#[ sorry guys but i'd rather give no replies than bad replies so ]

[millieisawriter]

Little acts of kindness

kieran duffy x reader

summary: kieran is smitten with you, and you're oblivious to his feelings (and his attempt to confess them), you realize that love shows up in unexpected places, and now it's up to you to decide if you're ready to give him a chance

wc: 1.8k

all pics taken from pinterest

♡this wasn't requested, but if you wish to request something you're more than welcome♡

Kieran has been in the gang for a few weeks now, after having joined not by choice, but taken hostage. Fortunately, now that he proved to be trustworthy after saving Arthur's life, he was allowed to freely walk around the camp. Mostly, he just took care of the horses, maybe that was all he knew how to do.

Or maybe he actually loved it, and the horses were rather fond of him, too. Even your mare that was usually wary of others, especially strangers, seemed to not mind it when Kieran would brush her, or feed her.

Others would often joke about how alike you and your mount were – both with a short temper, a bit wild, a bit mean. Many believed your horse still wasn't broken, but you could ride her well. It was others that she didn't allow get close to her, especially men.

That's why you were more than surprised when you saw Kieran so close to her. He was brushing your mare's tail, and he could still stand on his feet, which was odd considering your mare's temper.

"O'Driscoll boy." You called out, causing Kieran to flinch, you could tell he didn't see you coming.

"I— I ain't no O'Driscoll, miss." He replied nervously, tired of everyone calling him that name. He didn't even run with O'Driscolls that long. "I'm— I'm sorry, I thought I'd just..."

Kieran trailed off as you approached closer, hoping you won't notice his breath becoming so shallow he could stop breathing at all. And, as you stood right next to him, you saw how beautifully he had braided your mare's tail.

Ever since Kieran has been let off that pole, he was trying his best to blend into the background. Doing just enough to contribute, keep the camp clean and the horses fed, but not enough to catch someone's attention and get yelled at for nothing.

Even though Kieran didn't mind it when you were the one yelling at him. Well, you didn't really shout, but even if you were just snapping at him, or nagging him to do something, he would secretly be happy, because at least you talked to him.

"Maybe you ain't that bad, Kieran."

Kieran knew these words probably didn't mean anything to you, but they made his heart thud in his chest like a train. And you were the outlaw his train was robbed by. And this was the first time you called him by his first name, instead of O'Driscoll boy, or something worse.

You continued, "She doesn't let others get close to her, not the men at least. Guess you're special." Your tone was teasing, but he took your words as a compliment.

"She's a nice horse," Kieran said, "I don't get why others say she's... mean."

Mean wasn't exactly how others described her, but you caught his meaning. "Guess she's very picky. I remember when we were out on a job in Blackwater and she literally bit Micah in the ass. He was so angry, it was priceless. Micah still says she should've been shot long ago, apparently that's what happens to crazy horses."

You laughed at the memory, and Kieran smiled. He didn't know why you were talking to him, but he wanted to enjoy it while it lasted.

"I just..." he hesitated, "I dunno, talked to her. It's kind of like talking to people, you gotta earn their trust."

You hummed thoughtfully, surprised by his answer. It was easy to forget that there was more to Kieran than his stammering and nervous glances. For all his skittishness, he was an intelligent and caring guy - something most men in the gang lacked.

"Or maybe she's just like a stick of dynamite," Kieran allowed himself to joke, "gotta be careful with those."

A short laugh escaped you before you could stop it. "So which one is it, Kieran? Is she nice, or a dynamite stick?"

"Can't she be both? Makes her a lot of work, but she's worth it..."

The look in his eyes caught you off guard. He was talking about the horse, yes, but his words could have a deeper meaning.

Your mare shifted in spot, her ears flicking as if sensing the tension, and Kieran's gaze fell back to her, as if he feared he said too much.

"Thanks for braiding her tail," you switched the topic, "it looks pretty."

The second time you didn't snap at Kieran, but instead were nice to him, was a few days later. There were some tensions in the gang, Micah trying to get inside everyone's heads, Sadie arguing with Pearson, Abigail nagging about John's lack of responsibility more than usually.

So you decided to clear your head and go for a ride. Grabbing the saddle and throwing it over your mare's back, you hoped to be quick so that no one starts nagging your ass about a chore that needed doing.

As you tightened the straps, you felt something was different. You ran your hand along the leather, frowning. The buckle near the stirrup, the one that had been coming loose for weeks, was now repaired. As if someone carefully mended it without telling you, and you had an idea who could have done it.

You've been meaning to fix it for ages, but never had time. Every time you came back from a job, there were chores that needed doing, or people needing something. You barely had time to eat, let alone fix the saddle.

Kieran, as always, was by the horses. Making your way over, you heard a soft melody he was humming as he brushed one of the horses.

"Hey, O'Driscoll boy." You said, but your tone had softened throughout the days.

Kieran's eyes met yours, and you could see the nervousness already setting in. "Yes, miss?" He asked, clutching the brush in both hands.

"You wouldn't happen to know anything about a saddle that needed fixing, would ya?"

He gulped, afraid he overcrossed a boundary. "Oh... yeah, uh, I noticed it needed fixing. So I— I fixed it. Didn't want you falling and getting hurt or... something. I know you didn't ask for help, but—"

You interrupted him, "I ain't mad, Kieran. Thank you, I appreciate it, really."

Kieran's face brightened as if you just handed him gold, his eyes widening. "I'm just happy to help, miss."

The next few days were tiring. Dutch had you running errands for him, some business in Rhodes, and you were so tired you couldn't wait to have a moment to sit down and relax.

You had just rode back into the camp. There was nothing you dreamed of more than sitting down for a moment to drink coffee and talk with the girls. If you were lucky, maybe Grimshaw wouldn't be after your asses for being lazy for more than five minutes.

You had barely finished unsaddling your mare when Kieran approached you.

"Hey, uhh..." he started hesitantly, shifting in spot, "I was wondering if you'd like t-to go fishing... with me?"

You blinked at him, your tired mind only half-processing his words. Fishing sounded like more effort than you had energy for. Besides, you weren't that good at fishing anyway. Like, Arthur was better than you, and he wasn't good at all, which spoke for itself.

"Not sure, Kieran. Kinda just feel like sitting around today, y'know?"

Kieran's face fell just a little, but he quickly covered it with a nod, forcing a polite smile. "I see, I see. Maybe another time."

"Maybe another time."

You walked off to where the girls were gathered by their wagon, and you didn't see how Kieran walked away, his shoulders slouched as if he has just been scolded.

Plopping down beside Mary-Beth, you stretched out with a sigh, savoring the momentary peace. The girl beside you gave you a nudge.

"What did Kieran want?" She asked curiously.

"Oh, nothing," you replied with a dismissive wave, "he just wanted to go fishing or something. Told him I'm too tired for that. Not like I can fish anyway, never had the patience."

Other girls exchanged a knowing look, clearly amused, which only seemed to confuse you. "Oh, honey." Karen chuckled.

You looked between the three girls. "What?"

Tilly spoke, "You don't realize, do you?"

"Realize what?"

Mary-Beth leaned in, lowering her voice. "It wasn't just fishing he was asking you for. He was asking you to spend time with him. Alone."

You paused for a second, maybe too tired to process the meaning. "And?"

Tilly rolled her eyes, clearly struggling to hold back a laugh. "Girl, he likes you! He's been watching you for... well, as long as we've been out of Colter and he could take a proper look at you."

"What are you talking about?" Your tone expressed annoyance, but the blush that crept onto your face told a different story.

Karen interjected, louder than you'd like, "He's sweet on you, god damn it!"

Other girls laughed along as you let the realization hit you. You weren't the one to get involved with men, always too busy to focus on romance. Not like any man in the gang was your type anyway, but now... well, Kieran was a part of the gang too. Maybe it was the time to lay off the hard work to the side and focus on some romance in your story.

"You really think he was asking me... on a date?" You hesitated.

"Yeah," Mary-Beth nodded, "in his... odd, shy way. Probably the only way he knows. Kind of cute, it is."

Karen added, "Must've been the first time poor boy did somethin' like this. And he got rejected!"

Mary-Beth patted your shoulder encouragingly. "Go on, you can still catch him."

Hesitantly, you got to your feet, your heart racing as you made your way across camp. It didn't take long to find Kieran. As always, he was just trying to stay out of everyone's way. He was sitting down, fixing another saddle.

"Kieran?" You said, now with a completely soft tone of voice.

He looked up at you from his work, surprised. "Uh, yes, miss?" He asked, already bracing himself for another disappointment.

And just like that, your mind was empty and no words could come to mind. You bit your lip, thinking. "I was, uh, thinking... about that fishing offer, y'know? Is it still on the table?"

His face lit up, a bigger smile replacing his usual shy grimace. "Yes, yes, it is."

"I think I'd like to go, after all..."

"Great! I mean... good, good." He stood up, setting the saddle he was fixing aside. "I'll, uh, go get my fishing rod."

Your eyes followed Kieran as he rushed off to find the item. Maybe you were blind before, but you weren't about to make that mistake again.

You didn't even have a fishing rod anymore, not after your previous one snapped in half years ago. But you agreed to go, just to spend some time with Kieran. He was so nice, after all, so why not give him a chance.

[kitweewoos]

golden repair

Cw: miscarriage

[read it on ao3]

"Is there anyone we can call for you, sweetheart? Someone you want to be here with you?" the nurse asked as she helped Buck settle into the bed. There wasn't much they could do for him at this point, but they had him on some painkillers, and he had changed into a huge, impossibly thick diaper.

"Uhm. Yeah. Tommy, in my phone, he's the father. Please."

He unlocked the phone and handed it over to her with Tommy's contact open. He hadn't had the heart to block him or change it, still reading TOMMY 🔥❤ as if Tommy hadn't destroyed his heart.

