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jacksonmcb-blog · 7 years ago

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WHEN IT RAINS, IT POURS ⇄ MCANDERMONT

WHO: Killian & Jackson McConnell-Beaumont, Lincoln Anderson

MENTIONS: None

WHEN: September 5, 2017, late afternoon

WHERE: The McConnell-Beaumont household

NOTES: Killian, Jackson, and Lincoln take advantage of the nice weather, but things soon take a turn for the worst

WARNINGS: mentions of alcoholism, accident, head injury, blood, hospitalization

STATUS: Ongoing

Killian-

Killian smiled brightly as he looked up at the blue sky, laying securely in his lounge chair by the pool. He adjusted his sunglasses and shook some hair out of his face. It was the last nice day in their area of Arkansas, and Killian was set on enjoying it next to his pool. It was pretty much his last chance to tan in the sun instead of a tanning bed.

It had been a good day. School started up, and he was able to meet his new students. For kindergartners, the first day of school was always a little nerve wracking. A lot didn't attend pre-K, which meant that it was really their first day of school. But it had gone well, and he was able to get the shy, nervous kids to at least introduce themselves. Besides that, he had gone to an AA meeting the night before, his husband and him had talked over the weekend and we're back on track, and now? Now he was spending a couple hours by the pool with said husband and his best friend.

Killian sat up in his chair, lifting up his sunglasses and looking down at his arm. "Eh, tan enough right now, I guess -- I can finish up at the salon next week." With that, he stood up, throwing his sunglasses on his chair, before making a running start and cannonballing into the water.

Lincoln-

Link sat next to Killian with sunglasses over his eyes. He knew he needed to take in some sun while he could since he was usually always working and had what Killian would call horrible tan lines. To Lincoln though, it wasn't really that bad. You could barely see the difference in his skin from where his shirt sleeves cut off on his arms. Lincoln was just enjoying his day off, glad to be spending it with his best friends.

Lincoln knew things had been pretty stressful lately for both Killian and Jackson. Especially now that Killian had broke his five years of sobriety. It really worried Link that he would just let those five years go to waste. But Lincoln also knew that Killian was regretting it since he was going to AA meetings more frequently again. He just hoped everything between the two of them was working itself out.

Link opened his eyes and looked over to Killian as he spoke. "You're plenty tan already, Kil. Any more and you're going to get skin cancer." He warned him. "Then you'll get all scarred up from them having to remove it." He said hoping it would at least scare him into not tanning so much a little bit. Lincoln shook his head, watching the older male jump into the pool. "Just be careful. I don't need you slipping and breaking your arm when you've just started up school."

Jackson-

Jackson was honestly thankful for the day to just relax. The last few days - or really, the week or so, if he was being honest - had been an absolute roller coaster. Between Killian losing one of his students before the school year started and all the drama that had happened pertaining to Colin, there had been no shortage of ups and downs in their lives. Thankfully, they had managed to work through a lot of their problems - the ones pertaining to their lack of communication lately, at least - the night before, and things were finally starting to calm down again. Killian had even going back to AA meetings again. The seas were finally starting to smooth over. Days ago, Killian had suggested that they take today to enjoy the last of the truly good weather in Arkansas, and Jackson was thankful that he had actually taken his husband up on the offer.

He had let his last morning class out early, and cancelled out the rest of his classes for the day - an action that was sure to make him one of the more popular teachers for a while - and then came straight home. Now, he was stretched out across one of the floating pool chairs, sunglasses shading his closed eyes as he relaxed in the sun and floated across their sizable pool. He wasn't necessarily tanning in the same way that Killian was, he didn't mind if he wasn't as tan as his husband, but he was still enjoying the relaxing rays of the sun. That was, at least, until suddenly he was being splashed with water as Killian jumped into the pool. He jumped a bit as the water splashed over him, sending goosebumps across his sun-warmed skin, and finally sat up a bit. "You couldn't at least give a guy a warning?" he asked with a shake of his head, though he was smiling as he looked around for his husband.

"I...do not like this," he remarked after a few moments, his brows furrowing together. He couldn't see Killian. Usually, he would have come back up for air by now. "Kil, this isn't funny," he said, trying to see if he could find the shadow of his husband underneath the water somewhere, but not seeing anything. He kept telling Killian not to jump into the pool like that - one day, he was going to hit his head on the bottom of the pool. "Kil..."September 5, 2017

Killian-

Killian loved messing with Jackson, it was honestly one of the best parts about swimming with his husband. So what if he was probably the reason Jackson was starting to get gray hairs? A little maturity looked good on him. After hanging out at the bottom of the pool for a few moments, he suddenly sprang up out of the water, knocking Jackson's floaty over, sending his husband into the pool. Killian shook the water out of his hair, laughing. "Come on in, Link! The water's great!" He swam to the side of the pool, splashing at his friend.

Lincoln-

Lincoln sat up hearing Jackson. "Killian?" He said, trying to see Killian from where he was sitting. He let out a sigh of relief once Killian surfaced. "Don't do that!" He said seriously. "You nearly gave both of us a heart attack." Lincoln told him. He stood up and stretched, setting his sunglasses down before sitting at the edge of the pool, sticking his legs in. "There. Happy?" He asked, sticking his tongue out at Killian.

Jackson-

Jackson let out a loud, surprised yell as Killian suddenly surfaced underneath him, flipping the floating chair he'd been lounging on over and sending him sprawling into the water - sunglasses and all. Sputtering and coughing a bit as he surfaced a few seconds later, he shook his hair out with a sigh before crossing the pool and jumping onto his husband's back, wrapping his legs around Killians waist and resting his head on his shoulder. "You owe me new sunglasses, for the record. I think I fell on them when you flipped me over." He then turned his attention to Link, laughing a bit at his response to Killian, figuring this probably wasn't going to end well. For Link, at least.

Killian-

Killian swam closer to Link -- Jackson still on his back -- a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Not really, no." He shrugged Jackson off so he'd fall into the water, before jumping up on the side of the pool. Grinning, he grabbed Link's arms, dragging him into the pool with him.

Lincoln-

Lincoln glanced between them. He knew he probably should have moved as Killian approached him, especially with that look on his face. "You really should be nicer to him, you know." He said. Link shrieked as Killian pulled him in, closing his eyes, nose and mouth just in time so the water wouldn't get in. He surfaced and punched his friend playfully. "Asshole!"

Jackson-

As Killian dumped him off his back, Jackson swam backwards a little. Watching Killian as he moved closer to where Link was sitting, he shook his head a bit, treading water as he watched the scene play out in front of him. He knew what was coming. He couldn't help but laugh at Link's reaction to being yanked into the pool. He knew exactly what that was like. Killian had done that to him numerous times in the past; in high school, he could remember a time or two when Jackson had been standing on the side of the pool - getting ready to jump in - when Killian literally tackled him into the pool. Though, those were usually times that ended in Jackson playfully trying to drown his best friend in return. Jackson couldn't help but smile as he watched Lincoln punch Killian, a laugh passing his lips. "He is right you know. You should be nicer to me. To both of us really," he remarked with a smirk.

Killian-

"I'm plenty nice," Killian said, sticking his tongue out. He grinned, and swam over to the side of the pool, hoisting himself up and climbing out. He walked over to the diving board, carefully walking out on it and bouncing a few times, rolling his shoulders as he did so. "Alright, swan dive!" Killian held his arms above himself, bouncing a few more times, psyching himself up. On his last bounce, unfortunately, he landed on his foot wrong, the extremity slipping out from underneath him. The last thing he remembered was white hot pain as the side of his head collided with the diving board, and then... blackness.

Lincoln-

Lincoln rolled his eyes, trying to regain his breath. He ran a hand through his hair to push it away from his forehead, watching Killian for a moment. "Agreed. Jackson and I deserve better treatment." He said jokingly, looking up just as Killian's foot slipped. His eyes widened seeing his best friend's head hit before watching him fall into the pool. "Killian?!" He said, hastily swimming over to him. "Jackson!" He called, glancing back to him. "Help me get him out." He told him, his EMT training kicking in even though he was panicking on the inside.

Jackson-

Killian falling from the diving board had been like a slow-mo action sequence to Jackson. One second, his husband was focusing on preparing to do a swan-dive off of the board, and Jackson was watching with a wide smile on his face. The next second, Jackson watched with wide eyes as Killian's head slammed into the diving board and his body sank into the pool underneath. "Killian!" he practically screamed, instantly moving from where he had been watching, racing across the pool towards Killian's body even before Lincoln called for his help. Reaching Killian's body a few moments later, he felt his breathing get quicker as he realized just how red the water around him had turned before he focused on getting Killian out of the pool. Moving to the edge of the pool, he easily pulled himself out before motioning for Lincoln to hoist him up. "Here, give him to me," he said; his voice sounded calmer than it probably should have, but there was an obvious panic to it and his hands were shaking.

Lincoln-

Lincoln held onto Killian to make sure his head didn't sink under the water. He could see all the blood but knew he couldn't do anything from inside the pool. Lincoln helped Jackson get him out of the pool and quickly climbed out as well. He shook the water from his hand as best he could before checking for his pulse. "He's got a pulse..." He told Jackson before seeing if he was breathing. "Fuck..." he muttered. "Call 911, Jackson." He told him before he started CPR on his best friend.

Jackson-

Running into the house, Jackson grabbed the phone and dialed 911, quickly explaining that his husband had hit his head on the diving board and wasn't breathing. The woman on the other end of the line started asking questions, which he was easily answering despite how worried he was until he stepped back out into their backyard. Watching Lincoln perform CPR on Killian pretty much ensured that Jackson's entire brain was short circuiting. Moving closer to where Killian and Link were, he couldn't stop the tears that started falling from his eyes. "I-Is he d-" He couldn't actually bring himself to ask if his husband was dead. His hands were shaking as he held the phone by his side, though you could easily hear the woman on the other end of the line trying to get Jackson's attention back, but all he could focus on was the fact that his husband was lying on the ground, unconscious, with blood matting his hair and tinting the water in their pool.

Lincoln-

Lincoln glanced to make sure Jackson was actually calling. He continued CPR as Jackson came back out. "No. Just answer them please so they can get him to the hospital." He told Jackson. "Let then know I'm with you and performing CPR. Tell them he's got severe trauma to the left side of his head and bleeding hasn't stopped. And I need you to get a towel or something and come apply pressure to it to try and get his head to stop bleeding."

Jackson-

Jackson was completely frozen. He couldn't move. He couldn't breathe. Well, he could breathe, but he was starting to have a panic attack. He couldn't process anything. He could hear the woman talking to him. He could hear Link trying to talk to him. Trying to tell him what to do. But nothing was actually getting through. Jackson could feel himself starting to hyperventilate as he stared at his husband's body.

Lincoln-

Link looked back again when he didn't hear Jackson talking. "JACKSON!" He yelled "I seriously need you to not freak out on me yet and get the ambulance here considering I don't have access to one today!" He told him, putting his ear to Killian's chest. He closed his eyes, hearing the faint breathing now. "The sooner you talk to them the sooner he can get help from someone who is actually on duty and can get him to the hospital, Jackson."

Jackson-

Jackson snapped out of it as he heard Lincoln yelling his name. All of his faculties suddenly came rushing back to him, and he realized that both Lincoln and Killian needed his help. "S-Sorry," he said quietly, lifting the phone back to his ear and parroting everything that Link had said to him to the woman on the other end of the line. He gave her his address so that she could send an ambulance to them. Once he'd done that, he ran back to the house to grab a clean towel and then came back, kneeling at the top of Killian's head and setting the phone on the ground beside him, not really thinking about the woman on the other end. "Th-There's just so much," he muttered, tears slipping from his eyes again as he pressed the towel to Killian's head and cradled his head in his lap, his hands still shaking as he did so.

Lincoln-

Lincoln felt for Killian's pulse again, making a mental note of what it was at before using his hand to try and stop the bleeding as Jackson got a towel. He held onto Killian's head as Jackson placed it on his lap, offering a small smile to try and at least calm the other down a little. "Careful. Don't move his head too much. We don't know if his spinal cord is injured." Lincoln told him. He heard the dispatcher on the phone still and picked it up. He let her know it was him and that he had the situation under control until the ambulance got there before hanging up. "They'll be here soon." Lincoln told Jackson, reaching up to wipe his tears with the back of his hand gently so he wouldn't get blood on the other's face. "You're doing great, Jackson." Lincoln told him, his voice remaining calm to try and help keep Jackson as calm as possible.

Jackson-

When Link told him not to move Killian's head to much in case something was wrong with the spinal cord, Jackson felt his heart sink all over again. Letting out a shaky breath, Jackson did his best to keep his hands steady though he could feel the towel getting heavier against his hands the longer he sat there. He couldn't really tell if the bleeding had stopped, and he could barely keep his hands steady. But he tried. The tears that Link wiped away were soon replaced with new ones, but Jackson muttered a quiet thank you after a few moments. "I-I don't know...I don't know what I'm going to do if I lose him, Link," he choked out, trying to stop the tears from falling but he couldn't help it. He was absolutely terrified. "I-I...I can't..I can't lose him," he whispered. After a few more moments, Jackson gasped softly as he felt the wetness on his hands. "It's-It's not stopping, Link," he said, shaking his head a bit and trying to use another part of the towel that wasn't covered in blood. "Why isn't it stopping."

Lincoln-

Lincoln watched Jackson, making sure that everything was still under control while they waited. "You won't lose him. He's breathing and he has a pulse. You won't lose him." He told him. Lincoln bit down on his bottom lip seeing the blood start to show on the other side of the towel. "Head wounds tend to bleed a lot even if it's just a small cut. This is where a good portion of your blood supply is so it tends to bleed out more if something happens." He explained. Lincoln got up and quickly ran to get a couple more towels before coming back to sit next to Jackson. "Here, let me see." He said, carefully pulling back Jackson's hand so he could look at the wound. "It's not as bad as the blood is making it seem. And I wouldn't lie to you about that either. Take this towel and put the pressure back on it." Lincoln said, trading out towels. "I hear the sirens. They're getting close." He whispered.

