#[If you'd like something else gimme a shout]

[kurogane2512]

Hi!, Can i ask for Nsfw Fem Chief x Nightingale(both from ptn)

Hope you have a nice day and Thank you!

Yes yes gimme more ptn come out ptn fandom I'm craving the mommies <3

Playable Nightingale when AISNO?!

(18+) NSFW CONTENT MDNI

Game: Path to Nowhere

Characters: Nightingale x Fem!chief

Type: Smut + Fluff (fingering, strap usage, table sex, kissing, top chief and bottom nightingale)

You let out a sigh as you rested back on your chair, throwing away the pen in your hand. Working on countless documents since morning gets tiring enough, then there's the occasional 'incidents' the Sinners create throughout the day that demand your interference. You thought you'd be out on the field all day battling Mania crisis but no, your job profile was much bigger.

"Chief, I suggest you to take a break."

A familiar sweet voice called out from above, making you open your eyes and find Adjutant Nightingale behind your chair, gazing down at you. She then moved to your right side and cleared some of the documents to put down a glass of water.

"There aren't many documents left now, you can go to the recreation area and freshen up and meanwhile I'll complete these."

Nightingale suggested, turning around to keep the completed documents in the shelf. You watched her work and your gaze trailed down towards her plump ass, your face turning red at the sight. You then cleared your throat and stood up, calling out to her.

"How about....you help me destress? Like the way we do?~"

She immediately understood what you meant and stopped her work to turn to look at you, expression as serious as always.

"Understood, Chief. It would be my honor."

She walked up to you and removed her cap, you raised your hand to cup her face and lean in for a gentle kiss that soon turned heated and passionate, your tongues interlocking. She then suddenly kneeled down in front of you and moved her hands towards your pant button but you stopped her.

"Wait, Nightingale, not this way."

"What do you mean, Chief? Don't you want me to relieve you?"

"I do but....I want to do something else."

"As you say, Chief. Please guide me, I'll do everything in my power to make you feel good."

"Then, take off your clothes and lie down on the table facing me."

Slightly surprised at the order, she did as told and swiftly discarded her clothes then leaned on your table, face slightly red.

"C-Chief, it's unfair if only I'm unclothed...."

She mumbled and you quickly unbuttoned your shirt then took off your pants before opening one of the drawers, taking out a strap and hastily putting it on. Nightingale anticipated what was to come, it was one of those rare times when you took on this role but it was the first time you did it as a way to relieve stress in your office.

You smirked and approached her, causing her to lean on the table more. You grabbed her breasts and began fondling them while kissing down her neck, leaving wet kisses and red marks. She slightly moaned, not loud enough for you. You fondled her breasts more then attached your mouth to her hardened left nipple, sucking it.

She threw her head back at the sensations, voice gradually growing louder. She felt the strap rub between her thighs, grinding on her core. She grabbed your shoulders as you continued sucking, nibbling gently with your teeth while she moved against the strap, hoping for friction.

"Aren't you impatient, Adjutant?~"

"C-Chief~ How is....mhm~ How is this relieving your stre-AAH~"

She gasped as you suddenly inserted your fingers inside her, scissoring them deeply and gathering her juices. She hugged you closely, burying her face in your face and softly moaning in your ear.

"I....s-should be the one to....pleasure you, C-Chief!~"

"I have many ways of entertainment, Adjutant."

You took out your fingers and quickly turned her around, pushing her down on the table and grabbing her butt before rubbing the tip against her hole.

"One of them is....this!"

You thrusted into her with no warning, a pleasured shout echoing in the office. You set a slow and deep pace at first, to get her impatient and whine for it, that's what you wanted to hear.

"Sing for me, my Nightingale~"

Her face flushed at your demand, you dig your fingers into her butt as you fastened your pace now, thrusting into her deep and fast. She held on to the edge of the table, her juices flowed down her thighs and her voice was uncontrollable now. This was music to your ears; the sound of your skin slapping against hers, the squelching sounds of her core as your strap plunged deep and her melodic voice— you could hear this all day.

"Aaah!~ Chief....chief....p-please....slow down....aaahn!~"

"I know you like this, let me look at your face."

You stopped for a moment to turn her over before immediately pushing inside again, holding one leg up as you thrusted with no mercy again. Her boobs jiggled in front of you with each thrust, her hands desperately trying to grab something before wrapping around your neck and holding you. You pushed her further in and made her arch up, eyes rolling to the back of her head as she came all over you.

"This is my best stress reliever, Adjutant~"

She breathed out and nodded in understanding; it seems your stress relieving sessions were going to change greatly from now on.

[rae-redacted]

5, 28, and 34 if you'd like to/are up for answering (have a great day!)

5. What made you start your blog?

Oh man out something cringey like hetalia but maybe something anime related

28. Do you collect anything?

Hobbies. I have more stuff for more hobbies that I've picked up for a hot second before losing interest. That said, I rotate through my hobbies pretty regularly.

Other than that, I don't really collect anything. When I was little I used to collect little ceramic animal figurines. And of course I used to collect the ubiquitous beanie babies and Pokemon cards.

34. Any pet peeves?

TOO MANY!

Talking over other people--i can be guilty of this because I suck at gauging breaks in conversation (especially on the phone), but when people just consistently plow over others I just get put off.

Not using a turn signal and any other traffic infraction. Though much of what I witness is dangerous and illegal so they probably rise to a level higher than mere pet peeve.

Standing too close while in line. gimme space!!!

Students being too loud in the common studio area. There were a few kids in another cohort who consistently shouted and whooped and hollared for extended periods. I use noise cancelling headphones and still had to turn my music up much too high just to drown them out. It's just rude to everyone else trying to work.

People who don't clean up after themselves. There's a microwave in our building which is filthy and I shudder to think how many people exploded a meal and didn't clean it up. Things like that.

I know there are more but it's 3:30am 😅

Thanks for asking!

[ajmargera]

The last hcs were so good🥺 sorry for another request, but could you do hcs of hanging out on the roof w bam at night pls?

Do not apolosges I'd love too. Thank you so much x

-----------------------

' Yn you are grounded' your dad said as you walked in youe front door. ' what why? ' you questioned. 'Beasue you got into a fight at school and got suspended'he said raising his voice. 'Why. I only fought her because she was making fun of me' you said matching his tone. 'I don't want to hear tour excuses go to your room' 'no i-' ' YN GO TO YOUR ROOM NOW' you quickly got up your stairs. 'Bastard'you whispered slamming your bedroom door.

*knock knock* ' What' you replied. ' hey yn, it's me. I've got bam on my phone asking for you' your sister lyla said. ' Come in' you replied getting up from your bed. 'Here'she passed you her phone. ' Hey bam what's up?' You asked your best friend. ' hey yn, what your punishment for fighting Ruby?' He asked, you could hear his shit eating grin from the side of his phone. 'Your a bastard margera' ' I'm grounded. My dad's pretty pissed' 'ahh fuck' he replied. ' why' 'I just got a crate of beer of jess and I was going to ask ryan to help me finish but he's still grounded for telling his mom to fuck off' you and him laughed. ' Well I'd love to come and get shit faced with you but I'm grounded bam and if I get caught being drunk again I'm going to be in even more trouble' you replied. ' awww please, can you not get lyla to cover for you ?' You sighed. Whenever you were to sneak out you'd always get your sister to cover for you. 'Right one sec bam' 'lylaa' you sang. 'What do you want dipshit?' She questioned. 'Hey just cos your older doesn't mean you can call me that' you said. ' what d'you want yn?' She questioned re entering your room. ' could you mabye-' she cut you off 'yes I will cover for you but you've gotta do something in return' ' how much do you want I'll get bam to get some when he's on his way' you stated. ' just one please' she said. You picked her phone back up 'bam you there?' ' course I am' 'could you gey lyla a joint it's her payment for covering for me' you asked hoping for a yes. ' Yeah course I can' 'Alright well when are you coming' you asked him. '30 minutes gotta wait for ape to go to bed' ' Alright ill see you then bye' ' bye yn' you hung up your phone and handed back to your sister. 'You getting me some?' She questioned 'yes lyla. I'll come give ut you in like 30 minutes when bam gets here but in the mean time piss off' 'Screw you' she said shutting your door. 'FUCK YOU'you shouted throwing a pillow hitting the back of your door. You could hear your sister walk own the hall quietly. You left your bed and changed your clothes.

30 minutes later

You heard a knock on your window. You opened your curtains to be met by the face of your best friend bam. 'He bam'you said once your window was open. ' hey cutie, how's your night going'he asked. ' I will push you off my window if you carry on flirting margera'you said laughing. 'Oh come on its fun' he said smirking. 'Just fuck off. You got lylas joint?' 'Yeah here it is' he reached into his pocket and gave you a joint in and empty water bottle. 'Seriously'you said taking the bottle off hin. 'Hey leave me alone its the only thing I had and if ape finds out I've had weed on me again she'll kill me' he said laughing. ' gimme a minute I'm going to give this to lyla'

You walked out of your room as quietly as you could hoping not to wake your dad up. You lightly knocked on your sisters door and she quickly opened it. 'Here' you said handing her the water bottle'' seriously a fucking water bottle's said looking at it with a bewildered look. ' don't go there's out said laughing. ' Right be responsible, I'll cover for you but if your nit back by 6 I can't help you' she said. 'Yeah I know, thanks for this lyla' you said to your sister. 'Well what else am I here for?' She laughed. 'Bye yn' 'bye lyla'.

You quickly and quietly walked back to your room. When you shut the door you saw bam sat on your bed playing with your Teddy. 'Who invited you in margera?' You questioned grabbing your Teddy off him. ' Well I got bored waiting outside for you. What took you so long' he questioned standing up form your bed. 'I was talking but fuck that let's go' you said. First bam climbed out of your window quickly followed by you .

'So where we going then' you questioned taking a sip of your beer. ' Were going to the school' he said walking a head off you. 'Why?' You questioned 'Cos we're going to watch the sunrise' he said turning around to smile at you.

After about 40 minutes of walking and about 3 beers each you eventually made it to your school. You made your way round the back of it to climb the roof. ' don't drop the fucking box bam'you said as you watching your best friend climb up the ladder. ' hey I wouldn't, but if I call will you catch me?' He looked down waiting your response. 'Bam I can't walk in a straight line you think I can catch you' you laughed finding yourself hilarious. ' I forgot how much of a lightweight you are'he said shouting down from the roof. You flipped him off.

Once you were on the roof you and bam sat down and had your 4th beer. ' how's the editing of the film going then you said resting your head on his shoulder. 'It's good, should be down by the end of the month' he said putting his hand around you. ' you rember that skit you did with dico when you pretend to get hit by his car' he asked looking down at you. ' Yeah course I do that's the day we got arrested' you said giggling. ' Yeah well I've put that in the movie and the bit where you tired to do an Olli for the first time''hey that's not fair, it wasn't my first time. I was just drunk you said finishing the rest of your beer. ' when are you not' he laughed. You hit him. ' not fair bammy'you said hitting him. You both laughed.

' hey only an hour till sunrise, what you wanna do ?' He asked looking at you on the floor. 'I don't know. Is there anymore beer?' You asked. 'No you dick you drank it all' he said laughing. ' hey you helped'.

At around 4 30 the sun had fully risen and you and bam made your way back to your house. It took around an hour to walk back given as the two of you were both very very drunk. Turns out you are a lightweight. ' this was fun'you said as you got to the bottom of your bedroom window. 'Yeah it was, Ryan's ungrounded today we could do it again tonite if you want'he said ' it's a date margera'you said hugging him. You started climbing up your garage roof so you could climb back through your window. ' hey bam catch me if I fall' you joked. ' yn I can't even walk in a straight line' both laughed. When you got back through your window you looked down at your friend. 'Bye bammy' you said waving. ' bye cutie' he waved back and started stumbling in the direction of his house. When he was out of sight of your window you got into your bed and went to sleep hoping your dad didn't know you where gone all night.

[nochi-quinn]

legend of vox machina watch party episodes 10-12: non-fungible thordak

"she's not having any of our shit tonight"

did matt get a haircut

"you're not leaving 'til 2 am, bitch"

"are you a vampire coven?" "if taliesin were here we could talk about it"

episode 10 act 4 part 3

"this is where we forgot to draw the city"

liam fangirling his own show

"OPE he lost his fingers"

"stop SPOILING. there's gonna be ACTION in the show."

"the tree piece in this game is really OP"

"shitty vox machina came in to ruin their Warhammer game"

"I forget which animals are fused with humans."

"shut UP matt"

"shout out - oh shit he's in the room"

"you slapped porkchops for like hours"

why does that sound like a euphemism

"I feel like that'd be it for me"

"matt mercer is mean!" "I didn't spend hours building those toothpick barricades for nothing!"

"that's why we named her pike"

"is there no basement? there is not"

bassment

I love how much they love their show. I know I was poking at liam earlier but it genuinely is so charming

"same arrow! that's called being responsible"

phil defending his poor herdsmen

"you guys are VIOLENT"

"TOP ROPE"

"spoilers!" maybe it'll be different on my screen

"and they were correct"

I FORGOT HE ONLY HAD ONE HITPOINT

recklegreweapomastah

"you sound like you've had your ass kicked" environmental storytelling

"there's a z-pack in there somewhere"

"zanror, needlessly hot" liam is fully horny on main tonight

"are they brothers like neptune and uranus were cousins"

"but I was born in canada"

"I actually had to shit myself for that line" "we all did"

"it's fun! and also disgusting!"

"let's not psychoanalyze me tonight"

"keyleth is the cutest" glad we're all in agreement

matt is all of us

"get a JOB leave him ALONE"

"she's bullying vax" "you're not wrong"

"he's doing the whole band" how else are you gonna get backstage

"we had to cut things from other episodes to get in 'at dawn we plan'" good

you are now Neutral with The Herd

release the underwear bible

"it is a square"

"you know what's weird? watching this scene with your kids"

"HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THIS" "it was very difficult"

"did you have to have a talk about bondage and safety?!"

"we have…DIFFERENT PARENTING STYLES"

COLOR SCRIPT COFFEE TABLE BOOK

GIMME

that's a cool band logo

oh NO

matt broke all over again

listen sometimes you just have to have a mental breakdown, it's good for your mental health

"we asked! we forgot."

"turkey vulture!"

"in a week we can talk about it. …something else bad will happen by then." my life for the past year and a half

sam: let me make this as awkward as possible so it can only get better from here

"you write a creepy thing and you feel guilty about it" "critical role"

the writers were on top of that one

"we talk all the time you guys"

"none of this should be happening"

"see, now chat's mad at you"

SAM

THAT was liam?!

I'm turning in my voice actor fan card

"you're gonna be the guy they hit"

the fact that he wasn't doing a low bass was why I didn't clock him tbh

"take that, vegeta"

EPISODE ELEVEN

"seventy-five!" "eighty-three!" "hike!"

OH the mugs!

samuel

"beautiful nonsense scene"

travis slapping sam's hand away from the edits

"what you did is bad!"

"THIS IS A GOOD SHOW"

"I'm sure it's fine"

"this is taliesin's front yard, actually"

"look what they did to my boy"

"campaign 4 reference, shh"

"kiss him, vax"

I looked up the show sam and liam referenced, it aired 92-93. I was 4.

umbrasyl listens to linkin park, it's canon

"he's a lot less menacing if you think of him as a whiny kid" there's a lot of that in that last fight

"award-winning awkwardness"

"ashley did not have to act here"

"I think taliesin wrote some of this bullshit"

"if you'd stop FEEDING THEM"

"cut my heart out" liam gets me

"blood pools are my kink"

"it's capri-sun, it's fine"

"it's a discotek at night"

"I've had this dream" I have been blessed to not have drowning dreams, if that changes now I'm fighting matt in the street

between the two of them liam and courtenay voiced half of new vegas

matt drop the raven queen lore

matt you have to tell sam's kids it's the law

"is it YOU?"

not the creepy cg mask

"he's just a little dork!" accurate

percy 100% would have been a train nerd

why did liam's mic pick up him knocking on his head so clearly

very cool that they built the trap in 3d

"this is basically a documentary"

"HO DAMN"

"he goes INVISIBLE?!"

phil with the list of the names

that, that "can't hit what you can't see" felt very adolescent to me

"some said longer, some said shorter" "we disregarded both!"

