#[[ Human they Say | Oliver Hoshino ]]

[catsukiiee]

# IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY, THEN SHUT UP!

౨ৎ prohero!katsuki bakugou x bookstore!owner fem reader. | Chapter 3

wordcount ; 1.7k words

paragraphs ; 53

content warning ; mention of explosions, death, blood, violence.

readers appearance prompt ; short spiky ruffled black hair with faded pink tips from a dye attempt, stands at 5'4, slightly muscular, dark olive toned skin.

readers quirk ; weightless [ allows you to manipulate gravity, making both objects and humans lighter or so heavy they physically can't move themselves or an object. if used at 100% and used on a focus point can cause something or someone to emplode. ]

Two Months.

That’s how much time has passed since you last saw Pro Hero Dynamight that night.

You convinced yourself that you didn't care about his absence, but a part of you secretly wished to catch a glimpse of his face again, even if only for a moment. Despite finding him annoying, you still enjoyed his presence.

These feelings were strictly platonic, of course..

Letting out a heavy sigh, you redirected your focus to the dough you were kneading between your hands covered in flour, feeling the strain in your arm muscles. "Time to let you rest," you muttered. Gently placing the dough in a bowl and covering it with plastic, you slid it onto a tray with other doughs you had prepared.

Am I overworking myself as a distraction? Absolutely not. I simply had a passion for baking. Yup, that's what it is.

Pressing your lips together, you stood with your hands on your hips, gazing at the racks of dough before turning away and clapping your hands to remove excess flour.

"Why were you glaring at the dough like that?"

Startled, you spun around to face one of your new employees, her wide eyes filled with amusement and curiosity as she rested her chin in her hands. "Why are you just standing there watching me?" you retorted, giving her a stern look.

She shrugged, a small grin forming on her lips. "I don't know; you look so focused when making the dough. It's kind of entertaining to watch."

You turned away from her with a sigh, choosing to look elsewhere than at her face. “Annoying.” You muttered under your breath.

You heard her let out a dramatic sigh: "Hey, we've been closed for two hours now; when can I go home?" Your eye twitched at her words; you would've fired her on the spot if it weren't for the promise you made to your friend, who happened to be her older sister.

Turning back around, you fixed her with a stern glare, picking up a damp towel to toss in her direction. “Eh? You ungrateful brat, you were supposed to be helping me! Don’t complain like I’m overworking you!”

"Oneesannnn, that's not niceeee," she whined, plucking the towel off her shoulder delicately. "Don't throw things at your hardworking employee."

* Onee is also a Japanese word that has two kanji letters (お姉), which mean “elder sister” or “big sister.”

Hardworking?

"You little shit, come here." You lunged towards the counter with another damp towel, causing the young girl to squeal and dodge out of the way just in time.

The evening felt chillier compared to the last time, wisps of vapor escaping with every breath, your fingers starting to lose feeling as you closed down your store. “Will you give me a ride home, Oneesan?” The little girl peeked out from behind your arm, her lips forming a slight frown. She resembled Hoshino so much in that moment, like older sister, like younger sister.

“Definitely, it's too dark for you to walk home alone.” Your response caused her face to light up, her dark brown eyes widening like an eager puppy.

Did she think I was gonna make her walk home late at night in this weahter? Sheesh.

“Let's go; I'm freezing.” You extended your arm for her to take, and she eagerly grabbed it without hesitation. “Okay!”

Both of you had barely taken a few steps away from the shop before a loud explosion sounded just down the street, sounds of screaming and car alarms sounding. “Get in the car.” You quickly pushed the young girl towards your car, your heart beating so loudly that you could barely hear the girl panicking and talking.

As soon as she was secured in the back seat, you turned back to where the explosion and screaming happened, watching as people ran from the damage, some limping and others trampling over each other in a rush. You stood there for a second; your hands trembled, but your heart stilled.

“Stay in the car.”

“What?!”

“Stay in the fucking car!”

Without looking back, you rushed to help the injured and trampled civilians, ushering them to a much safer distance from the chaos of trampling feet. The sound of your car door slamming shut made you turn your head just in time to see your friend's younger sister rushing towards you, the shop keys in her trembling hands.

You didn’t question her; both of you helped the people you had grabbed and helped them to your shop door. “Let me do it.” You rushed out, grabbing the keys from the girls, shaking hands, and quickly opening the door. “Get them all inside and put them in the back.”

She nodded, a look of seriousness on her face; she was never the serious type, it made your stomach hurt for some reason. Double checking that everyone was in the shop, you began running down the street ignoring the young girls protests for you to come back.

You had received your license to use your quirk for minor purposes and self-defense only, yet here you were, using it to reduce the weight of injured strangers so you could carry them to the safety of your shop more quickly.

“My daughter! She was closer to the explosion!” A woman with blood trickling down her face cried out as you assisted her, her nails digging into your arms. “Please! You have to save her, Hero!”

Hero? I'm far from that.

“Okay, I will! Please get inside the shop, ma’am!”

Without hesitation, you ran towards the heart of the destruction, fear coursing through every inch of your body. Ignoring the numerous lifeless bodies as you approached.

Dear God, how am I going to break the news to this woman that her daughter most likely didn't survive?..

Just as that thought crossed your mind, screams echoed from the midst of the fire and collapsing building, along with a man causing more explosions, his eyes wide, and his maniacal laughter sending shivers down your spine.

Swallowing your fear, you sprinted towards a little girl and a woman holding onto her tightly, the girl bearing a striking resemblance to the woman you had rescued.

This must be her daughter; the other woman doesn't seem related at all, probably trying to shield the poor girl.

“Please help her!” The woman wept, pushing the injured girl into your arms. Holding onto the crying girl with one arm, you extended your hand to the other woman. A large piece of the building had fallen on her legs. You had never made anything this massive weightless before, but the adrenaline pumping through your veins suggested otherwise.