Jackson-

Jackson tried to control his breathing as he listened to Link, tried to believe that he wasn't going to lose the love of his life, but it was really hard to believe that right now. When Killian was unconscious with his head in Jackson's lap, bleeding through the towel and into his swim trunks until Link pulled his hand way to look at the wound. He didn't want to move his hands, he didn't want to move at all, but he let Link pull his hand away. He knew that Lincoln knew what he was talking about. "O-Okay," he said quietly, taking the new towel with shaky hands and pressing it back to Killian's wound once more. He had heard what Lincoln said about head wounds bleeding a lot, but it was hard to believe that so much blood couldn't be bad. It was hard to believe that this wound didn't mean that Killian was going to die. He felt like his hands were going to be stained with blood forever, but the logical part of his brain knew better; that didn't mean he was listening to it, though. "They need to get here faster," he muttered.

Lincoln-

Lincoln put his hand on Jackson's back, trying to ground him a little. "He's going to be alright." He whispered, trying to convince himself that as well ask Jackson. "They're close." He said hearing the sirens get louder until they stopped in front of their house. "They're here. They're going to want to take him right away, okay? And we're going to get changed really fast and follow behind. More than likely they're going to rush him in to do a CT scan, possibly an MRI and surgery if need be. They might just have to use stitches to get the bleeding to stop." Lincoln explained to him, hoping Jackson was comprehending. He gave a slight smile and wave to his co-workers and explained everything going on to them so they would know what all happened before they arrived. Lincoln took hold of Jackson's hands to let the guys get Killian placed into a stretcher. "Come on. The sooner we grab clothes, the sooner we can follow."

Jackson-

Jackson nodded blindly as Lincoln tried to comfort him. He appreciated it, even if he was having a hard time believing it. He could hear the sirens getting closer, soon stopping outside of their house, but he couldn't make himself move when the EMTs actually came into the yard. He had heard what Link had said, but it was still hard to let go of Killian. He couldn't help but feel like if he let go of Killian, he'd lose him forever. "J-Just give me a second," he said as Link started pulling him away. Leaning down, keeping the towel pressed against the wound, he pressed a light kiss to Killian's head. "You're gonna be okay," he whispered into his husband's ear. "I love you. Always and forever. Just..stay with me, okay?" Soon enough, Link was pulling him away, forcing Jackson to actually get to his feet as the EMTs took over, steadying Killian's head wound and loading him onto a stretcher. "I-I can't..." he said, shaking his head again as his breathing started to pick up. "What if-" he stopped talking, trying to keep himself under control again, to move and get upstairs and change and at least get the mixture of dried and fresh blood off of his hands, but he honestly didn't know how.

Lincoln-

Lincoln nodded, knowing Jackson needed to talk to Killian before the EMTs took him. Once they had Killian in the stretcher, Lincoln took hold of Jackson's hand. "Come on." He said softly, giving his hand a tug to start walking. "It's going to be okay." He repeated to the older male. "Let's get you cleaned up, okay? Just real quick and we can head out to the hospital." Lincoln told him as he lead him inside, knowing Jackson was still in shock from everything.

Jackson-

Jackson hung back a little as Link tried to pull him into the house. He needed to see Killian until he couldn't anymore, but soon enough he was following Lincoln inside the house. He nodded slowly when Link explained that he was going to get Jackson cleaned up, and then they would rush to the hospital. "How...How did this happen?" he asked, still in shock as he moved upstairs with Link so that he could get something different to change in to and clean up. "We...things were fine...we were...we were finally getting back on track.."

Lincoln-

Lincoln lead the other man upstairs to his bedroom. He frown a little listening to him and shook his head. "None of this was your fault, Jackson." He told him. He let go of Jackson's hand and went to the dresser before looking back to him before he opened it. "Do I need to get your clothes or do you think you could do that while I change myself? I don't want to intrude on your guys' personal stuff."

Jackson-

Jackson slowly shook his head as Link asked him if he needed to get clothes for him. "No I-I can do it..." he spoke, his voice soft as he spoke, but soon his eyes fell on the pictures that were hanging and arranged around their room, and he couldn't move again. His eyes fell on their wedding picture, and then it was in his hands, and he was sinking down onto the bed, staring at the picture of them on their wedding day. Instead of getting dressed now, all he could think about was the fact that Killian was unconscious in the hospital, and then all the blood, and he couldn't function anymore.

Lincoln-

Link nodded and headed out to grab his clothes to change back into them. He headed back into Jackson's room thinking he was going to be ready. Instead he saw Jackson sitting there with the picture in his hands. He frowned going to pick out a pair of pants and a shirt for him. Lincoln walked them over and kneeled down in front of Jackson. "I didn't grab you any boxers or anything since I didn't know which ones were yours. But I got you a shirt and some pants. Let's get dressed, yeah? We'll bring this picture with, okay?"

Jackson-

Jackson shook his head a bit as Link suggested that they bring the picture with them. "I..." he tried to say more, but his brain wasn't working. He was afraid that he'd never see that smile again. That he'd never get to hold Killian in his arms again. "I..." His breathing started to get a little faster, tears threatening to fall, but he quickly wiped them away before looking over at Link kneeling in front of him. "I-I can't...what if I never see him again..."

Lincoln-

Link shook his head a little. "you can't think that way, Jack." he said, reaching up to wipe the tears again. "Come on... we gotta get going." He said. "I'll go get you a wash cloth to wipe you up. This all is going to be okay. He's in good hands. I know the two who came today. They're amazing EMTs. They're not going to let anything happen to him."

Jackson-

Taking the clothes from Link with shaky hands, he shook his head a bit, swallowing hard at the idea of losing Killian, but slowly pulling the shirt over his head and onto his body. "W-What if it's not up to them, Link...wh-what if..." Tears started to fall again, and then his head was in his hands. "This isn't fair," he said, trying to keep his voice under control, trying to keep himself from shaking.

Lincoln-

Lincoln shook his head. "The doctors are amazing too. I work with them every day,” he reassured him. Link ran to get a wet washcloth and quickly came back starting to wash off the dried blood from Jackson. "Come on..." He told him, holding onto his hands to help him up. "I know it's not fair. It's all going to be okay though. I promise. And i'm not going to leave your side through this whole thing."

Jackson-

Jackson blinked a few times as Link washed the blood from his hands; he could hear what the other man was saying, but it wasn't getting through. He couldn't stop staring blankly in front of him, his eyes not even really taking in what was in front of him - which happened to be Link. He knew what Link was saying was right. He just couldn't process it. He stood up when Lincoln pulled him up into a standing position, but other than that he really wasn't doing much to actually help Link. His brain had moved onto what life would be like without Killian in his life, and he couldn't focus on anything else.

Lincoln-

Lincoln kept his eyes on the older man and sighed a little. "Come on..." He whispered to him. "He needs you to remain strong okay? He needs you." He said, hoping Jackson would snap out of it even just for the time being. "We gotta get going."

Jackson-

Hearing that Killian needed him was enough to snap his brain back to reality. Link was right. He hadn't lost Killian - not yet, at least - and they needed to go. What if they took forever, and - like Lincoln had said - Killian wasn't as hurt as he looked, and then woke up in the hospital alone. There was no way in hell Jackson was about to let his husband wake up in the hospital completely alone. "Yo-You're right," he said quietly, taking the pants from Lincoln and finally starting to get himself into gear. "I'm sorry. Um, I'm-I'm gonna go dry off. The boxer-briefs on the left side are mine, can you grab me a pair?" he asked, finally making his legs move and going into the bathroom.

Lincoln-

Lincoln smiled seeing some life come back into Jackson's eyes. "You don't need to apologize. I get it." He told him. Link handed over his pants and made his way to get him a part of boxer-briefs for him. "I'll head downstairs, alright? And I'll drive us to the hospital. We'll get there in no time and we'll make sure Killian's going to be okay." He said, making his way out so Jackson could change in private.

Jackson-

Jackson nodded a bit as Link spoke, taking the pants and underwear from him. It would be better for Link to drive anyway, Jackson honestly didn't think that he'd be able to focus enough to drive. He was focused now, but as soon as he was in a car he was sure his brain would drift again. All that he cared about was getting to his husband. "Hey Link...thank you for this," he said as the other man started to leave the room. "I-I don't know what I would have done if you weren't here..."

#{ threads }#{ thread | killian mcconnell-beaumont }#{ thread | lincoln anderson }#{ thread | when it rains }

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jacksonmcb-blog · 7 years ago

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@killianmcb replied to your post: Made out with a stranger?

Monty’s got a dirty side~

You have no idea.

#killianmcb #{ dashboard }#{ dash | killian }#{ killian mcconnell-beaumont }

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jacksonmcb-blog · 7 years ago

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[TEXT] I love Killian + Jackson. With every single piece of me that I have. I can't... I can't imagine my life without you, and I never want to. You're my everything, baby.

[ text message: ] See. You’re just...you’re too sweet. I don’t know what I ever did to deserve having someone as amazing as you in my life. I love you with every inch of my soul. I don’t know what I’d ever do if I lost you. When we get old, we better have a Notebook moment. I won’t be able to live without you, and I don’t want you to have to try to be without me. I could never stand seeing you in pain; I don’t even like thinking about you being in pain.

[ text message: ] You’re everything to me, baby, and even with all the stuff we’ve gone through, the only thing I’d change is coming back sooner so we could have been together longer. You’re the love of my life. I can’t and won’t imagine my life without you.

#{ text messages }#{ text | killian }#{ killian mcconnell-beaumont }#killianmcb

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jacksonmcb-blog · 7 years ago

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Quasar

Quasar: If you could spend the rest of your life with only one person, who would it be?

That’s easy. My husband.

@killianmcb

#{ answered }#{ answered | memes }#{ answered | anonymous }#Anonymous #{ answered | about killian }#{ all about us | killian }#{ killian mcconnell-beaumont }

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jacksonmcb-blog · 7 years ago

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#{ likes }#{ likes | about killian }#{ killian mcconnell-beaumont }#{ lyrics }#{ all about us | killian }

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jacksonmcb-blog · 7 years ago

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16 GOING ON 29 ⇄ MCANDERMONT

WHO: Killian & Jackson McConnell-Beaumont, Lincoln Anderson

MENTIONS: None

WHEN: September 7, 2017, afternoon

WHERE: Brinkley hospital

NOTES: Killian finally wakes up, though it’s not quite what everyone expects

WARNINGS: amnesia, accident, head injury, hospitalization, more to probably come

Jackson-

Jackson sat beside Killian's bed where he'd been for the last few days, the weighty sixth book of the Harry Potter series resting in his lap as he read through the sixth chapter. It might have seemed stupid to other people, but Killian had asked him to read to him - so that's exactly what Jackson was going to do. It wasn't like he expected people to believe that Killian had come to him in a dream, but it had happened. Even if there was a possibility that Killian wouldn't remember it, Jackson would. He could still hear his husband's voice in his ear, telling him not to worry so much. Telling him how much he loved him, and how much seeing Jackson hurting was hurting him in turn. So Jackson had, instead, decided to focus on the positive things. Killian was alive. He was - for all intents and purposes - healthy. He just wasn't awake. But Jackson was going to do what he could to make his husband feel more comfortable in the hospital for when he did wake up; he'd even gone so far as to ask the nurses to extend the bed so Killian's 6'2" body could fit into it without feeling cramped.

Killian had asked for a brighter room, so Jackson had made sure to open up the windows a bit so there was more light in the room. Althea had brought a large bouquet of sunflowers when she came to visit, and Jackson had gone out and bought even more flowers. Stargazer lilies, lotuses, calla lilies. He'd bought multiple bouquets of both, and spread them throughout the room in an attempt to make the room a little brighter. He'd also made sure that the television stayed on cartoons or some kind of show on the Food Network. Whatever Killian wanted, Jackson was going to try his hardest to make sure that he got it.

Pausing in his reading for a moment, Jackson reached over to grab his water bottle from the small table in the room. He'd been reading for about an hour, and his throat was starting to get dry. As he put the bottle back down, though, he froze for a moment. He'd thought he'd seen movement, but the longer he watched - watching for another sign of movement - but he didn't see anything. Letting out a long sigh, he sat back in his chair. Looking up at Killian, he reached up to take his hand again before lifting it to his lips and pressing a light kiss to it. It had been two days since he'd seen Killian's eyes, since he'd heard his laugh, since he'd seen that smile - outside of a dream at least - and he was starting to go a little crazy. He needed his husband back.

Then he felt fingers gripping his, and he practically dropped the book to the floor. Sitting up once more, he moved closer to the bed before looking up at Killian's face. "K-Kil? Baby?" There was no response, but that didn't stop him from standing up and watching his face. "I saw his hand move. Then I felt his fingers gripping mine," he said, looking over at Link for a moment before looking back to Killian. "Come on, baby. Open your eyes. Come back to me," he whispered, reaching up to lightly card his fingers through Killian's hair.

Lincoln-

Lincoln was sitting in the chair he had called home for the last couple of days. He had his eyes closed as he listened to Jackson read. He loved Harry Potter and knew Killian did as well. So it was comforting to just listen to that instead of the beeping of Killian's monitors. He had gone out during dinner time to get some food for him and Jackson, bringing in some more flowers for Killian's room even though they were starting to run out of space since Cane had brought some up earlier too.

Lincoln opened his eyes as Jackson paused. He saw him get a drink and smiled a little at him. He knew Jackson's throat had to be killing him since all he had been doing was reading. While most people would think it's weird hearing Jackson talk about his dream and Killian coming to him it in, Link really didn't think it was all that strange. To him, anything was possible. Hell, he watched more paranormal shows than he cared to admit he watched. So to have something like this happen, Lincoln didn't really question it and instead went along with him.

Just as Link was about to close his eyes again, he heard Jackson mention Killian's name. He sat up a little listening to him, looking to the hand that Jackson had hold of. "I didn't see anything..." he said, keeping his eyes on Killian. Link scooted his chair a little closer to his best friend's bed, reaching out to take the other hand in his own hand to see if he could experience what Jackson had. "Dude, i swear if you're messing with us right now i'm going to kick your ass when we get out of here." He said jokingly, hoping it would get a reaction out of his friend.