"the only episode this season where we end on a cliffhanger"

"episode 47 down"

travis I heard you echo that "duty"

remembering that liam went through all of this while dealing with his mother's death

matt: like comment and subscribe

"if you don't do it you'll turn into a squidface" "that's season 3"

"for some people that's a plus"

I don't know why I like the phrasing "deity version" so much

"there's love there!"

the way he says "conversations" means those two have definitely had at least one fistfight over canon

DARGINS

weasel dragon

Dragon Department

CEO of Dragons

I want "Dragon Team" on my resume

"because percy invented the metric system"

"it's canon now"

17 de Rolos

UMBRASSYL

"chat wants you to show - " "your muscles"

"I practice in the car so my neighbors don't call 911"

EPISODE TWELVE

hope devouwewer

"I want a pink dragon that spits out glitter"

"back inside that bad dragon" liam no

watch out for that treeeee

"but HOW THOUGH" sam gets me

"always bring a healer" stares at laura

"when the raven from the opening went by I fell out of the chair"

"you don't have to choose one" mica/percy/vax polycule

embiggened vestige

umbrasyl on 3G

"YOU'RE NOT MY DAD"

travis keeps catching himself from saying "d&d" and says "ttrpg"

"that's just liam just talking to me"

"kiss her you fool"

scanlan as paul rudd makes 100% sense and I hate it

"RUDE. UNNECCESARY. didn't have to do it and did it anyway"

vex can't feel vax bc gatshadow's made of lead

"ancient dragon, he can do what he wants"

"we had another ending in case we didn't get a season 3 where scanlan ran and everyone died" "whAT?"

"why would you DO THAT TO ME"

liam stop saying bad dragon

"ANIME YELL"

to make an omelette you have to crack a few scanlans

"that's a scrabble word"

"the theme….but slow"

"it's all hue lights"

wait WHAT

rewatches every previous yennen scene

"she could have written a letter" but the mail fraud

age has only done amazing things to cree summer's voice

"what porpoise"

"to go do Vegas"

"put it all on red"

"I'm putting it all into bitcoin"

"he's a cryptobro" "he IS the big bad!"

"you don't get the egg, but there's a code for each individual egg"

I made the poor decision to drink liquids during the watch party again

"that's that thing that I said!"

you know what it makes me think of lernie from hades

this is not a complaint

GOD I mentioned an artbook and now I want it so bad

thordak: talking mad shit for someone in thagomizer range

sketchy vax wings?!

sketchy vax wings!!

"it's not over for all you lefthanded people"

"my wife's a lefty and every morning I say the same thing"

"don't worry laura, you'll be something someday"

The Internets

where's that comic that always makes me cry with the AWNP lines over That Counterspell

matt dropped out of art school to be a rules lawyer

ghibli keyleth!!

cASSeteria

"now you've made me sad" "GOOD"

"fifteen seasons and a movie trilogy"

"he's the EP so he said he gets the killing blow"

"is that you writing" "he uses a typewriter"

"oh god I have to do this again"

[viperwhispered]

Last anon really said “would you still love me if I was a lobster???” And I respect that lmao

But to continue the chaos, how about this: reader can still talk in lobster form… somehow and tries to instruct her on where to go to get help from the staff. Unfortunately for both of them, reader is really bad with directions!

I hope this is okay! Tysm! 🩵

Oh trust me I'm living for the chaos.

Thank you for the request anon! Took me a little longer than anticipated to get to this but here we are. 🦞

The 'Anything Goes' Story, part 5

The story where I write whatever you tell me to. You can find more info and the masterlist here.

The way you squirmed in Najma’s hands - skittering legs, waving claws, shaky antenna - was not exactly comforting, to say the least.

Thank goodness she didn’t share her brother’s predilection for bug issues - after all, how else could she tease him with the creepy crawlies she found, or extort bargain with him to get compensation for clearing the bugs from his room.

You were making some very strange noises, too, thankfully not very loudly, but-

Wait? Were those actually words?

It was garbled, mangled, certainly not something that Najma would expect from a lobster - animal linguistics wouldn’t be much help to her, here, and it’s not like lobsters were part of the Scalding Sands curriculum, anyway.

“Okay, okay, calm down. We’ll sort this out,” Najma shushed you, still kneeling behind the stand. Cautiously, hesitantly, she lifted you a little closer - with very healthy respect for your claws.

After a halting negotiation, Najma had you wrapped up in her headscarf, trying to follow your instructions to get around campus - even as you kept on telling her to backtrack, or take a turn she'd already missed, or just took your time giving her any guidance at all.

Was Najma seriously wandering around a festival on Night Raven College grounds, following the instructions of a lobster, while hoping against hope not to come across her brother or parents, even as it became increasingly obvious she was nowhere near finding any of the people she needed to find?

Yes. Yes she was.

Edit: you can find the next part here.

Again, time for you all to give me the next prompt to see how we continue this story.

Character(s), scenario, tone / genre, or whatever y'all think would be fun to see and throw my way. Sensible, requiring some suspension of disbelief, or just pure crack, anything goes.

Whoever is the first to reblog / reply to this post with their idea will get their prompt done for the next part - that way others can easily see if a prompt has already been given all not.

However, you can't have your prompt picked twice in a row (so the next prompt should be from someone else than this particular anon, whoever you are).

Tag list:

@colliope @crystallizsch @diodellet @jamilsimpno69 @jamilvapologist

@lex752 @perilous-pasta @twstgo

If you'd like to be tagged for this thing (or my writing in general), just gimme a shout.

[holdingforgeneralhugs]

Bitter Pill to Swallow

Chapter 3 (Ch.2, Ch.1)

Thank you again to the lovely @tvserie-s-world for letting me use her screencaps💕

"Curahee!"

Valarie grinned as she cheered along with her fellow paratroopers. Liebgott managed to slosh some of his drink onto her boots but she couldn't bring herself to get mad about it. After the thrill of completing the five qualifying jumps and managing not to vomit during any of them, Valerie and the rest of Easy felt like they were on top of the world.

She spotted Gene getting a drink at the bar and wandered over to him. He jumped when she clapped him on the shoulder, whacking her in the arm good naturedly for frightening him. Valerie grinned before turning to George who had just popped up with a drink for Gene.

"Hey Georgie, you got another one of those beers under there for me?" She asked.

"That depends," George responded cheekily, "you gonna tell me the magic word of the night?"

"The magic word of the night," Valerie teased, "is kiss my ass and gimme a beer Luz."

George smirked and reached under the counter, pulling out a full glass and planting it firmly on the counter in front of her. He got a mischievous twinkle in his eye then and reached under to grab a glass for himself.

"Now in response to your cheek," stated Luz, in a scarily accurate impersonation of Sink, "I'll have to challenge you to a contest. Whoever downs their drink the quickest gets a full pack of lucky strikes."

"Well how could I back down from a challenge like that," smirked Valerie. "You wanna get in on the fun Gene?" She asked, laughing when Gene vehemently shook his head.

"Oh no, I'm quite happy to drink my beer and watch you two act the fool," he retorted, sipping his drink and leaning against the counter. George and Valerie shared a look, and with a nod they raced to down their drinks. Clearly they'd drawn a crowd, because she could hear the guys shouting out a countdown around her. With a gasp she slammed her glass on the counter, and cried out in dismay when she realised George had just beat her.

"C'mon Val, hand em over," he teased, holding out his hand and fluttering his fingers. She grumbled something about him obviously cheating before pressing her precious box of lucky strikes into his palm. He opened them gleefully and plucked one out for himself before holding out the box to her.

"Aw c'mon Val, you didn't think I'd take em and not offer you one as a peace offering did ya?"

She rolled her eyes but took one gratefully, nodding her thanks to him when he lit it for her. He placed another drink on the counter for her and she took a sip, content to enjoy this glass.

Toye and the mortar gang had decided to stick around at the bar, and she laughed with them as they challenged each other to drinking games. She almost choked on her drink when Skip spilled beer all down his shirt in his eagerness to beat Penk, who was surprisingly good at downing drinks.

"Hate to interrupt your fun fellas, but I was wondering if I could have a word with Lieutenant Landry."

She went stiff in her seat, cigarette in hand suspended right in front of her lips. She glanced to her right and met Gene's eyes, and he was giving her a very pointed look. She glared back at him before turning around and facing her fellow Lieutenant. He gestured towards a quieter corner and she nodded, following him without a word. She smoked her cigarette harshly, wondering what he could possibly want with her tonight of all nights.

"So," he started cautiously, "The batallion officers are drinking in another room to let the enlisted men enjoy themselves here. Nix, Welsh and I were wondering if you'd like to join us?"

She stared back at him sceptically. Outside of the necessary consultations on exercises they hadn't spoken since their argument, and she wasn't quite sure what to say now that he was.

He could sense her hesitation and sighed softly. "Look Landry, I know we haven't exactly gotten off on the right foot but we're celebrating tonight, so how about we put all that aside and enjoy a well deserved night off?"

She contemplated that for a moment, but she agreed that a night off was well deserved, and the men would probably have more fun without any officers breathing down their necks.

"Alright then," she sighed, "lead the way."

He seemed almost surprised that she'd agreed so easily, but he recovered quickly and led her out of the room and down the hall to a smaller room.

"Hell Landry, what a delightful surprise," grinned Lewis when he spotted her walking in behind his friend. He was standing behind the bar and pouring a very generous helping of VAT 69 for himself.

"Don't get used to it Nixon," she shot back.

"Oh don't worry," he replied nonchalantly as she took a seat at the bar, "we're all very aware that you prefer the enlisted men to us 'stuffy' officers."

Ah, so he'd overheard her talking to Bill that day he'd asked her why she was hardly ever with the other officers. "Yeah well, ain't my fault you all wouldn't know fun if it slapped ya," she retorted. Lewis and Harry exchanged a glanced and then burst out laughing.

"You know what Landry," Lewis chuckled, "you're not half bad. What's your poison then? Or are you on the soda water with Dick here?"

"Why am I not surprised Saint Winters doesn't drink?" She snarked, rolling her eyes, "I'll have some of that VAT 69 if you please."

He looked sideways to Dick at her comment, and if he didn't know him so well he would have missed the slight tick in his jaw. Lewis decided to note that down to ask him about it later.  He poured Valerie a generous glass, and whistled in surprise when she downed it in one and put the glass back down in front of him expectantly.

"Hell Nix," chuckled Harry, "I think you may have met your match on the drinking front." Lewis smirked as he poured her another and topped up his own glass. He picked up his and tilted it towards her expectantly.

"I think Harry here may be on to something there," he grinned, "what d'ya say Landry, why don't we start anew and be drinking buddies?"

Valerie sized him up for a moment, contemplating. She'd tended to avoid spending much time with her fellow Easy officers, preferring the company of the enlisted men. She still maintained they were stuffy as hell, but maybe they weren't all bad. Sure, Nixon was another rich jerk from another posh college, but he did seem like the kind of guy who knew how to have a good time. As for Welsh, he was a late addition to the crew and she hadn't exactly taken too much troubles to talk to him. Maybe if she gave them a chance she might grow to like them.

"Hell Landry, you sure know how to keep a guy hanging," quipped Lewis, shaking his glass in front of hers. She rolled her eyes at his impatience but smiled slightly as she clinked her glass against his and they downed their drinks in unison.

"Well I wouldn't want to seem too eager, now would I?" She smirked, sliding her glass across the counter for another. He raised an eyebrow at her sceptically and she narrowed her eyes at him as if to say 'are you doubting I can handle it?' He poured again and watched with fascination as she downed it.

"Jesus Landry you really are somethin' else aren't you?" He laughed.

"I'm here all week folks," she grinned, spreading her arms and doing a mock bow, with Harry and Lewis joining in with a round of applause. It was fun, they were fun, and she thought that maybe, just maybe giving them a chance wouldn't be so bad after all.

She felt a pair of eyes on her and when she looked beyond Harry she was unsurprised to find two blue eyes watching her intently.

"Something you'd like to say Winters?" She asked, narrowing her eyes at him. He sat up a little straighter then and cleared his throat, clearly not expecting she'd pay him any mind.

"Well, I...was just thinking to myself that I'd never met a lady that could drink like that," he replied honestly. Valerie rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.

"Well then it's lucky I ain't no lady, as I've already told you," she replied dismissively, "and there's a whole lotta things you don't know about me."

"Well it'd be hard to know anything about you since you hardly ever talk to us."

Lewis eyed his friend in surprise, and he shared a look with an equally shocked Harry. He subtly poured himself and Harry another drink and sat back to see how it would all play out.

"Well maybe I would talk to you more if you weren't so godamn stiff. You got the rule book stuck up your ass or something?" Valerie snapped. Dick gazed back at her, his jaw clenching and his eyebrows furrowed.

"And maybe if you weren't so argumentative, or didn't act like you were so much better than us, you wouldn't be such a chore to be around."

His eyes widened the minute he realised what he'd said, and she could see that he was about to try and apologise for it, not that she would give him the chance. He'd meant every word of what he said, and they all knew it.

"Well I'll be sure not to impose on your time any longer," she hissed, pushing her glass across the counter and standing abruptly. "Lewis, Harry, it's been fun. We should do it again sometime."

Without waiting for a response she marched from the room.  Lewis and Harry watched her walk out the door before turning to Dick with barely smothered smirks.

"Wow Dick," Lewis said, "I've never seen you get so animated. What's going on with there?"

"Yeah," chimed Harry, "I didn't think anyone could get under your skin."

Dick finished off his own drink and placed the glass on the counter, unwilling to meet their eyes. "There's nothing going on," he stated as he pulled on his coat, "Now if you don't mind I'm gonna hit the hay. I'll see you two in the morning."

"Aw c'mon Dick don't be like that," pleaded Lewis, "there's clearly something going on."

Dick shook his head and bid them both goodnight as he walked out the door.

"I'll get it out of him yet, don't you worry," promised Lewis, pouring himself and Harry another drink. There was clearly something with those two and he'd be dammed if he was left out of the loop.

Taglist: @tvserie-s-world @generousdreamlanddestiny @sunsetmando @geniedocroe

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

Love On-Set (Pt. 09 of 10)

Pairing: Dacre Montgomery X Reader

Word count: 2.9 K

Summary: You knew acting on Stranger Things season 3 would be a challenge, and you also knew, from the start, you'd have to work closely with Dacre Montgomery. But is wasn't a big deal for you, since this is your job and you're determined to act professionally. You had it all figured out, or so you thought, until the moment you were out face to face with Dacre. Then, this job became a lot harder than it was supposed to be, since you can't seem to focus whenever you're around Dacre. And you'll have to be around him a lot until the end of production.

<- Previous part (08)

Next part (10) ->

{Dacre Montgomery Masterlist}

{Stranger Things Masterlist}

×

The Heart Is A Wild Creature

The good part is that you passed out more from exhaustion than from the metal bar hitting your face, and the wound on the apple of your cheek is small. The bad part is that you have a concussion, and the doctor said you have to rest for ten days. Which means the shooting will be frozen for all this time. You tried telling them you're fine, because you feel fine putting aside the headache, but James said he won't put you through all the stress of shooting at the risk of getting you more hurt than you are now.

So there's nothing else to do. After you shower and change out of Amy's outfit, you head out of the dressing room happy to find only Dacre by the door and not everyone else. They were pretty worried, talking all at the same time and pissing off the doctor more than once. Giving Dacre a small smile, you watch as he takes the bag from your hand.

“How are you feeling?” He asks, a hand on the small of your back as he guides you through the set.

“The headache is fading thanks to the painkillers but every now and then I feel dizzy.” Shrugging your shoulders, you touch the small wound on your cheek. “Who would guess such a small thing would give me a freaking concussion.“

“James said someone miscalculated something.” You can see your trailer at a distance, and you brace yourself when a cold wind blows. “He was mad. It could get someone badly hurt, maybe even killed.”

“I bet he fired the guy.”

“On the spot.”

When you get to your trailer, you go straight to the bed, resisting the urge to just throw yourself on it, and instead just lying down carefully. “A freaking concussion. Can you believe that?” Hugging a pillow, you lie on your stomach. Dacre soon joins you, lying on his side so he can look at you.

“You scared the hell out of me,” Dacre says, and you move to be on your side too. In the last two weeks or so, you've been sharing his hotel room, as well as his bed. So you're used to this proximity, but it doesn't mean you don't feel a little nervous.

“I got pretty scared too.” You mutter, looking at your hands. “Ten days off. It's way too much.”

“Yeah, I was kinda hoping the shootings would be over soon.” His tone changes and you furrow your eyebrows. You want it to end too, to get some well-deserved vacation after these rough months. You don't even know if you'll be called for the next season, since Amy's ending is still a mystery. James won't tell until you have to shoot the scene. The same goes for Billy.

“Why? I mean, I want some vacation too, but... It sounds like you have some other reason.” It might be sleep overwhelming you, or the trailer that decided to spin around, but you move closer to him, hiding your face on the crook of his neck. “You're warm.”

“Let me...” Trying not to move too much, Dacre pulls the blankets, wrapping them around both of you. “I just want us to go back to LA. So we could have, Uhm... A normal life, you know. Go out on dates without worrying about rushing back to a hotel.”

He's right. Going out now is always a mess. You barely have time, and you're either rushing to get to set or to the hotel and somehow manage to get some sleep and be well-rested for the next day. “It would be nice, but...” You can't help but think about it. What you have with Dacre is good, is amazing, but it's not official. People on the internet are talking about it since there are new pictures of you two together being posted on Instagram on a daily basis. But that's them, and this is you. Two different things entirely.

“What?” He mutters, and you wonder how long it'll take until you fall asleep.

