#² almost exclusively because i then click the blog and look for red flags in their description

[classicintp]

If there was one thing you could demand of your brain as if it were a second awareness running all the background processes, what would it be?

I'd demand that it stop making me fall in real romantic love with strangers in YouTube videos/who make FB&IG reels¹, and the people on Tumblr based almost exclusively on their blog icon²

[moghedien]

So someone is in your inbox asking for money

I'm not going to say that every single instance of this happening is a scam, but in my experience, random people following you and then sending you an ask to ask you to reblog a post or donate, they are almost always a scam.

You may feel bad about ignoring them or deleting the ask, but doing so is probably going to be the best course of action. Not only so that YOU don't lose money but so that you don't give the scammer access to you followers.

But how could you know that the person is a scam and not the one instance where someone really needs help? Let's go over some ways to check for signs of a scammer.

this is the post I got in my inbox today. I've personally never dealt with this particular version, so I didn't immediately delete. I probably wouldn't have reblogged anyway, but I wanted to look into this specifically.

The first thing to do is go on their blog. In this instance, the post they want me to reblog is pinned, and it also has a donation link. I'm NOT going to click on the link because there is no indication at all to what this might lead to and I'm going to instead hover over link and see what url pops up

in this instance, the url shows me that I'm going to be redirected to paypal. IMMEDIATELY a sign that this is a scam. people can still scam with gofundme and other sites like that, sure, but at least with those sites, there is some accountability in that you can see if the donation goal is being met or not. with paypal, you're just blindly donating, assuming that this donation amounts are what the person says they're at.

And also this is not to say that honest people can't use paypal for donations, sometimes that's the only option. But if you're going to donate to someone via paypal, you should at the very least be personally aware of who you're donating to and that they are an actual person.

But let's look deeper just in case. The next thing to do is look for other sketchy signs on the blog. So I scrolled through to see what they were blogging about otherwise, and there were red flags here.

Just glancing through the blog, I could see that they almost exclusively posted about Taylor Swift and the Mandalorian. They posted A LOT within the past day (this is why you should have times enabled btw) and exclusively from the same four or fives blogs.

But maybe they just post a lot. You can actually very easily see their posting habits by looking at their archive.

We're going to go to the three dots and click "view archive"

You can also just type in "[username].tumblr.com/archive" for any blog and access anyone's archive as long as they have a public account. But what's the point of doing that. Well, in the archive, we can get a very quick overview of someone's posting habits.

And here I've circled in red the first and last thing this blog has posted in the month of February 2024 (the month I'm writing this). You can see that both of those posts were posted on the same day. Meaning all of their posts in the entire month of February happened on the same day.

But what about posts outside of February 2024?

Well there are none

You can sort posts by month and year and doing so for this blog shows that they ONLY posted in February 2024 and ONLY one day in February and it happened to be the day before I got an ask in my inbox asking for donations.

These are the most obvious tells, but there are other signs you can look out for.

For instance, all of their posts are without any sort of tags. They never comment on anything and their only original post was their one asking for donations. If you click on the search function in their blog, nothing comes up

There's also the fact that the blog is clearly targeting at making the people who WOULD care about someone needing insulin sympathetic. The fact that they use BLM, identify as a black man, have pronouns in their bio all are on purpose to make people who might care feel like this is a person who deserves help. the scammer is using your empathy against you. DON'T LET THEM. Be smart and always always think before you act, even if that action is just posting. You can help people in need without feeding the vultures that want to take advantage and want to use YOU to steal from your community

But let's just be REALLY REALLY sure this is a scam.

On whim, I copied the text straight from the ask in my inbox and put into google and then added "tumblr' at the end. You'll be shocked to know there were immediate results and not from this blog

First one was a reblog from over a year ago. the exact same wording minus the cost of the insulin and the call to action at the end

I clicked on the original poster for this and the blog was cleared out!

Minus them using the exact same photograph in their header as the blog that sent me an ask today, of course.

The second instance I found was slightly different wording, but using similar enough wording that it can be assumed came from the same scammer. This came from another ask in an inbox, but the receiver rightly called them out as a scam. The post is from two months ago and the blog that asked it as been deleted outright

All of this to say, there are always scammers on tumblr, but there have been a lot recently. This one happened to not be posing as Palestinians in need, but a lot are (in that instance, Palestinian bloggers have been vetting who is and isn't real so you can always check to see if they're getting support or getting called out from actual Palestinians). They won't always use these methods and won't always been this obvious, so even if you don't donate to someone yourself ALWAYS be thorough in your checking before you reblog a donation post. Make sure the charity its collecting for is REAL and if its a person asking for money, make sure that person is real as well.

You can help people without getting scammed or giving scammers access to your followers, and not reblogging every donation post doesn't make you a bad person or mean you don't care. Its important to be careful, and not being careful can do more harm than good. it makes actual people in need look sketchy and takes away resources that could have been given to them. So if you aren't sure if something is real DO NOT REBLOG IT

[prpfz]

hi ! this is gem, 29yo from europe, part of a crime rpg on tumblr. this is the platform where i wish to keep writing. i'm comfortable with partners who are 21+ and share a passion for writing, but especially to talk about our ships, tp plan, to plot, to make pinterest boards and altogether have fun with making our character's lives difficult and full of angst. This is extremely important, if i don’t have a connection with my partner in crime i don’t feel any enjoyment in writing together!

i play:

( nero di fiore ) — italian/american, 30, weapons dealer and businessman. link to his details: here;

at the very bottom of this message, you can find the connection i’m looking for him with JONATHAN BAILEY!

i’m looking for someone to join the rp and really take part in it, because they genuinely like the rp life, not only to write with me.

if you like this post or contact me directly, I only ask that you don’t make me feel like i have to interview you in a one sided way to get some information 🌹

i usually write 2-3 paragraphs, but, with the ship, i can write a lot more (or match lengths). you can see different length of posts by clicking on the name of my blog! i love to explore our characters. i enjoy fluff as much as darker themes; my characters are always walking red flags, but in a fun way, you know? i read mxm romance, from college to crime, which give me tons of ideas and i'm a-okay with writing explicit scenes. i will adapt to your comfort level. my ideal partner would love to talk about the ship, plot and brainstorm, headcanon together. i don’t put fixed “top/bottom” labels on my characters. i lean toward top characters, but it'll all depend on your preferences. i work full time, but this is my main hobby and i would love to share it with someone that has the same passion! tumblr rp : it's a crime/gangs/secrets rp set in modern new york – it's not mine, I'm a player there. if you aren't sure about this platform, i will help you all the way from the creation of the blog! i write almost exclusively from my phone (with tumblr web, not app), so gifs are very welcomed but also not required. this rp has rules about activities (at least 3 ic posts every 4 days), please think carefully about if you can manage to respect them.

what i’m looking for specifically :

(FABIEN TIETJEN, 30) NERO DI FIORE is looking for a rp partner to play NERO's NEW OBSESSION and they look like JONATHAN BAILEY. More information about this connection: give me some good toxic romance, with nero falling first and hard, and doing anything in his power to get this man. this would include: romantic dates, some good old fashioned chase, expensive gifts, getting involved with the wrong side of the law (if civilian), being kept close and at the same time in the dark about what's really going on in nero’s life.

check 'em out

[darkrpfinders]

hi ! this is gem, 29yo from europe, part of a crime rpg on tumblr. this is the platform where i wish to keep writing. i'm comfortable with partners who are 21+ and share a passion for writing, but especially to talk about our ships, tp plan, to plot, to make pinterest boards and altogether have fun with making our character's lives difficult and full of angst. This is extremely important, if i don’t have a connection with my partner in crime i don’t feel any enjoyment in writing together!

i play:

( nero di fiore ) — italian/american, 30, weapons dealer and businessman. link to his details: here;

at the very bottom of this message, you can find the connection i’m looking for him!

i’m looking for someone to join the rp and really take part in it, because they genuinely like the rp life, not only to write with me.

if you like this post or contact me directly, I only ask that you don’t make me feel like i have to interview you in a one sided way to get some information 🌹

i usually write 2-3 paragraphs, but, with the ship, i can write a lot more (or match lengths). you can see different length of posts by clicking on the name of my blog! i love to explore our characters. i enjoy fluff as much as darker themes; my characters are always walking red flags, but in a fun way, you know? i read mxm romance, from college to crime, which give me tons of ideas and i'm a-okay with writing explicit scenes. i will adapt to your comfort level. my ideal partner would love to talk about the ship, plot and brainstorm, headcanon together. i don’t put fixed “top/bottom” labels on my characters. i lean toward top characters, but it'll all depend on your preferences. i work full time, but this is my main hobby and i would love to share it with someone that has the same passion! tumblr rp : it's a crime/gangs/secrets rp set in modern new york – it's not mine, I'm a player there. if you aren't sure about this platform, i will help you all the way from the creation of the blog! i write almost exclusively from my phone (with tumblr web, not app), so gifs are very welcomed but also not required. this rp has rules about activities (at least 3 ic posts every 4 days), please think carefully about if you can manage to respect them.

what i’m looking for specifically :

(FABIEN TIETJEN, 30) NERO DI FIORE is looking for a rp partner to play NERO's NEW OBSESSION and they look like TAZ SKYLAR (open to discuss others). More information about this connection: give me some good toxic romance, with nero falling first and hard, and doing anything in his power to get this man. this would include: romantic dates, some good old fashioned chase, expensive gifts, getting involved with the wrong side of the law (if civilian), being kept close and at the same time in the dark about what's really going on in nero’s life.

.

[roleplayfinder]

hi ! this is gem, 29yo from europe, part of a crime rpg on tumblr. this is the platform where i wish to keep writing. i'm comfortable with partners who are 21+ and share a passion for writing, but especially to talk about our ships, tp plan, to plot, to make pinterest boards and altogether have fun with making our character's lives difficult and full of angst. This is extremely important, if i don’t have a connection with my partner in crime i don’t feel any enjoyment in writing together!

i play:

( nero di fiore ) — italian/american, 30, weapons dealer and businessman. link to his details: here;

at the very bottom of this message, you can find the connection i’m looking for him!

i’m looking for someone to join the rp and really take part in it, because they genuinely like the rp life, not only to write with me.

if you like this post or contact me directly, I only ask that you don’t make me feel like i have to interview you in a one sided way to get some information 🌹

i usually write 2-3 paragraphs, but, with the ship, i can write a lot more (or match lengths). you can see different length of posts by clicking on the name of my blog! i love to explore our characters. i enjoy fluff as much as darker themes; my characters are always walking red flags, but in a fun way, you know? i read mxm romance, from college to crime, which give me tons of ideas and i'm a-okay with writing explicit scenes. i will adapt to your comfort level. my ideal partner would love to talk about the ship, plot and brainstorm, headcanon together. i don’t put fixed “top/bottom” labels on my characters. i lean toward top characters, but it'll all depend on your preferences. i work full time, but this is my main hobby and i would love to share it with someone that has the same passion! tumblr rp : it's a crime/gangs/secrets rp set in modern new york – it's not mine, I'm a player there. if you aren't sure about this platform, i will help you all the way from the creation of the blog! i write almost exclusively from my phone (with tumblr web, not app), so gifs are very welcomed but also not required. this rp has rules about activities (at least 3 ic posts every 4 days), please think carefully about if you can manage to respect them.

what i’m looking for specifically :

(FABIEN TIETJEN, 30) NERO DI FIORE is looking for a rp partner to play NERO's NEW OBSESSION and they look like TAZ SKYLAR (open to discuss others). More information about this connection: give me some good toxic romance, with nero falling first and hard, and doing anything in his power to get this man. this would include: romantic dates, some good old fashioned chase, expensive gifts, getting involved with the wrong side of the law (if civilian), being kept close and at the same time in the dark about what's really going on in nero’s life.

