#{ we're making some headway!!! after 2 years!!! }

[dis--parity]

The Unkindness

Trigger warnings: None Word Count: 2165 Author’s Notes: At LONG LONG long last, the story continues! Thank you all for being so patient as I work through my writer's block, I hope you enjoy this new chapter!

CHAPTERS hit and miss. | The Unkindness

“Do you feel as though you deserve the way you’re being treated?”

“... do I feel like I deserve it? What kinda question is that?”

“One I believe to still be necessary - simply to understand your perspective and response to her attitude towards you. Feelings change, and talking about what they tell you now will help, Theo.”

We’ve tread over the same ground so many times it feels like it’s the only path we’re able to take any more. In spite of all the times she insists that all choices and habits are a dirt road, conflict and bitterness are the only things in my life that are set in stone - and for want of a chisel, I’m forced to watch the picture of stability erode in front of me.

It’s getting harder to believe that a good therapist can fix that for me.

“I mean… shouldn’t it be obvious?” I huff. “I’ve been trying for God knows how long to better myself, but it means nothing to her. I went into my new job thinking I could stop being… haunted by the shit I’d done, and the road I thought I’d take. I really wanted to believe I could start over… and then she turns up. Every second we’re around each other, more and more of the progress I thought I made just… doesn’t register with her. It’s like I’ve always been the same person. Feelings change, yeah, but… people don’t. Not to her, and there’s no fuckin’ way she’s gonna stop thinkin’ of evil when she sees me.”

The silence is broken only by the gentle stroking of a pen against paper. I’ve gotten so used to it that I hardly even notice it at times, between the glare of those green eyes behind her glasses, framed by straight, perfectly-groomed ginger hair. Even the way her unchanging expression sits upon her umber skin feels like the cold, harsh judgement of a god I abandoned long ago at times.

“Remind me; how long has this been going on for, now?”

I was just about to ask that, actually - how long have we been stuck on this bullshit?

“Since we met again. Six, seven months ago. I didn’t even recognise her at first, ‘cause of the whole-” 

No. For all the things in the past I need to dwell on, the one thing that doesn’t matter is who she was.

“-nah, forget it, that’s the one thing I’ve never had an issue with. Her new identity was the easiest thing for me to adjust to, and, like- despite why I’m here, I’m happy for her, y’know? I just wish she hadn’t decided to bitch-slap me with her robot arm when all I wanted was to try and say hi.”

 I’m only left to wonder if the scratching of her pen is any indication that being bitch-slapped was something of note.

“And your boss?” she asks. “What’s he had to say about all this?”

“That’s the thing - he hasn’t said anything. Whenever we’re in the room together, he just tries to keep us apart. At the very least, he keeps an eye on us… but, right now he’s hardly even around to do that.”

“Your workplace keeps him busy?”

“Nah. Right now, he’s training for some kind of marathon for the charity we sponsor, so I’m holdin’ down the fort. I’ve only ever got the chance to talk to him about this whole Alex situation once, and all he told me was, like… that he’s tryin’ to keep things neutral between us ‘til we, just… start getting along. Like he expects it to be fuckin’ magic. Like some day, this black and white bullshit we got between us is suddenly gonna become some shade of grey.”

All I can muster is a scoff at my own recollection.

“… least this way, things aren’t as bland between us. Even if I wish she’d ask me the fuck I’m doing every now and then, instead of standing there in silence whenever I’m the one behind the counter.”

I hear her take a deep breath, tutting as she sets the book down. Oh, god. The only time she does that is when she’s about to lecture me. Her position on the seat shifts, her back straightens up. She’s getting ready to write. A lot.

“If that’s the attitude you take towards the dilemma, things are never going to improve. You claim to want peace between the two of you, or at the very least tolerance, yet in the same breath you state how much you thrive on the conflict between you. You still thrive on instability, when we both know you’re years past being in a situation where that was your norm.” 

Even now, her words cut into me like a razor, and carve my mentality into neat, easily-definable segments. The time of my life where I whored myself out for a quick buck and a good high poisons me like a bullet stuck in my chest, her constant reminders of my own failures in coping making old wounds burn and fester. 

