#[*Insert a joke/pun that I think might be funny*]

[sirfrogsworth]

The Babylon Bee School of Comedy

Have you ever wanted to make Elon Musk reply to you with a double cry laughing emoji?

If you crave that sweet billionaire validation you need only follow this carefully crafted conservative comedy content creation course for that powerhouse of online satire... The Babylon Bee.

Soon you too could be bootlicking billionaire balls with the rest of The BBee writers.

Are you ready to get your learn on?

Let us Bee-gin.

The number one most important rule that all The BBee writers must internalize to their core...

Conservative comedy abhors effort.

Brainstorming for hours on end to craft the perfect premise and punchline... is for the Libs. Check out this Facebook meme that got 10,000 likes.

Can you order Starbucks from a bar? Doesn't matter, it's a snowflake drink for a snowflake Lib.

Does this joke not have an actual punchline? Doesn't matter, get lost you stupid Lib!

Is this technically a joke by definition? Doesn't matter, if you believe it is a joke, then it's a joke! Just like modern currency.

If you put too much thought into a joke, it might grow in complexity. That could be confusing! The death knell of any conservative joke are the words, "Hmm, that's a thinker."

This brings us to rule number two...

NO THINKERS!

Let's take this Ben Garrison comic as an example.

Spell everything out! Label everything! Don't leave anything to the imagination! If your audience has to figure something out or draw their own conclusions, what fun is that?

Conservatives want to hear things that are familiar. They want their beliefs parroted back at them. You must regurgitate those beliefs and then just make it *sound* like a joke. Don't break new ground or introduce new ideas. Don't get all caught up in interesting wordplay or clever puns or subverting expectations.

All expectations should be fully verted.

That is definitely a word because I saw someone use it on Facebook. End of research.

Here is a helpful tip. If you can't imagine the joke coming out of the mouth of late night comedy genius GUTFELD!, then you need to dial it back a bit. Do not surpass GUTFELD! levels of humor. GUTFELD! is your touchstone.

Oh, GUTFELD! I laughed so hard I FELD it in my GUT.

See, I went too far with my fancy pun. That is not the GUTFELD! way.

But what happens if inspiration is fleeting and you can't pay attention to your comedy writing task because you don't believe ADHD is real and thus you are unmedicated?

Don't you worry. If you do happen to get writer's block or are distracted by a funny Pepe meme or a shiny object, just call your racist uncle and say the magic word... "Bidenflation."

As the ensuing unhinged rant darts from subject to subject without any kind of connecting theme, just start writing down every right wing buzzword you hear. Then just insert those buzzwords Mad Libs-style into a derivative joke format.

Let's practice!

Ex. 1: Why did the PRONOUNS cross the BORDER? To get to the DRAG QUEEN STORY HOUR!

Ex. 2: How many GENDERS does it take to GROOM a lightbulb? Two! One to hold the BUTT PLUG and one to GO WOKE, GO BROKE.

Great start! I'm sure with a polishing pass those will make more sense. Or not. The bar is pretty much "will it get clicks?" so we're not too worried about coherence.

Heh... Mad Libs.

U MAD, LIBS?

Get it? Cuz Libs are always mad? About the normalized bigotry and whatnot.

Jokes are always better when you need to explain them.

Oh! That's another rule. Write that down. Wisdom like this is why I am teaching this course, of course. Hah, that's like that horse show song. I got jokes coming out the wazoo. Wazoo is my butt, right? Siri, is wazoo a butt? Oof, I'm kinda spacing on what the next lesson is.

I really wish Matt Walsh hadn't flushed my Adderall down the crapper.

Can I get a second opinion? Top Gun was so good. What does Tom Cruise think about ADHD? He always has good takes on stuff like this. Did I leave my oven on? Shazam, what song goes doodoo doo doo doooooo? Can you vacuum a yard? Has anyone tried that? That sounds more like a marijuana thought than an ADHD tangent. I should double check the THC content of that cotton candy vape juice.

I'm flyin' off the rails over here.

Matt, are you super duper sure it's not real?

Okay, fine. I'm an "energetic boy."

I hope whichever fish absorbs my meds is extra focused on whatever fish shit he needs to get done.

COMEDY WRITING!

Sometimes it is best to learn through observation. Let's eavesdrop on an actual The BBee writer's room to see how the sausage is made...

"So what did your racist uncle have to say?"

"Well, first he texted me a cameraphone picture of Trump as an astronaut that he wants me to print out cuz he doesn't know what a crypto wallet is... but then he said all the woke schools are turning kids into a bunch of gay commies."

"EUREKA!"

Classic! The BBee writers strike again. I mean, they aren't striking. There is no commie clamoring for a union at The Babylon Bee. That's for damn sure. FOCUS!

Do you get the joke though? With the kids and the gay and the communism?

Because all of those woke schools totally cover complex economic theories in 4th grade and all it takes to turn gay is a little persuasion from a teacher with green hair. Libs of TikTok wouldn't lie about that. End of research.

Look at this public school teacher!

I mean, you knooow she has a litter box in her classroom. I can just sense it. End of research.

Sure... it is just a context-free picture of a person with green hair in front of a flag and you cannot actually judge the quality of their teaching ability from this. But yoouuu knoooooow she is skipping right over grammar lessons and giving detailed instructions on how to turn gay.

Step 1: Look at a bunch of butts. Step 2: Touch a bunch of butts. Step 3: Gay sex a bunch of butts.

(Replace butts with cooches for lesbians.)

Grooming accomplished.

And you definitely shouldn't look up that green-hair'd, nose ring'd educator and research her any further. Extensive research is for the Libs, bro. Because you definitely don't want to discover she is a passionate high school English teacher who makes fun content on TikTok in the hopes that people will buy things off her wishlist so her students will have a better learning experience. I mean, caring about her students? That's so gay.

YoooOOOuuuUUU knnnooooooOOOw she is a bad teacher because she has green hair and a flag. End. Of. Research.

So... you have your gay communist headline that is perfect to get all of those sweet conservative clicks. But you still have a full webpage to fill out with more words and stuff.

Now I want to see if you learned anything from my perfectly focused and informative teachings. I want you to write some jokes about kids becoming gay communists.

Ready? GO!

Joke #1 Little Billy has wealthy parents so all the students will share his cookie at snack time.

Joke #2 At the beginning of the day, students pick a new gender out of a hat but all the kids fight over Attack Helicopter.

Joke #3 At lunch, the students have to stand in a peanut butter and jelly bread line.

Joke #4 The teacher makes the kids take turns combing each others' hair for a grooming session.

Wait a sec... are those... THINKERS?

No no no no no! You made my brain all confused and thinky!

You need to calm down, you overachieving silly billy. You forgot the first rule... NO EFFORT.

Just make the same joke over and over again with slightly different wording. EASY!

Remember the classic final rule of comedy...

Jokes always get funnier the more you repeat them.

Anyway, that's probably enough... joke.

Now let's close this article out!

Maybe we can drop the pretense this is comedic satire and just do some hardcore pandering. Gotta own the Libs, amirite?

Gender theory and drag queens and guns, oh my! That is pure pander-monium.

Just shove those factless tactless Tucker talking points straight down their gullet. They'll forget this was supposed to be funny and shake their fist in the air with exaltation. And it's definitely a great idea to put the thought of gunning down drag queens in their heads. That won't backfire in any way!

Congratulations! You are now ready to "write" for The Babylon Bee.

Please purchase this official Trump NFT certificate for $99 that acknowledges that you have completed this course and have a very poor understanding of what satire actually is.

End of research.

[sybaritick]

Unusual Questions for Writers

I thought it'd be fun to make my own writer ask game, but exclusively with questions I've never seen in any others! Feel free to ask me these, and/or reblog it and people can ask them of you! :D

What is an area of expertise you find yourself inserting into your work? It can be job-related, but it can also just be a random interest or hobby.

What is the most experimental or bizarre thing you've written? Share it here (or a quote from it).

When did you first start writing, whether that was fanfiction or original work? What was your first work about, to the best you remember? (For bonus points, quote it!)

Describe your writing, but exclusively in terms of how it would taste and feel to eat it.

What is the most unusual, uncomfortable, or funny place you've written in?

Name three writing inspirations: one dead published author, one living published author, and one fanficcer/fellow amateur writer.

Quote a bad joke/groan-worthy pun/intentionally silly line from your writing.

What do you imagine people might guess about you, the author, from your writing? Are they right about this, or wrong?

Who are you writing for, other than yourself?

Is your writing creepy or wet?

What is a personal quality, interest, or preference that you find yourself projecting on your characters?

Do you ever put "easter eggs" or minor references in your work that you anticipate few people will notice? (If so, quote one of them here!)

Where are you from? Do you think the culture and language of that place comes through in your work?

If you were helping another writer imitate your work, what would you be telling them to do? (Silliness encouraged.)

Has anyone ever complimented your work or commented on it in a way that really made your day or you found exceptionally flattering? What was it they said?

[badaceattorney]

-Extremely long pinned post! Everyone’s favorite!-

Welcome to Bad Ace Attorney. I post ideas related to Ace Attorney every day at noon, and I also post other ace attorney related stuff here. My main account is @hotsinglesmusic, and I also post warframe stuff now as @cephalonsugma.

You can (and should) submit your own ideas or just send me whatever you want by using my submission box or by sending me an ask.

Read below for guidelines on idea submissions, my FAQ, a list of tags I use in case you want to search/block them, and literally everything else you could think of.

Idea Categories

I sort all my ideas into formatted categories so that they have consistency.