.

[blackswallowtailbutterfly]

Regarding “Male Allies”

Gyns, they will pop up from time to time, a man who seems to get it, a man who makes good posts you want to reblog, a man who seems to be a true ally. And every time it happens, there are some radfems who are just so happy, like this is proof that some men are good and that men can be good allies and if we just educate our boys enough they’ll all be like these good men. These true male allies.

Well, I’m sorry but 9 time out of 10 these men will disappoint you. They’re not here to back us up, they’re not here to make other men listen to us, they’re here to gain our trust so they can start pushing boundaries. They almost always have a past which is either played off as “reformed creep” or “extenuating circumstances”.

With lionofexarchia a couple of years or so back, in spite of his many posts against BDSM it came out that he had been in the dominant position of a BDSM relationship with his girlfriend. When this was discovered, he claimed it was the only way to save her life, as she had been in dangerous BDSM relationships before and was afraid one of these men might kill her. The claim is that he eased her out of through milder forms until she lost the need for it.

Some women definitely wanted to accept that explanation, but there were a few glaring issues. How mild is beating someone’s ass with a belt twenty times? What’s more, his girlfriend felt unreasonably compelled to defend him on tumblr, which he (claimed) he had no use for, and she insisted that because he hadn’t wanted to use the belt that she had raped him. He didn’t disabuse her of that ridiculous notion, he simply told her it wasn’t the same or as bad as a man doing it to a woman. He also had this woman believing he alone had saved her life and that one of the ways he had saved her life was by having sex with her. So she was completely dependent on him, and this left no room for what might happen if the relationship turned sour.

What’s more, in spite of knowing the radfem position on BDSM, he took advantage of how desperate some radfems were to know a good man and started answering anon asks from women and private messages, coaching them, and talking with them about their trauma in detail, leaving these women feeling utterly betrayed once his BDSM history was found out.

With radfemman4womenslib, things took a different kind of turn. He made some good posts, women started to trust him and hold him up as an exemplary male ally. He made a big thing of being gay in a lot of his posts, which lowered women’s guards into thinking he wasn’t attracted to women. If you went to read his bio it actually showed that he was married to a woman, but for those who don’t bother to click on the blog of every post they reblog, it seemed by some of his posts that he was homosexual.

Two things here: 1) Being homosexual does not mean a man can’t be misogynistic, or that he doesn’t still feel entitled to women’s bodies. 2) A lot of straight and bisexual men will claim to be homosexual in order to lower women’s guard, so keep that in mind.

No history really came up on him that ignited his ousting from the radfem community. No, he gave it to us himself. We tend to be pretty anti-pedophilia and skeptical of large age differences even in adult relationships. It’s one of the reasons I love the radfem community so much. In few other places are people so unapologetically anti-adults-taking-advantage-of-minors.

radfemman4womenslib made the grave mistake of thinking that was a boundary he could push. He began by saying 15 yr old children are at the same emotional maturity as a 20 yr old. He quickly revealed the reason for this was because he wanted to defend his own age difference between he and his wife, whom he met when he was 17, whom he showed his penis to though she was just 13. This apparently traumatized her (no shit!) but he ended up marrying her supposedly in their twenties and claims he learned radical feminism from her.

Now, he claims to have exclusively dated men for ten years before they married, yet there is no consistency. Nearest I can get to coherent understanding is that he began exclusively dating males at age 14, at 17 thought it would be cool to show his penis to a 13 (or 14, he’s not clear on that) yr old girl, saw her on and off throughout the next 7 years but they weren’t dating or doing anything sexual because he was exclusively dating men, and then they married when she was 20-21 and he was 24 and they’ve been married 6 years.

There’s a lot that doesn’t add up, and certainly doesn’t explain why showing your penis to a 13 yr old girl when you’re 17, which he admits was wrong and fucked up (though he makes a ton of excuses), makes it okay for a 20 yr old to date a 15 yr old.

I’d say we’re well rid of him.

There are a number of libfem male allies whose shenanigans I could go into but I do want to leave the house at some point today.

And the point is, look, go ahead and reblog from so-called male allies if they make posts that resonate with you. Hell, some of the time it’s not so easy to tell the post was written by a man, and I think expecting people to check the blog of everything they want to reblog isn’t reasonable. But I really urge women here to be skeptical of all “male allies” that pop up. Don’t make heroes of them. Don’t place all your hopes for men on them. And please don’t share personal trauma with them as you would with someone you think you can trust. Start looking at “male allyship” as a red flag, because it almost always is.

[theycallmebeccawrites]

One Shot: Making It Official

With Tumblr holding my original writing blog @beccaheartschrisevans captive (aka flagged as explicit), I have made a secondary writing blog and may end up closing the other all together. In the meantime, I am reposting all of my stories on my new blog.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Kimber Ramsey (OFC)

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: graphic sex

Disclaimer: This work of fiction is not to be reposted, used or translated without my permission.

18+ Disclaimer: This work contains sexual material that is for those over the age of 18. By clicking the keep reading link below, you are agreeing that you are over the age of 18 and are not offended by sexual content.

This story is also available on AO3.

Kimber Ramsey was on her lunch break when the first text from Chris Evans came through:

Go away with me this weekend?

She smiled at the idea, thinking it would be lovely to get out of the city for a couple days. At the same time, however, she felt a little nervous. She and Chris had only met a couple months ago, albeit through mutual friends, but they still hadn't had the "relationship" discussion to determine if they were exclusive or not. Not that Kimber was seeing anyone else and she didn't think he was either, but he was famous and women were constantly flirting with him, even when they were on a date and she was sitting right across from him.

Needing more information from him, Kimber replied:

Where to?

His response came a couple minutes later.

My cabin. It's about an hour away. In the woods.

Thanks to years of watching crime dramas and reading mystery novels, Kimber's anxiety level rose at the thought of going to a, likely secluded, cabin in the woods. Logically, she knew her reaction was unwarranted, because she knew that Chris wouldn't hurt a fly; maybe a spider or someone who hurt someone he cared about, but even then, she had a hard time seeing it.

Needing to ease her mind, Kimber sent a quick text to her friend who'd introduced her to Chris that past summer.

Chris asked me to go away with him for the weekend.

Alison's response was almost immediate:

Oh my god! That is fantastic!! I told you that you were perfect for each other!!

Kimber chewed on my lower lip as she typed her reply:

So I should say yes?

Seconds after sending the text, Kimber's phone started ringing and her friend's face was displayed. Kimber accepted the call and barely got "hey" out of her mouth before Alison started talking.

"Are you seriously thinking about declining?" she demanded.

"He wants to take me to his cabin in the woods," Kimber explained. "That sounds like the start of an episode of SVU."

"This isn't SVU though," Alison insisted. "This is Chris Evans! Let's pretend for a second that he isn't one of my husband's best friends. If he was a creeper that killed his girlfriends, he would have already been caught and put in jail! But he isn't. He is a famous actor. He isn't going to cut you up and stick you in his freezer."

"I know that," Kimber sighed. "I'm just nervous. We've only been seeing each other for a few months. Isn't it a little fast to go away together?"

"Haven't you stayed the night at each other's places?"

"Well, yes, mostly at my place, though, because I have to get up earlier than he does."

"So treat this like that. Except you're going to his place. Stop overthinking things."

"You're right. I'm overthinking this. Thanks."

"You're welcome! Now go tell Mr. Hottie that you'll go with him this weekend."

After hanging up with Alison, Kimber sent Chris a text accepting his invitation for the weekend. He replied almost instantly:

Perfect! I'll pick you up at your place Friday night after work.

By the time Friday rolled around, Kimber was more than ready to escape the city. Work had been absolutely insane during the last couple of days and she couldn't wait to leave the office. She even took a shorter lunch so she could leave earlier than she usually did.

Since she had packed her weekend bag the night before, all Kimber had to do when she got home was take a quick shower (taking extra care to not get her hair wet), put some makeup on and then get dressed.

It took her roughly 45-minutes to get everything done and, when Chris knocked on her door, she was ready to go. Opening the door, she smiled when she found him standing with his hands stuffed in the pockets of his dark wash jeans. He was wearing a red, plaid, long sleeve shirt with a black shirt underneath it.

"Hey," he greeted. He slipped his hands from his pockets and leaned in, giving her a short peck on the lips. Leaning back, he took in her black leggings and short sleeve tunic top then shook his head. "I don't think you're going to be warm enough in that."

"Really?" Kimber asked, looking down at her outfit.

"Really." Chris nodded. "Do you mind if I take a look at what you have?"

"Uh, sure," Kimber replied. Stepping back, she let him into her apartment and then closed the door after him. "You know where the bedroom is." She grabbed her weekender bag then followed Chris back to her bedroom. "Anything in particular you're looking for?"

"Jeans, sweatshirt, flannel," Chris rattled off as he opened her closet door after getting her nod of approval.

"The jeans I have, the other two I don't," Kimber replied. "I have sweaters and cardigans though."

"I'll just loan you some of mine," he told her. "I always bring extras." Reaching into the closet, he pulled out two pairs of her jeans then grabbed a couple long sleeved shirts.

"What about pajamas?" she asked him as she removed what she'd packed the night before from her weekender bag. "I think I have a pair of s-"

"We'll stay plenty warm without pajamas," he told her, a smile playing on his lips. "We both know I become a furnace when I sleep."

Kimber smirked at his words, despite the fact that her cheeks warmed. She lifted the silk nightgown from her bag and dropped it onto the bed. Looking up, she saw Chris give her an approving nod.

She repacked her bag and then, after Chris left the room, she changed into a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. She tossed one of her favorite sweaters into her bag and then zipped it up. Carrying it out of the room, she found Chris sitting on the couch waiting for her.

"Alright, I'm ready to go," she told him.

"Excellent." Chris smiled. Getting up, he took the bag from her and carried it out to the car for her. He opened her door and then closed it once she was in the car. Then he opened the trunk to put her bag in and pulled out one of his plaid shirts from his own bag before closing the trunk. Walking to his side of the car, he opened it and climbed in.

"Thank you." Kimber smiled after he handed her the shirt. She leaned forward and slipped the shirt on over her long sleeved shirt. She felt warm immediately and loved the way his spicy scent lingered on the well-loved fabric. "You might never get this back."

"We'll see about that." Chris chuckled as he started the car.

The traffic was heavy as they left the city, but the closer they got to his wooded retreat, the fewer cars they saw. They made small talk as they traveled and it was just after sunset when Chris turned onto a gravel road. The drive to his cabin took a few more minutes and before she knew it he was pulling up in front of a small cabin.

"I should warn you right now it's a little rustic and pretty small," he told her.

"Do you have running water? Or am I going to have to use an outhouse?" she asked him, sounding serious as a smile played her lips.

"Yes, there is running water." He chuckled. "And no, there is a small, but fully plumbed bathroom inside."

"Then I won't make you drive me back to the city," she teased. Getting out of the car, she met him at the trunk and took her own bag while he grabbed his bag as well as a bag of groceries.

He led her up a gravel path to the door and unlocked it. He led the way inside and set his bag down so he could turn on a light.

The cabin was small, Kimber agreed as she took it all in. The front half of the cabin was a sitting area with a wood burning stove. The back part of the cabin had one door which she suspected was to the bathroom. Next to the bathroom was a small kitchen area. Above the kitchen and bathroom was a loft with a ladder leading up to it.

"The bed is in the loft," Chris told her as he carried the bag of groceries over to the tiny kitchen and set them on the small table. "But the couch has a pull-out bed that we can sleep on if heights aren't your thing."

