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torukmaktoskxawng · 2 years ago

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'anla - part four

part one, part two, part three

Summary: The Sully Family is trying to work around their grief and Ao'nung learns that family doesn't always have to be by blood. It can be by choice.

Pairing: Ao'nung/Fem!Na'vi!Sully Reader

Warnings: Mature language, time skips, HEAVY angst, depression, older sibling syndrome, mentions of death, canon typical violence, canon compliance, slow burn, etc.

Word Count: 5k+

Tag: #'anla ao'nung fic

Na'vi Words: nivi - hammock, olo'eyktan - clan leader, tulkun - whale like animal, Sänrr Rong - Glow Tunnel, marui - home, ikran - Mountain Banshee, pa'li - direhorse, Iknimaya - Rite of Passage, kuru - queue braid, tsahik - spiritual leader, kalweyaveng - son of a bitch

posted on ao3

Taglist (red indicates "could not tag"): @bangtanxberm @aonungmyaddiction @lv9su @aisselasstuff @yourusername1 @amortencjja @king-julian6201 @gg-trini @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @mikeyswifie @heart-an0n

A/N: 200 followers?! When did that happen? Thank you so much for the support of this series and for all the requests! Here's the next part of the series in celebration! 🍾 ✨️ 🎉

Going through the motions.

That's what Y/n ended up doing since the day her twin brother was murdered by the Sky People. She would wake up and not feel as though she was actually awake. Mostly it still felt like some sort of bad dream and she somehow couldn't open her eyes. She moved around and did everything she was supposed to, but mostly it was like she was on autopilot.

Losing Neteyam took a toll on everyone in her family along with the people around them. At the funeral, they all had a role and took part in letting his body go, even Spider, who had been rescued from the Sky People in the chaos of losing Neteyam. Y/n didn't even realize Spider was living among them again until the next day after she had passed out from screaming and crying to her dead brother. He and Kiri were sitting beside her nivi and the human boy even offered her water for her aching throat.

After that, Y/n couldn't remember much, she just let her body lead her. As mentioned before, she was just going through the motions. Everyone around her could agree that she was just a walking shell, eating when she needed to, sleeping when she had to, and doing her chores, and other daily duties around the village. Her expression had become stone, even during her brother's funeral. It was as though she didn't have any more tears left to shed and her chest felt hollow.

The Sully family mourned for a week and even longer once Jake got reassurances from both Tonowari and Ronal. To everyone's eyes, the Sullys were Metkayina now and they were being allowed to stay forever, as part of the People. The Sully kids wanted to feel proud, but instead, it felt bitter and more like guilt. To Y/n, her acceptance into this new clan didn't mean anything. Not anymore. It didn't make her feel anything other than that empty hole in her chest. Physically, there wasn't a hole, but mentally, up in Y/n's head, she had a hole in her chest that was bleeding out and it was the same size as the bullet hole left in her twin.

It took a while, but eventually, the Sully kids reverted to something resembling normal. Yes, they were still grieving, but now they moved around, helped out in the village, and went back into the water. Lo'ak, Kiri, and Tuk have found themselves playing again, and this time, they're showing Spider around and dragging him everywhere, despite the stares and whispers.

Y/n goes with her siblings everywhere, but she doesn't play or explore. Instead, she keeps watch. She had definitely unsettled many of the Metkayina, walking behind her group of siblings, carrying a bow and arrows in both of her arms, scaring people away with just one glance. She brought her weapons everywhere now, never being seen without them. She couldn't afford not to have them again. It was hard for anyone to believe that she was just fifteen years old, with the way she held herself and hovered over her family members, her yellow eyes watching them like a hawk. While they played in the water, the Sully kids could rely on their big sister to watch over them. She was always near, sitting on some rocks, high above her siblings so that she could see everything that comes within a hundred feet of them. Her brother and sisters could always rely on her to be a constant presence, even if she didn't appear to be all in her right mind.

There was also an unexpected constant presence beside Y/n when she was like this, and that presence was Ao'nung. Whenever he could, the reef boy would be beside the former Omatikaya girl. Y/n was so used to being Neteyam's shadow, she never realized that she had one of her own. Ao'nung refused to leave her alone, ever, especially if he knows that she wanted to be left to her thoughts. He wasn't sure what was going on in her head, but something dark and terrifying in his gut told them that whatever demons she had, she shouldn't be left alone with. So, he remained steady and strong, like a cliff against a mighty storm. Unmoveable and calm, Ao'nung became Y/n's silent shadow wherever she went.

It wasn't much of a challenge, especially since Y/n barely goes anywhere. She follows her siblings around during the day and that was it, otherwise, she was with the entire village for communal meals and then with her family to sleep for the night. The meals and slumber were the only things Ao'nung had to part himself from Y/n, but otherwise, he remained stuck to her hip, whether she wanted him to or not. Their routine was simple and nearly everyone in the village knew it. It wouldn't be difficult to locate the two young Na'vi even if they were sought after. Ao'nung would sit beside Y/n every afternoon, on the rock where she kept watch over her siblings as they played in the water. The reef boy never complained about never being able to join in on the fun. Other people did plenty of that for him, however. The boys that had bullied Kiri, the ones Ao'nung had dropped, thought they would be doing him a favor by antagonizing Y/n when they swam by on their ilu one day, ready to go for a hunt. Wanting Ao'nung to come with them, they jokingly asked Y/n if they could borrow her shadow for the afternoon, promising to bring him back in one piece. When that didn't draw the reaction they wanted out of her, the jerks tried other methods such as manipulation, telling her that she didn't need Ao'nung and that he was his own person and doesn't need to be bored all day long for her sake.

Ao'nung snapped, the waves crashing against the rock cliff and breaking it down. He shouted at his former friends and told them some very unsavory things about their mothers and, if he were olo'eyktan, how he would punish them for their dishonorable behavior. For now, that appeared to scare those assholes away, but Ao'nung was certain they would go crying to their mothers, who would then proceed to tell his mother. That night, Ao'nung had prepared himself to go home and receive the brewing storm that was Ronal, who expectedly lectured him about how a chief's son properly acts.

It was worth it in his eyes if the way Neytiri looked at him had anything to say about it. The Sully mother was intimidating, to be sure, but when she looked at Ao'nung, he wasn't entirely frightened. She stared at him as if she was calculating, observing, anything but trying to find ways to kill him in his sleep. Tsireya was unable to sleep one night and told her brother how horrifying it was to watch Neytiri slip into some kind of wild animal the day Neteyam died, and at first, Ao'nung couldn't believe it. But he knew she was a protective mother, who would kill for her kids, just from the way she looked at people. Even Ao'nung's father knows better than to look Neytiri te Suli née te Tskaha Mo'at'ite in the eyes.

So Ao'nung continues to sit with Y/n and to fill in the silence, he would tell her about his day or relay a story he once heard or experienced. He wanted to tell her more stories about his Spirit Brother but decided against it. A part of him knew that if he talked about the tulkun, Y/n would be reminded of Payakan, and then she would remember the tragic day when her family lost her brother. He doesn't ask her if this would upset her, but somehow he knew it would. He doesn't really ask her much of anything. It's not like he's assuming what she'll think, it's more like he somehow knows it already. Somehow, he knows her.

He never outright asks her if she's alright or if she needs someone to talk to. Ao'nung wasn't like that. He wasn't his sister who is open and unashamed. He had his own way of asking those questions.

"Do you wanna go to Sänrr Rong?"

At the end of each of his stories or daily briefs, he always asked her the same question. It was his way of asking her if she wanted to get away so she could freely talk about whatever she wanted. He was offering a way out and somehow, she knew it but didn't ever take him up on his offer. Every time he asked her the same question, she gives him the same answer, "No."

"Okay," was always his reply.

~~~~~~~~~

The only time Y/n wasn't looking after her siblings was when she left her siblings to her parents for the evening. After dinner, the Sullys would return home and settle down for the night, and when they returned home, Y/n would grab her bow and leave for a few hours to find time to herself. It wasn't like Jake and Neytiri asked her to watch Lo'ak and the girls, but Y/n did so willingly, without complaint, and would only leave her siblings alone if one or both parents were around to keep them safe.

Neytiri understood that as a teenager, Y/n needed to have time to herself, but not at such a late hour and away from the village, "Y/n, please stay with us. Stay with Mama."

It felt like a constant battle every time Y/n moved to leave the marui but every time, the girl remained victorious and always escaped into the night. Through their grief, Jake and Neytiri lost the will to fight her and granted their eldest daughter more freedom than before. They knew she was grieving in her own way and they needed to let her do so, but as parents who had just lost a child, sometimes it was hard to let them out of their sight.

Y/n needed to be alone. She needed to have her space. She could only listen to her mother tearfully sing Neteyam's songcord for so long. Technically, it was Y/n's song, too. The twins had shared at least the first three beads on their respective cords, signifying the first three milestones of their lives. The first verse and chorus of their songs were the same, only branching out in their separate, unique melodies after the first communion with Eywa. Listening to Neytiri sing the same song that was meant for both Y/n and Neteyam would drive the young girl up the wall, both in anger and sadness, but she couldn't bring herself to tell her mother that. She didn't want to stop her mother's way of grieving for the sake of being comfortable.

Y/n would look away and speak in the smallest voice, "... I can't."

She would leave for a few hours but always came home when she knew her family had settled down to sleep, doing this on purpose so they wouldn't talk to her. Neytiri always stayed awake, however, and therefore Jake stayed awake. To avoid waking their other children, however, they don't lecture Y/n when she got home. They always flashed her disappointed or pitying looks, but otherwise, let her find her own hammock and go to sleep.

Neytiri had tried to be her daughter's shoulder, lending her ear along with her gentle voice, "I was around your age when I lost my sister."

And Jake had tried to be his daughter's rock, placing a firm, comforting hand on the top of her head for reassurance, "And I lost my brother. We know how you feel, sweetheart. We're here when you're ready to talk."

She would only shake her head, "There's nothing to talk about."

~~~~~~~~~

Lo'ak feels guilt and regret for a lot of things. He regrets dragging his siblings into rescuing Payakan when it should have just been him. He regrets forcing Neteyam to help save Spider when he could've done it alone. He regrets not going back for his sisters when he had the chance to do so. He regrets freezing, in shock, and unable to move while his sisters were scared and tied up on the ship. He regrets letting Neteyam take the gun from him... maybe if he had kept it, they would've shot him instead...

Maybe Y/n wouldn't hate him so much then. His big sister barely spoke to anyone, least of all him. Lo'ak can barely get Y/n to look at him much less say a few words. With Kiri and Tuk, it's a little different. The three sisters all seem to communicate without ever vocalizing to one another, a form of communication that Lo'ak greatly resented. It only made him feel more alone, the only brother left... Well, except for Spider. The human boy is older than Lo'ak but doesn't act like it, the complete opposite of Neteyam in that aspect, along with physicality. Lo'ak appreciated Spider in many ways and does see him as a brother, but not an older brother. Not someone he could look up to.

Which is why he couldn't stand Y/n hating him any longer. One night, after she slipped away to be alone with her bow in hand, Lo'ak pleaded with his parents to let him go after her. He never vocally asked, instead using those big eyes and droopy ears to his advantage. Jake only looked away while Neytiri gave in, softly telling her last remaining son, "Go bring back your sister."

He ran after her, being sure to let her know he was following her with loud footsteps so as not to scare her. After all, he's seen her archery skills before. He knows his sister doesn't miss. Y/n didn't appear bothered by her little brother tagging along, the two running through the forest together until they came across the rookery in which their family's ikran had found their homes. It was a clearing of trees with a waterfall leading up to small cliffs of rock and bits of floating boulders. They weren't mountains and it wasn't as impressive as the rookery back home, but it did its purpose to housing the banshees. Y/n strung her bow over her shoulder and climbed up with Lo'ak close behind. They climbed to the very top of the waterfall where they were greeted by the ikran.

Y/n moved to greet Evi, trailing her hand down the strong neck of her dear friend as Lo'ak climbed over the ledge. For a moment, the siblings remain quiet as Lo'ak greets his ikran, a pissy beast who has been feeling neglected as of late. While Lo'ak provides him with treats to make up for it, the words come tumbling out of his mouth.

"Please don't be mad at me anymore."

Y/n's head tilts, curious, before turning to face her brother. Lo'ak couldn't bring himself to look back at her as she finally spoke to him, "Why would I be mad at you?"

He winced at the sound of her voice. It was different. After she had screamed her lungs out that fateful day, she hadn't spoken very much since. Either it was still the same voice and Lo'ak just hadn't heard it in a while, or it had changed, making the guilt continue to eat him from the inside out. His hands shook whilst he stared down at them, his blurring vision reminding him of the blood he had been forced to scrub off once upon a time, "Because it was my fault. My... fault..."

Y/n's ears drop, her tail lowering in distress. Her heart clenched painfully as she took a step toward her brother, "No. No, Lo'ak--"

"He's dead because of me." He blurted out.

"That's not true--"

"And I never got to... I should've said..."

She finally reached Lo'ak and pulled him by the shoulder, forcing him to turn and stand directly in front of her. Both of Y/n's hands squeeze his shoulders comfortably, gently whispering to him as if they were sharing a secret, "Tell me."

The tears were beginning to fall, and Lo'ak didn't have the strength to stop them, "The last thing I told him before everything went to shit... I said that Payakan was my brother and he needed my help. I told my own brother to his face that someone else mattered more to me than him! That he wasn't my brother--"

Y/n's face was not free of tears this time, her heart breaking all over but not just for Neteyam. Her heart broke for Lo'ak, too, her baby brother who thinks he screws up everything he touches and blames himself for everything that's happened to their family. Y/n reached up for that stray braid Lo'ak keeps free from his hair band, running her thumb over one of the beads Tuk had gifted him as she spoke, "You didn't mean it, Lo'ak. I know it, and 'Teyam did, too."

His entire body shook, and eventually, she coached him into leaning into her for support. It was by no means a hug. Lately, Lo'ak had been acting too grown up for that sort of thing, but Y/n will take whatever she can get. He leans his forehead on her shoulder and cries, shaking like a newborn pa'li while her arms envelop him, despite how he kept his arms to his sides.