The large debris slowly began to rise as you pressed your hand against it, the woman beneath it gasping in relief. “Move, now.” You commanded through clenched teeth, and the woman quickly complied.

As the woman got up, another explosion hit all three of you, knocking the wind out of your lungs as your entire body collided into a wall. The young girl in your embrace remained relatively unscathed, thanks to your quick decision-making. You lay there, arms securely wrapped around her, a loud ringing in your ears, and your vision slightly blurry from the impact.

"Trying to be a hero, are you?" The man's crazed laughter echoed as his blurry form drew closer. The girl whimpered in your arms, prompting you to tighten your grip around her.

"Go to hell," you growled, pushing your hands down on a nearby piece of debris to lighten it. Rising to your knees, you lifted the object just as it floated in front of your face. With a swift motion, you hurled it at the man, increasing its weight tenfold at the last moment before it left your fingertips.

The man was thrown to the ground; the heavy debris you created pinned him down, giving you enough time to struggle to your feet. You glanced at the woman, feeling your heartbreak as the last bit of life faded from her frightened eyes.

Clutching the girl tightly to your chest, you buried her face in your shoulder and sprinted away from the villain, who was starting to rise to his feet, the debris you threw at him blown into dust.

Despite the ringing in your ears and the blurred vision, you were determined to get the young girl to safety, even if it meant the end of your own life. "I've got you," you murmured to her between gasps for air. "And I've got you." The man's sinister laughter echoed as the girl let out a terrified 'no!'

A mix of fear and anger surged within you as you turned, driving your free hand into the man's throat and activating your quirk in an instant. He recoiled, eyes wide, clawing at his throat and struggling to breathe. In the chaos, neither of you noticed a familiar Pro Hero soaring towards you, accompanied by a green-haired man.

"You bastard! Don’t touch her!" Dynamight roared, slamming the man to the ground, while the other man effortlessly scooped you and the girl up, carrying you both to safety in a matter of seconds.

You were in a daze the whole time, silently watching as police and paramedics arrived to assist any survivors. Moments later, your young employee rushed out of the shop, tears in her eyes, informing the cops that there were injured people seeking shelter in your shop.

Everything felt like a blur. The paramedics examining you, the police interrogating you, the villain who needed to be rushed into an ambulance because his windpipe was slowly being crushed from the inside. All you could focus on was the light fading from that woman’s eyes, the hatred and disgust in that villain's eyes, the little girl's screams, and... him.

Amidst the chaos, your eyes met, his gaze was intense. You didn’t blink, didn’t dare look away, or even take a step back when he began approaching you. You hadn’t even noticed the silent tears that ran down your grim and blood-covered cheeks as he grabbed your head and pulled you into a tight hug, the smell of sweat and spice swirling around you.

“You idiot,” he murmured into your hair.

leave it to bakugou to ignore a injured child and focus on his crush being in danger 💀

౨ৎ TAG LIST.

@binnieonabike

chapter 1 - 2 can be found here. !!!

[little-pup-pip]

Just curious, what requests do you have in your queue/to do currently? If you're ok with saying it that is :]

Oh boy, that's a bigger question than last time someone asked! I have over 200 waiting requests at this point!! Because of that this got very very long, so I put the rest under the cut! Like last time, this is in order of how recently I received the request, and doesn't mean I'm too busy to take new requests!!

Ibara saegusa (enstars)

Monochrome oranges cats and angels

Gloomy bear

Another rockruff (maybe)

Cult of the lamb (specifically the lamb)

Llewellyn Watts (Murdoch Mysteries)

Jake (trailer park warlock)

Cult of the lamb (pet dreaming themed)

Bear therian

Selkie

Ice bear (we bare bears)

Tubbo (maybe)

Snow leopard

Pink

Australian shepherd (pupre)

Cassie (fnaf: ruin)

Draik (neopets)

The rainbow fish

Black kitten + space

Pumpkin head (maybe, needs more research)

Alice in wonderland

Sheep

Someone's OC Avery & siblings

Gothic

Star catcher (MLP)

Masc version of my druid board

Scrooge CG (2009 film)

Beetlejuice

Superstar daycare (fnaf)

1950s + ocean

Pandas + light purple and black

Dandelions

Willy wonka CG (recent movie)

Maki Harukawa (Danganronpa)

Kidcore Halloween + pumpkin puppy Webkinz

Fruit bat

Mermaid

Pastel purple + pandas

Robocar Poli

Brown, lime green and forest green puppy

Weird Barbie CG

Shiny Vaporeon

Where the wild things are

Squid

Dylan (the magic roundabout)

Conner CG (Detroit become human)

Mitsuri kanroji (demon slayer)

Minecraft mooshrooms

Sharks or wolves (haven't decided)

Hot Wheels

Miffy

Fox

Sharks

Zombies

Vincent (dead plate)

Vintage kitty dreaming

Deadpool

Shane CG (stardew valley)

Wolf pup

Celestia and Luna (MLP)

Soft blue and yellow

Pascal (animal crossing)

Pastel blue and pink

Batman CG

Ram

Osamu dazai (bungo stray dogs)

Dylan (the quarry)

Rain/nature + white rabbits

Ox

Penguin + dinosaur

Noah (total drama island)

Vision CG (marvel)

Light blue

Bumble bees + lavender

Yellow + ducks

Bearded vulture

Barn owl

Queen barb (trolls world tour)

Oliver (vocaloid)

Light green light brown and beige

Mind (Chonny Jash/CCCC)

Cinnamoroll + emu otori (project sekai)

Yellow+ chicks and puppy stuffies

Seam CG (deltarune)

Plants vs zombies

Viktor (arcane)

Queen of trash CG (Elmo goes to grouch land)

John Constantine (Justice League Dark)

Aziraphale (good omens)

