#[here's to never growing up][adult verse]

[beenreidingaboutyou]

When I'm Down on My Knees, You're How I Pray

who? Spencer x afab! reader

content warnings: NSFW, MDNI, 18+ content, unholy use of bible verses, inaccurate use of religious themes, oral (m), fingering (f), reader has hair that can be pulled, mention of religious trauma, Jesus Reid, please let me know if I've missed anything else!

a/n: Believe it or not, I actually toned down the blasphemy in this fic. Huge thank you to @minswriting for answering my 20 million questions about this because I've never written smut before and that's the majority of what she does. (Also she came up with the title, it's a Lana lyric)

thank you to @cafekitsune for the MDNI divider and @saradika-graphics for the stained glass divider

word count: 1.3k

You’ve spent your adult life avoiding anything related to church and religion. Growing up in an overly religious household and being forced to attend church services twice a week, in addition to the Bible study and choir practice, meant that anything related to religion left a bad taste in your mouth. While you’ve never outright mentioned this to Hotch, he seemed to pick up on it and respected your wishes, never sending you to interview priests or visit cathedrals that had been the scene of a crime. At least, until he had respected your wishes until this case. He paired you with Spencer and sent you both to investigate an older crime scene at a nearby church. Despite your best efforts, you were unable to weasel out of your assignment, so here you were, stuck thinking about the fact that you were going to church with the one person you’d always been attracted to since joining the BAU.

You were oddly quiet as the two of you walked through the building

“So, what are your thoughts?” Spencer asks, breaking the silence.

“Being here brings back all of the religious trauma I endured as a kid and you looking like Jesus is certainly not helping.”

You see Spencer furrow his brows in confusion, his gaze shifting from the church to you, “I-I’m sorry, did you just say I look like Jesus?” 

“Yeah, I did. Except you’d be the one I’d get on my knees for,” you say teasingly, shooting a wink in his direction.

He chokes on air, “e-excuse me?”

“Anyways, let’s go check out the confessional,” you reply, wanting to get out of the church as soon as possible.

As you step into the cramped confessional, you can feel Reid close behind you. You can feel the effect your teasing remark had on him as his bulge presses against your back, though you’re sure the action is unintentional on his part. 

You turn to face him and glance down at the tent his pants, “do you want some help with that?”

His face flushes, “w-what?”

“Shhh, let me take care of you,” you mumble as you get down on your knees in front of him. 

You hear his breath hitch in his throat as you undo his belt. You quickly unbutton and unzip his pants, pulling them down and leaving him in his boxers. You palm his bulge and glance up at him, “Looks like you enjoyed the idea of me worshipping your cock.”

He whimpers and nods. You slowly pull his boxers down, freeing his length. He whimpers as you run your thumb over his tip, collecting the leaking precum. “You like that, baby?” you ask, looking up at him. 

He nods his head pathetically in response. You bite your lip and wrap your hand around his length, giving a few experimental tugs. The sound of his whimpers went straight to your cunt, leaving you desperate to hear more.

“My heart is glad and my tongue rejoices, Psalm 16:9” you recited before you slowly lick the underside of his cock, going from the base to the tip. You can’t help but smirk slightly at the moan that escapes his mouth. You wrap your lips around him, only taking a little more than the tip into your mouth. You look up at him as you swirl your tongue around his length, loving the way he’s reacting to your teasing. His eyes are dark with lust as he looks down at you, enjoying the view, but clearly wanting more. You slowly take more of him into your mouth and you feel him tangle his fingers in your hair as he lets out a loud moan. You keep going until he hits the back of your throat, causing you to gag slightly. Spencer gently caressed your hair, a subtle way of telling you to be careful.

You start to bob your head, going at a teasingly slow pace, savoring the moans and whimpers that he lets out. You hollow out your cheeks around him and he groans in response, bucking his hips slightly. You pick up your pace as he grips your hair, gathering your hair in a makeshift ponytail. He groans and uses your hair to guide you, forcing you to go faster. You moan around his length and something in him snaps. He holds your head still and starts bucking his hips, thrusting into your mouth, causing you to gag each time he hits the back of your throat. You look up at him with tears in your eyes, loving the sight of him with his head thrown back and mouth open. He moaned your name so prettily, the sound echoing around the church.

You feel his cock twitch and he starts to pull out, but you grab his hips and hold him in place. He cums with a loud groan, shooting his seed down your throat. You eagerly swallow his load before leaning back, a trail of spit and cum. You wipe your mouth with the back of your hand as you stand up. You can’t resist the urge to wink and say, “Amen” 

He takes your face in his hands and pulls you in for a rough, needy kiss. His tongue slips past your lips and he groans at the taste of himself on your tongue. His hands move down to your thighs and he picks you up, placing you on the prayer ledge without breaking the kiss. 

“From the fruit of their lips people are filled with good things and the work of their hands brings them reward, Proverbs 12:14,” Spencer whispers in your ear as his hands slowly trail under your skirt, his fingers tracing your thighs as they get closer to your core. You moan softly as his fingers brush against your panties and he starts pressing open mouth kisses to the side of your neck. You let your head fall back, giving him more room to kiss and suck on your neck and collarbones. He smirks and gently sucks a mark on your pulse point as he pushes your panties to the side.

“You’re so wet, angel,” Spencer murmured against your skin. “Did you get all worked up using your mouth on me?” 

You whimper quietly as he uses one of his fingers to spread your wetness around. He doesn’t tease you for long, within moments you feel the tip of his finger brushing against your clit. You moan in response, his touch sending sparks all over your body. He begins to gently rub your clit in a circular motion, working you slowly.

You gasp loudly when he slips one of his fingers inside you, his long, slender finger reaching far deeper than yours ever could. He slowly pumps his finger in and out, letting you get used to the sensation before adding a second finger. His pace increases and he curls his fingers, brushing against your g-spot. You moan his name, causing him to pick up speed. 

“Does that feel good, angel?” Spence asked lowly, watching the way you fell apart under his touch.

 “Uh-huh, so good, Spence”

He smirks as you clench around his fingers. His thumb moves to rub your clit as he continues thrusting his fingers. 

“You gonna cum for me?” 

“Yes, yes, ohhh god.” You moan loudly, shaking as you let go, your thighs squeezing around him. 

“I wanna be inside you, angel,” Spencer mumbled, pushing your skirt up. 

You nod and lift your hips to make it easier for him. You can hear a low moan slip from his mouth when he exposes the lacy panties you’re wearing that day. He hooks his fingers in the waistband to pull them down, but gets interrupted by the ringing of his phone.

He reluctantly answers the call, “Reid.” 

You listen quietly as he speaks, trying to get your breathing back to normal. He hangs up the phone and pouts, “Hotch wants us back at the station.”

“I gathered,” you mumble as he steps back, giving you room to stand up and fix your skirt.

“If you want, you can come by my hotel room later? Finish what we started?” He offers as he pulls up his pants.

“I’d like that. I’d like that a lot.”

[padfootagain]

Love in Verses (XLIII)

Chapter 43: ‘The whole world depends on your pure eyes and all my blood flows into their gaze’

Hi! Here is a new chapter! Some cuteness, some cuteness!!

I hope you like this chapter! Tell me what you think!

****

Pairing: Hozier x fem!reader (professor!AU)

Warnings: slow burn, angst, hurt, hurt/comfort, tooth-rotting fluff in later chapters, some scenes in later chapters will have heavy sexual themes even if it’s not explicit nsfw description, so no minors here

Summary: Your life seems perfect. You're engaged, your career is thriving as you become an assistant professor at Trinity College, and this Andrew Hozier-Byrne you're sharing an office with seems to be a nice guy you hope to call a friend soon. Life seems to be smiling at you... until everything goes sour. When your fiancé breaks up with you, your perfect world shatters. And when your colleague also gets his heart broken soon after, your shared office seems to be a curse rather than a blessing. But Andrew seems determined to mend your broken hearts... Will things finally go according to plan?

Word Count: 4472

Masterlist for the series – Hozier’s masterlist – Main masterlist

The curve of your eyes winds around my heart, A round of gentleness and dance, Halo of time, night cradle and safe, And if I no longer know all that I’ve lived It’s that your eyes haven’t always seen me.

Leaves of day and foam of dew, Reeds of the wind, scented smiles, Wings shading the world of light, Boats brimming with sky and sea, Hunters of noise and sources of colour,

Scents bloomed from a brood of dawns That still rests on a bed of stars, As the day depends on innocence The whole world depends on your pure eyes And all my blood flows into their gaze.

Paul Eluard, Capitale de la douleur, 1929

Summer. Emerald waves tainted the sea with white foam. Warmth. Rest. Vacations. Rain…

… it was Galway, after all, rain was never far away.

Andrew was getting frustrated. He was so excited to go on this vacation with you, you had spent so much time planning, and talking about it, and awaiting this trip…

… and now it was raining. It was cold. You were lost. In the middle of fucking nowhere. Stuck behind some bloody sheep…

Only in Ireland, really… It was fucking August, for God’s sake…

He heard you letting out a long exhale, feeling your frustration creeping through every corner of the car, your negative energy matching his.

He knew you would end up fighting. It didn’t happen often, but every couple fought from time to time. It had never been important, never been anything you couldn’t get passed in a matter of minutes. Your fights had always grown out of frustration over situations, like this one iteration of everything going wrong…

On the back seat, Elwood was growing restless. Andrew could hear its heavy breaths, the noise of his fur moving against the fabric of the seats. Even him was getting annoyed now.

“You should have turned left.”

There it was. Andrew knew you had longed to voice that sharp remark. To be fair, you were right, he was the one who had insisted to turn right at a previous intersection, hence getting the three of you lost.

He was not in the mood to be a reasonable adult and recognising his wrongs though.

“Next time, you’ll drive, so you can take all the bad decisions, and I can do the blaming. You had the map…”

“We have a fucking GPS…”

“Which is not currently working in this godforsaken land…”

“And I told you to turn left, and you didn’t listen!”

“Again, just take the fucking wheel then!”

You exchanged a glare, your eyes sparkling with thunder, before you huffed and looked at the time on your phone.

“We won’t catch the ferry. We should turn back.”

“We can still catch it.”

“It’s leaving in less than half an hour…”

“We can still catch it.”

“Andrew! We have no fucking clue where we are! We’re stuck behind those bloody sheep! We will not make it to the ferry, so let’s just… go back to the house.”

“You’re getting defeated…”

“No, I’m realistic. We’ll never get there on time, and especially not with these bloody sheep!”

“And what am I supposed to do about it?!”

You stared at each other for a moment. And then you did something Andrew had not predicted.

You unfastened your seat belt, opened the car door, and left.

You climbed out of the car, forcefully slammed the door shut. And you started walking across the road, walking ahead without so much as a glance in his direction. You had barely managed a few steps that you were already soaked.

As he stared at you walking under the rain, walking away from the car, walking away from him, all traces of anger left Andrew’s body. Instead, an old fear came back, raging, blurring his world for a second.

You were leaving…

In the span of a handful of seconds, mere seconds, his brain raced to the worst scenario possible. His thoughts stopped being logical and were filled with his worst fear instead.

You were sick of him. You regretted moving in with him. You wanted your ex back all over again. You would have been happier with Frank than with him. You were leaving, dumping his arse, it was over…

God… how could he survive that? You were… you were… he couldn’t…

But then you did turn around.

“ANDREW! HELP ME OUT FOR FUCK’S SAKE!”

He frowned, unable to move.

“ANDY! COME HELP ME OUT!”

That was when he finally realised what you were doing. You weren’t leaving. You weren’t walking out of his life. You weren’t breaking up with him, you were…

He saw you moving your arms in the air, calling through the heavy rain towards the scattered sheep, and he finally understood that you were trying to gather them all on the side of the road, towards an open field.

He tried to regulate both his breathing and his heartbeat while he climbed out of the car, securing his coat around his frame to protect himself from the cold rain.

He was panicking over nothing. You weren’t leaving. You weren’t leaving. It was fine… he was fine… all fine…

He longed to hurry to you, but his body couldn’t. It was a strange mixture of tiredness, frustration, remnants of anger, and fear. Mostly fear.

He had to stop overthinking everything. You weren’t like that. You loved him, and he knew that, deep down… it was just difficult for him to believe he was that lucky sometimes. He couldn’t help it…

You turned to him as he approached.

“We need to get them out of the way,” you said, your voice still shaking with anger.

You were visibly surprised when he wrapped his arms around you, held you in a fragile embrace. He felt you instantly relaxing, your body growing numb into his arms as you reached up to hold him as well.

“I’m sorry I got mad,” you mumbled under your breath, although you were still frustrated.

“I’m sorry too.”

“We should go back.”

“I’m sorry. You were excited about this trip.”

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault.”

“It is though.”

“It’s okay.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, honey.”

You didn’t hesitate a second to say it back, to pick up on one of his pet names again. And he ought to stop overthinking everything, but he couldn’t…

“Let’s go back to the car. You’re soaked, love. You’ll catch your death. Come on,” he prompted you towards the car, and you followed him.

Andrew made a U-turn, drove back to the small cottage-like house you were renting during your two weeks in Galway. The drive back was quiet, but the silence was comfortable and warm again. All traces of frustration seemed to have disappeared from your features by the time you reached the cottage. It had stopped raining too, so you didn’t get even more drenched as you walked from the car to the front door.

You heaved a relieved sigh as you stepped inside the warm house, you wiggled happily as you took off your coat.

“We can try to get to the ferry again tomorrow,” Andrew started, his tone cautious.

You surprised him with a shrug.

“We could. We’ll see.”

“I thought you wanted to…”

“Andy… it’s alright. I don’t care. Don’t overthink this. It’s just an afternoon, it was just an activity. We can stay here today, relax, enjoy each other’s company. I don’t mind if we don’t go see the Arans. I don’t mind at all. I promise.”

Andrew forced his shoulders to relax.

“We can still go later this week.”

You nodded, a playful glimmer shining in your eyes.

“Although, next time, we’ll turn left,” you quipped, teasing him while gently pinching his side.

