#{ i kept as much as possible from her fantasy verses while it still made sense

[daggersandsparks]

❝You are a Stainthorpe.❞

These words were written in each letter she would receive from her parents when she was in boarding school. She started young. At six. Nearly half the age most schools took children. Her family insisted on younger. Her mother wanted to make sure that she got ahead. Each day being spent away from the family she barely knew. Learning everything that she “needed to know”. Everything that a child of someone of their status needed to know.

                                                                          ❝You are a Stainthorpe.❞

This was the reminder she was given as she was taught French and Latin and Chinese. [Alongside the English and Welsh and Hindi her family spoke on a regular basis.] Speaking, writing, learning. Some days she could not speak English to others at her school. To ensure that she truly understood the languages.

                                                                          ❝You are a Stainthorpe.❞ 

They told her as she began to practice her steps. When she got the switch for each mistake she made. “The proper way to learn.” According to her teacher. Her feet began to bleed. It was normal, they told her. Just part of getting things right. She would need to be ready for performances.

                                                                        ❝You are a Stainthorpe.❞

Her fingers bled against the strings as she grew older, knowing that this was simple how things were if you intended to be good at something. The switch for each missed note they would notice. She learned to continue even when she missed. Make it better so they didn’t notice.

                                                                        ❝You are a Stainthorpe.❞

She would sing long until her throat was sore, long past she was tired. A cranky six year old who didn’t understand why she was being told she needed to practice so often. The only activity she enjoyed, receiving praise for her improvement. Her natural skill. Her parents would pay attention to her then.

                                                                        ❝You are a Stainthorpe.❞

She was taught how to walk with a book on her head, an activity straight out of old stories. The order of the cutlery when setting a table. The best way to greet people according to their status. How to determine someone’s status based on their clothes and their gait and what they spoke of. How to remember their faces and their status, how to smile politely and offer compliments in order to keep them happy with her. How to present her best self in order to get what you wanted from someone.

                                                                        ❝You are a Stainthorpe.❞

She was told as they began to discuss whether an arranged marriage would be best. And who would be the best option. Nobility perhaps? Or the family with money. Fame. Status. The ten year old was given no say. She sat there as she met others her age, for the first time being told to make friends. Being given time to spend with others. But she needed to win them over. She needed them to like her and trust her so that she could determine who was the best choice. It was just another task for her to learn. They were not her friends.

                                                                        ❝You are a Stainthorpe.❞

The last time her mother told her this, she was being scolded. She had decided to hang out with a friend, ditching her ballet lesson. Just once, time to spend with the other girl. The fact that they had been found kissing had made things worse. The switch came and her friend’s family agreed they needed to be kept separate, never to see her again.

A girl of her status couldn’t be caught in such a scandal.

Their family couldn’t be caught in such a scandal.

❝You are not a Stainthorpe.❞

Those were the words that left her Mother’s lips through sobs as she laid there in her hospital bed, the lightning strike splitting open her side, nearly causing her to bleed out. Her father, her brother, her sister. None had been able to donate blood to help her.

That was when her Mother revealed the truth.

Years ago, when her parents had rarely seen each other due to their various campaigns and events, working their way up, her Mother had had an affair.

A kind man who treated her Mother well. Whom she had loved. It was a whirlwind and Mairwen had been the result.

Her Mother had hid her for awhile until she could pass her off as her Husband’s child. It hadn’t been important enough for him to be at his birth anyway, so it made it much easier.

She was twelve, nearly thirteen.

                                                                 ❝You are not a Stainthorpe.❞

She was told as she was sent away to live with a “family friend”. Reminded nearly every day that she was a bastard. A mistake. That she did not have a family. Her parents wouldn’t speak with her. They wouldn’t visit her. Her siblings couldn’t see her. She had no siblings.

She didn’t deserve them.

❝Mairwen.❞  There was a pause. She was not a Stainthorpe. The pause was long as the boy stared at her. ❝Argawal.❞

It was the name she’d been given when she’d been sent away. The best she could offer the boy as she slipped into the door frame next to him, taking the food he offered her with a kind smile.

Fake kindness she’d been taught in order to get what she needed. He offered her a coat, told her about an empty house he was squatting at. The best rubbish bins for food. Her false smile and soft touch gained her a mentor.

Her French helped her convince a nice Parisian couple that she was simply lost. She spent two months with them while they tried to help her find her family. She left with two thousand dollars.

Her light steps helped her slip into nice houses in the winter, hiding from the cold London streets, slipping out before the family would notice her, day or night. Sometimes, she could even slip in a couple friends with her.

Deft fingers slipped into pockets of strangers as they passed her. Wallets, watches, bracelets, necklaces. They were hers as easily as she walked by, leaving them unaware of her presence. She’d watch them

Her sweet voice gained her favours as she wiled her way into men’s hearts. Careful words, careful songs, her pretty face. They wished for her to lavish them with attention. To sing for them. To dance for them.

Good manners, and lessons on status taught her how to make use of these things. Time in men’s beds would get her many things. Money. Favours. Security. She fooled men of status into thinking she was one of them. She fooled them into buying her dresses, jewelry, cars.

❝There is no Mairwen Stainthorpe.❞

It wasn’t until she had her Husband’s blood on her hands that she heard those words. Water filled his lungs, his body deep under the water. His friends with him. And accident, it would be found.

In order to protect her family. The Stainthorpe name.

She knew she wasn’t a Stainthorpe, but they were still her family.

❝There never was any Mairwen Stainthorpe.❞

When she returned to London, she found there were no records of her birth or her death. No records of her lessons, no pictures of her to be found.

                                                                        ❝You are not a Stainthorpe.❞                                                  ❝You are a bastard.❞

                   ❝You are nothing.❞  

[yan-twst]

could u write a scenario of yan malleus comforting (preferably fem but gn is ok) mc bc she doesnt have the best home life and thinking abt how hes gonna shower her in (unhealthy) affections

warnings: general yandere behaviour, implied familial abuse (it’s pretty much stated the mc has a bad family life, but i don’t go into details about it)

He’d never have imagined his nightly walks on the once-abandoned Ramshackle dorm would ever end up like this. He’d always liked old, abandoned buildings: they brought by a sense of peace and nostalgia (despite the fact “old” buildings by today’s standards were sometimes built around the time he’d been born), somewhere he didn’t have to worry about his guards constantly stepping on his heels or over students pointing and whispering.

Befriending the odd magicless prefect had been coincidence, as well. He’d just been amused by their naivety at first; trusting him, a complete stranger, not even knowing his true name. He’d found amusement in thinking how they’d cower and fear if they knew who he was, if they knew what people thought of him: although that interest quickly became... Genuine interest. He didn’t have many friends- and as much as he hated to think of it, he did feel lonesome at times. Finding someone who he could just talk to as a person, not having to worry about his title as the crown prince or the perception of his power was so oddly relaxing he found himself seeking out those nightly walks more than ever.

When had he gone from his usual self to caring so much for a mere human? They were a magicless, lost little thing, someone accidentally brought into this world and having none of the knowledge needed to survive here. And yet, he’d found himself growing more and more attached to them. He could still remember when Lilia was so amused by the fact he’d sent a holiday card to the magicless prefect, and that had only been the tip of his infatuation. They were just... So weak, so... Alone. In a world they weren’t familiar, he was one of their friends, and the thought made his heart speed up just a little. 

