#{Crack}

[everwalldigan]

Hear me out: Robin Dick would be the biggest Bruceman supporter and shipper.

This boy hates any of Bruce’s love interest with a passion because then his dad guardian spends less time with him and that’s obviously UNACCEPTABLE, SCANDALOUS even, so when rumours start circulating that Bruce Wayne is in a relationship with the Batman, he jumps right on the wagon.

Reporter, thirsty for a story: Mr Grayson what do you think about the rumours that Bruce Wayne is dating the Batman?

Dick: What do I think about my dads you mean? My very married very taken dads? My very faithful to each other plural dads?

He would fuel the rumours both as Robin and as Dick Grayson, punching criminals for talking bad about Wayne enterprises as Robin (“THAT’S MY STEPDADS COMPANY YOURE TALKING ABOUT!”). He would be on online forums all day talking about how Bruceman is the only Batman ship that makes sense and Doxxing people who disagree.

Bruce is so exasperated because this is happening at a time where only Alfred and Dick know his real identity so he can’t even do anything with ANYONE without making either Bruce Wayne or Batman look unfaithful.

Throw Reporter Clark Kent into the mix who has been sent to scope out the Bruceman story, who Bruce makes the mistake of flirting with at a gala. Both Clark AND dick are scandalised.

Dick, making a scene: HOW COULD YOU! BATMAN IS WAITING FOR YOU AT HOME AND YOURE HERE FLIRTING WITH SOME… SOME REPORTER??

Bruce, sighing: Dick-

Dick, tugging on Bruce’s suit and looking up at him with fake tears in his eyes: Dad, are you and dad getting a divorce? :(

Clark, panicking: NO NO THEYRE NOT GETTING A DIVORCE PLEASE DONT CRY

Meanwhile:

Bruce, crying in the corner: he called me dad

He would even go as far as insisting that Robin is his step sibling

Principal: how do you explain that whenever Robin is injured, Dick fails to show up at school the next day?

Dick: Robin and I are twins :) so when he’s injured I’m injured too and we have to stay home together!!

Bruce, whispering: I’m sorry, they’re not really twins but neither I or Bats have the heart to tell hem

[hamilando]

ੈ✩ f1 drivers with phone typos (texts) ੈ✩‧

warning : chaotic ; fluff ; suggestive

a/n : requests are open! hope you like it 🫶🏻

·:｡･ﾟﾟ･ ✩ ･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･ ✩ ･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ･ ✩ ･ﾟ ･ﾟ·:｡･ﾟﾟ

[iamnmbr3]

— Tom Riddle interviewing for the DADA position

oh that gap in my resume is cuz i was out killing people

[maarkloee]

{01:29PM}

a soft sigh left haechan’s lips as he sat at his gaming chair. his game long forgotten as his sweet girlfriend slept on his lap.

he gently ran his hand through her hair, a love struck smile dusting onto his lips.

“you’re so pretty sunshine…” he whispered to himself, leaning down to press a kiss to her hair.

y/n let out a sleep noise, snuggling herself closer to boyfriend.

haechan let out a soft chuckle, tightening his arms around y/n’s waist.

“how are you so cute, even when you’re sleeping?..” haechan whispered, again to himself as he admired the girl in front of him.

“i love you so much, sunshine. so, so much…”

“i love you too…”

“YOU’RE AWAKE?!”

[tangledbea]

Rapunzel actually cusses a lot because her first social interactions and group of friends were the Pub Thugs.

[ultimate-marysue]

To me Jayroy is that hyper competent and scary couple (think: superbat, Dick with either Kory or Babs, Stephcass, ...bats just wants not be a power couple), like they're The Shit. They're perfectly covering for each other, finishing each other sentences levels of in sync. But out of the costumes... they're just the most normal (and I mean boringly normal) couple you've ever met.

They're re watching modern family like they're an old married couple while Lian plays the Sims on the floor. A 50s sitcom couple if they actually loved each other. Which is even weirder because those are Roy Harper and Jason Todd, on paper they should be the most chaotic union the world's ever witnessed, but they're actually playing Uno on a Friday night. Just let them heal and achieve peak normalcy with each other.

[gaiussleechtank]

I’ll counter your reverse.

Merlin courts Arthur, goes the whole nine yards and it gets pretty serious by courting standards - but he doesn’t even realise that he’s courting Arthur.

Yes: he’s using Ealdor’s courting customs so Arthur would never know that he’s being courted, but Merlin does it so instinctively like second nature that he doesn’t even catch what his own subconscious is trying to tell him.

And of course OP, Merlin doesn’t fully grasp what he’s doing for years until they’re basically married.

Que either a very panicked letter to Hunith and/or an awkward conversation with Gaius, or the disaster of trying to explain this predicament to Arthur.

