#[HOO this got longer than I was expecting]

[sixpillarsofgenesis]

A (Non-Canon) Exhaustive Reference on Ergo for Lies of P

Ergo comes in many categories; due to Ergo being in the stages of infancy for industrial development, below is an extensive list of Ergo, graded from lowest to highest with additional notes for further review, as well as Stargazers, Stargazers +, and some items as used by Stalkers, Alchemists, and the Workshop Union.

Stargazers and Stargazers+

Before the fall of Krat to the Petrification Disease and the later Puppet Frenzy, Stargazers were used by Stalkers to communicate to their respective bases on mission updates, intelligence, and transmit missives across Krat without others hearing. However, since the Alchemists invented the Stargazers, they often can eavesdrop on these private missives, something they did much more frequently after Simon Manus took over to better plan their spread of the Petrification Disease.

When Sophia was captured, she found her soul splintered across each of the Stargazers, resulting in her being able to send and receive messages from P during his journey and aiding him by turning back time to the last Stargazer he left a bit of his own Ergo at.

In the new timeline created by the Blue Butterfly Record, Carlo modifies the Stargazers into a Stargazer+ model. Eavesdropping was - unknowingly - scrambled by this action, leaving the Alchemists forced to do more groundwork regarding their own spy activities, which is quite frustrating for Simon Manus and his group.

Types of Ergo:

Ergo comes in nine grades of quality, not including subclasses or unique materials that were not discovered until later, starting with Kroud/Raw Ergo and ending with Complete Form Ergo.

Raw and Kroud: Raw and Kroud-grade Ergo is the lowest grade of Ergo, and this material is functionally useless for any power sources. Raw Kroud, however, is excellent in use for filtration systems for Ergo and Ergo particles. Once raw Kroud is removed from the main source, it ceases to grow, from which it can then be turned into thin sheets for water to pass through, or a rough substrate that can provide a higher grade Filtered Ergo. Dim Ergo Chunks, Crystals, and Fragments often come from this grade of Ergo.

Luminous Ergo: Luminous Ergo is material that has been successfully mined. While not extremely bright or energetic in colour, this is often the bulk of Ergo used in puppets and by Alchemists for their Liquid Ergo, unaware (or perhaps uncaring) that this is a material of very low quality. Radiant Ergo fragments come from this grade of Ergo.

Filtered Ergo: Filtered Ergo is any Ergo that is processed through Kroud Substrate or purified in saltwater that has an electric current running through it. Kroud Filtered is the easiest of the two methods; in the timeline that comes from Blue Butterfly Record, this is the cheap and quick option used to filter Krat's water supply and the Barren Swamp. This collects large deposits and provides an easily accessible quantity of Filtered Ergo for immediate use, as Ergo crystalises quickly, just like Kroud. Salt and Current Filtered Ergo is an intense process - this is the bare minimum used to build P and Carlo in the Real Boy timeline. Resplendent Ergo Chunks, Crystals and Fragments come from this grade.

Liquid Ergo/Fable Catalyst: Traditional and pure Liquid Ergo is a liquified version of Ergo collected by a Stargazer and produced over time - however, this material can take weeks to accumulate, so Alchemists often find shortcuts to make Liquid Ergo using the lowest grade possible.

Luminous Liquid Ergo is made by Alchemists and was previously sold to Stalkers at a severe markup. When the Filtered Liquid Ergo was provided by a competitor, the Alchemists were forced to slash their prices and lost out on some funding. As a Fable Catalyst, this material functions at 50% efficiency as compared to the highest grade Catalyst. Filtered Liquid Ergo is made of the previous Filtered Ergo, and functions at higher efficiency - closer to 70-75% efficiency as compared to the highest quality and grade Fable Catalyst. There is no difference between Natural Liquid Ergo and Fable Catalyst - both are processed by Stargazers, and the creation of a single vial of Fable Catalyst - 29.5 millilitres or one fluid ounce - can take a single Stargazer up to a month to obtain. As the highest grade, this operates at 100% efficiency and is highly sought after by Stalkers with the money to spend or their clients looking to tempt a new Stalker for their needs.

Refined Ergo/Quartz: Refined Ergo is a material best used for forging weaponry, as this type of Ergo begins to impart Fable Arts upon the weapons they are made for. While Refined Ergo is very potent, it is an Ergo that has not reached the full potential of true Rare Grade Ergo, and as such can only truly impart its power to either the Blade or Handle of a weapon. Quartz is a unique material used in the Real Boy timeline to upgrade the P-Organ. Unlike most Ergo at the Refined Stage, this Ergo is purely unaffiliated. It is Ergo that is generated from ambient lifeforce, and retains a lack of structure unless imparted with Silver Ergo. Functionally useless on its own, Quartz retains multiple unique properties which make it very interesting to those looking for a flexible material with which to make synthetic fabrics... or a certain puppet's skin. Vivid Ergo can sometimes come of this.

Rare Ergo: A phenomenon that only occurs when a near-perfect copy of a person is formed within the body of a puppet or a human who was not cured of the Petrification Disease. These contain the full memories of a life that is not yet lived, in Blue Butterfly Record. When used in forging a weapon, they impart the strongest and most potent effects, allowing for a weapon to be made with both Blade and Handle carrying complementary abilities.

The Listener's Ergo: Listeners contain a most curious property: Their Ergo can reflect their abilities upon death. Generally useless in combat, these bright Ergo Cores manifest as almost literal seeds that can be planted or shaped into a myriad of items. Notable Listener's Ergos include: - The Monad Lamp of Gemini (Alchemists hotly debate if Gemini himself was a Listener, but despite the Monad Lamp's existence, it remains in question.) - The Gold Coin Fruit Tree (Original Listener unknown) - The Blue Butterfly Record & The Stargazers (Sophia Monad.) Additional Listener's Ergos may exist, but these are the only ones known for now.

Precious Ergo: Precious Ergo - or Coloured Ergo, despite there only being three unique colours - are unique seeds of Ergo from times long past that later matured into high-grade, rare Ergo that reflects one of three metals. Copper Ergo is a conductivity enhancement. Often mistaken for actual copper, this Ergo can transmit electrical currents with virtually no energy loss and is reserved for emergency services and risky transport. Silver Ergo is primarily inert material that can be used to direct and stabilise other forms of Ergo. Most often used in Quartz Ergo to determine the final pliability and overall density of the material. This material can also prevent a material's durability from being worn down, and bits of it can be forged into Grindstones and used as a whetstone for a weapon. It is rumoured that the infamous Dorothy's Red shoes are made with Silver Ergo in the heel and stitching to ensure safe travel when she uses the special feature within her heels. Gold Ergo is used to power large machines and is best for travelling through dangerous waters and terrain, as it does not need to be renewed for a very, very long time.

Complete Ergo: Ergo that has the complete consciousness of the departed. This Ergo is best described as a homunculus, as it is in every sense, a human that can think, feel, and when provided the appropriate outlets, speak move as well. Notable complete Ergo sources: - Geppetto's Puppet - Real Boy Carlo - Nameless Puppet (A reality that never was)

[aroaceleovaldez]

I really like the idea that for the first few months of them hanging out post-HoO, Will had no idea Nico had stayed at CHB before. He was under the impression that Nico was more or less new to camp, since he had been a rogue demigod, and that he had just been an ally of CHB up until that point who had been to the camp but had never been a camper. The entire time Will just assumed he was the senior camper between the two of them, not knowing Nico had actually joined camp almost a whole two years prior to him and was instead returning.

Nico eventually realizes Will’s misconception and tries to explain it, but Will thinks Nico is messing with him until Nico explains the crack in the dining pavilion (which no one at camp besides Percy knows the origins of, save for maybe Annabeth, Grover, and Chiron) was from him the night he ran away (and maybe also shows Will his camp beads to further prove he’s not making it up, depending on if you believe he has one from BoTL or not). Will then gets to have the fun little journey of recontextualizing everything he knows about Nico.

[queen-of-weird-girlboy-nation]

A Jason Grace Analysis 

While my Jason fics relies on mainly interpretation and headcanons, this one’s mostly going on the limited list of Jason’s life from the books. YOU’RE ALLOWED TO DISAGREE WITH ME,JUST DO IT RESPECTFULLY IN THE COMMENTS. be nice pls.

Spoiler alert 🚨 (for PJO, HOO and TOA)

Jason Grace is a character who was, in a way, screwed over by Rick during his writing of Heroes of Olympus and eiDzgventually Trials of Apollo. His story was very sad, but never explored to its fullest potential and in some cases didn’t make sense. He’s a character who is seen as ‘boring’ by the fandom, which , in a way, makes sense. Uncle Rick didn’t do him justice, so I’m here for a Jason Grace analysis.

Firstly, Jason’s incredibly depressing life. Because I do not know what vendetta that Rick had against my boy, but I would argue his story is the most tragic of everyone in the books. Yes. Even Nico. 

Jason’s mother was an unhinged alcoholic who was obsessed with fame. For the first 2 years of his life, he was basically looked after by his sister, who was also a young child. As hard as Thalia tried, she probably wasn’t the best caregiver on account of her age. His mother was unstable, which has got to leave some scars, even if you’re a young kid, because you still know what’s going on to some extent. And Jupiter seemed to leave the family to their own devices after a while, not even staying for a kid. So Jason has been basically abandoned, keep track of how often that happens. 

Then Jason was abandoned again, this time by his mother, left as a sacrifice for Hera. And he wasn’t sacrificed just anywhere, he was left at the Wolf House, where Lupa tested him to see if he was ‘pup or food’. So Jason, at two years old, was tested by a Wolf Goddess, a ruthless one at that, who threatened to kill him if he didn’t live up to expectations. Just a great environment for a toddler to live in. And while the time he spends in the Wolf House is unspecified, the general consensus is that it was for a year or two. This is more of a headcanon, but the implications of ‘pup or food’ could show that he stayed with her longer than the average Roman demigod. In SoN, it’s shown that most demigods do their Wolf House training for like, a week. And the training sounds harsh when Percy, age 16 does it. So imagine a 2 year old, going through that, constantly. Then he is off to New Rome. 

In HoO, it’s pointed out that Jason has 12 lines of his forearm for his years of service in New Rome. 12 lines representing 12 years of service.

Jason has been serving 12 years of military service since he was around 3. So that means that this literal infant is just… in the military. How does that work? Was baby Jason just running around in little armour? Was he doing the same drills as other kids when he was much, much younger? Also the fact that in Camp Jupiter, you train for 10 years, then go to live in New Rome. But Jason has been serving for longer than that, with 2 extra years. It seemed like he wasn’t going to retire anytime soon in the books, so that also adds some mystique to his character that was never explored.

Then we move into the other things at Camp Jupiter, which is that Jason was treated like a statue or a star, instead of a person. Hazel says that he is ‘more legend than boy’ which is so sad! This kid, this 15 year old is seen by those around him as a hero, a legend to look up to. Did Jason have any other friends? While Reyna seems to be close, Reyna had a crush on him, and while he didn’t know that, it must have made the friendship a bit… different. Jason isn’t specified to have any other friends in the books, probably because everyone was to in awe of his status as a Son of Jupiter. And while Jason may care about the rules, in Roman terms he was a very radical person. He was just trying to live a calm life, to not be known only as the Son of Jupiter. He joins the least respected cohort. He tries to take less important quests. But it doesn’t work, because he does get assigned big quests and while he is in the 5th cohort, people still treat him like a legendary hero instead of just a guy. And while the phrase ‘victim of nepotism’ is quite controversial, I think that Jason actually fits that bill.

Then we come to SoN. You know that tweet that’s like: hey we’re calling off the search party. we found a different guy out there we like more. That’s what Camp Jupiter did to Jason. Again, he was abandoned, this time by his own Camp. Like I know 8 months is a while, but oh my gosh, do we have to elect a new praetor? There’s also a contradiction. Percy is a Greek demigod, which isn’t a thing the Roman’s really like. Yet after a couple weeks at Camp, he’s already a PRAETOR? While Jason was put down for being ‘unrecognisable as a Roman’, they elected a very Greek person as a praetor? He was immediately accepted into the highest position of power? Also the fact that Jason wasn’t looked for. At all. While CHB was scrambling to find their boy (as they should), no one in CJ cared? Like, aren’t they the ones with the giant searching eagles? It seemed like everyone forgot about him, with him being missing not being a huge thing for most people (except Hazel and Reyna to my memory, fill me in if anyone else gave two frogs) and that’s gotta sting. The knowledge that your entire camp not only replaced you, but didn’t bother to look. 

Jason also had amnesia and never regained huge chunks of his memory. That must be horrible, to have parts of your life gone, to not remember much. While Percy got everything back, Jason got so much less!

Jason goes on the quest, then comes back. He goes to CHB, goes to school. He starts having a normal life. And he gets broken up with, making him genuinely sad. And while I know that Piper had no ill intentions whatsoever when she broke up with him, that also could count as an abandonment. Because they don’t really keep in touch in the book, they seem to go their separate ways. So kinda half of an abandonment, even though both parties weren’t in blame.

Finally we have his death. While Thalia got turned into a tree by Zeus, a slightly caring act for a god, Jason died. This could be because Jupiter is crueller than Zeus or it could be because of the cycle of patricide, with Jupiter killing his father, who did the same to his father. Maybe it’s because of his paranoia. Maybe it’s because Jason called Jupiter unwise, but it still counts as an abandonment. The god saved Thalia (she could be seen as non threatening, not a killer. Not someone who could carry on the tradition of son killing father) and abandoned Jason, left him to die the ‘heroes death’. 

Jason’s life has been one big struggle and rejection. 4.5 times, he was abandoned, left somewhere by someone. Left to die in the end. He was a child soldier, meaning that he was a kid that never got to be a kid, just a tool for the gods, for years and years. And he struggled with making friends, making new rules, trying to push the camp into the future. Seen as unroman, even Reyna says it. That’s an awful life, one that Rick Riordan never explored and one that’s contradicted at times.

Jason was a character that Rick dropped the ball on so hard.