Lilia said he was “in love”, sighing about how adorable young love was whenever Malleus mentioned the Ramshackle dorm leader. Love... Malleus had to agree, he’d put that name on his emotions. When he saw the prefect, he was overwhelmed with a desire to take them into his grasp; to keep them safe, to embrace them, to hold them close... His mood soured when he saw them messing about with other students, and his heart soared when he got to talk to them during the night. He’d grown to treasure every little word that came from their mouth: he listened, remembering every detail of what they liked and disliked, of stories about their life and their world. He’d even taken to watching them during the day, observing how they maneuvered around a magic school without having a drop of magic in their body- watching them interact with others, how they shone so brightly, watching them when he talked with them and when they weren’t even aware they were being watched. He wanted to get closer to them in every way he could.

Perhaps that was how he’d found himself holding them as they cried, late at night.

They’d invited him into the dorm, since the weather outside was cold. He’d accepted, despite not really minding the chilly air; humans got sick easily, didn’t they? Still, he’d found himself warming up inside, not because of the terrible insulation or the candles the prefect had lit, but mostly by sitting down on the tiny loveseat right next to them. He hadn’t meant to say anything to make them uncomfortable, really: somehow the topic of his kingdom came up, and he’d asked them about their home in return. It was just a simple question, he’d thought, a way to get to know them better- and yet they’d tensed at the question. He shouldn’t press, he knew that much despite not being well versed in reading cues, but... The look in their face made worry seep into his gut. And so he’d asked. 

He marveled at how easy it was to wrap his arms around them. They were shaking slightly as they cried into his chest, hiccuping apologies about their little outburst. Malleus shut down every apology, rubbing their back soothingly- he’d asked them to talk, hadn’t he? It wasn’t hard to tell their home life was a sore spot, not by how hard they’d been sobbing into his chest, struggling to even get words out. Truly, they hadn’t even talked much about what was wrong, but Malleus could infer. He’d dug enough, and he knew better than to repeat his question. His uniform shirt was soaked in tears, and more than that, his heart ached at the thought of bringing them more pain.

They kept talking, words cut off by sobs and hiccups. If it had been anyone else- another weak human crying so loudly- he’d probably have gotten frustrated and left, but their tears didn’t bring any sort of ire in him. In fact, all he could think of was of comforting them. Oh, he’d known they were weak compared to him before, but now... All he could think of was to protect them. Clearly, nobody back in their home was doing so, not if they could drive them to this state.

Still rubbing circles in their back, Malleus found himself spacing out for a second. Clearly, they needed someone to protect them and give them the care they deserved- he couldn’t possibly just toss them back to where they came from. Their warm body pressed into his, their embrace... Truly, wouldn’t it be better for them to stay in such a way? Safe, warm, cared for? Thoughts of the future filled his mind: it’d be so easy to take them to his dorm, to the unused towers- yes, he’d ask Lilia to furnish them and make them suitable for a human... Or perhaps he’d let them into his room: his bed was big, and they could entertain themselves with books or games while he left, couldn’t they...? After all, there wasn’t any need for them to go to class. Not being magicless as they were, really. They could wait for him, to go and provide the care and warmth only he could give them.

His grip tightened as his fantasies ran. He could take them along his fourth year, to whatever travels or internships he was sent to. Yes, that would be ideal. Malleus’ heart sped up at the thought of returning to them every night, returning to this comfort and warmth. Thoughts of bringing them back to the castle in his kingdom; marriage, making them his. They could rule the kingdom by his side, surely. Yes, they were kind and smart; they’d make a good ruler, a good spouse for a king... They didn’t need to suffer anymore. He’d make sure of it; he’d never let anyone talk down to them, he’d make them the most important person in the castle. He’d dress them in fine clothes, make sure they had a comfortable life...

“Tsunotarou...? I- um, I... can’t breathe...” their hoarse voice quickly brough Malleus back to reality. Right- reality. They weren’t his quite yet, weren’t his partner and his spouse, not yet. For now, he was still Tsunotarou and they were still stuck in this torn-down dorm, with Crowley trying to send them home. “... Sorry for crying like that. I got your shirt all wet- I’m sorry. You... were probably very uncomfortable.”

“Don’t apologize over this, child of man. You were clearly distressed.” said Malleus, letting them go. His heart protested at the action, as the warmth of their body departed as he let go of the embrace. 

“I... yeah. Sorry. It’s just- you know. Home. It’s... Complicated.” they said, rubbing one of their eyes. Their face was red and irritated from crying, but even so, Malleus couldn’t help but think of how precious they were. How could anyone ever hurt them? He truly couldn’t understand. 

“It’s ok now. You’re far away from that place.” said Malleus. Far away from there, they were now here. Perhaps it was fate that brought them here into Twisted Wonderland; fate had brought this human into his grasp, and it was now his task to take them and protect them, wasn’t it? “As long as I’m here, I won’t let harm befall you.”

At the moment, they smiled at his words; how tragic, really, that the biggest danger to them was Malleus himself.

[365daysofsasuhina]

[ 365 Days of SasuHina || Day Two Hundred Twenty-Eight: It Never Worked Before ] [ Uchiha Sasuke, Hyūga Hinata, Uchiha Itachi ] [ SasuHina ] [ Verse: Divine Light ] [ AO3 Link ]

Eventually...something has to go wrong.

For weeks now, Sasuke and his elder brother Itachi have been on the road with two other mages: one of light, and one of water. It all began with a deal: Hinata, the water mage, was desperate to get out of her father’s estate, tired of being disallowed from using her powers and being shielded from what it meant to be el’ven. When she was rescued by the sword-for-hire Sasuke, an igni mage, they happened upon a plan.

Sasuke, you see, was working to raise coin to try and find a better doctor for his brother. Afflicted with an unknown ailment, Itachi’s health had been steadily declining for years...and Sasuke was getting desperate.

Hinata, as it turned out, was just who he needed to run into...for she was privy to a secret in their little town. Years ago, a terra mage had shown up with a little girl in tow...one with white hair and eyes.

A lux mage. Those blessed by Luxeria, and holding great healing power. But they were thought extinct, and she was kept secret to keep her safe.

Hinata, by some stroke of luck, had happened upon her, and the two struck a fast friendship, despite the wariness of their guardians.

And so, she made Sasuke a deal. She would enlist the help of the lux mage she knew in order to heal his brother...and he, in turn, would teach her all he knew about the energy of their world used to bend elements to their will: ven.

He quickly agreed.

It wasn’t an easy deal to strike, given the involvement of another person. But the lux mage eagerly agreed on her own condition...that they take the elder brother to the old Luxerian capital to better his chances: where she could expand her knowledge and cure him completely.

And so, the four of them set out on a journey Sasuke hadn’t wholly agreed to. Healing his brother had been his demand...and while Itachi’s hasn’t worsened yet, neither is he yet whole. She insists she needs more time, and more knowledge surely holed up in the citadel.

But Sasuke’s grown less and less approving of this endeavor...and it only gets worse when Itachi’s health takes a turn.

“You said you could heal him!”

“I can,” the light mage insists. “But some factors are out of my control, and -”

“Then you lied!”

“Sasuke!” Hinata cuts in, taking his arm as he wrenches from her grip. “She’s doing all she can!”

Breath heaving through his nose, he glowers. “...figure it out,” he growls, pointing to the healer and stomping off from camp.

Hinata sighs, holding up a hand as she goes to follow. “...I’ll talk to him. Stay here and t-take care of Itachi. He’ll pull through…” Setting her jaw, she takes the same path away from camp.

She finds him by a stream, pacing and summoning crackling flames to his fists. So far, he hasn’t set anything ablaze, and...she’d like to keep it that way. At least with her water she can (probably) put anything out. “...Sasuke?”

“Why do you always side with her?”

“I’m not siding with anyone -”

“Yes you are! Every mistake she makes you excuse!”

