#[[and the lyrics of edge of seventeen--just yeah. YEP]]

[himbohotel]

☎ ahem

Put ☎ in my ask for your muses info in my muses phone:

NAME: Nightshade

RINGTONE: Edge of Seventeen--Stevie Nicks

PICTURE: 

LAST TEXT RECEIVED: [sms] Staying gone means staying gone.

LAST TEXT SENT: [sms] This is nothing but a courtesy call.

[quarterfromcanon]

Next to You

Heather & Valencia - Femslash February - Day 15 - Playlist [1,550 words]

“How are you completely packed right now?” Valencia huffed while arranging ensembles along the edge of the mattress. “I’ve loaded and unloaded my suitcase three times just since you’ve been sitting there.”

“This is all routine for me,” Heather reminded her. “Davis family reunions have been around longer than I have. The specific pants and stuff change from year to year, but the basic wardrobe requirements stay the same.”

“I still don’t know how to prepare for their weather.” Valencia put her hands on her hips and considered three different shirts. "Seventy degrees for us versus seventy degrees for them could feel totally different. I don’t want to shake your grandparents’ hands with pit stains but I also don’t want to be the weird California girl who keeps shivering every time she’s under a shady tree.”

Heather unfolded her left leg from beneath her body. She stretched it across the sheets to point to an option with her toe. “That one. Open with a tank top. You can tie it around your waist if you get overheated, but you also don’t have to worry about it hugging your arms too tightly and showing sweat if you need the extra layer.” 

“Thank you.” Valencia adhered to the suggestion and rolled the chosen garment the way she’d learned from a YouTube luggage space-saving tutorial. 

“It’s gonna be okay.” Heather didn’t look up from her laptop, but her voice was sympathetic and knowing.

Valencia twisted the recommended tank top in her fists. “This just means being around a lot of people. Like, so many. I come from a big family too, but I’ve got a safety net there. Everyone knows that Fernanda Perez would destroy their bloodline if they went after any of her daughters. It’s one of those ‘it’s only okay when I do it’ things, but it does provide the benefit of not having to hear what my aunts really think of me. They only discuss it when we’re out of earshot. I won’t have that going for me with your relatives.”

Heather waved her hands over herself in a ‘What am I?’ gesture.

“Yes, I’ll have you,” Valencia acknowledged. “I know you’d defend me if you had to, but I don’t want that to even come up. I don’t want to be the cause of a fight on a day that’s just supposed to be happy and fun.”

“It’s going to be fine,” Heather asserted again. “Seriously, they won’t give you any trouble. The Council of Elders might creak their old bones to give us side-eye, but that’s as confrontational as it’ll get.”

Valencia shuddered. “Can we call them something else? They sound terrifying.”

“Cheaters of Death? Ghosts of Prejudices Present? Good Ol’ Fashioned Pains in the Ass?”

Valencia smiled in spite of herself. “You’re teasing me.”

“A little. Is it helping?”

“Kind of.” Valencia sorted bottles of hygiene products in a clear, rectangular bag. “What’s got you clicking away over there? And why does it require headphones?”

“Travel soundtrack,” Heather answered simply. She held one of the headphone cushions to her ear with visible concentration. “I’ve gotta switch a few around. They’re fucking with the flow.”

“For the flight?”

“Mm-hmm.”

“For me?”

“Yep.”

“Music to soothe the anxious beast?”

Heather’s eyelids crinkled at the edges. “Something like that.”

Valencia settled across the narrow vacant space on the bed. She ran her palm up and down Heather’s leg from ankle to knee and back again. “I appreciate the personalized calming technique you’re creating but, if it makes you feel any better, I honestly won’t notice whether it all blends perfectly or not.”

“I know. I just like the challenge.” Heather twitched her shoulders.

Valencia poked the curve of Heather’s muscle. “You take your arrangements very seriously.”

“‘Music is crucial. Beyond no way can I overstress this fact.’” Heather intoned while she typed something else into the search bar.

“Why do I get the feeling you’re quoting that futuristic bumper car book at me again?”

Heather leaned sideways toward the shelf along the wall. Her fingers found the third level up without looking and counted across three spines before sliding out the fourth novel over from the right. Valencia verified the author name and title even though she was already familiar and shook her head. Rant by Chuck Palahniuk.

“Chapter seventeen,” Heather confirmed. “Hit Men.”

“I’m pretty sure you have the best memory of anyone I know. It figures that line would stick since it does sort of sound like you.”

Heather winked. “‘I carry a mix for any human condition.’” 

Valencia lightly slapped her hand against Heather’s thigh. “Showoff.” 