They weren't out of the woods yet. Their family still had a long way to go before they feel as though they will survive this pain. But at least it was a start.

~~~~~~~~~

After realizing that her silence was making her siblings believe she hated them, Y/n tries to do better after her talk with Lo'ak. Speaking normally would be difficult for her and for the majority of the time it was uncomfortable, but she was eventually starting to work herself up to feeling somewhat normal again, starting with her sarcasm.

Slowly, day by day, her sarcasm returned, and she even made a sarcastic comment that got Spider to laugh. Ao'nung was there as well, wanting to feel at least relieved that Y/n was slowly coming back, but something stopped him from doing so. It was the way Spider laughed that made his skin prick uncomfortably. He didn't like the sky demon boy, that was clear to see. Even though Tsireya and even his parents warmed up to Spider, Ao'nung was not an easy feat. He had taken a while to accept Na'vi and demon hybrids, so trying to accept an actual Sky Person would be even more difficult, maybe even impossible as Ao'nung watched how Y/n and Spider would interact.

Anger often flared up in his chest whenever he saw the two together. Spider was always beaming a bright smile up at Y/n behind his strange little glass bubble of air, talking adamantly to her even when she wasn't in a talking mood. What bothered Ao'nung, even more, was the fact that Y/n didn't seem to mind Spider's presence. In fact, she gladly welcomed it. What was once red flaring up in Ao'nung's eyes was now green with envy, and the green wasn't a good look on him. His hands began to twitch whenever Spider was in the vicinity, or whenever the human was around Y/n. Ao'nung needed to do something with his hands, and unfortunately, when he finally lashed out, it was a mess.

Y/n came running to the sound of yelps and grunts of pain, someone snarling and hissing along with the familiar sound of fists being thrown. It was like being sent back in time, watching Lo'ak and Ao'nung fight in the sand. The forest girl easily broke the fight up and looked around with annoyance in her eyes while staring down at her brother and her friend.

"What's going on?"

"Ao'nung hit Spider!" Lo'ak spat out.

She took a moment to find Spider's gaze, the teenaged human looking a little frightened but otherwise unharmed. He was clutching his mask tightly around his face, however, so Y/n put the puzzle pieces together to realize what had happened. She examines Spider and his mask first, poking around at the oxygen tank attached to it before turning to the reef boy responsible, "Ao'nung?"

Ao'nung was sporting another bruise on his face along with blood on his lips. His ears darkened a shade, but otherwise stood his ground as he mumbled, "He said he knows what's best for you."

"What?" Lo'ak hissed, scandalized, "Bro, he didn't say that!"

Y/n held a hand out to Lo'ak and he quieted down. When her eyes found Spider, he knew that it was his turn to explain, "I only said I've known you a long time, Y/n, I swear."

She nods and turns back to the Metkayina, "Ao'nung. Did he really say that word for word?"

Ao'nung wished he could remember exactly what had been said before the fight, but it was all a blur. His memory was easily blinded by rage, and he could only remember bits and pieces of his conversation with Lo'ak as they fished on the shore before Spider had shown up. All the same, he realized that what he thought had happened wasn't exactly true, regardless of what he remembered, "... No."

Her expression was blank, a stone wall that has become her natural reaction to everything now, "So you assumed."

"... Yes."

She nods, side-eyeing the reef boy with a look of disappointment. It was cold and impassive, much like how she used to look at him before they became friends, and that honestly terrified him. She tilted her chin back in the direction of the village, "Ao'nung. Go cool off. And for the time being, leave me and my brothers alone."

Brothers. One word and Ao'nung quickly realized how blind he had been, how foolish he looked. As Lo'ak and Spider left, he watched the way Y/n gently held the back of Spider's head when the human teenager walked past her. It was like a splash of cold water ran down Ao'nung's back, the ghost of Neteyam's memory following Y/n's simple movements and love language toward her siblings, alien and Na'vi alike. She spared one last glance at Ao'nung before she, too, walked away. Ao'nung growled to himself, wishing he had something else to hit to release that foolish energy. Of course, Spider was her brother. It was foolish of Ao'nung to assume otherwise after everything the Sully children had been through. Tsireya had been the one to tell her brother about Spider even when he didn't want to know. She told him how Spider grew up alongside the Sully kids, how they used to play together all the time and learned how to hunt together as they got older. Even though Spider wasn't able to ride an ikran or finish his Iknimaya without the means of contacting Eywa with a kuru, his fellow Na'vi friends still treated him like one of their own and included him in everything, against their mother's wishes. Ao'nung heard about the events that happened on the demon ship, how Neteyam saved Tsireya, Tuk, and Lo'ak, but stayed behind with his brother to save Spider. It was clear to everyone how much Spider meant to the Sullys, enough to risk their own lives for him, which is why everyone except Ao'nung got the message to leave him alone.

He went home and it didn't take long before word spread -yet again- and Jake Sully informed Ao'nung's parents about what happened. The olo'eyktan and tsahik were furious with their son, lecturing him about his behavior and why what he did was wrong, "Toruk Makto recognizes the demon boy as his own. The Sully family has adopted him as their son and brother. Despite your differences, you must learn to respect him as you should respect the Sullys."

They make him go apologize, but they didn't have to. Ao'nung wasn't going to fight them to defend his wrongdoings. He accepted his punishment and went to find Spider the next morning after everyone had time to cool off. Spider was happily climbing the atoll walls leading out to the open ocean while Lo'ak, Y/n, and some of the older reef kids went hunting. As Ao'nung's punishment, he wasn't allowed to hunt for a few weeks, so he was able to catch the human boy alone without anyone around, which is how Ao'nung preferred to apologize in his walk of shame.

Ao'nung settled into a crouching position beside Spider after the human teen took a break, sitting on the very top of the sea wall. Ao'nung couldn't afford to look at him as he apologized, "Sorry I hit you."

Spider only shrugged, leaning his weight on both hands bracing him from behind, "All good, man."

Ao'nung whipped his head up in the sky demon's direction, confused as he reiterated, "It's not all good. Y/n is still mad at me."

Which was true. Y/n was openly avoiding Ao'nung at dinner the night before and that morning. Once upon a time, Ao'nung was her shadow, but today, she refused to accept one. Spider shifted uncomfortably, staring down at his swinging feet that dangled off the edge of the wall, "Yeah, well... She's mad at you because she was picturing what could've happened. I mean, technically you could've killed me if you hit my mask just right."

Ao'nung's spine stiffens, "What?"

"My mask? Ya know, the thing that helps me breathe?" Spider stares at Ao'nung curiously while tapping the glass of his exo pack. When Ao'nung only stares back with a conflicted expression, he explains his question, "Sky People can't breathe this air without help. That's what these are for."

It was like a splash of cold water was running down his back as Ao'nung berates himself under his breath, "Kalweyaveng. I didn't know. You and Y/n must think I'm some sort of monster--"

"You didn't know, cuz. As for Y/n, she likely realizes that, too. You just scared her is all. She's scared of losing another big brother."

Ao'nung couldn't help the smirk on his face as he peered back over to the other boy, "Big?"

"Shut up. Not what I meant." The boy rolled his eyes, "I'm still older."

That was news to Ao'nung, and the thought of Neteyam sobered him up, "I didn't know."

"That's fair," it's not like it was obvious, given the size difference and separate species. Spider has been misinterpreted as the youngest of the group for a while. It doesn't help that Little Tuk is catching up to him at just seven years old. He tries not to let it bother him, but he could see why Ao'nung felt like shit messing around with him if all he saw was a demon baby, "It was a mistake and Y/n knows that. She just needs to cool off a bit."

Ao'nung tries not to feel hopeful at Spider's words, so he tries not to talk about it and ask questions. It's what his sister would do, and he was trying to be friendly, "So what happens if your mask breaks?"

"I have friends in the Omatikaya clan who might fly out here soon to give me spares."

"Do you plan on staying then?"

"Yeah..." Spider's sudden nonchalant attitude melted into nerves, cautiously watching the reef boy out of the corner of his eye, "That okay?"

"Yeah." Ao'nung doesn't think before answering, but he doesn't regret it and it feels as though a calm wave is blanketed over him, extinguishing whatever ugly emotions he held toward the human boy before, "I think so."

Spider grinned, "Cool."

~~~~~~~~~

Kiri offered to bring Y/n and Tuk with her when Tsireya and Ronal invited her for tsahik training. Kiri was obviously missing that part of her life and was excited to go, therefore Tuk was excited, too. Y/n... not so much, but not that she would show it. She just smiled and told her sisters to have fun. The girls left around the same Lo'ak went out hunting with Ao'nung and Rotxo. With her parents also out of the hut for their daily routines, that left Y/n with Spider, and the two of them decide to stay indoors and weave a few baskets. Spider also wanted to add a couple of beads to his songcord, so Y/n helped him out with it. They worked in silence and Y/n took note of the beads Spider was adding to the cord. She had a feeling what they signified but didn't have the heart to ask. Likely, they were to represent the loss of Neteyam and Spider's adoption into the family.

The thought made her throat swell and she was forced to cough in her arm. Y/n had yet to add to her songcord since her brother's death. She had plenty of other moments of her life she could add, like joining the Metkayina clan, but she knew, eventually, she'd have to add a bead for Neteyam and a bead for Spider. She already had some options picked out, like a bead she had taken from Neteyam's braid before his funeral. As for Spider, she was juggling between finding a shell or a rock in the area where the battle with the Sky People took place as a way of his returning to the family.

While her storming thoughts were brewing, Spider had a few thoughts of his own that he wanted to openly share, "You don't have to avoid your friend for my sake, ya know."

Her eyebrows scrunch as she bore a pouting frown when she peered up at him from her work on his songcord, "Your sake?"

"I don't think he meant any harm."

"Harm? I don't think you would be saying this if you knew how he treated Kiri when we first got here."

Spider paused, squinting his eyes in confusion, "But... doesn't Kiri like him? I thought she told me he's actually nice."

"Perhaps that was Kiri just being nice," Y/n rolled her eyes.

"He seems nice to Tuk."

"That's different. It's Tuk."

"Aside from when Ao'nung hit me, he and Lo'ak get along."

"Just because he's nice to us doesn't mean he can go around and be cruel to you."

"He was being protective of you, Y/n. In his eyes, I'm just an alien who thinks they know you but not really."

"He hit you."

Spider shrugged, albeit a little bashful, "Yeah, but I'm okay."

Y/n didn't think any of this was 'okay' and it frustrated her to think Spider didn't feel the same. He always brushed things off like they didn't matter-- like he didn't matter. Kiri was always bothered by it and Y/n wished she had stood up for Spider the way her sister did their whole lives. Y/n wanted to blame herself, but a resenting part of her knew the blame was her mother's. Neytiri had always been so cold toward the human boy, even when he was so young and innocent. And yet, he never said a bad thing about her and always respected her wishes. Even if he only did so to make sure he could continue to hang out with the kids, he still respected her far more than she respected him.

Y/n loved, respected, and even admired her mother, but sometimes, the child doesn't wish to be like their parent. Y/n reached over and grasped Spider's shoulder, "What if he broke your mask? What would have happened then? You don't have a spare, Spider. You could've died."

"But I'm okay. See? I'm fine."

"But what if--"

"No more 'what ifs.' It didn't happen, Y/n," he reached out and grabbed her shoulder as well, smiling softly, "So just leave it be. Ao'nung didn't know better, and he clearly feels terrible for what he did. If you're worried that you'll offend me if you forgive him, don't be."

Y/n looked away, still appearing unsure of his words, so Spider continued, "Did he tell you he apologized?"

She peered up, eyes wide as she subtly shook her head. Spider huffed a small laugh, "I guess he wouldn't have been able to, seeing as you've been avoiding him."

