#¨Yeah I noticed you were super fucking creepy¨

[caterpillarinacave]

Aww, thanks. I´ve got like four versions of that AU ranging in accuracy to folktales and canon show, haha. It´s my detailed, fucked up, little baby that I´ve never actually shared with the world. The things I would do with it if I could draw.

Is it a coincidence that I, a small Irish child with a deep and abiding love for folklore, particularly will-ó-the-wisp cryptids, managed to a select a favorite character with a will-ó-the-wisp allusion and love them unconditionally for years before finding out about it?

I think not.  

[tryingtofindava]

i saw the tyler fic u did where instead of him being impale, it was his gf! do you think u could do that but with aiden’s gf and the ceiling? 🫶

── SHE HIT THE FLOOR! NEXT THING YOU KNOW!

{[AIDEN CLARK X FEM! READER]}

A/N: is the title lyrics from Low by Flo Rida? Yes. Do I think I’m hilarious for this? Also yes.

: ̗̀➛Back to Source

Covering Ashlyn’s ears with your own shaking hands as she trembles from the crazily loud bangs coming from Taylor’s shotgun.

Watching as she shoots the ever loving fuck out of the creepy massive centipede. “… Yeah, uh- Tay, it stopped moving.” Aiden nodded with an uncomfortably big smile, though his semi assuring words fell upon deaf ears.

Giving her a thumbs up as he’s crouched right beside you while you help Ash, having a hand on your shoulder and giving you light squeezes to comfort you or himself, you couldn’t tell.

Taylor upon taking notice that creature is in fact dead…. Hopefully… She lowers the gun as Logan comes up behind her, grabbing her shaking hand soothingly. “We need to hurry in case it recovers.” He spoke reassuringly to the panting Taylor.

Watching the others rummage around the small office while you stood watch at the doorway, was a stressful experience having to keep watch to make sure no phantoms got in and keeping watch over Tyler (who was getting patched up by Ben).

.And no one could find the keys… “Where are they?!” Taylor seethed, slamming shut another keyless drawer.

“Coach must’ve moved them again!” The brunette complained while starting to sigh through another drawer. “Does he move them often?” Ashlyn asked doing her own searching.

“Yeah, because idiots like Jay and Conner keep messing with them!” She scoffed. You would’ve giggled at Taylor being so frustrated for what seems like the first time ever if it wasn’t for your current situation.

You were leaning against Aiden who was fiddling with his army knife, flicking the blade out and flicking it back. “I feel a minor sense of Deja-vu.” He murmured in your ear while smiling to himself. It never failed to amaze you how your boyfriend could always smile no matter what was going on around him. “We have 3 minutes left,..” Logan called out.

Ashlyn perked up at a certain sound her super hearing picked up on, she looked over at you and Aiden. “Guys, there’s a straggler.” Carrot-top warned. Aiden sniggers, nudging you “Yeah, I can hear it running.”

And with that he stabbed the smiling demon monster right in the face, making you cringe at the disgusting squelch sound it made pulling the knife out of the phantoms face. “Got it!” Aiden hummed enthusiastically, skipping over to Ash to show her the black substance it left on his knife.

She of course rolled her eyes, ignoring the blondes antics, her eyes falling back to you. “Is there anymore, Y/n?” She quipped in curiosity.

You peaked out the door, looking left and then right. “Uhhh… nope, we’re good.” You answered, looking over your shoulder at her.

The walls and ground shook, “Huh…?” You mutter to yourself in confusion. “EVERYONE GET UNDER SOMETHING!” You heard someone yell, you were too busy keeping yourself balanced to register anything else in the moment.

POP

The last thing you saw was Aiden reaching out to you, before the ceiling collapsed. “Y/N!” He shrieked, racing towards you. That’s when it all went black.

“C’mon! Get her under the table!” Taylor helped Aiden carry you to the table, everyone crawling under it. Logan, Ben and Taylor hiding under the desk on the other side of the room.

Aiden cradled your body in his arms, rocking back and fourth with he was staring at your face in horror. Blood was leaking from your forehead, and it was also trickling from your nose.

Aiden was on the verge of tears as she wiped the blood from your nose, that’s when he noticed your eyes were wide open and an unsettling grin stretched across your face.

In the real world Aiden shoots up from his sleeping spot, looking around the room until his eyes fell on your shaking form. “Y/N!” He yelled out again. Which caught the attention from the adults in the room over, including your parents/parental figure.

Before he could even get to you, the adults were already around you. Trying to assist your violently thrashing form. You coughed and wheezed, “I’m okay! I’m fine!” You assured the adults, while also trying to calm your heart and and breathing. “-M okay, really…!”

Aiden pounced on you, hugging you tightly, muttering incoherent words while pressing small pecks to your hair and forehead. You leaned into his touch, tears welling up in your own eyes just like his own.

“Don’t scare me like that again.” It was the first time you’ve ever heard him sound so serious…

[sixosix]

UR EVENT IS SO CUTE !! n u already know who im requesting for whehwhw

shinsou, chemistry textbook (sorry), fluff

CONGRATS AGAIN u deserve 5k more 💗💗💗

a/n hi kei THANK YOU SO MUCH I LOVE YUO and i knew this was coming, i could smell it miles away. the moment you sent an ask i was already bracing myself for the word hitoshi...

notes 1.2k words, WARNING CURSING,  everything is normal and hitoshi is peacefully  in 1-A au, bit of crack i fear, but fluff nonetheless

5K EVENT SPECIAL | EVENT MASTERLIST

It was study night.

Unsurprisingly, Midoriya was the first to sit on the couch, textbook and pen in hand. No one could ever dream of beating Midoriya Izuku—not even Iida or Yaoyorozu, who was pretty normal about intense studying habits. Everyone else followed after him, and soon enough, the common room began to get crowded. Bakugou was fuming, with sparks coming from his palms as he yelled at his friends, were you even listening to class?! while Mina and Sero howled with laughter, Kirishima and Kaminari were trying their best, and Midoriya was waving his hands, spluttering, calm down, Kacchan! You’re disturbing the others! Promptly followed by a drawn out: HAAA? It was a miracle they even got Bakugou Katsuki to tutor them.

And it was fun. It was lively, and you felt at home, but someone was missing, and you noticed his absence right away.

You hesitated. Shinsou was fairly new in the class—and although he adjusted well considering the class welcomed him with open arms, he was still a little distanced. You wanted to close the distance. Hitoshi seemed like a nice guy, just a little shy. (“You just think he’s cute, don’t you?” Imaginary Uraraka whispered in your ear, all leery and uncomfortably hitting too close.)

You slipped away from the class, and you were really hoping you were as stealthy as you thought, but Uraraka’s eyes seemed to have snapped to yours like she was starring in a horror movie. You froze.

“Where are you going?” Uraraka asked sweetly. You regretted telling her about your crush every time shit like this happened.

“I forgot my pen,” you said, then dashed off before Iida or Midoriya could offer theirs.

Your room was on the same floor as Shinsou’s—the fourth floor, by the far corner; his was beside Bakugou’s, while yours was beside Mina’s. Your rooms were technically—almost—across from each other.

But as you reached the fourth floor, you hesitated. Would it seem creepy if you went to fetch him? You didn’t want to come off as eager, but you also didn’t want to act disinterested. Augh. This was too complicated. Having a crush was too complicated.

Running on frustration, you took this as an opportunity to man the fuck up and knock on his door. Knock, knock. You instantly flamed in embarrassment.

There was a bit of clanging from inside, as if not expecting anyone to have checked up on him—which was a reasonable deduction. You might have been pushing too hard.

The door slowly inched open and revealed Shinsou, with his brows furrowed and lips pulled downward before it morphed into surprise as you waved sheepishly.

“Y/N,” he said, and you shouldn’t be surprised that he knew your name—everyone introduced themselves to him, and he isn’t super fresh to your faces—but that didn’t make it any easier to hear your name in his… gorgeously low voice.

“Hey,” you said, then felt immensely pathetic. Seriously? Hey? In response to that? The only appropriate response was to swoon and faint on his chest. “I—uh, we were wondering if you wanted to join study night, in case you didn’t know.”

“Oh.” He blinked, then looked embarrassed. “Yeah, I know about that. Uh, I was looking for my textbook. I couldn’t find it…”

“Ohh,” you said, like the perfect conversationalist you were. “I can let you borrow mine. If you want, I mean.”

And in classic Y/N fashion, you began to think. What if you missed something? What if looking for his textbook was his excuse not to join? What if you inadvertently pressured him into joining?

“Ah, really?” And then Shinsou smiled, and angels started singing. It was only a quirk on one side, but it was there. It was there, and it was goddamn beautiful. “Thanks.”

“N-No problem,” you said weakly, a deflated balloon.

You moved backward like you were hypnotized as Shinsou stepped forward and shut the door behind him. He was tall, but something else about his presence seemed bigger about him. You silently thanked Eraserhead for training Shinsou.

Shinsou scratched the back of his nape and asked, “Should we go, then?”

Like a moth drawn to a flame.

When the elevator dinged, the class turned and greeted you and Shinsou, even when you were already there before. Uraraka was quick as ever; she was grinning wide like a mother too excited to encourage her children to interact with their peers. You glared at her when Shinsou’s eyes curiously slipped to where you were staring. Then everyone turned back to mind their business; whether it was mercy on your humiliation or politeness for Shinsou’s shyness, you were just grateful.

But there was a problem.

Shinsou realized it at the same time as you, too. There was no space left where the class had gathered: the long row of tables and chairs. You could’ve sworn you had a seat beside Todoroki Shouto, but it was not there anymore.

Shinsou craned his neck and gestured at a suspiciously empty green loveseat by the corner. “We should just sit over there?”

“Yes,” you said, hoping that you didn’t sound too delighted. “Yes, uh, you’re right. Which textbook were you looking for?”

“My Chemistry one was missing.” Oh, Chemistry, for once a blessing to your life.

With a skip in your step, you walked to the table and returned to where Shinsou was waiting patiently. This was wonderful. You were on cloud nine. You sat beside Shinsou, with a bit of distance out of respect, but distance didn’t matter when it was just you and him in this corner.

“Thank you,” Shinsou murmured—ohhh, he murmured; how is it possible for a teenage boy to have his voice get that low?—and settled in his seat, fingers thumbing your textbook open. He still looked a little tense, but you were really hoping it was not because of you.

“No problem,” you said, beaming up at him. You pulled out your English textbook because you didn’t want to seem lazy in front of him. “If you have questions about the quiz, you can ask me!”

Shinsou cocked a brow and tilted his head. “You understand this?”

He gestured at the equations printed by the far end of the pages. In truth, it made your head hurt and your eyes water just looking at the equation that most likely had the same length as a paragraph, but you knew nothing. If drawing Lewis Structures until your hand is cramped and you went cross-eyed and determining the molecular structure of liquids was your only ticket to talking with Shinsou, then—well… Chemistry was your favorite, now.

“Sure,” you said.

“I’ll be in your care, then,” Shinsou said lowly.

Ahh, so charming. You hoped your eyes weren’t in the shape of hearts.

While 1-A studied relentlessly—and violently, thanks to Bakugou—you and Shinsou were tucked in the corner, murmuring to each other about Thermodynamics and shit. He was a fast learner and cracked jokes at the right time. It felt like you had known him forever.

At some point, Shinsou drifted off and started talking about cats. You didn’t know how, either, but the lull of his voice made you hardly care. Then, at some point, your head ended up on Shinsou’s broad shoulder as you slept. You wouldn’t have seen it because you were off in dreamland and most likely dreaming about Shinsou, but Shinsou had smiled fondly and stayed there. He wondered if it would be too obvious if he borrowed another textbook tomorrow.

[urlocalnonbinarybastardwrites]

ok like my last ask but opposite

f!greaser who looks all pretty, haunted and scared and the gang + Tim and Curly being attracted to her. She has big doll eyes, low haunting voice- you have fun

Heck yeah I’m thinking like pretty dead girl aesthetic kinda vibes

Ponyboy Curtis

-thinks you’re super intriguing

-liked just watching you and seeing what you do

-he draws and paints you fr

-he just finds you hauntingly beautiful and fascinating

-you immediately stood out to him as a person

-you have super deep conversations with him at night

-looking at the stars with him while he softly kisses your cheek

-has written poetry about you and never showed you

Johnny Cade

-you both met at the lot

-he saw you sitting there, just looking at the fire you’d created

-he saw something in your eyes… sad and beautiful

-you reminded him of himself

-he tentatively walked over to you, and got the strongest urge to hold your hand

-which he resisted, silently sitting next to you as you turned your attention towards him

-with your big doll eyes

-they reminded him of Two Bits sisters only doll growing up, an antique porcelain one, a bit creepy

-you both have a silent understanding of each other that no one else quite understands

Sodapop Curtis

-sun and moon istg

-you were in the gas station, stopping by to grab something quick to drink

-as soon as he laid eyes on you he was pretty much in love

-he loved the way you looked

-people often told him his eyes were something you could get lost in

-but man, they didn’t meet you

-he immediately started hitting on you

-and when you reacted a bit startled and unsure of what to do

-he was like okayyyyy won’t do that again

-but over time his comments made you smile more and more

-until you somehow managed to say yes to a date with him

Darry Curtis

-he was walking to the store to pick up things for breakfast

-when you walked past

-no one else was out this early in the morning, everyone was inside having breakfast or sleeping in late

-but you were strolling through for whatever reason

-and you turned his head

-he noticed the subtle way you flinched

-when he tried calling you for your attention

-and when he finally looked at you he thought you were surely one of the most pretty broads he had ever seen

-something so mysterious yet beautiful, scared yet brave

-he does most of the talking for you, and yall are very cute together

-he’s so overprotective

Dallas Winston

-he was smoking in an alleyway when he saw you

-he whistled at you, and you flinched as he continued with some remarks

-“Well that’s a damn fine broad if I ever saw one”

-you seem uncomfortable

-“C-can you please stop?”

-you say, not much louder than a mouse, flashing him those big, scared, haunting eyes of yours

-it hit him like a bus

-and he did stop

-less out of respect and more out of shock but whatever

-later he approached you still with a cocky grin, but a less… asshole attitude

-you didn’t like him at first

-but he learned to have a soft spot for you just like Johnny

-you guys are so cute, and he’s super protective over you like Darry and Tim

Two Bit Mathews

-when he first met you

-he made a shit ton of jokes what do you expect

-“Damn, Dolly, how do you fit those eyes on your face?”

-“I bet you have some 20/20 vision with those telescopes.”

-“My sister has a porcelain doll just like you.”

-and at first you were a bit uncomfortable

-but shyly started cracking a small grin at his quips

-which boosted his fucking ego my guy

-made it skyscraper high

-you guys are cute together tho

-you always be there to silently giggle at his jokes

Steve Randle

-it was his shift at the gas station instead of sodapops

-and when he saw you he was like whoa

-he would pretend not to care and secretly memorized lots of things about you

-he notices the small behaviors everyone misses

-your flinching, your quiet nature, the way you always paid in only coins for everything

-your pretty brown bag you carry everywhere with you

-one day he asks you out, and you say yes

-you liked Steve quite a bit

-such an awesome couple

Tim Shepard

-ok so yk how you and soda are opposites like sun and moon?

-well you and Tim are opposites like fire and ice

-he saw you whenever he was in the middle of jumping a Soc

-you looked terrified and ran away at the mere sight

-he dropped the soc and instantly ran after you

-which you noticed and silently picked up your pace

-eventually he caught up and asked you to slow down

-you hesitantly did

-you looked up at him with those big doll eyes and he knew he was in love

-you flinched when he tried to grab your hand and he instantly felt bad

-he explained that was only someone who didn’t pay him back for something and he’d never hurt you

-you’re quite wary of him

-but the moment you kinda realized you liked him back was whenever he defended you

-from some creeps saying vulgar things

-you help ground him and calm him and he helps you be a bit braver

Curly Shepard

-you met in detention

-you were getting in trouble for something that wasn’t your fault because you couldn’t speak up for yourself

-and he was in there for lord knows what

-he’s never seen you around before or noticed you

-but now that he does…. Wow

-you look like you belong in a poem

-one of those fancy worded ones he’ll never understand

-you start playing with the paper on your desk, folding it as he kicks your chair you jump up

-“Sorry. Didn’t know you were so… uh- jumpy.”