"Okay, you rest, and we'll call him," she said, writing the number down on her notepad. "Does he know about the pregnancy?"

"No, he doesn't," Buck replied.

"That's okay. You rest, then. I'll be back."

The nice nurse disappeared, and left him alone. The wait was excruciating, worse than the cramping or the feeling of failure that was swallowing him, but he wasn't even sure that Tommy was going to show up so he didn't know if he was waiting on something that wouldn't happen.

Then, he heard the sound of the nurse's voice directing someone into a room - his room - and a familiar frame turned the corner. Tommy was dressed in his flight suit, and Buck winced, realizing that he'd called him straight from work.

"Evan," he said. "I - what's going on? They wouldn't give me any information over the phone, just said that you'd asked for me."

"I didn't mean to call you at work," Buck replied. "Your captain's probably pissed, huh?"

"Don't worry about that, any of that. That's - I can handle him. Are you okay?"

"Uhm. Well. Yea - well, no, I'm - I'm not. I'm having a miscarriage actually."

"A miscar- you're pregnant."

"Not anymore," Buck replied, and then winced at himself. "Sorry, that's - I was pregnant. I found out about two weeks ago, and I was trying to figure out how to tell you about the, the baby, but before I could, I started cramping really bad, and bleeding. My doctor wanted me to just wait it out, but apparently I didn't pass all the tissue naturally, and I'm past nine weeks along, they think, so they're considering doing a surgery to get rid of the rest of the tissue. But they're monitoring me in the meantime to see if we can avoid the D-and-C."

"Evan," Tommy said softly, coming to sit in the chair right beside him but he didn't offer his hand immediately to Buck, which ached in his chest even if it made sense. "I'm sorry."

"I know I probably shouldn't have had them call you, you made it clear that you didn't want me, but I just wanted to see you, I wanted you, I wanted you to hold my hand through this."

"You can always call me, Evan, especially if you need someone to hold your hand in the hospital."

"I just didn't want to make you uncomfortable, or make it seem like I can't respect your decision."

"Evan, I still care about you, and I will come when you call. I don't want you to hesitate before you call me, okay? I'll be there when you need."

There were just enough pain killers in his system now that he felt his tongue loosen before he spoke.

"Then, what was the point of breaking up with me, Tommy? Why'd you put me through this if you still care about me and will be here when I need you? Why can't we be together?"

"We - we shouldn't be talking about this right now."

"It's either that or I think about how I'm actively losing the baby we created together, so I'd rather we talk about this, actually."

Tommy flinched, and looked at Buck's hand where the IV was settled, and then back up at his face. There was an honesty there that Buck hadn't ever seen before, and he wanted to live in that openness.

"You terrify me, Evan. You move so fast, and are steps beyond me before I realize that you've moved, and - the last time I was in a relationship like that, the guy ended up realizing that I wasn't what he wanted at all, that he'd found something better with the next guy, and I'd already settled into the idea of us together. It was devastating, and I was left as this empty shell of a person afterwards, just floating from guy to guy in this empty cycle of sex and dates that went nowhere. And I didn't feel nearly anywhere as much for him as I did for you, and not nearly as quickly. It terrified me to realize how much I could lose if you, if you decided that I wasn't what you wanted, either, and obviously, you would move on from me. I'm a fuck up, I'm mean and rash, I've got scars that I've never shared, and I'll push you away when you try to see them. I can get quiet and withdrawn, I'm not this great perfect guy, I'm certainly no one to look up to or admire. I'm just... I'm not someone you would want."

"But I do want you, Tommy. I've been in that position before, too, where someone just decides that you're not enough for them, that you're not it, and I would never do that to you. I'm so in this relationship that I could build a home in it if you'd let me, and I know inviting you to move in with me was stupid because you own a house, and it was too soon because we'd only been together for six months, and I hadn't even told you that I loved you yet, but I do love you, and I want everything that comes with being with you. I want messy fights over stupid shit, and I want making love to you in the morning before you leave for work, and I want to make something worth having, I want to build that with you."

"Evan," he sighed. "You don't know that that won't change."

"And you don't know that it will! You seem to think that I'm some twenty year old still experimenting, and I'm not. I'm almost thirty-three, and I want to settle into something good for me, I did my experimenting already, I fucked everything that moved and I know what I like, and yes, I didn't fuck men, but I don't need to sleep with a bunch of different guys to know that I want the man who came to the hospital to be with me after we broke up so I wasn't alone. I want the man who is here, Tommy, right here, all the broken, angry bits of him, all the sharp edges and rough surfaces, all the places I could cut myself on. I don't just want the man who kissed me in my kitchen and made me realize how many things I was missing, but I want the man who had to keep his mouth shut in the army and under Gerrard to survive, who's scared and lashes out first. I want the man who gave me a second chance after I fucked up our first date, and I want the man who broke up with me out of nowhere and wouldn't let me get a word in. I want all of you, okay? I want you, because when I found out I was pregnant, when that fucking test read positive, I knew that I wanted to share it with you, because you love me, and you would love our child."

Tommy's eyes misted so beautifully, and Buck made the choice for them. He reached out and took Tommy's hand, drawing it back onto the hospital bed by his hip.

"I do," he murmured softly, and Buck squeezed his hand. "I love you. I - I didn't realize how much of me you actually saw, and I thought that you'd just - I don't know - settled for the first guy. But I love you, Evan, and I would've loved our child so much. I'm sorry you're going through this."

"It wasn't the right time," Buck said softly even though he ached thinking about this little bean that they lost. "The next time you put a baby in me, though, Thomas, you had better be there the entire time. Understood?"

Tommy nodded fervently, and leaned in to kiss Buck's hand, pressing his lips to his knuckles sweetly.

"I know this doesn't make up for everything, but I will be so much better for you. You shouldn't have had to go through any of this alone. I'll be so much better for you," Tommy said, and he leaned forward to rest his mouth against Buck's knuckles like a prayer. Buck lifted his free hand and brushed it through Tommy's hair, and sighed.

"You're here now, that's all that matters. As long as you keep showing up, I think we'll get through anything life throws at us."

He didn't kiss Tommy, it wasn't time for that yet, that would come later after an open and honest discussion when one of them wasn't high on painkillers, but he kept his hand moving through Tommy's hair as Tommy knelt his head in prayer over Buck's hand and beyond it his belly. Whatever came next, they could face it, their cracks mended with gold and made stronger for it.

[anzulvr]

ʚɞ On Purpose Karma x (fem) Reader || Chapter: 1 ୨୧

001 Game Time || Next

[Name] was standing behind the chain-link fence, wide-eyed and immersed in the E-class VS A-class baseball game exhibition.

"You can't seriously be interested in this— since when are you a sports fan?" Kaho scoffed.

"Since today?" Truthfully, [Name] wasn't all that interested in the game, her eyes were set on Karma.

"Oh I get it, you've got a thing for one of the players!"

"What? No! Where'd you get that from?!"

"Shindo right? Don't worry, I won't tell!" Kaho noted with a breathy laugh.

[Name] nodded fervently. It was better for Kaho to believe [Name] liked Shindo rather than word get out that she was dating Karma.

It was Karma's idea to keep everything on the down low, that way people wouldn't give her a hard time for being with him.

"Batter number eight, left fielder, Akabane." The commentator on the speaker brought her attention back to the field.

Karma stayed in place, all eyes were on him.

"Hang on, never pegged you as the type to play dirty, sir. If the rules haven't changed this little gambit ain't legal, they're bogarting the infield umpire should have called 'em on it by now."

His voice grew in confidence by the second, "Oh come on, anyone else smell a rat or is it just me?"

Karma turned to face the fence where most of the main campus was spectating from.

"Oh never mind, you guys are morons! Baseballs like a foreign language to ya!"

[Names] peers collectively grew angry, yelling insults back at him. Karma took it all in stride, turning back with a smile, happy to have elicited a response.

No one expected E class to play this well, even Shindo looked defeated, Kunugigaokas star player was struggling to get a hit against the lowest ranked class.

"Preed, do you mind getting us something to drink?" Kaho half-heartedly requested.

"Yeah I've got you, I'll be back!" He scurried off instantly, anything Kaho asked from him went.

"Kaho… don't you think this is a little much?" [Name] asked.

"It's not like they'll find out. Guys are such idiots."

Kaho dated a lot but not out of love, she got a kick out of toying with people, or maybe she wanted to feel loved, [Name] couldn't know for sure, she was only able to make assumptions based on what she saw on the exterior since Kaho wasn't the type to speak vulnerably.

"You're with three guys this time, and Preed is nice, I feel bad." [Name] said disapprovingly, she kept her tone hushed and careful no one was listening in.

"He'll live… Are you with me or against me?"

"Okay, Okay sorry."

If Kaho wasn't with Preed, she was with Seo or Yozo. [Name] couldn't go a day without third wheeling, ever since Karma was moved down to end class she hadn't had anyone else to hang out with.

Who knew baseball could be so intense? At some point Karma dodged a bat to the face by the millisecond, eventually, the game ended, the speakers blasted for the final announcement.

"The game is over, I can't even— this is insane… the winner is, I never thought I'd say this but the winner is E-class…!"

The students from the main campus complained about the loss as they left, the only people cheering were in end class themselves.

"Preed still isn't back, I'll go look for him, see you around [Name]." Kaho sighed on her way out.

[Name] pulled her phone out and sent Karma a message.

message start

[Name] Meet me at the small building to my left?

Karma looked around the field until his eyes caught yours, his focus went back to your contact as he typed out a reply.

[Karma] Yeah just a second Ill have to make an excuse

message end

"What are you smiling about Karma?" Rio grinned while trying to get a peek at his phone from behind his shoulder, unfortunately for her, he could sense her creeping up on him before she got the chance.