Her ears droop in shame, looking back down at her fingers while they fuss with Spider's songcord. Spider settled back down beside her to help, but realistically he's never been good at the crafting part of jewelry, "He feels guilty and even called himself a monster. I said I forgave him, but he still feels ashamed because you're still mad at him. He actually seems like a pretty cool dude and he really respects you. Just give him a chance?"

~~~~~~~~~

It was like earning the trust of a stray cat. Jake personally hasn't seen one in a while, but watching the way Ao'nung tried gaining his daughter's trust again, he was reminded of stray cats back on Earth. Jake faintly remembers an old lady who used to live across the street from his shitty apartment. She would leave out food for the strays and over time, would gain their trust and they would let her pet them or take them into her home.

Watching this was no different. The Sully family was interacting at the communal meal that night, among the villagers. Jake and Neytiri stayed close along with Tuk, the young girl was tired and slowly falling asleep in her mother's arms after playing all day. Jake had kept a tally of where each of his teenagers was currently at, and thankfully he didn't have to look very far for each of them. For the most part, they had stayed close together. Lo'ak, Spider, and Kiri have huddled around with Tsireya and Rotxo, laughing and occasionally tossing food at one another, using their own plates made from tree bark as shields from the onslaught. Y/n was sitting next to the group of teens but was far enough away so she wasn't involved in the food fight. She silently sat alone, picking at her food. Jake didn't miss the way she'd politely wave someone away if they tried sitting next to her. She was purposely keeping that spot open and her father didn't know for who until he had spotted Ao'nung out of the corner of his eye.

The chief's son definitely looked forlorn, keeping to himself with his plate full to the brim of food in hand. Ao'nung was keeping an eye on Y/n the whole time he slowly made his way around crowds to reach her. He would pause every time she looked his way, wait as she analyzed him, then continue slowly approaching her when she looked down at her food. She clearly knew where he was at all times and Ao'nung was intentionally letting her know, like he was afraid of spooking her. Eventually, he was close enough to be standing over her as she ate but Y/n made no sign of acknowledging him, despite the fact she knew he was there when Jake watched her tail gently thump against Ao'nung's leg. The boy clearly took that as a good sign and slowly sat down in the empty spot Y/n had left open for him. He crossed his legs, being sure not to touch and to give her some space. There was a beat of silence between them, both teens looking in opposite directions of each other before Ao'nung subtly slid his plate of food closer to Y/n.

An offering was made, and Y/n clocked the food with her eyes before she slowly glance back to Ao'nung. To Jake's amazement, he watched the way her lips slowly curled into a timid, shy smile, as if testing some boundary. Ao'nung gladly smiled back, and the two teens began to melt and fall into a small conversation as they ate together, sharing food and catching up like old friends.

Jake couldn't help but feel somewhat troubled by this, tapping his wife's elbow to get her attention, "I thought we would have to worry about that boy mistreating the kids."

Neytiri followed his gaze and watched Ao'nung and Y/n for a moment before returning her eyes to Jake, confused, "Yes?"

"Now I think we're gonna have to worry about him being too nice to Y/n."

A/N: So now that I'm writing more chapters than I originally thought (that's a good thing 'cause I have so many ideas for this series) I have made an 'anla series masterlist!

Neytiri's eyes widen at the dawning realization before smiling brightly, a look her mate had not seen in quite some time as she fondly cooed at him, "Oh, Ma Jake."

Thanks again for 200 followers! Part 5 is already in the works and I'll release the date soon 💖

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aonungyoufuck · 2 years ago

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Runaway {Part 11}

Runaway masterlist

DNI/BYF

Synopsis: you have finally mated before eywa.

Warnings: Mention of Mating +18? but like no smut at all just making out and feeling each other + Pregnancy

“I cannot wait anymore my love”

Ao’nung was kissing you. Kissing was not uncommon sure. But feeling him so close was. It was nice to feel him so close. His hands roaming you feeling you from the bottom to the top. And it was ever so addicting.

The burning that came from his hands. The erratic feeling it was desperate.

It was all you could ask for.

“Ao’nung. Please wait.” You spoke between your teeth, feeling his lips linger far too long.

“We waited enough haven’t we?”

“Understand that once we do this ill be with you forever”

“That is what I want” he whispered, nipping at your neck.

“I am serious Ao’nung. I want to know that this is really what you want from me. I been wanting you for so long and this is what i crave i want to be with you as one. But if we ever go home-”

“No” Ao’nung kissed you. Biting your lips to hush your sentence “i Dont ever want go home for i have you here with me. I have everything i ever wanted with you. And ive been far to happy and liberated by your ever waking moment. And i want to be with you now. Feel what you feel”

You took in a sharp breath feeling him rest his head on your chest. Looking at you with an intent you hadn’t seen since the day he spoke those sweet nothings.

“I want to be wild with you. Be your every waking thought as you are mine. Feel your sorrows, your pain and your love. I want to have a family with you. Grow old with you.”

Kissing your chest he grabbed his Queue. Its nerves dancing with an excited joy that you knew too well too.

“ I want to have you here and in our many lifetimes to come. Eywa may bless me to be born alongside you again. I want to have our kids find those they love and experience it as we have now. I want to have you all. If you so much as graced me to be known as yours”

Your breathe was taken. The glow of the tree illuminating you too. You kissed his forehead. Then his left cheek and the right. Before settling on his lips, consuming his breath.

You grabbed your own queue. Looking at him before finally bringing them together. The sensation was warm. Too warn. The feeling of his arms now burning hot. He was gulping down his breath as he felt what he was doing to you.

You were crazy adults in love. So desperate to finally have a name to it. Mate’s forever and always.

“Sa’nok!” Neytiri went ahead to see her mother. As if she was just an illusion. From the looks of it. She had a tiresome flight.

He didn't wait grabbing your waist and placing you on his lap. It would be a few hours before morning and you two would have to go back to your makeshift home. So for now he’ll enjoy what he can.

“Mo’at!” Jake exclaimed looking at her. After the formalities. And letting Mo’at drink something after flying for so long. She began to talk

“ I see Your eldest isnt here”

“So she isnt with you?”

“No. We have moved once you two left. Be rest assured that our People are safe and well. Ninat has actually Given birth this past cycle”

The Family was puzzled. Sure they hadn’t been able to find their old clan but they had tricked themselves into thinking that by any possibility that you two were with them. Safe and sound

“I came here to see Y/n and Kiri”

“Wait for what?”

Mo’at grew quiet. There was clearly some distress in her face.

“In the morning early. I had taken the New Tsahik for a communication with Eywa. However it seems that something was amiss. I do not know what it was. But it seems like one of my Granddaughters, Has come to that place for a mate. I came here to see if that was true”

Jake's ears lowered. As is the mood of the pod as well. Mate?

“Kiri?”

Kiri could only roll her eyes. “No its not I” It was no secret how close she got to a certain Mekayina boy. Though she often brushed it off as nothing more than friendly banter.

“Ma Jake” Netriti spoke. Sharing knowing looks. There was only one person and they weren’t here.

“Mo’at… Y/n.. She’s been gone for 3 years now marking yesterday”

Mo’at rose a brow. Crossing her arms as she looked at everyone in the pod. “For What reason”

Ronal had never felt fear. She was fearless, Like to show how powerful she was. How much she did not fear people at all. But right now she was so terrified of the older woman in front of her. “ I forbade her from establishing a relationship with my son”

Mo’at wasn’t angry. Not that she would show it. And that's what made her terribly frightening to Neytiri who lowered her head in shame.

“And where is your son?”

Ronal’s ears flattened. Her arms were shaking. Trembling with a fear any mother would know. “I do not know” She wept. She didn’t know. How she wished she knew where on pandora her son was. Far too long she’s wondered. Far to long has she constantly woken from nightmares where he was just out of reach. “I do not know”

Mo’at took her hand and rested it on her shoulder. Grounding her back to reality.

“Tell me Jakesully. Do you know if Her son went with her?”

“I don-”

“He did! I know Grandmother”

Everyone turned to look at Neteyam. No longer the little warrior boy that was always sitting by quietly. He needed to confirm it

“He is fated for death. For Eywa told me so”

“What?”

Mo’at rose her hand. Her face unchanging from her stern look. “All of them. The spirits and the past. All grew quiet with dread. And its only intuition to interpret her words. But it seems her mate. Your Son. Is fading from the strong man he is”

“You don't know what you speak of! My son is strong”

“Your son isn't here”

“Mo’at are you sure?”

Mo’at could only sigh. She had experienced the hurt and the pain that was to lose your beloved. She had mourned so briefly. But the pain is one that she would never wish on anyone. Let alone her own grandchild.

“I am not certain, however i am certain something is wrong.”

“How long will you be staying here?” Jake asked

Mo’at looked at him. Then pondered for a bit “A week. It is all i can stay before going back”

“Okay okay. Neteyam. Lo’ak. You two and i will search where we can. If they came to that tree surely they wouldn’t be far from there. You two come back as soon as you can i’ll stay and look some more”

Ronal rose from her seat. “I’ll go and look in the clan on the eastern sea. Maybe their Tsahik or Olo’eyktan has seen them”

“I’ll come along too” Tonowari commented, turning back to his daughter. “Daughter. You stay here While we are out”

“I’ll stay with her.” Neytiri commented standing behind her mother.

Jake nodded. “Alright. Good plan”

That was the Plan. Mo’at could only hope that you would not experience the pain of loss.

—---------------------------

The week went by in a flash. No sign of you anywhere. And your family was growing desperate.

Life was going on and that's the way Ronal had to have it. Days passed. Weeks maybe? Ronal had lost track after the first year. Ateyo and Tsireya were her grounding points. And even they seemed to move on with the passing of time.

“How long has it been”

“A month since Mo’at left. A month and three years since they did”

“Tonowari i dont think i can do this” Ronal spoke. It was dark. It was night. And for once she had time to speak her hearts sorrows.

“Be strong Ma Ronal”

“I know. But i feel my heart breaking. Hear it every time i wake it falling and shattering. I want my son. I want him back at whatever costs” Ronal croaked.

Something so deep in the core of her being was screaming.

There was no comfort for this kind of thing. For its sad. And this thing does not happen.

“Ma ronal i-”

“Tonowari i dont think i can wait anymore. My heart cries any time i ask for any glance of my son. Aches”

“I know ma Ronal. But be patient. I will be here with you” Tonowari spoke kissing her forehead as he hugged her tight. Too much time was passing

It had been Pure bliss really. The loving touches. The words and the feeling. That morning when you had awoken from Mating before Eywa would always be engraved in your feelings.

And he could only ask for his son’s life.

Tsaheylu was always a warm feeling. A feeling of becoming one unit and it was really nice. But Tsaheylu in the form of a mate? It was different. A good different.

You had always imagined it would be different and under different circumstances. You would have a man of your clan and they in turn. And everyone would be happy for you.

But this wasn't what you pictured. Ao’nungs hands. How he felt you. How his body worked alongside you. And connecting as one more than tsaheylu. It was something else for sure.

You had felt it once more on one “date night” as Ao’nung had put it. But there was no room for that now.

Ao’nung had been growing weak. And You had been growing tired. It was only a week and some days into your new bond that you had your suspicions and gathered the few leaves you had established that you were blessed with life inside of you.

You were going to tell Ao’nung. But he had been laying in his pond far too long. And yet he had made it so known how happy he was for you two.

“Ma Ao’ you seem paler today than the last days”

“Its alright” He rasped out. His eyes were heavy with a tiredness you never knew. Exhausted, sunken into himself. You could count his lower ribs. His pale appearance now always wrapped in ointments to keep him comfortable

“I ask you to please lets head home.You are growing so ill now please”

“No. And risk my Mother taking you away from me?”

You frowned. Placing your hand on his sunken cheek bone. “Please You are ill”

“You are the thing that keeps me going Ma Yawnetu” Ao’nung smiled, Eyes closing.

You had watched him fade and it scared you how you were alone. You laid your head on his shoulder. Feeling his breath slow. You sighed, feeling tears in your eyes. “Ao’nung i have something to tell you”

It was quiet. Far too quiet and far too long.

“Ao’nung?”

His eyes were shut and his breathing uneven.

“Ao’nung!”

But it fell on deaf ears. You cursed under your breath. Wiping your eyes as you called to your Ikran. Grabbing his shoulders you Pulled him from the water. You didn’t want to do stuff without Ao’nung to know. But you had bit back your tongue far too long.

Tossing Ao’nung over your shoulder and onto Mezu “Come on Ao’nung hold on a little longer” You whispered making Tsaheylu as you took flight.

Praying and hoping that you could hold on just a little longer too

============================================

Taglist: @simp-erformarvelwomen / @luvlykrispy / @yeosxxx / @fanboyluvr / @littlethingsinlife / @eirianna / @elegantkidfansoul / @tsukibaby1 / @adaiasafira / @1-800-not-simping / @reggiesslut / @cmfouatslota77 / @slutforsmut4ever / @zatarias-pandora / @valovesyou / @tachiara / @ghost-lantern / @victorianhorrors / @irlydontknoanymore / @hellok1ttycake / @sweetheartlizzie07 / @audigay / @kiyolover / @bogwaterswamp / @guska0 / @thatoneembarrasingmoment / @anxietydrogz

#avatar the way of water #atwow #aonung x reader #ao'nung #ao'nung x reader #atwow imagines #ao’nung x reader #rambles #ao’nung x you #atwow headcanons #atwow x reader

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cofay · 5 months ago

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You know me like no other…

♡ CUPIDS ARROW ⤑

Part1….Part 2…Part 3…

You were Cupid you make people fall in love with one other y’know? Just spreading love all around. Well you didn’t exactly like your job. In fact you dreaded having to do this forever, for the rest of your life. Instead you longed for something else.

Something better.

You yearned for your own happiness with a lucky guy.

But sadly you had responsibilities, and the god’s weren’t going to let you tear it down just to feel something stupid mortals feel.

It was a normal day you were following people and with just a look you could make them fall in love with each other. You were in the elevator with a women standing closely behind her you were dressed from head to toe in black, as you waited a man walked in the elevator and with just one looked you walked out as they kissed behind you.

Grueling…Boring…Uneventful…and yearning that’s all you felt you were jealous. Jealous of the mortals, jealous of their lives every single one of them. As you walked outside you sat at a small table right outside of a coffee shop.

The thing is nobody can see you

Absolutely nobody

That’s the problem after every person you just end up wishing you could be them falling in love, having family’s, getting married…you sigh as a person walks past you, quickly you get up and grab an umbrella and walking behind her

It didn’t take long until the rain started to pour down and as if on queue a random guy showed up and you did what you always did made them fall in love as they turned away walking hand in hand under the umbrella together you turn the opposite way following someone else

They walked into a museum it was crowded as you look up you see the huge magnificent painting.

The creation of Adam.

It was the best painting you’ve ever laid your eyes on. Well until you saw him. Izuku Midoriya, you’ve only seen him a couple times I mean nobody gets to make someone with a name as big as him fall in love and it seemed like he wouldn’t anytime soon with being the number one hero.

You watched as people left one by one. But he stayed and just admired the painting while you on the other hand admired him. He was beautiful, from his fluffy green hair…his freckles….his bright green eyes. He was perfect.

Just the guy you imagined you would

Fall in love with….gosh how you wanted him to hold you.

As he started to walk away and to the elevator you followed him closely behind, you stood behind the curly head watching him intently, a women walked in and usually you would have…well done what you were supposed to do but you couldn’t…even if you tried.

You kept looking at him following him even as he walked out following him into the bus you sat in the seat right next to him leaning in closer as you analyzed his features. But atlas good things come to an end.

You watched him walk out the bus knowing you most likely wouldn’t be able to follow him anymore..you walk out the train watching him walk away almost wanting no wishing for him to see you, to touch you, you listen to you, to be with you.

You looked up catching the eye of the five Erotes or your helpers, you’ve never seen them work before but you know if they caught wind of what you were thinking of doing they would snitch right to the gods.

And most likely you didn’t want that to happen you can’t let that happen so you followed a random person and did what you always do.

Give them what you wanted.

‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿

It was a late night and you couldn’t stop yourself anymore you snuck into Izuku’s penthouse coming in through the window stepping softly on the floor…you tip toed through the halls softly finding his room rather quickly.

You cracked opened the door and then you saw his sleeping body you went next to him brushing a small curl out his face taking in all you can, you climb onto the bed over top of him hovering over his face.

You didn’t stop yourself you knew it was wrong but you still just wanted to see..just this once, you lifted your hand softly grazing his cheek it felt so soft you soon lifting your hands up into his hair running your fingers through his kinky curls and watching them bounce back to normal.

Everything felt so real like..in a certain way well until you turned your head to the mirror..as you looked into the mirror your reflection was nowhere to be seen.

Making your face turn sour you turned your head to the window seeing the erotes once more you frowned getting off of him and leaving his house all together.

You walked the empty streets looking around watching the trees blow slowly in the cold wind looking up into the starlight sky and the flickering street lights shining towards the wet damp ground.

Oh how you just wanted to change everything.

You wanted things to be different

So bad.

‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿‿

#bnha izuku #bnha midoriya #bnha deku #bnha x reader #bnha izuku midoriya #cute #agnst #angst #midoriya x reader #mha midoriya #izuku midoriya #cupid #Cupid reader

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arazialotis · 1 year ago

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Get Him to the Con - Part 6

Pairing: Jensen × Reader

Word Count: About 7600

Summary: The reader stumbles into Jensen at her favorite bar, a very drunk Jensen. She soon realizes Jensen was booked for a con this weekend and has to be eight hours from town in only two.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Warnings: Language, Mutual Pining, A very mild jalapeno pepper in the beginning