“If positivity is too far off for the moment, it would be a good first step to at least accept neutrality. In that way, I think Souji has a point. Bland as you may see it, Theo, making an effort to create that shade of grey he envisions is the best first step - as long as you both make an effort towards it. Tell me; can you recall any recent events involving Alex that weren’t negative?”

That’s why. Somehow, she must know I have an answer to this. Am I slipping too much? I must have hesitated - and now she demands to know why, for once, I am.

“... actually, yeah. It was my birthday last month, and, uh… she stopped me as I got out of work. And… you remember I tried to talk to her when she was in the café on her birthday? It turns out she thought about what I said. She got me some stuff, like… a dog toy, a shirt, some whiskey—” 

That bottle’s still sitting half-empty back home. There’ll be less when this is over.

“—but she told me that it didn’t change anything. Just that she was showing me common decency, or whatever. Which… I guess is a step in the right direction?”

Her eyebrows raise for a moment as the scribbling continues. That’s a rarer one - reserved for the times I say something, anything that’s at all indicative of progress. That fleeting high, the only one I bother to chase nowadays.

“That’s good, Theo.” And all of a sudden, the tension in my body dissipates. Every freckle of hers grins at me like a god who’s finally listened. “It does sound as though she still has her reservations; though, again, she has every right to. It’s a good sign that she’s making an effort to treat you with civility, and admitting to thinking about your efforts to get closer to her.” She pauses, leaning forward with a gaze I can only describe as expectant. “One that deserves to be reciprocated.”

“I know. And I would, but… I don’t know how. I’ve tried… but the truth is that I don’t have the first fuckin’ clue."

The admission pours from my lips with all the friction and pain of hot tar from the throat. My fingers dig into the forgiving plushness of a spare cushion on the seat, teeth clenching themselves so tightly they threaten to shatter to dust.

“The truth is… all this time, I haven’t even been making an effort. Even before today… I spent so much time making an enemy out of her that I didn’t bother to learn who she even was, or what even mattered to her. Everything she reached for back then, everything she had the strength to hold on to… sources of happiness for her, but… they were just fucking targets to me. I got my kick out of being better than her, by being above the things she liked. And now… she doesn’t even let those things show around me any more. She doesn’t put her trust in anyone.

It’s my fault she’s like that. One act of tolerance, one fuckin’ trophy gesture of bein’ the bigger person… it’s not gonna change the fact that, at the end of the day, we'll just go back to hating each other. That’s the way it’ll be for as long as we know each other, and refuse to acknowledge what’s wrong with us.”

It’s rare when she doesn’t have an immediate response to that - stuff that I’d be all too quick to boil down to self-pity. More scribbling fills the silence, dying down as the tension in my hand that balls itself into the cushion starts to ease itself away. The same expression of flawless neutrality remains on her face, her hand rising from the notepad to push her glasses up onto her face.

“You’ve done well,” she praises again - the words sinking into my heart in a way so distantly familiar, but so alien at the same time. “In that you’ve acknowledged your role as a bully has had a longer-lasting impact than you’ve anticipated. Although I would normally remind someone in your situation that someone like Alex has no right to forgive you, or give you a second chance in their life considering what you did… it appears that Alex is considerably more lenient, despite appearances.”

Again, I find myself questioning whether a novelty dog toy and a bottle of booze sure to be wasted on thoughts of her is truly considered kindness.

“However, I believe the time for ruminating on your situation is long past. You had the right idea in approaching her about the way you feel at first, and now you understand that she’s at least willing to extend an olive branch. The momentum you’ve built with her can only carry you forward, now - all you have to do is find an opportunity to talk t-”

Bzzzzzzt! Bzzzzzzt!

“Ah- one moment. Perhaps we’ve run over time.”

Her phone rattles against the wooden desk at the other end of the room, calling out among the bookshelves surrounding it. I use the opportunity as her stout form rises from the chic white stool to check my own phone…

“You’ve reached the office of Dr. Hannile Lehtosaari.”

Shit, we’re way past time. Who knew progress would chew up so much of my schedule?