-“Please don’t do that again.” You say softly, giving him earnest eyes

-he nods, not really paying too much attention to what you said and more focused on your eyes

-when you sit back down, he realizes how much he’s intrigued by you

-he moved to sit next to you, smirking

-over a bit of him trying to get to know you and you ignoring him

-you finally tell him your name

-“Y/n.”

-“Y/n, huh? I like that. It fits you”

[experimentfae]

Could you do yandere Adam with a small imp/succubus hybrid reader who's incredibly shy and selectively mute? They're pretty much a precious little kitten, considering they have cat-like behavior and instincts, but don't be fooled. They can and have killed many. I can imagine them meeting when they go with Charlie when she goes to meet Adam and Lute in her father's place. (This is pretty much my oc from my yandere hazbin hotel/helluva boss x oc fanfic. Ps, they write what they want to say on a small whiteboard they carry with them. They will hiss, growl, scratch, and bite you if they don't like you or are scared and in a state of fight or flight)

Yandere Adam x Shy! Imp/succubus hybrid! Reader

Oneshot

⋆��ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

You believed it would have been any normal day in hell not expecting Charlie to ask you to come with her to meet the leader of the exterminator’s.

“Wait really, but how? And why me?” “Well (y/n) I trust you and you’re the nicest demon I know.” she wouldn’t be saying that if she knew of all the killing you did but you kept that to yourself “I- um.” You looked as she gave you puppy eyes you could never say no, especially to your best friend.

“Sure I’ll go.” She then hugged “thank you, thank you now come on let’s get going.” You immediately as she sang her song the others watching you two leave.

After the song ended and you two made it to the Heaven Embassy, but when you guys walked in it was very creepy to say the least why were the light not on? “Uh a-are they available?” You questioned looking around “They should be, my dad never usually wrong about this stuff.” Just then a gold sign in sheet for in front of Charlie face.

This made both of jump in shock “totally not creepy.” Charlie spoke, she is definitely right this is weird but Charlie signed her name in and the letter suddenly lift up to the hell knows where then suddenly a door opened.

“This is still super creepy.” You whispers Charlie seemed to ignore it as she went through the door and you followed after “uh hello is anyone, here?” “Sup.” This made you both jump you hid behind the chair immediately, You see an Angel eating rips with another Angel behind him.

Charlie introduced herself and Adam seems genuine for a moment until he figured out he was just a Hologram “ha! I fucking got you did you see that shit?” “Yes sir.” He then laughed fucking hilarious. Just then his eyes moved to you “uh, who that with you there?.” This grabbed Charlie’s attention. “Oh this (y/n) there here to really sell the point that I’m making here.

You avoided eye contact. But this didn’t seem to faze him if you looked and if Charlie noticed you two would have seen the look of lust he gave you.

Then Adam suddenly talked about his life and his one night stand on the weekend just some other stuff. But then Charlie remembered the meeting was almost over so Charlie was talking about the hazbin hotel and the good it can from it, Adam didn’t seem to care half of the time he was looking at you or interrupted her.

Let’s just say he didn’t agree then he threw Charlie out but held you back for a moment “I need to talk to you… lute keep an eye on that one shrugging towards Charlie.

“Wait what a- Charlie got interrupted due to lute closing the door behind her. You let a cat like hiss feeling that you’re in danger what fucked up shit is he gonna do, cut your head off as a warning or something like that these thoughts fueled your anxiety until Adam spoke.

“Oohh feisty but chill out babes.” You felt your tail wag in irritation “let me give a little proposal I might give you a good word with upper management she also known as sera but I’ll only do it if you let me take you out.”

Your eye’s widen in shock “what?” He smirked “I know, someone as hot as ME taking you out, but yeah it’s the real deal babes, so I’m gonna take it as a - “n-no.” You clench your hands “that’s a weird joke or?” “I-it means n-no.” This shocked him “what, I’m fucking Adam the first man! I’m fucking awesome even princess what her face seemed to agree with that.” He growled out.

You did it bother to continue this conversation heading towards the door “Hey don’t walk from me so soon.” You felt him grab your wrist you now felt more terrified at the end of the day you knew he had more power in his hand then you would have you’re entire life.

“Or do I need to do something else? How about I consider her little passion project? Sounds good to you?” This made you hesitate “I… for the fist time you looked in the eyes and saw how he looked at you with hunger, but this could really help Charlie and her cause, you believe in her. “Ok I’ll… I’ll go with you on that date.” he smiled “perfect I’ll pick you up this weekend oh and no worry it ain’t gonna be down here on this dumpster fire, I’ll pull some strings and give you a day in heaven for the date, see a babes.”

You left without a goodbye feeling Shame, Charlie ran up to you “(y/n) are you ok?, what happened? What did I he do?” You didn’t have the heart to tell her “I… I don’t want to talk about it.” You looked away just wanting to go back to the hotel, thankfully Charlie siding push it even though she looked worried.

It’s been a week and today is the date. Well you u are going to heaven so maybe you should dress your best.

“(Y/n) what making you dress in such a fancy attire.” You looked to see alastor “oh it’s just I have a, uh date of sorts.” His smiled widen and his eyebrow arched “oh who is the companion?” You became nervous “it’s- it’s um some guy named Archer, he want’s to take me to… um bloodysteaks that new restaurant in the gluttony ring.”

He did it seem to buy it but this was entertaining enough to him so he riding question any further “if you say so, I guess we’ll see you later on.” “Yeah see ya later on Alastor.” Just then you heard a knock from you’re window. You looked to see Adam himself “who the fuck was that and wow sexy as hell babes, got dressed up for me that’s sweet.”

You groaned in annoyance and let him in “thanks, now let me open that portal and we are on our way.” He opens the heaven portal and you went through to see a beautiful city “wow.” “Yeah fucking wow this is paradise, now let me take you to ‘heavenly delights’ the most fanciest restaurant in town. you had to admit it really look like a paradise even the sidewalk looked super clean.

“But seriously who the fuck was that guy you were talking to?” “Wait alastor, he’s just a friend.” He rolled his eyes “what?” “What, what you mean what, he look like he wanted fuck you, I’m the only one who’s allowed to do that.” Allowed? This guy really is entitled but you didn’t stand up to him afraid of what would happen if you did.

You guys made it to the restaurant but realization hit you “wait how did you know I was in the hazbin hotel?” He seemed surprised by that answer “well I… let’s just order the food ok babes?” You didn’t push it thought if you had to take a guess he has been watching you this week.

Adam order for you due to your shyness You guys got your food and the food was really delicious, he guys made small talk, the worst part is you kinda liked his company, just that he kinda is a douchbag most of the time. “Alright but seriously let me pull some strings and you can be living here with me.” “I just need you to give the green light to the hazbin hotel Adam.”

He laughed “oh right that, I’m gonna be honest hot stuff I’m never gonna give green light to that thing.” You became frozen “what.” “I said what I said I’ll never agree to that.” “But you say- “I said I would consider it, doesn’t mean I’ll agree it. Ok now you felt stupid “and I know you said didn’t want to be here but, I already made arrangements and got your sexy ass into heaven.”

Your tail stood up in shock and felt your face contort to shock you really hard the Earle to chock him like your other victims. “yeah I know admit you love it, you love the idea of living here.” You immediately got up and left the restaurant “hey what the hell?!” Spoke Adam as he flew after you “I didn’t want that!” You yelled with tears in you’re eyes “oh come on you will be the first hell born into heaven but pretend that your a human, because sinner is no but a HELLBORN making it into heaven, a hell no, I had to tell sera some bullshit story.” He stated.

You looked away from him “oh calm on you love it up here eventually, you will look hotter then you already do and besides the effects are starting right now.” “Wait what?” You felt feather on your back and you touched your head to feel a halo “Oh no.” “Oh yes!”

“Wait can I at least say goodbye to my friend’s” you asked tears in your eye’s “hmmm, no, oh and don’t think about leaving me because if you do I’ll just make sure you’ll be a target in the next extermination.” You were shocked “yeah I love you babes put sometimes tough love is needed.”

“But I- I” he shushed you “now come on you will love it here and overtime you’ll learn to love me.”

<- Back to MasterList or back to Hazbin Hotel

[nuttytani]

Oh no! My suicidal big tiddies man got isekai'd

fandom: honkai star rail

characters: blade and gender neutral reader

tw: none except- maybe not proof read?

a/n: a silly birthday gift for my lovely friend here @tsubaki3192

It was currently 2 AM and you have been playing video games for hours now. Looking at the time made you instinctively yawn and stretch those stiff arms. You were interrupted by a strange gurgling sound coming from somewhere…. Actually, it was just you and your hungry tummy. Since it was super late to cook anything (and risky because it might wake up the entire house), you quickly sneaked into the kitchen and rummaged through the fridge.

There were no leftovers. Just some sauce bottles, pickles, butter and milk. The fridge was positively empty of any food. There wasn’t even bread. What were you going to do with sauce and pickles? That didn’t sound appetising at all.

“Awe… There’s nothing,” you said while closing the fridge. Then you opened it again and finally grabbed that milk. That was your only hope.

At least it’s good for my bones, calcium and shit yeah?

Your legs and particularly knees have been creaky and making weird popping noises recently. Maybe those bones might be thanking you for the milk. Chuckling to your silly thoughts, you head back to your room, with a cup of milk and proceed to turn your computer off.

A weird green horizontal line appeared on your screen and your wallpaper surrounding that line turned pixelated. The speaker connected to your computer emitted creepy static-y noises like those really old radio. Something was not right and that something would land you in shit because this wasn’t some cheap ol’ computer. You painstakingly saved up for this bad boy after hours of part time jobs here and there while also struggling with your uni life. The model wasn’t anything new but it was good enough for you and it was your baby. That very baby was dying in front of you. You needed to fix it.  You instantly scrambled back into your chair and tried to check for cables. Maybe some cables were loose. Before you could even touch a wire, the entire screen turned green and turned black. The static noises stopped as well.

“Well… Guess I’m doomed.” You slide your hands down your face and slump down like that Shinji in a chair meme. If this was some horror story though this would be the perfect timing for a hacker or weird murderer to send a message like “I see you” or something of the sort. Actually, what if some weirdo dark web hacker was onto you and wanted to kill you for whatever reason?

Okay, that’s it. This was sleep deprivation talking. You need sleep. Like right now. There’s no hacker that wanted to murder you, it’s probably the lack of sleep frying your brain cells. You were a normal college student, trying to survive in this cutthroat dog-eats-dog world. Even if something does happen, it won't happen to you. Well, your computer dying aside…. NPCs such as yourself don’t get “fun privileges”.

That’s what you thought about 5 minutes ago when you didn’t have a razor-sharp blade pointed at your eye and you laid in your bed wondering what wrongs you committed in your past life that was happening to you. Did you steal a priest's robe? Did you offend some god by swearing at them? Fuck you past life self.

The person holding the sword was still hunched over you and didn’t move their sword. Not even a single centimetre. One wrong movement and you could lose your lovely sight once and for all!

“What is this place and who are you?” asked the person. Judging by their deep voice they were probably a man. They sounded really familiar. You squinted your eyes at the person. Hmmm, bluish-black hair, red highlights… He had some… Real nice assets... Meaning nicely shaped tits…. Hmmm.

“W-what are you doing!” the person raised their voice in surprise and took a step back.

Oh, they must have noticed you ogling. Was it that obvious? You keep staring at their assets because who knows when you’ll have the chance next time? And then your attention finally falls on his sword, it was a deep black that slowly turned into red towards the end and the shaft of the sword had golden crack patterns, you assumed it’s kintsugi.

Wait hold up, that sword looked too familiar. You have seen that many times.

“Holy shit! Are you Blade? Like the Stellaron Hunter Blade?” you exclaimed at the person.

“....Yes. Don’t you dare call the IPC. Or you will face my sword.”

“Well, I’ve been facing your sword for 10 minutes now…. Oh my god, I can’t believe I’m talking to THE Blade. One and only Blade. Like actually from Honkai Star Rail? Who is basically lovers to enemies with Dan Heng? Can I touch you? Actually, I always thought your hair was pretty, can I please braid it?”

Blade was speechless and looked like a fish out of water and slowly sheathed his sword.

“Am I dreaming right now or is this what you call a sleep-deprived hallucination… I can’t tell.”

You were met with silence… He didn’t reply.

“I guess it’s a hallucination. ‘Mkay, goodnight, Mr. Dream-slash-hallucination-Blade.”

Just like that you slumped back into your bed, closed your eyes and snoozed.

.

Blade was left terribly confused.

Well, he was a Stellaron Hunter, you should be scared for your life. He kills people for a living. Most people would just have one glimpse of him and go running down the hill while screaming for their lives. But you didn’t? Even when you knew his identity? And his not-widely-known relationship with Dan Heng?

Clearly, you didn’t see him as a threat. He also noticed the way your eyes lingered around his chest.

Silver Wolf did say that he had “some big tiddies” for a man. Whatever that meant. And he’s currently stuck in this room. He had no idea how he ended up here. Just that he was speaking with Kafka about their latest “script” and the details given by Elio. And poof. Some strange glitch happened, and he ended up here. In this tiny room. A huge mess of a room. It was devastating to look at. The desk was covered with stacks of unorganised documents and some random trashy novels. There were also a few strange items that looked nearly identical to him… he tries to recall Silver Wolf’s terminology sessions… Merch? Clothes were all thrown over the office chair like it was some cover.  And the bookshelf was a wreck. An absolute wreck. He could even see how your closet wasn’t even fully closed! How many things were just packed in there?

Looking at the room triggered his migraine. He needed to do something about the state of this room, as soon as possible. Since he basically had nothing to do, he decided to clean stuff up. He organised your shelf– the books were in the order of the genre as well as the titles. He folded and hung your clothes and lined them up according to colour, as well as length. Cleaned up your desk, put away your documents into your drawer, hung up the merch on your cork display, vacuumed and mopped your floors and everything else that he noticed that was out of place.

By the time he was done it was already morning.

.

The birds were shining– no, hold up, that’s wrong, it was supposed to be the sun was shining. Yeah so, the sun was shining! The birds were singing! But why was your favourite game character in the flesh, right in front of you. Were you still dreaming? That’s impossible. You were definitely 100% awake. So you decided to simply stare at the video game character, who was acting like a total malewife cleaning your room. Your mind quickly flashed a Pikachu surprised face at the scene. You were sure that your face was looking like that too.

After what felt like an eternity of staring, you finally spoke, “So you’re real….?”

“Unfortunately, yes,” Blade replied in a deadpan voice and a straight face.

Ok so he was real. That was established. Here’s the issue though. How were you going to keep a used-to-be-a-bunch-of-pixels-but-isn’t-anymore man in your room and your house? How were you going to explain this strange man being present in your room overnight to your family? Although you loved your suicidal big tiddies, man…. He needed to go. All those isekai stories and novels you read never talked about what to do when a fictional man just poofs into your house that you share with your family. How does one handle the situation? Someone better make a novel on this now… How does anyone even expect to cope with something like this? What to do now?

You muttered under your breath while thinking and paced around the room like a manic and started, “Should I hide you under the bed? No, you’re too huge for that. My closet doesn't have enough space for you either…. Oh, maybe you can hide in the bushes? Like jump out of my window and stay in there… for some time till I call for you.”

Blade motioned to you to shut up. Fair enough. You guess you were being too loud. Suicidal man needed some quiet time, you supposed.

“No need, I can simply do this.” Blade snapped his finger and he disappeared into thin air. There was another snapping sound, and he came back.

“This is a high-tech feature made by the Stellaron hunters that helps us to appear as if we’ve become transparent,” Blade explained.

