#{ ive been meaning to change the icon for a year now iirc }

[askiaplusyukari]

new icon! 💖

[soyraktajino]

hi i’m having a really shitty day here’s a really embarrassingly detailed analysis of a fall out boy song that reminds me of spock regaining his memory after st:iv 

please don’t reblog this this is mostly a self-care post 

like if you read 

G.I.N.A.S.F.S by Fall Out Boy 

(Gay Is Not A Synonym For Shitty) 

the majority of this song works best from Spock’s perspective but the song itself changes perspectives (”you almost pick up the phone”/”i almost pick up the phone”) because it’s intended to be a love story between two broken boys who can’t admit to each other that they’re in love (which is. kirk/spock as hell)

I've loved everything about you that hurts, so Let me see your moves, Let me see your moves Lips pressed this close to mine, True Blue

this works as both Jim and Spock -- “I’ve loved everything about you that hurts” because they love each other through their insecurities and through the things that no one can understand and that hurt them to no end (Jim’s traumatic past ie Tarsus IV, his constant fear that he’s not doing enough for his ship; Spock’s internal turmoil over his conflicting cultural perspectives). 

also merriam-webster defines “true blue” as “unswerving loyalty (as to a party) ie a true-blue romantic, completely faithful and loyal to a person or idea” which i think is beautiful in that unswerving loyalty is. both of their defining factors. 

But the prince of any failing empire knows that Everybody wants, everybody wants To drive on through the night If it's a drive back home

yeah i’m not 100% on this i just like it conceptually as like... Jim and Spock driving back to their apartment in San Francisco (or taking the BART or smth) and wanting the drive to last forever because once they get there, y’know, they’ve gotta try and figure everything out. at least driving home holds the promise of maybe everything’ll work out. 

(pre-chorus 1) Things aren't the same anymore Some nights, they get so bad You almost pick up the phone

so my favorite fic about post st:iv basically has Jim ask the bridge crew to help re-arrange their apartment before they get there - hide all the things that’d suggest they were married, because you can’t just. force him into a marriage he doesn’t remember. so Spock stays in the guest bedroom. 

“things aren’t the same anymore/ some nights they get so bad/ you almost pick up the phone” sometimes Jim misses Spock so much he just wants to reach out to Spock and tell him everything, forget letting him figure it out on his own. but he never does. 

(chorus) Trade baby blues for wide eyed browns I sleep with your old shirts And walk through this house in your shoes, I know it's strange It's a strange way of saying that I know I'm supposed to love you I'm supposed to love you

this is my favorite part ok 

“trade baby blues for wide eyed browns” because Bones’ eyes (literally, literally called baby blues in-series) and Bones held Spock’s katra, wide-eyed browns as Spock’s eyes obvs and wide-eyed works because wide-eyed to the new world around him that he’s gotta relearn 

“i sleep with your old shirts and walk through this house in your shoes”  so like Spock was only dead for like a few weeks at most between st:iii and st:iv so it’s. incredibly hard to say what the fuck happened to all of his stuff. there’s no way Jim could’ve thrown it out. so i like thinking of this from either of their perspectives -- Jim wearing Spock’s old shirts (he wouldn’t know, anyway) as a comfort and walking through their home trying to empathize with what Spock must be going through...... but more than that, it’s really from Spock’s perspective because of the next part of the chorus. so Spock wearing Jim’s old shirts (he wouldn’t know!!) because he subconsciously knows he has an attachment to them somehow and walking through the house trying to remember everything that Jim remembers about them 

“it’s a strange way of saying that i know i’m supposed to love you” is Spock’s realization that he and Jim were bonded. and it’s really painful because he knows he’s supposed to love him, he knows this is something his past self must have felt, but he doesn’t understand it for himself. as much as he may want to. 

I've already given up on myself twice Third time is the charm, third time is the charm Threw caution to the wind But I've got a lousy arm

i don’t have a spirk meaning for “i’ve already given up on myself twice/ third time is the charm, thirt time is the charm” because the irl meaning of it is that pete’s tried to kill himself a couple of times (7 minutes in heaven’s alternate title is atavan halen, a play on van halen, because his suicide attempt in 06 was with an overdose of atavan; i think his other attempt was when he was a young teenager iirc) and he’s really tongue-in-cheek about suicide which. i identify with so strongly because when i was 17 i planned out my suicide attempt and didn’t go through with it and now that’s in my medical history and it’s such a pain in the ass to have every psychologist ask about it, i was just a terrified kid and i didn’t see any other options, it was 5 years ago, i fixed it myself by getting myself help. anyway the “third time is the charm” is also related to a verse later, “you saved my life that night on the roof of your hotel” because patrick climbed his ass up there and talked him off the ledge. like this is overtly a song pete wrote about his affection for patrick. (pat’s eyes are blue and pete’s ex-wife ashley’s eyes are brown and they’ve definitely been seen wearing each others clothes). and patrick singing it is just. so emotional for me. 