Scenecore

Musa (winx club)

Leap frog

Hyper feminine puppy

Crow + black cat

Totodile + bodies of water

Bees

Sackboy (Little Big Planet) and or My Melody

Baby crocodile

Animal crossing

Pastel kitten

Doki doki literature club

Keralis (Hermitcraft, maybe)

90s grunge

Tula tones (novi stars)

Eevee + dragons

Kitten + stars

Ratchet (rescue bot academy)

Pastel shark

Mikan Tsumiki (Danganronpa)

Mushrooms

Grey + Ross federman youtooz

Sparkly dragon

Blue and purple + puppies

Ducks + alt/Gothic lean

Cinnamoroll

Shadow (sonic)

Jellyfish

Boyfriend.xml (Friday night funkin')

Puppet (fnaf)

Golden retriever + yellow and blue

Bernese mountain dog

Strawberries

Genshin impact

Len or Miku

Toothless (httyd)

Eddworld

Donnie (rise of the tmnt)

The princess and the grilled cheese sandwich

Pastel goth princess

SpongeBob

Karako Pierot (hiveswap)

Young Michael Afton

Soft fox

Great pyrenees + farm

Ike eveland

Invader Zim + neon green

Julius Caesar (Octavian, night at the museum, waiting until March for this one)

Scorpion

Vampire squid

Golden retriever (again, lol)

Cats + playing outside

Border Collie

Tiger

Argos CG (World of Mr. Plant) 

Pochacco

Mortal Kombat

marble cross fox/forest/fantasy (I'm figuring this one out still)

Puppy + SpongeBob

characters from Project Sekai, Hoshino Ichika, Mochizuki Honami, Akiyama Mizuki and Kusanagi Nene.

Baby vulture

Frog with more fem themes

Rain world/slugcat

Dark academia/cottagecore

Border Collie

Modded smash hit rooms

Crying child (fnaf)

Agent Smith CG (the matrix)

Katamari

Enjolras (les miserable)

Rolfe DeWolfe CG (Rockafire Explosion)

Bugbo

Slime rancher

Puppet (fnaf)

CosMc's

Parado (Kamen Rider)

Tally hall

Gordon (all engines go)

Spinel (Steven universe)

Cater diamond (twisted wonderland)

Rockabilly (probably)

Felix Lee

Jing yuan CG (Hsr)

Charles Xavier CG (X-Men)

Toki wartooth (metalocalypse)

Naoto Shirogane (persona 4)

Kitoto (I don't know what he's from)

17th century dutch

Sirena von boo (monster high)

Jake (miss peregrines home for peculiar children)

Minecraft

Sees behind trees

Allay (Minecraft, I think)

Spinosaurus screenshots or products

Tecchou (Bungo Stray Dogs)

Barbara (genshin impact)

Tasmanian devil

Spamton CG (deltarune)

Spinosaurus

Grunge + lop eared bunnies

Yume-Nikki

Daxter (jak and daxter)

Madness combat for puppies

James Sunderland (silent Hill)

Shirokuma (Danganronpa)

Leo (IDW comic)

[caffeinated-yearning]

Oh perhaps I got a wee bit carried away. Here’s some follow-up to the one that byte posted a bit ago, following Oliver’s side of things since he’s the Me One. Featuring a little of Byte and a little of the byte-verse Doctor Octavius. Tagging @werewolfpine because it’s a continuation of his fit and features a little of his S/I at the end (and also because I did do a little reformatting since the doc oop)

Word Count: ~2.2 k Warnings: violence, angsty narrative tone, probably difficult to read because it’s very stream of consciousness

- but he swung a metal bar at Byte’s head- “Ollie! Why are you doing this? Please, talk to me!”-

Doc Ock’s tentacles, in constant motion, seemed to slow behind him at this new information. Rippled and writhed with the horror of it. “...Nate?”

Oliver glared at this person that wore the costume of New York’s beloved vigilante; glowered at this person that wore Nathan’s face in the New York night; felt downright malevolent at having guessed this twist a hundred times prior and every time having filed it away as ludicrous because there was simply no way that fate would have woven Oliver into Nathan’s foe. He was furious, because he should have known it even if it had all seemed just a little too poetic for the universe to do. He didn’t want it to be possible, which was exactly why he had discredited each piece of evidence and chosen to believe the thin and frail excuses he’d been handed.

“Listen,” Spider-Byte raised his hands to his chest- pressing them to his heart only leaves an opening, “I can explain. I… I know what you’re thinking.” Writhing, agony-stricken, claws and tentacles that lashed with unspent energy away from him. “Or, I guess I don’t, I never do, but… Just-.”

A hideous rattling crunching ripping and tearing as Doc Ock pulled scaffold apart. Bitter and bitter and bitterer still. “Nathan..?” And how dare the vigilante be wearing the face of his best friend and how dare he tell Oliver that he was in the wrong and how dare he be right when Oliver had always had to be the right one before?!

How the HELL DARE HE?

“wAIT! Just-just listen to me!” And Nathan ran at Doc Ock; if Ock had his glasses still, perhaps he would see the desperation in that so-human face. A metal bar swung at Nathan’s head- get him away, get us away, get me away,- and Nathan caught it and and Nathan has had this sort of strength for who knows how long at this point. “Ollie! Why are you doing this? Please, talk to me!”

Oliver hated that perhaps worst of all; that Nate was Nathan was Spider-Byte, that he wanted to talk, that he called him by that stupid diminutive nick-name that Oliver loved because Ollie was a softer version of himself, a version that he didn’t let himself be, because he’d been taught for so long that softness was weakness. That Oliver was going to be better than most, and so he didn’t have time to be soft. Hated that Nathan had kept being Oliver’s friend despite every effort of Doc Ock to destroy Spider-Byte. He hated every blasted domino in the whole tower of his life that now came crashing down around him, and every little bread-crumb that now made perfect sense.