“Cool. You should have just told me that sooner.”

And that is how your daily life with the suicidal big tiddies man started. Well it started-ish. He needed to go back to his universe but he said that the Stellaron Hunting could wait. Blade decided that he was on a paid vacation. Thankfully he could still converse with his colleagues, and they were figuring out how to get him back, although they assured you and Blade both that it wouldn’t be a difficult task except it might take a few months till Blade could reunite with the Stellaron Hunters. In the meantime, however, you were tasked to take care of Blade by Kafka and Silver Wolf. 

You and Blade had lots of fun, or at least you think he did. Every day was like a sleepover. Having facials and putting on face masks on each other while watching movies. Or playing some multiplayer games. Blade sucked at gaming, so you had to teach him a bit. You also read him trashy romance novels and even some funny fanfics to him. One day you two even went out to go shopping for some clothes because your big tiddies man could not wear the same pair of clothes every day. Plus, he needed some variety and those cowboy jeans needed to go. Immediately. He looked funny with them on, and no one wore bell bottom jeans in this era.

Though Blade was very sad to part from his fanservice clothes, he fell in love with hoodies and sweatpants. He said they were soft and comfortable to wear. He also wore his hair in a high ponytail or a low bun to blend in with others. You suggested him to get his hair trimmed but he didn’t like that suggestion at all. Blade even gave you a nasty glare for that.

Meanwhile, your family thought you were getting too lonely because they kept hearing you talk to yourself or “someone”. They tried to gently poke you about it every now and then since they were concerned for your mental health, but you would always brush them off.

Recently they saw you holding hands with thin air. Your family definitely knew something was going on now. They even considered calling an exorcist because that was so weird. They even heard a man’s voice speak.

That’s a whole different story though. Maybe for another time!

Until then, Fin <3.

a/n: yeah this was very crack and not serious lol.

here's my taglist if you ever wanna get notified about my fic/hc posts!

[sparrowrye]

Alastor x Fem! Reader {soulmates} Part 6

Synopsis: soulmate AU where you have the same mark on your body as your soulmate, and if your soulmate dies, you die too. Alastor needs to make sure that his soulmate is safe so he can continue his reign - whatever that takes.

Part 6: expanding horizons

Part Pilot | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Husker spent the next morning teaching me how to hold my human appearance. It took several practice tries before I could switch between Human me and Demon me. Afterwards, I spent the rest of my time outside staring off into space.

I still didn't know how to wrap my head around...well, myself. Husker had been right, holding a human appearance took effort. I couldn't hold it for long and ended up letting my demon side out most of the time. It was cool, yeah, but scary. What else did I not know about myself?

"Hey," Husker called from the door. "You busy?"

I scoffed. "Does it look like it?"

He padded to his chair and sat down facing me. "Do you...want to talk?"

"About what?" I stared at the tree line.

"About...this new side of you?"

"What's there to talk about?"

We both fell silent. I felt bad. I knew Husker was trying to help. It made me uncomfortable to talk to him, though. Would he spill to Alastor some of the things I said? Did Husker himself have motivations against me? It didn't seem likely but there was always the probability.

"Have you been to hell?" I finally asked. I didn't want to talk about myself but there was a whole other world I supposedly came from.

"Yeah, a few times," he replied, "I mostly grew up on the surface though. In the gambling district."

"So you play cards, huh?"

"A few." He slipped a card into his fingers, spun it, and made it disappear a second later. I chuckled.

"What's it like?"

"Dark. Creepy. Lawless. And a fuck ton of red."

"Is it really...hell or just..."

"It's really hell."

"I thought demons were just a form of spirits."

"I wouldn't know the specifics of things like that," he waved his hand, "but I do know that demons have their demonic look and hid among humans when they first crawled on the surface. Our history is supposedly recorded in some fancy library down in hell."

"What uh...does this mean I'm a Full mage?"

"Mmhm," he nodded.

"So I can do things like you and Alastor."

"Well, things like me sure. Alastor is a bit different."

"How?" I pushed.

"Well, in hell, demons who rise through the ranks are called Overlords. They own hundreds and thousands of souls down there. They all seem to have some kind of...super magic. Something specific to them. But Al...he's a completely different monster."

"Why does no one know that you exist?"

He shrugged. "We phased out. Everyone has magic now from the first demons so it's not really...important I guess."

"True but how come demons aren't taking over places like the Overlords?"

"Our powers are dampened a little up here. We're governed by the laws of Mother Nature. In hell, it's a different story."

I fell quiet as my mind made a map with all the information he had given me. I looked down at my black claws and rubbed my fingers together. It felt like I was still in a dream of some sort.

An idea sprung into my head. "Can you teach me how to fly?"

Husker's eyes widened as he looked at my black wings. Then he touched his chin as he thought for a moment. "Sure, why not? But not now..." he motioned for me sit back down. "It's too breezy and there's a storm coming in. Not the best air for learning."

I sat back in the chair and felt the wind. He was right. The wind was stronger and the air smelled more earthy. Speaking of smells, my nose curled when Husker opened another bottle. The alcohol ran straight for my nose and I rubbed at it furiously with the back of my hand.

That's when I noticed my heightened sense of smell. I could smell the old wood of the house, the small fire in the fireplace, and a bunch of other smells I hadn't noticed before. My ears flicked as I picked up the sound of a bird's wings flapping overhead. It flapped its way into the tree line and disappeared back to its nest.

"What is it?" Husker asked.

"I can...I can hear and smell everything." I probably looked like I was in a trance as I walked into the old home to discover the little smells and noises. Everything that was normal sounded so incredibly loud. The small fire crackling sounded like it was right next to me. And of course I could hear Alastor's footsteps as he walked around upstairs.

Husker taught me how to dampen loud noises like the faucet running or the door squeaking open. He made a comment about how I had the most sensitive hearing he’s ever heard of. His tricks helped tremendously to clean up dinner that night.

"Can you show me how you fixed the floor?" I asked him, tapping my clawed feet on the new tile. He looked between me and the floor before agreeing. He always seemed to be a little unsure when I asked him something like that. Was he worried I would use it against him? Or was he worried what Alastor might do?

He went to the study/library and ran his paw across a dusty side table. The top of it came back squeaky clean like it was freshly bought. "Try with one of the legs," he instructed, "Imagine your picking up all the dirt and dust."

The first and second time did nothing. I knew how to use Slight magic so why was Full magic so much harder?

"Use your imagination," he tried next. "And take your time. This is something new."

I clenched my hands into fists for a second before releasing the anger slowly. I took a deep breath. Wrapping my claws carefully around the wood, I dragged my hand down the leg and imagined the wood turning shiny. I opened my eyes and found a clean leg at the very least.

"Keep practicing. You have to exercise your magic muscle," Husker said. 

"Sure."

"You have time tonight. Alastor told me he and Rosie had something to take care of tonight."

"Oh, okay." I tried to hide my disappointment. With every meeting I had with Rosie, the more I discovered about my past. I wanted to remember my mother's face so badly. At the very least I knew she didn't purposefully leave me in the rings. Her hand had been forced.

"Try with something simpler." He held out an old lightbulb.

****

As Husker helped me learn and relearn my physical and magic abilities, I started to notice Alastor watching. If I was outside learning to fly, he was on the porch watching. If I was learning to use Full magic in the field, he was watching from one of the many windows. If I was in the library practicing on different objects, he somehow managed to appear in the sitting room observing me quietly.

I mentioned it to Husker but he simply brushed it off as one of Alastor's weird habits. That didn't mean I had to be okay with it.

Husker was fixing the electricity in the dinning room while I was practicing lighting the fire in the sitting room. I had seen Alastor and Husker snap their fingers but when I did it, nothing happened.

"It's all about intent, dear." I jumped at Alastor's voice. He stood behind me with his hands behind his back like always. The stupid cane was like a third eye for him.

"I've got it." I turned my back to him and stared down at the dead logs. I heard him walk past me and sit in one of the chairs, his red eyes never leaving me. I let out a tense sigh. "What do you want?"

"Absolutely nothing."

I scoffed. "I find that hard to believe." I tried again with the fire but nothing happened. "Why are you always watching me?"

"What ever do you mean, dear?"

"Stop calling me that. And I mean every time I'm doing something you're hiding somewhere watching me."

"Is it a crime to watch my soulmate?"

"Don't call me that either." My tail whipped hard against the floor. I was getting frustrated with him and myself. I knelt down and grabbed one of the embers. I could ignite my own hand but how could I not ignite a simple stick?

"Sometimes it's all about imagination," he said, drumming his claws against his cane. "Surely that's not something you're lacking in."

My lip curled in a snarl. I looked down at the hot ember and put it in the corner of the fire place. I looked at one of the logs and closed my eyes. I remembered seeing Full mages lifting air when they wanted to move something. Maybe I could do something similar.

I turned my hand palm up and pictured small flames sticking out from under the wood. They slowly grew bigger until they were catching the neighboring logs on fire. I felt the heat on my face and snapped my eyes open to a working fire. My shock turned into a smile. I had done it.

"Nicely done," Husker said from the stairwell. I stood up and brushed off my pant leg.

"Yes well done," Alastor commented from his chair. "You've got a lot of potential. We just need to harness it properly."

"We?"

"Yes, we." He stood and stepped up to me. He always came ridiculously close, forcing me to take a step back. I noticed that I had grown an inch or two in my demon form, putting me exactly at his shoulder height. ���You and me. And Husker of course. But even he has his limits." I heard an angry cat growl from Husker in the dinning room.

"So now that I have power you're interested all of a sudden."

"Of course," he chuckled. "Before I thought you were a meager human with no redeeming qualities. But now I see you have some sweet secrets hidden in that mind if yours."

"I expect nothing less from the Radio Demon. Everything's some kind of string you can benefit from."

"I'm sure you'll come to understand me the more you discover about your power." He put a hand on my shoulder again.

"I don't think I will." I pulled his hand off.

****

I met with Rosie again but I made zero progress. She told me to write down any dreams or memories I had and to keep practicing with my magic. Apparently, I had gotten over the biggest hill but now everything was slow and steady.

I spent the following days restoring the old house to its proper glory. As slow and tiring as it was, I felt accomplished at the end of every day. I had restored all the flooring so they didn't creak so loudly and cleaned up the walls. Thanks to Husker, working electricity reached all over the house.

The library was the next room to be restored properly. I hated spiders but having magic solved that problem for me. I started practicing with using magic from afar so I didn't have to deal with them. Husker thought it was funny.

"My, I love what you've done to the place." Alastor manifested in the middle of the room. I rolled my eyes and shook the curtains until the dust had disappeared and their true colors shone through. Using magic was getting easier but it still made me exhausted. "I knew this old house just needed a woman's touch."

"Well you sure weren't going to do it," I said as I passed him. I took off the color glass shade of a lamp and ran my hand across it.

"I must say, this type of work suits you better than running about on the streets."

I placed the clean shade back on the lamp and took a deep breath. "You ought to remember I'm not your fucking housewife." I turned to find him barely an inch from me. I tilted my head back to stare up at his angry red eyes. My horns were the only thing that were taller than his shoulders.

"You ought to remember my rule about such foul language. It doesn't suite you."

I licked my lips and swallowed hard. Everything in me tensed as I straightened, closing the distance between us. My hands were sweating. "Fuck. You."

His hand grabbed my jaw and shoved me into the bookshelf. I pulled on his wrist as spit dripped out the corners of my mouth. I couldn't swallow with his hand pressed so tightly under my jaw. Breathing felt like I was sucking air through a pillow.

"Let this be your last warning, darling," the radio static coated his words, "Next time I will silence your defiance for an extended period of time. I'm sure you wouldn't want that." I looked up at his yellow smile with half closed eyes. "Now apologize, dear."

What!?

My tail whipped against the bookshelf and I pressed my claws into his wrist. I couldn't understand how someone of his stature had the strength he had. I wanted to swallow so bad.

"I'm waiting, love."

I felt something sharp poke above my lip. He dragged his claw along my upper lip and pressed it painfully in the corner of my mouth. I whined and tried to drop my weight to no avail.

"Three..." he started counting. I wanted to cough but I didn't dare. He pressed harder into the corner of my mouth. I pushed my foot against his leg but something pulled it back down. I couldn't see what had done it.

"Two..." I could see a mark on the corner of his smile that matched the injury he was giving me.

"One-"

"S-sorry."

"What was that dear?" He turned his head and lessened his assault only slightly.

"I'm s-sorry," I sputtered.

"For what, love?"

"For...for cursing."

"Thank you for the apology, darling." He let go and I stumbled to my knees. I swallowed first before coughing a bunch. I touched the puncture wound in the corner of my mouth. "I do hope you've learned your lesson." His feet melted into the shadows and the next second he was completely gone.

My face was hot with embarrassment. I went to the kitchen and padded my lips with warm water. Husker came to check on me but I waved him off. I know he had witnessed it. Even if he wanted to interfere, I don't think he could.

As terrifying as it was, I wasn't ready to give in so easily. Alastor would learn that he still had to treat me like a normal human being. If there was one thing I had learned from the rings, it was how to never give up.

[borbygorlinbbqworld]

The Resort

---

For saving his life, your friend Georgie had booked you at a resort as payment.

"Just make sure you don't eat or drink before going to this place, and just go along with their process. Won't tell you why, but you'll thank me later."

'This place,' he had explained, was a resort for men. It sounded similar to a brothel, but Georgie insisted it was a ritzy, upscale place. Given you were his only non-billionaire friend, you begrudgingly accepted his word as truth.

So when you arrived and your personal guide showed you to your large penthouse suite overlooking the ocean on one side (and a very public hotspring bath), you were glad you took his advice. Even the bathroom had an oversized shower you were certain was larger than your shoddy apartment.

After letting you get settled, your guide returned to the door with a young woman.

Her long auburn hair hung in waves that curved around her chest. You couldn't help but notice she was extremely busty, if not otherwise petite. The cute brunette had attempted to go with a modest shirt, but the buttons gaped huge holes from the massive tits trying to pop them open. The outline of her bra was clearly visible through the thinner fabric. The bra itself must not have been padded or lined in any way, because her fat areolas made their presence just known enough for your dick to twitch.

Oh fuck...

"This is Estie. She will be taking care of you this week. You, and only you." With a curt bow, your guide left you standing, still staring at Estie's tits.

It took you a moment, but you finally remembered staring was rude. You shook yourself. "Sorry. I didn't mean to be creepy... I'm just... I'm really not sure what this place is about."

Estie smiled sweetly and tucked an auburn strand of hair behind her ear. "Your friend booked you here, right Master?

You were sure she was forced to call you that, but hearing her say it definitely stiffened your cock. "Yeah."

"Well, he booked you a week at our resort, where we pamper men through nourishment and sensuality." She dropped her gaze, a slight blush creeping across her cheeks as she twirled a piece of hair. "He booked you in for our VP package."

"You mean VIP?"

In shaking her head, her huge melons swayed this way and that. "No... Virgin Premium, Master."

Your mouth went dry. Georgie may have had a sense of humour, but surely he didn't think you were a virgin? Unless... could it have meant something else?

Your stomach growled, reminding you of your decision to take your friend's advice in the first place. Estie looked a little uncomfortable at the sound and pressed her and against the side of her boob; it was the same sort of motion you'd seen your sister do to check how full she was before feeding your nephew.

And, if you had to be honest, Estie's breasts looked really fucking full. And not just because they were big tits to begin with, but the buttons that had already been struggling to keep her huge mammaries contained started popping open one by one. With each release, her swelling breasts pushed her shirt open, until finally you were left looking at a pair of fleshy fat mounds. Blue veins ran along her skin, connecting to what you assumed had to be her nipples. Though the tiny bra was still in place, the thin fabric was only able to cover most of her areolas.

Better off yet, the pink fabric was damp at the spots her hard nipples poked through.

"Uh-Uhmm..."

Words. You could barely manage them. Between your ravenous stomach, hard-as-a-rock dick, and urge to squeeze those massive udders, your body was at a stand still.

