#\\ god i do hate writing any type of lap dance scenario

[mcmcntomorii-later]

[  LAPDANCE  ] (idol verse)

@championselect

[  LAPDANCE  ]  *  my muse gives your muse a lapdance.

Mukuro couldn't say that she was an expert at lap dancing but she was rather skilled at dancing in general, so she was confident enough to feel like she'd do a good enough job。And here she was, her hips swaying and dipping to the music that she had playing for him, something slow and sensual。

She honestly hadn't imagined that frequenting a cafe often enough and growing a little crush on one of the employees there would lead her to this。 But she also didn't not like it。

【 sexual tension prompts 】                      ♡                      【 accepting 】

[cotccotc]

┈┈ 𝐬𝐤𝐳 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐬/𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐝𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐜 *:･ﾟ

✩ ot8 reaction headcannon, 2.5k words (eek sorry)

✩ genre/s: **fluff**, humor, established relationship, ot8 x gender neutral!reader

✩ warning/s: MOBILE TUMBLR HATES ME (some gifs & author’s note might not appear),,,, my terrible sense of humor/commentary, a couple of them are suggestive if you  s q u i n t

✩ a/n: idk if the concept makes any sense but it does in my mind \_( ‘-’ )_/ also seungmin’s part is the exact same kinda similar to a brief scenario in my txt soobin “brightest blue” fic... but it’s fineee. also i’m sorry that some are longer than others! enjoy :))

chan:

chan is definitely extremely interested in the music you listen to.

in fact, sometimes he’d probably insist that you show him your current playlist from start to finish lol.

i can imagine y’all hanging out at the dorms, maybe even mid-cuddle, listening to some of your recent favorites.

but there’s this ONE SONG--

your absolute JAM

you get up from your seat or the bed and start completely jamming out.

he stays where he is so he can watch you have the time of your life.

i guess nobody told him you’re a professional lip syncer… awk...

you grab a hairbrush and hold it up like it’s a microphone.

honestly you’re thriving,,

he’s kinda stunned. not in a bad way, but he’s just so mezmorized by how cute (and maybe a lil sexy) you are when you dance like no one’s watching.

there’s a particularly awesome beat drop toward the end of the song, which leads you to do some equally awesome head banging.

he’s cackling at this point, which drives you to act even sillier.

*ending pose*

once the song ends and you’re trying to catch your breath, he slowly starts clapping for you.

“the song was great, but the performance was even better,” he’d say, coming off a bit sarcastic. but he means well!

you start to get a bit self-conscious and shy as you put yourself together again.

he’ll try to comfort you, standing up to wrap you in a hug.

“don’t be embarrassed!” (cue soft chan),

“baby that was awesome”,

“you should join a rock band!”, etc.

overall, he’d love it when you share your music taste, and this event will probably set off a chain reaction of similar jam sessions in the future.

minho:

ok so we all know minho’s a cat person, blah blah blah...

but what if you got super excited about a really cute dog?

let’s say you’re on a walk at a park, holding hands, and talking.

all of a sudden you see someone walking their dog…

and when i tell you this is the cutest, tiniest dog on the face of the earth,,,

you immediately stop walking and squeeze minho’s hand. you point to the dog and start freaking out because it’s so cute.

he’d say something silly like, “what are you talking about? it looks like a rat.”

you disregard it because you’re just so excited about this puppy!

“can we pet it?” you ask.

“... fine” he replies, smiling at you, despite his attempts to act uninterested.

y’all go over to the woman walking her dog and ask if you can pet the puppy. when she says you can pet him, you immediately sit on the ground, ready to have the best puppy playdate of your life.

minho’s still standing, watching you with loving eyes.

of course, you start talking to the puppy as if he’s a baby. minho laughs, trying to stifle all the uwus emanating from his heart

the puppy climbs onto your lap and licks your face just a little bit.

you look up at minho with wide eyes, saying “awww, isn’t he so cute!”

he’d playfully roll his eyes because why would he cheat on cats like that…

then you tug on his hand, motioning for him to sit with you. he does, reluctantly.

you place the puppy on his lap to see what happens.

the dog loves him! (of course, because what living thing wouldn’t love lee minho?)

the puppy is licking minho all over as he makes faces of disgust and struggles to pull him away.

you laugh out loud, happier than ever at the two very good boys in front of you.

he smiles again, completely endeared with your excitement despite being covered in puppy spit...

so, it doesn’t matter what kinds of animals you two prefer, since you’re the cutest thing he’s ever seen. (aww)

changbin:

i feel like changbin is the type to not be ashamed of/shy about showing you the songs he’s writing.

...except for right now.

he just got home from the studio, dropping his bag onto a table… but some papers fall out.

you attempt to grab the papers, but changbin stops you and grabs them himself instead with a subtle hint of nervousness.

pretty suspicious if you ask me.

“what’s up?” you ask, a bit confused about what just happened.

he’d try to play it off like nothing suspicious was going on, but you know his poker face.

it’s too cute not to notice.

he likes to play all tough but you (and everyone else tbh) know him better than that.

you go to grab the papers, but he steps away. you try again… and again, and again, and again.

you become increasingly more frustrated and impatient with each attempt, until changbin holds them up high in the air where you can’t reach them. he has a look on his face that says ‘haha! gotcha!’

you’ve never done this much jumping in your life.

but you’re not a quitter.

“okay… i give up,” you say, returning to a stationary position and placing your arms around his neck.

however, just as he lowers his hands to your waist, you snatch the papers!

“AHA!” you exclaim.

all he can say is “damn it!” as you scramble to the couch with the papers in your hand. you sit facing away from him, attempting to speed-read the lyrics sprawled across the pages.

he follows you to the couch, trying to take the papers back from behind.