"I'm getting a call, I'll meet back with everyone in a few!"

Once he was out of earshot Rio turned to Hinano "What's he lying for? I wasn't able to read his screen but I know he wasn't getting a call."

"That's suspicious… What if he's hiding a girl!" Says Hinano "Or a body!" Fuwa chimes in

"Out of those two outcomes the body seems more plausible…" Rio laughs, she tilts her head as if she's got a brilliant idea, "Hey Ritsu, you should listen in on what he's doing through his phone!"

"I shouldn't eavesdrop… I told everyone I wouldn't do anything without full consent."

Unfortunately for Ritsu, Rio's knack for sweet-talking has always been unmatched, "Exactly! As his friends we have to look out for him, we can't do that if he's sneaking around all the time, doing this would make you such a caring friend!"

"I'd be caring…? I guess that makes sense, okay I'll do it for friendship!" Ritsu, who’s new to all sorts of human emotions and expressions, naively gathers up her resolve. Now she’s just as involved as the rest of the group.

ᝰ ♡

Karma put his batting helmet on [Name's] head "Sorry you had to watch us destroy your class on the field." He bragged, not anything new.

"I was rooting for you, keeping my poker face was hard!"

"Your eyes were shaped like hearts and you were practically foaming at the mouth, your poker face could use some work."

"I was not! Anyway, how are things in E class? You look pretty close with everyone." [Name] turned the topic around.

"Is that jealousy I hear? Cute, but don't worry [Name] I still like you best."

"I'm not jealous! Just a little worried, the way Mr. Ono decided to send you to end class was harsh."

"I'm good I promise, I like it better in 3E, The only thing I miss about the main campus is you." He flicked her forehead. [Name] handed the helmet back to him, playfully shoving it into his chest.

"I know I complain about how annoying you are every day but, I wish Mr. Ono sent me to End class with you."

Karma smiled and shook his head no, "Don't go getting crazy ideas, tell you what, i'll take you out to eat as a consolation prize!"

"It's not a consolation prize if I wanted you to win!"

"Right, so what I'm hearing is, you're paying?"

"I take it back! I'm so upset you won…please pay for us!"

"Fineee…" He feigns disappointment "We'll go to [Café], right after school tomorrow, don't be late!"

[apomaro-mellow]

Hot for Teacher(s) 6

Part 5 / AO3 Link

Steve was too in shock to do anything at first. Then he grabbed Eddie by the shirt and pulled him in close, pressing his nose to his neck where his scent was strongest. Eddie did a very good job of keeping still while an omega he was crazy for sniffed at him so intently.

"It really was you", Steve said after a moment, still so close that Eddie could feel his lips move. "Why didn't you ever say anything?"

Eddie's eyes bugged out of his head. "Me!? Why didn't you? You're the one who was all 'have we met before?' You could've-"

"I didn't know! I mean, I didn't remember!", Steve exclaimed as he moved back from Eddie's personal space. Then he frowned. "I was delirious from pushing out an entire human and nearly falling to rejection sickness. What's your excuse for not recognizing me?", he crossed his arms.

"Baby", Eddie smiled fondly and Steve kind of hated how he was starting to melt at that. "In your words, you had just pushed out a whole human. You were looking rather...disheveled", he put gently.

Steve's face had been red and swollen from the effort, glistening with sweat. His hair either stuck to his forehead or a mess of a nest, sticking in the hair. How was he supposed to equate that person with the one in front of him? It had been a day of high stress for both of them. Eddie had just come from visiting his uncle after a bad accident when a nurse asked him in a rush if he was available to assist an omega giving birth.

"My mom was kind of in a similar situation, so I'm told", Eddie said. "My dad had been arrested the night before. Luckily she was able to get a hold of Wayne so he could be with her."

He could still remember the sour scent in the room, nothing like the lovely way Steve smelled now. Even back then, he'd been in disbelief that there hadn't been anyone that locked him down. Not officially, anyway. And still hadn't. Then Eddie realized he could be the one.

"You know I always kinda wondered what happened to the guy and his kid. Glad I got to find out", he beamed. "Did you ever think about the mysterious alpha?"

"Honestly? Yes", Steve replied. During the worst of him and Billy, it would creep up from the back of his mind. "I didn't know anything about him besides the fact that he'd been there when I needed him. And sometimes I'd wonder if he was like that all the time."

Eddie leaned in a little. "And?"

"And, I found out he's been my son's teacher, guiding him through a formative year of his life incredibly well. He's better than I could have ever imagined."

Unable to help himself, Eddie grabbed Steve's face in a careful hold and kissed him. Steve answered with just the right amount of softness, but then pushed him down onto the couch. Eddie let out a small whimper when Steve pushed his leg between his, brushing against him. Steve grinned against his lips and sat up with a mischievous look.

"You took such good care of me. Time to return the favor."

"Holy shit", Eddie breathed out as he watched Steve slide down his body.

Steve unzipped the alpha's pants and opened them up, mouthing and licked at his cock through his boxers, getting it obscenely wet. Eddie was fully hard in record time. One hand gripped the back of the couch. Steve pulled him out and Eddie wasn't even able to look down as he felt that alluring heat surround him. He knew he'd cum instantly.

But the wet sounds on their own were too much too, so he finally ventured a look. It was a near mistake because the moment he did, his eyes met Steve's and he bucked into his mouth.

"Sorry! Sorry", he said, not meaning to choke the other.

Steve just smiled as he pulled off and licked his lips. "Can you do something for me?"

Eddie just nodded dumbly. Steve could ask him to commit arson. Not that he wouldn't do that anyway, but still.

Steve took the hand that wasn't clutching the couch and put it to his head. "Can you keep my hair out of my face?" He didn't wait for an answer as he put his mouth back on Eddie, sucking away.

Later on, Eddie would think about how the products in Steve's hair did a pretty good job of keeping his hair out of his face and that he'd asked for his own reasons. Eddie thought he was doing well though, fingers digging into his hair and holding it back while Steve went to town on his dick, moaning around it like he was desperate for it.

Eddie was right on the edge when Steve pulled off, suddenly remembering something. He stood up, ignoring the alpha's whines as he pulled him up.

"We've gotta go to the bedroom."

"Oh, yeah, hell yeah." Eddie was all for that.

Steve smirked as he led him by the wrist. He had just remembered that if he had sex with Eddie on the couch there was a chance Shawn would smell that as well. Fragrance spray could only cover so much.

Eddie was so sweet through the whole thing, seeming to not believe that he got to touch Steve like this. Steve encouraged him through the whole thing, wanting to be touched, wanting to be loved on and marked up.

-----------------

The next morning. Steve's alarm went off, reminding him that he had an alpha to get out of the house before his son got back home. In a flurry of clothes, Eddie got dressed. Steve threw on a robe that went down to his knees, preserving his modesty. He followed Eddie down the stairs, sharing about three kisses at the door before Eddie took off.

He pulled out of the driveway and left at nearly the same time that Robin could be seen walking Shawn from her house. At the last second Steve remembered the spray the living room and kitchen. He had just enough time to light a scented candle before Robin was walking in without knocking.

"The stork has come with your baby delivery~!"

"I'm not a baby", Shawn giggled.

"Oh but you'll always be my baby", Steve pinched his cheeks playfully. "Did you get breakfast yet?"

Shawn nodded. "We made our own smoothies!"

"Then you have just enough energy to finish up your homework", Steve decided.

Shawn tried to negotiate going to the park if he finished but Steve sent him on his way because he was seeing the look on his friend's face and thought it should not be addressed around the ears of children.

"I thought you were done slutting around", Robin grinned, eyeing the robe.

Steve rolled his eyes. "It's not slutting when it's just one guy and I'll take you to court on that. Let me shower and I'll tell you everything."

As he washed up, he thought briefly whether or not Shawn should know. He quickly decided that he would ask Eddie first if he wanted Shawn to know that they had actually met much earlier. Once out of the shower, he texted the question to him, understanding if the alpha wanted to keep it a secret for now.

Just because Eddie had been there for the birth of his child didn't mean this needed to suddenly turn serious. They certainly couldn't be too open about it when Shawn was still his student. Parents and staff would talk. And he didn't want his kid getting caught in the mix.

Eddie's reply came a couple of hours later, when they were at the park. Shawn had successfully negotiated.

Eddie: What do you want me to be for you and Shawn?

Part 7

Tag Team

@anne-bennett-cosplayer @aol19 @lololol-1234 @gregre369 @attic-cat-blog @hippieg1rl420

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Am I the asshole for not noticing I hurt my friend's feelings?

I (24F) had a somewhat close friend (24F) whom I've known since highschool but only got closer to recently. I've had a friend crush on her forever and apparently she did too. We share a lot of interests and we're both neurodivergent (I'm diagnosed with adhd, and we're almost certain she has autism). We also sort of bonded over a shared trauma -- basically we got two-timed several years ago by a really abusive asshole.