As she stepped further into your room, closer to you, her tits sloshed. "You must be super hungry."

"Y-yeah..."

Drip. Drip. Drip.

Her beads of milk spattered against the hardwood. This girl was literally so full of milk, her expanding breasts were leaking. You had to tuck your rock-hard dick up into the brim of your boxers, hoping it would contain it.

"Did you know a woman's breasts can tell how hungry you are, just from your saliva, or lack thereof?"

Your own mouth felt dry, thirsty. What you wouldn't give to be below those leaking udders right now...

"I'm a virgin, but they give us fertility drugs so we can assist with your nourishment needs... among other things."

So that's what Georgie had meant by coming hungry. Still...

"O-Other things...?"

Estie nodded. "Virgin premium members are permitted to... impregnate us to keep us lactating, Master."

The brim of your boxers wasn't enough to hold back your erection it throbbed and slipped from its confine so it stood at attention. It had been a while for you, but the head dampened with precum at the thought of burying your seed deeply within her.

Her breasts swelled again. With the sound of stretching fabric, her thin bra finally snapped, letting those ginormous milky mounds free. Her rouge areola looked more than a mouthful, but her hardened, leaking nipples begged you to try anyway.

The gravity of her swelling breasts pulled her forward, and Estie squeaked.

"They can also tell when you're horny, Master," she whispered breathlessly. "Would you rather I relieve your hunger or sexual urges first?"

What a choice to have to make.

Evidently, the stricken feeling was pasted all over your face, because she gave a little giggle. Estie walked over to your bed, her swollen mammaries sloshing so much milk around, the droplets turned to tiny rivers running down her stomach.

She sat at the foot of the bed, her nipples grazing her thighs as her breasts had expanded to take up all her torso.

Food first, you decided.

You knelt down before her and reached a shaking hand out. She let out the tiniest squeak as your fingertips grazed her warm skin; her tit were soft, but so fucking full. Daring to go further, you squeezed the front most part of her breast, as much of a handful as you could manage.

She moaned as hot milk sprayed you in the face.

"I-I-I'm so sorry!"

You licked your lips. Her milk was sweet, like milk candy, and you knew you needed more. And given how much her tits were already soaked and leaking, you were willing to wager she probably needed to be emptied.

You took her swollen udders in you hands, lifting them up and down and feeling the milk slosh inside like water balloons close to popping. They weighed a ton!

Without another thought, you put your mouth to her nipple and gave a gentle suckle. Your mouth flooded with delicious milk you happily guzzled.

More.

On your knees in front of her, you nursed on her one breast while the other soaked your shoulder. She snaked a hand through your hair and gave a huge sigh of relief, which made your dick give a wild twitch.

Never before had your sweat pants felt so tight, but there you were with a massive erection needing release.

You let go of her breast, your lips making a loud pop when you unlatched. You were still so hungry, but incredibly horny.

You gyrrated your hips against her legs as you guzzled more delicious milk from her other breast. After finally getting your fill, you knew you needed to relieve yourself.

Yanking her panties down wouldn't have been in your normal repertoire of moves, but then again, you hadn't been this horny before.

As you shoved your cock in her, you both let out a pleasureful moan. You jammed it deep inside her, savoring just how fucking tight she felt around your throbbing cock. With each thrust, she made a sound that drove you mad with desire. You couldn't stop humping her, even if you wanted to at this point.

"Make... sure... you... cum... inside... me... Master..."

It was the final word that made you release your load. You thrust it deeply inside her, feeling your balls give everything they had. With another few pumps, you pulled out and stared down at her n the bed.

On her back, her massive breasts were leaky, fat mountains whose veins were slightly less prominent. She panted, her eyes hooded with pleasure. Though you knew there was far more that came out of you, only a little bit of cum had seeped out of her.

She sat up and bit her lip as she stared at you. "I... I didn't know it would feel so good..."

You smirked. "Guess you won't be giving anyone else the Virgin Premium package anymore, huh?"

---

🐮❤️

[sidekick-hero]

You know I'm a show off (I would let you get some)

(steddie | explicit | 6.4k | AO3)

And so begins the longest ten minutes of Eddie Munson's life.

He's standing there, the sun beating down on them, but he's sweating for a completely different reason as he watches Steve contort himself to reach every last inch of his precious BMW. His shorts are riding dangerously high, just barely revealing the curve of his round ass more than once. There are moles all over his skin, like constellations waiting to be explored by adventurous hands and lips. The hair on his legs looks soft, so light it's almost blonde, and Eddie wants to run his fingers over it, scratch the creamy white skin of his inner thighs and leave his mark on that perfect body.

Or: Steve washes his car just for Eddie to get it dirty again.

Eddie was going to die. Death by sexual frustration. Or spontaneous combustion. Maybe a heart-attack. No matter how, his neighbor would be the death of him.

He and his best friend Chrissy just moved into the duplex three weeks ago, but Eddie was already on the brink of insanity. Just last week he had to witness said neighbor — Steve, the most boring name for the most exciting creature he ever laid eyes on — water his garden in nothing but red swimming trunks, his skin glistening in the sun like that creepy vampire Chrissy was so obsessed with. Eddie had wanted to lick every drop of sweat from his body, soothe the blooming sunburn on his shoulders and nose with his spit, and ask him to water something else with his hose.

And to add insult to injury, the guy was not only gorgeous, but nice. Like, super nice. He's always polite, always handing out smiles like candy on Halloween. He never stares at Chrissy in that sleazy way that too many guys do. There are no loud parties. Hell, the guy even separates his garbage. Eddie's pretty sure he also rescues kittens from trees in his spare time.

When they had moved in, Steve had come over and offered his help, just like that. Being a little overwhelmed and a lot exhausted from moving both of their belongings in one day, they had gratefully accepted. Steve had carried box after box, his biceps straining against the sleeves of his polo shirt. Despite the heat and the sweat running down his face and neck, he smelled heavenly every time he walked by Eddie. He would brush up against him or press in close as they both tried to lift something from the moving truck, and Eddie had to close his eyes and will himself to calm down. He was sure he'd get a hard-on every time he smelled Steve's cologne from now on.

Today's special torture was Steve washing his car in front of his garage. Wearing nothing but a white tank top and the shortest jean shorts Eddie has ever seen in his life, which is saying something considering his best friend is an ex-cheerleader. What the fuck was this guy thinking? Does this count as assault?

The top and shorts were already soaked, clinging to Steve's body like a second skin and leaving little to the imagination. Not that Eddie's imagination didn't still run wild with what it was given. So wild, in fact, that Eddie doesn't even notice how he all but drops the groceries he was trying to carry to the house back into his van, and walks over to the godlike creature, who is acting out a scene that could have come straight out of one of Eddie's wet dreams.

He only realizes what he's doing when Steve looks up from where he's been scrubbing the hood of his car with a soapy sponge and asks him, "Uh... can I help you?"

"I noticed you're washing your car," Eddie says dumbly.

The corners of Steve's lips twitch like he's hiding his amusement. "Yup," he says, popping the p. "Want me to wash yours? I already have everything out.”

Eddie glances at Steve's crotch before he can stop himself and thinks, I wish you would.

"Yeah," he says dreamily, licking his lips. He can't remember what Steve asked, but the answer would always be yes, as long as he could stand here and stare at him.

"Great. I'm almost done here, then we can start on your van. Gimme ten."

And so begins the longest ten minutes of Eddie Munson's life.

He's standing there, the sun beating down on them, but he's sweating for a completely different reason as he watches Steve contort himself to reach every last inch of his precious BMW. His shorts are riding dangerously high, just barely revealing the curve of his round ass more than once. There are moles all over his skin, like constellations waiting to be explored by adventurous hands and lips. The hair on his legs looks soft, so light it's almost blonde, and Eddie wants to run his fingers over it, scratch the creamy white skin of his inner thighs and leave his mark on that perfect body.

The tank top is also see-through, revealing spectacular tits that Eddie is dying to get his hands on, and a tantalizing patch of dark chest hair that he needs to bury his face in.

Steve absentmindedly wipes the hair plastered to his forehead away with the hand that’s not holding the sponge. His muscles move under his wet skin, and Eddie thinks back to the easy way he picked up his amp from the moving truck and carried it up the stairs to Eddie's room. He could probably lift Eddie as well and the thought does nothing to relax the situation in his pants. They are getting uncomfortably tight and he prays to whoever is listening that it will go down fast.

"Okay, all done. Looking gorgeous again, sweetheart." Steve says, petting the hood of his car and Eddie chuckles.

Steve looks up at him as if expecting Eddie to mock him, so Eddie raises his hands in a reassuring gesture and says, "Hey, no judgment from me. I got my own sweetheart hanging on my bedroom wall, I get it."

"Oh, your guitar, right?"

"Yeah, it was my first electric guitar. I wrote all the songs for my band’s album on her. She holds a special place in my heart."

Steve smiles at him, his hazel eyes warm and open. "I know what you mean," he says as he watches his fingers dance over the gleaming metal one more time before looking back at Eddie, his gaze wandering along his frame, his eyes subtly widening at the sight of the probably still very obvious bulge in Eddie's pants.

Eddie can feel the heat creeping up his body, embarrassed at being caught, but Steve only swallows once, Adam's apple bobbing, before clearing his throat and throwing his thumb over his shoulder. "Just need to put it in and we're good to go."

"Put it...in?" Eddie chokes out, trying to subtly adjust his pants at the mental image.

Steve smirks at his reaction, and Eddie starts to think that his neighbor isn't such a goodie-two-shoes as he originally thought.

"The car? It needs to go into the garage so we can put your van in my driveway to clean it."

"Oh yeah, absolutely. By all means, put it in." Eddie cringes at his own words. Good God, what is wrong with him?

Steve nods, his appraising eyes still lingering on Eddie for a moment before he gets into the car. He waits for the garage door to slide open before he drives the BMW into the spacious room. Eddie is watching, his brain is still not back online after the show he just witnessed, so he doesn't question it when Steve gets out of the car and calls him over to come in; he has something to show him. He just steps into the garage and walks over to where Steve is standing in front of the hood.

Suddenly, the garage door slides back down, shutting out the outside world and leaving them alone with Steve's car as the only witness to Steve pulling Eddie into a heated kiss.

At first Eddie is too shocked by the firm lips pressing against his to react. Steve's hands are fisted in his shirt and his mouth moves insistently against Eddie's, coaxing him to join their dance, and Eddie wonders if he's dreaming again. Because the last time Steve had kissed him like this, hungry, wanton, perfect, Eddie had woken up hard and lonely, with thoughts of his unattainably gorgeous neighbor.

A sharp nip to his lower lip convinces him that this is real, because it stings, in the best way, and Eddie's breath catches. His eyes open — when did he even close them? — to find Steve looking back at him, the lovely hazel of his eyes almost entirely consumed by the black of his dilated pupils. He licks Eddie's lower lips apologetically, soothing the sting his teeth have caused, before leaning back and watching him intently.

Eddie blinks at him, still processing but already missing Steve's lips on his. "Wha- I mean, why- uh, y'know —" He stumbles over the half-formed words in his head, searching for the right ones, preferably in the right order, but he's never been an overachiever, so he settles for the next best thing. "You kissed me."

Steve snorts. "What if I did?" he asks, looking up at Eddie from under his lashes, and he shouldn't be able to pull this off, they're the same height, but somehow he does. Eddie briefly wonders if his neighbor was designed by the government to eliminate their enemies by rendering them useless with lust. If so, he thinks it definitely works.

"Why? I mean..." Eddie trails off, thinks for a moment before he shrugs, "Yeah, no, I wanna know why."

"Well," Steve begins, suddenly sounding shy, even though the words that follow are anything but. "I noticed you couldn't keep your eyes off me today. In fact, I think you haven't been able to keep your eyes off me for a while now, huh?" His eyelashes flutter and it should look ridiculous, Steve is not one of Chrissy's girlfriends who often come over and flirt with Eddie like they can't believe he's gay and really not interested, batting their long eyelashes and curling their manicured petite hands around his arm.

No, Steve's face is all angles, strong jaw, broad face, prominent nose. His hands aren't petite, they're big and strong. So when he acts all shy, it should look silly, but when he puts his hand on Eddie's chest and bites his lips, Eddie's heart starts racing underneath. "But you never made a move, you just... kept looking. Which is fine, I mean, I like to be looked at, but a guy does have his limits, y'know. Had to take matters into my own hands, just to see if I was imagining things."

It took Eddie three tries to graduate high school, but he’s not dumb. He could basically hear the puzzle pieces fall into place in his head, but his voice is still full of disbelief when he asks, “You- you put on a show? For me?”

Steve snorts again. "Yeah, dude. I could just go to a car wash and get this beauty cleaned up in no time. It's just so much more fun to watch you get hard for me." His hand on Eddie's chest slides down, stopping just short of where Eddie wants it so badly, and he feels the remaining blood leave his brain at a rapid pace. "So what do you say?"

Eddie gulps, his mouth running before his brain can give any input, "You're not afraid of staining your sweetheart?"

Steve just shrugs and flashes Eddie a wolfish grin. "Well, I guess I could just wash it again then. Maybe lick it off. You wouldn't mind watching that, would you?"

And that's it, the thing that makes Eddie snap. He throws an arm around Steve's waist, pulls him close to his chest and grabs his ass with the other to lift him off the ground to lay him down on the hood of his car. "Stay," he almost growls, the hunger in his veins turning to greed as he leans back to take in the sight of Steve all laid out for him.

His hair is fanned out around his head like a halo, the vast expanse of sun-kissed skin ready to be marked and devoured. Eddie can see how turned on Steve already is; the surprise manhandling only adding fuel to the fire between them. His stiff nipples are visible through the now soaked white top, the red flush of arousal staining his chest and throat, and his chest is heaving with his ragged breathing. Eddie sees his hard dick straining against the wet material of his denim shorts and he thinks it must hurt to have the sensitive head rubbing against the stiff material with the way Steve’s hips keep squirming, mindlessly grinding his ass against the heated metal. Eddie wants to ruin him.

Steve seems to be on the same page because he spreads his legs wider and wraps them around Eddie's waist to pull him closer, ignoring Eddie's earlier order. Eddie comes tumbling forward, catching himself with his hands on either side of Steve's head and Steve pulls him down in another kiss, this one even more heated than the first. Steve licks into Eddie's mouth like he owns it and Eddie's head is already spinning from how fast they're going. It feels like the last three weeks have been one long foreplay and they can't wait a second longer. So when Steve starts sucking Eddie's tongue into his mouth, Eddie's arms give way and he crashes down on Steve, never stopping their kissing or the constant grinding of their hips against each other.

Not wasting another second, Steve takes advantage of their new position to get his hands under Eddie's shirt, nails scratching along his back. They're practically dry humping on the shiny hood of a BMW. Eddie's younger, non-conformist, capitalism-hating self would roll his eyes before applauding him for getting down and dirty with the hottest guy he's ever laid eyes on. He begins to put more force into the roll of his hips, pressing Steve harder against the metal beneath him, and Steve wrenches their mouths apart with a loud, drawn out moan.

He starts tugging at Eddie's shirt, grumbling, "Off. Get it off," against Eddie's mouth, and Eddie complies, leaning back just enough to pull his shirt over his head before coming back down to capture Steve's mouth in another kiss. The wet material of Steve's top is nice against Eddie’s heated skin, but he wants to feel Steve, only Steve, so he slips his hand beneath him and pulls him into a sitting position.

His hands make their way to Steve's waist to slip under his top, his fingertips touching Steve's stomach and Eddie feels the muscles flutter against them. He presses his hands down harder and begins to slide them up Steve's body, his eyes drinking in every inch of newly exposed skin. There are more moles underneath and Eddie thinks Steve should be shirtless all the time so he can trace them with his fingers or his tongue whenever he wants. Steve giggles when Eddie's hands reach his rips and it's an unexpectedly delightful sound. Ticklish, Eddie notes on his mental list of things he knows about his neighbor. Cute is already there, so he doesn't have to add that one.