He rolled his eyes, but a smile was back on his lips. If you were joking around, it meant that you weren’t mad. Good… that was good…

“You should take a shower, love. You’re freezing,” Andrew spoke in a quiet, warm voice, the one he knew always soothed you. He let his knuckles brush the sharper edge of your cheekbone, hated the coldness of your skin, longed for you to be warm and content again.

You nodded, taking off your jumper and wet jeans as you made your way to the bathroom.

“Actually, I think I’ll take a bath. We can take our time today, relax.”

You turned around, tilted your head a little in a tempting way as you spoke again. Andrew was having a hard time looking at your eyes instead of the length of your naked legs…

“Want to join me?” you smiled.

He gave you a suggestive look.

“In the bath? Or in bed?”

You bit down on your lower lip, and Andrew was gone for good. God, you had him wrapped around your finger… were you aware of the extent of his need for you?

“Hmm… bed first, then a bath? After all, we did fight… Some make-up sex is in order, no?”

He hummed, nodding his head as he walked closer to you. This time he didn’t refrain his urge to let his gaze travel down your legs, marvelling at their perfect curves, his fingers tingling already at the thought of touching them, feeling the softness of your skin, your warmth spread through his palms…

When he stopped, right before you, and looked up at your eyes again, there was something inviting in your gaze. He knew this look very well by now. It was the one that granted silent permission, the one that said I want you too, you can touch me…

His heart swelled at the thought that you were granting him the right to be this close to you now. That you were allowing him, even inviting him, to touch you. To kiss you. To worship your body… and he would. For the coming hour, he planned to do nothing but worship you, in the hopes that you would read in his adoration how much he loved you. How much he cared. How much he needed you.

You were staring right into his eyes as your hands slowly rose to his chest, as you peeled his cardigan off his body. There was so much tension in the air then, electric, as heavy as your stammering breaths, while you slowly unfastened the buttons of his white shirt. One button at a time. At an excruciatingly slow pace…

He let you do it though, do as you pleased with him. He loved it, the way you were setting a pace now. The way you were taking control. There was a quiet tenderness in each of your touches that told him he was safe with you, that you would never do him harm, that he could lay his heart, his body, his life into your hands, and despite that power over him, you wouldn’t destroy him.

He needed to stop overthinking everything…

He helped you slide his shirt off his shoulders, let you rest your palms on his undershirt, one hand on of each of his breasts.

“I love you.”

He grinned at the tender confession.

“I love you too.”

When you reached up to kiss him, it felt like breathing after a lifetime without air, like relief, like being alive…

At last… at fucking last…

This ought to be heaven.

After your pleasurable reconciliation, you opted to take a bath together. An hour spent in pleasure was incredible, but also exhausting, and both of you longed for rest now. Sharing a bath offered the warmth and quiet perfect for your tired bodies, and the intimacy you both craved after sex.

Andrew smiled at the memory.

Incredible sex, actually…

You heaved a content sigh as you readjusted your head against his shoulder, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. His brain was fuzzy with a happy static, the kind he had never experienced before. A strange sense of peace, contentment, happiness… but that felt better than all of that combined. He couldn’t explain it. He felt it only with you, that was for sure…

“Your skin is so soft,” he mused, trailing his fingers across your waist and hip, speaking without thinking.

It felt so soothing to have you in his arms like this. There was something grounding, reassuring, and delightfully vulnerable in lying here with you, naked, sharing a bath and cuddling. You seemed to have a special power, one that made his busy brain grow quiet.

You chuckled at his words, kissed his chest as a reward.

“Yours is soft too,” you nodded, caressing his chest as if to stress your words.

Andrew shifted his legs, unfolding them to prop his feet on the edge of the bathtub, making the water and its bubbles shift with his movements. You had added some scented salts, and he liked it. It was soothing. It felt so nice.

Loving you was so good…

You giggled, making him look at you again.

“God… even this gigantic bathtub is too small for you…”

He laughed then, bright and happy with your teasing. He wiggled his toes for good measure, making you break into laughter once more.

“Can’t help it,” he shrugged.

“I love that about you. That you’re really tall.”

“Do you, now?”

You hummed in response.

“It’s sexy.”

He chuckled, his cheeks turning a brighter shade of pink.

“Oh… so I’m sexy?”

He wiggled his eyebrows, making you laugh.

“Of course you are,” was your only answer, offered as if it was obvious.

Sometimes he forgot that you loved him this way. Like it was easy. Like there was nothing more natural in the world. That was how he felt for you; loving you felt as natural as filling his lungs with air, blinking at the bright sun, moving his leg over yours in bed. It was easy. Obvious. Ineffable.

You said that you felt like that, too. If it were a truth, it was a hard one to believe in. He wanted to though, longed for the safety of certainty.

He looked up at the ceiling, let out a long exhale as you nuzzled into his neck again, ran your fingers across his chest in such a soothing way, he almost closed his eyes.

He needed to stop overthinking this. You were here, in his arms, naked, loving him… it ought to be proof enough that you truly wanted him.

This fear he had felt in the car, seeing you walk away, this… uncontrollable dread that you could leave… He had to stop thinking about it, but he couldn’t.

What if you left?

He tried to picture his life without you in it. There would still be Elwood, his parents, his brother, Alex, his friends, his classes, his writing, music, poetry. He could find someone else, eventually. He hated every part of it…

When he pictured you in the same scenarios, everything seemed brighter. His life was better simply because you were in it. He tried to think of his life in a year, in five years, in ten years, in sixty years… Every time the life he wanted had you in it. He couldn’t picture a future that was happy without you being a part of it.

He had never felt like that before. Even with Sam. He had thought he would always love her, and yet, there were bits of his life that he didn’t picture her into. He could imagine living on his own, he could imagine his career, his friends, his family… without Sam in it, and still be content.

Not with you. All these lonesome pictures felt wrong. You were missing…

He thought of his life, the one that awaited him, that laid at his feet, and he didn’t want to live it without you.

“What are you thinking about?”

Your voice was quiet, warm. When he looked down at you again, if there was puzzlement in your gaze, there was infinite tenderness too.

He wanted this to last forever. You. Him. Forever…

He never wanted this to end. And somehow, he just knew then. That the reason why he couldn’t picture a happy life without you, was simply because you were the one for him. You were the love of his life. And his heart would always be yours.

He thought he would be scared by such a realisation, but he wasn’t. He reckoned the feelings had been in his heart for too long, had become a part of him. He was simply putting words on what he felt. You were the love of his life. He was so happy it was you…

He wanted to believe that you felt the same, but he wasn’t sure. It was okay. One day, perhaps, he would be. If he loved you for long enough, if he let you love him fully, perhaps, one day, he would stop being afraid of losing you.

Instead of answering by any of these thoughts, he cupped your cheek, gave you a tender smile.

“Nothing important. I love you, that’s all.”

Andrew was on the porch, you could hear him play the guitar. A soft melody you didn’t know, perhaps it was his own. You encouraged him to write full songs, but he kept on claiming he didn’t really want to. Poetry was enough. Music was enough. The two entities didn’t need to mingle. Sometimes he did play some guitar, hummed a melody to match one of his poems. Which you called ‘writing a song’, but he called it ‘exploring a theme through different media’. You rolled your eyes at him every time.

After the heavy rains of the afternoon, the evening was sunny and surprisingly warm. Outside, the sun was setting, kissing the hills goodbye as it lingered on their tops, flashing its golden hues into the sky before it would grow dark. You walked out with a cup of warm tea in each of your hands, took a moment to watch the beautiful colours in the sky, all golden and orange fading into red. It was quiet, you had rented a small house as an AirBnB in the country side, and there was no one around. Your closest neighbours owned a farm about a kilometre away, the road leading to the cottage was rarely used. You let your eyes travel across the fields, the green of grass, the deeper shades of bushes, the winding lines of stone walls. It was magical, in a way. There was something anchoring to this land, that made you feel like you belonged there.

The soft melody resumed on Andrew’s guitar, you turned to him. Elwood was lying at his feet with his eyes closed, but the movement of his tail told you he wasn’t asleep. Andrew was sitting on a wooden bench, right under the window of the kitchen, his legs stretched before him and taking up the whole width of the porch. His fingers danced on strings, he was humming every now and then. His notebook was by his side, open on a page stained with black ink. It was the notebook you had offered him the previous year, for his birthday. He never went anywhere without it. He seemed so peaceful, a content smile tugging at his lips. His long hair was tight in a messy bun, and he was gorgeous in an old pair of jeans and a blue plaid shirt, his skin and hair bathed in the golden light of the sinking sun. Beyond him, hills rolled, green and gorgeous. Andrew was all you could see.

You remained standing there, motionless, like a fool, staring at your partner with awe written all over your features. It was such a mundane, simple sight. And yet, it struck you then. The depth of your feelings for him, your longing for this never to end, for him never to leave.

It was silly… so silly… to realise that truth just by watching him, in casual clothes, playing mindless melodies on his guitar. And yet, that was the moment when you admitted to yourself that this was the life you wanted. You. Him. Forever. You never wanted this to end.

And God, he told you he loved you daily, showed it even more in a thousand actions and attentions he had for you each day. And yet, a part of you was still afraid he would leave, that you could lose him. What would you do without him?

You hadn’t noticed the music fading, too busy getting lost in the green of his eyes as he turned to you.

“You’re alright, love?” he asked, accent thick on his tongue with the fondness of his words, while he tilted his head.

You shook yourself, walked over to him.

“Yeah, yeah… I’m okay,” you smiled. “Made you some tea.”

“Oh, thanks!”

He accepted the cup you offered, moved his notebook so you could sit by his side. You didn’t mean to pry, you knew Andrew would not want you to read his writing unless he offered to tell you about it, so you looked away from the notebook as soon as you caught the title of his new poem.

That You Are.

“It’s about you,” he explained, noticing your glimpse at the notebook.

“I didn’t read…”

“I know. I trust you.”

You exchanged a smile.

“Are you really writing about me?” you asked, feeling shier now.

He chuckled, kissed your cheek.

“Who else could I write about? You’re my partner…” he answered, bending slightly in search of your gaze.

“I don’t know… your mistress…”

He laughed, shaking his head.

“You’re right, she’s hiding in the trunk of our car.”

“Can she breathe in there?”

“Bottle of oxygen.”

“Clever.”

He shook his head at you while laughing, but when he spoke again he was serious once more.

“It’s not quite finished, you can’t read it for now.”

“That’s okay. Do you want to tell me more about what it’s about?”

He shrugged, blushing.

“It’s about… being in love with you. And… wanting to be where you are all the time.”

He stared at you, and you couldn’t help yourself when you reached up to cup his jaw and kiss his lips.

“What about the music?”

“Just…something I’ve been thinking about. To go with the poem.”

“So… you’re writing me a song now? Am I about to be serenaded?”

He laughed, shaking his head.

“You’re insufferable,” he mumbled, before shushing your unspoken teasing with a quick kiss.

“I like it when you sing.”

“I know.”

There was something emotional shining in his eyes, but he didn’t speak more about it, and you let him draw the conversation away.

“What have you been up to?” he asked, taking a sip of his warm beverage while he put his guitar away.

He always asked these kinds of questions. At the end of every day he asked about how your classes had been, how was your research, how you were feeling. What had you been doing during the hours you had spent apart? It wasn’t prying, if you didn’t want to tell him, he didn’t insist. He just… genuinely wanted to know how your day had been. And you did the same for him. You remembered a time when you had settled for less than that simple, daily gesture. What an idiot you had been…

“I was just checking the weather for the coming days. It should be sunny on the Arans in a couple of days, so perhaps we could stay on the main land tomorrow. Perhaps a nice trek? It should rain early in the morning, but it’ll clear before noon.”

Andrew nodded, sipping on his tea, readjusting his glasses. At his feet, Elwood was now napping for good.

“We can drive to the national park, it isn’t far from here” he offered, looking at your phone as you showed him a page that referenced some paths across the wilderness of Connemara.

“Yeah, I thought we could walk around a lough.”

You studied the maps for a while, decided which path you would take the next day. Once the plans for your little adventure were sorted, Andrew gave you a mischievous smile, turning around and swinging his long legs over the edge of the bench. You fondly smiled as he moved to rest his head on your laps. His knees were bent over the edge of the bench, but he didn’t seem to mind.

“Can I?” you asked in a quiet, tender voice as you lightly tugged on his hairband. He merely lifted his head a little as a response, so you could free his long curls, letting the chestnut strands cover your laps.

You took off his glasses too, secured them by your side. He let his eyes close with a relieved sigh as you ran your hands through his hair. You felt his body relax, the tension in his muscles disappear under your soft touch.

“This is so nice,” he hummed.

“It is,” you nodded, softly scratching his scalp, and he let out a long breath in response.

“I know that we had to wait until August to leave for our anniversary, instead of celebrating properly at the right date… but it was worth the wait!”

“We did celebrate on the date, though.”

“Yeah… but this is the actual celebration. Like… the real gift.”

“Hmm… yeah, you’re right. And I agree, it was worth the wait.”

“We outdid ourselves with this trip.”

“Yeah, we did.”

“It feels so nice to be just the two of us. To not have to worry about the usual, daily problems for a while.”

“Yeah… I reckon we both needed this.”

He took one of your hands in his. While you kept on running your fingers through his hair, he brought your other hand to his mouth, pressed it to his lips for a long kiss, intertwining your fingers together. He brought it to rest on his sternum next, stroking your knuckles.

You wanted to tell him, then. That he was the one. That he was the love of your life. That you never wanted him to leave…

But you couldn’t. You didn’t have neither the courage nor the strength. It had been a year, it was too soon. You knew, but he probably didn’t. Why scare him off when you could stay quiet and stare at his handsome features while the day ended and a new night was born out of the sun’s absence? It was safer this way…

“I love you so much, Y/N. You know that, right?” he asked in a whisper, and you noticed by how his voice had quietened that he was beginning to drift off to sleep.

You offered a tender smile he couldn’t see.

“I love you too, Andy. More than anything.”