Killian-

The first thing that Killian noticed was Jackson's voice. He was reading, but what? Obviously Harry Potter, but Killian didn't recognize the story; maybe it was fanfiction. Jackson was a nerd, after all. The second thing he noticed was that his head hurt. He felt like he had been hit by a truck. Killian groaned softly, his closed eyes shutting tighter. The groan brought something else to his attention. His mouth was dry. He coughed slightly, slowly blinking open his eyes. They weren't focused yet, but he knew his best friend was there. "Water," he croaked out. "Aspirin."

Jackson-

Jackson's eyes immediately started to water as he heard the groan coming from Killian. He should have felt bad - obviously the man was in pain - but at the same time, he was awake. That's all that mattered. "Oh my god," he said softly, a tear slipping down his cheek but a smile forming on his lips. "Y-You're awake," he said quietly, gripping Killian's hand a little tighter and trying not to lose it completely. Nodding a bit when he asked for water, Jackson chuckled softly at the request for Aspirin. "I'll see if the doctor's can get you something for your head," he said quietly, pressing another kiss to his hand before pressing a kiss to his head. He knew he should have gone to get the doctors or nurses now that Killian was awake, but now that he could see his husband's blue eyes he couldn't pull himself away. Reaching for the water bottle he'd been drinking from, he lifted it to Killian's lips so that he could drink. "I-I don't have a straw. So just be careful or you'll spill it everywhere," he said with a quiet laugh, tears still lining his eyes.

Lincoln-

Lincoln watched as Killian's eyes moved to close them tighter. A smile appeared on his face once he heard the groan. He knew Killian was going to be in pain considering how hard he hit his head on the pool on top of the stitches from closing said wound. Link looked up at Jackson, a huge smile on his face seeing the other male with tears in his eyes. As soon as he heard Killian's request, Lincoln nodded. He smiled at Jackson knowing he wasn't going to want to get up. "I'll get his doctor." Link said softly, not sure if loud noises were going to hurt even more. He made his way to the hallway to flag down a nurse to get the doctor to come check out Killian since he was awake. Lincoln made his way back in and took a seat back where he was. "I'm so glad you're awake, Kil. You've had us all worried sick."

Killian-

Killian slowly drank from the water bottle he was offered, before pulling back once he'd had enough. He squinted as his eyes adjusted to the light, noticing the flowers all around the room. "Damn, who died?" He groaned again, lifting up his arm slightly, intent on rubbing his head, before he felt a tug. He looked down at his arm, noticing the IV. That's when it sunk in. He was in the hospital. "Monty, what's going on? What the fuck happened, dude? Did you finally convince me to try out for football and it ended badly?" He managed a small smile, before finally looking at Jackson. "... Why do you look old? Are you on steroids? I know your dad is riding your ass, but damn."

Jackson-

Rolling his eyes a bit, Jackson laughed softly when Killian asked who died. "Well, you almost did if that counts for anything," he said with a shake of his head before leaning down to press another kiss to Killian's head before resting his forehead against his husband's. "I'm so glad you're okay," he said with a sigh. "You scared the fucking shit out of me, you asshole," he joked, chuckling lightly before leaning in to kiss him softly. Pulling back a bit at Killian's questions, Jackson couldn't help but raise a brow. Killian hadn't called him Monty in years, not since before he'd left for England, but he supposed that it wasn't that big of a deal. Then he started asking about football and saying that Jackson looked old or on steroids. "I'm not on ster-" He stopped in his tracks when Killian mentioned his dad. "M-My dad?" he remarked, standing up a bit. "What does my dad have to do with this?"

Lincoln-

Lincoln frowned a little, sitting back in his seat. He didn't know what else to say since it was as if he wasn't even there. After everything and Killian didn't even noticed he was there. He looked to Jackson, not really sure why Killian called him Monty or why he was bringing up his father. "Maybe I should just go..." he said finally, not really feeling like he belonged anymore.

Killian-

Killian finally noticed the other male in the room, furrowing his brow slightly. "Who are you? I mean, not that I mind. With your face, you can stay by my bedside as long as you want. Seriously, couldn't dream of you leaving." He managed a little wink, before looking back at Jackson. "Your dad, Monty. The reason you're a jock?" He rubbed his eyes, before shaking his head a bit. "I'm honestly so confused. You look, like, 30." He finally noticed his own hand, and looked even more confused. "Why am I so fucking tan? My skin looks like cancer. Did we --" His eyes traveled up a bit further. "Wh-When did I get muscles?" His eyes were wide; he was officially starting to freak out. "What the fuck is going on?!"

Jackson-

Jackson looked over at Link with a confused look on his face, even more so when Killian started flirting with Link. "Okay, funny Killian. Stop joking around. You know who he is. I'm not..." Jackson frowned a bit before letting go of Killian's hand and taking a few steps back. "I'll..I'll be right back. Stay with him, Link?" he asked, looking over at Lincoln before leaving the room to go find a doctor. Something was wrong.

Lincoln-

Lincoln looked at Killian with the most confused look on his face. He looked back to Jackson as Killian started flirting with him, completely confused as to what was going on. He nodded when Jackson said he would be right back. "Killian... it's me... your best friend? Lincoln?" he said, trying to get some sort of reaction from him that actually made sense.

Killian-

Killian looked at Link, shaking his head. "Uh. Monty is my best friend. I don't -- I don't know what's going on. I need to get out of here. I need to go."

Jackson-

Going to find one of the nurses, Jackson explained that they needed a doctor immediately. Something was wrong. Killian wasn't...Killian. He watched as the nurse called for a doctor before quickly making his way back to the room, catching the tail end of what Killian was saying. "You can't go anywhere yet, Kil," he said with a shake of his head. "You've been unconscious for over two days. The doctor needs to look at you. Just...calm down," he said with a concerned look on his face, moving back to his bedside.

Lincoln-

Link bit down on his bottom lip, not knowing what to say to his best friend telling him that they weren't best friends. He looked back as Jackson came back in, glad he wasn't going to have to say anything just yet while he tried to process everything.

Shortly after Jackson returned, the doctor made his way into Killian's room with his chart in hand. "Mr. McConnell-Beaumont." He said, looking from his chart as he made his way over. "Glad to see you're awake. Let's just get some of your vitals down and we'll talk about what's going on." He said, letting the nurse get Killian's pulse, blood pressure and temperature. "Your husband here says you've been mentioning things that don't exactly make sense. Can you tell me what year it currently is?" He asked.

Killian-

Killian stared at the doctor. "McConnell-Beaumont? Hus-Husband?" He looked at Jackson for a moment, before looking back at the doctor. "I don't -- what? It's - It's 2004, of course. Right?" He looked around the room. "Right?"

Jackson-

Jackson felt his heart drop as he listened to Killian talk. 2004. "Pl-Please tell me you're kidding," he said softly, swallowing hard as he looked between Killian and the doctor. This couldn't be happening. He shook his head a bit when Killian started looking around, asking if it really was 2004. "N...No. It's not," he said softly, feeling his knees starting to give out underneath him. Killian had told him in the dream that something felt off; like there was a wall in between himself and his body that he just couldn't get through. This wasn't happening. In 2004, Killian had only been sixteen years old, and he certainly hadn't had feelings for Jackson.

Lincoln-

The doctor looked back up from jotting some stuff down. "It's actually 2017. Other than this memory loss, everything else sounds like your accident didn't cause any permanent brain damage which is good." He said, setting the chart down by his side. "Traumatic Amnesia is common with head injuries and is usually temporary. I can't say how long these effects will last as everyone is different and it depends on just how severe the head injury was. As for how you can help, try to avoid loud noises and brighter lights. Rest is very important as it's a way for your brain to heal itself without having to worry about other things. Give little reminders of things that have happened from between where Killian is mentally right now and the present time. Things will start to slowly come back. Don't push it though, these things take time."

Killian-

"Am-Amnesia? 2017?" Killian asked softly, looking distraught. 13 years. He had lost 13 years of his life. He didn't understand, really. Well, he understood, he knew what amnesia was. But he was 16. He was 16 and certainly not married. To his best friend of all people. He rubbed a hand across his face, before looking at Jackson. "Explains why you look old, I guess..." He looked to Lincoln. "So you're... Lincoln, you said? Best friend, huh? And I'm married to Jackson..." He closed his eyes, shaking his head a bit. "What the hell happened to me?"

Jackson-

As the doctor spoke about the effects of the accident, Jackson quickly found himself collapsing into the chair beside Killian's bed. 13 years. Killian had lost 13 years of his life - of his memories. He didn't remember when they finally told each other how they felt. He didn't remember Jackson leaving for England - though, that was probably a good thing for now. He didn't remember getting back together. Or their marriage. Or anything. He didn't even remember the fact that he loved Jackson, let alone loved him enough to marry him. Putting his head in his hands for a moment while the doctor spoke about how to help Killian, he ran his hands across his face before letting out a quiet sigh. He could freak out on his own later. Killian needed him, that's what mattered. Shifting closer to Killian's bed, staying in the chair though - unsure if his legs would actually support him, he reached across to take Killian's hand again. That had never been unusual between the two of them, even before they'd been togehter. Hell, they had acted like a couple in some ways long before they actually became a couple. "You were in an accident, Kil," he said, trying to put on a brave face for his husband. His best friend. "You hit your head on the diving board at our house. Hard."

Lincoln-

As the doctor left, Lincoln looked back to Killian. He nodded a little, biting down on his bottom lip. "Yeah. We met around five years ago when I moved here from Pennsylvania." He explained to him softly. Link looked to Jackson, seeing the pain on the others face. 'It'll be fine' he mouthed to him to try and calm him down some. "It was a pretty bad accident. I um... I actually had to get you breathing again." He ran a hand through his hair. "That sounds bad. I should probably say I'm also a trained paramedic so it doesn't sound so weird."

Killian-

Killian opened his eyes, looking to Lincoln. "You saved my life, then? Thanks, dude. 'Preciate you. Honestly. Don't really want to die at 16." He paused suddenly, grimacing. "Or... 29, I guess?" He sighed heavily. "Alright, bros. Details. Lay them on me. Thirteen years is a long ass time."

Jackson-

Jackson looked across at Lincoln, nodding a bit even though he didn't know if he fully believed him. This was just fate's way of kicking his ass for thinking that things were finally in a good place. For once, not waiting for the other shoe to fall. For not being afraid of the future. This was fate's way of laughing at him. Jackson couldn't really bring himself to speak for a few moments, letting Lincoln talk. He didn't know what to think. What to say. If he'd been worried about losing his husband before, even if it was a baseless worry, now he actually had a valid reason to worry. Killian didn't remember their relationship, and it was highly unlikely he actually had feelings for him. "Um..." he shook his head a bit, not really sure where to start.

Lincoln-

Lincoln wasn't sure where to start from either. "Well, you're a kindergarten teacher and a damn good one too. The kids love you. You and I have been friends since I moved here basically. You actually had me as one of your groomsmen for your wedding." He said, looking back to Jackson at the mention of the wedding. "You really love him, Killian. Like, to the point where a good majority of the time I was to puke because you're so in love with each other."

Killian-

"Teacher?" Killian snorted a laugh. "Oh my god, really? Wow, that is... something else, honestly." He smiled softly at Lincoln's explanation. "I've never thought of him that way before, but... I mean, it doesn't surprise me. He's the most important person in my life. We already cuddle and hold hands and... honestly, act more like a couple than a lot of our couple friends do, now that I think about it. So, no, not a big stretch." He looked over at Jackson, grinning. "We have hot sex, right?" He honestly just wanted his best friend to smile; he looked so upset. Killian hated that.

Jackson-

Jackson looked up with genuine surprise as Killian started talking about how it wasn't too much of a stretch to believe that the two of them were married. He wasn't necessarily wrong, though. Jackson himself couldn't remember a whole lot from high school, especially when he was 16 - that was not a good year for him and he drank a lot more back then than he did now, honestly he wasn't sure how he managed to keep up good grades and his spot on the athletic teams that he did - but everything was still fresh for Killian. Now, at least. Jackson couldn't help but laugh, though, when Killian asked about their sex life. Glancing over at Lincoln, he figured he knew where this conversation was going to go. He was never one to be shy about his sex life with Killian, but he figured that Link wouldn't exactly want details like that. "Um, Link? You wanna go get us some food? He eats like a garbage disposal. Always has," he said with a laugh. A few minutes later, Lincoln was leaving the room with instructions to get two bacon double cheeseburgers, two large fries, a Big Mac, and some other snacks and whatever else Link himself might have wanted to eat. Once their friend was gone, Jackson finally turned his attention back to Killian before answering his question. "Yes. We have hot sex. Very hot, actually," he remarked with a soft smile.

Killian-

Killian's mood seemed to immediately brighten at the prospect of food, his smile widening. Oh god yes, his stomach felt like he hadn't eaten in days. Actually, he figured, he probably hadn't. As Lincoln left, Killian turned back to Jackson, smirking. "Good. If I'm going to be stuck with one person for the rest of my life, I'm glad the sex is hot." His smirk fell slowly, and he bit his bottom lip. "I'm sorry I don't remember, Monty."

Jackson-

Jackson couldn't help but smile as he noticed that Killian perked up a bit more at the prospect of food. He had been nutritionalized through an IV for the last few days, but he hadn't actually had any solid food in that time. Jackson knew that Killian was probably starving - by his standards at least. He offered a small smile as Killian made a remark about being stuck with one person for the rest of his life, but Jackson figured if he was in Killian's shoes his reaction might have been the same. Marriage isn't necessarily someone thinks about at 16. "The sex is definitely hot. Like...sometimes can't walk for a day or so after hot," he laughed softly, shaking his head a bit as he noticed Killian's smile fall. "It's not your fault, Kil," he said. "I know you'd remember if you could."

