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mortimemedoodles · 5 years

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Lotor Friendsim?

Hey yall, this isn't much I just took the mc of Homestuck-Friendsim and replaced them with Lotor bc I'm out here to have fun. without further ado, here.

You have just crash-landed on a planet called Alternia, and staggered from the smoldering wreckage of your ship. You don't recall how you found your way out of the quintessence field, but better here than there, you guess. You are now completely alone in a strange world. Desperate for information, for provisions, and possibly a bit of medical attention. But most of all, you are desperate for...

FRIENDSHIP?

Won't someone on this godforsaken rock be your buddy?

....Actually, no. You really are looking more for medical attention and provisions more than anything else. A buddy would be a good provider of these things, but really any weirdo will do. You're not that picky. You know more than anything that making friends can have disastrous side effects if you are not careful. You decided not to dwell on the series of events that lead you to be here and put voltron out of your mind. After all, your ship is ruined and you don't think you will be going anywhere any time soon. Best to look for help. Hang on... What's this now? Is someone approaching...?

Yes, someone is approaching! A strange, grey-skinned alien, clad in blue. Perhaps they will make for a good friend? You smooth out your hair and try to look half presentable despite your blatantly horrible wounds and burns.

ARDATA: dear god. ARDATA: and just what are you supposed to be? Your stammering reply eventually conveys that you are a lost traveler to keep this interaction simple, you also let her know you are hungry and probably in some need of medical treatment. You're also quite disoriented from your sudden landing in a strange new world and wouldn't mind making a new friend right now. ARDATA: oh. oh my. mmmmhmhm. ARDATA: hmhmhmhmhmhm... ARDATA: hmhmmhmmwahahahahahahaha. ARDATA: oh how funny thiiis iiis. how very droll. you... ARDATA: YOU want to be MY friiiend? ARDATA: iiit's too much. thiiis, thiiis THIIING at my doorstep, wiiishiiing to know me iiin any capaciiity. the hiiilariiity somehow escapes my abiiiliiity to capture wiiith maniiiacal laughter. how rare. You apologize for your presumptuous request. You replace your helmet, turn around, and begin to walk aw-

ARDATA: and just what the fuck do you thiiink you are doiiing? ARDATA: who iiinviiited you to leave?

You stop in your tracks, and turn to face her again. Your possibly broken ribs are throbbing in pain. But this does not strike you as the right moment to exhibit weakness. ARDATA: iiit dawns on me that we may have gotten off on the wrong saunterpod. where are my manners? ghastly behaviiior on my part. ARDATA: after all, iiit iiisn't YOUR fault you seem to be some sort of hiiideous freak, iiis iiit? and such a tragiiic creature cannot be held responsiiible for such a devastatiiing shortfall of sociiial competence. ARDATA: iii would weep for you, really. except that cryiiing out of three eyes at once gets a biiit messy. so iiinstead, iii thiiink iii'll be saviiing my tears for someone less offensiiively worthless. You... aren't sure if she's inviting you inside? Or if she just got you to stay a little longer, so she could insult you some more. You cant say youre fond of it, but after all that you have been through with voltron you cant say you feel you are above being criticized for many things. You try to remain stoic, while your confrontational new friend decides what to do with you. You have objectively been through much worst. Still you cant help but wince. Not only over your broken ribs but the stabbing pain of being abandoned once again. You would think this would be something you were used to by now. You sniffle slightly despite yourself. ARDATA: oh. ARDATA: oh my, oh dear. you're... ARDATA: sad? hmhmhmhm. ARDATA: hmhmhmwahaha. so amusiing to me. miiildly endeariiing, even? ARDATA: perhaps. iii'll decide later iiif iiit's endeariiing, once iii have more iiinformatiiion. iiit's entiiirely possiiible iii wiiill retroactiiively deciiide iiit's diiisgustiiing. ARDATA: but for now, try to put yourself at ease. you completely piiitiiiful fool. not one more sniiiffle. ARDATA: do you understand? You nod, while practicing exemplary control over your nose. ARDATA: you have gotten yourself so agiiitated. iii wonder why. you have nothiiing to worry about from me. ARDATA: of course iii wiiill be your friiiend. condiiitiiionally, iii mean. there iiis a chance the desiiignatiiion wiiill be formaliiized, iiif you behave iiin ways that iii approve of, startiiing now. ARDATA: let's call iiit a friiiendshiiip iiin progress. agreed? Your heart swells. This is what you've been waiting for. A new friend... oh gosh. All you have to do now is try not to fuck anything up at all, possibly for many hours. This seemed very good until you thought about it like that and now you really just want to leave. ARDATA: come iiinto my hiiive. thiiis way, after me. you look liiike you could use nouriiishment. ARDATA: iii don't know what iiit iiis that whatever you are eats, generally. but iiit doesn't matter. you wiiill eat whatever iiit iiis iii have on hand, iiif iii tell you to. how does that sound? How DOES it sound? It sounds good. I'll do whatever you say. You tell her. You can tell by her very unpleasant disposition that she is the type you want to speak with respect to to get what you want. God, its almost like your father decided to come back in the form of a strange looking teenaged girl.