Oliver swiped at his eyes to clear the salt and water/dropped the metal beam still clasped in Byte’s arms/lashed out to knock Nathan off his feet in the span of three seconds. Turned tail and ran, down the streets, searching for the start of where his internal map made sense and where he could start to make his way back to his dungeon-like domain.

And tomorrow, Byte-who-is-Nathan will still be in class like he has been every other time that someone was causing a problem and the Spider had to step in, and Nathan has known who I am for months, and he still tries to save me.

-

“I think I’ve made a grave mistake.”

Doctor Octavius looked up after a moment’s pause. “Well, do you care to elaborate?”

“I… I think I’ve lost one of my dwindling few friends.”

“Well, that does sound grave.” Uncle Otto pushed his computer aside, turning to his student and nephew with one part easygoing authority figure and two parts sincerity. “From what little I’ve heard from you, you really don’t have many friends to spare, even at the best of times.”

“No.” He grit his teeth, held his breath, pressed his nails into his palms with the faint hope that they might break the skin and let him focus on something else. They didn’t, of course, because he had too strong an instinct against pain. Seconds that always seemed to pass too quickly while he struggled to say anything; “I just found out… That one of the people I considered a friend… Probably hasn’t thought of me as anything more than an enemy.” He shook his head; that wasn’t quite right. Nathan wasn’t… He wasn’t like that. “Or maybe I just… Maybe it’s my fault. Maybe I made an enemy of my friend. I really am insufferable.”

“Have you spoken to this friend about this yet?”

“Not… As such.” He tried to forget that Oliver/Doc Ock/both of them/all of him had reacted so violently when the Spider had taken off its mask and revealed that the enemy of Doc Ock was the closest friend of Oliver, that both halves were the same thing, that in a world of horrible coincidences this was the worst of them all.

“Listen,” Nathan raised his hands to his chest, “I can explain. I…I know what you’re thinking. Or, I guess I don’t, I never do, but…Just–”

Tried to forget that he had tried to blot it out that he had tried to get rid of it that he had tried to make it go away.

Shook like a leaf in a tempest against the emotions that he had been crushing away for years and years that burst forth at the memory- but [Oliver/Doc Ock/he/they/all] swung a metal bar at [Spider-Byte/Nathan/his sworn enemy/his closest friend]’s head- “Ollie! Why are you doing this? Please, talk to me!”-

Otto nodded, eyes closed behind his tinted glasses. “Perhaps you ought to start with that, then.” He stopped, then added; “or rather, perhaps you should give it a little more time to settle before you do that. You don’t seem to have recovered altogether from the shock.”

Oliver gave a subtle tilt of his head. A half-nod that was all he could muster with his voice threatening to crack like glass in his throat and his body barely responding to any input from the central processor/brain. His mouth struck against incoherent shapes of half-words and syllables and desperate prayers to gods he did not believe in, and was entirely silent.

“Pull that chair over and set your backpack down. There’s no reason for you to stay standing this whole time. You don’t look like you’re in any state to leave, in any event.” It was only by a very slim recollection of sensibilities that Oliver remembered not to let his backpack fall from his shoulders with a heavy thud that even textbooks would not explain. To take it off, set it down. To turn to the chair and pull it over and set it up right and sit in it and make sure the desk was clear and set his glasses aside and then to set about the difficult task of crying in front of someone that was his superior, according to the law of school, according to the law of familial structure. Ugly, a little voice that sounded like a spider or a seraph whispered in the dark of his murky mind. How ugly it is, to cry. You are… weak and ugly, to cry. And it was, in part, calculated, like all things are- this to make him cry harder so that everything would be done with as soon as possible. It was, in part, that he didn’t have any more control over the voice that seemed to be him and not-him than he had over the actions of the people of New York, who thought that he was purely evil, who thought the world of his friend who he thought the world of and had tried to harm. “Wh-what if my-- s-sins are a-already too-o much to bear-?” he asked, in as low a voice as he could, despite the tears and the snot that were going to demand his jacket be washed tonight to prevent anyone seeing that and extrapolating anything with respect to the possibility of Oliver the iron-hearted having cried. “What if I- a-am conde-emned before I ever s-speak?”

“Then the worst case scenario is that you’ve lost a friend. And think how many more people there are; you’ll find other friends. They won’t be the same, but sometimes it can’t be helped. Sometimes you just have to accept that it’ll hurt for a long time, and that there was nothing you could do to change what already happened.” Otto put a hand on Oliver’s shoulder, despite the flinch that he felt even in the midst of that much of what was certainly a humiliating experience already. “But then, that’s the worst case scenario. The best case; want to guess what that will be?”

“I want to be-e a miserable herm-mit who lives in a grotto and n-ever sees the sun.”

“Then I’ll just tell you, since you’re being a miserable little hermit right now.  The best case scenario is that it was all a misunderstanding-.”

“Due to circumstance-es that I won’t g-o into, that’s not a po-osibility.”

“-Or else it will be worked out, like a couple of adults and friends ought to do. After the dust has settled, and you can talk about it without fits of hysterics.” The weight of Otto’s palm, the heat of it, the fact that Otto didn’t try to move or change the sensation at all, so that Oliver could focus on that, keep his attention on that; pull himself out of the bog by that little lifeline that had been extended. “The best case scenario is that everything goes back to normal, or as close as it can get, and your friendship doesn’t change.”

“You’re going to tell me that the most probable thing is… Something in between.” 

“That your friendship is significantly changed, and that you’ll have to both work on fixing it, or else let it fall apart.”

“Mm.” Oliver rolled his head to one side, his whole face salt-stained and puffy with the awful fact of having cried so much in so short a time. “Are you sure I can’t just change my name and live in a cave?”

“You could, but I’d hate to see my nephew go.” Otto lifted his hand, pulled it back toward himself. “So what did happen between you and Nathan?”