Because, while his life is incredibly difficult, it has so much potential for storytelling, that Rick  dashes on the rocks, leaving the fandom with a character who people acknowledge as weak and boring.

So, in the fandom, Jason is regarded as having no personality, or being a knock off Percy. So, Jason not really having a huge personality, as a kid who trained as a soldier from a young age, makes sense. He was spending half his childhood trying to survive so trying to figure out what MBTI type he was may have fallen low on his list of priorities. Then he got amnesia, and sent on the Seven quest. So Jason not having time to develop a sense of personality makes sense, buts here’s the catch. It’s never explored. Rick never, ever explains why that might be happening, which could make for a compelling story arc. Rick never expands on the child soldier thing at all, which sucks because instead of Jason having an identity crisis about Greek and Roman camps, he could be really weird since he’s a child soldier. (I’m aware that they’re all child soldiers, but I refer to Jason as child soldier since he was just a baby when he started)

And the seeds were there. For example, the scene with Jason being wary about Nico and not wanting to rescue him, that could have been Jason being taught that practicality is key. That some people are expendable. He could have learnt that from the ARMY THAT HE GREW UP IN. That could have been a plot point, that Jason struggles with taking breaks or knowing that’s he’s appreciated, that his childhood was abusive and not normal, that life isn’t a constant battle for survival. That could have been his arc! All of the pieces were right there! Rick, dude, you’re a great author, but you fumbled so hard on this one!

And also the fact that… unpopular opinion time….

Jason wasn’t stronger than Percy, but he should have been.

Jason has been in the army since he was a toddler, and I know that Percy’s really powerful, but come on! Jason being this really nice, really powerful kid with super strong powers and no social skills could have slayed. Maybe this is the inner Jason stan in me, but I personally think that Jason should have been stronger than Percy, simply because it makes more sense. Jason has been training for ages and ages, he single handedly fought a Titan at younger than Percy (around 14 or 15) so it seemed like his powers were muted by Rick. This could probably be because the PJO fandom is like a toxic TikTok boy mom when it comes to Percy (I can be like this too), making him centre stage and getting annoyed when he isn’t. Percy is meant to be the strongest, which isn’t bad, in some situations it just doesn’t fit. Or maybe Percy’s just wildly OP.

This is not to say that in the book Jason was weak, but people treat him like that.

And Jason’s really sad life is never explored! He should have been struggling with 1500 mental illnesses at once because that constant abandonment? The stress of everyone’s expectations? Trying not to die at like 4? He’s neither the eldest nor a girl, but he’s got so much eldest daughter syndrome and is burnt out gifted kid syndrome personified. And it’s hardly touched on! 

There’s also the fact that’s a really small nitpick, but, the fact that Jason only has 1 single lip scar? That shows that Rick wasn’t paying attention to his own character. Jason trained with the Wolf Goddess then was in the army, he should be covered in them.

In conclusion, Jason’s very sad and tragic story was hardly utilised and the very interesting parts of his character were not used in a way they could be. But don’t worry Jason. While Rick Riordan may have flopped you, you are one of my favourite characters.

Peace ☮️

[hiemaldesirae]

AU where *Vox* is the one who disappears for 7 years, and ALL of Hell suffers for it. The remaining 2 Vees end up with their souls contracted to Alastor, Carmilla and Zestial have to become allies and join forces-most overlords do by the time Vox comes back there ARE no solo Overlords left, except technically Rosie and Alastor but even they are 'allies' in the loosest sense. Everyone else is paired up and it all because of the madness of Radio Demon at the disappearance of his muse. He's shacked up inside of The Vees Tower, taking over Vox's floor as his own, adding a radio tower to the side of it.

And then, 7 years after his disappearance, Vox reappears and joins Charlie Morningstar at her hotel for rehabilitation of sinners of all things, with Angel Dust as her first client, and--

The very foundations of Hell shake.

OHHH this one is fun. yesyesyes im so onboard with this one!!! i think about swap aus very fondly no matter how many times i see premises where vox and al get their storylines swapped ill ALWAYS eat it up.

okay so i do have some questions i want to get over with first. did al and vox breakup before the whole. (waves hands) seven year leave thing. like did they fight before he left because that brings a wholly different dynamic to the table rather than 'oh vox just disappeared one day', which in fairness i can see driving alastor crazy in a much different way, but also if they'd fought beforehand and alastor had expected to see vox back with the vees the day after or something, only to find him missing with no one aware of where he was... hoo boy. and also- does alastor take over the entertainment district here? like, he's got val and velvette as contracted souls, so do they stop running the district because they can no longer hold the respect of those they were once under and just do menial tasks under al's servitude, or is there a completely different dynamic here that ive passed over?

anyway with that over with... (bashes my head into the wall) YES I NEED THIS. ohmuy god. the aus where vox is sponsoring the hazbin hotel because of a deal he made with lucifer or something have been haunting my head for weeks upon end and i cant help but imagine something similar here- i can just imagine how pissed alastor would be to learn of the fact that vox was back and didnt even think to go and SHOW HIMSELF to him first??? vox was HIS. his muse, his rival, his stupid, stupid picture box- and he went off to make a deal with that bright-faced, stupid little princess of hell? instead of going back to alastor? no, no, no, that cant do, absolutely not, VALENTINO, you have to get your oblivious little employee under control before i rip out both your throats-- anyway. i imagine al probably hates intearcting with either of the vees but he does to make sure theyre not dead or trying to kill him (its all for voxs sake. he wouldn't be glad to return and find his friends slaughtered, after all.)

sorry i dont really have any other thoughts to addonto this (theres a reason why i havent written/drawn a swap au with them and its because ive no idea how the story would change given all the different nuances that we dont yet know... so. yeah) except maybe that alastor would probably be pissed as hell at the attention vox gets when he returns- because he was a celebrity figure before he was gone, too, and his return is like the equivalent to a comeback on princess diana's revenge dress level. instead of being pissed that other sinners are paying attention to vox in a 'they should be looking at me' kind of way though he's more pissed in a 'no one should look at him except for me' kind of way which really weirds charlie vaggie and angel out who are kinda just going like... 'are you sure about that guy man' and vox just shrugs like 'well last time i was face to face with him we had a really bitter breakup fight so idek if hes sure about me tbh'

[katlyntheartist]

Hey everyone, so all webcomics are on a temporary hiatus. I’m organizing all of my story ideas and plot threads, making sure that everything flows nicely and is consistent and stuff like that and it’s taking longer than I expected. I’m also finally starting that Sonic Boom fan comic I’ve been putting off for years so woo-hoo :)

If you would like to help support me, the link to my ko-fi is in my bio. Anything you can give is always greatly appreciated. You can also check out my Inprnt, got some new prints up in the shop. The link is also in the bio.

Thank you to everyone who reads, shares, and comments on my comics. I love telling stories and I am so glad that so many of you are enjoying them so far. So excited for you all to read what happens next. You guys are amazing!

[okkennymay]

HoO BOI! Now that was a dishearteningly long hiatus 👀 But good news! My brother and I were finally able to move back out after 6 long months, the week before Christmas at that! It’s been such a whirlwind since then, recovering from the holidays and ensuring the new house meets all my tricky needs took longer than I’d have liked but goodness-

It feels good to be back 💖

Thank you all for being so patient with me, I’d regretfully fell into my “recovery mode” to deal with how consistently sick I was from the stress and effort of trying to move back out, which made the ordeal take oh so much longer- a vicious circle indeed @v@ But I got my Christmas Miracle and here I am! 

I missed you guys so much ;C; 💖

The time off did give me a lot of time to think, and I realized I need to be lot kinder to myself in regards to my own expectations, I always want to give 110%, to my art and to each and every single person I talk to, to each one of you, but I have got to learn to accept that’s just going to drive me into the ground time and time again ‘cause I just don’t have it in me no matter how much I want it, my heart too big for my got dayum good- I can’t stand the idea of anyone feeling left out or forgotten but I force that to be the inevitable by pushing myself too far time and time again and crashing 9v9″

I try, try again, this time as OKKennyMay, ‘cause it’s good enough to just be Okay and I need to remind myself of that 😤

[darbyoakana]

An Overlord's Tail - Chapter 1

An Overlords Tail Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10

Summary: Alastor X reader, F/M. You are new to the hotel staff working under Alastor. He spends his days pestering and tormenting you. But that pestering turns into a competition, one you want to win. Can you get the upper hand? Are you getting too close to him? Warnings: No real warnings for this chapter, just Alastor being a dick. This story is 18+, minors can fuck right off.

Other Notes: Thanks @sailorsmouth for the doodle and encouragement!

Darby Link Tree

___________________________________________

Chapter 1: A New Start

It had been three months since you walked out of your job at VoxTek and you were starting to get desperate. Without work to focus on, everything else felt so much harder. You had nothing but stress to distract you and it wasn’t enough. You pushed your self-loathing to the side.

You rushed out the door, wanting to get to the interview early. The last interview you had went poorly. Perhaps it was the interviewer, or maybe it was the fact that you were covered by entrails from an incident out front. Hell is a wild place, expect the unexpected. But you were set, nothing was going to ruin this. You adjusted your plastic poncho, surprise bodily fluids or parts were going to get you today. The joke, per usual, was on you. You should have also worn rain boots you thought, as a large gush of blood filled your shoes. You groaned. Watching the still-gushing corpse being dragged down the alleyway next to you. 

The cafe door's bell dinged as you walked in, pulling off the poncho. Despite pouring your shoes out on the curb, they still made a soggy squish as you walked. The cafe was pretty empty except for one person sitting at a table. You froze. No way, you thought, that can't be who I'm meeting

Vaggie sat nervously at the booth waiting. She had lost track of how many interviews she had gone through for this position. She had hired eight people so far and none of them had lasted longer than a week. Why did Alastor have to be such a pain in the ass? The hotel needed help, since the last extermination and the elimination of Adam, sinners started to accept the hotel. Their residency numbers had shifted dramatically and more staff was needed to keep things running. But for whatever reason, the one position that needed to be filled was constantly challenged by the person Vaggie was trying to help in the first place. Vaggie looked up and waved at you, you hesitantly approached the table. 

"Hi! So nice to meet you!" Vaggie got up and shook your hand. You both sat down. Typical interview discussions ensued, past experience, general information about the hotel, etc. You could see that Vaggie was eager, maybe a little stressed. 

"So.. what exactly is my job position?" you asked.

"Well.... there's a lot of miscellaneous work that needs to be done until we figure out a better workflow for the hotel while it goes through these changes. But for the most part you'll uh..." her tone became painful. " Be assisting Alastor...." Your facial expression dropped to concern.

"That's uh, a hell of a job..." you said. 

"Well...." Vaggie's teeth were gritting together, knowing she needed to be upfront about the position. "...based on your resume, I think you are the most qualified person so far. And the pay is great! It kinda has to be at this point.” She sighed “Look, we’re getting desperate." 

Oh, you were qualified alright, six years at VoxTek putting up with the most insane bullshit you could imagine. If it wasn't Velvette being an absolute cunt, it was Valentino being a fucking nightmare, Vox surprisingly was the least painful to work with. Which is why you ended up in the position you did. He eventually made you his assistant, to keep you convenient and close. And frankly, if you could put up with Vox's boo hoo "Alastor doesn't love me" baby bullshit, how hard could this job be? At best, Alastor doesn't like you and you keep looking for jobs. At worst... you die a terrible and painful death. At least then the job worry wouldn't be a concern anymore. Fuck it, you thought. 

"Yeah, I do see your point." you sighed. "Alright."

"Can you start tomorrow?" she asked eagerly

They had offered you a room at the hotel. You felt it best to endure the trial period Alastor seemed to be implementing before you gave up your crummy apartment. You laid in bed both excited and dreading tomorrow. Vox was going to lose his shit, you thought. You knew WAY too much about his personal life concerning Alastor and there was nothing in Heaven or Hell that would convince Vox you weren't doing this just to hurt him. But that was his problem. In honesty, it was the last place you wanted to work. You wanted so badly to be free of your current situation. Let things go and move on. You hoped this wouldn't blow up in your face. But most things did, it was Hell after all. 

You woke early, the Hotel was a good distance from your apartment. You took a cab to be safe on time. You didn't bother with the poncho, Alastor struck you as someone who would enjoy you being uncomfortable covered in drying sticky blood. The lobby was large, you hadn't been to the Hotel before and you didn't know what to expect but you found yourself impressed. Most of Vox’s footage was from the outside of the hotel. 

Vaggie waved you down and welcomed you. Introduced you to the staff one by one. Charlie was thrilled to meet you. But you got the feeling she felt that way about anyone and anything. Vaggie went over the floor plan of the hotel, kitchen, dining room, and so on. You scribbled away on a notepad. Sounded like the dress code was relaxed here, you felt relief. Vox always made you wear these business suit-like outfits that surely came from Val's studio, they were so tight and short. You didn't mind at the time, it made your unprofessional activities much easier, but the idea of wearing your own clothes sounded nice.

"Here is your desk. You'll be using the computer to log complaints from the guests, ordering supplies, typical stuff." She looked down to see a shattered computer screen. "UGHHH pendejo! I recommend saving a backup copy of everything you do, Alastor is still protesting the use of the computer and keeps destroying it." It didn't surprise you, you knew for a fact Vox spends all his free time spying on the Hotel. And any electronic device was an in for him. "ALASTOR!!!!" She yelled. 

"No need to shout" Alastor was right next to her. She jumped. 

"Stop doing shit like this!" she pointed to the computer. "You are sabotaging the hotel!" 

"I'm doing no such thing." He looked at his nails, uninterested. 

"Uuugghhhhh! .. Whatever." Vaggie pinched her fingers between her eyes and collected herself. She took a deep breath. "Alastor, this is ---" She was cut off by the sound of Charlie calling for her, tears gushing from her eyes. "Shit. Sorry! I'll be right back!" She gave you a look of concern, and you gave her a reassuring nod, letting her know you'd be fine without her. 

"I assume you are the new replacement." Alastor said flatly.

"And hopefully the last." you said cheerily. 

