#|| it really is a shame because I was trying desperately not to dip into hiatus again.

[punkshort]

somewhere to run | 7. break the chain

Pairing: sheriff!Joel x f!reader

Chapter Summary: You take the next step in your relationship with Joel. (Smut. It's just all smut. All of it.)

Chapter Warnings: language, smut (18+ MDNI), Joel being a consent king, unprotected piv sex, fingering, dirty talk, hair pulling, oral sex (f receiving), reader is a little bit sexually inexperienced, brief thoughts of SA but absolutely nothing descriptive, talking about injuries (bruising), oh yeah and infidelity duh

WC: 7.3K

Series Masterlist

There were a lot of things that went through your head when you woke up that morning. Primarily, your thoughts centered around giving your statement and dread you felt about Joel possibly treating you differently once he heard the truth. And you were partially right. He did end up treating you differently, but not at all in the way you expected.

No, you certainly didn't expect your evening to end up with Joel's body pressing yours into your couch, his lips alternating between peppering chaste kisses along your jaw to his tongue probing desperately into your mouth while your fingers gripped his tie and the stiff fabric of his dress shirt, holding him as close as possible because you were terrified he might stop.

You knew you were technically being unfaithful, but was it really cheating if your husband treated you like a prisoner? If you never had any means of escape from a marriage you felt manipulated into? Besides, Joel knew everything now and he still chose to stay. Nobody's ever stood by you or tried to help you the way he had. Whatever ended up happening that night, you knew it wasn't going to be meaningless. You trusted him, you knew that much, and for once in your life you finally felt like maybe, just maybe, you could free yourself from Patrick and live the life you deserved.

His hand cupped your cheek, fingertips digging into the back of your neck while he held all his weight on his other forearm, hovering above you and trying to keep his hips from rubbing against your center but his body was desperate for friction, and he knew he couldn't hold himself back much longer. After everything he heard you say, every horrible memory you were forced to bring up and relive, he wanted nothing more than to help take it all away. He wanted to cleanse your mind of those memories, of the life you felt forced to suffer through, and prove to you right then and there that love shouldn't hurt. Had you ever even really felt love before? Truly? Probably not.

Joel's hand left your face and drifted down to your shoulder, then gingerly grazed your ribs, his tongue still dancing with yours, trying to pull out that sweet sound you gifted him with only once before at the carnival. A sound that haunted his dreams, a sound he replayed over and over in his mind late at night when he tried to sleep but was too consumed with thoughts of you.

His fingers dipped lower and nervously fidgeted with the belt of your robe. He was suddenly unsure, now that he was aware of your past, what you would be comfortable with. He pulled back and looked down at you, watching as your chest heaved beneath him. Your perfect, swollen lips were parted and your eyes were dark with lust as you gazed up at him.

"Maybe we should slow down," he said, selfishly regretting the offer the moment it left his lips, but the last thing he wanted to do was pressure you. Thankfully, you shook your head and tugged gently on his tie, urging him back down, but once again his conscience got the best of him and he hesitated.

You furrowed your brow, trying to figure out what the problem was when it occurred to you, a thought that quickly snapped you out of your trance in shame. Scooting yourself back so you could prop yourself up on your elbows, you took a deep breath before speaking.

"Right. Nikki."

His eyes widened and he immediately shook his head.

"No, that's over," he told you, and you inwardly sighed with relief. "But what you said at the station earlier, I just thought..." he trailed off, a part of him not wanting to ruin the moment but the other part of him trying to be respectful. It was clearly not something you were used to. You were used to a man who just took what he wanted from you over and over and Joel absolutely refused to be like that, no matter how badly he ached for you.

"Were you telling me the truth before?" you asked, seemingly ignoring what he just said. He frowned, not following. "You told me you would make me forget about every man who's ever had me."

His breath caught in his throat as he remembered that night at the carnival when he walked you back to your car. He had no idea his words would have such an impact. At the time, it was just something he said in the heat of the moment, but hearing those words echoed back to him, after everything he now knew, he took it as a challenge. All you seemed to know was pain and hurt, but if you let him, he would show you how good it could really be.

"Yes," he said, his eyes boring into yours and watching as a flicker of excitement passed over your perfect features and suddenly all he could think about was taking your pain away.

"Then make me forget."

His mouth crashed down on yours again and finally, finally, he heard that little moan. The one that he couldn't get out of his head. The one that drove him crazy ever since he heard it. The one he daydreamed about every time he looked at you. He growled against your mouth as his arms wrapped around your middle, scooping you upright and making you grip his shoulders for dear life as he lifted you up, your legs wrapping around his waist while he blindly walked towards your bedroom. You giggled against his mouth when his shoulder knocked into the doorframe and he cursed under his breath. He opened his eyes for just a moment so he could get the layout of the room and put you down safely on the bed.

His lips traveled down your neck while he nimbly undid your robe, his hands sliding underneath the thin fabric, fingers dancing over your delicate skin. He felt you stiffen under him when he touched your side and once again, he pulled back to look. Any other day, his eyes would have locked onto your exposed breasts, but not today. Today, he was focused entirely on the enormous bruise still struggling to heal over your ribs and he had to actively suppress his reaction, but you could still see it. His nostrils flared and he clenched his jaw as he continued to examine the deep blues and purples that littered your beautiful skin.

"I'm fine," you told him quickly, your breath coming in quick gasps as you tried to pull his attention back. "Promise, I'm fine."

His eyes found yours for a brief moment before he looked back at the bruise, then leaned forward to plant a tender kiss against it. He heard you sigh, your hands finding his hair, and he kissed your ribs again, forcing himself to shift gears. You didn't want his pity. Not right now.

"You were naked under this thing the whole time you were talkin' to me?" he murmured, his lips traveling across your stomach, leaving soft licks in its wake.

"I told you I was in the shower," you replied teasingly, grateful that he moved past the bruise as his mouth found the underside of your breast. He pulled your nipple into his mouth and you arched your back with a gasp, his tongue flicking over the stiffened peak.

"Joel?" you whispered, and he hummed in response, still lavishing your chest with attention. "Take off your clothes."

You felt the prickle of his facial hair against your overly sensitive skin when his lips turned up into a smile. He pushed himself up, kneeling between your legs as he stared down at you watching him tug slowly on his tie, unknotting it before tossing it on the floor behind him. His eyes were still glued to yours, the corner of his mouth turning up in a smirk as he slowly unbuttoned his shirt. You watched, lips parted, your eyes greedily drifting down his chest as his thick fingers undid each button with precision until he finally got to the bottom, tugging the shirt out of his slacks and shrugging it off.

Your hands came up to work on his belt while he lifted his white T-shirt off over his head. His hands dropped to his sides as he tilted his hips forward more, giving you better access until you yanked the leather from his waist aggressively, making him chuckle. You were about to start working on his pants when you noticed the deep purple bruise marking the right side of his chest and you gasped, sitting up to reach out to him.

"Oh my god," you whispered, your eyes filled with worry.

"It doesn't hurt anymore," he told you quickly, but he could see the pain behind your eyes when you looked at him.

"I'm so sorry," you told him, your lower lip beginning to tremble.

"Don't be sorry," he said, his hands coming up to cup your face. "None of this is your fault."

"I made him come here," you said, tears welling up in your eyes. "I moved here and ruined everything!"

"No, stop," he said, shaking his head and pressing a gentle kiss against your lips. "You movin' here's the best thing that ever happened to me, okay?"

You sniffled and looked up at him, his thumb drying your tears as quickly as they fell.

"It's okay," he whispered, giving you another soft kiss. You sighed, leaning into his touch like a lifeline. Like it was the only thing tethering you to reality. "You're okay," he added in-between kisses, and you decided to believe him. You let him ease you back onto the mattress, his warm skin pressing against your chest while your hands dipped between your bodies, fingers fumbling with the button on his pants. He lifted his hips up ever so slightly, just enough to give you room to maneuver his zipper and tug on his waistband, but not too much because he couldn't fathom not feeling your body against his for even one unnecessary second.

When you finally managed to pull his pants down, he kicked his legs out behind him, flicking the restricting material onto the floor to join the rest of his clothes. His mouth traveled down your chin, along your jaw and taking a small break behind your ear before he continued down your throat, his teeth grazing gently against the delicate skin as you began to writhe underneath him.

"Are you sure you wanna do this?" he asked, his lips sucking on your collarbone. He realized how ridiculous it seemed to ask that now that you were already both naked, but he felt the need to give you another chance to back out. He couldn't get your words out of his head and he needed to make sure you wanted this just as badly as he did.

"Yes," you moaned, tipping your head back, your eyes sliding shut. "Yes, please Joel, please, please - oh!"

You gasped when you felt his thick fingers trace along your folds, collecting the wetness there before his fingertip teased at your entrance, trying to learn your body's cues so he could give you exactly what you needed. Your hips jutted upwards, encouraging him to continue and he smirked against your skin as he sunk one finger inside. Your grip on his shoulders tightened as you let out a low moan, the sound sending even more blood directly between his legs and he was beginning to question if he was going to make it.

"Fuck, baby," he murmured, withdrawing his finger quickly and making you whine. "I know, I know," he cooed, his breathing becoming shallow as he repositioned himself between your legs. "I just- I can't- shit, I need you so bad," he told you as he notched himself against your opening. You eagerly spread your legs wider, looking up at him with heavy lidded eyes, your chest and neck all pink from his facial hair. He watched how the rush of blood underneath your soft skin he caused helped to hide the bruises and scrapes someone else left. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Like he was watching the start of him erasing all those horrible memories.

"You tell me if you don't like somethin', or if it's too much, or if it hurts-"

"Okay," you said, cutting him off and nodding enthusiastically.

"Okay," he repeated, his voice a little shaky as he locked eyes with you for one more brief moment before pressing forward. You both groaned, jaws hanging open as your bodies welcomed each other so perfectly. He inched in slowly, trying to memorize every single second until he bottomed out, one hand gripping your hip and the other clenched into a fist next to your head, holding himself up so he could watch your face for any sign of discomfort. When it became clear there was none, he let himself drop down onto his forearm so he could slot his mouth back over yours. You moaned sweetly into the kiss, your fingers coming up to grip his curls and he felt goosebumps travel down his arms. Fuck, he really liked it when you tugged a little on his hair.

You lifted your hips a bit, rocking them, trying to get him to move, but he tightened his grip and pushed your hips back down.

"Not yet," he gasped, letting his forehead rest against yours as he tried to collect himself. "Just... just gimme a second."

"Is everything okay?" you asked after another moment, and he let out a soft laugh.

"Yeah, I'm just afraid this'll end too soon. Gotta make you feel good first," he explained sheepishly, planting a small kiss on the tip of your nose.

"About that," you said, dropping your hands from his hair. "I can't... no one's ever... y'know," you trailed off, feeling your cheeks flare. He frowned as he pieced together what you were trying to say.

"You've never had an orgasm?"

"Well, on my own, yes. But not with someone else," you said hurriedly, shame and embarrassment coursing through your veins as you watched his face fill with disappointment.

"It doesn't mean I don't enjoy it, you just don't need to-"

"Make you come?" he finished for you, raising his eyebrows in disbelief.

"Uh huh," you squeaked, hoping you weren't as red as you felt. He tsked and shook his head.

"Oh baby, you poor thing," he mumbled, leaning down to give you another sweet kiss before reaching to the side to grab a pillow. "Lift up."

Confused, you did as you were told, lifting your hips up so he could wedge the pillow underneath you.

"Comfortable?"

"Yeah, but-"

"Don't worry, I got this. I got you," he said, giving his hips an experimental roll and watching your face for your reaction. You sucked in a deep breath and your eyes fluttered closed. Good start.

He gave it to you nice and slow, dragging himself in and out, building you up little by little and paying close attention to your body language. If it was possible to hate Patrick even more, he did. You had said your relationship together wasn't always bad, but as he suspected, your definition of good was not at all what it should be. And Joel was eager to prove that to you.

"So beautiful. D'you know how beautiful you are?" he murmured, picking up the pace just a bit, his tongue flicking over your nipple each time he sunk back inside you. You gasped, the sensation unraveling something in you. "D'you know how crazy I am 'bout you? Think 'bout you all the time," he switched his attention to your other breast, his thrusts remaining steady as he waited for your body to tell him what it needed.

"Me, too," you whispered, your hands coming back up to get tangled in his hair, making him groan.

"Talk to me, I wanna make you feel good," he said, lifting his head off your chest to look at you. "Tell me what you like."

"It's good," you assured him, your eyebrows furrowed in concentration, little gasps leaving your mouth each time he pushed back into you.

"Nah, not good enough," he determined, propping himself up on both forearms now so he could change the angle. His fingers suddenly reached down to grip your knee, pulling it up to your chest before falling back on his forearms. You gasped, eyes flying open as he circled his hips and he smirked. Got it.

"Ohmygod!" you cried out, pulling on his hair and making him moan. "Right there, Joel, don't stop-"

You had no idea how he managed to actually do it, but he did. He reached a spot deep inside that you didn't know even existed and it wasn't long until you felt yourself falling, his name tumbling from your lips over and over and you had a faint idea of how loud you were being but you didn't care. Nobody, including yourself, has ever made you feel that good and it was making you dizzy, your brain foggy as you tried to make sense of what just happened.

"Fuck, what I tell you? So good, you did so good," he mumbled, his lips frantically finding yours as he chased his own high. "I'd give you one more but it's a miracle I lasted this long," he panted, his head falling to your shoulder as you still struggled to come back to earth underneath him. Your fingers in his hair loosened and he grunted, one of his hands coming up to make sure you kept your hands there and you quickly figured out what he wanted. Making sure to grasp a good handful, you gave his hair one firm tug.

"Oh shit!" he groaned, pulling out of you just in time to come all over your inner thighs. "Shit, shit, shit," he muttered, his hips weakly thrusting forward until he was spent, collapsing in a heap on top of you.

"Sorry," he mumbled into the crook of your neck and you giggled. "I might've ruined your sheets," he added with a chuckle, and you laughed even harder.

"It's okay," you said, burying your nose in his messy curls. "I'm on birth control, you could've..."

"Didn't exactly have enough time to ask first if that was okay," he said, smiling against your neck. What a concept, you thought. Being asked first.

"Do you, um," you began, not sure why you felt so nervous around him still. "Do you like getting your hair pulled?"

Joel laughed softly and finally rolled off to the side, allowing you to take deep breaths again now that his weight wasn't crushing you.

"I think I only like it when you do it," he said, grinning while the tips of his ears started to turn red. You hummed and rolled to your side so you could face him.

"I'll keep that in mind for next time," you replied with a wink.

He rolled onto his side as well, tucking a stray piece of hair behind your ear.

"I like the sound of a 'next time'," he said, making you blush before planting a quick kiss on your forehead and standing up with a grunt. You watched as he left your room, still completely naked, the sight making you grin and bite your lip. He returned just a minute later with a wet washcloth and you watched as he gently cleaned you up before attempting to spot clean your sheets, then giving up and flopping back into bed, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you against his chest.

It felt so warm, so safe, so peaceful that you never wanted to leave. His big hands gently rubbed your arm, his touch so soft and soothing that you almost felt like you could fall asleep. You closed your eyes and pressed your ear against his chest, listening to the rhythmic thud, thud, thud of his heart. Every strong beat a reminder that he was real, that he cared, that he was going to help you. Even if your relationship never got to this point, you knew he would still help you get out of this mess you were in, because he was a good man. You just wish it didn't take so long to find him.

You glanced at your digital clock and tried to hide your disappointment when you saw it was nearly 6pm.

"You'll have to get going soon," you reminded him, your fingers running lightly over his bare chest. "Sarah's probably waiting for you."

He hummed and picked up his phone, checking his calendar quickly before dialing a number. You could hear the ringing on the other end and a tinny voice answer.

"Hey Tommy. Can you or Maria pick up Sarah and keep her overnight? Yeah, I'm workin' a late one, not sure when I'll get home."

Joel listened to his brother's answer for a moment before nodding his head.

"That's no problem, I'll call and tell her you'll be there in an hour. Thanks, I owe you one." He pulled the phone back and you tried to stifle your smile as he went to dial Sarah.

"You don't have to-"

"Shh," he said, then "hey babygirl, I'm sorry but I'm gonna be late tonight. Uncle Tommy'll come by to get you in an hour and you can stay at his house... yeah, I'm sure if you wanted to do your homework at the diner, he won't care. You all good? How was your day?"

You nestled into his shoulder as you listened to him talk to his daughter, asking her questions about school and her extra curricular activities before he finished up the call, telling her he loved her as he hung up.

"You didn't have to do all that."

"Yeah, but I wanted to," he said, kissing the top of your head. You sighed and leaned back into his chest, then froze when you heard his stomach.

"You didn't eat, did you?" you asked with a smirk, and you felt his chest bounce lightly up and down as he stifled a laugh. "Can I make you something? Do you like pasta?" you asked him, sitting up in bed but he reached out and grabbed your shoulders, pulling you back into him.