A Case Idea is for:

The premise, theme, or murder of a case (50s Sci-fi themed case, The victim died eating a sandwich, All the witnesses seem to be ghosts)

Any sort of gameplay/story gimmick (you play as a prosecutor, you have to time your objections using a quick time event, Percieve but for speech patterns)

Any other specific event that could happen during a case (“Athena suddenly begins speaking in tongues” works, but “the judge can cast spells” would be a Character Idea)

A Character Idea is for:

An original character idea (Insert your OC. No really, feel free to send me your OCs. Just prepare for me to maybe roast them a little if I find a way to make it funny, unless you say you don’t want me to do that)

Any sort of name pun idea (a barber named Harry Styles, Minimalist named Leslie Moore, Lesbian catgirl named Kitty De Famme)

A variation/deviation from an existing character (The judge but with hair, Franziska but her whip is a charging cable, Pearl fey if she became a lawyer)

A Plot Twist is an occasional repost adding additional info.

Submission/Ask Guidelines

All idea submissions have to start with "Case Idea:" or "Character Idea:" and fit in that category. This only applies to idea submissions.

I might make fun of your submission/ask a tiny bit if I think of a funny way to do it, especially if you’re being hostile. If you don’t want me to do this let me know, but I wouldn't post your submission if I actually thought it was bad. This is just me joking around.*

Please don't send suicide jokes, rape jokes, racism jokes, or fat shaming jokes.** (Gay jokes and trans jokes are fine because I generally assume that if you're in this fandom and on tumblr you probably know enough about gay and trans people.)

If you think I’m hot/smart/funny/etc you have to tell me (sorry man, it’s the rules)

I will immediately delete any ask or submission that has nothing even remotely to do with ace attorney, my blog, my posts, or me.***

Any ask or submission that doesn’t follow the guidelines above will be answered/addressed privately if possible.

FAQ

Q: Why does your screenshot look weird?

A: Because I’m taking a picture of my monitor/screen and cropping it. I play on my Switch and moving photos/videos from there takes way too much effort. The only time I ever do it is when I really need to post a video.

Q: Why didn't you post my submission?

A: Either I’m extremely busy, in which case I can’t post it right now anyways, or it didn’t follow the guidelines.

Q: Can I make fanart of your posts/characters?

A: YES. DO IT. I will repost it and credit you because other people liking what I made brings me great joy.

Q: Why do you hate narumitsu/wrightworth?

A: I don’t, actually, even though I like Gumworth and Gumwright a bit more. I joke about being the number one narumitsu hater, but it’s grown on me after playing through the Apollo Justice trilogy. However, I sometimes have a problem with the way people talk about it.****

Q: Are you joking about thinking that (insert character) is hot?

A: I am always completely sincere about that specific thing. I do like to make jokes about it but that’s because romance/sex is inherently comedic and I know that my taste in men is slightly unconventional, at least for an Ace Attorney fan.

Tags that I use sometimes

#not a case idea:***** I usually add this tag to any post that isn’t a case/character idea, in case people aren’t interested in anything else from this blog, but I’m not really consistent with it.

#tgaa liveblogging: Me liveblogging my way through The Great Ace Attorney 2: Resolve. I didn’t liveblog the first game. I will use #aaic liveblogging when I get to that game.

#rants about ace attorney shipping: I’ve started using this tag for when I rant about ace attorney ships, as I often do. Earlier rants don’t have this tag.

#fangame stuff/#magnus cloue spirit attorney: Posts about my fangame, magnus cloue spirit attorney

#music: Music I made, usually for the fangame. I also make other music but this is only the ace attorney music.

#art: visual art, probably made by someone else in response to a post

#poll: Self explanatory

#___ my love: pure simping

Magnus Cloue: Spirit Attorney

I'm making an ace attorney fangame called Magnus Cloue: Spirit Attorney, using some of the ideas from this blog along with my own separate writing.

If you want to learn more, you can browse my #fangame stuff and #magnus cloue spirit attorney tags or send me an ask about it. I would love to include any OCs you have as part of the game if I can find a place to put them.

I’m currently looking for feedback on the writing/plot/characters as I make the outlines for the game’s script, but I also could use some help from writers/artists/2d animators/programmers who know how to use RenPy/musicians who can help me out with making the soundtrack.

Join the server below if you want to be a part of it, or even if you just want to hang out and talk.

—————

*Please try not to take anything I say here too personally unless I say I'm not joking. If you need clarification on if I'm joking, ask me and I will provide it.

**Unless they're actually funny, clever, and respectful, which sometimes they are. You don't need to censor yourself, but understand that after a certain point you aren't making parody, you're just doing the thing.

***If your charity/fundraiser/blog is actually related to ace attorney, me, or my blog I will consider it, but I will be extremely cautious. I’m not going to unknowingly be part of a tumblr scam.

****I think that sometimes the characterization people apply to is very unusual/makes the story worse, and I especially take issue with the way some narumitsu shippers treat ships like Gumworth/nokomitsu or Feeniris as completely invalid or even harass the people who ship them. Also, I think that sometimes people are way too quick to defend any valid criticism of narumitsu (even if it’s only perceived as criticism) rather than admit the ship is anything other than the most perfect ship ever.

*****the tag is called “not a case idea” because at the time I made the tag I had started this blog and there were only Case Ideas, no Character Ideas. I’m not going to go through every post on this blog just to change it to “not an idea”

[thatturtleleon]

ROTTMNT birthday card headcanons

first off we got raph (funny pictures ik, haha im hilarious)

I feel like he would give a nice genuine birthday card

probably one with a nice design or with something the person receiving the card would like

he'd write "Happy birthday! Have the best birthday ever!" or something sweet like that (i love him sm)

he might write a longer note if the person is really special to him, but all in all he give vry wholesome birthday cards

next up leooo

he'd buy some stupid looking card with googly eyes or a funny pun

bonus points if its both googly eyes AND a funny pun

if him and the person receiving the card have some kind of inside joke he would definitely include that

probably would write "happy birthdayyy" *insert something funny*

overall it's a very "leo" card

mikey !!

100% making the card himself

why buy some boring card from a store when he can just make a cooler card himself?

will draw all the things the other person enjoys, and include lots of colors

it looks vry pretty, its like one of those cards you secretly keep because so much work and love was put into it

depending on the person its for, he'll write a paragraph or so of "happy birthdays!!!", memories, and nice things

the card would be rly sweet and colorful

donnieee

donnie's kind of hard i'll admit because i have a hard time relating to him

i feel like he would definitely get a nice card

he would make it himself only for a few specific people he genuinely cares about

he wouldnt really write too much, just a simple "happy birthday"

however, this would all change completely if he and his brothers were having a "who can make the best birthday card" contest (probably around aprils birthday lol)

then he goes all out to win

splinter doesn't give out birthday cards, he says "here is my presence, is that not enough of a gift already"

/hj

his birthday cards are similar to donnies i think

they're nice, but simple

(if he REALLY liked the person receiving the card he mighttt throw in some money in there)

april omg

she tries to make it herself but mostly ends up buying a card somewhere if she forgets

she's a mix of leo and raph, depending on the person she'll either go for funny or sweet

"happy birthday (name)!!!!" *insert smiley face or a cute little drawing related to the person getting the card*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FRIEND !!!

all caps, nothing else.

its genuine though, we love cassandra <3

[thelightsandtheroses]

Fruit Asks: 🫐🍌🍒

Hi Heidi, hope you're having a lovely day! 💕

I have answered 🫐 here

🍌 In your opinion, what’s the funniest joke/reference/pun you’ve made in a fic?

This is a really tough question. I love inserting humour into my fics but I'm having a bit of a block on a specific reference and when I've reread some they don't seem as funny. I think the flirtatious joking between Javi and Blue in Secret Smile has been some of my favourite though - I love their teasing dynamic and the moment when she teased him about wearing his best shoes in the rainforest. Also, I quite liked this exchange though it's more teasing than funny:

“I’m sorry, are you telling me you’ve basically running an underground insomniac anonymous in Jackson?” “It’s not like that.” It’s really not that formal, you think, it’s also technically above ground. “And they said you weren’t a joiner, I’m so proud of you,” Sean teases.

🍒What’s your favorite character dynamic to write? (Can be romantic or platonic, specific or general!)

I love writing about love - like that moment when you realise that this person may actually have feelings for you, that this might be heading somewhere good. I love that softness and emotional vulnerability that can come with writing two characters falling in love. Falling in love is brave so that's, I think, something special to write?

[thornquillthefiendish]

did you draw crowhawk hypokits yet? o3o

When you sent this I hadn’t but since I should’ve by this point-

I made one!

This is Falconflight, first born son of Hawkfrost and Crowfeather (I might make more). More info on his story under the cut

So in this relatively feel-good au, Hawkfrost decides instead of just a quick grift to just. Commit to moving to WindClan during the conflict, while originally it’s for the plan he and mudclaw have brewing, eventually things settle down before anyone can die and mudclaw remains deputy while Onestar eases into leadership a bit better. Hawk and Crow have known eachother before this and have had a thing for each other so not long after hawkfrost has Falconkit, he’s a single kit since they’re still like young adults and he was definitely conceived out of excitement that they could have kits without severe judgement (at least not as severe as a “full fledged” halfclan kit). Falconkit is raised well by his fathers, oddly enough, between two obnoxious idiots he becomes weirdly well adjusted and…very sweet? Despite his tall, dark intimidating looks, Falconflight is a big softy, which no one expected out of hawkfrost and crowfeathers union, and he’s always been notably soft spoken compared to his parents. Falconkit becomes a paw around Breezekits birth, which still happens, but he’s not Crowfeather’s son since him and Nightcloud don’t have a reason to get together, instead Nightcloud has kits with an unknown source (insert your ship here). Hawkfrost and Nightcloud are actually decently good friends so when the litter is unfortunately born mostly stillborn, hawkfrost lends his support and breezekit and Nightcloud become honorary family to them, with breezekit and falconpaw growing up close. Breezepelts later rebellion is still fueled by “daddy” issues, but the issue is he doesn’t know who that is even.