"Mmm. Hope. So fun to destroy!" he spun his microphone. "Very well then. Follow me." 

You followed him through the hotel as he listed item after item that needed to be done. You scratched away at your notepad. He was clearly trying to overwhelm you, it didn't however. It felt similar to the days that you assisted Velvette. Constant list of demands that were consistently changing without notice. 

"Actually, Alastor sir, there's something I'd like to discuss before we go any further. If that's alright?" 

He leaned towards you, head tilted. "And what might that be, my dear?" 

"One of the reasons Vaggie thought I would be a good fit for this position is my previous experience." 

"I'm afraid I haven't looked at your resume, inlighten me, will you?"

"Well.." It was awkward and somewhat painful to say, but you knew it needed to be done. "For the last six years I've been employed at V Tower, the last three years I was Vox's personal assistant." You had previously been very confident up until this point, but this was uncomfortable. "I figured it was best to tell you right away, rather than you finding out later. I didn't want it to look like I was hiding something." 

"Hmm. Very wise of you. Why pursue new employment?" 

"There were a lot of reasons. But my relationship with Vox had become... unprofessional." You pushed the image of Vox fucking you on his desk back down into the pit it came up from. "He's pushy and controlling, both as a boss and... whatever else we were. Always wanting more, pushing boundaries constantly. But bottom line, he broke my trust.” 

Alastor knew exactly what you meant. Vox had constantly pushed for more from Alastor. And being set in his ways, Alastor often felt like he and Vox were sheets of sandpaper slowly wearing away at each other. He of course didn't tell you any of this, there he remained with his unnerving smile. 

"Hmm." He leaned in closer to you and placed the tip of his claw under your chin, tilting your head to an uncomfortable angle. "Quite a dangerous move, switching sides like this." Alastor was a bit taller than you, but right now it felt like he towered over you, you knew he was trying to intimidate you. Radio static hissed in your ears. You stood your ground, staring into his deep eyes. Eyes that felt like dark endless pits. He snapped back to his smiling self, straightening up. "Well, enduring those buffoons, maybe you will last longer than the others!" He chuckled. "I do however appreciate the disclosure. Come, come." You took an exhale of relief and followed. You hoped this information would make you more valuable in the long run.

You knew a lot, more than you should, about the inner workings of VoxTek. Vox was arrogant, he liked to boast. Showing you the newest upgrades that haven't been released, all the ways he spied on the city. One thing in particular, you savored. He left you alone in his penthouse once, you weren't snooping per se, but tucked away was a small ..shrine? For lack of a better word. Where Vox kept all his trinkets and photos from when he and Alastor were "friends". You felt, should the need call for it, you could be very helpful to the Hotel if Vox became a bigger threat. Though guilt did run through you, despite the bad parts, you missed Vox. A lot of those things were told to you in confidence. And you didn't have any intention of sharing them unless Vox forced you to. You knew it was only a matter of time before he got wind of your new job. And no doubt in your mind, Vox would indeed be a personal problem. 

_______________________________________________

The days following would be a struggle, Alastor wanted his coffee and paper by 7 AM. The hotel was at least a forty-five-minute walk and you didn't have much left in your account to pay for a cab. A room at the hotel sounded more and more appealing. Entering the gates you picked up the paper, putting it under your arm. You set your bag down at your desk and headed to the kitchen. Pulling out your notepad, you flipped to the page where you wrote down instructions on how to make Alastor's coffee the way he liked it. Hopefully, he wasn't the type to throw it at you if it wasn't right. Velevette threw her coffee at you once, burning your arm. You were ready to make some new memories that didn't involve the trauma endured by the V's. 

Coffee, cloth napkins, and paper were placed on a tray. You contemplated folding the napkin like a swan but decided against it. It was a silly thought, and you didn't want to come off as trying too hard, even though that was what he set you up for, to try hard and fail. You tapped your nails against the tray as the elevator ascended up to Alastor's room. It was 6:58 AM. You stood outside his door watching the clock. Only at 7 AM, on the dot, did you set the tray down in front of his door. Alastor was sitting in his chair reading, ready to scold you for being early and found himself slightly impressed. Getting rid of you the typical way might be harder than he thought. All the others were so easy to frighten. But if there was anything Alastor loved, it was a challenge. He had been bored out of his mind playing this hotel game. Unable to leave and pursue more interesting ventures. And the rest of the core group of hotel residents were getting annoyed with his antics. Maybe you could entertain him for a little while. Surely there had to be something that would break you. He waited for the elevator to descend before retrieving the tray. 

You snuck into the kitchen to make yourself some coffee, before anyone came in to make breakfast. You made yourself at home at your desk. The drawers were a mess from the previous employees. You sipped your coffee and organized your papers. Looking over previous orders for supplies and food, trying to get an idea of how much the hotel goes through monthly.

"Why good morning!" Alastor said, suddenly at your side, bent over, his face a bit too close to yours. You tried your best not to jump, you had a feeling that would be happening often. "At your desk already? Don't you want to join your new comrades at the breakfast table? Hmm?" 

"Good morning to you too sir. No, not today. Until I have a full understanding of my schedule, I don't want to add anything unnecessary to my plate." 

"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, as they say." 

"I'm pretty sure that's a con cereal companies used to sell sugar to children." Alastor held in a laugh.  "Coffee is fine for now. Speaking of-" You looked up at him. "How was your coffee this morning? Did I make it correctly?" 

"It was passable I suppose." It was the best he could do without lying and without giving you praise. "There are some errands I need to be done." He handed you a list. Skimming over it, it seemed doable to get done by the end of the day. "I want it done by noon." 

"...noon?!" It was already 9 AM, here it was, an impossible task. Setting you up to fail. Maybe you could use some of your third-party contacts from VoxTek? "Alright.. I'll see what I-"

You were both suddenly interrupted by the boisterous sounds coming from the dining room. Leaning forward over your desk, you could see Charlie was singing. 

"Hmm. Glad I skipped breakfast...." you said flatly. You didn't see it but Alastor smirked. 

The tasks given proved to be a bit difficult. All things Alastor could have easily done himself, but where was the fun in that? You did take advantage of some of your previous contacts, which helped immensely. You took care of a few calls before heading to the city. Most of the errands were pick-ups and drop-offs. One task, in particular, you'd have to call in a favor for. Meanwhile, Alastor was eavesdropping, hoping to see you struggle and stress. 

"Frankie, listen, if this order isn't here by noon, I will personally come down there, pull your intestines out your asshole, and festoon them along the fence of this establishment. Do you understand?" Frankie babbled in your ear. "Great, I'm so glad we could come to an agreement. As always, a pleasure to work with you." 

Alastor couldn't help but have a genuine smile on his face, he wouldn't admit it, but he liked how you got things done. Threatening someone in such a creative way delighted him. 

You hoofed it around the city for hours, practically running from destination to destination. You were exhausted and sweaty when you arrived back at the hotel. It was a few minutes before noon, just in time to see Frankie's delivery truck be unloaded. 

"In the kitchen, please. Thanks, fellas!" You yelled to them.

Your arms were full as you dumped everything on your desk. Gently folding Alastor's dry cleaning over your chair, stacking some of the items. Including a few books. How does this help the hotel? You thought. Hoping these kinds of tasks would end once Alastor was bored with you. 

"Well- color me impressed. All with five minutes to spare!" Alastor appeared in front of your desk. "Though it does seem like something is missing. That's too bad. I had such high hopes for you, dear." 

You gave him the biggest shit-eating grin you could muster and pointed at the two men coming through the door hauling a freshly slaughtered deer to the kitchen. If you weren't already intensely looking at him you would have missed Alastor's eye twitch. Someone might as well handed you a trophy. It took everything in you to not showboat as you followed the delivery men into the kitchen.

The deer was laid on the large island in the middle of the kitchen. You signed their papers and the men were gone. Alastor, suddenly in an apron, was ready to go. A black tentacle sliced its head off with a sharp crack. 

"Hold this." 

He handed you the head. You held it by the antlers, dripping blood onto the floor by your feet. You stood there for a while, watching Alastor prepare. Realizing that he didn't need your help, this was just another task to pain you. The head was heavy and your arms were getting tired. As you adjusted, trying to give your arms a break, you felt the antlers texture in your hands, it reminded you of a gaudy hotel in Montana your parents took you to in the summer of '92. 

"If you do this often, which I get the feeling you do- you could save the antlers and make a chandelier. It would look good by the bar."

"Hmmm." Alastor glanced at you as he removed the skin. It wasn't a bad idea, however, he could just make one just like he made the bar itself. But an opportunity was found. "Very well then." He snapped his fingers and the head fell off the antlers. Landing on your feet with a splat. Filling your shoes with coagulating blood. 

You groaned. What the fuck, were these shoes cursed? Blood squished between your toes. The sensory overload made you want to scream. You swallowed it down. Instead, letting out a loud sigh. You sat the antlers down on the counter and picked up the head. Alastor couldn't help but to cackle.

"So glad you are amused." You said flatly. 

"Oh indeed I am." 

In truth, he was. But also disappointed. He didn't get so much as a yelp out of you. A measly groan? He was losing his touch. But the clear discomfort the drying blood in your shoes provided would have to be enough. At this point, the head you clutched to your chest was dripping down your front. You greatly regretted wearing a skirt today. Alastor watched the blood drip down your legs from the corner of his eye. Pooling further in your shoes. 

You stood there for what felt like ages. How long did it take to gut a deer? He couldn't be using the whole thing, could he? What was he even making? You got tired of standing and hopped on the counter, hugging the head now in your lap. You were already covered in blood, it didn’t really matter now that the base of the severed head was soaking into your lap. Thankful your skirt was at least black. Alastor would have to try harder than this to drive you out. He’d previously been relying too heavily on his reputation and the fear people felt from his presence. He would have to get more creative with you, how fun. 

"Hiiiiiii guuuuuuuys!" Charlie popped her head into the kitchen, breaking your concentration. "There is a short group activity we are about to do! Would you like to join us? " She glances at you, then at the glob of sticky at your feet. "Mayyyybeee we could get you some slippers...? Alastor?"

"You may go." You’d rather hold the deer, but you weren’t about to let him know that. 

You dropped the head in the sink with a thud and a squelch. Alastor smirked, enjoying the squishing sound your shoes made as you walked away. You were grateful to have clean feet and warm slippers. But the short group activity wasn't short at all. It had been several hours at this point and the deer head didn't seem so bad now. You sat slumped in a chair, waiting for your turn to share your “feelings”. Charlie had sung two songs now, she was a lovely person but this activity was making you want to claw your eyes out. You sat up straight when you saw the kitchen door open, pretending to be engaged in the activity. God forbid Alastor to catch on that this was torment for you, he’d end up signing you up for every activity Charlie came up with.  

The rest of the day was filled with busy work. By the time 5 PM rolled around you were exhausted. You grabbed your jacket and purse, heading out the front door. By the time you got home, you felt like you were going to collapse. Just get through this week, you thought, things will level out after that. You trudged up the four flights of stairs and as you approached your apartment you noticed a note on your door. EVICTION NOTICE in bold print. You ripped it off the door and crumpled it in your hand.

Great. 

[dominimoonbeam]

Domini!! Wa-hoo, I am vibrating with excitement at the prospect of sending in a request to you. Now, I'm sure you already know I'm going to ask for Milo/Sweetheart as the pairing, because, I am me. As for the prompts, I'm going to send you a few from each list and let you choose from the list, as many or as few as you feel fits with your ideas. Please feel free to adapt to your liking. Thank you thank you thank you for considering to take on my request, and no pressure to do so if you've got other ideas to chase. I'm excited to read whatever you chose to write! No matter what, have fun, my talented and kind friend!

[ WAIT ]: realizing the receiver is about to leave the room, the sender hastily reaches out and catches their wrist, preventing them from continuing their departure.

[ GAZE ] : sender watches receiver from across a crowded room.

[ WRAP ]: when sitting astride a horse/motorcycle/etc. together, the sender reaches back, takes the receiver’s wrists, and gently pulls their arms around the sender’s waist in an embrace designed to keep the receiver safe, despite feeling remarkably intimate.

[ GUIDE ] : in order to guide the receiver, sender presses a hand against the small of their back.

ROMI!!!!! Thank you so much for this ask!! I don't write nearly enough Milo/Sweetheart but they steal the show when I bring them into other fics!

I got all of these EXCEPT for [Wrap] and I'm now planning to turn my college au into a series and put that into it with Milo/Sweetheart and Milo's motorcycle... It's happening!!

Until then, here's the first fic. <3 <3 <3

Milo/Sweetheart. Early relationship moment.

He hadn’t expected to see them there, but maybe he should have.

The bar was a popular empowered hang out, and one that was known for a mix of clientele.

“What’s wrong?” Asher asked over the music, leaning onto his shoulder and casting his gaze through the crowd.

Milo tore his eyes off of Sweetheart, pivoting into Asher instead of away. “What?” He pretended not to know what he meant. “Did you lose the boss already?”

Asher’s eyes grew and he whirled around to catch David trying to walk back out now that a bunch of the pack were in the door, getting drinks and arguing about table location preferences. “No! Nonono! You have to stay for at least two drinks!” Asher was calling, laughing and grabbing David before he could escape. They had been out on a job and then gone to dinner before Asher spotted the bar and decided they needed a few beers before going home. He was on a rant about bonding and team building again, like they hadn’t all been a family longer than the company had existed.

But Asher wasn’t wrong, about trying to pull David along. He had gotten distant the last year since he became alpha. Asher was just doing what he could to get everyone back in sync.

The last thing they needed was Milo possibly dating a Department agent. He and Sweetheart had danced around the topic the few times it had come up, neither sure what sort of conflicts of interest they were flirting with by….well, by flirting with each other.

More than flirting. He’d helped them catch a shade and they’d patched him up and stayed the night. They were something but whether that something was friends that sometimes shared a bed or something else, he didn’t know.

