#[[ DOES ANYONE KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO BATHE FIVE DOGS IN 2 HOURS? ]]

[intothehere]

          in celebration of bathing five dogs for a show (including an afghan hound puppy), i’m doing a starter call, like this and specify the muses or i’m picking. 

[jade-parcels]

The genshin men: fatherhood edition

With: Childe, Zhongli, Kaeya, Diluc, Xiao, Venti, Albedo and Baizhu

—————————

Childe:

Ajax loves kids and he’ll make that known early on in your relationship

Like...This man wants five or more kids but he’ll settle for four. He dreams of a big family, getting to surround himself with you and your kids every night for family dinners, everyone getting together for big birthday parties or reunions! That’s his dream life! Plus, in Snezhnaya, most families have more than two kids anyways

He will cry so hard when his babies are placed in his arms for the first time, I mean he’s a mess. Nose is running, eyes puffy, lost of sniffling lmao he is so excited to be a dad!! Don’t you dare tell the other Harbingers how much he cried...What do you mean you took a picture when he wasn’t looking??? Hey??!?!

With his obscene amount of mora, he’ll buy a huge house that will accommodate everyone. Anything you want will be purchased that day or within 48 hours, the same goes for the kids

But they’ll all learn to be thankful for what they have. They’ll learn to fight, fish and speak multiple languages. He has high expectations but let’s face it, he’ll be proud of them no matter what

You’re gonna have to be the one to put your foot down though because Ajax doesn’t enjoy being the ‘mean parent’, he has trouble saying no to the kiddos which can create some tension between you and your husband. He has good intentions of course!! He doesn’t wanna say no to those cute, freckled faces!!

Zhongli:

Zhongli is nervous about having kids because he’s immortal. So this will go one of two ways. 1. You have the baby and the baby ends up not being immortal (or you adopt a baby who is not immortal) Then he loses you both. OR 2. You have the baby and it inherits his immortality and becomes an adeptus. Now he and the baby will have to watch you die while they both life forever.

Either way...It hurts him to think about because he loves you!! He wants to have a family with you!! He wants to give you that perfect family life every human desires!! But he’s torn

You two will just have to figure it out.

Zhongli will be a strong, male figure for your kid(s) and he will instill that traditional kindness and respect into their behavior. ‘Please’ and ‘thank you’ always, always offer to help someone who needs it, do good deeds and you will feel accomplished, be the best you you can be, alway try your hardest because that’s all that matters

He will be sure that your kid(s) always feel loved ALWAYS. Zhongli will tell them stories, cook for them, take them to school, anything that needs to be done. When you’ve had a rough day, he’ll step in to take over for the night without being asked. He shows interest in everything your kid(s) like and he will do his damn best to display every piece of artwork they make or every pretty rock they find

He...will make a great dad :’)

Kaeya:

Ooooh brother, at first Kaeya says no he doesn’t want kids but...Then he starts thinking about it

He observes the happy families that walk around the cobblestone streets of Mondstadt, how the kiddos smile and laugh with their parents. He’ll patrol in the afternoons, usually rounding the corner just in time to see the city’s kids leave school for the day, watching as they all run down the street to go home to their parents or play in the fountain together...Yeah, that really warms his heart

He’d want one or two kids, preferably two to avoid an only child being lonely. He isn’t on the best terms with Diluc but he can admit that they had a great childhood together, playing at the winery and running around as brothers do

Kaeya would be a very patient, understanding father. He doesn’t have much of a temper so he’d use the kids’ mistakes as learning opportunities instead of getting upset at them

He would be obsessed with the kids when they’re babies though oh man if you thought you had baby fever, he has it times ten! He loves holding the baby, watching with a twinkling eye as his baby grasps his thumb with its tiny hand... adorable

And if your kids inherited his eyes, his star shaped pupils that his ancestors passed down to him...He’s gonna get emotional

Everyone at the knights’ headquarters and the Angel’s Share will get sick of him REALLY fast cause he won’t stop bragging about how cute and smart his kids are lmao

Diluc:

Diluc would be such a soft dad don’t even get me started

He loves you so much of course he wants to have kids with you! Is that even a question?? He won’t be the one to bring it up unless he gets the feeling that you want kids but once you ask, he’ll agree so fast

He’ll be grateful to even have one kid with you :’) and he’ll be fine with however many kids YOU want. You want one kid? Perfect! You want four? No problem, the manor is big enough for ten! You...you want ten...? Time to hire some more maids then lmao

Diluc is a worry wart though, he’ll be afraid to hold the baby, feed it, bathe it, he’s terrified of hurting the baby or the baby suddenly hating him. So just help him out!! Cause when he gets comfortable with the baby, he’ll be in full dad mode

He isn’t embarrassed to walk around the manor, conducting business with a baby strapped to his chest!

Diluc is a very kind, gentle dad who will always offer helpful solutions to the kiddos’ problems. He’ll make sure all of their needs are met while also trying to avoid spoiling them... Too much... There will be a fair amount of spoiling...

His own father wasn’t too affectionate with him so that’s why he’ll be affectionate with his kids! Hugs and kisses when he tucks them in at night, big dad hugs when they get home from school, holding their hands in the busy streets of Mondstadt. His father was a great dad! He just aims to be better.

Xiao:

Like Zhongli, he worries about the mortality thing. Since he’s an Adeptus, his kid will certainly be an Adeptus too if you have kids together.

He also worries that his kid(s) will hate him. His duty is to kill demons which means that rain or shine, holidays, special occasions, day or night he’s gotta be ready to go slaughter demonic beings. So he’ll inevitably miss out on important stages in the kiddos’ lives

And admittedly... He’ll be scared of his kids lmao

They’re screaming, crying, barfing, pooping, laughing, screaming again...He can’t predict their behavior. It’s unsettling. All of that goes away one night when you sit him down and place your sleeping baby in his arms. His eyes go wide...And he just watches. This tiny, little baby...Feels no fear for him. It’s comforted by his presence. He almost cries...ALMOST

He’s still pretty much the same Xiao we all know and love but now he has a kid. “Slaying demons is what I do...Hey, go back inside and finish your dinner. Yes, even your vegetables. I don’t care that you don’t like them-...Fine. Don’t tell your mother, bring them to me. I’ll eat them” cute :)

He’s a protective dad and husband, he’d never let anyone or anything harm his beloved family

Venti:

Venti....does not want kids. He thinks they’re cute! He likes the idea of kids but he knows he wouldn’t enjoy actually having kids

You two already have so much fun together!! You don’t need a kid!! You guys have dogs!! Dogs are like kids! But they’re more independent and they’re cuter!

He’ll feel bad if you want kids and he doesn’t, he really will! But it’ll be nearly impossible to convince him cause he’s made his mind up :/

Venti’ll make it up to you somehow though, he’ll take you out more and show you all of the adventures you guys can have if there aren’t kids around

But for the sake of fatherhood headcanons, let’s pretend he gave in. Venti would be a very caring dad. He would cuddle the hell out of this kiddo and sing to them :’) the only problem is that Venti doesn’t like being tethered to one place for too long so he tends to take off and not come back for a few days... :(

Albedo:

Albedo wants kids mostly just to see what fatherhood would be like. He’s always been curious about what that part of his life would be like so why not have a kid

He’d be good with one kid, two at most cause after practically raising Klee, he knows how some kids can be and...He doesn’t have the mental capacity for more than two kids at a time lmao

He tries his best to show more emotion in his face. We all know he usually sits like this 😐 and goes ‘wow im so happy right now’. If you didn’t know him, you’d think he was bored out of his mind right? So he’s gotta work on that. And when he musters up a smile for the baby and it smiles back at him????? Yeah...He’s gonna try to smile a lot more now

He definitely softens up once he becomes a dad, he shows emotion more than he used to and surprisingly, he takes time off of work. Shocker, I know! He decides that he’s been in the lab long enough and that he wants to be able to be there for these moments with you and his kid(s) :’) :’) He trusts Sucrose and Timaeus to take over for him for a couple hours

He keeps a journal for each kid and writes down the date and time they have their firsts or just interesting things they do ->

- 8/4: Baby sees and plays with a cat for the first time

- 9/5: Baby smacked me in the face and laughed so hard she threw up

-9/12: Baby learns that pulling my hair gets my attention. She now continues to do so

-10/15: Baby stays at Aunt Klee’s house for the first time

Baizhu:

Baizhu really loves kids, he works with them a lot and he considers Qiqi to be his daughter anyway but in terms of you guys having a kid together, with his condition he can probably only handle one kid running around

He will do his absolute best to be a good dad. Even if he feels like death, he’ll help change diapers, feed the baby, care for it when you need a break. He isn’t contagious so when you’re sleeping and he feels gross, he’ll sit back against the pillows with the baby on his chest, the three of you resting together (though he doesn’t fall asleep...that would be dangerous for the baby)

Baizhu already tends to nag at you about your health and lifestyle choices but now?? He’ll be a menace. He’ll be constantly evaluating your baby’s condition, checking to see if a certain food is giving them a rash or making sure their skin isn’t drying out. He’s hyper aware of your baby’s health and will be the one to treat them if they get sick

He’s a busy guy since he runs the pharmacy but he will always do his best to be present for your baby’s big milestones! And when your kid cries cause Baizhu’s medicine tastes like shit, he’ll do his best to not be disappointed in their reaction lmao

When you leave him alone with the baby, he’ll wrap a scarf around himself to tie the baby to his chest while he works and...he looks so cute :) dad baizhu <3 <3 <3 <3

Bonus points for him buying the baby toy medical equipment so he can get your kiddo interested in medicine :)

[rise-alchemy]

Stream-of-consciousness thoughts as I watch Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Episodes 1-2

All that build up just to cannonball a rooftop pool so hard it rains on the streets below.

All of their weapons get snapped like toothpicks within the first minute of a fight that’s hilarious.

I want to pet these hellhound-looking things. I don’t care if they’ll eat me I want to boop the snoots.

“Hey, it plays fetch! And teleports aND OH MY GOSH IT TELEPORTS!”

April is !00% ride or die for this colorful dog creature that she’s known for all of five minutes.

She just yeets herself headfirst through a magical mouth portal to god knows where.

This is the least graceful introduction to Splinter I’ve seen yet and I love it.

Aww! Immediate group hug!

Mystic cities are cool, but I’m with Donnie - I want to see a tertiary meta verse.”

Huginn and Muninn do not sound at ALL like I thought they would.

Relatively speaking, that’s not a lot of ooze. What does it take to make if you only get such a little amount?

That delivery guy did not deserve what he got.

I love April.

Baron Draxum’s ‘love-at-first-sight’ slow zoom on the turtles  prompted an actual ugly snort-laugh.

Oooh, so that’s what golem seeds look like/do. I understand the fan fiction now!

Draxum’s causing a lot of collateral damage to his own lab with this golem.

“Only Raph can use the third person!”

Poor April in the background just getting carried away.

NEVERMIND I LOVE APRIL.

I love how they all stole glowing weapons from a lab in a mystical city, and didn’t expect them to be magic.

Oh, poor Leo. It’s going to hurt to get out of that portal loop.

Baron Draxum, as his lab explodes for the second time and rains debris down upon him: “Aw, nuts.”

MAYHEMS LITTLE POSE IN THE MAD DOGS NAMING SHOT!!!

“We should go. People’s blinds are starting to open.”

---

Splinter, after watching his son’s mimic a scene from one of his movies: “Shameful. THIS is how it’s done-“

I love Leo just oozing over the back of Splinter’s chair to lay in it upside down.

Does Leo practice these speeches?

Spoken like a true artist, Mikey.

Why are these men on fire?

That’s not stealth.

I know the people of New York are used to hearing strange noises and ignoring them, but that was an awful lot of screaming.

I am obligated to ask: Where did they get that much salami?

“Raph! Stop eating the plan!”

Did Mikey actually set up a faux interview for April instead of telling her the plan?

“Leo, did you really think I would have let you make salami paper without putting a tracer in it?”

Well, at least they’ll know where Raphael is for the next few hours.

Raph: “Are those flames on their heads?”

Donnie: “That seems like a real hazard for a paper thief.”

How have none of those paper stacks fallen over yet?!

Oooooh, Leo is about to get the world’s worst paper cut.

I wonder how much all that soggy paper weighs?

Raph, no. No, don’t eat the salami ninja. Do not. DO NOT. NO-

How many paper cuts do they all have now?

---

I’m only on episode 2 and I am already a firm believer that the turtles are not, in fact, a secret to the people of New York, and that the people just choose to ignore them as they would anything that’s Not Their Business.

ngl Leo is rocking that collar.

Those poor, poor mutant silverfish.

“You saw a celebrity chef transform into a pig mutant and you didn’t tell anyone?”

I already hate Meat Sweats.

WAIT THAT’S A PUN-ACTIVATED SHOCK COLLAR??

Leo is going to die.

I really, REALLY hate Meat Sweats.

Donnie you are tied up with sausage links can you really not break free?

“I used an entire pound of butter on him!” PFFT- Donnie’s gonna need a bath.

I also love my sibling but if she were covered in a pound of butter I would not hug her.

[big-wet-cas-eyes]

AUs: day 2 of @starrynightdeancas 's 2k followers celebration ✨ (ao3)

I didn't know what I wanted to do for this AU prompt so I had @vaxilddan send me a random job and @pixelhanzo send me a random trope and thus the monstrosity "dog groomer + enemies to friends to lovers" was born 

(wc: ~1700)

The little bell above the door dings right as Castiel hangs up the phone. Mrs. Tran is running a little late picking up her golden retriever, Alfie, but she assures Castiel that she'll be there soon. He doesn't mind much; Alfie is a polite dog, and he's been napping quietly in the corner while Castiel tidies up his grooming salon for the last twenty minutes. The front door closes loudly, causing the bell to ding again, and he looks up to see a tall man walking through the door with a scruffy ball of fluff tucked under his arm.

The man might be handsome if he didn't look so exhausted. Strong, stubbled jaw, sandy hair, green eyes… exactly Castiel's type. But the deep purple circles under his eyes make it look like the man hasn't slept in a week. He doesn't get a good vibe from the guy.

Castiel frowns slightly. Alfie was supposed to be his last appointment of the day. He glances down at his schedule, seeing nothing after Alfie. They do take walk-ins, but he was hoping to close up early. Business is business, though, so he pastes his customer service smile on his face.

"Hello, sir. How can I help you?" Castiel greets as the man reaches the desk.

"Hey, uh, you guys do nail trims right?" the man asks as the fur under his arm wiggles.

Castiel eyes the dog warily. It's filthy and matted. He can't even see its eyes. "Just a nail trim?" he asks, unable to stop the skepticism from dripping into his voice. He's trying not to judge, but if he just does a nail trim, this dog is going to leave his salon looking like it's never had a bath in its life.

"What?" The man looks up, surprise in his now wide eyes. He glances down at the dog and grimaces. "I guess she is pretty dirty. Do you have time for a bath? Or I could make an appointment for another day if you're busy?" He sounds unsure, looking around Castiel and probably noticing Alfie, who is awake now and watching the new arrivals.

"No, Alfie there was my last appointment for the day and he's just waiting to go home. I have time to do a bath." He watches the little dog wiggle even more, desperately trying to free itself from under the man's arm. "Who is this?" Castiel asks as he comes around the counter to get a better look at it.

"This is Baby. She's a, uh, pomchi," he replies, moving the dog to grip her under the arms, holding her out in Castiel's direction like she's a bomb. Castiel raises an eyebrow. The combination of dog breed and name don't exactly match this guy's rugged appearance, but he's heard weirder so he shrugs it off.

"Hello, Baby," Castiel says, reaching forward to pat her on the head. His hand snaps back immediately when the dog starts snarling.

"She's a little nervous around new people," the man says sheepishly.

Castiel frowns. He's seen a lot of nervous dogs, and they don't normally react quite this angrily. "I'll just go grab a leash for her." He grabs a clipboard from the desk and hands it at Dean. "Please fill this out."

He sends the man — Dean, according to his paperwork — on his way five minutes later with a promise that he'll call as soon as Baby is ready.

And that's how Castiel meets his least favorite dog grooming client.

Dean brings Baby into Castiel's grooming shop about once a month. She is absolutely, without a doubt, the meanest dog he's ever met. He's taken to muzzling her the moment Dean is out the door because he nearly had his hand ripped off one too many times during her first visit. She snarls and snaps and honestly just looks pissed the entire time she's there. And while she seems slightly more comfortable with Dean, he's caught the dog snarling at her owner a few times too. The dog is tiny, barely six pound soaking wet, but she's pure, concentrated evil.

This dog clearly got no training or proper socialization. He blames her Dean for that. He has no patience for irresponsible owners.

After six months of grooming the literal devil, Castiel finally decides to confront the guy. He doesn't care that it's unprofessional. He doesn't even care if he loses a client or gets a bad review. He's sick of this entitled dick bringing his asshole dog in. Baby has been snarling at him under her muzzle for a full hour, even now that he's completely done with her grooming and she's sitting in the bed in the corner. She sits and glares at Castiel, murder in her eyes. Castiel glares right back at her, and when the bell above the door dings, Castiel shifts his glare to the man walking in.

"Hi, I'm here to pick up B— woah, are you okay, dude?" Dean clearly takes in his glare and stops dead in his tracks, only making it halfway to the front desk.

"Your dog," Cas grits out through clenched teeth, "is the devil incarnate." He knows the anger is clear in his voice. He waits, eyes still fixed on Dean.

"I, uh," Dean stammers, hand rubbing the back of his neck, "I know she's a pain in the ass, but look man, I'm doing my best." He's looking at the floor now.

"I have to muzzle her. She's been snarling at me nonstop for an hour," he almost yells. He points behind him at the dog, not taking his eyes off Dean. "She's still snarling at me! I haven't touched her in fifteen minutes!" The dog growls slightly louder in the background, as if to prove Castiel's point.

Dean looks up, eyes wide. He looks horrified, and Castiel is actually starting to feel a little guilty. "Look, Cas, I'm really sorry, I had no idea. I can start taking her somewhere else. I'm not really a dog person—"

Castiel cuts him off. "Why the hell do you have a dog then?" He can tell that he's being too harsh, but he's just so angry.

The look on Dean's face shifts from embarrassed to sad. "She belonged to my neighbor. She passed away about six months ago, right before I started bringing Baby in to see you. She was always a little uneasy around people, but she seemed okay with me when I visited. That's why Mildred made me promise to take care of her when she was gone, but without Mildred around, Baby completely hates me." He looks Castiel in the eye, finally, eyes pleading. "I'm trying so hard to train her, but she's already eight years old and so, so stubborn. I have no idea what I'm doing."

And all of a sudden Castiel feels like a piece of shit.

He learns a lot about Dean in the next few months, and it turns out the guy isn't so bad now that Castiel doesn't feel obligated to hate him. He brings Baby in more frequently now that winter has come; apparently Baby makes a habit of walking through muddy, slushy piles of snow. Baby still hasn't warmed up to him, but he's more willing to work with her now that he feels guilty for yelling at a guy who was just trying to do the right thing.

Castiel and Dean start chatting more and more whenever Dean drops her off and picks her up, lingering a little longer with each visit. The conversation usually centers around Baby, but Castiel has learned a little bit about Dean's life as well. Dean clearly cares about Baby, even though the dog looks at him like she might kill him at any moment.

Castiel is starting to consider him a friend when Dean asks if he can help train Baby.