Rather than get angry, she folds her arms. “Sasuke...I understand you’re worried about your brother...but think about the pressure she’s under. Not only does an entire element possibly rest on her shoulders, but she has your expectations now, too. She’s doing the best she can...she’s only one person, and she hasn’t even been formally trained. Yet look at all she’s done! She’s one of the last of her kind...please be patient.”

“How can I be patient when my brother’s life is on the line? He means everything to me, Hinata! If I lose him…”

“I would feel the same with my sister,” she offers gently. “...we both know what it is to hide, and to feel loss. I know this isn’t easy...for any of us. She’s doing all she can. He’ll be all right. I know he will.”

Sasuke just scoffs...but the flames go out, and he folds his own arms and glowers across the water.

After a pause, she cautiously steps up beside him. “...why don’t you tell me something about ven? Would it help take your mind off your brother…?”

“I’d rather set this whole place aflame,” he mutters.

“That would be rather c-counterproductive.”

That earns a cool glance. “...did we cover sibling elements yet?”

“Yes. And child elements.”

“Give one a try. One you haven’t touched on before.”

“M-me?”

“Yes, you. I’ve already branched into lightning and mastered it. Let’s see you try.”

“Um...a-all right…” She pauses. “...I’ve done a little with ice. It actually was fairly easy.”

“What about flora? It should be even easier.”

“Well, I did try a few times, but...for some reason, I never got any response.” Looking around, she finds a patch of healthy grass, kneeling in it...and then pausing. “What should I, um...do?”

“Whatever you want,” he replies dismissively, waving a hand.

Pouting a bit at his attitude, she plants palms against it, feeling the soft stalks and leaves. “...okay...um…” Ever so carefully, she feeds energy into it, willing it to grow.

...nothing.

Her brow furrows, jaw setting. All right...maybe that’s not a good place to start. Looking around, she instead moves to a tree with draping branches. Taking a deep, steadying breath...she tries to will them into moving, reaching with her ven and beckoning.

A gentle breeze ruffles them, but nothing else.

“Ugh, I don’t get it! Why won’t it listen to me…?”

“You’re just not giving the right feeling.”

“...feeling?”

“Every element feels different. Like fire is hungry, water is flowing.”

“Well...what does flora feel like?”

“No idea. But you’ll figure it out.”

“Easy for you to say,” she mutters. Deciding on a new tactic, she lets her hand rest against the tree’s trunk, and closes her eyes, letting her energy gently pry into the plant’s. A feeling...what’s your feeling…?

Long minutes pass in stillness and silence as Hinata communicates via energy. She can feel...something. A kind of slow, steady...pulse. Almost like a heartbeat…? Well, she supposes that makes sense. Plants, like animals, live and wither. So maybe…

Eyes still closed, she brings up her other hand...and tries to mimic the sensation, offering her energy to the flora. For a moment, nothing happens...and then she feels...she feels…!

“...oh!” With a flutter, the energy dispels as it overwhelms her. Stumbling back half a step, her eyes go wide.

Where she’d been touching, new branches have sprouted, limber and covered with leaves.

The pair stare, Hinata’s eyes round in amazement. “I...I did it…!”

In spite of himself, Sasuke manages a hint of a smile. “...so you did.”

“I did it! It...it never worked before…!” Gently cradling the new growth, she smiles from ear to ear, looking back to Sasuke. “Isn’t it beautiful…?”

Something shifts in his expression. “...yeah. Yeah, it is.”

A strange quiet falls between them, and Hinata feels herself grow a bit...awkward. Clearing her throat, she averts her gaze. “W-well, I...I’ll have to try again later. I used a bit too much ven by accident…”

“Be careful. You can kill yourself with an unintended use of energy.”

“I know…” Letting her grip fall from the tree, she asks, “Should we...head back?”

That earns a sigh. “...I suppose so.”

“...she won’t be upset - she knows you were just worried. But...we should make sure they’re all right.”

“Hn…”

Together, they return to the campsite. No longer flushed with fever, Itachi sits up, seemingly back to his typical self.

And, head in his lap...the lux mage sleeps, clearly exhausted.

The older brother looks up as they approach. “...Sasuke.”

“Brother…!”

A finger to his lips begs for quiet. “...I’m all right. But I think, come morning…you owe someone an apology.”

Jaw clenching for a moment, he almost makes to argue...but then softens. “...I’m just glad you’re all right.”

Smiling, Itachi nods. “...get some rest. We’ve another leg ahead of us tomorrow. I can keep watch for a time - I’m quite awake now.”

“Are you sure?”

“Very. You too, Hinata. I’ll wake you in a few hours.”

Though they both hesitate, the pair then acquiesce, taking to their bedrolls. In the quiet broken only by the crackle of the fire, they eventually find sleep.

                                                          .oOo.

     Another piece in my original fantasy verse! A bit of tension in our usual group...poor Sasuke just gets all riled up when the slightest thing goes wrong with his brother. But at least he has Hinata to help him keep a steady head!      Anyway, that's all for this piece - thanks for reading!

[pushspacetocontinue]

Russell Trinity Verse Profile

I’ve been meaning to get this written down for quite a while. Now I finally got it together and did it. 

Warning for mentions for experimentation and child abuse below.

Trinity is my own verse, for the Urban Fantasy novel I am writing of the same name (it’s a working title, but still.)

Name: Russell Tolbert 

Nickname: Russell Sprout, Russ, Catmoth 

Age: 26 

Birthday: 9th October 1993 (Star sign: Libra) 

Gender: Cis Male (he/him/his pronouns) 

Sexual Orientation: Homosexual.

Species: Altehuman  (basically my term for a human with supernatural powers) 

Abilities: He is a therianthrope. However, while most therianthropes are able to shift into one particular animal form, he is able to shift into two primary forms, making him a ‘Dual-Thrope’ which is rare but not impossible. He can turn into a cheetah or a Luna Moth at will, and then back into a human from either (or into the other animal if he needs to). Along with this, he has enhanced senses, speed and agility, as well a good jumping ability even as a human. He has had this skill from birth. 

He can also sense anomalies (e.g. vampires, werewolves, spirits etc.) and has a compulsion to follow them until he finds the source. He feels it as a pulling in his chest. This was from his previous scientist ‘boss’s’ experiments on him. 

He also has the ability to know what he’s seeing just by looking at them. For example, if he looks at a vampire, the word ‘vampire’ will literally flash and echo through his mind. Again, this was from the experiments. 

He also seems to have a higher durability and pain tolerance. He once leapt out of a building and came out of that with bruises and being knocked unconscious. He doesn’t know if this was from the experiments or whether he had it since birth and it was only ‘enhanced’ by the experiments.

Ethnicity: White

Current Residence: Nomadic in nature. However, he has a home in the city of Steren Wheel.

Former Residence: Boston, Massachusetts 

Nationality: French-American (French Father, American Mother).

Mother: Cassandra Anderson (now deceased). She was a nasty old crone to him and the rest of his brothers while he was growing up. She was especially so to him when she found out that he was essentially a ‘monster’ in her eyes. When he was an adult, she made plans with a scientist who was looking for someone ‘like him’ and essentially sold him off after he was tricked into believing he was simply taking on a job that would take him far from home (and therefore away from her). 

Father: Currently unknown. Was only told that he has the surname ‘Tolbert’ and changed it to that as a ‘fuck you’ to his mother.

Siblings: He has seven older brothers in total. Lewis (deceased), Martin (still living at their now-dead mother’s house but planning to move), Truman (living in California), Simon (lives as a hermit in an apartment of his own), Bradley (actually living a fairly normal life with his wife, three daughters and his son), David (trying to get his life back on track) and Travis (currently in prison, but has promised to get his shit together once he gets out.) - He wants to get back in contact with them, but is afraid to. 