Milo leaned against the bar, half in a conversation with Arden and David. His gaze strayed again. It was too easy to find Sweetheart in the crowd. The group they were sitting with were clearly Department. Sweetheart wore a tight smile, polite but not entirely interested while the others carried on and laughed. And then their gaze cut to him. He knew instantly that they’d already seen him, probably when the pack first walked in.

Their smile softened, reaching their eyes, and Milo felt like he might fly. He smiled back.

Their eyes narrowed at something someone at their table said, their attention swinging back to their group, smile gone. The group looked back at Milo. He sipped his beer and pretended not to be looking at the stealth across the room.

Unfortunately, David was looking right at him, eyebrow lifted.

Milo flushed and swallowed the beer in his mouth.

“You know them?” David asked, something unreadable in that question.

Milo almost lied. He could say he didn’t know them and try to make that true—try to convince himself that he really barely even did. But as soon as he considered it, he knew it was bullshit. He knew Sweetheart’s smile, he knew their laugh, the way they threw a punch, and what an absolutely rough healer they were. He knew how their hands felt on him, how they moaned, and how they kissed. He knew how smart they were, how quick their thoughts moved, and that they were a good person. “The Stealth, yeah.”

David sipped his beer and glanced at the table again and then back to Milo. “Department?”

Milo nodded but didn’t look.

David frowned, seeming to choose his words carefully.

Milo waited, shoulders pulling close. Was he going to tell him what a bad idea that was? How they didn’t need some Department agent in their business right now? David had already been dealing with so much this last year…

“You’re okay with that?” David asked.

Milo blinked.

He looked uncomfortable, the way David always did when he felt like he had to tread personal ground. “I know how you feel about your dad, Milo… His career was hard on you guys.”

Milo stared at him, surprised. He felt a pang of guilt that he’d thought David would be worried about anything else. “Yeah. I mean, it was hard, but this… I don’t know. It’s new. It might not be anything. But they’re…” He tried to find the right words and failed.

David nodded like he understood and took another swig of his beer. “You should probably catch them before they go then.”

“What?” Milo swung around in time to see Sweetheart cutting through the crowd toward the exit, alone.

He cast a quick look around, the table of Department employees had scattered, some having left and some moving on to the dance floor or to the bar for more drinks.

Milo pushed away from the bar and left his barely touched beer.

They moved so easily through a crowd, but they weren’t in a hurry and he intercepted them before the door, catching their wrist to stop them. The way their hand turned to link with his told him they knew it was him even before they turned around. The worry he’d had that he was overstepping, possibly putting them in a bad position with their colleagues, fell away when they looked at him. They looked surprised, in the best way, something bright in their eyes.

“Hey,” they said first, looking down at his hand and theirs.

“Hey,” Milo said back. “Is this okay?”

Sweetheart sighed, nodding. “I was going to ask you that.” They glanced past him to the pack at the bar. “I don’t want to cause problems for you…”

Milo smiled, lifting their hand in his to brush their knuckles against his lips. “I think you’re going to cause me plenty of problems, Sweetheart, but not like that.”

Sweetheart smirked, biting at their lip to try to hide it. He loved when they did that. “So, we’re a thing, Milo Greer?”

Milo almost laughed. No one had ever said his name like they did. “Yeah, we’re definitely a thing. If… If you’re okay with that?”

Sweetheart nodded, stepping up to close that small distance between them. They kissed him. It was chaste but it was public and that was a first. His heart fluttered in his chest and they were blushing when they stepped back.

Milo glanced back, more than a few of the pack watching them.

“Do you want to make a run for it, Sweetheart, or do you want to come meet some people?” he asked, hoping they heard in his voice that both options were absolutely okay by him. He’d go anywhere with them.

For the first time since he met them, he saw Sweetheart hesitate, looking past his shoulder at the pack like they were intimidating. It would be laughable after having seen them run headlong at a damn shade if it wasn’t making his knees weak. They put real consideration into this. Of course, he’d like them to put that level of thought into actual danger but, he could appreciate this too.

They swallowed and nodded. “Let’s meet some people.” They pushed their shoulders back and chin up, fearless as ever once decided.

Milo touched the small of their back, falling in at their side and gently guiding them forward. “No one’s going to give you trouble, and if they do, you can take ‘em,” he said low, close to their ear. It earned him a laugh and a grin. He kept his hand against their back when they reached the bar and the pack. He liked the way their heartbeat calmed down when his hand was there, the way they subtly leaned back into his touch, and the way they trusted him to guide them.

He was already determined never to let them regret that.

[comicaurora]

Sorry if this is a weird question but how long did it take for you to start making art you felt was good enough, at least at the time? I have a lot of ideas for projects I want to make but I'm slowed down by not quite being at a level I'm happy with for professional endeavours. Wondering if I should quit while I'm ahead and just hire an artist I like.

Hoo. Good question.

It's hard to keep track of, honestly. I think every artist is going to feel a degree of "this could be better" about anything they make, and if that's all you're keeping track of it can feel like no progress is being made - but in hindsight, I think "this could be better" means a lot of different things, and what it means for my work has changed over time.

One of my earliest art-related memories is having a very clear image in my head of a pencil sketch I wanted to make (a family portrait of some wizards, a mom and dad flanking a young daughter) and then being immensely frustrated that what I produced was a pale, inexpert shadow of that image. The starting point I was at was "this doesn't look right and I don't know why," and I stayed there for a long time, even as I got overall better.

The first time I remember trying and failing to emulate a specific cartoon style, it was the manga Steam Detectives - I'd mostly been exposed to newspaper comics and scientific illustration, so I had never seen that sharp-angled straight-lined manga style before. There was a liveliness to it I couldn't capture, and that frustrated me. At this point I could see what was wrong, but couldn't yet correct it - my unconfident pencil sketching wasn't going to produce the same kind of three-dimensionality and flow as the brush strokes used in the, in the same way that a traced figure can look strangely odd and off-balance because it's only mimicking the outlines. At this point I'd hit "this doesn't look right and I know why, but I'm not sure how to fix it."

At that point, practice was kind of the only solution - unconfident linework can only be improved by honing the muscle memory and confidence of the artist, which I didn't know at the time or do on purpose but ended up happening anyway, especially once I got going on the channel and was regularly doing dozens to hundreds of drawings per project.

I do remember the first time I thought "oh, that's actually better than I expected" - I had broken my clavicle and my right arm was in a sling, and my art teacher encouraged me to try drawing something with my left instead. I am very much not ambidextrous and my lines were spidery and shaky, but when I stepped back at the end, the thing I'd tried to sketch - a portrait of a regal-looking elf man - actually wasn't too bad. The muscle memory in my right hand was completely absent from my left, but apparently my basic understanding of shapes and shadows had come through and made something that got across the gist of what I wanted. That was the first time I felt "this doesn't look right, but I already knew that, and what it does do is actually pretty solid."

At some point in the process of cranking out channel illustrations, and later chibi character commissions, without even noticing I hit a baseline level of confidence in what I was doing. Certain things got easier because I was doing them a lot more. I stopped thinking about whether a facial expression was communicating exactly what I wanted it to, stopped spending long stretches of time trying to refine poses - because in those specific areas I was no longer experiencing "this doesn't look right and I don't know why." I'd draw a face, realize it could look angrier, redraw the eyes and brows to be angrier, then move on. I'd block out a pose, decide the leg didn't look right, redraw it, line it and move on. It wasn't that I was nailing everything first try, it's that I'd had enough time and practice to quickly diagnose what wasn't working and quickly try something else to correct it.

Instead, I was thinking "this doesn't look right and I don't know why" about other things. Trees, buildings, figure shading, fire, water, metal textures. I still didn't feel ready to do the comic in earnest, but I'd started doing digital illustrations of the characters and mock-up pages/covers, and I kept finding problems in the composition. It didn't look right and I didn't know why. If I didn't know why, I couldn't fix it. A lot of that process boiled down to redrawing stuff until it managed to look right, then trying to reverse-engineer what had worked about that. I'd accidentally draw the most perfect torso and try to figure out what magic combination of lines had made that work. And again, it was a slow process, almost unnoticeable from my perspective, because I just gradually stopped worrying so much about unsolvable artistic problems because the solutions had just arisen with practice and experience. The background looks wack - it's probably under-shaded, darken some corners to make it match the foreground. This texture looks off - probably needs some particle effects to help give it detail. Etc etc.

At present, I very rarely think "this doesn't look right and I don't know why." I still have moments of "this doesn't look right" - almost constantly, probably - but they aren't noteworthy because I've had enough practice improvising solutions that it turns into a brief experimental phase before I fix whatever was bugging me and move on. It doesn't mean it's perfect, it just means whatever problems or places it could be improved are either subjective choices that are fine either way, or small mistakes I don't notice at the time. The process of error-correction and bug-fixing becomes quick and painless enough that I hardly think about how I used to spend ages agonizing over something that was wrong that I couldn't make look right.

The point I eventually got to could probably be best described as "I could make this better if I wanted - do I want to do that?"

Making a comic like this, it's very important for me to consider the value of pouring too much into any one page. If I vastly overdesign anything, I'm going to need to keep up that level of design every time it shows up. If I drew every forest shot by hand-drawing every single tree I'd never get anything done. If something looks off and I know the solution would be more detailing and more texturing, sometimes I'll do that - filigree and particles and all that good sauce - but sometimes I'll just try a few things until I find a shortcut that makes it look fine to my eyes. Art can always be more polished, so that's not really a metric for completeness or ready-ness - I really do think the most helpful metric is whether you're regularly struggling because you can see something is wrong but you can't figure out what. If you consistently know what's wrong - or, more accurately and less judgmentally, what could be polished if you wanted to polish it - you're probably in a pretty good spot.

[look-at-the-stars-tonight]

I have more thoughts about Chalice of the Gods

When I was getting through the first hundred pages or so I was a little :/ prob because I’m getting back into the books over a decade later and I had Expectations that I didn’t have as a kid. You could have thrown anything at me and I would have been DELIGHTED just to hear more of Percy’s story. I think the nostalgia factor was actually kind of a negative for me because I kept getting mad at the modern references and how low the stakes seemed to be. I did see a post about how it was good that Rick kept the books at whatever time he wrote them (in terms of references) because it’s literally just like the olympians growing and modernizing. You can’t stay stuck in the past. And I think keeping that perspective in mind will make rereads a lot more fun.

The low stakes seemed to bother me just because we’re so used to seeing Percy in horrible world ending situations and we just got out of HOO. But he really did deserve a break and it was helpful with developing his characterization

I didn’t expect the books to make me feel so emotional! I’ve been out of the horrifying college admissions process for a while now. But the questions he was wrestling with were very universal. At this point he’s accepted that the gods are what they are. There’s not much he can do to change them. He has to focus on himself and his future. And I am a little disappointed that his goals all seem to be around Annabeth. Like I love them but also he’s going to new Rome JUST for her it seems. But also when I was in high school I decided to go to college because that’s what Everyone Does right. I didn’t know trade school was an option. Feeling a little bit like ur life is on a set path and your choices are controlled by other people a bit was at least part of my high school experience. But also from a story perspective it does make sense that he wants to stick with Annabeth! They’ve been through a ridiculous amount together.

Sally having a kid and the emotions that it brought up was also a good way to show that transitional period between leaving home and starting a new life. Your parents are going to move on and do their own thing and their lives won’t revolve around you anymore. Also in general the whole Paul/sally/percy/annabeth dynamic was fucking amazing. The way Paul and sally accepted Annabeth into their lives and how happy they all are is what she fucking deserves!!

I think the end is what really got me. Some of it felt really silly and I did absolutely roll my eyes when Percy told the god he loved him and hugged him. But also him ACCEPTING that he would likely get old was so cathartic. This is a boy who was supposed to die at 16. And barely escaped death again after having his memories wiped and falling into fucking Tartarus. Hes never gotten a break and hes said, in multiple books, that he expects to die very young. This is the first time he says ‘wait I might survive this. I might get old and if I do it’ll be by Annabeth and Grover’s side.’ Percy fucking Jackson who has been the subject of COUNTLESS prophecies, who is reminded time and time again that he isn’t supposed to exist, even by people that he loves, (that was a lil mean of u in the intro Poseidon) CHOOSES to accept that he might get old. Like of course this boy doesn’t have much of a plan for his life yet other than ?? Follow Annabeth?? When has he gotten a chance to think about it!

This is something I did project upon a bit because I didn’t except to live to 18! Or 20! Or 22! And it’s only now at 24 that I’m starting to Accept that I might be here a little longer than I expected and now I have to Plan Accordingly. Like I have to learn these stupid life skills and figure out what I Want from my life now. And unlike Percy, I’m a little angry about it lol because I never expected to have this problem!! But, I too, am slowly accepting that time on earth is a gift or whatever. At the very least I’m stuck here for the foreseeable future so I might as well use it to learn who I am. I GUESS. In my life, Death has always been this ever-present choice I could take if things got a little too tough and I don’t know if that door will ever fully close but I have been dragged away from it kicking and screaming so. Might as well stick around. I’m still a little bitter about it honestly but I’ll get over it. I have to learn how to COOK guys. How fucked up is that. To care about the mundane all of a sudden??

Anyways. I doubt that’s the metaphor Rick was going for, it was probably more of a ‘your childhood ends! You’re gonna get older and that’s a good thing’ instead of a ‘one day you might not have killed yourself and you’ll realize that you’re actually stuck living this life and you gotta learn to fucking deal with it.’

Ok I could go on for hours so this is the last thing. Percy’s conversation with Poseidon, about how small waves are the ones that matter the most, REALLY resonated with me. Like I think I teared up at two parts of this book, the old age part and the conversation with between them at the end. It’s really easy to convince yourself that the way you alter your life is through Sweeping All-Consuming Change where you move to a different continent and begin anew. Unfortunately, through bitter experience, I’ve learned that’s not how things fucking work. Changing your surroundings does lead to new experiences but it doesn’t make ur problems go away! I moved halfway across the state and got what I genuinely believe is the best job on earth and I. Still have the same issues?? And then I thought ok maybe I was wrong this Wasn’t the best job I just need to find one that’s Better but that’s. Not how things work.