“Ah, it’s good to hear from you. You’ve caught me just at the end of another session, I’m afraid, but if there’s something I can help you with-”

This is getting awkward fast. Slowly, I rise from my seat, but she catches me, holding out a finger from her palm, before it retracts to grab a pen.

“I see. It’s alright, I’m happy to reschedule you. Can you do, let’s see… the Friday, same time that week?”

She’s calm as ever, but I’m standing here like a kid who’s watching his friend get yelled at during a playdate. It’s not like I have anywhere to be, but I’ve never liked sitting in this office for longer than I have to.

“Alright, I’ll reschedule you for then. I’ll have another client in for straight after, but I trust you’ll be brief.”

… I have to start wondering what Friday that is. Not like confidentiality will let her tell me anything about who I’ll catch on the way out. Probably another former drug addict, runaway fuckup like me, but what do I care?

“Perfect. I hope you and your brother have a nice time together otherwise. I’ll see you then! Take care, bye, bye.”

… maybe not a fuckup, then. Not if they still have family.

It isn’t much longer before she hangs up the phone and turns to me again, that same professional sternness washing over her features again like she’s putting on a mask.

“Well, Theo, I believe I’ve given you plenty to think about. Before our next session next week, I’d like you to consider a few ways you can help to build on this rapport you’ve begun to form with Alex, perhaps make a list of ideas on how to approach her, and reciprocate what you’ve received from her.”

Easier said than done. Even now, I remember her saying that she only did what she did to afford me a decency she was wrong to withhold. But what else is ‘wrong’ in her eyes? Everything I did, everything she knows me for was wrong. The friends I made were wrong, and the way it all ended was wrong.

When will kindness be the right path to take with her?

How many times do I have to tread that impossible rocky road for it to finally be walkable? Is it even worth puncturing my feet on the rocks of the hostility that’s all but justified?

… maybe I answered wrong. Maybe I deserve this after all.

Whatever. Same time next week.

[gb-patch]

GB Patch Games: 2024 Intentions

[Adorable guest art by @dreamtydraw]

Welcome to 2024, everybody 🥳️

This is the year of Our Life: Now & Forever (and 2025 will be too, but let's not get ahead of ourselves that much). After a good five odd years of making Our Life: Beginnings & Always content, it's amazing to look ahead and see only the progress that will be done on this new game. Qiu and Tamarack are the center of the GB Patch Games universe now. But even though I'm not creating any new OL1 scenes, there may still be some exciting developments for the existing stuff. Cove hasn't been forgotten.

💚❤️️💙

If you want to know about what will be accomplished specifically in January, you can read that HERE. Now here's the entire year's goals-

Honestly, 2024 is gonna be the most basic year in a very long time, haha. There's not gonna be major launches of new DLCs, or a full game going live, or any bonus Moments. It's simply making progress on OL: N&F. That's pretty normal for game development. It's just not something we've had to go through since 2019. But we're hunkering down for the long haul on this one.

Specifically, Step 1 will be fully completed in 2024 and I'll make as much headway into Step 2 as possible. There will be two updates to the public demo, one probably in May and another sometime in Fall/Third Quarter 2024. Those will focus on Step 1 scenes still. I can't guarantee we'll be able to rework the Step 2 part of the demo with new content this year. As it is, the content was made to be a demo preview. A lot is gonna change for the complete version.

And that's about it for our main game. I appreciate all of you who decide to follow along with the process.

Beyond that, the Our Life: Beginnings & Always digital artbook is going to become available through Steam and Itch.io in early 2024! Maybe not January, but ideally no later than February.

Finger's crossed, we will also launch Our Life: Beginnings & Always for Mac on Steam and make it available for Androids through the Google Playstore. I can't state it with confidence, since there's constantly been roadblocks/issues with those, aha.

My final little note for this coming year is that, potentially, there could be more information coming out about the game that's going into production after OL2, "Project W".

▴ ▾ ▴ ▾ ▴ ▾ ▴ ▾ ▴ ▾ ▴ ▾ ▴ ▾ ▴ ▾ ▴ ▾ ▴ ▾ ▴ ▾ ▴ ▾▴ ▾ ▴

And that's what you can look forward to. Every year I'm amazed I can continue to do this as my fulltime job. I'm always wondering when that will end, but I'd be lying if I said I could see that point. The support GB Patch Games has gotten, and still gets each day, is more than enough to for it to continue for the rest of OL2's development.