Height: 5'6" 

Weight: Fluctuates between 110 and 115lbs 

Body Type: Thin but athletic. 

Hair: Dirty-blonde, kept in an undercut with volume and fluff at the top.

Eyes: Blue

Languages: English, French, and American Sign Language (ASL). Knows a little German because of his old neighbour Freyde as well. 

Distinguishing features: He has vitiligo, and the patterning on his skin seems to resemble the marks of a cheetah. The most notable of that are the ones on his eyes. 

A water colour tattoo of a Luna moth on his back. A sleeve tattoo of a nebula on his left arm. Scar tissue on his right arm, shoulder and part of his chest because of a car accident. Deep scratch marks (from fingernails) on his left shoulder. A couple of cigarette burns behind his right ear (hidden by his hair). A small birthmark on his abdomen that he shares with his father. Needle marks on his neck, behind his ears, and his scalp. 

A few burn marks from an electric shock on his hip, overlapping with one another. 

He stammers and has a awkward chuckle that comes out whenever he’s particularly uncomfortable about something. He also has insomnia. However, he has a concern over taking pills for it and so hasn’t tried to yet. 

Far-sighted so he wears glasses to read, play games, and other close-up tasks, 

Hobbies and Interests: Parkour and running, reading, space, videogames, mythology, steampunk, vaporwave, and drumming. 

Occupation: He often usually just helps people out for a bit of money. He also offers information on things he’s seen and knows about. He’s also affiliated with the work of Pano, a company decided to investigating paranormal events and improvising the relationship between humans and supernatural beings. 

Personality: Quiet and rather shy. He’s a bit of a doormat and finds it hard to speak up about a lot of things. But he’s also very kind and helpful whenever he can be, and has a lot of empathy and compassion for other people. 

However, this sadly can lead him into getting mixed up with the wrong kind of people. He also has some basic fighting ability and will fight dirty if he has to, as much as he would rather not. He’s incredibly loyal to any friends he makes as well, willing to put himself between them and any danger that might come their way, even at a risk to his own life. He also has a slight temper, particularly when frustrated or when he’s allowed negative feelings to build up inside for too long. He does his best to keep that reined in. 

He has some hope for the future after his escape from his old boss (and said old boss’s arrest when Pano found out about him..)

Basic Backstory: He didn’t have the best childhood due to his mother being the awful woman that she was. She would act manipulative, lock her sons outside as a punishment, become violent, physically, verbally, and emotionally lashing out at them and other horrible things. She also treated Russell like he was a freak once she found out about his abilities, holding it over his head and threatening to tell everyone about it.

He left home at seventeen. He saw a job applicant in a scientist’s lab, just as a helper. It was also several hundred miles away from home, so he saw it as a benefit for getting away from his mother as well. He applied, packed his bags, and left. However, he didn’t realise that his mother had set it up along with his boss, who wanted someone ‘like him’. She got a large sum of money for essentially selling him off. He didn’t find this out until later though. 

He was subjected to invasive and painful experiments, along with conditioning from his boss. Said boss pretended to treat and see him as a friend, and told him that it would be fir the greater good in the long run, so he tried to trust him. The experiments gave him the ability to sense, track, hunt, and then fight whoever he found. His boss wanted the perfect hunter so he could catch, study, and then possibly send these other subjects to other people for large sums of money. As such, he is no stranger to the supernatural, which roam semi-freely in his world, and isn’t very surprised whenever he meets them. 

Russell also learned how to use his speed and agility in a fight, and how to implement basic first aid. But it did little to make him feel better. Three years later, after he found out that it had been a set up, he eventually ran away and his boss was arrested by Pano. However, they were quick to catch up to him as well. About a couple of months later, they captured him by force but much to his shock, they offered him a job, and protection. Their reason for capturing him was because he wasn’t about to trust anything they had to say, and he wouldn’t believe them if they said it first. 

So now he’s living his own life as he goes, travelling wherever and whenever. As far as he’s hoping, things are looking up for him, but he’ll just have to see how things go.

[talesfantastic]

Muse Introduction - Reeve Tuesti (Final Fantasy VII)

Note: I play Reeve according to the initial character design; he is an Inspire, someone capable of bringing inanimate things to life. The most prominent example of this is Cait Sith, who is not an AI but actually an animatronic that has been given life. (As I also play Cait, you can find more detail here.)

History:

Born September 15th, 1972 to Rhys and Ruvie Tuesti, Reeve was a precocious child who was always found toddling after his father into any workshop he could get into. He was quickly deemed a ‘gifted’ child, highly intelligent and infinitely curious. He inherited talents from both his parents, but while his father’s affinity for all things mechanical was praised, his mother quickly shut down any conversation on his magical affinities. There were simply some things one didn’t talk about.

Taught to focus on the physical, Reeve was following his father’s footsteps at an early age, shadowing him as he refined the design of the reactors and oversaw the construction of Midgar. If occasionally machines would behave better in his presence, it was chalked up to his experience and luck.

When Reeve was sixteen, his father died in a reactor accident and it became clear that Reeve was the only one able to make sense of his notes, let alone continue his work. Deemed too young to formally take over his department, nonetheless he ended up leading teams and working closely with the temporary director to continue to keep his father’s vision on track.

Though not quite a ward of ShinRa, the President was seriously invested in keeping his valuable prodigy in the best condition possible, and as soon as he graduated from High School he ended up taking some college courses to better understand the position he was being groomed for. When he turned eighteen, he was quickly ushered into position as the Director of City Planning.

Having been raised around the company since childhood meant Reeve had relationships with the other directors well before he’d made rank himself, associations that serve him well. While his optimism and humanitarian leanings are often looked on as naive and don’t see much support, he’s still spared the worst of the drama and infighting. So long as he continues to maintain the reactors and Midgar, he’s generally allowed to do whatever he pleases with little scrutiny; for such a creative, resourceful man, this has led to him expanding his operations considerably.

While he’s aware of many of ShinRa’s less savory pursuits, Reeve is too dedicated to taking care of Midgar and her people to rock the boat too much. He places a great deal of hope on the day Rufus will take over, making compromises when necessary with an eye on a brighter future and an ultimately positive outcome.

There were dozens of small rebellions when he bent the rules he was given until they squealed to try and take care of his responsibilities, but nothing so bold as when he supports the rogue Turks. Within a year, he finds himself taking it even further when the second AVALANCHE sways him to their cause.

Ultimately, when ShinRa falls, he pulls himself out of the ashes and does what he has always done - take care of the people. The WRO’s development is just a natural extension. He doesn’t see himself as any kind of a hero, he’s made too many compromises for that, but he does his best to piece the world back together.

Description:

As an adult, Reeve stands at 5′9 - 5′10 in his favored work boots - and is in good shape from heavy lifting and climbing when working on the reactors and other construction sites. His skin is fairly tanned from spending so much time outside and a touch of Wutain in his blood several generations back.

When he’s younger, his black hair is kept neat and short, but he grows it out as he gets older. He also grows in a goatee. While he’s good at keeping his expression mild, dark brown eyes can often betray his emotions, one of the reasons he’s established a smile as his poker face.

|| character tag || verses ||

[tren-fraszka]

Chocolate Box Letter 2021

Dear creator,

Thank you for taking your time to check my requests. I know my requests can sound a bit tricky, but please don’t be discouraged. I wish you will have good time writing first and foremost!

My AO3 is Tren, if you wish to check it out.

Likes: comedy, casefics, canon compliants, AUs, time loops, bodyswaps, roleswaps, fantasy AU, urban fantasy AU, “being hoisted by your own petard” plotlines, snark, pettiness, rivals, enemies to friends to lovers, complicated relationship, violence, friendships, character bonding.