“I was just thinking that... We're... You know...” Your cheeks are burning, and you're thankful he can't see it now.

“You know you can tell me everything.” His voice sounds distant now, and you only mutter something in response, your head spinning a little as you breathe in deeply, sleep overcoming you.

“Yeah... We should be dating by now, but that's ok.” Whispering, you lazily pull the blankets closer. “But I'll get some sleep now. Love you.” Then you let your body sink into a peaceful, calming sleep.

•••

You're aware of the sunlight, coming through the window and making you close your eyes tighter. You don't want to wake up yet, and since the first thing that comes to your mind was that metal thing hitting you in the face, you know you won't be shooting anything today. So why bother? It's probably pretty early yet. Pulling the blanket over your head, some undistinguished chattering fills your ears, and you furrow your eyebrows. Who's being so loud this early in the morning? And why are they hanging around so close to your trailer?

“Oh, my.” A low voice says, and it is very, very close. But it can't be Dacre. Dacre hasn't even moved yet.

Slowly, you push the blanket away, raising your head from Dacre's chest just to check what's going on. But when you see a bunch of people by the end of the bed, standing like a small crowd of idiots, you're suddenly wide awake, sitting up straight, a yell caught up on your throat as your sleepy brain struggles to process what's going on. “What. The hell!” You shout at your co-stars, who also seem to be a little surprised. Joe and Gaten have their eyes wide, Natalia is just smirking, and Noah and Charlie are exchanging a glance. You're still working on why they have this stupid look on their faces when the mattress moves as Dacre sits up as well. Then you already know.

“I knew something was going on but... Guys...” Joe mumbles and your eyes get when Noah picks up his phone, turning the camera at you.

“Gimme that!” You yell, crawling through the bed and grabbing Noah's phone as he tries to set it free from your hands. It doesn't take much until you're both laughing, trying to make each other fall.

“Hey, hey. Both of you.” Dacre raises his voice, and soon enough he's separating the two of you, but you smile victoriously since Noah's phone ends up in your possession. “You can't move like that. You have a concussion, remember?”

“I'm alright.” As you say it, you feel yourself losing balance. Holding on to Dacre, you shrug your shoulders. “A little dizzy, but besides that, I'm ok.” Quickly, you go through Noah's camera, happily noticing he didn't have time to take any pictures. “Here. Better luck next time.”

“I'll be ready.” He says with a smile.

“Hey, my people. The van is waiting.” Millie shouts and moving to the side a little, you see as she opens the door and comes in. So that's how they got in. You didn't lock the door last night.

“Millie you're not gonna believe it.” Noah starts, running off, away from where you could reach.

“Well, we just came to say that the van is ready to take us back to the hotel.” Joe, being the idiot he always is, teasing the hell out of you, says in a fake, mean voice. “You're very welcome.”

Rolling your eyes, you wait for them to leave before gathering your stuff. You decide to take it all back to the hotel since it'll be ten days until you have to get back here. You also wait for Dacre to do the same, and you're happy to know that nobody noticed his things are here too. Then you head to the van, holding on his arm because he basically forced you too, despite you feeling completely well. You both take the usual sit, on the back, ignoring people's stare. Well, you're ignoring and blushing, trying not to let them see it.

But something is off. All the way to the hotel, Dacre is silent, thoughtful. When you're nearby, just about to enter the parking lot, you lightly elbow him. “Hey... Is everything alright?”

He nods, giving you a small smile. “Yes, it's just... Remember when I said you talk in your sleep?”

“Remember when I told you not to listen?” You feel relieved when he giggles.

“Well, it's more like when you're almost falling asleep. It's cute, actually.” As he speaks, the van stops and you move to get out. “But you said something important and we need to talk about it.”

“Ok.” Swallowing hard, you nervously run a hand through your hair.

In the elevator, you keep up with the small talk, managing even to make sassy comments at Francesca. But when you get to the hotel room, you can't help but try to remember what you might have said, but nothing comes to your head. Biting your lip and taking a deep breath, you leave your luggage on the hall that leads to the bedroom and moves to sit on the couch. Dacre joins you soon after, and when he opens his mouth to speak, your phone starts ringing.

“Sorry. I'll just hang up.”

“It's alright. You can answer it.”

“Are you sure?” Holding your phone towards him so he can see it's Natalia. Whenever Natalia calls, it's not just to say something.

“Yeah.”

Squinting your eyes at his expression, you answer the call, bringing the phone to your ear. “Hey, Nat. What's up?”

“Where the hell are you?” She basically yells, and there's a laughing Millie on the background, saying something you can't understand. “We knocked on your door and this completely random person showed up.”

“Oh...” You haven't told them yet, but you probably should. Giving Dacre a glance, he furrows his eyebrows, a question on his eyes. “I... I kinda checked out of my room and then checked in to another room.” The sentence sounds a little confusing, and you roll your eyes at Dacre's fun expression.

“And why haven't you said anything? Where are you?”

“Uhm...” Looking down, you feel the heat spreading through your cheeks. “Do I really have to say...?”

There's a moment of silence before Natalia takes a deep breath. “She's in Dacre's room.” She mutters, probably to Millie before hanging up. They won't let this go. Ever.

“I think they're coming here.”

“You think? I'm sure.”

“Dacre, I–”

“Hey, relax, alright.” He cuts you short, leaning closer to place a sweet kiss on your lips. “I promise what I want to talk about isn't bad.” You breathe out, relieved. “So let's see what they want and we can talk later. We kinda have a lot of time in the next ten days.”

“Alright.” Taking a deep breath you move to get the door, and when you open it, Natalia, Millie, and Sadie are coming from the elevator. “Hey, girls.”

“I can't believe you let me knock on someone else's door.” Natalia starts as Millie gives you a meaningful stare before just walking inside with Sadie.

“I didn't know they'd give my room to someone so quickly.”

“Since when you've been sleeping here?”

“A while...” When you try to remember exactly when, your head starts pounding a little harder, so you just give up.

“Look, I was promised a group reunion, movie night, and room service.” Sadie raises her voice from the inside, and both you and Nat move to the living room. “Can we get this going?”

Sadie got what she was promised. A few moments later everyone is here, fighting about which movies you'll be watching and then fighting over what you'll eat. Dacre has to tell them to keep it low every time someone's voice starts rising, but you wouldn't mind if it wasn't for the headache.

Hours later, after three movies already, Gaten joins Millie on an Instagram live. And of course, since you're the newest couple, even though you're not official, she turns the camera at you and Dacre, seated on the couch with his arm around your shoulders. She talks about the accident and how Dacre, apparently too far from you, ran like a lightning bolt when he saw the metal bar hitting you. And you really hope her phone camera won't get that you're blushing.

“Alright, people. I love you, but I gotta go...” She waves at the camera, smiling and spinning around so everyone has a chance to wave too. “But let's end this with a kiss from our OTP. What do you think?”

It doesn't take a genius to know who she's talking about. “If we do this, it'll become public so we should just–”

“Look at them. So cozy together.” She sing-songs, gesturing for you to get it done. “C'mon. Kiss the girl.”

You were just about to protest, to say anything to make her let it go when Dacre's hand come to your chin, pulling you close until his lips connect to yours. You weren't planning on kissing him right back, since it'd be better to just keep it simple, but it's stronger than you. And there's this thing in your head that turns everything off the moment Dacre's lips touch yours. So you're quickly deepening the kiss, a hand holding the collar of his shirt.

“Uhm... Alright, alright.” Millie says, and it makes you pull away with your cheeks burning. “That was even better than I thought, so... Goodbye, everyone.” When she ends the live, she gives you a stare and a smirk, to which you roll your eyes. “When are the two of you becoming official? I expect a formal announcement.”

“You're very nosy, did you know that?” Dacre says and Millie shows off her tongue. “Well, I don't know if you guys have any plans for tonight, but I do, so...”

“Are you kicking us out?” Gaten asks, crossing his arms.

“Good to know you got it.”

“They're planning a romantic night, that's so cute,” Sadie adds, making everyone mutter something stupid at the two of you.

Even so, it takes half an hour for the last conversations to end and for the whole group to leave. When you close the door after saying goodbye to Noah and Finn, you make your way back to the living room.

“Alright. I'm dying over here so let's just talk. What did I say?”

“You said you love me.” Dacre just bursts out from his place, standing by the coffee table.

You don't know what to say. It's too early for that... Right? Even though you have this feeling, it's way too early to let him know that. Biting your lip, you look down, unable to sustain his stare. “Oh...” Nervously, you run a hand through your hair. “I'm sorry. I know it's too early for this, I just–”

“Do you?” He cuts you off, sitting beside you.

“Do I what?” It's a stupid question, but it comes out anyway.

“Do you love me?” With his index finger under your chin, Dacre lifts up your head until you're staring into this amazing ocean blue eyes.

There's no other possible answer, just the truth. The overwhelming, crushing truth. You've been trying to hold back your feelings, but the heart is a wild creature, or so they say, and it wants what it wants. It loves who it loves, and nobody can control it. “Yes.” You mutter, voice weak and low because wild hearts can also be broken, and that's the last thing you want. “I know it's too early to say that, but when I'm sleepy the words just come out and I can't control them.”

A laugh escapes his lips. “I've been telling myself to hold back. That it was too early to call it love but I guess it's just how it's supposed to be with us.”

“What... What do you mean?”

“I'm completely, wholeheartedly in love with you and I never thought it was even possible to love someone this much.” Dacre cups your cheeks, placing a delicate kiss on your nose. “I know it happened fast, and quite unusual if you ask me, but it was perfect. The truth is that the only reason why I went to talk to you on your first day on set was because I couldn't stop thinking about you since we shoot that scene for season 2.” As he speaks, a smile comes to your lips. Not in a million years you'd think you'd catch Dacre's eyes. “It took a hell of a long time, and that love at first sight thing was wearing off but when I saw you again... It came back like an avalanche. So I had to go and talk to you and ever since... You're everything I can think about.”

“So...” Biting back a smile, you wrap your arms around his neck. “What happens when two people are in love with each other?”

“Correct me if I'm wrong but they start dating.”

“They start dating.” You repeat, standing on your toes.

“So it's official now.” He states. “We can change our Facebook status.”

“Dacre, we don't have a Facebook account.” Giggling, you remind him, your lips brushing on his.

“Then I'll make one just so I can update my status.”

“Or you can just kiss me already and be done with it.” You suggest, smiling victoriously when his arms encircle your waist, pulling you even closer to his body.

×

@baker151910 @shinydixon @dreamin-of-dacre @hanoi15 @lickmymelaninn @foccus @multific @uncookspaget @kellysimagines @peakascum @thisbreakableheaven @nope-thanks

[rogue-barnes-16]

BLUE

Summary: Y/n tries to bury her feelings after making a terribly bad decision about Bucky that destroyed what they had. It backfires in the worst possible way.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Genre: 90% angst

Tags:

Submitted for @blushycarol's writing challenge.

Permanent taglist: @notexactlythatgirl @thisismysecrethappyplace @sofreakinmanyfandoms @pizzarollpatrol @bubblycypress87 @1a-girl-has-no-name1 @loislp @lovenaturefirst @dyanna-corona @2ptonpt @goodnightmode @disneyprincessbuffyannesummers @mannls @cutie1365 @catch22inareddress @mybooradley @sebastianisasnack @butifulsoul125 @unlikelygalaxygiver

Warnings: language, makeout, implicit sex, feels™️

A/N: this is my prompted songfic for blushycarol's writing challenge! It took a turn like, ngl I did whatever the fuck I wanted with the song but it fits so there it goes, enjoy <3.

Rogue-barnes-16 masterlist

We've broken up and now I regret it

I said goodbye when I shouldn't have said it

"I fixed your boy. He's awake now." She spoke through the wakandan device. "Figured you'd want to see him."

Yeah, it was the princess of Wakanda herself who decided to call me —not even Steve, me— to inform me that the man I loved had finally awaken.

A couple of hours later, T'challa did with Steve the same thing Shuri had done with me, and soon we both left to reach the hidden city.

We met with Bucky.

Steve cried a couple of times, Bucky laughed in a few occasions, and I stayed rather quiet almost the entire time.

After two days, Steve left with the promise of coming back, but I stayed just because I had missed him so much, I didn't feel like saying goodbye just yet.

Despite this, we didn't talk much in those months I had stayed with him. It wasn't like we spoke a lot before, but now it felt different.

I knew why; it was because of me. Because maybe, just maybe, I was terrified that this new version of him, that healed James Barnes, wouldn't love me like his broken self did.

We had reached a point where I didn't know what we were any longer, and I was 100% sure that the feeling was mutual, we were just too scared to talk it out.

I took the easiest, most despicable way and, one morning, I left Wakanda, hoping to spare my heart and breaking his in the process.

A week later I was back, suited up and ready to fight the deadliest threat I would have faced in my whole life.

I survived.

Bucky didn't, and the only thing I could think was that had lost him, and the last words I said to him were 'this is over, I'm leaving you'.

Five Years Later

I even cried but I never meant it

And I don't know why but I can't forget it, forget it

When Fury paired us to go on a mission, I thought it would be easy due to the action, but it turned out to be a watch, and suddenly everything was ten times more difficult.

We had been in silence for at least a long, tedious hour, in a dark room with two windows, waiting for the target to appear, when Bucky spoke.

"Is it true?" I, pretty much confused, turned my head to him, whose eyes were already on me, his back reclined against the wall before me. "that you cried for me." his voice held kinds of fear that I had never heard in him.

"who told you that?" I inquired, starting to get anxious because no one was supposed to know that; no one had seen me breaking down every night for months because of him.

"Steve." he replied, digging his eyes on mines. "Did you?"

My fight or flight instincts made me shook my head no as an initial response, only because of the sudden panic flooding through my veins. "I mean yes- I- no I mean I- I cried for everyone and I just... it-" I attempted to calm myself down before letting out a propper sentence. "it meant nothing. I did, I just didn't... I felt guilty" I finished, my heart racing and pounding as if it would leave my chest. "for everyone I couldn't save."

He didn't say anything else, nor did I.

After our short chat everything was even worse, because I was no longer focused now that the sorrow I had felt those nights was replaying in my head non-stop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gimme love, gimme dreams, gimme a good self esteem

We remained distant, but at some point, Bucky started to compliment me, to make nice comments, to give me quick smiles and fast 'thank you's, and I would be lying if I said I didn't treasure them.

"You look... great." He'd shyly say whenever I got dolled up.

"Great shot" he would state breathless, passing me by during a mission, to which I would just nod. "Thank for having my back."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Your hair..." he once trailed off with a frown, resting his elbows over the counter.

"yeah, I needed a change." for a second, the part of me I had hidden crawled up to the surface and I asked. "You... Don't like it?"

"No- I mean yes- I- I really like it." he assured me with bittersweet smile. "It fits you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gimme good and pure, what you waiting for?

Gimme everything, all your heart can bring

Something good and true

I don't wanna feel blue anymore

"Barnes and you." Sharon spoke, closing the pantry's door behind her.

"what?" I questioned, turning to her for a moment while she raised her eyebrow at me.

"what are you playing at, Y/n?" she asked, a bit of concern being noticeable in her tone.

We weren't close. No, no we hadn't grown closer, but I sometimes would sit right besides him during Saturday's take-out night, near enough for our thighs to brush.

I'd let him play with my hair from time to time, I'd allow him to come to my room in the middle of the night to lay with me after a nightmare here and there.

I wouldn't complain when his hands held my cheeks in the aftermath of a rough mission, his eyes scanning me with worry and sorrow while pain would most likely be rushing through my body.

I wouldn't scold him if he ever picked me up to carry me into the medical wing after I had gotten injured, even if I could walk. Maybe I would even cling on his neck, feeling his heartbeat fastening.

"We're not playing." I replied noctant, pouring four glasses of wine for all of us.

"Y/n" I sighed. "why are you doin' this to him? You're gonna hurt him and you."

"I don't wanna feel blue." I confessed in a mutter. "no one'll get hurt, I just... Need what he gives me."

Sharon stared at me dumbfounded for a couple of seconds before shaking her head and leaving, mumbling something my ears couldn't catch.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gimme one more night

One last goodbye

Let's do it one last time

Let's do it one last time

One more time

It was during Sam's birthday that I gathered the courage to do what I, deep inside, so badly wanted to do.

I saw my opportunity the moment Bucky approached the barcounter to grab some random drink.

I left mine on a shelf and rushed to reach him and I passed by him, but on my way out of the room, my hand discreetly found his and tugged him with me.

I didn't stop until we reached the nearest room , which happened to be the bathroom.

Without a word, I got him inside and closed the door, backing against it and, with his fingers still intertwined with mine, I pulled Bucky into a kiss.

He stopped after a few seconds. His eyes were sad as he gazed into mines, and I felt a lump in my throat.

"I..." my attempt to speak triggered my tears, and his response was to cares my cheeks and peck my lips.

The terror I had felt 5 years ago of me not being good enough for him to love me anymore came back. My heart pounded against my chest, the voice in the back of my head simultaneously begging me to stop.