I'm pretty confident in assuming that when that game does launch it's going to be successful enough for Project W to go into full production. It's a truly wonderful thing. Thank you so much for being here. We'll do our best with the time and attention you've given us.

Happy New Year 🥰️

[curiousb]

The DBU Alumni Newsletter: Volume II

In this issue, we're welcoming some more alumni back to Merybury, including Hester. While she's yet to make any headway in the world of sport, we're sure that she's destined for great things, once she finds her niche!

~ Pisces 7 / 7 / 9 / 6 / 8

~ Daredevil / Kind / Dog Person / Bookworm / Workaholic

~ OTH: Sport

~ Favourite Colour(s): Turquoise

~ Aspiration: Fortune / Popularity

~ Turn-ons / -off: +Athletic / +Well-liked / -Unique

~ Major: Economics (3.8)

~ LTW: Earn $100,000

In the meantime, she's still spending a lot of time with Eleanor.

Hester's younger sister Sally has also recently returned home.

~ Cancer 10 / 5 / 8 / 2 / 4

~ Athletic / Brave / Perfectionist / Avant Garde / Proper

~ OTH: Fitness

~ Favourite Colour: Magenta

~ Aspiration: Fortune / Knowledge

~ Turn-ons/off: +Fitness / +Cultured / -Laid Back

~ Major: Economics (3.6)

~ LTW: Become Personal Trainer

Although her family are concerned that her ongoing on-off romance with Louie might not be in her best interests.

Louie has already made their mark on the culinary landscape of Merybury, and reports that they have many ambitious plans for the future, including embarking on a gastronomic tour of the Sim East, publishing a series of best-selling cookbooks and establishing their own high-end restaurant franchise.

~ Aries 5 / 9 / 7 / 5 / 2

~ Diva / Hot-headed / Natural Cook / Workaholic / Schmoozer

~ OTH: Cuisine

~ Favourite Colour(s): Light Blue

~ Aspiration: Romance / Fortune

~ Turn-ons / -off: +Stylish / +Brown Hair / -Laid Back

~ Major: Philosophy (3.0)

~ LTW: Become Celebrity Chef

Perhaps Sally's family have cause for concern, as Louie has also regularly been spotted in the company of local healthcare professional Joanna.

Also flying high in his chosen career path - with his insider insight into alien culture - is Erasmus.

~ Aries 6 / 5 / 3 / 2 / 4

~ Brave / Cat Person / No Sense of Humour / Computer Whiz / Can’t Stand Art

~ OTH: Science

~ Favourite Colour(s): Lime Green

~ Aspiration: Knowledge / Family

~ Turn-ons / -off: +Alien / +Mechanical / -Daydreamer

~ Major: Mathematics (3.2)

~ LTW: Discover 10 Stars and 10 Planets

He also still finds time to conduct his own independent astronomical research.

And is settling well into the local community.

He and his fiancé Edward have moved into a small house in the centre of town.

Where Edward dreams of establishing his own pottery studio.

~ Libra 2 / 10 / 6 / 10 / 3

~ Artistic / Over-emotional / Good Sense of Humour / Hopeless Romantic / Workaholic

~ OTH: Arts & Crafts

~ Favourite Colour(s): Yellow / Red

~ Aspiration: Romance / Knowledge

~ Turn-ons / -off: +Artistic / +Alien / -Blonde Hair

~ Major: Art (3.3)

LTW: Sculpt 100 Pieces on Pottery Wheel

We finish with Nathan - another high achiever, who's making a big splash in the world of politics.

~ Libra 6 / 8 / 6 / 2 / 10

~ Friendly / Athletic / Neat / Can’t Stand Art / Schmoozer

~ OTH: Fitness

~ Favourite Colour(s): Red / Blue

~ Aspiration: Popularity / Romance

~ Turn-ons / -off: +Athletic / +Well-liked / -Occult

~ Major: Political Science (3.0)

~ LTW: ?

He and Lillian have enjoyed a whirlwind romance, since meeting in his final year at DBU.