ARDATA: obviiiously iiit sounds good. you wiiill defiiiniiitely enjoy it.

ARDATA: you wiiill enjoy everythiiing iii proviiide you wiiith, and tell you to do. iii can't iiimagiiine any sort of negatiiiviiity or diiisagreement comiiing from one of my friiiends.

ARDATA: iii wiiill assume that we share thiiis phiiilosophy, when iiit comes to friiiendshiiip?

You say, oh yes, absolutely. You nod as enthusiastically as you can, without aggravating your broken ribs. You resist the urge to roll your eyes into the back of your skull.

You consider giving her a thumbs up as well, until you realize one of your arms is probably broken too. You'll try to make sure she doesn't notice though. It would probably leave a bad impression.

ARDATA: come wiiith me. there's somethiiing iii need your help wiiith.

You follow her into her hive. It's a bit gloomy in here. You suppose she's going to fix you something to eat soon, as promised.

You pass through her kitchen, and... out the other side, to another room? Ok, you guess dinner can wait. Better not to piss her off and get kicked outbefore she can help you.

ARDATA: thiiis way. try not to let any of your broken liiimbs slow you down.

ARDATA: a good friiiend wouldn't allow such triiifliiing physiiical aiiilments cause me any iiinconveniiience.

Ah. Shes seen your injuries and does not intend to do anything to fix them. At least this is what you gather from your observation of her personality so far. You want to be angry but at the very least she has decided not to do something that would force you to work with your broken limbs. You are absolutely not in the mood to fight for example. You hobble a little faster, through another door into a much darker room. And now, down a flight of stairs?

It's hard to see. There are torches along the wall ahead. A monstrous noise rumbles below.

ARDATA: don't miiind her. she's just hungry. she's always hungry though.

ARDATA: what's that? you're hungry too? iii have not forgotten. what sort of piiiece of shiiit friiiend do you take me for?

You didn't remind her that you're hungry. You thought it though. Can she... read your mind? You hope not. That's going to make this friendship slash food excursion in progress a bit awkward. Not to mention that most of your thoughts on her thus far have been particularly kind.

ARDATA: here we are. thiiis iiis where you wiiill be most useful to me as a friiiend.

You look around. With a sense of relief, you see no sign of whatever hungry thing was grumbling down here. You are less relieved to see several other kids trapped in cages of various shape and size. If anything you are rather disgusted but decide to quickly clear your mind of that repulsion.

One of them makes eye contact with you.

The boy is the same kind of alien as her. Horns and all. He has a dark red symbol on his shirt. His expression seems to plead with you.

He struggles to say, "Hel..... p". Your new friend looks unamused and twitches her finger. "Hel... plo!" he says.