"I'm not a dog trainer, Dean," Castiel says, feeling sorry for the words when he sees the look in Dean's eyes. Disappointment.

"I know, but, and you're not gonna believe this, she likes you better than she likes almost anyone else," Dean says, holding up his hand when Castiel opens his mouth to protest. "I swear, it's true. And you're actually a dog person, so I thought maybe…" He sighs loudly. "You don't have to."

Cas takes in a deep breath. He ignores Baby growling behind him and says, "I'll do it."

The bright smile that breaks across Dean's face makes it instantly worth it.

That's how Castiel finds himself at Dean's house every Friday night after work. Baby actually is a little more bearable to be around when she's at home. The disdain she shows in the grooming salon shifts to mostly disinterest as long as Castiel keeps his distance. Dean's not sure that they'll ever get any training accomplished until she trusts Castiel, so they mostly just sit on the floor in the same room as her, scooting closer to her occasionally to get her more comfortable with his presence. Castiel figures that she doesn't need training as much as she needs to get used to human contact, so he's fine with the approach. Luckily, it gives them a lot of time to talk and get to know each other beyond the short conversations they've been having for months.

Things with Baby are slow-going, but after a few weeks she lets them sit within arms reach without snarling, at least until they try to pet her. It's not much, but it's progress. And he feels the progress in his relationship with Dean, as well. The first few times Castiel comes over are a little awkward, but eventually it feels as if he's known Dean forever. Maybe they had a rocky start, a slow progression toward friendship, but Cas doesn't regret how things played out. He doesn't mind that it took some time and effort to understand Dean (and Baby, for that matter). He doesn't mind that it wasn't easy.

And if sometimes Dean reaches across the floor and holds his hand, or kisses him on the cheek on his way out the door… Cas doesn’t mind that either.

[irishseeeker]

this is for day 2 of @katexanthonyweek ! prompt: lovey dovey

                                          p.s I love you

Kate and Anthony spend their first week apart. They cope as well as expected.

“I must go.”

“Five more minutes,” Kate murmured, burrowing closer to her husband’s chest. “Then you can go.”

“We said that ten minutes ago.”

“I am failing to see your point.”

She felt Anthony’s laughter vibrating through his chest. They had been lying in bed all morning, Anthony’s departure creeping closer and closer. They had made love twice before Anthony left her to bathe and get dressed for his departure to Aubrey Hall.

Kate rested her chin on his collarbone, sighing softly as she looked at him. She wanted to remember every inch of his face. She knew she was being terribly dramatic, it was not as if he was leaving for weeks-it was merely a week he would be gone.

Anthony’s nose bumped hers, pressing his lips softly against hers. Her wretched splint had finally been removed, so their legs were tangled freely together on the bed.

Kate brushed some of his dark hair out of his eyes. “I have packed all of Newton’s things for you.”

“Must I bring the dog?” Anthony sighed, brushing his lips against hers. She could spend her entire life kissing him and it would never be enough.

Kate nodded, it was not up for debate. “You promised. I cannot bare the thought of you being alone down there.”

She felt him soften, pressing another kiss to her cheeks before ending with one on her lips. “You are lovely.”

“When are you going to admit that you love Newton? Do you think I do not notice the treats you bring home for him when you think I am not looking?”

“I have no idea what you are talking about, wife.”

“You, Anthony Bridgerton, are far more soft than you would ever admit.”

“Kate. I am a dangerous, intimidating man. I told you to stop calling me that-“

She interrupted him with a kiss. It was quite effective whenever she wanted Anthony to stop talking. “I will miss you.”

It worked, his lips moved against hers but they broke apart. “Not as much as I will miss you.” I hate leaving you. Are you sure you will be alright?”

Kate carefully considered her response. Anthony had not been to Aubrey Hall to attend to his duties physically since before her accident. He dealt with any issues through penmanship and had sent his brothers on his behalf for any pressing matters. He had refused to leave her side for weeks. However, Kate was nearly fully healed and it was time for Anthony to visit his tenants and attend to his duties. Kate’s leg was too weak to join him moving from house to house each day, so she was staying behind.

The last thing Kate wanted was for Anthony to worry about her while he was away. He had only begun to relax about her leg and it had been two weeks since her splint had been removed. “I will be absolutely fine. My leg is nearly healed. Mary and Edwina are coming to stay and your family will call everyday.”

Anthony nodded at her response, although the creases on his forehead showed his distress at their current situation. “I have instructed the entire staff, including your lady’s maid, to keep an eye on you. If anything happens during the night or you need anything, they will be waiting.”

“I nearly forgot I had a lady’s maid,” Kate teased, dragging her fingertips delicately down his cheek. “You were such a good one.”

Anthony had been an angel since her accident. Of course, they had argued plenty and she had cursed him to oblivion when his overprotective and controlling nature got too much. The ridiculous man had believed her incapable of feeding herself at times, claiming it was too strenuous of an act. He had taken care of her in every way he could, much to her disdain at times. He would bathe her, dress her, feed her and take her to relieve herself during the day and night, much to her mortification and severe objection.

He kept her company throughout most of the day, working while she lay in their bed reading, sleeping or complaining. She had felt awfully sorry for herself at times and Anthony had always made her feel better.

Despite her occasional annoyance, Kate absolutely adored him for everything he did and she still struggled to comprehend what she had done to deserve such an incredible husband.

She was going to miss him so much she wouldn’t know what to do with herself.

Her leg had healed, she just needed to learn to walk on it again. Her muscle was quite weak and could not handle too much pressure, but there was no longer any pain when her leg moved or was touched. She was slowly improving.

Anthony’s expression turned serious. “I want no funny business, Kate. If I hear a word of you putting unnecessary pressure on your leg or attempting to walk recklessly-I will come straight back here and tie you to that bed myself.”

In the six months they had been married, Kate had come to learn a few things about marriage.

This was a deciding moment, where she could either start an argument with her husband about treating her like a child or choose to understand this was how her emotionally stunted husband struggled to express his emotions and feelings.

Kate wanted to make him feel better, to let him know she understood him and to reassure him nothing was going to happen while they were separated.

“Is that a promise?” Kate’s smile was devious, she couldn’t resist flirting with him. She had become much more daring with her newfound experience as a married woman.

“You will be the death of me, woman,” He said, groaning softly as his hands moved down her nightdress to squeeze her derriere. They both knew they did not have time to finish what they were about to start.

“I promise I will be on my best behaviour,” She said, pressing a reassuring kiss to his lips. “I will have someone with me at all times. I will not get into any carriages but your mothers. I will not be up to much, I will need to save my energy for the ball this coming Sunday. Where I will be waiting for you.”

It would be her second public engagement since her injury. She had not seen anyone but her family and Penelope since the accident. Anthony had escorted her to a ball the previous week. She did not do much but sit in the short time they were there, but it was better than lounging about in her home as she had been for weeks.

She felt Anthony reach for her hand, which he brought up to his lips to kiss. She felt him slip something cool inside of her palm, which she quickly opened.

“I want you to keep this until I return.”

It was his pocket watch.

“Anthony, I cannot. You bring this everywhere-“

“Here she is, again, arguing with her husband.”

“It is a favourite pastime of mine.”

“I will keep it safe, counting down until your return.”

“I packed my blanket with your things. For when you to go to sleep.” Aubrey Hall was a home to Anthony, but it was also full of painful memories of his father. She hated the idea of him being completely alone, but her leg was too weak for her to join him. He would be too busy with his duties to see her until nighttime.

“The blue one?”

It had been a gift from her father a few years before he had died. She had never slept without it, and often wrapped it around herself when they were alone. “Yes.”

“I like that one. It smells like you,” He said, his thumb brushing the top of her cheekbone. “Lillies and soap.”

Anthony carefully sat up, pulling Kate along with him. “I must go.”

As she watched her husband stand up and straighten out his clothes, Kate fought off the embarrassing urge to cry.

They had spent a single night apart since their marriage, which was the night of his emotional breakdown that led to him running away to Bridgerton House. They had never been apart since.

Anthony knelt between her legs where she was sitting on the edge of the bed. He held her face in his hands, resting his forehead against hers.

“It is only a week.”

She nodded reassuringly, more for herself than Anthony. “It will fly by.”

“Please don’t cry, darling,” He said soothingly, wiping the tears that were freely flowing down her cheek.

“I am not,” She said stubbornly, the sob breaking free from her throat removing any plausibility from her statement. “T-there is something in my eye.”

Anthony snorted as he wrapped his arms around her, hugging her to his chest. He kissed her hair as she let out a few more sobs, ungracefully wiping her nose with the back of her hand. “I am being ridiculous.”

“Never,” He teased and they simuntenaouestly burst out laughing. ”I love you so much, Kate.”

“I love you so much,” She replied, pulling him towards her for a passionate kiss. She slips her tongue between his lips, glued to hers and never wants the moment to end. It does, a few moments later. “Please be safe.”

He pecked her lips softly. “Of course. I will write to you this evening.”

She watched him walk towards the door, putting on a brave face to smile at him. “I will see you on Sunday.”

She nodded, biting on her bottom lip hard. She was trying not to blink, to force the tears to stay at bay behind her eyelids. “Sunday,” She said, nodding at him. “Goodbye, Bridgerton.”

He laughed, staring at her with an intense expression that made her feel self conscious and alive at the same time. “Goodbye, Bridgerton. I love you.”

Kate waited until she heard the rumbling of his carriage leaving the front of Bridgerton House before she burst into tears. Anthony had left before sunrise, so she allowed herself to go back to sleep after her tears had subsidized before rising for the day.

That evening, Kate sat in the drawing room with Edwina. Mary had retired to bed and the sisters were relaxing, it was still too early for them. Usually around this time, Kate would be sitting on Anthony’s lap in his chair. They would tell each other about their days and just converse for hours.

They never ran out of words to speak to each other.

Kate knew she was being dramatic, but she missed her husband. It had not been a day and she was feeling quite sorry for herself. She was already writing to him, wanting to send it on the overnight postal carriage to Kent. It would be with him by morning.

“What are you doing?” said Edwina, putting down the novel in her hands to glance at her sister’s scrawling on

“I am writing to Anthony.”

“Kate.” Edwina laughed softly. “It has been a day.”

“Thank you for pointing out the obvious.” Kate huffed, letting her head fall back onto the cushion. “If I send it soon, it should get to him by morning.”

“I hate not knowing what he is doing,” She said, letting out a frustrated sigh. “Is he eating? When he is really busy, he sometimes forgets to eat. Maybe I should write to Aubrey Hall and make sure the servants bring him regular meals when he arrives home-”

“Kate,” Edwina said, interrupting her sister’s tangent. “Anthony is a grown man. He will be fine.”

“I suppose so,” Kate said grumpily, still debating whether she would write to the butler.

“It is rather lovely to see you like this, you know.”

“How so?”

“Completely in love,” Edwina replied, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Kate felt herself blush. “It suits you.”

“I can only hope I will have it someday.” Edwina bit her lip, fidgeting with the skirt of her dress.

Kate reached towards her sister, squeezing her hand. “I believe you have, sister. Mr. Bagwell is a lovely man. Once the appropriate time has passed for your courtship, you will be married. If that is what you desire.”

Kate dipped her pen in her ink pot and began to write.

Dear Anthony,

How are you? How was your day? I miss you terribly. How is Newton? I hope he is not terrorizing the cattle, he does love to play with them. I am imagining him running through the fields surrounding Aubrey Hall and the cross look on your face as you chase after him. I wish I was there with you both.

My day was very exciting. I ventured all the way to the drawing room and the kitchen. Colin called on me earlier and ate the chocolate cake meant for dinner, Cook was quite cross.

I am now playing games with Edwina after dinner. Please remember to eat and to get some rest. Brandy and biscuits are not a sufficient meal, Anthony Bridgerton.

I do not want to hear a word about my penmanship in your reply.

Please say hello and give Newton a kiss from me.

I love you.

Your Kate

The following evening, their butler walked into the dining room during dinner. “My lady, a letter has arrived for you.”

“Thank you.” Kate hastily grabbed the letter, squealing with excitement as she tore the letter open. Mary and Edwina watched her with amused expressions.

“Oh be quiet,” Kate said, scrunching her nose at her mother and sister before focusing on the letter.

Dear Kate,

Apologies for the delay in my response, it took me quite some time to make out what you had written.

Kate could practically see her husband’s grin as he wrote this letter. What an ass. Oh, she loved him. She continued to read on.

I began visiting tenants yesterday. There is a roof to be repaired and crops that extra help is needed to harvest. I met two newborn babies, I had forgotten how small they usually were.

I have eaten eggs for breakfast, beef for lunch and chicken for dinner. Are you satisfied?

Dessert was strawberries and cream, which I would have much preferred to have eaten off you. Remember?

Kate bit her lip, feeling her cheeks warm. This was not a letter she should be reading at a dinner table with her mother and sister. Of course she remembered what her husband was referring to. It had happened during their short honeymoon in Aubrey Hall. It involved a picnic blanket, strawberries, little clothes and a lot of cream.

She took a deep breath before continuing to read.

Please do not worry about me. I am fine. More importantly, how are you? How is your leg? I hope you are resting it. Please do not overexert yourself or I will make good on my promise to tie you to our bed.

How was Colin? Did he mention anything regarding his future travels? I worry about him. He seems to be keen to travel for the next few years without much purpose.

Newton is loving the attention most of the tenants are giving him, particularly the children. He had taken Hyacinth’s old doll hostage and has now beheaded her.

He noticed your absence after a while and began to whine but I managed to bribe him to keep quiet with some leftover butcher meat.

I love and miss you,

Your Anthony

Kate had sent her reply late the following afternoon, sending it out with one of the servants.

Dear Anthony,

I received your letter at the dining table, with my mother and sister present. Do you enjoy teasing me so?

Colin spoke of visiting Spain next. I know you worry, as an older brother should, but I believe he is still finding his purpose. He is still young and he has an adventurous spirit.

Benedict taught me how to paint with watercolours today. I had a splendid time, although it did make quite the mess. He is very talented. We should ask him to do one of our portraits. I have always wanted a portrait of Newton for our bedchamber.

Are you well? How are the tenants? I very much look forward to meeting the new arrivals when I come down. Please do send them my well wishes. I am looking forward to seeing them again once we move to Aubrey Hall after the season.

I hate sleeping without you. I love you, darling.

Your Kate

Anthony’s reply arrived the following afternoon, when Kate was having tea with the Bridgerton women. Kate had to excuse herself briefly to read the letter, she was too impatient to wait.

Dear Kate,

A portrait of Newton is not going in our bedchamber. It is not going anywhere in Bridgerton House. As pleased as I am to hear of my brother’s talents and your enjoyment, there will be no portraits of ill behaved dogs.

Your, not our, delightful dog decided to take a swim in the lake this afternoon. However, your dog had failed to take into account the depth and temperature of said lake and got frightened. He swam to a rock and refused to move until I had to swim to him, grab him and bring him inside.

I am still debating his murder.

This is the second time Newton has led me into a lake.

Newton is now attempting to follow me to bed. This is why we do not allow animals to sleep in our beds, Kate. They get needy.

I miss you desperately. I love you.

Your husband,

Anthony

Dear Anthony,

You would do well to remember Newton was sleeping in my bed before you were, Lord Bridgerton.

I do not believe for one second that you did not let Newton into your bed. I cannot lie to you, I am laughing as I read your letter. Newton is very naughty. He does get excited and he cannot help it. The world is a cruel place to not let me witness such an event.

I suppose I will always have the Serpentine.

When are you going to admit that you love him? It is rather sweet he wanted you to get him out of the lake. You are his papa.

Regarding the portrait of Newton, perhaps your office would be a suitable place for it?

Love,

Kate

It was very enjoyable to tease her husband and she even managed to do it through a letter. A letter arrived each day throughout the week, and she sent her reply shortly afterwards.

Dear Kate,

I am not going to have this argument again. Newton is not our child. He is an animal.

I will concede that he is good company. When he is not dragging me into freezing lakes or terrorizing the tenants chickens.

How is your leg? Have you been resting it?

The nights are so dull without you, I miss you. I would pay ten pounds to listen to you play the flute right now if I could. Instead, I am listening to Newton's snores.

Anthony

Dear Husband,

Newton is most definitely our child. If he is not our child, why did you have the tailor prepare him coats for the winter to keep him warm? His coats were made out of very similar fabrics to yours, I might add.

A coincidence? I think not.

My leg is doing well. I have not moved much. Eloise and Francesca joined Edwina and I for tea today, which was quite pleasant. Francesca played the piano, it was so lovely. However, when I offered to play the flute, they suddenly had to return home. Edwina then declared she needed a nap.

Mr. Bagwell joined Edwina and I for lunch this afternoon. I do think he will propose soon. They are so sweet together.

You would be so lucky to listen to my flute playing, Lord Bridgerton.

I love you. I am counting down the minutes until your return.

Yours always,

Kate

Dear Wife,

That is beside the point. I ordered those coats because it was the practical thing to do. I was not going to spend my time picking out additional fabric for Newton’s coats. A Viscount has much more important things to attend to.

Besides, I only wear the best fabric. There could not have been a better choice.

Newton is very fond of his coats, so I win. He wore one during our walk this morning.

I will listen to you play the flute anyday, darling. I might require a glass of brandy beforehand.

That is good news about Edwina and Mr. Bagwell. Perhaps for their wedding gift, I could pay for some carriage handling lessons?

The tenants appreciated the baskets you had put together for them, I had a few of the servants' assistance distributing them today. They asked me to pass on their thanks and appreciation to the wonderful Viscountess.

I cannot wait to see you, I love you.

Your husband,

Anthony

Anthony Bridgerton was on a mission to see his wife.

It was the longest they had been apart since they married, and Anthony had hated every second of it. He had arrived in London and headed straight for Hastings House, where the ball of the evening was taking place.

The Duke and Duchess of Hastings, his sister and brother in law, were celebrating Simon’s birthday.

The ball was well underway when Anthony walked into the ballroom. He was nearly two hours late, much to his delight. He planned on taking Kate home straight anyway, he just had to find her first. He scanned the ballroom but to his dismay, she was not in sight.

“Anthony!”

Anthony sighed as disappointment flooded his veins when he turned around to see Daphne, and not Kate.

“Have you seen Kate?” He stepped forward to kiss her cheek. “Hi Daph.”

“Please do not look so ecstatic to see me,” Daphne teased, smirking as she looked around the room. “It is only my husband’s birthday ball. The last I saw of her, she was sitting with Penelope. How was Aubrey Hall?”

Penelope would not be hard to spot, the poor girl was usually forced into an unfortunate frock that blinded the eye.

“It was busy but an enjoyable week.” That was a lie, Anthony had been miserable without his wife. He had spent the first month of their marriage trying to avoid falling in love with her and keeping his distance from her. “If you will excuse me, I have to find Kate.”

“Brother! How was Aubrey Hall?”

Anthony practically hissed before turning around to look at his younger brother, Colin. He wasted no time with pleasantries. “Have you seen Kate?”

“Hello, Colin,” Colin said, enjoying his brother’s irritated expression. “How are you, brother? I have not seen you in a week. No, no. I insist. Are you enjoying the ball? I am, our dear sister chose quite fine food- ”

“Did we not spend eighteen years of our lives together? Was that not enough?” Anthony replied, rolling his eyes at his brothers. “I would speak more kindly to the person who handles your allowance, brother.”

“As if you would refuse any of it to me, brother,” Colin retorted, grinning at his brother and Anthony huffed, he knew his stupid little brother was right. “You should try the pastries, they are divine.”