"Lift your arms for me, sweetheart," Eddie rasps, his voice already affected by the little they've done so far. Steve obeys easily, pleased to get what he wants, and Eddie has to kiss him. Just a quick press of lips, there and gone.

The gasp that comes from Steve's mouth is music to Eddie's ears as he slides his hands further up, his thumbs grazing Steve's nipples along the way. Steve is so responsive, so obvious and giving with his desire, and if that isn't the hottest thing ever, Eddie doesn't know what is.

He stops the upward slide of his hands at Steve's wrist and twists the material of his shirt around them, effectively tying them together, before placing his hand on the thick patch of dark hair on Steve's chest and pushing him back down onto the hood. Steve looks at Eddie with a dazed look in his eyes, his arms resting on the windshield above his head.

"What —" is all he manages to say, his former cockiness gone for the moment.

Eddie takes his time to look at the beautiful man laid out in front of him. Steve hasn't moved his hands, silent surrender in every line of his body. He's perfect. Steve is perfect.

"You're perfect," Eddie purrs. "Putting on such a hot show, just for me. So let me enjoy what you're offering, yeah?"

With that, Eddie leans down again and bites Steve's jaw, just below his ear. It's such an unexpected move that Steve gasps loudly, his hips shooting up as if Eddie had electrocuted him. He licks the bite mark soothingly before scraping his teeth down the column of Steve's throat to his collarbone, sucking the thin skin just above the bone into his mouth and worrying it between his teeth. As much as Steve tries to hold still and let Eddie explore his body, the need for friction seems to become too much, because Eddie feels the hard, thick line of his cock rubbing against his own crotch in incremental thrusts.

"Eddie, please, please, please," Steve begs, and Eddie thinks he doesn't even know what for. It's intoxicating, almost addictive, and he hopes this won't be the last time he gets high on Steve.

"So impatient," Eddie chides him, biting the firm flesh of his pec in warning.

Steve squirms under him but still manages to sound defiant as he says, "Oh fuck you, been waiting weeks to get your hands on me, I deserve a reward for my —" his words are cut short by a low fuck as Eddie sucks his nipple into his mouth and lets his tongue play with it.

"You deserve a reward for your fuck? I dunno, Stevie. We'll have to see, won't we?" Eddie smirks up at Steve, his chin digging into the nipple he just abused with his mouth.

"How about you get a move on so I can show you?"

Eddie resumes working his mouth down Steve's torso, biting and licking his chest, tracing the constellation of moles and freckles with his tongue, memorizing Steve's body by taste and smell alone. When he pulls his lower body away from Steve's to get a better angle, Steve whines at the loss and Eddie takes pity on him, offering his chest for Steve's dick to rub against instead. The hot flesh feels big, even through the jeans, a thick length that Eddie can't wait to get his mouth on.

"You can't wait to get my mouth on you, huh, big boy?"

Not waiting for an answer, Eddie slides further down and dips his tongue into Steve's navel, relishing the sounds that fall from Steve's mouth. It's like Steve can't keep them in, his body forced to be still, so he has to use his voice to let some of the overflowing feelings out of his body. Eddie decides to test how much longer Steve can keep his hands to himself.

His tongue leaves Steve's belly button and follows the tantalizing trail of dark hair down to the waistband of his shorts. He sucks the tender flesh into his mouth as well, leaving another mark. Looking up at Steve's torso, Eddie thinks he may have gone a bit overboard, because his skin is covered in bruises and bite marks, and something tells him that Steve is going to bitch about it later. For now, they both seem to be enjoying Eddie's more possessive side.

While his mouth is still busy sucking on Steve's skin, his hands begin to work on undoing his pants. The button is a bitch, the wetness makes it hard to move the material enough to pop the button free, but once that's done, he gets to hear the satisfying sound of the zipper going down. Next, his hands hook into the waist and slide the shorts off Steve's long, muscular legs, the material clinging to him and Eddie can't even blame it. They are gorgeous legs and Eddie would never want to be parted from them either, wants to have them around him all the time.

When he's finally pulled them all the way off, Eddie has to pause for a moment to take in the sight before him. He's almost dizzy with want, but frozen in place because there are so many things he wants to do to Steve right now, it's overwhelming. Steve lies there, miles and miles of golden skin, Eddie's marks like new stars born into existing constellations, adding to the sheer beauty of him.

Steve's hands are still above his head, the muscles in his arms bunching with his restraint to keep them there, his broad swimmer's back pushing his torso up in an arch that even Michelangelo could not have done justice. It tapers into a sturdy waist, his hipbones framing his dark crotch hair like a canvas. The thick thighs underneath quiver at the unnatural angle and Eddie wants to wrap them back around him. And he will, any second now. As soon as he is done burning all of this into his memory.

"Take a picture, it would last longer," Steve snarks, and Eddie is honestly impressed by the attitude. Apparently Steve Harrington is a little bitch, even with his cock dripping pre-cum and his hips writhing.

He does have a point though — it would. So Eddie pulls out his phone and snaps a picture.

"That better go in a private folder," Steve bitches, an embarrassed blush rising to his cheeks, but Eddie can tell he's turned on, too, by the way more pre-cum drips down on his stomach. Interesting.

"Top of the spank bank, baby," Eddie promises as he drops to his knees in front of Steve.

He takes a second to slide his phone away to keep it safe before focusing all his attention on the cock right in front of him, mouth already flooded with saliva. Placing both of his hands on Steve's hips to hold him in place, he mouths up the hard length, starting at the base, all the way up to the leaking head. With his hands busy he has to use his tongue to lift Steve’s dick from where it's resting against his taut stomach to get it all the way into his mouth.

Eddie doesn't waste another second, sliding down and taking Steve into his throat.

Steve shoots up, his upper body lifting off the metal into a sitting position in one swift motion, his hands sliding out of their confines to bury themselves in Eddie’s hair.

Fuck, if that wasn't the hottest thing Eddie had ever seen. Hot enough that he decides he's done playing for now.

So instead of pulling off and putting Steve back in his place, he just increases his efforts, bobbing his head and making sure to swallow and moan around Steve whenever he hits his fluttering throat. It's uncomfortable with how big Steve is, almost painful, and Eddie loves every second of it. It makes him feel alive, powerful with how he can take Steve apart with just his mouth. There's something so rewarding about choking on a dick, pleasure that hits in a different way.

It's with regret that he pulls off after a few more minutes of indulging himself with the pleasure of Steve's weight on his tongue and the thickness filling his throat. But he has plans; wants to have Steve as addicted as Eddie already is. He needs him to come back for more, because now that he has had a taste, Eddie is not sure he can go back to being just neighbors waving hello to each other.

He kisses the spit-slick flesh down to Steve's balls, full with his need to come, sucks one into his mouth and rolls it around before doing the same to the other.

"You're a fucking - ah - fucking tease, anyone ever tell you that?"

Eddie drops the heavy sack from his mouth and bites into the tender flesh of Steve's inner thigh, earning himself a yelp and a hard yank of his hair from Steve's hands.

"They're usually not coherent enough for that. Looks like I'll have to work harder on you." To make his point, he pushes Steve back into a lying position. "Now hold still and let me ruin you, okay?"

"Fuck. You're going to be the death of me."

Right back at you, Eddie thinks. "But what a way to go."

With that, he slides his hands down the inside of Steve's thighs to his knees, spreading them wider and using the leverage to pull Steve closer to the edge of the hood. That way Eddie's face is exactly where he wants it — level with Steve's rim. He'd planned to give it the same devouring attention as his dick, using his tongue and lips until Steve was a quivering mess above him. Then he would have added his fingers, stretching him on them, fingering him until he came without anything else.

It's a good plan. A great plan even. What isn't part of the plan, though, is the sight of something already spearing Steve open.

"Jesus Christ," Eddie breathes out as he sees the base of a black plug in Steve's ass, his eyes wide in disbelief. If being here in Steve's garage, ready to fuck each other senseless, feels like a fever dream, then this is like being dropped into a porn version of the Twilight Zone.

His eyes are glued to Steve's rim clutching a fucking buttplug, but he doesn't need to see it to hear the smirk in Steve's smug voice. "Cat got your tongue?"

That snaps Eddie out of his stupor and he looks up at Steve, who's leaning on his forearms, actually smirking down at him. "No, but there's a big ass plug where my tongue should be."

The picture Eddie just painted seems to hit Steve exactly where Eddie wanted it to, as he sees him squirm, nudging his ass closer to Eddie's face, wonderfully unashamed in his need. "So do something about it."

Eddie slowly moves his hand up Steve's leg again, letting it follow the same path as before, starting at the knee and working up the inside thigh to the crease of his groin until his thumb can trace the outer edge of the plug. The skin still has traces of lube on it and Eddie smears it around the rim, wedging the tip of his thumb between the silicone and muscle, causing Steve to hiss under his breath.

Eddie watches his finger circle the plug in amazement, consumed by the overwhelmingly hot idea of Steve prepping himself, maybe even bending over the car in his garage, one hand on the hood while the other works in the plug, his dick hanging heavy and neglected between his legs. Let him be smug, Eddie thinks, he deserves it,. Because Steve Harrington just keeps on blowing his goddamn mind.

Still, he has to poke the bear a little, because the cocky, confident side of Steve is really, really working for him.

"Were you really this confident that washing your car would get me in here?"

"If it didn't work, it still made washing it a hell of a lot more exciting," Steve counters, and doesn't that add fuel to the fire that's burning in his veins.

Eddie has no trouble imagining the way the plug would move inside Steve; its heavy weight pulling at his rim, so Steve would have to clench his hole to hold it in place. Steve’s mind would be constantly aware of it, all his senses focused on the thickness inside of him, every little movement igniting sparks of arousal. Eddie can imagine Steve moving just enough to push it against his prostate, his muscles working to suck it in deeper, tightening around it so the pressure against his inner walls would be even more intense.

Eddie is pulled out of the fantasy he's lost in when Steve tells him, "Lube and condoms are on the bench over there," nodding toward the workbench where, among tools and equipment, Eddie sees a bottle of lube and some shiny packages of condoms. He has no idea how he missed them earlier and can only blame the siren call of Steve's body.

Eddie presses a final kiss to Steve's thigh, just above where he bit earlier, and wastes no time getting up and grabbing the things he needs. Before making his way back to where Steve is waiting impatiently with hooded eyes, Eddie makes quick work of taking off his own pants and boxers. Steve's eyes turn even darker at the sight of Eddie's hard dick and Eddie can't help but give it a few tugs, putting on his own show just for Steve.

"If you don't get your ass over here in the next five seconds, I'm doing this without you," Steve almost growls, his hand already moving between his legs.

Eddie is over there in three long strides, slapping Steve's hand away and wrapping his own around Steve's dick. "Uh uh, sweetheart. That's mine today."

He puts the lube and a condom on the hood of the car next to Steve with his other hand and pulls Steve in for another open-mouthed kiss. But as Steve grows impatient, his legs wrap around Eddie's waist again, tight enough to pull him in and urge him to get on with it.

But instead of giving Steve what he wants, Eddie decides to stick to his original plan, adding the plug to torture Steve even more. He grabs Steve's knees to entangle himself from their demanding pull, and drops to his knees again. Who says he can't put his mouth on Steve with the plug still inside him?

So he does just that, bringing his mouth to Steve's rim and licking a wide strip across it before letting his tongue trace the edge of the plug. As he nudges the tip of his tongue under the edge and inside, Steve gasps as he presses his ass more firmly against Eddie's face. It's hard to smirk when your face is buried in someone's ass, but Eddie manages it anyway. Two can play this game.

Eddie brings his fingers into the mix next. He grips the plug and tugs on it, just a little, just enough to watch Steve's rim cling to it as it slowly slides an inch or two out of his ass. "Look at you, so desperate to be full, your ass gripping that plug so tight. I can't wait until it's my dick you're gripping."

Steve squirms at his words, his hips now moving relentlessly, seeking the pleasure Eddie has so far denied him.

"More. Fuck, Eddie. I need more. Come on."

And Eddie gives him more, sort of, pushing the plug back in before tugging again, this time pulling it out even further, twisting it back and forth as it slides out of Steve, glistening with lube. As he pushes it back in, his finger joins, worming its way in as well. It’s a snug fit, the pressure against his finger intense. He slides the plug and his finger in and out a few more times before finally pulling it free, going deliberately slow and reveling in the whine that leaves Steve's lips as he does so.

The plug is dropped on top of Steve's discarded shorts before he dives right back in, fastening his mouth to Steve's empty, twitching hole and pushing his tongue deep inside. Steve yelps in obvious surprise, but it soon turns into a loud, shameless moan.

"Fuckfuckfuckfuck," he curses, his hips undulating against Eddie's face, "you don't - hnng, yes there, fuck - have t- that's what the plug was for," Steve complains, but there is no heat in it. Or believability. Not with the way he tries to sit up and shove Eddie away, only to clench his hands in Eddie's hair, pulling his face even tighter against his grinding hips as he leans back down. Steve is greedy in his lust and Eddie has never been more turned on in his life.

Eddie keeps eating Steve out like he’s his favorite meal. The thighs clamped tightly around his head tremble and Steve sounds like he's almost crying, his voice reedy as he begs Eddie to just fuck him already. And as much as he loves reducing Steve to this wanton, needy mess, Eddie's dick is so hard it's bordering on painful.

Still, before he plunges into the tight heat that’s waiting for him, Eddie wants to make sure the plug has done its proper job first, so he coats his fingers with lube and rubs them together to warm it up. He sinks two fingers in at once, watching Steve's face intently as they slide in with ease to the last knuckle. There's no sign of discomfort, just a fucked out expression looking back at him. The third he adds is met with a little more resistance, a tiny wrinkle between Steve's eyebrows telling him it stings, but Eddie still thinks it will be fine if he goes slow. At least as slow as their desire-drunk bodies will allow.

As if reading his mind, Steve looks him in the eye and says, "I'm not made of glass, Eddie." It's not bitchy like Eddie expected, but almost soft, reassuring.

He curls his fingers inside Steve one last time, drinking in the whimper Steve can't seem to hold back, before pressing a kiss to the tip of Steve's dick. "Okay, okay, I got you."

Eddie reaches for the condom, tearing the wrapper open with his teeth (Steve's not the only one who likes to put on a show, okay) and puts it on his dick before generously coating it with more lube. It's cold on his overheated flesh, sending a shiver down his spine, but he figures it'll soon warm up once he's inside Steve.

Placing one hand next to Steve's head, he uses the other to line himself up. As he nudges against Steve's entrance, Eddie leans forward to catch Steve's lips in another kiss, sliding his tongue into Steve's mouth at the same time his head breaches Steve's rim. He swallows the gasp from Steve's mouth and pushes forward, sinking deeper and deeper into the tight clutch of Steve's ass.

They both have to catch their breath when Eddie finally bottoms out, Eddie's forehead resting against Steve's, the moment unexpectedly tender.

"Good?"

"Perfect," Steve murmurs, his eyes closing in pleasure as Eddie slowly draws back to thrust again. He's quieter now that Eddie's finally fucking him, little gasps and breathless ah ah ahs escaping him as Eddie's hips pick up speed. Eddie's so close, but he wants Steve to come first, had planned to make that happen without a hand on Steve's dick, only it looks like that won't happen before Eddie loses it himself. But as he reaches down between them to take Steve in his hand, Steve's own hand catches his, lacing their fingers together and placing their hands next to his head.

"So close, don't - don't need it, just keep going, keep going."

Without both hands to hold himself up, Eddie sinks down onto Steve, and Steve squeezes his hand as Eddie fucks into him. He's not prepared for the way this simple, sweet gesture shoots through him, his orgasm taking him completely by surprise.

"Fuck, no- oh, fuck," he moans, his pleasure too intense for words as he spills into the condom, his hips still working as aftershocks run through him.