"Helplo. By which I mean, hello of course. Looks like you're the new friend in progress chosen by the great and beautiful Ardata."

"She's my savior, my reason for being. I am nothing without her. I'd hollow myself out and let her make a nest inside of me, if she'd permit it!"

You turn away from this boy. You don't want to hear anything he has to say, ever again.

ARDATA: hmhmhmmmm. don't miiind hiiim. he's always regarded hiiimself as a comediiian.

ARDATA: come. over here. thiiis iiis what iii need your help wiiith, iiif you're goiiing to have any value to me as a friiiend.

You're led to a dank corner of this, well, you're going to call it like you see it. This dungeon. Your new 'friend' has a dungeon full of sad, suffering children, and presumably a monster lurking somewhere in here as well. It's not ideal.

Then again, beggars like you can't be choosers. Not yet at least.

ARDATA: iii've been haviiing an awful tiiime wiiith iiit.

ARDATA: you can do iiit for me. iiit wiiill save me tiiime.

You look at the thing in question. You doubt she's been having an "awful time" with it. You doubt this because it's still in its box, looking completely untouched since it was brought down here.

It's a box containing a... table? A table that looks ominously like it was designed to keep a person strapped to its surface. You somehow find yourself missing the quintessence field looking at it.

ARDATA: iii wiiill need you to assemble iiit.

ARDATA: here's a screwdriiiver, iiin case you need iiit. iii wiiill assume other requiiired tools are contaiiined wiiithiiin the box.

You take the screwdriver with your non-broken arm. This isn't exactly what you had in mind, but you cant say its unexpected in hindsight.

You don't know what you had in mind, really. A warm meal, and friendly banter? Perhaps a sling for your arm, and a remedial balm for your ribs. Still, you open the box without protest.

ARDATA: hold on. before you start, thiiis wiiill make for excellent content.

ARDATA: my fans wiiill appreciiiate thiiis.

She sets up a video recording device on a tripod, and points it at you. A video feed comes to life on several monitors just behind you. You see in one corner of a screen, an unflattering angle of your torso hunched over the furniture box.

Other rectangles contain shots of the other kids in cages around the room. You suppose cameras are pointing at them, too. You had no idea this so called friendship came with the perk of instant stardom. Fucking fantastic.

ARDATA: now you may begiiin.

She's suddenly sitting in a comfortable looking chair facing you, and holding a chalice, swishing around some viscous liquid it contains.

You have all the parts spread out on the floor, organized according to their labels in the instructions.

You remember the last time you assembled something like this. You don't recall enjoying it. To be perfectly honest... this doesn't look like it will be fun at all. She frowns conspicuously.

ARDATA: oh. how sad for you.

ARDATA: iii'm sorry. iiis thiiis actiiiviiity not to your liiikiiing?

You reassure her vigorously that, no, it actually looks amazing. You love shit like this. It's what you were born for, you say, as you swoosh the screwdriver around, demonstrating your plainly evident skill with the tool.

Forget the thing you just thought. Completely arbitrary and WRONG thoughts pop into your head all the time. It meant nothing, you swear.

ARDATA: mmmhmhmhm.

ARDATA: yes. iii hear that a lot.

ARDATA: contiiinue.

You open the little bag full of screws. goodness, there are about, fifty screws to this thing. Where could most of these screws POSSIBLY even go? Judging from the picture, the table really doesn't seem that complicated.

You look at your screwdriver, then study the screws. Every single one requires some sort of wrench. Does this even come with a wrench? The instructions seem to suggest it does.

You look around, but don't see one. Did you open the bag too forcefully? Did the wrench go bouncing off into a dark dungeon crevice nearby? Maybe you lost some of the screws too... damn it.

You hold back a sigh and look around curiously. You check underneath one of the parts. No, it's not under there. You grip the screwdriver a little tighter to fight back frustration.

You wonder what to do next.

> Get the hell out of there.