Although this is an RPF, it is a character I created and should not reflect back IRL. I intend no hate or ill wishes to him or his family. This is purely just for writing and wasting my time as coping skill. Maybe some of you will enjoy it too. I apologize in advance for any mistakes or grammatical/spelling errors. I appreciate any feedback or suggestions!

-----

Sunlight filtered into the room through sheer curtains blowing in the gentle breeze. Birds chirped outside, greeting the day with a chorus of melodies. A peaceful sigh brushed the back of your neck. An arm wrapped around you, holding you close to the solid form behind you. A hand bordered on the edge of your shirt that must have ridden up during the night. Another grazed the back of your bare thigh, and another pressed hard against your ass. A soft moan escaped past your lips as you pressed further into it. You would have been content to stay here forever. Wait! Your eyes shot wide open. That was one too many hands.

You jolted from bed, now fully awake. Jensen grumbled but rolled over to the other side, not ready yet to face the day. Thankfully, it gave you enough time to get your shit together. Where were your pajama bottoms? You were a notorious chronic stripper. Always starting the night off with too many layers because you were cold, but as you started to warm up, thus commenced the unconscious removal of layers. It didn’t help that Jensen was hot. Like, temperature-wise. The guy was a fucking furnace. You weren’t concerned last night about it because you thought you’d be too anxious to sleep at all. Turns out you were so very wrong. Hopefully, he hadn’t noticed.

Jensen sniffed, and the sheets rustled as he turned onto his back. The bedding became tented near the area you had believed was his third hand. Change of plans. You abandoned looking for your missing pajamas and opted for jeans and a sweatshirt. After a quick trip to the bathroom, you left on a mission to find breakfast and coffee, sure Jensen would appreciate the privacy to tackle the obvious, albeit impressive, situation on his own.

The town was bigger than Lebanon, but not by much. At least it was walkable. The downtown had one restaurant but didn’t open until eleven. Traffic was busy on the main stretch of the road, filled with trucks, semis, and livestock trailers. Tires squelched through puddles and mud. Across the way, loud mariachi music called travelers to a pop-up tent where there was a line of hungry patrons waiting. An intoxicating aroma of spices broke through the smell of cattle. You eagerly went to join the queue.

Forty minutes of walking, waiting in line, and waiting for food seemed like an appropriate amount of time to give Jensen. On the way back, to Anthony’s credit, you did peek into one of the empty rooms, which was completely stripped of wallpaper, carpet, and wood paneling. The furniture was pushed to one corner and covered with a plastic tarp. You knocked on your motel door. Jensen answered, having changed into black jeans and a Family Business t-shirt tie-dyed with bleach. His hair looked so soft, still free of product. It was the most unkempt you’d seen him, yet you craved to see more of his natural state. How he would appear on a lazy Saturday morning with no one to impress.

It was another morning with more uncertainty of how to start the day, of what to say, of what to address. Both of you stood there frozen in time, staring at each other. Though the storm had broke last night, a new one began to brew in the spaces between. There was a need to feel clouds clash against each other, to feel the shake of thunder, to watch lightning flash in each other’s eyes. It wasn’t only you who felt the flush of heat; Jensen’s cheeks visibly reddened, lost in the memory of a dream, wishing it had been reality. At any moment, the clouds would break, and the floodgates would release. Thankfully, you had the perfect solution.

“Breakfast burrito?” You held up the heavy paper bag as a barrier between the two of you. “I didn’t know what kind you would want, so I got one of each. There’s eggs and potatoes, eggs and chorizo, veggies…”

---

Jensen had taken the entire leg of the journey yesterday, so you insisted on starting the drive today. You rushed through, getting ready and eating breakfast, eager to leave the creepy motel behind. There was a minor traffic jam on 36, but it lasted only twenty minutes, and you were flying down the road once more.

Jensen finished his last sip of coffee. “Didn’t we listen to Led Zeppelin all of Thursday?”

You gasped. “This is Greta Van Fleet, you uncultured swine.”

It took him a second, but he got there. “Did you just insult me with a line from Toy Story?”

“It’s a good line.” You defended, “Why reinvent the wheel?”

“Uncultured,” He scoffed. “I’m not the one listening to a cheap knock-off.”

You continued the playful banter. “You sound exactly like all those cake-eaters on Reddit whose only knowledge of musical theory stemmed from listening to Entry of the Gladiators too many times at clown school. I enjoy it so I’m going to listen to it. Fuck the pretentious haters.”

Jensen chuckled silently, shaking his shoulders. “You’ve been holding that in for a while.”

You nodded your confirmation.

“Entry of the Gladiators?” He asked for clarification.

You used a series of “da da das” to sound out the melody of the iconic circus theme music.

“Ah, of course,” He recognized it not even halfway into the first stanza. “Who wouldn’t know that had a title other than ‘circus music?’ Clown school,” He chuckled again. “I’m going have to steal that line for future use.”

“It’s going to cost ya.” You warned.

“What’s the price?” He questioned.

You took your eyes off the road, studying his face. His finger was brushing against his lower lip as if offering them up freely as compensation. A wave of anticipation coursed throughout your body, landing in your toes. As you leaned closer, testing if he would meet you, you chickened out instead and adjusted the volume before focusing back on the road.

“The price is your admission that this is actually a decent song and that you’re somewhat intrigued.” You settled.

Jensen had not yet pulled away from leaning in. “Oh, I’m intrigued, alright.” He admitted but was talking about an entirely unrelated matter.

It was not even two hours once you hit the Colorado border, but this entire trip had felt like a lifetime of trying to reach an unknown destination that was finally in sight. The wooden sign read ‘Welcome to Colorful Colorado.’ The car slowed to a stop on the road’s shoulder.

“Come on,” Jensen complained. “We’ve already taken a hundred pictures this trip.”

But you were already halfway out of the car, bounding into the tall grass and wildflowers to get closer to the sign. “We’ve taken three!”

“Be careful!” He warned. “You’re going to get bit by a rattlesnake or infested with ticks.”

“Well then, you better come over here and protect me. I'm sure a big, strong Texan such as yourself ain't afraid of no rattlesnake."

The grass swished against his calves as he came closer.

“As for the ticks,” You continued, bravery rising up. “We’ll have to turn on some country music and see what Brad Paisley advises for those.”

He raised his arm above his head, leaned against the wooden post, and looked down at you. The intensity of his gaze normally would have made you turn and run or, at the very least, create a distraction to diffuse the tension. Instead, you stepped closer, a whisper away from him. The sun shone through the gap between.

Gravel and tires met as another car slowed, pulling off the road behind yours. Three girls piled out of the car, laughing and squealing at each other. Fuck. You stepped away from him.

“Hey,” One of the girls called. “We’ll take your photo if you take ours!”

“So it begins,” Jensen mumbled under his breath.

You didn’t understand why until they stepped closer. You raised your hand to shield the sun from your eyes. One girl was dressed in a plaid flannel shirt over a black tank, the anti-possession tattooed on their chest, one in a shirt that had the side profile of the Impala that read ‘The Winchester Brothers’ like it was an advertisement, the third’s shirt was just Jensen’s face everywhere in the style of a 90’s album cover.

The shock of realization crossed their faces slowly and then all at once.

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.” One repeated over and over while simultaneously hitting her friend’s shoulder.

The one subject to the abuse just stood there, mouth hanging open as if her brain was having trouble computing the reality of the event. The third gulped, wide-eyed, and turned a hundred and eighty degrees walking back to the car.

You snickered and whispered to Jensen, “Fight, flight, freeze.”

He snorted but then recomposed himself, calling over to them. “Y’all don’t happen to be traveling to Denver for a certain convention now, are ya?”

“Oh my god,” The fighter repeated again. “I told you it was going to be worth it.” She pulled the fleeing friend by her collar back to the group. “I told you!” She then directed to Jensen, “We’re huge fans of the show.”

“Yeah?” He chuckled as if the shirts didn't give it away.

The frozen one thawed. “Were you in Lebanon, like literally yesterday!?!”

“Sure was.” He said. “Did you see my note?”

Two of them squealed while the other said, “We must have been like an hour or two behind you.”

“Well, we are all here now. Should we get a picture or something?” He suggested.

“Oh my gosh! Yes, Please!” The one in the Impala shirt gushed.

You offered to take the photo, and as you were receiving instructions, one of them asked you, “So, are you like his… cousin? Assistant?”

Jensen was yacking it up with the other two girls. You looked him up and down, not sure what to define it as. Caught somewhere in between. Wondering if it would cement into something more. But then it hit you. This road trip was almost over. You were leaving him by the end of the day. You’d go back to your life and he to his. Who knew the next time you’d be able to see each other, let alone work on a relationship? If that’s even what he wanted. Was it what you wanted? Honestly, the guy might be looking for a quick fling. Again, was that something you wanted? Jensen felt your gaze and met it; his lips pressed together. Your brain spun from overthinking.

“Friends,” You sputtered out. “We’re just friends.”

Relief radiated from the girl, but you were more focused on Jensen, wondering if that sigh was a hint of disappointment. But god dammit! If he wanted something more, he was going to have to be the one to bring it up! Several pictures later of the group and singles, Jensen realized he needed to take control of the situation, or he’d never leave.

“Alright, alright.” He attempted to settle them. “I didn’t do my hair today, but one of those has to be decent, and there’s a dinner I gotta catch tonight.” He looked at his watch to sell that he was running behind.

They thanked him profusely, trying to draw out the moment as much as possible.

“Actually, can you get one real quick of me and… my friend… before we head out.” He asked.

Oooh. Was that as intentionally backhanded as it felt?

“Get over here.” He impatiently waved you over. “Wait, actually, do you have your phone? I think I left mine in the car.”

You nodded and handed it over to one of the girls, knowing fully well that his phone was in his back pocket; he just had the common sense not to hand his phone over to random fans. (Unless he was very drunk per your first encounter). Although you had been the initial one to want a photo, now that you had an audience, you didn’t know how to act. One of the girls had her phone out as well, possibly recording the interaction. You stood next to his side with your body angled towards him as he wrapped an arm around your shoulder. The girl with your phone counted down before snapping a pic.

“No, no, no.” Jensen complained and reset. “This feels too photo op-y.” He adjusted his jeans as he squatted down. “Hop up.”

“What? Jensen!” You protested.

“Don’t ‘What, Jensen’ me.” He argued. “You did it yesterday, and it was cute, and I’d like a picture.” He tried to encourage you with the wave of his hand. “Oh, don’t get all shy on me now. One way or another, I’m getting you in the air for a picture, whether willingly or over the shoulder with just your ass in the frame, which I wouldn’t complain….”

“Fine, fine.” You chuckled as you gave in to his demand.

His knees popped as he lifted you quickly, and you bounced in the air.

“Gentle,” You scolded. “I’m not paying for your knee replacement surgery.”

“Smart ass.” He bit his lower lip and pinched the underside of your thigh.

You shrieked with laughter, and Jensen turned to look up at you.

“Oh, that is adorable.” The girl called, taking a few candid shots.

“Just friends?” Another mumbled though the two of you were not privy to the conversation.

The third agreed. “How much you wanna bet he’s going to make an announcement tomorrow he’s off the market?”

“I’m not betting on a hand already lost.”

After several more moments of thanks and prolonging the experience, you finally made to part ways. You and Jensen sat in the rental. As you waited for the girls to take off, Jensen saying something about not wanting to be followed the whole way to Denver, you played with the filters on the photos and sent the best ones to Jensen. He then added the one of him next to the sign in Lebanon to Instagram. Later as he was driving down the freeway, you read the whole thing: If there was one word to describe this year so far, that word would be unexpected. The start was unexpectedly filled with chaos and turmoil, as most of you know, though maybe I should have seen it coming. But these last few months have taught me unexpected isn’t always a bad thing. It can come in the form of unexpected kindness from strangers, unexpected friendships, unexpected journeys, unexpected mysteries, and unexpected healing. All of which has led me spontaneously and unexpectedly back home. Oh, home, let me come home.

Though he had driven all of yesterday and you only had a couple of hours in today, he insisted on seeing you through to Denver. Though he teased you over your deplorable and sometimes downright terrifying driving, you thought it was really because he wanted to reinforce the driver picks the music rule. (You weren’t ‘that’ bad of a driver). It was sole stubbornness that kept him from admitting he liked Greta Van Fleet or confusing them for Zeppelin in the first place. Instead, he went for an indie playlist of his featuring bands like Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros, The Flaming Lips, and Beach House.

The drive continued ever onward, and though Colorado did have some rolling hills, the bare wasteland and fields you had become accustomed to over the past few days drew you to the brink of insanity.

“Hey, Jensen.” You said.

“Yeah?”

“Clouds or Mountains?”

He thought on it for a second. “Clouds.”

Sure enough, he was right.

A half-hour, he prompted you. “Hey, Y/N.”

You only humphed a response.

“Clouds or mountains?”

“Clouds,” you grumbled.

A few minutes later and a new shape emerged on the horizon.

He asked again, “Clouds or mountains.”

You whined again. “Clouds.” And sighed a deep sigh before quoting, “I want to see mountains again. Mountains Gandalf! And then find somewhere quiet where I can finish my book.”

Jensen chuckled. “I always forget how big of a nerd you are. We should watch those movies together sometime.”

“Yeah, we should!” You concurred. “We can marathon them and have a hobbit day where we follow the meal schedule and everything. Breakfast, second breakfast, elevensies, luncheon….” You listed off. “Tomatoes, sausages, nice crispy bacon,” You impersonated a few more quotes. “Malt beer, ripe meat of the bone.”

His stomach grumbled. “Ah, man, I'm hungry just thinking about it.”

“How?” You giggled. “You had three breakfast burritos.”

“Two and a half.” He defended.

“Hold on,” You said before unclicking your seatbelt and shuffling to the back. “What do you want?”

His tongue flashed over his bottom lip. After his dreams last night, you were the only snack he was concerned with. God, how he wished he had a few more days. Perhaps canceling on the con so you could keep driving wouldn’t be such a bad idea. You could just keep heading to Vancouver. He’d make it to set on time. Most likely. Okay, if he was able to have his way with you two days late, but it would be so worth it. You reoriented yourself in the front with your stash. “Goldfish, Pringles, and we still have a few pretzels.”

He was going to make his move tonight. He didn’t want to wait any longer. He was ready to take things to the next step. He was glad to have you as a friend, but he wanted more. From the moment you slid in next to him all those months ago at the brewery, he knew he was a fucking goner. Sure, at that time, he was as drunk as Jimmy Buffet in Margaritaville, but that instinct hadn’t lied to him. It held and only grew. It had taken him these past months and this road trip to build up this decision, to finally have the courage to act on it. He just wasn’t quite sure how to initiate it yet.

“Hey,” You called him from his thoughts. “You gotta help me with these. I really only want to take the granola and trail mix up with me to Estes Park.”

His heart immediately sank. Maybe he didn’t understand or hear you right. “Estes Park?”

“Yeah.” You confirmed. “I actually got an unbelievable deal at the Stanley Hotel. You know, Stephen King’s inspiration for The Shining. Like such a good deal, the ghosts may be luring me there. So I may call you in a panic tonight and probably should get some salt on the way up. Oh man, how awesome would it be if you and Jared stayed there and made a little ghost hunter special? But I figured you’d be busy with the con all weekend, and we wouldn’t get to see each other much anyways, so I might as well make the most of being out in Colorado and hike the Rockies while I’m out here.” You rambled.

“Right.” His heart stayed in his stomach, remembering your early conversation about what you told your friends, not realizing it was a partial truth to them. “Cause how else are you going to have your meet-cute with some handsome lumberjack unless you trip over his fallen log?”

He meant it as a joke, but disappointment twisted inside you. So the kiss had been a fluke, and this morning was just a natural reaction. He wasn’t interested. It made sense. More so than what you had thought.

“Exactly.” You said.

Friends. You thought. Just friends, he thought, and his cheeks flushed. Simultaneously, you both swallowed a lump in your throat. The ride from there on was quiet. There was an obvious tension in the air. Not like the storm waiting to break as was before. No, this was more like when your grandfather brought up politics on Thanksgiving. At least you had other rooms to escape to then.

You played on your phone a bit, tried, and failed to read. The motion of the car and focusing on the stationary words was too much for your brain to process. Jensen seemed lost in thought. Like he wanted to say something but never was able to work it out. Maybe if you could tell him how you were feeling. Just let it all out. That you didn’t know how much longer you could handle the ‘just friends’ thing. It was pretty easy when thousands of miles separated you, but being so close together, it was near impossible to deny your emotions. At any moment, they could explode out of you. But you didn’t want to risk it. Didn’t want to make a mistake and lose him altogether.

“Hey, Y/N?” Jensen pulled you from your thoughts.

“Yeah?” You responded hopeful.

“Clouds or mountains?”

It was not what you wanted to hear, but at least some of the tension had lifted. You squinted and took in the hazy purple shape in the distance. After a few moments of analysis, your eyes widened. You softly and repeatedly slapped his shoulder in excitement.

“That’s a fucking mountain bitch!” You squealed in delight.

He laughed boisterously.

“We made it!” You proclaimed.

Jensen slipped into a British accent in an attempt to impersonate David Attenborough. But it came out more gentler, more breathy, and a higher pitch than his usual deep voice.

“After years of endless searching, the pair of travelers laid eyes upon their destination. The high peaks of the mountains are a stark contrast to the flat sea of plains they had battled tirelessly through.”

You melted, and a high whine sounded in the back of your throat. Jensen glanced at you and bit his lower lip as you quickly recomposed yourself. It was such a sweet and delicate noise. He wanted more.

“Little did they realize, the end of the great migration is only the beginning. The female will depart from the male to venture further into the hills, gathering resources for the nest. All the while, the male will be left defenseless against hoards of a terrifying new threat. Fangirls. If either of them survives the next perilous chapter, it will be nothing short of a miracle.”

He was unsuccessful at coaxing another whimper from you, but your giggle was just as pleasurable.