"Yeah, but I don't want you leavin' just yet," he mumbled, his voice rumbling in his chest and echoing through your ear. You couldn't help but smile at how sweet he was, and you kicked yourself for not telling him everything sooner.

"The noodles are already cooked, it won't take long," you said, sitting back up again after a minute, and this time, he let you, but only after he insisted on helping. Or at least, he thought he was helping by leaning against the counter and circling his arms around your waist while you stirred the sauce.

"If I burn this, it's your fault," you teased, tipping your head back against his shoulder as his lips made their way down your neck.

"Mm, worth it," he mumbled.

You watched him eat from across your small kitchen table with a goofy look on your face. It was still hard to believe the past couple hours really happened, and having him sitting in your tiny apartment eating leftover pasta in his boxers was just making it seem even more surreal.

"What're you lookin' at me like that for?" he asked, his mouth turning up into a smirk as he swallowed the last of his food.

"Can't I just look at you?"

"You got somethin' goin' on up there," he said, tapping the side of his head and leaning back in his chair.

"I was just thinking how the book club ladies were right about you."

He frowned and gave you a confused look.

"All the women in this town are crazy about you, you know that, right?"

He shrugged a little but you saw his cheeks begin to color.

"You're the only one I want crazy 'bout me," he replied, making your heart flutter.

"Mission accomplished," you said, and he chuckled before standing up to wash his plate in your sink, and you watched, still in utter disbelief he was standing there barely dressed in your kitchen.

"I can feel you still lookin' at me," he said, his back to you, and you laughed.

"I'm just having a hard time believing this isn't a dream," you said, coming over to lean against the doorway.

He turned around, drying his hands on a towel before looking you up and down.

"Want me to prove it?" he asked lowly as he took a few short steps towards you. He bent down slightly so he could run his hands up the backs of your legs, disappearing beneath your robe to grab onto your ass. You could feel your knees weakening already, his touch continuing to be your downfall.

"Yes," you whispered, tipping your head so you could find his throat, your tongue leaving wet marks after every little bite to his tanned skin while his hands kept roaming over your body. He quickly became fed up with your robe and before you knew it, it was piled in a heap next to your fridge.

He dropped to his knees, leaving your head spinning at the sudden loss, and when he lifted one of your legs up to rest over his shoulder, you gasped. Even though you knew the answer, you asked him anyway.

"W-what are you doing?"

His eyes found yours and he paused, looking up at you from between your legs, his eyes hot with desire and his curls a floppy mess on his head.

"Is this okay?" he asked, and you swallowed nervously.

"I d-don't... I've never had -" you cut yourself off as your cheeks once again flushed with embarrassment.

"You're kiddin' me, right?" he asked, his expression unreadable. "No one's ever licked this perfect pussy before?"

"Jesus Christ, Joel!" you laughed, taken aback by his blunt words. Never in your life had you ever expected to hear this kind of talk come out of his mouth.

He chuckled and nosed at your folds, making you gasp.

"You ain't heard nothin' yet," he muttered before flicking his tongue out and licking a broad stripe up your center. Your hands flew out to grip the counter behind you, your mouth hanging open, unable to form a coherent thought, let alone sentence.

"Oh, my god," you finally managed to whisper, your head tilting forward and your eyes sliding shut as he buried his face between your legs, his facial hair rubbing against your overly sensitive skin, making it difficult to remember how to breathe.

His fingers gripped your thigh, keeping you in place as he lapped at your arousal, moaning to himself at the taste. Earlier, he felt so angry no one had been able to make you come before, but now he found something incredibly arousing about being able to do these things for you for the very first time. He felt himself throb as he listened to your perfect little moans, garbled versions of his name and curses driving him wild. When your legs began to shake, he hooked your other one over his shoulder, holding you up as you leaned back onto your forearms, trying to take some of the weight off him.

You looked down just as he slid one finger inside your aching heat, hooking it and brushing against that same spot as before while his lips wrapped around your clit, the combination of the two sending you head first into a dizzying orgasm. He felt your arms slack and he quickly reached up with his free hand to make sure you didn't fall, all the while his mouth and finger rode out your climax, slowing down only when your body warned him to. He could feel it when your stomach muscles began to jump and your legs twitched over his shoulders, so he finally pulled away with a satisfied smirk, leaving a trail of wet kisses along your inner thighs as you tried to catch your breath.

"God, you're really good at that," you finally managed to say.

He grinned and carefully set you back on your feet before standing back up with a groan.

"Can't believe no one could ever made you come before," he murmured into your neck as he wrapped his arms around you.

"Maybe you just got lucky," you teased, and he chuckled for a moment before scooping you up, making you squeal in surprise.

"Don't give me a challenge and expect me not to follow through," he said as he walked you over to your tiny kitchen table and laid you down. Your heart raced as you watched him fling his shirt over his head and you did your best to ignore the ugly bruise this time, just as he had been doing to yours. He pushed his boxers down to his knees, not even bothering to remove them as he gripped his erection in his fist, sliding the tip slowly through the remains of your release and watching you flinch when he nudged against your sensitive clit.

His eyes found yours and he waited, wanting to hear you say it, needing to hear you say it.

"Yes," you whispered with a nod. "I need you, Joel. Please make me come again."

He wasted no time sinking back inside you, a groan of relief slipping past his lips as he looked down and watched you stretch so perfectly around him.

"You got any idea how many times I've imagined you sayin' somethin' like that to me?" he said through gritted teeth, watching as your breasts bounced lightly underneath him from the force of his thrusts. "How many times I came all over my own hand thinkin' 'bout you? God, you feel so fuckin' good, better than I ever imagined."

Somewhere in the back of your head, you knew you should feel embarrassed listening to his confession, but at the moment you couldn't bring yourself to care. In fact, it only served to spur you on, your slick coating him more and more every time he pulled out. You hooked your ankles around his back and your fingers gripped the backs of his hands, which were holding your hips in place as he fucked into you, stopping you from sliding up the table.

"Kiss me," you mumbled, and without a second thought he lifted you up so you were sitting on the edge of the table, his hips still rocking into you as his mouth crashed over yours. One arm around your middle, the other around your shoulders, holding you tightly against him as his tongue probed inside your mouth, licking past your teeth, pouring every ounce of affection he had for you into the kiss.

He dropped one hand to your waist, tilting your hips and making you gasp, your legs nearly losing their grip around him. You could hear the legs of the table squeaking against the floor and had you not been so far gone, you might have wondered if it could be heard in the pizza place downstairs.

"Fuck it," he growled, picking you up, growing frustrated with the table and turned around to pin you against the wall instead.

You cried out his name, the new position making you see stars.

"Think you can come again for me?" he whispered in your ear, his hot breath on your neck sending a shiver down your spine.

"Yes," you whined, tipping your head back against the wall, surrendering over your body. Trusting him, needing him to give you something you've never had before. Something beyond the physical. Something meaningful. Something good.

Your fingers dug into his shoulders, looking for something to ground you as the wave of euphoria crashed over you. You buried your face against his neck, practically sobbing his name as he continued to fuck you through it. Your legs began to weaken but you did your best to hold on.

"Oh fuck, I'm gonna come," he groaned, pulling back just a bit, just enough to look down and watch as he disappeared inside your wet heat over and over, the visual sending him over the edge.

"Come inside me," you mumbled, still in a daze. You heard him moan and then whimper, the force of his orgasm taking every last bit of strength and willpower he had. His hips bucked forward, determined to give you every drop of his spend until he finally slowed and collapsed against you.

"Can you stand?" he asked, his mouth against your shoulder as an aftershock ran down his spine.

"Yeah," you said weakly, forcing your eyes open as he slid out of you and gently placed your feet back on the floor. You stood, squeezing your legs together as he pulled his boxers back up and scooped your robe off the floor, draping it back around your shoulders.

"You look tired," he said softly, hooking a finger under your chin, tilting it up so you would look at him.

"I've had a big day," you said with a lazy smile.

The two of you spent the rest of the evening on the couch, trying to watch TV but you were so content and relaxed, you once again found yourself falling asleep against him, his fingers stroking small circles over your back as you drifted off.

You woke up with a start early the next morning, the day before seeming like a fever dream until you felt Joel's arms wrapped around you. At some point he must have carried you to bed because that is where you currently found yourself, his warm body pressed up against yours underneath your sheets. You inhaled deeply, your whole bed smelling just like him. A familiar, comforting smell that made your muscles relax as you melted back into his hold. You couldn't see the time, but you knew it was way too early, so you tried to fall back asleep, however, your body was already responding to being so close to him, and you were finding it difficult to think about anything else.

You shifted restlessly next to him, trying your hardest to ignore the ache between your legs: one that was a mixture of soreness from the night before, and a new, growing need. You never really thought of yourself as a very sexual person. Even when you first met Patrick, you couldn't recall ever feeling like this. Some foolish part of you wondered if it was something else that was the driving force behind your neediness, but you quickly dismissed that idea. It had to be the way he could read your body like a book, maneuver you and touch you exactly the right way at exactly the right time that caused you to crave him this badly because you weren't sure what you would do if it was the alternative. You didn't want to even think about that yet because you knew neither of you could do anything about it until you figured out how to deal with Patrick, and although Joel made promises to help, you knew not to get your hopes up too high.

"You always move around this much?" he teased, his voice a deep, low rumble in his chest, making the ache for him grow even stronger.

Rolling over in his arms, you turned to face him, his eyes still shut but the corner of his mouth turned up into a smirk. He looked so perfect in the morning, it almost wasn't fair. His tousled curls and his voice sounding more like a growl than anything else made up your mind, not that you needed much more convincing.

Deciding to ignore his question, you leaned forward to press wet kisses against his bare chest, slowly making your way across and pausing when you got to his bruise. You made sure to be gentle as you peppered the area with kisses, because even though he said it didn't hurt, you knew better.

"Mm, I could get used to this," he sighed, eyes still closed as he pulled you even closer. He was so warm and he smelled so good and you felt so safe. If you had it your way, you wouldn't leave that bed for the rest of the day.

You continued to trail little bites and licks up his neck, his pebbled skin salty against your tongue while your hand slipped down between your bodies and behind his waistband to wrap your fingers around his already hardening length. He let out a small gasp and his eyes finally opened, looking down at you heatedly as you slowly stroked him up and down.

"Again?" he asked in disbelief, but he was already rolling you over so he could position himself on top of you, his hand sliding down your side to untie the robe you never ended up changing out of the night before. He pulled his head back a bit so he could flick your robe open, your lips losing contact with his skin but your hand still slowly working him underneath his boxers.

"Need you," you mumbled, your eyelids heavy with sleep and lust.

"Yeah?" he asked, fully awake now as his fingers toyed with your nipple, rolling it between his fingers, making you whine. "Tell me, baby. Tell me what you need."

"Need you to fuck me," you replied, no longer feeling any shame or embarrassment. He growled and grabbed your wrist, pulling you off of his cock and gently pressing your arm into the mattress so he could yank his boxers down with his other hand. As he was about to notch himself at your opening, you stopped him.

"Can I be on top?"

He glanced up at you and a huge grin spread across his face.

"Fuck yes, you can," he said, quickly rolling onto his back and pulling you with him so you straddled his hips.

"I never got to do it this way before," you told him, lifting your hips so you could position him under you. He was about to reply but you began to slowly sink down, making his jaw drop, words failing him.

"Wha- fuck," he groaned, his teeth clenched and neck strained when you found yourself fully seated on him, and you let out a sigh of relief. "Whatever you want, it's yours," he finally said, sliding his eyes shut as you began to roll your hips slowly, his hands on your waist gently guiding you.

You planted your hands firmly on his chest, careful to avoid the bruise as you furrowed your brow and picked up your pace, alternating between rolling and grinding on top of him. His thick length reached depths you didn't know existed, and soft, little grunts slipped past your lips each time your skin slapped together.

"God, you're good at that," he mumbled, echoing your earlier words back. His eyes remained closed but his breath was becoming shallower the faster your hips moved.

"You think?" you asked him, suddenly feeling shy. His eyes popped open to find yours and he nodded.

"Oh, yeah. Fuck, so good," he snarled, his gaze dropping down you watch you bounce on him, something he thought he would never actually get to experience but fantasized about more times than he could count.

"I think it's -" you cut yourself off with a gasp when you found a particularly good angle, your eyes squeezing shut, desperately trying to focus. "Think it's all you," you finally managed to get out.

"Hell no," he said with a shake of his head, but your eyes were still closed. "Look at me, baby."

You forced your eyes open, pupils blown wide with desire, lips swollen and parted as you continued to ride him.

"It's you. You're fuckin' amazing, and I'm so sorry no one's told you that before."

Your hips faltered at the unexpectedly sweet sentiment, but his hands urged you to continue, so you did.

You leaned forward, putting more pressure on his chest as you bounced up and down. Joel watched, his gaze transfixed on your face as you chased your high, using him to give yourself what you wanted.

"That's right, take it," he said encouragingly, helping you move up and down a little faster, your mouth forming a small circle the closer and closer you got to your orgasm. "Fuckin' take it, take what you need." And give me your pain. I'll take it all.

"Oh fuck, Joel," you whined, tipping your head back as you felt the heat pooling low in your belly. "Fuck, I think I'm gonna come," you added, your breath coming in sharp gasps as your legs began to grow weak from the effort.

"Look at me," he panted, a thin layer of sweat coating his neck and chest as he tried to hold himself back from flipping you over and fucking you into the mattress.

You lazily rolled your head forward, forcing your eyes open so you could look at him.

"Wanna look at you when you come," he explained, and maybe yesterday you would have blushed, but today you just nodded and furrowed your brows in concentration, your release so close you could taste it.

"That's it baby, c'mon, give it to me. I can feel it, feel you squeezin' me. All for me, ain't that right? All mine?" he rambled, his words pushing you higher and higher.

"Yeah," you whined. His eyes were ablaze when he looked up at you, raw need and desire painted across his face. "All yours. You make me feel so good, Joel."

"Show me," he commanded, his nostrils flaring, his hands gripping your hips until you moaned his name so loudly you should have been embarrassed but all you could focus on was the way he made you feel.

He watched you fall apart on top of him, the sight filling him with so much pride and satisfaction that he quickly sat up so you were sitting on his lap as he fucked into you, desperate to join you, his mouth covering yours messily. Your fingers raked through his hair, twisting around the curls before giving it a sharp tug. He groaned loudly, thrusting deep into you until his hips stilled and he emptied himself inside you once again.

"That was incredible," he panted against your mouth, trying to catch his breath. You just slumped against him tiredly, your body unable to hold itself up any longer. He eased you both down onto the bed, letting you lay on top of his sweaty chest while he rubbed your back, his nose buried in your hair. "You're incredible," he said softly, correcting himself.

A nagging thought in the back of your head wondered what this meant for you two, but you didn't want to break the spell. For the first time in such a long time, you were happy and content and you didn't want to ruin it. But you knew the town was too small for your relationship with Joel to remain a secret, and if people didn't already know, they would soon find out you were still married to Patrick. You chewed on your lip as your mind wandered, still lying on top of him, your head rising and falling with each breath he took.

"You alright?" he asked, picking up on your silence.

"Mhm, just tired," you said, lifting your head to give him a small smile. He searched your eyes for a moment, not believing you.

"You sure? Did I hurt you?" he asked, pinching his eyebrows together. You reached a hand up to his face, the pad of your thumb smoothing out the frown, making him smile.

"You could never hurt me," you told him, hoping you were right before pressing a kiss against his lips.

Taglist: @harriedandharassed@merz-8@sarap-77@nandan11@anoverwhelmingdin@fandomscollide@survivingandenduring@honeyedmiller@pedropascalsbbg@southernbe@pedrosfanny@gobaaby-blog-blog @eloquentdreamer @yomiyasxx @mrsparknuts@missladym1981@spacedoutdaydreamer @cosmic006533-blog @prettyinpunk85@maried01 @sunnyskyapplepie @sawymredfox@gobaaby-blog-blog@stevie75@mxtokko@sleepylunarwolf@lizzie-cakes@laurrrra@annieispunk@here4thedilfs @navystandardheatingoilcap @slugz-writes-shit@devilbat@ashleyfilm@scp116@tragerlover@iveseenstrangerthings50 @yvonneeeee @brittmb115@lulawantmula@abbysgirlll@ro-nahime-things@whxtedreams@ashhlsstuff@little-pookie

[marasmadness]

Only Need You For The Oxytocin- Emily Prentiss x fem!reader

CW: season 17 section chief Emily💋, stripper!reader, erm not everything Emily does is very legal but let us all close our eyes for the time being, interrogation, enemies to less than enemies. everybody is very flirty in government buildings where they should not be! handcuffs, smut, rough sex, power dynamics (dom!emily), bondage, thigh riding, light degradation, oral sex (em receiving), choking, semi public sex

Rossi tapped his fingers against the windowsill of an interrogation room, turning to face Emily beside him. “Some of the most psychopathic men have sat in the room and started to squirm after thirty minutes. She’s been sitting in there for two hours, unphased.