"I need this... Just..." I fisted his shirt, bringing him closer to me. "one last time... Please I-"

"are you drunk right now?" he questioned, putting a strand of hair away from my face.

"No." I half lied, pulling him to me into a needy kiss which quickly escalated.

No, I don't love you

No, I don't care

I just want to be held when I'm scared

And all I want is one night with you

Just 'cause I'm selfish

I know it's true

What had happened in the party was never spoken about, nor mentioned.

We had swept it under the rug for both of our sakes —mostly for mine.

We didn't sleep together again, but in very few occasions, I would end up tugging him to some dark place where we were alone and make out until I was out of breath.

Each time that happened, for some reason I didn't understand, Bucky always whispered me the same question.

"Do you love me?"

To which I answered a breathless, painful 'no' that would most likely end up crushing my heart because of the heavy weight that lie carried.

My nightmares at some point had gotten worse, now involving Bucky getting hurt almost every time, so, whenever I woke up in cold sweat with tears in my eyes, gasping his name, I would make my way to his room and lay down besides him.

He would wake up the moment my body touched the mattress, and, as soon as I was under the sheets, he would pull me into his chest with his arms around me, asking me the same question every time.

"what was it about?"

To which I selfishly responded with:

"don't wanna talk. Just hold me, please."

I'm sick of looking after you

I need a man to hold on to

I'm bored of everything we do

But I just keep coming back to you

The first time I snuck under his sheets I promised myself it would be just that one night, that I would allow myself to be so fucking selfish just for one night, but his embrace was so comforting, so welcoming, and his heartbeat and breathing were so soothing, that I ended up being selfish every damn time.

One night, instead of reaching his room scared and trembling, I reached it with anger and frustration taking over my body.

I shut the door loud enough to make him sit upright, staring at me concerned.

"I'm fucking tired of this" I growled. "I'm tired of this nightmares, I'm sick of seeing you dying, I'm fucking done with looking after you in every mission more than I look after myself" I reached a point where I was close to shout as I stepped to the bed. "I want this to fucking stop!"

"Y/n-"

"I can't keep up with this anymore, I'm going crazy because it's ALWAYS THE SAME SHIT."

"You're tired." he stated, climbing off the bed to hesitantly step to me. "You need to sleep."

"I need to fucking get this off my damn chest!" a choked sob escaped my lips. "I keep coming back to you and I hate myself because of this! Because this is my fault!"

"Y/n please..." he wrapped his arms around me and I fought him a little before giving in, breaking down to tears the moment he kissed my temple.

"I was so scared of you not loving me anymore that I fucked everything up" I managed to explain in a vague mumble between sobs. "You're okay and I was fucking scared of not being good enough- I still am... I just keep making it worse!"

He stroke my hair and pulled me even closer. "Doll..."

The door few open and I heard Sam's voice behind me. "What was that? Are you-" Bucky shook my head over me and signaled Sam to leave.

"I love you so much please I'm sorry" he pulled me to the bed without letting go of me and threw the blanket over us.

"I know you do." he assured me intertwining his fingers with mines and placing a kiss on my knuckles. "I love you. I always will." he whispered soothingly.

Gimme everything, all your heart can bring

Something good and true

I don't wanna feel blue anymore 

[jamkookies]

° Bon Voyage °

• Part IV •

Call me Chameleon

~

You had been tossing and turning for a while now.

You were aware that your constant movements were probably not letting him rest in peace , but you couldn't help it. Your skin felt hot to the touch and there was this inexplicable thirst that had you gasping for air. You had no idea whether it was the uneasiness of sharing the same bed with him or just plain dehydration.

Whatever the case, you had to get some water right now.

Giving up on the restless bustling, you stand up in a sitting position.

 You are about to pull the sheets off of you, when you pause, your hand mid-air.

The rays of moonlight cast over Jungkook, illuminating his face in an other - worldly aura.

His mouth is slightly open, his long, dark lashes brushing against his skin. He has his hand relaxed on the pillow, right next to his curls,spread out around his head like a dark halo.

You can't stop looking at him, mesmerized by what's in front of you.

You've never seen him like this - so at peace and innocent. He never wants to show his vulnerable side to others and you do the same yourself, but there's something so beautiful that you find in this unseen side of him.

Your breath hitches in your throat.

You get up from the bed and pull the sheets tighter over him to make sure he won't get cold.

He stirs but doesn't wake up. You glance at him one more time and leave the room.

You go down the stairs soundlessly, trying not to wake anyone up, while savoring the feel of the cool surface of the tiles under your bare feet.

You enter the kitchen, heading right for the fridge and start when you see its door halfway - open, its light casting a shadow onto the floor.

You put a hand on your mouth and squeak like a mouse.

The door opens wider and you see Taehyung sitting in front of the fridge,a celery stick dangling from his mouth.

"Hyung, what the hell?" You whisper in a shout.

"I wav hungy", he says, his words barely discernible from the food in his mouth.

You sigh through your nose and join him in front of the fridge.

 You take out a bottle of water, and chug it down, the cold liquid quenching your thirst.

After you're finished, Taehyung grabs the bottle from your hands and takes a sip himself.

"Didn't you eat enough for dinner?" You ask him.

"A little extra food never hurt nobody." He looks fixedly at your neck. "What's up with you? Why are you all sweaty?"

"It's hot," you reply.

A grin appears on his face and he wiggles his eyebrows.

"Did Jungkookie, perhaps take off his shirt?"

You pull him hard by the ear and he groans in pain.

Then, suddenly you hear steps coming closer.

You peek at the fridge door and see Jungkook standing like a statue in the center of the room.

"There you are," he says. "I was wondering where you'd gone."

You gulp.

Did he hear any of the things Tae said?

"Where else would I go?"

"I don't know, I woke up and noticed the empty bed, so I thought you had been sleepwalking or something."

He looks at the bottle of water Taehyung is holding. "Hey, gimme that. I'm thirsty."

His throat, glistening with sweat, bobs with each gulp of water and you realize you are staring.

 Clearing your throat, you get up and plaster a nervous smile on your face.

"I'm gonna go to bed now. Good night," you say and start going for the door, leaving a confused Jungkook and Taehyung staring after you.      

                                * * *

There was nothing else in this world that you hated more than the sound of the alarm going off.

Every single morning you woke up, cursing passionately at it and wanting to smash the thing into pieces.

Today was no different.

With your head still on the pillow, you lift a hand towards your phone on the bedside table and press the Turn off button angrily.

You rub the sleep out of your eyes and stare at the ceiling for a moment.

The room is bright due to the sun being already up in the sky.

There are clothes strewn out onto the floor, bottles of perfume laying around  carelessly, a foot next to your cheek-

Wait, what?

You turn your head sideways and see that your right arm is wrapped around Jungkook's foot, cradling it like a teddy bear. One of your own feet is wrapped around Jungkook's arms, while the other one is thrown across his back, riding his shirt up and revealing a sliver of skin.

You jump back as if you'd been electrocuted.

Jungkook's eyes shoot open and he looks around frantically.

"What? What happened?"

"N-nothing", you stutter. "There was a mosquito."

His expression softens and he looks at you with sleepy eyes.

"Good morning," he says, with a groggy voice.

You try to compose yourself.

"Good morning," you reply, and muster up the courage to get yourself off the bed.

                                   * * *

Trying to forget what happened a while ago, you take small bites out of your pancake.

"How did you all sleep last night?" You ask.

"Like a king", Namjoon is quick to answer, rubbing the fact that he had gotten the king - sized bed all to himself into your faces.

He gets numerous glares from the others and you can't help but do the same.

"I can't say the same thing," says Yoongi. "Taehyung kept hugging me in his sleep."

Tae looks at him sheepishly and offers him a boxy smile.

"Can't help it when hyung is so tiny."

Yoongi blinks.

Twice.

"At least you did get some sleep," Hoseok interferes. " I had to listen to conversations about how the sand was called like that because it was between the sea and the land all night long."

"Hyung, but it's true," says Jimin.

"I know, right?" Adds Jin.

"Oh, and by the way, why were you hugging each other's legs this morning?" Hoseok continues, looking at both you and Jungkook.

Kookie scrunches up his brows.

“We were?”

"Yeah, I came into your room to borrow your charger and noticed that you were tangled up with each other."

You refuse to get flustered by this conversation.

"There was only one bed, hyung," you say. "What did you expect?"

Jungkook nods in affirmation and goes back to eating.

"Well, if you're done eating breakfast, we would like to inform you about your plans for the rest of the day," says the staff member you recognised as Ji-Ho.

You all turn to him, eager to learn more about your activities.

"You will be split into four teams, each consisting of two members respectively. This is supposed to be a bonding experience between the two members, so make sure to have a good time."

He hands you another basket with rolled up papers, and you all retrieve one.

You spread it open and read Team B on it. Searching through the members you look for another paper with the same writing till your eyes find it.

It’s Jimin.

"Jimin - ssi!" You yell.

He looks at your paper too and when he realizes what it says, he breaks into a huge smile.

"Y/N!"

You both clash into each other and you hug him tight, squeezing the life out of him.

"Here we go again." Yoongi sighs and rolls his eyes.

You take a look at the others, curious about the outcome.

Namjoon is paired with Jin, Jungkook with Yoongi, and Taehyung with Hoseok.

At least you'll feel comfortable for the rest of the day.

                                 * * *

You figured out that wearing all - black wasn't the wisest decision to make, since it would absorb all the heat, so you decide to change into something else.

You had this weird obsession of wearing the same color from head to toe. You had to admit, it was partly because it made you look taller, but you also liked to keep things minimalistic.

You were clad in beige, including your cap, loose tank top, shorts and, sneakers. You also had tied your hair into a short ponytail at the back of your head.

Brown strings kept escaping from it but you didn't really care, as long as most of it would be out of your face.

"Are you planning to merge into the buildings?" Jimin asks as he takes a good look at you. "Is this some sort of camouflage?"

You look down at your clothes, indeed realizing that they shared the same color with the buildings.

"Call me Cameleon from now on, " you say while smiling.

You sling an arm over his shoulder and guide him into the sidewalk.

You had both just come out of your apartment and started taking a walk along the streets.

You had your hands occupied - one holding the self-camera and the other your phone.

He kept making funny faces at it and you copied him from time to time.

"So, where are we gonna go first?" He asks.

"I don't know. What do you think?"

"I actually wanted to walk along the seaside," he admits. "Then, I was thinking about going shopping later on."

His smile falters and he looks at you warily.

"But if you want to go somewhere else, then it's okay..."

You squish his cheeks and ruffle his head.

There was no competing against Park Jimin's cuteness and that was something you could all agree on.

"Jimin-ssi, I don't give a damn about where we go, just don't make it boring."

His whole face lights up in anticipation.

Now he's the one throwing an arm across your shoulders.

"All right, let's get it!" He yells and you echo him.

                               * * *

Your first destination is the bazaar.

You stroll through the alleys, lined with endless items hanging on both sides of the street. Ceramics, jewelry, paintings, whatever you could ask for. Still, you had your eye on the Henna tatoos standing a few feet away from you.

Jimin follows your line of sight and grins.

"I was thinking the same thing," he says.

You both head there, excitement visible on your face.

You flip through the pages of the sample book but can't seem to find what you want.

So you explain in detail to the artist in English the image on your mind.

Jimin opts for a moon, and a star on his leg, instead.

After you're both finished, you take a look at your own henna on the inside of your forearm and see countless tiny dots resembling shiny stars.

You have galaxies in your eyes.

You smile to yourself, the words in your mind still lingering.

                                   * * *

The seaside is absolutely gorgeous. You just can't get enough of the fresh, salty air filling up your lungs. The sun hurts your eyes but you don't care and direct your face towards it.

"Do you want to get blind?" you hear Jimin say.

You chuckle lightly.

"I have a cap, you know."

"You're literally staring at the sun."

"Let me live."

"Alright, alright,"he says, palms up in surrender.

At the corner of your eye you detect an ice cream cart.

"What flavor?" You ask, eyes still there.

Jimin doesn't even turn his head.

"Vanilla."

"Ok, wait here. I'll go get it."

"You know what? I'll just go soak my feet into the water for a while," he says.

You nod and head for the ice cream cart.

You turn your head once more and see him already get into the water, knee-deep.

He pulls his shorts up trying not to wet them.

"Don't go in too deep," you yell, over the sound of the wind. " It's not safe."

You are quite aware of the bodyguards standing at a respectable distance, but you can't stop worrying.

He gives you an okay sign and turns his face away from you.

You get a kiwi ice cream for yourself and a vanilla one for Jimin.

You turn back, eager to hand it to him before it melts, and look out into the sea.

But Jimin is nowhere to be seen.

You frantically move your eyes all over the place, trying to catch sight of him.

Nothing.

You start to panic, your breaths coming out in short fragments.

A million thoughts are rushing into your head.

Where is he where is he where is he –

You check the shore again, the ice cream cart, the street.

What if he drowned?

The camera and the ice cream cups drop from your hands and onto the ground.

Where the hell is Jimin?

[punkscowardschampions]