“binnie, these are so good!!”

“thanks… but were they worth betraying your innocent boyfriend?”

“yes. every word.” you finally hand him back the papers with a smirk.

he’d curse under his breath, ditching the papers in favor of tickling you instead.

what a terrible punishment!

hyunjin:

we all know hyunjin is a drama queen,,

you can be a bit of a dramatic person yourself (who isn’t?).

so when you lose your favorite sweater, you’re immediately going on a wild goose chase around the dorms, because that’s where you had it last.

you’re practically talking to yourself. double checking everywhere you’d been. retracing your steps like a mad person.

you need this sweater!!

you let out a little “urgh!” as you begin getting frustrated.

hyunjin would ask what’s wrong, and when you tell him, he’d GASP.

he’d be like:

“have you checked under the bed?”

“the couch?”

“what about over here?”

“over there?”

this boy will not REST until the sweater is back in your possession, wasting no time in matching your level of concern/dramatics...

… if not exceeding it.

y’all have practically torn the whole room apart at this point.

until finally, you find it in a random drawer (of course smh)

“I FOUND IT!” you’d exclaim, flopping onto the bed and putting the sweater on,

to which you’d receive a “YAY!” in return

tired and leaning against a wall, he’d say something like, “thank GOD! now, why do you need it so bad?”

and you’d simply and softly respond, “... i got chilly~”

he wouldn’t give a verbal response, but his face would go from relaxed to ‘bruh’.

you knew he’d be shocked at your statement, but you choose to tease him instead with a smile.

he would then opt to tackle you in the bed, fumbling with the covers and vowing to make you as warm as humanly possible.

jisung:

jisung definitely loves showing you the music he’s been working on, just like changbin.

except… this time, the lyrics aren’t necessarily what you’re used to hearing.

you can tell jisung’s a bit nervous as he presses play, choosing to keep his eyes on the floor as he nods his head to the rap.

you’re listening intently, as curious and excited as you are every other time…

but then you realize that it’s about you……

the lyrics talk about letting someone into his life and his longing to be even closer to that person than he is now.

therefore,,,,   u w u

you giggle, which prompts him to look up at you almost immediately with anticipation about your reaction.

you decide to wait until the end of the song to react, but you can already feel the excitement bubbling up inside of you.

the song ends, and you’re sitting in silence alongside jisung. “so… what did you think?”

“well… i think…” you trail off, looking into jisung’s eyes.

with a bit of a squeal you leap up from your seat and essentially attack him.

you straddle his legs (don’t get any *ideas* this is FLUFF for goodness sake) and wrap your arms around his neck, locking him into a big hug.

“i love it, baby. so, so, so, much,” you respond quickly and genuinely.

he laughs, his arms wrapping around you.

he’d probably remark, “you scared me for a second!”

you laugh in response, apologizing for your delayed reaction.

deep down, he’d feel so relieved that you liked the song and its sentiment.

he’d also be so happy to have you, his overexcited sweetheart, in his arms.

however, at the surface, he’d prefer to tease you. “next time, don’t make me wait so long!”

felix:

ok so y’all send memes and tik toks back and forth all day every day. it’s just protocal.

also,,, you could literally be in the same room, and he’d still just start sending you tik toks he’d saved just to send to you and see your reaction.

but there’s this   o n e

you can’t quite explain why but when you watch the tik tok that your boyfriend sent you from across the couch, you laugh harder than you’ve ever laughed before.

whatever humor you may have, this tik tok completely encompasses it in a beautiful, stupid way.

before you know it, you begin cackling.

felix knows that you’ve always been a bit embarrassed of your laugh (who isn’t, right?), so when you start letting loose he’s a bit caught off guard.

still, he joins in (at a smaller scale, of couse).

he always wants to see you happy, but this is a whole new level of cuteness in his eyes.

your laughter subsides a bit...

until you decide to watch the tik tok again.

believe it or not, it’s even funnier the second time!

you double over, laughing so hard that no sound is even coming out of your mouth.

“are you okay?!” he’d ask, laughing harder now at your actions.

he’d put his arms around you so he could hold you up.

you’d mouth out a “no” in response.

there are practically tears forming at the corners of your eyes.

he’d continue looking down at you with a beaming smile, holding you up until your laughter comes to a full stop.

“was it really that funny? i can’t even make you laugh like this.”

you’re almost dazed, your stomach hurting (in the best way possible). you try to steady your breathing.

after a few seconds of recovery, he’d whisper in your ear with a deep, silly voice...

“...wanna watch it again?”

it’s safe to say you won’t fully recover for a while.

seungmin:

on days off, you watch dramas with seungmin to take both of your minds off of work/school/whatever’s been keeping you busy.

however… of course you can’t go a whole episode without laughing hysterically, and it’s all because of seungmin.

it could be the most dramatic, intense, or heartbreaking scene in the show but he would make it into a full blown impersonation comedy routine.

ESPECIALLY if the drama is in a foreign language.

this boy will reinact all of the subs in the stupidest way possible.

but, today he’s a bit exhausted, snuggling up against you and not saying much.

our boys work too hard :((   (but wbk)

...so you decide to take his place.

you start off kind of hesitantly, waiting to see if he’d even react. when the main characters start to have an argument, you begin reading the subtitles in a silly voice.

you hear a soft giggle from your boyfriend has be tightens his arm’s grip around your waist.

you begin to use different voices for each of the two characters, alternating between a nasly, high pitched one and a lower one with voice cracks. this makes seungmin laugh harder, going from a giggle to his usual open-mouthed chuckle.

he’s so cute >_< ,,anyways…

as the scene intensifies, so does the volume of your impersonations.