And in fact, they are delighted to announce their recent engagement!

Welcome to Merybury, Lillian! (After a rather extensive makeover - I confess that her features were just a bit too Maxis for my liking, so they got a fairly major overhaul.)

~ Aquarius 2 / 6 / 10 / 2 / 5

~ Daredevil / Green Thumb / Loves To Swim / Social Butterfly / Mooch

~ OTH: Sport

~ Favourite Colour(s): Green

~ Aspiration: Family / Pleasure

~ Turn-ons / -off: +Athletic / +Blonde Hair / -Occult

~ LTW: Reach Top of Social Services Career

[blksuwie1]

RivaMika FanFic Rec List Part 1

Hi friends!

I decided to make this rec list because I've been consuming so much RM fic lately that I've been having a hard time keep tracking of which ones I'm recommending. So, I decided to make this for my selfish reasons lol but I figured this would be good to share since it seems we have some more incoming RM fans our way.

We're currently at 916 RM fics as of today. When I first started reading about this wonderful duo, there were only about 600 or so and it just exploded over the past years. It's so awesome to see our little ship gain some headway.

As always, feel free to add in your own recs! This is merely a beginning list. The links to the fics are attached to the title. I'll include some ratings and brief summary. See the tags below for quick info:

Tags

+ = Completed work

- = WIP

* = nsfw

The Song Remains The Same by MoraLeeWright. Rated M, * and +. What can I say about this masterpiece that hasn't been said already? This is probably the best intro to rivamika that you can ask for. Really good rival to lovers done in a realistic manner. So damn good, you'll consume it in less than three days. Recommended to anyone who is a bit iffy about this pairing and needs some convincing. The smut is beautifully done too. Fantastic slow burn.

Just Until The Storm Has Gone by MoraLeeWright. Rated E, * and +. When I tell you I screamed at some of these scenes! A much more angsty composition to the post canon au fics out there, but done so well. You almost forget how much angst the characters feel when the sweetness of their actions outweigh them. Author is incredible and has more works, but these two are just *chefs kiss*.

Surviving Peace by die-forellex (heatinfreezing). Rated E, * and +. This fic was my first RM fic, and I'll never forget it. It's hot, sweet, and oddly comforting. There's a particular, ahem, mouth on private part scene that always me fan myself in chapter 2. The satisfaction you feel when these two are finally finally happy, it's so wholesome. Just mind the tags--ackerbaby and pregnancy is big in this one.

To you, five years from now by a_sassin. Rated E, * and +. A different take on a post war au that has Eren and Armin alive, trying to navigate their last years as Mikasa returns to them. Oh, and she's pining for a certain captain *grins gleefully*. This is angsty but not as heavy as you'd expect. Very spicy but sweet. Definitely give this a try.

The Sound of Lightning by LycheeGreenTea. Rated M, * and -. Ackerbabies? Ackerbaby. This cute but action packed WIP is such a worthy check out. There's something about Daddy!Levi and Mommy!Mikasa that eats at my rm heart. Another take on a post war au that leaves you wanting more. A spicy scene and some domestic fluff is all you need to want more from this author.

After The War by loneackerman (aka the wonderful @rivaille-13) Rated M, * and -. THIS STORY. Anyone who is reading this can attest to just how amazing the plot and development of these characters are. There's a delicious slow burn element to it, and it's recently been resolved...let me tell you, worth the wait. Author is almost done with the fic I believe, but please check this story out. It's one of the best post war canon healing au's out there.

Same Old Thing by Raewyll. Rated M, * and -. Did someone say underground adventure? This was one of the best stories I had the pleasure of following along for a while now. I think the author has one more chapter left over. This is great for those who want something kind of spicy but not too spicy. The tension, plot, and action are all still there though.

I am from a burning village by @valya-azucena. Rated M and -, possible *. There's so much I want to say about this fic but can't coherently describe how amazing it is. The tension and build up of these characters is so SO good, and I screamed at the last update. 10/10.

Inexorable by @alienheartattack. Rated T and +. Hello modern au! I devoured this fic during work shamelessly. It's short and sweet, and there's just something so hot about the secretary/boss trope that eats me up.

