#{Crack}

[youngmrkusuma-w40k]

Chaos Undivided

I find that the key to leading a joyful life is to strike a happy medium. 😌

[ryoalouette]

DP x DC

So... Tucker being a furry or attracted to furry is canon?

Give me this tho: adult Tucker, maybe working on WE. Maybe this is when Batman, Superman and co are still new, so Tucker maybe about the same age as Bruce and so on.

Then he learned about Cheetah.

He immediately requests either remote work or transfer or resign or something to Gateway City (that's where Wonder Woman stuffs happen right..?).

Baby, he's going to seduce that hot villainess. No, he doesn't care if she can harm him, Wonder Woman. He can take care of himself! He's the reincarnation of Duul-Aman! Ask Phantom :)

... Wait you don't know who Phantom is, but you created Justice League? Blank stare.

You know what, Imma ask Phantom. Do some updates and catch-ups and whatnot.

Chances are, I can help with your uh, museum stuff. Coz you know. Egyptian reincarnation? Yeah.

Anyways, hot villainess to seduce, go away Wonder Woman.

[waywardangel-wilds]

Katniss: I could never have a real marriage with Peeta. Pfft. It’s all fake.

Gale: good

Katniss: I mean, look at him.

Gale: yeah what a dork—

Katniss: he’s so kind and brave and strong and sweet and—

Gale: oh for fucks sake

Katniss: and I’m just the worst person ever

Gale: I’m inclined to agree right now. Like, are you even listening to yourself—

Katniss: and he has a wonderfull shoulder to waist ratio… and great teeth, have you seen his teeth?

Gale: I’m just gonna go. You’re not even listening to me

Katniss: and what would he even want from someone like me? He deserves someone… well, I don’t want to think about what his real wife would have to be like , I mean, it’s none of our business, plus it’s never going to happen as long as I live— Gale? Where are you going?

Gale, a good 500 meters away giving the finger over his shoulder: home!

[bootycrackbarstool]

[magpie-allosaurus]

Silly ass doodles

[starscream-is-my-wife]

Bumblebee is cousins with Jesus and the antichrist

The family tree gets more complicated

[tofuingho]

Oooh! This is good!

What if they start to think he's some sort of memetic being/parasite?

Like an SCP?

DCxDP fanfic idea: Damian's (not) real friend

Based on the results of this poll post.

Bruce knew kids made imaginary friends as part of their development. He had done plenty of research on the topic long before taking in Dick. Over the years, as his children grew in numbers, so did his research on proper developmental milestones.

Typically, children create imaginary friends from the ages of six to nine. But that did not mean they had to give them up even if they were in their teens.

So yes, he knew kids could have imaginary friends of any age, but seeing Damian develop one was slightly shocking. It might have been due to his upbringing that Damian hadn't had one or had chosen not to speak of his buddy until he knew he was safe.

Knowing his son felt secure enough in his household to do so filled his heart with joy. Bruce kept an eye on Damian since he brought up his new friend, Daniel. He was glad his son had finally made a friend in his school that it took a few days to notice Damian never brought up Daniel unless someone else did.

When Tim asked him about his friend- claiming to have spotted Damian sitting by himself at lunchtime after his youngest had told everyone he had lunched with Daniel- the boy had waved his concerns away.

That's when Bruce learned Daniel was not a little kid at Damian's school but rather an imaginary friend.

More specifically, he learned that Daniel could not be photographed or recorded. He simply would not appear on cameras or in auto recordings. Damian didn't seem to find any of that odd, nor take into account that, as Batman and Co., they had the means to pick up some trace of something being there.

After all, they had machines that could indicate a Speedster messing with the timeline! But no, Damian insisted that Daniel simply could not be recorded.

Apparently, Damian checked.

Now Bruce knew that an imaginary friend only became a concern when the child seemed frightened by it; it encourages harmful or destructive behavior; it rapidly changes the child's typical behavior, and the child blames it for all harmful or dangerous behavior or if it disrupts the child's ability to socially interact with others.