In his more interpersonal plot, Falconflight had experienced strange dreams as a kit, often of a shadowy woodland where a dark tabby would step out from the undergrowth and speak to him. Hawkfrost would often stay awake to guard his son while he slept, waking him from the nightmares when he felt him stir. The dreams would fade before apprenticeship, and Falconflight carries little to no memories of them ever occurring. His mentor was mudclaw, and yet again somehow none of that rubbed off on him. He’s known in his adulthood as a heartthrob, even openly spoken of outside of WindClan, but he remains ambiguous about his love life. He’s just oddly very good and kind and there is no catch, I mean it legit he’s just. A soft man. That being said, he’s extremely intimidating having inherited a very distinct set of traits from his dads, mainly being Crowfeather’s distinct facial shapes (very oriental cat breed esc) and Tigerstars genes which made him a bit more muscular than most WindClanners, something that must’ve skipped over hawkfrost somehow. He’s inherited some personality traits from his fathers even though he is simply too kind to be from either of them, for example, he makes terrible jokes and puns, but unlike hawkfrost he actually thinks it’s very funny. They enjoy torturing Crowfeather. We still don’t know what he got from Crowfeather, and maybe he lucked out there.

Bonus; if he were to have a voice it’d be Jeremy Irons, just to add to the whiplash that is his personality.

[variablejabberwocky]

some brain breaking things i've realized the last day or so re: my current special interest (aka batman related shit), in no particular order:

saw a comment that the original no man's land map the Elliott R. Brown guy made (the black and white one) looks kind of like a bat if you tilt your head. and, goddamnit, yeah it kind of does. fucking barbatos shit again (watsonian take) AND 'cringy' on-brand bat visual pun (doyalist (sp?) take) all in one

before that realization i had told mom that the map looked like one of those ink-blot psych tests things if someone cut one of those in half and only showed you one half. and i thought i was sooooo clever because OF COURSE gotham, full of "criminally insane" supervillains and weirdos would look like an old-fashioned shrink test. insert edgey "gotham (as we see it, with the batman and all his 'cape' villains) is just a hallucination of a turbo traumatized bby!bruce" or some shit

and before THAT realization i was calling gotham Lumpy Manhattan. because its absolutely meant to be a take on that and its the fat blobby lumpy version instead of the much sleeker real one. which is funny because metropolis is ALSO meant to be another take on new york (especially manhattan). which is why....

gotham and metropolis reverse "split the difference" for real-world manhattan. what i mean by that is meatspace manhattan seems to be at roughly a 45 degree angle. meanwhile most orientations for metropolis have it completely flat ( - ) while gotham is oriented mostly north-south ( | ). so if you split the difference you get the ( / ) angle of real manhattan. or as i like to joke: gotham is "hamburger" manhattan and metropolis is "hotdog" manhattan

on a different track i Connected The Dots regarding the "toxic acres" thing. from what i gather (and can vaguely remember) it was a "new" suburb-ish area of gotham that was full of improperly disposed of toxic waste or something and thus the neighborhood fell to shit very fast even by gotham standards. i THINK its a batman beyond location (the glowy villain is from there? associated with it?) so "new" is very much in the future of any currently canon events and also why no one seems to know where the fuck its supposed to be in relation to canon gotham maps. and thats what had my brain go "...wait a minute". cause Future Gotham is Fucking Massive. its tall and yet even tall cities still expand outward so how far, exactly, has gotham expanded? because my first thought with all that is...toxic acres was built on the ruins of bludhaven. NO LISTEN, bludhaven was destroyed by a giant toxic radioactive sludge monster. nightwing returned to gotham because his normal stomping grounds was destroyed. if not even the BATS are 'turbofixing' bludhaven with wayne money then it might be so destroyed that it take ~50 years to rebuild the area. and by that time its basically a suburb of Massive!Future!Gotham. aka: eerily similar to toxic acres

[princeofbriar]

silly little goofball reader x vil thoughts

ive pondered the idea of a pomefiore reader insert for a while. one that's silly, a class clown really. i am pretty partial to jesters tho and twst has an agonizing lack of harlequin-esque characters for a fairytale based game. where are my diamond print tights and jingly little hats??? im literally dying here.

i much prefer actual dorm related reader inserts to the generic you-are-yuu inserts. dont get me wrong, i like both, but i think it can get boring if EVERY insert or scenario is the same one. ill have to post more about other inserts i might consider writing blurbs for.

i think bouncing off of vil, rook, and epels personalities would be prime for a little funnyman. you're not exactly disruptive or chaotic, but you like to have a good time and crack jokes. oftentimes met with the chagrin of vil, who tries very hard not to humor your little games. he doesn't hide his grin behind his hand, because youre not funny at all. if you prank the other dorms or do things out of sight of vil, that's one thing, but you don't get to be a little clown right in his line of sight.

vil's your king and you're his silly little guy. i think it leaves room for a very close relationship only privy to the two of you (and rook) because others just see you getting in trouble with your dorm leader, but you respect him in your own way. you certainly wont tolerate any bad talk about your beloved senpai. and despite being a shit-stirring little so and so, you do listen to vil when he tells you that you have to follow a skincare routine and he's kind enough to give you tips on your theatrical makeup. (whats that meme of the two girls, one sitting on the other while she does the other girls makeup? thats the type of energy for this relationship)

epel is grateful to have at least one upperclassman who isnt so caught up in trying to make him act like someone he's not. you're more than happy to sneak sweets and junk food with him, and make the punishment for getting caught at least partly bearable (if it werent for your awful puns).

[spicyveggiesub]

An analysis of official translations from JP into EN, KR, TW for two difficult to translate Siegfeld JHS Starira comics

as it says on the title, focusing on comparing and contrasting. long post, unsolicited term documentation, etc we have fun

^ just me being silly

#1: Minku hanging from a horizontal bar saying something silly while Shiro watches

for comparison's sake tried to be as literal as i could. honestly the differences between the onomatopoeia for minku dangling and what adjective shiro uses are incredibly negligible, but i tried to exaggerate how the nuances feel to me. might be wrong. doesn't matter

JP

Shiro: A strange creature... *dangle* Minku: "Frau Pl-hanging around-tin"... Just kidding✩

the meat of the joke that makes it hard to translate is minku is going puraaaaan = onomatopoeia for dangling idly, and this gets put into Frau Platin (puratin) in the middle to make Frau Purāntin. doesn't work well for puns in other languages (i do love the tl by TsuNaMy_WaVe that says Frauplatin-side down don't think i could come up w something better)

EN

Shiro: What a strange kid... *swing* Minku: "Frau Planking" Heh heh✩

girl you are not planking but all the more power to you. redefine what it means to plank in 2022. I think someone on the en localization team was like "shiro can't call minku a creature bc someone might get offended" and like 😭 ok i guess but this is creacher erasure

KR

Shiro: A fascinating creature... *dangle* Minku: This right here is "Frau Platin~" Heheh✩

disappointed with this one they gave up on any sort of insertion. minku's barely even making a joke in this one so in some ways it makes her even stranger bc she's just saying things. you're frau platin bc you're hanging from a bar?

TW

Shiro: An unimaginable creature... *sway~* Minku: "Frau Horizontal Bar Platin"... Just making a joke✩

so the tw translation of "frau platin" puts the platin part first and frau part after: 白金皇君 bai jin huang jun = platinum emperor mr./sir/etc they put horizontal bar after the platinum and before the Emperor +title part so it's like. the emperor of platinum and ALSO the horizontal bar ?? 😭 funny way to reverse translate this translation while screwing it up even more would be "Frau Platin-um Bar" or something

#2: Stella failing at tsukkomi

JP

Stella: I want to say "nandeyanen" (why the hell), so say something boke-like! Shiro: Isn't saying that more boke-like? Ryoko: Ahaha...

this joke is about stella not knowing much about manzai bc she's not from japan and wanting to be the tsukkomi sooo bad even though she's fundamentally NOT. not enough space to pack this info in a tl without confusing people who don't know anything about manzai—you would at least have to have some sort of t/n about What this is about like "Stella is trying Japanese manzai comedy" and i doubt they wanted to commit to that.

(alt bc i love to verbify: Stella: I want to say "nandeyanen" (why the hell), so try boke-ing for me! Shiro: Aren't you the one boke-ing by saying that? Ryoko: Ahaha...)

EN

Stella: Try and say something stupid so that I can be surprised! Shiro: You're already doing it... Ryoko: Hah hah...

surprised ... perhaps not intentional but it really captures stella's innocence because WTF ARE YOU SAYING = surprised sure is a way to put it.

KR

Stella: I want to cut you off, so say something goofy! Shiro: That's the goofiest thing one could say, though? Ryoko: Ahaha...

first of all love how in this one shiro accuses her of saying the goofiest thing ever. second thing: rabbit hole time, sorry.

so what was used in place of "saying nandeyanen" is 딴죽 걸다 (ddanjuk geolda). the etymology is 딴 (ddan) from 다른 (dareun) meaning different, and 족 (jok, from 足) meaning foot which became 죽 (juk). 딴죽 (ddanjuk) is a move in ssireum and taekkyeon where one person kicks their opponent's calf and trips them so they fall.

from this, the phrase eventually came to generally mean interfering with something. in 1998, the online newspaper called 딴지일보 (Ddanzi Ilbo) was founded and through this website the term 딴지 (ddanji), which was a non-standard variant of ddanjuk, eventually became the more popular term. they were (and are sometimes still) used interchangeably, but afaik ddanji is way more common.

in 2014, ddanji was officially acknowledged as a standard term with a slightly different meaning from ddanjuk. when ddanji is used, it means to actively get in the way of something, and when ddanjuk is used, it means to do/say something different from what was originally planned (ie changing plans, backing out, breaking a promise).

however, it's still kind of used interchangeably and some people may still think that only ddanjuk is the "correct" term; on the namuwiki page for ddanjuk (where ddanji just gets a cursory mention) it says it is often used when translating "tsukkomi" (verb) from japanese, but i would argue that ddanji is probably the more accurate and common translation, at least now.