“She’s not a man,” Emily mumbled, watching the woman on the other side of the glass with squinted eyes. ”I’m going to talk to her.” Emily perked up, finally growing impatient. Grabbing her jacket off the chair behind her, she slipped it on, knowing that Rossi had already turned down the thermostat in there.

"Prentiss, wait, we already drew up a profile. We won’t get anything out of her. She’ll just try to play with you.”

“Let her,’ she replied, leaving Rossi with a half-open mouth as she dipped inside the interrogation room, shutting the door behind her.

“Oh, you’re a new one.” You smiled at the older woman who had finally walked into the room, alluding to the three other agents who had entered hours ago and quickly left. “Shame, Agent Jareau and I were having a grand old time. You could be fun too,” you commented, eyeing her up and down as she introduced herself.

Emily cleared her throat, choosing to ignore your comments. “I’m SSA Emily Prentiss with the BAU. Do you know why you’re here today?”

You tilted your head, feigning confusion. “Because your team wanted to have a little chit chat?”

“Bullshit, you’re too smart for this. You know why you’re here.” Ignoring the chair across from you, she opted to sit against the edge of the table. I’ve already talked to just about everyone else in your club and every other one in the city, for that matter, and they all came to one conclusion. If I needed information, you would have it. She explained calmly yet sternly as she swept her arm toward the door.

You sighed as you rested your tilted head on your palms. “You speak like this is an expectation from me, yet your men dragged me in from the parking lot on the way out of my shift and didn’t tell me anything until I was sitting in your interrogation room, like I’m the one running around committing crimes,” you said pointedly. “And don’t think I didn’t realize your old friend out there was lowering the thermostat, thinking it would get me to tell you whatever you wanted; I’m barely wearing any fucking clothes; of course I’d notice when it drops a few degrees.”

A sense of unease flashed across Emily’s face as she felt slightly guilty. She had come in headstrong, and you were right, without knowing how you ended up here in the first place. She was still standing in a room across from you, who was already on edge, so instead of rewinding, she doubled down. “So now what? You’re not going to give us the information we need to stop a serial killer because you’re offended,” she scoffed, crossing her arms across her chest.

You just stared, watching the woman. She wore a gold watch, its face sitting on her inner wrist, which clinked against her belt buckle lightly every time she dropped her hands to her side. Underneath a long red coat that you desperately wished to be under right now, her outfit was sleek and simple: black pants, thin gold jewelry, and a black blouse with newly undone buttons. Your eyes froze on her shirt, your lips pressing into a smile."Really? Two hours of you and your team of profilers brainstorming, and the best you could come up with was that I would spit out all my information if you sent a woman twice my age in to what exactly, seduce me?” Emily looked caught off guard, and you tipped your head toward her chest. “You’re wearing three fewer buttons than when I watched you walk by this room earlier when Luke left, and a fresh coat of lipgloss.”

Emily held up her hand, leaning in closer over the table. "Okay, I get it—not the correct strategy.”

“No, you had my weaknesses spot on; just use them in a bar or a date, not an interrogation room. I’m not that gullible.” You smirked, enjoying watching Emily’s panic level rise, and then her eyes narrowed as a giggle escaped you.

Emily finally took the seat across from you, resting her forehead in her palm. “You’re giving me a headache.”

She heard you shuffle, reaching underneath the table, and eventually looked up when you tossed a pack of cigarettes and a lighter in front of her. She suddenly snapped up in attention. Where did you get those?”

You shrugged, picking one up. “I had them on me.”

“They didn’t search you when you came in?”

You shook your head, going to light one until Emily snatched in from between your fingers. “Stand up,” she directed, dragging two fingers upward through the air as she made her way around the table. You heard her mumble something under her breath, unable to distinguish any of it other than something about doing everything herself around here.

Her hands slid delicately down your sides and along the side seams of your clothes. She hesitated at the sensation of her hands brushing against your bare waist. Clearing her throat, she removed her hands. “Moving on, I need the list of Claire Demont’s regulars; I know she handed the list down to you.”

“I don't feel entirely obligated to help you. Claire has done a lot for me. Men have done a lot of shitty stuff to her. I’m not saying murder is ever the answer, but I don’t doubt that there's a reason for her rage. Can I go home now? Last time I checked, I wasn’t guilty of anything.” You stretched back over the metal frame of the chair, waking up your stiff muscles.

“No yet, but we do have a 24-hour hold because my team is under the very strong impression that you have information regarding the case.” Emily began to trail off upon seeing your disinterested demeanor and knew she wouldn’t be getting through to you. “Look, I can’t get you out of here; the best I can offer you is that we talk in my office instead, but I better be leaving with the list of names, no exceptions, got it?”

“Fine,” you got up slowly, demonstrating restraint to hide your eagerness. Before you could breathe deeply about your new slight ounce of freedom, the agent’s hands were enclosed around both your wrists, swiftly moving them behind your back. A short gasp of shock left your lips as you recognized the cold metal rings that clicked around your wrist. “I thought you said I was under arrest,” you muttered, irritated.

Emily’s chin hovered just above your shoulder as she whispered slowly in your ear, “You’re not; that was just for my entertainment.” A soft chuckle escaped her as she pulled away. Looping her fingers around the chain connecting your wrists, she tugged lightly, directing you toward the door.

Emily stepped outside much more composedly than you when you came face-to-face with three security guards outside the room. Emily knew they would be the only ones left in the building; no other agents remained, and they did not alarm her.

You heard a soft noise from over your shoulder, something you couldn’t make out but clearly Emily had. Turning your head, you found a man’s eyes roaming down your skin, almost greedily. Within seconds, Emily had dropped her coat off her shoulders and draped it over your shoulders. Pulling it closed around you, it hung down almost your entire body. Without a comment, her hand naturally fell down by her badge, and she gave a soft nod as she passed by the remaining guards, giving them no reason to question her authority.

Your heart rate sped up the farther you made it down the hallway; its loud beating suddenly became very evident beneath your chest. Peeking a glance over at Emily, she seemed collected and undeterred as she led the way to her office.

Stepping into her office, you immediately opened your mouth to speak. Before you could get a word out, Emily’s hand was over your mouth as you were pressed up against the wall beside her door as she locked it and pulled down the blinds. She eventually dropped her hand, narrowing the space between you slightly with the tilt of her head. “You’re not very good at this, are you?” She smirked before reaching over your waist to undo the cuffs, then looped them back around her belt. “Sit down,” She tossed her hand out across the office as her eyes scanned the rows of shelves lining the back of the room. You took a seat on the edge of her desk, right across from her chair. She pivoted around on her heel, setting a pen and piece of paper next to you. “Names,” she said, tapping the blank sheet with her nail.

You sighed under your breath but picked up the pen anyway, twirling it in between your fingers. Emily slid herself between her chair and your legs, dangling off her desk, before sitting back. ”Just so you know, I never knew all of Claire’s clients. When she left, she only gave me a handful of regulars' names to pass on to me.”

“That’s fine. The more she interacted with them, or the bigger impression she made on them, the more likely these men were to be targets. Do you know if she slept with any of them?”

“No, she never slept with clients, and despite contrary belief, neither did I,” you clarified, narrowing your eyes into a warning glare.

“I never said that,” Emily corrected, her voice remaining low and even throughout every interaction. “Sometimes it's just helpful to know because a man’s sex life can often tell you a lot about him.”

“If that's the information you need, you don’t need a profiler to find that out. You just need a little attention to things other than the physical act of sex.” You flipped the piece of paper in your lap around so the names were facing Emily as your pen rolled down the list. “These three are married and always want to give up control. They crave attention from the dancers but don’t do anything to draw it to themselves. They don’t demand anything; they want you to come to them. And the next handful of names have been single almost their entire lives. Most of them are possessive, and they want to spend the most time with you. They’ll tell you exactly what they want from you. Those men are typically the ones who will pay for a lap dance or two.”

Emily looked up at you, curious and slightly impressed. “You can tell me all that from a few minutes of interaction?” She asked skeptically. Your eyes skipped to the slight movements of her body, her thighs tensing against the tight fabric of her pants, and her ringer fingers closing against her palms as they rested at her side.

“Almost always, it's quite straightforward to discern if a partner is going to be possessive, controlling, desperate, or possessive.” You selected your words carefully, letting them hang in the silence between the two of you almost tauntingly.

Clearing her throat, Emily shook her head softly, causing a strand of silver hair to fall from her shoulder. “I’m not sure I believe you.”

Without thinking, you slipped off her desk with languid movements, finding yourself hovering over her with knees on each side of her body. You leaned away from her, back arching, so you were suspended over the air in front of her. Within seconds, Emily’s hands grasped at your hips, pulling you farther into the chair. It wasn’t an act of politeness to keep you from falling; it was lust-filled, her bruising grip not lessening or pulling away like two strangers should. Lifting your fingers, you brushed the collar of her shirt out of the way, pressing two fingers to the warm skin beneath her collar bone. Smirking, you felt her skin pulsing against you rapidly—the telltale sound of her racing heart. Tucking her fallen hair behind her ear, you whispered softly and sweetly. “ Just proved it.”

You lifted yourself off of her, starting to climb back down, before her firm grip pulled you forcefully back onto her lap. Her hands slid up her back, fingers playing with the zipper that held your top together teasingly. “Ah, finish what you started, doll.” She positioned you how she wanted to, her thigh between your legs with your hands draped over her shoulders. Her nails trailed down your legs, leaving light red scratches as she tore through your thin fishnet stockings.

Her lips latched to the side of your neck, sucking bruises of red and bluish hues down to your collarbone. Her sudden tightening grip made you suck in a gasp midway through ridding her of her own shirt. “Ride.” With one hand on your waist and the other clinging to the curve of your ass, she started the rocking motion. She flexed her toned thigh, holding you roughly down on her thigh, so every slight movement initiated by her stimulated your clit through the thin fabric between you.

The fact that your breathing was already breaking into stuttered sharp inhales simply from riding her thigh had your face burning. In an attempt to hide the fact, you buried your face against her shoulder, turning away from her unwavering gaze.

She brought your rocking to a halt, stopping to rest a hand on the base of your neck until you had to pull back upright to breathe deeply enough for the stars in your vision to disappear. “Eyes on me,” she corrected without additional comment before continuing her motions.

Sensing you were close to falling apart for her, she tugged your panties to the side, pressing the pad of her thumb to your clit. “Fuck,’ you trembled against her strong frame. The older woman’s eyes suddenly darted over your shoulder, and she quickly brought her hand from between your legs up to your mouth, pushing two fingers coated in your arousal past your lips.Sensing a noise behind you, your eyes widened in fear, realizing she had given you her fingers to keep you quiet.

There was a knock on the door, and Emily didn’t appear to be as alarmed as she should be, in your opinion. “Get under my desk and stay quiet.” She husked directly in your ear, nudging you down onto your knees in front of her, and she called out. “Come in,”

Anderson entered, swiping his badge to unlock the door. “Hey, Agent Prentiss. I just noticed your light was still on and wanted to make sure everything was okay. It’s getting late.”

“I’m good, Anderson, thanks.” She smiled softly as she thanked him. Her eyes fell coolly to the papers you had scattered across her desk from sitting on it. “I’m just finishing up some case files. I’m a bit behind at the moment.” Emily shuffled forward in her chair in an attempt to hide you if Anderson stepped any closer.

Sensing that he seemed to want to linger for a moment, you reached towards Emily’s zipper, her belt already on the floor beside you from your flurry of undressing earlier. Her hands engulfed your wrists, but after a minute of protesting, she had to lift her hand back up to avoid looking like she was fighting something under the table. The opportunity for payback was being handed to you on a silver platter.

Her voice spiked up an octave as her legs clenched over your ears. Unperturbed, your tongue traced along her slit as she kept up with Anderson’s casual conversation about work and what she did when she wasn’t at the office. Her hands dropped lightly into her lap and beneath the view of her desk, but unbeknownst to the man rambling to her, she had her hands gripping at your hair, tugging harshly as your tongue swirled around her clit. She resisted the urge to look down just briefly to catch a glimpse of her arousal smeared across your mouth, hair mussed from her touch.

You picked up your pace as you heard Ansderson start moving back toward the door, which left Emily’s legs quivering as she climbed toward an orgasm with every lap and flick of your tongue. The second the door was locked behind the security guard, Emily’s hands found the back of your head, nudging your mouth into her cunt. “Fuck, you better let me come on your mouth after that little stunt, sweetheart.”

You grinned up at her from the floor, a mischievous look in your eyes as you delved back into her cunt, wrapping your lips around her clit as she moaned while orgasming on your tongue. She panted as she came back down from her high, slouching back into her chair and spreading her legs. She helped you up off the floor, fixing you up before yourself.

In the middle of it all, you picked up a pink sticky note and pen off her desk, scribbling something down. Emily’s eyes narrowed as you held out the sheet. “What is this? You were supposed to give me all the names already.”

“I did,” you said, rolling your eyes at her assumption. "This is the club address, and when I work, Stop by sometime; you do still owe me an orgasm,” you pointed out with a grin.”

“Mhm,” her eyes widened at your boldness as she held one knuckle to her lip, hiding her soft, sly grin. ”Well, I risked my job because you're a desperate little thing, so I think you owe me about three. I thought you didn’t sleep with clients.”

You shrugged and started heading for the door. “Well, there's a first time for everything, or maybe I’m just making an exception for you,’ you teased," she said, pivoting around to return her coat on her arm that you had forgotten about for a brief second.

She gave you a small head tilt. “Keep it; I’ll see you shortly anyways,’ she suggested, and you just dropped your head slightly, smiling on your way out.

"Have a good night, Agent Prentiss.”

[ithinkabouttzu]

hope this won't make you uncomfortable! :D

a reaction of txt when you squirt...... while sitting on their face, It's just a random thought

Txt reaction to you sitting on their face ⋆⭒˚｡⋆

Genre! smut; fluff

Warnings! Degradation, squirting; FILTHY MDNI!!!!!

Description! Txt members reaction to you squirting while sitting on their face

☾ Yeonjun: He’s so proud of his sweet little whore, he had been asking you to sit on his face almost forever, so when you finally said yes, he was so excited. When the time was right. He would go ahead and rest his pretty face for you to sit on. When you do, he forcefully pushes your hips straight down so you don’t try to hover over him. He’s a complete animal. Grunting, sucking onto your clit with full power, dipping his tongue into your sweet hole, he really can’t get enough, so when you finally tell him your close, he really can’t hold back now, pushing his tongue as far into your hole as he can, and pushing your ass down so that you grind on his nose. You don’t even realize that you did it, until you get up and his whole face and hair is covered in your juices. “Can you do that again sweet baby? All over my cock sweet girl?”

☆ Soobin: He is so amazed when you do it. He’s already pussy drunk as it is, so when you squirt everywhere, his brain completely vanishes. He can’t think about anything until you cum all over his face again. He literally cannot do anything else but continue his actions, despite your please and cries, he can’t help it at all. Moaning and whining into your pussy because you taste so good, and all he wants is more, more and more. He’d be rutting into the thin air, so desperate for any friction, and when you finally decide to cup his huge bulge in his pants behind you, he immediately cums in his pants, but still, he doesn’t stop slurping and sucking your sweet cunt until you squirt all in his mouth again. When you’re done he can’t help but take your finger and collecting all of your juices on his face with it, then sucking it all up in his pretty mouth.

✧ Beomgyu: Will literally beg and beg until you finally give in to suffocating his face with your pretty pussy. When you guys do, he’ll put a body mirror right in front of you guys so you can watch yourself when he eats your pussy from that angle. He’s so rough, sucking onto your clit as hard as he can, and pushing your hips down so he can be extra close to your heat. He’ll nip your clit every now and then, giving it soft bites, but he can’t help himself beg to completely ride his face, like he will lift you up from him, just so he can tell you. “Fuck my face with your cunt baby, I know you can do it.” He has no shame in pulling his pants down and jerking himself off while you ride his pretty face. He can’t help it at all, hearing you scream his name so sweetly. When you announce you’re close he brings his fingers to your hole, pistoning in and out while he somehow rutts his nose into your cunt. When you squirt all over him, he gets so so happy when you do and he’ll beg you to do it for him, over and over again.

♡ Taehyun: Fuck fuck fuck, He almost goes crazy when you sit on his face. There’s just something so fucking filthy about it that turns him on. He gets so loud, moaning into your sweet cunt. squeezing and rubbing all over your thighs because he just can’t help it but touch all over you. He make sure to keep eye contact on you the whole time though, talking you through it with just his eyes alone. It’s such a beautiful sight to see when you squirt all over his face. If he died right now, then he’d die a happy man. He picks up his speed by a hundred, not giving you any breaks to stop or catch your breath, so desperate to see you do it again and again. But this time he makes sure you squirt all in his mouth instead of his face. Just so he can’t swallow it all up when he’s done with you. He’s really almost always down to suck your pussy dry if you let him.