Eddie buries his face in Steve's neck, his body still twitching but his mind starting to race. He fucked up. He had a plan and he blew it, coming too soon like a teenager just because his crush was holding his hand. Steve went out of his way to get them here, prepped himself, plugged himself, washed his car in the most indecent outfit he could find - washed his car.

Eddie remembers Steve talking about licking his cum off his car and he's struck with an idea.

He gingerly pulls out, all the while kissing Steve to distract him from the sting (and to apologize for seemingly leaving him hanging). As soon as his softening dick slips free, he stands up again, pulling Steve upright with their hands still clasped and an arm around his waist. Steve stumbles against him, catching himself with a hand on Eddie's chest. "What —"

"Oh, we're not done, sweetheart," Eddie purrs, turning Steve over so that Steve's back is to him.

He thrusts three fingers back inside Steve without warning, his other arm still wrapped around Steve's waist to keep him pressed against Eddie. His hand reaches down to grab Steve in a firm grip, spreading the copious amount of pre-cum that has pooled on the head with his thumb before he begins to slowly pump Steve. It's probably too dry, but the wounded sounds Steve makes are only one third pain and two parts pleasure, so he doesn’t stop.

Eddie's fingers fuck Steve relentlessly from behind, pumping in and out, prodding along his walls until he finds that one spot that makes Steve whimper and hump Eddie's hand. Once he’s found it, Eddie keeps his fingers there, massaging the spot until Steve comes with a hoarse scream all over his precious car.

Eddie keeps going until the sounds Steve keeps making become pitiful, the overstimulation obviously turning painful. Only then does he pull his fingers out of Steve and lets go of his dick.

Steve turns around in his arms, his weight sagging against Eddie, who happily holds him against his chest and kisses him.

They're both sticky with cum and lube and sweat but they couldn't care less about it right now. It's a sweet kiss, the softness a stark contrast to what they just did, and Eddie can't get enough. Every time one of them starts to pull away, the other follows for another kiss. It is only when Eddie feels that they are both beginning to shiver that he stops Steve from following him again with a hand that cups his cheek.

"We should get cleaned up."

"Hmmmm," Steve agrees, "we should." But he doesn't make a move to do so, just presses himself closer to Eddie. It's adorable, and Eddie can't help but kiss him on the nose for it.

"Come on, Steve. Let's go inside and clean up. Put on some dry clothes and —"

"Fuck again."

"Jesus Christ."

"Nah, you can call me Steve." Steve winks at him and Eddie wants to reaffirm his earlier thought. His neighbor is going to be the death of him. "And don't worry, we can work on your stamina next time," Steve adds, a mischievous twinkle in his hazel eyes.

Eddie can't wait.

________________________________________________________

A heartfelt shout-out and thank you to my two favorite enablers, @legitcookie and @yournowheregirl for their endless support and cheerleading. This story wouldn't be what it is without you. You're the best 💜

[modelbus]

eyup model!! Hru?? Hope all is well… but lets get to the important shit, THATS RIGHT! ITS ME, YOUR SELF PROCLAIMED FAVOURITE ANNON, ✨🌌🌙!!! Y’know, the one that writes SUPER detailed, SUPER long and SUPER off-topic-for-the-first-half requests!!!! (If I keep this up for long enough, you’re gonna have to add a ✨🌌🌙 Annon section to your master list. /hj)

that makes me think about when I first requested, I wonder how long its been.. I THINK my first req was Cut Chaos.. one sec lemme check………

AYE IN 4(ish) MONTHS IT’LL BE A YEAR SINCE I STARTED HARASSING YOU WITH MY THINK OF BRAINS!

been a while.. I’ll need to remember to write a DUMB request in june.

SO. REQUEST. YES. I DO THAT? I DO THAT.

okay so idk how to format this but here,

She/Her pronouns for plot. y/n is honestly, REALLY bad at pvp, she’s know amongst the SBI for being.. a wolf in sheep’s clothing, but the wolf has no teeth. She likes flowers, pastel pinks, purples, and blues, she likes cottage core dresses and corsets.. So on the surface she looks like a pretty, little, innocent streamer!… yeah, no. Sure, shes pretty as fuck, but little? She is SURPRISINGLY TALL. half the fan base is fully convinced EVERY photo shes in is photo shopped, but sure enough, shes 6’4! Innocent? Say the words ‘Arson’ ‘Crime’ or ‘Manslaughter’, and you practically summon her. (Every SMP she has been on, has in-fact seen not only her enemy’s but HER OWN, Builds being blown up and/or burnt to the ground AT LEAST, 3 times.) shes also know for her ADORABLE builds (shame half of them end in ash..), her parkour skills.. and uh.. being complete garbage at anything pvp.

Well twitter being twitter, a lot of sexist 12 year old boys, and Andrew tate fans like to be.. REALLY creepy and all ‘perfect house wife’ about her. (You get the gist no more detail needed.) While they may not know it(they ignore it/pretend its fake), she’s actually quite strong in real life, often picking up her friends in irl streams and running away with them as a bit (with consent ofc)! But in minecraft, that doesn’t really show.. so naturally being the absolute fucking queen she is, about a year ‘n a half ago, she decided she was gonna be fucking great at pvp. Naturally not telling anyone but techno (so he could teach her, duh) and avoiding all pvp for a year, lead to people joking about it more often.. this didn’t bother her, it was actually perfect, she had been getting better. Like really. Danm. Better. Practicing even without techno and on an alt, and at this point? It felt natural to be disappointed at a 25 win streak.. she went from 0 to about 30-40 average win streaks.. in a year and a half.. she was dedicated, okay? Her fans did notice her getting a little rusty at parkour but they just assumed she had been to busy to practice as much.. they were right but not about what she was busy doing.. So, she obviously invited the sbi, and a few other friends (Tubbo, Ranboo and Dream.) to play a custom pvp themed game, with the stream titled ‘I haven’t pvp-ed in a year and a half, and now I’m doing it again.’ where they were split into two rounds, (y/n and techno being in both but the rest in one) all in hardcore and spawned on opposite sides of the map, having 30 minutes to gear up, before pvp was turned on, and no going to the end, no other rules than one hour to be the last one standing, they could team, they could camp, they could use tnt minecrarts, they could go to the nether, anything. it was all game.

only two people expected her to crush almost everyone. I’m not even sure if those two people were expecting her to come second one round, and WIN the other.. but with her getting half the kills in round one and losing to techno in a final battle where she held her fucking ground like a boss ass mother fucker, and winning after techno killed Dream and she ambushed him after using a god apple..

lets just say after a couple things trending, a lot of fanart and A LOT of sapphic women going crazy, nobody dared to question her dedication to proving she was a fucking force to be reckoned with again.

(It also became a very popular running joke that she got more women than any other Minecraft CC.. you don’t gotta include that just- just make it cannon.. oops, dropped my gay onto the request lemme fetch that rq..) (yes, I wrote this y/n as my fuckin dream girl, I’m a simp okay..)

haha.. ha.. BRO AT THIS POINT I’M JUST WRITING A FIC AND TELLING YOU TO RE-WRITE IT BUT MAKE IT GOOD I- feel free to change what ever, the top half is mostly just context- even if you don’t do this request you should reply to it so its not lost to the void- I.. I’m sorry man I keep doing this to you-

OH WELL JUST PRETEND THIS IS WAY SHORTER THAN IT IS OR IGNORE IT IDC EITHER WAY HOPE THIS GIVES YA INSPO POOKIE (the pookie was ironic I swear-) - ✨🌌🌙 Annon

For our one year anniversary I’ll make a special section of my master list just for you bbg <3 also don’t judge me for this title I was STRUGGLING

Pairing: what the fuck anymore Actual pairing: Fem!Reader x Cc!Phil, Cc!Tommy, Cc!Technoblade, Cc!Dream, Cc!Tubbo, Cc!Ranboo

Flower Power

You were pretty happy with who you were. A badass woman who just so happened to be the epitome of flower power? Hell yeah.

Fairy lights twinkle in the background of your setup, a wall full of vines and LED signs providing extra ambience. That’s not to mention the special keyboard—resin flower keycaps, they were on sale okay—alongside your setup in general. Even your mic had cute animal stickers on it. Well, except for the one Tommy gave you of his face? It was weird.

Right now, though, you aren’t at your cute setup. No matter how much you loved it, you were at least aware that you couldn’t send every waking moment at it. You weren’t quite that much of a content machine.

So of course you go outside to film vlogs with Tommy! Totally reasonable break from filming content: film more content!

Jokes aside, you loved hanging out with your friends. Getting dressed up just for Tommy to inevitably ruin it was practically your good luck ritual. The sheer number of skirts, shawls, and even socks he owes you is astronomical.

Today he had promised nothing messy (for once), so you took your chance. Pale blue corset embroidered with flowers and a flowy white skirt, you were practically screaming your aesthetic to anyone who looked at you. And Ranboo had given you a dandelion for your hair, which only added to it.

”Tall fuckers to the back for the photo!” Tommy shouts, and the poor bystander he roped into taking the photo stares. “Which obviously means me—“

“Get your short ass back in front.” You order, snagging his shoulders and forcing him in front of you. From your side, Ranboo snickers.

“Welcome to the club, king.” Tubbo tells Tommy before grinning at the camera.

“What the fuck.” He grumbles. “She’s hardly any taller than me!”

“Keep lying to yourself.” You put your elbow on his head, just to add insult to injury.

“Um, I got the photo I think.” The stranger says, holding Tommy’s phone out to him. He takes it without even looking at the photos.

“Thanks.” He says after you clear your throat pointedly to prompt him.

Seeing their chance to escape, the person just nods and hurries off without a single glance back. Probably glad to be rid of your wayward group of streamers and YouTubers.

“It’s a decent photo.” Tommy begrudgingly admits.

“It’s my cue to leave, actually. I’ve got plans.” Tubbo says, checking his phone.

“Why do you get more bitches than me?” Tommy whines.

“…it’s my mother.”

“And we all know I get the most bitches.” You jump in, high-fiving Ranboo blindly. You nearly hit his face, but that’s okay. It would’ve been funny.

“Oh shut the fuck up.” Tommy elbows you, all gangly limbs and pointy bones. “We’re playing Minecraft later, right?”

“Not me.” Tubbo reminds him.

“No shit. I was talking to these two idiots.”

“Hey!”

“I’ll be on.” You lean over him, looking at his phone for the time. “You’re aware we need to leave if we want to make your stupid fucking steam time?”

He looks down, eyes widening. “Oh shit!”

Just for making you run home, you blow up his house on Minecraft. For the fourth time. It was ugly looking anyway, nothing like your adorable mushroom house, so he was practically begging for it to be exploded.

It’s his fault. Always.

-

“You really want to attack me from there?”

Your hands freeze on your keyboard mid-movement, making your character in game also freeze at Techno’s words.

“Not anymore?” You laugh nervously.

“Right answer. Try this again and I’ll pretend like I don’t see you.”

PvP training was going great, and by that you mean you’ve been killed every single time by one swing of his axe. It was no secret that you were bad at fighting. Your go-to tactic was to load up on TnT and hope for the best, which met… many criticisms.

And you were sick and tired of it. It’s time to reinstate your badass reputation and become a ruthless killer in a video game. Innocent bedwars players would never know what hit them! Hopefully, at least. Right now, you’re still working on that.

“Fuck!” You exclaim as Techno kills you yet again, the respawn screen flashing up.

“If you with to defeat me, train for another—“

“I’m trying!”

-

@ GenericUsername Anyone else notice that our resident flower girl has been avoiding PvP… poor girl is TIRED of being flamed

-> @ EatingLipSkin She deserves it for how shit she is for dying to magma blocks that one time

-

Slowly, so fucking slowly, you watch your bedwars win streak increase. Slowly, you watch your skywars win streak increase.

Somehow, against literally all odds, you’re learning how to girlboss PvP. Although when you told Techno that he seemed mildly confused, but you were definitely girlbossing PvP.

Which was exactly why you knew this stream was a good idea.

After a year and a half, you were hosting a huge stream with a bunch of your friends competing in a PvP tournament. Tommy insisted on there being a prize, so whoever wins gets the highly esteemed Tesco’s gift card you’ve had in your desk for five months. A battle of true honor, of epic consequences.

“Alright guys, so here’s my plan.” You tell your stream, mining some wood to craft basic tools. Everyone has 30 minutes to gear up, then it’s an hour till the winner is crowned. With the map having a small border, you’re counting on some cheeky kills from sneaking up on others. “I mine first, stock up on iron. Make a diamond axe if I can, but mostly go for lava buckets and backup gear.”

Your plan is put into motion quickly. With the new iron veins, it’s incredibly easy for you to get geared up within fifteen minutes. Venturing back up to the surface for food, you spot Tubbo without any armor killing sheep.

Perfect.

Sneaking to hide your name tag, you venture up a tree to get closer to him. You added a proximity mod, so you can hear him talking to his stream.

“We need lots of food, chat. All these guys— these guys don’t know the importance of food!” He’s saying. It’s a smart plan; if only you weren’t planning on killing him and taking his food.

“Hi Tubbo!” You shout, dropping down and killing him with a few swipes of your axe. “One down, just a few more to go!”

As people die left and right—most dying to you, to everyone’s surprise—you pointedly avoid Technoblade. The student will never surpass the master, after all. All your tricks came from his playbook and you really didn’t want to see how competitive he’d get for a gift card he’d never even use.

Dream was slain by Technoblade

Your eyes widen in surprise at the chat message, quickly stretching your fingers to press tab and bring up the list of players left alive. Only yours and Techno’s show.

“Oh no.” You breathe, freezing. “Oh God, chat. I have to murder Technoblade. I have to disassemble his organs and destroy his aorta.”

Suddenly, you’re paranoid as all hell. Randomly going into F5 as you kill cows, checking every angle.

“The student thinks she can challenge the master?” Techno asks, and you shriek in surprise as he digs up from below you.

“I fucking knew you’d say that! You predictable pig!”

“But you didn’t know where I was going to come from.” He points out. You know him well enough to detect the faint line of amusement in the words.

You groan, eating a steak. “Let’s dance, Technoblade.”

“Let’s die, actually.”

He comes at you with an axe, immediately disabling your shield. In retaliation, you swap to a fishing rod to lure him back in when he tried to run off.

As the two of you fight, you find yourself getting closer to your monitor, keeping your mouth shut as you concentrate. Fingers flying across the keys, you scroll to your lava bucket and attempt to burn him. By some miracle, he manages to avoid it and get a hit in on you.

“Oh my God.” You breathe at seeing how many hearts it takes. “Is that fucking enchanted?”

“Is yours not? Get good, nerd.”

You jump past him, placing a quick block to act as a barrier as you smack him with your own axe. Diamond, so it should make up for the difference in strength of his enchanted iron axe.

He loops around a tree, but you momentarily lose track of him. “Where the fuck—?”

As you notice your hearts depleting, you whirl around. Instead of doing the smart thing a retreating, you jump forward and crit him out. If he were any other player (cough cough, Tommy), he’d run. But he’s Technoblade. And all he does is crit you in return, killing you.

“Fuck.” You groan, leaning back in the chair.

<Technoblade> If you wish to defeat me train for another 100 years

Rolling your eyes at the chat message, all you can do is wait for the server to be reset with a new map and everyone living again.

You do the same tactic again, gearing up as quick as possible. It seems like other people have stolen your idea, but go about it in different ways based on the achievements. In the chat, you watch as Ranboo gets the achievement for entering the nether and then Tommy gets it right after.

“I will gift twenty subs if one of them isn’t dead within… five minutes.” You wager to your chat, laughing slightly. They’re still busy freaking out that you placed second last round, making you smile. “Guys, what’s wrong? You didn’t think I’d get kills? What am I known for if not manslaughter?”

A few minutes later—just under five minutes, might you note—Ranboo’s death message pops up. And then so does Tommy’s. Ranboo was killed by Tommy, but apparently Tommy burned to death? You can definitely picture his dumb ass walking into fire.

“Well… looks like I’m aiming for Phil.” You sigh. “I’d feel too bad to kill Tubbo again. But I’m not fucking with Dream or Techno— losing fights and all that.”