TW

Stella: I want to complain and say "what the hell~", so how about you play stupid for a sec! Shiro: Aren't you already playing stupid? Ryoko: Haha...

less intensive rabbit hole: "what the hell" in chinese here is 什么鬼 (shen me gui) which literally means what kind of [ghost/monster/etc=strange] is that?? it's originally from southern chinese dialect, where the standard versions would be 搞(的)什么鬼 (gao (de) shen me gui, what strange thing are you doing) or 什么鬼东西 (shen me gui dong xi, what strange thing is that).

a term used as a retort, it became very popular after being used in the online show Baozou Big News Events and is now widely used for expressing curiosity as well

by the way, Ddanzi Ilbo and Baozou Big News Events are both like, web content that do/did a lot of political/news satire isn't that such a funny coincidence? i'll conclude by saying my funy slang ver at the top is unfortunately too recent and too not political satire media influenced to hang out with those 2 but alas.

[poppy-in-the-woods]

Hollywood Whore

Tags: roleplaying, smut, female reader insert, Kells being a Wild BoyTM, bad puns.

Rating: M

Word Count: 2920

Author’s note: This is dedicated to my friend @triplexdoublex​ who encouraged me to write this when I told her the idea.

Your mother always told you not to date a musician, but you didn’t pay attention and went to date Machine Gun Kelly, or, as you knew him, Colson Baker. You were a photographer and had devoted your life to follow him through his tours, taking amazing pics of the places you visited, the people you saw, and of course, him performing.

But recently he had been somewhat distant and sad. Every time you asked him what happened, he dismissed the question, assuring you it was nothing.

“Colson, I’m not dumb, I know something’s off,” you told him one day, after he told you he was fine yet again, when it was clear he was ruminating something. “Please, babe, talk to me,” you insisted, caressing his cheek.

“You’re gonna think I’m insane,” he finally said, looking at you. “Or that it’s silly.”

“I solemnly swear I will keep an open mind,” you promised him, putting your free hand over your heart. “You know you can talk to me about everything.”

“I… I kinda miss being young and wild,” he said. “Don’t get me wrong, I love you, and I love the life we have together but… sometimes I miss those times.”

“Maybe… maybe I can do something to help you with the nostalgia,” you said.

“How?”

You bit your lip.

“You know what we talked about last Sunday?” you began, somewhat insecure of how to present this to him.

“Yeah, roleplaying in bed and stuff.”

“Maybe we could do that,” you said. He looked at you a bit confused. “I mean… we could pretend that I’m not your girlfriend, just another anonymous fan, and you invite me to your tour bus, or whatever, and we have sex.”

“You would do that for me?”

“Babe, I’ve done a lot of things for you,” you reminded him. “If me pretending I’m a groupie… sorry, a fan, makes you happy, I’ll gladly do it.”

“What did I do to deserve you?” he asked looking at you in awe before kissing you.

“You must have been a very good person in a past life,” you joked.

“Haha, very funny!”

You kissed him again, slowly, sensually.

“Think about it, okay? I can be whoever you want me to be. I can play the flirty girl, or maybe the innocent one, if you prefer it that way.”

Later that night, when you were lying next to him, half asleep, he whispered something into your ear.

“What?”

“I said I think I know what character I want you to play,” he repeated, a bit louder.

“Okay, tell me, wild boy.”

And he told you. You might need to buy some clothing and accessories, but otherwise it was totally doable for you.

 The day of the concert (a pretty small performance at the Whisky), you were between the fans as one more, with your ticket and your merch. You were wearing purple underwear, a red tartan skirt, white knee-high socks, red Converse, and a t-shirt with the BINGE logo. You had also put on a white hairband, pink sunglasses, the XX necklace and you were sucking on a lollipop (or as he called them, a sucker).

At the meet and greet before the concert, he signed your copy of the album, and complimented your t-shirt.

“What’s your favourite song from Binge?” he asked.

“Hmmm… LATELY, definitely,” you said, smiling.

“And from Tickets?”

“Play this when I’m gone,” you replied. “I know, I’m a sentimental fool.”

He said nothing, but winked at you; you giggled like a schoolgirl and waved him goodbye. You almost could feel him staring at your ass as you went away.

Later, you smiled at him when he appeared in the stage, sang with the public and danced to all the songs. It was kind of a new experience for you, as you used to be behind a camera at his concerts, capturing everything. But you enjoyed being just an attendee to the show, with no other duties than to enjoy.

After the concert finished, Rook approached you.

“Yo, Machine Gun Kelly wants to see you,” he said. You nodded and followed him backstage. “I don’t know what are you guys playing, but have fun, I guess?” he whispered right before opening the door to the dressing room.

He was initially facing in the opposite direction of the door, but turned around when he heard it opening and closing behind you.

“You’re not the beer I ordered,” he joked.

“Sorry, no.”

“You really are something, huh? Don’t act all innocent with me now, I’ve seen how you looked at me,” he said, getting closer.

You backed up until you felt the wall against your back. He put his arms on either side of you.

“I… I think you’re very attractive, that’s all” you said, looking at his feet.

He grabbed your chin and tilted it upwards, forcing you to look at him in the eyes.

“Don’t be so shy, baby girl, you won’t be judged here.”

“But I… I’m sure you will judge me when you know…”

“When I know what, baby? C’mon, don’t be so shy with me,” he encouraged you.

“I’m a virgin,” you finally said. “I’ve been saving myself for you,” you confessed.

He took your wrist and put your hand over his chest.

“You want this?” he asked. You nodded. “Well, you can’t have it, baby girl, I’m a free spirit. But you can have this instead,” he said, putting your hand over his crotch. “How that sounds to you?” You nodded again, feeling him growing hard under your palm. “C’mon, use your words.” You shook your head, pretending to be too embarrassed to speak, and bit your lip. “Say it, baby. I don’t bite… too hard.”

“I want it,” you whispered.

“Hmm, I didn’t quite catch that. What did you say?” he asked.

He was having so much fun with the situation it made your cheeks red. But then again, that was the point of the whole charade, wasn’t it?

“I said I want it!” you exclaimed. “I want you to be my first,” you added, giving his erection a light squeeze. He gave you a wicked smile.

“So, you’re giving me your virginity… what am I supposed to do with it?” he jokingly asked.

“Destroy it,” you said, looking at him in the eyes again. “Fucking destroy it with your…”

“With my what?” he asked, interrupting you as he began to kiss you all over your neck and jaw.

“With your…” you tried to say, but he interrupted you again with a kiss. Your hand travelled from his crotch to his shoulder, and you rested it there, while your other hand caressed his arm. “With your big, thick cock,” you finished.

He spun you around, slamming your back against his chest, and while he restrained both your wrists with one hand, the other snaked under your skirt and inside your panties. You bit your lip, suppressing a moan when you felt his fingers explore you, lightly caressing your labia.

“You’re so wet already…” he whispered into your ear as he plunged a finger inside you. You moaned. “You’ve been thinking about this all the time since the Meet & Greet, haven’t you?” you nodded, moaning again as he inserted another digit and began moving them in and out. “Naughty girl!”

“Please, Kells…!” you whined. The combination of his erection against your ass and his fingers working his magic inside you was driving you crazy. “Fuck! I want you.”

“You want to come with me to my hotel?”

He had booked a room in a nearby hotel, just for the occasion.

“Yes.”

He took his fingers out one last time and brought them to your mouth.

“Taste yourself, baby girl,” he commanded. You obeyed, sucking his fingers clean of your juices. He let go of your wrists, and you turned around to look at him. “You sure you wanna do this? There’s only one first time,” he said, cradling your face on his hand.

“Every other man should know that they’ll always come second place. I’m yours, and I’ll always be,” you said.

“Such a devoted fan…!” he sighed.

He kissed you one last time and took your hand in his. He briefly stopped at the green room, where the others were waiting for him to finish his weird rendezvous.

“Rook, I’m gonna go fuck this pretty little thing, so start the party without me,” he told his drummer. You tried to hide yourself behind him, acting embarrassed, but all the boys had seen you.

“Okay…?” Rook said, half confused, half amused.

You heard the others laugh as you two made your way to the back exit. He had a car waiting there, and you sat with him on the back while a chauffeur drove to the hotel. You were making out the whole way, his hands and lips all over you, yours trying to take all of him while staying in character. It was harder than expected to slowly get bolder, but you were enjoying it.

At the hotel, he took you to the room as quickly as possible, his hand on your lower back all the way, daring to give a squeeze to your butt now and then. You faked a startle and giggled every time.

Once in the room he wasted no time. He picked you up and began kissing you, all while walking to the bed. He let you go and took off his shirt. It reminded you of the first time you had seen him like that up close and personal; you reached to touch his chest, feeling his heartbeat under your palms.

“You’re so handsome…!” you sighed, looking at him.

He grabbed your hands and lowered them until they were resting over the elastic of his pants. You nodded and pulled them down like he wanted, his underwear following swift.

“What? Are you scared, baby girl?” he asked jokingly.

“It’s quite big,” you said, looking at it directly.

“It’ll fit, I promise.”

“Okay… but maybe be gentle? At least at first. Remember that I have never had a penis inside before.”

“But have you sucked a dick before?” he wanted to know. You shook your head. “Would you like to try?”

“Okay.”

You began sucking him, using your hand to stimulate what you couldn’t fit in your mouth; no virgin would be able to deepthroat. He rested his hand on your head, grabbing a fist of hair as your free hand gave some attention to his balls.

“Oh, baby girl, like that… yeah, like that…” he moaned. “You’re pretty good at this, are you sure it is your first time?” You briefly took him out of your mouth to nod and continued sucking. “Are you sure you haven’t practiced?” he insisted, amused.

“Not with a real penis,” you said, still pumping him in your hand. He arched an eyebrow interrogatively at you. “With a popsicle. But it was much smaller.”

“And colder,” he joked.

“Yeah, that too,” you smiled at him.

“How do I taste?” he asked, tilting his head.

“Salty, but not bad. I kinda like it,” you confessed.