"I think I'll be ok up there," Kimber replied and then got a little flirty. "Especially with a strong man like yourself to keep me from falling."

Chris laughed and flexed the arm. "I think I can handle that."

"My hero," Kimber said in a falsetto voice that rolled right into laughter. "Ok, now that I'm done stroking your ego -"

"No, please, by all means, keep stroking me… I mean, it," Chris said, wiggling his eyebrows.

Kimber shook her head as she smiled. "You gotta feed me first," she told him.

"That can be arranged," Chris said as he turned on the baseboard heater to take the chill out of the cabin. "You can put your bag on the floor by mine."

Kimber set her bag down, took off her shoes and then joined him in the kitchen area. She watched as he pulled a few things out of the bag and then put them in the cupboard.

"I keep this place pretty much stocked throughout the year," he told her as he worked. "I either come up here alone or with my family," he said as he put the few fresh ingredients he'd brought into the refrigerator.

Kimber noticed, immediately, that he hadn't mentioned bringing women to his cabin. She chewed on her lower lip, trying to keep herself from asking the question she was dying to ask, but she ultimately gave in. "So you've never brought a woman up here?" she asked, trying to sound as casual as possible.

"Nope, you're the first one," he replied, turning to smile at her. "That obviously means you're pretty special." Leaning over, he stole a kiss before he straightened up. "Alright, how does spaghetti sound for dinner?"

"Fantastic," Kimber replied with a happy smile on her face. He hadn't called her his girlfriend, but he'd suggested that she meant more to him than the women he'd dated in the past.

"Good, because I didn't have a plan b." Chris pulled a jar of spaghetti sauce from the cupboard.

"Are Italians allowed to use spaghetti sauce from a jar?" Kimber teased. "I mean, does your mother know?"

"Yes we are and I'll have you know that my mom bought this jar of sauce," Chris replied then stuck his tongue out at her. "My mom doesn't like to spend hours in the kitchen when she's on vacation. It's the only time she uses shortcuts like sauce from a jar."

"Good to know." Kimber took in the small cabin again and furrowed her brow when she recalled Chris saying that his whole family came up here from time to time. She hadn't met his family yet, but he loved to talk about them and she knew there were a lot of them. "Chris, how exactly does your family fit in this cabin?"

"Oh we don't," he replied as he dumped ground sausage into a skillet to brown. "My mom, sisters and niece sleep in the cabin with the toilet and running water while my brother, brother-in-law, nephews and myself sleep outside in tents." He chuckled to himself. "It's the only place my sister lets her boys pee outside. They love it."

"Boys are so weird." Kimber shook her head. She moved to the window that looked out into the area behind the cabin, but it was too dark to see anything.

"I'll show you the area surrounding the cabin tomorrow," Chris told her. "It's still a bit baron this time of year, but before long the wildflowers will be blooming."

"I bet it's lovely here during the summer," Kimber said, turning away from the window and watching him cook.

"Best place for watching the stars," he replied. "There's a small lake not too far away and I love listening to the water hit the shore while taking in the billions and billions of stars." He turned away from the cooking and met her eyes. "I can't wait to take you out there this summer."

"Really?" Kimber asked, surprised by his words although she was extremely flattered that he saw a future for them.

"You sound surprised," he said, raising an eyebrow. "Why?"

Kimber chewed on her lower lip as she tried to come up with an answer to his question. The obvious one was that they hadn't discussed a future together let alone decided to be boyfriend and girlfriend, but she didn't want to go there if that wasn't what he was saying. That said, it would maybe it was better to get it all out in the open now and be done with it?

"Kimber?" he asked, his voice showing concern.

"What are we, exactly?" she asked him. "Are we just seeing each other? Dating? Exclusive?"

Chris turned the temperature down on the stove then came over to her. "What do you want us to be?" he asked her.

"I asked you first," she replied, nervously as she looked up into his blue eyes.

"Alright," Chris smiled as he took her hand. "I'm 35, almost 36, and I've dated a lot during the last twenty years or so."

Kimber's felt her stomach churn and tried to keep her feelings to herself, but he saw right through her.

"Hold on, I'm getting to the point where I'll answer your question," he assured her, fighting back a laugh. "You're different from all the women I've dated and or slept with and in a great way. There is a reason why you are the first woman I've brought to this cabin, Kimber." He squeezed her hand. "You want to know what I want us to be? I want to be your boyfriend, for now, and someday, I hope I can be more than that."

"Really?" she squeaked out as she stared up at him with her green eyes open wide.

"Really," he nodded. "I hope you feel the same way."

"Yes." She bobbed her head up and down. "I want to be your boyfriend, too." Her eyes widened and he started to laugh. "Girlfriend! I meant girlfriend! Oh my God."

Chris continued to laugh as he pulled her into his arms and held her against his chest. He couldn't get enough of the beautiful redhead who charmed him, turned him on, made him laugh, and made him want to be the best man he possibly could be all at the same time.

When he finally let go of her, they finished cooking together and then sat down at the small table that was positioned behind the couch. They talked as they ate and he kept her entertained by telling her stories about his family's adventures at the cabin: the countless family dinners that took place at the two picnic tables outside, the time he'd jumped into the creek that fed the lake to save his nephew's favorite teddy bear, and a handful of other stories, like the time he and his brother had gotten snowed in.

After they finished eating, Kimber helped Chris clean up the dinner dishes. Then, while he slipped into the bathroom, she opened her weekender bag and swapped the flannel shirt of Chris's she was still wearing for her favorite fuzzy, cream-colored sweater.

Then she climbed up the ladder to the loft and flipped the light switch. She let out a little gasp when the loft was suddenly lit with the soft glow from a string of lights hanging from the rafters. Leaving the ceiling, her eyes took in the rest of the loft. The only bed was made up of a couple large sleeping pads that were covered with blankets with extra blankets and sleeping bags stacked alongside.

Wanting to test the sleeping pad, she lowered herself onto one and then laid down. She let out a happy sigh when she felt how soft it was.

"Kimber?" she heard Chris call, a few minutes later.

"Up here," she called back, sitting up.

"I'm coming up," Chris announced then made his way up the ladder.

"Hi," Kimber said when he appeared.

"Hi," he replied. He made his way over to the bed, where she sat, and plopped down next to her. "You changed." He tugged softly on the arm of her sweater.

"So did you," she stated, gesturing to the gray sweatpants he was now wearing.

"These are more comfortable," he replied as he leaned back on his elbows. "Feel free to take off your jeans, too."

"But I don't have any pants to wear other than jeans," she reminded him.

"I promised to keep you warm," Chris replied with smirk. "And that's a promise I intend to keep."

Kimber studied him for a moment before she stood up and shimmed out of her jeans with her back towards him. When the jeans were below her knees, she lowered herself back to the sleeping pad and pulled them off with her socks.

Turning towards him, she crawled across the pads to where he was lounging and swung her leg over his waist so she was straddling him. She pushed him down so he was laying on his back with his head on pillow.

"Hi," she said, again.

"Hi," he replied, bringing his arms up and placing them on her hips. "You've got me where you wanted me, so now what are you going to do to me?"

Leaning forward, Kimber took his face in her hands then leaned in for a kiss. In this new position, her panty-covered pussy was positioned perfectly over his sweatpants-covered cock. She rocked her hips slightly as they kissed and giggled against his lips when he slid his hands up under her sweater and dug his fingers into her hips.

She could feel his cock hardening as they kissed and couldn't help but wiggle as she felt herself getting turned on, too. Pulling away, she trailed kisses down his neck and to skin at the top of his shirt. She pulled the collar aside to continue kissing him and slid her tongue over the tattoo on his clavicle.

Pushing herself into a sitting position, Kimber grabbed the hem of Chris's shirt and helped him take it off. Then she leaned forward again and showered his chest and torso in kisses and little nips. She swirled her tongue around each of his nipples, earning a groan from him. She made her way down to the patch of hair that disappeared under his sweatpants, but found her progress halted there by his hands.

"Shirt. Off." His words were short and to the point.

Climbing off of him, Kimber pulled her sweater over her head and then tossed it aside. She then pulled off the long sleeve shirt she'd been wearing underneath it, revealing a plain black bra. It wasn't the sexiest bra she owned, but it pushed the girls up and matched the panties she'd packed for the weekend.

"You're beautiful and hot and so sexy I want to fuck you into next week," Chris said as he took in her exposed skin.

In the past, when a lover had complimented her in the moment, she'd felt uncomfortable or shy, but there was something in the way Chris spoke and the way he was looking at her that made Kimber feel beautiful and sexy. She knew, with him, that he wasn't just saying the words to butter her up, he truly meant them.

"You make me feel beautiful and sexy," she told him, meeting his eyes. "And I love that."

Pushing himself up, Chris captured her lips in his for a searing kiss. By the time it ended, her body was humming with pleasure and she didn't care that he had distracted her from her original plan. After all, they had the whole weekend to play. Her eyes followed him as he climbed off of her and started to undress. She followed his lead and removed her bra and panties.

They were both naked, when they came back together. He pushed her back against the pillows deciding it was her turn to the be at the receiving end of the sweet torture she'd shown him earlier. He made his way down her body with his hands and mouth working in concert, his full beard tickling her skin as he went. She arched her back into his touch as he teased her nipples and massaged her breasts with his large hands.

The way his hands touched her became more deliberate, but gentler at the same time as he moved down her torso and past her hips. He eased her legs apart and then teased her sensitive inner thighs before moving his fingers to the velvety folds of her pussy.

Kimber's eyes closed as she lost herself in the pleasure that Chris was giving her. She bit down on her lips as he focused in on her clit and then felt tremors race through her body when his tongue joined in as his fingers slid down and slipped into her heated core. She rocked her hips in time with his digits and cried out as all of his attention sent her over the edge with a powerful orgasm.

As she recovered, she heard him tear open a condom wrapper and then felt him between her legs, a moment later. He slid into her slowly, allowing her body to adjust to his size, until he was in her completely. She wrapped her legs around his and grabbed his ass with one hand as he began to thrust in and out of her. Meanwhile, her other hand got lost in Chris's silky smooth hair as he nuzzled her neck.

Chris's hands started in her hair and behind her back, but as they both grew closer to orgasm, he pulled himself up onto his hands so he was hovering over her. She held onto his ass with both hands as he used the new position to go faster and deeper within her.

He came first, his groan low and drawn out. He lowered himself back on top of her and ground his lower body against hers as he continued moving, wanting to get her off, too. His mouth found hers for a passionate kiss then moved down to one of her breasts.

She became more vocal the closer she got to her release, which only encouraged him. Her body finally tightened from head to toe as she came, crying out and digging her fingernails into his ass as she did so.

Exhausted, Chris slid out of her and got rid of the condom. Then he collapsed next to her and closed his eyes. When Kimber snuggled into him, he wrapped an arm around her, making good on his promise to keep her warm.

Sometime during the night, they wrapped blankets around themselves, but he still used his body to keep her warm. She thanked him the next morning by waking him up with his cock in her mouth. He then fucked her from behind before they climbed down from the loft. She cooked breakfast while he showered and then they ate together with him wearing a pair of boxers and her wearing one of his unbuttoned, flannel shirts.

After eating, she took a shower while he cleaned up the kitchen. Then, once they were both dressed, Chris took Kimber outside to give her a tour of the area surrounding the cabin. They spent most of the afternoon outside, only coming back into the cabin for dinner, before going back outside once the sun had set for some stargazing.

Even though they'd stargazed on a plastic lounge chair while sharing a sleeping bag, they were both chilled when they came back into the house. They wasted no time striping off their clothes and climbing the ladder up to the loft to warm up the old-fashioned way. She was on top of him this time, riding him until they'd both come loudly and were sweaty from their fun.