Killian-

"Yeah, but... You're my best friend, you know? My world kind of revolves around you, honestly. And I... I don't want to be the reason you're hurting." Killian chewed on his bottom lip. "I don't remember ever being in love with anyone, honestly, but... I can only imagine that your husband waking up and not remembering any of your relationship together has to hurt. A lot. So I'm... I'm really sorry I'm causing you that pain."

Jackson-

Jackson shook his head again before getting up and moving to sit on the edge of the bed, holding Killian's hand as he did so. "Look. Yeah, it hurts a bit. I won't lie to you. I never have," he said with a light smile. "But I'd much rather you be awake and not remember anything than still in a coma. Or worse," he said with a light sigh. "At least you remember me at all. That's a plus," he said with a light laugh.

Killian-

"Always looking on the bright side, huh, Monty?" He chuckled softly, shaking his head. "Part of why I love you." He suddenly paused, grimacing. "As a friend. Like, I guess more, but -- I don't - I don't remember that." He grimaced again. "I'm sorry. I'll stop while I'm behind."

Jackson-

Jackson just shook his head a little before shrugging a bit. "It's okay. Don't worry about it. I'm not expecting some huge overnight recovery. I mean, that would be nice, but it's not something that I see happening immediately, you know?" He paused for a moment before his brows furrowed together a bit. "Um, you mentioned my father. What's...what's the last thing you actually do remember?"

Killian-

Killian furrowed his brow, shrugging. "Uh -- I don't know? Homecoming, I think. Well, sort of. I remember you went with some cheerleader because you're a dumb jock -" He grinned, reaching over and shoving Jackson playfully, "-- and I got baked under the bleachers. After spiking the punch, of course."

Jackson-

Jackson laughed softly as Killian shoved him playfully. While Jackson had been forced out of the closet at 16, he hadn't been pushed out yet where Killian's memories were. In fact, he hadn't been discovered by his father until a few weeks before Christmas. That meant that Killian had no idea Jackson's father had kicked him out, and Jackson had - in turned - moved in with the McConnells until he graduated from high school. "Ah. Okay," he said with a laugh. "You getting baked under the bleachers wasn't necessarily an out of the ordinary thing, though," he teased, offering a wink in Killian's direction before shrugging a bit. He wasn't going to mention anything about getting kicked out if he could help it. The last thing he needed was Killian freaking out. Again. "Neither was spiking the punch, actually. You were quite the troublemaker, you know," he laughed.

Killian-

Killian shrugged. "What can I say? I like to have fun. And you know... I kind of hate that word. Troublemaker. I prefer... adventurous." He grinned. "Please say I'm still fun. That I'm not just an old guy who sits around being all domestic and shit. Please say I still have some excitement in my life."

Jackson-

Jackson laughed at the idea that Killian preferred to be known as adventurous rather than a troublemaker. "No. No. You were a troublemaker. You're not getting away with that one. You got me into so much trouble. Especially our Senior year," he said with a laugh. "It's not adventurous when you cut the principle's car in half, then weld it around the flag pole in the courtyard. Or when you create a slip n slide in the middle of not one, but three hallways, connecting them all together. No. You're a damn troublemaker," he said with a laugh. He paused for a moment when he thought about how to answer Killian's question. "I mean, you're not boring. You've never been boring or anything. You're still fun. But we do have a modicum of domesticity. It comes with the territory," he laughed a smile. "But I mean. You're still you, you know? You have your own room for video games and movies and all that jazz."

Killian-

Killian grinned at the few pranks that Jackson mentioned, letting out a laugh. He was glad that they played pranks together and he seemingly got Jackson to loosen up a little bit. "Oh man, sounds like we had a blast. I'm glad I still stuck with the pranks to the end." He scrunched up his nose a bit at Jackson's next words. "A -- I don't know what mo-- modi-whatever means, and two -- video game room sounds awesome, but do I still play pranks and party?"

Jackson-

Jackson laughed softly, nodding a bit in response. "We definitely did. There was one point where you managed to convince me to drill glory holes in the Senior bathroom stalls. Granted...we were high as fuck, but still. That was entertaining. That was an adventure. So I'll give you adventurous there," he laughed. "Modicum is...well it just means we are a little domesticated. But yes. You still play pranks. You have this tendancy to place rubber snakes or spiders in my office or in my coffee cups. You've also put kool aid in my shampoo. That's always fun. Though, it doesn't bother me nearly as much as it would bother you," he said with a laugh. "I don't mind the temporary change in hair color. You're that one that freaks out," he smirked. "You don't really party much anymore, though. I mean, you still smoke sometimes. We do. We were actually planning on smoking together soonish. But um, no you don't drink anymore," he said with a shake of his head.

Killian-

Killian couldn't help but laugh at the pranks he played on Jackson, especially the kool aid in Jackson's shampoo. "I freak out about my hair?" He raised his eyebrows. "But I literally just had a phase where I had green bangs! Well... Literally for me, at least." He looked down at his arms. "Then again, I seem to have taken an interest in my appearance." He thought for a moment, before grabbing the collar of his hospital gown and looking down, raising his eyebrows, looking surprised yet pleased. "Oh. I have abs. Nice." He furrowed his brow, looking at Jackson. "Is that why I don't drink? The calories? Am I health-conscious?"

Jackson-

Jackson couldn't stop himself from rolling his eyes as Killian looked at his own body underneath his gown. "Yes. You have abs. They're one of my favorite things about you," he said with a laugh. "You have taken a larger interest in your appearance over the years, that's true. I mean, you've always dyed your hair, but you're more adamant about it now," he nodded. As Killian asked about why he didn't drink, Jackson shook his head a bit before sighing a little. "Um, no. I mean, you're kind of health-conscious? But you still eat like a preteen," he laughed. "You just work out more to make up for it." He was trying to avoid the fact that Killian had gone through rehab. He knew that would lead to why he'd gone to rehab, which would lead to why he'd started drinking.

Killian-

"The fact that I work out at all is mind blowing to me," Killian said with a snort. "The most working out that I remember doing is beating up the junior varsity quarterback. That was fun." He grinned. "Helped that he was shit faced, though. Then again, so was I..." He shrugged the thought away. "Anyway. That's cool, I guess. Kind of want to dye my hair blue, though." He looked to Jackson. "So, more details. Gimme."

Jackson-

Jackson laughed quietly. "You work out probably as much as I do," he said with a nod. "I work out for about an hour and a half every morning before I go to work, and then half an hour to an hour on the weekends. You work out on the weekdays for about half an hour, then an hour or two on the weekends. So yeah. You work out a lot," he said with a grin. Shaking his head a bit when Killian said he wanted to dye his hair blue, Jackson knew that when his husband got his memories back - choosing to be positive - Killian would kill him if Jackson allowed him to do that. When he was asked for more details, Jackson momentarily blanked on what to say. "Okay...what do you want to know?" he asked.

Killian-

Killian shrugged a bit. "I don't know. When did we get together? Who said 'I love you' first? Who proposed to who? What's our anniversary? What does our house look like? Do we have kids? Is that... is that even legal yet? I mean, if same sex marriage is legal, then I'd assume, but..." He shrugged again. "Or wait. Did we go out of state to get married? Is it even recognized here? ... We still live in Arkansas, right?" He glanced out the window. "We're not in California, right? Or New York? Oh my god, do we even still live in Cotton Plant?"

Jackson-

Jackson nodded a bit at all of Killian's questions. It was understandable that he'd want to know everything he missed. "Okay. Well. We got together the first time just after our graduation party. Then we were apart for a few years. Then we got together again, for real, about six years ago. I said I love you first. You proposed to me, and it was really sweet," he said, the smile on his face growing more as he remembered it. "Our anniversary is June 24. Um," he paused a moment, trying to remember all the questions he had asked. "Our house is two stories. Huge. Three bedrooms. Two baths. A den for your video games and stuff. A large pool in the backyard with a slide you insisted on getting. It's really nice. It was a wedding gift from my mother, to be honest," he said with a nod. "No, we don't have kids. But we...we just started looking into surrogacy. Some-Someone who would carry the baby for us," he said, tripping over his words a bit at the idea that if Killian didn't get his memory back, they'd probably never have kids. "Yes, marriage is legal here," he laughed. "We're still in Cotton Plant, don't worry."

Killian-

"Surrogacy?" Killian asked, raising his eyebrows. "Huh. That's... really cool, actually. I guess we have a good marriage, if we're looking into having kids together." He frowned, looking down. He looked at his left hand, seeing the ring on his ring finger. He couldn't believe that he had married Jackson. Well, he could. But at the same time, he never thought about his best friend that way. However, that was probably because he always thought Jackson was into girls and only girls. He only recently found out that wasn't the case. If he had known the whole time they were friends... maybe that would have been different. He continued looking down, picking at a random thread on his blanket. "I'll say it again. I'm not surprised we ended up together. If I... If I really thought about it... It would honestly be so easy to fall in love with you."

Jackson-

"Our marriage is...I mean it's not perfect, but it's good. We're good. You're...you're honestly the best thing that's ever happened to me. And I know that's a lot to take in, so...I won't get too mushy," he said with a quiet chuckle. "But we've definitely had in-depth conversations about what we want and all that," he added, nodding. He watched as Killian went quiet for a little bit, staring at his wedding ring for a few moments before talking again. Raising a brow at Killian's words, Jackson's brows furrowed together just a bit. He'd never thought he'd hear 16 year old Killian saying something like that. Honestly, even in high school, he never could have imagined that he'd ever find himself in a relationship with Killian. Sure, he'd been in love with Killian since he was sixteen, but that didn't mean he ever thought Killian would feel the same. "Really?" he asked, his voice a little softer but watching Killian's expression and movements.

Killian-

Killian nodded, furrowing his brow a bit. "I mean -- yeah. You're my best friend. I mean, that's not to say that I'd say anything about it. To you -- at 16. I mean... you're my best friend. The very best friend I've ever had. I don't have to pretend around you. I don't have to be someone I'm not. You're... the only person in the world I'm 100% real with. You're everything to me. And I just... I don't know. If I ever gained feelings for you, I think -- I think I'd be afraid of losing you if things went south, you know? I wouldn't want to get together because I wouldn't want to break up. Losing you would... would kill me, honestly. There's no one in the world like you." He smiled softly. "But I guess -- I guess I told you, huh? And we didn't break up. We got married. So that's... that's good." He rubbed the back of his head. "I think if you had come out to me sooner... I'd have probably already fallen for you."

Jackson-

Jackson swallowed hard as Killian spoke about how breaking up would have killed him, already feeling the guilt setting back in. He wanted to say something. Want to say that's why Killian didn't drink anymore, but at the same time he didn't want to bring that up. But then, he also didn't want to find Killian drinking one night, either. The more he listened, though, the stronger the urge was to just lean over and kiss him. He'd grown so used to being able to kiss Killian without thinking about it that he had to actually stop himself from just leaning forward. "Well...I mean, we...we did break up once. It...It definitely wasn't pretty," he said with a slight shake of his head, the pain of the memory still fresh in his mind. "But eventually we came back together. There's...there's never been anyone that could ever compare to you. I know this...this might be a bit much to hear, but you're the love of my life. That's...that's part of why I was so scared when you got hurt," he said, running his thumb over Killian's wedding ring. "I don't know what I would do if I lost you, to be honest." He paused for a moment, though, as Killian's words sank in. "I-I'm sorry that I didn't come out sooner then," he said with a quiet chuckle. "We could have had so much more time than we did..."

Killian-

Killian watched Jackson's thumb on his wedding ring, before finally looking up at the other male. "Hey, watch it, man. I just said that I probably wouldn't have said anything. And more time? You act like one of us is dying or something. Newsflash: I'm fine. Amnesia, sure, but fine. We have a whole lifetime together. And -- And I get that you're scared. Okay? I get that. I know you, Monty. You're shitting your pants because you think I'm not gonna get my memory back and then -- boom, no husband. But you need to seriously chillax, okay? The doc said it's usually temporary, right? And it'll take time, sure, whatever. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to get them back. And you know what? So what if I don't? I fell in love with you once, I'm pretty sure it's likely to happen again. Especially with you being all sweet on me and stuff." He shrugged. "Don't sell yourself short. You're hot, you're smart, you're funny, you're caring and sweet and perfectly imperfect and -- and you're my best friend and I'm -- I'm open to the idea of us, okay? Is it weird? Yeah, a little. But I'm open. So just have faith, okay? Don't give up on me yet."(edited)

Jackson-

Jackson couldn't help but raise a brow when Killian told him to watch it, lifting his eyes to look at the other man once more. The thing was, though, that Killian was right. Every single thing he was saying was right on the money. He was terrified that Killian would never get his memory back, he'd fall in love with someone better than him - because he still couldn't see how someone as amazing as Killian would want a complete nerd like him - and then he'd be alone. That's what really scared him. He couldn't help the smile that started to grow on his lips, though, as Killian said that even if he didn't get his memories back he'd probably fall for him again. "How do you know me so well, even at 16?" he asked with a quiet laugh. "And-And I'm not...I'm not giving up on you," he said with a shake of his head. "I'll never give up on you. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. You're not getting rid of me that easily," he said with a laugh. "No, when I said we could have had more time...I-I was talking about before our first break up," he admitted with a sigh. "I mean, granted, I don't think we've had enough time now either, but I'm not giving up on you. That'll never happen."

Killian-

"Good. Don't, okay? Ever. And I know you because... You're Jackson. You're my very best friend in the entire world and I spend way too much of my free time around you. Most of it, actually. My mom said we're glued at the hip, and I think she may be right." He let out a soft laugh. "There's no one in the world I'd rather spend every waking moment with. There's no one I'd rather cuddle with, or share my secrets with or --" He paused, letting out a laugh. "Wow, I sound like I have a crush. Never realized it until now. Maybe I do." He smiled softly, shaking his head, before he looked at Jackson for a few moments, his eyes soft. "Will you cuddle with me? I just... I kind of want you near me right now."