“You’re so sweet… and you’re wearing too many clothes. Come here.”

He kissed you again, undressing you with swift fingers. Soon you were only wearing your panties, which had a darker spot very visible at the crotch, where your wetness had start to pool. He slid them down slowly.

“You know, I quite like the Sphinx look” he commented, looking at your naked body.

“The what look?”

“You know, a Sphinx cat… a bald pussy,” he laughed.

“Oh!” you laughed. “That’s clever!”

He pushed you over the bed, retrieved a condom from the nightstand, and put it on his length. You licked your lips, expectantly, legs open for him.

“You ready for me, baby girl?”

“Yeah.”

He kissed you, pushing you so your back was against the mattress. While still kissing you, he introduced two fingers inside you, pumping them in and out slowly, just to make sure you were ready for him. Once he was sure, he took his fingers out, prompting a moan of complain on your part, but they were soon replaced with his penis. He lowered his head, sucking at your nipple as he lined with your entrance and began to slowly push in.

“Fuck, you’re so tight!” he muttered, his hot breath against your skin.

“Kells!”

He waited a moment to let you adjust to him and began to thrust. It took a pretty big chunk of your willpower not to move your own hips in tandem with his, but a virgin wouldn’t know how to do that at first.

“How does that feel, baby girl?” he asked, kissing your ear.

“Fucking amazing!” you exclaimed, clinging to his back as you began to tentatively move your hips too.

“You’re a fast learner!” he laughed. “Wanna try riding me?”

“Yeah.”

You changed positions, with you now riding him, his hands on your hips to guide your movement.

“I could fuck you for hours, baby girl,” he said, biting his lip.

“Oh, Colson…!” You moaned, throwing your head back. He stopped you dead in your tracks. “Sorry! I… I shouldn’t have called you by your real name!”

“Not, it’s okay. I just wasn’t prepared to hear you say it. But I like it. Say it again!” he ordered, slapping your buttock.

“Colson!”

You accelerated your movement. One of his hand left your hip to slid between your bodies, caressing your clit, making you moan louder.

“Does that feel good, baby girl?”

“Fuck yeah! But don’t you wanna know my name?” you asked.

“I’m a Hollywood whore, baby, I don’t ask names,” he joked.

“Can we change positions, please?” you asked after a while. “My legs are killing me!”

“You’re having quite the workout,” he laughed. “Okay, let’s change, but I’m gonna fuck you hard,” he warned you.

“Do as you please, I’m yours,” you said.

He pushed you against the bed, your back to him, your hips resting on one side. He entered you again, kissing you, his body pressing against yours as he fucked you roughly. You began touching yourself as well, multiplying the pleasure.

“You like this, huh?” he asked, nibbling at your ear.

“Yes!”

His thrusts began to become erratic, and you knew he was close. You turned your face to him, searching for his lips; he bit your bottom lip, and grunted as he came. Seeing him come undone that way was enough for you to also reach your climax; he kept lazily thrusting till you were completely done.

“Fuck, I needed that!” he said as he got out of you.

“Can I use the bathroom?” you asked, sitting up.

“Suit yourself,” he said, gesturing at the door.

You went into the bathroom, closing the door behind you. You splashed your face with cold water and looked at yourself in the mirror. You were used to have hot sex with Colson, but that was a different kind of hot, and seemingly a success.

When you left the bathroom, he was sitting on the bed, doing something on his phone. You rested your back against the door, just gazing at him. He was especially pretty to watch with tousled hair and only partially covered by the sheets. He looked at you and smirked.

“You should go everywhere like that, baby girl,” he said.

“I’d be arrested for indecent exposure, or something like that,” you replied, sitting beside him on the bed.

“Speaking of arrests, how old are you? I mean, I didn’t just fuck a minor that looks older, right?” he asked.

“You should have asked that before, don’t you think?” you pointed out. “But don’t worry, I am officially twenty-two.”

“Officially?” he repeated, apprehensive.

“Well, it’s past midnight now, so… happy birthday to me!” you said, snuggling against him.

“Happy fucking birthday to you!” he laughed. “Did you like your birthday present?” he asked, hugging you.

“I loved it! Can I stay the night with you?”

“Of course! I like waking up with a bitch by my side,” he said, biting your ear.

“Fuck you!” you said, the playful tone of your voice not matching your words at all.

“But you just did, baby girl!” he joked. “Does that mean you want round two?”

“Maybe… Or maybe I just want you to eat me out…”

 &&&

The alarm clock woke you up at 10:30 AM. You turned it off and turned to see Colson by your side, still asleep, with an arm around your waist. You kissed him all over his lips and neck until he woke up.

“Colson, wake up!”

“Five more minutes!” he groaned, covering his eyes with his hand.

“Okay, but let me remind you that we have to leave the room before noon or pay another night.”

“Yeah, yeah…” he said, sitting up.

“Did you have fun last night?” you asked.

He looked at you, caressing your face.

“Lots of fun,” he said, leaning on to briefly kiss your lips.

“I can also play another characters if you want to,” you said.

“Oh, yeah? Like what?” he wanted to know.

“I can play a policewoman who arrests you for being too sexy,” you suggested, grabbing his wrists like you were cuffing him. “You’re not getting away this time, Mr Gun! You’re going straight to the horny jail!”

He laughed and kissed you.

“The things you do for me…” he sighed. “I fucking love you,” he added, resting his forehead on yours.

“I love you too, Colson.”

[protectgeorgeweasley]

A set of reflections on a rainy writing day

Writing dialects from the UK is wild because:

-I'm not a prescriptivist, so we write our accents lexically here. [Nor am I a linguistics expert. It was a special interest a while back.]

-Every once in a while, something totally innocuous will have a completely unanticipated meaning, which is usually met with the utmost kindness and amusement by any readers from the UK. [Thank you.]

-Since I use a completely different set of slang in my daily life, sometimes I have to de-Americanize my writing. This has varying levels of success.

-Sometimes I have to part with really, really funny puns because the words aren't used in quite the same context, and it wouldn't be in character for George to say. This is especially heartbreaking because George is funny and I am middling at best in real life with humor, and the amount of befuddlement I've endured trying to write a clever person is excessive. I am not clever. I'm not. I'm an anxious ball of fettucine noodles that got left in a pot overnight and congealed.

-- [subpoint to the above, not related to dialect writing] I have so much social anxiety, that this blog has 80+ drafts that have never been posted of things I've thought to share with you all, then gone "oh, no. That might be too annoying/too personal/too awkward."

-the number of times I've googled "British word for [insert term here]" is astonishing. My instincts for when I need to google this phrase are spotty as well. Americanisms, therefore, do sneak their way in. [Tangentially--I know some people have British friends who read for specifically this type of thing. However, my writing schedule a mess, and I cannot subject someone else to its nonsense without feeling high levels of anxiety.]

-I'm still not positive about how "kip" is used grammatically/syntactically. I can't sort out the pattern in the syntax, so I've been fumbling with like two examples as a template this entire time. [I am an imposter.] [Truly. Is it "take a kip?" "Kipping?" "He's having a kip?" I do not understand.]

-So many words for raincoat. I love it. Never change.

-I do not live there, so I have less personal understandings of different regions and their quirks. I also don't know how new some words are in comparison to others, how far slang terms travel, and who would be more or less likely to use them. So, I've got to look all that up when I employ new slang or expressions.

-I tend to over explain in daily conversation. You might imagine, then, the pretzel that Cockney rhyming slang turns my brain into.

-"a bit" is used so often. It screams at me from the page. I stare at it, sometimes, wondering if it's repeated too much. Then I listen to someone from the UK talk and change my mind. [This is not meant critically or unkindly; every dialect has words it uses more than others.]

-Little references to things like soap operas, theme parks, or highways are the result of extensive research sprints, and there is one reader who consistently notices these things and every time they do, I nearly cry for joy.

-Wellies is my favorite word of theirs/yours. I love saying it. I love reading it. I love thinking about it. Wellies are a symbol of some of the most pure, joyful parts of existence to me. To have a set of shoes for walking through the rain/mud is to be cared for and to have your needs anticipated and to be prepared, and all of those things make me feel safe.

-I can't decide whether we're using British spellings or American. [Sorry if the back and forth between "color" and "colour" is driving you up the wall. It feels like I'm being fake if I use "colour," but I have physical difficulty using "colour" in written notes and things because that's not how the character would spell it. I know that it's most important to just be consistent. Yet here we are. Adrift in a sea of "o" and "ou," without a compass.]

-I've seen many jokes about British people not liking hugs. I've done my best to understand and acknowledge this while politely showing it the door within the context of Lumos, because 2020 and every year that's followed it has needed more hugs.

[nancydfan]

Okay but honestly everyone (besides Mia) doubted Ethan and his abilities the entirety of the game- especially Chris.

Obviously all the lords are like “ha ha you’ll never get past me!” And then insert picacho surprised meme when he does.

Even Miranda seems to be like “whAT THE FUCK��� when Ethan stumbles his way back to fight her after she swore she killed him. Like yes she knew he was “special” somehow but never realized the full extent of his abilities.

But Chris himself doubted Ethan the most honestly.

I feel like when Chris and his team found and got Ethan and Mia out of the Baker’s house in RE7, he probably just thought Ethan was lucky. I mean, here’s this totally average guy and you’re telling me he killed/ severely injured the members of this family who had been infected with the mold, as well as killed Eveline himself? Like Chris was probably like while this man definitely was able to fight his way out there’s no actual way he was able to do this on his own, maybe he’s over exaggerating or whatever.

But he doesn’t say anything, and offers to teach Ethan military training (at least I think it was Chris, only because they seem to be more familiar with each other in RE8) because even if he’s over exaggerating the man clearly has talent and capabilities to make it out of that house in relatively one piece.

And then they get into training and Chris is incredibly impressed. For what appears to be your typical average dude he’s got pretty good fight tactics and techniques, and can handle a gun pretty well. Of course there’s always stuff to improve on and Chris teaches him to the best of his abilities, and here he gets to know Ethan.