⚘ Huening Kai: Baby is so pussy drunk, When you sit on his face, he gets so so desperate, he just wants you to cum all over his face over and over again until you physically cant. His kisses and long licks along your slit are so sloppy and wet, he’s just straight up making out with your cunt. His whole mouth is practically drooling at the feeling of your pussy on his face. It’s just too much for him. The way you’re fucking your soft wet pussy on his face, it’s almost magical to him. He literally can’t do anything until you cum, just sucking and licking like a hungry desperate man. When you finally squirt all over him, he almost cries of joy. Not to mention the sight of you squirting on him literally has him cumming all in his pants. He gets so subby after that, he wants nothing more then for you to just fuck on his cock like you do his pretty face :(

Thank you for your request! I hope you like it! Make sure to like or reblog if you enjoy 💗

[lilbutterflyy]

Joining a very sweet girl's thought~

She's just got her nails done and they are so pretty and it would really be a shame if they got messed up in any way or even worse, she hurt herself with them, and who am I to say no if she comes to me with eyes like this: 🥺 to help her feel good.

She is a playful little girl and has been drinking to slowly fill her bladder and make herself desperate and now she is not just cute and needy but she also has to pee. I can't leave her in this state.

She is sitting between my legs, lying against me with her back, her bladder is a sweet firm ball under my fingers. I can feel its shape as I gently place my palm over it and she lets out the cutest whimper when I press down on it a little. She is wearing her panties still and when I slide my other hand under and brush my fingers over her pussy, I feel her wetness on the back of my hand on the thin fabric. She is so sweet when turned on and she spreads her legs a little wider when I slide my fingers between her lips to touch her pretty clit and rub it tenderly. She is so wet and I just want to kneel down in front of her and taste her and lick her clean but I promised my princess something else today.

So I finally, very slowly circle my finger over her entrance and I feel her open a little, waiting for me to dip my finger inside her warm heat and I don't deny her any longer. I carefully slide inside, making her gasp, and at the same time I push down on her bladder a bit. I feel her clench around my finger and I soothe her, saying it's okay if she leaks, this is all about her pleasure now. So I keep teasing her, fingering her gently while massaging her pretty bladder and after a little time I add a second finger and she accidentally lets out a spurt, immediately trying to hold back. I chuckle at her softly and she tells me she really needs to pee now, it's tingling at her little pee hole and she just feels so full. So I speed up my fingers a little and her hands clench into fists and she arches her back a little, pushing herself onto my fingers and maybe it catches her off guard when I press onto her bladder a bit more strongly because she leaks again and she is blushing and her thighs are trembling a bit as she is still trying to hold it. But I know it feels good for her, she is panting softly and whimpers in the most adorable way so I keep massaging her bladder, feeling its shape, pressing on it at times and I can feel her slowly losing control, leaking more and more, and it's getting harder for her to stop and as I keep fingering her, her wet pussy making the sweetest sounds, she suddenly can't hold it anymore, she is so full, her clit is throbbing with arousal, her pee hole is tingling from the pee wanting to leak out and it just all feels too good and she is letting go, releasing it all on my hand and I caress her bladder through it and my fingers stay buried deep inside her even after she is empty, and we stay like that, my hand on her bladder sliding down to gently rub a finger against her pee hole, feeling every little twitch as she is still leaking pee slowly, just tiny dribbles and she is so pretty like that and I don't think I will ever get enough.🩷🩷

[yushiteru]

hii wanted to ask if you could do first time having sex w yushi ! i honestly feel he’d be gentle and loving from the way you write but i’d like to see it in your writing style bcs i love it sm <3

helloo~

wow does this give me ideas 🫣 i totally see him being soft and gentle in his demeanor towards you in bed with his overall cautious and attentive nature. the way he babies and comforts sakuya sometimes and the small acts of service he does for sion makes me think he would be so tender and quite chivalrous almost? like being mindful of when the blankets/sheets fall away in case you get cold, holding your hands when you need reassurance, and just making you feel safe and cared for throughout the experience, regardless if its his first time too. but i think even under all of that, he has a needy side and is not one to deny himself of his more primal desires. i also am confident that he's a touchy-feely-grabby kind of guy;;;

like imagine he goes on tour not too long after you guys start dating, so you haven't had a lot of time to get completely comfortable with each other, physically and emotionally. but on the night of ur reunion, he's just so overcome by his longing for you and all the thoughts he had of you while he was away. the images he pictured in his head when he was in bed in his hotel room were downright shameful and he felt bad, really, but he was lonely and you're just so beautiful.

you guys would be cuddling and caressing each others arms, back, face, whatever was closest because the need for physical touch was so strong, as you catch each other up on what was missed. but you'd feel yushi's hands start to slowly wander, from the small of your back to your waist, your hips, and then down to your thighs as he rubs circles into the flesh. even though you guys had never really gone that far yet, you knew what his actions were trying to signal and you just missed him so much that you were reluctant to delay anything even further.

yushi would nuzzle his face in between your jaw and shoulders, letting his breath warm the sensitive skin of your neck as he tries furtively to act like he's just snuggling real close to you, but his fingers are subtly tugging on the waistband of your sleep shorts.

his lips on your neck go from letting out small puffs of hot air to nibbling and sucking on the soft skin; the natural, unique taste of you already making him lightheaded with desire, the anticipation of what may come making him desperate and impatient for more.

his fingers that were curled around the waistband of your shorts have abandoned their original goal and are now climbing up your midriff and sliding under your shirt. they stop at the crease where your breasts meet your torso and his fingertips feel like they were dipped in burning candle wax, leaving invisible marks in their wake.

"y/n... can i? please?" he says, his voice quiet, but with enough gravelly desperation that it makes him sound pleading almost. you don't answer, for a lack of coherent words or the little faith you had in yourself to not submit blindly to the temptation. you're not even completely aware of what exactly yushi was asking permission for, and the thought of someone catching sight of you two, how quickly things had escalated, was enough to have you glowing with retrospective embarrassment.

but none of that matters, in the small room that now smells distinctively of want and desire, and feels like someone had lit a fireplace underneath.

you give a tentative nod, the movement almost imperceptible, but to yushi it feels like an answer to his prayers as he collects the material of your t-shirt and bunches it up under your collarbone, exposing your breasts to his awaiting mouth. without loosing a second to spare, he ducks his head down to wrap his lips around one of your stiff nipples, sucking and licking broad strokes on the sensitive tip. one of his hands is back to squeezing your upper thighs, while the other cups your other breast, his tongue now running along the underside, kissing and sucking the skin, making you gasp and whine at the unexpected sensitivity.

you tug on the sleeve of his shirt, signaling to him that you need desperately to kiss him, if not in an attempt to cover up the sounds spilling out of your mouth. it takes a few tugs to get him to latch off, a low grumble echoing in his chest at being interrupted from what he thinks he could do forever, but he meets your eager lips with just as much enthusiasm.

he gently lowers his body onto yours, still mindful not to crush you with his weight and he fits his thigh in between your legs. the movement allows for contact between your core and the muscular expanse of his thigh, and yushi groans at the back of his throat at the feeling of the warm, damp cotton of your sleep shorts.

"wh-what's gotten into you?" you breathe out into his open mouth, in between the sloppy kisses he gives you, the wet, smacking noises surrounding the two of you. you don't mind the sudden neediness, feeling almost overwhelmed by such love and want. yushi doesn't answer, opting instead to pull his shirt off by the back of the collar before leaning down again, his pupils dilated and darkened by lust.

you press a hand against his bare chest, stopping him from coming any closer. "yushi, i need a breather," you let out firmly, blowing a strand of hair out of your eyes.

he visibly softens, the greedy look in his eyes now replaced by his usual warm and fond gaze. moving slowly, so as not to startle you, he tucks the strand of hair behind your ear, rubbing his thumb across your cheek. "i'm sorry, baby. for getting carried away," he mumbles, his words laced with a touch of sheepishness as if he couldn't believe himself. he presses a sweet peck on the skin below your ear, trailing more under your jaw, back to where everything had started, but this time he's much slower, taking the time to write out his devotion with his lips.

"you look so beautiful tonight," he whispers, making you squirm and hide your face in the pillow. "just tonight? so i'm ugly the rest of the time?" you tease, peeking one eye back open.

"don't be a brat," he says with a laugh, pinching the soft skin of your stomach in retaliation. you jump, reaching out to slap him on the chest, but yushi catches your wrist before you can make contact and wraps your arm around his shoulders. he leans down again, the movement all too familiar on this night, and the butterflies in your stomach kick into drive again. "now where was i..." he mutters, unable to conceal the smile on his face as he lowers himself towards your lips and you're more than ready to meet him halfway this time.

ahhh i wasn't quite ready to write full out smut yet (emphasis on yet) and i had this one in my drafts for quite some time so i just wanted to get it out heheh i kinda got carried away with needy yushi, but its honestly one of my favorite characterizations of him (one that i think im 100% correct on;;;;) anyway some of my wish writer friends have already gotten a head start on wish hard thoughts (check out this one by the lovely @yushi-ni !) and i wanted to catch up >:]

[tonycries]

Oooo… Tony x Reader… Tony x Reader… Oooo you wanna write it sooo bad…

/nf

25k special!! Love y'all <3

BANG!

"W-what is the meaning of this?" you gasp hotly, when you’re slammed against the wall. But the feverish little puff of air comes out a bit more breathless than you'd have liked. In symphony with the needy little twitch of your thighs makes the looming figure in front of you bare a devilish grin. 

“I think you know very well what the meaning of this is.” Tony purrs, low and going straight to your steadily dripping cunt. She runs a long finger down to that sinful little damp spot at your flimsy excuse of a skirt, “Isn’t that why you’re acting like this.”

You’re turning your head away, breaking from her greedy gaze, “I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Shoulda admitted to it when I was bein’ nice, what a shame.”

Any other embarrassed little retort on your tongue is swept away by the abrupt hit of cold air on your sloppy pussy. Quivering and already covered with a glossy sheen that glistened in the dim lighting of Tony’s eight-storey mansion. 

“I think…” she’s rasping over the sharp clink! of her belt buckle. “You knew damn well what you were doing when you got me to-” It happens in an instant, and all of a sudden your puffy pussy folds are being kissed with something so hot. So large. “-25k without even telling me, babygirl. Over 25k, in fact.”

And the stretch - fuck, you couldn’t speak. Couldn’t even breathe let alone think about that stuttered-out little accusation - 25k? You’d already gotten her to 25k? That’s crazy!

“Did- did I really-” you’re barely able to sputter out, voice cracking so cutely with each wrenched out word. Because Tony was pushing in, feeding you all 15 girthy inches of her massive alpha cock. The stretch, fuck the stretch had you closing your thighs desperately around nothing, head spinning at the way she wasn’t even fully hard yet. You try again, “Did I really…”

“Shhh shhh…” there’s an uncharacteristic soothing hush from above you, and a soft thumb dips over the apples of your cheeks to wipe away big fat tears - when the fuck did you even start crying? “Don’t cry, don’t cry–”

Like she wanted to fuck out every little tear away from your pretty face, Tony’s giving an experimental thrust. Knocking all the air out of your lungs with just a simple, lingering half-thrust. Not even trying yet, just spearing her fat cockhead through your gummy walls. 

“It just- 25k?” your voice breathes out in disbelief. Feeling such a sudden surge of endearment, “M’so happy, tha-”

“No, thank you.” Tony cuts you off, voice simpering down to match your own tone. Yet, any little tenderness is broken apart when she gives you another ram of her hips - bullying, this time. Harsh enough to push you so far up the wall that you wondered whether it would break, whether you would break. “So just sit back and take it, babygirl.”

[lehnsharrk]

The *New* Fassbender Psychopath Scale 😈

I wanted to expand on the one introduced on the Kelly Clarkson show, below are the Fassy movies I've seen, my general "psychopath" rating for each character and reason why

Disclaimers:

For context I am essentially swapping "psychopath" with "evil," I am in no way trying to tie this to any psychological disorders or do a deep dive into any characters. Just a very surface-level "how nefariously evil is this character?"

These are my opinions, I encourage you to share, comment and make your own ratings. I will also be updating as I watch more of his films.

There *will* be spoilers so if you haven't seen these movies/shows, consider yourself warned!

The scale will also be a 0-5. I'm using 👿 and a zero will be a 👍

Let's go! 🦈

Inglourious Basterds: Lt. Hicox 👍

Goes undercover to help defeat the n*zis (and technically helps get a few killed, even though he dies in the process)

Centurion: Quintus Dias 👿

Just a soldier, trying to survive but I'm going to give him something for killing some people

Jane Eyre: Mr. Rochester 👿👿👿

Keeps his wife, suffering from mental illness, *locked in the walls* and keeps it a secret so he doesn't scare off another woman he's trying to marry. Dude...

X-Men: Erik Lehnsherr/Magneto 👿👿

Erik's anger comes from a place of trauma and his worst fears keep coming to fruition. That being said, he does blindly distrust all humans, betrays Charles multiple times and causes so much unnecessary destruction.

Shame: Brandon Sullivan 👍

A man suffering with addiction and trauma, plus added stress and guilt when his sister stays over. Wish I could give him a hug.

Haywire: Paul 👿👿

Honestly he's not in it for that long and I wasn't paying attention but I guess he double crossed the main character and shot someone?

Prometheus/Alien Covenant: David 8 👿👿👿

I will defend David with my dying breath but I'll be honest he does some horrendous things. Intentionally infecting humans with alien parasites, massacring an entire planet, killing and experimenting on someone he loved? But the humans were mean to him...

12 Years a Slave: Edwin Epps 👿👿👿👿👿

Sadistic slave owner and r*pist, yep about as evil as it gets

Frank: Frank 👍

Poor Frank has done no wrong, just wants to make music and wear mask

Slow West: Silas Selleck 👿

Starts out tricking the main character so he can find a bounty but has a change of heart

Macbeth: Macbeth 👿👿👿👿

M*rders the king in his sleep so he can become king, orders Banquo and his son killed (although the son does escape) and burns Macduff's wife and children at the stake. One evil dude.

Steve Jobs: Steve Jobs 👿👿

Forget being a greedy businessman, a neglectful father and stealing credit from his friend and business partner, his cardinal sin was dipping his feet in a fucking public toilet

The Light Between Oceans: Tom Sherbourne 👿

Yes, he and his wife were heartbroken after their miscarriages but he does technically kidnap a child, keeping her from her grieving mother. His guilt starts eating at him and he desperately tries to keep his wife from getting prosecuted

Assassin's Creed: Cal/Aguilar 👿

I don't remember what or if there was a plot for this movie but I remember he was arrested for killing someone and then also kills some more people so I'll give him something.

Alien Covenant: Walter 1 👍

Don't really think Walter can be evil, he doesn't have the capacity that David does

Next Goal Wins: Thomas Rongen 👿

Verbally abusive and throws things. Also intentionally misgenders and deadnames a character because he's upset at her, all for the sake of character development!?

A Bear Named Winnie: Lt. Coleburn 👿

He brings a bear to a military camp, A BEAR. Also leaves the bear at a zoo instead of releasing her back to the wild

Sherlock Holmes & The Case of the Silk Stocking: Charles Allen 👿👿👿👿

William & Mary: Lukasz 👿👿👿

Jumped through the episode to watch the Fassy bits but ew I hate this one. Guy m*lests the midwife that just delivered he and his girlfriend's baby.

Even though it's two characters, I'm rating them the same. One's a child m*lester and murder and one knew about it and did nothing

The Agency: Martian 👿

Hmm he is knowingly putting himself, his daughter, the cia AND his girlfriend at risk because he can't let his relationship go? (Show is ongoing so we'll see if this changes)

Let me know what you think!

Share any suggestions of what movie I should watch next.

[six-white-venus]

the worst trait of me and my family is probably this: we never learned to say the word sorry.

i) my best friend and i, we are no people. knives? maybe. liars? definitely. but people? i’m not so sure.

knives were never forged to be tender (what a shame, what a shame) and we too, fall and slay what we meant to protect. him and i, we go for the throat when we clash. we hurt and bleed and oh, i should be terrified, i should be running for my life, but all i am is tired and a bit lonely and would really like his arms around me.

( “can we please stop fighting now.”