Anthony shook his head. “I am not hungry, Colin. I want my wife. Have you seen Kate or not?”

He knew he would get grief from his brothers later, for acting like a lovesick fool. However, he could not find it in him to care. He was one. He was completely infatuated with his wife, who he had not seen in a week and that was a downright crime.

“Lord Bridgerton. Kate is in the drawing room, resting her leg.”

A small voice piped up from behind them, and Anthony turned around to see Penelope Fetherington, smiling pleasantly at the two Bridgerton brothers.

Panic initially filled his chest as Penelope spoke. Had Kate hurt her leg? It was unusual for his wife to rest without some sort of bribery. His family would not be so calm if she had injured her leg, he rationaled, so he took a deep breath.

“Miss Fetherington, I did not see you there. Forgive me, how are you?” Anthony pressed a kiss to Penelope’s glove before nodding his head. It was rude but he did not plan to stick around for his reply. There was one thing on his mind: Kate. “Thank you, Penelope. If you’ll excuse me.”

He did not waste the opportunity to subtle whack the back of Colin’s head as he left the pair.

Anthony practically sprinted through the ballroom, the drawing room was onto two doors down from the large ballroom. He opened the door and there she was, breathtakingly beautiful, sitting on one of the chairs.

Kate’s head turned swiftly at the interruption, her eyes widening at the intrusion before a large smile settled on her face when she saw who it was.

“Did you miss me, Lord Bridgerton?”

His wife’s voice flooded his body with a lightness one would think only drugs could achieve. He felt almost giddy, striding towards her. If he did not kiss her in a few seconds, he would go insane.

“Not as much as you missed me, Lady Bridgerton.” Anthony could not even convince himself on that note.

He swiftly pulled her onto his lap, carefully lifting her leg, before he took his face in hers and kissed her with every fibre of his being. The scent of lilies and soaps flooded his nostrils as her lips moved against his.

He was never leaving her again.

“Hi,” She whispered as they broke apart, panting heavily as they caught their breath.

“Hi,” He replied, laughing at her as he pulled her closer, pressing his lips against hers softly before burying his face in her hair.

“I was told you were making quite the ruckus in the ballroom in your attempts to find me. It is quite rude to shove people out of your way, you know.”

Anthony rolled his eyes. “People need to learn to get out of my way to simply avoid being shoved. Where were you?”

He twirled a few strands of her hair around his fingers, watching her intently as she spoke. “Cressida Cowper purposely spilled wine on Penelope’s gown. I was helping her get the stain out.”

Anthony scowled, “What an abomination of a person. Penelope was the one who told me you were here. She seemed alright. Was she?”

Kate brushed some of his hair behind his ear, her fingertips lightly trailing his cheek. “She was upset, but tried to hide it. We did not have much luck removing the stain, though. She is dancing with Colin now, so her mood has improved significantly.”

“Cressida had to depart quickly afterwards. A few cream tarts found themselves smeared on the back of her dress.”

Anthony raised an eyebrow. “How they got there, one could only imagine.”

“I suppose we will never know.” Kate’s deviant smile said it all. He really had married the greatest, slightly terrifying, woman to ever exist.

Anthony grinned at her, his incredible wife, their noses touching now as his hands completely wrapped around her. “How are you?”

“Splendid. I did miss you terribly, though. It was quite the nuisance.”

He stole another kiss. “Oh, Kate. You do wonders for my ego.”

She laughed, that sweet, beautiful laugh that rang in his ears and made him feel alive. “It will eventually burst if we are not careful. Was everything well at Aubrey Hall?”

Anthony nodded. “Everything is splendid. I fixed every problem, collected rents and solved disputes. I am glad to be home.”

Kate kissed him, running her fingers over his cheeks. “You work so hard. Next time, at least, you will not be alone. That is the last time you will ever leave me.”

Anthony nodded in agreement. “I have no idea how I lived so many years without you. A week without you felt like a lifetime.”

“I suppose we should make up for lost time, my lord.”

“How so?” Anthony’s gaze darkened.

“Take me home and I will show you,” She whispered, blinking up at him in a way that made Anthony catch his breath.

He did not have to be asked twice.

[maddiethebull]

Lucifer (Obey Me!) - Prompt #7 - “May I have this dance?”

This is a repost, I deleted the other one, have fun reading!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4VR-6AS0-l4 here’s some music to listen to while reading this :) Its what i listened to while writing it.

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The Devildom New Years Ball. It was the event of the year, besides Lord Diavolo’s birthday ball, this was the most famous event they had to offer. It would be an extravagant sight to see; there would be hundreds of demons dressed to the nines, there would be elegant decor, there would be live classical musicians, everything was to make it the most amazing affair possible. You didn’t know whether you should be excited or terrified. You’ve never been to a ball, let alone a ball run and attended by demons! Needless to say, you were nervous. It did help slightly that this year’s theme was Masquerade. You wouldn’t have to worry about being instantly recognized as one of the only two humans there. It was to start at 7:00 p.m. that night and it was currently noon as you and the brothers sat down to have lunch. It was all pleasant until Lucifer leaned towards you,

“By the way, MC, I need to have a talk with you about your recent grades.”

That’s when the immediate fear set in. While you knew he wouldn’t do anything to harm you physically, whenever he had a ‘talk’ with you it always felt like a punch to the gut. After you all finished your meal, you crept your way into his office. He handed you a midterm test with a big red D (lmao i need to stop writing like this) in the corner. Oh no. You looked it over and handed it back to him, you didn’t want to see it for another second.

Lucifer spoke with an emotionless face,

“MC, you don’t apply yourself. You’re smart and you know you’re smart, but just being smart can’t take you all the way. Your grade in Ancient Texts class has dropped significantly and I can’t see any reason why it should have done so other than you lollygagging about with my brothers. I appreciate that you’re good friends with them, but manage your time. If you fail this class, think of how it would make me look? I’m in charge of helping you through your studies and if you failed it would not only make you look incompetent, but me as well.”

Sheepishly you replied, “that class is just really hard, okay? I studied for the midterm a lot but I got a D on it and I didn’t know it would drop my grade by so much.”

He looked up from your near failure of a midterm with cold eyes, “Then expect it next time. You can leave now.”

You damn near ran out of his office to go straight to your room, being yelled at by Lucifer always made you feel horrible and it didn’t help that you had such a fondness of him. Meanwhile Lucifer sat leaned back in his chair, he didn’t like being harsh on you, he didn’t like being harsh on anyone he loved, and with you, it was different than simply loving you as a sibling. He decided to apologize for his harsh words and went to make the two of you some tea as a peace offering but was stopped when he heard your voice.

“UUUGH, BEEL MOVE!”

While lost in your thoughts as you rushed to your room, you slammed into Beel in the kitchen. He looked up at you with his puppy dog face. Shit, you just yelled at him, at this sweet giant who cared so much for you and would even let you have food off of his plate if you asked nicely! ‘MC what’s wrong with you today’, you thought.  

“O-okay, I’ll move. Sorry MC.”

“Wait, Beel I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell it’s just that Lucifer was giving me a “polite talk” about my grades.”

“Oh,” His expression changed to one of pity, “in that case, I’m still sorry, but for you now.”

“Yeah, thanks, I just- I- ugh, you know, he said we’d have a talk about it but it was really him just talking to me and being as cold as the arctic… God, what a hard-ass.” Your feelings were flowing right out of your mouth as Beel stood listening and munching on some bread. Midway through your rant, Asmo walked in,

“Hey, MC! It’s already almost 2:00 so let’s get ready alreadyyyyy.”

You walked off with Asmo, feeling much better from talking to Beel – well, ranting to Beel. Pretty much all he did was eat bread and nod. You and Asmo got ready and to calm yourself fully, you took a hot bath with rose petals. After got out, Asmo helped pick out a dress to wear, it was a beautiful deep emerald colored silk gown with a mock turtleneck and a large diamond shaped cut-out on the back. It hugged your body perfectly and made you feel much better seeing yourself like this. Hmph, I’ll make Lucifer regret being mean to me when I show up looking like a damn movie-star, you thought as you finished off your look with bright red lipstick. Then, what Beel had said while you were letting off steam came to your mind.

~ “I almost did the same thing, but when I asked for help, he didn’t have a second thought and guided me through it, you know. And, MC, I know you’re mad and all and he’s a harsh person and… all, but I know that he cares a lot. He cares about all of us.” ~

You sighed, ‘I know he does.’

After you finished getting dressed, you helped Mammon and Levi put their ties on and told Levi that no, he could not wear a Goku mask to the ball, helped Satan choose which tuxedo coat he should wear, and practically forced Belphie and Beel into theirs. Lucifer had already left for Diavlo’s castle to help finish preparing. You grabbed your black mask, embellished with emeralds surrounding the eyes in a playful pattern, some lace, and a couple black feathers above the left eye and headed for the ball.

Once you got there, your nightmare scenario played out. You were swarmed with demons because, it turns out, they did notice you were a human.

“Why are you lookin’ so uncomfortable?” asked Mammon.

“Because I couldn’t be Goku…”

“Shuddup Levi! I was talkin’ to MC.”

You replied, “I thought that since it was a masquerade the demons wouldn’t be able to tell that I was human and I wouldn’t have to deal with the endless questions about the human world and the endless flirting from the succubi and incubi.”

“MC, they can SMELL you.”

Your face scrunched, “Mammon, ew! You didn’t have to say it like that!”

“Yeah,” said Levi, “you’re making us sound like some creepy ass shinigami lolololol.”

You three laughed loudly enough to catch Lucifer’s attention from across the ballroom. He hadn’t gotten the chance to go over and speak to you since he was making bland conversation with another high ranked demon, but when he saw how you looked, oh gosh… He didn’t have the strength to take his eyes off of you. The way you laughed so brilliantly, the light sparkling on you through the crystals of the chandelier, that cut-out on the back of your dress which exposed nearly your entire back. All he saw in this crowded room was you. The romantic music playing only heightened his desire to stride right over to you and sweep you off your feet, and that’s just what he set out to do,

“Excuse me,” he said to the demon he was speaking with and walked off in your direction. Just as he did that, the music began to speed up to a more jovial tune and those on the dance floor moved with it. He spent a good five minutes navigating through the sea of waltzing demonfolk and when he reached the other side, you were nowhere to be seen.

You stood in the garden looking at the Devildom night sky. You looked at the stars, they seemed to shine brighter down here. Thoughts ran around in your head, thoughts of home, thoughts of here, each of the brothers appeared in your mind. You loved them. When the word family came up, you thought about them, except for one, Lucifer. ‘Lucifer,’ you thought, ‘I wish I could know what you’re really like.’ The faint smell of lilac swirled from the blossoming flowers laid out by the gazebo to envelop you in its sweet scent. Your hair, done up in an elegant low bun with perfectly curled pieces dropping on the side of your face, was brushed by the wind. Walking out to the garden to get some air and clear his mind of you, Lucifer exited the ballroom and saw you standing there. Unknowingly his whole expression softened. He came up to you,

“Good evening, MC. I see that I’m not the only one in need of the solace this quiet garden provides.” You were torn from your thoughts,

“Hey Lucifer,” you said, mustering up a faint and fading smile.

His eyes trailed to your lips, “Mind if I join you?”

“I don’t mind.”

With the lack of conversation, the melody of leaves swaying in the wind filled your ears. Lucifer stood beside you, resting his elbows on the white marble balusters. He had to think of a way to break the icy barrier of his words earlier that day.

He cleared his throat,

“You know, Diavlo is a very professional demon, he’s smart and well organised, so nothing could have prepared me for hearing him shout “I love balls” when we were planning this event.

You burst into laughter, “wow, I didn’t peg you as the type to tell such raunchy jokes.”

With an impish smile he said, “I may be a “hard-ass” and “as cold as the arctic”, but I hold a jocose side occasionally,” He kept his eyes lightly focused on the lilac surrounding you two.

“Oh, you heard that then… I’m sorry Lucifer, I was angry and I shouldn’t have said those things, I mean, you just want me to try harder and-”

“No need to be sorry I’m well aware that they hold a certain amount of truth.” His smile faded. He looked up at you then back to the flowers, “though I would like it if, every once in a while, that I could be seen as my other qualities.”

You had no idea how to reply. You wanted to tell him that you did, but did you? Only a couple of hours ago you were insulting him. His red eyes, burning with emotion, shot up to yours, seeming to whisper to you, ‘please, don’t let the way I feel be a mistake.’

“Hm, sometimes I say too much, don’t I?”

You chuckled, “that we can agree on.”

Now he was laughing, you wished you could never stop seeing that.

“I want to say something else, or rather, ask something else. Do you suppose i should?”

You mirrored his impish smile from earlier, “Sure, why not?”

He stepped back, the Avatar of Pride bowed before you, hand held out, solemnly looking into your eyes and asking,

“May I have this dance?”

You felt the blush rise to your cheeks like a rose blooming in the spring.

“I can’t very well say no to that offer can I?”

He laughed, “of course not.”

You gladly grabbed his hand and he pulled you in. To the faint piano melody coming from the castle you began to dance inside the white marble gazebo. You moved together, swayed together, breathed together. It was romantic, it was extravagant, it was beautiful. The gentle breeze brushing against your cheeks, flowing its way to sway in his dark black hair. You could hardly believe this was happening, but you never wanted this dream-like dance to end. As far as either of you knew, the dance lasted for hours under the night sky with the moon and stars that seemingly cheered you on. You were together until everyone had gone home from the ball, but neither of you could care less. This moment was to be immortalized in your memories forever.

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Well, this is long as fuck sorry lmao

[uncloseted]

Emotional Health and Wellbeing During Isolation/Quarantine

Hi everyone!

I know that a lot of us are currently social distancing, in self-isolation, or in city/state/country mandated quarantine, so I wanted to put together a post about some things you can do to improve your mental health while you’re protecting your physical health.  Some of these have become sort of trendy lately, so apologies if you’ve heard them before, but I’m trying to approach making this list from a place of evidence-based lifestyle changes to improve mental health.

Meditation

Meditation reduces anxiety and depression and improves mood when done over a long period of time.  Start with a free app like Headspace or Calm to learn how to meditate and to get into the habit of meditating regularly.

Journaling

Journaling can help you let go of any shame, anxiety, fear, and anger you might be carrying around with you.  Write your thoughts down somewhere that’s private, whether that’s in a journal, a password protected blog, a locked file on your computer, or something else.  Try to let your emotions come out naturally instead of worrying about whether what you’re writing sounds good or not.

Gratitude

Along with journaling, making a habit of practicing gratitude is a good way to improve your overall mood, both in the short term and in the long term.  Write down the big and little joys in your life, write about the people you’re grateful for, write three good things that have happened to you that day, write thank you notes to people who have helped you (whether you intend to actually send them or not), write things that you like about yourself. Be as specific as you can.  In this difficult time, it can be hard to think of anything as being good, so it’s important to focus on the small things that are bringing you joy.

Mental Health Apps

If you're already struggling with your mental health and need something a little more robust than journaling, you might consider trying out a mental health app.  There are a ton of them out there, but these are the ones that the Anxiety and Depression Association of America has vetted, with a rundown of their opinions on each one.

Exercise and sunlight

These next two are a bit obvious, so bear with me, but making sure you’re getting exercise and sunlight even when you’re isolated is really important to reduce the likelihood that you’ll become anxious or depressed.  If you’re still in a place where this is a possibility, taking a 20 minute walk outside once a day is a great way to address both of these (as far as we know, you should be fine leaving your house as long as you’re maintaining six feet of distance between you and other people).  If that’s not a possibility, sitting outside is the next best thing, followed by getting a light therapy lamp and taking vitamin D supplements.  In terms of home workouts, don’t pressure yourself to commit to doing an hour of yoga a day or to walk 10,000 steps around your house.  Just getting moving for 15 or 20 minutes is enough, whether that’s making sure to walk 250 steps every hour, doing a few bodyweight exercises when you wake up in the morning, doing a yoga/pilates video, playing an exercise video game, or something else.  A few exercise apps are offering month long free trials during the virus; FitOn, Forte Fit, The Daily Burn, Golds Gym, and CorePower Yoga are a few that I’ve seen recently.

Interpersonal interactions

Especially if you’re isolated alone during this period of time, making sure you get regular interpersonal interactions in is really important for your continued wellbeing. Videochat with friends and family using apps like Skype and Zoom, play games or watch movies online with friends, and just generally prioritize staying connected to the people who are closest to you.

Limit your social media

That said, try to limit your social media consumption during this time.  The doom and gloom headlines about the spread of the virus, the virtue signaling from your favorite influencers, and the overall feelings of hopelessness online aren’t conducive to good mental health. Consider muting people or accounts who are making you feel anxious during this time or trying to limit the amount of time you’re using social media apps in general. It’s important to stay informed, but being constantly bombarded with reminders that the world is in crisis isn’t helpful to anyone.

Be Kind to Yourself

This is more of a general one, and it encompasses a lot of things, but make an effort to be kind to yourself during this time. Get dressed in the morning even though you’re not going anywhere. Take baths using the bath bombs you’ve been saving or that special face mask.  Make your favorite foods that are a little too time-intensive to do during the week, or bake if you like doing that.  Don’t give in to the pressure to be productive and create something great during this time.  It’s okay if all you can do right now is play Animal Crossing.  You don’t need to discover the concept of gravity or write the next great novel just because you have some (forced) extra time on your hands.  You just need to get through to the other side as best as you can.  On the flip side, though, having goals that you’re working on every day can be good for your mental health, too.  Even if you’re working on a goal for five minutes a day, that adds up over time.

Some miscellaneous resources:

If you belong to a library, see if they offer Libby, Overdrive, or another platform for you to download eBooks.

If you’re looking to learn something new, check out Coursera, Kahn Academy, Class Central, and others offer classes in pretty much every topic you could imagine for free.  They’re easy to navigate and to understand.  Also check out Mango Languages if your library offers it, or a free language learning app like DuoLingo or Babbel.

Some video games are now free to encourage people to stay inside, including The Stanley Parable, Watch Dogs, Drawful 2, and more.

If you’re not on the podcast train already, now is a great time to start.  A few I like are Stuff You Should Know (well-researched, fun episodes that cover everything from science and history to pop culture and conspiracy theories), RadioLab (light hearted explorations into the philosophical implications of scientific topics), ReplyAll (”a show about the internet”), Getting Curious with Jonathan Van Ness (JVN talks with people. Enough said), Welcome to Night Vale (”HP Lovecraft does "A Prairie Home Companion”), and Within the Wires (an anthology series of found audio tapes in an alternate history version of Earth).

Many operas, orchestras, and theaters have put their performances for free online. The Met Opera is streaming it’s Live in HD performances. If you like theater, Playbill put together a list of recorded theater performances and where you can find them.  The Seattle Symphony and Wigmore Hall are streaming orchestral performances.  Many pop musicians are also doing mini concerts for their fans online, so check to see if your favorites are playing.

Online therapy. I wanted to mention this quickly because I know this is a stressful time for a lot of people and stress can create or exacerbate mental health problems.  Although in-person appointments are no longer available, many therapists have switched to online appointments.  If you’re struggling, please don’t let this deter you from seeking help.  If you’re in the US, check to see if your insurance (or parents’ insurance) cover mental health (or “behavioral health”).  Many of them do, making therapy much more affordable. 