Jackson-

Jackson felt his heart skip a beat and his smile broadened as he listened to the way that Killian was talking. He did sound like he was describing a crush, but there was no way that Jackson was going to interrupt him. And he certainly wasn't about to complain. When he realized that Killian had lost his memory, he had thought that he'd lost his husband. But maybe not. Even if Killian didn't get his memories back - though, the stubborn side of him continued to remind him that he would - things could still work between them. Jackson wholeheartedly believed that their hearts would always find their way back to one another, and something like this was no exception. As Killian asked him to cuddle with him, Jackson nodded a bit before getting up out of the bed and then kicking his shoes off to crawl in underneath the covers beside him. "You don't have to ask me twice," he said with a soft laugh, wrapping an arm around his husband and leaning back against the bed.

Killian-

Killian smiled almost shyly, cuddling into Jackson. He didn't know why his cheeks were turning pink, or why butterflies suddenly errupted in his stomach. He didn't know why his heart was beating a million miles a minute, or why goosebumps were suddenly popping up on his skin at Jackson's touch. His best friend had never affected him like this before. He suddenly felt like one of those lame girls in school with crushes on the cute boys. He had a crush on Jackson. He knew it, he totally knew it; he was stupid but he wasn't dumb. He went to wrap his legs around Jackson's -- something they commonly did as teenagers when they cuddled -- when he found out that it wasn't as easy anymore. Furrowing his brow, he removed the covers, looking at their legs. "Uh... When did I become a fucking giant? Liam's tall, sure! I guess it's a family thing because my dad is too, but I -- I'm not tall! And now I'm just -- a giant!"(edited)

Jackson-

Jackson had made himself comfortable on the bed, thankful to finally be able to cuddle up in his husband's arms or with his husband in his arms, and had just wrapped his arm around Killian when the other started to fuss a bit. Jackson couldn't help the laughter that burst from his lips when Killian threw the covers off of them, only to find that he was quite a bit taller than Jackson. "Honestly, you've been taller than me for so long that I forgot there was a time when that wasn't the case," he laughed, shaking his head a bit. "And I'm definitely going to remind you later that you called yourself a giant. Just so you know. It's a constant source of debate. Your giantism," he teased. "But to answer your question," he continued. "You hit a growth spurt around Christmas when you were...well, sixteen," he said with a nod. "I stayed the same height while you shot up into the clouds," he said, pouting a little. It was still a mild sore spot for him. "You're 6'2" and I'm 5'10 now."

Killian-

"Oh," Killian said, blinking a little. "Damn. I'm, like, Liam's height now. And my dad's. Four inches is a lot, Monty." He paused. "Now that I think about it, Monty is kind of a weird nickname now, isn't it? Because I'm a Beaumont too now. What do I call you? Jacky?" he asked, referring to the nickname he used not nearly as much.

Lincoln-

Lincoln walked out of the elevator trying to keep everything balanced in his arms. He looked up once he got to Killian's room and toed the door open. "Food time!" He said, using his foot to close the door again. "I ended up getting a little more than what you said but I figured neither of us really ate my these last few days, Jack." He said, setting the food down on the table. "Fuck that was heavy. So... what'd i miss?"

Jackson-

Jackson laughed softly at Killian's reaction to his new height. "It is, but it's another thing you can blame on your genes. Though, I happen to like your height. It means I get to be the little spoon most of the time," he smirked. He nodded a bit when Killian asked what he called him now, being that he was a Beaumont too. Jackson didn't like the fact that he was still a Beaumont, but the only reason he'd kept his last name was for his mother's sake. He wasn't mad at her. "Yeah. You call me Jacky most days," he said with a smile. Looking up as the door opened, Jackson smiled and laughed a bit when he saw all the food that Lincoln was carrying. "That's fine. You're not wrong. I haven't really ate much in the last few days, and I'm sure you haven't either. So. Extra food is probably a good thing," he said with a nod. Smirking when Link asked what he'd missed, Jackson shrugged a bit. "I mean, he called himself a giant. So. I'm never going to let that one go," he laughed.

Killian-

Killian raised his eyebrows at the amount of food Lincoln brought, already salivating at the thought of munching into something. His stomach felt far too empty for comfort. He furrowed his brow at Jackson's words, looking over at him. "But I am a giant. Is that not usually something I say or something? I'm confused." He had a feeling he'd be experiencing that a lot lately.

Lincoln-

Lincoln laughed a little hearing that Killian was calling himself a giant. He shook his head, passing out some burgers. "We actually had a little disagreement the other day about it. You don't think you're a giant and hate when we call you it." He said, opening his Big Mac box and took a bite into the food.

Jackson-

Taking the food from Link, he sat up a bit in the bed to make himself more comfortable before opening his own Big Mac and biting into it. "For some reason, you're really opposed to being called a giant. We were talking about Halloween costumes the other day, and one of us made an off-handed comment about you being a Jolly Green Giant, and you were not happy. I don't know why you hate it, to be honest," he said once his mouth wasn't full. "I love the fact that you're taller than me, to be honest. I'm pretty much the perfect height to fit in your arms so..." he trailed off a bit, shrugging slightly. There were other benefits, but he didn't want to dwell on it too much. "So...aside from confused and your head hurting, how do you feel?" He asked.

Killian-

Killian listened to the two of them, biting into his bacon double cheeseburger in almost a greed-like manner. He raised his eyebrows at the costume idea, shaking his head. He spoke when he had swallowed most of his food in his mouth, but some still remained. "Heck no, I want to be Gumby. Not some weird asparagus-looking freak. I don't want people to see me and think of a gross pee smell." At Jackson's question, he shrugged. "I dunno. Tired. I feel like I could sleep for a week, honestly."

Lincoln-

Lincoln laughed a little listening to Killian. "So you'd rather wear a huge green costume?" He asked curiously. Link looked back to Jackson at his question before Killian answered. "That's a normal feeling for someone who's hit their head as good as you did." He said, shrugging a little. "I wouldn't be surprised if you had a concussion on top of everything else."

Jackson-

Jackson couldn't stop the laugh that burst from his lips when Killian said he wanted to be Gumby. "Out of all the tall things in the world, you pick Gumby?" he asked with a grin, looking over at Killian with a look that said 'really?'. "I mean, you could have gone with The Hulk or Buddy the Elf or Jack Skeleton or something, and you pick Gumby," he shook his head a bit before taking another bite of his burger. Jackson nodded a bit at Lincoln's suggestion that he could have even had a concussion. "You probably could sleep for a week if you really wanted to. That sounds about right for most head injuries...and you in general," he laughed.

Killian-

"What's wrong with Gumby?" Killian asked, pouting a little bit. "Gumby is fucking awesome. I mean, sure, I could be Jack Skellington, and that'd be awesome as fuck, but... I dunno. Gumby is fun. I like fun! Jack is... well, he's kind of scary, to be honest. Love the movie, but it still freaks me out a little bit sometimes. I enjoy it more when I'm high." He grinned, shrugging. Killian took another bite of his burger, before letting out a yawn once the food was swallowed. "Fucking hell, I need a nap." He rubbed at his eyes, sinking back down in the bed and cuddling further into Jackson. He rubbed his head against his friend's chest, nuzzling into him.

Lincoln-

"It's just... it's not something I was expecting you to say is all." He said, taking another bite from his food. Link grabbed his drink and took a sip from it, setting it back on the table. "Take a nap, Kil. We're not going anywhere."

Jackson-

"I love how you just skip right over the most fun character in the others I mentioned. Buddy the Elf is fucking entertaining and fun as hell. You just get to run around screaming 'SANTA!' at old guys with beards. Like...seriously." Finishing his food a few minutes later, he sighed softly before laying back - watching Killian eat and listening to Lincoln talk. As Killian finished his food and laid back, cuddling into his side and nuzzling his chest, Jackson felt his stomach do flips. He honestly hadn't been sure Killian would still want to cuddle like that; part of him thought that Killian might have thought it would be too weird. Regardless, though, he easily wrapped an arm around Killian and held him close. "It's okay, Kil. Get some sleep," he said with a nod.

Killian-

Killian closed his eyes when both men told him to get some sleep, nodding a bit as he yawned again. "Maybe I could be Buddy," he said softly, already half asleep. "He sounds fun. We'll talk --" Yawn. "-- talk about it later." He nuzzled against Jackson again, before quickly drifting off to sleep.

#{ threads }#{ thread | amnesia }#{ killian mcconnell-beaumont }#{ lincoln anderson }#{ thread | killian mcconnell-beaumont }#{ thread | lincoln anderson }

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jacksonmcb-blog · 7 years ago

Text

Gotta Keep Your Head Up ⇄ MCMONT

WHO: Killian & Jackson McConnell-Beaumont

MENTIONS: Hunter Clarington

WHEN: August 22, 2017

WHERE: The McConnell-Beaumont household

NOTES: Jackson & Killian both jump to conclusions about the other’s past times, and finally sit down and have a much needed talk

WARNINGS: alcoholism and self-deprivation triggers

Jackson-

There was no denying that Jackson could be a jealous man. He loved his husband and cherished what they had together, and there were more than a few times that he found himself worrying that one day Killian was going to wake up and realize he could do so much better than Jackson. Of course, this was an irrational fear. Jackson knew this. Jackson knew that Killian loved him as much as he loved Killian, but he still couldn't feel like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. That sort of thing had been happening his entire life. One good thing would happen, only to be followed by another bad thing that overshadowed the good. His mother supported his sexuality when she inadvertently found it out - a couple weeks before his father did - but his father kicked him out of the house the second he found out, and the two hadn't talked since. He had gotten into Cambridge University, but it meant giving up the start of a new relationship with his best friend that he'd been wanting for a while. Every time something good happened, something bad followed. Waiting for the other shoe to drop was a mental habit he was trying to break himself of, but it wasn't the easiest thing in the world.

Especially when Hunter Clarington, of all people, came back into the picture.

Jackson had known that Hunter and Killian had been involved with each other during both high school and college - a bookend relationship with Jackson's relationship with Killian in the middle. In high school, it had been a different story. Jackson and Killian hadn't been together. Sure, Jackson had been in love with his best friend, even then, but he hadn't been able to say much when Killian was with Hunter, especially since he was with someone else as well. As far as Jackson knew, Hunter had been the one Killian turned to when his relationship with Jackson had ended after high school, though. In the rational part of his mind, Jackson knew any insecurities that he had in regards to Killian's feelings towards Hunter were ill-founded. But that didn't stop the irrational part of his mind from taking over whenever he saw Hunter flirting with his husband. He doubted that Killian really noticed, but it didn't stop his brain from short circuiting.

I’d probably be blindsided enough to marry a hot guy with an English accent too.

Seeing that online had really started to mess with Jackson's head. He hadn't really had an accent when he came back, at least he hadn't thought he had, but he also hadn't thought that he 'blindsided' his husband into being with him. Something about Hunter's words really got under his skin - he just couldn't let them go. The last thing he wanted was to think that he'd somehow tricked Killian into being with him. He couldn't go home like this, he couldn't be like this around Killian. Grabbing his phone, he sent his husband a quick text about going to the gym. It wasn't exactly a lie, so much as it was a half-truth. He really hadn't gotten to the gym that morning, but that had happened before. Tonight, though. Tonight was about exhausting himself to the point where his brain didn't care about Hunter anymore.

He hadn't expected to be gone for more than an extra hour or two. His usual work outs took about an hour and a half, so that was normal. Three hours later, though, he finally found himself parking his car in their two-car garage. He left his gym bag in the trunk of his car before carefully making his way through the garage and into the house. Fuck he was sore already. "Killian?" he called out, assuming that his husband was probably playing video games in his den; he hadn't really realized just yet that he'd been gone for three hours on top of the normal 20-30 minutes it took him to get from Des Arc to their home. "I'm home," he added before moving through the house towards the living room area and collapsing on the couch with a groan.

Killian-

Hunter was a strange connection for Killian. He was never really used for anything more than sex, honestly. Even in high school, with the other male being two years younger than Killian, Killian didn't take much notice of him aside from his body. He was hot, Killian was horny, and they frequented the same parties, it seemed. Hookups were bound to happen. And after Killian and Jackson broke it off, sure, Killian hooked up with Hunter again. Usually by coincidence, and he didn't remember most of it. He was always drunk when he came back into town, usually to ask his parents for money for more booze. And then he'd run into Hunter. Killian's heart would ache because Jackson was so far away, and Hunter seemed like the perfect distraction. Hunter never meant anything to Killian, Killian never had feelings for him. So when he started talking to Hunter again, he honestly didn't think it was a big deal.

Killian liked having friends, that much was known. He liked people, and making people smile, and having people to talk to. He was a social butterfly, and he was extremely extroverted. So Hunter started talking to him, and he didn't mind. Why would he? It had been literally almost ten years since he'd seen the other male, anyway. Killian didn't want to fuck him. He only loved Jackson, only had eyes for him. But Hunter had been acting a little strangely, but Killian had shrugged it off as him having an off day or whatever. Why would Hunter want to flirt when Killian had specifically told him that he was married? It didn't make sense.

So when Jackson had texted Killian, nothing clicked for him. He honestly thought his husband just wanted to get a quick workout in. No big deal, Killian did it all the time. But he expected Jackson to be home in a half hour, hour tops. But then it was longer than that. It was an hour and a half. Two hours. Two and a half hours. Killian was going out of his mind. But he didn't want to be that guy. Jackson had told him where he was, and he didn't want to bother him or assume anything.

He's totally cheating on you. He thinks you're immature and a fucking idiot and he's cheating on you. That's the only reasonable explanation.

"No," Killian said, shaking his head as he paced the kitchen, pickle jar in hand. "He's not. There's no way." He let out a laugh of aggravation. "Oh my god, am I really doing this? I can't spend three hours without knowing where my husband is before losing my mind? It's not like he's been gone overnight. Get a grip, Killian. Chill out. He's not -- he's not cheating on you. Jackson would never."

Wouldn't he, though? Look at yourself. Really look at yourself. You're nothing. It's a damn surprise you got any sort of degree at all. You act like a five year old all day. You're the creepiest guy ever, hanging out with kids for your job. Why would he want you? It's a surprise he's put up with you for this long.