Daniel didn't seem to frighten Damian, nor did it encourage bad behavior in his son. But it certainly got in the way of Damian making real friends, and his son's behavior changed, even if he grumbled good naturally about it.

Daniel pestered Damian to join him in exploring Gotham to find, and Bruce quotes, "Secret spots for getting down in funky town."

Damian had videos of himself break dancing in abandoned subways, ballroom dancing with the air in an abandoned firehouse, and the oddest of all, disco in an underpass where he seemed to be making faces at the area around his left shoulder. He never posted them, claiming that Daniel just wanted them for themselves.

Bruce was mildly alarmed. He brought it up with the rest of his children, who all reported similar tales of Daniel.

Tim had noticed Damian recording songs in his room- his son had inherited the Wayne vocal cords. They were all blessed singers- claiming that Daniel had written and composed the music but had wanted Damian to record it since he couldn't. They would be using it in one of their videos.

Jason brought up the fact he had seen Damian make a collage covered in nothing but pictures of himself and the Gotham landscapes. Damian had spent nearly seven hours cutting, gluing, and organizing the postal board that he hung up.

Dick's report, however, was the most alarming. He had seen a photo booth strip Damian carried at all times. It supposedly held Daniel, but all he saw was an empty booth. This, coupled with the heart-shaped frame of some underpass, of an empty wall that Damian lovingly placed on his desk, could only mean one thing.

"Damian is infatuated with his imaginary friend." He said, voice heavy in concern as his children gave each other wary looks. "Damian is fully convinced Daniel is real and, likely, is treating him as a boyfriend rather than a best friend."

"Want me to talk to him? I can get him to agree to introduce me to his....boyfriend." Steph volunteers while stepping forward. "There were some cases at the homeless shelter Duke and I volunteer at where I needed to convince some kids to introduce me to their imaginary friends."

"That could work. Besides Dick, you have the closest relationship with Damian," Duke agrees. He is staring at the videos of Damian dipping someone that wasn't there, jaw tense. It likely reminded him of his parents. "It is better to send you in just because Damian may not be ready to talk to Dick about crushes."

"I'll set up some closer monitoring around Damian," Babs offers, nodding at Tim, who was already hacking into the boy's school cameras. She had sent him a private message to get started on that the second she heard Dick's report. She was busy hacking into the city's system of Damian's usual routes when going into the city. "If someone caused him to develop Daniel, I want to be sure we stop it."

"And I'll be sure to make them pay," Jason hissed, punching his fist as Cass twirled a blade at his side, nodding in agreement. She hasn't said much, but everyone could see the anger and concern for the youngest in her eyes. Apparently, she had been able to tell through Damian's body language he had developed a crush on Daniel but had not picked up on the fact he wasn't real.

To Damian, he was, so when she read his body language, she thought he was, too.

Alfred speaks up, his voice even despite the slight tremble in his folded hands on the conference table. "We also have to consider the possibility of instituting Damian. Something like this does not dub well for Master Damian's ability in the field. Civilian or Cape."

His words send a cold chill down everyone's backs. It was like the air itself was holding its breath as they turned to look at Bruce, waiting for his call. Bruce had his face in his hands, shoulders shaking in silent tears, but he nodded. "Dami needs help"

Dick stumbled back into his chair, looking like his father had just punched him in the gut. Tim's fingers paused over the keys, eyes hazy and lips tight. Cass' knife stabbed the table, grip knuckle white while Jason swore up a storm, slamming a fist down.

Steph, Duke, and Babs remained in their spot, but their faces had angry frowns. Bitter that they could do no more as they glared into the air around them. The three had always been more silent rage than the rest, the kind that forced the air around them when the rest of the Bats burned in it.

"We have to-" Bruce's words get cut off by the Cave communication bell. The camera on the Batcomputer turns on, displaying Damian in a rather fetching streetwear outfit.