This is a man who always offers help to anyone who needs it, and goes out of his way to comfort people whenever they need it. He truly loves his wife, he never makes a “gotta get back to the old ball and chain” or other “I hate my wife” jokes, he truly appreciates her and respects her with every part of him.

He has a great intuition, both in fighting and just when reading people. When Chris or someone around them has an off day he immediately picks up on it and is able to sense what that person needs. With Chris he will casually mention that his door is always open, he might not know the answer but Ethan is always willing to listen if Chris needs it. And though Chris at first insists that he’s fine, somehow Ethan Winters gets him to open up a bit (not completely, but Ethan’s genuine kindness begins to crack Chris’ ‘tough guy’ mask he puts on that lets Ethan see a glimpse of the real him. Chris’ squad is in utter shock of this because it took them YEARS to achieve this), and they both can sit down and share the horrors they both have experienced and for once in Chris’ life he starts to feel that maybe he can actually recover from what he’s seen.

Ethan also somehow knows exactly what to say. Though sometimes he’ll have to pause to get the right words and thoughts together, when he finally speaks his words are exactly what Chris (and others) needed to hear, even if Chris won’t admit it.

Ethan is the guy who when he sees injustice he doesn’t stay quiet, he is loud and makes sure that whatever happened doesn’t go unnoticed. He somehow remembers everyone’s birthday and gets them the present that they actually want, even if the person and Ethan have only talked once.

And though Ethan has the capability to be serious when needed he can be light hearted and funny, and though sometimes his jokes are simple puns or the same reiteration of the joke you’ve heard 100 times you can’t help but laugh because he somehow made it sound different, somehow breathed some fresh life into it. He has his favorite shows that he always makes sure he is home by to watch, and though he is at his core gentle and kind he can also be tough, and isn’t afraid to call you out when you’re wrong.

Ethan is the least judgmental person you will ever meet, and is truly open minded and will listen to you completely and openly. He isn’t afraid to change his opinion when he realizes he was wrong. When him and Mia throw a Christmas party they always invite Chris and he is always touched by it.

It is through their time together training that Chris realizes that while yes Ethan is a completely normal man he is far from completely ordinary and boring.

And when he announces he’s going to be a father Ethan’s eyes completely light up, and he spends hours of talking about all the beautifully mundane things that accompany preparing to become a parent and dealing with the trials of Mia’s pregnancy. There is no doubt in Ethan’s voice or heart that lead anyone to believe that he thinks that there’s a possibility that Rose might be unhealthy due to both of their exposure to the mold. Ethan runs on optimism and truly believes that she’ll be alright, that though they’ve been through hell him and Mia finally got the happy ending they deserve, and Chris has never been so happy for him.

And then, of course, everything comes crashing down.

When Chris learns that Miranda has infiltrated the Winters’ home he is infuriated on their behalf (can’t this family catch a fucking break?) and does all he can to help them (but little does he know he actually will make it worse). He doesn’t tell Ethan whats going on because they need the element of surprise to get Miranda and Chris knows Ethan will not lie low until he gets there. While Ethan was incredibly lucky to survive Dulvey there’s no way he can survive Miranda’s wrath.

(Also I think there was a document saying they didn’t know if Ethan was compromised or not, hence why Chris didn’t tell Ethan immediately what was going on but still he was over the line)

When Chris discovers that his team escorting Ethan, Rose, and Miranda had crashed and died, leaving Miranda in sole control of Rose he is devastated but thinks to himself that he must keep going, there’s no time to grieve or feel guilty for mistakes when Miranda is moments away from completing her ceremony.

And then he gets word that Ethan Winters has been spotted in the castle. And he shakes his head because of course he’s still alive, Ethan must run on luck and sheer will because how else would he have survived the crash?

And though Chris wants to go after him to tell him to sit his ass down so his team can do their job he can’t because again time is a luxury he can’t afford and he hopes Ethan’s luck saves his ass again this time. And though he hopes for the best can Ethan really take on these god-like creatures?

And then he again gets word that Ethan Winters somehow is defeating all of the lords. He’s going through them as if they’re simply ants beneath his feet and somehow he is still going. And though this is great Chris and his team are rapidly losing the element of surprise they’ve been trying to maintain since coming to this village.

And when he encounters Ethan again it almost hurts to see this man who once sat with him for hours talking about nothing, offering to help him with his taxes look at him with such fury and disdain that it almost sends shivers down his spine, that even though Chris is a highly trained operative he for some reason feels like if Ethan chose to kill him Chris wouldn’t last long. He wants to explain but time won’t let him (or is it the fear that he was wrong all along and once he spits his words out he’ll realize this).

And when Chris runs into Ethan at Karl’s factory he finally gives up and figures that he could use Ethan’s luck on his team, if Ethan can eliminate the four lords without any military help then he’s got to be able to have a shot and killing Miranda with Chris’ and his team’s help.

And when he hears Miranda kill Ethan on the phone it is a blow to his gut that he wasn’t expecting, because Ethan Winters has made a bigger impact on his heart than he thought possible. And it is in this moment of grief that he realizes his mistakes, that he was wrong to alienate Ethan, the man who went through hell twice without looking back to save his family.

The guilt only gets worse when he finds Mia, because he has to explain to her that it’s his fault that her husband is lying dead without his heart due to Chris’ own negligence. And when Mia tells him that he doesn’t understand how special he is he desperately wants to hear it, despite his mind telling him that’s she’s wrong, he wants Mia to tell him that Ethan can survive the impossible because he wants a second chance to make things right.

And when he gets the report again that Ethan Winters is somehow alive and is on his way to the ceremony site Chris’ heart soars and he wonders how could he have ever doubted Ethan Winters and his ability to come back to the people he loves time and time again.

(Also I could be wrong here because I don’t remember if Miranda blocked Chris out once she realized he was there but the rest of this is going to go off of the assumption that Chris was present and could see what was happening)

It is not until Chris makes it to the ceremony site and sees the battle between Miranda and Ethan that Chris truly realizes that he has severely underestimated this man for 3 whole years.

He’s seen Ethan fight before- he saw it in training and heard his squad give him the summary of what they saw when Ethan fought the other lords, but this is the first time Chris has seen Ethan TRULY fight, and on his face where Chris is so used to seeing compassion and love and carefreeness is suddenly replaced by anger, resentment, and pure determination because his daughter’s life is on the line and he will fight until there is nothing left of him to keep that little girl safe.

Chris watches in awe, because even though Ethan looks like he is barely staying together, like he is one breath away from falling apart he is still fighting. Maybe it’s because the mold is being destroyed or maybe Ethan’s injuries are so severe that the mold can’t be bothered hiding itself anymore but he finally sees the proof for himself that Ethan Winters is no longer human- Miranda is tearing into him and Ethan does not care- the long gashes she makes onto his body are desperately trying to suture themselves back together with small tendrils of black, this mold desperately trying to keep Ethan together when Miranda is so intent on tearing him apart.

He watches in amazement as Ethan somehow manages to avoid her claws and her own tendrils of mold reaching out to pound him into dust. He watches in amazement as it doesn’t matter how much Miranda damages Ethan- he gets back up again to unload another round of bullets into Miranda without slowing down, and watches in amazement as Ethan actually begins to win this battle- this perfectly normal man versus a god-like creature and Ethan is actually winning despite all the odds stacked against him.

This is Ethan Winters, he thinks, and while the mold might have given him regenerative properties the mold did not give him the drive and determination Chris sees before him- though Ethan Winters is infected but he is still Ethan Winters, each bullet he fires is coming from him, and his pure will to survive and save his daughter. The mold did not change him to a super hero because this is who he is at heart, a man who is willing to risk it all just to make sure the ones he loves are all right.

And if he didn’t already respect Ethan before he certainly does now, and he curses himself for being so ignorant and not letting Ethan in when he had the chance.

But that’s alright- because Ethan Winters has just eliminated Miranda before his eyes and is running to his daughter, and now Chris will have a lifetime to make it up to him.

But then he sees Ethan collapse to his knees in front of him, and his feet are moving before he even thinks to go because there’s no way, this man did not survive this hell just to die on him now.

Chris is relieved that Ethan is still (barely) conscious as he puts his arm around the man to help him out. Time has never been on their side and it certainly isn’t now, as Chris practically drags Ethan out because he has failed him too many times and he refuses to fail him again.

He tries to get Ethan to keep fighting because it seems that all of the life has drained from this man, the only part of him that’s full of life is the arm carrying his daughter because even when he’s on the brink of death he will not let anything happen to her. Chris brings up Mia and it pains him to hear the loss in Ethan’s voice, as if he’s already decided he’s a lost cause. Chris will not let this happen, he points out that they’re going to blow the village sky high and that’s why they need to get a move on and-

Suddenly Ethan is pushing Rose into his arms, and Chris can’t believe he gets the privilege to hold this man’s daughter after all he’s done and Ethan is draping Rose in his worn out coat and begging Chris to teach her to be strong and Chris won’t have this, Ethan Winters will not die on his watch he will get home to his family and live to live a perfectly normal life, when suddenly Ethan pushes Chris out of the way of a mold tendril that acts as a barrier between them and Chris watches in horror as Ethan stumbles backwards, the man looking more and more like a walking corpse versus the man he just saw moments ago, full of life and determination to kill Miranda.

“Goodbye, Rosemary” Ethan chokes out as he starts to stumble his way back to the ceremony site, and Chris can almost feel the pain of Ethan’s loss at not being able to be with his daughter and wife just within the utterance of these two words.

And Chris is calling Ethan back because dammit it doesn’t have to be like this but Chris knows what a man hell bent on something looks like, and Ethan is already almost out of his sight and the whole village is collapsing around him.