“yOu’Ve bEtRaYeD mE!”

“BuT yOu LiEd tO mE!”

at this point seungmin is cackling despite his heavy eyes and unwillingness to move. he’d be so caught up in your routine that he’d forget he was even tired.

you look up at him to see that big smile and those sparkly eyes you love so much, which motivates you to be even goofier!

you sit up, leaving seungmin’s grasp. you begin making hand gestures to match your overdramatic tone.

the scene comes to a climax, in which you recite the final line with more ferver and fake passion than ever before. you finish it off with a fist in the air for ~emphasis~.

as you hold this pose, you hear your loyal audience member begin to cheer for you. he claps, whisper-shouting “ahh” to create fake crowd noises.

“what a show!” he would commend you with an expression of sarcastic awe on his face.

you’re really glad you decided to cheer him up…

but not nearly as glad as he is to have you with him on a day like this.

jeongin:

jeongin’s smile could literally melt anyone’s heart. everybody knows this.

i don’t care who you are, if you see jeongin smile, you either smile or cry and there are no other options.

i don’t make the rules.

so, when he shows you the ‘lovestay’ version of his latest dance practice, you’re bound to go insane with adoration.

as soon as his solo comes up and the camera zooms in on his sweet, smiling face, you give his cheek a little poke

you say, “that’s you!”

“shut up,” he’d respond, giggling.

“wait, i missed something,” you say with a sense of urgency. you take the phone from his hands, rewinding a few seconds.

he’d roll his eyes at you, getting a bit shy.

you resume the video until the boy in the video holds up a finger heart, at which point you press pause.

“look how cute!” you exclaim, looking up at jeongin and pointing back and forth between him and the screen.

“stop it!” he’s blushing (and you’re screaming internally at how cute he is) as he tries to refrain from making a big smile.

you poke his side, resulting in a small fit of laughter that forces his bright grin to peek out.

he swats your hand away, putting his arm around you

(partly to show his affection and partly to make you hold still)

you place your head onto his shoulder, resuming the video for the final time. “you’re too cute. i can’t help it.”

“but you’re the cutest...” he murmurs, almost inaudibly to someone who isn’t as close to him as you are now.

heat rises in your face.

you: “...stop…”

him: “hah!”

touché...

©️ cotccotc 2020 ~ all rights reserved. do not repost my work on tumblr or other platforms.

[doodles-arts]

Headcanon of the 2003 turtles aside from Raphael reaction to (i already asked a scenario for him) dating someone who acts opposite of them but in a complimentary way?

Hi, hon! @nesting-dreams Before I talk about an s/o that's the complete opposite of the boys, maybe I should talk about what the boys are like...

Leonardo:

Calm, cool, and collected. Natural leader. He is confident and loving but dislikes excessive PDA. He would obviously go very well with someone who helpful and wise, but what about a bad b*tch? Your own leader.

His opposite s/o:

A complete baddie, b*tchhhh

loves fashion jewelry and horror movies

wants to be a model

loves anything with coffee. You're addicted 

loves showing off, not modest at all

Neva caught lacking

you're a diva, a female hustler, a complete boss

he looks up to you completely, he thinks your amazing

doesn’t hurt that your sexy with a-Rockin' bod

totally into reality shows and online shopping

you love TikTok, you're definitely always making up dances with Mikey

you online shop on Leo’s lap while he meditates

you hate it when people are slow

or when someone doesn’t have a sense of humor

you also hate when Leo doesn’t make time for you

you hold him accountable because you make tons of time for him

you don’t mind PDA

Leo likes holding hands and when you grab his arm

makes him flex, you notice but don’t care

but he better be spreading you like butta when ya alone!

your first fight is because he’s late to a date

he makes it up by spending the night, bringing you flowers and coffee the next day, it was 3 Am. you still squealed and accepted

you both stay up on the roof looking over the twinkling city lights and talk about everything and anything

Raphael: (my baby!)

Strong, stubborn, loyal, and competitive. The muscle. Raph, of course, is the type that would go for someone who was just as competitive and strong-willed to be able to handle his own temper. But what if he falls in love with someone he can take of instead? helps him grow a tender heart. 

His opposite s/o:

you are very shy

an introvert at best

you love books and a warm drink

you don’t like PDA, unlike Raph, because it makes you the center of attention

Raph respects it but warns you he can’t help himself sometimes

you both compromise and make PDA strictly SFW. Not sexual. At all

you're in school for journalism and you're writing a story based on the love between your and Raph. 

you always let Raph semi lay on you while you read on the bed. 

he also likes resting his head on your lap while you read and so do you

he falls asleep, daily naps

100% secret soft boi

he learns to work on his volume, he doesn’t have to be loud when it’s not necessary.

you always praise him when he does stop himself from yelling

you praise him during s*x too because it helps with his confidence. 

you always read to him after a night that he rants about something happening with his family. 

you always listen, you’re a great listener

you’re overprotective though

no one can boss your Red around

he loves that ^^ nickname

thanks to you he feels like he has someone to lean on that will relate or understand completely

the first fight happens because he yells at you when you first try helping him with his temper. Your hurt that he’d do the one thing that scares you

he apologizes and shows you his vulnerable side for the first time 

you accept his apology and cuddle him all night

reading him to sleep and you fall asleep in his arms

Donatello: (dadddyyy)

Obviously smart, but also a smartass. Basically the genius. He doesn’t enjoy PDA of any sort but loves physical contact when alone. He doesn’t like violence or ignorance. Usually, Donnie would benefit from a Mary Sue or a mom! friend. But what if he has a more calming and optimistic friend?

your probably a hippie by definition, but except your not he tie-dye tree-hugging type 

Your streetwise, a thick new york accent proves this. 