Oliver flinched.

“Really, you two sit side-by-side every day and you expect me to not notice when you choose to sit on the opposite side of the classroom?” Doctor Octavius tsk-ed twice. “You ought to realize that I do have eyes by now, even if I happen to wear these glasses often.”

-

| One text message from Ollie Ollie Oxen Free |

Nathan looked at the phone blankly. A week and a half of this... of avoiding each other in every conceivable way. He had just gotten to his apartment not ten minutes ago. A week and a half of seeing, occasionally, that bubble (Ollie is typing…) and watching it vanish without anything to show for it. A week and a half of Nathan being that bubble (Nathan is typing…) with nothing to show for it, until the time between Oliver’s little attempts at speaking became days apart, and Nathan’s also slowed, and he assumed that was the end of it.

And now there was an entire text message (!) from Oliver.

What the hell did he want?

‘Have you heard of the man who spent his whole life mining through a mountain range to make sure medical care would be accessible for his village? The trip around the mountains to get a doctor from the next town over took too long and as a result his wife died. In his grief, he cut a path through, so that no one else would have to die due to the length of the path that he had had to travel. I can’t remember his name, but I think that was pretty noble of him. How strange it must be, to have death be the motive for such a drastic change in the physical world? He literally moved mountains.’

Nathan read, and re-read, and tried to figure out just what the fuck this was supposed to mean, because he was tired after a long day of classes, and he still had homework, and there was a constant threat that someone, somewhere, would decide that breaking half the city was a fine way to spend a Wednesday afternoon.

But what the fuck was that supposed to mean? Obviously it meant something, because Oliver always hid his stupid feelings under layers of allegory and associative story-telling instead of being open and honest (or perhaps that was him being as open and honest as he knew how, and if that was the case he needed to learn that sometimes saying what you mean is better than metaphors).

‘I hadn’t heard of that.’ Nathan really tried to say something more, but found that no words came. Well. At least this was almost a dialogue.

‘Do you think Doc Ock will show up in the near future? He’s been quiet for a while I think.’

And if Nathan had never heard a warning before he’d still have understood that this was one.

Spider-Byte stepped out of the window, swinging through the city without a clue as to where he had to go, but knowing he had to go somewhere soon.

[advernia]

i’m amazed that i’ve been active for at least a couple days straight??? is it the effect of lesser fe3h playtimes + the silly coworker writing challenge at the workplace??? oh well ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

since i remembered i was trying to make work commentary a thing here, more rambling / author’s notes under the cut!

jul 6th // ikerev

push your way through the cracks is the first edgar/mc i’ve written here and while i’ve mentioned there that edgar is my fav out of the cast, i fear that i’ll probably take me a very long time to write another one bc... he’s my favorite. i noticed i have the tendency not to write much (or have finished works) about ships i really, really like despite... you know, liking them. hopefully not - shipping aside, i like exploring the characterizations of enigmatic types like edgar.

about the fic, i pretty much like it save for the second part bc i think i could’ve done something more with it - not exactly change the setting, but expounded a little further on it. i don’t know, it feels lacking somehow in comparison to the first two.

there are a lot of flower-related descriptions tossed here and there, but i think i succeeded in not being so purple prose-y? hopefully! this was pretty descriptive, i guess.

with this edgar fic present, that means i have 2 more red army doods to write about, namely zero & jonah. i was really aiming to make edgar the last one tho haha.

jul 12th // ikerev

weave me into your web is canon based, specifically pt. 24 of sirius’ route where they say ‘goodbye’. note those quotation marks.

i think i wrote this after a discussion i had with a friend about sirius & his route - she read some posts commenting on the route and she wanted a nearby opinion. we got into an agreement: while we do find sirius to be indeed husbando material, his route would’ve risked nothing if they gave him more / emphasized his flaws. his flaws, not mc’s, gosh. 

no, seriously. in my opinion, mc fretting so much about being immature sort of blinds her from the little things that prove sirius is not so composed as he appears to be. it gets even worse when she realizes she’s fallen in love with him, and while i enjoy the black army going kira-kira rabu support team + seth being hopeless suitor, i’m going 50/50 on mc. she’s written to be indeed very single-minded come the war phase and while that’s not necessarily bad since she gets to broaden her perspective as she always does, i think i would’ve appreciated it if she came to most of the realizations on her own by reflecting on them based on how the events around her are progressing; and not simply by sirius / someone else pointing it out for her. no wonder she’d think she’s immature in comparison - it also irks me a bit that she keeps on fretting about her feelings for sirius. this is what i’d be sad to see again in other routes: the romance overthrowing the potential / present character development. 

side note: i understand that in relationships with a notable age gap, maturity / perceived maturity can be a problem - i just wished that the route downplayed on this bc honestly, there are other things more interesting to explore than that angle, like, say; isn’t she from another culture or world or something????????? will those differences affect our potential relationship??????????????

on sirius himself, i recall reading on reddit that one person didn’t pick up ikerev for the reason that the cast is too perfect. that’s a fair opinion. i think i can relate this to sirius himself: while throughout the route you do see some flaws in him, he’s still overall the dude you’d write home about + that dude you’d dream introducing to your parents complete with that suave voice (thank u junichi suwabe). no, i’m not saying that he has to have some unlikable or quirky trait / wangsty backstory, it’s just that in my opinion he’s desirable but not exactly relatable. let him struggle, let me see him rise up from it. show me his humanity. there’s the scene with him and lancelot, but i want more. tho him being afraid of being alone is what i find extremely relatable and endearing about him, very nice. otherwise... well, maybe i have to reread the route again or smth.

anyway. the fic emphasizes actually on his character trait of self-control / restraint. did u know too much is bad for u??? it can reflect that since you hold yourself back too much, it could mean that you’re masking your true feelings, for example. there are various psychological studies on that. *stares at sirius* hMMM.

i took care to be quite descriptive on that kiss scene and at the same time, not to be so emotional on it bc it’s still sirius lol - i believe he’s not one to lose himself completely to his emotions, but he’s not that afraid to succumb to some of it - especially if he actually wants to feel them.