Sunday morning dawned early and they had sex again before they each took a shower. Then Kimber helped Chris cleanup the cabin, preparing it for the next time someone came to use it. Then they had a quick lunch before getting into Chris's car to return to the city.

It was a bittersweet moment for Kimber when Chris pulled up in front of her place. He parked the car and then helped her carry her stuff up the stairs. He kissed her goodbye and promised to call her later that night.

Collapsing onto the couch, Kimber heard her phone ding and pulled it out of her purse. She smiled when she saw that Allison had texted her.

How was it?

Kimber took a minute to come up with a response then hit send, knowing Allison would call her back immediately.

I had a great weekend away with my boyfriend!

Sure enough, her phone rang a second later and, when she answered it, Allison screamed excitedly. She then proceeded to tell Kimber how she'd know the two of them were perfect for each other since she'd met Chris.

Kimber could only nod in agreement. She was no longer confused about her relationship status with Chris. Now all she had to stress over was the fact that he'd casually mentioned wanting to introduce her to his family. She considered mentioning it to Alison, but decided it was a topic for a different day.

Want to find me off tumblr? I’m @beccatheycallme on twitter. I also post my stories on AO3.

My tag list is always open, just let me know if you’d like to be added!

[rpbetter]

I think a master list for long term roleplayers is such a good idea! I think if it delineates the reasons someone would do long term over short term, and makes sure to not prop up one style over another, it could go over well. I just wonder what a roleplayer would have to do to be listed. Rp a muse for over two years? Have a declaration they don't easily lose muse and keep muses for a long time by default? I think that's the hard part, because it would be easy to exclude people if done wrong.

Hey, Anon!

Well, I'll let you in a secret...I might have begun that project this weekend. So, it might (absolutely will be) be happening, and this message certainly made me feel good about it!

It also brings up some incredibly valid points I hadn't thought about, like how one would go about specifically designating RPers as long-term. As you said, it's got a potential problems for exclusion, and the only exclusion intended is simply not being a dedicated, long-term RPer.

I think the only fair way of doing it is to let the muns themselves decide. As it presently stands, the idea is to submit the answers to a form that does ask "RP experience (years and places)." I thought that might help muns field each other better, and now, I think it might be the fairest way of determining what "long-term" means to everyone.

If you feel like someone who has been RPing for two years with the same muse(s) is long-term enough, then it is! If that's not enough to hit your mark of long-term, no hard feelings even happen because you just keep scrolling the list to someone who has been RPing for ten.

I'll be rewording the question to have two parts, thanks to this ask! It'll now read something like, "How long have you been RPing (includes tumblr and other RPCs)? Has this been the same muse/handful of muses (what's your longest time RPing a muse)?"

That way, you're also not running into issues like...well, let's use me as an example. I've been RPing online for over twenty years, but have only been RPing on tumblr for seven. I've had one muse for almost seventeen years, but another one only for that seven years. If I was to answer just with my presence here on tumblr with that muse, that's far shorter than my total time RPing and doesn't include that I'm long-term enough to have had a muse for seventeen years. This way, I could customize my answer and give a fuller one.

I know we all tend to think of tumblr's RPC as rarely taking on new muns these days, but I meet them fairly often. None are new to written, online RP, but they've only just joined this RPC. I certainly don't want anyone to feel like they have to answer "six months" when that isn't entirely an accurate representation of their experience and interest.

The questions are also not overly skewed toward any single type of RP outside of the umbrella of "Dedicated." Meaning long-term, primary hobby/dedicated interest RPers who stick with threads and muses. So, while, yes, a lot of us are also into long replies, it's not excluding those who write less either. It asks your style(s) and gives the options of "sentence, para, multi-para, novella, lengthy novella." You can, obviously, put multiple answers in as to what you prefer to write!

Some additional things it asks for:

links you'd like to include (rules, promo, carrd, docs, bio, other)

types of RP concentrated on (angst, slice-of-life, canon-involved, AUs, romance and shipping, friendships, horror, etc.)

your URL(s), obviously!

blog type (single-muse, multi-muse)

muse/primary muses' names (if this is a multimuse blog with all muses in one place, if not, please designate which goes with which URL)

mun age/age range and age requirements

other things about your blog/RPing/muse(s) (hard limits, crossover friendly, OC friendly, plot-driven, selectivity, etc.)

I really want to give the widest variety possible of dedicated RPers the opportunity to put themselves out there if they desire, since it truly is incredibly hard to find each other anymore. And I believe that since such phrasing tends to be a turn off for those who are more casual RPers, that alone cuts down on the likelihood of me having to message someone and tell them that they might not qualify.

I do plan to actually look at the blogs, though that is definitely going to annoy some and take more time to get people's submissions posted. It isn't because I am remotely interested in being judgmental of anyone's blog, writing, muses, or whatever! It's...tumblr. In 2021. Leaving anything up to an honor system is asking for trouble, and as we've seen in the not too distant past, very unfortunately, no matter what one says, the effort they go to in order to not rub people the wrong way, if someone wants to misread negativity into something, they will. Any time you have the topic of types of RP or broach it being at all acceptable to have preferences, requirements, expectations, and so on, it can turn quite ugly quite quickly.

It is a serious concern that those determinedly offended parties will misuse the listing. While seeing too many red flags of harassment on a blog doesn't retroactively stop them from seeing the list of RPers, it does at least prevent them being on it. That is absolutely within the rules, too, that this is not a place that is friendly/tolerant of any manner of policing and resultant harassment.*

*There will be a harassment policy. I realize that any listing can be used inappropriately, and I realize, too, that there is a limit to what I can do to cultivate and maintain a safe place...but that needs to be done in so far as possible and taken seriously. Callout culture is absolutely not allowed, period. That won't be added to the list, if it's engaged in and I'm aware of it, it'll be a removal from the list. Inappropriate use of the list as a callout resource will result in blocking, harassing others to RP with you when you've been politely declined will result in blocking. Yes, that can be subverted, but the stance matters.

And, obviously, I'd also be looking for anything really glaring like the basic (and it's my intention to make it as clear as possible that these are variable things, we're all real people here, that it's repeat and extreme behavior only) parameters state. Things like incessant, flippant muse creation and collection when there is, right there stated repeatedly, not the time or creative energy to keep up with those already present. Or just as obvious blog/muse/fandom hopping. Again, a thousand times, if that's how you enjoy RP and engage with it as your hobby, that's perfectly fine. It's also perfectly fine that other people don't enjoy that and would like a space to find the comparatively tiny number of muns who want to engage with the hobby in the way they do. That's what I'm trying to do!

I don't have an estimate on when this might go live, as has been clear with my horrifyingly delayed responses, I'm very busy right now. Just know that it will be happening! I believe things will be slowing down, allowing me more time to do more than a couple of responses a week, roughly toward the end of October/beginning of November. So, I'm thinking it might be the first week of November.

That's a little bit off, but it does give everyone time to send in asks about it! If there's something you can think of that would be helpful (questions for the submission, the way it's set up, rules, whatever you can think of), please, do send it in. I want to know! I'm just one very busy, very tired mun trying to still be a dedicated RPer myself elsewhere lol I appreciate that sort of feedback! And the list is for y'all, you really should get to opine and suggest things!

Also, I did just think of something, opinions, anyone? Since it is a list that is open to everyone who fits the description, there will be blogs containing "dark content." While tags would catch the major, basic things muns might wish to filter, that can't possibly be expected for unique squicks and triggers. I don't want anyone getting specific on the listing, I think that could incite problems, but how about warning that the blog does contain such content, with the notation right there in the rules, use info, and posted listings themselves that it's advised to visit rules links first for details. I'd like to avoid anyone getting exuberant, clicking a blog URL, and seeing some graphic imagery they need to avoid. This way, if you do that, you have been warned...repeatedly and responsibly, and made your choices.

Obviously, that is dependent upon muns actually detailing what upsetting content might be present on the blog in their rules and not simply making a blanket statement that it exists. I haven't seen many RPers of this type doing that in recent years, but I'm sure that the increasing threat of harassment has negatively impacted this honesty and warning system. Still, at least this way, you'd be warned and could exercise your own judgment messaging the mun of the blog to ask for content specifics before you proceeded beyond rules.

Those are my thoughts, anyway!

[travelercontact771]

Dating A Widower Reddit

Dating A Widower Blog

Dating A Widower Still Grieving

Dating A Widower Reddit Youtube

About Community. This forum is only for those dating or in a relationship with a widow or widower. If you haven't been in this situation, you can only speculate, and speculation hurts and invalidates. Dating someone who lost their significant other is difficult until you learn how to maneuver the situation. It doesn't start great and settle in. Now I know there's a reddit/subreddit for this but it's not popular or overly informative. I was dating a widower for almost a year, on and off. We're young and he has a young daughter. We met online so I knew his status and we met early on after his wife passed. When we together things were great. Gail Saltz advises a woman dating a widower who refuses to put their needs ahead of his children’s emotional discomfort. April 22, 2009, 1:07 PM PDT / Source: TODAY contributor.

I’m frequently asked if a certain widower behavior, like always talking about his late wife or having photos all over the house, is a red flag that the widower isn’t ready to move forward. Often, these answers aren’t black and white, and much depends on the specific situation and what, if anything, the widower is doing to correct the problem. The purpose of this chapter isn’t to go over every possible circumstance you might find yourself in, but to identify the five specific red flags that usually indicate the widower isn’t ready for a serious relationship. If he exhibits any of these red flags, it’s more than likely he’s not ready to open his heart to you.

Red Flag #1: The Widower Hides You from Family and Friends

Most widowers start dating long before their children, close friends, and family are ready to see them with other women. Because widowers think their loved ones won’t support or understand their decision to date again (a decision the widowers themselves often can’t explain), they often keep their dating and relationships a secret for as long as possible.

It’s normal to be concerned about telling family and friends. These conversations are never easy, and it’s difficult to predict how others will react to this news. But widowers who are ready to open their hearts again will find the strength and courage to do it. Not telling others about your relationship becomes a red flag when widowers continually make excuses as to why it hasn’t happened yet. You’ll know it’s a red flag because you’ll feel like a mistress or a secret girlfriend.

Never tolerate being treated like some dirty little secret. When a widower hides you and your relationship from others, what he’s really saying is that he values the feelings of his loved ones more than he values you. Remember, men express their true feelings through their actions. When he intentionally hides you, keeps you from meeting loved ones, or purposely excludes you from family activities and get-togethers, what he’s really saying is that you’re not that important.

Over the years, I’ve talked with women who were literally asked to hide in a closet or wait quietly in another room when a widower’s friends or family stopped by unannounced. Other times, they were introduced as “just a friend” to the widower’s acquaintances. Some widowers refuse to eat at certain restaurants, shop at specific stores, or visit parts of town with their new girlfriends because they’re worried about running into someone they know. Other widowers plan dates or secret rendezvous only when they don’t interfere with planned family gatherings.

Widowers who are serious about opening their hearts will make introductions—no matter how difficult those announcements or meetings may be. The hardest conversation I had after dating again was telling Krista’s brother and grandmother that I was in a serious relationship with Julianna. I knew they were still grieving, and it would be difficult for them to know that just seven months after their granddaughter and sister’s death, I was in love again. Still, it was a conversation that needed to happen. Krista’s brother and grandmother were a big part of my life for seven years, and I knew it would hurt them even more to learn about my relationship with Julianna from someone else.