“oh god yes please.”)

because time and time again, this man has held my heart in his hands and cleaned its festering wounds with cotton dipped in alcohol (always the healer, always the lover) and wrapped gauze around them with clinical precision. and i have walked through the maze of his head and tended to his withering garden, have dragged the sun and fresh air and all the oceans to the barren land to make it bloom (always the poet, always the lover).

him and i, we have never needed words because we are knives forged in the same fire and at the end of the day, we both know that he will be the one who wordlessly stitches my broken heart and i will be the one who sings him to sleep.

ii) let me paint you a picture:

blue that fades into red that fades into black that fades into blue that fades into red. loud, clashing and nonsensical. a pit in your stomach that was dug with desperation and blunt fingernails. how do you colour anger that is also pain, grief, hate, love, fear and truth? the smell of the paint is foul and clogs your windpipes. blunt fingernails and blue and black and madness. can you bear to look at what you created without flinching?

that’s what anger looks like on my father. a horror. a mottled bruise. a hellfire.

all his life, my father has been scorned, belittled, beaten, spat on. his mother didn’t love him right because her mother didn’t love her right. my dad loves like he hates. something is fucked in his head and heart and his words fade into black and blue and red and this shitshow always ends with me sobbing, bleeding, dying on the floor. my father watches with his hackles raised and his eyes red and wide and glowing. once wounded, an animal never sheathes its claws. it strikes the ones it loves and walks away with its head held high and hands trembling.

but here’s what happens when the curtains close: he pulls me into his arms and brings me tea. he wipes away my tears with hands that has moved mountains to make me smile. he kisses my forehead and tells me that his mom didn’t love him right. my grief is like anger and indignation and love. i wrap my arms around him and cry all the tears he never had the luxury to. who should say sorry, really? is it him or his mom or his mom’s mom or this stupid fucking world? my father has never said the word sorry. he never needed to. this is what love looks like on us. a horror. a mottled bruise. a hellfire.

iii) despite it all, i am not usually an angry person. i take after my father and my mother, after all. i rage like my mother (quick, loud, fire that burns out almost as quickly as it sparked to life) and fight like my father (aim, shoot, bullseye). my sister does something even mildly upsetting and before i know it, i’m cursing her to be miserable till she dies. not even an hour later i’m draping myself over her shoulder and bugging her till she rolls her eyes and smiles ever so slightly.

(“do you have no shame?”

“yeah no i don’t think so.”)

my family and i, we never learned to say the word sorry. because the word sorry never meant sorry, not to us. because at the end of the day, that’s all it is: a word. and it sticks to the back of my tongue and the dents of my molars and gets tangled in my mouth when i try to spit it out. so i grab it by its throat and thread it into my being. i find it so much easier to hide my pathetic inability to do one thing that doesn’t scream that there's something wrong with me with the truth of another three words:

“i love you”

and they are always echoed back to me, just a few million times more tender, in ways only we can understand.

“yeah, i know.”

“that’s great, but there’s no escaping dishes duty.”

“oh, shut up, you.”

“what’s that for?”

a pause and a hum.

“i love you too.”

[nicksalchemy1]

Mientras Respiro, Espero - Part 1

Pairing: Firefighter AU Dean Winchester x Nurse!Plus-Size!Mexican!Reader

Summary: Dean Winchester, a firefighter with a reputation for casual flings, finds himself longing for something more meaningful in his life. Meanwhile, you, a stubborn surgical intern, are trying to escape your past in California. When Dean loses a bet and is tasked with cleaning the trucks, your paths cross unexpectedly. Little do both of you know meeting each other would cause some problems.

A/N: “Mientras Respiro, Espero”: Spanish for “while I breathe, I wait.”

Here’s the first part of my little story. I really like writing in this universe and if part goes well, then I’ll continue posting. (I’m gonna post it anyways 🧐) Credits for inspiration again go to @zepskies !!

🚒 Series Masterlist

Word Count: 2,167

Warnings: Toxic parental situation, mentions of fat-shaming, childhood trauma, and a quick old-fashioned meet cute.

Part 1 - Who’s Afraid Of Little Old Me?

Avalon, California, was a gilded cage with ocean views, where the houses were as polished as the facades people wore. It was in one such manicured home where your story paused.

“Mija, you’re wasting your life with these... these dreams of yours! ¡No seas tan estúpida!” Your mother’s voice was a razor wrapped in velvet, cutting into you as you packed the last of your belongings into an old, battered suitcase.

The room was a mausoleum of your former life, with its pristine walls adorned with academic accolades and a full-length mirror that once reflected a girl desperate to please. Now, it only mirrored your resolve.

“I’m saving it, not wasting it,” you shot back, the words tumbling from your lips like brave soldiers in battle. You tucked a framed photo of your childhood self – the one with the broadest, most hopeful eyes – into the suitcase's side.

Your mother’s silhouette filled the doorway, her arms crossed in the silent indictment. “And what about the family reputation? Our standing in the community?”

You zipped up the suitcase, and the sound of a definitive line drawn. “What about my happiness, Mamí? What about living a life that’s actually mine? With someone who won’t pick on me like I’m still a child?”

She scoffed dismissively, a sound that stung like salt in an open wound. “Esos gringos no saben nada. Happiness is a luxury for those who can afford to be foolish.”

You locked eyes with her in the mirror, your own gaze hardened like forged steel. “Then consider me a fool.”

The house seemed to hold its breath as you shouldered past her, suitcase in hand. Your father stood in the hallway, a silent sentinel. His eyes, a mirror of your own, flickered with something that might have been pride or sorrow – or both.

“Daddy,” you whispered, pausing for a moment.

He cleared his throat, a rumble from deep within. “You always were the stubborn one,” he murmured, his voice barely above a soft-spoken whisper. “Be careful. Call me anytime you need me.”

A nod was all you could muster before you descended the staircase, each step a drumbeat to your newfound freedom. The door closed behind you with a finality that echoed through your bones. The California sun dipped low, as if bowing to your courage.

The suitcase wheels rumbled against the cobblestone path, a small but sure declaration of your departure. Behind you, the house – a beautiful prison of expectation and familial duty – faded into just another part of the landscape.

You didn't look back.

Considering it was your first time flying in an airplane, first class at that, you were anxious. Not about actually being in the plane around people or the way the lady in the seat across from your aisle coffee smelled like someone took a fancy shit, but because you were moving in with a couple that you trusted yet, hardly knew.

Mary and John Winchester were rough around the edges, but they meant well. They knew what happened in your household, how toxic it was, and invited you to stay with them in Lawerence. Plus, you would be able to keep your job. Mary was head of Neurosurgery and earned you a spot as a surgical intern. Working hard or hardly working, am I right? You thought to yourself, smiling to yourself.

And boy, were these ‘gringos’ rich. Not only did they offer you that extra guest room in their house, but they also bought you your first-class seat, in which your butt was in right now.

You knew John was a respected detective, and with his income mixed with Mary’s, they made bank.

You also knew they had two sons. John and Mary mentioned their names, but you knew the youngest worked for the ADA, and the oldest worked as a firefighter.

Cool. Wonder what that's like, you tilt your head in thought.

A stable work life, home life, and family. But not all ‘picture-perfect’ families meant they were truly picture perfect.

And that was for you to figure out.

The airplane descended through the cotton candy clouds, and the world below began to take shape—a patchwork of fields and roads that would soon become your new reality. Your heart danced a nervous tango with the seatbelt across your lap, anticipation tightening with every drop in altitude.

The captain's voice crackled through the cabin, announcing the imminent landing in Lawrence. You straightened up, smoothing the fabric of your jeans as if to iron out the last creases of your past life.

When the wheels kissed the tarmac, you felt a jolt, not unlike the one that had propelled you out of your family’s house. You collected your single suitcase from the overhead bin—a symbol of your fresh start—and made your way through the aisle with a resolve that echoed the click-clack of your boots on the aircraft's floor.

The airport was small but buzzing with life, a hive of reunions and farewells. You stood for a moment at the arrival gate, scanning the crowd until you saw them.

Mary's presence was undeniable. She stood with a grace that spoke of her surgical precision, her eyes warm and welcoming. John, equally imposing in his own right, had the stance of a man who had weathered storms and could chart a course through any adversity.

They spotted you almost immediately, and Mary’s smile widened as she opened her arms. “There she is! Welcome to Kansas!”

You stepped into her embrace, the scent of antiseptic mingling with a soft perfume—a stark contrast to the oppressive aroma of your mother's overwhelming floral scents. “Thank you, Mary,” you smiled, grateful for the genuine warmth.

John extended his hand, which you shook firmly, finding in his grip the silent support of a seasoned detective. “Good to have you here. We’ve got the guest room all set up for you,” he said, his voice a deep timbre of reassurance.

You nodded, your eyes meeting his. “I can’t thank you both enough for this opportunity.”

As you walked through the airport, with Mary’s hand lightly on your back and John carrying your suitcase, you felt the weight of your old life lifting. The conversation was light, peppered with Mary’s questions about your flight and John’s quips about Kansas being the true heart of America.

Once in the car, the grilling starts. “So, how are you doing, hun?” Mary asks curiously, mainly because she’s concerned and trying to make sure you’re comfortable.

“Oh, you know, as good as you can be while moving state from state.” You remark as politely as possible, trying not to seep tension into the car ride.

“I hope you feel better. When we get to the house, you’re welcome to rest. I don’t cook very well,” She clears her throat, shrugging, “But I can give you some money to order something in?”

“I couldn’t do that, but thank you. It’s late, anyways. I’ll wait till tommorow morning.”

“Okay. Just as along as you’re comfortable.” Mary winks, a soft, motherly smile on her face.

You nod, meeting her smile with the same.

John pulls the Volkswagen van into the driveway and puts it in park, shutting the engine off. “Home sweet home.”

You sigh and step out of the car, staring at the home. The house is a two-story structure with a prominent green exterior. It features white trim around the windows and roof edges, contrasting nicely with the green. The front door is wooden with a rich, warm tone. There are two windows on the upper floor and one window on either side of the front door on the ground floor. A chimney extends from the left side of the roof, indicating a fireplace inside.

A well-maintained lawn adorned with various small plants and flowers. A concrete pathway leads to three steps up to a small porch area before reaching the wooden front door.

Mary leads you up to where your room is at and it seemed to be one of her boy’s old nurseries, but now the wall was decorated with two old band posters, The Beatles and a Zeppelin poster. Huh. The bed had a floral blanket and a navy sheet under it. There were two pillows in a white silk covers and a lamp on the beside table.

“John and I are gonna hit the hay, so, goodnight, love.” Mary waves from the doorframe, giving you one last glance before heading off.

“Goodnight,” You reply, setting your suitcase down beside your bed and lay back on your bed.

In the locker room, you changed into your scrubs, the fabric feeling foreign yet exciting against your skin. You tucked your hair under a surgical cap and checked yourself in the mirror. Ready.

The hospital corridors were a maze of activity, doctors and nurses moving with a sense of urgency that was almost palpable. You found your way to the intern's lounge, where a group of young doctors was gathered, pouring over patient charts and sipping on coffee as if it were a lifeline.

That's when you met her — Charlie Bradbury. With her vibrant red hair and a stack of comic books under her arm, she was a splash of color in the sterile environment. She noticed you immediately, her green eyes lighting up with an impish sparkle.

"Hey, you must be the new kid! I'm Charlie, your friendly neighborhood genius slash intern. Welcome to the chaos!" she greeted you with an outstretched hand, adorned with quirky rings.

"Thanks, I'm..." you began.

"Don't tell me," she interrupted playfully, "You're the one who just flew in from Cali, right? Mary's been raving about you."

You chuckled, feeling a sense of relief wash over you. "Guilty as charged."

Charlie showed you around, her chatter filling the spaces between the bustle of the hospital. She introduced you to the other interns, the nurses, and even the grumpy guy who ran the coffee cart. Throughout the day, you shadowed her as she confidently navigated patient care, inserting IV lines with precision and calming anxious patients with her quirky humor.

Despite the exhaustion that came with the endless rounds and the mountain of new information, you felt a sense of accomplishment. You were doing this, really doing it — and you were not alone.

In the afternoon, Mary tasked you with delivering first aid kits to the local fire department as part of a community outreach program. You welcomed the break from the hospital walls and made your way to the fire station with a box of supplies in tow.

As you approached, you noticed a firefighter washing a large, red truck — his sleeves rolled up, revealing muscular arms, and his focus never wavering from the task at hand. You hesitated for a moment before approaching.

"Excuse me," you called out, "I have a delivery from Lawrence General?"

He turned around, and you were met with striking green eyes and a smudge of soap on his cheek. He was ruggedly handsome, with a stubble that spoke of long hours and a jaw set with determination.

"Oh, hey," he replied, a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Thanks for the-"

Before he could finish, another firefighter called out to him, "Dean, we need you!"

"Sorry, duty calls," he said with a charming, apologetic grin. "Just leave the kits by the door, and thanks again."

"No problem," you replied, feeling a pang of disappointment as the moment ended too quickly. You placed the box down and watched as he jogged back to his colleagues, ready to respond to the next emergency.

The rest of your shift passed in a blur, and before you knew it, Mary was driving you back to the Winchester home. As the car hummed along the road, she glanced at you with a knowing smile.

"I hope your first day wasn't too overwhelming. You did great," she said encouragingly.

"It was definitely a day to remember," you admitted with a tired smile.

Mary's expression turned warm and excited as she announced, "Well, get ready for a family dinner tonight. John and I want you to meet our sons properly. They're excited to have you."

The thought of the evening ahead sparked a mix of nerves and curiosity within you.

"Oh, uh, okay." you replied slightly indifferent by the unexpected dinner, but the prospect of a meal with a family that wouldn’t make measure how many calories your plate has won’t be bad just because you had to meet your “landlord’s” sons. “Sounds nice.”

TO BE CONTINUED…

And there’s that! Next time. 😉

Character Introduction For This Series

Dean Winchester Masterlist

[twilightprince101]

IN BUGS AND SNAX

I've recently been seeing more Bugsnax friendos get into In Stars and Time. Like, five different people I met via Bugsnax are now doing fanart and fanfics for it (if you know you know).

And I think it's a shame. Because that number should be SO MUCH HIGHER

So Bugsnax fans who are unaware of this lovely RPG, here's my pitch to you as to why I think you'd like In Stars and Time and would really enjoy it.

For ISAT fans who never heard of Bugsnax, read along if you wanna. This post is primarily for the opposite, but you may find something else to dip your toes into as well 0w0

Extremely cute / lovable cast that holds so much depth and complexity than meets the eye

Look at these goobers. Look at all of them having fun. They all seem like the kind of squishy chibi type OCs you would find on tumblr, right? Wholesome uwu babies?

Hahahaha

WRONG

Well, kind of yes but still WRONG

These characters have so much emotional complexity that it can be genuinely hard sometimes to pick a favorite character between them all. Odile isn't just the "mom of the group," she has her own reasons for being on this grand quest that stem all the way back to her family lineage, her relationship with her parents. And it all gets explored for every last character, just enough where you can fill in the gaps yourself, but you can still feel that there's so much more under the surface.

You know that bit at the end of Beffica's sidequests where she reveals that, despite her bitchiness, her reason for being like that is because she has a MOUNTAIN of trust issues? And that she never tells lies, but wants to unearth truths before she gets hurt? Remember how you felt when realizing that fact? That's there with ALL of the main cast here. Hope you've got your snorkel because there's so much for you to dive into.

2. Gameplay that adds to the narrative and puts you within that world/the player's shoes

This is my personal headcanon and I don't know if it's intentional on Young Horses' part, but I always felt that running around and catching all of the Bugsnax for the grumps in Snaxburg was intentionally designed to make you feel like Lizbert. You replace her role as town "therapist," you solve everyone's problems in a kind of regressive way that ends up hurting a lot of people. Despite the gameplay being fairly simple, it still added a lot to the plot, to give you that sense in the endgame of "oh. oh god, i really fucked up." You are forced into the shoes of that world/character through the gameplay and it hits much harder as a result.

That intentional and thoughtful game design is present from the moment you start up the game, all the way to the end. In Stars and Time has the best "ludonarrative harmony" I have ever seen. Ever.

The way that the game and story is paced makes you fully understand what Siffrin is going through, the constant slog through the castle (without it ever feeling grindy by the way!), zoning out through the same bits of dialogue. At any given point, no matter how dramatically Siffrin acts, you understand emotionally why he is at that point. You feel his exhaustion, his surprise, his desperate hope, his "i'm going to try fucking anything at this point" attitude. The entire way from start to finish, you feel it.

I refuse to say any more because doing so would spoil the game. But trust me when I say, if you noticed what Bugsnax was doing there with player/Lizbert parallels? You'd love this game.

3. "What is Straight?"

So you know how we all collectively agreed that Gramble is trans? and that Wambus/Triffany are the most bisexual straight couple?

How would you like those types of characters.... but have those conversations out loud?

Listen, I love this fandom as much as the next person, and I am a Transble believer at heart. But it's easy to forget that those are all just talked about in fanon, you know? (Despite gramble literally being trans flag colors listen i KNOW). We get certain bits of characters being introspective about their genders and gender roles, like Wambus being really stubborn with his farm and wanting to maintain a sustainable way of living, being "the breadwinner," for him and his wife. And Floofty feeling like an outcast for behaving in a way that is not "socially acceptable" while being nonbinary. But we never talk about those specific subjects directly, about sexuality, gender identity and the like. Not that Bugsnax NEEDS that, it's just something the writers never really thought to include.