Cursing Chris turns around, cradling Rose close because Ethan somehow miraculously chose to trust Chris in protecting her and like hell will he let something happen to her after this. Chris will teach her to be strong and how to be brave, and not because he’s a man and Mia is incapable of it, but Chris will teach Rose how to be strong like her father was, and how to defend herself because both he and Ethan know that Rose’s abilities will make her a constant target for people to use for their own gain.

When Chris hands Rose back to Mia the joy on her face is short lived and suddenly she’s demanding where Ethan is, begging them to put the plane back down because there’s no way in hell he’d leave them willingly and just as Chris utters that Ethan chose to sacrifice himself the bomb goes off and he feels another blow to his chest, and it’s as though he can’t breathe for a second. He sees the realization hit Mia, and that though Ethan has survived the impossible time and time again can he really survive being blown to bits?

Chris can barely contain the grief and guilt that is consuming him as he looks out the window at the site where Ethan Winters’ luck has run out, the site where Ethan Winters has now died for the second time.

He glances back at Mia and Rose, and each sob Mia lets out cuts him like a knife because he knows he is responsible. He promised this little family that he would protect them and he failed. He failed Mia, he failed Ethan, and now he has failed Rosemary as she must now navigate her life missing a father who would have done anything for her.

Chris will not let Ethan die in vain. He will protect Rose, he will teach her how to fight and how to defend herself. And though he wants to reach out and comfort Mia he knows it will be unwelcome, but looking at Rose he will not fail her again.

He made a promise to Ethan Winters that he fully intends on keeping.

I’m sorry what did I do to be so emotionally attacked like this 😆

I’m SOBBING OMG. Ty really. I feel like I have nothin I can add to this because GAH MY HEART. You get it. You understand these characters and I was smiling so huge as you described Ethan because YES ALL OF THIS. Then the pain as Ethans end approaches. AND CHRIS’ PERSPECTIVE THROUGHOUT AND HIS PROMISE GOING FORWARD.

Anyway someone get me tissues. This was so beautiful. Bless you 💜💜

[the-trinket-witch]

@jackplushie tagged me but the post was getting really long so I’m gonna make my own:

(Original pomst by @sammo-writes-whatever)

😍 What’s the most attractive personality trait a partner can have to them?

Albert: Flexibility-able to think on the fly or at least have a plan if something goes uunexpectedly.

Yuu:Maturity. They've helped raise tíos for so long, so show just a modicum of maturity and they're all yours.

Tidus: a sense of adventure. Who doesn't like taking a look at what life and the world has to offer and with gusto, say, "I want some of that!"

🤣 What makes them crack up?

Albert: Dad Jokes/Puns...if not at him, then the reactions of people when he tells them

Yuu: NGL they sometimes get a little kick out of Schadenfreude, but only like, in watching Slapstick or something akin to America's Funniest Home Videos.

Tidus: Funny enough, they're quite ticklish. He won't tell you that, but once you find out, he's like the Pillsbury Dough Boy

😡 What’s one surefire way to make them angry?

Albert: Lying/Breaking Promises. Absolutely pisses him off.

Yuu: being obnoxious-be it making noise for the sake of doing so, running around haphazardly, leaving the TV too loud...

Tidus: Being unduly mean. Like, for what? He can understand being bristly to get someone off your ass, but just because of a bad mood? Nah, couldn't be him.

😄 When are they at their happiest?

Albert: Let him plan an outing with you and he'll be smiling from the moment he starts planning to the time you come home for the evening.

Yuu: Honestly? Just hanging out, listening to music, making noms, not having to worry about fucking Overblotting classmates...

Tidus: Please let him come with you to [Insert Local Name] Cultural Festival! he wants to know so much. Yes half the time he's scribbling down notes, but he is absolutely enjoying himself (and the food)

😭 What makes them sad?

Albert: Most of the time he just becomes disappointed, but if you mean SAD sad, the memory of his Mom, who did not survive a car crash he was riding along with.

Yuu: The prospect that he might not be able to go home Or the possibility they won't want to go home

Tidus: Having to resort to using the Unga Bunga Strength to resolve an issue. It's definitely lowest on his list.

💋 What are kisses with them like?

Albert: Confident, follows like a dancer, migrates to hands ala Gomez Addams.

Yuu: Very Reserved, curious, willing to try kissing all over.

Tidus: Fumbling and unsure of what to do. Overly soft as to not be rough.

👻 What scares them?

Albert: Losing control over their thoughts/faculties/a situation. It's lead him to develop hypnophobia, so alongside hating mind-control magic, he doesn't get very good sleep.

Yuu: Dying, pretty much. And cockroaches.

Tidus: Getting knocked on his back Irreparably hurting somebody.

❤️‍🔥 What sets their heart aflame

Albert: Honesty, and reassuranace

Yuu: Someone willing to let them relax, and have things taken care of for them.

Tidus: A shared intensity for things you enjoy

🧠 What type of intelligence do they excell at? (Booksmarts, emotional intelligence, etc.)

Albert: Petagogical/Musical

Yuu: Intrapersonal/visual-spacial

Tidus: Interpersonal/Linguistic

🎂 How do they usually celebrate their birthday?

Albert: prefers a quiet affair, couple of close friends usually, otherwise just family.

Yuu: It's family everywhere, whether they like it or not. Lot of music and dancing, LOT of food

Tidus: Gotta have family over ^v^ Almost like a new years party, cause in a way it kinda is?

👗 What’s their fashion sense?

Albert: 'Wharfcore' or Long coats, scarves, boots and wool sweaters

Yuu: Tees and Jeans, usually...

Tidus: Nothing if he's in Mer-form, but Human is a little more like touristy? Hawaiian shirts and pants.

❄️ How do they handle the cold?

Albert: Can handle it pretty well, though have a preference to autumn weather.

Yuu: Not a fan, bundled up more than most.

Tidus: 100% adapted to the cold. Almost gets head-exhaustion easier than most.

[existingispetty]

Hello ! May I request for a male matchup please ?

Fandoms : Tokyo Revengers, Haikyuu and hxh pleasee

I’m a girl and I’m heterosexual. My zodiac sign is Leo and my mbsti is INFP-T, my pronuns are she/her.

Personality : I’m an ambivert (mix of introvert and extrovert), at first I’m really shy but I became comfortable with a person if she make me feel safe. As soon as I’m comfortable I became very extroverted and funny. I love to laugh so, basically, I laugh everyday. I also smile pretty easily and all the time. Besides all that I like to « be chill » and somewhat calm but I gets stressed/ anxious very easily. However, I can easily stand up for myself like when something/someone is bothering me I immediately say it and don’t necessarily need people to help me with this.

Also I’m collected but have a certain attitude. I like to « be rude » and sarcastic to my loved ones but they know that I’m not genuinely mean to them. All that doesn't mean that i'm not polite and respectful because i really am. Finally I’d say that I’m creative, empathetic and passionate but emotionally vulnerable and really self-critical : sometimes I just feel like I could be a way better person, less « mean » and more « gentle ».

Interests/Hobbies : sleep, play video games, watch Anime/Netflix/Disney plus, chill, listen to RNB/ US Rap, study and discover things about science…

Apparence : I’m black girl and my height 5’7 (170cm). I have 4c hair (I often wear long braids) and dark brown eyes. I’d say that my style is a mix between streatwear and Y2K. And an unnecessary information : I wear glasses (even if I rarely put them on)

I think that’s all ! Thanks you very much and have a wonderful day !

Hello! Thank you

So much for the ask! I apologize for the wait and I hope you

enjoy. Have a good day/night!

+++++++++++++++++++++++

Your matchups are… (insert drumroll*)

Takashi Mitsuya

If anyone can make you feel comfortable it’s Mitsuya.  Mitsuya smiles at your enthusiasm once you open up more. Mitsuya isn’t the person to make that many jokes but he’s really good with puns.  Atlas hi is very good at comforting people like REALLY good. Mitsuya hates standing up to people when it involves himself but if it’s for anyone else he is up immediately. Mitsuya is in a gang with friends that can be pretty mean at times and he finds it cute that you trust him that much.  

Creative and empathetic are two traits that everybody can say Mitsuya has. Mitsuya will constantly tell you all the great things about you if you ask or not. Mitsuya will tell you how amazing of a person you are and how he enjoys your presence.  No matter what your hobbies are Mitsuya  educates himself on what you enjoy. Most of the time anything you enjoy he finds interest in. 

Kenma Kozume

Kenna is a very calm and patient person he’s understanding to not wanting to open up immediately. Kenna is very smiley when you open up. The fact that you trust him is somehow a pretty big deal to him. Kenna will tell you if you make a bad joke but if you don’t he might have a light laugh. Kenna . Your energy gives Kenna energy.  Kenna also gets anxious very easily. Kenna can get very riled up when someone makes him angry so he’s only slightly stand-offish.  

Kenna can also be a little mean teasing close friends.  Kenna is so creative due to all the video games.  Kenna is very insecure about how he portrays himself. Did someone say video games? Kenna loves getting news games and playing then with you. Kenna isn’t all that into studying and discovering new things but, he tries for you. 

Chrollo Lucilfer

Chrollo is completely fine with you being closed off at first.  Once you open up Chrollo is honored. Chrollo will let out some kind of laugh at every joke you make. Your energy makes Chrollo feel tired.  Due to his personality Chrollo is confident but easy at boosting other people up. Chrollo will not hesitate to stand up for anyone. 

Chrollo finds your rudeness amusing and sometimes even enduring. Chrollo will always give you words of encouragement and motivation.  Chrollo is a literal terrorist so trust me you are wonderful. Chrollo would love watching different shows with you! He reads a lot including nonfiction. 

[what-breaks-my-heart]

One day, through the entrance of my house, doom came in.

I have so much thoughts on this title.

Firstly, as an Asian, this title shivers me timbers. I can feel my essence trembling. Having watched 4 episodes of this drama from gifs and screencaps (yes, I have just only started the drama), I can see how this title reflects the experience of the character from whose perspective we are seeing, i.e., Dong Kyung.