The more hesitant widowers are to tell others about the women they’re dating, the greater their internal doubts are about the relationship. Those who are confident about their feelings will have these conversations. For example, when Jennifer came to visit me for the first time, I waited until the last possible minute to tell my family she was coming. I only told them about Jennifer because I lived down the street from my parents, and there was no way I could hide the fact that I had a visitor. At the time, I rationalized my actions by telling myself I didn’t want to hurt the feelings of loved ones who were still grieving. However, when I became serious with Julianna a few months later, I never hid her or our relationship from anyone. In fact, I relished opportunities to introduce Julianna to everyone I knew. This change took place because I had no doubts about my feelings for Julianna. I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, and in order to do that, I had to integrate her into all aspects of my life.

By now, some of you are wondering when the widower should introduce you to friends and family. With close family members, it should happen soon after becoming exclusive. In cases where he’s worried about a negative reaction, it might be better for him to inform those he loves that he’s in an exclusive relationship before making face-to-face introductions. If introducing you in person isn’t practical or realistic, at the very least, the widower should let them know he’s in a committed relationship and who it’s with.

In my situation, I thought it was better to let Krista’s brother and grandmother know that I was in an exclusive relationship before they met Julianna. It was one of the most difficult conversations I’ve ever had. Even though they were both verbally supportive and were thankful that I had told them, I could sense that they didn’t understand how I could open my heart to someone else less than a year after Krista’s death. When I introduced them to Julianna a few weeks later, I could tell they were still struggling with my decision, but they were polite and welcoming. If I hadn’t had that previous conversation with them, I don’t believe the actual introduction would have gone nearly as well.

The only exception I make to this rule is when the widower has minor children living at home. When that’s the case, I think the relationship should be on solid ground before introductions are made. This, however, doesn’t give the widower license not to tell them what he’s doing. At the very least, his minor children should know that their father is dating, and he should give you a rough timeline of when introductions will happen. However, if he continually makes up excuses as to why you haven’t met his kids or keeps changing the deadline, he’s hiding you and not ready to open his heart.

Remember that you should expect the same behavior from a widower that you would from any other man. Don’t let widowers get away with treating you like a secret. You deserve and should expect to be treated like the center of his universe.

(Chapter continues after video)

Red Flag #2: You Remind the Widower of His Late Wife

Three months after Krista died, I created a profile on an online dating website. Back then, online dating was relatively new, and nowhere as sophisticated as the dating apps of today. After filling out some basic information about myself, I posted a single photograph, along with a paragraph about myself and what kind of woman I was looking to date. Then I started applying the website’s filters to see who came back as compatible matches.

Though I didn’t realize it at the time, I was inputting Krista’s characteristics into the search filters, and as a result, the site was returning women who looked somewhat like Krista and had similar interests and hobbies. I didn’t do this intentionally. However, at that point in my life, Krista was the only woman I’d had a serious, long-term relationship with. We clicked on so many levels that I unconsciously figured that by putting in Krista’s interests and personality traits, I’d find someone who would be a good match. Despite the site returning dozens of “compatible” women, I never clicked with any of them when we met in person. At the time, I didn’t understand why I couldn’t connect with someone with similar looks and interests. In hindsight, I realize I wanted those women to be just like Krista and duplicate that wonderful relationship we shared.

I tell this story because when widowers start dating, their frame of reference for what makes a compatible or desirable partner is based on the looks, personality, and interests of the late wife. They think that finding someone who looks familiar and acts similarly to the late wife will heal their heart. (I recommend that widowers date several different women when they re-enter the dating waters so they’ll get exposed to a diverse set of women with different personalities and interests.) I was initially attracted to Jennifer because she was very similar to Krista. Like Krista, Jennifer was tall, blonde, creative, and had an outgoing personality. We even matched up perfectly in the political and faith aspects of our lives. That alone brought me a level of comfort and familiarity that made it an easy decision to let the relationship become more serious.

The fact that you have similar looks or personality to the late wife isn’t a red flag by itself. You should become concerned if the widower tries to mold you and your relationship into a replica of the one he shared with his late wife. Fortunately, this is an easy red flag to identify. The four most common things widowers who are looking to reconstruct their relationship with their late wife will do are:

Verbally compare the two of you. This is usually done through subtle hints about the way the late wife did things and how much he enjoyed them.

Constantly point out physical characteristics that you and the late wife share.

Ask you to dress in the late wife’s clothes and/or behave like her while you’re out on a date or in the bedroom.

Constantly take you to the same places where he and the late wife ate, vacationed, and frequented while refusing to try new things with you.

If all this sounds creepy, it is. No cost dating app. If you find yourself dating a widower who exhibits one or more of these traits, note that healthy boundaries or better communication won’t fix this. He’s trying to re-create a part of his life that is gone forever by obliterating your unique personality and identity. He will never love you for who you are—only for who he thinks you can be. The best thing you can do if you find yourself in this kind of relationship is to end it immediately. In order for a relationship with a widower to grow and thrive, he has to love the new woman for who she is—not who he wants her to be. It’s a lesson I didn’t learn until I fell in love with Julianna.

When you’re dating someone who’s lost a spouse or partner, you’re entering an area of dating that not many people have experience of. You may worry that this person is always going to be talking about their spouse or that he or she will never give you the type of relationship you want. While those concerns are expected, they’re often not the case. Some people grieve over their lost partners, others may not have had the marriage they wanted. More often than not, it’s complicated. But your relationship with them doesn’t have to be.

Here are 10 tips for dating a widower you should know when starting your relationship:

1. Don’t get offended. It may take a while for you to have a relationship that’s as strong as their deceased partner, or you may never be put on the same pedestal. “When someone loses a spouse, they usually idolize the lost partner on some level, so don’t be threatened if they refer to them in adoring ways,” explains licensed psychologist, Dr. Wyatt Fisher.

2. Don’t ask for too much information about their spouse. Being a good listener is key in any relationship, but when you’re dating a widower don’t dig for information they don’t want to share. “It takes time to get to know someone and understand them,” explains Stef Safran, a relationship expert and dating coach. “Asking a lot of personal questions is no shortcut.”

3. Take it slow. Each person is different and it will take time to learn if the person you’re with is ready to be in a relationship again, so try to mirror the pace they’re taking. “It wouldn’t be any different than dealing with someone who’s divorced. It sometimes can take time to see if someone is ready for the relationship that you are,” says Safran.

4. Honor the memory. Regardless of how often they bring up the deceased, it’s important to respect them. “When they bring up memories of their deceased spouse, be sure to honor them with respectful language, such as ‘sounds like they were a great person’ or ‘I’m so sorry for what you’re going through,” says Fisher.

5. Watch out for warning signs. If your significant other is comparing you to their deceased spouse constantly or if there’s incessant talk about the death, it could be that they’re stuck in grief and it could get pathological. Get out if this sounds like your relationship, explains international dating coach, Cynthia Spillman. “He or she may not be emotionally available right now, but keep the door open if you want to.”

6. You may not be included. Be prepared for potential animosity. Spillman says this can come from his former in-laws as well as any children and even friends. “If they have children, don’t try and be their mother (or father). The best you can hope to be to them is a good friend.”

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7. Take honest stock of your expectations. It’s unpredictable and your date may be cycling in and out of the stages of grief, explains relationship expert, Linda F. Williams. “They may do more talking about their spouse than you might be in the mood to hear. But you’ll do the relationship a disservice if you expect them to compartmentalize that part of their lives. Focus on the friendship first. From there you might be more patient as they move through the process of grief.”

Dating A Widower Blog

8. Watch out for the rebound. “Sometimes when someone loses a spouse they try to find someone to fill the void. Be careful that person isn’t you. Be cautious dating anyone who has lost their spouse within the last 6-12 months,” says Fisher.

9. Don’t try to fill a void left by the loss. Nobody can. That’s too much pressure for anybody, and you shouldn’t take it on yourself. “If it appears that he or she is seeking someone to fill a hole their spouse has left, have an honest conversation about the matter. Then, based on that information, you might decide to permanently, or temporarily, end the relationship.” says Williams.

Dating A Widower Still Grieving

10. Do realize that widowers can make wonderful partners. “Sometimes there isn’t the bitterness that divorce can entail and sometimes there is a chance for their significant other to express that they want them to find love again,” says Safran.

Losing someone is always hard, but losing a spouse is a profound experience that effects much more than your single status. With the loss of a loved one, a whole life can change. When dating someone who’s a widower, respect the loss they’ve experienced and the changes they may have went through or may still be going through. But also respect yourself. It may be that you have a wonderful relationship with a wonderful person ahead of you, or it may be that your time with this person is another chance to grow.

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[wickedbananas]

How to Make Your Website More Secure (So Google Doesn't Punish You)

Posted by lkolowich

Thanks to the buzz around website hacking and personal data theft in recent years, most Internet users are aware that their sensitive information is at risk every time they surf the web.

And yet, although the personal data of their visitors and customers is at risk, many businesses still aren’t making website security a priority.

Enter Google.

The folks over at Google are known for paving the way for Internet behavior. Last month, they took a monumental step forward in helping protect people from getting their personal data hacked. The update they released to their popular Chrome browser now warns users if a website is not secure – right inside that user’s browser.

While this change is meant to help protect users’ personal data, it’s also a big kick in the pants for businesses to get moving on making their websites more secure.

Google’s Chrome update: What you need to know

On October 17, 2017, Google’s latest Chrome update (version 62) began flagging websites and webpages that contain a form but don’t have a basic security feature called SSL. SSL, which stands for “Secure Sockets Layer,” is the standard technology that ensures all the data that passes between a web server and a browser – passwords, credit card information, and other personal data – stays private and ensures protection against hackers.

In Chrome, sites lacking SSL are now marked with the warning “Not Secure” in eye-catching red, right inside the URL bar:

Google started doing this back in January 2017 for pages that asked for sensitive information, like credit cards. The update released in October expands the warning to all websites that have a form, even if it's just one field that asks for something like an email address.

What’s the impact on businesses?

Because Chrome has 47% of market share, this change is likely noticed by millions of people using Chrome. And get this: 82% of respondents to a recent consumer survey said they would leave a site that is not secure, according to HubSpot Research.

In other words, if your business’ website isn’t secured with SSL, then more than 8 out of 10 Chrome users said they would leave your website.

Ouch.

What’s more, Google has publically stated that SSL is now a ranking signal in Google’s search algorithm. This means that a website with SSL enabled may outrank another site without SSL.

That’s exactly why anyone who owns or operates a website should start taking the steps to secure their website with an SSL certificate, in addition to a few other security measures. Businesses that don’t take care to protect visitors’ information might see significant issues, garner unwanted attention, and dilute customer trust.

“In my opinion, I think security is undervalued by a lot of marketers,” says Jeffrey Vocell, my colleague at HubSpot and go-to website guru. “Almost daily, we hear news about a new hacking incident or about personal data that has been compromised. The saying ‘there’s no such thing as bad press’ clearly isn’t true here; or, at the very least, the marketer that believes it has never had to live with the fallout of a data breach.”

With Google’s Chrome update, those visitors will see a warning right inside their browsers – even before they’ve entered any information. This means businesses face the potential of losing website visitors’ trust, regardless of whether a cybersecurity incident has actually occurred.

If you’re ready to join the movement toward a more secure web, the first step is to see whether your website currently has an SSL certificate.

Do you know whether your site has SSL?

There are a few ways to tell whether your website (or any website) has SSL.

If you don’t use Google Chrome:

All you have to do is look at a website’s URL once you’ve entered it into the URL bar. Does it contain “https://” with that added “s,” or does it contain “http://” without an “s”? Websites that have SSL contain that extra “s.” You can also enter any URL into this SSL Checker from HubSpot and it’ll tell you whether it’s secure without having to actually visit that site.

