blood in your veins. When the world owed you nothing, you demanded something of it anyway.”