“threw caution to the wind but i’ve got a lousy arm” is just a really nice phrase for either Kirk or Spock saying ‘fuck it’ and trying to hint that they’re in love but the hint wasn’t received 

i know this verse is really weak on the spirk just let me have this alright 

And I've traced your shadows on the wall Now I kiss them whenever I'm down Whenever I'm down Figured I’m not figuring myself out

god i love this verse too. (”figured i’m not figuring myself out” is pete’s tongue-in-cheek way of addressing biphobia, how ‘’’’’you’re either straight or you’re gay’’’’’’, look at this bi ICON)  

anyway this is definitely Jim. “i’ve traced your shadows on the wall and i kiss them whenever i’m down” no one literally traced anything ok he’s traced with his fingers shadows of Spock on their bedroom wall from his memories of them together and kissed them whenever he’s down... whether or not you want to imagine an incredibly depressed jim kirk actually kissing a wall is up to you my depressed little gay ass would 

(pre-chorus 2) Things aren't the same anymore Some nights, they get so bad I almost pick up the phone

“things aren’t the same anymore/ some nights they get so bad/ i almost pick up the phone” is a mirror of the first pre-chorus with “you” traded for “i” -- now it’s about Spock instead of Jim. now Spock wants to reach out to Jim. 

(chorus) 

(see chorus lmao)

Born under a bad sign, but you saved my life That night on the roof of your hotel "Cross my heart and hope to die Splintered from the headboard in my eye" Photo-proofed kisses I remembered so well

oh FUCK i always thought it said “bullet-proof” kisses because that ties it in to another song on Infinity on High, but photo-proofed kisses makes my heart ACHE; because these boys were constantly followed by the paparazi especially after pete came out as bi. pictures that caught them kissing were. proofed to erase that because the label didn’t want the mixed publicity. fuck me UP

anyway yeah this verse is also hard for me to make a spirk interpretation of because i know the actual story here so well. they were on tour and pete just, has depressive episodes and he climbed up on the roof of patrick’s hotel in the middle of the night and patrick talked him down. (which -- you could romanticize this so easily but pete doesn’t, he just comes right out and says “you saved my life”, because pete wentz fucking gets it and the only time he romanticizes mental illness is when he does it sarcasticly, and the sarcasm is biting; especially because these boys know all too well how their fan base is. a bunch of mentally ill teenagers. they talk about it a lot in a way that... it feels so much like how when queer folk talk about queer issues. we don’t have to step around shit like we do when we talk to allies. it’s such a comfort. that’s what fall out boy feels like to me, it’s written by these boys who know what it is to be deathly sick and who’re talking to kids who’re deathly sick themselves.) 

sorry fuck i... have a lot of feelings about fall out boy. 

anyway, spirk 

Born under a bad sign, but you saved my life That night on the roof of your hotel "Cross my heart and hope to die Splinter from your headboard in my eye" Photo-proofed kisses I remember so well

“born under a bad sign” can refer to genesis and spock being reborn but it can also refer just to spock being born into adversity. also jim’s a fucking pisces and so am i and listen, it’s the worst fucking sign okay 

“you saved my life that night on the roof of your hotel” could like. theoretically. just be something that happened. a small memory. they’ve gotta go to some stupid starfleet thing because let’s be real jim’s always under question as the captain of the flagship and spock’s always under question as a vulan in starfleet and. i think for the both of them the “you saved my life” is less urgent than ‘i was actually going to jump off this roof’ and serves as more of a ‘you made me believe in myself again’ because they do that for each other. so. often. 

listen i don’t even know what ‘splinter from your headboard in my eye’ means for the song meaning irl, i’m just ignoring this

“photo-proofed kisses i remember so well” the little Vulcan kisses they give each other all the time as small comforts through the day aren’t recognized by the press or the brass so they can do it in front of everyone as much as they like, as long as they’re discreet -- fingers pressed against each other at their sides, while passing each other in the hall, etc.  

i’m repeating the chorus here because i fucking love it 

(chorus) Trade baby blues for wide eyed browns I sleep with your old shirts And walk through this house in your shoes, I know it's strange It's a strange way of saying that I know I'm supposed to love you I'm supposed to love you

anyway this is the gayest thing i’ve ever typed out in my life, it felt really nice to do, thanks for your time

if you actually read this whole thing you are entirely too good to me and i don’t deserve your friendship, but thank you so much this really means a lot to me