He gave your hand a squeeze, and a moment later, his lips were parting, and he was asleep, your hand still in his, resting on his chest, and his head on your lap. You kept on looking at him, admired his peaceful expression as he slept, every detail of his face, making sure to commit each of them to memory. You didn’t pay much attention to the dying sunset, despite the colours it shone onto the world. Only when it was getting too dark for you to see Andrew’s features did you notice the passage of time. But then again, he was beautiful like this, and his hair was so soft, and the weight of his head on your lap was reassuring, grounding…

Five more minutes…

[aghost-writer]

MasterLists

This will have my fics and my multi-chapter fics master lists! I also have my additional master lists on here as well as anything other post I deem important.

All characters are aged up to adults. Everyone is an adult in these fan fictions.

I updated each master list once a month so there might be fics that haven't be added to the master list yet.

Organized by Fandom!

My other writing platforms:

Quotev

AO3

Bungo Stray Dogs

Lonely (Multiple chapters)

Status: Completed.

Chapters: 47/47

Trapped in a loveless, lonely marriage, Y/N finds solace in running her quiet bookstore. But her mundane life takes a dark, thrilling turn when she crosses paths with a mysterious figure from another world. Drawn into danger and obsession, she wonders if, just maybe, she would not be lonely anymore.

Yandere Bungo Stray Dogs x Reader

Between Pages (Multiple Chapters)

Status: Completed.

Chapters: 53/53

Y/N is transported into Bungo Stray Dogs, powerless among literary legends with supernatural abilities. Relying only on her memory of the plot, she must navigate alliances, dodge threats, and survive in a world she once read about. Can she rewrite her fate in a story that wasn’t meant for her?

Yandere BSD x Female Reader!

Boku No Hero Academia/ My Hero Academia

Enough (Multiple Chapters)

Status: Paused

Chapters: 35/?

A young girl, consumed by an insatiable hunger she doesn’t understand, struggles to hide the monster within while yearning for a sense of normalcy. Haunted by her past and the darkness that clings to her, she is grappling with the fear that she’ll never truly be enough.

Yandere BNHA x Yandere Reader x Yandere Aizawa

Sugar (Multiple Chapters)

Status: Paused

Chapters 18/?

In a world where pro heroes secretly indulge in their darker desires, Y/N, a captivating and sought-after sugar baby, find yourself entangled with a group of powerful heroes. Each with their own possessive and obsessive tendencies, they fight for your affection, showering you with gifts and attention—while hiding their darker urges beneath a polished exterior. But as their obsession grows, so does the danger, and you're caught in a world of luxury and chaos, where loyalty can be as intoxicating as their twisted devotion.

Yandere BNHA Pro Heroes x Reader.

Kimetsu No Yaiba/ Demon Slayer

Wisteria (Multiple Chapters)

Status: Completed

Chapters: 68/68

A girl wakes with no memory of the last five years—only wisteria flowers whispering her forgotten past.

Yandere Demon Slayer x Female Reader.

Jujutsu Kaisen/JJK

Ocean Eyes (Multiple Chapters)

Status: Paused

Chapters: 23/?

A young woman is taken away and into her favorite anime Jujutsu Kaisen where she finds herself slowly becoming more and more obsessed with her Nanami Kento as those around her fall deeper into her ocean eyes.

Yandere JJK x Yandere for Nanami! Reader

Followers (Multiple Chapters)

Status: Ongoing

Chapters: 40/?

Able to embed cursed energy into objects, she possesses the unique power to transform ordinary items into formidable artifacts that attract and command followers bound by the dark energy. Each object she infuses gains a life of its own, becoming a vessel for her will and a source of influence in the cursed realm.

This is a Yandere Jujutsu Kaisen x reader.

Tokyo Ghoul

Love Me... Until the End (Multiple Chapters)

Status: Ongoing

Chapters: 50/?

(Y/N) treads a fragile line between two worlds, carrying secrets that could shatter everything. As the cost of her choices begins to take its toll, she’s forced to confront what she’s willing to sacrifice—and whether she can still recognize herself in the process.

Yandere Tokyo Ghoul x Female Reader. Rewrite of my Love Me ... fanfic

Hailkyuu

Goddess (Multiple Chapters)

Status: Paused

The fallen goddess. They just want her to be theirs.

Yandere Haikyuu x Female Reader.

Alpha/Omega Master List

This will have my alpha/omega fics!

Other Important Things

Guidelines for MY version of Alpha/Omega-verse

My Yandere-Verse

Q&A is Now Open! But Here Are the Rules...

[tightjeansjavi]

The Rite of Movement | part six

“I’m sad again, don’t tell my girlfriend”

A/N: fun fact about the little black cat in the moodboard! It’s actually my friend’s cat Artemis 🥺 love that little fur baby to the moon and back! Don’t let the title fool y’all…it’s a little sad of a chapter but don’t worry!! Everything is going to be fine!! I pinky promise 💗

~word count: 4.0k~

Summary: Joel opens up to you about his past at Brazzers and before he met you

Pairing | pornstar!joel x pornstar!female reader

Warnings: smut, angst, fluff, established relationship, discussions of toxic societal norms, the adult film industry, past relationships, grief, intimacy, communication, unconditional love, unprotected piv, cock warming, mentions of alcohol, Joel is in his 40’s reader is in her 30’s, reader has no physical descriptions, readers nickname is baby love, +18 minors dni!

series masterlist

Calloused fingertips gently pluck wire guitar strings that once were coated in a fine layer of dust. Muscle memory takes over with each gentle thrum of the chords. He hasn’t played in years, the temptation arising, but never fulfilled. He used to play for Sarah, unable to say no when she’d curl up in his lap and watch him lightly pluck the strings. Carmen would watch from the kitchen, a soft smile etched on her face seeing Joel and her daughter bonding so soon.

Whad’ya wanna hear tonight, babygirl? Should we play your ma’s favorite?

Sarah curled up with her cheek pressed against Joel’s chest, his chin came to rest along the top of her head of curls as her small fingers reached out to pluck one of the strings, the baby song, Joelie! She giggled softly, and Joel’s heart melted into a puddle.

I love you, baby

And if it's quite alright

I need you, baby

To warm the lonely night

I love you, baby…

He can never say no to you, not when you look at him with those eyes, and in a honeyed tone asking him to play you a song while you’re sitting side by side, the comforting crackle and pops from the fire pit, a light quilt draped across your thighs, and Artemis curled up in your lap, purring happily.

“Whad’ya wanna hear, baby love?” He rasps, turning his head to the side, resting his chin along his shoulder as he looks over at you.

“Something that makes you feel, Joel.”

He swallowed the growing lump rising in his throat, glancing downwards towards his fingers lightly plucking the strings, “Somethin’ that makes me…feel?” His throat felt parched, brows furrowed inwards. “Okay.” He said softly, inhaling a lungful of air, clearing his airways. “I’m shit at singin’, jus’ so you know, baby love.”

“Don’t care, Joel. I wanna hear you.” You said softly, knee brushing against his as you rested your cheek against the cushion, a gentle expression on your face, eyes soft and holding adoration.

His fingers trembled under the soft glow from the fire as he began to strum the chords, To Make You Feel My Love. He was a bit rusty at first, missing a few notes here and there, till he fell back into a comfortable familiarity.

When the rain's blowing in your face, and the whole world is on your case, I would offer you a warm embrace, to make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear, and there is no one to dry your tears, I could hold you for a million years, to make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet, but I would never do you wrong, I've known it from the moment that we met, there’s no doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue, I'd go crawling down the avenue, there ain't nothing that I wouldn't do, to make you feel my love, mm…

His voice was warm, raspy and lulling. It held a gentle timbre that sent a warm tingle down your spine, tugging on your heartstrings in tandem.

He stumbled over the next verse, voice cracking and fingers losing their grip on the strings. He didn’t realize he was crying, hot wet tears streaming down his cheeks until he felt your gentle palm on his jaw.

Storms— are raging on a rolling sea, down the highway of regret—

“Joel.” You said softly, thumb brushing across his cheekbone, brushing away his tears that were flowing like a river, “Joel, hey. Look at me, baby. Look at me.”

“I—I’m sorry.” He choked, “I-I’m jus’ a bit rusty is all, baby love. S’been years since I’ve played this old thing.” He sniffled, jaw clenching and unclenching as you smoothed your thumb back and forth across his damp skin.

“Joel.” You reiterated soft, yet firm.

“I don’t even understand why I’m cryin’. Where did those tears come from? They weren’t there before. Must jus’ have somethin’ in my eye. Maybe it’s the smoke from the fire—” he rambled on.

“Joel Miller.”

That seemed to catch his attention as he met your gaze, blinking a few times with dark lashes wet and glistening. His lower lip wobbled and you had never seen him like this before, never this vulnerable, never this scared. Never this afraid of judgement that would never fall upon his shoulders, because you loved him unconditionally. No amount of fat tears, or stuttered speech would deter you from loving him.

“C’mere.” You said in understanding, gently prying the guitar from his grasp and coaxed him into your awaiting arms.

He wordlessly wrapped his arms around you, squeezing you tightly with his face buried against your neck. His hands slipped under the back of your hoodie, feeling desperate for skin to skin contact to further soothe his emotions. “I’m sorry…” he whispered, hot breath fanning your neck, tears soaking into the neckline of your hoodie.

“Joel, what are you sorry for? Because of your emotions?…baby, it’s OK. You don’t have to apologize for being emotional. That is nothing to be sorry for.” You said softly, letting one hand rest at the back of his head, gently scratching his scalp with your nails while the other was rubbing circles against his back.

“I know—I jus’, I got caught up in the moment s’all. It really has been years since I last played…” he trailed off.

“Do you want to talk about it?…”

“Yeah.” He sniffled, fingers gently flexing along your lower back. “I do—I jus’ need a minute.”

“It’s okay, Joel. I understand, and I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here.” You reassured him.

She loves me, for me. She’s holding me, and wiping my tears. She sees me, and there’s nowhere else I’d rather be right now than here in her arms.

“I know.” He whispered, “I ain’t goin’ anywhere either, baby love.”

You nodded in understanding, gently brushing away a loose curl that fell across his forehead. “For all your pretty, and all of your ugly, I’m here.”

He took a few minutes to compose himself, racking through memories in his brain that were flashing like images on a silver screen. When he and Tommy went back home to Austin, Joel had reentered the dating culture expecting success, and was met with the complete opposite. Women in Texas had opposing values compared to the women he encountered in LA. It had gotten to the point where he was beginning to truly believe that he wasn’t deserving of love or partnership.

“If you want women to like you, I suggest that you seriously consider finding a new career that doesn’t exploit women for their bodies. You didn’t actually think that you’d get a free pass, did you?” His date sitting across from him laughed and reached for her purse in a haste.

He felt defeated and beaten down as he sunk further against the the back of the chair, “If you would just let me explain why I chose this career, and that I am not exploiting women for their bodies—”

“You fuck for a living, Joel. It’s disgusting. Good luck to you, cause you’re gonna need it.” She said unkindly, slinging her purse over her shoulder and walked off.

He ground his jaw back and forth, clenching his teeth together as he felt the bitter sting of rejection pierce his heart out that was laid out on his sleeve. He reached for his wallet, suddenly feeling a dozen pairs of eyes on him in the intimate restaurant. Heat spread from his neck to his face in a bright flush of embarrassment and shame.

He paid the bill, apologizing profusely to the waitress both verbally and with a handsome tip. He gathered up his feelings, tucking them back away into a box as he swiped his thumb across the side of his nose, feeling tears begin to prick and pool.

“Joel, you just haven’t met the right one yet.” Tommy tried to explain to him over a couple beers in Joel’s backyard. “Don’t beat yourself up over it. Ain’t worth it.”

Joel scoffed under his breath, taking a swig from the beer bottle as he shook his head, “Tommy, you don’t understand. Women like you. They think you’re charming and barely bat an eye when you tell them about your job, but me? As soon as the words ‘adult film industry’’, or ‘pornstar’ come out, the narrative flips. And I am apparently not a feminist, I’m a disgusting person who exploits women for their bodies and I’m a pervert.” He laughed bitterly, feeling angry tears threatening to spill over,

“How is anyone going to see my heart if they’re not willing to look past what I do for a living?” He sniffled, “I jus’ have so much fuckin’ love to give, and no one wants it, Tommy. No one.”

Tommy shakes his head, dejected, devastated for his big brother. "I don't know, Joel. But if anyone is meant for love, real, true love, it's you. So I have to hold out hope."

-

You continued to gently pet his hair and while he silently worked through gathering his thoughts. You would sit out there with him for hours if he needed more time.

“Do you ever…have memories that jus’ pop up outta nowhere? Like, you’re jus’ goin’ about your day, and you just stop because you remembered something, or a memory pops up?” He suddenly said, eyes flickering to your gaze.

“More often than I’d like to admit.” You confirmed, encouraging him to continue.

“I wasn’t lyin’ when I said I haven’t played guitar in a long time. We’re talkin’ years. I’ve lost track if I’m bein’ honest. Anyway, memories of my past just creep in every now and then, and I want you—to know those pieces of me.”

“And playing guitar brought those memories to the surface? That’s understandable, Joel.”

He nodded, confirming your assumptions. “Yeah, exactly that. Anyway, I don’t know where to start I guess?”

“Wherever you feel most comfortable?” You suggested.

“Well, remember how I told you that I quit Brazzers on my 30th birthday? I did more than just quit. I pulled a complete 180 on my life in a matter of hours.” He started, taking a deep breath before he continued, “I was in a serious relationship at the time with someone who I had seriously considered spending the rest of my life with, y’know?”

“I understand, Joel.” You said softly.

“My girlfriend, Carmen and I were together for a few years. I met her on my 27th birthday at some bar close to the apartment Tommy and I were living in at the time. It started off casual if I’m being honest. I was apprehensive of telling her about my job because I knew that it probably would be poorly received. We just—we clicked. I felt like I could be myself around her and vice versa. We started getting serious at some point, and I finally told her that I was a pornstar. She initially took it a lot better than I expected, but she had a secret of her own to tell me.”

You couldn’t help the smile that was slowly tugging on the corner of your lips as you listened to Joel recounting memories from his past before he met you.

“That secret happened to be her 6 year old daughter, Sarah. She was the sweetest kid, baby love. She was a little shy at first, but I took the possibility of being her stepfather in stride.” He glanced downwards, the corners of his mouth twitching as if he was going to smile. “I loved that little girl like she was my own. And I truly wanted Carmen and I to work out, but she never accepted me for who I was. She resented the fact that I was a pornstar, and that ultimately led to me breaking up with her. I didn’t want to fight for someone who wasn’t going to fight for me, y’know?”