Paths in Constellations by LamentableBrat. Rated E, * and -. HOLY SMOKES. This fic has torn me apart, y'all. When I tell you I cried AND am hotly bothered, no one else can do this but this author. It's an incredible fic and am so excited to see where it goes.

Soldiers Don't Get Happy Endings by heretosayhello. Rated T and -. I had to do a double take when I saw this was rated T because holy heck, this author just writes the tension between them like no other. There's a lot of Ackertalk and new plot lines I'm incredibly jealous of that I didn't think of first. SO GOOD.

Deep Sea Running by @linaxlight (shameless self plug). Rated E, *, and +. Post canon AU of what happens when the old Levi squad comes back to Paradis Island. Everyone else seems to have moved on three years after the ending of the war, and they make their peace saying goodbye to Eren. But Mikasa chose to stay behind back then, and she'll need to face Levi eventually. Sequel has Ackerbabies because I love them.

That's all for now folks! I'll do a part 2 next time.

[unhinged-summer-fun]

wip-date

yeah whatever portmanteaus make me feel something other than manic depression

i know i've been pretty gogogo on mesh network (a lie, but one i tell myself so it's true) but I do want to make some headway into my other WIPs. so here's where i'm at.

Top Priority

mesh network - almost finished with ch3, should be up today. i've got most of the story fleshed out in outline form (skeletoned out?) and i've been thinking of this AU for two years straight so it's coming pretty naturally to me.

30 for 300 follower celebration - there's only 4 of 30 slots taken so far. but i'm gonna get on those soon. still gotta make a masterlist for it. [adds to todoist]

belated af birthday fic for lellow - it's over 6.7k right now, but the latter half is super montagey and i'm trying to ramp myself up into being a story glider again. feel like a terrible friend, it's been four months.

Middling Priority

TBAD - chapter 7 is started (like around 3k rn) but I'm still feeling kind of directionless with the series as a whole. paranoid evil depression brain says i bit off more than I could chew. may do a reread once birthday fic is done to ~rekindle the love~

triptych - I have all of four paragraphs written for chapter 8. the end of the previous chapter kind of fucked up the initial timeline i'd had for this act of the story. i think i'm seeing a bit of a pattern with me avoiding writing smut lol.

art of second place - outline made, ch9 not started. it's a bit faster paced/covers a lot more time than previous chapters, so it's kind of outside of my current writing style. this chapter ends with the beloathed Plot returning. could be the reason for the block.

slut djarin - kinda lost in the weeds for ch7. there's two huge monologues in it, one of which will have a lot of hilarious wild smut, there's an orgy planned, and then a lot of plot happens which isn't really the point of the fic. thinking of starting from scratch and doing it kind of how i did the first three chapters (writing while watching, pausing to get lines correct, tedious but keeps me in the moment)

(other account) tusken din - whoo boy. where this current book (2 of 4) is sitting at, it's at over 26k and we aren't even like officially halfway through the season itself. this one's supposed to be a romance but it's really more of a solid coming of age tale. may pull back and revise from on high, or i might just try powering through to the very end. the document is very long and very intimidating.

collab with katee - still in outline mode, we're both very busy with very amazing and indulgent stories so i get it, but I wanna put some kind of oomph toward it. perhaps this weekend if i'm not too worn out.

Low Priority/On Hold

flicker 2 - max is on a business trip from his usual job of being my muse. also i don't really wanna write anxiety that's not mesh network

flicker 3 - this has three words in the outline: "the collaring one" and again (see above) smut issues

mando!reader/civilian!din - issues with din's role. considering just leaning into the absurdity of it and making him go full y/n and be a medicmechanicbabysitterpilot who's never held a gun. i think playing with that game would be fun.

bobadinnec wingfic - premise mostly written, still a lot of emotional heavy lifting to hammer out.

catboy javi g - officially delegated to Things To Handle After 4/22

whiskey/psychic!ofc - i love you joey and i think of you every time i paint my nails blue i just cannot concentrate on this many things

slow burn din/reader - at this point it's just a twinkle in my eye but i think it has potential, if i can dedicate enough time/effort to it. at this point in my life, i cannot.

daddy frank castle - it's more of a personal character study of him rather than something i'd want to share. it's rough and messy and doesn't really have a reason for existing. if you'd like to see it anyway please let me know.