... this turned out to be a rant portion rather than a fic commentary now didn’t it

aug 24 // ikerev (i’m seeing a pattern here)

a beginner’s guide to waltz was seriously just some formatting experiment, then it blew up to something larger. i actually like it tho, it’s cute.

writing oliver is actually fun, not bc of the reason that i can be rude. he is rude, but he’s not like that for just the sake of being so. as seen with blanc, it’s probably a result of habit. why exactly he chose to be verbally aggressive is something i’d like to know in his route.

i have no idea how the relationship shift is portrayed either, but i do hope it’s a mortifying revelation on mc’s part lol. like, lookie here, that little kid with his wee shorts and pretty hat that you hang out with all the time and don’t care about acting so ladylike around was that hot hunk who saved you before! oliver’s so amused and never letting her live it down.

for the line ‘i’m not interested in asking you about a decision you’ve made since you arrived here’: the decision mentioned is mc’s promise not to fall in love & to go home. i think oliver would be one of those routes where he falls for her but wants her to go home anyway, but the difference in his route is that he’s very adamant to make her leave. maybe thinking along the lines of ‘i don’t want you to end up like me’ or something. idk. idk what i’m trying to type at this point, lol.

just some random thought, but i do hope ikerev artist tcg someday draws mc in the game outfits / hairstyles bc she’s actually rly pretty. the description of mc’s outfits / fashion of part 4 of the fic was out of me just staring at the my closet portion of the game. don’t ask - i like the hc of oliver & mc having elegant wardrobes / fashion sense, and since i’m too lazy to check up 19th century london fashion trends...

sep 28 // collar x malice

haunted by something still alive was the result of me thinking about guns. don’t ask me either. maybe it’s also a result of me wanting to write something else that isn’t from my horrendous drafts folder lol.

these were actually nice drabble practices, and the first one i clearly had i mind was shiraishi’s. i honestly think it would be fitting, probably around the start of the route where they haven’t got to know each other so well.

from there on i tried to do the drabbles in the route order i did when i played the game, which was mineo - sasazuka - okazaki - shiraishi - yanagi. but tbh when i was writing it became shiraishi - mineo - yanagi - sasazuka - yanagi again - okazaki, lol. i rewrote yanagi’s and okazaki’s three times.

subtitles have their respective mathematical operations on it - i find it kind of cool and funny that those are their symbols (amnesia had the card suits), but when you do think of it properly, it does relate to their characters.

... never forget that hoshino ichika is canonically good with guns.

sep 28 // ikerev

in absence of glass slippers as stated was a part of one of my first ikerev drafts. still a draft until now, but the portion i posted is one of the ‘finished’ sections of the fic.

i don’t headcanon mc as a respectable lady from a equally respectable house or her being a well-off girl, but i like the concept of her being a self-taught lady of society aka she learned stuff like manners, dancing, and etc. out of curiosity or for more practical reasons like fitting in. 19th century london is still the victorian era, so social class and propriety was still a thing.

her taking off her shoes to practice dancing with ray is a sort of a challenge, actually... his measure of improvement will be based on the times that he steps on her feet / how many blisters her feet would gain by the end of the session, lolol - that’s why she says that stepping on a rock is the least of her problems. pretty hardcore, isn’t she?

thus the title actually - glass slippers (mary janes actually) are pretty delicate, but don’t you think a lady’s foot is much more delicate?

with ray’s fic up, i’ve officially written a piece for all of the black army men! nice.

sep 29 // ikerev

neither heaven or hell is holy shit, an mc-centered fic! hella rad - i was half thinking to classify it as a drabble, but since i decided that drabbles are pieces that i may get back on, i kept it as a full fic instead since i’m happy with how it turned out.

all of my screamings are in the tags, so i don’t have much to add besides that lol. however, the writing here is pretty different, and that’s because i was trying to do a three sentence fic challenge kind of thing. buuuuut it became three paragraphs with three lengthy sentences instead lol.

also, there’s some stuff highlighting mc’s london-er/english-ness. washing powder is the british term for laundry soap. 19th century roofs for royals were usually panels, and wooden beams for commoners. different as chalk and cheese is a british expression. i’m certainly not british but i just like emphasizing the fact that mc is of another culture/world, thus there should be differences in how she perceives things / her mannerisms & actions / her way of speech. i’ve been conscious of that in all of my fics involving her.

actually, i do make it a point to watch her way of speaking. i really like the polite way of speaking of 19th century britain (and also of today), so i try to integrate that despite the fact that i’m not british myself lol. it’s hard to fully convey it, but i try with hoping that it doesn’t seem too off. i should probably look for more references to practice it.

this was a very spontaneous piece with actually minor editing involved, and i’m pretty proud of how it turned out.

[thesecondmate]

reading: week 49

this is my 3rd week of my obs&gynae rotation, so i rotated onto the gynae side having spent 2 weeks on obstetrics and absolutely loved my time there. am i converted to obstetrics? no, but i love the environment and the team. am i converted to anaesthesia? ...maybe. gynae is less my thing - my entire internal monologue all day every day is that quote about "all women do is bleed and suffer”.

spent a lot of time considering communication and how we as doctors speak to patients this week. spent a lot of time discussing how, actually, we forget that we are two people having a conversation - one side knows more about medicine, one side knows more about their life and how this condition impacts them. i think that too many doctors get caught up in ‘this is how to break bad news’ or ‘this is what i need to tell them’, forgetting that we are all humans having conversations. and also some doctors forget that their patients have feelings, and the docs and i had a good bitch about that too lol, comparing our experiences of being patients whilst also being doctors/med students.