“I think it’s completely understandable why you broke up with her, Joel. I think one of the bare minimum expectations in a relationship is acceptance of who you are from your partner. I could see if you were doing something harmful to either yourself or her or others, but she had no right to judge you for the choices you made in your life.” You reached for his hand, interlocking your fingers through his hand gave it a gentle squeeze. “Isn’t that what we all want in life? Is acceptance for who we are?”

“I think it was also only a matter of time before one of us was going to cut the cord. And I truly believe if I didn’t quit Brazzers that day, her and I would have still been together, but I imagine it was inevitable for us to break up. I wasn’t even mad at her for it either. I was…disappointed because I loved her unconditionally. I would have gone to the ends of the earth for her, and I just had to accept that she wouldn’t do the same for me.” He sighed, brushing his thumb across the outside of your hand in a gentle sweep.

“Did you end up telling her that you quit working at Brazzers?”

He shook his head, lips curving downwards into a frown as he met your gaze once more, “no. I never told her that I quit because she would have believed that I quit for her when that wasn’t the case. I didn’t want to compromise who I was just to appease her. And I have a feeling that if I did tell her I quit, we wouldn’t have broken up, and that would have benefited no one. It fuckin’ hurt like hell afterwards though. I jus’ remember Tommy coming back from his smoke break and he found me on my knees outside on the patio just this blubbering fuckin’ mess.” He stifled a chuckle.

“You realized that you deserved better, Joel. Not everyone comes to that realization, but you did. Life’s too short to be with someone who won’t be there for you the way that you were for them. But of course it hurt, and I can only imagine the pain that you felt after the fact because you thought that this person was your endgame. You already had the mindset of fully settling down with her, and then you had to make the tough decision with both her feelings in mind and your own. And you know what? I’m proud of you.”

He had an incredulous look plastered on his face when you said that you were proud of him. “You’re…what? I don’t understand. Why—why are you proud of me for that?”

“Because instead of staying in a relationship that was never going to work out, no matter how hard you tried, you pulled the plug and told yourself that you deserved better. And you do, Joel. It’s no one’s business to know why you chose the career path that you did. To shame and judge you for something that they’ll never understand because society views sex work as something to feel shamed for. It goes against the ideal norms that have been instilled in us since birth. People don’t like that, Joel. And that’s not to say that Carmen wasn’t good to you in some capacity, but the resentment was there and nothing was going to change that.”

“Yeah, and the person who I do deserve is sitting right across from me. I wouldn’t have met you if I didn’t pull the plug when I did. Maybe I would have never quit Brazzers and moved back to Austin to start Miller-Co. Maybe you and I…would have never met. Because you? You—fuckin’ get me. From the second that you and I met, I just got this feeling in my chest that you were going to have a major impact on my life, baby love. And as cliche as it’s gonna fuckin’ sound, I believe that everything happens for a reason.” He breathed out, big brown eyes glassy, his nose twitching as he let out a soft sniffle.

“Alright, who’s cutting the onions now? Is it you, or is it Artie?” You softly giggled, fighting through your own brewing tears because you had never loved someone so deeply till you met Joel. It was surreal to feel an instant connection to someone, but he made things easy in the sense that you could be yourself around him. You found that you could speak your mind, you could be passionate, sad, angry, happy, and he never made you feel small for your larger than life feelings. Never made you feel like you were too much, or too little. His love for you was effortless, unconditional.

“I mean it, baby love. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I’ve never laughed more with another person than I do with you. I’ve never felt more honest with myself and my feelings till you walked into my life. I tried dating here and there shortly after I ended things with Carmen because I just wanted to feel something again, y’know? I just didn’t realize how judgemental people could be till I left LA. It got to the point where I felt like maybe all the women telling me that I should be ashamed, and I’m this disgusting pervert were right. Maybe a man like me isn’t deserving of love. Tommy reassured me that I just hadn’t met the right one, and he was right. I hadn’t met you yet.”

Ring. Ring. Ring. I need a fucking ring. He thought to himself.

This is going to be the man I’m going to marry, right? Please tell me he’s the one. I don’t want to do this all over again with someone else. He’s my person. I know he is. You thought.

Neither of you were sure who leaned in first, or if it was just a gravitational pull between your bodies that drew you both in, but suddenly you felt his hot breath fanning your lips, and those dark espresso colored eyes reflecting the warm glow from the crackling fire staring directly into your soul. If only you had known that he wished at that moment that he had a ring.

And when your lips met, slotting together like two puzzle pieces, it was brief due to a soft meow from your lap and Artemis had crawled her way between you and Joel, swatting playfully at one of the strings on his hoodie. He detached his lips from yours, looking down at his little fur baby with adoration as a warm chuckle slipped past his lips. “You, Missy, are a real cock blocker, y’know that?” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and gathered her up in his arms. “I’ll be right back, ‘kay? You want anything to drink? I was gonna open up a nice bottle of Chardonnay? You in, baby love?”

“Oh, a glass of Chardonnay would be lovely, baby. But hurry back, okay? I’m not finished with you yet.” You leaned over the cushion, brushing your lips against the corner of his jaw before settling back into a comfortable position.

“Oh, I ain’t finished with you either, baby love. And that’s a fact.” He winked suggestively and stood up, cradling Artemis against his chest and you watched as he headed back towards the house, and disappeared through the back door.

You let out a content sigh, gazing up at the millions of stars visible on this crystal clear night. Your thoughts consisted of Joel, and how he made you feel like you were always the only person in the room. And how your love for one another was a two way street. Never in your wildest dreams did you think you’d meet someone like him. And when you heard the back door open and close, and his footsteps approaching, your heart skipped a beat.

You watched as he slowly sank down against the cushion, two wine glass stems held securely in one large palm, and in the other a bottle of Chardonnay.

He looked over at you as he worked the bottle opener corkscrew into the cork, twisting it slowly with the sleeves of his hoodie pushed up over his forearms that were lightly flexing with each twist. Before he could finish opening the bottle, however, you were crawling into his lap, situating your thighs on either side of his hips as you straddled him.

He leaned his back against the cushion, pausing his movements of opening the bottle, the corners of his lips quirking upwards as you looped your arms around his neck, fingers gently playing with the curls at the base of his hairline.

“What’re you doin’, baby love?” He rasped softly.

“Can I sit on it while you finish opening that?”

“You wanna sit on my cock while I pour us a couple glasses of wine? Mmm…I had a feelin’ that’s what you were gonna ask me, baby love.” He chuckled.

“Yeah…I just want to feel you, baby. Do you want that?”

“Of course I want that, baby love. Lucky for you, I went with no underwear this evening.” He wiggled his eyebrows playfully as you giggled, peppering kisses across his jawline and just below his ear.

“Is that so?” You nipped playfully at his earlobe, scraping your teeth against his skin gently.

“Mhmmm.” He rumbled out a response, feeling his cock stir to life in the loose confines of his cotton sweats. “Anytime you want, baby, all of me s'yours.” He confirmed, pressing a gentle kiss to the side of your head.

You reached between your bodies, gently palming him through the fabric as he lifted his hips upwards so you could pull his cock free. He used his freehand to help you pull your own sweats down just enough that they were over your hips, and he used his thumb to pull your panties to the side, assisting you as you grasped the base of his cock and slowly seated yourself on him.

He let out a low grunt as you shifted your hips to get more comfortable while he finished uncorking the bottle of wine with a soft pop. You felt him grow harder inside of you, the girth of his cock stretching you open as your body accommodated to his size: a perfect fit.

“Feels nice.” You both said in unison letting the feeling of being connected mind, body, and soul, wash between you.

He reached for the two glasses, somehow managing to steadily pour the wine into both and set the bottle down so it wouldn’t tip over. He handed you your glass, clinking them together gently before you both took a sip.

“Hey, Joel?”

“Yeah, baby love?” He had his head tilted back against the cushion, eyes staying locked on yours as he brought the rim of the glass to his lips and took another sip. You felt your walls clench around him just from that simple action alone.

“I think for the next video we film…I want it to be with you and Tommy.”

“Mmm.” He hummed, letting his freehand drop down and grab onto your exposed hip, pressing you in further to him as his cock twitched inside of you, “I think we can arrange that, baby love.”

You let out a soft gasp that was replaced with his warm lips kissing you, tasting the tang and sweetness from the wine on your tongue. And even though you were just sitting on him, enjoying the intertwined feeling of being connected, he dropped his hand from your hip, moving it between your bodies till he found your clit and began to rub the sensitive bud in gentle, orgasm-inducing circles till you were gushing around his cock from the stimulation alone.

He drank down your soft moans, whispering praises and sweet nothings that were only meant for your ears. And even as the fire began to die, and your glasses were empty, wine warming your bellies, you stayed like this, connected as one.

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[redfoxwritesstuff]

Sundew: Chapter 1 (Tom Hiddleston x Mia)

AN: Better late than never, eh? Welcome to Sundew, the long awaited sequel to Sunflower! This series will include adult content, infidelity, the rocky road that is marriage and international relationships, abusive behavior, custody issues and international travel.

Just a thanks to my beta @nyx-umbrakinesis who's been so kind as to cross fandoms to make sure my American ass doesn't look a fool while writing scenes on the other side of the universe from me. Summary: With Mia and Tom settling into the reality of marriage comes untold new obstacles. Between Tom's busy career and Mia's insistence on being financially independent, something has to give. In the chaos of travel, in-laws, potential moves- stress fractures abound. Will the pressure of custody questions or an unexpected memory hiding in the shadows be what fractures their new marriage or can they weather the storms? And if they can't, can they heal? Or will all their hopes and dreams be devoured by the darkness?

The only thing for certain is the way the sun sparkles on the morning dew on a crisp English morning. CW: None

“What’s that?” Sally asked as Mia opened the envelope and dumped the contents onto the counter in the bright, sunlit kitchen. 

“A surprise,” Mia answered, leaning down as if she was sharing a secret with her young daughter, “for Tom. Little books that will let us travel really far away.” 

“Like to where Tommy’s from?” 

“Yep!” Mia nodded, the motion exaggerated for the child, shifting the waves of brown hair over her shoulder. “Go pick up your blocks and we can pack this up for Tom.” 

Sally ran off to do as she was told, leaving Mia with the task of checking their flight information and hotel reservations for the hundredth time that day alone. Travel wasn’t something Mia was well versed in, let alone traveling with a small child. But Sally wasn’t all that small anymore- she started school and was very much a big girl, seemingly growing bigger by the day. 

The stress would be worth it too, for the chance to do something for Tom. To Mia, it felt like there were so few ways for her to show her trust in the relationship or her devotion to Tom. She’d spent what felt like months resisting him, and now she felt the need to undo that. 

“All done?” Mia asked, setting out the small cardboard box she snagged from the resort she worked at. While Sally put the last of her blocks away, Mia set out an assortment of tissue paper, ribbon, wrapping paper, and markers. 

“All done!” Sally clapped her hands once, as if the sharp sound would banish any lingering blocks. 

“Good!” Mia cheered. “Now get on up here and help me pick the papers!” 

Sally was a whirlwind of excitement, drawing on the tissue papers, littering them with hearts, stars, and who knows what other shapes–Mia certainly didn’t know- that bleed through the thin tissue onto the thicker newspaper below. While the tiny artistic terror put the final touches on the papers, Mia wrapped the little blue books in clean tissue paper to protect them from any marker bleed through after covering the exterior of the box and lid with wrapping paper. 

“All done!” Sally declared when she finished her masterpiece, complete with stick figure drawings of a family of three. 

Together, they stuffed the box with layers of tissue, both as a bed for the books and as a blanket to cover them. 

“What next?” Mia booped her daughter’s nose.

“Glitter!” Sally cheered, slipping off the stool and running to the unapproved craft closet holding hell’s sparkle dust. 

“Okay,” Mia couldn’t help but laugh as sally grabbed the too big bottle of green glitter. Sparkling in the bottle were black shiny circles and bright golden stars, making a green cosmic mix that floated on a sea of fine, dark green glitter. “Just a little.” 

‘Just a little’ ended up being quite a lot of glitter dumped into the box. Mia made a mental note to double or triple bag the box before putting it in her carry on. The last thing she wanted was to have the sea of hell sparkles spilling onto what little clothes she was bringing. 

Tom’s picture flashed across Mia’s screen, a smiling man framed in a circle with his name displayed, followed by a little heart. It still boggled her mind that a man like Tom somehow belonged to her. 

“Tom’s calling!” Sally cheered.

“Remember,” Mia said as she leaned into Sally’s space, only to see glitter somehow in her hair. It would be there for at least a week, Mia was sure. “Tom doesn’t know we’re going to visit him. It’s a…?” 

“Secret!” Sally finished. 

“Good girl,” Mia patted her daughter on the head and directed her to hurry and go get changed for bed before she turned her attention to answering the phone.

“Hey,” Tom’s voice gave away how tired he was. For him, it was a long day, starting with early morning meetings to go over promotion plans before running to filming. It was all worth it to be done in just another week or so. 

This was one of the silly things that Tom insisted on doing a few times a week when he was able. He would call and have at least a short goodnight conversation, a check in with Sally and, when possible, reading her a bedtime story. It was so important to Mia that he and Sally have a good relationship. 

“How’s it going?” Mia always felt so unsure how to open conversations without feeling awkward. “How’s New York?” 

“It’s good. Hustle and bustle of the large city. You know how it is.” On the other side of the country, Tom pinched his phone between his shoulder and ear as he worked the buttons of his shirt free. He was tired and wanted nothing more than to just be done with the day. “What are my girls up to?” 

His girls. Mia wondered when it would feel less surreal to hear someone say that, for someone to want her and Sally. Could she get used to being Tom’s to the point where it was just normal?

“We’re good.” Mia ran her hand through her hair, pushing the wavey brown strands back from her face. “Just finished some crafts.” 

“What did you make?” Tom’s question was cut off by sally’s eager reentry into the room, now clad in a fuzzy nightgown and big puffy slippers. Most importantly, she had the blue New York City bear Tom gave her wrapped in her arms and brought a distraction with her. 