But In Stars and Time... it scratched an itch I never knew needed scratched. Take the thirteen different pieces of character complexity and condense it into five. The discussions that the main party have in relation to their identities, both sexual and gender, are some of the most phenomenal pieces of writing I've ever seen. I've talked with asexual people who played this game who were like "finally, FINALLY SOMEONE GETS IT." Finally getting some characters that resonated with them so, so well. And there is a discussion about halfway through the game with a transgender character that absolutely floored me, because so many post-transition character arcs that I see are related to dealing with transphobes and accepting your slay self queen/king/my liege. And that's good. It's cool. But I feel I've seen that so many times now I know the basic plot beats. And ISAT throws in a unique twist to it that I rarely see and the influence that their past combined with cultural pressure it's just, it's SO GOOD. You gotta see it to believe it man, I'm leaving out so much shit here you need to check it out yourself.

4. It will reach into your chest and strangle your heart with its claws

Despite how cute both games can be, they can bash the back of your head with a steel chair of emotion.

You know that feeling you get when you complete a lot of bugsnax sidequests? When you realize Triffany will never get the closure she wanted; when you've helped Wiggle chase this dream of a muse that doesn't exist, and that it was (at least partially) your fault? Well how about if that was the entire game?

This game has some of the highest highs and lowest lows, emotionally speaking. A lot of ISAT also has that same sort of emotional ambiguity Bugsnax has; certain plot points will never be resolved, because that's just life. And you're forced to sit with it, sit in that guilt and resentment because this isn't a problem that can be solved so quickly but you still tried and that arguably made things worse.

Yes, an argument could be made that because Siffrin is not a self insert like The Journalist, then there's a layer of disconnect. But remember what I said in point two: you understand every step Siffrin takes the whole way through because you play it. You sit in it. And no matter how dramatically Siffrin acts, it will be hard to deny that you wouldn't do the same in their place.

5. A big mysterious twist that will emotionally gut you and leave you to dry

Obviously I can't put much here. It'd spoil Bugsnax for ISAT fans and spoil ISAT for Bugsnax fans, more than I already have. But for the fans of each respective games, you KNOW what I'm talking about. And there is an equivalent in the other as well.

If the image of Siffrin making that face intrigues you in any way, especially compared to what I've already shown you. Then go in the game blind. The scene this is from blindsides so many people and once you hit That Face, you know the true game has begun.

----------

That's about the best pitch I can give for Bugsnax fans to play ISAT. I really do feel there's a lot of emotional overlap between these two, even if they're completely different games by nature. There's a lot to love and sink your teeth into.

If this is your first time hearing about either of these games and any of this sounds intriguing to you? Trust me. GO IN BLIND. The gameplay/story blend may not click for everyone right away, but if you let yourself sink into this game, if you let yourself connect with it, boy oh boy does it connect. There is truly nothing like In Stars and Time and/or Bugsnax, and the more people experience this game, the better. Trust the process, slink into it.

I promise you won't regret it.

Thanks for making it to the end have some silly little guys

[valvesandthings]

hi! I don't know if tumblr ate my ask i sent a month ago but could I request a nsfw oneshot of TFP Shockwave X Female!reader with her eating out his valve or just dominating him somehow? there's not nearly enough switch shockwave content in this world :")

Yeah, I don't have any other requests like this one. Sorry for the wait!

Shockwave still wasn’t sure if he should have agreed to this. What did “switching things up” really even mean? You had been kissing all over Shockwave’s helm and on his chassis when you whispered that in his audial. And then you were pushing lightly on his chest, but with enough force to urge him to lay back. He relented and stared up at the ceiling as you traveled down his frame to his hips, easing back enough to gently spread his legs. 

“What are you doing?” Shockwave asked, trying to hide the uncertainty in his voice. Usually he took the lead. It should be him spreading you open, coaxing his digits into you, preparing your body to take him. But you were licking and sucking the insides of his thighs, making your way towards his exposed array. 

You paused and looked up to him. “Do you want me to stop?”

He thought for a moment, considering how close you were to his fluttering valve. He sighed and let his helm fall back. “No,” he admitted. “Please, continue.”

“Beg me and I might,” you said. 

Shockwave lifted his helm and stared at you. Suddenly he could not find his voice. His spike twitched. And his finials heated up. “I won’t,” he stated, but it came out light and wispy. 

You tilted your head and pecked a kiss to the tip of his spike, tasting prefluid. “You will, or I won’t eat your pretty little valve out. Only good mechs deserve that.”

He battled within himself for a long while, until he realized that he had never been kissed where you intended to kiss him. No one had ever deigned to deliver him pleasure there, they only took. “Please,” he muttered. 

“Louder, baby,” you commanded. 

“Please!” Shockwave cried. 

You pet his leg. “Good boy.”

He had no time to feel the shame that usually came with being praised, because you dipped your helm down and lapped at his valve. You ate his valve like it was some precious fruit, twisting your glossa inside him and working your lips over the outside, mouthing over his node and holding his quaking thighs apart with your strong grip. 

Shockwave jerked in your hold, impulsively crying out your name. But something else slipped loose; a desperate, whining, “Please!” as he overloaded under your tongue.

[kosmicdream]

im confident enough to post FFAK, which has anal prolapse, but i dont post the true drama....... my opinions about manga. *dramatic music* sometimes i kinda want to do some reviews.. its mostly me complaining.. it makes me sound so bitter like "do you like anything kosmic!" and..yes ! i do!!! okay!! i like a lot of things. once in a while, i dip my toes into a popular series to try to see if we are a good fit. Series like: Beastars, Dorohedoro, Dungeon meshi,ect.. and i kind. well. I dont like any of them LMAO. I mean, Ok, i actually really was into Beastars for a time, but after the fight with the bear guy (its been a few years sorry) and that story arc concluded.. it just spiraled to laughable levels and did not recover. I was genuinely laughing at it at times bc it kind of felt like a desperate scramble with the like. loopholes and power upgrades.. But I was invested for a time, it had a charm to me! I also loved the art and im curious about the authors next series about santa (partly because i too, am writing a story about santa). Dorohedoro has a great visual style, fun characters, i enjoyed reading but it also kinda didnt ...land for me beyond that, which is a shame. I feel like it is a series that "should" have clicked with me. And its like, not offensive to me but.. I'll forget that ive read the whole thing. I like STUFF in it. but thats not enough for me anymore. If i had read it when i was younger tho, it might have been a diff story. idk. My most unpopular opinion of all is that... I hated Dungeon Meshi.. Sure its ..pretty! cute designs. but i found it SO painfully boring and it actually was a struggle to finish. in the end, it felt like a waste of time.. SHOCKING take i know. That is the darling of everyones heart and i like, understand WHY its popular. .. but for me, i was not fed by anything. i am unfed and starved and going to eat elsewhere oh, and i.. as a person who has read a lot of fighting mangas.. I have tried to read chainsaw man, but i dont know if I can. I did finish Fire Punch. I'm surprised to say: i kinda liked it but it took a long time to force myself to read thru it. I honestly hated many aspects of Fujimoto's storytelling/character acting that i didn't think my opinion on it would change, but I'm a little more open to it now. I dont think i could ever super be into it or whatever, but i did find genuine enjoyment in aspects of fire punch. I did not really like look back. I haven't read his other one shot(s)? Where am i going with all this..I guess im giving some unrequested reviews after all...oops... a lot of this is spurred by how houseki no kuni is one of my most fav series, not only visually/characters/story/ect.. but i cant lie.... the ending... was kind of a flop for me... gorgeous and poetic ig sure but.. AUGH! it isnt what i wanted. maybe it'll be one of those "it'll grow on me" endings but thats mostly me having to go thru the 5 stages of personal grief and gaslight myself into it, but as the like actual honest first-reaction feeling it kinda lost me. I think it did not work when i felt the confrontation btwn phos/cinnabar wasn't the one i wanted to see. i will say tho, while im dissapointed, its not like a DEEP one or anything. I know its a miracle to even get to an ending.. i guess my take away feeling from it was like "everything fit together too well, too planned" but didnt feel planned, emotionally. I wasn't sold on it. Anyway, im here to speak my truth and my hot takes which, i honestly dont even want to have that one about HnK but its the real feeling i have for it.. Once again Utena's ending just has made all these other issues i have with various stories more obvious LOL

[futbolfanficpunk]

Who is it?

Player: Pedri Gonzalez x Fictional Female Word count: 6330+ Summary: Pedri and his girlfriend break up when she can't handle the downfalls of being with someone famous, as they try to navigate their post-breakup friendship Pedri is having a really hard time because he is not over her, at all. Themes/Warnings: Fluff, Angst, Love Smut, Alcohol A/N: This came out pretty quickly, in a week and a half, which is really rare for me. Got inspiration from Rauw Alejandro's Dime Quien?. The timeline goes back and forth a bit, so be mindful of that. First time doing a long sex scene with a real plot, hope it works.

Pedri couldn’t get Camila out of his head, it’s been four months since they broke up. She left even when he pleaded, and pleaded, crying his eyes out like a teenager being rejected for the first time. She assured him that they could stay friends, he hadn’t done anything wrong, she just wasn’t ready for all the attention and outside drama of being in a relationship with him. They dated in secret for six months and once they went public she couldn’t deal with it anymore, four months later they were done. She wanted to be his friend but she needed some time by herself before that could happen.  He accepted what little she had to offer. Two months ago Camila texted him late at night saying hi and asking how he was. Pedri was miserable, if he had been honest that’s what he would have said but he didn’t want to take a step back and lose contact with her because he was needy. He replied

<Hi Camila, doing good. How about you?>

<I’m good, just wanted to check on you>

<Thanks. How’s everything?>

< Not much. Lots of work. 

I’ve seen your games. Glad the team is doing so well>

< We appreciate the support from our fans 🙂>

<hahahaha. Let’s chat soon or whatever. Going to sleep. > < I’m down. Good night>

He just smiled, reading the conversation again. He still loved her, wanted her, missed her, loved her, loved her, loved her. He ran his hands through his hair and pulled it in desperation while letting out a small groan. The first time they kissed, they made out for an hour, he couldn’t get enough of her, and she of him. Now Pedri couldn’t get Camila out of his head, if he could, if someone showed him how he would but he couldn’t. He had a small dip in training the first few weeks after the breakup, causing him to get benched for two straight games, and then got subbed into the third game with a sketchy game at that. He just couldn’t get his head straight. His teammates were trying to be understanding but outside people started noticing and he was getting criticized heavily. He wasn’t his normal self, not smiling in team photos, and Camila was nowhere to be seen in games or his cars, although she was very private she would be seen with him in public once or twice a month. The last month? Nothing, plus all her socials were now private. It got so bad the rumors got to his mom’s circle and mom, who at times treated her son as a friend, called him “Mi amor, todo bien?” (My love, is everything all right?) “Si, mami todo bien” (Yes, mom, everything’s all right)

“¿Cómo esta Cami? No me has enviado fotos con ella hace semanas y están comentando en internet cosas sobre ustedes” (How’s Cami. You haven’t sent me a pic with her in weeks and their saying things on the internet about you two)

“Ma’ , Camila  y yo no estamos juntos ya” (Ma’, Camila and I aren’t together anymore)

“¡Cariño! ¡Que pena!, ¿pasó algo?”  (Honey! What a shame! Did something happen?)

“No, mami, lo de ser famoso es un puta hostia” (No, mom, just that being famous is shit)

“Lo puede ser, sí….de veras, que pena. ¿Quieres que te vayamos a visitar?” (It can be, yes…it’s a real shame, Do you want us to visit you?)

“No, no te preocupes, ya me voy sintiendo mejor. Estamos de amigos” (No, don’t worry, I’m starting to feel better. We’re just friends now)

“Vale, te quiero, mi niño. Sabes que estamos aquí para ti” (Okay, I love you, my boy. You know we’re here for you) “Lo se, mami, yo tambien te quiero, chau (I know, mom, I love you too, bye)

“Adios” (Good-bye)

And after that call he decided that everything else would have to suffer except his football career, he would have to get used to not thinking about her before or during games or training. He had a habit of going through the photos he had of Camila on his phone whenever he was missing her desperately. He would touch himself when he felt lonely looking at pictures of her modeling lingerie she had sent him for away games. Nobody could make him as hot and hard as she did, he missed being inside her while kissing her the most because at that moment he felt like they were one thing, she was his and he was hers. He felt so empty every time he came, hand full of cum, he hated not having her around. In private he could hate himself and his situation all he wanted but not in public, not in football. He didn’t want his family to worry anymore. He usually shut the world off from his brain when he was playing but this last month Camila was creeping into his mind but from then on, he shut her off from his safe space, the pitch. He started playing better at training. Next month, he tried his best, even Camila herself noticed he was doing better and she started thinking maybe enough time had passed by and they could actually start talking again soon. She missed him too, she missed his friendship the most.  Even though they had said they would talk soon, they didn’t but they did start subtly interacting with hearts and likes on their social media, and neither of them was really ready to talk for another month. Pedri went by himself to a restaurant they used to love to go and decided to take a picture of his food and send it to her <“Guess where I am at?” >. Camila didn’t answer right away, so he just ate the delicious food that was in front of him and enjoyed the view of the city even if he had a bit of a knot in his chest. After asking for the check his phone vibrated < Is that fucking Don Jordi?>

<Yep! You guessed right> 

<It’s sooo good! I love that place! What I wouldn’t give to eat their chocolate mousse cake>

<If you’re home I can bring one over>

<I’m home but you don’t need to do that! >

<Oh, don’t be silly. Don Jordi is not far from you>

<You don’t have to ! I was just wishing out loud>

<I’ll bring it over and be on my way, see you in 20>

<god, I shouldn’t have said anything but okay, I love chocolate too much> He just needed an excuse, anything to see her in person. It had been three months and a week since he last saw her, Camila leaving his house with the last box full of her things, never to return. He order the dessert to go and went to the bathroom to check how he looked. He looked fine, this new fine of having eyes of someone who never sleeps through the night, just needed to fix his hair. 

He knocked on her door and waited, small bag in hand with a small dessert inside. She knew it was him, she had buzzed him in. “That was fast! Hope you weren’t speeding” she said as she opened the door “Hi”

‘Hi, and don’t worry, I wasn’t ” he replied with a small smile She gave him a small hug and said “It’s good to see you”. He could barely move, his mouth was dry, and his nerves were on edge but that hug made him feel a tingling all over his body he hadn’t felt in months. He wrapped his free hand around her and gave her a small squeeze back. “You too”. He said

She stepped back and looked at the bag he was carrying

“This is for you,” he said as he gave her the bag “I hope it’s not ruined” “I’m sure it’s not,” she said with a smile “Thanks so much!” “No problem” he said as he took the opportunity to look at her for a second. Her hair was longer, but she looked the same. She was wearing a cropped sweater and tight-fitting joggers. He could see part of her belly and lips were shiny from wearing a bit of lipgloss. He could fight 10 men at a time just to get to kiss those lips again. 

“Well, thanks again” She interrupted his thoughts ”Maybe we can hang out soon and catch up?”

“Yes, lets. Now go inside and eat it” 

“Oh, I will!” she gave him a lil pat on his left arm “Bye” she turned towards the door and opened it, she turned around and said, “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

He smiled, nodded and turned around to go towards the stairs, down to his car. 

His heart was racing when he got into his car. Time had not changed anything at all, maybe his love-wounds hurt less but seeing her again in person made him want her back more than ever.

From that day on he would put his cell phone right next to him with the sound notifications on just in case she texted or called, even when he went to bed early because he had training the next day he placed his phone next to his pillow hoping she would. He would stare at it, trying to conjure her with his thoughts. A week and a half had passed since they saw each other when his phone vibrated and made a noise when he was putting on pajama pants to sleep, he took his shirt off and jumped into bed to check his phone. And there it was, a text from her, asking to meet up next Sunday, at the time of his choosing, whenever he could. He said that he could meet her after 3 PM, anywhere she liked. She decided that they would meet at The Café on Rosell Street at 4pm. He counted the days, every day waking up to check how many days were left. He got a haircut two days before. He had a game the day before their meeting, and he was sure he would be in the starting eleven, so it wouldn’t look like he was trying too hard since he usually got a haircut before big games. 

     Rosell Street, 4pm. The Cafe. Camila was there already. Pedri saw her right away because she was already looking and waving at him when he got in. She must have seen him coming from the street. Camila stood up “Hey, you” opening her arm as to welcome a hug. Pedri gave her a shy hug and quick kisses on her cheeks being afraid of himself and his reaction “Nice to see you” he said while pulling away from her “Is this table okay? She asked said nervously “What kind of question is that? Of course” he said, surprised. Something is off, she’s nervous, he thought. She asked about the game and training, she had seen the game and congratulated him on his goal. He was so concentrated on this day’s arrival that a goal seemed like something so stupid and unimportant, he never thought of bringing it up in their conversation or known she would bring it up “Yea, that was awesome. I got a good assist from Frenkie, so it was pretty easy” “You always make it seem easy, then I try to play and I feel embarrassed at how bad I am” she said laughing.