You’re very strong, stubborn but loving

Donnie loves this about you

you're not confrontational but your defense is always up

you actually try to understand his analytical ass, your own words

your rough around the edges but meeting Donnie has helped you with that

you crave physical touch from your partner, so when your alone you take advantage of him

he doesn’t mind, you're extremely touchy and even go as far as sitting on his lap in the lab. 

you lock the door because you know how he feels, but sometimes he likes seeing his brothers face when you're on his lap and they walk in.

your always in tight jeans and crop tops

it was obvious you had a perfect body, so he knew his brothers were a littleee jealous 

no one could prepare Donnie for the body you were hiding in those jeans and god, did he ravish you that night. 

you loved the long nights where he was too tired to take over in bed, you put your mouth to work...

He knew you enjoyed taking charge from time to time, he didn’t mind

you were a meme master

so Donnie had pretty much so many memes in his inbox

you're pretty funny and sarcastic too

“EW dude!! My mouth was open” your quick to play Mikey and “It’s always open”

Donnie likes how straight forward you are

first fight is because he was holding back in bed, you wanted to know everything he was into, all the freaky stuff

he complies and for the next week your a hot turned on mess but completely exhuasted 

Michaelangelo:

Funny, laid back and hyper. The fun one! He loves PDA, literally doesn’t care where or how. He loves to cuddle and nap and his cartoons. Obviously, the youngest in the group would like to be with someone who would have the same chaotic energy as him or at least similar. But what happens if the baby in the group gets the mom energy he never got as a kid?

you're very sweet on Mikey 

though you wished he’d slow down on the PDA

he’d hound you if he could, you always push him away, with a laugh

he loves to pepper kisses at you and hold you, grope you, hug you. basically suffocate you

you secretly love it

you always make sure he doesn’t get to close to the tv

he loves how whenever you go to the kitchen for something you bring him some

he loves having you on his lap while he plays. Keeps him warm 

wants to marry you the first time you heat up pizza and bring him some while he’s gaming

you love when he falls asleep on you

you both cuddle when ever you can

you always make sure that before you leave, he’s eaten and taken a shower, so if he knocks on the couch you know he’s alright

when you sleep over he usually falls asleep first, your exhausted but always make sure that when he’s tuckered out you help him to his room and draw circles on his forehead and drag a warm, gentle finger down the bridge of his nose. 

it puts him to sleep in a heartbeat

he actually calls you mom once, but you don’t mind, your friends have done it before

you tell him it’s alright because you know that you mother him

your first fight is because you overreact when he gets hurt trying to fight a villain with his board.

you apologize when he cries cause you yell at him, quickly admitting you were overreacting

you were worried and knew he was more responsible than that!

but you promised not to yell anymore if he promised to use his board during serious fights. 

he promised and you put him to sleep with a good old massage on the forehead and tucked him in before giving his injuries the last look

Leo is always easy to write, and I love writing my bad boy all soft like but Donnie is really fun to write <3 but Mikey is proabably the hardest because of how I see him as my baby boy. But I like this pairing alot, mom kind of reader with Mikey’s overactive self lmao

[romancevsreality-blog]

the bachelorette, season thirteen, episode five part one: am i behind the times on menwear trends?

Dear Bachelorette Producers:

Racism is not “animosity between guys.” This isn’t them “fighting about a girl”. This is a racist using his racism to provoke a black man and portray him in a violent, vitriolic manner.

This is irresponsible, and this is the normalization for racist behavior on par with our current president’s appearance on Jimmy Fallon.

Go rot and die.

Love,

Amanda

The episode opens where we left out - everyone hates Lee, especially Kenny, and Kenny’s gonna tell him who he is today in case Lee didn’t know. Meanwhile, Bryan and his cheek fillers1 take Rachel aboard a boat and he schmoozes her with all of the proper lines - when I’m with you, nothing else matters, fuck the drama, etc etc. They kiss. Rachel, WHY.

Kenny and Lee talk about how Kenny thought their argument is over, and Lee kept throwing matches into the fire to relight it. Lee refuses to let him speak - of course, he’s a troll - and then has the gall to be like “I commend and respect you for being so calm right now.” Read: “I’m trying to piss you off and it’s not working, so let me twist them words right up.” He’s such a concern troll and I’m over it. He accuses Kenny of having a violent aspect to his personality - shut the hell up, dude - and just wants to get in Kenny’s head, and unfortunately, it appears to be working a bit. Lee is garbaaaaagio. He goes and talks with Will, and Will’s basically like, “Dude, he wants nothing to do with you, back off,” and Lee’s like, “Oh, no, I can’t, my family has a deep history of racism and I have to keep that alive, soooo…”

Anyway, the guys regroup with Rachel, where she gives out her group date rose… to Bryan. RACHEL, WHY?

Kenny takes the time to congratulate Bryan and give a little veiled toast2 to Bryan and the rest of the guys - basically that Bryan isn’t a Bitch Ass Dude and earned his group date rose instead of trying to snake his way into that. I cackled, and I cackled even harder when Lee was like, “Hey, wait, FUCK YOU!!!!” because he’s literally still trying to be the victim when he’s the instigator. Talk shit, get hit, and when Kenny alludes to such, Lee doubles down on the “WAH YOU’RE VIOLENT WAAAAH” train. Kenny feels sorry for Lee’s parents.