If you do have Chrome:

It’s easy to see whether a website is secured with an SSL certificate, thanks to the recent update. After entering a URL into the URL bar, you’ll see the red “Not Secure” warning next to websites that aren’t certified with SSL:

For websites that are certified with SSL, you’ll see “Secure” in green, alongside a padlock icon:

You can click on the padlock to read more about the website and the company that provided the SSL certificate.

Using one of the methods above, go ahead and check to see if your business’ website is secure.

Yes, it does have SSL! Woohoo!

Your site visitors already feel better about browsing and entering sensitive information into your website. You’re not quite done, though – there’s still more you can do to make your website even more secure. We’ll get to that in a second.

Shoot, it doesn’t have SSL yet.

You’re not alone – even a few well-known sites, like IMDB and StarWars.com, weren't ready for Google's update. But it’s time to knock on your webmasters’ doors and have them follow the steps outlined below.

How to make your website more secure

Ready to protect your visitors from data theft and get rid of that big, red warning signal staring every Chrome user in the face in the process? Below, you’ll find instructions and resources to help you secure your website and reduce the chances of getting hacked.

Securing your site with SSL

The first step is to determine which type of certificate you need – and how many. You might need different SSL certificates if you host content on multiple platforms, such as separate domains or subdomains.

As for cost, an SSL certificate will cost you anywhere from nothing (Let’s Encrypt offers free SSL certificates) to a few hundred dollars per month. It usually averages around $50 per month per domain. Some CMS providers (like HubSpot) have SSL included, so check with them before making any moves.

(Read this post for more detailed instructions and considerations for SSL.)

Securing your site with additional measures

Even if you already have SSL, there are four other things you can do to make your website significantly more secure, according to Vocell.

1) Update any plugins or extensions/apps you use on your site.

Hackers look for security vulnerabilities in old versions of plugins, so it’s better to take on the challenges of keeping your plugins updated than make yourself an easy target.

2) Use a CDN (Content Delivery Network).

One trick hackers use to take down websites is through a DDoS attack. A DDoS attack is when a hacker floods your server with traffic until it stops responding altogether, at which point the hacker can gain access to sensitive data stored in your CMS. A CDN will detect traffic increases and scale up to handle it, preventing a DDoS attack from debilitating your site.

3) Make sure your CDN has data centers in multiple locations.

That way, if something goes awry with one server, your website won’t stop working all of a sudden, leaving it vulnerable to attack.

4) Use a password manager.

One simple way of protecting against cyberattacks is by using a password manager – or, at the very least, using a secure password. A secure password contains upper and lowercase letters, special characters, and numbers.

Suffering a hack is a frustrating experience for users and businesses alike. I hope this article inspires you to double down on your website security. With SSL and the other security measures outlined in this post, you’ll help protect your visitors and your business, and make visitors feel safe browsing and entering information on your site.

Does your website have SSL enabled? What tips do you have for making your website more secure? Tell us about your experiences and ideas in the comments.

Sign up for The Moz Top 10, a semimonthly mailer updating you on the top ten hottest pieces of SEO news, tips, and rad links uncovered by the Moz team. Think of it as your exclusive digest of stuff you don't have time to hunt down but want to read!

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[ubizheroes]

How to Make Your Website More Secure (So Google Doesn’t Punish You)

Posted by lkolowich

Thanks to the buzz around website hacking and personal data theft in recent years, most Internet users are aware that their sensitive information is at risk every time they surf the web.

And yet, although the personal data of their visitors and customers is at risk, many businesses still aren’t making website security a priority.

Enter Google.

The folks over at Google are known for paving the way for Internet behavior. Last month, they took a monumental step forward in helping protect people from getting their personal data hacked. The update they released to their popular Chrome browser now warns users if a website is not secure – right inside that user’s browser.

While this change is meant to help protect users’ personal data, it’s also a big kick in the pants for businesses to get moving on making their websites more secure.

Google’s Chrome update: What you need to know

On October 17, 2017, Google’s latest Chrome update (version 62) began flagging websites and webpages that contain a form but don’t have a basic security feature called SSL. SSL, which stands for “Secure Sockets Layer,” is the standard technology that ensures all the data that passes between a web server and a browser – passwords, credit card information, and other personal data – stays private and ensures protection against hackers.

In Chrome, sites lacking SSL are now marked with the warning “Not Secure” in eye-catching red, right inside the URL bar:

Google started doing this back in January 2017 for pages that asked for sensitive information, like credit cards. The update released in October expands the warning to all websites that have a form, even if it’s just one field that asks for something like an email address.

What’s the impact on businesses?

Because Chrome has 47% of market share, this change is likely noticed by millions of people using Chrome. And get this: 82% of respondents to a recent consumer survey said they would leave a site that is not secure, according to HubSpot Research.

In other words, if your business’ website isn’t secured with SSL, then more than 8 out of 10 Chrome users said they would leave your website.

Ouch.

What’s more, Google has publically stated that SSL is now a ranking signal in Google’s search algorithm. This means that a website with SSL enabled may outrank another site without SSL.

That’s exactly why anyone who owns or operates a website should start taking the steps to secure their website with an SSL certificate, in addition to a few other security measures. Businesses that don’t take care to protect visitors’ information might see significant issues, garner unwanted attention, and dilute customer trust.

“In my opinion, I think security is undervalued by a lot of marketers,” says Jeffrey Vocell, my colleague at HubSpot and go-to website guru. “Almost daily, we hear news about a new hacking incident or about personal data that has been compromised. The saying ‘there’s no such thing as bad press’ clearly isn’t true here; or, at the very least, the marketer that believes it has never had to live with the fallout of a data breach.”

With Google’s Chrome update, those visitors will see a warning right inside their browsers – even before they’ve entered any information. This means businesses face the potential of losing website visitors’ trust, regardless of whether a cybersecurity incident has actually occurred.

If you’re ready to join the movement toward a more secure web, the first step is to see whether your website currently has an SSL certificate.

Do you know whether your site has SSL?

There are a few ways to tell whether your website (or any website) has SSL.

If you don’t use Google Chrome:

All you have to do is look at a website’s URL once you’ve entered it into the URL bar. Does it contain “https://” with that added “s,” or does it contain “http://” without an “s”? Websites that have SSL contain that extra “s.” You can also enter any URL into this SSL Checker from HubSpot and it’ll tell you whether it’s secure without having to actually visit that site.

If you do have Chrome:

It’s easy to see whether a website is secured with an SSL certificate, thanks to the recent update. After entering a URL into the URL bar, you’ll see the red “Not Secure” warning next to websites that aren’t certified with SSL:

For websites that are certified with SSL, you’ll see “Secure” in green, alongside a padlock icon:

You can click on the padlock to read more about the website and the company that provided the SSL certificate.

Using one of the methods above, go ahead and check to see if your business’ website is secure.

Yes, it does have SSL! Woohoo!

Your site visitors already feel better about browsing and entering sensitive information into your website. You’re not quite done, though – there’s still more you can do to make your website even more secure. We’ll get to that in a second.

Shoot, it doesn’t have SSL yet.

You’re not alone – even a few well-known sites, like IMDB and StarWars.com, weren’t ready for Google’s update. But it’s time to knock on your webmasters’ doors and have them follow the steps outlined below.

How to make your website more secure

Ready to protect your visitors from data theft and get rid of that big, red warning signal staring every Chrome user in the face in the process? Below, you’ll find instructions and resources to help you secure your website and reduce the chances of getting hacked.

Securing your site with SSL

The first step is to determine which type of certificate you need – and how many. You might need different SSL certificates if you host content on multiple platforms, such as separate domains or subdomains.

As for cost, an SSL certificate will cost you anywhere from nothing (Let’s Encrypt offers free SSL certificates) to a few hundred dollars per month. It usually averages around $50 per month per domain. Some CMS providers (like HubSpot) have SSL included, so check with them before making any moves.

(Read this post for more detailed instructions and considerations for SSL.)

Securing your site with additional measures

Even if you already have SSL, there are four other things you can do to make your website significantly more secure, according to Vocell.

1) Update any plugins or extensions/apps you use on your site.

Hackers look for security vulnerabilities in old versions of plugins, so it’s better to take on the challenges of keeping your plugins updated than make yourself an easy target.

2) Use a CDN (Content Delivery Network).

One trick hackers use to take down websites is through a DDoS attack. A DDoS attack is when a hacker floods your server with traffic until it stops responding altogether, at which point the hacker can gain access to sensitive data stored in your CMS. A CDN will detect traffic increases and scale up to handle it, preventing a DDoS attack from debilitating your site.

3) Make sure your CDN has data centers in multiple locations.

That way, if something goes awry with one server, your website won’t stop working all of a sudden, leaving it vulnerable to attack.

4) Use a password manager.

One simple way of protecting against cyberattacks is by using a password manager – or, at the very least, using a secure password. A secure password contains upper and lowercase letters, special characters, and numbers.

Suffering a hack is a frustrating experience for users and businesses alike. I hope this article inspires you to double down on your website security. With SSL and the other security measures outlined in this post, you’ll help protect your visitors and your business, and make visitors feel safe browsing and entering information on your site.

Does your website have SSL enabled? What tips do you have for making your website more secure? Tell us about your experiences and ideas in the comments.

Sign up for The Moz Top 10, a semimonthly mailer updating you on the top ten hottest pieces of SEO news, tips, and rad links uncovered by the Moz team. Think of it as your exclusive digest of stuff you don’t have time to hunt down but want to read!

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[filipeteimuraz]

How to Make Your Website More Secure (So Google Doesn't Punish You)

Posted by lkolowich

Thanks to the buzz around website hacking and personal data theft in recent years, most Internet users are aware that their sensitive information is at risk every time they surf the web.

And yet, although the personal data of their visitors and customers is at risk, many businesses still aren’t making website security a priority.

Enter Google.

The folks over at Google are known for paving the way for Internet behavior. Last month, they took a monumental step forward in helping protect people from getting their personal data hacked. The update they released to their popular Chrome browser now warns users if a website is not secure – right inside that user’s browser.

While this change is meant to help protect users’ personal data, it’s also a big kick in the pants for businesses to get moving on making their websites more secure.

Google’s Chrome update: What you need to know

On October 17, 2017, Google’s latest Chrome update (version 62) began flagging websites and webpages that contain a form but don’t have a basic security feature called SSL. SSL, which stands for “Secure Sockets Layer,” is the standard technology that ensures all the data that passes between a web server and a browser – passwords, credit card information, and other personal data – stays private and ensures protection against hackers.

In Chrome, sites lacking SSL are now marked with the warning “Not Secure” in eye-catching red, right inside the URL bar:

Google started doing this back in January 2017 for pages that asked for sensitive information, like credit cards. The update released in October expands the warning to all websites that have a form, even if it's just one field that asks for something like an email address.

What’s the impact on businesses?

Because Chrome has 47% of market share, this change is likely noticed by millions of people using Chrome. And get this: 82% of respondents to a recent consumer survey said they would leave a site that is not secure, according to HubSpot Research.

In other words, if your business’ website isn’t secured with SSL, then more than 8 out of 10 Chrome users said they would leave your website.

Ouch.

What’s more, Google has publically stated that SSL is now a ranking signal in Google’s search algorithm. This means that a website with SSL enabled may outrank another site without SSL.

That’s exactly why anyone who owns or operates a website should start taking the steps to secure their website with an SSL certificate, in addition to a few other security measures. Businesses that don’t take care to protect visitors’ information might see significant issues, garner unwanted attention, and dilute customer trust.