"Hello, Father." He said calmly, aiming the camera so they could see he was inside a stale bathroom. "I am calling to ask permission to invite Daniel to dinner at the Manor. We were going to get some pizza after our latest dancing video, but the one Daniel adores was closed for construction, and it's getting rather late for other places. Daniel lives in the bad side of town, so his sister would rather he not be out too late."

Oh gods, Daniel had a sister now? One that limited Damian's movements?

"Of course, son," Bruce heard himself say. A heavy lump developed in his throat as a broad, pleased smile spread across his child's face. Bruce is no stranger to heartbreak, but he felt it cracking as Damian reminded him that Daniel was a civilian, so they needed to ensure that vigilante things were out of sight. "That sounds fine, Dami. We will be waiting for you both."

"We?"

"Your siblings want to meet Daniel." Bruce clarifies, looking around the table of his children, who look back at Damian with pity. "Don't you?"

Dick presses a hand against his mouth, nodding his head. "We sure do. Heard so much about Daniel, it would be a shame not to."

"Very well." Damian yields after some thought. "We shall be home in an hour. Alfred, could you make some meat lasagna? That's Daniel's favorite food."

"It's making him ask for meat." Jason curses under her breath "on top of everything else?"

Thankfully, it's too soft for Damian to hear, so Alfred speaks up. "Of course,e Master Damian."

"Replace the béchamel sauce with layers of cheese, please." Damian requests, smile turning a bit soft and gooey. "Daniel prefers it that way."

"Right away, sir."

The call ends, and the cave erupts into noise. Bruce springs to his feet, shouting out orders. They will think of what to do now that Damian has introduced them to Daniel.

Multiple JusticeLeague-approved therapists are called, Black Carnary is on speed dial for any help they may need, and the kids brush up on their mental illness assistant packages. They don't plan on confronting Damian tonight about it, but they will carefully prob to see what exactly Daniel and his sister make Damian do.

____________________________________________________________

Alfred's face spams an hour late as he watches the front gate security cameras. Master Damian arrives in an Uber, holding the door open and offering his hand to the air as if attempting to help someone get out of the vehicle. The boy waves away the driver, then keeps his hand wrapped around nothing as he strides to the Manor in sure steps.

Alfred doesn't have the auto on, but he can tell by the movement of Master Damian's lips that he is speaking to it.

Alfred moves to the front door, fixing his vest to gather courage before opening the door, a calm Welcome home, Master Damian on his lips.

Only to choke on his spite at the sight of another young boy the same age as Master Damian standing right where Daniel should be. He even has his fingers interlocked with Master Damian.

"Alfred, this is Daniel Fenton. Daniel, this is my family butler, Alfred Pennyworth."

"You're real," Alfred breathes, staring wide-eyed at the boy who offers him a wave. It's such a whiplash from the emotional turmoil of this afternoon that he forgets himself and his manners as he gawks at the child.

"Um, I sure am?" Daniel, for his part, looks a little uneasy, which prompts Master Damian to step in front of him, shielding him with his body. His green eyes are blazing with slight protective rage.

"I did not see you in the camera...." He hears himself say as if that was justification for his reaction.

Master Domain's shoulders relax. "Yes, Daniel does not appear on any form of record. It happens. Come, Daniel, I'll show you my room while dinner is made."

"Cool. Can we practice some new moves, too? I really want to get the choreography for our new song down."

"Of course."

Alfred steps back, allowing the children to walk inside, climb up the stairs, and vanish from sight. He fumbles for his phone, knowing he has to report this before Master Bruce and the other children make fools of themselves.

Goodness, he didn't even start on the meat lasagna. He didn't think he was actually going to feed someone.

[ayumigotabittoolonely]

"He probably hates me" x"I love her so much " pt 2

(Teen nanami x teen reader fluff series!)

Part 1 - academics or stress in the ass?

Part 2 {the bakery incident}

[Next: The Mission Mishap]

It had been a week since the Study Session of Doom, and you had successfully avoided Nanami Kento as much as possible.

You weren’t proud of it, but the way he’d called you distracting and told you that you smile too much still stung. He said he didn’t hate you, but he certainly didn’t like being around you either. So, why bother forcing something that clearly wasn’t meant to work?