Anyway something happened a couple of months ago and I feel our friendship has gone downhill since then. It was multiple occasions really: what would happen is that I would say something impulsively, and she would misinterpret it and get sensitive about it, we talk it out, I apologize, and we move on. But one time it was a bit too much that i burst into tears while texting her because I felt I really hurt her and I felt that all my friendships will go downhill because whenever I get comfortable with someone I just completely lose my filter and end up hurting them. What happened that day was that we were hanging out and a guy apparently told her something sexist but I didn't hear him. She came to me to complain and I sort of brushed it off because from the way she said it happened it just seemed he was vaguely pointing out something but I later understood that I was just wrong. Then her dress had a tiny hole which I pointed out to her in front of my boyfriend rather impulsively and she got really upset about that. Later on I was telling her about a book I'd read that had great autism representation that didn't have the character just be -- and here I did the dinosaur arms thing (no offense whatsoever to people who do that; I know full well it's a common thing, I was just saying the character had more to him than just that). The problem is that she didn't hear the part where I was talking about a book character because we were changing tables in a crowded cafe and I was just talking non-stop because that's what I do and she thought I just did the dinosaur arms out of nowhere and got offended but didn't say so except over text later and just looked unwell for the rest of the next half hour before she suddenly excused herself and left. That day she texted me about all of these things and we talked it out and I pretended that I was not literally having a meltdown all while apologizing (but not before I tried to plead my case a bit). This all happened on the same day, but before that there were other occasions too. One time she would be talking about something, then I change the subject, then she'd say I know you didn't mean to but I wanted you to give a reply to what I just said. Another time we had a particularly bad exam which I did okay on, but she was telling about how she botched it. I couldn't tell from her face how serious it was and I gave her what i thought was a sympathetic smile (which she later told me was a weird smile) because I really didn't know what to say and then turned away to look for my boyfriend to check on him as well. She told me that day that she felt that I brushed her off when she was having a difficult time and didn't console her enough.

It's just multiple things that made me feel that I need to be more on guard around her for her sake. She moved to another city recently and even before that we were texting less and less. I even asked her if she was upset about the cafe day and she said no since I apologized and we talked it out, but I could feel something in our relationship changed. It just felt like such a shame because I felt a great connection between us and I have massive difficulties when it comes to making friends. She was sort of my last friend that I felt close to aside from my boyfriend, and now I can't help thinking that the problem has always been me.

Sorry if the post was too long and sorry for the sob story lol

[godlike-enigma]

°•*⁀➷ INTRODUCING MYSELF ! ˘͈ᵕ˘͈

bani ☆ she/her ☆ entp 5w4 ☆ minor (𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗶𝗰𝘁𝗹𝘆 18+ 𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆 𝗯𝗹𝗼𝗴𝘀 𝗯𝗹𝗼𝗰𝗸 𝗺𝗲) // side blog: @ilubeau

HI GUYS !! i post daydreaming-related stuff here but it's also kind of a mix of everything, i'll also post anime related stuff, i'll never really stick to just one thing but what i CAN tell you i'll be sticking to is my centrecosm mostly (my main paracosm, i'm staying loyal to the one i've been building for the past 4 years) it's also a blanket paracosm so there's loads of subcosms inside it but at the end of the day it's linear and takes place chronologically.

i have a few paracosms here and there so that's why i call myself a paracosmist but really and all they'll never compare to my main one. ಠ_ಠ

❤︎ this is a safe place for all madders (ง'̀-'́)ง, i really wanna make friends that are passionate with opening up about their little daydreaming worlds, i'll listen to you yap about it all day long.

PLEASE DO SEND QUESTIONS ABOUT MY PARACOSM(S) OR ABOUT YOURS !! i'll always reply ^-^

MY CENTRECOSM ✧

i have 68 paras (characters). yes. you heard that right. SIXTY EIGHT. i have a whole pinterest board on it and i update it regularly -

https://pin.it/4Yvd42Asm

also yeah i'm a microcelebrity on pinterest idk if you've seen me around but yeah wtvr 😭😭 ALRIGHT LEMME GIVE YOU GUYS A LIL SYNOPSIS ! (i've never done one it's kinda scary)

my paracosm consists of 50 Gods, 7 archdemons, 7 archangels, 2 minor characters including a nymph and Satan's helper, Satan himself, God themself (God doesn't have a gender), and 5 monotheistic Gods, my paracosm has its own lore of different mythologies. greek, norse, and egyptian mythology. fiction has no limits, so i can bend it to fit my desires, i LOOOOOVE mythologies of all kinds, so i made my own lore using the names you see on the pinterest board. all of the Gods have the same power and no ones more powerful than each other except for God and Satan. the Gods are the most beautiful, ethereal, alluring individuals in heaven. Satan made it so that whenever someone who is not a God sees a God's appearance, they physically feel like they can't say anything. this is to prevent any romantic relationships. so whenever, for example, a human who is granted permission sees them, obviously, their initial reaction would be shock and the need to compliment them. right when they're about to do that, they start to feel choked up like they can't get the words out. it'll go on like that until they give up. the gods have noticed that a lot of the time when they show their selves to other people and they start reacting like that.. they start thinking its because they're ugly or something. LMFAOO, they'll be like "damn i'm THAT ugly???" and its so ironic bc they're actually trying to tell them they're more than beautiful, but they CAN'T because of Satan. he has a lot of unreasonable rules, and the Gods just put up with it because they appointed him as the leader whilst God is gone, so they kind of did to themselves... to put it in a nutshell, the Gods have never been complimented. like. ever. so 😭 its only factual that they'd feel like they're the ugliest individual alive. Satan is currently acting as the overseer of the Gods whilst God is away, so he gets to do whatever he wants to. the Gods are the main characters, the archdemons and archangels are side characters, Satan is the antagonist, and God is... mysterious. they don't pop up. ever. so the Gods just assume they don't like them. i can go on and on about this, but i feel like i'm yapping too much ... this isn't even 0000.5% of the story. sorry, guys, this is a really bad summary, but trust me, you'll find out more about it if you follow through with my posts 🙏🏽

tags i'll use (＞﹏＜) :

#𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗺𝗮𝗱𝗱 -> posts that are not daydreaming-related

#𝗯𝗮𝗻𝗶'𝘀 𝘆𝗮𝗽 𝘀𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 -> original posts

#𝗺𝗮𝗱𝗱 𝘃𝗲𝗻𝘁 -> vents about madd

#𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗯𝘆𝗯𝗮𝗻𝗶 -> art i make about my paracosm or anime and stuff

[lemoncrushh]

a sad little life update...

hi friends. I know Tumblr isn't always the best place to post about personal shit, but I feel the need to let some things out, and if you wondered why I've been MIA...

a few weeks ago, I got fired from my job. it was a sucky job, I didn't really like it, but it was close to where I live and it had health insurance. I'd only been there since January. the ironic thing is it was a mental health treatment center. but the owner didn't give a shit about the mental health of his own employees. he just wanted to make money. I ended up sending a long email about how I felt working there and what I was unhappy with (I won't go into those details here). a week later the HR lady told me they were letting me go. not the boss. not my supervisor. nobody else talked to me.

in the meantime (actually the day before), I had reconnected through Facebook with an old high school boyfriend. we exchanged numbers and chatted every day. he had been going through his own shit, but had a new outlook on life, positivity and all that. so he told me he wanted to help me. he lives three hours from me, and he even offered to let me live with him and get a job there. so anyway, he invited me to come visit for a weekend, and I was so excited. although we both agreed not to have any expectations (just see how it goes), we flirted all the time. for the first time in a really long time, I was feeling happy.

when I got to his place, I didn't notice the change at first. but that night he pretty much rejected me. we kissed, but he said we shouldn't "do anything reckless." I was like what?? I let it go because I knew he was tired (he works nights and had been killing it all week). the next day, although he wasn't really standoffish, I kept getting the feeling he was entering the friend zone. that night, he rejected me again (gave me some lame friend excuse), and I cried my eyes out. the next morning he asked if we were okay, but I told him I didn't know. honestly, I couldn't even look at him knowing he didn't want me. so I left. I cried almost the whole way home.

he'd told me to text him when I got home, so I did. but he didn't reply. I kept texting him, but I got nothing. when I finally heard from him, he said he was "giving me space". I told him I didn't want space, I wanted to talk. I couldn't tell if he was angry at me for leaving, or at himself for rejecting me, but I think it's the latter. we had even had a discussion at his place about how I hate when guys ghost me. but that's exactly what he's doing. he told me he was "attracted to my heart and my mind", something about my potential. That was over a week ago. Last Wednesday is the last time I heard from him. I'd asked him what I could do to make things better. he said to let him finish his day and catch up on what I wrote. he has not texted me since, even though I've sent a few more messages.

I feel so pathetic. if it was just some random guy, I probably would have just shaken it off and moved on. but because we had history, and because he'd seemed so adamant (and excited) about helping me, I just feel so lost and confused. my heart hurts so bad. some days are worse than others. today was the worst because I went back and read some of our old conversations. how could he say those things and then take it all back?

when he knew me before, I barely weighed 100 pounds. I have gained another 80 since then. I told him I was fat. he argued I wasn't. but I think once he saw me in person he was disappointed. he was probably trying to let me down easy, hoping we could still be friends. but it ended up biting him in the ass because I got upset and called him on it. he's choosing to ignore me rather than admit the truth because then he'd be the asshole. that is the only explanation that makes any kind of sense to me.

anyway, sorry for the rambling. in the meantime, I'm still living at my ex's house, still trying to find a job. I'm still waiting for my bankruptcy to be filed (just a couple things left to do, but it's taking forever), and I have no money.

because of all this shit, I have had no motivation to do any writing, or even reading. I'm so sorry. I just can't even bring myself to think about it.

rejection seems to be following me everywhere. in my teens, I was always rejected by guys I liked because I was a virgin and they didn't wanna be my first. when I finally found someone, he rejected me a week later to go back to his ex. my own ex husband didn't wanna marry me at first. now that I'm older, men don't want me because of my age or my body. I get rejected for jobs because I don't have a four year degree or the experience they want or I'm too old. I've never been anyone's favorite. never been anyone's first choice.

I had really hoped this old boyfriend connection was kismet. that we had come full circle and were supposed to help each other (even though I never believed in that sort of thing before). I'm so heartbroken :(. it hurts.