I adore the "Merlin doesn't realize Arthur's counting him because he doesn't understand nobles" fics however I would love to see a reverse on this.

Arthur is so used to courtship being about expensive gifts and grand gestures amongst the nobles that he has no idea Merlin's been courting him in the more simple way people do in Ealdor. Things like cooking for your intended, handmade gifts, helping them with tasks around the village, and using a split coin as a proposal instead of a ring. By the time Arthur realises anything Merlin already considers them married

[runraerun]

May God forgive me but a Hot Frosty!Steddie AU where Eddie (being a freak) ((and also a little high)) kisses a snowman and unknowingly brings it to life. ☃️ *dodges rotten tomato*

Hey, if you didn’t want Eddie to make out sloppy style with your snowman then why did you make him so hot, huh??? Why did you carve abs into him? Why’d you give him bedroom eyes?! 😒Anyway… as I was saying…

Eddie leaves, accidentally leaving behind his battle vest on the snowman, heading home to Forest Hills trailer park. Dude’s totally oblivious to the fact that he just performed a freaking miracle, shattering almost every law in the known universe, all because he thought a snowman was fine as hell.

Hot Frosty (aka our boy Steve), can’t do anything but think of Eddie. It’s his first fully formed thought he has as his snowy skin melts and gives way to human flesh. When he sucks in his first breath of cold, winter art, he exhales with Eddie’s name on his tongue. His fingers reach up and gently touch his freshly kissed lips. The kiss that brought him to life; the first and only touch of warmth he’s ever received.

Steve’s not wearing anything besides a very worn denim vest, covered in colorful patches—the one Eddie so thoughtfully gave him. Otherwise, he’s naked as a jay bird. Thankfully, being a snowman, he doesn’t mind the cold. :)

He walks around town, approaching the various townsfolk, asking if they know where Eddie is. He’s looking for Eddie. Do you know Eddie? Y’know, Eddie, the one who loves me. The one who kissed me tonight. He needs to find Eddie. Eddie will be looking for him too, no doubt.

Eventually though, someone calls the fuzz on this very attractive, very confused young man who’s walking around the snow bare-assed and bare-footed. Hopper immediately recognizes the battle vest—he’s busted Munson enough times, and he’s always wearing that beat up thing. So he calls up the Munson residence, but there’s no answer. He leaves a voicemail instead, growling at him to come pick up his clearly distressed boyfriend before Hopper presses public indecency charges.

How will Eddie react when he hears the message?! Will Eddie believe hot frosty!Steve’s far-fetched tale?! WILL THEY FUCK?! (answers: Very confused, not at first, & HELL YEAH THEY DO)

[divinecrimson]

HAN TAESAN | HAN DONGMIN SMAU

How does a sassy, emo, singer act with his girlfriend?

WARNINGS: cursing, sexual talk, mentions of emo personality’s, jealousy, sass, fem reader, spamming, sexualization, INSECURITIES MENTIONED, TAESAN calls reader bro on accident! Mentions of Chase Atlantic. Pet names: mama, baby, love. Simp behavior.

MDNI BELOW THE CUT

[spiderman2-99]

What’s with all of the… ah, unholy fanarts of me as a priest? Disgustingly inaccurate portrayal of the position aside, I’d make a terrible Father. Don’t have the patience for that even if I did believe in God.

And confession booths are stuffy; sex there would be atrocious.

[perotovar]

RAD PLEASE LMAO

[alexihollis]

just thinking about how rembrandt is definitely the most likely person to be obsessed with romance - shes the artist after all!!!

so whenever anyone starts dating she gets really invested. she still talks to the last two guys cowgirl brought around. she squeals just a bit whenever the couples do anything cute.

so it doesnt take her too long after The Night from Hell to get invested in swan and mercy's relationship like "👀👀👀 whatcha doing?"

Mercy looks a bit cold.

Rembrandt to Swan: you should give her your hoodie.

Swan:...yup. yeah. already on my way to do that thanks Rem.

Mercy gets new jeans.

Rembrandt: Cute jeans. They'd look better on Swan's floor.

Swan: Rembrandt whaaat the fuck.

Swan: *exists*

Rembrandt: *pops up out of nowhere*

Rembrandt: You know, swans mate for life.

Swan:...

Rembrandt: Your name is Swan.

Swan:...

Rembrandt: Do you get what I'm sayin-

Swan: YESREMBRANDTIUNDERSTAND

Rembrandt: Then why dont you ask her already?!

Swan: Gay marriage isnt FUCKING legal Rem, WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS

Rembrandt: *grumbling as she slowly slinks away* stupid laws

Cochise: *watching from a far*

Cochise: *leans over to Ajax* she does remember you two are dating as well, right?