Pedri laughed with her, she’s right, she’s pretty bad. “You’re not that bad, Cami” he said

“Yea, THAT bad” she replied giggling Pedri drank water and the waiter came over. They both order drinks and a few small plates. “I’m so glad you came, it’s so good to finally be able to talk to you, I missed talking to you“ she said “Me too, a lot” he replied, feeling himself getting excited with hope “ Speaking of talking to you. I have something to tell you” she said

“Oh?” he said with curiosity

“I want to tell you before anyone else tells you. I’m seeing somebody. It’s been going on for a few weeks. It’s not super serious yet but, you know, I thought you would probably want to know”

He felt his chest burn and his stomach churn while she was speaking, every word that kept coming out of her mouth was worse than the one before, the more she talked, the worst it got. “Who is it? he said as he frowned

“It’s a friend of a friend from work. You know, Daniel?  We met a party at Daniel’s apartment, his name is Unai”

“Ugly fucking name”

“Hey, be nice!” He held his face in his hands and breathed, “Get it together” he thought

“I’m just kidding. I’m happy for you” taking his hands off his face “At least one of us is not a single idiot”

“You’re not an idiot, anything but”

“I am single though” “And I’m sure I won’t be won’t be for long" she said as she flicked her hand against his forearm “Oh, I don’t know about that” “I’m sure of it, you’re a great catch, you could have anyone you want”

“Not the one I want, though” he mumbled “What was that?” “I don’t want anyone, though,” he said, speaking up, “Does he treat you well?”

“Yes, very much”

“Good” he looked up and saw the waiter coming “Our drinks and food are here”. He really wanted to change the subject

They spent the rest of the time catching up on their every day, their families, talking about what movies or series they were watching, making jokes about each other. He paid their check even though she protested and they said their goodbyes, she said while nervously moving “Thanks for coming out, today was really important. You know I care about you a lot and I really hope we can keep being friends” 

“I care a lot about you too, honey, of course we can be friends. Even if you date guys with ugly names”’ he replied shrugging

She laughed and hugged him  “Chau, Pedri” “Bye, Cami” he said as she walked away and picked up her phone from her purse. 

He really just wanted to jump off a bridge, feeling the cold water hit him like a brick when landing would have hurt less than his whole being right now. She was moving on and he was not. Three weeks later, they had only texted twice. Once after a game. He had scored again and she had watched. She complimented him. And he sent her a picture of a meme he thought she would find funny, and he was right.  Almost every other day Pedri thought about her with her new guy. Who was that asshole? Why was he the one getting to kiss her? To be with her? To make her laugh in private? Why can’t it be him? Why were things outside of his control fucking up his happiness? It was Wednesday night and she texted him. <Hey Pedri! Are you going to Sira’s get-together? she invited me>

< Hey Cami. I’m planning to> <oh, cool! at least I’ll have more than just Ferran and Sira as people I know at the thing>

<It’s me, the dude you know. 😛 I’ll see you there. Should be fun>

< haha.for sure, and we get to hang out>

< looking forward to it>

< 🙂 bye> <later>

This interaction made his head spin. Was Cami going to be there with the dude with the ugly name? Or by herself? Why did she care if he was there? But the first thing he thought was “I need a new outfit for it”

     That Friday, he got to Sira’s place, new outfit on. She opened the door and he gave her a gift bag with booze as a thank-you gift for inviting him. They said hellos with the customary two kisses and he met Ferran right after. He didn’t see Camila right away when he scanned the room but he thought he would see her at any minute because he came fashionably late and she was always on time for everything. He sat down with Ferran and Eric, who was there too, and talked as they all had a beer. After talking and joking around for a bit, he noticed her. She was coming in from the kitchen by herself with a drink in hand. It had been over four months since they broke it off, and nothing had changed about the way he felt about her. He was still in love. He excused himself to go to the bathroom, he was freaking out. She came by herself. He splashed himself with cold water and fixed his hair, he didn’t know how else to make himself more comfortable and less pathetic. He came out of the bathroom to find her in the hall. 

“ Pedri!” she shouted “ I hadn’t seen you! When did you come in?” “A while ago”

“You can never come to parties on time, can you?” she said in slight slurred voice

He laughed “ I guess not” “Let me go to the bathroom, but wait for me here”

“Here?” 

“Is anyone waiting for you?” she said frowning

“Besides Eric and Ferran? No” he replied raising his eyebrow

“They don’t count”

“Definitively not, then”

“Then stay here, don’t get lost”

He did not move, he didn’t know what to think, he was confused but his heart was racing from just getting this much attention from her.

She came out of the bathroom and said, “Let’s go get a beer and go out to the balcony. I have gossip to tell”

“What?” “You heard me, come on!” she said almost stumbling on her words They went to the kitchen to get some Estrella Damm beers. She pulled him by holding his hand to get to the balcony, it looked down at the patio at Sira’ house, which was lit and landscaped by a professional, no one else was hanging out there. Everything was getting more confusing for him. She let go of his hand and leaned into the edge. “It’s so pretty here, Sira’s lucky. My balcony just looks at the street” she said and had a good amount of beer from her bottle. He didn’t say anything, he just looked at her and realized she was trying to get drunk, fast, on purpose. “Don’t drink so fast, honey, unless you want to go home early”

“Oh, whatever. Don’t you want to know the gossip?”

“Let’s hear it”

“I broke up with Unai” 

“Oh, fuck. Are you okay?”

“I’m great, actually. I don’t think I was as into him as much as I thought. Or maybe I’m just a cold bitch”

“Or maybe he just sucked”

“And the sex wasn’t that good”

“No surprise with that ugly ass name”

She laughed and flicked his arm

He smiled. He was happy to hear the news. Best news since she decided to text him again. He hated the idea of someone else being with her. He didn’t own her or anybody else but he was happy there wasn’t going to be another guy kissing her and calling her at bedtime to say good night before she went to sleep.

“Have you been with anyone?” she asked looking towards the garden leaning towards the balcony again putting her beer on the ledge.

“Not really” he said as he leaned into the balcony looking at her; placing his beer on the ledge as well.

“Not even a one night stand?” she said now looking at him “No” “There’s no way, you were such a low-key fuck boy before we started dating, no te creo.”  ( I don’t believe you)

“No, de verdad que no”  (No, the truth is no)

“Why?”

“ 'Cause”

“ 'Cause of me?”

He sighed, “Yea”

Camila bit her lip and smiled, she got closer to where he was until she was in his space

“What would you say if I said I want you to fuck me?”

“I would say you’re drunk” he replied

“And you’re not?”

“No, and even if I were, I wouldn’t fuck you while you’re drunk”

“You don’t want to fuck me?” “You wouldn’t want me if you weren’t drunk” “I would” “I think you should stop drinking now and leave it that”

“I want you to kiss me, take my clothes off and fuck me, Pedri” she said in a low voice “Cami, I’m not going to. I’m going home. I can’t deal with this right now. I’ll come to your place tomorrow and we’ll talk about it. But not like this.” he insisted

“No, please, don't leave”  she said grabbing his hand “ Cami, I’m going, okay? I’ll see you tomorrow” he said caressing her free hand with his other hand, a bit of sadness peaking through his eyes. “Can you at least kiss me?” she begged He cupped her cheeks with his hands and gave her a small kiss. He left the balcony to excuse himself from leaving the party. Camila just looked at him leave, not knowing what to do next.

Pedri got into his car and just looked at the dashboard lights. “Joder!” he screamed. He tugged his hair and groaned “¡Que hostia, carajo!”. Everything he wanted just happened in the worst way possible. Did she really mean it? or was she just lonely? horny? Did she love him? a bit? or at all? Right now, he just wanted to get home and sleep it off. Tomorrow they had the last training before Sunday’s game.

          The next day after training he was driving towards her apartment, he had texted that he was on his way and she sent him a thumbs up in return. His hands on the steering wheel were sweating and fidgety. He was thinking of two possible scenarios;  she still feels the same or last night was a mistake. He was trying to prepare himself on how we would react to either of them because what he really wanted to do is say he loved her the same way he did before, the same as always, kiss her, make love to her, and be hers forever but wouldn’t dare, couldn’t. Not unless she showed interest. He played loud reggaeton to calm and distract himself.

           Camila buzzed him in. He went up the stairs and was met with an open door and her head and half her body sticking out waiting for him. “Hola” he said as he got closer to her door. “ Hola” she replied and stepped back to let him in. Pedri gave her one kiss on each cheek and asked her “ How’s the hangover?”

“It’s okay now. This morning? Not so much” Camila replied

“Lesson learned?” he said while he fidgeted with his fingers behind his back.

“Oh, please” she chuckled. “Should we sit down?”

He nodded

They sat down in her small couch in her studio apartment, small golden rays from the hour of late sunshine coming in between the white curtains from her balcony that faces the street

She sighed “Te pido perdón por lo de anoche” (I want to apologize for last night ) she stayed silent for a moment while looking at him looking for any reaction

“It’s okay” he said quietly after the awkward silence

 “I’m sure that made you uncomfortable, and if we’re to be friends, that’s not cool”

“We all have said and done things when we’re drunk that we don’t mean really mean”

“It’s not about meaning it or not, I shouldn’t have said that while I was drunk”

“Wait what?”

“I’m sorry, I've just missed you”

“ I miss you every day, Camila” “You never act like it, though” she said holding her own hands

“But I do, I just wanted to respect you and your wishes. I didn’t want to ruin the chance to be your friend. I care about you too much” “Fuck” She said as he pulled her knees toward her torso and wrapped her arms around them, she sighed “What did you mean when you said ‘it's not about meaning it or not?’” asked Pedri

“Um…” she lowered her legs and shifted her body towards him ” ‘cause I did mean it, I wanted to sleep with you”  she said “Oh…were you feeling lonely or something?” “No, I miss being with you, Pedri” That’s all he had been wanting to hear, just a hint of wanting, of interest, of love, just an excuse.

He acted almost on instinct, didn’t wait, didn’t ask;  his lips landed on hers, letting his lips feel her to remember what it was like to kiss her. The kiss from the night before was so fast and full of nerves that he didn’t get to feel the kiss, or how she reacted to it, that wasn’t happening now. She let out a lil' approving hum contrived in her mouth and she opened her mouth a bit so that she could feel her lips eat his. He pulled her in by wrapping his arms around her as he deepened the kiss with his tongue. He had been starved of her for all these months, he would be damned if he didn’t take this opportunity to have her, so show her his love. She tilted her head and let her tongue savor every inch of his mouth as she held onto the back of his neck. She felt him pulling her in even more, chest almost touching, her legs open to make room for him. He unwrapped himself to touch her hair, gave her one last small peck, and said “ We can sleep together tonight if you want”, giving her another kiss. 

“I want to, obviously” she said as she caressed his face with her finger and gave him another kiss.

“I don’t have condom, though” he said in between kisses

“I think I do. In my nightstand. You wanna come to bed?” she replied 

He nodded

The bed was hidden behind a vintage hand-painted divider between the couch and the bed, so they went around to the bed where he sat while she looked through her nightstand’s drawer

He looked around, she lives in a studio that somehow she managed to make cozy, styled in a sophisticated but simple manner. Kind of like her, an amazingly beautiful woman, who’s smart yet unassuming and was never full of herself,on the contrary, quite sensitive with a simple yet classy sense of style and self. He loved being around her and her things, her vibes again. 

“Found it,” she said, showing the wrapped product off like it was a golden ticket. “but, why are you still wearing all those clothes?” she said with a smirk plastered across her lips.

He chuckled, “I was waiting for you”

She put the condom on top the nightstand “No, sir, you take it off first. It’s not like you’re shy, you get naked in front of dozens of men all the time”

“god, okay” he said. He took his jacket and shirt off showing her his athletic physique. He looked up at her, looking to be desired. He hadn’t been with anyone in almost five months and he wanted to, needed to be desired.

She got close to him, still standing next to the bed, placed her hands on his shoulder and caressed them and his chest “You’re so hot, it’s unfair” she said as she sat down next to him, as he smiled. 

“You’re turn, bonita”. She was wearing a short skater dress with string sleeves and a cardigan. She took off the cardigan, slipped the sleeves off, and took the whole thing off while he looked on, staring at her while she was only wearing her tiny panties. 

“Eres hermosa, no me cansaría nunca de mirarte quitarte la ropa” (You’re beautiful, I would never get tired of looking at you take your clothes off)

She went over to hover over him, reaching for his belt and pants. She commanded him to take it all off and so he did. 

He went in for her mouth while his hand slipped in between her panties and her slit, feeling her wetness, he rubbed her up and down then went for her clit, drawing circles on it. She let a few small moans die in his mouth.

“I want you, now, please” she said

He reached over the condom, his cock was throbbing hard. He slid in the condom on saying “I haven’t been with anyone in a long time. I might not last as much as we both want to”

“I don't care, I just want you inside, please” she said laying down, taking off her panties. 

He kissed her again, and got himself lined up in between her legs, he slid his member up and down her slit getting her juices all over his dick. She moaned and whined with “baby” when he did. He thrust himself inside her and then again slowly, to get adjusted and to not hurt her. She was so wet it went right in without any resistance. He was beside himself, she was the prettiest girl and she was under him taking him in. He kept his thrusting steady as he felt a warmness in his chest and cock at the same time, he never wanted and loved anyone so much in his young life. 

“ I love you” he said as he kept giving it to her and kissing her  “dios— so much” he said between breaths,

She opened her eyes, taken out from her pleasure trance, and said “Sit down”

He kissed her cheek, got off her, and followed her orders. She got on his lap, held his hard and wet member with her hand and put the tip inside herself, then slid into it, they both hissed at the overwhelming feeling. She started riding his dick with intent. In between moans, groans, and breaths she asked

“Do you still love me?”

“god, yes” he said looking up at her

“ Do you love being- joder, que rico- inside me?” (fuck, so good). She felt him getting even harder inside her

“It’s my favorite place to be” he answered pulling her closer to him 

Resting her forehead on his she asked  “Are you going to come for me?”

“Yes”  

“Now?”

“Almost”

He helped her go faster with his hands on her hips as her juices flooded his cock and part of his inside thighs. “Do you love me?” he asked kissing her neck

“I love you so much” she let out a desperate little moan “ I want you to come for me”

 He couldn't hold it much longer, her words were putting him over the edge

“Me voy a correr” (I’m going to come) he said as her riding got faster and harder, feeling the friction of his cock riding up against her walls.

“Come for me, baby” she said, riding him until he was a mess of groans and whines feeling his cock twitch inside her. He let out a loud moan and let his body collapse against hers, his face landing on her chest, breathing like he just had sprinted across the pitch. “Joder, te amo tanto” (Fuck, I love you so much).

She hugged him and peppered his cheek with kisses.  “yo también, amor”. (me too, love)

“Lay down for me” he said as he tried to calm himself down from his high. He took his condom off, knotted it, and threw it on the floor while she moved to rest on her pillows. He told her to open her legs as he went in to eat her out, not wanting her to go unsatisfied. Pedri sucked, touched, licked and teased her clit and core until she was begging him to keep going, to not stop, she was so close. He looked up at her, while he kept fingering her hole and licking her clit, met her eyes staring down at him, mouth open only being able to make noises. Camila came on Pedri’s mouth just as he wanted, screaming “sí, Pedri, sí”,  his mouth and chin full of her. He wiped his face with his fingers, and while she looked at him unable to catch her breath yet, he licked his fingers clean and said “You always taste so good, Cami”. Camila let an embarrassed giggle out and said “Come here, Pedro Gonzalez!”  while signaling for him to come on top of her. She kissed him, tasting herself all over his mouth. He moved next to her, and laid there looking at her, the happiest he had been in months.

Camila ran her fingers through Pedri’s hair, styling his messy waves, “Can you stay the night?” she inquired.

“Only if I can stay over tomorrow night after the game and the day after that too” replied Pedri, caressing her naked hips.

“Only if I can stay at your place the rest of the week” she said 

“Deal” Pedri said and gave her a small and soft peck on the lips. 

       The last game of the season was coming up, and Pedri had asked Camila to come and sit with his family to see his game and join the La Liga trophy celebrations. They had guaranteed the league title win two matches before. Pedri and Cami had kept their reunion on the download, telling only friends and family. When he sat down to ask her, he gave her a mini-speech about how much he loved her and respected her wishes to be private but he really wanted to share this important moment with her at Camp Nou, his first league as champions. Camila didn’t need a lot of convincing, she had been thinking about it since they had the mathematical win of La Liga. “I’ll be there, next to Fer” she told Pedri, she was ready. He gave her a long hug, kissing her neck. He loved her and wanted everyone to know she was his girl, he wanted to share everything with her, including this very important but public moment in his life.

The whistle blew on their last game and all the players ran to the pitch, jumping and celebrating. The first league title for Fc Barcelona since Messi left, since the 2018-19 season. Camila sat next to Fer and Pedri’s parents. They all talked, laughed, and got excited during the game. Fer was making Cami laugh during the game trash-talking against the rival team, Celta Fc, and at one point said, “You wait, I’m going to tell Pedri he was shit for missing that goal opportunity”. Cami laughed and said, “Don’t you dare, Fernando!”. People had already seen Camila with Pedri’s family and fan pictures and videos were already being shared on social media, although she noticed some phones pointed at her, she decided that these things were not going to affect her today, today was Pedri’s day and she was focused on being happy.