This is getting away from me but basically what I’m trying to say is u can make grand changes and it might fix u for a little while but unfortunately you have to put in the work and do the stupid boring mundane things like go on walks and journal and exercise and do things that scare the fuck out of u to actually change and grow and it’s so goddamn annoying. I should be able to become a different person just by being somewhere else but I can’t.

Wait I’m supposed to be relating this to Percy Jackson. So Percy can go on these life altering world defining quests right. And make all the right choices. But who he is at his core is defined by the choices that he makes when the stakes aren’t that high. When it would be So Easy to walk away from Ganymede and go live his life. And I know some people didn’t like that Poseidon was like ‘this is when I knew you were a hero’ of fucking COURSE he knows Percy has been this hero his whole life. But he’s also this person when there isn’t some prophecy, when he doesn’t have to be, when it’s just a mild inconvenience. It’s easy to talk about changing the world. It’s harder to go out there and take those little baby steps that don’t feel like they matter all that much. He has actually changed the world and just not talked about it but hopefully u get what I’m saying. I just liked that thing about small waves being able to sweep you off your feet when you didn’t expect it ok!! Most change is incremental!!

Ok that’s it. Loved Chalice, will probably enjoy it more on a reread and it resonated with me in ways I didn’t expect.

[andromedaexists]

WUPDATE: Desecrate

𝚆𝚎𝚍𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚍𝚊𝚢, 𝙰𝚙𝚛𝚒𝚕 𝟷𝟶𝚝𝚑 || 𝟼 𝙼𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚑𝚜!

HI HELLO GOOD NEWS BABIES MY LAPTOP IS FIXED!!!!

After the chaos that was last week, the fact that I not only got my laptop fixed (with no data missing!!) but also reached 20k in revisions on Desecrate???? Magic.

Now that everything is back in balance, I will be returning to Incorrect Eyes. I just needed to stick with my baby boy Kit while I lost my mind lmao. Kit Beloved has such a tender start to his story that I honestly don't want to leave it, but that's okay! I'll be back!!

We're about 1/4 of the way through this trash draft rewrite, meaning I'm expecting it to be ~80k words. That is 10k longer than Call Me Icarus, and it will only get longer when I truly draft it!! Desecrate is going to be a chonker!!

I will also have another post coming out today, a 6 month update on the release of ΔΆΙΟΣ (the first book in the Call Me Icarus series). It has been 6 months to the day since release, and hoo boy have there been updates!!

OH AND ONE MORE THING I HAVE AN OFFICIAL DAY FOR DESECRATE'S COVER REVEAL!!! Come say hi on 𝚃𝚑𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚍𝚊𝚢, 𝙼𝚊𝚢 𝟿𝚝𝚑, otherwise known as the feast of Ascension in the Catholic Church. This year, we're celebrating the Ascension of Christian Amadeus Michaels, the beautiful main character of Desecrate!

Anyways, snippes for yous!

Kit parks the truck in his driveway, turning it off but not getting out. Benny doesn’t get out for a moment either, but when it’s clear that neither of them are going to say anything she opens the door and steps out into the crisp night air. Kit’s eyes track her movement, watching as she crosses through the beam of his headlights and as she leaves his peripherals. He expects her to go inside, to leave him wallowing by himself, but he’s shocked out of his thoughts when his door swings open. Benny pulls him towards her, her arms wrapping tight around his head and holding him to her chest as she whispers, “Don’t go where I can’t follow you.”

And another one:

They fall into a comfortable routine as they enter the home, Kit throws his backpack on the couch before heading to his room to change and Benny starts putzing around the kitchen. He doesn’t say anything until he hears a loud clatter. Throwing on his oversized cutoff, he rushes out into the kitchen to find Benny standing in the center of the room with a handful of metal mixing bowls strewn around her. Kit busts out laughing, having to stabilize himself on the counter from the force of the laughter. Benny’s pouting where she stands, a beautiful red blush dusting her cheeks and the bridge of her nose. “I was trying—it’s not that funny—Kit~—I was just trying to get some bowls out, you didn’t tell me you booby trapped this place,” she pouts, bending down to pick up the scattered bowls. When Benny turns her back to him to set the bowls down on the counter, Kit walks up and wraps his arms around her waist. He buries his head in her hair and sways her side to side as she giggles before using the momentum to swing her to the other edge of the kitchen. She kicks her legs out in front of her as he swings her around, her giggles growing louder. When her feet touch the ground again, she turns in Kit’s hold and wraps her arms around his shoulders. “It’s really hard for me to make dinner from over here, silly cat.” “Well then it’s a good thing you’re not making dinner, huh?”

And another for good measure:

Pushing those thoughts out of his head, Kit rolls Benny off of him and sits up. He throws his legs over the edge of the bed and stretches his arms above his head, yawning as he pops the soreness from his back. The bed behind him shifts as Benny sidles up to his back, her legs framing his on the edge of the bed and her arms sliding around his waist. Her lips are warm against the nape of his neck, Kit thinks he could stay right here for the rest of his life and never want to leave.

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[breakingbadranting]

In defense of Skyler White.

Skyler :3

Skyler White, the wife of Walter White from breaking bad. Skyler is one of the most, if not the most hated character in all of Breaking Bad, for what? Sure, she's not perfect but we have a cast of non-perfect and other characters that deserve venom way more than Skyler does.

I've seen people argue that she is simply annoying, she wasn't able to keep her mouth shut about her husband's meth business that put her whole family in danger, or that she didn't love Walter. I've got no idea how people defend Walter so easily, but can't defend Skyler. Walter is by far, much worse than Skyler. Say all you want, he is. She is unfairly judged and not judged by the same standards her husband is. Walter cooks meth, has killed people, helps in killing people, and just so much more. And what about Skyler? Oh, she wasn't initially supportive of her husband being a criminal, boo-hoo-hoo.

Skyler is expected by Walter and the audience to just go with what her husband wants or deems "necessary" by her husband. Good ol' ball and chain. At the episode Skyler found out about her husband's drug involvement was season 3, episode 1, No Más. At this point in the series Skyler and Walter had a newborn daughter, Holly. Skyler had argued with Walter where Skyler had to go through her whole process of finding out what Walter had done and he expected her to simply accept "But I did all for my family."

Walter had put Skyler through a lot of emotional turmoil up until the point she confronted him about being in the drug business. She was stressed as hell and it was unfair. Walter would disappear, lie, and lie again even when Skyler knew he was lying. She was pregnant with their second child for crying out loud. She had every damn right to not want to be with Walter anymore. She had a realistic reaction to the situation, people were just mad she didn't let Walter walk all over her.

Skyler is a woman of strong morals. Good ones. She is family-orientated and doesn't like when people go against the rules, like any good citizen. This is shown when in season 1 when her sister, Marie, was shoplifting. Skyler confronts her about it and tries to get her to return the stuff Marie stole. Back to Skyler being really stressed around this time, she handled the situation terribly. On another hand, it was realistic and Skyler didn't know or understand the underlying issue with Marie's stealing. Neither sister was right in this situation.

Skyler does have flaws, as any good character does. She DOES tend to confront people in bad ways. She'll rage at people with not a lot of proper evidence.

Ok. Ted needs to be brought up eventually. Was this a good thing she did? No. She wanted a divorce with Walter because, y'know, he was making meth. Walter was refusing. So, in a desperate attempt to get the man she didn't trust anymore and no longer felt like she knew, out of her house with their newborn baby; she cheated on him. She knew Ted was into her, she wasn't into him but she wanted Walter to accept the divorce. She only slept with Ted to show that she was no longer in love with Walter and didn't wanna be his wife. It wasn't even technically cheating considering they were in the middle of a divorce.

In conclusion, she's not the worst, annoying, tyrant that people make her out to be. She's just a flawed human in a cast full of others way worse than her.

[blindrapture]

SUNDAY JULY 17TH, 2011 (The Grand Gtheru)

9:04 AM Woke up to the sound of snoring. We're still here. Still on the plane. Donnie's sleeping next to me, sleeping soundly. The sky outside is orange, reminds me of a sunset. That factory from last night... it persisted into my dreams. Like we missed something in there. Like we're gonna have to go back, if not soon then sooner than later. Like there was someone in there who needed our help. Like, if we'd kept going downstairs, flight after flight, we'd start seeing patterns in the blackness that would have given away the game and told us everything we'll ever need to know. If only we'd save the beast below… But these are just dreams. Dreams in the apocalypse… Well. There's no use going over it again now. We've got a different kind of staircase to descend, deeper and deeper. What's at the bottom of this one?

9:07 AM She wants a bit more rest. Well, okay. I guess I’ll just stay here a little longer.

9:27 AM The plane shook heavily. We got some turbulence or something? …inner turbulence? *rim shot*

9:30 AM OH GOD HEAVY TURBULENCE THIS MUST BE THE SEVENTH DEGREE Donnie's awake. Reaching for her rifle. I don't know if that'll do much good in a moving plane. We've just gotta.. brace. I'm gonna look out the window. The sky's changed to purple real fast.

9:32 AM The clouds are giant floating spiders. We’re flying through an upside down mountain range in the sky. The same mountain range is down below. We've been here before. Something looks odd, though. The sky isn’t actually pulsing purple here; it’s just plain purple. Maybe it’s because we decoded the fifth Cipher? ..ope, more heavy turbulence.

9:34 AM The sky is swirling colors.

9:36 AM ..it’s settled on a starker orange, pulsing red a few times a minute. Now the plane's starting to dip. I think we're landing. I think we're here.

9:38 AM We've got a bag with weapons in it. There's the ammo for our rifle, the gun itself strapped to Donnie's back. There's Tiger Stripes, which I've got on my back. There's Donnie's frying pan, staying in the bag for now. And we still have some nonperishable foods in the bag too. I'll carry the bag.

9:45 AM …wait what physics where are they THE PLANE HAS JUST ABRUPTLY STOPPED. We are now suspended in mid-air, frozen in place above what looks like a cornfield far below. I don’t like where this is going.

9:46 AM "Over here, by the door. I found parachutes." Oh god, we’re really gonna have to do it. We’re up in the clouds. Uh, spiderclouds. This isn’t going to be a pleasant landing.

9:53 AM Well. That was terrifying. It wasn’t as much of a drop as I’d expected, thankfully, but.. well, I suppose once you get past the jump and make sure to pull the string, it’s over quick. Hoo. Right. Thoughts. This cornfield’s.. not what I was expecting. The corn’s all eyestalks. With eyes on top of each. o_o

9:57 AM They kinda remind me of spaghetti. "Pfft, shut up, they look nothing like spaghetti."

9:59 AM I just bumped into a tall black pole, and it felt warm and full of life. Legsteps. They’re inactive right now, though. Just big legs.

10:40 AM The eyefield finally ended. Now there’s a few miles of grassy plains ahead of us. The grass is a distinct teal hue, and there’s a strangely warm wind blowing through. It’s just miles of sprawling teal plains in all directions, other than dead ahead, as this is where it gets interesting. A few miles ahead of us is an enormous structure, what I’d call some sort of eldritch Rapture Tower. It stretches high into the sky, far higher than even the hourglass mountain from the God Machine’s Realm stretched to. It makes me wonder what abomination inhabits this section of Xanadu.

11:13 AM Lightning struck in front of us. o_o; Of course, it was the awesome hamburger lightning, so we got free food out of it.

11:54 AM We’re at the tower entrance. There’s a door with no doorknob, and an inscription on the side. The inscription shows “eyestalk = key.” …fuck. >_> Well, at least we have plenty of time to do this!

11:58 AM Starting the long trek. Sigh.

12:32 PM I hear a vague hum. It’s never a noise I like hearing. We’re all on guard.

1:04 PM Made it. Got an eyestalk. Donnie grabbed one too, just in case. And now we go all the way back!

1:19 PM ..random eyestalk in the middle of the plains. Staring at us. They don’t normally do that. We’re on guard.

1:37 PM Patch of several different eyestalks. All staring at us. This is just weird.

2:04 PM We’re back at the tower. I’m legitimately surprised nothing happened at all on the way here. Not even any Legsteps waking up.

2:05 PM Donnie’s holding the eyestalk she took up to the door FIDJFG OKAY We’re.. we’re in a giant ballroom now! I guess we’re inside! This ballroom is gorgeous. Sequins in the curtains, chandeliers at least seventy feet above us, spotless marble floors, portraits of fancy designs on the walls. Just like everywhere else, though, it’s completely deserted.

2:08 PM Stepping through, slowly. I'm following Donnie, as she's still heavily armored. I've got our 6. Or whatever. I only hear our footsteps. I see no shadow out of place. Just a quiet ballroom. Oh shit, a bathroom. Hang on, Donnie!

2:11 PM I stepped into the men’s room and immediately saw the women’s restroom from that hotel in London. I saw the Harlequin standing there, looking below the stalls into the one I was hiding in. And then I blinked. Now it’s just a regular restroom. For. For all I know, that one was all in my head.

2:14 PM This stall has one piece of graffiti, and only one. Was guwo ga endia yora omnis, grow en envied gyas knawa yora dest manaf. Was yant ga guatrz yorra ruinie en stel art yora dsier deata art alroetsue. Zodaw. No clue what it means, or even what language it’s in. But it creeps me out. o_o;

2:17 PM I heard Donnie gasp outside. I'm coming, I'm coming! …okay what Mannequins! All standing around the ballroom, being mannequins! Most are frozen in romantic dancing poses. Donnie's in the middle of the floor. The spotlight’s on her, so bright. I see no fear in her eyes, no expectation, no emotion at all besides curiosity. The mannequins, without being seen moving, have formed an aisle directly between herself and I. A nearby speaker begins playing some familiar piece in an old-fashioned style. Donnie looks so curious. I.. am, too. I want to know a lot of things, but.. ..but then again, right now I’m just curious as to how well she can dance.