[piningpercussionist]

... first and foremost, I would like to apologize for any discomfort I've caused you, Kim. now, I'm not the most... socially apt person. but I really, sincerely, do *not* mean you any harm. I'm not intending to come off as creepy, I can, however, understand why you'd be uncomfortable or perhaps concerned by these gifts and all. (I mean, shit. if somebody mailed me a painting of me dancing with them, I'd be weirded out too, flattered, granted. but weirded out.) I never really expected anything to happen, I guess I just... felt the need to tell you how I feel about you, get *that* off my chest, at least. even if you don't feel the same way that I do. (which is fine, and understandable! I get it.) as for why I've sent you gifts... I suppose I just wanted to show you how I felt with something other than a note or whatever. *just* a note feels kinda cheap. I'd rather give you something that's at least a bit useful to you (hence those custom made drumsticks.). I hope you find success in whatever future endeavors you do. and I hope that you don't find this note too off-putting. enclosed is something that I hope you and the rest of Sex Bob-Omb like. -sincerely, the guy who said he had a crush on you. *enclosed is a folded, custom made Sex Bob-Omb poster, it's actually quite well made. it's an homage to the album 'Ramones', by The Ramones, featuring Sex Bob-Omb's lineup leaning back against a brick wall. unlike the original album cover, it's in color and not black-and-white.*

ooc: answering this as though it is in the nebulous but near future! I just didn't want to leave this lingering any longer; sorry for the delay! Hopefully I have left things vague enough for myself to wedge it back in the timeline of the blog later lol

Kim lets out a long, weary sigh as she finally gets back to the relative peace of her room, taking a moment to rest back against her shut door and scrub at her face. The energy and emotional exhaustion of everything that had happened between the last time she'd been here and now seemed to be sinking into her bones, and she wanted little more than to sink to her knees right there and just be comatose for a while.

She knew from experience, however, that the floor was cold and miserable like that, especially this time of year; so, instead, she opts to shrug off her coat and toss it blindly in the direction of her desk, trudging towards her bed. She closes her eyes and lets herself fall forward into it, ready to finally, properly rest, maybe even unpack her thoughts about everything- but then, she hears the crinkle of paper as she makes contact with the sheets, and her eyes fly open while she rolls to the side and, thankfully, off of the object.

She blinks down at an envelope that had been tossed haphazardly on the bed, probably by Hollie, and after a moment recognizes the style of it. Oh, that one guy... how long has this been here? Did I miss this before I left? She hesitates briefly, mostly just in resistance to the idea of having to continue actively thinking, but sighs and sits up anyway. She won't be able to relax if it's just sitting there, tempting her.

Propping up her pillows, she leans back against them and opens it, pulling out both the letter and the folded poster. She looks over the letter first, and after a moment, lets out another sigh, this time a short, guilty thing. The words feel genuine, so she can't help but feel slightly bad about her previous response, but... Well, if they knew anything about her, they might've expected it. She tries to take comfort in that fact, glancing over in the general direction she left the drumsticks. Then, she pulls out her phone and snaps a picture of the letter, opening her blog to begin her reply.

Hey, sorry this too so long to get back to. Life and things; with how people talk, maybe you've heard about the party by now? Julie's ragers, am I right? The apology is appreciated... and accepted. I think I believe you, especially given you're acknowledging the creep factor there. I'm not really a big gift person, I guess, so it was a little off putting just to begin with, anything else aside. I think you've already given me more than my parents got me for Christmas, and I don't even have a name for you beyond "Crush Guy." But, hey, it's far from the most uncomfortable I've been in these situations, so you're actually doing fairly alright in that regard. Thank you for the well wishes; I'll probably be needing them, ha! And no, I think you've quelled the fires against you, for now. (Joking- this is why I do the stupid videos...)

She pauses briefly, looking over at the newest gift and carefully unfolds it, trying to work out the creases as she goes. Once it's unveiled, she stops to look at it for a long while, a bit surprised by how much she genuinely likes it. She sets it aside with a mental note to hang it up later- ideally before their next band practice. She wouldn't be attaching a photo of it to the post, to help keep the surprise til then.

And again for the gifts. I think the rest of the band will really dig this one, honestly- especially Stills. It's very nice.

She gives it a once over before nodding to herself and hitting send, content. Then, setting the letter and the poster further aside, as to not crumple them, Kim moves to curl up at the top of her bed in a tight ball, eyes sliding shut peacefully. I'll think about things later. Ball time, she thinks idly, and then thankfully, blissfully, proceeds to continue thinking nothing at all.

[whumppmuhw]

morally conflicted whumper

contains: moral issues, electric chair/electrocution, torture devices mention, restraints, torture mention, interrogation mention, death wish, implied death threat, lady whump

so basically what if whumper didn't like whump (but had to do it anyways. I'm emotionally whumping the whumper)

yeah I don't have a name for the other character so X it is

...

"Whumper! Good to see you!" X grinned as they set down the device they were working on. Their cheerful face was in direct contrast to Whumper's disheartened frown and cheerless body language.

"Yeah, good to see you too." He was sincere, and both of them knew it, but it had a grumpy, dismissive tone.

"Why the sad face? Are things not going well for Whumpee?"

"She doesn't like it here, and wishes daily that she could get out. She says that things are unfair, and that this never should have happened to her. Every time she looks in the mirror, she sees a shell of who she used to be. She's depressed, but can't do anything about it."

X had known their friend for a long time, and knew when something was going on. Whumper was never direct about his problems, and would rather avoid talking about them entirely, but his expressions and mannerisms would always give it away. "You're not talking about Whumpee," they accused.

"Mhm."

"How's she really doing? More importantly, how are you doing?"

Whumper decided to focus on the first question, and skip the second altogether. "Fine, I guess. Your electric chair is very effective, and I've been able to get a lot of information out of her."

X didn't show their prideful grin, though they loved hearing good things about their torture devices. "What's her day-to-day like?"

"She sleeps on the floor, no blanket, no nothing, in a cell with her ankle chained to the wall. She gets meals twice a day, and water every waking hour. Mostly I use the electric chair on her, she can't stand being electrocuted, but occasionally I'll use other things on her to mix it up."

Whumper sighed, and X didn't reply, allowing Whumper to continue.

"Don't tell anyone this, but I hate seeing her like that. I hate the way they make me treat her. I hate the way they treat me." He was pacing in a circle now, on a roll. "I don't want to be mean to her. I hate the sound of her screams. Every time she's defiant, I want to take her side, but I can't, so I hit her just to make her shut up. I don't like that either, but I don't want to face the problems. And the bad part is, she'll only ever remember me as the bad guy. I wish they never would have given me this job. You would do much better at it than I am. Hell, anyone would."

"A lot of the others seem to enjoy it. They say stepping into the role of interrogator and torturer can be really cathartic."

"Well, I'm not the others, am I?"

"No, and I get where you're coming from. The role isn't for everyone."

"What would you do if they called you to do it?"

"I'd have to take it, you know that, but...I don't know. Maybe it'd be fun."

"Bunch of sickos," Whumper muttered under his breath.

"Sorry?"

"Nothing. I doesn't matter."

Still, X could see the pent up anger boiling under the surface. "What are you gonna do?"

"I want to leave here."

"They'd kill you."

"Yeah, so what."

"I'd miss you."

Whumper made eye contact with X, and the two thought about what life was like before they came here. Days spent together, laughing and living carefree, before they got wrapped up in this hell. X was having a much better time adjusting than Whumper, and even found their job enjoyable - designing and creating machines meant to break anybody in myriad ways. All Whumper longed for was his old life, something he'd never have again.

"Tell you what," X proposed. "You've almost got everything you need out of Whumpee, right? Once you're done with her, I'll request you come work here with me. I can't say it'll ease your moral qualms entirely, but they'll likely never call you to do it again. And if they do, I'll ask to take your place."

"That'd...be better," and Whumper smiled a small smile, which quickly turned to a frown. "You'd...want to take my place?"

"I'd have a better time with it than you would, yeah."

"You enjoy hurting people?"

"I make all of these devices, don't I?" X sighed, and Whumper almost seemed offended. "Listen, Whumper, things aren't like the way they used to be. I-"

"No," Whumper cut off. "No, you-you used to be good, but you're just like them- I can't, I can't believe you..." He turned to leave, shaking his head, voice wavering.

"Where are you going?" X yelled, but they weren't acknowledged. All they could hope for was that Whumper would do anything that lead him to a fate worse than Whumpee.

[heycoyotegirl]

@fishyyyyy99 Starting a new post cause I didn't want the old one to get super long :P

I don't even know if the other sub ships Daxton, so much as they simply hate Ben. I'd even be okay with the hate if there wasn't so much censorship there. And the sub that I posted on definitely has a Benvi bias with a few Ben super fans (who didn't even really ship Benvi in the past) who post a huge amount about Ben. They don't hate Paxton, but they treat him like he's this boring, uninteresting character which I completely disagree with.

Yeah, I get deleting comments if they're unnecessarily rude/clearly trolls/arguing in bad faith, but it'd be nice if there was a reason given, so it doesn't seem like people's comments are being deleted just because they have opposing views. I did see a couple people hating on Paxton in a post on the Ben stan subreddit, but that could've just been an outlier. I admittedly haven't spent a lot of time on there because I a) don't use reddit that often in general and b) found the fixation on Jaren Lewison kinda weird and off-putting. Either way, Paxton is definitely an interesting character if you're willing to look past the fact that he's more introverted/reserved than Ben and Devi.

While it's fun to read the analyses of Ben on the Ben stan subreddit, it does not scratch my itch to read detailed analyses of other characters so I'm glad I found you.

Aw thanks!! Sorry I’m not faster at replying lol

Thank you for acknowledging that a good love triangle has two viable romantic options. Benvi was always more enjoyable to me because of the existence of Daxton. Ben is fun to watch when he does all that pining. As for why I prefer Benvi to Daxton, before I even knew that Benvi was going to be a ship, I wanted them to be a ship because I love enemies to lovers. And I always loved their friendship. But especially in season 3, Ben and Devi started reminding me of my best friend and myself (whom I'd definitely be very attracted to, if I were attracted to girls).