Killian shook his head. "No, he wouldn't. He loves me. Oh my god, I'm talking to a stupid voice in my head. I am not crazy." He suddenly heard the door open, and Jackson's voice reaching his ears. Killian didn't move. What did he do? Act like a sweet, caring, supportive husband? Voice his fears? Accuse him of cheating? Ignore him altogether?

If you accuse him or voice your fears, and he didn't do anything wrong, you're going to push him away. But at the same time, if he'd just using you until he can get the divorce finalized, why should you waste your time?

Killian didn't know what to do. He grabbed a pickle and bit into it, continuing his pacing. Maybe he could just... An idea hit him. He looked over at the back door. He didn't want Jackson to think he was ignoring him, that'd make him want to cheat more. Killian slowly walked over to it, making sure to keep his steps quiet. Then, opening the door as softly as he could, he stepped out onto the back patio, before closing the door behind him. Perfect. Killian quickly kicked off his shoes and socks, rolled up his pant legs, and sat down at the edge of the pool. How could he greet Jackson if he didn't hear him? He took another bite of his pickle. At least if he was going to stress eat, it wasn't something sweet and fatty.

Jackson-

Jackson sighed heavily as he laid on the couch. His entire body hurt. He'd run at the gym for at least an hour or so, until he couldn't physically run anymore, and then he'd used the weights and other gym equipment for another hour on top of that. The longer he laid on the couch, the more his muscles started to relax. The more that they started to realize just how much Jackson had overworked them at the gym. Not getting a response from Killian was starting to worry him a little, though. If he had been able to hear the video games echoing from the den, or Killian shouting 'die, zombies, die!' or something like that, he wouldn't have been worrying. The fact that the house was quiet, though, made him uneasy. Had something happened? A small part of him - the part he had thought he squashed during his work out - wondered if maybe Hunter had dropped by to 'catch up' with Killian. Images swarmed through his head - ones he didn't want - and he let out a loud groan before running his hands over his face.

Pushing the images out of his head, Jackson slowly started to sit up before letting out a loud gasp of pain. His muscles were in full revolt. He hadn't worked out this hard since high school. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck," he gasped, forcing himself up into a sitting position. "Kil?" he called out once he was sitting up with his back against the couch. "Are you home?" he asked, a bit of his paranoia sinking in. Admittedly, he'd seen one too many movies - racy or regular - where a spouse was cheating on their significant other and hid when they came home. Thinking Killian wasn't home gave Jackson opportunity to let his insecurities take over for a moment, even if it was short.Leaning back against the couch, his mind kept flooding with images of Hunter and Killian together, and no matter how many times he rubbed his face or his eyes, they just wouldn't leave. "Fuck, come on man," he muttered to himself, breathing a little heavier as he felt his emotions going into overdrive. Before he could stop them, tears started falling from his eyes.

What if he lost his husband? Why would Killian ever want to be with him when he could probably be with someone like Hunter? Hunter had a better body than him, he had a better job than him, he was paid more. Hell, he probably had a better personality than him in some aspects. No matter how much he loved Killian - no matter the fact that his husband was literally his entire world - he couldn't think, in that moment, of a single reason Killian would want to be with him over Hunter - or at least someone like him.

Running his hands across his face again, he tried to take a deep breath and calm himself down. The last thing he needed was Killian to come home from whatever he was doing - he refused to think about the fact that he could have been with Hunter - and find Jackson sitting on the couch with tears streaming down his face. This was absolutely ridiculous, he knew that, but he couldn't get himself under control.

Killian-

Killian took a deep breath as he sat out by the pool, slowly chewing on his pickle. Only, it didn't taste appetizing anymore. Killian McConnell-Beaumont didn't want to eat pickles at that time. That in itself was troubling, really. Killian swallowed his mouthful and grimaced, before setting the jar down on the ground. Jackson hadn't come to find him. Whenever Killian was home first -- which was usually all the time, unless previously texted about saying he'd be late -- and Killian didn't answer his husband's calls, Jackson would find him. Either in the shower, out back, or just way too involved in his video games. But now he wasn't doing that. He didn't seem to care where Killian was, and that made him feel even worse.

See? He's cheating on you. If he loved you and actually wanted to be with you, he'd look for you. He's not doing that, is he? Jackson's been distant the last few days. He probably found someone better and just hasn't figured out how to break the news to you yet.

Killian chewed on his bottom lip, before standing up from his spot at the pool. His heart was clenching painfully in his chest. He couldn't stay there. Not when Jackson was there, not when his husband had so obviously found someone else. He felt tears welling up in his eyes, but forced them back. He pulled on his socks and shoes before walking around to the side yard, and through the fence. He didn't want to go inside. He couldn't. That's where Jackson was. He couldn't face him right now. He couldn't face the rejection. He walked to the garage side door, thankful that he was the last one to use it (apparently), because it was unlocked. He really needed to break the bad habit of forgetting to lock doors; their cars were going to get stolen that way.

Walking over to the shelving unit in the back of the garage, Killian opened up the rusty toolbox that held his spare car key. He needed a safe spot for it, because he was so forgetful with everything else he owned. Climbing into his SUV, Killian started the ignition. He was about to press the garage door button on his sun visor, before he paused. Is this really what he was doing right now? Running away because of a feeling? But Jackson... he'd never acted like this before. Sure, he had his bad days, but it usually didn't last this long. Killian just... didn't feel the love like he usually did. How was he supposed to cope with that?

"Fuck it." Killian pressed the button, waiting for the large door to open behind him. He just needed to get away. He wasn't sure where, just somewhere. Anywhere but home.

Jackson-

Hearing their garage door opening, Jackson sat up a little more and quickly started wiping his face. He didn't want Killian finding him like this. He knew he was probably being stupid. There was no reason to think that Killian hadn't been home. Killian was always home before Jackson. Then again, Jackson had told him he would be late, so why wouldn't he have gone out to meet up with whoever he was with instead of his husband? Pulling himself up off the couch, letting out a groan as he did so, Jackson moved through the dining room and the kitchen before going through the storage area and to the door that led to their garage. He didn't know what he was going to do when he actually saw Killian, but he knew that he needed to see him. Even if Killian was cheating on him with Hunter fucking Clarington, of all people, Killian was the only person who make his brain shut off. The only person who could make him feel better.

Opening the door to the garage, he leaned against the frame and looked the short distance across the garage to where Killian was sitting in his SUV. It was obvious - at least it probably would have been to Killian - that Jackson had been crying; that he was upset. He offered a small smile across the garage, but it didn't reach his eyes. He just looked so...defeated. It wasn't a look that Jackson held often; in fact, the last time he'd looked like this was the day Killian had forced him to get on the plane to England.

Killian-

The garage door had just finished opening, when the door into the house opened, as well. Killian's eyes snapped over to his husband, and he immediately knew that something was wrong. Oh god, Killian had been thinking that Jackson was cheating on him and -- and he had been upset and crying the whole fucking time. Killian felt like a complete dumb ass. It took him only two seconds to press the button to close the garage door, before he was almost falling out of the vehicle in his rush to get to his husband. Killian didn't say a word, just grabbed Jackson and pulled him close, tightly against himself. You fucking idiot, of course he wasn't cheating on you. What the hell is the matter with you? God, something serious probably happened! You're honestly the worst husband ever, what the fuck. "Baby, what's wrong?" Killian finally said softly, kissing the top of Jackson's head.

Jackson-

The second Killian's arms wrapped around him, Jackson's defenses completely broke down. He wrapped his arms tightly around Killian's neck, burying his face in the crook of his husband's neck as tears started falling again. "I don't want to lose you," he whispered, his words barely audible against Killian's skin as he pulled himself closer to Killian. "Please...pl-please don't leave me," he continued, shaking his head a little; ironically, this felt a little like déjà vu considering the conversation they'd had just days ago where they were singing a Savage Garden song to one another in the bath, talking about how they’d always be together. He wasn’t sure what had happened, honestly, but somehow he had managed to convince himself that Killian was going to leave him for Hunter. "I-I knows he's better than me in..in almost every way," he said. "I just...I don't know what I'd do without you."

Killian-

Killian was honestly so confused. Leave him? Who was better than him? What? He felt his heart break, and he shook his head, rocking Jackson a little bit. "Shh, shhh. No, baby, no. I'm not leaving you. What in the world are you talking about?" He shook his head again, his brain trying to wrap around exactly what was going on. He pulled out of the hug just enough to catch his husband's eyes. "I don't -- I don't know what's going on, or who you think I'm seeing behind your back -- but you need to get your head checked, okay? Better than you? No one is better than you, Jacky. No one. Do you even realize how much I love you? Every moment I live is for you. Everything I do is for you. Everything."

"When I'm picking out video games, did you know I try to find good two player ones so I can spend hours with you kicking your ass? Or when I'm with my students and I'm having a difficult day, I just say 'well, looks like I'm getting some practice in for when Jackson's ready to have a family.' I live for you. I breathe for you. Everything in my soul, in my whole being, is yours. Every. Single. Thing. I don't -- I don't know where you got this crazy notion that I could love someone more than you, or want someone else."

"Do you realize you're the only serious relationship I've ever had? High school? No, those were shit that lasted a month, tops. College? Fuck no, I was too busy drinking my pain away because losing you killed me. It killed me, Jacky. That's why I was an alcoholic when you came back. Because I hurt so much without you. I couldn't function. Before I started drinking, you know what I did? I skipped class, laid in bed all day, skipped meals. I didn't do shit. Because everything hurt without you." He felt tears welling up in his eyes, but ignored them. "And honestly, you're really not the one who should be worried. I've never loved anyone else. Ever. Especially enough to get engaged or get married, maybe. You have. If either of us should be afraid of losing the other, it's me. I'm pretty much always terrified that you're going to realize that I'm stupid, and immature, and you want someone like Colin after all." He shook his head, letting out a joyless laugh. "You're my whole world, Jackson." A few tears fell, and he shrugged. "I can't... I wouldn't be able to live without you. I couldn't before, and if I lost you at all again, I... I'd probably just completely give up."

"I mean... do you realize how many people tried to get me into rehab back then? So many. But I wouldn't go. You're the only one I listened to. Because even after five years, I loved you so much. Once I fell in love with you, I never stopped. Not for a second. You make me want to be a better person. You make me smile when I'm angry, or upset. You..." He smiled softly. "You made me me again. That joyful, awesome teenager I was? I lost him. I lost him and I thought I'd never get him back, that I'd never be happy again. But you... You brought light and sunshine and joy back into my life." He took Jackson's cheeks in his hands, his voice serious through the tears, his eyes determined. "So don't you ever think that I would leave you, you got it? Because without you, I wouldn't be able to be. I cannot see a future where you're not in it, and I don't even want to imagine one. I need you. I love you so, so much, and I just need you."

Jackson-

Jackson just held on to Killian tighter as he felt Killian rocking him, doing his best to comfort him while Jackson continued to break down and slowly started to sink down to his knees; he was so exhausted and his brain was going a million miles a minute with the idea that Killian was going to leave him that he physically couldn't stand. Not anymore. As Killian tried to comfort him, Jackson sniffled softly against his husband's chest. When Killian pulled back, Jackson was tempted to go after him - to bury his face in Killian's neck once more - but he stayed back, he wanted to look into Killian's eyes. He needed to see him. He listened quietly as Killian talked about how much he loved him. About how much his life had been changed because of him. He honestly had no idea how much of an impact that he had made on Killian's life. He knew how much Killian had affected his life. He knew that he wouldn't be the same person that he was now without having Killian in his life. Without Killian, he'd have ended up another homeless, teenage statistic on the streets. And that was only one way that Killian had changed his life. There were countless others, including the fact that Killian had been the one to push him to go to England. Even though it would break him, he forced Jackson to go.

Jackson listened to how much Killian had gone through in the time that he'd been gone, though, and felt the guilt weighing in once more. He consistently thought that their lives would have been different, better than they were now, had he never left and gone to England. Killian wouldn't have turned to alcohol to hide the pain. He would never have met Colin or felt heart break at losing Killian. Their relationship only would have grown stronger. He could have found some college to go to in the states. He had gotten into Cambridge, he easily could have gotten into another Ivy League university stateside so that he could stay close to home. They could have been stronger; they never would have had to know what it was like to live without the other.

The more Killian talked, the more Jackson started to calm down. The more his rationale started coming back, the more his irrational side started calming down. He didn't know how he could have seriously thought that Killian was cheating on him. Not that he was wrong to be worried about Hunter flirting with his husband - Hunter was clearly flirting with his husband - but he had been entirely wrong to think that Killian would have ever cheated on him. It broke his heart, looking up at Killian, to think that he had caused the tears that were currently in his husband's eyes. Leaning forward, he pressed a loving kiss to his husband's lips. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, his voice still broken as the tears started to fall again. "I just...I don't know what got in to my head. I...I just can't imagine my life without you. I-I can't see how I got this..this lucky," he said softly, looking down.

"He's...he's better looking than I am, he's got a better paying job, I'm sure he's probably better in other areas than I am...he's been flirting non-stop, and...and...and my brain just...I don't even know." He couldn't bring himself to actually look his husband in the eye. How could he look the other man in the eyes after all of this nonsense.

Killian-

Killian still didn't know who Jackson was talking about, and raised his eyebrows. "Honey, who is him and he? I really -- I'm really oblivious, I guess, because I have no idea who you're talking about, honestly." He let out a soft laugh, running his fingers through Jackson's hair. "You're not the only lucky one here. Remember that, okay? I still cannot fathom how I landed you. How, even back then, you were interested in me. I was a troublemaker, I got in fights, I did stupid pranks, I got detention more times than I can even remember. And a jock wanted me all that time? Are you kidding me? I didn't even work out back then. I was pretty scrawny, actually. I was not attractive. I was a loser in a pack of misfits who smoked pot and skipped school and -- and honestly, I did a lot of that shit, too. I was not in the same social circle as you. You were popular. I was dumb."