Bea & Fraze

Bea: they're getting chinese for tea if you want in Fraze: Alright cheers Bea: your dad says where are you Bea: probably wants you to pick it up Fraze: Tell him he don't need to Fraze: & to stop being so fucking embarrassing like Bea: meant the food idiot 😂 Bea: like he cba to go out Bea: your mums sleeping Fraze: Sounds more legit Fraze: I'll get it then, won't I Bea: 👍 Bea: girls said make sure you get fortune cookies 🙄 Fraze: Fuck's sake Bea: mhmm Bea: who's out then Fraze: Everyone Fraze: Where are you? Bea: got that big project for history Fraze: Yeah me too Fraze: So? Bea: so Bea: I wanna get a good grade don't I 😜 Fraze: You will anyway Fraze: Could do it the night before & still would, like Bea: True Fraze: I'm just gonna tell Miss to stop flirting with me if she keeps asking about homework 😉 Fraze: Unless you wanna do mine too Bea: ha fuck off do I Bea: get you points with your new girlfriend at least, even if you fail Fraze: Didn't reckon you could handle two, stresshead that you are Fraze: Worth a shot though Fraze: The kid I pay only does Maths & English Bea: Reverse psychology is a bit first school Bea: if you put half this effort into your work, Frazier 😉 Fraze: Just 'cause my ma's asleep don't mean you gotta take over Fraze: & it worked on Tanisha so I can do worse than a low effort, high reward strategy, can't I Bea: I ain't either of the women in your life, if you ain't noticed Fraze: You don't do enough shouting for one or hair flipping for the other Bea: gives your friend with the Bieber hair a run for his money Fraze: 😂 Fraze: Come out Fraze: You can tell him Fraze: Tell her to go easy on the gloss an' all before we get stuck together Bea: I'm good Bea: let your lack of tact work in your favour for once Fraze: Bullshit would you rather do homework than have a drink with me Fraze: Come on Bea: don't fancy sharing with you Bea: gloss, who knows what else, like Fraze: Then don't Fraze: You can have your own Bea: Generous Bea: where'd you get it this time Fraze: Better for you if you don't know Bea: 🙄 Bea: Whatever Fraze: Help me get rid & it's done Fraze: No evidence Bea: shouldn't you be telling your friends to piss off now, get some alone time Bea: not invite more people Fraze: Not fruity enough for her to handle, is it Bea: ha Bea: how shaming Fraze: You coming or not Bea: You're meant to be coming back with food, remember Bea: no point Fraze: After then Bea: who else is there Bea: i don't want to watch you suck face tah Fraze: She's gone in Fraze: You know what her ma's like Bea: not really Bea: not that interested, like Bea: but fine Fraze: Long story short, she don't like me Fraze: One of them McKenna's ain't I Bea: 💔 Fraze: Already smacked her brother for saying it Bea: Only got yourself to blame then Fraze: Fuck off Fraze: I finished it, didn't start it Bea: Can't act surprised Bea: what did you think would happen Fraze: I controlled what would happen Fraze: End of Bea: One way to put it Fraze: What are you being such a bitch for? Bea: What you being such a pussy for? Fraze: I ain't Bea: Sound like one Fraze: Fuck you Fraze: I don't Bea: Yeah you do Bea: what you wanna get invited 'round for tea for so bad Fraze: 'Course not Fraze: Get what I want off her already Bea: Shut up bitching to me that her mammy don't like you then if you don't care Bea: 'cos I deffo don't Fraze: What you need an A so bad you can't talk to me now Fraze: That's proper desperate Bea: talk about something more interesting than this dry project and maybe I'd wanna Fraze: I invited you to something more interesting Bea: I said I'd come out Fraze: They said I'm banned from the Chinese but I'm still going in Fraze: Don't mean shit Bea: When did that happen Fraze: Last week Bea: You're ridiculous Fraze: They are Fraze: Barely kicked off Bea: Yeah okay Bea: such a conspiracy that Fraze: Nah, don't wind me up & I won't react, simple as Bea: I don't know the last time someone told you but world don't revolve around you Fraze: Who then? My life I'm living, babe Bea: The rest of us ain't living ours to keep you happy Fraze: More fool you Fraze: You'd have it easier that way Bea: 🙄 Fraze: Da's gonna have to come get this shit they won't give it me Fraze: Pass it on Bea: fuck sake Bea: alright Bea: [time] Bea: Joe's on his way Fraze: & I got one foot in the door near enough Fraze: You coming for a 🚬 or can you only accept one invite a night now, like Bea: If you're offering one of yours then obviously Bea: be down now Fraze: Don't keep me waiting, Princess Bea: Or what, dickhead Fraze: There'll be fuck all left for you Bea: 😂 Bea: Idiot Bea: [comes out and takes it] Fraze: [control your heart eyes boy for the love of god, keep it 😏] Bea: [when you're trying to pretend you ain't arsed but you're obvs lowkey 😒 'cos can't control that] Fraze: [pulls on her sleeve to get her attention cos throwback to when they were kids and therefore forever something he'd do even as an adult] Bea: [has to be like what 'cos cannot ignore a throwback] Fraze: [asking her what's wrong via a look] Bea: ['hungry' when we know she weren't having no chinese] Fraze: [shakes his head but not gonna push that too hard because we do know, gives her a lemon sherbet from his pocket cos on a throwback roll goodbye] Bea: [smiles a bit and takes it, 'where's the drink you promised, then?] Fraze: ['you wanna go get started now then, yeah?' A loooooooook stop flirting boy but don't] Bea: [returning looks forever, 'ain't your girlfriend' meaning not a weak-ass bitch but also we know] Fraze: [intense eye contact that goes on too long for the win. 'So come on' starts walking & doesn't wait for her to follow cos knows she will] Bea: [raises her eyebrows like 'really' but does 'cos why wouldn't she] Fraze: [takes her to wherever he's stashed it nearby] Bea: [holds out hand like gimme] Fraze: [hands it over with a little lol] Bea: [looks at him like you drunk already but smiles and takes massive swig like ick, thanks creepy old dudes 'cos casual pro already] Fraze: [smiles back because casually always impressed and not gonna pretend he ain't, but does his own to prove he can hang obvs] Bea: ['least she'll be cheap to get pissed'] Fraze: ['shut up' cos he ain't like that and don't want her to think he is for obvious creepy old dude related reasons] Bea: [shrugs like what it's true then smirks at him 'cute'] Fraze: [his turn to be 😒 'don't'] Bea: ['who knew you were so chivalrous? so adorable' loling] Fraze: ['you, unless you've repressed more shit than you let on' because that's a throwback to them being little in itself he'd be so protective of her bye] Bea: [is like oh but fronts it all smirky like 'you wish, boy'] Fraze: [his turn to shrug cos it's true & they both know it but also return the smirk cos always & steal her words from earlier. 'not really' which is a lie] Bea: [shakes her head, drinks some more] Fraze: [likewise] Bea: ['think your brother's got a little girlfriend too'] Fraze: [laughs and gives a look like which one] Bea: [rolls eyes 'keep up, Tommy's had one for ages, Joe'] Fraze: ['Had money on Rocky before him'] Bea: ['Rude, he's cute.' Pausing for that dramatic effect 'cos evil 'least Kayleigh Macguire from year above him thinks so' older womens always] Fraze: [If I was being rude I'd have said he looks like a fucking girl & called her a Lezza but I ain't.' Pauses himself to give her a pisstaking look. 'That's what this mood is then, you didn't get to ask him out yourself. Unlucky like.'] Bea: ['Jealous 'cos he's pretty than yours? Sad times, Sherlock.'] Fraze: ['Fuck off. You're jealous 'cause she's got tits and you ain't, don't take it out on me'] Bea: [Laughs 'yeah I'm so devvo I'm not fat'] Fraze: ['Nah, gutted that Joe ain't tripping over himself for you though.'] Bea: [Flicking her cigarette away and stamping it out as she turns to go 'You're such an idiot'] Fraze: ['If you want him you're gonna have to make a move, cunt's got none of his own.'] Bea: [Exasperated 'I clearly don't'] Fraze: ['Clear that you're full of compliments for him' Shoves the bottle at her cos so angry always 'Offer him a drink, be his best mate. On the house along with the tip.'] Bea: ['Excuse me, just because I don't need to slag him off don't mean I'm in love with him, Jesus, what's wrong with you?'] Fraze: [just gives her a look like who's side are you on because dramatic af forever we know] Bea: ['Ridiculous, I already said.' Drinking 'cos she's got it now, like] Fraze: [turns to go himself because king of throwing a strop] Bea: ['You done with this then?' shakes the bottle like hello? 'good then' and goes to walk inside with it like a bad bitch ain't scared] Fraze: [pulls her back by her sleeve but like harder than he meant to because emotions be high so then has to take the bottle back and neck loads of it cos cant look at her] Bea: [grabbing the bottle and smashing it, wasteful but necessary] Fraze: ['what the fuck'] Bea: ['Don't fucking grab me'] Fraze: [bringing the eye contact back because he has to, you did wrong there boy & we all know it you included. 'I'm sorry.'] Bea: [Shrugs like okay then but won't meet his eyes stubbornly] Fraze: [rubs his eyes & puts his head in hands because fuck he did not mean for this. 'Go home, Bea' is now the time to tell her what to do even if it is softly & with feeling, no boy but god bless] Bea: [when you're not dignifying that with a response] Fraze: ['fuck's sake' but mostly to & at himself lbr] Bea: [starts walking away but not in 'cos like I said a bitch ain't eating so] Fraze: [stubbornly doesn't follow her though he obviously wants to] Bea: [where are you going, who knows, but you committed now] Fraze: Where are you going? Bea: What's it matter? Fraze: I said go home not go fucking missing Bea: Dramatic Bea: not missing, am I Bea: just gonna go see where everyone is Fraze: They're having dinner like Fraze: Don't be stupid Bea: everyone in town Bea: alright Bea: I'll find someone, don't worry Fraze: Don't say that to me Fraze: I clearly am Bea: what, you wanna be your mum now Fraze: Fuck off Fraze: I said sorry Fraze: Come back Bea: I don't want to Fraze: I don't want you wandering the fucking streets Bea: oh my god Bea: you invited me out earlier so don't lie Fraze: With me Bea: I can look after myself Fraze: I know Fraze: Jesus Bea: Then don't worry Bea: go eat Fraze: Stop saying that Fraze: Christ's sake Fraze: I don't wanna go eat Bea: Do what you want then Bea: I am Fraze: Tell me where you are then Fraze: I will Bea: [probably a park or something] Fraze: [finds her because obviously] Bea: [love a swing moment] Fraze: [pushes her on the swing because what are you gonna say boy] Bea: [is all 'I'm not a child' but not really aggressive more like done but doesn't try to get off or anything] Fraze: ['Stop having a tantrum then' um excuse you boy, hypocrite much] Bea: [digs her heels in but literally lol 'cos fuck you will always do the opposite] Fraze: [goes & sits on the swing next to her] Bea: ['why are you so annoying sometimes?'] Fraze: [gives her a look like bitch me, why are you] Bea: ['see'] Fraze: ['All I see is you giving me grief, babe.'] Bea: [makes a pah noise, 'oh you're so grown now, get enough of that from her is it?'] Fraze: [lights another 🚬 & shrugs] Bea: [says something like 'actually such a child' under her breath] Fraze: ['if you've got something to say to me, be braver and just fucking say it'] Bea: [says it louder like happy now] Fraze: ['what's up with you today, fucking hell'] Bea: ['I dunno, why don't you ask me if I'm on next, seeing as that's as mature as you can manage'] Fraze: [makes a noise of frustration not in a sexy way lol he's so mad] Bea: ['what's the matter with you?'] Fraze: ['You used to be a laugh'] Bea: [just looking at him like what do you want me to say to that] Fraze: ['Do you not wanna be mates any more?'] Bea: ['Well you obviously don't so'] Fraze: ['Don't put words in my mouth'] Bea: ['Why would you wanna be friends with someone who ain't a laugh? You said it, don't try and backtrack now'] Fraze: ['Cut the bullshit is what I'm saying. Stop being such a bitch.'] Bea: ['Don't talk to me like that, I'm not doing anything! You came here'] Fraze: [gets up like he's gonna walk off 'And I dunno why I fucking bothered'] Bea: ['No one asked you to, did they'] Fraze: ['you don't have to ask me to make sure you're alright. Jesus. Why can't I give a shit about you anymore?'] Bea: ['Why are you so dramatic when I'm just tryna go out and have fun too, only you're allowed now?'] Fraze: ['Bullshit is this fun for you'] Bea: ['You didn't give me chance, that's why'] Fraze: [walks away like well here's your chance then] Bea: [waves dramatically like 'see you at home'] Fraze: [if you can walk angrily he's doing it & you know he's gonna hit something when he gets chance] Bea: [dread to think who you gon find you better get home miss thing also skip] Fraze: Get home now, I ain't doing this on my fucking own Bea: um Bea: ? Fraze: You ain't forgotten that we gotta watch this kid Fraze: You wish Bea: Ah Bea: shit Bea: really Fraze: Yeah really Bea: isn't Joe there too Bea: you can't Bea: take it in turns or something Fraze: Nah he ain't Fraze: It's meant to be me & you Fraze: He's got some music shit, I dunno or care Bea: alright Bea: hang on then Bea: 10 to finish up 'bout the same to get back Fraze: Where the fuck are you? Fraze: He's bawling already, like Bea: He's a baby, that's one of 4 options so try the other ones out or ignore him Bea: coming fast as I can Bea: if anyone had reminded me maybe I'd be there Fraze: Not your fucking keeper, made that clear Bea: then don't complain Bea: or need to know where I'm at Fraze: Don't start Bea: Whatever Bea: let's just get this done Fraze: I am Fraze: You're the one who ain't here Bea: Why do you always start conversations when it's too late Bea: you like being pissed off that much Bea: I can't leave any faster so stop having a go Fraze: Why do you act like such a superior, responsible bitch when you ain't Fraze: You owe me 20 minutes Bea: Whatever Bea: you can go take a dump or crywank when I get there then Bea: like it's hard Bea: he can't go anywhere Fraze: I didn't say it was hard Fraze: Don't mean I wanna be here, doing it Bea: I ain't the one who had him Bea: take it up with your mum if you fancy it Fraze: Yeah 'cause I really fancy a slap Fraze: Shut up Bea: Coulda fooled me, boy Fraze: You couldn't if you wanted to Fraze: Come back with a ladder, like Bea: 😑 Fraze: Did you eat? Fraze: Wherever the fuck you are Bea: Nah Bea: no time Fraze: I'll go for chips when you're back then Bea: Alright Bea: tah Fraze: Whatever Bea: Gracious Fraze: I'm hungry Fraze: One of us is growing still Bea: Better not Bea: you won't fit in normal people places soon Fraze: 😂 Bea: and your ma ain't gonna get you a new uniform Fraze: Have to stop going to school then Fraze: Shame Bea: 💔 Bea: Poor boy Fraze: Was gonna ask you to help me with writing up that chemistry experiment bullshit but fuck it now Bea: We may as well Bea: actually Bea: considering you'll definitely just have to go Bea: you're a boy, no one is distracted by your ankles Fraze: Alright Bea: Don't worry Bea: not asking for enthusiasm Fraze: You can ask Fraze: Don't mean I'm giving it to you Bea: Gutted Bea: 🙄 Fraze: I know Fraze: You and the teachers both Bea: Soooo cool Bea: work on your boyfriends maybe Fraze: Fuck off Bea: 😂 Fraze: Keep walking, Princess Bea: Who says I need to Bea: 👑 Fraze: Being carried home, yeah? Fraze: Who's the unlucky cunt doing the heavy liifting Bea: Come on Bea: trying to be funny but still got to be accurate Fraze: Who says? Fraze: Ain't started the Chemistry yet, like Bea: 'cos it ain't funny if it's blatantly untrue Bea: 🤷 Fraze: Who says I'm trying to be funny Bea: So you just wanna call me fat to be a dick Bea: Alright Bea: Have fun Fraze: Always putting words in my mouth Bea: heavy liifting Bea: there it is Fraze: I'm calling your boyfriend weak, not you fat Bea: 🙄 Fraze: Anyone who ain't a pussy could pick you up easy Bea: Why would he need to Bea: got a bike6 Fraze: 👑 Bea: you said it Fraze: I stand by it Bea: Idiot Fraze: You're the one caught in the rain, babe Bea: least he got a spare helmet Bea: could be worse Fraze: Depends who he is Bea: Doubt you know Fraze: Could be better then Bea: 'cos all your friends are peak? Fraze: 'Cause if you're trying to keep him anon he ain't shit Bea: I ain't Bea: you want a selfie or something Fraze: Not while he's driving Bea: Safety first Fraze: Don't give a fuck about anything else Fraze: Like I said, I ain't doing this on my own Fraze: So get here in one piece, like Bea: Chill out Bea: he ain't just passed Fraze: Don't mean shit Fraze: I'm a better driver & I ain't Bea: You're funny Bea: feel free to tell him when we get here Bea: wouldn't be weird at all Fraze: What do I wanna talk to that cunt for? Bea: idk Bea: you seem interested Fraze: He ain't coming in & I ain't waiting on the doorstep for you Bea: not in this rain Bea: with the kid Fraze: Yeah 'cause that's the reason Bea: mhmm Bea: deny it 😜 Fraze: I just fucking did Bea: 😂 Fraze: [goes offline because dealing with Baby Rocky and not well lbr] Bea: [let us get there in that time girl so you can come help] Fraze: [throws a towel and one of his sweatshirts at her when she comes in because really raining and he's a gentleman lol] Bea: [checking her face hoping there isn't mascara everywhere] Fraze: [starts putting his coat and shoes on cos he said he'd get her chips and he meant it even though we know he doesn't have to go right this second he just don't know how to be around her rn] Bea: [just like okay and looking at Rocky like what's up with him eh, 'have you fed him yet?'] Fraze: ['yeah' isn't looking at her or anything like its not this much of a task to get ready boy we see you] Bea: [looking at the clock working out how long they gotta keep him entertained before bath and bed 'cos not gonna be that long, 'cool, you got money from your 'rents for dinner or you wanna halvesies it?'] Fraze: ['I'm good' & then goes out without saying bye or anything how rude] Bea: don't even ask me what I want, like? Fraze: like I need to Bea: Hm okay but still Fraze: What? Bea: stop being funny with me yeah Fraze: We ain't mates anymore Bea: Oh Bea: thanks for admitting it then Fraze: You admitted you didn't wanna be first Fraze: I'm just keeping up Bea: Did not Bea: You Fraze: Nah Bea: I remember Bea: you were already on it you were probably drunk Fraze: Yeah well I remember inviting you out 'cause I wanted to hang out with you & you throwing it back in my face Bea: I told you why Bea: it wasn't about you Fraze: You didn't tell me shit Fraze: You never do any more Bea: You don't listen Bea: I don't like her alright Fraze: You think you're too fucking good, just like him Fraze: It ain't about her, she weren't there Bea: Too good for who? Fraze: To hang about with me Bea: Don't be stupid Bea: when have I ever said that Fraze: Like I said, you don't say shit Bea: You mean you want me to say I am so you've got an excuse Bea: stop being a wimp and just do it Fraze: I don't need excuses, I ain't your pussy of a boyfriend Bea: I don't have a boyfriend Fraze: Don't bullshit me Bea: I don't Bea: I'm not trying to be tied down or tie down Bea: Tah Fraze: Whatever you wanna call him then Fraze: Give a fuck Bea: A random Fraze: Don't tell me that Fraze: It don't make it better Bea: What Bea: I just got a lift because it was pissing it down Fraze: You know what Bea: No Bea: I don't Fraze: Yeah you do Fraze: Don't be stupid Bea: It isn't a big deal Bea: he's harmless Fraze: Jesus, Bea Bea: How can I make it any clearer it's nothing to be worried about Fraze: How can I make it any clearer that you wind me the fuck up Fraze: Forget about it Bea: well it's mutual Fraze: Yeah Bea: could've just said no Fraze: You could've said no to the lad on the bike Bea: why Bea: you said i had to be back Bea: it would've taken me ten times as long Fraze: [Comes back looking fresh to the death with that popped collar & wet