That was the plan until he started showing up at your workplace.

"Welcome-oh," you faltered as the bell above the bakery door jingled. "It’s you."

Nanami blinked at you, hands tucked into the pockets of his school uniform. "Good evening."

You straightened your apron, trying not to look as confused as you felt. "You eat sweets?"

He sighed, stepping forward to inspect the pastries in the display case. "Obviously."

You pursed your lips, watching as he glanced over the selection. "You know we sell bread, right? Not miserable existential crises."

"Not everything has to be about suffering," he muttered.

Your brows shot up. "Wow. That’s the most profound thing you’ve ever said to me."

Nanami rolled his eyes but didn’t argue. Instead, he tapped the glass lightly. "One croissant. And the usual."

You frowned. "Extra today?"

He hesitated. "…Haibara wanted one."

You scoffed, quickly bagging the order. "Well, tell Haibara he has good taste. These are my favorite."

At that, Nanami exhaled sharply not quite a sigh, but something else. You barely had time to process it before he handed over the money, took the bag, and muttered, "Thank you."

Then he left. Just like that. No lingering, no extra conversation. Just gone.

You stared after him, feeling that same strange heaviness from before.

Of course he doesn’t like you. He just likes the food.

Meanwhile, outside the bakery, Nanami stared down at the extra croissant in his bag the one he hadn’t actually bought for Haibara.

With a quiet sigh, he took a bite, letting the flaky pastry melt in his mouth.

It was good. Really good.

Of course it was. It was your favorite, after all.

💌💌

COMMENT DOWN TO GET TAGGED!

@cheriiepies 💌

[phantom248]

Li Lun's display of jealousy is a mixture of murder, choking, and some stabby stabby. In other words, very explosive and dangerous for recipent.

On the other hand, Zhu Yan, or Zhao Yuanzhou as he later styled himself, did not show his jealousy in a dangerous or possesive way. His jealousy showed up in very petty manner.

After his death, the ways in which he could show his jealousy was very limited, but still very annoying to recipents.

Wen Xiao flirted with anyone as usual? Drizzle.

Xiao Zhuo looked at anyone for a moment longer? Rain.

Wen Xiao talked to someone sincerely for some time? Raining cats and dogs.

Xiao Zhuo got flirted by someone and he responded back in oblivious manner? Hail storm.

The worst of it was faced by Li Lun when he finally managed to cultivate human form and started accompanying Zhuo Yichen. Poor tree always had to endure a rain cloud hanging only over his head that would pour whenever he got closer to the former commander of demon hunting bureau. It painted a very comical sight, the serious former demon hunter followed by a man with a rain cloud raining over his head. Many were convinced that this was some sort of curse, but Li Lun knew better. He was aware of how petty and jealous that monkey could be.

But Li Lun was the pettiest of them all. And he had a perfect plan this time to deal with his ex.

"Is that-" Wen Xiao's voice cracked as she watched Li Lun who had siddled extremely close to Xiao Zhuo, closer than what decency would dictate. Beside her, Ying Lei sniggered, unable to help himself,hiding behind a weirded out Bei Jiu, while Pei Sijing rolled her eyes.

Zhuo Yichen was sitting under the shade of the umbrella, so he was unable to see what exactly had sent his friends into a hysterical fit. "Li Lun wanted to fix the Zhao Yuanzhou's umbrella. We even had to stay at the last village behind to wait for artisan to make repairs."

"It sure is a very... creative way to deal with your curse." Pei Sijing remarked, her lips twitching up.

Ying Lei was now rolling on the ground with laughter. "Zhuo darren, Li Lun darren, it was very kind of you to repair da yao's beloved umbrella. I am sure he would be very happy if he could see it."

As if an answer to that, the small localized cloud hanging on Li Lun cracked with thunder, pouring down much harder, as if trying to crack the oiled paper on the umbrella. Li Lun smugly adjusted the object, making sure to snugly cover himself as well as Zhuo Yichen under it.