~ under the cut ~

op-ed/essays clearing out some of my articles in my saved-for-later folder on fb, as i dislike reading on my phone; hence, some of these are kinda out of date.

✩ Oliver Burkeman's last column: the eight secrets to a (fairly) fulfilled life - Oliver Burkeman, The Guardian

✩ Glastonbury fence-jumpers: 'It was girls underneath, boys over the top!' - BBC this was just cute + i miss festivals

✩ How Germany remembers the world wars - BBC News

✩ The rape of Berlin - Lucy Ash, BBC News tw: rape

medicine

✩ Researchers say blood test can detect cancer years before symptoms - Nicola Davis, The Guardian research paper below - highly! exciting!

✩ Non-invasive early detection of cancer four years before conventional diagnosis using a blood test - Chen et al., Nature Communications nb: i know v little about genomics or cancer, as they are 2 of my least favourite things in medicine. that said!! this was super interesting!! v exciting - they can’t differentiate btwn cancers but honestly they used machine learning to achieve rly high sensitivity & specificity up to 4y before diagnosis, which is often v much too late - so exciting if they can apply this to a) differentiate different types of cancer and b) extend it to a screening programme that allows patients to be treated. vvv cool, but not without drawbacks of the potential of over-treating, etc!! but still so cool.

✩ NHS blood unit systemically racist, internal report finds - Amelia Gentleman & Denis Campbell, The Guardian

✩ Covid: Russia begins vaccinations in Moscow - BBC News

✩ Covid: Boris Johnson urges MPs to back tough tiers for England - BBC News

✩ Covid-19: No plans for 'vaccine passport' - Michael Gove - BBC News lots of chat about vaccines, trials, plans for roll-out amongst doctors & med students alike this week. many tweets consumed on the topic.

✩ Puberty blockers: Under-16s 'unlikely to be able to give informed consent' - BBC News absolutely furious about this. how on EARTH do we allow contraceptives to be given out - with much more serious potential consequences! - under Gillick competency (this is where under-18s can give their own consent for taking medications w/o need for parental consent, which is ordinarily required to treat under-18s in the UK) and NOT puberty blockers! which simply STOP puberty - it’s not hormone replacement therapy, which yes does have risks! and it’s much easier for people to transition, or continue with their biologically-determined puberty, after puberty blockers than to medically/surgically transition after allowing non-gender-affirming puberty to take place. oh my god i’m so furious about this.

✩ Essure: Women in England take legal action against sterilising-device maker - Sophie Hutchinson, BBC News netflix’s documentary the bleeding edge covers essure very well - highly recommend.

refugee issues

✩ E.U. Border Agency Accused of Covering Up Migrant Pushback in Greece - Matina Stevis-Gridneff, The New York Times

✩ Missing Migrants Project - Mediterranean focus - IOM this is a truly excellent resource for anyone looking to grasp the hard numbers of the refugee crisis + also great reference for anyone doing research.

✩ November summary - Aegean Boat Report ABR is a Norwegian non-profit dedicated to monitoring boat traffic in the Aegean Sea + upholding human rights, documenting injustices, and presenting these. they are running a fundraiser atm so please do donate if you can - their work is invaluable and really must continue!

environment

✩ Britain goes coal free as renewables edge out fossil fuels - Justin Rowlatt, BBC a few months old but so exciting!

culture

✩ To Understand Us, Pay Attention to the Outfits - Tanisha C Ford, The Atlantic the woman who did the costume design for ‘us’ also did it for THE MATRIX?!

books

✩ Kafka on the Shore - Murakami finished over the weekend! i love murakami’s style - describing each action the character takes, lists be damned, and the surrealism with light touches of comic relief. i still dislike kafka as i did the first time i read it - for someone supposedly so “introverted” and “introspective”, he really had a lot of misogyny to unpack, which i know is like tied up in the whole oedipus prophecy thing, but it didn’t quite sit right. i still loved oshima, though, and the setting of komura memorial library - my mental image is the same as last time and i just want to live there...also really appreciated hoshino this time! he brings so much levity to the book, even if his ~ epiphany ~ over the archduke’s trio feels a little rushed. overall: enjoyable re-read but will take my time before re-reading a third time.

✩ One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich - Solzhenitsyn another re-read from sixth form, finished! this book is really incredible - so short yet so evocative and transporting. solzhenitsyn does an excellent job of humanising the story, not simply making it trauma porn, which is the power of this book imo. other thematic analysis: non-existent as i am not an english student!!

✩ Obstetrics & Gynaecology - Impey & Child woo the joy!!!

tv/video

✩ The Source - documentary on ultrarunner Courtney Dauwalter

[caffeinated-yearning]

The Start of Something Awful

@werewolfpine said I should post my writing and I’m doing it because I will literally never post unless someone forces me to, here’s a snippet of the lore of How Doc Ock Comes To Be, featuring my/Ock’s actual mind thought mannerisms. Technically this has only my S/I Oliver and Doctor Octavius a little at the front end, because I do my best work when it’s one character who thinks too much.

Word Count: ~1.4k Warnings: Self-harm (minor), queasiness (minor), astonishingly sarcastic narrator voice

“Hoshino.”

Oliver looks up from the box; as much as people focused on biorobotics, he rather preferred the metal things he’d been working on. None of that confusion of the ‘bio’ aspect. Cold techne and cold metal, a perfect compliment to his frozen heart. Looked up at his teacher- professor, Otto Octavius, and said nothing.

“The test results..?”

Of course! How could he possibly forget the mind-crippling endeavor of writing up a lab report for the sake of his dear professor? It would never pass off as science if he didn’t suffer the hideous toil of turning his experiment into a report; let it be known that the gods themselves would forbid anyone to simply look at the raw data and draw their own conclusions- no, he has to bring their attention to that all himself.