“Oh my god,” You chastised him with a chuckle. “You’ll be fine. You secretly feed off the praise and attention even though you act like a complete grump.”

“And what about you?” He asked. “I know you packed an entire walk-in closet, but do you have bear spray?”

“Bear spray?” You furrowed your brow.

He rolled his eyes at your lack of unpreparedness. “What about water? Do you have a camel pack?”

“I’m sure my water bottle will be just fine.”

He scoffed. “First aid? Gauze if you get a cut or need to make a splint?”

“Jensen,” You stopped him. “I’m going on popular trails part of the National Parks Service. If I run into any trouble, I’m sure there will be plenty of people around to help. If not a handsome lumberjack, perhaps a park ranger.” You added for the spite of it.

He clenched his jaw, trying his hardest to ignore the jab. “No, we are stopping at an Arc’teryx or, or Patagonia or something. Make sure you have all you need.”

Was he panicking? “Jensen,” You said his name again, hoping to ground him. “I have everything I need. I’ll be fine. I’ve hiked before. There lot’s of places back home.”

“But this is, like, the actual mountains.” He continued to argue. “Wild terrain, no cell service, bears, cougars…”

Your laugh cut him off. “I think you should be more worried about cougars this weekend than me.”

"This is serious, Y/N." He groaned.

"I'll be fine. I promise." You affirmed.

"Will you…" He started. He didn't want to be overbearing, and he knew you were fiercely capable and independent, but anxiety was getting the best of him. "Will you just text in the morning and when you make it back, so I know you're okay?"

"I'm sure you'll hardly be able to check your phone, but yes, I'll text you." You agreed.

"And take lots of pictures, so I can live vicariously through you." He added.

“Deal!”

The last leg of the journey remained quiet and calm, Jensen’s indie playlist providing a soft ambiance, even as the skyline grew heavier with angular earth jutting into the heavens. Even as Denver grew from a speck reflection of sunlight to a concrete jungle, neither of you could think of what to say. Your gold necklace glinted in the side view mirror, and the orange sun streaked across your face.

You had arranged with a rental company to come meet you at the hotel where the convention was taking place. That way, Jensen would still have a car, though you figured he may have a driver for the event itself. For the first time in this journey, an active map with actual directions had been pulled up to navigate the way through the city. Though now you were wishing you had encouraged his earlier plan to keep heading west. As the minutes counted down to arrival, your hearts grew evermore tender knowing soon they’d be parted.

Jensen pulled into a roundabout, a fountain in its center flowing into a garden of roses, through the archway leading to the hotel entrance. He put the car in park, but the engine ran idle. Both of you stared directly ahead, not quite believing the trip where time stood still was finally over.

An intrusive vibrating buzzed into the quiet. You looked down at your phone, notifying you the pick-up was here, as a black Malibu drove under the awning next to you.

“That’s my ride.” You said defeated.

Jensen nodded, and as the trunk behind you popped open, his door creaked as he exited the vehicle. You studied the lines in your hands as they lay in your lap, wondering if they held any insight into your fortune. If you could read them, perhaps they could guide you forward. But all you could do was sit with that same feeling as the morning you first left him. The trunk next to you slammed shut, signaling it was time to go. You scrambled out of the car but froze, facing Jensen, trying to discern the look on his face, not knowing it mirrored yours.

“Well…” He bumped his fists together. “This is it.”

“Yeah.” You agreed.

“Be safe.”

You let out a half-hearted laugh. “You too.”

Jensen pounced. It happened so fast your brain couldn’t process it until it had already happened. His lips worked hard against yours as you met his claiming pace. One hand wrapped around your waist, pressing you against his hard frame. The other wound around the back of your neck, leaving no room for escape. Your fists clenched the fabric of his shirt with such strength at any moment, it could tear. Gravity had no hold here as it felt like you were floating far above the atmosphere. Harsh clashes drew out into savoring breaths, and when you finally pulled apart, you found you were out of air entirely.

You looked up at him, your noses nearly grazing.

Ask me to stay, your eyes pleaded.

Please, stay. His heart begged.

Someone nearby cleared their throat, and you took a step back, color flooding your cheeks. Yet, still, there were no words to say to each other.

The Enterprise driver rolled down their window. “Lady, I got a schedule to run.”

“Right, of course,” You snapped back to reality as time and gravity came rushing back with an oppressive force.

Jensen rubbed his lower lip as if waking up trying to remember a dream.

“Thank you?” It came out as a question.

You didn’t know what you were thanking him for. The kiss, driving, paying for the hotels, maybe everything. Had you ever thanked someone after they kissed you? More people were around the entrance now; some under the awning, some looking through the glass windows of the lobby, and more than one had their phones out. Your chest began to tighten, and your vision blurred. Your mind grew evermore blank the harder you fished for something else to say.

His brow creased, and he tilted his head slightly. “You’re welcome?”

A high voice called his name, followed by another, and then a tank of a man came barreling over, mumbling to Jensen the need to check his phone more frequently. That he wasn’t about to have another Nashville on his hands. Without another word, you got into the car and drove away. Jensen’s eyes stayed fixed on you until the car was out of view.

---

The view on the way to Estes Park should have been stunning, breathtaking, and spectacular, but you were two-for-two. Two-for-two on leaving Jensen at a hotel and crying on your way to your next destination. And it was stupid. You shouldn’t be crying. You should be elated. It probably had something to do with tuning into a radio station playing that dreaded Neil Diamond song you couldn’t seem to escape.

He kissed you. Like, kissed you, kissed you. There was no mistaking it this time. Yet, he didn’t ask you to stay. He didn’t say anything. You knew what you wanted at this point. You wanted him. You wanted to try and make some sort of relationship work despite the distance, despite his status, despite everything. But you were going to leave it in his hands. He had to decide what he wanted and then fucking communicate it to you. With actual words, though, the lips had been enjoyable.

You chewed on your thumb, thinking things over. Maybe you should turn around and head back. Give him an opportunity to actually say what he was thinking. But then again, he was going to be so busy this weekend that you wouldn’t have time with him anyways. No. You were staying the course. You were a brave, independent woman and didn’t need to be hung up about some guy. When you booked this trip, you wanted to see ghosts at The Stanley and you wanted to see the mountains. So by god, that was what you were going to do. If he had anything to say, he could come find you.

The Stanley was impressive, to say the least. It had a glamor to it, feeling as if it stood still in a bygone era. The ghost tour was fun and spooky, and you even managed to catch an orb on camera, despite the rule, ‘no videos allowed.’ Though it felt lonely. You kept thinking of quick remarks to say to Jensen or feeling the same chill down your spine or how he’d undoubtedly say your orb was just a spec of dust yet secretly keep a box of salt close by that night.

Sleep was impossible. It wasn’t the scratching on walls or the footsteps above, even though you were on the top floor, or the swinging chandelier. It was the fact that he hadn’t called or texted. And yes, despite your horrible cell reception on the road trip here, you did, in fact, pay for cellular service. And it seemed to working just fine as you reconnected with friends and family ensuring them you arrived to Colorado in one piece.

You don’t kiss someone like that and not follow up! You buried your head under a pillow. You also don’t kiss someone like that and thank them. What had you been thinking? You weren’t thinking that was the problem. Possibly even had a panic attack given by the growing crowd. No wonder he hadn’t called you. What was he supposed to think? You tried to rationalize the thought process. You had shown gratitude towards the action, thus indicating you appreciated the gesture. But even you didn’t buy that.

An icy caress crept up your spine, sending shivers throughout your body, and you reached your breaking point.

You shot straight up. “Can’t you tell I am being haunted enough by my own idiocy!” Perhaps it was your own imagination, but the creaking floorboards seemed to settle, and warmth flooded back. “Thank you!”

You laid back down and pulled your phone out, staring at his number, the photos being the last thing you sent. You had to put a feeler out there.

‘Thanks again for an amazing trip! If you’re looking for a buddy on your next road trip, let me know. And don’t worry, the ghosts here are all bark, though I can’t say the same for those in room 217.’

You slammed your phone on the one-night stand and prayed sleep would find you.

Morning came quickly, too quickly. Your alarm cheerfully chimed you awake though you did not meet it with the same attitude. After hitting snooze twice, you regretted your decision to wake up early and beat the crowds. The sheets crinkled as you reached over, searching for Jensen, only to remember he wasn’t there. The realization was enough to get you moving instead of what you really wanted, opting for a lazy morning in bed with him.

Though it had been a struggle to pry yourself free from the bed, it had been the right call. Prime parking was still available at the head of the trail, which was starting to fill in even at this ungodly hour. The trail up to the Sky Pond was going to be a long one but worth it, or so you kept telling yourself. You double-checked your supplies, ensuring you had enough water, food, and a compass. To Jensen’s credit, you probably could have been more prepared, but you also didn’t want to be weighed down. You snapped a few pictures of the map at the start of the trail, just in case. It would all be fine.

Two hours into the hike and you had convinced yourself you made the right call. The landscape and views were astonishingly serene. There was peace and euphoria blowing like wind through branches, rushing like rapids of a river, sweetly singing like birds in the breeze, gasping like the lack of air in your lungs, dripping like the sweat on your brow. Okay, so maybe it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, but you just needed a second wind. It would be worth it, you repeated. And you were only thinking about Jensen every 500 feet or so. Progress. You had already passed Alberta Falls, and it had been spectacular. There was something healing about the sound of water. There was more to come, and it would be worth it, repeating the mantra of the day.

As the sun rose higher in the sky, so too did the heat of the day. Conserving water throughout the hike was essential, but staying hydrated was just as important. You guzzled down another few sips. As you rounded a bend, you hesitated, seeing the ascent. The backpack bearing weight on your shoulders grew heavier, and you adjusted the straps. Your breaths deepened, and a few crude words muttered from your lips as you prepared for the climb. If Nesta could do it, so could you.

Your legs shook as you started, already weary from the elevation gain. You wondered what it would be like at the convention right now. Would you be hanging out with Jensen? Meeting his friends and coworkers? Or would you just be milling about, waiting for the day to be over? Probably the latter. He had asked you to text in the morning, but he hadn’t even responded to your message last night. He was probably too busy with the day. Or just as confused about the kiss as you. The first time it happened, you didn’t talk about it, so why would now be any different? Whatever the situation, you bet if you were still in Denver, it would include air conditioning, less sweat, and the opportunity to read. But you could read at the lake and cool your feet off. If you ever got there. The mental games were becoming as big of a hurdle as the physical limits.

You were too in your head that when you hit the next rock, your foot missed it entirely. Landing on the step below, your foot slipped out from under you, and you came crashing down on your hip with a big thud.

“Fuck!” You cursed and then hissed through your teeth.

“Woah!” A voice called in the distance, and the sound of heavy boots beat against the rocky steps. “Are you alright, sweetheart?”

You braced yourself to get up and were met with a helping hand. The green pants and khaki shirt were a dead giveaway for a park ranger. He was tall and broad with dark brown curls and soft whiskey eyes. His skin was darkened from days in the sun. And unlike you, he was barely breaking a sweat.

“Yeah.” You winced as he helped pull you up. “Wasn’t watching my step.”

“At least you can stand.” He said, “But let’s take a look anyways.” He crouched down beside you. “A few scrapes and you’ll definitely have a bruise. Can you twist your ankle?” You did as he instructed. “Bend the knee.”

You looked down as he tenderly applied pressure to certain areas. You confirmed the scrapes from the few bright red streaks traveling down your calve and brushed at the dirt that ran your whole length.

“All looks to be in working order.” He assessed, brushed off his hands, and started digging through his pack. “I have acetaminophen.”

“That would be wonderful, thank you.” You gladly accepted it and washed it down with water.

“Here.” He took his water bottle and ran it down your leg, clearing the cuts of debris. “You’ll want to clean that better once you’re finished for the day, but you should be fine until then. Where are you hiking up to?” He asked.

“Sky pond.”

“Ah, me too, actually.” He took his hat off to fan himself and ran his hand through his bouncy curls. “Someone has been messing with the trail cams up there, and I gotta reset them. Mind if I join you?” Maybe it was because you pursed your lips, he quickly added. “If not, I’ll hang back for a while and create some distance. It’s so peaceful out here I wouldn’t want to ruin…”

“No. It’s cool, we can hike together. Though I’m probably slower than you’re used to.” You said.

“Oh, I love a leisurely pace. So much to take in. Maybe even catch sight of the bear I keep hearing about.”

“Bears?” You raised your brows. “Yeah, you can definitely stick around.”

As you hiked onward, you learned a little about each other. Where each other were from, family, careers, hobbies. He moved out from Maine recently, but being stationed in the Rockies had always been a dream of his. The ascent finally leveled out a bit, and you were able to catch your breath.

“You have a partner back home?” He asked.

You chuckled.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.”

“No, it’s not that. It’s just… complicated.” You explained.

“Hold that thought.” He said. “There’s an excellent view back here most people don’t know about.”

He started in through the woods.

“So much for staying on the trail rule.”

He looked back and winked. “Perks of traveling with a ranger.”

“Definitely not impersonating one and preying on single hikers.” You teased but also voiced the concern in the back of your mind.

“And disgrace the badge? Never.” He smiled.

“I do have bear spray.” You lied and gripped your shoulder straps tighter.

“Well, I’m glad I came across you. I left mine down at the station. If we did come across B 712 I was going to yell real loud and hope for the best.” He teased back.

Despite the warning bell in your head, you continued onward, following him further from the main path. The forest cleared to a rocky cliffside overlooking a massive gorge carved from the very glacier this trail was named after. It made you feel so insignificantly small and at the very top of the world all at the same time.

“Wow.” Was all that came to your mind.

“Ah, don’t get too close to the ledge now.” His arm went in front of you like a mother who braked in the car too hard. “If you slip here, well…” He peered over the steep ledge.

You took out your phone and scanned the area with the lens. “Pictures never do it justice.” You said disappointed.

“I never get sick of the view.” He stated. “You should come back when the colors change, it looks like the valley is on fire. Sorry, you were saying earlier?”

“Right. Yeah, no…” You were flustered, wondering how much to share. “It’s just I really like this guy, and I think he likes me too, most of the time anyway. But I don’t know what he wants. And I don’t want to get hurt. So I’m kinda stuck in this pining phase, and I don’t know how to get out of it until he’s ready. I’m not making sense.”

“Hmm.” He pondered. “I mean, I’ve known you for twenty minutes I can say with certainty he likes you back.”

You rolled your eyes at the pass. “No, it's different. He’s like a big deal. Like a big fish in the ocean, and I’m a trout in a pond.”

“First of all,” He stopped you. “I hate that analogy with a passion. Second, If you’ve put him on a pedestal and he’s reinforced that in any way or hasn’t corrected that, he is not worth the time of day. No matter where you are in your walk of life, comparing yourself to other people never ends well. And using that comparison to deflate your own worthiness or happiness is going to lead to a self-fulling prophecy of missed opportunity.”

Wow, that was deep and stung a little. “Are you really a park ranger or a psychologist?” You teased.

“I listen to a lot of Brene Brown podcasts.” He admitted. “What, it gets lonely hiking up here all the time; gotta do something to keep the mind busy. You said he likes you; what makes you think that?”

“Shall I lay on this bolder while you connect this back to my relationship with my mother?” You gestured to the rock next to you.

“Fine, fine.” He retreated. “I have a knack for wanting to fix things; car engines, relationships, trail cams. Let me say this, and now that I’ve creeped you out enough, I’ll let you hike in peace, but you said you don’t know what he wants, but have you asked him?”

“Well… I…” You stuttered. “I’m waiting for him.”

“Why?”

“Because…”

He raised an eyebrow at you.

“Because that’s what you do. The guy asks the girl. He makes the moves.”

He scoffed. “I guess that’s fine. I didn’t take you as being so old-fashioned.”

“I’m not old-fashioned.” You scoffed back.

He raised his hands in surrender. “It’s not a bad thing if that's what you want.”

“No, it’s just… this is in his court. It’s his move.” How could you explain the situation without giving it away?

“Two-for-two with the horrible analogies.” He pushed.

Oh, he was getting on your nerves. “He’s an actor! Okay! Like a somewhat recognizable one. And I’m just,” You gestured to yourself. “A nobody, covered in dirt.”

“Oooh. So it is the pedestal thing. Man, I’m good!” He leaned against a pine and crossed his arms smugly. “The way I see it, if you like him, and he’s given you all the signals back, you need to get over your own insecurities and open up a channel of communication, or you're going to be stuck in that small pond forever.”

Tears were threatening to spill from your eyes. “How?” You whispered.

“Simple. Tell him how you feel and ask him the same, ask him what he wants.” He suggested.

“And what if, what if he doesn’t want what I want? What if I lose him altogether?”

“It’s a risk, but do you really want to be trailing behind him forever? Putting your whole life on hold while you wait for him to catch up?” He pushed. “‘Sides, you know where I’m stationed, and I’ll make my intentions clear from the beginning.”

You squinted your eyes at him. “What’s your name?”

His grin widened, showing off his canines. “Why, you going to report me, sweetheart?”

“No.” You stamped your foot. “You are obviously entitled to a raise. I bet you find all the single hikers and help them with their existential crises.”

“It keeps me busy.” He bit his bottom lip. “The name’s Dean. You?”

You scoffed. Of course, it was. “Y/N. I think I’ll let you continue on your own from here.”

“I understand. I came on too heavy.” He sighed. “Should’ve stuck to the surface-level topics.”

“No, it’s not that.” You said. “It’s just I’m heading in the opposite direction now.”

You weren’t going to wait to keep hashing it out with him. A new determination had sparked. The branches snapped underneath your feet as you started the way back to the main trail. You wondered how fast you could run down a mountain.