First, you clear your head and try to think innocent thoughts.

Altea. your lovely little cat Kova. Your trip to Oriande. Ardata's long black hair spilling over her cloak. Her tripping down the stairs and breaking a horn. Her...wait. These are NOT innocent thoughts. If anything theyre more likely to make her want to berate you again for imagining such foolish things. Shut it down. SHUT IT DOWN.

There's no time for thinking. You have to act. You hurl the screwdriver at her and run.

She calmly lifts a hand towards one of the kids in the cages. The kid tenses up and lifts a hand in the direction of the screwdriver. The screwdriver freezes mid-air, right in front of Ardata's head.

You run up the stairs. She twitches a finger, the caged kid does a full body spasm, and the screwdriver goes sailing toward you. It stabs deep into your leg, and you buckle over, tumbling backwards down the stairs.

You're a crumpled heap at the bottom of the stairs, bleeding, and you think your arm is broken in two places now.

ARDATA: that diiidn't seem very friiiendly to me.

ARDATA: luckiiily for you, iii'm very determiiined to make relatiiionshiiips work.

ARDATA: even ones wiiith people who flee siiimple furniiiture assembly projects.

She stands over you. You attempt to pull the screwdriver out of your leg, but your entire body locks up. You can't move. She holds an outstretched hand just above you.

ARDATA: you shouldn't try to move yet.

ARDATA: and you certaiiinly shouldn't try to pull out that screwdriiiver. you'll get blood everywhere.

ARDATA: to my three liiittle eyes, under the present condiiitiiions, iiit seems to me that only one of us should attempt walkiiing up these staiiirs.

You feel somewhat relieved. Perhaps she has some... alien means of levitating you up the stairs? Wait... no. That doesnt sound like something she would do.

Your body is tensing up again. It's moving without your permission. You get to your feet, without taking the screwdriver out. Wow that hurts. What is she making you... wait. What? She can't be. There are many things she could be doing to you right now in your mind, but surely she doesnt intend to..?

You use both of your arms, and all your strength, and pick her up entirely. The pain from your arm is excruciating. Arms with broken bones are not meant for heavy lifting. The additional weight on your wounded leg isn't great either. Wonderful.

You hold her as a groom would hold a bride. She wraps her arms around your neck, to hang on to you in what strikes you as an overly familiar manner. She looks directly into your eyes, and grins.

ARDATA: thiii2 iii2 better.

ARDATA: now. onward and upward, new friiiend.

ARDATA: mmmwahahahaha.

Your legs begin to operate without your consent. They wobble and struggle under the weight, the wound throbs. You lumber back up the long flight of stairs, carrying her all the way.

You take her back to the kitchen and set her down in a chair seated at a table.

ARDATA: you diiidn't thiiink iii'd forget about diiinner tiiime, diiid you?

ARDATA: let's put your unfriiiendly behaviiior behiiind us. iiit's a good thiiing for you that iii'm benevolent enough to overlook diiisgustiiing acts of betrayal.

ARDATA: you may have notiiiced iii keep several friiiends iiin my hiiive who iii have siiimiiilarly forgiiiven.

ARDATA: consiiider the transgressiiion blood beneath the abattoiiir.

You exhale. Now that she mentions it, yes, you are hungry. Somehow you feel this is not going to end well for you, but you also know that thinking negativly is not going to make things better either.

Maybe a warm meal, if you even get it, will lift your spirits and get this heretofore turbulent friendship back on track. Maybe you'll even get the chance to pull this screwdriver out of your leg.

You pull out a chair and attempt to sit down. But your legs lock up, and then you stand again. Apparently this was not the right thing to do. As you expected, but you tried to have hope.

ARDATA: oh. but why are you siiittiiing?

ARDATA: there's cookiiing to be done.

Of course this is happening. You stagger mechanically over to the fridge, and open it. You pull out a large hock of some sort of alien mystery meat, and put it on the counter.