Ajax: The fuck if I know.

[dixieconley]

Thorn: You're not really evil at all! Fox: What? Who told you that? Give me their names or descriptions and a general location and I'll have them killed immediately. Thorn: ::tempted to start naming off senators:: Fox... I can see the tooka mug from here. I know the truth and it's that you're secretly hiding a soft squishy heart. Fox: ... Thorn: Do you know what the others are going to say when I tell them? This is priceless! Fox: Thorn. You made one mistake. Do you know what that is? Thorn: What? Fox: ::smiling evilly:: Not running while you had the chance.

[aurumacadicus]

I just had a funny idea omg:

"Hey, so, do you have like. Any mutant powers or anything?" Steve asked carefully.

Sam did not turn from the water fountain. "No."

Bucky looked like it took all of his self control not to vibrate into orbit. "So this little friend that's been following us around the park--"

"It's a bird," Sam barked, finally turning around to glare at him. "We're being stalked by a pigeon, Barnes. This isn't funny. It could be controlled by a villain."

"You are being stalked by a pigeon," Bucky corrected gleefully.

"Stop fighting," Steve sighed, watching as the pigeon desperately flapped its wings at the spout to fill a dog bowl. He stepped on the button, and the pigeon greedily flapped under the stream of water. "I don't think it's being controlled by a villain. A villain would make it forget it was thirsty."

Sam and Bucky considered this, watching as the bird gulped a beakful of water one time out of five, as if it was not used to having a beak. "Well now I feel bad," Sam said. It has been following him since he left the VA last night.

Bucky groaned. "This means we have to ask Tony for help, doesn't it?"

Steve shot him a glare. "Why is that bad?"

"He's gonna hyper focus and make a means of communication for Lucky, Alpine, and Liho, I just know it," Bucky sighed miserably.

Sam took off his shirt and knelt down, carefully wrapping it around the panting, soaked pigeon. "Come on, buddy," he said as Steve and Bucky began bickering behind him. "Let's get you some help." Maybe, if he asked Tony without the bickering soldiers, Tony would be more concerned about their new pigeon friend.

--

Remarkably, Tony already had a nice bird setup. "Jarvis used to keep quail," he'd explained with a shrug as he showed them through the old Stark mansion.

The pigeon seemed to appreciate the heaters and bowls of bird seed, although it never seemed to quite get a knack for the water bowls.

Tony let Sam help when it came to putting the communication device together, which he appreciated, because the more he watched the pigeon, the less like a bird it seemed. Or at least, the less like a New York street pigeon, anyway. It didn't gorge itself while it had the chance, and it mostly hobbled around on the ground instead of trying to fly up to one of the perches. That could have been because it was still recovering from exhaustion, but Sam doubted it.

"Et voilá," Tony said as they finished it. "If it's a bird, it'll tell us about fries."

Sam raised an eyebrow at him even as he followed Tony to the bird pen. "You know what birds talk about?"

"I have had enough bags of fries stolen to know," Tony told him primly as he turned the communicator on. "Speak, pigeon."

"Sam my brother accidentally turned me into a bird after we left your office yesterday," the pigeon wailed. "He got scared and ran away and I couldn't keep up with him or open the door to go back into your office I AM A PIGEON WITH PTSD NOW SAM!!!!!"

"Oh my God Jessica," Sam gasped, and Tony clapped a hand over his mouth and turned away, shoulders shaking with the effort not to laugh. "We'll figure this out FUCKING STOP LAUGHING TONY."

"It is kind of funny," Jessica said reluctantly.

"It fucking isn't you're a BIRD, JESSICA!" Sam bellowed.

"Yeah, but it's also the first time I slept through the night without waking up screaming, so," Jessica continued.

"Animal therapy," Tony choked, and then screamed when Sam chased him out of the enclosure.

[somnus-in-law]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Batman - All Media Types Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Jason Todd/Bruce Wayne, Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne, Batfamily Members & Bruce Wayne Characters: Batfamily Members (DCU), Jason Todd, Bruce Wayne, Damian Wayne Additional Tags: Crack, Marriage Proposal, Good Parent Bruce Wayne, Batfamily Loves Bruce Wayne, Bruce wayne loves his kids, Silver Fox Bruce Wayne, Gotham loves Bruce Wayne, Older Damian Wayne, Hispanic Jason Todd, Jason Todd Loves Bruce Wayne Summary:

Bruce Wayne is getting older, and with it, Gotham's fascination with the Prince of Gotham seems to have died down - Bruce has never been more relieved!

or: The Batkids and Family are doing everything they can to keep Bruce out of Gotham's clutches, with gray hair taking over the ochre, Gotham has never been more in love with Brucie Wayne!