If you’re in the US and struggling to figure out your financial situation during this crisis, this article from the New York Times has a lot of great information on how to find resources that are relevant to you.  You can also use the Benefit Finder can also help you identify the benefits that you are eligible to receive. 

Hopefully this helps some of you.  I know this is a really difficult time for everyone and I’m always here to listen.

[fanforthefics]

The bachelor au with sidgeno, bennguin or kidline. Idc about the pairing ur I'm starving for headcanons 👏

1) "Next, Tyler Seguin,” the producer says, flipping to the next slide as the team flips over to the next page of their packet, “He’ll probably be good for some drama.” 

Jamie studies the picture, the stats--6′1, as good looking as all the rest of them, a bartender in Boston. Loves dogs, hockey, and having a good time. He’s grinning in the picture, smirking a little. He looks like every other ex-athlete fuckboy Jamie’s seen come and go over his seasons as a producer on the Bachelor and Bachelorette. 

“Are we thinking villain edit?” another producer asks. Jamie doesn’t have seniority to say it, but he’s already thinking the no as the producer says, 

“No, unless things change. Just some excitement--add some chaos in.” 

Jamie agrees. He’s gotten to be a decent judge of character, or at least figuring out who’s going to be the kind of person who’s insufferable to the producers and always ordering them around and thinking that they’re there to serve the contestants, and who isn’t. Tyler Seguin looks like many things, but there’s no malice in those laughing brown eyes. 

“And next,” the producer goes on, and Jamie flips the page, quickly. So Seguin’s got pretty eyes. He’s seen plenty of pretty eyes come and go. 

///

2) Tyler goes on the Bachelorette partly on a whim, partly because it seems like fun, partly because his Insta deserves more followers, and partly as a way out of--well, as a change. 

In any case, no one is surprised. “This seems inevitable, yeah,” Brownie told him, with a noise that’s a laugh and a sigh put together.” 

So Tyler goes on the show, and it’s cool. Like, sort of stressful, because of the whole competition thing, but the Bachelorette, Liv, is hot and fun and the rest of the guys seem chill, except for the ones who aren’t but Tyler can ignore them, and getting to hang around a pool all day and drink and hang out and work out is maybe Tyler’s idea of heaven. Or, no--if this was heaven he would have gotten to make out a little with the hot guys around him, but hey, it’s close. 

///

3) Tyler latches on to Jamie quickly, though. Jamie’s one of the first of the crew he’s introduced to, to herd him around where they need to go, and Tyler is incapable of not trying to make friends with people, so he starts chatting with him or whatever, and Jamie mumbles something back, and Tyler thinks that that’s that--that he doesn’t like Tyler and it’s a pity because Tyler’s into the whole big dude big eyes thing Jamie’s got going on, but Tyler’s not going to force his presence on anyone. 

Then it’s a few days later, and Tyler’s feeling a little tired, already. He loves it, he does, but--it’s a lot, and he’s hungover and the other dudes are getting into a shouting match about something and he’s standing nearby watching and it’s all getting to be a lot, and then he feels someone appearing next to him, which is a feat for how big Jamie is. 

“You can take a sec,” Jamie says, and he’s not mumbling now. 

“What?” Tyler asks, turning and smiling instinctively. Jamie’s watching him, with those big eyes that look...well, kind. 

Jamie glances at his feet, then back up. “Cameras aren’t on you all the time. You can take a break, you know. Go get some sleep or something.” 

Tyler raises his eyebrows, but he’s grinning. “Are you supposed to be saying that? Shouldn’t you be encouraging me to go do shit?” 

Jamie shrugs, doesn’t quite meet Tyler’s eyes. “I’ll make sure the cameras don’t bother you.” 

It could maybe be the producers trying to manipulate Tyler, or some shit like that, but--Tyler doesn’t think so. There’s something about Jamie that makes it impossible to think so. Jamie radiates Good Guy energy, in a way that Tyler doesn’t think he’s ever seen before. 

“Yeah,” Tyler agrees, and punches Jamie’s arm companionably before he goes. “Thanks, bro.” 

Jamie shrugs again, like it’s nothing. 

///

4) So after that Tyler officially adopts Jamie. Jamie...isn’t quite sure what to do with it, because Tyler should be spending his time with the other contestants, and maybe Jamie is making it up anyway, that Jamie seems to be his favorite producer. Like, sure, Tyler’s always hanging out near him, and chatting with him when he has a chance, and he’s started teasing Jamie in a way that manages to seem fun and not dickish, but he does that to a lot of people. Jamie’s sure it doesn’t mean anything. Tyler makes friends with everyone. Tyler’s one of the favorites to get into the top four or five, though he’s not favored to win. But the bachelorette seems to be charmed and amused by him, so he keeps getting that rose. 

And after he gets it, sometimes he looks up, grins over at where Jamie’s watching, and if Jamie blushes sometimes, well. The lights cover that. 

///

5)

Tyler just likes Jamie. A lot. The dude’s quiet, and mumbles a lot, but Tyler’s been watching him and he sees how he manages the other producers and crew, how even the contestants fall in line when he starts laying down the law. He sees how once there were kids around for a date and Jamie knelt down to talk to a little girl, folding up that big muscled body to admire the picture she drew. He sees how Jamie never turns Tyler away, when he needs a break from all the filming shit, and Tyler tucks himself into a corner with Jamie to chat about nothing at all, about his dogs and Boston and Toronto and hockey and just--anything. 

Also once Jamie gets water on his shirt and has to strip it off to change and Tyler sees all that, too. 

It’s not like Tyler’s obsessed, or anything. He likes a lot of the contestants, even Chad, who’s getting the villain edit but isn’t like, that bad a dude. He likes a bunch of the producers too, and some of the camera people. 

But somehow he always finds himself circling back to Jamie, especially after a date where he’s been charming and drinking and is so wired he feels like he’ll shake out of his skin. Jamie has a way then, of putting a hand on his arm, and Tyler can just--settle. He has a way of listening to Tyler talk about his life back home in a way that doesn’t quite feel judgmental, but does make Tyler feel like--like he’s looking at it from the outside. 

Tyler learns things about Jamie, too. He learns he’s the youngest of three and he’s from Victoria and that he’s been working this job for a couple years now. He learns that he wants to be a director, someday, which he admits with a mumbling blush but Tyler kicks his foot until he looks up and tells him that it makes sense. Jamie’s good at being in charge. 

He does not learn if Jamie is single or not. He tells himself that’s okay. Jamie’s a friend, a good friend, and Tyler’s for sure keeping him after the show, but. Who cares if he’s single or not? Not Tyler, that’s who. 

///

6) A scene: Tyler, in a confessional setting. He’s wearing a bathing suit and an unbuttoned shirt over it, with a backwards baseball cap on. 

“Yeah, no, I mean, I love Boston,” Tyler says into the camera. “It’s been a lot of fun, you know?” He looks over the camera, to the side. [Not pictured: Jamie, standing there, watching him. Listening]. 

A pause. Someone asks a question. Then, “Is it--do I want to live there forever? I don’t know. I thought so.” A look, to the same side. Steady. “I’ve been thinking recently, though, maybe I need to grow up a little? Start taking things a little more seriously. And I don’t know if I can do that in Boston.” 

Another question. “What? Would I go to Liv in LA?” He chuckles, looks a little surprised. “Yeah, sure, LA sun, what’s not to love?” 

///

7) Another moment: It’s late out, and Jamie’s waiting out the last of the contestants to go to sleep so he can go home and grab some sleep before being back on set early to prep for the date. Most of them go easily enough, but Tyler lags behind. Jamie's not surprised. He wishes he were a little less pleased. 

“So you have a big night planned?” Tyler asks, leaning against the bar. He’s in his yellow bathing suit, which is maybe the douchiest set; it’s still painfully attractive. “Gonna go out on the town, once you’re rid of all of us?” 

Jamie snorts. “I’m going to get some sleep.” 

Tyler tsks his tongue. “Really? No big date night? Doesn’t all this want to make you fall in love?” he drawls the last words, like he’s mocking them. 

“After running interference on you lot all day, who has the time?” It’s not quite true. Jamie could, probably, if he wanted to. Jordie definitely thinks so, and says so, loudly. But Jamie--he doesn’t want to. It’s hard to feel like he could, after watching all the ridiculously attractive men out there, all day. “Anyway, I’m boring, right? That’s the general opinion.” 

“Boring’s not bad.” Tyler’s watching him again. “Doesn’t mean you have to stay that way, though.” 

Jamie shrugs. “Makes it easier to, though.” 

Tyler hums, then, all at once, he reaches behind himself to grab a bottle of tequila and two shot glasses. “Tyler!” Jamie yelps. “What are you doing?” 

“Let’s do shots,” Tyler says, easy. Like that’s not--

“We can’t drink now, it’s after hours,” Jamie hisses. And then, also, “And I can’t drink anyway, that’s for contestants. And I shouldn’t be drinking with you, I’m not supposed to even fraternize with--” 

“Come on, Jameson.” Tyler grins, and it’s all temptation there, smooth as silk. Wild, Jamie remembers them calling him, way back at the beginning before Jamie started to see what that wildness covered up. “Cameras are off, you’re off the clock. Take a chance.” He holds up a shot glass, smirking a little. 

Jamie hesitates, but he’d like to see the person who’s strong enough to stand up to Tyler’s smile. 

“One,” He says, and takes the glass. Tyler cheers, then he pours the shots, grabs salt and some limes from behind the bar too. 

“You do know how to do this, right?” Tyler asks, setting it out. Jamie rolls his eyes. 

“Yes, I know how to do a tequila shot,” Jamie retorts. Tyler grins again, then licks at his hand to put salt on it. His eyes are very dark, watching Jamie. 

Jamie swallows, does the same. He can’t look away from Tyler, somehow. It feels like no one else exists, not the show, not the bachelorette, not all the rest of it. Just the two of them. 

It’s a long, long moment. Tyler’s tongue flicks out to wet his lips, Jamie--tries not to look. Tyler’s a fun guy, of course he’s going to be fun. It’s not--anything. 

“Cheers,” Jamie says at last, to break--this. 

“Cheers,” Tyler replies, and tosses back the shot. Jamie does too. It burns, but maybe in a good way. 

///

8) Tyler falls in love on a Tuesday. 

He’d been feeling a little--not homesick, really, but dog sick; he misses his boys more than anything else. And he must have mentioned it to Jamie, or maybe he just talked about his boys more, or something, because he comes downstairs one day and there’s just a dog there, a few of the other guys who are up huddling around him and petting him. 

Tyler follows the leash up to Jamie’s hands, blinks. “Are they yours?” he asks, a little dumbstruck. 

Jamie shrugs, glances away, and blushes a little, like he’s been doing more of since that night Tyler had talked him into taking a shot. “He’s my brother’s, technically, but he said I could borrow him. I thought it might do you some good--all of you,” he adds, too quickly, but Tyler knows that’s not what he meant. Jamie brought in the dog, for Tyler, because Tyler had been feeling shitty; like he’d always done the little things to make Tyler feel better, like he’d known what Tyler needed. 

“Um, thanks,” Tyler mutters, because he doesn’t know what else to say, and crouches down to greet the dog--Juice, Jamie tells him--properly. It’s easier than looking at Jamie. Jamie is--it’s too much. Tyler hadn’t come on the show to find love. 

///

9) Tyler makes it to hometowns, brings the show to meet his family and his dogs, and actually insists that Jamie come along to. Jamie doesn’t meet anyone’s eyes when another producer mentions it. It’s--fine. 

He continues to be fine as Tyler is lovely and sweet with his mom and sisters, as Tyler is adorable with his dogs, as he introduces Liv to each of them in turn. The cameras go on Liv and Tyler’s mom for a little, so then Tyler drags Jamie over, introduces him to each of the dogs too. All of them--humans and dogs alike--clearly love him. 

Jamie gets the feeling. 

///

10) Tyler’s eliminated after home towns. 

Liv pulls him aside, after. “Sorry,” she says, and Tyler shrugs. He likes her, but he can’t really pretend that he’s cut up about this. He’s pretty bummed about how going home means he can’t hang out with Jamie anymore, but he’ll get his phone back, so they can talk. 

“No hard feelings,” he tells her. “I hope you’ll be happy.” 

She grins, a little knowing. “You too, Tyler,” she says, all sincerity, and glances over his shoulder, where the producers are standing. “I’m pretty sure fraternization rules are over once you’re eliminated, you know.” 

Tyler smirks. Of course everyone knew. He’s not capable of being subtle.  “You are honestly an amazing woman,” he informs her, and kisses her goodbye. 

///

11) Jamie’s not surprised that Tyler stops by to say good-bye before he leaves. He’s probably doing it for everyone. He’s a little concerned--Tyler hadn’t seemed too devastated by being eliminated, but you never know. Tyler’s decent at hiding what he’s feeling for the cameras. 

He’s ready to express that, when Tyler knocks on his hotel room door. Except Tyler doesn’t look devastated. He looks--nervous. 

“Everything okay?” Jamie asks, as he lets Tyler into his room. Tyler turns around a little, looking at it--he’s never been here, Jamie guesses. Contestants wouldn’t. But Tyler doesn’t look like a contestant anymore, in just sweatpants and a tank top, his hair a little messy. It’s too messy for TV, but it’s a good look. Somehow, it makes him look older. 

“Yeah. Or, I think so.” 

“I’m sorry, about the elimination--” 

“Don’t be.” Tyler turns to face him. “Look, tell me if I’m off base here, but--” 

Jamie’s about to ask him about what, but then Tyler’s kissing him. 

It takes Jamie a second to get on board, then of course he kisses back. How could he not? Tyler is wild in his arms, pushing, devouring, and Jamie feels wild too, his hands in Tyler’s hair, on his hips. 

They break apart infinitely later. Tyler’s definitely messy now. “Fuck, yeah,” Tyler says, and looks like he’s about to fist pump. “I knew you’d be awesome at that.” 

Jamie’s too dazed to give him shit for that. “What--really?” he asks, and Tyler snorts. 

“You had to have guessed. I’m not subtle, man.” 

“I--I didn’t think you could--there’s all the contestants, and Liv, and--” 

“And you,” Tyler cuts off, and slides his arms around Jamie’s shoulders. “You’re just as hot as the rest of them, you know.” 

“I’m really not.” Jamie’s okay with that. 

“You are.” Tyler smirks then. “Want me to prove it?” 

Jamie really, really does. 

[lovemesomesurveys]

What’s the most played song on your iPod? I haven’t used my iPod since 2012. I use Spotify on my phone, but I don’t think it tells you what your most played song is. What is one quality you admire most in others? People who are driven and get shit done. What would you do with a million dollars? Sigh. I’d have to first and foremost pay off my debt. I’d also help my parents and brother out. I’d get us a new house. Traveling is a must. What’s your favorite song to dance to? I don’t dance. Well, unless you count a little head bobbin’ and maybe a little movement of my arms or shoulders. lol. What would your ideal birthday party be like? I’m 30 and old so I don’t look forward to my birthday anymore, ha. If I were able to travel for my birthday then that would be nice.

If you could be reincarnated into anything you wanted, what would it be? I don’t want to be reincarnated. I don’t believe in it. What talent would you like to have? A talent at all would be cool, but in particular I wish I had any artistic ability or was musically inclined.  Are you ticklish? Just my neck. What’s the longest you’ve gone without sleep? 30+ hours. What New Year’s resolutions did you make? I don’t make those anymore. What are three songs that mean the most to you? Everlong (acoustic) by Foo Fighters, Free Bird by Lynyrd Skynyrd, and... I’ve having a hard time choosing a 3rd. There’s so many songs that mean something to me for one reason or another. So many memories and emotions. Who is the one person you miss the most? There’s 3 someones.  What do you think of your parents? I love them with all my heart. I couldn’t keep going if I didn’t have them. My mom and I are super close, she’s my rock. What is one thing you would do to make the world better? I don’t know what I could do. What is your favorite kind of sandwich? My sandwiches at home consist of bologna, sharp cheddar cheese, mayo, mustard, and spinach with olive oil on the side mixed with basil and oregano for dipping. At my favorite deli I get turkey, salami, provolone, mustard, mayo, and oil and vinegar. If you had a puppy, what would you name it? My doggo’s name is Princess Leia. She’s 2, but she’ll always be my puppy. (: If I were to get another dog; though... I’m not sure what I would name him/her, but it’d also be after a character. If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do? I don’t know.  How much cash do you have on you right now? Zero. What do you think makes you attractive to other people? Nothing. Would more money make you happier? It would help with a lot, but I wouldn’t be cured of my mental and physical health. I’d still have that baggage. Money isn’t magic. What is one of your favorite memories as a child? So many. I loved my childhood. It’s not that I didn’t have any struggles or obstacles, cause I did, but honestly that’s not what stands out. I was a strong, brave, resilient kid. Kid me would be so disappointed in current me. What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do in your life? I’ve had a lot of struggles. How do you measure intelligence? I don’t know. There’s issues with the IQ test for one. Grades aren’t accurate representations of intelligence either; neither are exams. It’s a complicated thing.