“Teeth, missy!” Mia called.

“I’m just in time for bedtime.” Tom’s voice drew Mia back to the phone call as the water ran in the bathroom. She knew better than to trust the small child with the task unsupervised. That was asking for the job to be half done with at least twice as much toothpaste as needed. Somehow, the bathroom would also get flooded in the process. 

“You are.” Mia leaned against the doorway and watched her daughter see to the task of cleaning her teeth, feeling so much less alone than she would have a year ago. 

Tom came into their lives and changed everything. To this day, it still scared her. 

 “I’m going to have to order more books,” Tom said as he picked through the ones he had stacked on his desk, all for children and all matching ones on a shelf on Sally’s little bookshelf dedicated to bedtime stories with Tom. “We’ve almost gone through them all.” 

“Kids do reread books,” Mia teased. She always tried to provide a plethora of reading material for Sally, but historically, money prevented any large collections. Now? Sometimes, a box would just show up with a few more books to be added to the remote bedtime story collections.

“We reread,” Tom protested, earning him that musical laugh that was so unique to Mia. It was one of his favorite sounds. 

He was right; they did reread books. The stack wasn’t tall enough to even give a fresh book every night for the month at the frequency of his calls. That didn’t change how good it felt to tease him. 

“Yeah, yeah.” Mia made a show of rolling her eyes, not that Tom could see it before turning her attention back to Sally. “If you want Tommy to read to you, you better go hurry and pick out a book. He’s going to fall asleep if we keep him waiting much longer!” 

“Yep,” Tom yawned on the other side of the country. For Mia and Sally, it was just about bedtime, but for Tom, it was getting late and his morning run was getting closer and closer. It was worth it to him, though. These moments where he could bond with his stepdaughter and wife came far and few between, at least in his opinion. 

“This one!” Sally picked out a rhyming book for Mia to tell Tom the name of. 

In a few moments, the little girl was tucked into bed, leaning into Mia’s side as Tom read the book to them through the phone. Mia traced the path of the words with her nail, smiling down at the child at her side, sagging more and more as sleep pulled her under.

Before the book was finished, Mia was closing the book and working herself out from under Sally as Tom’s voice carried on reading a world away. She clicked off the lights as Tom’s reading came to a close. 

“Good Night, Sally,” he said softly in closing. “I love you.” 

“She’s asleep,” Mia whispered into the phone, stepping out of the darkened bedroom and softly closing the door behind her. 

“I’m glad.” Tom tossed the book onto the desk in his hotel room, redirecting his attention back to the task of changing for bed. “What are you up to for the rest of the night?” 

‘Packing’, Mia almost said before catching herself. “Just relaxing. It’ll be an early night- I’m working an early double shift tomorrow.” 

“Shit,” Tom mumbled as he stepped on the belt buckle, failing to navigate changing into shorts to sleep in with any grace. “That sucks, darling.” 

“It does.” Mia almost felt bad for lying to him.

“You don’t have to keep working,” Tom reminded her. “I can get it all.” 

“Tom,” Mia sighed. She knew it was coming. It was an argument they would always have when she was tired or work was wearing down on her. 

“I know, I know.” Tom sighed into the phone as he discarded the idea of sleep shorts, instead climbing into the lonely bed in just his boxers. “You don’t want to depend on me that much.” 

“It’s not that,” Mia said, knowing full well that was exactly what her issue was. “I just- baby steps, okay? I’m trying.” 

“I know,” Tom sighed again as he laid back in the bed, enjoying the embrace of the bedding.

“What are you up to?” Mia tried to redirect the conversation.

“Just getting into bed.” Tom shifted, looking at the wide empty space next to him where his wife should have been. “I wish you were here with me.” 

It was bait. Mia knew it and failed to take it, just like he expected. Baby steps, that’s what they were needing to take. Eventually, one of these nights, he hoped she would take the chance to make their phone calls a little more flirty.

“What’s tomorrow’s plan?” Mia felt bad, leaving his invitation hanging. He was always reaching out to her, offering her some thread of connection and intimacy. She was just not ready to make herself vulnerable in that way yet, not when he wasn’t physically there with her. 

“Morning run,” Tom let the m sound drag out, sounding more like a sinful mix between a moan and simply an exhausted man. Mia didn’t know if he knew the way her heart beat faster when he would do things like that. She didn’t know if she’d ever tell him. “After that, we’re going over the promotional schedule some more before costume and makeup. We’ll probably be filming for the rest of the day, but I should finish earlier for the rest of the week.” 

“Good,” Mia said absently, checking the open bag on her floor one last time to make sure she had everything. Of course, she would check again in the morning, but her anxiety had her checking, anyway. “I’ll let you get to sleep then. We’ve both got big days.” 

“Right.” Tom didn’t want to hang up, but knew she was right. They both needed their rest. “Good night, Mia. I love you.” 

“I love you too,” Mia always felt weird saying it. She did love Tom, but it felt far too soon still. “Good night, Tom.” 

Tag List: @winterisakiller, @alexakeyloveloki, @jennyggggrrr, @dangertoozmanykids101, @tilltheendwilliwrite @tinchentitri @wizardcherryblossom  @buttercupcookies-blog @violethaze @kats72 @soulpiercing @evedia  @princess-ofthe-pages, @tom-hlover Get on the tag list of follow #sundew for updates!

[gh0stbeeee]

Rise of the Guardians/The Guardians of Childhood is low-key my Roman Empire.

Like, specifically in the movie verse, there's just... so much that was never elaborated on. It's one of the unfortunate side effects of being kid's media, things get dumbed down for no reason.

Like, Jack Frost in general as a character. He died. DIED. He DROWNED in a pond saving his sister and??? Nothing. The entire moment when he remembered became "Oh I'm the fun guy that had a family and saved my sister!" AND DIED. Very important part that is completely glossed over other than the idea of sacrifice. Like, the other guardians were "chosen," did they not die too? Did Jack lose his memories because he died, but the others were chosen while alive, chose to leave their lives and remembered?

And just, what were his early years? For a very long time, at least a decade, he probably thought he was totally invisible, that he could never have a true conversation with another person, because I doubt that he stumbled upon another spirit/legend for a while.

Like, that would have driven him INSANE. There's no way he wouldn't be super socially awkward from the isolation, much less just totally mentally well. Are spirit's brains built different? They'd have to be, but I don't think they should be able to withstand that level. Like what was the mim thinking??? Seriously just abandoned a TEENAGER he resurrected with no memory or possibility of support, that's wrong.

And on that note, let me reiterate that Jack died. In front of his little sister. Who had to go back home and tell her family what happened. Did he have a father too? More siblings? Friends and family? They had a funeral no doubt, mourned him. Because he died.

The worst part? He was right there. The whole time. Jack came back to that pond and settlement for hundreds of years, even when it became Burgress. He probably watched his funeral not knowing what was going on, saw his family mourn him without knowing it was for him. He was there when they died, not knowing who they were to him. Did he realize later on? I can only imagine the devastation.

The worst part is Manny probably had to take his memories, because Jack would have been DEPRESSED. He would've tried everything to make them believe, and they probably never would. His parents would probably never see him again, they were adults. His sister was plausible, but she's still mortal. She would have died, Jack would have seen his little sister grow old and die while he stayed eternally young. He might've not ever recovered from that, mim taking his memories distanced him from the pain for when he remembered 300 years later.

But he also could have moved on, grown and loved her descendants and honored her. The mim took that choice away, and that's pretty fucked up.

Then yeah, 300 years of pretty much no acknowledgement. Going into live blind with no guidance or memories, trying to figure yourself out but being ignored by the once who brought you here. Jack would realistically be a little nutty, because wow. It's shown the even other spirits didn't really talk to him, he made them acknowledge him by playing pranks and pissing them off till they confronted him. Maybe it's in spirit's nature to be recluses, but it's not in Jack's. He wanted attention and to be seen, but no one wanted to or could give it to him.

That's why Jamie seeing him for the first time always makes me tear up. This is the first time for HUNDREDS of years that a human has acknowledged him, not an out of touch spirit, but a regular person Jack can connect with, that chose to see him, to believe. That's beautiful, and special.

There's just so many layers to this story that we never got to see, and I'm forever sad DreamWorks abandoned the franchise.

(If anyone has any good fics that explore topics like this, especially Jack's family, please share)

[lostinlovingrevery]

not exactly a prompt and more im curious about your thoughts on how hozier's "work song" fit how logan feels about life in general and his partner, especially old man logan

!!!!!!!

I have been super excited to finally sit down and work on this because that's DEAD ASS one of my fav songs and it's SO perfect for Logan.

I'm gonna be doing some indepth analyzing here so enjoy

Also here's the song link for yalls: Youtube

Boys workin' on empty Is that the kinda way to face the burnin' heat? I just think about my baby I'm so full of love, I could barely eat There's nothin' sweeter than my baby I'd never want once from the cherry tree 'Cause my baby's sweet as can be She'd give me toothaches just from kissin' me

Just this first chorus SCREAMS Logan. Immediately I'm thinking about his soldier days, and other jobs, like being a lumbar jack, cage fighting, limo driving, blue collar work yknow?

With Logans experience and long life, I think he'd had some strong opinions about the working man, government, relationships, etc. BUT this is more regarding love and you rn

I think Logan is a huge lover boy. Hes got thick skin, a tough skeleton (literally and metaphorically) but you break those walls and he's going to be ALL about you. Devoted, never straying from your cherry (teehee). He doesn't want anyone else because he loves you- you given him reason to keep going, your care and love for him is unlike what he's gotten in his long long life that was mainly full of violence.

You're the only thing on his mind.

hes not used to being touched sweetly. I'm not even talking about sex here- just you taking care of him, (esp Old man Logan in this case after being so alone and struggling!!!). Someone whos willing to take the time with him, support him, not make him feel lesser, etc etc.

[Chorus] When my time comes around Lay me gently in the cold, dark earth No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her

UGH this is such an Old man Logan line but with Logans regenerative ability this fits Logan in general too!

This line applied to Logan could be something that it's not his mutation that keeps him coming back. Maybe his cells do regenerate every time he's killed and comes back. Or maybe his pure determination to go back to you, is what makes him come back.

in Logan (2017), it's mentioned by others that he wants to die.

I think if he has someone to come back too- someone who wants him as much as he wants them, Logan would have kept going. I think in terms of Laura he loved her, but that final blow was him committing his final act- knowing he did what he could to protect Laura and now she was safe and could grow up.

If there was a lover in the picture tho, I feel like it'd have SO much differently....

[Verse 2] Boys, when my baby found me I was three days on a drunken sin I woke with her walls around me Nothin' in her room but an empty crib And I was burnin' up a fever I didn't care much how long I lived But I swear, I thought I dreamed her She never asked me once about the wrong I did

MMMMM this is good. good shit right there

Logans commited a lot of sins. You could be talking about anything here. I think this could imply how much logan admired you because you never judge him ONCE. Despite what his hands have done. Despite how much he despises himself for the things he's done, both willingly and unwillingly.

He's an alcoholic, even if alcohol doesn't quite effect him like anyone else, the metabolic removing the drunkness quicker than most people- he still drinks. Drinks to forget, drinks to relax, drink to become violent (theres a comic of him and gambit going to go drink so they can get into fights)

I always took the empty crib line literal, as in losing a baby- but now I'm kinda like maybe in regards to logan it could be him losing his childhood. He spent his adolesence, young adult years, and more having to fend for himself, deal with all the things his mutation brought on. I mean- jesus imagine how freaked out he was the first time he should have been dead????

I think before you come into his life- he was ready to go for a long time. Logan is a realist, and he's good at accepting responsibility and sacrificing his own safety and happiness. If it meant to protect someone else- he would- and has- lay down his life. He just keeps coming back anyway- maybe logan looks down on himself for that. maybe because he keeps coming back that he feels like the sacrifice he makes doesn't count- the loved one he's protecting (you, laura, anyone else) is alive but he isn't and he feels like he's failed somehow?? interesting, i need to think about this and articulate it better later.

You coming into Logans life when he's a wreck, downtrodden. However it happens, however your relationship develops, when he realizes he likes you- and wants you to stay around, you're gonna be like a dream. He's going to start to wonder if his old ass is finally losing it, Meeting somebody you could consider your soulmate, partner, etc, can be rare for people. Logans lived a long time, had a fair share of partners that never worked out. He meets you finally, how the hell are you supposed to be real? Is this why he's lived so long?

[Chorus] When my time comes around Lay me gently in the cold, dark earth No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her When my time comes around Lay me gently in the cold, dark earth No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her

When it comes to old man logan, I like to think about how you give him will to want to keep going, to come back. He "Dies" at the end of Logan, but you bring him back because he needs you. (spoilers for my logan fic....)

there's probably something poetic about resurrection and romance to put together but i'm not smart enough to write about that (yet. let me stew on it)

[Verse 3] My babe would never fret none About what my hands and my body done If the Lord don't forgive me I'd still have my baby and my babe would have me When I was kissin' on my baby And she put her love down, soft and sweet In the low lamplight, I was free Heaven and hell were words to me

ONCE AGAIN

You never fret over his sins. You don't ask him if he doesn't want to talk about it. I think him having that acceptance from you- acceptance he never felt most his life. From society, his family- hell his brother looks down at him and calls him runt!!!

He doesn't care about anything and anybody else- including god because if you're able to love him as who he is he doesn't need any of that. He'll be happy for it to be just you and him in the end.

He probably has a complicated ass relationship with god. Idk what his religion technically is- if it's ever been acknowledged in the comics. I def could see in his later life him not giving much stock towards it. Maybe he thinks gods real but maybe he's also got some serious beef with god.

He probably considered the idea that he'll never see heaven because he doesn't die. Maybe wondered if hes actually in hell.

Meeting you though makes him throw it all out the window. he doesn't care. He's got someone he loves in his arms and everyone else can go fuck themselves.

Having you apart of his life, so sweet, soft, accepting. He's addicted to you. He's not gonna let you go anytime soon.