"And then you came back and decided you still loved me? Even though I was an alcoholic with a dead beat job and a shitty apartment? Like, there was nothing to love there. Most people would have said 'so sorry, you're clearly missing some screws now, so I'm going to take my happy ass back to England with my stupid fucking fiance who Killian still hates'--" He paused, before letting out a small laugh. "Sorry. You get my point. There was never much to love. And honestly, there still isn't. I'm as dumb as a bag of rocks. My job is probably one of the easiest ever in the teaching career, and I make, like, two thirds of what you do."

"You're the breadwinner, smart guy here, if you haven't noticed. I'm... kind of just living in your shadow at this point." He was self-depreciating, but he still never stopped smiling. "So you think you're lucky? Try being me and being married to you. It's honestly intimidating. I mean, you speak Latin. Latin! I can't even do basic algebra anymore, and I've completely forgotten Spanish! You know a dead language! Do you know how awesome that is? I am constantly in awe of you and how fucking amazing you are. Honestly --" He took his hands off Jackson and made a bomb sound as he moved his hands in the 'mind blown' gesture.

Jackson-

"I'm talking about Hunter," he said with a heavy sigh. "He's been flirting with you ever since he came back into your life. And I-I tried to ignore it. I did. I knew it didn't mean much to you. I just...that comment about me blindsiding you into marrying me? That...that hurt," he said softly, looking down again. He didn't know why he let Hunter get under his skin like that, but he couldn't help it. He was so worried about losing Killian that it took over sometimes. He listened as Killian spoke about how he couldn't believe that he had landed Jackson, about how a jock wanted him despite the fact that he wasn't one of the 'popular' kids. "I hated most of the popular kids, if you remember that," he teased with a quiet chuckle. "Plus, maybe I had a thing for bad boys." The smile came back to his lips, finally, and his breathing started to return to normal.

"For the record, there was everything to love, and there still is. When I left and when I came back," he said adamantly. "You might have been in a darker place, and...and that was my fault," he said softly, feeling the guilt weighing down on him still. "You might have been a darker version of yourself, but you were still you. I could still see you, even behind the alcoholism. I could still see the guy I fell in love with when I was a teenager. The man who'd had my heart since I was 16. Probably longer, if I really thought about it." He grimaced a bit when Killian brought up Colin. "Colin never held a candle to you," he said with a shake of his head. "I didn't even start seeing him until...maybe a year before I came home. And even then..." He trailed off, shaking his head a little as he thought about it. "He could never even begin to compare to you. In a million years. And you're not dumb," he stressed, reaching up to take Killian's face in his own. "You are not. You never were. Stop saying that you are. You're not. You might not make as much as I do, but that's not a huge deal. I don't care how much you make or you don't make. You're the love of my life, and I couldn't bare to live without you," he added.

As the subject turned to how lucky Killian thought he was to have Jackson, Jackson just shook his head a bit. He genuinely didn't think he was that special, but he was glad that his husband saw something in him that he didn't see. He couldn't help but laugh softly when Jackson made a gesture to signify that Jackson blew his mind. Taking Killian's hands in his own, he kissed his hands softly, pausing to kiss each knuckle as he did so. "I love you. So much. So. So. Much."

Killian-

At the mention of Hunter, Killian couldn't help but let out a loud laugh. Really, honestly couldn't help it. But he didn't get a chance to talk about it as the conversation continued on. When Jackson said that Killian wasn't dumb, he couldn't help but roll his eyes. He appreciated his husband saying that, really. He honestly did. But Killian probably wasn't going to be convinced any time soon, honestly. "You realize that I only know half the stuff I do because of you, right? I mean, I almost flunked out of high school. I almost dropped out of high school because I was flunking so bad. You're the only reason I graduated, and you're the reason I went to college. Which --" He shook his head. "I'm still not sure how I passed, honestly. And since you've been back, all this new vocabulary and random facts I know? Who do you think I learned it from? You, dumbo. I retained almost nothing from high school. I know I'm not stupid. I know that. But I'm not smart, either. I never was, Jacky. I struggled in school every single year of it. I can't take tests, I can't learn complicated stuff -- my brain just doesn't let me. Maybe I had an undiagnosed learning disability, I don't know. I may be a teacher now -- of five year olds -- but I'm not smart. I never was, I never will be. That's just me. I've accepted that. Honestly, I've accepted that I had to ask my new friend 'Jackster' what the difference between affect and effect was when I was in high school. I mean, that's just sad."

"I love you, too," Killian said, smiling softly and leaning in to steal a kiss. "With everything I have. But can we go back to Hunter for a second here? Because I honestly think it's hilarious that you thought I was cheating with him." He laughed, grinning. "I never had feelings for him, Jacky. Never. He is a pompous, egotistical smart ass, and he seems like he still is, from what I've seen." He shrugged a little, grin still in place. "Did I used to fool around with him? Yeah, sure. I slept with a lot of people in high school -- not that I'm proud of that, of course. And did I sleep with him after we split? Yeah, I did, a time or two. He was there, and he was a good distraction for the time being. But you know what? I haven't seen him in ten years before he showed back up. He left Cotton Plant and he did not look back. And guess what, my love? I didn't give two shits. I didn't care that he left. He didn't mean anything to me. I didn't bat an eye when he left. You? Well, you know how that turned out. He can't compare to you."

"Is he hotter? Fuck no. You're the most gorgeous, magnificent, sexy, beautiful creature on the planet to me. My eyes are so honored to be looking upon you in this moment, and every other moment I spend with you. There is no one more attractive in the world to me than you are. Does he make more money than you? Uh, yeah. Honey, he's a doctor, from what I've heard. If you had stayed in England for the eight years that would have taken, I'd be dead right now. I mean, I hate to say that, but it's true. I would have died of alcohol poisoning. It's that simple. And even if you went to medical school in the states, do you realize how long of hours you'd be working right now? No. No, no, no. I am far too selfish to let you work that much. I don't care if you would've made enough for us to live in a mansion with servants. No. You're simply not allowed. I like having you around too much."

"Now, is he better in other areas?" Killian grinned. "No, definitely not. No one has ever made me cum without my dick being touched but you. No one's made me scream like you, or squirm like you, or made me see as many stars. And... with you, you know, it's not just sex. We're in love. So it makes it so much more special, to be opening up ourselves to each other like that and showing our vulnerabilities. You're my favorite person that I've ever slept with, and that's including Hunter."

"As for that stupid blindsided comment? He's a dick sometimes, ignore him. You didn't blindside me, or trick me into marrying you. If you didn't notice, for some reason -- we waited a long time to get married, baby. If I wanted out, I would have left a while ago. It's not like we took a trip to Vegas as soon as you got back and got hitched. We took our time. So who cares what Hunter says? He likes to get under people's skin. He's that kind of guy. You can either ignore him, or punch him in the face. Personally, I wouldn't be opposed to you knocking him around a bit, that'd be hot."

Killian took a deep breath. He didn't think he had talked so much at once in his life, and that was saying something. "No one is better in my eyes than you. I don't care if they're Channing Tatum. You're my number one. I mean, until we have kids, then you'll be knocked down a few notches." He shrugged, grinning. "Actually... now that I've unintentionally brought up the subject... when might you wanna have some little ones running around?" He asked a bit hopefully, but cautiously, poking Jackson in the stomach repeatedly as he spoke.(edited)

Jackson-

Jackson couldn't help but roll his eyes a bit as Killian literally laughed out loud at the mention that it had been Hunter who Jackson had thought got between them. He would have said something, but now that he was talking - and was kind of on a roll - he wasn't about to stop what he was saying just so they could focus on Hunter. Once he was finished, though, he finally stayed quiet long enough for Killian to respond; though, admittedly, he couldn't help but laugh when Killian mentioned their short conversation on the difference between affect and effect. That was one day he'd never forget. It was the first time that Killian had kissed him; it was only on the cheek, but it had been enough to momentarily stun Jackson while Killian had run away to meet up with his friends. "Okay, sure. Maybe because I helped you get through, sure, but baby. You're smarter than you think you are. You did all the work. You took all the tests, not me. You graduated from high school because you worked for it. I might have helped. I will give you that. I helped you study, I helped you learn, but you passed on your own merit."

He laughed softly at Killian's assertion that he wasn't sure how he'd passed college. He was pretty sure that was how most college graduates felt; even he wasn't sure how he'd survived five years of college and managed to graduate at the top of his class. Though, all he did for the most part was study to keep his mind off of Killian at the time, so it made sense that he'd done so well. The idea that Killian might have had a learning disability, though, had actually occurred to him more than once; he'd even asked one of his teachers at one point, but they're more or less ignored it because of the people Killian hung out with; the more he thought about it, the more he thought that maybe - even now - they should get him tested for some sort of learning disability. "And, for the record, I didn't learn the difference between affect and effect until I was in high school. None of the teachers ever explained it well enough. I found this really old English text book from the 1800s, and oddly enough they explained it perfectly," he laughed softly. It was a fact that still amused him to this day.

Jackson hummed against the kiss that his husband leaned in to steal, ready to steal another when Killian turned the subject to Hunter. He was about to shake his head - say no, he didn't want to talk about Hunter - but then Killian mentioned he thought the notion that he could cheat on Jackson with Hunter was hilarious. That left Jackson mildly confused, and he was more that sure that it showed on his face. Jackson stayed quiet as Killian talked about Hunter and the way he felt - or didn't feel for the Doctor. As Killian went on and on about the areas that Jackson had brought up - the ones that made him feel inferior - Jackson couldn't keep the smile from forming on his lips. He'd never heard Killian talk this much all at once - except maybe once when he was really excited - but the fact that he was willing to talk this much just to sooth Jackson's worries and insecurities meant the world to him. It only showed him even further how much Killian loved him.

When Killian paused long enough to catch his breath, Jackson took the chance to close the distance between the two of them, taking his husband's face in his hands and kissing him deeply. He loved this man so much, and he felt so lucky that Killian had chosen him. That Killian had married him, despite his bullshit insecurities and inability to show his vulnerable side until he was an absolute mess. Despite the fact that he wasn't perfect and felt like Killian deserved more - better - he was still in awe at the fact that Killian had chosen him. Probably a lot like the way Killian was in awe that Jackson was with him. When he pulled back and Killian told him that he didn't want any one else, not even Channing Tatum, and that he would always be number one, Jackson felt his smile widen. Though soon enough, the subject turned to children and he felt nerves creeping up a bit. He wanted children, of course he did. He had been wanting to talk about it for a while now, but he had never been sure Killian wanted them. There was a difference between teaching children and raising one of their own. He had been about to reply when Killian poked him in the stomach and his muscles screamed in revolt, suddenly choosing that moment to remind him how hard he had pushed himself. He groaned quietly in pain at the small, seemingly meaningless action of his husband poking his stomach before sighing a bit. He would prefer to move inside - somewhere that his muscles could relax and he could actually enjoy the talk - but he didn't want to interrupt what they had. What they were talking about. The air that they had now.

"I want children..." he paused for a moment before a smile graced his lips. "whenever you're ready. I've...I've been wanting to talk to you about it for a while, I just...didn't know how to bring it up."

Killian-

Killian's eyes lit up bright like a child on Christmas day. Jackson wanted kids. Well, of course Killian knew that. They had discussed it forever ago, a short conversation about their future. But things were constantly changing, people were. So he wasn't sure if it was still on Jackson's plan for the future. "Really?" he asked, bouncing up and down slightly from excitement and happiness. "Baby, I'm ready. Like, let's go start making calls kind of ready." He took Jackson's hand, pulling him gently inside. This would probably turn into a long conversation. He led his husband to the living room, sitting down on the couch. "Adoption or surrogate? There's pros and cons to both, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't want a mini-you running around. Hopefully a girl, though." He put his hands over his heart, looking heart stricken. "I want a little girl so bad. They're so much fun. All the clothes, and toys, and tea parties... But of course I'd be okay with a boy, too. Any child. Any race, gender, whatever. I just want one. So, so badly. Can we please have a baby?"

Jackson-

Jackson's smile widened when he noticed how happy Killian was at the notion that he still wanted children. He knew that Killian had wanted kids, but he hadn't known that it was this intense. He couldn't help the laugh that broke through his lips as Killian started bouncing up and down in place; that's how Jackson knew he was really excited. He was practically brimming with happiness. "Of course really," he said with a smile and a nod. "We should start looking into agencies, then," he added. He groaned loudly as Killian took his hand and pulled him to his feet. "Sorry," he apologized, holding his sides before pulling himself up slowly. Fuck, his body hurt so bad. But he wasn't about to let that deter him from talking about children. They were talking about starting a family. Starting their future. He couldn't believe they were really, finally talking about this. Sitting down on the couch, he sighed softly before relaxing into the couch. He honestly wasn't sure how the hell he was going to get up and off of the couch when it was time to go to bed. As Killian talked about wanting a mini-Jackson running around, but also wanting a little girl as well, Jackson's heart soared and his face brightened. It was so nice to see his husband this excited about having children. He laughed gently as Killian asked if they could have a baby, nodding in response. "Of course we can have a baby. I'd be lying if I hadn't said that I'd always wanted a little girl. A little girl with your eyes and your smile," he said, reaching across to lightly run his thumb across Killian's jaw and over his lower lip for a moment before letting his hand fall. "I'm definitely ready to have a baby," he said with a nod, smiling. "Though, arguably, I'd like to see a mini version of you running around here."

Killian-

"Okay, okay, there's a way to solve this," Killian said, nodding. A grin was plastered on his face the whole time. They were going to have a family. A little boy or girl to call their own. Killian loved his niece dearly, and he wouldn't trade her for the world. But he always felt sad when she left, and he was entirely jealous of his brother for having a child. Of course, Liam was much older, but 29 wasn't exactly young, either. And him and Jackson had been together for years. Why not start their family? They were ready. Their house was too quiet sometimes -- well, occasionally. Killian was rather loud, so it was never really quiet. "How about we plan for two? Not, like, you know, right away. But I definitely want more than one kid, at least two, so it's not a weird thought, right? And! I know how to decide who gets to jizz in a cup first." He laughed softly. "We both will."