With your broken arm, you reach in anguish for a big dangling meat cleaver. You chop the hock, wincing with each swing of the cleaver.

You didn't know that's the way she likes it, but you surmise this is what she prefers in a piece of meat, since technically she is the one doing the cooking.

You put it on the table in front of her, along with a fork and knife beside it. Your muscles relax, as you apparently are allowed to control your own body again. She does nothing, except look at you with a pleased expression.

You eye the meat in front of her. Then the meat on the counter. And the chair on the other side of the table.

What should you do? Prepare a plate for yourself? Is that what she wants you to do? You hope it is but you know its not.

ARDATA: well?

ARDATA: iiit looks liiike you're confused.

ARDATA: iiisn't iiit obviiious what to do next, under your own voliiitiiion?

ARDATA: a good friiiend would know what to do. iiin fact, iii don't thiiink a good friiiend would take nearly as long to deciiide what the riiight thiiing to do next iiis.

ARDATA: iiit actually seems to me that a very rude friiiend would hesiiitate for as long as you are hesiiitatiiing.

ARDATA: or perhaps. someone who iiis not a friiiend at all?

You hold back on sighing again. You clearly don't have much time to make up your mind. If you wait for even a few seconds longer, you will probably be guilty of being a bad friend. Maybe even a dreadful one.

you are already neck deep in this and going through this hell for nothing seems pointless to you now.

What will you do?

> Feed her.

This feels like the only obvious thing to do. She is looking up at you quite expectantly. You reach for the fork with your good arm. You go for the knife with your other... ow.

You can't do it. The arm is much less serviceable when the muscles are not being forced via psychic override to disregard the pain response.

Nevertheless, she looks at you patiently and smiles. That's nice for you, you think, for her not to be mad about it. You feel like you're pleasing your new friend more and more by the minute.

You put the fork down, and pick up the knife with your good arm. You cut the meat into several pieces with a careful sawing motion.

You put the knife down and pick up the fork, and stab a piece. You put it close to her mouth. She seems pleased.

ARDATA: very good. niiice techniiique.

ARDATA: well siiized morsels, too.

She chews the meat with excellent form. She has very good table manners, you think. When she finishes the pieces, you slice off some more, and continue.

The meat looks very good. Your mouth is watering, but she doesn't offer any. Oh well, when it's the right time for you to eat too, you're sure she will let you know.

The meal is finished. There is no more meat, except for a few pieces of unchewable gristle, which you did not try to feed her. That would be thoughtless, very bad service.

She reclines, and steeples her fingers, looking quite pleased with how her evening has gone so far.

ARDATA: mhmhmhmhmhm.

You aren't sure why she's laughing. Does she have more cruelty up her sleeve shes ready to dish out?

ARDATA: mwahahahaha.

ARDATA: oh my. hahahaha.

ARDATA: what a fool.

You point at yourself, wondering if she's referring to you. You don't know what you've done that was foolish, if so. You're also still not sure what she finds so amusing.

ARDATA: hahahahaha.

ARDATA: hahahaha.

ARDATA: mmha. haha.

ARDATA: ha.

ARDATA: ...

She pauses her laughter for a minute or two. Then slowly begins to frown. A faint blue tear rolls down her cheek, from her bottom eye.

ARDATA: the truth iiis. iii don't even know why iii'm laughiiing.

ARDATA: thiiis iiisn't very funny, what's happeniiing here.

ARDATA: iiit was a good diiinner. you diiid a good job. whoever you are.

She puts her face in both of her hands, and sobs quietly. You have no idea what to do about this. You stand there, still holding the fork, feeling a bit useless. Shes tortured you horribly but you can see shes still just a teenager. You feel a little bad watching this.

ARDATA: there iiis a lot of pressure, you know.

ARDATA: beiiing so respected and admiiired for your hiiigh status iiin thiiis world.

ARDATA: iii diiidn't ask for thiiis. to be so superiiior to so many.