look hi] Bea: [control yo 😍] Fraze: [swaps a baby for chips casually lol] Bea: [putting something baby hypnotizing on the tv and getting drinks] Fraze: [gives her look like you could literally put the godfather on what does he know but then eating cos growing boy fr] Bea: [shrugs like anything for an easy life boy] Fraze: [shrugs back] Bea: [awkward chip eating] Fraze: [at least he'd eat fast even if he's also on his phone cos popular] Bea: [Rocky grizzling 'cos getting sleepy so looking at him like ready 'cos she's not gonna be eating loads] Fraze: [okay but Fraze telling the bab a story that Joe told him when they were little during the bad times TM] Bea: [just being quiet 'cos nice moment] Fraze: [then Fraze takes him up to bed cos sleepy lil baby being uncharacteristically soft cos we know he loves them all so much really] Bea: [doing some clean up downstairs 'cos don't wanna intrude but wants to be helpful] Fraze: [comes back down and throws all his school shit on the now clean kitchen table cos chemistry calls] Bea: ['have you done any yet?] Fraze: [shakes his head cos obvious he don't know what to fucking do but gotta style it out like he don't care obvs] Bea: [sitting down and looking through it like okay let's do this] Fraze: [sneaking a look at her while she's looking at the work cos wants to] Bea: [explaining it like okay this won't take us long 'cos not a bad teacher] Fraze: [trying to listen but distracted shamelessly by the fact she's wearing his sweatshirt looking cute & they are sitting closer together than need to technically] Bea: [is like oh no I must have shit on my face like casually touching her face tryna check lowkey] Fraze: [has to look away cos trying not to smile at how fucking cute she is] Bea: [after a while doing that little exasperated laugh like 'what?'] Fraze: [a look before he can stop himself] Bea: [returning it] Fraze: [needs to look away but never will] Bea: ['I-' starts to say something but then doesn't, trying to get on with the work when so distracted] Fraze: [was casually leaning in but stops when she does] Bea: [is like i'm gonna go check on the baby like don't need to but gotta run] Fraze: [gets up to go before she can because likewise can't fucking sit here or will die] Bea: [when you have to raid the bar soz mcvickers] Fraze: [literally is up there like doing the cliche leaning against the closed bathroom door & hitting the mirror not hard enough to break it obvs but as like a why are you such a fucking idiot cos mood] Bea: he okay? Fraze: Yeah Fraze: [comes down & outside like he can just 🚬 in the pissing down rain like I know you ain't put your coat back on boy calm down] Bea: [comes out and gives him another LOOK] Fraze: [is trying to light the 🚬 but it won't obvs so he throws his lighter across the garden & swears about it because mature response and of course looks back at her even though he shouldn't] Bea: [when you just mean to pull him back inside but then you're pulling him into you and yeah] Fraze: [when you've wanted to kiss for the longest time and you finally do and its everything and you can't stop] Bea: [how overwhelming goodbye] Fraze: [literally though we might need to have mcvickers come home because no chill otherwise] Bea: [fr fr also you need to be inside in case Rocky wakes up so at least get yourself to the kitchen, when you're literally drenched #mood] Fraze: [they can kiss their way inside cos almost parallel to when they did it in the other convo to their garage room. When you shivering but it ain't cos you are cold also #mood] Bea: [taking the jumper off 'cos you know soaked to the bone but does that thing where you don't stop kissing somehow] Fraze: [lowkey sitting her on the edge of the table soz homework you gonna get wet because the height difference is real when they both standing up and can't get as close as they want but still not stopping the kissing at any point ever] Bea: [the levels of fuck you don't give even as babies we really gonna have to interrupt this 'cos no chill in telling him she wants him] Fraze: [like maybe Rocky is crying but ignoring cos priorities sorry baby boy but then they hear the car pull up and can't ignore that but also waiting until the last possible moment to stop because like you said no fucks given or chill] Bea: [when you gotta shoot upstairs 'cos you don't wanna be the one who has to explain why tf you soaked soz boy godspeed, deal with that baby gurl] Fraze: [when you're trying to clean up the blatant puddles on the floor but there's also the state of the table & no time so wtf can you do lowkey other than sweep that wet homework into your bag to worry about later and just face out the blatant state of the kitchen floor] Fraze: [at least he can blag he's soaked because he went to get chips because not a lie] Bea: [seriously sort yourself out girl 'cos no need to be that obvious] Bea: 🍀 Fraze: [Tess @ Fraze like why didn't you wear a coat you little idiot literally go upstairs & get dry so he does but you know he's just gonna go upstairs and hope they cross paths cos not scared of the danger] Fraze: Where are you? Bea: My room Fraze: [quickest put on of dry clothes in the world so he can come to her because only one with her own room we know] Bea: [just sat on her bed like hey] Fraze: [leaves the door open so he can hear if mcvickers are lurking & no shame in just picking up where they left off like boy you gotta chill] Bea: [fixing his hair which is too short to need fixing 'cos you just wanna] Fraze: [pulling her even closer to him like that's not a dangerous game, I can't even deal with either of you] Bea: [peppering in 'we should stop's with all the encouragement like okay bitch] Fraze: [he's as bad because you know he's just like on top of her on her bed right now kissing her like that's fine and they couldn't get caught any second] Bea: [again where are all the other kids, did they have a club, parents evening, who knows but don't interrupt] Fraze: [Let's say Joe comes back at least because can't be out all night like it'd make sense if Ro & Ali were like at at sleepover with ginger bitch cos creepy trio at that point & Tommy could likewise have some dance thing with Meena cos baby partners] Bea: [when you hear someone coming up the stairs and you have to jump apart like the guiltiest hoes in the world but it's just Joe going to his room so you're like do we or don't we] Fraze: [Blatantly are gonna continue but let's force a stop by having Tess calling one of them for some reason, probably Fraze for some shit he's done lol] Bea: [how to life now] Fraze: [Honestly, just imagine omg] Fraze: I don't have a girlfriend Bea: Okay Bea: what is she Fraze: If you hear her say she is, it's bullshit, like Fraze: She kissed me but I didn't Bea: Alright Bea: I believe you over her so Fraze: You have to Fraze: I don't want her Bea: fucking promise Fraze: I swear Fraze: I'll tell her Fraze: I'll tell everyone Fraze: & I'll show you Bea: I believe you Bea: you want me Bea: don't you Fraze: Yeah Fraze: Bunk off with me tomorrow Bea: Yeah Bea: alright Fraze: Alright Bea: nothing happened Bea: with that lad Fraze: I believe you Fraze: I still wanna fuck him up though Bea: He's irrelevant Bea: you know what I was doing anyway Fraze: Same I was Bea: Yeah? Fraze: I don't like her but I liked that you were jealous of her Bea: Dick Fraze: You'd love it if I beat up bike boy Fraze: Come on Bea: Bet you couldn't anyway Fraze: Bullshit Fraze: You know I can Bea: Maybe Fraze: Nah Bea: well you don't need to Bea: focus on me Fraze: I can do both Fraze: Not gonna take long to fight him Bea: Come on Fraze: What? Bea: already pissed off everyone came and stopped us Bea: don't wanna waste time Fraze: I'm not gonna go find him now, like Fraze: Or tomorrow Fraze: That's a full day of no other cunts about, just me & you Bea: feels like ages since we did that Fraze: 'Cause it has been Bea: Yeah Bea: we've gotta be careful Fraze: You can still get top marks if you don't have perfect attendance, babe Bea: 😏 not what I meant Fraze: I know Fraze: But we ain't that fucking stupid Bea: nah Bea: I'm glad we're talking again Bea: properly Fraze: Me too Fraze: I didn't mean all the cunty shit I said Fraze: You know that, yeah? Bea: I know Bea: it don't matter Bea: we were both as bad Fraze: Yeah but we gotta clear the air Fraze: I ain't wanted you this long to let it get fucked up Bea: It won't Bea: but alright Bea: what do you wanna say Bea: or know Bea: idk Fraze: Just that I'm sorry Fraze: Not just Bea: you're allowed to get with other girls Bea: if you want Bea: but I can't not be jealous Fraze: I don't Bea: You know there's nothing they can do that I can't do better yeah Fraze: Yeah I know you're better than them Fraze: Not only like that though Bea: Don't need to sweet-talk me Fraze: It's not Fraze: You don't need me to tell you that you're smart & still are a laugh & not full of shit Fraze: But you asked me what I wanted to say Bea: I wish tomorrow was now Fraze: If you can stay up I'll come back when everyone's asleep Fraze: It'll be late enough to count as tomorrow Bea: what happened to being careful then Fraze: Who don't you trust, me or you? Bea: 😏 Bea: shut up Bea: I'll be awake Fraze: & I'll be careful Bea: Fraze Fraze: Yeah? Bea: Have you got things for tomorrow Bea: condoms Fraze: 'Course Fraze: School's always chucking 'em at us Fraze: Cheers Da for not making us go Catholic Bea: 😂 Bea: Good Fraze: Anything else you want? Fraze: Got a whole day to kill, like Bea: Just you Fraze: Bea Bea: Yeah? Fraze: You have me now Bea: I've wanted to hear that for a long time Fraze: I've wanted it to be true for a long time Bea: I can't stop thinking about you Fraze: Don't Fraze: 'Cause I think about you all the time Bea: It's so Bea: distracting Fraze: I ain't saying sorry Bea: I don't want you to Bea: I want you to be missing me as much as I miss you right now though Fraze: Tell me how much Fraze: I'll give it my best shot Bea: I don't know what to do with myself now Bea: I can't sleep but I can't do anything productive Fraze: Keep thinking about me Fraze: That'll be well productive Bea: One word for it Bea: you want me to Fraze: I don't want you to stop thinking about me, like ever Bea: Give it my best shot Bea: 😜 Fraze: Good Bea: You know I think about you Fraze: Yeah but thinking I'm an idiot don't count Bea: That's only like Bea: half the time Fraze: 😂 Fraze: I reckon I can change those figures Fraze: Decent odds at it now Bea: Not gonna say no if you think you're up to the challenge Fraze: What challenge? Fraze: You want me, you told me Bea: Alright, rude Bea: can change my mind, you know Fraze: You won't Fraze: I want you & I'll show you, like I said Bea: have you done it before Fraze: With who? I already told you, you're better than them Bea: I just wanted to know Fraze: You heard when a girl kissed me but you reckon you'd not know that Bea: I don't know Bea: doesn't bode well for how sneaky you can be Bea: does it Fraze: Weren't trying to be then Bea: Yeah you were trying to make me jealous Bea: 😒 Fraze: Exactly Bea: Did you really have to do that Fraze: Would you have kissed me if she didn't? Bea: Maybe not today Fraze: Then I did have to Bea: I just remembered how it was when we were little Bea: if I got in shit then Fraze: I ain't forgotten Fraze: We'll be careful Bea: Where we gonna go Bea: you're mum will be in won't she Fraze: Yeah but Shane's ma ain't & I know where the spare key is Fraze: We can go to his Bea: Good idea Bea: glad he's got some use Fraze: 😂 Bea: not gonna have a thank you note or anything but Fraze: You don't like any of my mates, do you? Bea: Well Bea: they're alright Bea: some of 'em Fraze: Gimme a list of the alright ones & I'll keep you away from 'em before I get jealous Bea: 😂 Bea: Cute Fraze: Don't take the piss Bea: I ain't Bea: not my fault you're so fucking cute Fraze: 😏 Bea: Come be cute here soon okay Bea: you're taking the piss not me Fraze: It ain't my fault Joe won't go the fuck to sleep Fraze: He's taking the piss, not me Bea: He'll be up half the night probably Bea: 😒 Fraze: Fuck that Fraze: I'll batter him Bea: Least that ain't out of character Bea: no one's gonna question that like Fraze: Come downstairs Fraze: Nobody can question us getting a drink at the same time Bea: [does, probably looking cute in PJs] Fraze: [likewise cos you know he's topless but rocking them pj bottoms #mood] Bea: [we all know] Fraze: [puts her on the counter instead of the table this time because gotta just make mems everywhere] Bea: [shh kiddos] Fraze: [casual stealth kissing] Bea: [one of yous is gonna have to find chill] Fraze: [let's have Rocky cry for a throwback & to remind them that Mcvickers exist lol] Bea: [smiling bit sad like well that's the end of that then, 'you go up first'] Fraze: [gives her the best final kiss first because that bitch but then yeah you gotta go boy] Bea: [when the curse of wanting to say ily is back with a vengeance lmao] Bea: You're good at that Bea: don't waste it on anyone else yeah Fraze: I won't Fraze: You're not gonna either, are you? Bea: No Bea: why would I Fraze: I dunno Fraze: 'Cause you could Fraze: You're fucking hot, you know Bea: So are you Bea: I'm not interested in anyone else right now Fraze: Me either Bea: 👍 Fraze: 😂 Fraze: You speechless, yeah? Bea: You wish Fraze: Nah Fraze: Like we said, I'm glad we're talking again Bea: Good Bea: it's hard to ignore you Bea: not just 'cos we live in the same house Fraze: It was hard to ignore you when we didn't Fraze: You know, like Fraze: That shit from when we were kids Fraze: It weren't your fault Bea: Whatever Bea: don't matter Fraze: Yeah it does Fraze: I didn't even like girls & I liked you Bea: so special yeah Fraze: Maybe Bea: don't chat shit Fraze: Alright then yeah Fraze: I wanna be with you, don't I? Fraze: Not none of the rest Bea: we don't need to talk about it Bea: or put a label on it Bea: can't tell anyone anyway yeah Fraze: You mean you don't wanna Fraze: You already said you ain't looking to be tied down or tie down Bea: no Bea: I mean what I said Bea: you know that Fraze: Whatever Bea: Don't be moody Bea: I still want you too Fraze: I ain't Bea: Sure? Fraze: If you want me to be in a mood, keep going Bea: Come on Bea: be my friend 😉 Fraze: Be mine Bea: I am Bea: your best friend Fraze: Yeah Bea: You're mine too Fraze: Keep it like that Fraze: You don't need any new friends even if you reckon you need a lift Bea: He ain't my friend Fraze: Good Bea: Fraze Fraze: What? Bea: it's really hard to stop Fraze: What do you mean? Bea: I mean Bea: I just want more Fraze: Well, that ain't no problem Bea: It can be Fraze: Nah, not for us Bea: yeah Bea: okay then Bea: you do want to Bea: I didn't ask Bea: I just Fraze: 'Cause you don't need to ask Fraze: Why wouldn't I? Bea: idk Bea: you might not be ready to go all the way Fraze: Don't get dramatic Fraze: It's not a big deal, like Bea: Can be Bea: some people Bea: but alright then Fraze: I'm not a fucking girl Bea: didn't say you were Bea: not only girls care about this shit Fraze: Lads don't Bea: says who Fraze: Everyone Bea: I bet most of your mates are still virgins so Fraze: 'Cause they can't talk any girls into it Bea: you think that's what's happened here Fraze: I'm not talking about them, not us Bea: I'll see you later Fraze: Don't Bea: I just don't wanna chat about this Fraze: You started it Fraze: What you wanna talk me out of it for? Bea: I was making sure Bea: it's what you're meant to do Fraze: You know I am Bea: then there's nothing else that needs saying Fraze: I ain't scared of anything Fraze: There's that, if you've forgotten Bea: you don't have to prove shit to me Fraze: No I fucking don't Bea: Why are you angry at me Fraze: Why are you treating me like some kind of pussy all of a sudden? Bea: I ain't Bea: that's how you've decided to take it Bea: which is more ridiculous Fraze: How else am I meant to take it? Bea: that I give a shit about how you feel Bea: won't bother from now on though Fraze: Then listen to me Fraze: Jesus Bea: I have Bea: fucking hell Fraze: Do you not want to Fraze: 'Cause that's how it's starting to sound Bea: No Bea: I told you I do Fraze: Alright Fraze: Then stop trying to have a domestic with me Bea: I said shut up Bea: just come when he's asleep Fraze: I am Bea: 👍 Fraze: Don't fall asleep before he does Bea: 😑 I'm not gonna am I Bea: wake me up anyway Fraze: Knowing you, you'll start doing your homework or some shit Bea: meant to be doing yours Bea: actually Fraze: Fucked until it dries out though Bea: you're so devvo, I'm sure 😏 Fraze: 'Course Bea: Maybe I'll make you do it tomorrow Bea: 😂 Fraze: Maybe I'll make you forget you said that Fraze: Fucking hope so Bea: Ha Bea: me too Fraze: These days you're such a swot though Fraze: Only so much I can do Bea: Piss off Bea: just 'cos I'm smart Fraze: Exactly why you don't need to be such a fucking stresshead about it Bea: just 'cos I get my work done don't mean I stress Fraze: When you won't come out 'cause you've got work that's stressing Bea: I wouldn't come out 'cos she was there, stupid Fraze: That ain't the only time you've said no Bea: Well Bea: gotta do it some time Bea: I thought you just wanted to be with your mates too Fraze: You're my mate Fraze: Best, so you said Bea: I am Fraze: Then why wouldn't I wanna hang around with you? Fraze: Don't be stupid Bea: Alright Bea: maybe they don't Fraze: Give a shit Fraze: They can fuck off Bea: 😂 Fraze: 😂 Bea: we can do whatever we want tomorrow Fraze: Yeah Fraze: & any other day, like Fraze: You're the one who gives a shit about school Bea: well gotta go in sometimes Fraze: Nah, the teachers love it when I ain't there Bea: Your mum wouldn't though Fraze: She's got her hands full with the new one Fraze: Can do what I want Bea: test that theory Fraze: I'm about to Bea: Yeah? Bea: Better be coming here or rude Fraze: [Finally shows up fucks sake Joe also how low key triggering to have someone creep into your room in the middle of the night soz Bea] Bea: [but it's cool 'cos you been impatiently waiting so you very ready and here for it] Fraze: [Dread to think what time it is, Joe you cockblock] Bea: [whispering obvs 'you were ages'] Fraze: ['Give Joe a beating in the morning if you like'] Bea: ['Maybe I will...Or you could save him and make me feel better now'] Fraze: [kisses her like its been a thousand years since he last did instead of however long] Bea: [just pushing him down on the bed like that ain't a dangerous game] Fraze: [At least he's quiet unlike his future son so one less thing to worry about] Bea: ['I can't wait for tomorrow..it's been so long coming'] Fraze: [Nods cos ain't that the truth but despite what you said you are lowkey nervous cos the love is real & you want it to be good] Bea: [tilts his head for eye contact and gives him a softer-starting kiss] Fraze: [When you're ruined by the softness so you gotta go harder because who is he if not someone who hides behind being a cocky little shit] Bea: [goes with it] Fraze: [When you've never touched a girl in a sexy way before but enthusiasm and bravado are your friends] Bea: [do what feels good lads] Fraze: [Thank god he was friends with much older lads as a tiny boy, inappropriate as that was 'cause heard & saw some shit that'll help him now] Fraze: [All those times at the playground with the teens, oh god bless baby baze] Bea: [when you know a lot but trying to tone it down for all the reasons] Fraze: [Yeah making him feel awkward isn't a good idea even though it's okay you're a virgin boy you're young af, lowkey am gonna have to help him though cos he don't know as much as he thinks he knows lbr] Bea: [moving him where he needs to be and making the right noises of encouragement, quietly though please] Fraze: [Very tactful babe, well played, you've earned yourself a turned on gasp from him for your efforts] Bea: [looking at him like 'good, I know'] Fraze: [some good eye contact] Bea: ['Fuck'] Fraze: [is 😏] Bea: [tries to say 'shut up' but you know don't clearly] Fraze: [kisses her cos they