That’s fair! And you’re definitely right about Ben being at his best when he’s pining.

I normally enjoy enemies to lovers, but Ben and Devi don’t totally hit the beats I tend to want with that trope. And since it’s not my absolute favorite trope (that’d be fake dating), I was more looking at which guy’s personality/vibes seemed to mesh better with Devi’s, and imo, that was Paxton.

Also I felt like what Ben really needed was stable friendships (and therapy), rather than a romantic relationship. To me, Benvi felt like they were at their healthiest and most mutually beneficial when they were just friends. Whenever they were together—or trying to get together—it just seemed to create problems and conflict.

(I’m happy to elaborate on any of this; I just didn’t want to be anti Benvi unprompted lol)

Ben and Devi seemed to really enjoy each other's company in a way that they never enjoyed anyone else's (I know that not everyone may agree with this)

Yeah, my knee-jerk reaction is to disagree lol, but do you have examples/scenes that give you that impression? Ironically, I was grieving for a good chunk of last year (not a parent; don’t worry), which made my already not-great memory even worse, so my recollection for season 3 is spotty.

and they just retreat into their own world which really reminds me of how I am with my best friend even though we don't have a banter-y dynamic like Benvi. That really, really sealed the deal for me. To me, season 3 Benvi is basically just best friends to lovers and I really want my boyfriend to be my best friend too.

Huh, I’ve never thought about this before, but I wonder if the reason Benvi’s banter doesn’t always land for me is because I have a banter-y relationship with my friends (and my academic rivals back when I was in high school), so I’m more picky about how banter is written.

Now that you mention it, I agree that Lindsey's interest in Paxton was not well-developed, but I assumed it had to do with what he did for Eric.

Yeah, I figured it was because he helped Eric, but I still didn’t believe it. Like, she’s at least 22* and meets Paxton when he’s 18**, which is the same age that some of her students will be by the end of the year, since she’s teaching a senior class. And she literally calls him out for his immaturity and then less than six months later starts dating him??

She’s wanted to be a high school teacher since she was in high school, so it feels kinda creepy/like a lack of boundaries that she’d be willing to date someone who, only a year ago, was a student at the school where she’s teaching. Especially since it’s not like Paxton knew that college wasn’t for him and confidently entered the workforce. He’s abandoning his goals and floundering around trying to figure out his life. Even when he goes back to college, he’s still in that weird, not-quite-an-adult period, where he’s still figuring out how to be independent. Which is a hugely different stage of life than Lindsay, who’s a college graduate pursuing her career goals. (And that doesn't even get into the whole long distance thing)

I dated someone one (1) year younger than me when we were both in university, and I sometimes felt like he was annoyingly immature. If I wanted to be a teacher in a high school, I would have a hardline stance about only dating people closer to my age than students’ age. Also imagine if the genders were swapped and it was a guy who had graduated college who ended up with a teenage girl after influencing her life goals? People would have way more issues with the pair.

A mentor-mentee relationship would’ve made much more sense. And, honestly, Lindsay doesn’t have any narrative significance beyond “Paxton’s girlfriend” that couldn’t be filled by another character. Becca or Devi could’ve called him out for being immature and/or giving up on his goals. Devi’s tutoring and encouragement in season 2 could’ve inspired him to pursue a career in teaching. Or it could’ve been Mr. Shapiro who convinced him to become a teacher—Facing History was the first class that Paxton really pushed himself and succeeded in, after all.

Also, it just feels kind of gross to pair Paxton up with an older, much more mature woman, after all the weird sexualization and cougar attention throughout the show.

*I was curious, so I checked the California Commission on Teacher Credentialing, and she'd either need a baccalaureate (for a CL-505p Substitute Teaching Permit) or to still be enrolled in a four-year school, which we know she isn't, since she said she graduated. But with a permit, substitutes can only cover for a teacher for 60 cumulative days. And since she seems to be working there for pretty much the entire school year, she probably has full teaching credentials, which could add at least a year to her time at college.

**I did the math, and his birthday would be December or early/mid January

I will say that I was really annoyed that they made such a huge deal of her slow-mo entry because it felt to me like they were undermining his feelings for Devi. But I've since become okay with it because even Des had a slow-mo entry for Devi and we all know that that was NOT the superior relationship.

Honestly, the slow-mo entry thing seemed weird to me, too. I think it felt like a Devi-specific quirk, 'cause she always cared about looks and popularity more than the other characters. It both felt ooc for Paxton and like they were doubling down on the physical attraction to make up for the fact that the emotional connection between them hadn't really been that well developed.

I was actually okay with Devi not actively pursuing anyone in season 4. I feel like she finally was okay with not being in a relationship and would have been happy even if Ben hadn't come and confessed his love to her. She knew what she wanted and had already asked him out, he was the one who had to work through his issues in season 4. She was even happier to be with Ben but would have been happy single too. And I liked that. It showed growth to me. However, I do wish that there had been a scene in which Paxton had actually expressed interest in pursuing a relationship with her (it's a pity the teacher thing prevented that), and she actually had to make a choice about whether she wanted to pursue that or not. I'd have felt the same way even if Daxton was endgame. I'd have wanted Ben to make his interest known and for Devi to actually have to either reject him or Paxton.

Oh, I didn’t mean that I wanted her to actively be chasing after a guy; you actually articulated my point better than I did: Her rejecting Paxton should’ve been solely her choice, rather than something influenced by the situation. Because as it stands, we don’t actually know if she would’ve rejected him in s4 if his job hadn’t been a factor. It takes away some of her agency to make decisions about her love life if one of her possible choices would get someone fired.

I think it probably would've made sense to have a scene where El and Fab ask if she's crushing on anyone after her breakup with Ethan and have her say that she's happy to focus on school/hang out with them and find some guy in college. (Or a scene with Dr. Ryan that conveyed the same message.) Devi spent the past three seasons chasing after guys, so it'd be nice to have it be in the text that she doesn't feel the need to do that anymore, rather than having it be subtext.

Like, I don’t have any issue with her pining after Ben, but there were times when she seemed more resigned to the fact that nothing would happen with him towards the end of season 4, rather than actually content and comfortable being single.

Also, I agree that Daxton wasn't well-represented platonically in season 4 either. They really did Daxton dirty.

Literally every scene with them could've been platonic (at least on Devi's side) as long as they kept the emotional depth of their friendship, and I would've been happier with the season. I feel like a lot of the relationships this season were either completely forgotten about or sidelined/shallower than past seasons, which was super disappointing.

[fo-plushie]

Thinking about Roman drinking Wade's blood for the first time. Because like.

Wade would think the cancer would make his blood taste awful. What he doesn't know is that because of his mutation he's got life and death going on in his body constantly. He literally tastes like nothing you could ever imagine or recreate.

And Roman can smell it and wants it sooooooo bad but he's trying to be more considerate and a better person dammit, he can't just drink anyone's blood without asking first especially not Wade's, but he's not ready to unpack that yet. But you know Wade, he makes jokes about things to hide how he really feels. But you also know that Roman matches his freak.

So imagine Roman's been putting off feeding for a bit because of various reasons, so Wade makes a self deprecating joke like "i would offer my blood if it wouldn't make you sick" and Roman just goes "wait you really don't know just how fucking good your blood smells to me? if i could i'd drain you dry over and over again and i would still never be satisfied. haha jkjk... unless?".

And this is also pre-relationship. so can u imagine the tension because with Wade's healing factor, Roman could drink him dry over and over. and Wade is just head over heels for this guy, how could he not offer himself up on a goddamn silver platter?

This is all context for this teeny tiny drabble lol

"How do you want me" Wade asks, and Roman chokes on air.

"W- what?" is his stuttered, gasping reply. Wade baring his neck with absolutely zero hesitation does the opposite of helping with this problem. His head is swimming.

"For the blood drinking. I assume you have a favorite position?" oh and Wade is teasing him now, that familiar sparkle back in his eyes after Roman essentially spilled his guts in front of him. Bastard. Roman was a total goner.

"Uhm, not really? I mostly just do whatever I can to get them to stop struggling," and this is said sheepishly, like he was describing a social faux pas rather than cold blooded murder.

"Ooh, kinky, I like it. Well, you know I'm easy. I won't fight and I can't die, so-" Wade spread his arms in clear invitation, and Roman swallowed hard.

"Come and get me, big boy."

"Let's. Let's sit down," Roman says haltingly. This is for multiple reasons: one, he doesn't want Wade's legs to give out, and two, he doesn't trust his own legs either.

Wade goes down easy, putting himself squarely at the kitchen table. The fucker probably knows exactly what he looks like: legs kicked wide, open palms, the hint of challenge in his lopsided smile. Roman's hindbrain is going wild. This isn't the behavior of prey. It's the behavior of a mate. He reminds himself that's not what is happening here in the slightest. Wade is selfless to a fault. This is just a friendly favor for him. Roman can be fine with that.

He notices that Wade is looking at him expectantly.

"What?" is Roman's question, then feels his face heat up (only a little, he really does need to eat) when Wade gestures to his lap. This is it. Wade is going to get to him before the hunger does.

"Well? Are we doing this or not?"

TBC (again)

(Sorry for the cliffhanger I'm getting there)

[basket-of-radiants]

[Warning: Questionable coherence ahead, I'll probably give this a look-over in the morning, but then again I might not, who knows.]

Hey there! Thank you for reading a post you may disagree with in good faith, and thank you for your reply.

Strictly speaking, you are correct. Moash is not concerned over the Kholins, he is primarily concerned over Kaladin. I don't think he cares about Dalinar, he doesn't and shouldn't care about betraying Elhokar, all of his emotions are very much Kaladin-centric. But given that Kaladin serves the Kholins, the distinction doesn't ultimately matter because the narrative result is the same.