When Myul Mang (doom) first entered her house (life), Dong Kyung was confused. She had a hard time to process it.

When she finally grasped what kind of fate has befallen unto her, she literally collapsed in the middle of the street.

Realising that she might have a found a loophole in the ‘contract’ that she and Myul Mang had agreed on, she bargained with him, saying that she would love him, so that she would be able to live without losing anything.

Hang on, are we going to see the plot developing through 5 stages of grief?

However, the tone of the narrator in the title is ambiguous. It could bring the connotation of grief. It could mean the narrator is afraid of her fate. It could mean the narrator is glad that doom did enter into her life. Most importantly (to me at least), it could mean all of these.

Secondly, notice that the title sounds as if the story is being told by the narrator in the past tense. As in, the entire story happened in the PAST. Alternatively, it could also hint that Myul Mang had already entered into Dong Kyung’s life on the day of her parents’ death, which coincidentally (I think not), was the same day as Myul Mang’s birthday. Does this mean their fates already became intertwined on that day, without them realising it? I guess I’ll have to wait and see.

Thirdly, and this is related to my first point, I personally feel this title is more reflective of the what’s happening throughout the entire drama, compared to what Doom at Your Service is capable of doing. While Doom at Your Service brings a powerful image of a mortal human being having control over an immortal being, it is not as encompassing as the literal title is.

And finally, and you can stop reading here if you are not comfortable with the topic because this is entering into PG18 category, if you have seen my reblogs on this drama, you might have noticed “doom at your cervix” in the tags in some of those reblogs.

Yes, I think it is a funny pun on the English title, and yes, I coined it the moment I saw the Myul Mang and Dong Kyung teasing each other and pushing each other’s boundary, on top of Myul Mang being a huge flirt *insert joke about Dong Kyung being on top of Myul Mang*.

And when Myul Mang uttered the line,

“love me to the point that you want to destroy the world for me”

My brain COMBUSTED with images of Dong Kyung literally wishing for the world to be destroyed as Myul Mang came (this is also a pun) through the entrance of her cervix, just so she could make that moment lasts a little bit longer.

And with that, I will throw myself into the gutter.

[aestheticaxolotl]

Let’s Talk About Neal The Eel

Lets talk about Rat-Daddy, I mean Neal the Eel

Let me start with Neal, using the Carmen Sandiego Wiki to break him down as a whole, starting with appearance and personality (Excluding the comments around his action in the show). I am biased here, Neal is my favorite character in the god damned show. I will stand by this rat till I die.

I may or may not go into ship fodder but that may just have to be a thing for another day.

Neal is a tall man with a thin lanky frame and greasy black hair. He has buck teeth with a slight gap between, usually resting over his bottom lip. His skin is very pale, almost grey, and he has purple bags under his eyes.

All I have to say is this boy is tired, probably anemic, I have reason to believe that Neal the Eel is both anemic and hypermobile ( a heritable connective tissue disorder that affects the joints and ligaments in a person's body. It comes in different degrees of severity, the least being similar to double-jointedness). There is no age stated but I am willing to bet he’s around 30-35, due to his aged face lines and his Faculty audition (NGL I would have loved to see him as Faculty). Not gonna lie, the buck teeth is why I’ve been lovingly calling him a rat. I’ve seen many buck teeth in my day but this is the first time I ever really loved it. I think the greasy detail is just due to the slippery aesthetic. But I can appreciate that.

For personality we do not have a lot to go on, but what we do have is VERY revealing about the depths and flaws of his character.

Neal is described as "conniving and loyal to a fault" by Doctor Bellum. During fights, he has an affinity for making puns and teasing his opponent. Despite his goofy nature, he is a competent operative, having been able to outplay both Shadowsan and Carmen in combat— additionally having been considered a potential faculty member by Bellum. He is later revealed in the fourth season to be extremely laidback and easygoing, since he did not care about getting his mind wiped, getting fish dumped on him, or defecting from V.I.L.E.

As you all know by now, (Unless you are new), I marked the most important details in the bold font. As we do not have much to work with, a lot of details are bolded, I really hope what I put out is up to standard!

Neal is described as "conniving and loyal to a fault”

Now, I’m taking into account that he has a reason to be ‘loyal to a fault’. If you have read my headcanon you will know that I strongly think Neal came from a circus or some form of freak show, we know how flexible this man is and there is no way that it just happened. I imagine that the loyal to a fault is to Dr. Bellum, who wanted him on faculty. But WHY? I’ll touch on that soon. We do see that the man is loyal and is very clever during points in the show. So perhaps there is some connection to Bellum that we as an audience have not yet seen, through technology or something. He seems to enjoy technology, but not on the same level that Bellum does, this really stumps me and I would LOVE to hear what y’all have to say about it!

He has an affinity for making puns and teasing his opponent

Need I remind you all that Neal the eel is a HUG GOOF BALL?!? *Goes to laugh in the corner for a second* Okay, now, he makes a lot of jokes and has fun with his job and I can really respect that. I have not seen a character that has as much FUN at work as Neal does. That’s why he is so fun to watch on the screen, he’s having fun the way that our others are not. He’s poking fun at Carmen and Shadowsan, HE ASKS IF SHADOWSAN JOINS THE SOVIOT UNION. I Mean that was amazing. All his puns are centered around him being slick, and there is a LOT that one can do with that. I also noticed that Neal nicknames the people he is working with, I can only really see him calling Lady Dokuso “Slippy Micky”  as being playful banter, that she seems to ENJOY by calling him “ unagi”, which translates to eel. And I love that a character like Neal comes across as enjoyable and annoying at the same time, do I even need to mention that Mimebomb seems to absolutely HATE Neal? He’s slimy and annoying and tells bad puns. It’s amazing that dynamics that one character can have that spices up other characters too!

He is a competent operative, having been able to outplay both Shadowsan and Carmen in combat

Now. This detail does go back to the teasing of the opponent area of this character essay. Neal is able to outplay Carmen and Shadowsan in combat, that shows some major skill, seeing as Shadowsan is older and more experienced while Carmen might be both faster and dare I say stronger. I feel that the level of skill between Shadowsan and Carmen should have made him easy to take down, where as I state, people underestimate Neal and that is why he gets the best of them. If you have seen my previous two posts, you will notice I do not use the intro cards for the character, I look for images that really give a sence to the character. Take a look at the image used for Neal. This mother trucker had a BMI of 2- MAYBE. It would be easy to underestimate him in real life or in show. This allows him to be the competent operative he is, he KNOWS he is underestimated and uses that as a tactical advantage. 

Additionally having been considered a potential faculty member by Bellum.

I mentioned that I have no idea why Bellum would want Neal on the Faculty, and even here when I had time to think about it, I still do not! the only think I can think of is that Bellum must OWE him for something. Not he owes her, but SHE owe HIM something. Perhaps Neal stole something for Bellum that put him in great danger, like a computer system or something of great technological advance that put V.I.L.E So far forward in the technology stance that Bellum could not forget and had to repay. But then I look at the whole Brainwipe thing and wonder why she couldn’t repay him by letting him live free?  And that’s why Neal’s loyalty is such a hard thing to pin point.  SO I put forth that Neal is just skilled That’s it. It’s a little lame, but then I look that I say he is underestimated and think... That’s why they want him. His underestimation is the thing that got him on. They think that they can control him, and he would have shown them, No, they couldn’t.

Extremely laidback and easygoing

Come on, just when I think he can’t get any better. (Insert oh no he’s hot meme) or (Insert hes meeting all of my standards meme). Neal is laid back, relaxed, easy going, and all those other words for chill. I noticed that when he loses he’s not like “AUGGH NOO MY FUTURE IS RUINED” he’s more like “Damn that was a good game, I’ll get you next time.” He’s got good sportsmen ship and I love that. I’ll touch more in the next section too about how being too chill can be a problem. Neal being easygoing also make sense seeing how well he can work with other, I’ll gesture to the partnership with Lady Dokuso where he worked VERY well with her and then the teaming up with Mimebomb who absolutely hated every second of it. 

He did not care about getting his mind wiped

Not going to lie, but I screamed when I saw that Bellum was going to wipe Neal’s brain. First thought was ‘OH NO’. Second was “WAit I thought she liked him’, and third was... “Wait... He’s just... Fine with this?’. Neal is TOO chill. I feel like a person should care that their brain is getting wiped, maybe just a little bit? And then I stopped, thought about what I knee of him, and laughed. Like, if he was really worried about getting he mind wiped he would have yeeted out of there a long time ago. He know that Bellum and the Faculty will show mercy to him, give him a second chance. And when that second chance was given to him? He tried and then escaped. Never to be seen again, never heard from again, never even thought of again. I imagine he did care and placed a lot of faith into what he knew of the faculty. And yes, Imagination is the basis of this here, because as previously stated, he is a competent operative and knows what he is doing, he didn’t just allow himself to be walked all over.

Neal is a master of infiltration and specializes in slipping into small spaces. His slick body suit, lanky frame, and skills as an acrobatic-contortionist make him a difficult man to capture and hold.

This is all that is given for the abilities of Neal, its not a lot to work with but I manages to strangle some thing out of it. Neal being a master of infiltration strikes me as very direct, along with the added specialty of slipping into small spaces. I figure the directness is so that the show and tell aspect of the show is less surprising. Along with the slick suit, lengthy frame and obvious gesture to  acrobatic-contortionist skills gives me the impression of an escape artist. I figure from this that Neal was often used for the stealth and fast missions. 

While Neal the Eel doesn’t have as much to offer Wiki wise, I am so happy with what I was able to offer up to you. Neal is an amazing character, even if I set aside my bias towards him, and an even better study. 

Not just as a funny, skinny guy who looks like a rat, but as a deeper character with masks and guards that not even his closest allies could even guess at. A usual, I hope you enjoyed and I will have another one of these out fairly soon. Still doing requests!

Thanks for Reading!