What cartoons do you watch? Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and Doug. Have you ever used drugs? Only weed. If you were a Skittle, what flavor would it be? The red one I guess that’s the only one I liked. How would you describe your style? Very casual, ha. I wear leggings and oversized graphic tees. If you had to spend $1,000 in one hour, how would you spend it? Christmas presents for my family. What’s your favorite smell and why? I have many. Where do you buy your clothes? Mostly Hot Topic, Boxlunch, and Kohl’s.  What’s your favorite kind of cake? White cake with buttercream frosting, funfetti/rainbow chip with funfetti/rainbow chip frosting, red velvet with cream cheese frosting, lemon with lemon frosting, and strawberry with strawberry frosting. Does intelligent life exist elsewhere in the universe? I don’t think there is in space, but what do I know. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be? I’m good right now. Are you into tattoos? Nah. Do you like photography? I mean, sure? I’m not a photographer, but I can appreciate nice photos. If you were a holiday, which one would you be? I love Christmas, but I’d probably be Halloween cause it’s dark and gloom, ha. Do you have any siblings? I have 2 brothers. If you were to get a tattoo, what would it be of? I’ve wanted to get free bird tattooed on my inner wrist for several years, but I highly doubt I’ll ever get it done. What’s the biggest celebrity you’ve ever seen in real life? Jamie Lee Curtis. I met her at a book signing years ago. How many pushups can you do? Zero. What person in history do you admire most? There’s a lot of admirable people in history. Who is your favorite actor? Alexander Skarsgard. What is the most daring thing that you have done in public? Nothing. Have you ever lied about your age? Only back during the AOL chat room days. :X Have you ever cried while watching a movie? If so, what movie? Yeah, I’m not usually one to cry during a movie, at most I may tear up a little, but there’s been a few who have managed to get me. When The Fault in our Stars came out I ended up seeing it by myself cause no one else I knew wanted to see it and I was in there bawling my eyes out lmao so it was better that I went alone. The Avengers: Endgame definitely got me. Are you afraid of anything that most people are not afraid of? Probably a few things.  Where do you see yourself five years from now? I just gotta take it day by day. What is your favorite candy? I haven’t had any candy in like over a year, but Reese’s are always a good choice. And white chocolate.  Have you ever watched someone struggle with addiction? Yes. Who do you look up to for your style? I don’t look up to anyone for my style.  Who is your favorite sports team? I don’t care about sports at all. How often do you drink alcohol? It’s been 6 years since I last had any alcohol.  What is your life in three words? Blah, bleh, and meh. If you could be anything in the world, what would you be? Healthy. Would you have a pet dragon? If so what color would it be? Um, no. I’m no mother of dragons or whatever. What’s your favorite sport? None. Do you believe that homeless people are dangerous? Just because someone is homeless it doesn’t mean they’re dangerous. Sure, some homeless people can also be dangerous, but it’s not mutually exclusive. If you could be skinny and miserable or fat and happy, which would you be? Well, I’m skinny and miserable now. I’m not miserable because I’m skinny, but it is related to some of the issues I have and also adds to some. I just want to be healthy and happy. Period. If your life flashed before you, what do you wish you would have done? I want to do something meaningful with my life.  If you were to invent something, what would it be? I have no idea. Who would you like to get to know better? No one at the moment. Have you ever had a near-death experience? I’ve had two. Do you fear death? Yes, of both losing my loved ones and dying myself. What is the strangest food you ever ate? I don’t eat anything I consider strange. I’m so picky and basic. Do you think you’re cool? Nope. I’m definitely not. What reality show would you like to be on? None. What’s your favorite thing to order at a Chinese food restaurant? Chow mien, pot stickers, egg rolls, and crab rangoon. I used to love orange chicken and kung pao chicken, but I can’t either one anymore due to the spicy food sensitivity I developed a few years ago. As someone who was once obSESSED with spicy food... it sucks. Are you happy with your life? No. If you could name your own planet, what would you call it? Planet Nowhere. I know that’s already a thing, but shh pretend it’s not. If you could live another 200 years. What would you hope to see? Oh yikes. I mean, the future terrifies me and I don’t want live 200 years, but I am curious about what the world will be like then. Like the advancements made and such. Hopefully it’s not worse... Would you rather be hot or cold? Cold. Definitely. How would you rate yourself? In the negatives. Would you ever move to a different country in an attempt to start over? Not another country, but another city, maybe even another state, yes. My family and I want to move out of here. If you could be a character from any book, who would you be? Hmm. Do you prefer taking baths or showers? I only take showers. I haven’t taken a bath since I was a kid. Do you still collect toys from Happy Meals? No. I heard they were bringing back popular ones from my childhood; though, and I kinda want to get those. What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done? Uhhhh. I have no idea. I’m not the most spontaneous person. In your opinion what is the greatest challenge the world faces today? * Like, the world or jst humanity? Bc I think humanity is its own worst enemy <<< Most definitely. Do you like dogs or cats better? Cats are cute and all, but I’m a dog person all the way. What have you achieved that you once thought was impossible? Earlier this year I got really sick and it knocked me flat on my ass, causing a lot of issues and setbacks. I didn’t think I’d be able to get to where I am now, which still isn’t good, but not like it was then. It was just really, really bad. If an ex texted you out of the blue, how would you respond? I probably wouldn’t even respond at all to be honest. Do you have a favorite poet? No. What have you tried to quit, but weren’t able to? Picking my nails, picking at/biting my lips, and picking at acne. Would you rather go on a shopping spree with $200 or put it in the bank? Put it in the bank. What was the last rumor that you heard? *shrug* What country star would you most like to meet and why? Blake Shelton. He seems cool. Have you ever been in a car accident? No. Are you an organ donor? No. What is the most dangerous thing you have ever done? Not taking care of myself like I should be...not doing and neglecting certain things.  What is the meaning of life? Uhhh. What word do you like the sound of? I can’t think of an example right now. What’s your favorite ice cream flavor? Strawberry. Wow, I haven’t had ice cream in like 3 or 4 years.  Do you prefer cupcakes or muffins? I like both.  Are you an athlete? Nope. There’s nothing athletic about me at all. What did the last text message on your phone say? I don’t feel like checking. What is the funniest movie you’ve seen in your whole entire lifetime? Hmm. I don’t know what I’d choose as the funniest movie ever of all time. What’s the worst nightmare you’ve ever had? Losing my mom in one and my brother in another. I woke up literally shaking and sobbing. What do you know how to cook? Ramen. What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had, and what was it from? The one that made me a paraplegic takes the cake I’d say. What’s your favorite amusement park ride? Most of the rides at Disneyland. What do you wish you were doing right now? I’m fine with doing this. Who are your musical influences? I don’t have any. I’m not an artist or musically inclined at all. What was your favorite band or musician when you were 12? The popular artists and groups at that time circa 2001. What’s the best pick-up line that’s ever been tried on you? I’ll never forget this one guy in high school who actually came up to me and asked me my sign lol. How many drinks can you handle? I was a lightweight. What was the longest phone conversation you’ve ever had? A few hours. I can’t believe I actually used to spend that much time on the phone at one point. What’s your favorite candle scent? Autumnal ones from Bath & Body Works are great.

[tannie-bell]

100 Questions!

thanks to the lovely @chioo92 for sending this my way~! 💕💕💕

edit: putting this under read more bc it’s looooong 😂😂

1. What is you middle name?

Elizabeth

2. How old are you?

18

3. What is your birthday?

october 16

4. What is your zodiac sign?

libra

5. What is your favorite color?

in general black, but i do really like teal and deep greens

6. What’s your lucky number?

i don't really have one, but i like 13 and 16 and 3116

7. Do you have any pets?

yep! two dogs~

8. Where are you from?

a little italian town in the lower half of illinois

9. How tall are you?

technically 5' 1&¾". please feel free to round up to 5'2"

10. What shoe size are you?

depends on the brand, mostly between 8 and 9 u.s. sizes—they have to be wide though, or i have to get bigger sizes and just deal with the looseness 😅

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

i think 8?? but i only actually wear like 4

12. What was your last dream about?

in the last dream i *actually* remember, i was a character from my wip and she was with her husband in like this cozy, dim-lit room filled with furs and ancient pieces and neat stuff and she was moderately pregnant so i just remember feeling so warm and loved inside. looking back it's kind of weird bc i've never been pregnant or in love romantically, but it's still heartwarming

13. What talents do you have?

um, I bake well i think 😂 so far i haven't had any bad feedback...😅

14. Are you psychic in any way?

nope.

15. Favorite song?

gaaaaaaah why is this always so hard mikrokosmos ~ bts or lucid dream ~ monogram

16. Favorite movie?

singin' in the rain, howl's moving castle, moana, all mcu movies i've seen so far

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

someone who shares my beliefs/morals and who supports my passions/interests (and i would do the same for him). has a few quirks he needs a few to survive me lol and is musical, respectful, and romantic. also has a sense of humor i appreciate and vice versa. there are other qualities, but that's the gist 😂

18. Do you want children?

yes! not necessarily biological though, i am very open to adoption

19. Do you want a church wedding?

most likely yes

20. Are you religious?

it depends on your definition of religious. in the sense of believing in a particular faith/religion, then yes

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

yes 😫

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

nope!

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

if you count the drummer from a now-disbanded band, then yes 

24. Baths or showers?

showers most times

25. What color socks are you wearing?

plain white—they're extra thick ones though! 😁

26. Have you ever been famous?

in what sense? 😂 locally or within a specific community of people, then i think so??

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

nope. i used to dream about what it would be like, but i seriously value my privacy and i would feel like i had none if i was famous

28. What type of music do you like?

pretty much anything and everything—except country 😅😂

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

nope...

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

three

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

this weird twisted position on my side. it usually ends with my shoulders hurting 😅😅

32. How big is your house?

it's decently large, but we just updated our tiny two bedroom, one bathroom house (for five people for 15+ years 😳) to a five bed, two bath with an open living area/dining room/kitchen. we made it big enough to accommodate both sides of my family around the holidays (bc we have a decently large family that's only growing 😂)

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

cereal or a fruit smoothie with either coffee or black tea (preferably earl grey) assuming i even eat breakfast

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

not yet, but i would eventually like to! thinking about a concealed carry permit as well depending on circumstances

35. Have you ever tried archery?

yess, and i love it!! it always makes me feel like some woodland elf heroine or something 😂

36. Favorite clean word?

like just regular words? pretty much any soft-sounding, flowy word with l’s, like melody or lucent

37. Favorite swear word?

i don't swear so none

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

like 36-ish hours

39. Do you have any scars?

yep

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

...not that I'm aware of??

41. Are you a good liar?

.....i do my best to be honest, but.....i can be....😅 just don't tell my mom

42. Are you a good judge of character?

i think so? i'm not going to be right 100% obviously, but most of the time i think i am

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

yeah, but they're not very good 😂

44. Do you have a strong accent?

depends on where you're from tbh

45. What is your favorite accent?

i reeeaaally like australian accents...

46. What is your personality type?

INFP-T

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

a top and skirt set someone i know bought for a wedding and never wore again. i think she paid $100+ for it?? so i got it for nothing which was amazing

48. Can you curl your tongue?

yep!

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

innie~

50. Left or right handed?

right~

51. Are you scared of spiders?

most of the time no

52. Favorite food?

i'm just gonna go with italian beef with mozzarella bc it always sounds good

53. Favorite foreign food?

ramen, bingsu, turkish delight, gulab jamun, and this one chicken rice dish that i have no idea what it's called but it's a.maz.ing.

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

in general? clean. my room? the best way to describe it is definitely-not-so-organized chaos

55. Most used phrase?

oh my goodness or oh my word

56. Most used word?

like or eyyy

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

......depends. literally anywhere from 5 to 45+ mins...

58. Do you have much of an ego?

i don't think so

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

both

60. Do you talk to yourself?

if i didn't i'd go insane

61. Do you sing to yourself?

^ see above

62. Are you a good singer?

i'm decent if my vocal chords are warmed up enough 😂

63. Biggest Fear?

failing/disappointing others. that and falling from heights

64. Are you a gossip?

no. i do my best not to be, anyway

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

i literally don't know what's considered dramatic anymore

66. Do you like long or short hair?

for my hair? long

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

give me a piece of paper and a pen and yeah 😂

68. Favorite school subject?

english and music

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

introvert~

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

nope

71. What makes you nervous?

being put on the spot

72. Are you scared of the dark?

not really, but it also depends on where i'm at and who's around

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

if it's one of my really close friends I'll jokingly correct their grammar, but that's it

74. Are you ticklish?

.......sometimes.

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

no

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

a couple times, yeah

77. Have you ever drank underage?

no

78. Have you ever done drugs?

no

79. Who was your first real crush?

this one kid when i was like four or five. his name is tyler. he actually just got married! random i know

80. How many piercings do you have?

none

81. Can you roll your Rs?”

no 😥

82. How fast can you type?

not terribly

83. How fast can you run?

slower than my 70 lb. dog

84. What color is your hair?

dark brown with some blonde and red hints

85. What color is your eyes?

dark chocolate so brown

86. What are you allergic to?

pollen 😥 i think i also have oral allergy syndrome (but that's purely self-diagnosed 😂), so there's that too

87. Do you keep a journal?

i have the past couple weeks for a class, but otherwise no

88. What do your parents do?

my mom is a nurse and my dad is a letter carrier

89. Do you like your age?

ehh, ish

90. What makes you angry?

things taken out of context of conversations, situations, etc. and twisted to portray something else entirely

91. Do you like your own name?

yes~

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

yes! these are just some of my favorites

for girls: lacie everest, elizabeth marie, roselyn chae (or chaela rose)

for boys: vincent alexandre, killian gray, quinton james

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

both~!

94. What are you strengths?

um....i'm very musical 😂

95. What are your weaknesses?

i procrastinate too much and i don't really know how to work on a project with a group

96. How did you get your name?

my mom knew someone with the name (but they shortened it). she later found out that my dad's great- or great-great-grandmother had the same name

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

like seeeeeeeeveral hundred years back, but yes

98. Do you have any scars?

some

99. Color of your bedspread?

off-white/cream and a purple-y maroon

100. Color of your room?

off-white/cream

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

not tagging anyone bc this is like super long 😂😂 if you see this and want to fill it out, go ahead! you brave soul  😂

[morphituu]

Malibu pt. 1

*pretends to have not said TWICE that I would be within a week of finishing this* Before anyone asks, yes, I got this idea from Miley Cyrus. We’re friends. I watch her dogs sometimes but don’t know their names.

So this one will be in parts, idk how many yet cause it’s still a WIP but I promise to try and keep to it! 

Premise: it’s a surprise, go with it c:

Warnings: lots of angst and smut, and butts. Sand? Water, yes. Motorcycles, yaaaas. SASS? YEEEEEEEE okay let’s get to it.

BUT BEFORE THIS STARTS I’d like to mention the lovely lady who helped me edit this and called me out on my horrible grammar, @amyccc!!! I LAAAAAAV YOU LOVELY LADY.

Part 2 :B

You thought this job would be simple.

Norman even said it: “It’s easy as shit.”

Liar. Chasing stars around set AND staying out of frame while shooting, or just in general was not ‘easy as shit’. It required a lot of stretching and leg power most people wouldn’t think you’d need. And in the heat? You hated summer and sunshine so why had you let him drag you into this? But your unique shots and ability to capture emotions in stills had kept you on for the last three seasons, and that paycheck had been nice and juicy every time. That was it. Work. Everything has a price tag.

So you tried not to complain. Tried.

“Hell no,” you muttered, clicking through the shots you’d taken for a behind the scenes compilation that fans poured over.

“Seriously?” Norman asked, his shoulders dropping in annoyance.

“I don’t joke around in this kind of weather,” you say, again reminded of the sweat and dirt clinging to you like a wet sheet. Fuck Georgia and it’s bugs.

“You’re only aiding my point,”

“Remember the other day, when you gave me a ride home and we both went ‘ahh’ when the AC blasted us into ice cubes? Remember how nice that was? Now why in the blue fuck would you wanna take road trip, all the way to Malibu, on the bike, in July?”

He studied your question, smoke blowing from his nose as he looked at you.

“What crawled up your ass and died?” he smiled. You contemplated throwing your camera at him. Kicking his seat hard enough to make him lurch would do, but it only made him laugh. Large child...

“The three thousand mosquitoes that’ve bitten me in the last ten minutes, that’s what,” you snap, leaning back in your own chair. Ugh, the sweat against your back made everything horrible.

“So come with me! To the beach where we can worry about sharks and jellyfish and not rattlesnakes in the bushes,” he tried, giving you a wide smile. “Where we can drink tequila when we wake up and no one will judge us.” he adds. You snort

“Why’re you even asking me? You have plenty of girls out there that would love a ride with Daryl.” you tease, and he rolls his eyes.

“I want a vacation, not a promise for sex.” he says under his breath. You scoff.

In the years of knowing him, you can’t say you haven’t thought about it, but ehh. You’ll keep that to yourself.

You can feel his eyes on you, waiting, and you keep flipping through the images. It was the fifth cycle, but anything to avoid those eyes. You’d take rattlesnakes over Norman’s eyes cause at least you’d have a fighting chance battling venom. But those icy blues? Like taking a bullet to the brain. No way you can reverse that.

“Y/N.” he cooed, and you dared a peek.

AAAND you were done.

You showed the sass; crossing your arms and a knee over the other, but he smiled, knowing you were buckling. The thought was turning in your head, becoming more appealing with every hotel you two would stop at. Every restaurant eating across from each other, maybe even stupid tourists attractions. Conversations, which he was always good at keeping up. Sharing a room maybe? Flirting, which he seemed to know made you all… squirrely.

“Does it have to be the bike?” you groan, and he grins.

“You didn’t complain when we went around the state.”

“We just went in a circle, dumbass- this is across the states!” you yell, but he shrugs.

You stare at one another. You purse your lips and your brows pull in.

“How long?”

“Google said thirty hours,” he says. Your eye twitches.

“Two-ish days…?” you mumble.

“Longer. Don’t wanna sit on the bike too long. Ass goes numb, back hurts. Six hour go’s then rest. So five-ish days.” he corrects, and you pull your hands down your face.

“How would we carry five-ish days worth of stuff?” you ask, and he shrugs.

“Take your wallet and fresh underwear,” he smiles, but at this point, you don’t know whether to laugh or call him a fool.

“I wanna punch you in the jugular.” you say between your teeth, but he’s standing, moving to lean over you and kiss your cheek.

“Won’t be saying that when were on the beach.” he says, and you watch him walk from under the shade of the canopy, meeting up with Andy to finish the scene. You groan and roll your eyes, recalling that you never actually agreed to go but, look here, you were being pulled into another Norman Quest! Years under your belt being his friend had left you with imprinted memories, some better, some horrible. But you couldn’t decide whether or not this was leaning more towards an actual vacation or a near death experience. Only time would tell.

And like that, you were going. What the fuck?

You couldn’t even recall when you’d gotten over the fact that you were only taking panties, your wallet, phone and charger, AND coming to terms with wearing the same outfit everyday. So how was it that the one thing pissing you off the most was that you couldn’t decide what pairs of underwear to take?

“Not like he’s gonna see ‘em,” you say to yourself, grabbing the comfier ones.

But what if you two shared a room?

You threw in a couple cuter ones. And a bra. Maybe a bathing suit?

“No bathing suits,” he says as he walks behind you; you look at him. With it thrown aside, you mimic him.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” you sigh, and he places the backpack beside you.

“When we get there-”

“Yeah I know, tequila in the morning and jellyfish.” you try to shoo him away, but he’s stuffing boxers in the bag and then grabbing yours.

“Hey hey hey!”

“Hey yourself, we’re already starting late cause of you,”

“Excuse me if I wanted to enjoy my own bed and AC before it’s hours in the sun and beds that’ve been slept in by strangers.”

He’s stopped to stare at you, the temper of his eyes clearly telling you he was getting irritated with the complaining.

“You’re a big baby. C’mon, get your helmet,” he says, grabbing all he needs and walking towards the door. Your hands raise to follow the bag, shuffling after him.

Oh god, was this really happening? Same outfit? No chapstick? What about-

“Shake that face off.” Norman says as he adjusts the chin strap, and you look at him, your helmet already on and your arms crossed angrily.

“Excuse me I’ll just stuff it in my pocket and pull it out a more appropriate time.”

You didn’t expect him to hold your helmet, or rest the front of his against yours, looking at your eyes that were honestly just... angry. But you didn’t even know why. You used to like doing these things, and he was the person you enjoyed it with. Since you were younger, Norman was your sidekick, your ‘soul mate’. So what the fuck happened to late nights walking around LA and… oh yeah, him being an actor happened. Took it all away. That was no reason to be bitter, though.

And this is one of those moments you liked having him around for.

He grounded you- got you back on your feet, away from what he called anxiety but you called ‘heavy thoughts’. He stayed that way, matching your breaths, staying quiet. Your body felt heavy, but not the kind that drowns you. It’s like a heavy blanket shielding you from monsters trying to claw up your legs.

“Calm?” he asks. He knows you well.

“Mhm.” you hum. You didn’t know your fingers were fidgeting until they stopped.

“Good. Get on the bike.”

He bumps your head with his and you grin, nodding, sliding your sunglasses on. Watching him sit on on the Triumph was like watching the bad boy in the movies walk away from the camera, his ass in jeans looking hot as shit. This was hot as shit. And you got to wrap your arms around it when it was your turn to mount the motorcycle.

The bike purred beneath you two, and having been on countless times, you eventually rested your hands on your thighs and stayed upright as he did, never pulling against his ribs when he turned a corner.

Before you hit the highway you saw fans snapping photos, yelling for him, even a couple of girls running up to him at a stop light to snap photos. You looked away, pretending to be hideously consumed by the interesting shade of burgundy on the wall of a building. They left after proclaiming their love for him, but you were sure they caught your scoff when they glared at you.