You start mining up to the surface, digging through some deep slate you had gone through. “Wait, is this wood?” You ask, scrolling to your axe to mine through the oak planks. You mine directly through a mineshaft, gasping in surprise. “Oh!”

There’s a chest in a minecart right in front of you, so you open it, hoping for some cheeky diamonds. You’ll even take wheat; food is food.

“Oh my God!” You shriek, probably bursting more than a few eardrums. “A god apple— oh my god! We’re fucking winning this one, guys! Cower at my name! But first we’re getting out of here before a spider kills me.”

You run around for a few minutes before stumbling into Dream and promptly running the other way directly into Phil’s house. Why he was building a house on a PvP server? You’ll never know.

“Oh, hi mate, what’re you doing?” He asks, hands empty of any weapons. You scroll onto your flint and steel silently. “Listen. We can talk about this. You don’t need to do this.”

“It’s too late, Philza Minecraft.” You answer, lighting some of the logs on fire. “Should’ve made it out of stone!”

Turning, you light the ground under him on fire then scroll over to your axe. He’s not expecting it, and although he gets a hit in with his empty fists, you still kill him.

“Just Techno and Dream left now.” You note. “Let’s just… hope they battle it out.”

To keep yourself occupied as you wait for the last five minutes before the borders shrink, you start setting cows on fire and collecting flowers. Poppies and dandelions fill your inventory, your little good luck charms.

“Alright guys. Someone go sneak into Techno’s chat and snitch on what’s happening for me.” You laugh, shaking your head. “Kidding, kidding. Don’t do that.”

Just as the one-minute warning pops up I no chat, Techno’s death message does. You gasp loudly, before grinning. “It’s my time to shine! I’ll avenge Techno!”

The world border starts to shrink behind you, but you’re already on the move. Knowing Dream, he’ll probably be in the center of the map. If you can catch him while he’s looting Techno’s body, you have no chance of losing.

“Stop saying good luck chat, I don’t need any good luck.” You grin, spotting Dream’s name tag. “I’ve got skill.”

Before you throw yourself at him, you eat your enchanted golden apple. If you trade blows, you’ll end up winning with the extra health. And two hearts is all you need.

“Ohhhh Dream!” You shout, catching him with a swing of your axe as you jump past him.

“AHH— what the fuck? Where did you come from?” He runs after you, making you do awkward jumping around to avoid his fishing rod.

“Stop! Stop that, I can’t— Dream!”

“Are you regenerating? Did you go to the nether?” He asks, and you can’t help but smile.

Because God apples don’t just give you extra hearts; they give you regeneration.

“I did one better.”

You hit him with your axe again, trading blows with him just like you thought you might.

“You’ve got to be low, how low are you?” He asks, hitting you again, but it’s too late. His body explodes on his death, his items flying out everywhere. You throw your chair back, jumping up and shouting.

“SUCK MY FUCKING DICK HATERS! I’M THE NEW PVP GODDESS AROUND HERE!”

-

@ WomenLover MOMMY? SORRY... MOMMY? SORRY

->@ TheRealBIcon dont be sorry we all thinking it she HOT HOT

@ S4pph1cSarah Anyone else see that fanart of her winning the PvP tournament… woo boy…. I’m… not okay…

@ S4pph1cSarah A thread of the HOTTEST fanart I’ve ever seen of our beloved streamer <3

@ SmexyWomenNearMe Me: “where is she?” “Her parkour skills are rusty how odd” “she’s streaming less” Her: “Watch this fuckos I’m badass and a killer”

->@ TwilightReference ”this is the face of a killer Bella”

@ CottagecoreBadass Can we talk about how dedicated she is? Like yeah she’s hot. So hot. But she’s also insanely badass and commited???

->@ CuteBuilder101 Best type of woman fr fr ->@ StarAnon Cottagecore + badass + chaotic force of nature = her (my dream woman)

@ StarAnon She really just drew all the women lovers outta hiding huh

@ ThisIsTheWriter Idk if I want to be her or if I want her but man. Oh man. I’m so bi.

[captain-mj]

Mj I beg you I will sacrifice people for bones for a second part of the striper AU

Part 1

Made this way later than I meant but it's here!

Soap had to find evidence before accusing Ghost of being a stripper. It wasn't as simple as just admitting he went to a strip club. At no point did it occur to him that this may seem malicious.

Soap didn't want to cross the line of being creepy so he never did something like follow Ghost to his car or anything. He did watch him closely at work and asked a few of his students if they knew anything about him.

Mila, Graves's teaching assistant, hummed. "He's pretty cool. He's the English professor, super secretive."

"Nice ass." Someone shouted.

Mila nodded.

"Don't talk about a professor like that. At least not in front of me. I need plausible deniability."

She laughed. "Yeah. We think he's single, but he's always wearing gloves so we haven't been able to check for a ring."

"You guys keep watching?"

"Yeah, he's a big part of the rumor mill."

Fuck. So Soap couldn't ask around about strippers. Mila would connect the two in moments. He sighed.

Mila smiled. "Do he do the thing to you?"

"The thing?..." Soap blushed. Oh no. Did Ghost do this all the time? Toyed with his coworkers hearts?

"Where he freaks you out real bad? I don't think it's on purpose but he'll stare at people or just... in general do weird stuff. I think he's a nice guy, but he's apparently ex military as well. He's interesting."

Soap thought of Ghost grinding on him the night before, seducing Soap enough to be willing to throw it all away for the night. He shook his head. "Nah, he's done nothing."

"Why did you ask about him then?"

"Noticed him making tea this morning and was just wondering about him."

Mila nodded. "That's all I know. I'll keep my ear to the ground for anything you might find interesting."

Soap just nodded, deciding not to push on what she thinks he'd find interesting.

After a week of nothing, Soap went to the strip club again, this time alone. He brought plenty of cash, willing to trade any of it for Ghost's attention.

Ghost saw him but he was with another client. Soap had put together that Ghost had given him special treatment a while ago, but it was still exhilarating to see this guy not even be able to put his hands on Ghost's waist, knowing he had gotten to run his hands down his back. They had been so close Soap could feel his breath and this guy had to leave an inch between them for Jesus.

Pretty privilege strikes again.

Once the other guy had either ran out of money or interest, Ghost beelined towards Soap.

"Please don't be my Vargas. I don't think you make enough money for it."

Soap shrugged at him. "You don't know what kind of job I have. I could be a wealthy business man."

Ghost laughed and Soap was immediately a puddle. "Let me guess, hoping to get another private dance?"

"yes. And I'll have you know, I checked with a friend and they said 300 is really high, especially for this club." Soap was already handing over the 300 dollars.

Ghost smiled. "Yeah. It is." He tugged him along, fingers going through his belt loops. Just like before he started on the pole, but it seemed... less serious somehow. He went in circles but it was more fun and flaunting than the graceful flow of before.

Soap smiled to himself and just watched him, finding it endearing. "What do you do outside of this?"

"Didn't realize we were playing 20 questions."

"Just trying to get to know you a little."

Ghost stalked over. He put his foot next to Soap's head and leaned in, showing off just how much bigger he was. "Didn't someone warn you not to fall for strippers? There's hundreds of songs about it."

"Don't be so alluring and this wouldn't happen."

Ghost laughed and turned around, laying against him so his head was on Soap's shoulder and Soap could look down over his chest. He swallowed thickly and gently touched.

It felt sinful to trail his fingers over his skin. He went over each scar, able to feel now that they were likely from knife fights. They were too curved and messy, clearly from someone slashing.

Ghost went to move and Soap yanked him closer. Trying to hold on to him. To this identity that had found its way into his life in so many places. That didn't make sense. Two separate people who were clearly the same person, in both parts of his life.

How many times had he been dragged here and they passed each other? Or at work, how many times did they sit silently in the same break room, Soap making coffee and Ghost making tea, fated lovers passing like ships in the night?

Well, he didn't want to just pass again. To give up a chance to be happy with him.

But his tongue failed. It didn't put his thoughts into words that captured what he wanted.

"How much for a night?"

"Not a prostitute." Was all Ghost responded, looking at him through his lashes. Pretty, thick and blond, just like the man who had them. "I have a friend I can call if its the mask that does it for you."

"Nae. Not the mask. Think it's just you."

"Johnny..."

"I never told ya my name."

They both paused. "Your friend called you it dumbass. The one with the hat on."

Soap deflated, having hoped he'd catch Ghost so he could bring up the college. In reality, he had caught Ghost in a lie, Ghost did know his name from his other job, but he was quick with a reason.

Ghost looked at him and sighed. "You're cute. But I think it's best you don't keep sniffing around." He got up, his toned back flexing as he stretched his arms. "Think you're looking for love in the wrong places."

Soap grabbed his hips and kissed his back. It was impulse. Everything he had just been told not to do. Ghost shivered and let him kiss up his spine.

"Johnny. Come on. Don't be a sore loser. You got my attention."

"Want a whole lot more than your attention."

Ghost tsked and turned around. "If I give you a kiss, let you get it all out of your system, promise to fuck off?"

"Yes, sir." Soap said, knowing he was fronting.

Ghost lifted it and Soap paused, finally seeing the scary scarring he kept talking about. It was too bad, just some... burns? and a Glasgow smile.

"Keep staring and I change my mind and get you banned."

Soap quickly leaned in to get his kiss. Ghost grabbed him by his hips and yanked him closer, quickly getting control.

Johnny was whipped. If Ghost asked him to jump, he'd do it as high as he could and ask if he needed him to do it again. Jump off a bridge and he'd go flying. He followed Ghost's lips as he pulled away.

"It's late. My shift ended ten minutes ago. I'm leaving."

Soap nodded, coming down to Earth slowly. He stood outside for a while, just staring at the stars.

Ghost kissed him.

Ghost also told him to fuck off.

But... Simon and Ghost were separate people.

Soap waited in the breakroom for most of the day, any time he wasn't teaching, he was there.

Professor Riley came in, wearing a different soft jacket that covered his frankly ridiculous physique.

Soap slid up to him, standing in his personal space.

"Professor MacTavish. What are you doing?"

"Looking for love in the right places this time." Soap smiled cheekily.

Simon flushed so hard his neck went red. "Fucking hell. I was hoping you wouldn't catch on."

"You knew??"

"Course I did. You're not... Look, if you want money, I don't have any. We can have sex if that's what you wan-"

Soap cut him off. "Why would I want money?"

"You're going to blackmail me, right? It's what people normally do."

"No! I'm trying to date you!"

Simon tilted his head. "I'll think about it."

Soap watched him leave with his tea and almost fell to his knees.

He'd think about it????

[odditycollector]

gamdave for the ask meme! and or, erijake??

Dave/Gamzee

1. I am not sure there is another pair of people in homestuck who have quite so skewed a ratio of "resounding & negative impact on each others' lives" and "fucks given about that".

Like, okay, I am p sure Dave does not understand that Gamzee manifested Lil Cal as a physical object, and I am p sure that Gamzee does not regret his awakening as a murderous shitlord, but you see what I am saying here.

2. Serendipity meets Final Destination

Gamzee and Dave are two random strangers who share a minor act of assholery between each other. So minor. Like, maybe they are both at the convenience store at 3am for doritos, and there is only one bag of chips left. And Gamzee snipes the chips out of Dave's almost closed fingers, and in response to his smug sneer Dave crunches the bag, making the chips not be triangles anymore.

And neither really remembers this moment the next day because it is so petty and let's be real they were both probably stoned. But somehow the fateful repercussions from this event are rippling out into the world like a terrible Rube Goldberg avalanche, starting with minor misfortunes and building quickly into mass destruction and death.

Meanwhile Dave and Gamzee are going about their lives with an occasional bemused glance at a wackily awful newscast.

Anyway, it seems like things are dominoing into some kind of worldwide calamity, BUT ACTUALLY everything has been lining up to get Gamzee and Dave onto the same stage so they can have the greatest rap off of all time and also just SUPER hit it off.

As things fade to credits we hear them being all, hey you look kinda familiar youre sure this is the first time we met right? yeah, think id all remember a motherfucker….

(and then the last camera shot is something is knocked off a counter in their wake and that hits a spray bottle which rolls across the hallway… and a creepy noise plays because that is the rule on how to end a movie like this)

Eridan/Jake

1. I am not sure if I have thoughts on Eridan/Jake, but the possibility of Grandpa seducing ancient Beforus Eridan (in homestuck + its game Old Man Jake has so many portals why NOT to Beforus) is both logistically defensible and very funny.

2. Jake is sad and lonely and really misses his good buddy Erisolsprite and decides to track down Erisol's component pieces in the dreambubbles. Sollux, wisely, continues to desire no part of the situation. But Eridan, on finding a guy who WANTS him around, gets really clingy about it (do not believe his posturing otherwise)

He offers to mentor Jake in the Way Of Hope and despite Jake being a god tier achiever and Eridan being a mortal ghost Jake is like, yes sure that makes sense, maybe if i knew more stuff about my powers i wouldn't be a miserable wreck right now, teach me up.

So Jake learns cool shit about weaponizing Hope, but mostly (through Eridan's whiny self pity) he learns that he is not the worst person ever at interpersonal relationships. It puts his friendship errors in perspective, and he even offers Eridan some advice in that department! Which makes Jake feel mature and wise but otherwise does not do shit 'cause ghosts can't change.

Is there a more poignant moirallegiance tragedy in all troll literature? i doubt it.

But then in the end there is an empty green sprite kernel from an unused timeline and Jake invites Eridan to return to being his prescribed guide in the sort-of-living world, and Eridan accepts.

(This is a very weird basis for a relationship from a human POV but neither notices.)

[cryptidsurveys]

Monday, November 4th, 2024.

Do you ever get super bad buzzing in your ears? It's more like a super high-pitched frequency. It only lasts for a few seconds and then it disappears. (Also, I started this survey a couple of days ago, so if there's any continuity confusion, that would be why.)

Do you know anyone who has actually been in an alcohol or drug related crash? I might, but I don't know all the details and I don't know her well enough to ask. There may have been drugs/alcohol involved, but from what I can gather, the main motivator was suicidal tendencies.

What is so wrong with cigarettes? Are you fucking serious? <- For real. I might be a smoker, but I'm not going to sit here and pretend it's a harmless habit.

Did you celebrate Fathers Day? No. I love my dad, but we didn't do anything special.

Do you actually think you’re funny? I have my moments.

Have you ever had a deep conversation with someone who was high on anything? Yeah.

Do you ever wonder if there really is someone who can complement your personality well enough to stay together for the rest of your life? Lol, I was just talking about this the other day. Like, I go to bed sooo early, my entire life revolves around the animal shelter, I've watched that outer space video a zillion times already, and yes, I am going to eat the same thing for dinner AGAIN. Is somebody gonna match my freak?

Do you hate how being bisexual is like a trend? I don't notice anyone in my life treating it that way…or even really mentioning their sexuality at all except in passing.

Have you ever gotten a professional massage? I have. When I was a child, my mom had a massage therapist and I went to her a few times to see if it would help with migraines (unfortunately, it did not).

Do you have a good relationship with your first love? I don't have any relationship with him now, but at least on my end there's no hard feelings.

What is something you’re currently nervous about? We might get some snow over the next few days (we'll see - it might just be rain) and I'm a little nervous to drive in it.

Do you have a popup blocker installed on your computer? I honestly don't know. I don't get any pop-ups, though.

Do you feel like you have life figured out? No.

Have you ever used a laptop in a coffee shop? I haven't.

What was the last worst feeling you felt? A sense of falling into a terrible abyss. I was so worried I wasn't going to be able to volunteer at the shelter anymore because of the whole Alex situation/fallout, but I spent all that time worrying for nothing. It wasn't even close to that serious. There was no mention or even a suggestion that they were going to "fire" me. I was in hell for the few days leading up to that meeting, though. :')

Do you ever tend to over-analyse? Yeah. My previous answer is a good example, but it's typically much smaller stuff. I'll overthink someone's tone of voice, a joke they told, why they said a certain thing, etc. I've gotten into the habit of reminding myself that it's just "mental illness shit." I can try to figure out why I feel that way later on, but in the moment, I have to let it go.