“Hey, take it easy,” Dean called after you. “I don’t want to come back on the trail tonight to find you twisted an ankle on the way down. Where are you off to so fast anyways? Really taking those words to heart.”

“Denver.” You shouted back. “There’s a con I gotta get to.”

-----

Continue to Part 7 Here!

GHTTC Tags: @maggiegirl17 @foxyjwls007 @djs8891 @deans-spinster-witch @tmb510

#supernatural #spn #spn fandom #jensen ackles x reader #jensen x y/n #jensen ackles

96 notes · View notes

thehistoriangirl · 2 years ago

Note

Bonjour!! I actually wanted to tell you how your writing is always something I look forward to at the end my day, like a candle lighting the darkest corners of my room. Could you maybe write a hopeless romantic!reader that slowly turned pessimistic at the thought of love (psst slow burn). Then Viktor realises how much reader has adored him since forever and wanted to do so in return! Merci♡

Bonjour ! <33 SADFGHJDHSGDJHDHDG thank you so much 🥺🥺🥺 Before anything, I have to said, you just cracked my well-preserved secret! Legend says if you ask me for a slow burn I will get overboard and make a multichapter fic :D and I guess it's true so here we are 🤡 [Brain why you have to be like thissss I hate you] Anyway, I hope you like this first part ;3 Passe une bonne journée, petalthea ! <3

The Oblivious Game I Want to Lose (Without Losing You) [Chapter One]

> M A S T E R L I S T <

Viktor x Fem! (Hopeless Romantic!)Reader-------2.1K------SFW

Synopsis: Your father wants you to forget about pursuing your dream of being an opera singer as your mother was. Instead, he's determined to make you a great business person to fit into his wealthy family—his solution? Hiring one of the smartest students of the Academy as your personal tutor, no other than Heimerdinger's assistant himself. But when you two grow closer, the plan gets tricky as you get your confidence back to fight for your re-discovered dreams just as Viktor starts to achieve his own.

Viktor saw you four times before he was obliged to talk to you.

Inside the Music Faculty, the chandelier sent golden hues against the gold and silver accessories of the guests filling the auditorium. A line of teenagers was waiting, removing awkwardly on their feet as the people organizing the admission test formed them into order.

He was in charge of the lightning, tucked next to the half-open curtain that separated the scenario and the backstage, sitting on a stool with uneven legs. Viktor was careful to balance himself up the wobbling seat, growing less interested in the auditions as time went on. While managing the levers, he considered what his final project for his Mechanic class could be.

Until a wailing interrupted his line of thoughts, almost tripping his body off the stool.

Looking backstage, he saw a teenager being dragged away from the queue by two men in twin outfits, a woman looking at you some feet away with a stern expression. You were thrashing and screaming—begging should be a better word—, Viktor thought when he heard what you were saying in a river of blabbering, like a plea.

Please just let me try. Father doesn’t have to know—

But they ignored you and the tears that shone clear against the dimmed light inside the backstage.

He didn't recollect the moment his body decided to move on its own, but the click of his wooden cane snap him back to the present.

One of the organizers looked at him from the corner of her eyes, shaking her head slightly as if saying don’t even think about it.

Viktor frowned because he wasn't thinking about doing anything. They were full-grown adults working for an important house, if your tailored clothes were correct signal enough of your upbringing.

Though that didn’t stop the bad-hidden laughs behind some participants’ hands.

But even as the sound of the cacophony grew fainter, the heaviness of his chest remained while remembering your broken voice, hands frantic trying to pull away, and he thought, brows pinched in confusion, that if that would have been him if Professor Heimerdinger hadn’t helped him enrolling into the Academy.

He saw you try three more times, with the same outcome. Only that each failed audition your pleads became weaker, and you didn’t fight back as much.

People kept mocking you, you fought and lost, and he watched you every time.

What a particular case, because Viktor couldn't understand why a rich family wouldn't let their child enter the Music Faculty and become an artist for the Opera House. And why you didn't give up?

The last time, just a touch on the shoulder was enough to take you away from the stage. Without the sound of your voice echoing in the room, you heard the quiet laughs, and for the first time, you looked back at them, eyelids heavy—Viktor couldn't know if it was anger or just fatigue.

The competitors cleared their throats and looked away, removing in their place as you scanned their clothes, eyes lingering in familiar crests.

"Good luck in the audition, then," you said, walking away without looking at him, even though Viktor felt as if his gaze was so heavy at least you should have felt it.

But no. You didn’t look back, and Viktor forgot about you soon after; when he became Heimerdinger’s assistant, leaving behind the myriad of little jobs he took at the Academy for extra income, the Music Faculty lightning technician included.

Until now.

*~*~*~*

The Ventos family manor was flooded with people as richly decorated as the house itself, and Viktor pretended to ignore the glances they stole as the guests looked at him following Heimerdinger’s steps.

Viktor knew the Ventos clan was horrifyingly wealthy, with around half of all the airships belonging to some member of the family, but reading about it and looking at the proofs were two different things.

The hall was bigger than Viktor's apartment, with arches supporting a tall, vaulted ceiling incrusted with mosaics. All inside was a spotless white and a pale blue, taking the nickname "owners of the sky" too seriously to be considered funny.

Professor Heimerdinger was greeting the few people that crossed his way into scanning the room, looking for the host of the party, even though Viktor was the one carrying the gift box.

A man Viktor recognized as part of the Chemistry Faculty of Teachers stopped his travel midway to the wine fountain when he spotted the yordle. He exchanged a polite and short greeting to Viktor before pouring his attention to the Dean of the Academy, asking him if he would like to see some experiments he’d been working on.

Heimerdinger raised a hand. "Excuse me for a moment—Viktor? Oh, there you are. Could you please give this to the birthday celebrant? I don't want them to run away from the party unexpectedly without the gift! Thank you, thank you."

The yordle turned his back on him, engaging again in the conversation while Viktor stood a couple of steps away, frozen, with an expensive gift tucked inside his arm.

He sighed, tapping his fingers over the box as his eyes scanned the room. How was he supposed to know who was the host of the party? All rich people looked the same, with expensive clothes and too many decorations with gold, all of them holding cups of wine while engaging in business deals.

Viktor walked toward some butlers and maids that were carrying away the empty platters from the dessert table and replacing them with new ones. He didn’t want to ask a rich Piltie about who was the birthday's celebrant—much less give any of them a gift—but it was part of his job, he supposed.

It didn’t make it easier.

One of the servants told him a name he hadn’t heard before. Frowning in confusion, the servant stopped what he was doing to give him a detailed description of the youngest Ventos heiress.

The young man shrugged. “I haven’t seen the Young Mistress in a while, though. I don’t know where the she could be.”

A maid interrupted. "Miss Ventos should be on the green balcony," she blinked and signaled the west corner of the room. "It's the balcony filled with plants. If they aren't there, then she probably withdraw to her bedroom already."

Viktor nodded, thanking them. After a short pause, the servants replied with a doubtful, “it’s nothing, Sir” and he left them to fulfill their job not wanting them to be punished because of his incompetence.

It wasn’t that late, perhaps 10 PM or something around that hour. If this person was already in bed—how old they were? Suddenly, his stomach twisted thinking about a spoiled child. What if she didn’t like the gift? What if she didn’t accept it because maybe she didn’t like him? Would he be in trouble?

The green balcony was obscured by thick potted flowers and little palms, only a narrow passage connected it to the marble rail that had a spectacular view of the city.

Viktor froze when he didn't see anyone in there. Should he return the gift with Heimerdinger? Or could he leave it with a servant?

His thoughts were interrupted by a rustling sound, his eyes darting toward the sound's source.

He recognized you right away, and Viktor felt a little embarrassed by it. You looked older—around four years had passed since the last audition you tried to join—but your clothes were very similar, contrasting with the pale blue and shining white in dark tones of purple and blue.

“Who are you?” you said, frowning. He felt your eyes sweeping his outfit—the Academy uniform—and your stiff posture, half-hidden behind a rosebush, seemed to relax.

Viktor blinked, and you blinked back, arching your brows.

“Ah! Right. I’m Heimerdinger— I mean, I’m Heimerdinger’s assistant.” He locked his cane’s handle in the crook of his elbow to take the box gift in his both hands, arms extended toward you. “He wanted me to deliver this gift. But I don’t, eh, I don’t know who the host is. By any chance… could you help me?”

You smiled then, a little tug of your lips as you took the gift box between your hands.

“Sure. Please tell Professor Heimerdinger my gratitude.”

“You’re the birthday celebrant?”

"That's right," you paused, shaking the box a little. It sounded metallic, and it was a little heavy. "Please sit down, I'm sure you must be tired from all that walking around."

You signaled at one marble bench built on one side of the balcony, next to where you were sitting, a glass of wine half-empty that you shoved away.

"You know you're hard to find," Viktor said, feeling the cold rock against his legs. He shivered a little, trying to be subtle about it. Then, he realized the words that slipped out of his mouth. "I apologi—"

“No need. You’re right, anyway.” You opened the box, putting aside the protective cloth to reveal a music box. When you pressed the button, the little shell opened, showing a little doll dressed in a deep blueish-greenish dress going in circles around a wooden stage.

Behind her, the scenery moved, showing an Ionian forest. You chuckled, moving one of your feet at the rhythm of the melody repeating inside the toy. Fingers hovering in the air as if you wanted to touch the little doll but wouldn’t dare to.

For a moment, he thought you looked cute.

“I knew Professor Heimerdinger still makes the best music boxes,” you muttered, and Viktor heard it for he was listening carefully.

“Do you know Professor Heimerdinger?” Closely, he wanted to add, but you seemed to understand his inner meaning.

“Yes. He was friends with my mom. Well—he helped her to pursue her career as an opera singer.”

Viktor smiled a bit. He finally understood that you wanted to enroll in the Music Faculty.

You jumped when someone called your name—a male voice.

"Shit," you whispered, and Viktor got surprised to hear you curse. Hurriedly, you took the music box under the bench, where the bushes hide it well enough. Your hands tried to accommodate your hair that had been disturbed by some branches as you stood up. "Enjoy the party for me—oh! That's right. What's your name?"

“My name?” You nodded, smiling warmly. “I’m Viktor.”

You extended your hand toward him. “A pleasure to make you my acquaintance, Viktor. I hope you enjoy the night.”

He frowned. "Are you leaving? No, wait. Where you hiding here?”

You beamed. "You're smart. Yes, I was. You see, when you reach a certain age your parents just organize these kinds of parties to shove suitors at your face each half an hour or so. I needed a break."

“Oh. You don’t seem fond of the attention.”

"I'm not. People still can't get over the fact about my mixed upbringing." You took off the shawl that was covering your shoulders, and let it fall on his lap. Viktor was still shivering slightly, the air of the night getting colder as time passed.

He wanted to ask what you were referring to, but you interrupted him:

“If you’re going to stay here, wear it. I wouldn’t want you to get sick.”

“But—” You shook your hands.

“Don’t worry about it. Thanks for the gift, Viktor. It’s the best I’ve been given in a long time. Thank Heimerdinger too, please.”

Viktor nodded and you said your farewell just as the same male voice entered the balcony.

You encountered him midway, dragging him away from Viktor.

“Yes, Father?”

The man sounded angry. Viktor could hear the disdain in Erik Ventos’ voice even from he was sitting, back hunched forward so he could hide better.

“Were you talking with someone?”

You laughed. “Oh, dear Father. Don’t tell me you have too much to drink again. Or it’s that you just like to nag at me?”

“Don’t try to act cocky. You left Yael from house Kiram all alone an hour ago!" Viktor heard your father whispering at you, a voice full of poison. "Is this how you pay for everything I've done for you? You're just an ungrateful brat."

Viktor closed his eyes while listening to that. His parents never talked to him that way, he couldn’t believe that some people would treat their own family in such manners.

“If you want me to marry him so badly, then go make the deal yourself,” you spitted out back, shoving him aside and walking away.

Erik Ventos followed you, stomping like a wild animal, the noise getting further away until all that was left was the crickets singing on the lonely balcony. His hands were tangled in your shawl, thinking that he was going to stay there a little longer, childishly hoping you would come back.

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archivalofsins · 1 month ago

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I'm about to be so for real for a second.

So, if anyone is interested in knowing why nothing has gotten done in any timely fashion- Hating myself forever for this by the way if anyone thinks they want to read what I'm writing more than me you're incorrect I really wanna read that shit too sad part is I gotta write it. Either way here's your queue to listen up because I'm only going to explain this in a post once.

And this is the most candid I will ever be about my personal life in an online setting.

Okay quick fire of reasons I haven't gotten shit done in regards to Milgram posts,

The US election results

Family issues

Being accused of two crimes in one year once on this very blog and another time this fucking week over the phone (we're gonna go into this one).

Mental health issues (I'm pretty sure you can tell why.).

Physical health issues.

Honestly anyone is lucky if they hear from me every two weeks. Only people I really care about hear from my ass daily. I'm putting in an effort to show up in a setting I actively despise when I come online. I'm not going to make that harder for me by doing something I don't want to do. If I've messaged anyone and haven't gotten to responding the reasons for that are also in here later on.

Generally though I tend to like in person stuff more than online.

Remember that test I took in October that was like ha this bitch has dysgraphia and also presents with coordination issues. Yeah they also quantified my suicidal/death ideation in that test and it was 94. They quantified family problems- it was 86. These are two highest scores on that psych eval. That's an A and B+ in god's worse running jokes.

Let's talk about it. Starting with suicide ideation it's been like that since I was in elementary that's a consistent thing they also diagnosed me with persistent depression. I'm not blaming it on that. That has nothing to do with this. Those things have both been here for years before this diagnosis. They're fine they can stay.

However they get exacerbated by the second thing. Family problems which were eighty-six. Alright let's be candid I'm the youngest child of my family having five older siblings. I grew up with my sister who is a year older than me. My other siblings are decades older than me. My brother was graduating from school when I was born.

My sister takes issue with me so much so that when I called just to check on her she went into a tangent basically going this is why I don't talk to you and you should apologize for stuff from when you were ten and eleven to me. She even got her significant other involved in this conversation so he could explain to me why he felt she deserved an apology to. Quick fire things of shit my sibling have done to me in no real order.

Threw out my bed. Yeah um I spent most of my adolescent years sleeping on a pullout in the living room (it wasn't always pullout couch sometimes it was a regular couch or the floor) because she needed to have a room of her own in our family two bedroom apartment. Also because her s/o needed a place to stay at a point. So a good chunk of my childhood was friend comes over where's your room you're standing in it- This is the living room. I sleep on that couch what about that other room back there that's my sisters room. Umm??

I have been informed by several people that's weird. That's a unique form of favoritism. After I apologized to her for shit I did when I was in elementary school um she continued to badger over text because I rightfully hung up on her when she did not apologize back. For literally threatening me with homelessness the year before last, tampering with my cell service, assaulting me in my own home last year, recording me and my friend in my living room in the same home while I was constructing a cat tower. Holding that recording over my head as black mail all of this year saying okay I'll send it and you'll see how wrong you were me going okay send it then I'd love to have it then her never sending it.

For anyone thinking got damn not all of that can be true. Isn't it really convenient she never received that recording etcetera. Guess what I've got the texts still! Where she literally sent me screenshots of the video she took of me in my home with time stamps on it. Lol-

This text conversation went on from October 23, 2024 to the 29th. Now heads up I'm going to call her delusional here and I'm going to give context to why this is. Over the course of our call she kept saying I wasn't shoving our father into his door I was trying to get through him. In regards to when she was coming out of his room to harass my friend and I. She changes up her story a lot.

She says that actually she never shoved our father. Our father says this is a lie I know it was a lie my friend who was there knows it was a lie. Because all three of us had to go file a police report on the matter at later date where everyone wrote on paper exactly what fucking occurred. She also yelled at me for an hour because she claimed my friend called her a bitch when she was recording us in my home.

Which would have been my friends right honestly but this was also a fucking lie. Like,

And my friend knew she fucking hit me because my arm was bruised and swollen. So, that's why she said that. This was like a little after our uncle died from cancer which is why I was fucking calling to check on her by the way and she decided to bring up something from over a year ago then stuff from over twenty years ago.

So yeah I called her delusional because she's either that or blatantly lying. Which given she never sent me that video she may just be blatantly lying.

Then before this shit some complete nimrod on here messaged me accusing me of cyberstalking them. Then got upset and lectured me after I blocked them. Like yes I fucking blocked them they accused me of a crime. This first instance of me being accused of a crime this year. It certainly gets better.

This week I got a call from Adult Protective Services who I found out after were over at my apartment when I was out with a friend. Saying hey so I just have to call and make you aware of these allegations and ask for your side of the story real quick. This happened in the middle of me discussing being uncomfortable with my sister coming over with my dad.

This very polite worker informed me that someone had called them alleging that I had committed elder abuse of the physical and financial exploitation variety. I went wow you're timing couldn't be greater I was just discussing my sister with my father and also me finding somewhere else to live post haste. Even if it's outside.