Everything with Kaladin is a side effect of his decision to turn on Elhokar. If he hadn't tried to kill Elhokar, Kaladin would never tried to stop him and they never would have fought. Conversely, since Kaladin did try to stop him, there would have been no way for him to avoid fighting Kaladin save for abandoning course. And if he had stayed a member of Bridge Four, he would have remained in service to the Kholins. On a personal level he cares more about his fellow members than he does about the Kholins, but there would not have been any way for him to stay in the group and also bow out of their employ. There's no way to give his ideal self a Bridge Four uniform that isn't blue.

The result is that betraying the Kholins is his catalyst for his spiral into villainy, and then once he's there, his enmity to them is what perpetuates his villainy. Since the Kholins make up the majority of the protagonists, it makes total sense that someone who opposes them is going to be an antagonist. But I still feel it kind of sucks how much of his theming is trampled all over for the sake of making him the bad guy.

I wrote all that nonsense (damn, you people read this stuff? you're all angels, I love you) pre-ROW. I was expecting Moash to go full-villain, and I was fully prepared for that, and yet the results still managed to bother the hell out of me on new levels. There's that meme about the one batman movie where I think Bane or someone talks about how fucked up it is that the rich control everything and are horrible and corrupt and are ruining society, but then he kills a bunch of people so you know he's the bad guy. (I'm sorry guys, I haven't seen a lot of movies, I assume that's what happened in it. Anyway, I'm clearly not feeling particularly eloquent tonight.) In my opinion, Moash's treatment in ROW mirrors that kind of characterization. It wasn't even that his more sympathetic motives and outlooks were discarded as I'd expected them to be; rather he retained them but everyone else -audience included- is now justified in rejecting his perspectives because they're now being espoused by someone who's objectively evil. Which is worse, I think.

All this is to say, for me I kind of think that Moash's feelings are beside the point. Yes, Kaladin is his primary focus. If I were a big kalmoash shipper (so valid if you are, and I hope I'm not damaging my rep too much by admitting I'm not) then I might be able to swoon over how much he's still captivated by thoughts of Kaladin. If I hated Moash, then I could despise him all the more for his hypocrisies or for his cruelties toward those he's supposed to care about to care about. But his feelings about Kaladin are not why he's a bad guy; he's a bad guy because he switched sides. He could have immediately forgotten about Kaladin, it wouldn't have changed that. Heck, he could have gone all book being kind and warm to Kaladin and all the rest of Bridge Four. The fact that he attacked Navani would have still relegated him to the role of "villain who needs to be put in his place."

Again, I don't think you're wrong in your analysis, but when looking at Moash's narrative role, I also don't think I'm wrong for conflating betraying Kaladin with betraying the Kholins. I hope that makes sense.

Let’s talk about Moash

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.

If you’ve followed me for a reasonable amount of time, you’ll know that I adore plenty of characters who I consider to be terrible people. I love Szeth and Nale, but I have no problem with criticizing them and pointing out their flaws and mercilessly bullying them into the ground for fun. You’ll also know that I have never taken that attitude with Moash. I’ve never been #moashdidnothingwrong, and conversely I’m happy to make good lighthearted fun of him or even criticize his actions, but when it comes down to it I’ve always defended him as a character. It’s partially because I feel he gets so much undeserved vitriol from the fandom. (Although I should state that I don’t mind if you dislike him. So long as your take is more nuanced than blanket #fuckmoash, I’ll trust you have your reasons.) But it’s also that I have deeper criticisms of how Moash is treated by the narrative as well fans. I’ve alluded to that before, but never really explained myself. So here it is. My explanation as to why I stand by him.

I feel I should state that I don’t judge characters exclusively by their actions. Their actions are important, but they aren’t the only thing that’s important. After all, none of them are real people making their own choices, the characters and their decisions were all ultimately decided by an outside force in order to craft a narrative. So I feel it’s important as well to judge characters by the themes they serve and to look at their narrative purpose. 

When I say that characters don’t make their own choices, here’s what I mean. If Sanderson wished, he could write next chapter so that Kaladin suddenly becomes a serial killer and burns down a bunch of villages for fun. I have enough faith in his writing and enough tropic knowledge that I seriously doubt that’s going to happen, but if that’s the direction Sanderson wanted to take the story, he would be capable of doing so. If the story did take this sudden turn, a character’s actions are still important and so it would probably be natural to like Kaladin less. At the same time, we wouldn’t have been wrong for liking the character as he was written until that point, and we would be fair to criticize the direction he’s taken in.

Whenever I talk about Moash’s circumstances and motivations, I tend to get the response “yes I understand that, but it doesn’t excuse doing bad things, and I judge him based on his actions.” First, I want to say that that is a totally valid way to look at people and characters, and it’s one I’m sympathetic to. Totally cool if you feel that way. I do have two counter arguments. The first, and my most common one, is: were Moash’s actions really that bad, all things considered, especially when compared to analogous actions of main characters? Then we can discuss the morality of specific things he did, which is always controversial but nonetheless fun for everyone. Of course then, I get people saying “I don’t hate him for his actions, my problem is with his outlook and philosophy” and then the cycle can begin again. Ah, the struggle of justifying both a characters’ means and ends. Then there’s another, much more controversial argument that I haven’t really made before but that I’m going to now, which is that in the case of Moash and Vyre, I don’t actually think it is entirely fair to judge him for his actions. 

Please bear with me. I promise I’m not saying “Moash shouldn’t be written to do bad things.” I don’t believe that, I don’t want that, and that’s not the point I am trying to make. I’m saying that I think Sanderson wants to convey a certain set of themes with Moash and will therefore have him develop into a character who’s a better vehicle for those themes, i.e. having him make choices that will result in him being that person. That’s not a problem, that’s what you’re supposed to do. But when I’m judging characters by their themes, I’m more willing to let certain actions slide.

When I say that I judge a character by their themes, here’s what I mean. I’m going to use Shallan as an example, because I’ve seen a lot of criticism of her for her casually racist and classist tendencies. I think that such criticisms are great, and I think they’re completely fair, and I also don’t judge Shallan for them as much as I would, were she a real person. That’s because her storyline isn’t about those things, it’s about a person trying to discover herself while coming to terms with her trauma, and her background was chosen as the best origin to tell such a story from. That’s not to say it’s a good thing for said tendencies to go unaddressed, but they’re not the point of her character. This is actually an issue that I find most of the main cast run into at various points, because most of them are nobility and war profiteers. Whenever I try to really dissect any of them, I find them hopelessly problematic. But these are books about themes of honor and personal growth and emotion, so I think I have to embrace the characters from those angles if I’m going to enjoy these books at all. My favorite character is Dalinar, and from a purely objective level I don’t think I can say he’s a great person. Even throwing out all of his past actions as the Blackthorn, when we first see him in Way of Kings he’s trying to honorably unite everyone…so they can more effectively wipe out the Parshendi. I think you can see well enough where I’m going with that that I don’t need to fully analyse all the reasons Why Dalinar Is A Bad Person on this post about Moash. He’s my favorite character because in spite of all that, I find his themes of redemption and honor to be great, and I think the character that comes out of all that, contradictions and all, is truly wonderful.

When I talk about narrative purposes, here’s what I mean. Characters in stories are written to be heroes or villains or parables or expositors, etc. There are lots of different roles a character can play. If the author wants a character to be a hero, they will make the character do good things and if they want the character to be a villain, they will make the character do bad things. None of this is news to anyone, but if I’m trying to remove any ambiguity as to what the hell I’m talking about.

When all of this is applied to Moash it’s a bit tricky because Sanderson and I seem to be in disagreement as to what his themes are. 

Clearly I can’t read Sanderson’s mind and I don’t care to trawl his interviews or internet presence, so if I say something that seems blatantly wrong here, go ahead and let me know. But I’ll try to lay out what I think he intends for Moash’s themes to be, purely from the text. 

The first is betrayal. He was elevated from his terrible life by Kaladin and later Dalinar  by extension. He could have had a happy life there with Kaladin as a member of Bridge Four, but no, he bit the hand that fed him: he sided with the Diagram and helped them assassinate the king. And that was A Bad Thing that put him in a bad place and it’s all his fault. His first chapter in Oathbringer is him lamenting how bad that was, even going so far as to say he was just like other lighteyes. And then he truly defected to the singers, and he killed his king, and that was Another Bad Thing. Last time he shouldn’t have done it, but at least no harm, no foul right? But this time, he has irrevocably turned traitor to his people. Moash is an example of what not to do, unlike the other characters who stand by their oaths. It makes sense right? In a book about honor, woe betide the traitor; it shall ultimately be his downfall and he will have been his own undoing. 

(Yes, I’m over-simplifying this, and I do apologize, but do you want this post to be even longer?)

That brings us to Sanderson’s second theme, personal responsibility. We have just acknowledged that Moash does Bad Things, yes? Ah but wait, one might say, so does Dalinar, ergo, is there not a chance for this Bad Person to be redeemed? Our answer is that perhaps he could be, but in order to find a path of redemption, one must first face their actions, and Moash is in denial, claiming that his situation isn’t his fault, externalizing responsibility, and lamenting his lot in life even though it’s a direct result of his own actions. If he’d never betrayed Kaladin and the Kholins, he’d still be a happy, loved member of Bridge Four. He could have focused on healing rather than vengeance. Instead he’s miserable, and instead of picking himself up and trying to change, he blames other people or other forces. In a book about personal growth and journeys here we have someone who’s stagnant or perhaps even regressive. It’s not just that he’s a Bad Person. He’s not even trying to be better!

I mentioned earlier three main themes of these books, which I have named as honor, personal growth, and emotion. (Gee I wonder why I’m so fixated on those themes in particular. I even included Odium in the party!) We’ve just related Moash to the inverse of two, let’s see if we can tie him to the third as well. Oh look, yes we can. We’ve just gone over two big reasons why Moash is Bad. Of course he hates himself. He should. But it’s all too much for him, he can’t face himself or his actions, so gives up his pain to Odium and he numbs himself into someone ruthless and emotionless (sort of).