“Be kind.” he said, and you shrugged.

It was a relief to get onto the freeway where you could stand people staring from inside their cars instead of running up on you two. Hot air blew past you and under your jacket and shirt, and you were glad you’d stood your ground when you told him you wouldn’t wear full gear. It was too heavy in this weather and if you were being forced to wear the same thing everyday, there was no way in hell you’d be caught wearing heavy armor while you were out and about.

Sometimes he cruised slowly, other times he flew down the passing lanes, often swerving back and forth when he got bored. You’d tap his shoulder when his eyes drifted away from the front for too long, and sometimes resort to poking his side when he’d lean back on you and pretend to pass out. All in all, the first few hours in the midday sun wasn’t horrible.

But coming up to your first below par hotel, THAT WAS HORRIBLE.

“I will pay if you take us to a better one,” you pleaded, but he was already walking up to the front office after parking, leaving you on the bike, sweating, your wrists sunburned and the good dissolving all over again.

“Norman!” You yell.

“We shook on it- we only ride for three hours and in exchange I get to pick the hotel!” he called back, disappearing inside.

Oh you were gonna kill him. You should’ve known he would pull something like this. But with a few steadying breaths, you swung your leg over the seat and landed on your feet to follow him. Your knees betrayed you though. It’d been a long time since spending that much time riding and your legs felt like jell-o. Entering the building, he’d already stuffed his wallet away and was biting back a smile at the sight of your silly walking.

“Crappy hotels are part of the experience,” he said under his breath as you waited for your keys, but you scoffed.

“Just say you’re trying to avoid the fans,” you retort.

“Am not.”

“Are too- that’s why you didn’t bring Rootbeer, everyone recognizes it.”

“Y/N-,”

But your keys were handed off by the woman, who obviously recognized Norman but kept her excitement at bay, instead deciding to sneak a photo when you two walked out to locate your room.

“We’re definitely contracting more than one STD in here,” You mumble. He elbows you.

“You got too used to five star.” he says, throwing the backpack on one of the beds.

“And apparently you forgot how nice they were.”

It wasn’t actually all that bad, but you wouldn’t admit that outright And it went on as he ordered food, the two of you sat on the floor in front of the older TV, talking around mouthfuls of food like you did in your twenties when he’d come by your old ratty apartment. A couple more hours trickled by, and despite not riding for as long as you knew you could handle, sleep tugged at you.

He slipped into one bed, you the other after you’d slipped off your pants and bra.

But you saw the sly smile, his eyes from behind his long hair as he looked at you, laying on his side.

“Wanna cuddle?” he tried.

“Want a swift kick to the groin?” You grin.

But you both lay on the edges of your beds, curled in the cool sheets and looking at one another.

“Imagine how many people have done it in here.” he says, and you sigh.

“Shaddup,”

“All the orgies,”

“Norman,”

“Creampies,”

“NORMAN,”

He hides his smile as he adjusts his pillow, peaking out at you. Your eyebrows raise, knowing it wouldn’t be long before he cracked something again.

“We could do it,”

“And there it is,” you say, your lips in a straight line.

“What?” he laughs.

“Not again,” you exhale, laying on your back. Bed was decent, enough to make you sleepier by the minute.

You turn in time to see his lips purse, and his narrow eyes glancing around.

“I brought condoms?” He said it as if it was going to tempt you, but at this point?

“What!”

“You never know!”

“I know!” you bellow, unable to fight a smile.

“Not even for the sake of the trip? Scratching off having sex in a hotel off your bucket list?” he tries. Another scoff from you.

“Not after last time.”

You see his eyes downcast after that, and the easiness in the room crumble.

“That was an accident,” he tells you, but you shake your head, looking at the ceiling.

“You accidentally ghosted me?” you ask.

He runs his tongue between his teeth. “Yeah?”

You choose to turn off your bedside light, hoping that was a clear enough message. But you heard his fingers thrumming against his bed, and you know… just know…

“You ever miss it?” he asks, softly, tentatively. You look at him, the temper of his eyes now calmed and vulnerable, bearing himself to a topic that was awfully delicate between you two.

“Sure, but I don’t miss being skipped out on when it all fell apart,”

It wasn’t meant to be harsh, but that’s how it came out.

“I didn’t skip out on you,” he replies.

“Then what was it?” you snap back. You’re both staring, and despite this horrible, dark topic that stirred up darker days, you feel shivers rising on your skin when he looks at you like that. This tall door that kept images of steaming nights and honey sweet words locked away never fully closed, and small slivers of desire would slip in.

And he could always catch it.

Maybe it was the way your nipples would harden, clearly visible under your shirt, or how one of your knees would part and bend against the mattress. Or maybe after knowing you for so long, he just knew when you wanted him.

Whatever it was, it had him pulling his sheet back and stepping to you, kneeling between your thighs, one big hand under your back as he lifted you higher up the bed.

It was happening again. The control you had was weakening.  

“Norman,” you sigh, his hot mouth brushing against your neck, a couple fingers tracing under the band of your underwear, his fingernails scraping softly against your gooseflesh skin.

You groan when he lays over you, his chest pressed against yours. It only took a small shove of his thighs to spread yours, and it was like a well practiced dance as you locked your ankles against his lower back. He gyrated, and licked, his hands holding your head, and your fingers digging into his ribs.

Kissing him was like a drag of a cigarette. It hooked you, and you liked the burn in your lungs like you did his tongue slipping in your mouth. Your hands fumbled up his body, first his narrow hips that rolled against yours, then his arms that made you melt, finally his slim face you held as he kissed you into a trance.

Ugh, why did you ever deny this?

“I didn’t skip out on you.” he repeated against your skin. Your eyes pinched shut, your cheek pressing against his.

A thumb teased your nipple, running over it again and again, making your back bend into his touch. Through the shirt he nipped your standing breasts, and his own groan made you shudder.

He was hard and ready, and it could’ve kept going… but only if he wouldn’t’ve spoke again. It brought you back. Reminded you. Closed that door a little more.

“No.” you whine, pushing his face back. You’re both flushed, labored breathing, hot.

He doesn’t argue, but you see the fire in his eyes burn out. He takes a few steadying breaths, hiding his face in one of your hands. He could be so sweet, and shy. Norman nods and crawls away from you, ambling back over to his bed and laying down, his back to you.

It takes time to close your legs and fix your shirt, but even longer to roll away and wait for the ache between your thighs to subside.

Giving in would mean release. But doing it again would also release other things.

Sleep grabs you some time later, after watching Norman’s wide shoulders rise and fall with steady breaths.

 The morning brought awkward stumbling and little exchanged in conversation. This time, you were thankful you were on the bike instead of a car. It meant you didn’t have to force the tension away, but instead let it fly away with every mile down the highway.

You held his sides, sometimes the tops of his thighs, admiring the prettier parts of Georgia before crossing into Alabama. The bugs were bigger, and the ringing of their wings and songs in the dead of summer could almost be heard through your helmet and the wind racing past you.

The people were remarkably different, and to your insistence after seeing one too many films of the hostility related to this state, you two kept to the inner cities and away from the back woods.

It had been a long and hot day on the bike, stretching into a six hour jump instead of three, and your knees nearly gave out from under you again when you finally stood after pulling into another hotel.

“Need an elbow, ma’am?” Norman asked in his worse Southern accent. You snorted, taking the aid anyways.

“Another bug.” he mumbled, pulling half of one out of the ends of your hair that had flown behind you from under the helmet. What was left of the insect was gooey as he pried it out, and made you frown. Shower was the next thing you’d do after eating.

“I hope there’s a washroom in the hotel,.” you mumble, observing the small, dead bodies all over your jacket and pants. He could care less as he shoveled food into his mouth. He’d done this before so it was no big deal.

“Just gonna happen again tomorrow,”

“Doesn’t mean I want it in layers.” you sigh, ogling your plate packed with breakfast foods.

“Could lose a few layers when we get back…” he said before sipping his drink. You eye him, blankly, eventually making him look away, but you catch pink dusting his cheeks.

Pervert.

“We’re sharing?” you ask, staring at the single bed at the center of the room.   

“Only room available,” he said, plugging his phone in to charge.

Pfft, that was bullshit. But first things first.

The shower is a god send.

A true miracle.

How could hot water feel so good after a day in the heat? You didn’t care- all that mattered was the shivers erupting when it ran over your scalp and down your face. You soaked for what felt like ages, until the room was fogged with heat and your skin was well exfoliated. The heat and sweat clung as soon as you started to dry off, but after dressing in a big shirt you snagged from a shop nearby, the AC from the room blasted across you in relief.

He had just pulled his boxers up over his ass when you stepped out, but even you didn’t bother to look away.

“Not like I haven’t seen it before,” you sighed, plopping down on the bed and squirming around in the cold sheets-

Suddenly he was shimmying towards you, a playful grin on his face, but you raised your foot against his stomach before he could touch you.

“Es’cuse me?” you said, and he grabbed your ankle, kneeling on the edge of the bed.

“Norman, no.” you exhaled, but his lips were quirked to the side and he was crawling up your body.

Ugh, why did he have to be so handsome? Those fucking shoulders.

“Really?” he asked, eye level with you and trying to decipher the weak hold you had on your own temptations. You only nodded, crossing your legs under his. He sighs, the disappointment evident on his face.

“Are you really so surprised?” you ask, leaning back on your elbows.

“No not really,” he mumbled, crawling beside you and shuffling under the covers to pull them up to his chin. He looked like a big, pouting burrito.

“Then what?” you push, resting on your side.

“Nothing,”

“Tell me,”

“Nothin’,” he grumbles, and now you’re annoyed.

“Norman just say it,” you say, pushing his shoulder.

“Why can’t we just go back to how it was before?” he asks, and there's a long pause, not because you don’t know what to say, but because now you’re surprised and even a little annoyed he’d ask such a thing.

“You know why,” you say silently, and he rolls to look at you.

“That was years ago.”

“So?”

“Things have changed,” he says, but you shake your head.

“I’m not dealing with a break-up again,” you sigh, wanting it to just stop there.

“We were never together?” he says, looking at you in a confused manner.

“Yeah and whose fault it that?”

You asked that before you could really process what you were asking, so you knew what was coming.

“Yours!” he shouts.

How did it always come to this?

Your best friend- the guy you’d been starstruck with first spotting in the motorcycle shop he worked in in LA when you two were young and dumb. The guy who knew everything about and you knew everything about just as equally. Even though you’d both said sex wouldn’t ruin what you had… it did. Sex always ruined shit.

Actually, it was you.

You freaked when he wanted to take it to the next step all that time ago.

You ruined it.

Time passed after it crumbled, and both of you eventually crawled back to one another. But things were damaged. You could see the cracks in each others reflection, but your heart thundered now when you were close. And somehow, you two would find one another tangled together in one of your beds, re-living older days. This force that kept bringing you back to him was only getting stronger the longer you held out.

But right then, you turned away and scooted as far away as possible on the bed. You felt him shift around, and the room went dark after he shut the TV off.

How did it always come to this?

Your phone read 1 AM when you looked, and you wondered if he was still awake.

You wondered if the trip should end here, in the cold bed.

But you also wondered if it really would be so horrible if you just…

“Norman?” you ask softly, turning to lay on your back. In the dark, he looks to be turned away, the covers pulled all to your side. Must be sleeping, so you turn back, nestling your face into the pillow.

But the bed behind you shifts, and suddenly, a broad body is against your back and muscular arms around your waist. You grin, holding his forearm, letting him press his face against the back if your neck.

“We fight like jealous lovers,” he mumbles, and you chuckle.

“We do,”

A beat of silence, and his thumb stroking your stomach makes you close your eyes.

You whore- already??

“I’m sorry,” you let out, and he exhales against your skin.

“It’s okay.”

You grin, and bite your lip, staring at the moonlight peeking in through the curtains.

This could backfire.

End in catastrophe.

But god, you were craving that brilliant release.

So you let the fire in your gut win.

You turn to lay partially on your back, facing him, his arms still around you. An arm was pressed awkwardly between you, but when he sat up on an elbow, it slid under him in time to grip his shoulder blade when he caught your lips with his.

You moaned, having not expected him to. Kissing was always kind of an off limits thing with you two- it was too personal.

But you didn’t stop it, or even tried to when his tongue pushed in your mouth and you could taste his last cigarette, and his own groan vibrate through him.

Ugh, fuckin’ a.

You were alive with want, and the twist of your hips to better face him let him know. But hands were already gripping your ass, and moving up under your big shirt to push it over your head and away, discarded messily on the floor.

Where had his shirt gone suddenly? All you felt was bare skin against your own and large hands pulling you upwards when he detached, his mouth resealing over a hard nipple. You gripped his long hair, wincing, smiling when he’d bite your sensitive skin, always a soft kiss to follow. But long sighs shook your form when the kisses moved down, a tongue dipping into your navel.

You always hated how slowly he’d pull your panties down.

It was so you’d look down while he did it. He’d confided in you long ago he liked the eye contact. It made you nervous, but you still couldn’t pull away from those narrow blues.

Slowly, painfully, down your thighs that trembled when one hand rested just above your sex, barely any pressure. He didn’t even pull them off your foot before he rested on an elbow between your legs, watching his thumb brush over your lips for only a moment before looking back up at you.

But you’d already fallen back, your thighs spreading, your body screaming to be touched.

His touch was featherlight over your clit as he drew designs up and down. Long kisses against your inner thigh made you groan, and follow with a whine when he ran a knuckle down against your wet lips, and a wide finger slid in you, effectively making you yell out.

In and out, up and down against your clit, then in and out again. It was slow, and careful, never enough to bring you anywhere close to climaxing but also just not enough.

“God damnit Norman,” you ground out, fingers digging into the sheets.

But your body lurches when he sucks your clit into his mouth, sucking rhythmically, two fingers pumping in and out of you in time. Steady pleasure shoots up, building with every second and broad swipe of his tongue.

Words aren’t coherent, and motions are uncoordinated. You’re gripping the sheets, your thighs, sometimes his hair and finally his hands that’ve slid up to your stomach, keeping you still. But because you’re you, and you know it can get even better, you want more.

“You said-,” but a shuddering breath interrupts when his thumb replaces his mouth to rub tight, fast circles on your clit. “You said you brought condoms?” you finally get out, and you can’t help but laugh at how fast he’s moving to grab his backpack.

You wait, wanting and ready, watching him tear his bag apart, but he hasn’t found them yet.

Sitting up on your elbows, you watch him literally hold the bag upside down and shake it, but nothing more falls out.

“Oh Norm.” you sigh, and he looks at you. “I don’t know what happened to them,” he says, and you fall back on the bed, trying not to let the disappointment get to you too much.

“I’ll go buy some,” he says, finding his jeans.

“All those liquor stores we passed closed at 11,” you say as you look at him in the dark, and his head drops, his hands on his thighs where he’s kneeling on the ground. You run your hands down your face. So close, yet so far away.

You look up when he shuffles back to you, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“It’s okay,” you say softly, rubbing his thigh. He looks at you, biting his bottom lip in thought.

He’s over you again before you know it, between your thighs, his fingers sliding between your lips, then inside you.

“What’re you…” you sigh, eyes closing as he curls his fingers, finding your spot.

“Finishing,” he purrs, leaning on an elbow over you so he can kiss your parted lips. He knows exactly how to make you crawl towards that climax, and how to make your body arch and pulsate. At just this right pace, it’s a slow build up, allowing you enough time to enjoy the little shocks of pleasure when his thumb finds your clit again. Every time he does, you smile, gasp, look up at him marveling down at you.

“C’mon,” you whine, always wanting the release sooner than later. He always listens, rarely deprives. His hand is a blur of motion, the friction of his palm on your clit making your eyes roll back.

And it’s flashing before your eyes in only a few seconds. Wave after wave, powerful, and then easing away, leaving the muscles in your stomach clenching and your thighs shaking as he keeps going until you stop his hand. The warm hum in your body lingers, and you realize it’s literally been ages since you’ve felt this good.

Your breaths are deep and even, and you hold his face as he looks at you.

Now it was his turn.

Your hands venturing into his boxers makes his body tense, and a held breath escapes his lips when you find him, rock hard and an impressive amount of precum already spilled over his tip.

You build him up the same way he did you. Slow strokes, your thumb running over his tip. He groans and even shakes a little, his hips rocking into your hands.

Shit, part of you still wanted all of this in you, filling you up. But you thought of the next best thing.

“C’mere,” you say, and he follows until you show him to slide his length up and down between your lips, both of you getting what you want now. But clearly he’s more reactive, and he moans loudly, adjusting his knees wider, rocking forward and backward, admiring your entirety.

You were sensitive still, but feeling him like this, and how warm he was- it felt so good. You were so wet already. So much that he’d slip in no problem…

You wanted to tell him to just fuck you. To brand you into the bed mercilessly. But a quick glimpse at his face tells you he’s already close. So you bite your tongue, no matter how badly you ache to be filled.

“Are you gonna cum?” you ask softly, holding his face as he nods and lowers, his thrusts becoming tighter, more centralized. He’s breathing heavily, moaning, and he presses his face against your neck when his body tenses, the hot semen shooting across your lower abdomen. He thrusts in short jerks, strangled groans muffled against your skin as you cling to him, letting him empty onto you.

When he finally stills, his head rests against your chest momentarily before finally looking at you, a little grin across his lips and his eyes heavy. You giggle, moving his hair away.

“Better?” you ask, and he nods, kissing you once, twice, a few more times.

He mumbles something completely unintelligible against your mouth, and you laugh, holding his shoulders up when he starts to slouch.

“M-mm,” you hum, pushing him away. “I need a towel- I need a towel!” you yell, and he sits up, pushing his hands through his hair and nodding. There’s no shame when he walks to the bathroom, and neither is there when he turns on the light to reveal your naked body sprawled across the bed.

“So how much do I owe you?” he asks, tossing a hand towel.

“A better hotel room next time,” you chuckle, wiping your stomach.

“I think that can be arranged,” he says before walking back to the bathroom. You stretch after tossing the towel into the corner of the room, and roll onto your stomach. The cold sheets feel so good, and the tension in your frame is gone. In that moment, you can agree with yourself that this was long awaited, but that it also might backfire, somehow. But now you’ve been reminded of the forbidden fruit, and you’d want it again for the duration of this limitless trip.

Your head turns to face him when he comes back, and he’s searching for his boxers. You grin to yourself, hiding it behind your arm.

It was like the nights he’d come over to your apartment. Covered in motorcycle grease, still in his coveralls that were gone in minutes when you’d rip them off his lean body, fucking all night into the summer morning. When he’d make you yell into the cool night, no worries of being caught. Those memories always made you smile, and warm. They were always fun to revisit.

So what was the harm in adding to them? Making this trip your last summer fling with him? Maybe it wouldn’t end in pieces like before.

“Sleepy?” he asks, turning the light off and crawling into bed again. You nod, closing your eyes as he drapes half himself over you.

It was just like those summer nights and warm mornings again.

*insert evil laughter here*

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND this is where part 1 ends, but here’s part 2! 

[dibidibidismol]

For the Anon who wanted me to answer all the questions: I hope you're happy.

— 1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

A Baby named orlo 

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

Depends on the situation 

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

My bestest friend and I have a shopping date soon!

4. Are you easy to get along with?

Probably not. I dunno.

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

Yeah, probably.

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

People who use she/her pronouns.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

Probably not.

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

Byun Baekhyun.

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

No.