Because I can just go if this is going to keep happening. People will be like you know I'm going to harass this person online about how they talk about a piece of media what's the harm. I shouldn't have to say I'm getting harassed on and offline for people to know what basic human decency is. Some people know who the person that made that allegation online is and the behavior that they partook in to harass me and if you do or think you do good on you. Let's all move on it's not about them it's about me the victim of their inconsiderate bullshit.

If people focused less on vilifying perpetrators and helping victims imagine how many things would be solved by now. People talks a lot of shit about not being like Futa but everyone here likes taking down a bad guy more than they enjoy helping someone who's hurting get back up. That makes you all like Futa in my book in fact it makes you worse than him because he's actually shifted focus to helping others and being their for someone else.

While a good deal of people here are focused more on appearing good than doing anything good. It's all just fake consideration anyway. It's just something done to make an individual feel good in the moment and like they did something with themselves. But nothing has changes except a good deal of people in this fandom has incrementally made my life that was already difficult worse.

Because I'm literally an unpaid caretaker for my own father. I had to leave college to get a job in order to pay my father's rent, I got a credit and credit debt to take care of my dad and fix his junk car that can't run much at all anymore. This is the person this fandom has very consistently harassed for the crime of being critical of their favorite fictional character and talking about something they enjoy in a way some of you don't like.

So, I'm at a point where I have to actively build up energy to write something on this to post because each time. Because each time I think of writing or sharing anything in regards to this it feels like ripping a part of myself out to feed people who wouldn't lift one finger to help me if I was shot right in front of them. Then I think to myself that's no way to be some people are cruel and have wronged you but if you move forward always expecting the worse that's all you'll get.

The only person you can control is you. The only way you can improve your environment is through your own actions no one's going to help and expecting someone to swoop in and save you from all your problems is childish. You're gonna have to do the work yourself even if it's hard, it feels bad, your life isn't that great. It doesn't matter if you're uncomfortable what matters is you get the work done.

Because if it's something you love and want to discuss you should do that. Fuck what anybody else thinks or does. Which is a fine way to feel. That's true I'm not saying those feelings of mine are bullshit. However I am saying I'm tired, annoyed, stressed, feeling completely underappreciated and disrespected.

Because at the end of the day when people do shit like what my sister does or that other person. I'm told this is a two person communication failure you two just need to come together and talk it out. You're feelings are valid but you need to be the bigger person and considerate of the rest of this family or community.

That's not even going into the US election results. People have thought maybe it's burnout maybe you just need to take a brake from this to what? To what actually? Anyone who bothers to read this will have an understand what taking a break from talking about my interests is a break to now. Would anyone be taking a break from the things that bring you a bit of joy in my position?

On top of that my dad just got his tooth pulled and I now have to take care of him after being accused of abusing him. That's my life hey can you sleep on the floor, can you sleep on the couch, can you get out of the way until we need you to do something then when you do something we don't like we're gonna accuse you of a crime. What's that- That's not fair. Well you're feelings are valid but life not fair you really need to get thicker skin.

So, fuck it from my perspective I'm in a damned if I do damned if I don't situation where I don't even feel comfortable posting honestly on my own blog or safe in my own home. So who the fuck cares yeah I'll take that break.

And things will get done when they get done. Possibly when I feel like I'm not under constant scrutiny or will be attacked for just speaking. So yeah that's why.

Now I'm gonna go sit my balcony in the middle of winter.

#gunsli vents #this is really personal so heads up on that and I said yeah I'll take a break but I'm probably not going to because I'm bad at taking break #weirdly enough that isn't really how hyperfixations work

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lageografiademicamino · 5 months ago

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5 habits I've picked up during my Lisbon years

These are the biggest life changing habits I've picked up during my seven Lisbon years.

They come in no specific order.

Vegetarian diet

Not my pic.

Not that Portuguese cuisine is known for its vegetarian dishes (because it has none!) but my view on food and cooking have changed while spending my 30's in Lisbon (or it's the old age hehe). Good flavors are rather a simple thing and a lot can be done with fresh and good ingredients without complex procedures.

When still living in Finland I didn't enjoy cooking that much or know exactly how to use the best out of the ingredients I had in my reach. Finnish grocery stores are filled with overproduced and ready-to-go meal options which I also indulged greatly. Finnish cuisine is also rather meat focused which I have stepped away from a bit during my years abroad even though I still enjoy a good steak every now and then.

Portuguese supermercardos on the other hand differ quite a lot - many things can be found fresh and locally produced (except cod because that they actually get from Norway). Instead of e-code filled spice mixes you don't need much else to highlight the natural flavors except salt, pepper, lemon and olive oil. This has changed my way of seeing and consume food tremendously.

Nowadays my social media feed is filled with Mediterranean style vegetarian recipes and I've taken on such things as herbs, onions, garlic, olive oil, arugula and fresh vegetables to my daily diet. I take advantage of seasonal products such as pomegranate, watermelon, mint to bring variety to my plate.

Fun fact is that I've also learned to eat oats, berries + cottage cheese in here which all have been part of Finnish classical diet forever but which I used to hate when living back home.

I'm more human

Not my pic.

Things don't always work and not especially here in Portugal. Systems crash, procedures fail and so do people. You cannot be in a hurry while living in this city or schedule no more than one bureaucrat procedure on your weekly agenda. And that one thing takes the entire day often! Portuguese people and culture still embrace old fashion lifestyle in many ways. Many things still run with pen and paper here and developments come in practice slowly. It's human that mistakes take place and that things might not be easy on the first try.

On a different side of the coin however, elderly, pregnant women or people with small kids or injuries often get priority in groceries and other places. Or you might be passed by the queue because you only have one item in your shopping basket when the person in front of you is buying for a family of six. There's humanity in everyday counters. I'm not saying that not being able to trust the process is entirely stress free but I do enjoy the more human side of things. Life is more merciful, my flaws don't make me and I demand less from myself and those around me.

Traditional = more simple life?

Not my pic.

I'm not saying that everything is about money or that you wouldn't need it but when you don't have much of it you tend to prioritize the real things in life.

The essential part of Portuguese everyday life routine is the meals, family and relationships in general. Yes, we all have to go to work but it doesn't become us. During free time people read books, exercise, go to the beach or play football - some of these being perhaps the essential parts of a Portuguese (or even of South European) lifestyle. These off-screen activities embrace social relationships, healthy and in my opinion more equal lifestyle where one's background with money or success doesn't matter.

This a far cry how I remember the years lived in Finland. The society is very performance and success focused - whether it's from the financial wealth to meeting the social standards - life is measured with achievements, success. The standards are the same for everyone, every child, woman and man and pressures start to grow from a very young age on. Individuality feels criminal. It's about reaching the finish line with great scores instead of enjoying the journey and its benefits to you.

Portuguese salary is is still lower than an average EU-citizen's elsewhere in Europe. As mentioned this country is slow to develop, therefore people and the lifestyle have remained traditional in many ways. Despite of the recent years' tourism boom that has brought along more pressure to provide things in a more modern manner. However it's not super uncommon to step into a store that only accepts cash, or to a Portuguese kitchen that has changed only a little during the last century. Life can be so simple.

Outdoor sports

Not my pic.

Funnily enough coming from the country of four seasons, thousands of lakes and forests that offer almost the same amount of possibilities to exercise all year round, I didn't learn to embrace outdoor sports before January 2020 - in Lisbon. I started running just before the covid shit storm, just in time when gyms and everything else shut down. There was nothing else than the empty streets and parks to conquer.

Funnily enough this new found lifestyle would suffer significantly if I ever moved to Finland (or any other Northern country with proper winters) because indoor, treadmill running doesn't do it for me. I'm in eternal love with the Portuguese weather because I can get around the rains or heat waves - the weather is not an obstacle for me!

Less productive

Not my pic.

I said these five things come in no particular order but it feels natural though to put this last. This is the result of all these four.

I don't feel pressured to do anything that I don't want to do. Whether it's to change jobs, to have a relationship, to travel, to exercise or eat healthy. I do all these things because I want to and if not, it's because I'm not feeling like it. I may be less productive and not where "I supposed to be at my age" - I can feel the judgement every time going home.. but the choices I've made during these seven years have felt truly mine and only mine.

Sometimes I do wonder if these changes and steps would have occurred if I had lived in Finland or somewhere else. Some maybe, others not.

#portugal #lisbon #lifestyle #livinginlisbon #expatlife #expat #livingabroad #living abroad #blog

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astrowh0re · 2 years ago

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☾without you ☽ ✦﹒✶

- i got really tired at the end, apologies

neteyam x f! reader (aged up) ☆。⺌ warnings// angst/ language/ slight smut/ hurt/ mild violence ☆ word count -> 1.9k

====== neteyam, lo'ak, and y/n were only supposed to be scouting the raid, jake told you all specifically to stay out of trouble. but trouble is not something that is easily avoidable... =========

jake had let the three of you on his mission on the grounds that scouting for bogeys was the only thing you would be doing while he carried out his plan of shutting down a transport train that the sky people had passing through na'vi territory.

a gentle breeze blew through your hair as your ikran drifted through the clouds, but you was anything but calm. to your left was lo'ak and your right neteyam. the sight of neteyam perched on his ikran, his strong arms directing it, and his braids covering the upper part of his face made your stomach twist. you had been going on these missions in training with jake. you wanted to live up to your family's legacy of being fierce warriors and the sullys were family friends. you had known the two sully boys your whole life, but a new feeling rose up in you during these recent missions. the way neteyam always made sure you were always out of trouble and safe, or directing your body when teaching you how to better your archery skills made a heat collect in your lower body. you had always loved neteyam, but this was different. you were freshly 19 and neteyam had very much matured, you knew that you would both need to find a mate eventually, but you had been so preoccupied in your training that it hadn't crossed your mind. the thoughts added to your anxiety. you had been up there for a short time, but your nerves had made it feel like forever. there hadn't been any heat in the sky, but the train had just been blown off it's tracks and the ground squad was raiding it's contents for weapons. the sight of the large guns made lo'ak keen with interest.

"bro we have to go check it out," lo'ak shouted over the sound of the rushing wind.

neteyam gave him a stern look that said, absolutely not.

"dad will skin us!" he said in his typical brotherly tone.

"lo'ak i really don't think we should abandon our post," you said uneasily, eyes darting through the clouds.

before either of them could further convince lo'ak he took off towards the train with a laugh following the path of his ikran. neteyam gave you a look and followed after him with a growl.

you were close behind, and landed your ikran, sliding off of her and disconnecting the queue. lo'ak was holding a large weapon aiming it like he knew how to use it.

"you don't even know how to use that thing," neteyam said rolling his eyes.

"yes i do, dad taught me" lo'ak scoffed.

"you two are going to get us in trouble, jake is never going to let us do anything on missions again if we keep this up," you said trying to get the two to leave. the adrenaline in your body was making the dangerous situation more anxiety inducing.

"y/n's right, its not safe down here." neteyam said giving lo'ak another look.

"oh cmo-" lo'ak wasn't able to finish his sentence as one of the gunships that had been taken down hurled toward them.

you couldn't even make it to your ikran before you hit the ground in a painful tumble. pain was shooting through your body. you couldn't see anything but the dust that was choking your vision and the rubble flying towards the ground. your lower abdomen was on fire and your ears were ringing in the most horrible way. pure panic filled you.

a mangled cry for help left your mouth, but you couldn't find the strength to escape the terror that seemed to immobilize you. looking down you saw the cause of your immobility. a large piece of metal debri stook out of your side and a numbness overtook you. the sight was so nauseating and your vision went from fuzzy for black.

you felt strong arms hoist you up. and you immediately recognized their familiarity.

"get her on that ikran and out of here. now." you could hear the boom of jakes voice.

"i've got her," you felt neteyam's chest vibrate at his words.

you felt the roughness of his ikran on your skin and the way his hand tied your body to him to ensure you didn't slide off as he took to the setting sky.

"ne-teyam.." you mangled out, trying to open your eyes more. but the pain held your words in your throat.

"hey hey its ok, don't move, we're almost there," neteyam comforted you.

the last thing you remember was the suffocating pain that raked your body and the look on neteyam's face when your eyes rolled back into your head.

his body was shaking from the panic he felt, you had never looked so weak in his life, and the part of the metal he couldn't remove from your body hung out from an angry gash in your side. He held on to you in desperation and flew to the village as fast as he possibly could without causing you any pain.

===============================================

your eyes fluttered open as you two landed in the hallelujuah mountain base. you were huffing trying to grit through the pain as neteyam untethered you and carried you bridal style to his grandmother. you look up at him for solace and were met his pleading yellow eyes.

"its ok, you're ok, just hang in there." he said shakily.

his name was the only thing that seemed to make it past your lips.

he barged into the tent and mo'at's hands immediately found your body. tuk let out a cry when she saw your state.

"y/n, what happened to y/n!?"

neteyam set you down as gently as he could. he was ushered away from your form as mo'at and kiri urgently got to work trying to help.

"one of the gunships exploded, and she was right there" neteyam said running a nervous hand through his hair.

"did you try to take this out," kiri questioned motioning to the large piece of metal mo'at was carefully trying remove. crys leaving you at her actions.

"yes. i didn't know what to do, she wouldn't have fit on my ikran if i had." neteyam said, scared he may have hurt you more in his efforts.

"please— i... neteyam make it stop—" your cries were killing neteyam.

if you left him before he ever told you how he really felt or left him with a y/n sized hole in his heart, he didn't know if would live. eywa have you in her prayers. what if he never made you his mate. or held you. or felt your touch or shared his love with you. he was spiraling. he didn't think anything anything mattered more than you. he was going to kill lo'ak for this.

neteyam was forced out of the tent by kiri and he stood there for several moments consumed with worry. the cry of his dad's ikran made him snap out of his thoughts and towards the sound.

he made his way to his father his head bowed in shame. he had never felt this much regret in his life. he failed his duties, and he let y/n and lo'ak get in danger.

"what were you thinking. you know better, you're supposed be the older brother." jake seethed. his teeth showing as he glanced between his two sons.

"i understand sir, i didn't mean to let this happen." neteyam said.

"you're right, this wasn't supposed to happen. and, it won't happen again because you two are grounded. no flying for the rest of the month and no more missions."

before lo'ak could say anything neteyam let out a "yes sir." and submitted to his father.

"lo'ak go tend to the ikrans." jake directed towards his youngest.

"but—" lo'ak tried.

"now." he growled.

============================================

neteyam spent the night by your side, petting your hand and watching for any signs of discomfort. he could barely sleep. his heart tangled in worry.

when you finally woke up your voice was groggy.

"neteyam... are you ok, is lo'ak ok?"

the first thing you were worried about was him and his brother and neteyam felt his soul light up with his admiration for you.

"i'm ok, of course i'm ok. i thought i lost you y/n." worry was laced in his words. he was dabbing your forehead with a wet cloth and his hand were dusting across your skin. you closed your eyes at the feeling. the pain in your side was duller than when the wound was made, but it still throbbed angrily. the feeling of neteyam's touch was lulling you. it felt so good it distracted you from every other sensation.

you grabbed his hand and pressed it to your face. your brain was thinking the straightest. "that feels good," your face was hot but his hands were cold and easing your pain.

his ears twitched at your words, and he noticed the way your body keened towards him. did you feel the same about him? he softly began tracing the glowing freckles on your face and made his way down to your lips. you eased up off the mat and rested your weight against him. you were so close that if he leaned forward he could close the distance between the two of you. your tail wrapped around his calf, and you hazily peered at him.

the air in the room was heavy and there seemed to be a very obvious understanding between the two of you. neteyam leaned forward and kissed you with the delicacy of a shimmyfly's wings. you lost your breath in the kiss, and reached for his arm. the lean muscle grounded you and you let neteyam ease you onto your back. he was being so gentle. the feeling making you lose any sense you may have previously had. he ran his hand along your thighs, careful to avoid your injury. his kisses peppering along your neck, his teeth grazing your neck. a whimper escaped you and neteyam's tail flicked at the sound. his scent was intoxicating.

the way y/n, who was always so fierce and serious, was underneath neteyam's large frame in submission was sending his mind into a fog. before he entered a state of little judgement, he stop his soft assault on your skin, much to your dismay.

you both sat there breathing heavily. your pupils like large disks, raking over neteyam's body.

"when you are better, and i can give myself to you y/n, i will." he was playing with the beads in your hair.