[Chorus] When my time comes around Lay me gently in the cold, dark earth No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her When my time comes around Lay me gently in the cold, dark earth No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her

I think a lot of what i wrote applies to old man logan, with the consideration that he literally, yknow, dies. BUT

we'll pretend he doesn't and he's totally crawling out of his grave to come back to you and it was all such a BIG misunderstanding <3

[katysfavoritethings]

The Waterboarding Department: The Anthology: Track 2- The Tortured Poets Department

From the detached dejection of “Fortnight,” we go right into the bliss of the past. Sonically, it’s more 80’s synths that add to the nostalgia of the lyric. She starts off by acknowledging a beige flag of sorts: her lover uses a typewriter in the 21st century. While it’s set up that the typewriter itself is the beige flag, I would argue it’s the way the speaker fears she can’t be honest that's the real flag. “I think some things I never say.” It’s not just the typewriter, it’s other stuff, too! But in come the swirling arpeggiators and the wind chimes and off we go into domestic, if codependent, bliss. “Who else decodes you? And who’s gonna know you like me?... nofuckingbody.”

While self-respecting adults should not need anyone to “decode” them, there is a sweetness here. I love the idea of having a partner choose a “cyclone with you” and that even if you spiral like the tornado you are, they’ve “seen this episode and still loved the show.” This plays a string in my heart that hasn’t made music since “New Year’s Day”’s “Please don’t ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere.”

The codependence grows into utter dysfunction, however, on the last verse. Here, the speaker confesses that she “felt seen” when she heard her partner say that he’d end his life without her, because big same on her end.

YIKES!

She then takes this as confirmation that they’re destined for each other, “everyone we know understands why it’s meant to be: ‘cuz we’re crazy.”

This is a particularly grotesque affair in the Swift oeuvre. It’s toxic obsession wrapped in a “1989” sugar-coating. If the listener misses this song’s core, its sonic charms juxtaposed with its lyrical darkness, then they miss the impetus for the rest of the album. What follows is a recitation of brokenhearted balladry, and if you did not buy into the magic of the relationship despite its clear toxicities, you will not feel a thing for the speaker as the affair continues to unravel across the album. I argue that this one moment is not only a melodic highlight, but the most important moving piece within “The Tortured Poets Department.”

Lyric Score: 3.75 / 5 Music Score: 3.75 / 5 Total Song Score: 3.75 / 5

Running Album Score: 3.25 / 5

Up next: Track 3- My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys

[amiharana]

ok I was reading thru your tattoo/flower shop au and I had to share the brainrot.

I hc revali as indigenous (particularly great plains native american) and oh man, what if at some point he very hesitantly brings up with link that he wants to get facial tattoos or something similar that's significant to him but he's nervous?? And Link goes out of his way to learn traditional stick-n-poke techniques so he can be the one to give revali his tattoos?? And it's like super sweet and meaningful for them both and Link feels honored that revali trusts him enough to ask? (and also revali is scared shitless and Link has to stop several times so he doesnt mess up and hurt revali more than it typically would)

like what if though???

ahem (taps mic) Hello can anyone hear me. i haven't written a tumblr ask in ages i feel ancient

first of all, i'm glad to hear that you still think of my tattoo/flower shop au haha it's been way over a year now since i wrote it. i still very much appreciate everyone who drew art for it 🫶 i've had a few passing thoughts about writing it into an actual proper multi-chaptered fic but i've been busy wrestling with school, work, and my personal demons for the past year that it's been quite difficult to even think about writing anything. thank you to anyone who's still here; i appreciate you a lot 🤍

i love the hc of revali as indigenous and i think it really fits in with the presence of the rito people as we're introduced to in the games, but i won't touch on that too much since i'm not indigenous/well-versed in indigenous culture. you know what i Am well-versed in though? these gay ass mfs

i had to reread my own au post for this Lord it's been too long, i wrote back then that i thought of revali as someone who isn't too fond of tattoos and doesn't have a great pain tolerance for them, and i still believe in that LOL. mixing that in with a hc where revali is indigenous is quite interesting, because i would assume that tattoos are an important/frequently appearing aspect of the culture? revali's parents have also passed in this au and he's alone with no family running the shop, so perhaps revali was estranged from his indigenous culture while growing up/at some point and became interested in trying to connect with it as an adult. maybe he came across the topic of traditional tattoos and after researching about it, he became interested in getting one but again because of his low pain tolerance, he thought it probably may never happen. well...

during one of their shared lunch breaks perhaps at a new cafe that's opened up on tabantha street, revali absentmindedly mentions his family and the tattoos. link immediately looks up at him from his food, those lovely blue eyes searching his face curiously.

"traditional tattoos?" he says, cocking his head at revali. revali blinks. well, of course link would have interest in the topic since he was a fellow tattoo artist himself, but the way he was looking at revali was...

"well yes," revali continues. "i suppose i haven't really talked to you much about myself personally, have i? i'm an indigenous hyrulean and my blood is descended from the rito tribe, but i'm not well-versed in my own culture." he mumbles the last few words, looking down at his coffee. "my parents and i lived on reservation land until i was 5 and then we moved away to a bigger city for work. there weren't many other rito there and so i didn't grow up with a lot of other indigenous folk. i don't know much about my family or my culture because of it, and even after my parents passed, it's never come up until now." revali glances back at link, who is now watching him with rapt attention. he looks away again, his cheeks beginning to warm. "i thought it would be nice to connect with my culture by getting a traditional tattoo of the rito tribe, perhaps something small so i can handle it. though, i wouldn't be able to travel to the reservation to find a traditional tattooist because of the shop and neither do i know of any tattoo artists nearby that could do it..."

"i'll do it," link says suddenly. revali looks at him again and blinks. link's eyes are bright and wide, blazing with determination. he's still holding his sandwich in his hands.

"i-i couldn't ask that of you," revali says, heart skipping a beat. "you'd likely have to learn an entire new and unfamiliar technique, and—"

"i'll do it," link insists, placing the sandwich down and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. his eyes are still trained on revali, just as insistent as his mouth is. revali swallows.

"use a napkin, please," he mutters, passing link one. the blond takes it and grins at him. "if it's something that you greatly desire to do... i will assist you in offering as much information as i can. i... appreciate it, link." i appreciate you, he thinks but the words get stuck in his throat. link's smile only grows.

thinking about link who researches rito tribal tattoos for a few weeks and reporting and discussing his findings with revali during their mon/wed lunch breaks. thinking about link who spends countless nights staying up compiling everything he finds into a document, the different types of tribal tattoos and their meanings, researching the materials and tools needed for traditional tattoos, sketching different tribal symbols endlessly for the perfect one for revali in between tattoo sessions with other clients, thinking about where on revali's body it would go, thinking about revali's warm skin under his hands... let's keep it PG link 🫡

the day finally arrives when link introduces the tattoo sketches to revali. link probably shows him a few ideas of a small rito symbol on his fingers, wrist, deltoid, ankle, and even ribs. HOWEVER. i really like the idea of the winged rito symbol across the back of revali's shoulders to represent his wings in canon? so what if. link who sketched a drawing of revali's back muscles with the winged rito symbol and he doesn't mean to show it to revali since it's a much bigger tattoo than revali wanted, but revali happens upon it anyway while scrolling through the sketches on link's ipad.

"what's this one?" revali says pointing at it.

link glances over at the screen and flushes. "oh, i didn't mean for you to see this one," he murmurs. he uses two fingers to zoom in on the image slightly. "i just had an idea for this particular symbol, so i sketched it out because i thought it'd look nice. i know you wanted a smaller one, so we can just focus on the first sketches—"

"it's beautiful," revali cuts him off, voice soft and still looking at the winged sketch. "how much do back tattoos hurt?" and link is jaw dropped, staring at him with hearts in his eyes LMFAOOOOOOOO

thinking about link who actually reaches out to a traditional tattooist from revali's tribe and asks if he can mentor link so he can learn their technique??? maybe link and revali who end up traveling to the reservation together so revali can visit and link can learn directly from the tattooist??? revalink road trip and sharing a bed trope??? link would probably only take a week tops to learn the technique since he's like a prodigal artist and the tattooist is impressed. also revali getting to spend time with and learn more about his culture from others from the tribe who live there 🥺

if revali does get the winged rito symbol tattoo on his back, he probably wouldn't get it as a solid color, maybe link would incorporate more tribal lineart into it like the totk zonai imagery? i've never gotten a tattoo so i don't know if back tattoos or the style of solid color tattoos would hurt, but regardless, link would make revali as comfortable as he can throughout all the sessions 🥺🥺🥺

originally when i read this ask and you mentioned facial tattoos, i thought about link gently holding revali's jaw between his pointer finger and thumb to readjust the positioning of his face in the midst of tattooing him, and revali sucking in a breath at the contact WAHHHH but with the direction i took with this post, i also thought about link laying a flat palm between revali's shoulder muscles, feeling the warmth of his skin and tracing his shoulder blades with a featherlight touch and revali getting flustered but muttering, "are you going to keep me in suspense?"

link traces a line down revali's spine. "are you sure you want to get this tattoo?" he murmurs. "we can still do the smaller ones instead if you want. i know how you feel about it, with your pain tolerance and all."

revali snorts, trying to mask his nervousness. "i've already made up my mind. it's a beautiful piece that you put a lot of thought into and i'm not backing out now. besides..." revali's voice lowers into a mumble. "i wouldn't have gone through with it if it was anyone else. i trust you."

link's cheeks pinked in the sweet way they do when revali catches him off-guard, but he can't take it back. he doesn't want to take it back, because it's true; revali trusts link for this with everything he has.

hhh . AHHHH . i just think. yeagh.

[according2thelore]

Are you still taking asks on your LS/ES verse!Winchesters ? There was a post floating around about how, over the years, Sam and Dean get softer on the memory of their father and John being remembered as almost a "good father" in their 'unique' situation/environment with hunting and stuff.

[Me, being a notorious John hater, lol, would 💯 imagine ES!Sam get so flabbergasted when LS!Sam views John in a more positive light or justifies some of his actions].

ES!Sam: (storming into the room) “You’ve got to be kidding me! I just heard you—you—of all people, defending Dad. What the hell is wrong with you?”

LS!Sam: (calmly looking up from a journal) “Hey, easy there. What’s this about?”

ES!Sam: “Don’t act like you don’t know! You were talking about Dad like he was some kind of hero! Like—like he wasn’t the guy who turned us into soldiers instead of letting us have a childhood!”

LS!Sam: (sighs and leans back) “Sam, I get it. Trust me, I get it. I was angry at him for a long time, just like you are right now. But you’re not seeing the full picture yet.”

ES!Sam: “The full picture? Oh, I see it just fine! He dragged us from town to town, put hunting ahead of everything, made us live in fear of what was out there! You call that being a good father?”

LS!Sam: “No, I’m not saying he was perfect. He made mistakes—a lot of them. But he was trying to keep us alive in a world that wanted to kill us every second of every day. He gave everything he had for that.”

ES!Sam: (crossing his arms) “So that makes it okay? That justifies the yelling, the abandonment, the way he treated you(me)? Or Dean? We were his kids! KIDS!”

LS!Sam: (voice softens) “I used to think that, too. And honestly, sometimes I still do. But as much as I hated the way he went about it, I’ve come to understand that he was… human. Flawed. He lost the love of his life, Sam. Do you have any idea what that did to him?”

ES!Sam: “And that gave him a free pass to ruin our lives!?”

LS!Sam: (shaking his head) “No, it didn’t. And whether you like it or not, we’re here because of him. We know how to fight, how to survive, because he made sure of it. If it weren’t for that, we wouldn’t have saved half the people we’ve saved. Maybe not even each other.”

ES!am: (pauses, frowning) “So you’re saying we owe him for screwing us up???!!”

And like maybe the argument escalates until both Deans overheard them and have to rush over and restrain ES!Sam before it gets physical!

But these are just how I'd imagine the event would have played out, of course. What are your thoughts on it ?

hi, anon!

i am ABSOLUTELY still taking ES/LS verse requests! i love these silly little guys very much, and i'm so glad to talk about them!!!

as to your question, YES!!!!!! i've written two things (here and here) about the ES/LS boys talking about john, and there is definitely a culture shock, as they kind of flip-flopped about their opinions on john as the show goes on.

charlotte & i feel very lukewarm-to-negative about john. did he do his best? i think he did. was his best good enough? no. he wasn't a supervillain but he wasn't a great dad, either, lol. did JDM do a great job as an actor? yes.

much like john and mary's marriage, the brothers loving their dad became easier when he's dead. sam becomes more forgiving of their father as he gets older, as seen in the episode where he sees him face-to-face as an adult in his thirties.

on the other hand, dean becomes less and less forgiving of his father, going from "dad is a beacon of what is right and you (sam) are wrong to question that" to "i could never be a child, because i had to be both a mother and a father growing up to keep sam safe."

they end up, ironically, in the middle. very much: dad was imperfect, but he did what he could, and (if they're generous) he did he best. their reunification with him is tender, and apologetic.

NEOWWW, ES!Sam and ES!Dean are on complete polar opposites of this. dad is wrong, or dad is right, and there is no in between.

so, as you pointed out, ES!Sam and LS!Sam butt heads about this almost immediately. for ES!Sam, LS!Sam is a completely different beast. he didn't go back to school, he lives in a windowless underground bomb shelter, and he clearly has no problem replicating their militaristic, sparse upbringing.

for someone who is so headstrong and defiant, this feels like an ultimate betrayal for ES!Sam, which is why i think they don't get along very well.

i COMPLETELY agree with how you wrote it!!!! LS!Sam, who has lost dean and hurt a lot of people because of it, can sympathize a lot more with john's complete shut-down. hell, we're talking about a sam who, post-mystery spot, lived and breathed the hunt, and bought dean's meals for sixth months while not eating any of it. we're talking about a sam who kidnapped and locked an innocent, screaming woman in the trunk of his car and then bitched for miles about how loud her crying and pleas for help were. then took her out and killed her. he has SEEN and DONE a lot of stuff that would absolutely baffle and terrify ES!Sam.