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

A group of close friends.

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

  “Great!”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Expect by Girls Day

Eternity by VIXX

Tried to Walk by B1A4

Sorry by The Rose

Closer by Oh My Girl

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

So long as they don't tangle it.

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

I believe in chance.

15. What good thing happened this summer?

I got a scholarship to a programme I applied for! Met some new friends!

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Hell yeah. A sweet baby gave me a smooch. Baby kisses are the best.

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

I think it's a possibility.

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

They moved far far away.

19. Do you like bubble baths?

Not really.

20. Do you like your neighbors?

Yeah, I babysit for them sometimes.

21. What are your bad habits?

I'm a sucker for my dog. I give him too many treats.

22. Where would you like to travel?

I'm not much of a traveler but I hear Portland Oregon is nice this time of year.

23. Do you have trust issues?

Probably?

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

Afternoon Tumblr, Spotify and Tea time.

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

My nose.

26. What do you do when you wake up?

Do my daily language learning sessions and wash my face.

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

Lighter

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

My dog and/or friends.

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

Hahahahahahaha No.

30. Do you ever want to get married?

Yes.

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

Yep.

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

I'm Demi, and don't know any celebrities.

33. Spell your name with your chin.

Done.

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

I've done a lot of basketball and a bit of track and field.

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

I don't watch much T.V anyways.

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

Story of my life.

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

When in doubt talk about the weather.

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

She/her pronouns, actually reciprocates my affections, ace/demi friendly, not allergic to dogs, fluent in English, mildly intelligent, has a compatible sense of humor, not abusive.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

Target, H-mart, Costco,

40. What do you want to do after high school?

College and Law school 

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

Not everyone, but most people.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

I’m tired, thinking, or listening to music.

43. Do you smile at strangers?

Unless they're giving off bad vibes.

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

Outer space. I have a fear of the deep ocean.

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

Devotion to my dog.

46. What are you paranoid about?

Germs, skin cancer, the deep ocean, my friends not loving themselves enough, everyone I know secretly disliking me, etc.

47. Have you ever been high?

On caffeine.

48. Have you ever been drunk?

On life.

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

Yes. But I'm telling y'all anyways. (My dog was giving me sad eyes so I gave him a treat. And then another. And another. And another. So he ended up having like half the bag.)

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Black

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

Oh yeah. I've been jealous of many of my friends. They're all so attractive and funny and smart and I'm just kinda there.

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

I wish I was more intelligent.

53. Favourite makeup brand?

I don't wear enough makeup to be able to differentiate between the brands.

54. Favourite store?

I like Eastern Asian grocery stores and Target.

55. Favourite blog?

My absolute favorite recently deleted, but my current favourites are @homosexo-l @ot-nine and @queerfictionwriter

56. Favourite colour?

Black, Crimson, and shades of purple.

57. Favourite food? 

Right now I'm a big fan of carrots.

58. Last thing you ate?

An egg and roasted mushroom on a hamburger bun.

59. First thing you ate this morning?

Fruit and protein smoothie with whole grain toast.

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

I’ve won a couple basketball related things, a handful of academic awards, speech tournaments, and a few other things I'm forgetting.

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

When I was really young (7 or 8) I was suspended for taking the cookie sprinkles from the class cabinet and distributing them amongst our classmates.

62. Been arrested? For what?

Nope.

63. Ever been in love? 

Yeah. It sucks.

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

We both leaned in. *smooch*

65. Are you hungry right now?

I'm hungry for Love and Affection.

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

Nah. I love my real friends a lot.

67. Facebook or Twitter?

I don't have either.

68. Twitter or Tumblr.

Tumblr.

69. Are you watching tv right now?

I don't really watch TV.

70. Name of your bestfriend? 

Mira

71. Craving something? What?

Craving love and affection. Also garlic eggplant.

72. What colour are your towels?

White.

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

Four big ones plus eightish throw pillows plus five pillow pets.

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

They have their own corner of my room.

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

60? I have a ton of tiny ones.

75. Favourite animal?

My dog.

76. What colour is your underwear?

Black and Pink.

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

Chocolate.

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

Banana.

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

Black.

80. What colour pants?

Black.

81. Favourite tv show?

I don't really watch TV but I like Ask us Anything/Knowing Bros and I liked Weekly Idol pre-current MC line up. I also like the Great British Baking show.

82. Favourite movie?

Tangled 

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Mean girls? I haven't seen pt2.

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

Mean girls? I haven't seen 21 jump street.

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

I don't really remember the characters, but I think I liked the teacher.

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

Dory!

87. First person you talked to today?

My dog.

88. Last person you talked to today?

See above. :)

89. Name a person you hate?

Donald J. Trump

90. Name a person you love?

Amber Liu!

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

Donald J. Trump

92. In a fight with someone?

My mother.

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

4?

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

6?

95. Last movie you watched?

The Lorax 

96. Favourite actress?

I dunno. I don't watch a lot of TV.

97. Favourite actor?

See above.

98. Do you tan a lot?

I would if I didn't stay inside so much or if I were to lay off the sunscreen. 

99. Have any pets?

I have a dog. He’s the bestest. I could go on about him for hours...

100. How are you feeling?

I'm a little tired but my dog is here next to me  so I'm good.

101. Do you type fast?

I'm alright on an actual keyboard, but touch screens slow me down a lot.

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

I regret having picked the wrong Duolingo chest and only getting one Lingot instead of five.

103. Can you spell well?

My initial guess tends to be correct, but I tend to doubt my spelling capabilities and confuse myself over wether or not I was correct.

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

I miss the group of people who I went to school with for seven plus years. We were used to each other and it's hard to replicate that camaraderie. 

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

Nah.

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

Hahahahahahaha No.

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

I took riding lessons when i was younger.

108. What should you be doing?

Baking a pie. I want pie.

109. Is something irritating you right now?

America’s President.

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

Yes.

111. Do you have trust issues?

See #23

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

My friend/ theripast @squish-io

113. What was your childhood nickname?

Dictionary.

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

Yes.

115. Do you play the Wii?

No.

116. Are you listening to music right now?

Yes.

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

I'm Vegetarian.

118. Do you like Chinese food?

Half of my family is Chinese so I only like the good stuff.

119. Favourite book?

The Monsters of Templeton by Lauren Groff 

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

No.

121. Are you mean?

Maybe?

122. Is cheating ever okay?

Once I cheated at Pandemic. The rules of the game were too complicated and I was playing against an expert.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

Probably, I don't have any though.

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

I believe in attraction at first sight but not love.

125. Do you believe in true love?

No.

126. Are you currently bored?

Nah, I'm answering these, it's pretty fun.

127. What makes you happy?

My dog! Kpop crack! Tumblr(sometimes)!

128. Would you change your name?

Maybe.

129. What your zodiac sign?

It starts with a “P”

130. Do you like subway?

Not particularly.

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

First of all, that would never happen. Either way as my best friend they would know that I'm gay and so if their pronouns are not she/her it wouldn't be an issue. If their pronouns were she/her then... I dunno. Depends on what would make them happy.

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

See #10

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

Shawty imma party till the sundown (so I can make it back in time for curfew) 134. Can you count to one million?

Yes. For efficiency I'd count by 500,000s.

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

 “I'm straight”

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

I can't sleep with the doors open.

137. How tall are you?

Smol.

138. Curly or Straight hair?

Wavy.

139. Brunette or Blonde?

The former. 

140. Summer or Winter?

Winter.

141. Night or Day?

Night.

142. Favourite month?

November.

143. Are you a vegetarian?

Yes.

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

Dark.

145. Tea or Coffee?

Tea.

146. Was today a good day?

Sure.

147. Mars or Snickers?

I don't eat either.

148. What’s your favourite quote?

 “Love is like a fart. If you have to force it it's probably shit.”

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

No. 150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“Well,” Miss Morgan said, her voice losing conviction, “what do you mean, talking about people dressed like me? Blue hats, and so on?”

[lookatthedawn]

Ten Things I Won’t Miss

I take a walk around the Ho Hoan Kiem for the last time.  It's been less than two months since I first set foot in Hanoi, and now I'm filled with nostalgia for the first days of my arrival when everything was a novelty.  I've grown accustomed to the language, to street vendors, tourists, to scooters swerving around me, crowded streets and little shops.  I can see why Lady came and stayed.  It's easy to stay here.  I shop for a few souvenirs then head to my favorite cafe in Hanoi; the Tous Les Jours!  I take a seat on the second floor, open my laptop and work while having one of their delicious pineapple bread.  The cafe has wi-fi and soothing golden lighting, while outside the window the blue sky gets darker with each passing minute.  The soft music is perfect and the staff is super friendly.  Today there are few customers besides me, and I appreciate that too. My only problem with the place, as well as most cafes in Southeast Asia, is that tea and coffee are served in such tiny cups.  In South America is the same thing; you ask for a cup of coffee and get a little sample.  They're rather proud of their coffee beans, but never want you to be satiated.  Instead, they dispense it like medication.  I miss the States' big mugs and free refills! I'm at the end of my summer internship, and I've loved being here.  However, there are a few things in Vietnam I will not miss.  Let's make a quick list, shall we? 

1) Probably the number one thing that really gets to me is the habit the Vietnamese have of clearing their throats and spitting on the ground.  This happens everywhere.  You're walking around the beautiful Ho Hoan Kiem lake, having the best thoughts conceivable to men, then you hear someone right beside you making a deep sweep in their throat and spitting its phlegmatic contents right on the path.  Gosh! I do avert my eyes, my ears, and all my senses as I find the habit deeply repulsive, but this seems perfectly normal and acceptable in the Vietnamese culture.  I want to ask them if you have to do that, can you at least spit in the nearest trash can?   Close related to that is their habit of picking their noses.  It's not that people all around the world doesn't do it, but there's a time and place for everything, which is a concept that evades the average Vietnamese.  Also, consider dropping the habit altogether and using a tissue instead.  

2) Poor sanitation. This is both a personal issue and a major social one.  I believe many people wouldn't want to visit Southeast Asia because they don't do well with a hole in the ground instead of a toilet bowl.  So, yes, my travels would have been much more pleasant if I could count on proper sanitation, but I also believe that these countries could get a major boost in tourism, and consequently in the economy if they just made sure that public restrooms were properly equipped and clean.  

3) Cutting in line.  This only happens when you're in line, so, it's not a constant pebble in my shoe, but when it does occur, it's unbelievably annoying.  How can anyone think that this is okay?  How do they feel when someone cuts in line in front of them?  I have talked to Vietnamese people about that and they laugh like it's a Vietnamese cute quirk.  It's not cute! A quirk shouldn't interfere with everyone else's schedule.  It's not that Vietnamese people are arrogant, because generally, they are not.  It's just that they don't put that much stock in this kind of social organization.  On this matter, China is quite different.  Even by visiting the Chinese embassy in Hanoi one notices that cutting in line is a major no-no.  Chinese people can be very rigid on a lot of things, not always sensibly, but in queueing they can teach Vietnam a thing or two.

4) No sidewalk to speak of.  Well, yes, there are sidewalks, but they're not for walking.  They're used primarily as parking spaces for scooters. If there aren't parked scooters, or if there's extra space, then people may walk.  But most likely, it's been already taken by tables and people cooking, eating, playing checkers, or fixing appliances.  If you're walking on the sidewalk at rush hour, remember that the sidewalk is free game, and you'll most often see a motorcycle rushing at or behind you.  The fun never stops. 5) Smoking.  This is something that surprised me.  I thought that smoking was in decline all around the world, but apparently, that's not the case in Vietnam -- especially among young people.  The Vietnamese young men and women seem unmoved by the disturbing ads on cigarette packages. Everywhere you go, there are people puffing away. What I find ironic is that most people use a mask on the streets to prevent contamination by air pollution but see no problem in lighting a cigarette.    

6) Trash.  Sometimes I think of Vietnam as a person with low self-esteem,  who just doesn't realize his potential and how precious he is.  That would explain why they don't care much about some of their beautiful beaches and parks.  That's not generalized, and Hanoi has many places well cared for, but in a beautiful beach in Phu Quoc, for example, there was plenty of trash, so that you had to watch where you stepped. The rule of thumb seems to be that, unless a place is considered sacred, like a pagoda, or classified by UNESCO as a World Heritage Site, it doesn't require maintenance.  Therefore, if you visit the Temple of Literature, for example, you'll find it clean and well maintained, but if you take a walk around a small park or lake, it might be littered with empty bottles, food wraps, and dog feces.  

7) Toothpicking. After a meal, most people in Vietnam reach for the toothpick -- which is conveniently placed on the table -- to do some teeth cleaning.  Okay, this is a personal peeve of mine.  As a teenager, I worked as a dental assistant and that was something my boss hammered in his clients' minds; don't use toothpicks on your teeth, it does more harm than good.  The Carefree Dental site has the following to say about the habit: "...if you're not careful, you could be damaging your tooth enamel, lacerating gum tissue, and even causing a broken tooth... Additionally, aggressive toothpick use could damage the roots of the teeth, especially where the gums have pulled away from the teeth leaving root surfaces exposed. A broken splinter could also lodge itself in the gum, resulting in an infection if not removed."  I understand the drive to get food from between your teeth after a meal, but there are other ways, more effective, to do that, like flossing.  I also don't like the fact that this is done at the table, but that might just be me.  I'm one of those people who believe that a restroom is a perfect place to put yourself back to rights.  Especially if that restroom is well lit, has all the appliances and is clean. #see sanitation above.   Vietnamese people are notorious for bad teeth and oral hygiene, and I believe that toothpicking is only one more bad habit in a multifaceted issue. https://www.carefreedental.com/resources/16-dental-tips/153-10-bad-habits-that-are-hard-on-your-teeth

8) Unwelcome solicitation. Vietnamese people are very helpful and most of the time their help is quite welcome.  However, it can get annoying when you can't take a ten-minute walk without being offered at least five things.  It's fruits, hats, juices, food and, of course, rides.  There's a man leaning on a motorcycle at almost every corner, and every one of them asks if you want a ride.  That's also the case in Cambodia, Thailand, and Laos.  It's nice to have rides easily available, but it becomes a pain when you can't go twenty steps without having to decline something.  There are also those who follow you for a little while, insisting.   If you do accept whatever they're selling, be ready to haggle.  Sometimes haggling is fun, especially if you're doing it for exercise and are not very interested in the product. But in that case, I'd rather spend my time in more interesting conversations.  When making purchases, I like straight-forward transactions. I prefer fixed prices and being able to count on finding the same product at the same price day after day.

9) Scarcity mentality.  The scarcity mentality is the idea that there's never enough to go around.  I use the word never instead of not, because the scarcity mentality subscribes to a sort of pessimism.  It's not that there isn't enough for today, but a constant belief that tomorrow there won't be enough either. Some people with this mindset are very selfish, believing that resources cannot be shared since more for you means less for me.  I'd not say that the Vietnamese is selfish, much on the contrary.  The people I met in Vietnam were very considerate and extremely generous, especially my supervisors and colleagues at The Gioi.  However, the notion of poverty is very present in the Vietnamese society's words and actions.  This is hard to explain, so I'll give a few examples: the tiny teacup at homes and cafes, as I've mentioned before, the scant toilet paper, narrow streets, tiny bathrooms, little water in the shower, bath towel about the size of an American hand towel, recycled water for many needs like washing dishes, flushing, etc.  Anyone who knows me knows that I dislike waste and truly believe we should use our resources more effectively.  My problem is with the mentality itself, with the belief that we don't have enough, the posture that everything is scarce today and tomorrow will be worse.  While I can't speak much about the economy in Vietnam, I do notice that people have money to eat out, to buy cigarettes, to go to the movies, and to travel.  And yet, that cultural restriction is often present, as though the resources are meager and must be carefully divided.   I have often compared Vietnam with Brazil, and on this too the similarity is astonishing.  I was away from Brazil for twenty-four years, and at my return, I was surprised by the size of things like soap bars, peanut butter jars, mayonnaise, jam, tomato sauce, shampoo bottles, and of course, teacups!  Do people eat or use less of a product because it's in a smaller package?  Or do we use or eat as much as we need, independent of the container?  Like Vietnam, Brazil also keeps and encourages a scarcity mentality.  In a culture with this mindset, goods are distributed as though from a parent to a child -- this is all you can have, Junior, so make sure it lasts, -- while in places with an abundance mentality, goods are spread freely, even if they are meager, with the trust that people will responsibly take what they need and nothing more.  In this case, people are treated like responsible adults and not like children who can't be trusted. 

10) Order and Progress. It could be the slogan on a flag, right? Oh, wait! It is! It's the slogan on the Brazilian flag.  And it doesn't work very well over there.  But, disappointment notwithstanding, it's a good slogan.  No.  It's a great slogan because you really can't have progress without order.  I'm sure if one day Brazil succeeds in attaining the first part of the slogan, the country will have no problem with the second. Order, or organization, allows us to take a full assessment of our surroundings. It's by organizing that we know the resources we have and can plan around what we don't have. While traveling in Southeast Asia I noticed that the absence of some basic structures -- sanitation, for example -- is not the result of lack of resources. Everything necessary for an efficient and pleasant rest stop, for instance, is already there.  The electrical wires in Phnom Penh is an example of that; apparently, the Cambodian capital expanded quickly and there was an immediate need for more and better electrical wires.  Instead of organizing and extending the existing cables, they haphazardly added more as demand increased so that now it's a tangle of wires which defy logic.  I can only imagine how electricians deal with that mess.   So, why can't it be organized?  I don't know.  Perhaps they have been dealing with bigger emergencies, putting out fires for too long, or maybe order is just not a high priority in the Vietnamese culture.  However, there are places where much thought and planning have been applied, like the Train Tien Plaza in Hanoi, a shopping center with all the organization and sophistication one can expect.  The airport, some hotels, stores and upscale restaurants show a stark difference to the facilities for the public, which have yet to benefit from the same kind of organization.

[pansexual-potatoes]

Who is your hero?: I don’t have one.

If you could live anywhere, where would it be?: I’d become a woods witch, of sorts. I picture it as a cabin so deep in the woods you only find it if you’re lost. Me, my dog and Frank (if we’re theoretically still married) in a very cute cabin with a little mailbox that’s never used and a short walkway to nowhere in particular. I’d have foxglove and lupine up front, hosta and ferns in the shaded areas and a wooden fence around my garden. No driveway but I’d have a shed with a snowmobile, snowblower, and shovel for the winter and a four wheeler, and a tiny car for the summer. I’d have a fire pit for campfires, a hot tub and a pool. Attached to the back of the house would be a greenhouse with a dining area for warm weather. Despite my rural living, I’d get great cell service and excellent internet.

What is your biggest fear?: Losing the people I care about.

What is your favorite family vacation?: My family growing up didn’t do vacations but my husband and I do. I also do fun stuff with my best friend.

What would you change about yourself if you could?: My looks

What really makes you angry?: Disrespect

What motivates you to work hard?: I have bills to pay, and we need to eat.

What is your favorite thing about your career?: I enjoy the plants. I work in a commercial greenhouse and for most of the year the plants are really nice.

What is your biggest complaint about your job?: the pay and lack of needed benefits are big problems.

What is your proudest accomplishment? I’m still here.

What is your child's proudest accomplishment?: Bailey learned to lay down. So far he’s learned Sit, Shake and lay down. I think next we’ll teach him to stay.

What is your favorite book to read?: cookbooks, lol. I actually love reading but my eyes can’t do it much anymore.