They both resumed their activities until dinnertime approached. It was decided that ordering in seemed the best course of action so they wouldn’t have any dishes to do before their early bedtime. They settled on opposite ends of the couch with their legs crisscrossed atop the middle cushion.

“You said we won’t be the only not-straight people there, right?” Valencia prodded at her noodles with chopsticks. 

Heather tucked a diced carrot into her cheek. “Are you still stressing?”

“Are you still surprised?” 

Heather gave Valencia’s kneecap a comforting squeeze with her calves. “No. I was just hoping it’d pass, for your sake. But yeah, there’ll be at least one other couple there. My cousin Nancy came out back when she was in high school. She’s bringing her fiancée, Charlie. They won’t be hard to track down; Charlie’s hair is an even brighter red than Paula’s. It’s like the easiest game of Where’s Waldo in a group of brunets.”

Valencia nodded. She tapped her hands against the sides of the takeout box. “So which of you two is older?”

“Me by about... four years?” Heather tilted her hand from side to side to indicate a rough estimate. “I was somewhere in college by that summer. She texted me the week before to get advice. I showed up in this denim jacket covered in, like, every pride button and patch I could find. I had a pansexual pin for her in my pocket."

Valencia’s expression softened and she nudged Heather’s waist with her foot. “That was really sweet of you.” 

Heather shrugged. She focused her attention on fishing out an elusive pea in her rice. “The plan totally worked because, no matter how many people noticed what she was wearing, I was always gonna be the more distracting one. It took some of the heat off Nancy and helped her chill out a bit. We basically sat on a picnic bench all day just talking and laughing, staring back at anybody who got a funny look on their faces.” She laughed quietly. “It was great.”

“All right, well, mission accomplished.” Valencia reached for her drink. “I’m at least a little excited for this gathering since it means I get to meet her.”

“She said the same thing.”

“Psh, no she didn’t.”

Heather pulled out her cell, tapped the screen, and scrolled. She turned it to face Valencia with her thumb under a message in gray.

Valencia clutched her heart. “Aww!”

Heather clicked her phone off and returned it to her pocket. “Told you.”

___

The four-and-a-half hour flight from LAX to DTW was a ride for Valencia in both the literal and emotional sense of the word. Her inner responses to their journey swooped from eager to bored to panicked and then repeated the cycle. Heather remained ever-present and attentive, able to track and accommodate whichever stage Valencia was experiencing at the time. 

The digital map on the fold-down display indicated they were now flying over Michigan. Valencia couldn’t help obsessively checking every so often to see if she could spy the city below, even though she knew it would be a while yet before they were that far across the state. Heather snuggled against Valencia’s shoulder with her cell phone in her lap, set to play the collection of tracks she had so meticulously assembled. The headphone splitter was nestled in her half-open hand.

They were about twenty-five minutes from the disembark when Valencia finally got a proper view through the clouds. Her breath caught in her chest and it was at least a full sixty seconds before she became aware of the lyrics playing through her earbuds.

‘Is this the fate that half of the world has planned for me? I know I love you, and you love the sea...’

Valencia turned to nudge her girlfriend awake, but Heather was already watching her intently. They met each other’s gaze for a moment and Valencia arched an eyebrow. “Did you time it out so one of my favorite songs by Vampire Weekend would be on right now?”

Heather could not quite conceal the upward turn at the corner of her lips. “I’m flattered, V, but don’t give my playlist-making skills too much credit.”

Valencia dropped her voice an octave. “Oh my God, you’re so full of it. You’re, like, so full of crap.”

Heather fluffed Valencia’s sleeve like a pillow. “That’s a good impression. You should trot that one out at the reunion. You’ll be a hit.” She shut her eyes and sighed contentedly. “I’m gonna catch a few more Zs before we land.”

Valencia rested her cheek against Heather’s hair. She pressed a soft, discrete kiss to her forehead. “I love you, too.”