ES!Sam doesn't even have the scope to understand that yet, and as someone who just lost someone he very, deeply loved to "the life," and who has come off of four years of not salting his windows and worrying about his calc final instead of getting his head ripped off, is incredibly resentful of john and their lives. and i think if you told ES!Sam some of the other stuff john got up to (e.g., the entirely separate mulligan family he had going, leaving dean at sonny's, the last thing he told dean, etc etc etc) he would be even MORE unforgiving and furious at their father.

the scale has changed dramatically, is what i'm saying, haha.

i 100% back up how you wrote their confrontation! you captured their voices & opinions really well! thank you so much for writing in, anon!! i really enjoyed reading this, and loved hearing from you!!! mwah!

-lizzy

[ES/LS verse masterlist/explanation]

[malkaleh]

I’m plotting out what Cat, Felipe, and Ana’s lives would look like in a Crown of Ashes AU where one of them accidentally outed the triad to Mary and set everything off. It’s a whole lot of OW because I don’t think the ot3 kids would have the sibling-like bonds they do in ot3 verse. Their aunts/uncles don’t blame them, but there’s no way the relationships survive unchanged. Especially for Elizabeth, who has to grow up fast and protect her younger siblings. It also doesn’t help that Cat, Felipe, and Ana are raised by KoA and while KoA does advocate (somewhat) for Anne’s children, Elizabeth knows she can’t be trusted, and by extension, she has to be careful what she tells her niblings because anything they know might get back to KoA, and to Mary. Maybe as adults when Tommy is on the throne, they become closer, but it’s a long road until then.

OH G-D THE ANGST yeah. (I think Elizabeth in particular would be angry - not blaming (she blames Mary) but she would be angry), I think Mihrimah would just not be able to forgive them (like for Tommy she’ll be civil and she does get it wasn’t great for them either but uh, watching what Tommy had to go through re Norwich and then Tommy and Elizabeth having to be Mary’s Emotional Support means she’s…like she gets it was never what they intended or wanted to happen but it Happened and it was because of them it kicked off)

They definitely do not know the full story re the OT3. And yep, all the kids really manage KOA (it’s definitely not the way it is in regular OT3 verse). I don’t know if they ever do.

Like, I do think possibly as adults the younger kids might be closer with their nieces and nephew (Pippa and Ned maybe anyway - just because they are younger than Cat/Felipe/Ana anyway. Owen probably not) but there is always a distance on both sides (partly because I think Cat, Felipe and Ana feel deeply deeply guilty and ashamed).

(They hate Mary even more here tbh because she destroyed their family ties in a lot of ways and their father who everyone loved)

(Actually Cecily and Isabel/Isobel in Crown of Ashes regular kind of have some of the same thing but that’s another babble).

(I would totally read this version)

(Tommy is you know, Tommy about it. George realises he should intellectually be fair about this but he’s absolutely fucking not going to be. Meg just holds a grudge (maybe after she marries and goes to Denmark etc she might like, mellow enough to welcome them to her and her husbands court etc but idek). Liam is a simmering ball of Trauma).

(Tommy’s thing about being Fucking Allergic To Indulging In A Selfish Re Himself is even more here it’s just like, Reflex)

[epitomees]

positivity anon! dani, your understanding of storytelling is a beauty in and of itself. you create entire universes with your ocs (and their lives), and expand upon them with every post, every AU, every verse. you cherish those you write, and you make sure each of your characters is granted the same amount of love - and we love you for it! your writing is a gift that keeps on giving.

you are, likewise with your writing, a delight; your kindness knows no bounds, and you're deeply appreciated and loved by those around you. thank you for giving us the opportunity to see your craft and to know the writer behind it!

((HEY LIKE SO WHAT THE HELL!?!? I'M NOT ON MY DASH FOR THE MAJORITY OF THE DAY AND I SEE THIS JUST PLOPPED IN MY INBOX!?!? EXCUSE YOU SIR OR MADAM OR LAD, WHAT IS WITH THIS RANDOM POSITIVITY!?!

My guy, I legit almost teared up a bit seeing this. It's such a nice, random gesture of appreciation and...I don't know, it's great to know people really do enjoy the things I write and what I create with my characters. I feel like I've been lacking in the creative department because of how busy and tired I am after work each week. I tend to spend my weekends recuperating or being social with my IRL friends so I never have enough time to sit down and write stuff. I always have these kiddos on my mind though, whether it's the Persona blorbos here or the OCs. I literally cherish all of them so much. And I want to DO SO MUCH WITH THEM but goddamn it's so EXHAUSTING being an independent adult. Don't grow up guys, don't reach your 30s because it's all over for you then. That's grandpa/grandma status and I FEEL IT WAY TOO MUCH!!

But seriously, this really does mean a lot and I'm so grateful you decided to drop something so nice for me just out of your own kindness...and for the random aspect. I do enjoy surprise, random positivity so this was nice to see after I had a busy day. Thank you so so much and I hope you get to enjoy more of the shenanigans and heart-breaking angst that I create with my own two hands!))

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

How about Fresh Out The Slammer/High Infidelity?

Ask and ye shall receive, especially given these auspicious circumstances of late lol.

Aah, we got ourselves another infidelity mashup! Unlike when she did Getaway Car/August/Other Side of the Door in Australia before we knew what was ahead in TTPD, this mashup feels far more pointed. Ah, the clarity that context brings!

If I had to pick a key line that is this mashup's theme, it's: I was dancing around it... but it's gonna be alright, I did my time.

Interestingly, like when she did The Great War x You're Losing Me, she sings the entirety of one song (FOTS), and then fills in the outro with the second song (HI) to add a kind of coda to the experience, one that in some ways fills in the blanks of how we got here, if you want to think about it in that way.

In FOTS, she's detailing the experience of the burgeoning fantasy about one man as the reality of her life with another comes crashing down. The first verse and pre-chorus tell the story of a contentious relationship, one full of pain and sadness-- and the kernels of infidelity on the part of her partner. To me, while it's not quite a Chekov's gun situation, it is kind of like a foreshadowing of what's to come for her. He was with another her in dreams, and eventually she'd be with another him in hers. But the point is that it's complicated; it's not just the "her" that breaks them down, it's the Everything. The rolling thunder, the lack of understanding or care, the resentment, the growing distance and fights and emotional roller coasters.

So in her/the narrator's own increasing loneliness, she builds a new life, one where she's not going to make the same mistakes again (she thinks), this time it's going to be for real. She's learned her lesson! Except that, of course, the reality is she doesn't. It ends up being something even worse in some respects. But the whole point is that the song exists in the liminal space between knowing one relationship is dead and actually jumping into another one, kind of like a Schrodinger's Affair situation where she hasn't technically acted but she hasn't not acted by building this new world in her head. (Not unlike the secret gardens and lunar valleys, just in another font.)

Enter High Infidelity: It's gonna be alright, I did my time... but do you really want to know where I was April 29? I loooooooove that transition not only because it's seamless, but it's so layered! She could be asking her lover if he wanted to know where she was, she could be asking her partner after an accusation... But she could be asking everyone listening, too. Do you really want to know the gory details? (The not-so-empathetic hunger descends.)

Because it all comes down to this line: You know there's many different ways that you can kill the one you love, the slowest way is never loving them enough. With that inclusion in this section, it contextualizes the song, because that's exactly what that first verse and pre-chorus are saying. Being neglected (and imo worse) by her partner was killing her inside, and resorting to the fantasy of FOTS was her way out. Her getaway car, if you will. "I bent the truth too far tonight, I was dancing around, dancing around it" is what FOTS is almost in its entirety-- she might not have acted on her desires (yet), but she also knew that by doing so she was effectively torpedoing the other relationship. It might not have been infidelity strictly speaking, but it wasn't necessarily faithfulness either-- the same as the partner who was with the other her in dreams in the first part of the song. It's the shades of grey that emerge in adult relationships, and how they can end up painting your whole world black. She knew she was straddling a line, and that's what makes it all the more painful. (And candidly, also implies the partner from FOTS was straddling that line, too.)

To be honest, the first thought that came to mind after listening is that the mashup kinda feels to me like: Say you got somebody, I'll say I got someone too.

I also find it interesting how again, she can completely change the tone of the song based on what she mashes it up with. For instance, when she mashed up FOTS with You Are In Love, the parts she chose to keep (and inversely, the ones she cut out) instead turn the outro of FOTS from the dogged determination of trying to follow through on the fantasy, to a vignette of the home she's made with the subject from You Are In Love. They still broadly speaking tell the same story (leaving a toxic relationship for a new love), but in FOTS x HI, she's saying imo that she knows it was all an excuse to leave the relationship when it was dying (and killing her along with it), whereas in FOTS x YAIL, she's saying the "pretty baby" she's running home to is the one who will always leave the porch light on and make burnt toast on Sundays (forever).

As an aside, as usual she had a moment of her vocals popping off, and in this case it was "As I said in my letters, now that I know better, I will never lose my baby again," which is fun!

(I'm almost caught up on requests but I still have a couple more so if y'all can kindly hold off for just a little bit I will reopen the mashup madness hotline when the time comes 🫶 hopefully by the end of the week haha.)

[nevertheblood]

Trick or treat!

HIIIIII thank you for the ask <33

I remember that you liked love in the vein 👀 so I bring some WIP from the same royalty AU-verse... technically it is an epilogue to the whole fic but I don't know if I'll ever get so far as to publish everything (there's a lot of fantasy politics shenanigans involving Verlaine and a GREAT deal of angst before we get to happily married adult skk....) so just in case it never makes it out there into the world, here's some fluffy pregchuu smut !!

[NSFW, trans male chuuya, pregnant sex, mentions of improper binding (due to historical setting), probably the soppiest most saccharine nonsense you've ever read in your life but I NEED THEM TO BE HAPPY.... they go through a lot.... that I didn't write yet 😭]

anyways pls enjoy your treat!! happy early halloween 🎃🕸️🍬👻

The servants know by now to leave their chambers well alone at this hour. This time, after the sun has climbed above the horizon but before the bell in the banquet hall sounds for breakfast, is all theirs. As far as they’re concerned, within those precious hours, aeons could pass, their kingdom could rise or fall outside the bedroom door, and they would be none the wiser; lost in their own domain, the wonderland of one another.

Once, when they were much younger, still in the process of learning how to love, Dazai had said I want to kiss you everywhere. When we’re married, I promise I will. The list of Dazai’s sins is probably longer than he would like to admit, but he doesn’t break his promises to Chuuya. Not anymore, not ever again.

Today, Chuuya’s skin is sun-warmed, sweat-salted, and Dazai’s mouth maps the curves and hollows of his body with practiced cleverness.

“Do you know,” Dazai says, his breath a caress on Chuuya’s hipbone, “Why I first fell in love with you?”

“Why?” Chuuya replies, in the half-attentive tone of someone who’s sort of heard this story before but really wouldn’t mind hearing it again. Dazai, of course, indulges him.

“You were always—” he presses a kiss to the place where Chuuya’s hip and thigh meet, and Chuuya shivers, “—so full—” another kiss, this time closer to the inner thigh, “—of life.”

Chuuya laughs quietly. “Is that what you’d call it?” “Obviously.” For once, Dazai’s tone is completely serious. “It can’t have been easy, to find out in your mid-teens that you weren’t what the world had told you you were. But the whole time, you were so… so bright. You burned through the hardship, like a little phoenix. It was beautiful.”

“You had your own hardships,” Chuuya says softly, “And they were very different from mine.” “I know,” Dazai says, “But seeing you… it made me want to live, too. Like you wanted to live.” Chuuya looks at him, from where he’s lying back against the pillows. “This was years ago,” he says. “Why are you telling me this now?” “You are more full of life now than ever,” Dazai answers quietly, before placing the gentlest of kisses on Chuuya’s stomach, “There is life growing in you. And I am so in love with you for it.”

Chuuya reaches out one hand to tangle in Dazai’s hair, teasing out the morning bedhead curls. “It gives you the will to live?” “Something like that.” “You want to know why I fell in love with you?” Dazai props himself up on his hands, holding himself carefully over Chuuya’s body, and shifts upwards on the bed, close enough that Chuuya can kiss his nose, which he does. “Tell me?”

“You like to think of yourself as a terrible person, but you aren’t. You’re actually rather selfless.” “Oh?” Dazai takes Chuuya’s hand where it’s resting next to his head, kisses his fingertips softly. “And what makes you such an impeccable judge of character?” “Despite everything,” Chuuya says, curling his fingers around Dazai’s, “That whole time, you loved me. I felt it so strongly. You hated yourself, you hated this world, so much, but you loved me.” Dazai smiles, a little ruefully. “I think that’s still true, actually.” “Stupid,” Chuuya says, flicking him in the head with one well-aimed finger. “This… almost-life that’s inside me. You put it there, didn’t you?”

Dazai rubs his forehead, disgruntled. “I sure hope it was me. What’s your point?” “You have such capacity for life, you suicidal idiot,” Chuuya says, folding his arms around Dazai’s neck, pulling him in closer, “And I won’t ever let you forget it.” “Enough philosophising, already,” Dazai says, sliding one hand under Chuuya’s thigh, squeezing in a way that makes Chuuya blush bright red, “Wasn’t I busy kissing you?” Chuuya splutters indignantly. “You started the philosophising, asshole.”

“Maybe I did. So what?” Sixteen years they’ve known each other, and Dazai’s favourite hobby is probably still finding new ways to get Chuuya riled up. “Shut up and kiss me before I wring your stupid neck.” Or maybe Dazai’s favourite hobby is kissing Chuuya. The jury is still out. “Gladly.” This time, his lips stay glued to Chuuya’s, while his hands do the wandering, letting his senses remind him of everything so tenderly familiar and everything so painfully new. For one thing, Chuuya is binding less frequently, these days, the changes in his body making everything just this side of too painful, and the tangible, ever-present lines on his skin around his ribs and underarms normally left by the press of the bandages are less noticeable to the touch. He’s put weight on, too, which he gripes about but Dazai adores, the way the smooth flesh around Chuuya’s waist, hips, thighs, dips and yields like warm clay under Dazai’s hands, every angle of his body turning softer, rounder.