What makes you laugh the most?: memes

What was the last movie you went to? What did you think? I don’t like movie theaters. I think the last movie I saw in one was the newest grinch movie and I thought it was a cute movie. I liked how they humanized him and brought his situation into scale.

What did you want to be when you were small? An oceanographer, then a marine biologist

What does your child want to be when he/she grows up? Bailey, I’m assuming, wants to be a smart, happy and curious doggo.

If you could choose to do anything for a day, what would it be? Mentally healthy

What is your favorite game or sport to watch and play? I don’t watch sports.

Would you rather ride a bike, ride a horse, or drive a car? Depends on what I’m doing. If I’m in hell being punished, then you’ll see me on a bike. Horses are nice for leisure. Car if I have errands to run or am busy.

What would you sing at Karaoke night?:

I’m not singing

What two radio stations do you listen to in the car the most?

I don’t listen to the radio. I have Amazon music

Which would you rather do: wash dishes, mow the lawn, clean the bathroom, or vacuum the house?

Any of those except the dishes.

If you could hire someone to help you, would it be with cleaning, cooking, or yard work?

Yard work. I don’t trust people that much except a very few people so cleaning is out of the question. I love cooking so wouldn’t need help there usually either. Yard work is impersonal enough where I’d feel more comfortable with someone doing that.

If you could only eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Salad. Anything can be a salad if you try hard and believe in yourself

Who is your favorite author?

Anne Rice

Have you ever had a nickname? What is it?:

Not any that weren’t degrading

Do you like or dislike surprises? Why or why not?

Generally not a fan. I have anxiety and I don’t like being the center of attention.

In the evening, would you rather play a game, visit a relative, watch a movie, or read?

Any except visiting relatives.

Would you rather vacation in Hawaii or Alaska, and why?

Hawaii. The warmth and hiking would be incredible, the beaches pretty and the cold makes my body hurt.

Would you rather win the lottery or work at the perfect job? And why?

Hm. Win the lottery. It would allow me to help not just myself but others too.

Who would you want to be stranded with on a deserted island?

No one. If I’m stranded, I’m not going to make it. I don’t want someone else to go through that. I’ll just suffer alone, thanks.

If money was no object, what would you do all day?

Help people who are struggling.

If you could go back in time, what year would you travel to?

2014.

How would your friends describe you?

According to them, I’m nice but straightforward.

What are your hobbies?

I like cooking, hiking, makeup, and relaxing

What is the best gift you have been given?

Companionship in all it’s forms.

What is the worst gift you have received?

Domino’s and a pack of socks to share with my brother (we had to share both). This was from my moms second husbands mom and we had to sit and watch our then step sister open a pile of gifts. We were kids, and my mom and her second husband had been married for a few years at that point so there was zero reason for us to be treated like that.

Aside from necessities, what one thing could you not go a day without?

Hope

List two pet peeves.

-Disrespect

-Laziness

Where do you see yourself in five years?

Hopefully further along with my mental health

How many pairs of shoes do you own?

3- 1 for home, 2 for work

If you were a super-hero, what powers would you have?

I’d want to be able to financially help people

What would you do if you won the lottery?

First, before I tell ANYONE, my house is getting paid off. Ditto for all our bills. Once all that’s done, then I’ll let Frank know. From there on we decide what we want to do together

What form of public transportation do you prefer? (air, boat, train, bus, car, etc.)

Train isn’t bad, neither is bus.

What's your favorite zoo animal?

Hippos.🥰

If you could go back in time to change one thing, what would it be?

If Frank and I could go back with the knowledge we have now we wouldn’t get licensed for foster care.

If you could share a meal with any 4 individuals, living or dead, who would they be?

My husband, my best friend, Nina, and Gerard Way

How many pillows do you sleep with?

2 when I’m awake, 1 once I fall asleep

What's the longest you've gone without sleep (and why)? Like 3 days. I was having a mental breakdown and ended up in the hospital.

What's the tallest building you've been to the top in?

No idea.

Would you rather trade intelligence for looks or looks for intelligence?

Depends on the ratio between what you lose versus what you gain.

How often do you buy clothes?

As needed.

Have you ever had a secret admirer?

Of course not

What's your favorite holiday?

Definitely Christmas

What's the most daring thing you've ever done?

I fought continuously for ownership of myself in a house where I was viewed as less important than furniture because I was female. I dressed as a boy, quit bathing and became as repulsive as I could so I wouldn’t be attractive to the men or women in my moms lifestyle.

What was the last thing you recorded on TV?

I don’t

What was the last book you read?

Working on a new one.

What's your favorite type of foreign food?

Love Asian foods I’ve tried

Are you a clean or messy person?

Messy, I guess.

Who would you want to play you in a movie of your life?

No one. I wouldn’t want people to see what I went through.

How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

About a half hour

What kitchen appliance do you use every day?

The Keurig

What's your favorite fast food chain?

I don’t like most of them, tbh. Maybe Subway?

What's your favorite family recipe?

My moms bread recipe

Do you love or hate rollercoasters?

As long as they’re not super tall I don’t mind them

What's your favorite family tradition?

The Christmas Poinsettia

What is your favorite childhood memory?

Probably meeting my best friend.

What's your favorite movie?

The nightmare before Christmas

How old were you when you learned Santa wasn't real? How did you find out?

I don’t remember.

Is your glass half full or half empty?

I’m just glad it has something to drink

What's the craziest thing you’ve done in the name of love?

I got married.

What three items would you take with you on a deserted island?

Food, water, and a boat to get me home.

What was your favorite subject in school?

Band.

What's the most unusual thing you've ever eaten?

Pets

Do you collect anything?

Dishes.

Is there anything you wished would come back into fashion?

Comfortable clothes. I’m going to wear them regardless but it would be nice to have a bigger selection to choose from

Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

Absolutely an introvert.

Which of the five senses would you say is your strongest?

Touch

Have you ever had a surprise party? (that was an actual surprise)

No and I’m fine with that.

Are you related or distantly related to anyone famous?

Not that I’m aware of.

What do you do to keep fit?

Lol.

Does your family have a “motto” – spoken or unspoken?

Nope.

If you were ruler of your own country what would be the first law you would introduce?

Baseline living guarantees

Who was your favorite teacher in school and why?

I didn’t really have a teacher I was close to.

What three things do you think of the most each day?

My family, my job, and my obligations

If you had a warning label, what would yours say?

Warning: Avoid asking questions you don’t want an honest answer for. All attempts at niceness will be tried but there is no guarantee of satisfaction.

What song would you say best sums you up?

I have no idea. There are many who describe parts of me but not one I can think of that describes me as a whole.

What celebrity would you like to meet at Starbucks for a cup of coffee?

Weird Al. He seems like a pretty chill guy who wouldn’t mind chatting with an average person.

What's the most interesting thing you can see out of your office or kitchen window?

My lilacs.

On a scale of 1-10 how funny would you say you are?

Like a 2

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Hopefully much further along with my mental health

What was your first job?

Picking pine cones out of this ladies yard.

If you could join any past or current music group which would you want to join?

None.

How many languages do you speak?

English and a lot of American Sign Language

Who is the most intelligent person you know?

My husband

If you had to describe yourself as an animal, which one would it be?

Probably a bear. I’m not super social, enjoy sleeping through the winter as much as possible, am selective in my social obligations,enjoy fish and berries, avoid people if possible

What is one thing you will never do again?

Drive a semi.

[moriacavandish]

Growing old is a gift

What is it like being one year from the big 50? It's such a loaded question.  I look back and it amazes me that I’m this old.  It also reminds me of my failures, my mistakes, my joys and triumphs.  All I can say about life so far. It's a bit of a drama, a few tear jerkers and a lot of comedy.  Which year is my favorite year? Every single one.  Which is my least favorite? Every single one.  Being a parent was and is the most amazing thing that whatever creator or alien or whatever the latest conspiracy theorist believes being a parent is the most amazing frightening crazy time of a person's life.  The struggle,  the wonder if you will kill them before they turn 18.

I can say my son survived.  Barely.  After he left out, it was really hard, I found myself asking who am I? Who was I, and who will I become? I can say as an almost grown up, at least my body is grown up, older, brittle, sore, and don’ t get me started on my brain.  Ooops let me get back there. Now what was I saying right barely avoiding killing my teenager.  Growing a little creature in your belly changes you, I don’t mean looking down and I don’t have toes. I felt secure suddenly as if I knew what I was meant to do with my life.  I made good choices and I made some really bad choices, but all in all parenting shaped me, it soothed the anxiety and the fear of not knowing who I was. Or where I belonged.  So when my son left home, I fell hard.  All the old questions came back.  It wasn’t just the emotional change but the dramatic changes in my life, and routine.  I no longer had to spend 23 hour of the day caring, and loving and feeding and changing a life.  I was no longer needed as a primary caregiver.  I was totally lost.  I am proud to say I am only slightly lost now.  I started to look at the good things. I met my soulmate, good thing, I published my first article? Good things.. I discovered I like to eat cookies, as much as I like baking them.  I learned to love myself, to be patient when it came to the questions that still flood my head. Who am I? I am Moria, silly , funny, lovable, a loud snorer and generally a kind person, a little temper, and I cry if I can’t get a fish off my hook when I am fishing.

There were a few good things about getting older.  I remember the day my doctor suggested, perhaps it was time for a hysterectomy.  I could have been naked in seconds. I could just see that, he turns to get me a referral and I’m naked and ready.  Bring it on!  For a week before the surgery all I could think was no more Aunt flow, no more on the rag, and no more woman's special time of the month. Special, not the five letter word starting with a B,  I was thinking.  No other creature on this planet can bleed for 4 to 7 days and not be dead.  I would pass by the wall of Girl crap at the grocery store, you know what I mean ladies.  Feminine products cover an entire wall or shelf.  It is vast don’t forget to bring water, or you might not make it to the other side.  Is there really a need for 40000 types of pads, and another 10000 brands of tampons.  But on this day I smiled, pointed at this box then that bag.  I don’t need you, or you, and you forget about it. People are walking past and glancing curiously as I do a little happy dance.  I stood proudly hands on my hips, laughing ha, I am a non bleeder! I laugh again, deeply from that menopausal belly I am free! I laugh again.. And pee. Fuck. Head down I take a few steps to the wall of old lady incontinence products. I sigh, and say aloud, Fuck.  It's alway a trade isn’t it folks. You lose something and gain something.  Besides what's a little pee, here and there.

I notice, my body is a symphony in itself.  Ready and bend down and POP, stand up and CRACK, turn and CRUNCH, take a step and BAM you twist your ankle. I would bow, but my ankle…

The human body goes through 2 puberties ladies. We have all gone through one, but no one tells you after 40, you go through it again.  Ladies, no matter how much we run on our damned treadmill  there's always going to be that one spot that never gets smaller.  Muffin top, that's a word I don’t appreciate. Why ruin the muffin’s reputation? They didn’t do anything wrong. Why name that layer of fat that tips over your jeans muffin tops?  Muffin tops are yummy, they taste good and they make you happy.  Again leave the muffin alone.  Do you remember when your legs didn’t rub together when you walked, so far all it's gotten me is a nausty rash and I can barely move every second day of the week.  This leads to me ordering take out Japanese. Can’t cook if you can’t lift anything heavy, like a frying pan.  I tell myself if I order Japanese its fish, it's seaweed. How many calories could there possibly be? Then I order the chicken yakisoba and an order of deep fried vegetable tempura.  Ding ding ding there's a few million calories. Back on the elliptical. Truly it's a terrible cycle.  At some point I assume I’ll just eat as I work out.  

What was I saying? I ask my partner that all the time, I can be in the middle of a conversation and suddenly I forget the next word coming from my mouth.  Who does this? At least I keep my partner laughing, some days he just watches the chaos, have you ever been making food,  you toss the box and have to dig in the garbage can to retrieve it because after four minutes I can’t remember how high to cook it on. I’m lying for 2 minutes.  Then rummaging again into the trash to look at it once more.  I sometimes laugh at myself. But for the most part, I just stare at my dogs and ask them, Really?  Dogs, get dogs they said, they are so amazing, you will love them always.  Not totally correct, don’t get me wrong I love my two Chihuahuas 99.999% of the time, Mackie and Lola Mae.  But for 4 pound and 5 pound dogs they have a way of taking up most of a queen size bed. They don’t follow the rules very well, and if you don’t give them what they want they will hide under a blanket on their 300 dollar sofa and bark at me, forever. I own a sofa and recliner yet I spend most of my time on the floor.  Get dogs, they said it would be fun.  It's fun, when they don’t listen, and run straight up to a skunk’s ass.  Rock paper scissors is how we decide who does the bathing.  We all know that it is a stupid game;  and I do the washing.  Getting back to the memory thing? Cause in point re read the last paragraph as it had nothing to do really with memory more  to do with dogs.

 I once lost my wallet for an entire month.  What about when someone asks you what your children's year of birth is? Is there anyone out there that suddenly freezes and starts counting toes? Anyone ever play find your glasses? I prefer Clue. Ever forget a phone number! Your own phone number?  God help me cell phones have made me stupid.  Who memorizes numbers anymore.  If you look at my kitchen wall, it's covered in sticky notes. I started buying multi colored packs, at least it looks pretty.  

Regardless I look forward to new things, I am still learning, still healing and still laughing.  Life has a way of surprising us, I heard someone say once, “Growing old is a gift.” how true those words are. Stay funny, laugh make mistakes,  have the big slice of cake!

[deathwalking]

even numbers for randy, odd numbers for alan

alright here we go again!

1.) what’s your muse’s favorite album of all time / favorite artist?

i genuinely don’t think he has one... he barely listens to music in the car. his cult wasn’t exactly big on the radio, you know? maybe someone should give him recs...

3.) do they take baths or showers? do they prefer one over the other?

showers purely because they’re more convenient. 

5.) how many blankets / pillows do they like to have on their bed?

as many as it comes with... he doesn’t give a fuck. one pillow maximum, though.

7.) do they wake up groggy or alert? do they like mornings?

fairly alert, as he was trained to be. he thinks mornings are fine, doesn’t feel strongly one way or the other.

9.) what do they smell like? do they use perfume or cologne?

probably oil and/or gasoline, since he spends his day working on broken cars. helps cover up the murder smell, too.

11.) bar soap or liquid? do they like loofahs?

bar soap because that’s what he grew up with. again, no clue what a loofah is.

13.) do they like the room cold or hot when they sleep?

warm... ( like a freak! ) reminds him of home.

15.) do they know how to drive? do they like to drive?

he does know how to drive! he enjoys it well enough. cares more about the destination than the journey, though.

17.) do they have pets? what kind? dogs, cats, etc?

no. unless you count his sister. /: ( she wouldn’t! )

19.) what are their phobias? do they have any at all?

i think the concept of family in general kinda skeevs him out nowadays but i wouldn’t consider that an actual phobia.

21.) did they have any fears growing up that they’ve since conquered?

not particularly.

23.) how do they show fear? sweating, shaking, blankness, anger, etc?

given his upbringing... he doesn’t! blankness extends to everything, babey.

25.) do they get scared easily? does loud noises, shouting, etc, scare them?

nope! more likely to react to things with curiosity than fear.

27.) what do they never, ever want to speak of, ever?

himself, i guess. he doesn’t talk about his old family, but that’s more out of a desire to be private ( and not in jail ) than the topic being off limits.

29.) is there something they’d like to change about themselves physically?

he wants the big, alien monster body he was promised. >:(

31.) do they have good fashion sense? or do they just wear whatever?

he just wears whatever, doesn’t really care about fashion.

33.) are they too hard on themselves over the little things?

he doesn’t practice self-criticism as much as he should, tbh.

35.) are they possessive over their things? or over other people? both?

yes, absolutely. what’s his is his and anyone getting in the way of that... he will eat them.

37.) what do they think about polyamorous relationships? would they do it?

no. he’s a monogamy kind of guy.

39.) do they have siblings? if so, how many? do they like them?

yes, his sister eleanor. he likes her ( probably more than she likes him ) but ultimately feels more responsible for her than anything else.

41.) where would they want to live if they could live anywhere? why?

wherever those aliens be. he doesn’t even know, sadly.

43.) do they like living alone or with another person / other people?

he prefers living with someone, surprisingly. someone who understands him, that is. random people? no.

45.) what’s their dream job / profession? do they have one?

he simply does not dream of labor.

47.) do they like tv shows or movies? or neither?

neither. freak doesn’t watch television at all.

49.) do they have a creative outlet? if so, what is it?

painting! and... cooking. 

2.) how do they listen to their music? ipod, mp3, computer, cd, records, etc?

records, mostly. the occasional tape.

4.) do they wear their hair down when they sleep, or tied up / braided?

um... down.

6.) what do they normally dream about? nightmares or nonsense?

if he remembers them, usually nonsense. 

8.) what do they sleep in? pj’s, normal clothes, nothing?

nothing, except when it gets cold enough. otherwise, normal clothes.

10.) what shampoo scent do they like the best and why?

scentless, like the psychopath he is.

12.) do they prefer sleeping alone or with someone else?

alone. people are annoying when they sleep.

14.) do they stay up too late? do they like staying up?

he actually has a decent sleep schedule. maybe a little later than most, but he gets his sleep in.

16.) do they prefer taxis / buses / subways, etc? or none of the above?

none of the above, he drives alone.

18.) do they prefer cats or dogs? or neither?

neither. he’s not a pet guy.

20.) what do they hate being teased about? are they teased often?

he was teased for being a little weirdo in school, and for looking poor, but nobody teases him anymore. he doesn’t have anything he could care about being teased over, either.

22.) do they have a fear they want to conquer, but haven’t yet?

the fear of not being in control, maybe. he doesn’t acknowledge that it’s there... but we know it is.

24.) do they have a short temper? what’s most likely to set it off?

yes, and almost anything can set it off. mostly people being real living, breathing things and not malleable objects.

26.) what are they most passionate about? what could they debate about for hours?

the biggest passion randy has is death! whether it’s through work ( opening people up ) or through his hobbies ( he’s not called mcstuffins for nothing! ) everything he does ropes back into it, somehow.

28.) do they have kids? do they want kids? if so, how many?

none. he doesn’t like kids.

30.) is there something about their personality they want to change?

nope! he likes himself just fine.

32.) do they critique others easily? do they judge from afar?

he is extremely judgmental and will critique people over the slightest thing, especially if they work with him... judging from afar is alright, but he prefers to piss people off directly.

  34.) are they the jealous type? what are they most likely to be jealous of?

no, not really. he doesn’t care enough about what people do for that.

36.) would they rather be alone or in a relationship?

alone, for sure. why settle down when you don’t have to?

38.) do they have parents / parental figures? do they have a good relationship with them?

no they’re um, dead. he did not in fact have a good relationship with them.

40.) do they have a big family or a small family? no family?

no family. :)

42.) are they happy in their current living situation? why or why not?

yep! content as can be. he has a good house, a good job, and a good life!

44.) did they go to college, or are they attending? did / do they like it?

nope. no higher education for this rat.

46.) if they could control one thing in the world, what would it be?

you mean, he can’t choose everything? he wants to control death, is that an answer?

48.) do they have social media? do they like it or hate it? obsess over it?

there isn’t social media, man.

50.) where do they see themselves in 2 / 5 / 10 years?

in two years, probably in the same place, but with more of a collection.

in five... maybe moved up in the ranks a bit. moving onto human prey.

in ten, probably in a different state entirely. for crime reasons.