[seriouslyblacklikemysoul]

Galaxies - Sirius Black x Reader

Request: Huullo, may I request Sirius x reader based on Purpose by Bieber, where maybe she’s depressed and has suicidal thoughts and Sirius is in love w her and like yeah? Sorry if you don’t understand, or are not comfortable writing it! Warnings: Okay guys, this wasn’t easy for me. And since it deals with triggering topics, please, don’t read it if you are uncomfortable or you feel like it will be bad again. I am here for you, send me a message or an ask, whatever you want. Other than that, my English and swearing? Also, I didn’t know the song before so, um.. I did my best. Sorry if it’s not good(yep, my triggering thoughts are kicking in)[Lyrics in italic] Gifs aren’t mine/ Credits to their original owners. Word count~2k MASTERLIST Feeling like I’m breathing my last breath/Feeling like I’m walking my last steps/Look at all of these tears I’ve wept/Look at all the promises that I’ve kept You had enough. Hollow, empty and numb. You were seventeen but you weren’t. You were sat down with your knees pulled up to your chest as your back leaned against the brick wall of the Astronomy Tower. It was a cold night and no one else was that fool or desperate to be outside. Your clothes were covered in dirt and you had a few bruises and cuts. All of them, self-inflicted. You’d barely stepped out of your room lately, but when you did, you would go to the only place you could feel like you could end it. You were feeling too weak to remove yourself from your bed, to function like a human being. It was stupid, really. You didn’t even know why you felt like that. But you did. And the emptiness, the cold inside of you, wouldn’t go away. How many more nights would you have to lay wide awake on your bed, staring the ceiling, thinking that you are nobody; nobody ever liked you; how could you live like that; you called that a life; what was wrong with you. At first, you would cry until you couldn’t handle it anymore-then you would find something sharp. Or use your own hands. Because, in all honesty, you didn’t want to feel something-you wanted to reap your skin open. ‘This is for the best’ You realized as your arms curled around yourself while you peered up at the sky. Nobody would care anyways. It was not like someone had been there for you. Nobody knew the real you, or how many times you’ve cried in the bathroom in order to muffle the sounds. No one knew how many times you’ve had lost all hope and been let down. After years of pretending that you were alright and that you could deal with it, you didn’t cry nor cut yourself. You had found other ways to shut the pain. You remembered it; that night, when you had pushed yourself inside the bathtub and stayed a bit too long. You would have stayed forever but you knew that you couldn’t. For the sake of other. But it was way past that, now. And on top of everything, you had ‘boys’ problems. It almost felt stupid. You weren’t the one for romance. You didn’t do romance. You couldn’t handle it. You had tried the casual sex thing; not for you. You had tried one-night stands; close, but still not for you. It was ironic, really. You hated attention, yet you craved it from him. You hadn’t realized that you had moved closer to the ledge. Too close. Too tempting. I put my heart into your hands/Here’s my soul to keep/I let you in with all that I can You’re not hard to reach/And you’ve blessed me with the best gift/That I’ve ever known You give me purpose/Yeah, you’ve given me purpose “Love”.  You stopped thinking, eyes widening as you slowly turned around. You knew that all it took was one more step. It had to be him. Of all people, him. “Love, step away from the ledge”. He did sound and look concerned. His eyebrows furrowed, his gray eyes watching you like a hawk, his hands almost flew to catch you. Why him? Why did he have to see you like that? Why couldn’t you be left alone? Why be concerned now? You simply turned away, facing the stars, feet too close to the edge. ‘Make it stop, please, make it stop’ you thought. You wanted to scream but at the same time, you didn’t have the strength to do so. A strong arm was wrapped around your waist, pulling you back. You didn’t resist. If you wanted to be honest with yourself, you would admit that you didn’t want to resist. Having depression felt like screaming under water.  No one could hear your pain or come to help; they didn’t know that you were slowly dying. He pulled you back and sat you down, next to him. You didn’t know this but this tower had the same meaning to him as well. “Talk to me, love” he whispered in your ear as he hugged you tightly. Talk to him? You haven’t talked about this with anyone. You found yourself wanting to tell him, but he hasn’t done anything wrong to make him suffer with you. “Do you ever feel like you’re suffocating?” you said in a small voice, barely audible. He flinched slightly and you thought that he was repulsed by your mind. But he wasn’t. He was just hurt that you had to feel what he had felt. “I miss myself” you admitted to yourself but you said it out loud. You could be yourself when he was around. He wasn’t judging you or trying to make you believe that you shouldn’t feel like that because that was selfish. You weren’t selfish, you were just… “Do you want me to help create yourself again?” he quietly questioned. You looked at him; his perfect gray eyes, piercing yours. He meant it. You nodded lightly. What if he could help you? What if you weren’t damaged goods to him? You walked back to his dorm. He didn’t want to leave you alone. You felt a strange sensation. Was that relief? No, it couldn’t be. Once you walked inside, you found three boys sleeping. Or at least that was what you thought. They