“In my opinion, I think security is undervalued by a lot of marketers,” says Jeffrey Vocell, my colleague at HubSpot and go-to website guru. “Almost daily, we hear news about a new hacking incident or about personal data that has been compromised. The saying ‘there’s no such thing as bad press’ clearly isn’t true here; or, at the very least, the marketer that believes it has never had to live with the fallout of a data breach.”

With Google’s Chrome update, those visitors will see a warning right inside their browsers – even before they’ve entered any information. This means businesses face the potential of losing website visitors’ trust, regardless of whether a cybersecurity incident has actually occurred.

If you’re ready to join the movement toward a more secure web, the first step is to see whether your website currently has an SSL certificate.

Do you know whether your site has SSL?

There are a few ways to tell whether your website (or any website) has SSL.

If you don’t use Google Chrome:

All you have to do is look at a website’s URL once you’ve entered it into the URL bar. Does it contain “https://” with that added “s,” or does it contain “http://” without an “s”? Websites that have SSL contain that extra “s.” You can also enter any URL into this SSL Checker from HubSpot and it’ll tell you whether it’s secure without having to actually visit that site.

If you do have Chrome:

It’s easy to see whether a website is secured with an SSL certificate, thanks to the recent update. After entering a URL into the URL bar, you’ll see the red “Not Secure” warning next to websites that aren’t certified with SSL:

For websites that are certified with SSL, you’ll see “Secure” in green, alongside a padlock icon:

You can click on the padlock to read more about the website and the company that provided the SSL certificate.

Using one of the methods above, go ahead and check to see if your business’ website is secure.

Yes, it does have SSL! Woohoo!

Your site visitors already feel better about browsing and entering sensitive information into your website. You’re not quite done, though – there’s still more you can do to make your website even more secure. We’ll get to that in a second.

Shoot, it doesn’t have SSL yet.

You’re not alone – even a few well-known sites, like IMDB and StarWars.com, weren't ready for Google's update. But it’s time to knock on your webmasters’ doors and have them follow the steps outlined below.

How to make your website more secure

Ready to protect your visitors from data theft and get rid of that big, red warning signal staring every Chrome user in the face in the process? Below, you’ll find instructions and resources to help you secure your website and reduce the chances of getting hacked.

Securing your site with SSL

The first step is to determine which type of certificate you need – and how many. You might need different SSL certificates if you host content on multiple platforms, such as separate domains or subdomains.

As for cost, an SSL certificate will cost you anywhere from nothing (Let’s Encrypt offers free SSL certificates) to a few hundred dollars per month. It usually averages around $50 per month per domain. Some CMS providers (like HubSpot) have SSL included, so check with them before making any moves.

(Read this post for more detailed instructions and considerations for SSL.)

Securing your site with additional measures

Even if you already have SSL, there are four other things you can do to make your website significantly more secure, according to Vocell.

1) Update any plugins or extensions/apps you use on your site.

Hackers look for security vulnerabilities in old versions of plugins, so it’s better to take on the challenges of keeping your plugins updated than make yourself an easy target.

2) Use a CDN (Content Delivery Network).

One trick hackers use to take down websites is through a DDoS attack. A DDoS attack is when a hacker floods your server with traffic until it stops responding altogether, at which point the hacker can gain access to sensitive data stored in your CMS. A CDN will detect traffic increases and scale up to handle it, preventing a DDoS attack from debilitating your site.

3) Make sure your CDN has data centers in multiple locations.

That way, if something goes awry with one server, your website won’t stop working all of a sudden, leaving it vulnerable to attack.

4) Use a password manager.

One simple way of protecting against cyberattacks is by using a password manager – or, at the very least, using a secure password. A secure password contains upper and lowercase letters, special characters, and numbers.

Suffering a hack is a frustrating experience for users and businesses alike. I hope this article inspires you to double down on your website security. With SSL and the other security measures outlined in this post, you’ll help protect your visitors and your business, and make visitors feel safe browsing and entering information on your site.

Does your website have SSL enabled? What tips do you have for making your website more secure? Tell us about your experiences and ideas in the comments.

Sign up for The Moz Top 10, a semimonthly mailer updating you on the top ten hottest pieces of SEO news, tips, and rad links uncovered by the Moz team. Think of it as your exclusive digest of stuff you don't have time to hunt down but want to read!

Read more here - https://moz.com/blog/how-to-make-your-website-more-secure

[whitelabelseoreseller]

How to Make Your Website More Secure (So Google Doesn't Punish You)

Posted by lkolowich

Thanks to the buzz around website hacking and personal data theft in recent years, most Internet users are aware that their sensitive information is at risk every time they surf the web.

And yet, although the personal data of their visitors and customers is at risk, many businesses still aren’t making website security a priority.

Enter Google.

The folks over at Google are known for paving the way for Internet behavior. Last month, they took a monumental step forward in helping protect people from getting their personal data hacked. The update they released to their popular Chrome browser now warns users if a website is not secure – right inside that user’s browser.

While this change is meant to help protect users’ personal data, it’s also a big kick in the pants for businesses to get moving on making their websites more secure.

Google’s Chrome update: What you need to know

On October 17, 2017, Google’s latest Chrome update (version 62) began flagging websites and webpages that contain a form but don’t have a basic security feature called SSL. SSL, which stands for “Secure Sockets Layer,” is the standard technology that ensures all the data that passes between a web server and a browser – passwords, credit card information, and other personal data – stays private and ensures protection against hackers.

In Chrome, sites lacking SSL are now marked with the warning “Not Secure” in eye-catching red, right inside the URL bar:

Google started doing this back in January 2017 for pages that asked for sensitive information, like credit cards. The update released in October expands the warning to all websites that have a form, even if it's just one field that asks for something like an email address.

What’s the impact on businesses?

Because Chrome has 47% of market share, this change is likely noticed by millions of people using Chrome. And get this: 82% of respondents to a recent consumer survey said they would leave a site that is not secure, according to HubSpot Research.

In other words, if your business’ website isn’t secured with SSL, then more than 8 out of 10 Chrome users said they would leave your website.

Ouch.

What’s more, Google has publically stated that SSL is now a ranking signal in Google’s search algorithm. This means that a website with SSL enabled may outrank another site without SSL.

That’s exactly why anyone who owns or operates a website should start taking the steps to secure their website with an SSL certificate, in addition to a few other security measures. Businesses that don’t take care to protect visitors’ information might see significant issues, garner unwanted attention, and dilute customer trust.

“In my opinion, I think security is undervalued by a lot of marketers,” says Jeffrey Vocell, my colleague at HubSpot and go-to website guru. “Almost daily, we hear news about a new hacking incident or about personal data that has been compromised. The saying ‘there’s no such thing as bad press’ clearly isn’t true here; or, at the very least, the marketer that believes it has never had to live with the fallout of a data breach.”

With Google’s Chrome update, those visitors will see a warning right inside their browsers – even before they’ve entered any information. This means businesses face the potential of losing website visitors’ trust, regardless of whether a cybersecurity incident has actually occurred.

If you’re ready to join the movement toward a more secure web, the first step is to see whether your website currently has an SSL certificate.

Do you know whether your site has SSL?

There are a few ways to tell whether your website (or any website) has SSL.

If you don’t use Google Chrome:

All you have to do is look at a website’s URL once you’ve entered it into the URL bar. Does it contain “https://” with that added “s,” or does it contain “http://” without an “s”? Websites that have SSL contain that extra “s.” You can also enter any URL into this SSL Checker from HubSpot and it’ll tell you whether it’s secure without having to actually visit that site.

If you do have Chrome:

It’s easy to see whether a website is secured with an SSL certificate, thanks to the recent update. After entering a URL into the URL bar, you’ll see the red “Not Secure” warning next to websites that aren’t certified with SSL:

For websites that are certified with SSL, you’ll see “Secure” in green, alongside a padlock icon:

You can click on the padlock to read more about the website and the company that provided the SSL certificate.

Using one of the methods above, go ahead and check to see if your business’ website is secure.

Yes, it does have SSL! Woohoo!

Your site visitors already feel better about browsing and entering sensitive information into your website. You’re not quite done, though – there’s still more you can do to make your website even more secure. We’ll get to that in a second.

Shoot, it doesn’t have SSL yet.

You’re not alone – even a few well-known sites, like IMDB and StarWars.com, weren't ready for Google's update. But it’s time to knock on your webmasters’ doors and have them follow the steps outlined below.

How to make your website more secure

Ready to protect your visitors from data theft and get rid of that big, red warning signal staring every Chrome user in the face in the process? Below, you’ll find instructions and resources to help you secure your website and reduce the chances of getting hacked.

Securing your site with SSL

The first step is to determine which type of certificate you need – and how many. You might need different SSL certificates if you host content on multiple platforms, such as separate domains or subdomains.

As for cost, an SSL certificate will cost you anywhere from nothing (Let’s Encrypt offers free SSL certificates) to a few hundred dollars per month. It usually averages around $50 per month per domain. Some CMS providers (like HubSpot) have SSL included, so check with them before making any moves.

(Read this post for more detailed instructions and considerations for SSL.)

Securing your site with additional measures

Even if you already have SSL, there are four other things you can do to make your website significantly more secure, according to Vocell.

1) Update any plugins or extensions/apps you use on your site.

Hackers look for security vulnerabilities in old versions of plugins, so it’s better to take on the challenges of keeping your plugins updated than make yourself an easy target.

2) Use a CDN (Content Delivery Network).

One trick hackers use to take down websites is through a DDoS attack. A DDoS attack is when a hacker floods your server with traffic until it stops responding altogether, at which point the hacker can gain access to sensitive data stored in your CMS. A CDN will detect traffic increases and scale up to handle it, preventing a DDoS attack from debilitating your site.

3) Make sure your CDN has data centers in multiple locations.

That way, if something goes awry with one server, your website won’t stop working all of a sudden, leaving it vulnerable to attack.

4) Use a password manager.

One simple way of protecting against cyberattacks is by using a password manager – or, at the very least, using a secure password. A secure password contains upper and lowercase letters, special characters, and numbers.

Suffering a hack is a frustrating experience for users and businesses alike. I hope this article inspires you to double down on your website security. With SSL and the other security measures outlined in this post, you’ll help protect your visitors and your business, and make visitors feel safe browsing and entering information on your site.

Does your website have SSL enabled? What tips do you have for making your website more secure? Tell us about your experiences and ideas in the comments.

Sign up for The Moz Top 10, a semimonthly mailer updating you on the top ten hottest pieces of SEO news, tips, and rad links uncovered by the Moz team. Think of it as your exclusive digest of stuff you don't have time to hunt down but want to read!

from The Moz Blog http://tracking.feedpress.it/link/9375/7415455

[seocompanysurrey]

How to Make Your Website More Secure (So Google Doesn't Punish You)

Posted by lkolowich

Thanks to the buzz around website hacking and personal data theft in recent years, most Internet users are aware that their sensitive information is at risk every time they surf the web.

And yet, although the personal data of their visitors and customers is at risk, many businesses still aren’t making website security a priority.

Enter Google.

The folks over at Google are known for paving the way for Internet behavior. Last month, they took a monumental step forward in helping protect people from getting their personal data hacked. The update they released to their popular Chrome browser now warns users if a website is not secure – right inside that user’s browser.

While this change is meant to help protect users’ personal data, it’s also a big kick in the pants for businesses to get moving on making their websites more secure.

Google’s Chrome update: What you need to know

On October 17, 2017, Google’s latest Chrome update (version 62) began flagging websites and webpages that contain a form but don’t have a basic security feature called SSL. SSL, which stands for “Secure Sockets Layer,” is the standard technology that ensures all the data that passes between a web server and a browser – passwords, credit card information, and other personal data – stays private and ensures protection against hackers.

