#[and the angaran love never stops ehehe]

[do-i-love-jaal-today]

   Hel-lo, darling ones! Aki here. Wanted to say some stuff, since I know I’ve been on and off here lately...

   First off, I have quite a few asks for imagines~! Super excited to get to them, but do know it’s been super slow for me, here, on account of a lot of IRL stuff that’s sapped my energy. (We’ll get into that in a moment.)

   Secondly... I wanted to do a far overdo gush post for everyone who follows and interacts with this blog.

   It continuously amazes me how much support this silly little thing gets. We’re nearing 2k followers and... I never thought I’d get these sorta numbers off of, “Do I love Jaal today?! Let’s find out!!” (I’m terrible at consistency, but I think it helps that I knew that ahead of time and opened up fics/headcanons, as well as rb’d art... The community already does so much! Gotta pay it back somehow, right?)

   I’m both delighted and exasperated (in a warm way!!) whenever I see the notifs for this blog blow up. It brings me so, so much joy to see people not only still love ME: Andromeda, but also Jaal and the angara in general! I sincerely hope we’ll someday see more of them...

   Here’s to hoping, what with an upcoming revisit to the Milky Way! (...I can desperately hope, at least.)

   Which leaves... IRL stuff. I’ll put it under the cut, as it’s pretty heavy stuff. [warnings for transphobia, homophobia, mentions of racism, and heavy depression]

   So... As of November of 2020, I left home. Not of my own will; I’m nonbinary, as well as DemiPan, and while my mother sort-of supported me... Her current husband, my stepdad, very much did not. He didn’t know fully what was going on, but he apparently got an inkling when his grandmother told him something was “wrong with me.” (I posted on Facebook about coming out, as well as talking about what each bit of my identity meant. I honestly did it in an attempt to tank familial relationships, as I had an inkling I wasn’t going to receive the support I dearly needed.)

   He’s an incredibly hateful man who- like most- defends this with religion. All others are wrong, bad, and evil. POC are making up stories about what they go through. Trans people have something wrong with them...and he simply does not believe gay people are pure. (So insert the age-old, “sinful gays,” line.)

   I have a boyfriend irl. He was able to make sure I was fed, when they didn’t. Made sure I was safe when I was breaking to pieces. I stayed over at his house for sleep, instead of in my own bed as much as possible. I didn’t see “home” as a place with family; it was wherever my boyfriend was, because I couldn’t stand to be in that hateful house, with a mother who overlooked the behavior right in front of her (because it “wasn’t as bad” as her relationship w/ my dad), and a bunch of children who deserved much better.....and I was terrified to gamble their safety on CPS. (I was made 3rd parent, being the eldest child.)

   So... November, I brought up more issues from stepdad. Mother defended him, basically. (As well as told me- to my face- that singular they/them pronouns don’t make sense. It’s only for plural, isn’t it?) I got super upset and emotional... Made worse by stepdad joining in and saying exactly what I thought he’d say.

   My boyfriend got me after work, I later gathered up my stuff (and then that stuff got stolen from the trunk of his car), and...I left. Never went back to live; only to continue picking up my stuff. We don’t have an apartment yet, and I’m just lucky his dad was okay with me staying with them.

   ...I wish that was the end of it.

   My dad has been a big help making the starting transfer over to adult life, especially as...nowhere I want to work at wants to hire me. But, I do have a phone, thanks to him. And am now able to contact my half-sisters.

   ...The older of the three coming out to me as bisexual (though she admits she might be pan?) and how things have gotten worse. Her dad- stepdad to me- told her to throw away LGBT+ books she bought; she had to sneak them out of the trash after he went to bed. She’s still not eating well. (As I did when I was there.) Her depression is fully apparent; her dad is unsupportive, mom still doing nothing to help, and even her own two sisters have started seeing things his way and don’t like who the older sister is.

   I...can’t do anything to help her aside from be around and it honestly hurts. Because I want to do more for her and I can’t. (I even tried encouraging them- all three kids- to be more open-minded when I was there; showing them SU and She-Ra to try to introduce those thoughts to them, since no one else was going to...)

   So.... Yeah. The explanation of why I haven’t been as active here, alongside of never getting the chance to finish ME: Andromeda for myself. I’ve been horribly burnt out from the pandemic, and then this happened along with it all... It’s been a blow that’s been so hard to recover from.

   And I don’t know how to even begin asking for help, so...I figured I’d write this. If you read this far, thank you so very, very much.

   It’s a lot. I know. I need therapy for all this, but my insurance is gone and idk what that means for me now. I’m trying to figure it out...

   But I guess if I was going to close this off on anything? Please take care of yourselves. Check in with friends, if you can. Try to not bottle up too much. No matter what anyone else says, you’re a lovely person and deserve so many kind, nice things.

   Look out for each other. Stay strong, and clear.