2:25 PM We slow danced. It went.. surprisingly well. She led the way, and as we shifted, we touched not a single mannequin. They seemed to shift out of the way for us when we weren’t looking. And then the Legsteps came in. They came in and turned the oldie-sounding piece into a dubstep remix of Madonna's "Beautiful Stranger." As the piece came to a climax, the feeling that it was just me and her in there came true: all the mannequins are now gone. As if to applaud our performance, a ladder has fallen from the ceiling. We can climb it to reach some new room.

2:28 PM fdsjg water wet journal wet

(The journal is perfectly dry.)

2:34 PM We swam upward, only to discover we were trapped in some kind of underwater maze. So we swam right, up, right, up, left, up, and.. yeah, directions. Now we’re in a room with a very low ceiling. I have to take my trilby off just to fit in here. There’s a little rabbit in here and a sign that reads “1- Kill.” ..o_o;

2:35 PM I wish I hadn’t seen that. A set of stairs has appeared nearby, taking us to the next floor.

2:36 PM This is also a room with a low ceiling. There’s another sign in here that reads “2- Kill.” There’s a few flies flying around. Well. Okay. Even I can do that one.

2:39 PM 3- Kill, two spidercats.

2:43 PM Give me a minute. These were just spidercats, but, like. That doesn't mean it's fun to see, or to know what I've done.

2:50 PM 4- Kill. This is a severed human head that still functions perfectly. He calls himself “Teddy,” and he’s begging us to put him out of his misery. o__o;;

2:52 PM …

2:53 PM 5- Solve. Yes, something that doesn’t say “Kill!” Here, we have a chessboard set up. There’s a rock shaped perfectly like an old man seated at one end of the board, seeming to suggest that we get first move.

2:55 PM Donnie, I had no idea you were so good at chess. She’s taken the seat and is making some pretty interesting moves. Moves I wouldn’t use. But then I’ve never won a game of chess in my life.

3:02 PM She and the rock man look of equal wit.

3:09 PM Donnie just fucking pulled a “Checkmate.” Rad, dude. The next staircase is open.

3:10 PM 6- Kill, a tree.

3:12 PM 7- Kill, a mouse. "I'm not really.. loving this either, Jordan." No, I know. Look, just. Let me do this. You did the rabbit.

3:14 PM 8- Kill, a regular human being named Jeremiah.

3:19 PM He fought back. Had me on the ground until Donnie shot him square in the chest.

3:20 PM 9- Kill, a WAIT WHAT AM I SEEING THIS RIGHT

3:21 PM I am. o____e;; It’s asking us to perform an abortion. There’s a woman right here, fully awake, no anesthetics, naked, legs spread. Pregnant. And the room provides us with a crowbar. Donnie said, to the room, "Are we going up against fucking Jigsaw?"

3:30 PM I mean, I’m.. I’m pro-choice, but… this is just a caricature of what that even means. ..the staircase still isn’t down. Oh, it wants the woman, too. ._.

3:37 PM She kept screaming about how the NIHIL was keeping her here. The Sine Labore Nihil. ..”Nothing without work.” Staircase is here.

3:38 PM 10- Solve. There’s two doors and two guards. Yeah, no, this is an easy one. Oldest trick in the book. If you were the other guard, what would you say is the door leading further up the tower? "I don't know. He never talks to me." ...shit. donnie's found instructions on the wall. probably should have read these first. "One guard never tells a lie. One guard never hears a lie. These are the same guard. The other guard never leaves his post while observed. One door leads further up the tower. The other door leads back to the entrance. You have as many questions as you need, but if you choose the wrong door and make your way back here, the doors and guards may shuffle." What? donnie "What?" okay uh. never tells a lie, never hears one either… and the other one.. I mean, he may tell a lie? it doesn't specify... but he never leaves his post while observed… donnie, let's both look away from the guards. 3:39 PM When we turned around again, one of the guards was inches away from my face. I nearly decked him on instinct. He's gone back to his door. Okay, so he's not the one who will always tell the truth. But he's also the one who told us that the other one never talks to him. Uh. donnie "Hey, mister!" talking to the truthful one "Yes?" "What's behind your door?" "I dunno. Never checked." "You've never checked?" shrug "The doors change every now and then. I can't say for sure where either of them go." "Dammit." "I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help." Could you... check now? "Oh, I never leave my post, not ever." "Wait, so you also never could have checked before, then? So your answer omitted that. That's kind of untruthful." "Well, is a lie by omission still a lie?" "Yes" Yes "Huh." Wait!!! Donnie!!! What if he's the liar? What if both guards moved when we weren't looking? You there! Other guard! What's behind your door? "Oh, I don't know. I never checked." Shit!

3:42 PM We just tried a fucking door. It's pure blackness in here. Following Donnie's headtorch.

3:44 PM A LONG FUCKING WALK a voice speaks to me...

4:08 PM Here’s what seems to be a fancy hallway, red carpet and everything. Portraits line the wall, all of famous musicians. There’s a left and a right here, as well as a path back into blackness. I don't know where Donnie went.

4:10 PM I took a left, and now I'm in a giant room filled to the brim with mirrors. Specifically, it seems to be a mirror maze. The ceiling and floor are mirrors. The walls are mirrors. And when they're not mirrors, they're glass, looking out into more and more corridors and twists and turns of mirror and glass.

4:12 PM ..some else is in here with me. Hearing footsteps now. Donnie? ...

4:14 PM I hate tension, I hate horror, I hate feeling scared, I hate it, I hate it

4:16 PM but. I fucking love mazes. u_u

4:20 PM left forward right right forward fuck back left forward forward left forward right right left

4:24 PM just when I think I'm getting a sense of the size of this maze, another turn breaks my sense of the boundaries. now there's stairs taking me to another level above. maze upon maze.

4:32 PM I swear I saw movement in a reflection in the corner of my eye. oh god where is that exit

4:38 PM …it’s up there. On the ceiling. A ladder into a trapdoor. Very high ceiling. Now how do I get there. Maybe if I keep looking. Maybe if I try to get to the far side wall.

4:53 PM I made it. I found the far side wall. But I'm gonna feel even more vulnerable climbing up that ladder.

4:54 PM Okay. I’m gonna give it a shot. Gonna climb up and push on that trapdoor, see what's above.

5:949 eo a voice speaks to me. I made it to the floor above, out of the maze, and staring at me is a corpseg brown hair with purple bow, striped shirt, a face I knowr this is Anna. this was Anna. she made it to the tower, she made it this fari eyes staring lifeless, flies buzzing. I killed those ones just as easily as the ones beforem I don't see what killed her. I don't see what pierced her heart. there is nothing arounda this was the right part of america for my ex to have gotten to. I can believe she made it here, to this Cipher's realm. but something killed her before I could get herel what would I have even said to her? would she have been happy to see me? we ended awkwardly. I wished her well... I could have gotten hered I could have gotten here. I could have gotten here. she didn't deserve thisi

65843920 mrf mrff mfff mfff mrff mrff donnie help

6:45 PM do you want to see?

6:50 PM the musicians have left. but anna is still here. the door ahead opened, and donnie found me. found anna. "did you do this?" I found her. "huh. someone else trying to get to the top of the tower." this was anna. this was my ex. "o-oh. are you sure?" I.. guess I can't be. but. "c'mon. let's.. leave this room. you don't need to hang around this." no. yeah. okay. let's go.

7:34 PM Somewhere along the way, we wound up boarding a small indoor riverboat ride. It was very pleasant, complete with cute music as we rode. I.. didn't feel it. Maybe that wasn't... her? I never did meet her. We were an online thing. And we didn't even last long. But beyond that, we were friends. But that is to say, I can't be certain that every brown-haired corpse... is… Ugh.

7:37 PM The boat let us off at the bottom of a large staircase. We’re going up. No other choice. "This feels close to the top. Are you sure you're okay for a big fight?" I'll try. "It might have still been a Musician thing, you know…" Please, let's just.. go, up the stairs, let's go.

7:40 PM Reached the top. Huge majestic doors.

7:41 PM This is a very giant concert hall. About as big as the cathedral the God Machine resided in. I bet this is the room we’ve been hunting.

7:43 PM There’s a single eyestalk on the stage. o_o

7:45 PM RISING …THAT’S I KNOW THAT THING THAT’S GTHERU. THE GUITAR-SHAPED BLUE MONSTER. Except this one is giant, has millions of suction-y tentacles, and an eye stalk for every pore. It’s the Grand Gtheru. Monitors above the stage label it as “The Sixth Cipher,” and “Sine labore nihil.” Nothing without work. As heard before.

7:48 PM And in come the Legsteps with a bitchin’ drop. Starts with a siren and everything! How appropriate. "You ready, Jordan?" I'm good. It's us against a giant boss monster. That's all that matters right now. Let the attack begin.

7:53 PM Gtheru’s sending its tentacles at us. I'm trying that crowbar, we picked it up earlier. It's sharper than it looks.

7:58 PM Fended off the invading tendrils. Now the tentacles are retreating, and the Legsteps are playing some other riff. ..eye stalks. A wave of eye stalks. Okay. Gotta cut some chaff. Wheat. Uh. How does the expression go?

7:59 PM Donnie’s running off. What’s she doing she’s going to the concert stage. Whacking the fucker, but it’s blocking itself with tentacles! Hold up there, I'm coming!

8:02 PM I’ve fought my way here; Gtheru’s tentacling up a shield, but this crowbar sliced it apart. Underneath is some very strange substance that’s pink and smells like plastic. Donnie's cocking her rifle. Looks like she'll be adding her own.

8:07 PM My crowbar does nothing against the under-substance, but Donnie's rifle is ineffective to the surrounding tentacles. So she's the offense, and I'm the defense.

8:13 PM Gtheru’s closing his tentacles in, trying to trap us inside. I got us out; looks like round one’s over.

8:15 PM Gtheru changed colours. He’s now orange. The Legsteps are playing something really strange now. Heavy as fuck, but strange. ..Gtheru’s tentacles are floating, separate of it. Some are blue, some are red. I sense they’re going to try attacking us.

8:18 PM Oh god, I can’t figure out how to damage a single one. Donnie's gotten some, but then many others just have the bullets bounce off like nothing. They’re flying around, lashing us again and again

8:19 PM ..hey, I just damaged that one. That one that was blue. Hm.

8:20 PM I can hit only blue, Donnie can hit only red. When we hit them, they drop little.. gadgets. They look like jigsaw pieces.

8:25 PM I put a lot of them together and it made a little harpoon. o_o Throwing it!

8:26 PM Socked Gtheru square in the face, it seemed to hurt it! ..the monitors above the stage just said “2: Upload,” but then changed; now they say “GOTO 1: Author.” Huh. The tentacles are flying at us again.

8:34 PM We repeated the process and made another little harpoon. The monitors say “2: Upload” now. Throwing now!

8:35 PM It just shattered to pieces, the harpoon. And the monitor said “ERROR: User multiuploaded.” ..idea.

8:42 PM Another harpoon. Okay, Donnie, you throw this one.

8:43 PM Right in the face, it did damage! “GOTO 1: Author.”

8:50 PM Okay. My turn.

8:51 PM Goto 1 again.

9:02 PM Okay, Donnie. "Upload" that fucker.

9:03 PM Gtheru is keeling over in pain, but it seems to be still sending tentacles. The screen says “3: Review. Who did most damage?” …fuck! o_o

9:05 PM Uh. We think.. it.. was Donnie’s. The last one thrown. ..the monitor’s now on “4: Publish.” Gtheru’s tentacles are back to surrounding its now-blue self. "Okay. Cover me, please." Right behind you!

9:14 PM Gtheru changed colours one more time. He’s red now. The screen says “5: Promote.” Fuck. What? ….what’s that noise

9:15 PM SHADOWCLONES running right past us. o_o Charging at Gtheru. It’s roaring like mad, and BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

9:17 PM The Grand Gtheru is dead. What a weird-ass fight.

9:18 PM Where it used to be, there’s an inscription. The actual Cipher. Zaarn, plina, zarle, milra yeeel! …it’s that language again. What does. What does that mean. "Roaring oceans, rustling meadows, gushing waterfalls are all but fragrances of the past.” OH GOD BLINDING LIGHT

9:19 PM cockroach jesus. at the entrance of the hall. wearing his white robe to disguise his body. "The works of nature home to your planet are all but fragrances of the past now. As we come closer to that bountiful boundless day, a new era will seize the lies and teach you a more fundamental nature: what is natural to all existence." donnie's pointing her rifle at him he's smiling wider "I do not fear your weapons. There is nothing to fear when Rapture is coming." shoot him. BANG she got him in the face. a big hole in his cheek. no blood. he still smiles. ...he's turned away from us. about to leave. Wait! What did we... just... do? What did this Cipher do? chuckle. "Sine labore nihil held the cruelty at bay."

11:00 PM What? ..what just happened? We’re in the Peisistratos. ..I don’t know. o_e

11:04 PM Tiresias came in. He’s telling us to rest up. “We will talk in the morning; I need time to prepare."

11:39 PM Donnie’s clutching me tight, fast asleep. I can try to sleep, but.. I’ve got too much on my mind right now. Just want to write. Just want to think.

(Attached: “As do I. One of the chapters in my life is something of a riddle to me, and this log brought it to mind. I'd just finished signing a hieroglyph onto the side of a mountain-- the other gods talked me into it, they consider it to be their form of an autograph for the eyes of history-- when I figured I'd just about stayed long enough. In my time in ancient Earth, I'd prevented many divine bouts, shared my wisdom with whatever humans felt themselves ready to stare into my blank gaze, and even celebrated a new year. No luck on taking memory away, though. I'd have to wait for that superpower to come. Instead, satisfied with the state of affairs of the times, I sneaked away in a lull of conversation and approached the Gates of Olympus.

A mahogany wind kept me company as I braved the elements of the Empty City of yesteryear. It wasn't really any different, but for some reason on this occasion it decided to delay my journey a little longer, knowing I could do nothing in retaliation, knowing I depended on its mercy if I wished to travel anywhere. For three days and many more nights I wandered the repetitive streets until I happened upon something resembling a park. There, I decided to take refuge on a bench and rest my eyes a little.