weren’t sleeping, they weren’t sleeping at all. But you couldn’t possibly know that. “Come here” he softly prompted you, while he plopped onto his bed, gesturing for you to go and sit next to him. And you did. He felt awfully comforting. Like he could get you. “I hate myself” you whispered, a sob choking you. Sirius released a short breath and you could feel his body tensing up as he had you wrapped around him. He wasn’t going to let you go. “I love yourself” he whispered tenderly. Wait, what? You didn’t want him to lie to you to make you feel better. “You don’t” you said in a small voice, turning your eyes away from him. Nobody could ever love you. “You have no idea how much” he continued. How could he? Could you believe him? Was he saying the truth? “I have been in love with you since the moment I saw you, back on the very first day. I didn’t realize it till recently, though. After I got di-” he stopped. He had probably let on too much. That didn’t change the fact that he had said some things. “Why me? I am a mess” you whispered, looking him in the eyes. Those gray orbits. They were magnetic, electric, pure and raw at the same time. “What do you think am I? Maybe we could combine our messes. I’ve heard that that’s how galaxies are formed” he softly spoke, never breaking eye contact. Not once. He tucked a loose strand behind your ear, caressing your cheek. You leaned into the touch. You hadn’t been touched like that. Like… It got bad again. You weren’t worthy of this. Of him. “I want to take a bath” you said unsurely. He smiled kindly and stood up. “Give me a second. After all, it is a bathroom shared by four guys” he joked and you grimaced at the thought. You almost smiled. Almost. He was gone for just a minute. So, it couldn’t have been that bad. You stood up and walked to the bathroom. “I’ll be right here if you need anything, alright?” he assured you, placing a soft and tender kiss on your forehead. You nodded, closing the door behind you. You took off all your clothes. You almost felt bad. But, no. Thinking my journey’s come to an end/Sending out a farewell to my friends/Forever peace Ask you to forgive me for my sins/Oh would you please?/I’m more than grateful for the time we spent/My spirit’s at ease You lowered yourself into the bathtub. The water was hot; so hot it would probably have burnt you but you couldn’t feel. Your body was numb. Everything had gone silent and you already felt dead. You searched for a razor but he was smart. You had to admit. He had removed everything. It was only you and the water. You and the water. The water. It felt like it was meant to be. Like your life would come into a full circle and you could have your closure. Finally. It felt so long since you had been able to contain it. You stopped breathing and closed your eyes. One, two, three… even the numbers became insignificant. You felt the burning sensation; your lungs were desperate-they were fighting for air. Your whole body was fighting to survive. However, your mind was determined to keep you there. You felt dizzy, sort of lightheaded. It was about to end. This misery. It felt kind of sad though. The one person you truly wanted to care, did. But you were too lost to be found. You felt two strong hands gripping you by your shoulders, pulling you. You thought that you had crossed the line and you were finally free. But then you felt the air. You were coughing and you were breathing. What just happened? You opened your eyes only to come face to face with Sirius. A very sad and worried and pained Sirius. Who wrapped you in his arms immediately. You were a bit disoriented but you felt the need to apologize. “I am sorry, Siri” you whispered before you wrapped your arms around him. He removed one hand momentarily, only to bring you a towel that was next to you, wrapping you in it, as he scooped you, carrying you outside that bathroom and into the dorm. You hid your face in the crook of his neck, realizing that the other three boys were wide awake. You really didn’t want pity. You give me purpose everyday/You give me purpose in every way Oh, you are my everything/Oh, you are my everything He placed you on his bed, gently. He gave you a huge jumper of his to put on but you couldn’t really move. You weren’t numb, just… Something felt different. Like, a heavy burden had been lifted off your chest. He carefully laid beside you, holding you suffocatingly close to him. But you didn’t feel like suffocating. You felt… safe. Protected. And…loved. His hand was running up and down your spine, while he whispered again and again, like a prayer ‘I’m here’. You felt tears staining his blouse but for the first time, you weren’t crying because you were sad. You were crying because you felt… well, not happy. But still. “I’m not going to pretend to understand what is happening in your mind. But I do know the pain, the emptiness, the numbness. I know them all too well…I just need you to know it’s hard watching you cope with this. It breaks my heart to see you cry, to know that you’re afraid to be close to me now. Let me tell, though. I have been through the same thing. Or almost the same thing. I will not give up on you. You are loved. You are needed and wanted. Please understand that” he murmured against your hair. You stopped crying and found his eyes. He did know how you felt. “Tell me. Please” you whispered. You wanted to know about him. Everything. And that’s how he told you. About his past; his family; his depression; his panic attacks; his insomnia; his nightmares; his coping mechanism; his addictions; his poor choices; his friends; his dreams; his pranks; his love for you. He was right. You were messes. And that was exactly how galaxies were formed.

tags: @starsepot @kapolisradomthoughts