ARDATA: much iiis expected of you. much iiis presumed about what your personaliiity wiiill be, before you even develop one.

ARDATA: you work hard. and buiiild a brand. based only on what you thiiink people assume you should be liiike.

ARDATA: sometiiimes iii wonder. am iii even that GOOD at beiiing siiiniiister?

ARDATA: could iii be MORE siiiniiister, iiif iii triiied harder?

ARDATA: maybe thiiis iiis not my true calliiing after all.

You begin to offer words of sympathy. This all seems heartbreaking to you. this child needs some sort of support you think. But your jaw muscles contract, and your mouth shuts involuntarily.

You guess it's not your turn to speak yet? Fine, that works for you. You dont really know what to say anyways.

ARDATA: but what would happen iiif iii changed my brand? iiif iii stopped beiiing so siiiniiister onliiine?

ARDATA: my friiiends and followers wiiill deriiide and reject me.

ARDATA: and my superiiiors wiiill eat me aliiive.

ARDATA: iiif iii show weakness. iiif iii scale back on my bloodthiiirsty content.

ARDATA: wiiill iii iiincur the scorn of a wiiise ass clown wiiith a hundred miiilliiion subscriiibers?

ARDATA: wiiill iii be iiin a cage some day. liiisteniiing to a fuckiiing fool honk hiiis horn for liiikes?

ARDATA: no. iii must persiiist.

ARDATA: how lonely iiit iiis to know thiiis iiis all iii can do, untiiil the day iii leave thiiis planet.

ARDATA: iii have no materiiial or sensory comforts left for me here.

ARDATA: untiiil iii can get on a shiiip and fly away. paiiin iiis my only solace.

Your hand holding the fork grips it tighter. You're horrified to realize what it is in the process of doing.

You bring it down hard on her hand which is placed flat on the table. She doesn't flinch, or react in any way. Three trails of cerulean blood flow from the tines where they pierce her skin.

That wasn't very friendly, you think. You expected her anger from that. But then, you weren't the one who did it, were you? You're so confused.

ARDATA: my subscriiibers are not real friiiends.

ARDATA: they adore me only for my siiiniiister content. the show iii proviiide. my wiiicked, iiinfectiiious laughter.

ARDATA: iii get jealous of them someiiimes, because they get to watch my content. iiit must be thriiilliiing, iii thiiink. but maybe...

ARDATA: iii'm just jealous of them because they get to be people who aren't me?

ARDATA: thiiis iiis fucking deep. iii know. apologiiies iiif you cannot relate.

She pulls the fork out of her hand, and lays it gently on the plate of gristle you didn't feed her.

ARDATA: the people downstaiiirs iiin theiiir cages aren't my friiiends eiiither.

ARDATA: they act liiike they're my friiiends though. and sometiiimes, iii even beliiieve iiit.

ARDATA: but they don't really want to be friiiends wiiith me.

ARDATA: nobody does.

ARDATA: the only person who has ever really wanted to be my friiiend. who's ever TRIIIED to be...

ARDATA: iiis you?

You clear your throat, and point to yourself innocently.

ARDATA: that's iiit. iii've deciiided.

ARDATA: you have passed the test.

ARDATA: you wiiill become my friiiend. offiiiciiially.

ARDATA: as such, iii thiiink a reward iiis iiin order.

You are overjoyed. Your heart starts racing. You can't believe it. A new REAL FRIEND. You hope this means the hell shes put you through is over. But you don't have much time to enjoy this achievement. Your body is doing something again.

You bend down in a strained motion and pick up the plate and fork. You position the plate over your wide open mouth, and scrape in all the remaining gristle, and begin chewing.

It's virtually inedible. Your mouth humors the act of chewing for two seconds, and then you swallow all of it whole, in one painful gulp.

Tastes like friendship.

#voltron #homestuck #fic #i guess? i just found a transcript of friendsim and edited it #a bit #lotor #ardata #im gonna #do a few of these #i guess

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