"Oh I am sure he will be very happy indeed," Li Lun purred, the eye catching depiction of a small blue dragon tightly entertwined with a pagoda tree drawn on the umbrella glinted in the light.

As if in answer to his clearly provocative response, it rained even harder if it was possible.

[ryoalouette]

Another take of DP x DC, considering Valentine's is near-

.

These days, Slade Wilson just despaired.

He's The Mercenary. The Deathstroke. Whatever mission (usually assassination) he took had a 100% rate. Nightwing feared him. Batman is wary of him.

But.

But why.

He knew assassinations to gain suitor without a fight are a thing, God knows he did several of those hits, even if the personal lives of those who hired him are Not His Business. His enhanced senses had caused him to know things he certainly don't want to know regarding other people.

But.

The missions he got these days are ridiculous.

Just.

WHO in their right mind would think Big Bad Mercenary is the perfect love (???) delivery to their suitors? His current clients, that's who.

As he stabbed one Danny Fenton's heart while reciting one of the most cringey poems- yeah, he's allowed to despair. Fenton has the absolute gall to not stay dead and just sighing smittenly.

It's Disgusting.

Yes, he got the money, but he's honestly considering to just retire from his mercenary business. What are the chances that Fenton will be his next client?

He's a glorified love messenger now and he's very miffed about it.

[luumiinaa]

the ending 😂😂😂

ᡣ𐭩 drunk

you should've known they were up to no good when you got a phone call from haechan telling you that your very sweet and very drunk boyfriend, jeno, had been sent on an uber to your house. you waited outside in the cold, wrapped in a throw blanket awaiting your boyfriends arrival. when the uber came to a halt you watched as your boyfriend made a sad attempt to get out, ultimately sitting on the sidewalk next to the car. you scurried down to close the car door and thank the driver for keeping your boyfriend safe. when you went to lift jeno he looked up at you, eyes watery, cheeks flushed pink, "hae-haechan said, he said that if, if he outdrank me then you would think that he's cooler than me, you don't think that y/n right? you would still date me right?" you giggled at his drunken state, listening to his slurring words, "my love, i don't know if you realize but we're actually already dating" jeno grabbed your shoulders and pulled you towards him causing you to topple on top of him. now you were both laying there on the cold hard concrete. "baby please, we need to get up it's cold out here." he would not budge, his grip around your waist almost strangling you. "i'll move if you give me a kiss okay, right here on my lips" he puckered his lips making kissy noises at you. you gave him a quick peck, not being a huge fan of his current scent. there was a small pause as if he were thinking of another excuse to not move from this position, "you cheated y/n, that's, you know that's not fair there was no tongue!" self reminder: never let jeno go out drinking with haechan.

[thedovesaredying]

Every time someone in the fandom is delighted to discover Sputnik (especially when they realise it's canon), I gain more power. We must continue to spread the Sputnik agenda.

[fanfictionroxs]

Part 2 of heart killer memes enjooyyy 💝

Part 1 , Part 3 , Part 4

Part 1 , Part 3 , Part 4 of my heart killer memes 💝

[synthetickitsune]

S.Coups (SVT) | Manifestation crack | 0.7k | gn!reader warnings: dick size discussion A/N: never let me talk to @hanniedream this isn't what i thought i'd be writing today. also why did this turn out so angsty

“What did you do?” Seungcheol’s quiet growling, his no-nonsense tone, doesn’t carry too far in the silent cafe.

“What do you mean?” you ask, sipping the drink you paid for, and slide his own cup closer to him. He’s so enraged that he almost crushes the cup with his grip.

“You know what I mean,” he snarls.

You hum and look out of the window. Perhaps you do, but you want to hear him say it loud and clear. Although maybe not that loud, you don’t need people to start turning your way. It’s revenge but it’s not part of your plan to publicly humiliate him. At least for now. So you clear your throat before he can slam his fist on the table.

“I mean it, Cheol,” you sigh and blink up at him, the picture of innocence, “Whatever do you think I’ve done?”