In Chrome, sites lacking SSL are now marked with the warning “Not Secure” in eye-catching red, right inside the URL bar:

Google started doing this back in January 2017 for pages that asked for sensitive information, like credit cards. The update released in October expands the warning to all websites that have a form, even if it's just one field that asks for something like an email address.

What’s the impact on businesses?

Because Chrome has 47% of market share, this change is likely noticed by millions of people using Chrome. And get this: 82% of respondents to a recent consumer survey said they would leave a site that is not secure, according to HubSpot Research.

In other words, if your business’ website isn’t secured with SSL, then more than 8 out of 10 Chrome users said they would leave your website.

Ouch.

What’s more, Google has publically stated that SSL is now a ranking signal in Google’s search algorithm. This means that a website with SSL enabled may outrank another site without SSL.

That’s exactly why anyone who owns or operates a website should start taking the steps to secure their website with an SSL certificate, in addition to a few other security measures. Businesses that don’t take care to protect visitors’ information might see significant issues, garner unwanted attention, and dilute customer trust.

“In my opinion, I think security is undervalued by a lot of marketers,” says Jeffrey Vocell, my colleague at HubSpot and go-to website guru. “Almost daily, we hear news about a new hacking incident or about personal data that has been compromised. The saying ‘there’s no such thing as bad press’ clearly isn’t true here; or, at the very least, the marketer that believes it has never had to live with the fallout of a data breach.”

With Google’s Chrome update, those visitors will see a warning right inside their browsers – even before they’ve entered any information. This means businesses face the potential of losing website visitors’ trust, regardless of whether a cybersecurity incident has actually occurred.

If you’re ready to join the movement toward a more secure web, the first step is to see whether your website currently has an SSL certificate.

Do you know whether your site has SSL?

There are a few ways to tell whether your website (or any website) has SSL.

If you don’t use Google Chrome:

All you have to do is look at a website’s URL once you’ve entered it into the URL bar. Does it contain “https://” with that added “s,” or does it contain “http://” without an “s”? Websites that have SSL contain that extra “s.” You can also enter any URL into this SSL Checker from HubSpot and it’ll tell you whether it’s secure without having to actually visit that site.

If you do have Chrome:

It’s easy to see whether a website is secured with an SSL certificate, thanks to the recent update. After entering a URL into the URL bar, you’ll see the red “Not Secure” warning next to websites that aren’t certified with SSL:

For websites that are certified with SSL, you’ll see “Secure” in green, alongside a padlock icon:

You can click on the padlock to read more about the website and the company that provided the SSL certificate.

Using one of the methods above, go ahead and check to see if your business’ website is secure.

Yes, it does have SSL! Woohoo!

Your site visitors already feel better about browsing and entering sensitive information into your website. You’re not quite done, though – there’s still more you can do to make your website even more secure. We’ll get to that in a second.

Shoot, it doesn’t have SSL yet.

You’re not alone – even a few well-known sites, like IMDB and StarWars.com, weren't ready for Google's update. But it’s time to knock on your webmasters’ doors and have them follow the steps outlined below.

How to make your website more secure

Ready to protect your visitors from data theft and get rid of that big, red warning signal staring every Chrome user in the face in the process? Below, you’ll find instructions and resources to help you secure your website and reduce the chances of getting hacked.

Securing your site with SSL

The first step is to determine which type of certificate you need – and how many. You might need different SSL certificates if you host content on multiple platforms, such as separate domains or subdomains.

As for cost, an SSL certificate will cost you anywhere from nothing (Let’s Encrypt offers free SSL certificates) to a few hundred dollars per month. It usually averages around $50 per month per domain. Some CMS providers (like HubSpot) have SSL included, so check with them before making any moves.

(Read this post for more detailed instructions and considerations for SSL.)

Securing your site with additional measures

Even if you already have SSL, there are four other things you can do to make your website significantly more secure, according to Vocell.

1) Update any plugins or extensions/apps you use on your site.

Hackers look for security vulnerabilities in old versions of plugins, so it’s better to take on the challenges of keeping your plugins updated than make yourself an easy target.

2) Use a CDN (Content Delivery Network).

One trick hackers use to take down websites is through a DDoS attack. A DDoS attack is when a hacker floods your server with traffic until it stops responding altogether, at which point the hacker can gain access to sensitive data stored in your CMS. A CDN will detect traffic increases and scale up to handle it, preventing a DDoS attack from debilitating your site.

3) Make sure your CDN has data centers in multiple locations.

That way, if something goes awry with one server, your website won’t stop working all of a sudden, leaving it vulnerable to attack.

4) Use a password manager.

One simple way of protecting against cyberattacks is by using a password manager – or, at the very least, using a secure password. A secure password contains upper and lowercase letters, special characters, and numbers.

Suffering a hack is a frustrating experience for users and businesses alike. I hope this article inspires you to double down on your website security. With SSL and the other security measures outlined in this post, you’ll help protect your visitors and your business, and make visitors feel safe browsing and entering information on your site.

Does your website have SSL enabled? What tips do you have for making your website more secure? Tell us about your experiences and ideas in the comments.

Sign up for The Moz Top 10, a semimonthly mailer updating you on the top ten hottest pieces of SEO news, tips, and rad links uncovered by the Moz team. Think of it as your exclusive digest of stuff you don't have time to hunt down but want to read!

from The Moz Blog http://tracking.feedpress.it/link/9375/7415455

[theinjectlikes2]

How to Make Your Website More Secure (So Google Doesn't Punish You)

Posted by lkolowich

Thanks to the buzz around website hacking and personal data theft in recent years, most Internet users are aware that their sensitive information is at risk every time they surf the web.

And yet, although the personal data of their visitors and customers is at risk, many businesses still aren’t making website security a priority.

Enter Google.

The folks over at Google are known for paving the way for Internet behavior. Last month, they took a monumental step forward in helping protect people from getting their personal data hacked. The update they released to their popular Chrome browser now warns users if a website is not secure – right inside that user’s browser.

While this change is meant to help protect users’ personal data, it’s also a big kick in the pants for businesses to get moving on making their websites more secure.

Google’s Chrome update: What you need to know

On October 17, 2017, Google’s latest Chrome update (version 62) began flagging websites and webpages that contain a form but don’t have a basic security feature called SSL. SSL, which stands for “Secure Sockets Layer,” is the standard technology that ensures all the data that passes between a web server and a browser – passwords, credit card information, and other personal data – stays private and ensures protection against hackers.

In Chrome, sites lacking SSL are now marked with the warning “Not Secure” in eye-catching red, right inside the URL bar:

Google started doing this back in January 2017 for pages that asked for sensitive information, like credit cards. The update released in October expands the warning to all websites that have a form, even if it's just one field that asks for something like an email address.

What’s the impact on businesses?

Because Chrome has 47% of market share, this change is likely noticed by millions of people using Chrome. And get this: 82% of respondents to a recent consumer survey said they would leave a site that is not secure, according to HubSpot Research.

In other words, if your business’ website isn’t secured with SSL, then more than 8 out of 10 Chrome users said they would leave your website.

Ouch.

What’s more, Google has publically stated that SSL is now a ranking signal in Google’s search algorithm. This means that a website with SSL enabled may outrank another site without SSL.

That’s exactly why anyone who owns or operates a website should start taking the steps to secure their website with an SSL certificate, in addition to a few other security measures. Businesses that don’t take care to protect visitors’ information might see significant issues, garner unwanted attention, and dilute customer trust.

“In my opinion, I think security is undervalued by a lot of marketers,” says Jeffrey Vocell, my colleague at HubSpot and go-to website guru. “Almost daily, we hear news about a new hacking incident or about personal data that has been compromised. The saying ‘there’s no such thing as bad press’ clearly isn’t true here; or, at the very least, the marketer that believes it has never had to live with the fallout of a data breach.”

With Google’s Chrome update, those visitors will see a warning right inside their browsers – even before they’ve entered any information. This means businesses face the potential of losing website visitors’ trust, regardless of whether a cybersecurity incident has actually occurred.

If you’re ready to join the movement toward a more secure web, the first step is to see whether your website currently has an SSL certificate.

Do you know whether your site has SSL?

There are a few ways to tell whether your website (or any website) has SSL.

If you don’t use Google Chrome:

All you have to do is look at a website’s URL once you’ve entered it into the URL bar. Does it contain “https://” with that added “s,” or does it contain “http://” without an “s”? Websites that have SSL contain that extra “s.” You can also enter any URL into this SSL Checker from HubSpot and it’ll tell you whether it’s secure without having to actually visit that site.

If you do have Chrome:

It’s easy to see whether a website is secured with an SSL certificate, thanks to the recent update. After entering a URL into the URL bar, you’ll see the red “Not Secure” warning next to websites that aren’t certified with SSL:

For websites that are certified with SSL, you’ll see “Secure” in green, alongside a padlock icon:

You can click on the padlock to read more about the website and the company that provided the SSL certificate.

Using one of the methods above, go ahead and check to see if your business’ website is secure.

Yes, it does have SSL! Woohoo!

Your site visitors already feel better about browsing and entering sensitive information into your website. You’re not quite done, though – there’s still more you can do to make your website even more secure. We’ll get to that in a second.

Shoot, it doesn’t have SSL yet.

You’re not alone – even a few well-known sites, like IMDB and StarWars.com, weren't ready for Google's update. But it’s time to knock on your webmasters’ doors and have them follow the steps outlined below.

How to make your website more secure

Ready to protect your visitors from data theft and get rid of that big, red warning signal staring every Chrome user in the face in the process? Below, you’ll find instructions and resources to help you secure your website and reduce the chances of getting hacked.

Securing your site with SSL

The first step is to determine which type of certificate you need – and how many. You might need different SSL certificates if you host content on multiple platforms, such as separate domains or subdomains.

As for cost, an SSL certificate will cost you anywhere from nothing (Let’s Encrypt offers free SSL certificates) to a few hundred dollars per month. It usually averages around $50 per month per domain. Some CMS providers (like HubSpot) have SSL included, so check with them before making any moves.

(Read this post for more detailed instructions and considerations for SSL.)

Securing your site with additional measures

Even if you already have SSL, there are four other things you can do to make your website significantly more secure, according to Vocell.

1) Update any plugins or extensions/apps you use on your site.

Hackers look for security vulnerabilities in old versions of plugins, so it’s better to take on the challenges of keeping your plugins updated than make yourself an easy target.

2) Use a CDN (Content Delivery Network).

One trick hackers use to take down websites is through a DDoS attack. A DDoS attack is when a hacker floods your server with traffic until it stops responding altogether, at which point the hacker can gain access to sensitive data stored in your CMS. A CDN will detect traffic increases and scale up to handle it, preventing a DDoS attack from debilitating your site.

3) Make sure your CDN has data centers in multiple locations.

That way, if something goes awry with one server, your website won’t stop working all of a sudden, leaving it vulnerable to attack.

4) Use a password manager.

One simple way of protecting against cyberattacks is by using a password manager – or, at the very least, using a secure password. A secure password contains upper and lowercase letters, special characters, and numbers.

Suffering a hack is a frustrating experience for users and businesses alike. I hope this article inspires you to double down on your website security. With SSL and the other security measures outlined in this post, you’ll help protect your visitors and your business, and make visitors feel safe browsing and entering information on your site.

Does your website have SSL enabled? What tips do you have for making your website more secure? Tell us about your experiences and ideas in the comments.

Sign up for The Moz Top 10, a semimonthly mailer updating you on the top ten hottest pieces of SEO news, tips, and rad links uncovered by the Moz team. Think of it as your exclusive digest of stuff you don't have time to hunt down but want to read!

from The Moz Blog http://ift.tt/2mvK39t via IFTTT