Dazai is no cartographer, despite the hours his father and Kunikida had spent trying to teach him, but he’d gladly make a thousand charts of the topography of Chuuya’s body, his index and middle finger his compass, measuring each line and curve in perfect design.  His hand pauses at Chuuya’s bare hip, silently questioning. Chuuya seems to hear his request and parts his legs just a little, allowing his husband’s exacting hands to slide between his spread thighs. “Chuuya,” Dazai says, the name a sigh against their kiss, “First thing in the morning and you’re already so wet for me.”

“I dreamed of you,” Chuuya says, voice a little floaty like he’s still halfway in the dream itself. “Yeah?” Dazai teases him, fingertips circling where he knows Chuuya wants him to touch, “What happened?” “You bent me over the writing-desk and fucked me ‘til I screamed,” Chuuya says dreamily, “You haven’t been that rough with me in ages. You know I like it when you’re a little insane.”

Despite himself, Dazai feels just a touch guilty. “I--” “Hush,” Chuuya cuts him off, eyes soft. “I know why you’re treating me gently. I don’t mind it.” “It’s okay?” Dazai slips one finger inside, breath catching in his throat at the way Chuuya feels around him. “More than okay.” Chuuya makes a quiet ‘nn’ sound of pleasure, eyelids fluttering as Dazai crooks his finger. “Ah, please--”

Chuuya is beautiful like this, so beautiful. The way his hair falls over one shoulder, curling as it begins to stick to his skin, framing the healing bites and bruises Dazai’s already left along the column of his throat in bright orange like neat embroidery. The way he whimpers quietly, covering his mouth with the back of one hand, trying to act like he’s not quite so affected as he is by the curl of Dazai’s fingers inside. The way he moves his body, lifting his hips upwards, trying to fuck himself harder on Dazai’s hand, clinging tight to his husband, a life raft in the ocean of their bed. “Nnngh, Osamu,” Chuuya pants, and Dazai’s head still spins a little even though his first name has become much more common-use since their marriage, “Need you inside me.” And what kind of prince would Dazai be to deny his beloved consort anything?

[bylrlve]

403-404 thoughts

(Prev post here)

Murray’s prophecy of the kids playing too much Nintendo, eating too much junk food, smoking some ganja, pounding some beers, and experimenting sexually is actually eerily accurate. Nintendo, as @gayofthefae brilliantly observed, has been equated to the Nina project. Eating junk food? The boys presumably survived on the (quickly cold) pizzas and the sodas Argyle delivered to their house - and if they stopped at gas stations… these boys would have little to no money on their persons, so junk is all they could really afford, one assumes. Smoking ganja? Jon and Argyle. Pounding beers? Not the Cali gang, but Lucas did.

Experimenting sexually? No one has sex during s4 - Jopper makeout but that’s hardly experimenting, and certainly not for adults, and he was specifically talking about the kids. None of them are in the mood for it, naturally, but I wouldn’t be surprised if this is foreshadowing… something between a certain pair of boys. It couod be a cheeky reference to Will growing into his sexuality but, and forgive my crudeness here, right-hand solo sex doesn’t really fit, especially since he was talking about Jonathan, El, Mike, and Will as a group, implying a plural. In fact, this scene takes place directly after El and Mike fight, and after she is arrested. Experimenting is a very loaded word…

Never fails to get me how Mike just threw her last letter into the trash - it had already been explained that he may not see her for months, and here he is, treating her last missive to him with such disrespect. This attitude isn’t even new - he crumpled up and tossed aside the letter she’d painstakingly written and drawn rainbow designs on in the opening minutes. Meanwhile… there are Funko Pops of him proudly showing off the new painting Will made for him.

“You’re packed already?” “Yeah, I mean, I never really unpacked.” is the most blatantly subtext-ridden thing to come out of Mike’s mouth all season, and it’s the biggest piece of in-verse proof that he was fronting hard during 402 - and that was the lovey-doviest he was with El.

Can we all just take a moment to appreciate Mike saying that home isn’t home without Will? Fuck the monologue, that is the most romantic thing Mike says all season.

@bylertruth3r made the above video, showing the eerily similarity between the Byler 404 reunion and a scene in 13 Reasons Why - and this scene was originally scripted as Mike coming up to Will kneeling oj the ground, meaning it was conceived as them being much closer together.

I don’t think we appreciate, enough, that Mike monologued to Will in this scene. Not only are Jasons’s ily to Chrissy at the pep rally, Jancy’s ilys, Argyle and Eden’s LAFS, Max’s saving herself from Vecna with flashbacks, and Dustin’s ILY to Eddie all contrasts to the Mike monologue sequence in 409… but this is, too. Here are Mike’s three big monologues lain out:

"El? I don't know if you can hear this, but... but if you can, I want you to know I'm here, okay? I'm right here. And... I love you. El, do you hear me? I love you. I'm sorry I don't say it more. I... It's not because I'm scared of you. I'm not. I've never felt that way. Never. But I am scared that one day you'll realize you don't need me anymore. And I thought if I said how I felt, it would somehow make that day hurt more. But the truth is, El, I don't know how to live without you. I feel like my life started that day we found you in the woods. You were wearing that yellow Benny's Burgers T-shirt. And it was so big it almost swallowed you whole. And I knew right then and there, in that moment, that I loved you. And I've loved you every day since. I love you on your good days. I love you on your bad days. I love you with your powers, I love you without your powers. I love you for exactly who you are. You're my superhero. And... I can't lose you. Okay? Do you hear me? I can't lose you. You can do anything. You can fly. You can move mountains. I believe that. I really do. But right now, you just have to fight. Okay? El. Do you hear me? You need to fight! You have to fight. Fight!” Tearing up, not crying.

“Do you remember the first day that we met? It was… it was the first day of kindergarten. I knew nobody. I had no friends. And I just felt so alone, and so scared, but… I saw you on the swings, and you were alone too,. You were just swinging by yourself. And I just walked up to you, and I asked. I asked if you wanted to be my friend. And you said yes. You said yes. It was the best thing I’ve ever done.”

“Hey also, about the last few days… No, no, no. You didn’t deserve anything. Listen, the truth is… the last year has been weird, you know. And I mean, Max and Lucas and Dustin… they’re great, they’re great, itd just… it’s Hawkins. It’s not the same without you. And I feel like I was worrying too much about El, and I don’t know. I feel like I… lost you, or something. I have no idea what’s going to happen next. But whatever it is, I think we should work together. I think it’ll be easier if we’re a team. Best friends. Cool.”

Some quick observations:

1 and 2 occur under near-identical circumstances - El and Will are under Vecna’s control and he’s trying to give them strength. 3 is entirely unprompted. The first occurs under a level of duress similar to that of a gun being held to El’s head, as gayofthefae observes here

The rain fight is all over the s4 bedroom scene, and it’s very clearly on both of their minds. Mike has spent the past nine months addressing every criticism of Will’s - he’s friends with Dusfin, he’s playing D&as, he only kissed El when she initiated, and broke it quickly, and he even got angry at Lucas for prioritising others over the Party - although his complaint, unlike Will’s, was irrational and unfair. He relapsed at the airport and roller rink by trying to be normal, but this scene is him course-correcting for that. Mike’s calling himself a self-pitying idiot and thanking Will for being sensible is likelt not only referring to the earlier scene in Will’s room, but to the S3 and 402 fights. If that is the intention, it makes one wonder what Mike was self-pitying about in the latter. @howtobecomeadragon discusses it in-depth here

Right from my very first watch, the proposal imagery in the s2 speech - ‘I walked up to you, and I asked. I asked if you wanted to be my _, and you said yes… you said yes. It was the best thing I’ve ever done.’ - jumped out at me. M*levens regularly theorise that the series will end with Mike and El either getting married, or engaged, citing that Lucas line from s1 as foreshadowing - but we see in s3 that Mike relies on Lucas to push him through every stage of the apology, while he doesn’t with Will, and we see bouquet imagery subverted with that gift of flowers at the airport (see below).

TOO MUCH? Mike spent the s3-4 break backsliding in the whole ‘say ILY to El’ plot… but did address the problems Will had with him. Not only that… he came to the conclusion that he worried too much about El? Specifically because he lost Will as a result? I said in the previous post that Bylers don’t talk enough about “Who… who said that I didn’t?” We definitely don’t talk enough about the anti-m*leven implications of this line, because they’re bonkers. Mike worries a lot about El when she’s away at Nina, but at home he’s distinctly distant from her -

while only drawing closer to Will

This is how he looked at Will during the 404 monologue btw: (gif credit to @palettehao and gayofthefae)

Lastly, I’ll finish this analysis post by swinging back to 402, and to the fact that Mike picking that bouquet? It doesn’t make much sense, timeline-wise. In fact, I honestly can’t figure out when he picked them.

Mike only says, on March 22, that he picked them ‘in Hawkins’ before launching into a nervous, distracting spiel about picking 70:30 purple to yellow, only maybe he picked too much yellow*, etc.

On the morning of March 21 he was still in his underwear reading over a letter to El, and was delayed going to with. He had classes at school, and was preoccupied during lunch bargaining with Eddie, bargaining wi5 various students, and finally bargaining with Erica. Between school and Hellfire he could plausibly have picked them, but that would have required cycling across town and back, when Nancy drove him to school - he didn’t have his bike at school. He also had nowhere to put them, except the backpack that presumably had school supplies in it - those flowers would not have looked so fresh had he shoved them in a backpack. Dustin also doesn’t mention him being gone prior to Hellfire. After hellfire, he went home to be there by 9 - he had to have done, otherwise he wouldn’t have been allowed on the flight.

His flight was at 6:30 and Indiana -> Cali takes 4 hrs 10 minutes. He would have been awake from very early in the morning with Karen, gathering his stuff, and then driving to the airport with adequate time to check-in and board the plane. There isn’t a hope in hell of Karen letting him randomly cycle across town in the dark for an undetermined length of time just to pick some fucking flowers, lmao. There is a strong chance, however, that Karen, the romantic, let him buy flowers and a pen in the Indianapolis airport before boarding the flight. Maybe she even purchased them.

The kicker? The bouquet of flowers had a fancy, polished-looking greeting card attached, one professionally made.

There is something deliciously meta about those flowers. M*levens have adopted yellow and purple as a symbol of the relationship - even though Mike only wore those colours to please her when he was being ‘hokey’ and a ‘knock-off’, to quote Argyle and the costume designer. I’m not even sure El truly favours those colours, as she doesn’t wear them much and doesn’t have any notable items in those colours. For all we know, she was asked if she had any favourite colours and simply picked two that came to mind.

What’s more, it seems very likely that Mike simply lied to her about putting in the effort of getting them himself, and instead relied on something pre-made and commercial. It isn’t impossible that he picked them, however (though the timing is a mystery) - we are shown at the end of the season that the field outside Hopper’s cabin has very similar flowers. But those… well… those have their own implications

*talk about subtext lmao…

To finish, I want to share a delicious finding from @sapphicjopper on twitter from last may - the working name for st4 was Tareco. There’s a song called Tareco & Mariola, all about a girl who knows her lover isn’t right for her, who knows that she doesn’t need him, and who is leaving him - ‘it’s not you who will give me the spring, the beautiful flowers I dreamed of in summer’. It’s reminiscent of the opera Nina - about a woman waiting for her lover, not accepting that he won’t return and be how she desperately wants him to be.

[thatscarletflycatcher]

top 5 movie scenes 👀

Hi!

In no particular order:

Ian and Toula share a moment between their wedding and the reception in My Big Fat Greek Wedding

This is probably my favorite scene in the whole movie. It is the moment where despite all the differences of background and life experiences you know that Ian and Toula will be alright and will grow and learn together moving forward through whatever life throws at them. You can't say the scene is sexual, you cannot say it isn't sexual; it's full of tenderness and comfort and serenity, and you get the sense that they love the whole of each other. Romance peaked here. Positively criminal that I had to upload the clip myself because apparently no one has done this on Youtube? THE BETRAYAL.

George Bailey gets hit by the pharmacist in It's a Wonderful Life

This movie is well known as a tearjerker for a reason, but as a person who first watched it as an adult, this (3:30 onwards) was the scene that made sob my heart out. And it is very rare for a movie to make me cry like that. There's something about kid!George's goodness and the pain he's going through that just... wrecked me.

Burial at sea in Master and Commander: the Far Side of the World.

Master and Commander, no matter how much praise you get you'll never be overrated, and one could pick so many brilliant scenes from this movie, but this one in particular... it's something very difficult to describe about the way it shows this metaphor of the "slight veil" that both separates and unites life and death, the strength of the bonds created by life in a warship, and the ways in which grief and hope can reach us all across ranks. And it's also just an intensely beautiful and touching scene.

Anton Ego is chest-kicked in memory back to his childhood by Remy's ratatouille in Ratatouille

It's such an effective little moment, and it is seared in my brain as the first vivid experience in my mind of the power of cinema to provoke emotion, only reached in animation (for me) by the transformation scene in The Princess and the Frog, Eugene and Rapunzel's sacrifice scene in Tangled, and Mirabel and Alma's reconciliation in Encanto.

Jo has a an experience of grief and healing and writes Little Women in Little Women (1994)

It is no secret how much I love this movie XD but this moment in particular can be so personal. Jo goes up to put away Beth's last belongings, as a burial of sorts, in the deepest point of her grief for her sister and the dark realization that they will never be all together again in this world. But then, there in the garret where memories are stored in the objects that witnessed them, it's not death but life that she finds in the recollection of the love that made their lives growing up and made them them (it's not just that she writes, but that we hear with her the voices coming alive). And she writes to recordare, to pass all those things through her heart again, and as the season changes outside, so it changes inside as her mourning lessens (she's gone from black to light grey), and when she finishes her story and ties it up with a bow, she puts a flower, the same flower prof. Bhaer gave her, on it: she can now look forward to whatever the future brings her.

It captures the same feeling of Josh Groban's Awake to me, specially those last verses that go "and I will remember/oh, I will remember/all the love we shared today.". The 2017 adaptation also does something very similar, when a writer's blocked and grief stricken Jo goes to her father for advice, and he tells her to "sift down through your heart, through all the pain, and grief. There are words there. There's a woman there, and it is you. . say you were happy once. Say there was a laughter. Say it that is true." but we are talking movies today!

Anyways. Deeply meaningful scene to me about love and loss and what they make of us.

Ask me my top5/top10 anything!