obvs both need to be quiet even if they don't wanna] Bea: [when you gotta bite your lip really hard] Fraze: [when bae looks really hot doing that so you're just like damn] Bea: [up in his ear like 'tomorrow we can be as loud as we want'] Fraze: [his turn to say fuck] Bea: [puts her finger to his lips like shh] Fraze: [such a look because stop being so hot thank you but also don't] Bea: [bringing out some of your knowledge 'cos not tryna be a dead fish either tah] Fraze: [Least some good can come out of how sad that makes me to think about, excuse me Bea: [ily curse] Fraze: [literally same though, you know I ain't gonna be able to stop him for long] Bea: [when you have to stop 'cos hear someone on the landing like hold up] Fraze: [hold your breath and freeze lads] Bea: [try not to be too frustrated and fail] Fraze: [the way he'd be looking at her wouldn't help soz babe] Bea: [just moving slowly like this'll be fine] Fraze: [when you should give a shit but you clearly don't, oh you two never change] Fraze: [okay but giving her little kisses because they are soft and don't make a sound goodbye] Bea: [being like oh 'cos intimacy what] Fraze: [literally nearly said it shhh] Bea: ['you're so'] Fraze: [looks at her like finish that sentence thank you] Bea: [teases him longer than necessary like 😏] Fraze: [When you lowkey forget that you have to be quiet because you're going hard so that she'll tell you/give you another compliment/make a sound thats so hot you don't mind that she didn't finish her sentence] Bea: [When his back is gonna be scratched to fuck 'cos you gotta hold in how loud you need to be, 'good, you're so fucking good'] Fraze: [When you can't even be smug cos so into all of this rn that how to do life tbh] Bea: [when you start going some 'cos how much more can either of you take lbr] Fraze: [seriously though] Bea: [hope whoever has gone back to bed bye] Fraze: [I'm loling because this is day 1 like how long are you gonna keep this under wraps for lads] Bea: [when you keep kissing 'cos you don't want him to go but gotta] Fraze: [when you wanna stay but you don't know how to be like yeah let's just fall asleep together snuggling bye so you're just kissing her back and holding onto her nbd] Bea: [when you have to stop eventually or you're just gonna start again so you're just looking up at him] Fraze: [When this is the one time you have to look away first because you're gonna fucking say it if you don't so its like the slowest and most ridiculous song and dance of almost leaving ever like boy you ain't gonna put on shoes and a coat we can't string this out forever] Bea: [just there with nothing to do casually like get your PJs back on properly, fix your hair, 'night, Fraze'] Fraze: [off he goes without saying anything how rude but we know its cos he dare not] Bea: I know it was good Bea: don't try and pretend Fraze: I ain't pretending nothing Bea: you didn't say nothing Fraze: Being quiet weren't I Bea: I managed still Fraze: Yeah alright Bea: just don't be weird Fraze: I ain't being anything Bea: alright Fraze: Not gonna be like 'well cheers then' am I, that'd be weird Bea: obviously not 🙄 weirdo Bea: gave you an easy out why didn't you just say night back Fraze: 'Cause I don't wanna say goodnight Bea: okay then Fraze: I don't wanna just go to sleep like that didn't happen Bea: what do you wanna do Fraze: Come & have a 🚬 with me, yeah? Bea: Alright Bea: you got 1? Bea: I might have but only emergency 1 Fraze: Got loads for tomorrow Fraze: Today now, like Bea: Can use 'em to count Bea: See you out there Bea: I need to freshen up Fraze: Don't be ages Bea: not gonna put on a full face of makeup Bea: just sort this mess slightly tah Fraze: You don't look a mess Bea: Well, a bit Bea: but that's your fault Fraze: I'm in a worse state but you don't hear me saying anything Fraze: Come on Fraze: It looks like it's gonna piss down again Bea: Yeah, that was my point 😜 Bea: you better have put a top on Fraze: I've put my dressing gown on, so you can stop swooning over me, like Bea: 😂 oh shut up Fraze: Make me, babe Fraze: If you ever get enough of a move on Bea: You wish we could Bea: I'm coming, bloody hell Bea: so impatient Fraze: You've had all my patience before now Fraze: & it didn't get me what I wanted Bea: so that's that fucked forever is it Bea: good to know Fraze: I'm waiting on you now, ain't I? Bea: You're cute Fraze: You made it obvious you reckon so Bea: Know you ain't mad about it Fraze: Didn't say I was Bea: Be an idiot if you was Bea: [comes down] Fraze: [intense eye contact ftw & forever but this time over the 🚬 as he puts it in her mouth & lights it, so intimate excuse you boy] Bea: [dying so you just gotta smoke and nod your thanks like] Fraze: [When you shrug but the look of love you're giving her betrays you as not casual lol] Bea: [giving it back so we're all good, going to sit down on whatever patio furniture they're rocking but it's cold and wet so mistake] Fraze: [Lols cos she's so cute sorry bout it] Bea: [when you're pouty but not mad mad 'what happened to being quiet then?'] Fraze: [Picks her up and does the thing where she's also wrapped in the dressing gown so they both are because she's smol and shameless excuse to do a hug obvs and also not answer because did not mean to break the silence especially not first] Bea: [Snuggle pause] Fraze: [When you don't ever wanna put her down or let her go so you give her kisses so you don't have to] Bea: [just enjoy it you cute kids] Fraze: [just making out with the love of your life in the garden in the middle of the night nbd] Bea: [only stopping to give him the cigarette like don't forget but 😏 'cos you both know that ain't why you're out there] Fraze: [When you end up lowkey fucking the bae with your clothes on because that's why you ain't gone in yet shamelessly but because you ain't you can't be taking your clothes off here & now even though that's all you wanna do. At least PJs aren't a total cockblock unlike if you were both wearing jeans or some nonsense which would just be frustrating instead of good] Bea: [yay for getting to be a bit louder 'cos you should all be in bed neighbours] Fraze: [still not as loud as you want but you're welcome girl] Bea: ['How did you-' when you'd be used to the stamina of old creeps and lbr that's the only blessing there] Fraze: [Telling her how hot she is etc because that's true and a nicer answer than being like well I'm young af I only need a minute] Bea: [leaving it there like okay] Fraze: [Literally wanna say ILY what can I say instead send help] Bea: ['I'll miss you' talking about going to bed obvs] Fraze: ['You don't have to' when you feeling brave enough to hint that you wanna stay RIP] Bea: ['you know you'd have to get up in a few hours now, the baby wakes them up at the crack of dawn so' sad shrug] Fraze: [Gives her a look like yeah and what cos living that life rn where he believes there ain't nothing he can't do, bless you bab. 'If you want me to, I will' see what you did there boy acting like its not what you want haha] Bea: [thinking, 'not like either of us is getting much sleep now, still have to pretend to go to school so' more shrugging] Fraze: [shrugs back because oh so casual obvs lol] Bea: ['if you wanna, like'] Fraze: [when you smile before you can stop yourself/realise you have cos you just happy about it] Bea: [smiles back like sorted then] Fraze: [does the handshake from when they were little, remember when] Bea: [but finishes it with a smooch 'cos] Fraze: [Leads her back inside by the sleeve because girl you better have some kind of coat or jacket on my dad would be screaming] Bea: [cuteness ensues] Fraze: [Imagine how unreal this would all feel though like] Bea: [just touching him all the time like you're really there] Fraze: [couldn't get any closer to her if he tried though so its okay] Bea: ['do you feel any different or do you reckon that's just bollocks?'] Fraze: [When you wanna say you feel happier but you're such a stereotypical teenage lad how can you talk about your feelings like that so you just shrug] Bea: [looks at him like lol good chat babe and turns to get comfy] Fraze: [snuggles her because that's the real communication here] Bea: [let's just appreciate for a sec] Fraze: [it's soft time & I'm here for it thank you] Bea: [gonna be so knackered lmao] Fraze: [gonna have to drink so much shit instant coffee tomorrow, not a mood] Fraze: [At least they ain't going to school they'd actually be falling asleep] Bea: [you know she'd wake up before him and be ready even though could probably have another hour or two of sleep once he's back in his own room 'cos Rocky be up at about 5 and it's not like you need to start getting ready for School 'til like 7/8 tbh 'cos she's just that put together bitch, nudging him like hey sleepyhead] Fraze: [Let's not think about how cute he'd look half asleep goodbye] Bea: ['you gotta run'] Fraze: [Does because even sleepy he's not stupid and not trying to get caught but before he goes a little peck goodbye like the cliche when a dude is going to work and kisses his missus because seen that and copying it] Bea: You're a nerd Fraze: Bet you're doing homework as you try and take the piss out of me Bea: You're still a loser 😘 Fraze: And you're still impressed by me, babe Bea: Impressed isn't the word I'd go for Fraze: Should be Bea: Oh really Fraze: Yeah Bea: Hmm Bea: well keep trying Fraze: Fuck off, I don't need to try Bea: 🤷 Bea: Go back to sleep then, can get at least an hour or 2 Fraze: Alright Fraze: Don't miss me too much, like Bea: Do my best Fraze: Good Bea: 😏 Bea: you did look cute though Fraze: Don't be watching me sleep Bea: Shut up Bea: like you'd know Bea: constant audience Bea: you know you like me more than both of 'em Fraze: I like you more than anyone Fraze: It don't mean you can take liberties Bea: Don't worry, I'm not planning on it Bea: might get distracted by Joe like Fraze: Shut up Bea: You Fraze: You ain't allowed to like him Bea: Why not Fraze: Loads of reasons Fraze: So don't Bea: I don't Bea: but I could if I wanted to Fraze: [Doesn't answer because fuming about this] Bea: You fallen asleep? Fraze: Yeah Bea: 👍 Bea: Alright Fraze: See you at breakfast, like Bea: yep Fraze: Alright Fraze: Good morning then Bea: Don't say it Fraze: What? Bea: you didn't wanna say it last night Bea: so don't say it now Fraze: Whatever Bea: Fine Bea: Bye Fraze: Just forget I said it Bea: why Fraze: 'Cause I didn't mean to Bea: Yeah you did you're in a mood Fraze: Don't Bea: You don't Fraze: Fuck's sake Bea: I told you I don't fancy Joe, don't be ridiculous Fraze: & I said shut up Bea: I've not said anything wrong Bea: but fine Fraze: I ain't talking about him no more Bea: not like he's my favourite topic of conversation Fraze: Stop fucking bringing him up then Bea: this is fucking ridiculous Fraze: You started it Bea: How am I meant to ignore him he lives here too Fraze: Do what you want Bea: not if you're gonna be mad with me about it Fraze: I'm not mad at you Bea: who then Fraze: Me Fraze: I just can't think about you with anyone else Bea: I told you I don't want anyone else Bea: it was just a stupid joke Fraze: I fucking know that Bea: I'm sorry Bea: alright Fraze: Don't Bea: What, I can't say sorry Bea: it was dumb Fraze: Not for this shit Fraze: I got wound up, that's on me Bea: we alright? Fraze: Are you gonna forgive me for being such a cunt? Bea: You ain't Bea: and you aren't Bea: so yeah Fraze: You know it's 'cause I like you, yeah? Bea: I like you too Fraze: I'll make it up to you Fraze: I swear Bea: I like you Bea: cunt or nah Bea: remember Fraze: I ain't forgotten Fraze: Point is, I wanna keep it like that Fraze: & have a good time Fraze: Not a day you're dreading, like Bea: I'm not Bea: swear, not gonna make it weird Bea: just have fun Fraze: Fuck it then Fraze: I'm getting coffee Fraze: You want a cup? Bea: Yeah please Fraze: Meet me in the kitchen for a trial run of acting like you hate me or whatever Fraze: Loads of past experience to draw from Bea: 😂 Bea: it was never hate, drama queen Bea: but yeah, I've got this Fraze: I know that but this family don't Bea: I'm not gonna come down and kiss you, it's fine Fraze: Shame Fraze: But alright Bea: Take it up with the fam, not me Fraze: Wouldn't be the first time I kicked off before breakfast Bea: If you can think of a decent excuse you're less tired than me Fraze: I don't need one Fraze: I'm a McKenna, end of Bea: 🙄😏 Bea: can't say it doesn't work Fraze: I've never had a bad idea, babe Fraze: Come on Bea: ha Bea: you've had plenty but I always sve your ass from trouble Fraze: See? Have to keep hold of you Fraze: Need you, don't I? Bea: Yeah, you do Fraze: You're smart, think of a reason we've gotta go to school early, yeah? Bea: Alright Bea: coffee me first Bea: [comes down] Fraze: [gives her the mug with a kiss because nobody about yet even though you know they could appear at any point, like] Bea: [obvs kisses back and is happy but then does a fake 'fuck you' look 'cos practising] Fraze: [gives her a look back obvs but then kisses her again cos no fucks given about the danger] Bea: [when you sit ON the table to be like remember when with that eyebrow raise and sipping your coffee] Fraze: [gives her a very different look but because I'm evil before he can do anything Tess Vickers TM comes in with baby Rocky but like is lowkey so sleep deprived she don't even notice them straight away and gotta do that mum double take like oh] Bea: [hop off that table bitch and start explaining your excuses for why you gotta go school early, she knows Tess ain't gonna be #invested so as long as it's boring and semi-believable, probably like helping with some breakfast club, her for looking good on a uni app, him 'cos gotta for detention vibe maybe] Fraze: [when you already annoyed cos your ma cockblocked your table moment and then she shoves your baby brother at you for a sec cos you say that's the reason you're awake #believable gang & then she makes a joke about coffee stunting your growth cos toll boy & such a mum haha but then you cheer up cos the bae comes through with a good lie, not that you're gonna show it] Bea: [when you're just smirky 'cos heheh got away with it] Fraze: Either that coffee kicked in proper quick or you didn't really need it Bea: You can tell me how smart I am on here Bea: no one will know Fraze: [Baby in one hand, phone in the other, what a mood & a look lol] Fraze: Maybe I wanna say it to your face Bea: Won't have to wait too long Bea: thanks to my genius 😜 Fraze: It's still gonna feel like ages Bea: just be thankful the little ones aren't here Bea: be even worse Fraze: Believe me, I fucking am Bea: Shame that one's not old enough to ship off either but you know Bea: [comes over and squishes baby Rocky's cheeks] Fraze: It's alright, he won't say shit Fraze: [Kisses her again like see and also because any second alone is a chance he's gonna take shamelessly] Bea: [just looking at him like you're crazy boy] Fraze: Get back on the table, I'll be like less than a minute Fraze: [Takes Rocky away like you don't need to see this bab] Bea: Aw, don't do yourself down like that, babe Fraze: Shut up, not what I meant Fraze: [Comes back & gives her a look like obviously what I meant thank you] Bea: [when you can't argue with that look] Fraze: [the sneaky tabletop make out we all deserve] Bea: ['when's the earliest we can leave, realistically?'] Fraze: ['Fuck it, I'll get ready & let's just go' cos he shamelessly has just been fucking around this whole time like sort your shit boy] Bea: [nods like alright, 'sadly I can't come with so, be quick, yeah?'] Fraze: [I love that she felt the need to say that cos we all know he's a boy that takes ages normally lol so gonna take that on board slightly but still gonna take a while cos that bitch. At least they won't be leaving suspiciously early by the time he's done fucking around] Bea: how do you even take so long Bea: you've not got hair to style, you don't wear make up Fraze: Do you want me to look good for you or nah? Bea: You always look good Fraze: You're only telling me that 'cause you want me to hurry the fuck up Bea: So negative Bea: Usually happy to take a compliment Fraze: Give me one when you ain't waiting on me & I'll have it Bea: Babe Fraze: Yeah? Bea: it's so impressive how you can turn anything and everything into a fight Bea: how's that for a real compliment Fraze: Cheers Fraze: Do my best Bea: Well you're the best at it Bea: no doubt about that Fraze: Like I said, everything's a fight Fraze: Gotta be ready for it Bea: Then I shouldn't even bother being nice to you Fraze: I told you, do what you want Bea: Well I might wanna be nice to you Bea: but if you don't believe that then Fraze: If you wanna then do it, that's literally what I'm saying Bea: Lord Bea: I'll be outside Fraze: Babe Fraze: Don't be mad about it Bea: I ain't Bea: I just Bea: nah, idk Fraze: Tell me Bea: You don't have to be like that with me Bea: I thought you knew that Fraze: I do Fraze: But there's not a switch for it, like Bea: Yeah Bea: that makes sense Fraze: I'm sorry, you know Bea: Forget I said it, but actually Bea: not passive aggressive bullshit Bea: nothing's that easy, I know that Fraze: I don't wanna Fraze: I want it to be that easy Bea: I know Bea: just know that Bea: I'm never going to fight you for real Bea: because I could never hate you Fraze: You should know that you do make me feel different Fraze: No bullshit Bea: we've got each other's backs Bea: yeah Bea: always have, it's not got to be weird or new just 'cos Fraze: Exactly Fraze: Nothing's changed Fraze: I meant what I said, I liked you before I even gave a shit about other girls Fraze: & I ain't gonna be a better person 'cause I can't that's bullshit, but I don't have to be the same cunt I am with everybody else Fraze: 'Cause you're better than them, I already said it Bea: I know Bea: we aren't just doing this because Bea: all the reasons people can think of that we shouldn't Bea: I wanted to be with you then, I still do but more Bea: and I don't want you to be a better person Bea: We're fucked up together yeah Fraze: I ain't never shared my lunch with any other fucker Fraze: I made my mind up then so people can think what they want Fraze: Nobody's taking you away from me Fraze: It's always been me & you Bea: Yeah Bea: I feel it too Fraze: [Finally appears and makes a come on gesture] Bea: [when your 😍 are huge like 'scuse me fam nothing to see here] Fraze: [when you basically running so you can be out of sight of everyone not soz bye fam] Bea: [when you basically have to jump him to initiate a kiss as soon as you can] Fraze: [when you literally don't give a fuck that any of the neighbours might see you because nobody else exists rn again not soz] Bea: [when you keep saying 'me and you' between kisses 'cos basically ily but not] Fraze: [adding the always in because real & such a declaration but one he can get away with] Bea: [hope it ain't raining today 'cos you got time to kill 'fore you can shamelessly use your friend's house, not that they care lbr] Fraze: [Let's imagine one of the neighbour's fences has a loose panel that they can fit through that he obvs knows about cos sneaky bitch who's been in there before so they can have a bit of privacy until they have somewhere to go] Bea: [just joking like 'this is where you bring all your bitches, yeah?'] Fraze: [is 😏] Bea: [cuffs his head but she'd really have to reach lmao] Fraze: [lols and picks her up like if you wanna have another go] Bea: [aggressive kissing] Fraze: [obvs into it] Bea: [when you debating on giving him hickeys but probs not so stick to biting his lips like] Fraze: [like you can as long as he don't give you any as well lol 'cause not subtle] Bea: [when you're insatiable] Fraze: [Can't even shade because I can't even imagine wanting something for as long as they have and yet still being so young and dramatic] Bea: [we know how this day gonna go can probably leave 'em to it Fraze: [True cos we all know what's up and this is gonna be long anyway]