you whined, "neteyam, i'm fine it barely even hurts anymore, i've waited so long for you"

he took your hands and pulled you slightly to up towards him, sitting you in his lap. you let out a slight sound of pain at the action and neteyam gave you a look. "barely hurts?"

you let out a soft laugh and settled with the feeling of neteyam comforting you as his hands raked along your back. you both had admitted your feelings for eachother in your own way and you knew there would time to do much more in the future.

"cmon let's get those bandages changed," he said using his strength to lift your slender body, "you'll heal in no time." his signature smiled flashing across his face.

==========================================

i finished this so incredibly late but i hope it wasn't too bad. hopefully more to come in the future... it's been so long since i last wrote anything !

#neteyam x you #neteyam x reader #neteyam x y/n #neteyam sully #jake sully #sully family #avatar #avatar way of water

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gothicprep · 1 year ago

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since a lot of my blog is just, like, my repository for movie/tv/entertainment talk, may as well put a question prompt in my queue so i can read the responses to it when i get home from work:

what do you think happened to tony soprano?

i'll go first! my family didn't have hbo, and i was a bit way too young to be watching this when it aired anyway. so i came to this conclusion, probably in part because i'd benefitted in having missed all of these debates. but it has always seemed obvious to me that at the end of the show, tony suffers another panic attack. it's not that he's dead. it's not that david chase is just messing with us. the most logic thing is that, having terminated his therapy, having been confronted with the idea that he's not actually growing and changing, and the seven years he's spent with dr melfi didn't mean anything because he was manipulating the process, that the psychological problem that led him to therapy in the first place has recurred.

it's fascinating to me that this never became a more widespread conclusion that people drew, because it's so thematically appropriate. i always thought that the debate over whether tony died or not was a product of wanting a conventional mob story when it makes so much more psychological sense for tony to have come full circle and relapse into the panic attacks that were making him pass out. i know one problem in this is that the panic attacks aren't portrayed like this in the show. usually it'd be more "oh, i gotta lie down," but let's also consider that he hadn't had one in a while at this point. so it comes on more intensely.

my thing here is that if tony gets killed, that's an out. the worst possible thing you can inflict on tony soprano is that he has to live with being himself forever. that there is not actually going to be the process of improvement or forward progress, that he's going to be stuck in this bizarre arrangement of a marriage, that his kids are going to fail to escape the gravity of, like, his personality and the community that they grew up in, and that he's never going to become the kind of person that, in truth, he doesn't really want to be. he's made his choice. he's going to have to live with it. and killing him off just lets him off in a way that i think is inconsistent to what the show is doing, especially in its final seasons.

there aren't any definitive readings when it comes to this show. let's get that out of the way. but i think that's what makes this one specifically an interesting topic of discussion.

#i love watching movies with my friends

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tvitr · 2 years ago

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A Little Treat

Part One

Words: 3,012

Pairings: Grusha/Katy

Synopsis: On the morning of her divorce, Katy finds herself daydreaming about her handsome colleague. On a spur of the moment, she invites him back to her place later that evening.

AO3 Version

Well.

That was that then.

It certainly had been nice whilst it lasted, Hell, had you asked her ten years ago how she thought this would pan out, she'd have said they'd be together forever. Till death do us part and all that.

But of course, nothing ever ran smoothly, and here she was now, three years after it all started going wrong.

Divorced.

She’d secured the day off from her gym work, Geeta had honestly been surprisingly understanding of the whole situation, but the bakery still needed to be tended to. Not that it bothered her much; baking always helped her relieve stress, it’s why she’d pursued it as a career after all, and usually she’d cherish a day where she wouldn’t be dragged to the gym every half hour...

Katy just wished today’s circumstances were... different.

Today was at least busy enough to semi-distract her. Honestly, it was busy to the point that she’d have taken time off from the gym regardless. They’d acquired a backlog of orders somehow (“somehow”, she tried to convince herself this wasn’t down to her absent mental state recently), and though it wasn't enough to affect their reputation, it was certainly enough to ensure she'd be cutting her breaks short.

She'd decided to man the tills today, just in case any of their customers today decided to get ratty over their order being delayed, or the service being slow. It was not her favourite job, honestly it was probably nobody's favourite job, but she'd rather take the heat for any shortcomings than make any of her employees handle it. After all, they were perfectly capable of manning the kitchen without her, and most of them were talented bakers in their own right anyway. She was merely the face of the business.

Katy was good at diffusing customer rage anyway, she didn't know how but they always seemed to calm down the moment she stepped onto the scene. Perhaps it was her minor celebrity status, she didn't know. But it was useful, at least.

Thankfully she hadn't had to exercise her special talent today. Despite their backlog and the ever-growing queue at the till, everyone she’d dealt with thus far had been perfectly civil. None of the staff had said anything for fear of jinxing the calm, but the relief in the air was tangible.

“Who’s next?”

To her surprise, a familiar face stepped forward. "Hi, I'm here to pick up-" His voice trailed off, something apparently interrupting his thoughts.

She smiled. "Good afternoon, Grusha."

She could almost see him reeling in his wayward thoughts. "Is it bad I completely forgot you worked here?"

"One of those days, huh?"

"Not even, took today off because I had some stuff to do and-" He ruffled his hair loose from its ponytail. “Guess it’s just been a long week. Lots to do, you know?”

“Yeah it’s been… it’s been long for me too.” She snapped herself back to reality before she got too lost. Despite being colleagues, Grusha was still a customer at the end of the day. She couldn't quite justify burdening him with her life issues. At least, not here anyway. “Anyhoo, your order’s under Ibáñez right?”

“Wouldn’t be under anything else.”

Perhaps it was down to him having been the first real celebrity she’d ever baked an order for, or perhaps it was just down to his uncommon name, but she’d always been able to remember every order she’d made under the name Ibáñez. She could still remember that first order, from his parents it seemed, to celebrate him being selected for the Paldean team for that year’s Winter Bellic Games. From then on, she’d apparently been his family’s go-to bakery, to the point she knew the names and birthdays of his parents and two siblings, his parent’s wedding anniversary, that his older brother was now pursuing an acting career in Galar, that his sister had recently graduated college…

It was a nice feeling, having a well-known regular, and it had certainly helped with publicity back in those early days of the business. Perhaps she should surprise him with a thank-you cake sometime. She’d baked enough orders for him now to know what he liked after all.

“So who’s this for?” She dropped the cake box onto the counter, readying the PIN machine. After all, it wasn't anybody's birthday soon, and his sister had picked up the anniversary cake last month-

“Oh, it’s just something for my old coach. It's his fifthtieth soon, thought I might surprise him."

“I see!” Come to think of it, he’d never ordered something for his coach before. Honestly she was surprised he’d remained in touch, though admittedly she’d never been the sporting type. Perhaps it was common to remain in touch after one's retirement, though something told her it was probably best not to pry. “Just tap your card there-”

As he rooted in his pockets for his card, Katy felt herself daydreaming again. It seemed odd to think about, but she'd never paid attention to how… fit Grusha was. She'd seen him out of his winter sports garb many a time at League meetings or nights out, and of course on any official League trips, but she'd never properly… studied his physique. He was beautifully built, with a broad, muscular chest that slimmed into a trim waist, and by God his arms were massive. And his face! Oh he had such a pretty face; big, long-lashed eyes, high cheekbones, and plush lips, gosh, what a wonderful little specimen of a man he was. Pretty and extremely fit, such a rare combination indeed!

What would it be like… to kiss those plush little lips? How would it feel if he held her tight with those big, powerful arms? What if they… what if they…

I can now.

I'm single.

The very thought sent a shiver through her. Her, and him! She knew women who'd kill to even be around him as much as she was, let alone able to spend a night with him-

… Did she really want to do that? He was younger than her after all, she didn't know by what margin, but would he be… up for it with an old divorcee like her? Should she risk him turning her down?

You won't know if you don't try.

That was true.

You deserve it.

That was also true. These past few years had been awfully hard for her after all.

Perhaps she was due… a little treat tonight?

"Your card machine's broke."

Katy jolted back to reality, shooing her daydream away (for time being). "Sorry it's been funny with me all day, uh-" Customer handling mode engaged. "Do you have cash?"

He looked around, raising his arm to point towards the nearby PokéCentre. "Not on me, no, but I saw a cash machine on my way-"

An idea suddenly hit her. "Oh, our till’s not working either, I know it's been an absolute nightmare all morning, are you free later by any chance?"

Grusha side-eyed the clerk next to her, apparently working the till with no problem. "I mean, I was going to hit the gym when I got back home, but after that-"

"Oh perfect, so you'll be free then?"

He shrugged. "I guess so?"

"Good, call back later. You know my address I’m sure." She sent him off with a playful wink.

***

What have I done.

Katy hadn't known what had come over her earlier, honestly. Inviting a colleague over! Thank goodness she hadn't said anything suggestive to him, she might’ve winked (oh God, did she really wink at him?), but she could at least hope he didn't see that.

Maybe he wouldn't even show up. Maybe he'd text her and say it's too much hassle and he'd just send her the money instead. She should've asked him to do that, really. In fact, she should probably just message him now, save him the trouble of coming all the way down to Cortondo just to hand over whatever he owed her. How much did he even owe her anyway? She hadn't taken note. It was too late to go find the receipt now.

Or maybe he would show up, and she could just take the money and send him home. It was an awful long way for him sure, but she was fairly certain he had a solo fliers licence, and she knew he had that Altaria, hopefully it wouldn't be too much bother for him, or hopefully he wouldn't even bother coming-

There was a buzz from the hallway.

Now or never.

She held her breath as she walked to the door. Maybe it wasn't him. Maybe it was her neighbour, wanting to borrow some sugar. Maybe it was a delivery guy, knocking on the wrong door. Maybe it was the boy next door, asking if he could retrieve his football from her garden again. Maybe it was-

She opened the door.

Grusha stood on the porch, still sweating and flushed from his evening workout. Or maybe he'd just showered, she didn't know. Either way, his shirt clung to his frame, showing off his chiselled muscles, and his long hair was damp and held back in a messier than usual ponytail. A sports bag was slung over his shoulder.

"Came here straight after the gym. The human gym I mean, not the-" He took a deep breath and laughed breathlessly, hand running through his hair, tousling it further. "You know what I mean."

Katy didn't know how, but somehow he was even more attractive than he was earlier. It was probably the shirt, the way it hugged his frame, showing off his toned body underneath. Or maybe it was the fact he'd been working out, how he glistened with sweat in the evening sun. She wondered how he would smell right now, or even how his skin would taste, so warm and salty, like a summer's sea breeze-

She shooed her thoughts away, for now. "Do you want to come in for a bit? You're looking very flushed."

He seemed to think for a moment, before nodding. "Yeah, that would be… that would be nice."

He stepped in, dropping his bag by the door with a loud thud. Following the bag to the floor, her eyes passed over his lower half; his ass and thighs were currently shrouded by his shorts, but if his calves were anything to go by…

“Sorry, my shoulders are aching-” He flexed his glorious arms and back with a satisfying series of clicks before hoisting his bag up again.

Katy mentally shook herself to avoid staring for too long. Lord knew she'd die if he caught her ogling. “The kitchen’s just over there, make yourself at home.”

As she watched him enter the kitchen, and heard his bag thud down a second time, she took the time alone to gather her thoughts once again. Was she doing this or not? How did she even go about asking him? Should she test the water first? What if he was already taken? Goodness, she hadn't even thought of that-

"Katy? Where are you?"

"Just having an issue with the door, I'll be with you in a second." She slammed it a few times, fiddling with the lock and handle for extra effect.

“Need any help?”

“Nope, it’s fine.” With one last (hopefully convincing) slam, she hurried over to the threshold of the kitchen door where he'd disappeared to.

Here we go.

Katy took a deep breath, thankful that Grusha at least had his back to her right now. That at least gave her time to plan her next move. Perhaps she should’ve put something nicer on? Or even showered?

It doesn’t matter now, just go for it.

She sauntered into the kitchen. He didn't seem to notice it, instead rooting around in his pockets. "So how much do I owe you?"

"Oh, nothing actually." She tugged at the buttons on her dress, trying to loosen them to flaunt some cleavage before realising they were purely decorative. "Though you could say I could use a little…"

Goodness, what was the word?

"Fun, tonight." Yeah, that was it! Fun. A bit of fun. Just a bit of fun. A nice bit of-

“What?” To her mild horror, Grusha was staring at her with his mouth slightly agape and a look of abject confusion on his face. “Katy, what are you talking about…?”

Oh no.

“I mean you can…” Her nervous hands fumbled with her braid, trying to release it with no success. “Pay me in other ways, perhaps?”

The staring continued. "No offence, but have you been drinking? You're being… weird."

“Baby, I’m stone cold sober.” She tried to hoist her leg up onto the countertop, before realising that it was both far too high, and that her skirt couldn’t stretch enough for it.

It was safe to say Grusha was looking veritably dumbfounded by this point. "Listen, how about I just give you the money and leave, I promise I won't tell Geeta about this. Swear on my Cetoddle’s life."

"Don't you get it?” She marched over, trying to corner him in his chair before again realising her skirt wouldn’t allow the stretch. “I want to make love to you, I’ve been thinking about it all day, I don’t know how else to say it so I might as well just be upfront about, I… I…"

An aggressively awkward silence fell between them as the bemused stare off continued. No, no, no-

A loud sigh. “... Alright, where’s Iono?”

Katy blinked. “Wha-”

“She’s set you up to this, right? This is all part of a prank for her channel?”

“I don’t under-”

“Okay so…” He rubbed the bridge of his nose, letting out another, more annoyed, sigh. “This is a bit embarrassing, but one time when we were watching you battle and you said something like, ‘oh, let me knead you into submission’, and I said to myself ‘man I wish she’d knead me into submission’, and I thought I was being quiet but it turns out Iono heard me because of course she did, and ever since then she’s basically… blackmailed me by saying she’ll tell you I said that if I don’t give an interview on her channel.”

He took a deep breath, ruffling his hair till the tie keeping his ponytail in place was only clinging onto a few stray locks and static. “So where is she? She's gotta be hiding somewhere right? Ready to jump out and embarrass me, yeah?”

Katy stumbled back, hand behind her reaching for a countertop which never came. He thought this was a joke. He thought she was leading him on for a joke. She should probably play along, save her all that embarrassment, act like Iono was hiding in her pantry or something, after all if word of this got out, then her gym job and even her patisserie could be in jeopardy, and-

"Hey, you alri- Hey!” She heard him bound over, his hands coming to rest on her shoulders and holding her steady, those big eyes of his looking deep into her with an unusual amount of concern for his usually miserable face. "Man, are you okay? You've been acting real weird since I got here."

“Yeah, I-I’m fine.” The room felt like it was spinning, and she teetered even in his firm grip. “I’ve just…. I’m just…”

“Hey, easy, easy…” He guided her to the chair he’d been sitting on, kneeling down next to her and taking her hand. “Just breathe, okay? I don’t know what to do if you faint or something.”

"I'm not going to faint, I promise." She said that with a lot of confidence for someone who felt like she was leaning sideways. "It's just… I've really embarrassed myself here, haven’t I? Inviting you out here for no reason and giving you all that, and… and now you think it was all just a joke and I’m leading you on and-”

“Breathe, breathe...” A hand landed gently on her back, rubbing a circle in between her shoulders, whilst his other hand gave hers a reassuring squeeze. “Sorry, I don’t really know what else to say, just like… try to stay calm. I won’t tell anyone about this. I promise.”

"Okay." Something in his voice told her he was being sincere. That was one weight off her mind at least, and her breathing began to slow to a less erratic pace. "Okay."

"Good, good." With one last affectionate pat on her back, he stood up, hands diving into his pockets. "So uh… why did you invite me here anyway? Don’t say it was for the cake because I know your cash till was working earlier."

Katy dried her eyes “Guess I have to come clean then, eh?”

“Did you really invite me down here for… you know…” He pumped his hips jokingly, eyebrows bobbing. That got a weak laugh out of her at least.

A deep breath. Just admit it. "Yes. I did."

He paused. "Huh. Never knew you thought about me that way. I mean, I'm not offended or anything but still, it's surprising."

“It was… a spur of the moment thing." Goodness, what a situation this was. At least he wasn’t going to blab about this. “It’s been really, really rough for me recently what with the divorce and all, and I saw you earlier when you came by the bakery, and I thought I'd maybe treat myself to-"

She realised too late how that sounded. “Oh, goodness, I’m so sorry, you must think I’m such an old-”

“Pft, don't worry about it. I've heard worse. Trust me." He bit his lip, swaying on his heel. "So… you still down? It's okay if you're not, I can just go home."

Katy thought for a moment. "Are you?"

Grusha raised his eyebrows. "Oh? Weren’t you paying attention earlier?"

Oh no. "What... what do you mean?"

He leaned in close, lips barely gracing her ear. "I've fantasised about making out with you for a long time."

#part two will naturally be. way more :^) than this version #hell i might not even post the whole fic to tumblr i might just post the ao3 link and leave it at that #pokemon scarvi #gym leader grusha #gym leader katy #grusha pokemon #katy pokemon #pokemon grusha #pokemon katy #i also have an sfw fic for this ship lined up too i'm starting to think he and tulip aren't compatible with my interpretations lmao #granted the fic i'm writing with them is a blast but still #grusha x katy #katy x grusha #brumatashipping #grusha #my writing #pokémon #gym leaders

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