There was Pedri trying to look up at where his family was, waving towards them. The trophy and celebration decor were being put up and the players went to change into the champion's shirts. “We’re going down after they present them with the trophy, going down to the pitch, ok?” said Fer 

“Okay” said Cami giving him a thumbs up and wink.

After the trophy was presented and Xavi, Busi, and Alba gave speeches, they played music on the speakers, and families were cued to come down. They went down along with Ferran Torres' family and Sira. Sira covered her mouth and whispered, “Pedri is really excited you're here, you can see it on his face”. Camila just smiled and looked up to see if she could also see him. She saw him jogging down to meet them. He first gave his mom and dad a big hug and then met Fer who also gave him a hug. Camila was just a few steps behind. Pedri pulled away and his eyes met with Camila's. He couldn’t believe how pretty she looked, wearing an Fc Barcelona jersey, her hair down, red lips, and a big smile on her face.

“Hola, mi amor” (Hello, my love) he said as he went to hug her

“Hola, bello”  (Hello, beautiful boy) she said as she embraced his hug

“Felicidades, campeón” (Congratulation, Champion) she said as she pulled back to look at him

“Thank you, honey” he said smiling and gave her a small kiss on her lips.

She gave him another hug. “Come on, let’s go take a picture with the trophy” said Pedri The whole family took a few pictures and he also asked for a picture just with Camila. She looked up at the stands and saw there were thousands of people still in there. The team, along with the families, went around the whole stadium waving and celebrating with the fans. After walking with his parents Pedri walked towards Camila again, who was goofing around with Sira, Ferran, Eric, and Gavi, and held her hand. 

“Thanks for coming, Cami” he said covering his mouth with his free hand “I love you”

She looked at him and smiled, her eyes sparkling with joy, without covering her mouth she said “ I love you too”. They finished doing the lap and they all went to the tunnel. He said bye to his family. “I’ll see you later at home, yea?” he said to Camila “Vale, nos vemos en casa.” (Okay, see you at home) she said, gave him a kiss and walked away with his family The video of Camila and Pedri's moment on the pitch went viral, people had figured out she had said “I love you too” by reading her lips. The reaction was positive, unlike last time. She wasn’t going to be negatively harassed en mass like before. Pedri was so happy while changing in the dressing room, he had a stupid grin on his face, it meant as much as the league trophy to have had her there that night. The boys celebrated even more in the dressing room and he just sat down on a bench, laughed, and sang, getting hugs and cheek kisses from his teammates, thinking how lucky he was. It had been 7 months since Camila had walked out of his house, to turn his happy life into a miserable one and now he was the happiest man in Barcelona. He had his Cami and her love. No one else to claim her, to kiss her, to call her, to hug her, to miss her, only him, to love her, love her, love her.

[rishiguro]

48; PINKY PROMISE

“i’m sorry,” you said after clearing your throat, playing with your fingers as you looked at your friends one by one. “i’m so sorry for just dipping and not telling you why i needed to be alone”

aran sat right next to you, looking at you expectantly with his leg bouncing slightly. you could tell he was trying to conceal his nervousness. the same look was found on kita’s face, who was sitting next to your best friend.

the twins were over by the small desk, with atsumu sitting on the slightly uncomfortable looking chair and osamu on top of the wooden surface. they had a slight, albeit a little pained looking smile on their lips. and next to them, leaning on the wall, was suna. he had his hands shoved in his pockets, looking at you almost apathetically. at least that’s what you would think, if you hadn’t noticed him looking down multiple times, digging his teeth into his lower lip.

you cleared your throat, looking at your fingers for a second as you took a deep breath.

so far so good.

“i know it wasn’t fair to any of you and that i made you worry. and i’m mad at myself for needing somebody else to come to the realization that i need to be open and honest with you all, because you deserve that” you felt the corners of your lips rise up. you looked back at them, one by one. “i hope you can forgive me. and if you want to listen, i’ll explain”

for a short moment, they were exchanging some looks before aran spoke up, leaning forward slightly. “we’re listening” he gave you an encouraging smile.

you thanked him mumbling before taking a few short seconds to ground yourself. they were here, you reminded yourself, so everything would be fine, right? “so, uh, as you can tell, i got transferred to the palliative ward here,” you started, unenthusiastically pointing around the room you were currently in. “you remember how i got new meds because the old ones weren’t working anymore, right?”

all of them nodded, remembering the conversation you had with them the day your doctor brought up the palliative ward in the first place.

it hasn’t even been so long ago and yet it felt like it had been ages.

you swallowed thickly, balling your hands into fists, digging your nails into your palms. “well, turns out those new ones aren’t working either. doctors are trying a bunch of stuff, but nothing really works. so they put me here, both to monitor me and to make sure i can still live comfortably, i guess” you looked around the room as you scoffed, not wanted to face any of your friends in the moment. “don’t know what’s so comfortable about this but yeah”

a tense silence spread over you, no one daring to break it. you could only hear your own heartbeat in your ears, so loud that you were afraid that the others could hear it.

you pressed your lips together, lowering your head down in shame. “i didn’t really know how to break this to you guys,” you continued in a quiet, almost timid, voice. “palliative ward sounds so…”

“final?” it was suna who chimed in. you hadn’t noticed him moving away from the wall and closer to you. by now he was right next to the bed, pulling a lonely chair to your bedside and sitting down on it.

“yeah,” you whispered, pressing your lips together. yet before you could help it, you spoke again, the words quickly passing over your lips before you could even attempt to stop them. “i just couldn’t tell you. everything is happening so fast and i don’t think i even realized what’s going on. it feels like everything is getting worse by the minute and you’ve done so much for me for so long and i just can’t give it back anymore” tears slowly started to build up in your eyes, making you blink rapidly, desperately trying to get rid of them. “i’m just going to drag you down”

aran leaned forward, reaching his hand out for you. “hey, look at me”

“i’m sorry” you wailed, tears now falling down your cheeks. you could barely breathe, feeling like you had to make room for air by apologizing for every wrong thing you did. you felt terrible for treating them like this, for simply dipping without a single word, and yet here they were, still wanting to hear you and stay with you.

when did you become such a terrible friend?

“i’m sorry for disappearing, i’m sorry for not being honest with you, i’m sorry for not getting better,” you continued, pulling your legs closer to you. your breathing became faster by the minute, your body practically screaming for air that you felt like you couldn’t supply. not now. you had to tell them everything, you had to apologize. “i want to, i swear, i want to get better, i’m trying”

you didn’t notice how a warm, familiar hand wrapped itself around yours, slightly shaking it, trying to get your attention. “i know i pushed you away and i’m sorry, but please don’t leave me” by now your voice wasn’t more than a hushed whisper, your throat horse. “i’m so scared, i don’t want to be alone”

and even though you felt so terrible, like a horrible friend and an awful person, you couldn’t help but feel relief. they were still right here with you, listening to you. being there for you.

and yet you felt shame. they were so good to you and that’s how you were repaying them?

“hey, hey, it’s alright,” a familiar voice fought it’s way through to you, paired with another hand grabbing one of yours and putting it on a chest. you could feel it rose and fall under your palms.“take a deep breath with me, yeah?”

“in” the chest rose and so did yours as you followed the command. “and out” and again you did just as you were told, mimicking the breathing of your friend next to you.

after a couple of more deep breaths, your vision became clearer, as did your thoughts. you realized that it was aran who helped you calm down.

you had to be helped. again. you really couldn’t do anything by yourself, could you?

you pulled your hands back to yourself.

“you okay?” your best friend asked.

slowly, you nodded. “thank you” you bit your lip before adding “and, uh, i’m sorry”

he smiled at you warmly, like he had dont countless of times in your life already. “it’s alright”

after some more painfully long seconds of silence, you looked up to see the twins moving towards you too, before sitting down on the end of your bed, the mattress giving in to their weight.

“listen, we’re alright. okay?” it was kita who spoke up now, his tone not leaving any room for doubt. almost shyly, like you were a child waiting to be scolded, you looked at him, not daring to say anything. “obviously we didn’t like not getting a single word, but we understand that you needed time”

they didn’t even leave you enough time to reply, as atsumu immediately started speaking next. “but you need to know that we want to be there for you,” he said, “we’re your friends”

“you don’t have to tell us everything. but you can rely on us, you know?” his twin added immediately, almost like the two them them had rehearsed it countless times to ensure a smooth transition.

your throat became dry as you opened and closed your mouth multiple times, trying to say something, and yet no word leaving your lips.

“we know it’s hard. in fact, we know it’s harder than we can imagine,” suna continued, leaning forward and putting his weight on his elbows, which sat on his thighs. “but it’s safe to assume that it might suck a little less when you allow your friends to be there”

“we know we can’t make everything magically better” you turned your head to see that aran had a sad look in his eyes, with still a genuine smile on his face.

he knew. he always tried to better your situation, ever since you were too little and too stupid to even understand it. “but we don’t want to leave you alone with this. and i think being lonely would make it worse, wouldn’t it?”

“it would,” you affirmed quietly.

he extended his pinky finger towards you, a reminder of how the two of you used to always make pinky promises to each other for the big, important things.

he promised to always study with you so you could get into the same schools, and preferably even classes.

you promised to go to every game of his.

he promised to always listen to you.

you promised to be his support when he felt like he had nobody to turn to.

both of you promised to not lie to each other.

“no more stupid secrets that hurt us?” aran raised his eyebrows slightly at you.

“no more stupid secrets that hurt us,” you affirmed, interlocking your pinkies.

evanescent

/ɛvəˈnɛs(ə)nt,iːvəˈnɛs(ə)nt/ — “soon passing out of sight, memory, or existence; quickly fading or disappearing.”

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taglist: @not-another-ackerman @midnight-drives-with-sunarin @bloombb @jewlmin @tia827 @namyari @fuckyouwhotookmyname @yuminako @megumuro @saiewithakatana @sukunasrealgf @julia-1901 @basically-an-anime-stan-acct

[beyondthefarthestreaches]

Thank you so much for the playlist! I really enjoyed bloodstream, it sounds super good and the singers voice is addictive. Crawl away and Vermillion were also bangers.

If you have notes on your explanations of the songs I'd loveeee to hear it, wanna hear how you interpreted them!!

Okay so this is probably going to be a Wildly long answer so first let me say that I am SO glad you liked the playlist!! I had a grand time making it and I listened to it on repeat for a few weeks just to tweak and move things around.

Also: making the cover art let me flex my editing skills just a tiny bit. It's been so long since I've done anything like that haha.

Anyway! on to the lengthy answer:

Creep - Radiohead: This one is probably the most obvious one. Sort've the soft dipping of the toe into the idea that yeah this guy knows he's a little weird and feels like a loser and he really wants to be good enough for the object of his affection.

Bloodstream - Stateless: ngl I fucking love this song so much. The dreamy vibes, to me, feel like being high and - in this case - high off of another person. "I think I might have inhaled you" "you've gotten into my bloodstream" - THIS is the real start of the obsession. The first peak of elation and adoration. Their being together, part of one another is right and amazing.

Shameful Metaphors - Chevelle: Plainly, this one for me was all about "I fear your eyes closing." Now that he knows the elation of "love," the worst possible thing to him is losing the person he's obsessed with because nothing about his life up until them has mattered.

Breezeblocks - alt-J: This edges towards the darker side of things. He loves them so much, god he does so he's willing to do anything to make them stay. "hold her down with soggy clothes and breezeblocks, germaline disinfect the scene." And of course "Please don't go, I'll eat you whole" - Vore, anyone?

Closer - Nine Inch Nails: Of course, this one is a classic. The kind of fucked up, borderline creepy, lust - "I want to fuck you like animal, I want to feel you from the inside" - and adoration. "I drink the honey inside your hive, you are the reason I stay alive." (Additionally, the concept of "You get me closer to God" in-lore with the concept of Sleep would be fascinating to explore but I actually haven't fully dipped my toes in that water yet).

High Enough - k.flay: He's up again. They're all that he needs - "I only got eyes for you." What else could he ever want?

Heart-Shaped Box - Nirvana: And back down. There's some bitterness, some resentment, some acknowledgement that this "love" is a trap that he's fallen into. Maybe they've lured him into it, maybe it's one of his own making - he's not quite aware enough to be sure but they're getting the blame all the same.

Weak and Powerless - A Perfect Circle: This one is all about admitting that he knows that he's actually weak for them. Everything he is and does is about them - and maybe he kind of wants out.

Die4u - Bring Me the Horizon: So the part of this song that got me is uhh for sure dark but "'Cause the truth of it, you could slit my wrists, and I'd write your name in a heart with the hemorrhage" honestly had me on my knees about it. follow it up with 'This isn't love, this is a car crash" and the way it reminds me of the references to cars/roads/car crashes throughout Sleep Token Lyrics - yeah. ("If my fate is a bad collision and my mind is an open highway", "i was more than just a body in your passenger seat", "between the second hand smoke and the glass on the street", and the bit at 2:30 of Granite that sounds like squealing tires - anyway.)

Follow You - Bring Me the Horizon: This is worship and his desperation for them to stay (even if they don't actually know who he is or that he exists. oof). He would go anywhere and do anything for them.

Crawl Away - TOOL: Aaand right into the deep dark. The fracture in his mind when they refuse him and try to get away - because he doesn't fucking care if they don't want to be with him. They're his, no matter what they do. He loves them and he'd kill them before letting them leave.

Ana's Song (Open Fire) - Silverchair: He's a little sorry. He still needs them so badly, even if they're killing him. Even if they're killing each other.

The Greatest View - Silverchair: Honestly, this one's pretty straightforward. Little stalker guy, just following. Just watching. Deluding himself that they want him back, that they see him, too.

Change (In the House of Flies) - Deftones: This is the impact he's realizing he's had on them, in a way. Where maybe they were naive or carefree before, now they know. They know him, and they know the fear excitement. They think about him now; he's sure he's always on their mind.

Vermillion, Pt.2 - Slipknot: Something I think a lot about is the way many obsessive stalkers struggle with their self worth because it's so tied up in the object of their obsession, and that's where this song comes in. There's a faltering, a misstep, one that's not enough to send him into the rage of rejection, but one that triggers his lack of self worth. He needs them, he wants them, he hates himself.

liMOusIne - Bring Me the Horizon, Aurora: I was annoyed that I wanted this song on this playlist; I really tried to limit myself to a max of 2 songs per artist but liMOusIne just would not leave me alone. He wants them to love him back - to adore him back. "I hope that you wrote all your songs for me, kiss the ground i walk, I'm a fool for you" and then the last bit post chorus "so lock all the doors cause I'm insecure" ties back to his low self esteem. Of course, there's also all the shivery, squirmy, obsessive bits "do you like the way your skin crawls," "I'll swallow the bile for you," "I'll tickle that spot for you."

Thank you for coming to my TEDTalk lmao.

[writers-requiem]

I don't quite know if you're down to write this, but perhaps Wolf O'Donnell, Fox McCloud, and reader all in a relationship together? Wolf has always been a crush of mine and I love him with Fox, but I want him too, and I think Fox is really cute and figuring out the whole thing could be fun!~

I will most certainly do what I can.

A Split in Preferences

(Wolf O'Donnell and Fox McCloud x Reader)

Genere: Fluff, Romantic

Pairing: Wolf O'Donnell and Fox McCloud x Reader

Rating: E for Everyone

Warnings: Just some romantic rivalry.

The boys were on relatively good terms with each other. And they even became, almost like brothers. But then it all changed the moment they laid eyes on you.

They were immediately star struck by you and they immediately wanted you to be theirs. But they, like real brothers would, didn't want the other getting you first.

Wolf: "How about this. A series of dates, and whoever they like better is their mate."

He proposes. Fox didn't need a second of thought.

Fox: "You are SO on!"

They shook hands and went about trying to impress you, woo you and win your affection. Both of them had the same amount of success, which drove them crazy as you didn't seem to have a favorite. Growing desperate, they opted to try to sabotage each other, but you eventually caught wind of this and decided to put an end to it.

Y/N: "BOYS!"

You shouted. They immediately stopped what they were doing and looked at you, rather perplexed.

Y/N: "What is this all about!?"

You demanded to know. The two canines had their tails tucked between their legs in shame.

Fox: "We decided to have ourselves a contest to see who you liked better."

Wolf: "But you didn't seem to have a favorite so-"

Y/N: "Because I love both of you, ya goofballs!"

This took them off guard. You walked over to them and kissed them on their cheeks, causing them both to blush uncontrollably. From then on you three were a very public and widely talked about throuple. Nobody would shut up about you dating not one, but both leaders of the two biggest mercenary groups in Lylat. You were the talk of the galaxy. But you didn't mind. As long as you could still be with your two boyfriends, nothing bothered you.

A/N: Hey y'all! Sorry if this was kinda short but I'm not really used to these kinds of requests. So I'm just kinda dipping my toes in the water and seeing how it goes.