Misc Housekeeping

moreno tentacles - this one's 4k and ready to go but i have a blood pact with katee that is as yet unfulfilled so i shall respect my blood brother and hang onto this.

that's all! please submit more 30 for 300 drabble ideas!

[getitinbusan]

Only Love Can Hurt Like This -4

Im Jaebeom - Angst

Y/N doesn't want a relationship, especially not with an idol. Jaebeom only wants her.

Love after heartbreak and all the things that fall in between.

Angst, Cheating, Fluff, Smut

A new series inspired by lyrics, each chapter has a specific song that goes with it.

Chapter 1: Nice To Meet Ya

Chapter 2: Blood In The Cut

Chapter 3: Liability

Chapter 4:

Chapter 5: Only Love Can Hurt Like This

Chapter 4: That's Just The Way You Make Me Feel

You keep on asking me the same questions (why?)

And second guessing all my intentions

You've got the answers to my confessions

You know I love it, so please don't stop it

So real, so good, so fuckin' real

The way you make me feel Janel Monae. 

He knew he fucked up and he didn't know what to do about it. He'd finally made some headway and now he was back to square one. 

So, the next day he was back. Standing in front of your counter he held out a cup of Hotteok.

Before he could speak you jumped in, "See JB, the way this whole retail thing works is, you pick something you want that I'm selling, then give me money for it. Nowhere in the scenario do you bring me random shit just because."

Your eyes were red, he felt terrible, after only 2 conversations he'd already managed to hurt you. 

"It's not random shit, it's an apology. I'm sorry I drew attention to you last night." he paused, "you don't deserve to be attacked like that." 

You turned away trying to gain your composure, "The one thing I've learned through all this is to never apologize for showing your feelings. When you do, you're apologizing for the truth." 

You looked back, "I've never apologized for loving Yoongi, because it was real whether people want to believe it or not."

You sighed, "You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't put the target on my back JB it's been there a while, I'm just sad because now you've got one too." 

His heart sank when he realized that you weren't choosing loneliness to protect yourself, you were keeping your distance so he wouldn't get dragged into it. 

He placed his large hand over yours as it lay on the counter. "There's only one thing that's going to make me walk away from you." He tipped your chin so you were forced to look into his eyes, "Tell me you don't want me here." 

The door chimed, you were no longer alone.

"Like I said yesterday, it's bad business for me to chase away customers, stay as long as you want."

He smiled brightly, "That's not a no." 

Taking the Hotteok from the counter you were still unsure, but he was right, it wasn't a no. 

………………………

Standing at the bar in the exact spot you'd met him, you'd hoped he'd be here tonight. You felt like a desperate fool with a schoolgirl crush.

Three days had passed since you'd last seen him and despite your best efforts, you found yourself missing him. You hated the way your heart hurt, of course he'd given up why would this be a surprise? 

A hand reached around placing a drink on the bar in front of you. "You look like you could use this, still pining over Min Yoongi?" 

"Actually I'm waiting for a friend Minho." 

"I could be your friend tonight Y/N. I guarantee I can get you to stop thinking about him," he grabbed your ass. 

"No thanks, I don't think 5 minutes in your bed will change my world."

He grabbed the drink back, "No wonder he cheated on you, you're such a bitch." 

Dumb, Dumb, Dumb...you'd let your guard down and everything was feeling all too personal. Shooting back the last of your Soju you grabbed your jacket and made for the exit. 

"You're not leaving when I just got here?"

Your traitorous heart fluttered, "I didn't know I was supposed to be waiting." 

His grin got bigger, "Are you mad because maybe you actually missed me a little?"

Mad, sad, who could tell them apart anymore? 

"Yeah, actually I am and I'm livid with myself for it." 

He put his hand on your waist, "Hey, I'm sorry, I got called for re shoots."

His thumb rubbed over your hip soothingly, "I only have your work number...I just got back and I was hoping you'd be here" 

A voice shouted from across the bar "Don't waste your time on that one JB, come sit with us"   

You closed your eyes trying to keep the tears at bay, "You heard the man. I'm leaving anyway, I guess I'll see ya around."