"They'll mix it up and all that stuff and we won't really know who the biological father is. I'm sure we'll have our guesses as they get older, but that's then. And then for the second one, we can do it again. Though if the child comes out with red hair, it's obviously mine. Stupid Irish heritage. Speaking of that, I'm getting a little pale, I need to go tanning..." He shook himself out of his distracting thought. "Anyway, if the first one comes out obvious -- Irish, basically -- then we'll know and whoever isn't the biological father will just take the next one. But hopefully we won't be able to tell, and it'll just be a beautiful little thing with all the perfect qualities. Though, honestly, they'll be beautiful no matter what." He jumped up and down in his seat. "I'm so excited! I have to text Liam tomorrow. I have to. So we're decided on a surrogate, right? I mean, adoption is great, and everything -- I just, I don't know. I really want it to be really ours, you know? And a little girl with your nose--" He tapped Jackson on the nose, happy pouting. He scrunched up his fists and shook them slightly in excitement. "It would be so cute."

Jackson-

Jackson could help the loud laugh that burst past his lips at Killian's remark about how they would decide who gave their sperm first, though his words were much more crass - which was what had caused Jackson to laugh. The smile never left his lips while they were talking. They were finally going to have a family, and he felt like things couldn't have been better for them. Financially, they were set for children. Their house was more than big enough for another child, even two. If all else failed, he could convert his office into another bedroom and grade papers from the kitchen or something. This was really happening. They were really going to start a family together. It was almost too surreal, but he was thrilled that they were taking this step. Granted, his happiness wasn't quite as detectable as Killian's - mainly because it hurt to move - but he was still incredibly happy. He nodded as Killian explained his idea on how they would both put their sperm into a cup and mix it together; it was a smart idea, and one that he'd heard of happening before. It was a good way for neither one of them to truly get jealous or play favorites. The child would be their's, but - short of anything incredibly obvious, such as red hair like Killian had mentioned - neither would know who was the biological father. He couldn't help but laugh as his husband got off track while talking about his heritage. "I think you look amazing. For once, you're the pale one," he teased, leaning over with a smile to press a light kiss on his husband's lips.

Then suddenly Killian was off again, talking about their future child and how he'd have to text his brother tomorrow. He could tell his siblings when the reality became...well, real, but the only person he wanted to tell in that moment was his mother. He might not have spoken to his father in over a decade, but his mother was a different story. His mother actively kept in touch with her son; she had even set aside money for Jackson in an account that his father hadn't known about for when he got married - it was partially how they had afforded to buy the home they were in. "Yes. We're decided on a surrogate. I mean, maybe if we have more than two kids we can adopt the third, but I'm definitely in agreement about wanting a surrogate," he said, nodding as he spoke. He scrunched his face a little as Killian tapped him on the nose, but the smile never left his face. He was so happy seeing how happy his husband was; he was so happy that they were finally having this conversation. "I'm so glad we've finally sat down to talk about this. I..." he paused for a moment. "I wanted to bring this up...months ago."

Killian-

"Months ago?" Killian asked, letting out a laugh. "Baby, why didn't you say something? Do you realize how long I've wanted kids? I mean, like, sure -- I knew that I wanted kids back in high school. I always knew it was going to happen, some time or another. But recently? I don't know, the past year maybe?" He thought for a moment, his stupid grin never leaving his face. "Okay, maybe we're both to blame, then. Because I probably could have said something, too. But we're talking now, and that's all that matters." He couldn't believe it was finally happening. Killian had always wanted to be a father, had always known that was part of the plan for his future. But to actually start talking about it seriously was a dream come true for him. "Okay, so on the subject of a surrogate... Are we going to go through an agency of some kind? Put an ad in the paper? Find someone we're friends with and ask if they'd be okay with us knocking them up?" He let out a small laugh. "Why can't men have babies? This is preposterous!" He paused for a moment, thinking, before continuing. "I do think we need an anonymous egg donor, though. Through an agency. I don't want whoever carries our child to think they have some sort of claim, if that makes sense? I mean, of course they'll be in the child's life if they want, I'd never deny my child a mother. But I've read and seen so many issues with the birth mother keeping the child and getting away with it because it's her child, too. You know, biologically. I don't want to deal with that."

Jackson-

Jackson shrugged just a little before laughing softly. "I don't know," he said with another shake of his head. "I guess...I guess I wanted to wait until we were financially stable, and I've always wanted to wait until I was a little older before I considered having kids. But I'm almost 30, and I...well, I think it's a good time. We're at a good place," he paused for a moment. "Well...I mean, we are now - minus my little melt down back there," he said with a chuckle. "The past year?? And you're getting on me about a few months," he laughed. As the conversation turned to their surrogate, he nodded a bit as Killian talked about the options. "Men having babies would be much easier. I guess it just makes it easier on us, though. No unplanned pregnancies," he said with a soft laugh. "We have to actively think about wanting a child. About what goes into it. So we don't go into it unprepared," he said with another nod. "Personally, I'd prefer we had an anonymous egg donor," he said in the silence in which Killian was thinking. He nodded in agreement as Killian expressed his thoughts. "That's what I was thinking. Of course the mother would be more than welcome to be in our child's life, but...I don't want to think about going through all that time, all that waiting, all that hope, and then having it ripped away at the last second. That would be...like, hell..."

Killian-

"Good, that's settled then," Killian said with a smile. "We'll start looking into agencies for an egg donor, and soon we'll talk about who the surrogate could be." He nodded. "Now, let's talk about you." He crossed his arms over his chest, raising his eyebrows at his husband. "I've seen those looks on your face since you got back. You honestly really did spend three hours at the gym, didn't you? I'm sore just looking at you. So here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to run a bath in the downstairs bathroom -- because I'm not carrying your ass upstairs -- you're going to relax, and I'm going to give you a massage. Then when you get out, I'm going to rub icy hot everywhere and you're just going to have to deal with the smell because you did this to yourself. And if you ever think I'm cheating on you again and basically kill yourself at the gym instead of talking to me, I'm going to pretend I don't know you're in pain and guilt trip you into doing something physical with me. Whether it be swimming, or sex, or -- hey, the Wii works too. Okay?" He grinned and leaned over, stealing a kiss, before getting up from the couch.

Jackson-

Jackson nodded a bit with a smile; he was so happy that they were finally going to start doing this. He had known from a young age that he wanted children. He wanted to prove that he could be a better father than his own ever was to him, whether the child be a boy or a girl. He wanted a child to love and spoil and raise as his own - prove to his family, particularly his father, that just because he was gay didn't mean that he could never have a family. As Killian seemed to get serious, turning the conversation onto Jackson, he looked down for a moment and sank back into the couch a little. He hadn't really meant to overdo it at the gym, but his brain had been hammering down the fact that he wasn't good enough, and all he wanted to do was shut it up. He listened to his husband's plans for him for the night, and he couldn't help but smile. "A massage would be nice, but you don't have to do that, baby. I can get myself upstairs. Like you said, it's my fault I'm in this much pain anyway," he said with a small shake of his head. As Killian got up from the couch, preparing to go get the bath ready - because, honestly, it didn't matter how much Jackson might have opposed, Killian was going to do what he could to make Jackson feel better - Jackson grabbed his arm in a quick reflex, suppressing the urge to groan a bit as his shoulder muscles revolted against him. Pulling Killian down into his lap for a moment, he smiled before leaning in and kissing him once more. "I love you," he whispered against Killian's lips, pulling back after a few moments. "I'm the luckiest guy in the world."

Killian-

Killian let out a little yelp of surprise as he was pulled down into Jackson's lap. He grinned at his husband, scrunching up his nose a bit. "Nah. I'm pretty sure I hold that title because I have you. My love runs deeper for you than the deepest part of the ocean. And, I'm no nerd like you, but I'm pretty sure that's crazy deep." He kissed Jackson softly, lovingly, before getting up off his husband. He didn't want to hurt him. "You stay here. I'll be back for you momentarily, okay?" He leaned down, kissing the top of Jackson's head, before walking down the hall. He started up the hot water in the bathtub, making sure it wasn't too hot, but still pretty hot so Jackson's muscles could relax. Turning to the counter, he opened the door and grabbed some reed diffusers, and stuck them in a small vase. He grabbed some lilac scented oil and poured a small amount in, hoping the scent would fill the room shortly. After that was done, he returned to the living room, and bent at the knees next to his husband, wrapping the other man's arm around his shoulders. "Alright, c'mon. Up you go, babe." He carefully helped Jackson to his feet, before walking down the hall with him.

Jackson-

Jackson grinned against the kiss at the surprise in his husband's voice when he had been pulled down. "Mariana Trench, just under 7 miles deep at it's deepest point," he remarked with a smirk, as if confirming Killian's nerd comment. He never truly considered himself a nerd. No, he thought of himself as passionate. And only about some things. "And how about we just agree that we're both the luckiest people in the world because we have each other. Hm?" he asked with a smile before returning his husband's soft kiss. As Killian got up and went to prepare the bath, Jackson sighed softly and relaxed even further into the couch. Why had they bought a couch that was so damn comfortable? It was going to be mild hell trying to get up, but he would do what he had to; his husband was doing everything he could to try and make him feel better, and damned if he was going to brush that off. He closed his eyes for what felt like seconds, but soon Killian was back and helping him up off the couch. He took a deep breath and let out a quiet sound of pain as he got up off the couch, wrapping his arm around Killian's shoulder. "Mm, nope. Nope. You're too tall," he said with a laugh before moving his arm and securing it around his husband's waist instead. "I love your height though. It's perfect," he added with a smirk; the fact that his husband was over four inches taller than him definitely came in handy in other situations. Leaning against Killian for support, Jackson inhaled deeply as they got to the bathroom and groaned quietly in approval. "It smells amazing in here. You're so sweet," he remarked with a smile, leaning up to press a light kiss to Killian's jaw.

Killian-

"I know," Killian said with a grin. He walked Jackson over to the toilet and helped him sit down on the closed lid, before grabbing the bottom of his husband's shirt and pulling it up over his head gently. "Can't take a bath fully clothed." He smirked slightly at his own statement; there had been a time or two where Jackson had been taking a bath, and Killian jumped in fully clothed. Killian got to work on the other man's shoes and socks. "I still honestly don't know why you thought Hunter of all people. I mean, I'd think that you'd think Link first. We're opening up a bread shop together, after all." He undid his husband's jeans, before pausing. "Alright, I guess you're going to have to stand for this, but you can put your weight on my shoulders." He helped Jackson stand up, before tugging the fabric (and the underwear) down enough to where Jackson could sit again. Which Killian, of course, helped him do, before pulling the garments completely off.

Jackson-

Jackson winced a bit as he sat down and his calf muscles seemed to scream in responses. No more lunges for a while. Or...well, no more gym for a few days at least. He needed to give his muscles a chance to bounce back. He couldn't help but laugh at Killian's remark about not taking baths fully clothed, lifting his arms so that his husband could pull his shirt off easier. "You're one to talk," he commented with a grin. "I seem to remember more than a few times when you hopped into the bathtub fully clothed, shoes and all," he laughed. Kicking his shoes and socks off with Killian's help, Jackson shrugged a bit before shaking his head a little. "Well...1) I didn't know that you were opening a bread shop with Link," he said with a smile. "And 2) I know that Link would never try to come between a married couple just because he thinks one of them is hot. I can't really say the same for Hunter. I don't know if he would, but it wouldn't surprise me," he finished, shaking his head a little. It still pissed him off that Hunter had so openly flirt with his husband, despite knowing that Killian was married. Standing up with Killian's help, he held on to his husband's shoulders while the man undid his jeans and then tugged the rest of his clothes down. Once he was seated again, he smiled as he watched Killian working to get his clothes off, working gingerly as to not hurt him any more than his muscles already were. "You're the sweetest guy I've ever known, you know that?" he asked, reaching out to lightly run his fingers through Killian's hair.

Killian-

Killian gave a cocky smile, looking up at Jackson from his knelt position on the floor. "I know. But only for you." Which was a lie, of course, but it sounded sweet. Killian tried to be the nice guy for everyone around him, because jerks were just -- well, they were jerks. He liked spreading light and positivity wherever he went. And if he could make one person smile that day, he knew he did his job. "Alright, Superman. Tub time." He stood from his position and helped Jackson stand, before walking him over to the water and helping him slowly sit down in the heat. "I know it's really hot, but you'll get used to it, and it'll help your muscles more." He turned off the water, before kneeling down behind Jackson in the tub. It was a small space, not really enough room for his long limbs, but he'd survive. He placed his hands on Jackson's shoulders, starting to gently massage the muscles there. He smiled softly, and leaned forward, kissing the back of Jackson's head before whispering in his ear. "I love you forever, Jacky."

Jackson-

Jackson smiled at Killian's response. He knew that was an obvious lie. If he'd never known Killian in high school or when he had been an alcoholic, Jackson probably would have thought that his husband didn't have a mean bone in his body. He knew that the other man was possessive and protective, but he also knew that it was only because he loved others so intensely that he never wanted to see them hurt. Beyond that, Killian was Jackson's personal ray of sunshine at least 90% of the time. He just didn't like being mean to other people. Jackson bit his lip to stop himself from groaning or wincing again as he stood up - he really hated making Killian see him like this - before he hissed as he put his foot in the tub. "Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot," he murmured as he slipped down into the hot water until he was fully immersed in the tub - or at least, up to his shoulders. Leaning back against the porcelain of the tub, Jackson finally started to relax as he felt his muscles finally starting to release the tension they'd been holding the longer he was in the tub. As Killian started to massage his shoulders, Jackson let out a low groan and let his head fall back against his husband's chest while he continued his massage and his eyes fell closed. It took a few seconds for his husband's words to sink in, but a smile stretched across his lips as they did. "I love you forever, Kil."

#{ threads }#{ thread | head up }#{ killian mcconnell-beaumont }#{ thread | killian mcconnell-beaumont }

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