I dreamt I was blind in a more mortal manner. I dreamt of the widest expanse of nothing you've ever seen, stretches of the stuff shifting between every blink, my blinks lasting aeons in this mighty sleep. I dreamt of sound, of smell, of touch, of memory. The sound of love's laughter. The smell of hair. The touch of fingers upon fingers. The memory of a life without responsibilities such as these, the memory of a youth in sight unaffected.

My eyes opened to the sound of birds chirping. I felt someone sit down on the bench next to me. No matter how hard I tried, I could not see. I touched my face, ensured I was still there. Pinched myself, ensured I did not still dream. Cried out Untamo's name. I was not dreaming. I could not see anything. I figured it was appropriate that I would finally experience the blindness proper, but still I felt cheated. I heard the sound of rustling next to me. Then of chewing. I spoke, asked who was there.

-- Your best friend, ever. I recognized the voice. --- Sempiternity. -- The same, am I. You? Spoken with the diction of a professor. --- I.. believe I'm same. Sane? Same as I've ever been. -- Tiresias. Which? --- I'm, uh. Thoth. More chewing. -- Still young. Ham sandwich? I reached out my hand until I felt the food placed into my grasp. Took it and ate it. It was good.

: After a while of silence, I asked: --- Where have you been since Nyarlathotep and his bunch showed up? Offended. -- Not because you should, but because you must. --- What? Apologetic. -- I travel the stars. Hardly by my choice. I recalled where I'd met my friend to begin with: They'd just sorta stumbled into our universe, unsure of the location or the date. I suppose they really can't control their wanderings. -- - It's okay. So where are we, might I ask? Silence. --- Sempi? -- I cannot say where. --- You can't say? -- No. I cannot see. --- What. Why.. well, why not? A long sigh. -- Last place I arrived, I scared the people. They held me up to… a hole in the sun. Burned my eyes out, pain. Of course, next day my eyes recovered but when the people saw, they blindfolded me and cursed the blindfold. I can't take it off. --- A curse? What do you mean by that? Meekly. -- I mean 'eldritch stuff.'

I fumed. Nothing turned red in my mind. I stood up. --- They can't get away with that! Can you take me to them? -- I can't, never. No. I stood there, feeling the rhythm of anger fade away. Felt tangible. Felt awkward. Waited for any further response before I asked --- Why not? -- Do you know of time? --- What kind of question is that? I'm the god of time! Or something. Of course I know time! -- You don't know of time, forever's meaning. You know the words to eternity's song but you sing along to an opera you merely observe. The angst in their voice turned into a python of poison upon my ears. ---- Oh yeah? I've watched worlds crash and burn. I've participated in the ultimate battles to determine the fates of everyone I've ever loved. I have loved, and I've lost. You can't say I don't know more than the words to this opera.

I heard Sempi get up. Felt a finger stab my chest, lighter than a push but firmer than a touch. A point. -- You know of a life, your life, a life that stands a sentence in the library of time. The battles you fought were not fought by you, you were an actor. The people you've lost, you care more about their deaths' impact on you and yes I say that with poison, with angst, with vitriol, with knowledge of the-- experience of the-- unbeatable hatred, tragedy, the flames of elders and worse still the damned sufferings of youths, so now a FUCK YOU for you have not lived, you have barely breathed, you do not know the sickest part of all of this opera. Time is entropy, or ideally, time feeds on effect. But eternity is endless, endless! So all we suffer, and all we fucking cry and grieve and die and hate and kill, fuck-- all of this has been a single letter in dictionaries multi-volumed and always written. We have not been through a fraction of all we'll go through before we can finally end our suffering-- lie down and… just…… die. Silence. No more birds chirping. -- Forever's a long time before I die. Then I heard footsteps running away. Sempi was gone. I stood there for about a minute, thinking about what happened. Then I found I could see again, see an empty park in an empty city established for empty worlds with empty gods. I hated it all. A duck flew by. I sighed and resumed my long walk home.”)

[PREV LOG] [TABLE OF CONTENTS] [NEXT LOG]

[kooldewd123]

My New Year's resolution this year was to read more. I'm sure a lot of people around here can relate to this, but I was a massive reader as a child who started to fall off as I grew up. I barely read anything new at all throughout college and the latter half of high school. At the start of this year, I was suddenly hit with a massive urge to try and return to my roots again, and for probably the first time ever, I suddenly had a New Year's resolution I actually intended to follow through on. Still, I knew that my attention issues would make this hard for me unless I gave myself some sort of structure.

Enter Animorphs. Not only was this a beloved series from my childhood that I had been wanting to revisit for a long time, but it happened to fill my needs perfectly: with 54 mainline books total, I could easily pace myself at a book a week, and with each book only taking about an hour or so to read, it would be a nice, low-commitment way to ease myself back in. And for an added kick in the pants, I started a reread thread to hold myself accountable to.

Although revisiting the series that genuinely shaped me into the person I am today has been a magical experience, it was never the main goal. My hope in starting this project was that by weaning myself back in with a weekly diet of quick, digestible books, I would get myself back into the proper headspace of wanting to read more often. And now that we're nearly at the halfway point of the year, I'm so glad to be able to say:

It fucking worked.

Not counting Animorphs, I've read more books this year than I have since... probably middle school. And it's not just me going over the collection on my bookshelf, either - most of them have been entirely brand new to me, some of which I hadn't even heard of until I grabbed them off the bookstore shelf and thought "huh, that sounds neat." It's really thrown me back to childhood experiences and overall been a fantastic refresh of my mental state after stagnating a bit in some of my media-consumption habits. This has been a much longer preamble than I anticipated, but I wanted to make this post to go over the books I've read so far this year and some of my thoughts on them! So here we go, in no particular order:

Percy Jackson and the Olympians by Rick Riordan: This is the reason I said "most" of the books I read this year were new. The Riordanverse is my second favorite book series after Animorphs, and I've also been meaning to reread it at some point as well. The Disney+ series earlier this year really gave me a strong urge to revisit the books, but I wanted to wait until after the show was over so it didn't skew my expectations too much. And, yeah. It's been just as great a series as I remember. I've only finished up through Battle of the Labyrinth so far, but I want to go through the whole Riordanverse eventually. HoO are some of my most-read books ever, and ToA has been itching at the back of my mind for months. The Kane Chronicles and Magnus Chase never captured my interest as well as the Greco-Roman stuff, but I'm excited to take another look at them and see if my feelings have changed.

Loki's Ring by Stina Leicht: A space captain travels to a mysterious pathogen-infected planet to save her AI daughter... is what the blurb on the back of the book says. Truthfully, I think the marketing on this one is a bit misleading. I picked it up expecting to get a sci-fi mystery thriller set on a spooky planet, but what I got instead was a more political piece about the crew trying to negotiate between all the different parties laying claim to the planet. It's not a bad book by any means, but just not something that appealed to me personally and I couldn't help but feel a bit burned by the description.

American Gods by Neil Gaiman: I've heard a lot about Gaiman's work, and about this book especially, so this was one of the books I was most excited to start reading. And there was a lot I enjoyed here: Shadow was an interesting protagonist, I loved this take on modern gods, and Gaiman's interpretation of Americana as a concept was fascinating. But for some reason... I dunno, this one was just a slog to get through for me, despite how much I felt like I should have loved it. I hate to admit it after how highly I've heard him recommended, but I think Gaiman's writing style might just not be my thing. I'd be willing to give him another shot if I was in the right mood (the idea of checking out Sandman has crossed my mind a couple of times), but sad to say I probably won't be delving into his works like I was hoping to. One of the biggest disappointments I've had with a piece of media in a long time.

Eye of the Sh*t Storm (The Frost Files #3) by Jackson Ford: Now this one was a surprise in the complete opposite direction. I grabbed this one on a whim, completely missing the fact that it was the third book in a series. The Frost Files follows the adventures of Teagan Frost, a reluctant government agent working in Los Angeles with psychokinetic abilities (or as the book puts it, the ability to move sh*t with her mind). The opening to this book nearly lost me, leaning into some drug humor that's not really my taste, but what followed was a frantically fun adventure with zany humor, strong tensions, and characters that bounced off each other perfectly. I was sold on the series pretty quickly, but by the time I decided I wanted to read the other books, I was already too invested in this one to stop. I have the first book ready on my shelf to read at some point, but I need to search some local bookstores for #2 and #4 first so I can read the whole thing straight through.

The Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins: Can you believe I've never actually read these books before? For some reason, my mom took a super hard stance against these books in particular and never let me read them, and when my dad told me she was being stupid and gave me the entire trilogy himself, I just... put them on my bookshelf and never actually got around to reading them. I admit I was a bit worried going in. I don't often enjoy romance in stories, especially since figuring out I'm aro, and these books have a reputation for kickstarting the entirely overdone dystopian YA love triangle trope. I was very pleasantly surprised, then, that the romance wasn't actually as major a part of the story as I expected, and the extent to which it was used was entirely in service of the story's themes and message. In that vein, one of the most interesting parts of these books to me was being able to see the origin point of so many tropes of the genre. It's clear why this trilogy is a masterpiece, and finally being able to take it all in illuminated all the ways that Collins inspired the YA writers that came after her. Katniss is a remarkable protagonist, and the story resonated in ways that are even clearer to me now than they would have been to me if I had read it back then. I feel like I got a surprising amount out of these books. I downloaded the movies to compare, but never worked up the motivation to actually start watching them.

Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury: At one point, I decided to try and go back to some books I read in school to see what I would get out of them now that I'm more educated on the subject matter they're tackling. I was actually looking for 1984, but couldn't find it (I guess Barnes & Noble must have gotten rid of those look-up computers during COVID or something so I was basically just wandering around blindly trying to figure it out myself) and ended up with Fahrenheit 451 instead. So how did I feel about this one? Weirdly ambivalent. Censorship and the preservation of information are two of the issues I'm most concerned with in the world today, but for some reason this book just did absolutely nothing for me and I can't really say why. Nothing about it really stuck in my brain the way I expected it to. I did eventually find 1984 and Animal Farm, so hopefully those ones give me more to think about. I actually never even read Animal Farm in school, so that'll be a new one for me.

The Arc of a Scythe Trilogy by Neal Shusterman: I'd heard this trilogy come up a couple of times before as the big new YA series. For the uninitiated, these books take place in a utopian future where all of humanity's problems have been solved: crime, poverty, corruption, racism, disease, even death itself. The only arbiters of death left in the world are Scythes, an order tasked with taking the lives of others in order to maintain the value of life and curb overpopulation. And let me tell you, this series is absolutely a new favorite of mine. I brought these with me on a road trip and chewed through Thunderhead, The Toll, and Gleanings on the bus in a way I didn't even realize I was capable of anymore. The world is well fleshed out in an incredibly elegant way, with boundaries loose enough to provide for amazing twists yet firm enough to still provide stakes. The differing philosophies the Scythes each have on death and duty in a post-mortal world are an absolute delight to see unfold. And the story plays its cards excellently, slipping in details at just the right moment for them to slide under your radar before suddenly exploding into prominence. Thunderhead and The Toll in particular use the medium of text in much more interesting ways than anything else I've read recently, leading to some amazing scenes I couldn't stop myself from flipping back to and reading all over again. I'm gonna be thinking about this series for a long time, and I really hope we get another companion book like Gleanings as an excuse to take another plunge back into this world.

Lore by Alexandra Bracken: Every seven years, the Olympian gods are turned mortal for a single week, and anyone who manages to kill them takes their power. if i had a nickel for every book on this list about gods in the modern world- I haven't really gotten that far in this book so far, so it's only here as an honorable mention. It hasn't hooked me yet, but I feel like I'm only just starting to get out of the intro section and into the action, so there's plenty of time still left for it to pick up. Plus, I got distracted with life stuff and couldn't give it my full focus for a while, so I'm probably not giving it as fair a chance as I should.

It's been fun reading them, it's been fun talking about them, and here's hoping I can keep having fun with them in the future.

[creative-hanyou-girl]

My PJO Story: 10+ Years in the Making

It's so crazy to think that we are less than 2 days away from the Percy Jackson premiere. I've been waiting for this series for 2 years from the second I heard about it. If I'm being honest, it was only some months ago that I actually finished the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series for the 1st time before moving on to HOO. Yet, even before then, I've been reading The Lightning Thief book over and over again since I was 11 or 12.

When I was younger, it was the movies (ugh, I know) that convinced me to read the Percy Jackson books. I had already seen them around school in the library and around my peers, but I personally felt no urge to pick the books up myself. I was DEEP in my Warrior Cats obsession at that point and believed no other book series could top it for me. But then we watched the Peter Johnson movies in class, and I'll be honest, I ended up really liking them. I know, I know. They are awful adaptations and still not the greatest stand-alone movies either, but I enjoyed them at that age since I hadn't read the books and knew Jack-shit about real Greek mythology at the time. And even now, while I'm no longer blind to how bad those movies are, there are still a few visuals from the 1st movie that still stand out in my mind to this day, like Percy's water trident.

But the greatest thing the movies did for me, and the reason I have to give them the obligatory 1 ⭐star, is that they finally convinced me to pick up The Lightning Thief and give this series, that was all the rage amongst my friends and peers, a chance. My mom got me the entire boxset for Christmas that year, and I got to reading. And I fell in love! I was blown away by the humor and fun I had reading The Lightning Thief. And it felt amazing to see a main character have a disability and use it as their superpower. I don't have ADHD or dyslexia, but I did have a stroke as a baby which affected me physically AND mentally, so in some ways, I could still relate to what Percy and other characters in the book were going through, at least a little bit.

Once I finished TLT, I was eager to start on The Sea of Monsters, and I even started reading into that book, too. But in a bizarre twist, the 2nd book disappeared one day from my nightstand. I looked EVERYWHERE for it, but I never found my copy of the 2nd book. I was so upset and embarrassed that I lost it, and I was worried to tell my parents for fear they'd think I was irresponsible for losing a book, so I just....didn't. And because I was convinced that I could still find my personal copy of the Sea of Monsters, I refused to check out a copy from my school library. And so because of my embarrassment and stubbornness, I would not continue the rest of the PJO series for years to come.