I love Kenny. He whispers “You’re a bitch” to Lee and basically is like, “how is a whisper aggressive?” Kenny, wanna get married? All the guys are laughing at Lee. Not with Lee, like he hopes. Lee admits he’s there to talk shit. LEE IS NOT THERE FOR THE RIGHT REASONS.

Meanwhile, Rachel’s going on a one-on-one with JACKSTONE. They’re going on a carriage ride through Hilton Head. Rachel’s excited because, on paper, they’re a perfect match. I don’t think this date will end well. Perfect Matches on paper... rarely ever do. Jack isn’t sure if he can take a joke, which probably means that Jack is the type to make offensive jokes and then be like “I was just joking, god,” when people get rightfully upset. They’re eating and shucking oysters, and I’m genuinely shocked that they let anyone on this show have any kind of knife-utensil deal. I don’t get it.

Jack is a blinker. He blinks a lot. They’re going to learn some line dancing, and JACKSTONE is not a dancer3. Rachel feels like something’s missing, and of course, JACKSTONE is like, “I just want to kiss herrrrrrrrrrr haaaaalp.” Rachel pulls the whole, “I’m contagious, don’t kiss me,” and Jack kisses her anyway. Erm. I’m nervous. John Grisham wishes he could write this drama.

Will and Lee have a drink outside, and Will does a duty I’ve taken before: Explaining To A Racist Why Their Behavior Is Racist. It’s a heavy emotional duty to carry as a black person, particularly a black woman, to take on. People like to believe that just because they’re not wearing a KKK hood or running around lynching people that they’re not racist. People don’t want to realize that racism is a subtle dance, one that people naturally fall into without thinking. Will explains that he understands where Kenny’s coming from, and that when Lee calls him “aggressive”, it’s just another brick in the wall of black men being portrayed as aggressive in order to justify scenarios. It’s the most honest conversation I’ve seen about race in reality television4 and of course, Lee accuses Kenny of “pulling the race card” - he never did, Lee slipped that race card right in the deck like a sneaky fucker - and Will realizes that Lee’s just an ignorant monster. Lee “doesn’t understand the race card”5 - CAUSE YOU WHITE MOTHER FUCKER YOU HAVE NO RACE CARD TO PLAY - and just continues to be like, “I don’t understaaaaand.” Because he’s a big ol’ racist.

Back to JACKSTONE and Rachel, and they’re at dinner. JACKSTONE has the problem of talking over people in a very aggressive manner, and he’s got all the perfect canned responses. Jack makes me nervous. He talks about her dad, and Rachel is not feeling it. She doesn’t feel the romance. She asks him what they would do in Dallas, and his response is, “I’d lock the door.”

Ahasflkfjelfhdjkgjfljdfghkjhs

I AM TERRIFIED FOR YOU RACHEL GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT

He wants to lay in bed and talk. Rachel is like, “that sounds boooooring.” She doesn’t want to waste his time any longer. JACKSTONE keeps saying what a “surprise” it was that he had a good time and this is How Not To Woo A Girl 101. Surprises are for 50th birthday parties and STDs6. Rachel picks up the rose... and doesn’t give it to him. SAVAGE. She doesn’t feel the romantic feelings for him, and for that reason, she’s out. We get what feels like the only genuine feelings from JACKSTONE we’re ever going to get, and with that, he’s gone off to face another challenge.

The next morning, Rachel’s like, “fuck the cocktail party,” and we see her getting ready. All the guys are nervous going into the rose ceremony, which is on a pier at night. It’s gorgeous.

Eric, Peter, Adam (WHO?), Will, Matt (AGAIN, WHO?), Alex, Josiah, Anthony, Kenny, and Lee (BARF) all get roses.

That means goodbye Iggy and Buster Bluth - who exits with a tickle that... I don’t hate.

Meanwhile, we’re going to Norway!!!!!!!

I love the idea of Norway. I would like to go to there. I don’t even know what’s there or anything about Norwegian culture but I AM ABOUT YOU, NORWAY. Oslo is just fun to say.

Rachel joins the guys in a restaurant wearing a chunky knit oversized sweater and I CANNOT. I would like that sweater immediately. Who made it? Where can I get it? Is it sold out??? Someone get me this sweater now. IF YOU TELL ME IT’S $500 I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL

I can’t afford that, I’m a poor writer who lives in New York. I wish I could spend half my rent on a single sweater. Anyway, Rachel arrives to drop the bomb that she’s taking someone on a one-on-one right then and there, and it’s Bryan and his cheekbones.

RAQUEL. WHY.

The guys speculate as to whether Bryan’s coming back - y’all, he’s coming back, Rachel’s dickmatized by him and his facial hair. Bryan is wearing a sweatshirt with lapels that’s perfectly unzipped to show the navy shirt underneath - that navy matches the border of the lapels perfectly. Is this a new choice in menswear I’m missing? Can we lose it IMMEDIATELY? I love a guy with a great style, and a guy who pays attention to details7, but I hate everything about Bryan’s outfit. EVE (clapping hands emoji) ERY (clapping hands emoji) THANG (clapping hands emoji).

They’re exploring the city of Oslo, and why am I so aware of the transportation in this season? They take a bus to the best view of Oslo, where Rachel leans into Bryan like she’s trying to crawl into his lap. Rachel is DTF Bryan.

Also, WHAT IS WITH THIS SHOW AND THE HEIGHTS GARBAGE? I can’t. That’s the reason I can’t be The Second Black Bachelorette - my fear of heights means the producers would have to get creative with dates cause there ain’t a possibility in the world that I’m going to the top of the Holmenkollen Olympic Ski Jump like they did. It’s high up as hell and then they’re going to rappel down.