DNW: explicit sex (makeouts and fade to black is okay), A/B/O, mpreg, rape depicted as positive (so no “it’s okay, because the other person enjoyed it/it was what they truly wanted”), trans headcanons, soulmate AUs, stories ending with surrender to fate/destiny, fourth wall breaking in canons where that doesn’t occur, character has cancer or other real-life terminal disease AU, word “queerplatonic”.

Also, I included what ships I’m okay with in each fandom. Please do not include any ships that aren’t canon and I have not allowed in those sections (if you feel really strongly about a ship I haven’t mentioned, you can always ask through mods just in case).

Additionally, while I almost never request fanart as possible medium, because I prefer my main gift to be fic, I would be very okay with receiving fanart treats. On another note, feel free to use my old letters if you get your hands on them. I never stop being interested in fandoms, and if I requested something once I will still want it in the future.

                                           REQUESTS

FFF-CLASS TRASHERO| FFF급관심용사 (WEBCOMIC)

I’m caught to the current translation of webcomic. Feel free to include any new developments in webcomic, but please avoid spoilers for the original light novel.

Kang Han Soo/Nasus

Kang Han Soo is a terrible human being and I thrive on his sociopathy. I love the perfect mix of justification that we get for his action through his backstory and unrepentant self-serving attitude this webcomic has. I love that the elf prince is the only person Kang Han Soo seems to have any modicum of respect for and actually gets along with. At the same time Nasus is one of very few characters who seemingly saw through Kang Han Soo upon meeting, knowing exactly what to do to get him on his side. The way Nasus usurped throne with Kang Han Soo's help was great and I would love to see more of their teamwork. 

Maybe Kang Han Soo growing more and more fond of Nasus with each timeloop, because while the world is shit at least the overpowered elven prince seems to understand him a bit. I would love to see Kang Han Soo getting into compromising situations and being in utter denial about having a crush, because anything that doesn't fit his vision of the world can't be true. I can see him convincing himself that sharing long makeout sessions with elfish prince is totally a part of his strategy to get reputation points. He's just building a trust between the nations of elves and humans, okay?

On that note, I don't mind Kang Han Soo exhibiting internalized homophobia if you want to include it. I feel like it fits his character to be in denial about also being interested in men, but I'm also completely okay with different takes on that.

Feel free to abuse the reset mechanic to your hearts content. I love timeloops, so having one baked into the canon is just great. I would also love an AU where Nasus somehow becomes aware of the resets and also starts to retain his memories through them.

TALENTLESS NANA

I’m caught with manga up to chapter 56.

Hiiragi Nana/Tachibana Jin

I love that Jin is the first person on the island that actually has some understanding of Nana. I absolutely love their dynamic of Nana trying to kill him, but Jin always being one step ahead. There's just something fascinating in their back and forth, and constant mind games they have going on. Feel free to slip in any extra murder in between the canon to give them some extra opportunity to just be their terrible selves.

I would equally love some calmer moments between them. Maybe an AU where Nana starts to take care of cat!Jin and talks to him when no ones there to fight off the loneliness, since obviously a cat won't snitch on her. And well, he won't snitch, but not because he can't.

Or maybe Jin feels bored and promises to share some critical information with Nana if she goes on a date with him. And Nana is pretty sure he is just trolling her, but at the same time she has little to lose and everybody needs a day off from killing at some point. Bonus points for Jin constantly shapeshifting into Nana's classmates to hide his identity.

I would like to note that since we don't know Jin's true identity at this point, I'd prefer for it to be kept ambiguous for the purpose of this fic.

FATE/GRAND ORDER

I’m up to date with NA server. Please don’t include any spoilers for jp server.

Ryoma Sakamoto/Okada Izou

I love that the first we see of their relationship is Okada being absolutely pissed about Ryoma betraying him and leaving to die, and Ryoma being like "that's fair", and letting himself get stabbed because he has absolute confidence that Okada doesn't actually want to kill him. If that's not great ship material I don't know what is.

I love how thin the line between Ryoma caring about Okada and manipulating him into doing what he wants is. And that Okada is aware of it, but at same time he's completely unable to let go despite constantly proclaiming that he won't get tricked again. And yet he gets tricked. Every. Single. Time.

I would love both some shenanigans in Chaldea, as well as a look into their lives before they became Heroic Spirits. I'm not very versed in history of Japan though, so while I'd love a more history based story please assume you are telling it to someone who needs a quick history lesson at the same time. For Chaldea shenanigans I would enjoy Okada picking up fight with everyone who catches his attention and then inevitably getting his ass kicked, because he's used to being a big fish in small pond, while Ryoma tries to make sure he doesn't kill himself in the process. Or helps him get along with other Heroic Spirits. I would love to see Okada being pacified with some food. Maybe discovering liking for a dish he had never tried before.

Any mission gone wrong would also be fun. Maybe they Rayshift with Master (I'm fine with both male and female Master for this request) but end up stranded during the mission. Maybe they have to camp somewhere and it results in a lot of bickering. Or they very unsuccessfully try to stealth.

Inclusions of Oryou is welcome, and you are free to make it a threesome. Just please don't forget to include some flirty Ryoma and Okada interactions.

MAIRIMASHITA! IRUMA-KUN

I’m up to date with manga. Feel free to include any new developments.

Ami Kirio/Suzuki Iruma

There are many good ships with Iruma, but this one just has a lot things I like. I love enemy ships with both sides being way too emotionally invested into each other so this was inevitable. I love how this relationship starts as this really wholesome friendship and school festival preparation, except Kirio turns out to be a bit messed up and wants to blow up everyone. But then they both accept the outcome and go on with their lives still thinking about each other. Iruma goes through a lot of trouble to keep the club operating even though Kirio has been pretty much expelled. And then Kirio is now obsessed with Iruma as his anthitesis and perfect enemy. And probably wants to eat him. In which sense of the word is yet to be determined.

I’m okay with the potential story happening at any point in the canon. I would love both a story set before the festival while Kirio is still hiding his true colors or a story set after festival. Maybe Iruma runs into Kirio somewhere after he escapes prison and instead of calling an adult, he tries to stop Kirio from causing trouble on his own. Or maybe Iruma keeps accidentally preventing Kirio's terrorist plans without even realizing, while Kirio keeps pining and probably salivating from distance. As for pre-festival story. Maybe some upperclassmen steal important parts from the club and Iruma and Kirio set out to get them back.

I would definitely love an AU where rather than getting summoned to demon world, Iruma accidentally summons Kirio into the human world. Maybe Iruma’s parents try to use him as an offering, but instead he ends up bound to a demon. I would love to see Kirio excited to unleash suffering (even if his weak powers severely limit him in that regard) onto human world just to discover that he made contract with the biggest pacifist possible.

If you want to explore Kirio's hunger for Iruma I would prefer if it turned out to be that something got lost in translation through all those centuries and it's less about literal consumption and more about intense lust for humans.

TALES OF CRESTORIA

Velvet Crowe/Milla Maxwell

I thrive on the twisted codependency those two have in Crestoria. I will take both good, tragic and/or ambiguous ends for this relationship. Whether Velvet decides to forgive Milla or kill her it will be great. Give me all those twisted emotions, the hesitation, and pain both of them are carrying.

For straightforward approach, maybe the two of them stop in a town while chasing the last Incarnation and Milla decides to throw a party (because it's some sort of festival, or maybe she found out it's Velvet's or Laphicet's birthday and wants to make some amends however small). Or maybe one of them gets hurt during the fight with an Incarnation and the other ends up nursing them to health.

For some more levity, maybe Velvet and Milla ran out of money and pick up some side-job to have enough money for an inn. Maybe they work as waitresses and are both great and terrible at it at the same time. Or they have to take care of kids. Any other amusing job is also good.