But that didn't stop me from rereading The Lighting Thief periodically throughout my teenage years going into adulthood. I read it for enjoyment, to refresh myself on the story and what happens in it, and especially when we'd go on vacation to the beach since, you know, it's the perfect summer beach read. This is just my opinion, but while TLT did set up groundwork for SOM, it could also be read as a stand-alone book, too. And for years, that's how I treated The Lighting Thief. I always planned on buying a new copy of The Sea of Monsters as well, but stuff would happen and I just wouldn't get it for one reason or another. And to be honest, I think part of it was a sentimentality thing with me. I was so sentimental about The Lightning Thief since it was the only book from PJO that I read fully, that part of me was worried about the other books overshadowing it.

So for years, that's how it went. Until, in late 2021, I found out that Percy Jackson was being made into a TV show. And my mind was blown; I DID NOT expect a book series that was close to 15 years old and after 2 failed movies to get a TV show made after it. In fact, I thought it was a joke at first or that there were people trolling the series on the internet. But then when I looked more into it, and especially when I saw that the author, Rick Riordan himself, was heavily involved in the project, the reality of this news finally started to sink in.

And I was ecstatic!

But it also gave me the reminder that I had yet to read the rest of the series past The Lightning Thief, and I wanted to go into the TV show having read the books beforehand. And so, after literal years of not telling them, and because it was right around Christmas and my mom was practically begging me to tell her what I wanted that year (I usually don't want much for Christmas), I told her I wanted Percy Jackson: The Sea of Monsters for Christmas that year.

And I finally got it.

But because life happens, I wasn't able to actually start my planned binge reading of the Percy Jackson series until this past spring going into summer of this year, 2023. But once I had a free couple days to spare, I finally sat down and read the entire Percy Jackson and the Olympians series for the 1st time, starting with exactly the same old copy of The Lightning Thief I've had and loved since the age of 11 or 12.

And it was AMAZING!

This series truly is something else, and it's no wonder its maintained its popularity throughout the years. Its funny, sweet, action-packed, crazy, and just all around fun to read with lovable characters. It's one of my absolute favorite book series of all time and I'm so excited about the show dropping in less than 2 days now.

But it's the fact that we will be seeing the 1st book specifically, The Lighting Thief, come to life lovingly and faithfully first, that has me the most excited. For so long, this was the 1 book in the series that I read. It was the 1 book in the series that always stayed with me when I couldn't continue reading past it. It was the book that introduced me, and many others, to all these amazing characters and the world of Gods and Goddesses.

So while it is true that the later books in PJO are objectively better, it will always be The Lighting Thief specifically that will always have a special place in my heart. And I am thrilled that this first book of Percy Jackson (and hopefully the later books) is FINALLY getting the adaptation it deserves, and that I'll get to revisit the 1 book that has been with me since childhood in a new light!

Long Live Percy Jackson!

(Also yes, I made that bookmark)

[endy-the-anxious]

Jesus, you look shitty

Summary: Virgil goes to visit Remus again after years of not seeing him. Things.. don't really go well.

Word count: 2293

Characters: Remus, Virgil, Patton, Janus (mentioned)

Notes: This is inspired by the episode 'The Telescope' from Bojack Horseman.

Tagging: @lost-in-thought-20 @chituri

----------

Virgil sighed as he stood in front of the door that led to the dark side of the mind scape. He hadn’t been back here in so long. Ever since he left the dark sides, and Janus had followed him soon after, they’d both worked to keep the parts separate. It needed to be like that, for Thomas’ sake. Janus had told him that he’d tried to convince Remus to be less disturbing so he could join the light sides too, and that Remus had asked him to stay instead, but because they couldn’t reach an agreement, Janus left too.

Since then, Remus hadn’t shown himself, and while part of Virgil was glad that Thomas was now safe from his intrusive thoughts, another part of him was plagued with guilt for having abandoned his childhood friend. That guilt kept building up over time, and now, years later, he figured it was time to apologize for everything that had happened between them. If he could just make amends, maybe things would get better, and he wouldn’t have to deal with guilt all the time.

He didn’t want to go alone, though. He hadn’t seen Remus in so long. It would at least be extremely awkward, and he’d rather not be alone in a room with him. So, he’d brought Patton, who silently stood beside him, also looking rather nervous.

Virgil looked at him, and made eye contact for a moment, “..this is good, right? That we’re going to apologize?” he asked.

His friend nodded, “I mean, I think so, yeah. I learned that apologizing always makes things better,” he said, smiling a bit.

“..Right. Okay,” Virgil said as he gathered up some courage. He then raised his hand, and knocked on the door, and the pair waited for a response.

A few minutes later, the door opened, and there was Remus. Virgil remembered him always looking messy, but dear god, it had gotten so much worse. His hair was long and greasy.. When was the last time he’d washed it? His clothes were in a bad state too, all wrinkly and full of stains.

“..hey, Remus..” Virgil said, trying to keep his tone a bit nonchalant to mask his nervousness.

Surprisingly enough, a grin spread across Remus’ face, “Virgil! Jesus, you look shitty! Has life with the light sides not been as good as you’d hoped?” he joked.

From the corner of his eyes, the anxious side noticed Patton purse his lips together after hearing the comment, and he chuckled a little, unfortunately already feeling awkward, “Heh.. no, it’s been nice. You don’t look so good either, Rem,” he said, attempting to joke back.

And within a second after saying that, Remus’ smile disappeared, and his unblinking eyes met Virgil’s with a look so cold that he almost shivered.

“I’m dying.”

Virgil’s breath got stuck in his throat for a moment. Out of all the words Remus could’ve said, that was the last thing he expected.

“..oh,” he managed to bring out.

Remus stared at him a bit longer, before putting on a wide smile again, “Well, anyways. How nice of you two to visit after all these years! Come in! I’ll make you both something nice,” he said as he clapped his hands together. He gestured at Virgil and Patton to follow him, and then turned around and walked into his living space.

Virgil took a few seconds to calm down from his shock of seeing Remus act so strange. Stranger than usual, that is. He glanced at Patton, “..please don’t leave me alone with him,” he said quietly, and felt a little bit reassured when his friend nodded. They walked in together.

The inside of the place was even worse. It reeked with the smell of something dead. Maybe it was the plants in the room that looked like they hadn’t been watered in years, or maybe Remus actually had some dead animals hidden around here. Virgil repressed the urge to cover his mouth and nose with the sleeve of his hoodie.

“I was just about to make myself some food, so you can join if you want!” Remus’ voice echoed from the kitchen, “Just sit down at the table and I'll be there in a sec!”

The two light sides exchanged silent glances, and despite the fact that they both wanted to leave, they knew they couldn’t do that yet. Virgil had come here to apologize, and Patton had come with him for extra support. They couldn’t just leave without doing that. Especially not since Remus seemed quite happy to see them here. So, they sat down at the table.

A few minutes later, Remus came back with some bread and meat on plates, which he put down in front of them, “Bone apple teeth!” he said with a grin.

Patton looked at the food. It.. didn’t look appetizing at all, and.. was that mold? He felt like throwing up, and quickly decided to think of something else to forget about it. “..what a coincidence. We ate something like this yesterday-..” he said with a small smile.

“Well duh,” Remus chuckled, “I get all the scraps of food you throw away! Don’t worry. You’ll get used to the mold after a while.” he said as he sat down at the table too, opposite to the light sides.

Virgil stared at the food Remus had served him, and just like Patton, he was appalled by even the idea of eating it. He looked up and saw the intrusive side had already started eating, using his hands to shove the food in his mouth as if he hadn’t eaten for days. It actually made him feel nauseous, and he quickly covered his mouth with his hand, to hopefully keep himself from throwing up.

Noticing the movement, Remus looked up, and made eye contact with Virgil, “..what’s wrong, Virge?” he asked with his mouth full, “Do you need better cutlery?”

Confused by the question, the anxious side glanced at Patton for a second, “...uhh.. what..?” he asked.

“Because if you do-..” Remus continued, “I can always give you the knife you left in my back years ago!” he added, before laughing.

Virgil, not sure what else to do, awkwardly laughed along, “Heh.. r- right… walked right into that one. Who asks about cutlery..?” he mumbled.

It was silent for a moment, with the only sound being Remus’ eating. The tension was horrible, and neither light side knew what to do in this situation. They could’ve handled an angry Remus, perhaps. But this was very different from what they expected, and the last thing they wanted to do was make things worse.

Luckily, dinner was over rather quickly, and Remus stood up to collect the plates and bring them back to the kitchen, where he left them in the sink before joining the other sides again, who hadn’t moved from their seats at the table.

Breaking the tense silence, Remus clapped his hands, “Well! It was certainly nice to have you two over, but I'm sure you’d like to go back to your own place now. I won’t keep you here any longer.” he said, before turning around and walking to the door again, gesturing at Virgil and Patton to follow him.

Remus brought the light sides to the door and grinned as he opened it for them, “Again, nice seeing ya! I need to get some rest. Close the door behind you!” he said, before simply walking off and letting his visitors stand by the door, perplexed.

Virgil and Patton exchanged concerned looks, before the former spoke up, “..I don’t feel good just leaving him here..” he admitted.

The moral side nodded and agreed, “Me neither.. I had no idea it was this bad for him. The awful food, and.. he’s dying too..? I didn’t know we sides could even die-” he admitted.

Fidgeting with the zipper on the sleeve of his hoodie, Virgil thought about what to do, “..maybe I should go back in, alone.” he said. When Patton grabbed his hand and asked if he was sure, he nodded, “..I mean, I was the first one to leave him.. and I never came back or apologized. I need to do that. If he dies before I get the chance to-..” he cut himself off and looked down, “..I could never forgive myself..”

Patton squeezed his hand, “I understand.. but be safe, okay?” he said softly, though Virgil’s nod and reply didn’t exactly reassure him.

Putting on a brave face and walking back in alone was harder for Virgil than he thought it would be. But, he told himself, he was doing this for Remus. Inside, he made his way to Remus’ room, and knocked on the door before walking in, where he saw him sitting on his bed, leaning against the headrest with his eyes closed.

He seemed to not notice Virgil at first, which concerned him. You’d think one would hear the sound of someone entering their room, but apparently that wasn’t the case with Remus now.

Virgil stayed silent for a moment, looking at Remus. He coughed a little every once in a while, and.. some black smoke-like substance seemed to ooze right out of his skin with every cough, as if life was being sucked right out of him, slowly, and painfully.

The sight made Virgil’s blood run cold, as he realized that when Remus told him he was dying, he wasn’t exaggerating. He cleared his throat to get the other’s attention, and before he could even say anything, Remus’ eyes shot open, and he stared at Virgil with that same cold look he’d had before.

“Come to ruin my life some more, asshole?” he asked, any trace of niceness in his voice gone.

“I-.. no-” Virgil said, stumbling a little because he was once again caught off guard by Remus’ sudden change in demeanor. He fumbled with his hoodie strings for a second, trying to calm his nerves down before talking again. “Listen, I-... about what happened after I left-.. after Janus left-..” he started, “We.. we never meant for things to turn out this way..”

“So.. you’re apologizing?”

The anxious side nodded quickly, “Yes. I’m sorry, Remus..” he said, before smiling a little bit, Maybe, just maybe, they could be friends again, for a little while. Maybe.. he could save his old friend from death. But, Remus’ next words pulled him right out of his thoughts.

“Fuck off.”

Baffled, Virgil looked at him and stepped closer to try and reason with him, “Remus-.. I-.. I don’t think you understand me right now. I’m sorry.. you said you were dying and.. I can see it, and I’m so sorry. If you die, and I can’t at least make things better between us-.. I-”

Remus leaned forward a little and coughed again, “I said, Fuck. Off.” he repeated, keeping his voice low and threatening. “I’m not gonna forgive you just so you can feel better about your shitty self.” He reached out and grabbed Virgil by his collar, pulling him down to his eye level, “I want you to live. I want you to live knowing that there’s nothing you can do to make this better. I want you to live, knowing that you killed me.”

Virgil tried to pull away instinctively, but Remus was surprisingly strong for a dying person. “I-.. I-..” he said, terrified of what Remus might do to him now that they were alone. Was he going to take him down with him? After a few seconds, he registered what Remus had actually said, and he frowned, “M- me..? I- I’m not killing you!” he tried to defend himself “I- I just want to help!”

“Bullshit!” Remus shouted, which immediately resulted in him having a big of a coughing fit, causing him to let Virgil go. The intrusive side wheezed and gasped for air as his body secreted more black smoke. When he’d calmed down a bit, he looked up at Virgil and glared daggers at him. “I-.. I know it’s you. I can feel it. I helped you control your abilities, your room. Maybe you don’t realize it, but it’s you.” he said.

Having stepped back after Remus let him go, Virgil looked at Remus, “..so-.. if it’s me.. can’t I stop whatever i’m doing? Can’t I save you?” he asked quietly.

Remus leaned back and crossed his arms, “I don’t want to be saved. I don’t need you, or anyone else anymore, and I haven’t needed you for a long time.” he said coldly.

“You could’ve joined us, you know..?” Virgil said quietly, “When I left. When Janus left. He told me he offered you to join the light sides too, but you refused. Why?” he asked.

“..I never needed to be a light side. I was fine just being me,” Remus answered, looking away for a moment, “What I needed, was my friends. But you left me so you could become a light side. You both dropped me and forgot about me. Did you ever even consider you could’ve been a light side and my friend?” he asked before making eye contact again, “You care more about being a light side, than you ever cared about me, and I learned that a long time ago.”

Virgil let his arms drop to his sides as he listened to Remus, and while he didn’t want to admit it, he knew he was right. If he’d cared more, he would’ve visited sooner. Or.. he shouldn’t have left in the first place. It had been a mistake coming here, hadn’t it?

“I’m sorry..” he mumbled, turning around and hearing Remus reply to him one last time.

“No. You’re not. And now get out.”

..And Virgil did.