Ability to self-replicate- [Y] Hive mind program- [Y] Formation of simple and complex shapes- [Y] Link to human minds- concept phase. Mobile complex shapes- concept only. Modify macro chemicals within human body- tested in organic slurry, dubious results. Anything else that could be interesting- hasn’t been conceptualized yet.

“Would you call it a success?”

“If it teaches something new, it is a success.”

“Then have you been taught anything?”

Oh, doctor, do not pretend! This is all just a reinvention of the wheel at this point. Smaller and still programmable they may be, but these are all things that have been done before. They were done decades ago, before everyone found biological machinery to hold more promise. What then is there to learn? Humans disagree with metal, that has been the lesson. Oliver answers in so dry a tone; “discussion section: page three. Sir.”

“So I read.” Oliver returns his attention to his robots, still attentive to the good doctor’s words; “you sound irritated- both in the paper and at present.”

It is proper to smile and shake his head, to set the doctor’s concerns to rest. He fails this task, and in the same dry tone; “I’m not. I have concerns that this research is dated at best.”

“Then you are-.”

Interrupting, and how uncharacteristic that was- “I don’t have the time to be emotional, in any event.” The professor seemed off-put by that. Indeed, it was rude of Oliver to interrupt; he makes note of that, and fails to realize that describing himself as necessarily emotionless might instead be the reason for the doctor’s discomfort. Even the good Doctor Octavius had room to be emotional when good or ill fortune struck.

There was a pause, a little too long, before the doctor spoke- he’d turned back only to give a half-question; “I trust that you can be left alone in the lab, Oliver?”

“Yes, Dr. Octavius.” Really, this was such a dumb question. Could Oliver be trusted? Of course not; every faculty member would agree, if they only knew the contents of his mind. Which made it a rather good thing, how very skilled in keeping his thoughts under lock and key he was. Not with his friends of course. With friends you were expected to share a certain amount of information, and in turn they shared meaningless data points that helped one curry good favor if one kept it all in mind. What a fun game that was, sifting through all that data and hoping you came across anything of interest.

Ah. And he was alone. The professor had left without him noticing.

“And if I am consumed by the plague I now set loose upon the earth, thus was my fate since the moment I was born; not God nor Man could stop me or my creations; Pandora, I call upon thee.” He was alone, could he not be dramatic? The box was opened, and the robots did... Absolutely nothing.

Oh good, they hadn’t developed sentience while he acted out his drama.

A scalpel he’d pilfered from his sibling on a recent trip home; it was perhaps not the cleanest, but it would serve to sever, given he’d sharpened it against bricks and stones when he’d had a moment to do so. The only issue now was to shut down his self-preservation instincts, which barely allowed a scratch to be made against himself. But not seeing the place he would cut made easier the act, and he cut into the skin that made up the hair line just behind and below his right ear.

The incision was easier than he’d expected, perhaps because it was so much closer to his dreams’ completion than anything else had been before. He pretends to be surprised by the blood, but to what end? No one is around.

He starts his computer up, watches the robots come to life, and opens up the file “Concept_Phase.chk”. Checkpoint reached, your game will now auto-save, he hums; for the first time he feels the striking chill of fear. He thinks perhaps it is the first time in his life, but knows instinctively this cannot be the case. Either way, one error at this point would be so much more devastating.

They were crawling into that bloodied cut now. He should have worn a different shirt, but at least the black on this one might spare the rest from carrying a stain. They were a horrible itching sensation in his skin- he forces his hand stationary, to meddle now is more threatening. It is most threatening; he does not understand the limits of the human body, but he does understand the delicacy of the brain.

And they are in his brain.

That is the most terrifying part of it all, and he suppresses the urge to vomit. Brains are such delicate things and he has put so many bits of metal into his. He suppresses the urge to stand and run from this horrible thing that he has done. He stays stock still, and feels fear in every muscle and every nerve ending of his body.

And they are in his brain.

He woke up, cold, and pushed himself off the floor. Linoleum or plastic tile- didn’t matter, it was cold. He almost felt annoyance- hadn’t he been doing something? It was awfully uncharacteristic of him to sleep in the lab. The computer lab, maybe, but this wasn’t that.

Oh fuck the robots and the cut- he grasps at his neck, drawing his hand away with the full expectation to pull away half-scabbed gunk, or blood still running. Nothing. He sighed. Maybe it was another dream- maybe he was still dreaming. Dreaming of being something worthy of pride and love, instead of the falsehood he’d built himself into. Of being a worthwhile investment on the part of his parents and friends. Of being something better than this, whatever this was.

Log onto his computer- and how very strange! He’d never run the checkpoint file before, if it was a dream, so why was there a .log version now? It was suddenly beginning to feel very much not like a dream. Uneasiness, like so many maggots in his stomach, seemed to eat at him. He reached up and closed the box that had once been the house of his pride, and scanned over the .log file.

Program terminated successfully.

Oh thank the gods and devils both. It was successful.

But they were in his brain, now. Theoretically, he should be able to interact with them, if all had gone according to plan. He tried not to think about how unsanitary last night’s actions were, or rather to think about that instead of the presence of so much non-biological material now swarming around in his skull. He could feel the crawling- the sensation of parasites under his skin, but how much of that was simply psychological? He couldn’t say.

“Not nearly enough time to run any sort of experiment on them,” he sighed; class would begin soon. Sure, he was already in the building, but still. “How disappointing. How many are left in there?” He finally bothered to stand up and check the box; maybe if he… tried to input commands to those ones? There were still plenty in there; doesn’t take that much metal to make a computer chip inside one’s head then.

They stirred, sluggish and confused. They had never moved of their own accord before... Responsive? Again, move again- and they did. They swayed with little ripples, ocean waves almost.

Link to human minds- [Y].