Feel free to include other Tales characters. My faves are the cast of Xillia, Symphonia and Graces, but feel free to include others (I would appreciate proper introductions in that case, I still haven't played some of the games, so I might not recognize everyone just by their name).

[vivirnet]

200721 | slow down.

( image cover. ) — location: echo main house / vivi’s bedroom.

CT: his thoughts are still consumed by the idea of hunters being so close to echo territory. there’s no lingering signs, no obvious foreign scents, and yet that only makes him more suspicious. if aspen was trying to find those hunters and somehow it brought him to their area, either aspen is a shit tracker, a liar, or the hunters are long gone by now. without confirmation, the need to patrol is overwhelming but doubt doesn’t ease whenever he does. he carries it with him instead, in his shoulders, in the curling of fingers into tight fists, and how the corners of his mouth don’t lift as easily as before the new addition to the pack. rolling his head, he tries to ease the tension and finds no release. bad habits encourage him to seek out a different release whenever stress compounds and he rationalizes that as why he’s outside vivi’s room again but he knows better. even as he opens the door and walks in, he knows he’s too tired for that, be it mentally or physically, and the relief he feels upon the sight of her has nothing to do with that sort of release. wordlessly, he walks over to her, knowing that she’ll assume he’s here with the same intentions as he pulls her to the edge of the bed from where she’d been sitting. his gaze is harsher than usual, until he drops to his knees, arms wrapping around her and drawing her close as he leans over her lap, turning his head so his cheek presses against her stomach.

VI: As soon as she senses the beta's presence, she's quick to put her unlit candles away. They've been occupying her spare time, whether it came to making them or enjoying them as is. But it's calming to say the least. It's not as wasteful as baking tirelessly through the night is either. The song and dance continues, she thinks. Vivi isn't surprised by the pull towards him, yet the feeling of being weightless tickles her and she yelps. Then, for a moment or two, she's waiting for some kind of instruction only to find none. Is something wrong? Well of course, she answers herself. Carter wouldn't normally be this quiet either. Whatever's making him this way quickly becomes the only thing that swirls in her mind and makes her tense. But two tense wolves won't make it better. So, she relaxes in his warmth.

Holding his head with gentle hands, she brushes his hair back in slow movements. Kissing his head, she's letting the moments slip by in hopes he'll tell her when he's ready. Though, the more she remembers previous instances, the more she thinks it wouldn't actually happen. "Carebear." She tilts her head to see more of his face while offering a small smile. Then, falling backwards just enough, she grabs Cheer Bear and returns with a brighter smile that reaches her eyes—muted violet for the most part though it gradually becomes more vibrant. "Care for a carebear?"

CT: the initial tension in her body isn't surprising but he is glad when it seems to melt away, or he'd feel the need to leave first, frustration continuing to grow with the notion that he's upset her too. he doesn't know where to begin, doesn't know how to explain that he's just so tired, that exhaustion is all he can think of and yet he must persist in being vigilant. despite echo's loose interpretation of pack standards— at least from what he can assume from seraph in particular— he doesn't think he's free of them, of feeling the pull of instinct, constantly reminding him he must protect everyone.

eyes flutter shut at the gentle motions of her hands, nuzzling her stomach and taking in a deep breath at the kiss she leaves atop his head. the nickname reminds him that he's likely worrying her despite the physical tension leaving her body for now and he tries his best to manage a smile, however crooked and faint it is. when she pulls away, eyes opening, his fingers sprawl across her lower back, supporting her but also willing her to stay. "if i say yes, do you count?" chuckling as he straightens up slightly, one hand slipping to squeeze her thigh in acknowledgment. "i want you the most."

VI: Hugging the bear now, the urge too strong to resist, she props her chin on its head. The thought that anything in the world would bother Carter both amazes and scares her. She's always held the impression that he can get through anything and everything. Whatever happens in the future, whoever he ends up with, she can't even hope that he won't forget her. And just like that, the bittersweet feeling of losing the moment she's currently living in persists. Even when he smiles at her, particularly now, she thinks she'll never get to be the one to see more of him. She'll just never be good enough to.

So, she smiles that much brighter. She can at least do that. It's quite easy for her to live in a fantasy, after all—to believe that he's here because he finds comfort with her. "Me?" She absentmindedly points to herself, eyes blown wide. "But you're the carebear." 'Someone who's always warm and inviting.' She props the bear atop his head, as if to make a point. "I see no difference." 'Someone who's always looking out for others.' She giggles, the image simply tickling her. But when he says that, her thoughts get thrown out the window. Is this part of her daydreams again or is this real? "What did you say?"

CT: she looks cute when she asks for confirmation. then again, he thinks that often, always. even when they were young, wasn't vivi cute to him then too? it's a wonder he hasn't questioned if his attraction to her is warped or deprived, but he believes he'd feel drawn to her in any setting, in any verse. once he knows she exists, how can he not like her? "you're a carebear too, aren't ya? what are they for again? it's cute and soft, so are you." scrunching up his nose when the stuffed animal is placed atop her head, he laughs, reaching for it and placing it down on the bed before taking her hands now that they're empty, bringing them to his lips and brushing plush tiers along the arches of her fingers.

"hm? didn't hear me?" but if he says it again, will she believe him? will she play it off as carnal want? it wouldn't be a lie but he wants her more than that— wants to hold her, wants to kiss her, wants to be with her, wants her. in his life, by his side, as his. that's not possible though, is it? so he keeps his smile vague, light, as he kisses her hand again, this time lifting her arms and turning them slightly to kiss the inside of her wrists too. "should we get your hearing checked?"

VI: Using her free hand, she covers her mouth with a genuine gasp. Though she recognizes that it’s a compliment to herself, albeit somewhat debatable, she’s far more concerned with how he said ’too’, as in, in agreement. “You admitted to it.” Her eyes are blown wide, and it’s a wonder how her jaw doesn’t quite literally drop—although her hand does the next moment. “You are cute and soft! I’m so happy you agree with me!” She grins brighter, because isn’t that just the sweetest thing? She can’t laugh at that.

Unfazed by the hand kissing, finding it also sweet in and of itself, she’s more caught up in the reverie. Now she’s really starting to question whether she heard correctly—that he wants her. It sounded so serious, too. Does he really have to joke about her hearing right now? She swallows, smiling sheepishly anyway. “Maybe- But like, could you repeat it anyway?” Familiar pink hues return to her cheeks and she’s too shy to look at him properly. Would it really be so bad to say ‘I want you, too’ and possibly chalk it up to a sexual desire in case she really does have the wrong idea? But even the thought of saying that right now makes her head spin. Everything’s making less sense to her by the second.

CT: "i can't say no if you say i'm one, right? if you're a carebear, guess i gotta be one too." there's a sense of deja vu that comes with that. he thinks of some kind of movie vivi or someone else might've forced him to watch but the sincerity of his words still stand, reminiscent of a line from a movie or not. rolling his eyes when she calls him cute and soft, says that he agrees of all things as if the notion comes completely from him when she's the one who started all this carebear stuff, he can't help smiling at how happy she seems, how happy he made her seem for the moment. he's the most drawn to her in moments like this, truly, because he can tell himself that he'll make her happy, that he can stay by her side if he can manage to do that.

mimicking her, he rocks his head back and forth teasingly, "you admitted to it" but the way he continues placing kisses to her skin, traveling up her forearm, deters from his joking. when she avoids his gaze, he questions if she knows just how much he wants her, at all times. and, though, he thinks it's better off for the both of their hearts to pretend this is only about lust, his heart sinks already at the thought that she really thinks that. so just what is better for his heart? sitting up, he slides his hand up to cup her cheeks with both hands, making her look him in the eyes, and the smile is automatic when he meets violet hues. he's always touching her, grabbing her, but she's the one with a hold on him. "i want you most," and more lingers on the tip of his tongue, that she's the only one he wants like this but he doesn't say it, feels the burn at the nape of his neck, so he kisses her instead, lips gently urging against hers.