Do you know anyone that like, no matter WHAT, they’re always pissed off? Diane is often grumpy, but I'm at least somewhat sympathetic about it. She's older, she just wants to be able to retire, and she has to deal with the public all day (and in a setting such as the animal shelter, that can be especially emotionally taxing).

How do you react when you’re pissed off? One example would be how I reacted to some of Diane's comments back in September. I try to avoid impulsively expressing the full extent of my emotions, though, because one - it's often futile, and two - it just makes things worse than they already are.

What celebrity did your most current ex resemble? I don't know.

What is something creepy that has happened to you (or someone you know) recently? Nothing creepy has happened to me, but there was a recent Walmart lockdown incident in the city in which Paris lives, and she happened to be there at the time.

If you named your car or family car, what would you call it? My dad and I call his car the spaceship. I don't have any creative ideas for mine, though.

What would you do if you were faced with an unplanned or unwanted pregnancy (at your current age)? I'm not sure what I would do.

What does it take for someone to earn your trust? I don't know. Those who have it, have it, but I don't think there's anything anyone can do to earn it at this time.

Is there anything you should be worried about? I don't think so.

Are you dealing with any health-related problems right now? Just migraines. Nothing serious or life-threatening.

Do you think you should fight for love? I'm not even sure what that means.

Are you experiencing problems within a current relationship? Not really.

When you need a temporary escape, what do you do? Listen to something on YouTube.

How long did your last feelings of heartbreak last? It's more like that heartbreak has a half-life. It decreases and decreases, but it never completely disappears.

Do you ever go shopping with your parents (not including grocery shopping)? Occasionally.

When the weather is chilly but humid, what kind of things do you tend to wear? Sweats and a hoodie. Maybe a hat and a jacket as well, depending on how chilly it was.

When you’re walking somewhere, do you bring an iPod to listen to? I don't normally walk anywhere. Except for hikes, but then I don't listen to anything.

Have you ever had some kind of sleep-disorder before? How did it affect your daily life? I experienced some insomnia during late 2019/early 2020.

Have you ever had food poisoning before? Describe the experience: I'm not sure if it was food poisoning or one of those "24 hour bugs," but it was about how you would expect. I don't think I need to describe anything.

Have you ever read anything by Chuck Palahniuk? What did you think? I haven't.

How do you tend to amuse yourself on long car journeys? Listen to podcasts/audiobooks, chat with my dad, take snapshots of the scenery, listen to music, eat, etc.

Do you find that caffeinated or alcoholic drinks make you pee more than normal? Yeah.

How often do you need to charge your phone and iPod (on average)? Daily.

Do you still enjoy watching Disney movies? I probably would.

What are some interests you have in common with your parents?

How old were you when your parents trusted you to stay home alone all day? Maybe in high school? I don't think they didn't trust me sooner than that - my mom would occasionally leave me at home to run errands and such - but they were rarely ever gone all day until I was a bit older.

How long do you like to date someone before you bring them home to meet your parents? Well, I live with my dad, so they would probably meet pretty early on. As for introducing them to my mom, I'm not sure.

If you could go to one country for two weeks, all expenses paid, where would you go and why? Japan.

Do you drink more or less water than is recommended? More.

Do you like taking walks? I like hiking.

Do you go on vacation with your family a lot? Where was the last place you went? No. The last trip my dad and I made was to Georgia in 2011 (?).

What do your parents think about piercings and tattoos? Do you agree with them? My dad doesn't have any piercings or tattoos, but I don't think he cares what other people do with their bodies. My mom has one tattoo and her ears are pierced, and her opinion is probably pretty similar to my dad's.

Which is the funniest name you’ve ever heard? Idk.

What are your religious beliefs? Are these the same as your parents’? I believe in God, but I don't follow any particular religion. The entirety of my beliefs would be pretty difficult to describe. My dad is Jewish and my mom is what I would call casually spiritual. I have something in common with both of them, but overall I probably align more with my dad.

Do you find it difficult to get to sleep early when you have to be up for something the next day? Not really.

Do you still enjoy coloring in coloring books? I just don't have the patience/concentration. Weird to say because I make my own art, but I feel like that's more mentally engaging than coloring.

Do you remember the Land Before Time movies? Who was your favorite character? I do. My favorite character was Ducky.

What’s your favorite genre of book to read? Lately, sci-fi or books exploring the paranormal.

Who has more influence over your taste in music - friends or family? A bit of both, plus my own discoveries/unique preferences.

When someone talks to you constantly, do you get fed up and easily irritated with them? I do eventually run out of steam.

Are you one of those people who texts back instantly? Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. It just depends.

Do you think going to college / university is the best option after you’ve left school?

Is it easy to sleep late in your house, or are other people pretty noisy in the mornings? It's hard for me to sleep in regardless of how quiet other people are being.

Do you prefer watching movies alone or with other people? With other people. Left to my own devices, I might never watch them.

What’s your favourite place to get pizza from? Domino's.

Do you ever do something, and then wonder how many people are currently doing the same thing as you? Yeah.

When’s the last time the power went out in your house? I'm not sure, but our water was out about a month and a half ago (something like that, anyway). They're building a new fire station nearby and I guess they had to shut it off for…whatever they were doing. Idk. It was only out for a couple of hours, though.

Is there a laundry basket in your room? If yes, what color is it? I have two laundry baskets (one pink and one dark blue). The pink one is in the basement because I'm currently in the middle of doing laundry.

Do you like those different flavored Tootsie Rolls? I think I prefer the chocolate ones.

Do you keep your shoes on a shoe rack, or just throw them somewhere? I keep them in the entrance.

Think of the last verbal argument you were in; what caused it?

Does your refrigerator have one door or two? One big door and one smaller freezer door.

Do you smoosh bugs, or just let ‘em go? I let this guy go with a stern warning. ;D

Do you know anyone who collects stamps? I don't.

What was the last thing you deleted off of your computer? I don't think I've deleted anything from this computer yet.

[manofmanymons]

What are some survive rarepairs you enjoy? Any dynamics you'd ever wanna explore in a shipping sense that you havent?

Uuuuh the main one was Ryo and Minoru but there are two others that I can say I don't necessarily ship (like I'm not actively playing the game and going "these two should kith maybe") but do think could be cute together

The first one is Saki and Miu, maybe not now, but when they're a little older. I like the idea of them post-game letting loose and doing all the things they were never able to before together and just growing closer and closer over time. I feel like they both have a similar quality of simultaneously being very blunt while also being afraid of being themselves too much, and they just kinda,,,get each other. They find each other's flaws endearing; it makes them feel better about their own hang ups. They could look at each other's ugliest sides and still smile and say "I think you're beautiful," and it helps them realize that "yeah, you're right, I am."

They would be super adventurous, going around trying everything from the latest food craze, to escape rooms, to camping, to just anything that catches their interest. They love to explore the world together. I also just like their opposing aesthetics. Cute n creepy. Opposites attract on the surface but actually they have a lot in common <3

They're both pretty perceptive also, so I think they'd both totally notice it if the other was feeling down and go out of their way to do something nice. Saki is good at telling exactly what's bugging Miu and how to fix it. Miu is a little worse at figuring out what'll make Saki happy (but in her defense, Saki is a little more fickle about what will and won't cheer her up), so instead she'll just ask "how can I help" and refuse to take "it's fine" for an answer.

Also think they'd play games and binge shows together. When they can't go outside, they'll just get lost in fantasy instead.

Plus you can't tell me it wouldn't be hilarious if like,,,

Miu, age 11: lol Kaito gay what a loser

Miu, age 13, realizing she has a crush on the girl bestie: oh no

The other is Ryo and Kaito. I just like their vibes. I like them being happy spending time quietly together.

Ryo's still kind of a crybaby, but Kaito's surprisingly nice about it. Whatever it is he's whining about this time, he'll help him with it no questions asked. Kaito's still kind of a ✨fucking idiot ✨, just constantly hurting himself in some way or another + he's completely helpless in the kitchen, so now it's Ryo's turn to help him. Basically, they're just really good at taking care of each other!

Total enablers, the both of them. If one of them picks a fight, the other will NOT try to calm them down. If anything, they're more like

Except instead of a flower it'd be like "hold my earring"/"hold my kunemon"

Like Minoru's pretty bad too but I feel like the odds of him successfully talking their way out of it if Ryo picked a fight are pretty high. Kaito literally would not even try. "Let's talk about this" is a thought that would never cross his mind for a second. If Ryo wants someone to get punched in the face, someone is getting punched in the face; it's just a question of which one of them is gonna do it first.

Also the kinda couple that wouldn't even look like they're dating in public but are secretly kinda really sappy in private. Lotta leaning against each other and falling asleep on top of each other.

Ryo's a little extremely irritated that Kaito's taller than him even though he's younger. If they're hanging out at home, Ryo keeps making Kaito sit down so he gets to look down at him while they're talking for a change. Half the time he won't kiss him unless he's sitting down either. Kaito thinks it's stupid but goes along with it anyways. It's not his fault if Ryo's kinda cute when he's got that stupid smug smile on his face.

Now that I'm thinking about it, I remember Takuma mentioning that he thought Kaito looked older than he is at first, and I don't think Miu or Kaito ever actually said out loud to everyone else how old they are or what grades they're in...So now I'm thinking it would be really fuckin funny if Ryo thought Kaito was the same age/older than him at first and was devastated to find out he's 14 ladfjak

Lol get pranked this was secretly me talking about Shinonome sibs AGAIN

[queen--kenobi]

Can you explain more about this Tymon and Elayna dynamic? I'm curious how this all gets going. Like I've picked up on bits and pieces and Elayna's deep hatred of the Lannisters, SO I WOULD LIKE TO LEARN MORE

Ehehehehe yeeesssss time to reintroduce my terrible awful evil son

So. Tymon is Jason and Tyland's younger brother. He's a year older than Elayna. Tymon is... well. The best way I can describe Tymon is That Annoying Rich White Guy? Like in a modern AU he's the lacrosse player who got into an Ivy league because his family is a legacy family. He is actually smart and charming on the surface but underneath all that, he's absolutely awful. The type of guy who's never heard no in his life and has a meltdown because of it

Elayna gets warded to the Lannisters when she's about 8 or 9. Alon has his first major sickness so Elayna’s older brother sends her to the Lannisters. Since Tymon is about the same age as her, they do gravitate towards each other. When they hit 12/13, Tymon realizes he's attracted to Elayna. And being an entitled 13 year old decides yeah, he's going to marry Elayna

It gets complicated because they're still basically kids. Elayna doesn't necessarily know what she really wants or likes. Also she thinks she knows him, and this is the first guy who's shown interest in her in a not overtly creepy way. So she's receptive at first and she ignores some red flags that crop up

I haven't exactly figured out what the specific thing that makes her go "wait. Hold up" is yet? At least, not for canon. Based on what I'm thinking for other AUs, like him branding someone in the Western AU bc lbr that's some shit the Lannisters would do, it has to be Bad. I have some ideas floating around. But yeah. Tymon does something that is a very "oh fuck he's dangerous, and he will hurt me" thing. Elayna had been having doubts anyway, but this just freaks her out. She starts spending less time with him and in general trying to avoid him

Elayna also notices he doesn't care about her in a love way but a possession way? There's some discussion of her marrying a Tarbeck, and Tymon flips the fuck out over it. It's very much in an abusive partner type of way even though he and Elayna were never technically together

Elayna tries avoiding him but a) Tymon has made it clear he's the only one allowed to marry Elayna and will get violent over it and b) Elayna is literally living with his family so there's no one she can turn to. Since Elayna is saying no, Tymon bounces between love bombing Elayna and trying to make Elayna’s live a living hell

Mind you. She's 12? 13? When this starts. And she endures 3-4 years of psychological abuse. And unfortunately she does have to learn to be like the Lannisters to survive during this time period. The only person on her side seems to be her dad. Seban, her older brother, is even kinda like "what's the big deal? It'd be a great opportunity" blah blah blah

Eventually Alon gets Elayna under the guise of taking her back to Castamere, probably so as "not to tempt Tymon" or w/e. But as soon as they're on the road Alon tells Elayna he's set everything up so Elayna can live in KL as either Helaena or Jaenna's lady-in-waiting. Obviously once Tymon finds out he's on his way to KL but like. Tripling down on everything because how dare she run away

(Bonus fun fact: in the modern AU they go to high school together, they have this weird relationship of like... they're not actually dating but also they kind of are? They keep on saying no they're just friends but they make out at parties. But then the next day in class they'll be at each other's throats for who has the best grade and being super competitive in a nasty way. They end up deciding to go to prom together but... They end up sleeping together and being each other's firsts. Which then less than a week later Tymon tells Elayna no he's not taking her to prom, someone like him doesn't take girls like her to prom, and anyway he's had a girlfriend this whole time. And he does this several days before the SAT/ACT. Which Elayna realizes later he timed it in an attempt to make her so upset she'd completely bomb the test

Bonus bonus: unfortunately. Tymon is Hot.

This is his FC, Brandon Sklenar. Imagine him but blond)

[mneiai]

I cannot fathom why so many people in HOTD fandom act like Rhaenyra had endless safe possibilities for who could father her children.

She needed someone trustworthy. Who was attracted to her as she was attracted to them so they actually could easily have pregnancies (which normally take more than one attempt!). And who would not mind never being able to actually publicly claim their kids, never say "oh yeah that heir to the throne/king is my kid." Also someone who wouldn't antagonize Laenor, for that matter, since they'd more or less have confirmation he was gay instead of just suspecting he was.

"Oh, she could just fly to Essos and have sex with someone." Okay and when her enemies noticed that every time she had a kid she spent time in Essos about nine months before? Especially when Daemon was living in Essos at the time? The only thing worse than trusting random sex workers not to say anything to spies is giving people the impression Daemon was the kids' father. Also making sure that they had zero non-Valyrian traits that could pop up would be difficult if not impossible, so she still could have ended up with a dark haired/eyed child.

"There were other Velyarons!" Uhh, yeah, Rhaenys would have been fine with her husband fucking a woman that in the show she clearly resents. And Vaemond would have been totally trustworthy and not at all blackmailed Rhaenyra or otherwise tried to use the secret to harm her/get something. If this was the books and there were a ton of Velaryons, maybe you could make that argument, but even then, the reason that Rhaenyra married Laenor was to combine their claims which the other Velyarons didn't possess because it came through Rhaenys, so it could still cause issues as an open secret.

"She should have still found someone that looked like herself or Laenor!" She's basically shown as having zero social life outside of Alicent (with implications that Otto might have manipulated that). She should have other ladies, but all of them she's actually shown with are dressed as servants, instead. How exactly is she supposed to find a trustworthy dragonseed or something like that without still causing suspicion if she's more or less socially isolated?

Harwin was someone she was attracted to, who was attracted to her, who had a reason to be around her often as a sworn shield and high ranking Gold Cloak, not to mention the Hand's son and heir to Harrenhal, and who she already knew was trustworthy and had good reason to believe would keep her secrets while not being a dick about it. She also had no way of knowing that all of their children would have his coloring, especially since in the HOTD-verse Rhaenys didn't even get the Baratheon dark hair, which would make it seem like Targ coloring was super powerful.

"Alicent did her duty and would have never done that!" Alicent literally had an affair, too. Yeah, it's creepy and has major consent issues, but she could have just...not done shit with Larys. She chose to, to get information, even though she had major leverage to get him to leave her alone if she really wanted to.

And all of this is premised on the idea that "If the kids looked like Laenor, everyone would stop calling them bastards!" Except that even if the kids looked like little clones of Laenor, they'd still be called bastards by Rhaenyra's enemies, both because Laenor was known to be gay but also because making Rhaenyra seem like a "whore" discredited her. It literally did not matter who fathered them or what they looked like.