He sets his jaw, his fists clench and unclench. There’s a fire in his eyes that you know too well. That same fire once was the beginning of your undoing.

“Are you kidding me right now?” he looks like he’s about to hit you but you know he wouldn’t. 

“No, I really have no idea what you’re talking about,” you pout your lips only slightly. He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. His eyes scan the cafe but you’re sitting in a pretty secluded corner - again, a mercy he doesn’t deserve. He leans closer, gritting his teeth. His muscles bulge with the way his body gets tense. And suddenly despite everything, you find yourself drawn to him. Desiring him.

“My dick is shrinking,” he says, point-blank and without beating around the bush. You almost spit out your drink. He narrows his eyes at you.

“So I guess it’s working,” you snicker and the look in his eyes is priceless.

“You little-” 

He never gets to call you whatever he was about to call you, silenced by a curious look from a guy sitting a few tables over. There’s something very satisfying about watching Cheol withdraw back into his seat with fury still ablaze in his gaze.

“How and why?” he growls.

“Art of manifestation,” you shrug and chuckle at the confusion written all over his face, “I know, right? I guess not all of it is a scam.”

“As to why, do I really need to explain?” you quirk a brow at him. He just gives you a very straightforward nod. You roll your eyes. “You’re impossible, Cheol. You’re so annoying, walking around like you own the world. Like everyone needs to bend to you will just because you have a massive dick - oh wait, had a massive dick.”

“What?” he looks ready to pounce at you, and not in the way he usually does, “That’s it?”

“What do you mean that’s it?” you huff incredulously, “Have you ever heard yourself talking? Cheol, you’re lucky nobody’s fucking done this before.”

“You’re so petty!” he spits and buries his face in his hands.

“And you’re so infuriating. Sorry but you need to be humbled, I’m basically doing this for you,” you take another long sip of your drink and feel yourself relax. What’s he gonna do? Only you can help solve his little problem. And he looks sort of adorable being helpless like this.

“What can I do?” he finally whispers. You’d be lying if you said it doesn’t hurt just a little bit that he never spoke this softly to you before, not even in the early hours of the morning when you were both sweaty and breathing heavily after your nightly escapades. No, instead he’d be boasting about how good he made you feel. He deserves this lesson.

“Be a good person. Be nice, be kind, the usual stuff,” you look away but you feel his eyes burning holes through you anyway.

“Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I am nice, just not to you?” he bites back.

“Careful,” you smirk through the hint of hurt, “As you said, I’m very petty and you wouldn’t want your situation to get worse.”

You get into a silent staring contest that you end up winning. But still, somehow, despite it all, you feel like all you did today was prove his point.

You end up getting asked out on a date, as if something inside of Seungcheol broke and he accepted his fate. Not what you expected but sure, why not if he’s on his best behavior. Let’s see where this goes.

[iamnmbr3]

After the "Sirius is actually a human man reveal' Harry's all 'ok if you've been a human all this time then why did you eat Ron's pet rat that time?' and Sirius is like 'oh that wasn't really a rat. he was a human in disguise too.'

(Hermione: ...Isn't that worse?! Sirius: Depends on the human. Don’t worry about it.)

crack au where in the beginning of book 3 when sirius comes to see harry in dog form he just...follows him onto the Knight Bus. and Harry's like 'well this is weird' but his life is weird. so whatever. and then the whole rest of the summer the dog just stays with him. since other people can see the dog he figures it's definitely not a Grim. And the dog seems pretty friendly. and well behaved. and he kinda likes. so harry's just shrugs and is like 'well this might as well happen' and when he meets up with his friends he tells them apparently he has a pet dog now.

can't decide if that would mean that book 3 still happens the same way as in canon or if peter takes one look at sirius and ditches and ron's always confused about why Scabbers ran away OR if Sirius eats Scabbers and consequently voldemort doesn't return and Harry has a very chill rest of his time at Hogwarts (except for the bit where he inevitably discovers that his dog is actually not a dog).