VI: Even as she pouts, a whine threatens to escape her. If there's anything she's kept throughout the years, it'd be Carter and all her memories with him. There are more to come, she reassures herself. There would be plenty more days where she can run around their territory and catch whiff of the beta—running towards a scent so familiar that she barely ever names the different notes most times. It's just Carter and she'll always adore him. "You have so many names. Carebear's my favorite after your own." She can't remember exactly how the name came to be besides how she used to have trouble pronouncing some names. But when he smiles, there's no way anything's wrong. Vivi will live for the moments she gets to see them herself and bask in the warmth she feels from it.

Without the cheer bear to hold, she's left to watch their hands together. Her hands have always been smaller, more delicate, compared to his. It's a cute contrast. The reverie continues as she observes his movements that she can see without moving her head. However, distracted or not, she certainly doesn't expect Carter to repeat the very thing she heard. The words leave her even when she's brought to look at him, and particularly so when they're drawn into a familiar feeling. A craving she'll never quite let go off. Vivi holds onto his shirt, gripping it as she pushes forward. She barely even realizes how she lets "i only want you" slip between her brief pulls for breath.

CT: "i know i have plenty of names. my favorite one comes from you," and he half-expects her to joke that his favorite must be carebear then. truth is, he likes hearing his name the most from her, whether it's moaned when she's half-asleep or if she's calling his attention because of something she's found in the fairy king forest. when they were younger too, carter realizes now how much he likes who he must've looked like through her eyes. every good side of him, he ties to vivi. the rest? the lust, she's somehow accepted. but bloodlust, he's yet to ask, yet to consider, because he gets it now. that vivi gives rise to his conscience, that any semblance of humanity in him— god, he hates that there's no alternative word— is because he wants to be good, or as good as vivi seems to believe he is. hearing that her favorite name for him is his own though, it's hard to think he could want to be anything but good for her.

his head nearly pounds at the anticipation, as if he can feel the blood rush past, and he just might when vivi says that. he could return the favor, make her repeat it, but he's more scared that she won't, that she'll claim to have said nothing at all— what if he made it up? willful and wishful thinking. instead, he lets one hand fall behind her, arm tightening around her waist as he brings her closer, clinging on as if she'll disappear the moment he lets go, as if the moment will be gone and he'll wake up. must be a dream, that's the other option. but when he pauses, lips ghosting along hers and he nips at her upper lip, a soft chuckle slipping out when he stares at her, into eyes that just might be his favorite color too, he lets himself hope even for a second; that it's real. "vivi, i— " a crack of a smile on his lips, his free hand weaves into her hair, pulls her into another kiss, wanting her to feel the weight of the words that won't slip out, of the fact that he loves her.

VI: If it isn't obvious as countless times before, she goes pliant to his touch. Any sort of attention he gives her makes her heart beat that bit faster. It's a little pathetic, she can't help thinking. So, she clings to the words he explicitly tells her and perhaps those caught in the depths of her mind. Twisting and turning his words to meet her own desires a lot of the times. Vivi has to bring herself back down to Earth, back to reality. She focuses on the warmth of his skin on hers, the breath against her lips. They're so oftentimes by her... well, everywhere. If it isn't his hand, it's his lips on her neck, her thighs, her sides. She takes a deep breath when he chuckles, as if ready to hear the blatant rejection—only now really processing what she herself said. Or perhaps something a little softer. Carter's always been too nice to everyone, going along with what even she'd consider silly.

Nothing but her name slips out, however, causing her brows to knit despite the feeling of happiness that seems to extend to more than his smile. 'What's going on?' The question runs through her head again and again without pause. Her arms reach up to his shoulders, wrapping around his neck as the kiss deepens, if even possible. 'Hold me forever' circles her thoughts. But even as butterflies return—or maybe they never left—she pulls back slightly, catching the green in his eyes as hers remain as vibrant as ever. "Are you sure? 'Cause I am." She swallows as her gaze falls, not looking at anything in particular. "I don't see you as just our beta. Just someone to protect us. I see you as someone I love. Someone I always want to be with and maybe, somehow, even take care of." She huffs out a smile, looking back up at him. "Isn't that silly?"

CT: there's a few ways he could think of to back-pedal out of this— before things get too serious, before they fall in deep, but it'd be a fallacy. he'd just be lying to himself. again. because he wants this, he's wanted this, and, for a few years, the more he seeks vivi out— claims her in the midst of sin because it's the only time he's certain that he can— the deeper he's already fallen. love that hasn't faltered, hasn't diminished over time but grew and changed, that grows with her. he'd waited til she was of a more proper age to be as shameless as he is now with her but when did he go from loving her to being in love with her? that much, he doesn't have a timeline or even a guess for. he drowns in it and, though a joke is there, one that can easily be made about drowning in something in particular, of how wet things can become between them, the truth overwhelms everything. waves crashing against the shore, wiping his past and concerns away for the sake of one fact, he can't walk away from this; he can't figure out a way to pretend when she says all that she does.

he doubts his words can be as sweet as hers, that he could say anything that doesn't sound like a line considering all he's said and done as a beta. when she pulls away from the kisses, he can't imagine a more authentic way than to show her but he knows vivi better than that, knows that the physical aspect of their relationship gives rise to insecurity. he swears he can sense it and he's more adamant on calling her only his when he touches her. the power she has over him is immense, making him want to chuckle, because if she knew, she wouldn't have to ask anything, wouldn't call it silly. "i want to take care of you. i want to keep you all to myself. all these wants and wishes, i got 'em for you. so, yeah i'm sure. but... do you know what saying all that means, baby girl?" thumb caressing her cheek, he slides his hand behind her neck. "because i won't let go if you keep agreeing."

VI: The longer it takes for Carter to respond to her, the more prone she is to looking anywhere but him. Shifting uncomfortably albeit being in his arms, she's itching to do something with herself. Perhaps to appear unbothered, like this isn't some big deal in case she gets puts down this time. Then she could more easily play it off and pretend everything's okay, that she's okay. Because, really, a rejection could be at any corner. Carter has the power to change her feelings so easily. Sure, they say your feelings are your own. But what's so wrong in her reactions to him? If he's upset or exhausted, she reacts accordingly. Be an appropriate opposite, if possible, to his sadness and cheer him up. The last thing she wants is to make him feel worse, after all. Yet in all these exchanges, uncertainty continues to plague her mind and it's hard to let go of it.

The moment similar sentiments reach her ears, her mental processing goes haywire. Holding her breath feels like second nature to his hold on her. Everything he says could be as comparable to all the romantic French films she's watched—except not really, but it does because it's him saying it. As her throat constricts and the fire in her chest smoke up her brain, she feels the relief of tears spill down her cheeks. She rests her forehead on his shoulder as more seem to pour out. Vivi nods for all she's worth, nods in place of more coherent words, as she holds onto his shirt in desperate attempt to keep herself back on earth. "I only ever want you, Carter." It comes out less than ideal, but better than she hoped—voice only as loud as she can while still keeping it coherent, that is, very much his ears only. "I love you." She whispers.