No.

No.org.

Rachel gets to be all lawyery and is like “Y’all, 1-8-7 = murder, and this is 187 feet down.” I love her again.

But also no as HELL to all of this date. I would be in actual tears the entire time. I would be like Catie on America’s Next Top Model8, just sobbing and dangling, sobbing and dangling. They kiss as they repel down, and Bryan has Josh Murray Unnnnnh Syndrome. How is Josh Murray Unnnnnh Syndrome (hereby known as JMUS) diagnosed? Loud kissing. Loud, audible kissing, followed by a moan of some type9. How does one avoid JMUS? Moans are for food and sex. Easy!

Anyway, they go ahead and sit together on a bench and discuss Rachel wanting to sabotage their relationship, because Bryan makes her nervous. Trust your judgment, Rachel. You’re an attorney, for god’s sake. Bryan continues to say all the right things, they kiss. Rachel doesn’t understand how such a catch is still single at 37. She doesn’t get it. ME EITHER, RACHEL. ME FUCKING EITHER.

We see a conversation between Eric and Anthony, where Eric discusses the fact that out of the five one-on-one opportunities, only one black guy in the house (Anthony) has gotten a chance. Eric thinks that Rachel’s not interested in dating black guys because of that - I understand this logic, but I think it’s a dangerous path to go down, especially in this scenario. I mean, I can just see the producer asking Eric about this possibility and planting the seed in his brain. Anthony quells those fears by basically telling him some nonsense about Rachel seeing potential in a relationship every time she gives a rose, and not to think about anything else but that. Or something, I didn’t really get it.

Anyway, Rachel and Bryan sit down to a dinner at what is basically the 360-degree buffet table from The Simpsons. Rachel is wearing chartreuse eyeshadow. Girl, no. The makeup artist who put her together, bye. Go out of business. Rachel talks about how she basically didn’t get super hot until after college and that she doesn’t know how to take compliments and doesn’t understand how to react when men are interested in her.

Uh.

I mean.

Yeah, I get it. I get this a lot. As a person who also didn’t get hot until college (and didn’t get super hot until I graduated) and was an awkward, gangly bag of bones until I was about 22, men being interested in me is still strange. I spent so much of my life feeling insecure about myself, having friends that were prettier than I was10 and settling into being “the funny and cool one” that I get verrry anxious when men express blatant interest in me. I know. It makes zero sense, but y’all, humans are a group of contradictory beings and nothing about us and the way we operate makes sense. We literally have a group of people actively working to kill millions of people to save a small group of people some money, and people continue to put the people trying to kill them into power because of loyalty and white supremacy. Nothing about us makes sense. I get you, Rachel.

Bryan says some nonsense about how he got hot too, but mostly talks about how he was afraid of commitment for years and now he’s ready to do it. And hopefully with Rachel.

Back at the house,

THERE’S A DATE CARD!!!!

Rachel’s looking for a guy who’s good with his hands in Adam, Dean, Anthony, Peter, Matt, Will, Alex, Eric, and Josiah, which means Lee and Kenny get the two-on-one. Of course. Nothing in this world is good or just.

The group date consists of the guys playing handball. The fuck is handball? I hate all sports, so of course, I don’t know what handball is. It looks like hand soccer. Handball is a combination of “football, basketball, and water polo.” Looking at it, this is an accurate description. I hate all sports, again. I fast forwarded.

We see Kenny talking to McKenzie, who didn’t get a sticker at school that day. I am so sad for McKenzie. Kenny cries because he misses her so much. I love Kenny. Seriously though, y’all, I’m not kidding about my love for good dads. We get another shot of Lee “preparing” for his date by working out and reading. I hate Lee. I hate the producers for all of this.

At the after-after-after-after-after-party, Rachel takes Will aside first, because he was the MVP of the game. He talks about not wanting to regret not showing her who he is, and so he wants to make sure to enjoy their time together. It’s sweet. It’s vulnerability. I like Will a lot. The man I believe should be the new image of masculinity, Alex reads Rachel a letter he wrote her. He has nice handwriting. I feel bad for hating on Alex so much. Alex is woke af, loves his dude friends unabashedly, and can express his emotions.

Rachel kisses pretty much every guy and thinks every guy is amazing. She doesn’t see how the night could go wrong, and then Josiah shows up. Josiah drops every perfect line on Rachel, talking about how beautiful she is, and how he knows he’s going to marry her, and Rachel isn’t having that. She wants him to ask her questions and get to know her instead of talking AT her about how amazing she is. And she’s right - it really doesn’t seem like he’s interested in getting to know her, he just likes the image of the two of them together and chemistry be damned, he’s hoping that she’ll fall for all the empty lines. But she’s smarter than that.

The date card arrives for Lee and Kenny, and it’s not signed by Rachel - it’s signed by Chris Harrison. Why? CAUSE RACHEL’S PROBABLY NOT ABOUT THIS and didn’t want to sign her name to any nonsense.

Peter and Rachel actually seem to have a real conversation about real things and he’s precious. I love him. He talks about how he’s noticed she’s easy to read, and how she’s not - and then they get spooked by a rattling doorknob and then they realize there’s a patio outside. They go out and kiss and it’s romantic. They get into a hot tub and make out. Unf. I wanna make out in a hot tub in Norway, and I notoriously hate hot tubs. I think they’re sleazy and suffocating.

Apparently, Rachel and Peter were gone for three and a half hours, which I am ALIVE for. I mean, one of those hours was spent getting her re-dressed/miked/etc etc etc, but still. Get it, Rachel. Despite her rendezvous with Peter, Will gets the group date rose. Go Will! You’re adorable!