Shooting a look at Minho he ran out the door to catch up with you. 

Standing at the curb waiting for a cab he reached his hand out to you. "I wanted to be with you tonight, and I'm pretty sure you wanted to be with me. It's still early, let's go somewhere okay, can we still do that?" 

Placing your hand in his, "Only if we're alone...and there's alcohol."

He smiled victorious, "I think I know a place." 

Walking up the crowded street you felt better, anonymous. He kept squeezing your hand making sure you hadn't slipped away.

"Right here," he stopped in front of a pink neon lit Karaoke Bar. 

"Karaoke? I think one of us has an extremely unfair advantage JB." 

"Don't worry I'll let you win." 

Stepping closer to him you kissed his cheek, "Why are you being so nice to me JB?" 

"Y/N, why do you keep questioning my motives?"

His hand ran up your arm, "I hate that you've been mistreated for so long that you don't realize what normal behavior is."

He held the door open for you, "How's a private room and bottle service sound?" 

................................

You consumed copious amounts of Grey Goose as you took turns performing for one another. What you lacked in vocal talent you made up for in your ability to mimic choreography.

"I think I've lost my voice," you shouted after your efforts to sing Itzy's Wannabe.

"I'm going to have to tell JYP about you, maybe with some training you can debut next year and come on tour with us," he laughed.

He queued up the next song, "Come here, I want to dance with you." 

You moved into his waiting arms and allowed yourself to surrender to his pursuits. His song came on and you laughed, "it's so cheesy Jaebeom-ah!" 

He sang anyway, 

Our love will lead the way for us

If the road ahead is not so easy

Like a guiding star

I'll be there for you if you should need me

You don't have to change a thing

I love you just the way you are

You let your head rest on his chest, his heartbeat was louder, more important than the words he was singing.

Glad he was holding you up, you felt a little drunk, a little in love and for once, you weren't going to stop yourself. 

He kissed the top of your head and held on a little tighter, "So does this mean you'll finally give me your number?"

You looked up at him nodding, locking eyes he moved slowly closer, lips almost touching ...until his phone went off.

He frowned, "Fuck, it's management. Sorry I've got to check in. Just stay in my arms ok?" 

"You're going to read texts over my shoulder? How romantic," you jibed, but you didn't break away. 

JYP: Dispatch has reached out to us for comment regarding a new dating scandal. They were tipped off that you were with Y/N at Cakeshop Night Club tonight and now they are outside of the Karaoke bar waiting for photos. We need to discuss your intentions immediately. A car will pick you up in 15 mins, wait inside for security. Do not leave the building together as it is still controllable speculation.

You could feel his body react to what he was reading, deep breaths, tensed muscles and finally pulling you in tightly. "What is it J?" 

"I've got to get you out of here, the press are outside" 

He handed you his phone, "add your number."

But JYPs text was still open and you saw every word.

You keyed in your info and switched it off before handing it back. 

You breathed deep, "You know, sneaking in and out of buildings is my specialty," You put your hand over his heart and gave a sad smile.

"Don't worry about me. I'm sure there's a back entrance, I'll just grab a cab home. If you go out the front they'll be too busy taking photos of you, they'll never notice me."

You tried to sound confident and uncaring so he'd do what was best but Jaebeom had his own plan. 

"Get your stuff, we're going out the front together." 

He pulled your hand through the bar and out the front door. Lights flashed as they took their photos for tomorrow's headlines.

Hailing a cab he leaned over and kissed your lips, "I'm going to call you as soon as I can okay?"

You weren't okay, your first kiss would be your last kiss. Your smile hid the stabbing pain in your heart, you knew it was over before it had started.

"Jaebeom," you called him back after he closed the car door behind you, "It's been a really great time."

He smiled and waved.

Getting into the companies blacked out Suburban he was happy, he was going to stand his ground.

He'd felt bad that your first kiss had been under these circumstances so he opened his phone to text you a quick apology.

Searching the contacts  he found your entry, "I'm sorry" with random numbers underneath.