CT: the tension in her body reaches him and a flurry of thoughts run through his mind— or so he thinks. truthfully, his mind goes blank the moment he sees tears on her face and it sends him into a panic of his own. crying. she's crying and he can't even see her face to gauge what's going on. happy tears are a thing, right? he's heard of that? seen them in those films that vivi seems to like and, though he doesn't focus as much as she does, he swears this is one of those moments when it's most likely. the desperate grip on his shirt convinces him that she wants him there so this must be a good thing. it must be. how can the idea of them be anything but good? when he looks at vivi, he firmly believes she is everything that is good about him. he is his own person, of course he is, and so is she but he's better with her, because of her presence in his life.

arms wrapping around her, hesitant to 'entrap' her by doing so, he allows himself to believe that she would've moved away if this was rejection, that she's leaning on him because it isn't one. "fuck, baby. you scared me." he chuckles breathlessly, swallowing thickly as he tightens his hold of her, leaning over her and nuzzling her neck, lips brushing over her skin as he lifts her up, guides her legs to wrap around his waist so he can take a seat on the bed and just hold her. hands moving to take her face in his hands, he wipes at the tears he finds, a bashful smile on his lips as his heart continues racing. "hey, come on now baby girl. no crying." littering her face with soft kisses, he leans in closer so he can whisper back into her ear, "i love you too." arms wrap around her again and he presses her firmly against him, burying his face in her neck. "i don't deserve you but i love you. only you. it's always been you."

VI: Fortunately, or rather unfortunately, this isn't the first time she's cried in front of him. It isn't embarrassing to her as much as how confused she is for crying at all. Then again, she supposes she always cries during these scenes in films. It's so obvious how much love the characters have for each other and it's such a relief to finally see them acknowledging to one another. Vivi barely notices her smile at that, how she really starts envisioning them in third perspective, and how happy she is that it's happening, finally happening. She can't even begin to think of when and how it all started. "I didn't mean to." Pressing the heel of her palm over her eyes, it's a basic attempt at her stopping. But her voice is not croaking anymore, though her breathing continues to hitch.

Vivi feels like she's upside down, even as something leaps in her stomach whenever she's picked up. She truly wouldn't last a second on a roller coaster. Holding him even tighter, now at his shoulders, she soothes to the voice that guides her. Trying to nod in response is much harder with all the kisses, and she thinks that's not a bad issue to have. "I won't, I'm just happy." Her giggling, filling an otherwise empty room, and tear-stained cheeks, make her gasp to the reciprocation contrast harder. "How could you say that?" 'It's you I don't deserve.' Now she's a little frustrated that he can't see her pleading eyes, whining at his words and relaxing in his embrace. "Then don't feel bad." She stares into the big circle mirror in front of her, not quite seeing her full face but knowing she probably doesn't look all that great—hair drawn messily over her face and puffy eyes. "Just stay with me."

CT: "i know you didn't," he chuckles, the corners of his eyes softening as he holds her closer. even crying, it's hard not to think that she's so cute like this. she's cute all the time and it's a wonder how he lasted this long without saying anything, without being too weak to resist til now. the giggling brings his own spirits up so quickly he could get whiplash. it'd be too simple to think that he's the one in charge, that he determines everything, when she has him so easily wrapped around her fingers if she tries. she has him.

when her body relaxes against his, he feels his own losing tension, wanting to melt into her and around her. he wants his entire existence to be consumed by hers right now, to only see and feel her. touch her, kiss her, claim her, but that's something entirely different from this. "i don't feel bad about it. i used to, but not right now." laying back on the bed, keeping her slightly more upright so he can finally see her face again, arms extended so he can guide her to lean over him, fingers weaving into her hair at the nape of her neck and bringing her closer yet. "i say it in that i want to be better to deserve you. i'll work hard to do that so . . . have faith in me even when it gets bad. can you do that? i'll stay by your side as long as you want if you can do that."

VI:  Joy radiates off her entire being. There are words Carter keeps saying that dim parts of it, though perhaps it's more the way he says them. It sounds like he's in guilt, in repression, and there's certainly more to that story than he'll probably never tell her. Does she want to know why? Isolated, however, the words don't sound all that bad. As if now that they've started sharing their feelings that it could get easier. Maybe. Hopefully. Nonetheless, her eyes remain downturned as they see each other again, and she lets herself fall—helplessly so. That bit made a home for itself over the years. Vivi won't spend too much time on the semantics of it, at least not now, not when she's being held so closely and with such care by the one she's always wanted, the one she'll always want. 

For as long as Carter speaks, a request she thinks might hold more implications than she knows, she almost stops breathing, stops blinking, and stops thinking all together. A beat passes before she makes a sound, something of agreement. Among all the scenarios she's played in her head, one where Carter doesn't deserve her has never existed. But if he says so, if that's the reality of the situation, there's no way she can't accept it. She's thought of worse things. "I wouldn't say it, say that I want you and I love you if I couldn't." As soft and small her tone stays, it cracks every time she tries to speak louder. She brings her head up slowly, meeting his eyes and feeling the start of another cry, as she caresses his face. "I trust you, Carter. Strongly and wholeheartedly."

CT: the crack of her voice makes him feel weak, self-restraint dwindling, and his mind overwhelmed. moments like this remind him of how small she is, how fragile things could become between them if he isn't careful— in the sense that he thinks his darkness could consume her if he let it, that even her light can't win over what dwells inside him at times. when he first started, the bloodlust seemed uncontrollable. suffocating. he was suffocating whenever he wasn't out there, emotions dulled, his limbs going numb. he just wanted to feel something. vivi brought that back to him the more they got involved, but she was so young, too young for him to rely on her and not feel guilt as the beta, as the one meant to have everything under control. 

now, he realizes he might rely on her too much, in ways she isn't even aware of. her smile alone lightens his mood, takes some weight off his shoulders, gives him a reason to feel outside of his own darkness and self-imposed burdens. "mm, i know you trust me," swiftly, he turns them over, hair splaying behind her in a manner he's so fond of when he hovers over her on the bed, hand trailing over her hip up to her waist. "has it always felt this good  to hear it?" grinning, he takes one of her hands, resting it against his chest, just over his heart, hand clasped over hers. rather than claiming her, he wants her to know. "then this is all yours."

VI: Vivi focuses on her breathing now — feeling lightheaded at the very constraint that they're not finished. Whatever more is there to say, or do? Now that she's said all she's got to say, it feels like both a weight lifted and a weight redistributed. The familiar days, nights, and everything in between would surely be different. But she doesn't know what she'd even be allowed to do while others are around. And as if that thought alone were a catalyst, she spirals through other habits she has with him — would she have to feel bad for taking him to the fairy king forest now? Or would it be the opposite? Taking her out of her reverie, if only temporarily, her heart rate picks up. Between the action itself and the implications such a position holds — one she'll automatically respond to, like that of when he came and hugged her silently. Oh to be the one he goes to for comfort. She practically gives herself goosebumps over it. Her mind's still clouded, there's no doubt about it, but she's quick to reciprocate the grin. "Hear what? That I trust you?" Her gaze follows her hand, quickly awash with deep pink hues, and swallowing tightly. Vivi curls her hand into his shirt, lips slightly ajar, her eyes refuse to look away; speechless to a fault.

CT: he means any of it, all of it. it feels good to hear everything but that might also be because of how much he likes her voice. so often he implies he likes hearing her in the most wanton of manners, sinful gasps and pants, lusty moans, but it just happens to include that. her rambling, the shy pauses, the whines, when she happens to sing along or out of nowhere, but especially when she tells him things only the two of them know, it feels good. knowing he's special to her, that is what feels particularly wonderful. 

when he said good night to her once they settled in and down for the night, he wakes up with the expectation that hearing 'good morning' feels just as awe-inspiring, as heartwarming as it is to watch her sleep for now, rubbing the sleep slowly away from his eyes as he yawns. normally, duty pulls him away earlier than this but after those three words from her, he can't bring himself to leave just yet.