The next day, the guys are talking about who they think is coming back from the two-on-one, and no one can tell. They all think Lee’s garbage, though. Rachel’s excited and touches down in a helicopter. She wants to understand both Kenny and Lee, and whether or not she can develop a relationship with them individually.

NORWAY IS BEAAAAUTIFUL I want to go on a helicopter ride in Norway. You can go on a helicopter ride in New York for like $30 but boooooring. They’re headed to the Norwegian wilderness because the two-on-one dates are all about isolating you in a place with the person you hate. Kenny hopes to show Rachel the real side of himself that day - he wants to focus on her that day. Lee hopes to rile Kenny up and then smile when Kenny gets upset to make himself look good and level-headed in front of Rachel. See where their differences lie? See how their focuses differ?

I hate Lee.

Rachel takes Kenny aside first and he talks about how amazing he thinks she is, and how he wants to show her how he is. He tells her that he thinks that Lee felt that he was backed into a corner and lashed out at Kenny because he didn’t know what else to do. Kenny is wonderful at this moment and really does express a desire to have a future with Rachel. He admits to being wrong for yelling at Lee and for reacting improperly. Lee says he’s going to capitalize on his time with Rachel.

Lee is that friend who’s like “I don’t like drama, I don’t want to be a part of it” and then two hours later he’s calling you from jail because he punched a guy in the face. I at least admit to being a messy bitch who loves drama. Anyway, he rats Kenny out for calling him names and talking about shitting in his boots and allegedly trying to pull Lee out of a van. Yo - if this really happened, we would have seen it. That’s how you know Lee’s a lying liar who lies. He insinuates that Kenny’s a violent alcoholic who has a dark side. He’s concern trolling AGAIN because he acts like he wants what’s best for Kenny in telling Rachel this, that he’s “tired of talking about it”. This is gross. So gross.

Rachel takes Kenny aside again and tells him what Lee told her. Kenny literally looks baffled. He denies any truth to Lee’s allegation. Rachel’s like, “yup, I just wanted you to know, I believe you... kind of.” Kenny’s pissed. He literally lets out an “I’m gonna kill this bitch” cackle all the way to his walk back to Lee. Like, the cackle a witch lets out before poisoning someone. Kenny’s not happy.

To Be Continued...

Random Assessments from the Desk of Amanda:

I’m so glad I never have to see fucking Lee do his stupid racist explosion wizard hands to emphasize his bullshit ever again.

Rachel and Bryan remind me of Sharleen and Juan Pablo. A really smart, amazing woman and a dopey dud, where the whole relationship is purely based on physical attraction.

Who are Adam and Matt? For real. Can someone tell me?

If Courteney Cox can’t pull them off, neither can Bryan. ↩︎

Veiled toast sounds like a new version of avocado ↩︎

Coming soon, from John Grisham! ↩︎

Let’s be real - Kim Zolciak emerged at the perfect time for herself. She couldn’t be pulling all of that wig “I’m so black I act black” nonsense in 2017. Now she’s just a bunch of latex and silicone and I prefer her that way. ↩︎

Blackness is not a playing card or something you can just throw out into the universe. White people play the race card more than anyone else. ↩︎

I have a gentle startle reflex. Do not throw me a surprise party unless you want it to end like this. ↩︎

Match a tie to your socks and I am ALL OVER IT. Hellloooooo, sailor. ↩︎

SPEAKING OF, have you listened to my podcast yet? ↩︎

Not shown, but typically featured: following that with what they consider to be a “meek” and “shy” but “Happy” biting of the lip. ↩︎

Seriously, one of my best friends is so stupidly beautiful that sometimes I want to punch her in the face. LOVE YOU SEAL ↩︎

[btsstankate-blog]

Busy Train Ride

Hello to who ever is actually reading this, so this is my first scenario and if you didn't know.. i only write smuts scenarios and reactions for Namjoon and Jin.

Summary- You meet Namjoon on the train and it leads into an exciting experience. 

Category: Scenario

Members- Namjoon and You

- tO ALL MY NAMJOON BIASES -

I KINDA GOT CARRIED AWAY WITH THIS SCENARIO AND WROTE ALOT AND STILL AM NOT FINSHED AS THERE WOULD BE A PART 2 COMING SO BE READY💙.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were coming home from a late night dance practice and you worked so hard to fix any mistakes and got all the choreography perfected. You lived 10 minutes away from your dance studio so everyday when you came home you had to take the crowded train back home. It was 1am Tuesday night and that is the time you usually leave practice based on your Tuesday schedule. You particularly are new for 3 months in that dance studio as you transferred from another months ago. Dance was your passion and you had a dream to become a professional dancer one day. You loved hip hop dancing as you have been winning several dance competition awards with your dance group. 

You walked 2 blocks to the train station and saw your train was coming in 3-5 minutes. You exhausted from the hard work you put in for your hip hop solo. You just played on your phone for about 5 minutes checking your social media apps and playing games until you actually fell asleep on the bench waiting for your train to arrive. About 10 minutes later you woke up to an announcement that your train will be delayed for about 5 minutes extra because it was running late anyway while you were asleep. Your so glad you didn't miss it. You drunk the rest of your water and waited patiently for your train to arrive.

Once your train arrived your small self squished in between people who are pushing themselves into the train as there were no seats of course that you can sit in as you were very tired from your dance practice tonight. You held on the train pole firmly and tightly hoping not to fall since you were little stumbly and kind of dizzy from you being so fatigued.  You were also hungry and didn't eat dinner before you came home. All you had was a sandwich for lunch and a bottle of water. 