[7r0773r]

A Little Devil in America: Notes in Praise of Black Performance by Hanif Abdurraqib

There were no Black people who clowned me or any of my pals for listening to so-called "alternative" music, because the people who introduced us to that music were Black people. Of course, there were the hip-hop stalwarts, just like there were the overly devoted punk kids or metalheads who didn't really have much interest in crossing genres up. But these were not a malicious bunch—one simply respected the territory as needed. Keep a wide range of cassettes in a bag, so that if the fate of school bus seating shook you out next to the devoted rap heads, you'd have something to pass around and collectively nod to. And if you found yourself with a committed Black goth, you could pull the dubbed tape of Cure songs out of your back pocket. I first learned to code-switch through the musical movements of my people, and done among my people in this way, it didn't feel like a shameful burden. It felt like a generosity—a celebration of the many modes we could all fit into.

I think of this particular part of my upbringing when I hear other Black people reference what they grew up listenIng to or watching in an attempt to distance themselves from other Black people, or to make their experience exceptional or unique. A better and more interesting conversation to have, I think, is the one about how we are all outside the borders of someone else's idea of what Blackness is. To someone else Black, I am either too much of something or not enough of something else. The impulse when confronted with these facts, it seems, is to either attempt to assert whatever ness you claim and know well, or punish or deride those who might dare question your identity.

But if Blackness and the varied performance of it are to be embraced, then what also has to be embraced is the flawed fluidity of it. How the performance is sometimes regional, sometimes ancestral, often partially forged out of a need to survive some place, or some history, or some other people who didn't wish you or your kinfolk well. And yes, sometimes forged out of an ambition to appeal to the limited imagination of whiteness. The problem is that there is no way to prove oneself Black enough for every type of Black identity in the States, let alone the world. There is not always a way to prove (and possibly no way to trace) the how and why of your personal performance, until it becomes calculated. And in trying, high-profile figures often spiral further into being scrutinized by their doubters. I am thinking often on how crucial it is to love Black people even when feeling indicted by them. Even when that indictment is not out of love (which of course it sometimes is), but out of them clocking you for a standard you are not capable of rising to. I don't have any solution for this, but it has often seemed to me that even nodding and keeping it moving is an act of love when faced with the alternative of publicly debating the small or large nuances of specific modes of Blackness. And to not, in turn, make yourself a victim of Black people for the sympathy of a white audience. (On the Certain and Uncertain Movement of Limbs, pp. 103-04)

***

A country is something that happens to you. History is a series of thefts, or migrations, or escapes, and along the way, new bodies are added to a lineage. Someone finds a place where they think themselves meant to be, and they stop moving. Had the first job my father interviewed for come through at the start of the '80s, I would have been born in Providence, Rhode Island, instead of Columbus, Ohio, where work at the time was more plentiful. A city adorned with the name of a violent colonizer, his statue looming over the center of the downtown, his history a happening unto itself. I never asked to be in this country, or this city, of course. But what we end up with in the earliest moments of our lives can be beyond asking. I think now about the story of my two pals sitting down with their three-year-old only child and telling her that she was soon going to be the older sister to a new, younger child—the introduction of whom would require a halving of attention. The child took all of this information in, sat quietly for a moment, and then plainly replied, "No, thank you." (The Josephine Baker Monument Can Never Be Large Enough, p. 142)

***

Merry Clayton never gave birth to the baby she showed up to the studio pregnant with. Shortly after getting home from the session, she miscarried. There are those who say that the physical strain Clayton exerted in the studio contributed to the miscarriage, though she herself has never blamed the song or the Stones or the studio, which may be her way of keeping her grief her business and not aligning it with another piece of rock 'n' roll mythology. I don't know anything about what it is to carry or give life, but I know that when Merry Clayton's voice cracks in "Gimme Shelter," a part of me wants to jump as if it is the shot that begins the war itself. A part of me hears Mick shout and wants to know what he saw in that moment. A pregnant Black woman balancing on a stool, summoning all she had in order to leave behind something memorable. The backup singers, man. They get to be memorable for a few minutes at a time and forgotten in all of the minutes in between. I want to know if Mick saw every wretched tooth in the mouth of the world's most wretched beasts trembling and falling to the ground. There is some awful reckoning to be had in a song like that. Some awful things to be lived with. (I Would Like to Give Merry Clayton Her Roses, pp. 200-01)

***

I would like to give Merry Clayton her roses. I would like roses to burst forth from the walls of every room Merry Clayton is in. I would like to give roses to every singer who had a name tied up in liner notes and not on the tongues of people who sang along to their pristine vocals. I would like to bring roses to the doorstep of the house Merry Clayton walked out of at midnight in 1969 and I would like to lay roses on the stool where she sat, her pregnant belly hanging over the edge while she sang murder, murder, murder. I would like roses to come out of the ground somewhere any time a person's voice cracks under the weight of what it has been asked to carry, I would like to do this while the living are still the living, and I don't want to hear from any motherfucker who isn't with the program. I would like roses for Merry Clayton to fall from the sky whenever a gunshot echoes above and I would like roses for Merry Clayton in the hands of whoever could throw the first punch but doesn't. I want the small red fists to come from the earth and slowly open wherever Meredith Hunter's body is, or wherever his body had been. I want Merry Clayton to be as big as the Rolling Stones. I want teenagers to wear her face on T-shirts, and I mean her good face with her good afro and her fur coat and her father's eyes. I want record stores to stock the solo records of Merry Clayton in the front case and I want them to play all of the songs she sang alone, with no one else. I want enough roses to build headstones for everyone I love. I want the moment when the drums kick in on any version of "Gimme Shelter." I want that feeling in my chest to always remind me what I'd miss if it were taken from me. I want shelter, and I don't even know what that means anymore. I want nowhere, nothing sacred. (I Would Like to Give Merry Clayton Her Roses, pp. 203-04)

***

Late in 2016, after the election results had come back and the demographic voting breakdowns began to circulate, the most jarring of all the stats was that white women voted for Donald Trump over Hillary Clinton at a 52 percent to 43 percent clip. Resting underneath that, however, was that Black women overwhelmingly voted Clinton, at 93 percent. A lot of the conversation centered on the intersection of gender and power, and how white women will vote in the interest of the latter if it means ignoring all else. But what also began was a groundswell of appreciation for Black women that read as disturbing to me, largely because it was rooted primarily in their ability to fix the country, or labor on behalf of a mess many of them didn't ask for. The discomfort was most visceral because a majority of people engaging in this narrative in its early stages were white, and potentially "well-meaning," but not considering what the building of those ideas might be doing. Or not considering the motives behind these actions. To shout "Black women are going to save us all!" might feel good to type out to send in a tweet, but it reads as less good when one stops to consider that Black people—specifically Black women in this case—are not here in this country as vessels to drag it closer to some moral competence. The American obsession with immorality and a willingness to push its hardest labor off on its most marginalized is integral to the Black American experience, and so it occurred to me that maybe Black women were simply attempting to save themselves. That many Black people in the country have to go to jobs they don't love, or deal with waves of microaggressions at work or at the coffee shop or at the gym, and still know that voting won't save or stop any of this but did it anyway because the bet was already bad but the dealer had the cards in his hand to make it worse, and so many of us knew it. (Beyoncé Performs at the Super Bowl and I Think About All of the Jobs I've Hated, pp. 215-16)

***

Friends, I come to you very plainly afraid that I am losing faith in the idea that grief can become anything but grief. The way old neighborhoods are torn to the ground and new ones sprout from that same ground, it feels, most days, like my grief is simply being rebuilt and restructured along my own interior landscape. There is not enough distance between tragedies for my sadness to mature into anything else but another new monument obscuring the last new monument. When the interviewers asked Buster Douglas what his plan was in 1990, days before the fight, he responded I'll just hit him, I guess. And trust, I have dragged myself back to the walls of my fears and thrown my fists into them, hoping a crack might open for the sunlight to gallop through. But it turns out I'm not the fighter I once was, and I was never much of a fighter in the first place. It turns out all of my fears have become immovable.

I am afraid not of death itself, but of the unknown that comes after. I am afraid not of leaving, but of being forgotten. I am in love today but am afraid that I might not be tomorrow. And that is to say nothing of the bullets, the bombs, the waters rising, and the potential for an apocalypse. People ask me to offer them hope, but I'd rather offer them honesty. Black people get asked to perform hope when white people are afraid, but it doesn't always serve reality. Hope is the small hole cut into the honest machinery. The milk crate is still a milk crate, but with the right opening, a basketball can make its way through. If I am going to be afraid, I might as well do it honest. Arm in arm with everyone I love, adorned in blood and bruises, singing jokes on our way to a grave. (Fear: A Crown, pp. 248-49)

***

August 2016

Young Thug is wearing a dress on the cover of his mixtape Jeffery and the Internet wants to argue about what it all means for the future of masculinity and I need a haircut tomorrow but I'm not going to the shop to hear them talk about this shit and I go because it's the only shop in town but I hate their politics but I gotta stay fly because I don't feel like myself without a fresh cut. Let me try this again. I don't feel like myself without something that makes me desirable to people I don't know, and to know this is to know that the future of masculinity is probably not in the shape people want it to be. But Young Thug is wearing an expensive dress on the cover of his mixtape, and on the Internet, there are people insisting that this will be the thing that pushes the conversation forward. Someone shares a video of Young Thug flashing guns and this is the juxtaposition: You can still be hard and wear a dress is the sentiment. I scroll through comments and see variations on this theme, but I don't see anyone mention the idea that perhaps one problem is the public's concept that the masculine antithesis to wearing a dress is showing that you are willing to enact violence. Within an hour of the cover art's release, outlets write about it, labeling the art as controversial. No one suggests that the very idea of gender norms themselves are controversial, or that any binary aggressively enforcing itself through rigid definitions is controversial. Young Thug wore a dress on the cover for a mixtape that had some good songs about that same shit Thug had been rapping about forever and no one I know really listened to it all that much because the talk about the dress eclipsed all else. About a month later, a man walked out of the train station near my apartment wearing a crop top, a full face of makeup, and tight jeans that flared wide at the bottom. The papers say he was chased by another group of men until they caught him on a corner two blocks from where I lived. He was beaten bloody by one man while the others stood over him, mocking the way he curled up in a ball while being kicked. This story made the last five minutes of the local news. I wonder what clothing masculinity could cloak itself in that might drive it further away from an obsession with dominance through violence. I don't get my hair cut for three weeks. (On the Performance of Softness, pp. 252-53)

[viperwhispered]

throwing in my prompt for anything goes! najma and yuu are having a fun conversation when suddenly, in the chaos of the public event, yuu gets hit with a stray charm or gimmick potion splatter that turns them into a lobster or something (some kinda icky creature). being magicless and not wanting to incur jamil's wrath, najma has to find someone who could change yuu back (ill leave that up to you aheh). -diodellet

Ty for the prompt (and chaos) @diodellet!

The 'Anything Goes' Story, part 4

The story where I write whatever you tell me to. You can find more info and the masterlist here.

To Najma’s delight, not only did you know of her, but you certainly were more open to conversation than her brother would have been.

Sure, you evaded Najma’s attempts at getting an official relationship confirmation out of you. Still, it was hard to tell which one of you, you or Najma, was the more curious one, trying to get information about Jamil from the other.

While you talked, Najma leaned conspiratorially over the counter.

“You know how he is, right? So easily lost in his own head sometimes. Like this one time-”

As she spoke, Najma waved her hand around, accidentally knocking over a bunch of the delicate flasks on your stand. You only had the time to gasp before they fell at your feet, shattering on impact, and your form disappeared before Najma’s eyes.

One of those little flasks would’ve been a fun little party trick, momentarily giving you snippy claws or a chitinous appearance to your skin. A whole bunch of them, though…

Najma leaned over the counter and found a distressed-looking lobster sitting in a puddle of sparkling red liquid.

Oh boy. This would not be fun to explain to Jamil - or her parents, or anyone else, for the matter.

Najma scooped up the lobster, frantically looking around. Think, Najma, think.

Edit: you can find next part here.

Again, time for you all to give me the next prompt to see how we continue this story.

Character(s), scenario, tone / genre, or whatever y'all think would be fun to see and throw my way. Sensible, requiring some suspension of disbelief, or just pure crack, anything goes.

Whoever is the first to reblog / reply to this post with their idea will get their prompt done for the next part.

I'm going to be kinda away for a couple of days, so I'd particularly appreciate you leaving your prompt in the notes of this post (so replies / reblog), so that others can see if a prompt has already been given all not.

However, you can't have your prompt picked twice in a row (so the next prompt should be from someone else than dio).

Tag list:

@colliope @crystallizsch @diodellet @jamilsimpno69 @jamilvapologist

@lex752 @perilous-pasta @twstgo

If you'd like to be tagged for this thing (or my writing in general), just gimme a shout.