#[[ god i hope this is worded well bc its. past 3am and my brain feels incoherent ]]

[idconsilium]

As a kid and well into his teen years and young adulthood, Will dealt with scopophobia (fear of eye contact / being looked at) and acute ommetaphobia (fear of eyes). So much so that, by about age 20, he hadn’t even looked his own reflection (let alone anyone else) in the eyes for about a decade. This developed due to his own awareness of how different he was to his peers, preferring to keep himself free from outward judgement to avoid becoming a target for school bullies. He still experiences some minor scopophobia after overcoming his fear of eyes / eye contact; the acts of being stared at or making eye contact for periods longer than a minute or two remain uncomfortable to him. There are very few exceptions in this regard.

[queerloquial]

every odd number!

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?you better have, we’re kinda dating 

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?iunno, whens the last time you said something that made me go “cfghvjb fUCK yOU”?

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?not to my knowledge, but if there is they can go fuck themselves bc idfc

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?vault boy tshirt, gray sweatpants. my regular comfy sleepwear stuff

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?i wear jeans anytime i have to leave the house, but if i dont have to go out in public and hide my wookiee legs i actually prefer shorts to either of those. i also rank chef pants higher than sweats bc they breathe better

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?i am antisocial as fuck, my dude. if i could get away with living in my bedroom and talking to like three people total ever, i so would

13. What about ‘R’?i think this is in reference to ‘have you ever kissed someone whose name starts with ___’, in which case, no. i have never kissed anyone, at least outside the “small child gives/receives cheek kisses from family or other adult considered to be basically family” sense

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?yEs. i give so many shits, all of the fucks, and even a couple hecks

17. When was the last time you cried?i think like a week and a half, two weeks ago it was like 2 am and i was tired n lonely and re-read some of ur letters to me. it was a happy cry dont worry. u make me do that a lot

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?nah i like blue

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.that stupid fuckening dog did not shut up for one damn minute after i let her out at ten last night. she barked for eight hours straight and for six i had a headache, i have slept a grand total of 32 minutes and it is now 7 am. hlep

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?to my knowledge yes. unless “im going back to bed, love and kisses~” is secretly your way of breaking up with me :P

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?you do~

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?it you

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?i think i got it from fye at the mall. either there or gamestop. i dont remember

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?theyre lined up on top of my desk. the only thing hiding them is the handful of non-alcoholic glass bottles i also have collected

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?ehhhhhhhhhhhhh i kinda have a Thing with pain so i have a heavy aversion to getting anything pierced

35. Did you have a dream last night?no bc i couldnt fuckening fall asleep

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?idk my dude. the future is unpredictable

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?idk. maybe if ur still awake theres a chance but if ur not then probs not

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?i would hope so, ive been waking up before dawn every day to tell you i love u and i would hate for all that effort to have been for nothing

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?in those words exactly, not that i can remember

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?yes, but theyre all from early high school and i really ought to go in and take them out but. effort. and i dont even really use facebook anymore

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?yes. all the time

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?nah, two years ago i had a job

51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?i think this was my dad? so no

53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?well when youve been aromantic for over 20 years you dont expect to develop a crush on ur cuteass mutual so

55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?all but two people irl think im a conservative straight cis girl

57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?see number 13

59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?yes

61. How’s your heart?emotionally its doing fine. physically i could probably stand to cut back on sodium a bit

63. Have you ever cried over a guy?no

65. Are your toenails painted pink?no, theyre black

67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?i wouldnt know, ive never been a girl and ive never had a boyfriend. but either way that sounds kinda weird, like i mean sure, promote healthy expression of emotions, but “love it when they cry”?? that sounds kinda messed up my dude

69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?a lady from my church whose dog im watching for part of this week

71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?it youuuu again

73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?lol no

75. Did you wake up cranky?a BIT YES. god i hate dogs

77. Are relationships ever worth it?hell yeah, but you gotta be willing and actively choose to put in the time and effort to support one another through all situations, not just the cutesy happy fun times. it can be hard work, especially if one or more involved parties are neurodivergent, but it is completely worth it to have a relationship based in genuine respect and trust and honesty

79. Currently wanting to see anyone?buddy there aint a day that goes by that i dont daydream of what itll be like when we can finally meet irl

81. Last person you cried in front of?if this is strictly about physically being near someone, and discounting headmates, then… i dont actually remember. i try my best not to cry where people can see

83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?i feel like you might be at least a lil bit

85. Are you over your past?well my brain is irreparably damaged and i still cry when i remember that i have at least one person who respects my feelings and consent and i generally try to block out all memories of life before college but for the most part yeah im totally over it :)

87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?well i would say no but then we did recently have that convo re: “tier 4 kinks” and tbh that was like the last big secret i was holding in so i guess yeah i do

89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?i dont remember the last person i kissed, if animals dont count, so im just gonna give a blanket no

91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?well i hope so

93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?no

95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?ye~

97. Who do you have texts from?you, family, best friend, some people from church who have needed me to petsit/house-sit/bake things

99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?see #13

101. Ever kissed under fireworks?no