About 4 minutes unto the train ride it just got more and more crowded with a LOT of people. It has never been this packed at this time that you have been on this train. You wondered to yourself why it was. Suddenly when the train made a sharp turn the pressure and force of the people standing and holding the pole bars and such pushed you so hard that you lost balance and completely fell on top of the one and only Kim Namjoons lap.

You at the time didn't know who Kim Namjoon was and you weren't too familiar with the group: BTS

You: “Oh my god I'm so sorry about that!” You said as you and Namjoon are helping picking yourself up.

You: “You see the train turned and i lost balance and due to everyones pressure I fell but I'm so sorry..”

Namjoon- “Its okay, its totally fine i understand. Are you okay are you hurt”? he asked while all eyes of the other passengers were staring on you.

You: “Yeah I'm totally fine just might have a couple of bruises but besides that I'm ok” You said nervously and embarrassed trying to catch your breath.

Namjoon:” At least your okay ..it could've been worse!” Namjoon said trying to make the best out of the situation.

You: “Exactly” you said lastly.

Luckily, after seeing you fall a nice gentleman gave up his seat as you looked tired and overall because he felt bad you got embarrassed and fell in front of literally a whole train of people.

You: “Thank you” you said as you walked towards the seat. It was in front of Namjoons so basically you were facing eachother. The train started to get less packed by each stop.

For the rest of the 7 minutes train ride you couldn't stop thinking about how handsome Namjoon was. You kind of were glad that he was able to help you up and be all nice when you fell. You tried not to maintain eye contact and just sat there deep in your thoughts during the rest of the train ride back home.

In Namjoons Mind:- He actually was still very concerned for you after the fall but couldn't stop thinking about how beautiful you are. It was literally love at first sight. He stole little glances at you here and then to see if you were okay and to see if you got out the train finally and also because of how god damn gorgeous you are to him. 

On the other hand, Namjoon was going back to the dorm after a night out with his manager. His manager went home with his wife as they lived about  5 blocks away from the BTS dorm. That left Namjoon to take the train all the way back to his dorm as the night out was in a unpaticular area he never been to but his manager nicely told him where his stop was suppose to be.

Suddenly it was 1 minute until you got off the train as it was approaching your stop to go finally home and once you got off quickly to avoid anything else from happening and to just want to be home at last, you heard a voice particular to the man (Namjoon) who you fell on top of.

Namjoon- :”Exuse Me!” he said walking fast practically running trying to catch up to you as of how fast you were going home.

Namjoon- “Exuse Me Mrs!”

You turned around to the sound of his voice as your eyes came practically big at the sight of Namjoon that made your stomach flutter.

As soon as you turned back he finally watched up to you.

You were practically leaving the train station when he told you-

Namjoon; “Hi, *out of breath* i just wanted to say that your beautiful and we should be friends or hang out someday..”

You: *you were suddenly shocked at the words coming out of his mouth as you smiled shyly covering half of your smile.

You: Thank you! I actually not going to lie i think your very cute and handsome and sure maybe we can get to know each other more!” You said trying not to blush but failed miserably.

Namjoon- *Namjoon telling that you were kinda shy*

“Also, again don't worry about the fall i know how you feel its totally understandable.”

You: “Thanks i appreciate it, it was kinda embarrassing.. but I'm okay.”

Namjoon- Thats all that matters..Anywway my name is Rap Monster I'm the leader from the kpop group/boy band BTS I'm not sure if you have heard of it and basically we live in a dorm 5 blocks from here.

You: “Oh wow i live right here on Talé Street! It’s really not that far! I actually never heard of your  boy group but now i will find more about it for sure!”  you said.

Namjoon- “Im actually coming from a night out with my manager.. but without the boys”

You: “Oh cool i just came from my dance practice and I'm extremely tired.” You said.

Namjoon- Maybe we can meet up with each other and maybe the boys?

You: “Sure!I would love to it seems like fun!”

Namjoon- Trust me.. it will. Anyways do you mind if i get your number so ic an contact you?

You: “Oh yeah sure!” you said as you hurriedly told him your number.

Namjoon- I will text you when we can meet when I'm off at the dorm.

You: “Sounds Good!” you said satisfied. “Okay see you later” you said, walking away in amazed shock from what just happened.

Namjoon- “Goodbye!” said Namjoon as he turned the other way and headed back to board the train that was already there back to the next  2  blocks that the dorm was from your city.

In the meantime, you hurriedly went through the cold dark streets of Talé Stret you were scared if anything will happen as you always hated coming home late at this time from dance and you kept overthinking still and you mind hasn't yet still processed that your love at first sight crush just planned to be friends with you and that he liked you.

Namjoon, still on the train, couldn't wait to tell the BTS members back at the dorm about this exciting experience.

SO as you can see, this is such a long scenario.. i know but part 2 will be coming soon and this might have grammar or punctuation mistakes because it is late its 11pm and i kinda am in rush to fix it and yeah.

Im new to doing these types of things and this is my first fandom fan account on tumblr. Please follow and request any scenarios , smuts , fluffs, reactions, angsts, etc ONLY I REPEATN ONLY FOR NAMJOON OR JIN I DO NOT WRITE FOR OTHER MEMBER THIS INCLUDES SUGA, JUNGKOOK, V, JHOPE, OR JIMIN. SO BASICALLY NAMJIN THE COUPLE OF THE GROUP LMFAO.

Follow my fandom army twitter @BtstrashK & my 2 youtubes - cookies cookie and - hobis’ hope.

Don't forget to vote for bts for the bbmas and its tomorrow and voting ends depending on your time zone.

Bye & Stay AWsome!