And thus we have Vyre, the cold and deadly conclusion to his character. (As a semi-quick aside. I prefer referring to him post-Oathbringer as Vyre, as that was the name on his chapter heading at the end of the book. It strikes me as a significant enough name change alongside the line “Moash is dead,“ that Sanderson must be intentionally separating this current character from the Moash of the past. I’m not quite sure why yet.) This is what I think Sanderson was trying to do with Moash. He took a character who we already knew and understood, and he made him the perfect antithesis to all of these core themes. That’s why he has to be a villain. It’s not that he’s committed more and bigger atrocities than anyone else, it’s that in a story that focuses so heavily on personal development, Moash seems to actively push back against it. When presented with opportunities to be and do better, he turns and walks away. He has no feeling, no honor.

There we have it, a perfect thematic antagonist for our story. And look, Kaladin still cares about him so we can get some extra angst out of that before he’s killed. And just in case anyone is still sympathetic to him, we can have him kick the dog a few times to really hammer in that he’s an evil villain.

Alright, I could be completely misrepresenting yours or Sanderson’s views on him, but I like to think of all that as a fairly nuanced take on Moash’s character. (Again, I grant it could be more nuanced, but seriously, do you really want this post any longer than it is?) Not to mention that while it’s a bit snarky, it’s nonetheless kind of a scathing indictment of him. And also I was the one who wrote all that. So why the hell am I defending him?

Moash has not always been a villain in the story. Whether or not he was a good person, I don’t know, but I’d consider his transition from a chaotic force of complication to a fully-fledged villain to have happened at the end of Oathbringer. For the purposes of this discussion so that I don’t have to put timeline qualifiers on him every time I say his name, I’m going to refer to him pre-transition and post-transition differently. Let’s keep calling the original Moash and let’s call the latter one Vyre. My, this is convenient.

That’s not to say that Moash and Vyre are distinct from each other, or that one can’t be held accountable for the choices of the other. There is a fluid arc linking the two of them, and in it the explicit statement that if you are a Moash and that if you make all the choices that Moash makes, you will ultimately become a Vyre. 

I mentioned before that Sanderson and I seem to differ in opinion over what Moash’s themes are. I’ve laid out as best as I can what I interpret his opinion to be. Let’s talk about mine now.

What do we know about Moash? For starters, he’s a member of a marginalized racial caste. He was raised by his grandparents in a city, but as a kid he was always considered to be a bit too big and a bit too free-thinking for a darkeyes, so he had to leave and work on travelling caravans in order to stay out of trouble. His grandparents were incarcerated and died in prison, courtesy of Roshone and Elhokar, and while we later learn that Dalinar did enforce consequences for the two of them (although I’d argue that the punishments didn’t exactly match the crime), Moash himself never saw any form of justice or reparation. He went out to the shattered plains to enlist and he was subsequently enslaved and sent out to die as a part of a bridge crew.

We’ve already addressed all the later stuff, so I’m going to stop here for now. The biggest themes that I associate with Moash are all about the racism and marginalization he experienced. He’s someone who has been betrayed time and time again throughout his life by his society and by various authority figures. And I don’t think Moash is unique for that. I mean just look at Kaladin and his family. All darkeyes are put through hell the moment they or their families become inconvenient for someone with power, and they aren’t given any legitimate avenues of recourse or justice. Moash and Kaladin’s situations are just two examples in an entire country of racial oppression. They’re the only two cases that we really get to know, as the rest of the main cast is primarily made up of nobility and aristocracy, so if Sanderson wants to comment on this system of institutional racism he’s created, he’s going to have to do so through the two of them.

Don’t get me wrong, there are other darkeyed characters, but none who are both as important as them and whose backstories and themes are so closely tied to their marginalization. Plus there’s one thing that Moash does that no other darkeyes in the series does. He actually rejects this system.

After Dalinar frees the bridge crews, Kaladin, Moash, and the others are given new, well-respected jobs. This is typically heralded as Moash’s second chance, which he inevitably threw away because he’s the worst and he ruins everything. Let’s pretend he didn’t for a bit. Kaladin and his team have succeeded at getting better lives because the Kholins gave them better lives. Aren’t they nice! Plus now that all their lighteyed guards are dead, they have to include darkeyes in their inner circle. That leaves Kaladin perfectly placed to form relationships and to teach them that racism is bad. There we go, everything’s better now, problem solved; until Kaladin speaks out of turn at a duel? They all live happily ever after so long as they continue to stay in their–albeit elevated–places? A few darkeyes have made it in life, so this little “institutionalized racism” subplot is resolved, not to mention that the family protecting them is only in power because of said system? Or is it that now that the Kholins are the kings of everything, should we expect them to use that power to fix everything? Oh look, our country’s leadership happened to be going through a self-discovery quest when we got here and Dalinar is really into honor right now for some reason, what great timing to ask him to end racism.

Listen, I love the Kholins, Dalinar is my favorite stormlight character and I adore Adolin to death. But in my opinion “the oppressors learn the error of their ways because they made one darkeyed friend, and all was well” kind of sucks as a resolution to the story’s racial themes, especially as Kaladin is considered lighteyed by the end of Words of Radiance and especially if the underlying  institutions that their entire society is built upon are never questioned or addressed. If there is to be resolution, I would like to see how it looks from the perspective of the characters who have been most harmed by these systems. That would be Kaladin and Moash.

Kaladin, as great as he is, is given freedom and autonomy and with it he chooses to serve an aristocrat. So does every other member of Bridge Four. Once again, I don’t think that’s a bad decision within this narrative, I think Dalinar’s fantastic and I think Kaladin made the right choice to best protect his people, but I don’t think any of them should have to serve the Kholins in order to be allowed to live their lives.

There is a single darkeyed character in this story who’s broken rank, the single character who said “fuck this, I don’t want to serve lighteyes.” That’s Moash. He left. And he was instantly labeled a traitor and made a villain for it.

Was it more complicated than that? Yes. Was there more going on? Absolutely. Are there more nuanced reasons that Moash became Vyre that are more about the bad choices he makes and less that he just quit his job? Yes, and I’ve already outlined them. Here’s why none of that holds any water for me.

As stated, his country and aristocracy have never cared for him until Dalinar deigned to grant him his humanity. I personally wouldn’t call his rejection of all that much of a betrayal. That was never really his side to begin with. If he was working for them, then it’s because he was working for Kaladin (who incidentally had supported his initial Words of Radiance betrayal right up until the last second.) Sure! He defected! He turned traitor! Why is that a bad thing? Because Dalinar and Kaladin are bastions of objective goodness? Because the other side is evil and Odium is evil and the singers are evil? (We’ll get to them.) I really can’t buy either of those.

To this, I have heard the counter-argument, “he’s bad because of the rest of his outlook/actions, not specifically because he left the Kholins” I can respect that point of view from a fellow reader, but that is simply now how the narrative is written. That’s not to say that both can’t be true, but specifically having betrayed the Kholins is portrayed as a key element in his downfall. I don’t want to go digging for quotes right now, but Sanderson bases all of Moash’s self-loathing, from the beginning of Oathbringer and onward, from his betrayals. And all of his old friends apparently hate him for that too. And most fundamentally to me, if we look at the the Rhythm of War chapter, Moash’s “ideal self” was wearing Kholin blue. What else could that possibly be saying? For all my love of Dalinar, I’m pretty uncomfortable with him as a moral center from which the goodness of a character is determined by how closely aligned they are with him. I’m particularly uncomfortable with that rationale applied to a marginalized person who’s directly suffered under his family’s rule. Like. He’s done bad things, sure, but I don’t think that turning traitor was inherently one of them.

But what about all that other bad stuff Moash did? What about willingly becoming a killer for Odium, I have been told that that’s still a bad thing and I can’t just write away with his past. And sure, I can’t. But I can be critical that when Sanderson chose a character to become his Vyre, he chose Moash, and then he explicitly made one of his primary catalysts for the change being fed up with racism. Honestly it might have been enough for me if Sanderson had included any other independent darkeyes characters who won’t stay in their place (I just went over why Kaladin doesn’t count), but he didn’t and so I’m critical of what he makes this one into.

It’s even more unfortunate for me because he really didn’t have to go this way. Throughout most of his time in Oathbringer, his character was driven by a lot of other stuff as well, primarily by genuine compassion for the suffering of a group of singers, who he risked his life to help and protect. Moash’s story could have been about a human who empathized with the enemy and learned that there was legitimacy to their struggles, and decided to help them build themselves up. Heck, it’s not that he could have been that character, he was that character. That’s what he was doing until he became an assassin. Again, why have only one character who bothers to help the singers in such a way and then immediately turn him evil? (I feel like Lirin in the latest book addresses some of my concerns in that respect, and I like Lirin a lot. He’s not as proactive a character as Moash is however, and he very much “stays in his place.” Also I’m trying not to talk too much about the singers because otherwise this will double in length.)

What about all that stuff with giving up his agency and emotions and all that? Not taking responsibility for his actions? I’d be fine with that as a fatal flaw if it began later on when he actually did bad stuff, but instead it’s what led him to these bad things in the first place. He can’t find redemption and grow as a person until he’s faced his actions and overcome them. Sure. In this case, the action he’s supposed to face is his betrayal. That’s the source of his self loathing. Okay, I’m no longer on board because of everything I just said. Furthermore, I don’t hate him for what his mind has become, I think he needs help. And I certainly don’t blame him. Here’s my abridged take. 1) in Oathbringer he did not originally choose to be attacked by singers, 2) after he was, he was made a slave and couldn’t really make his own choices unless he wanted to go out in a suicidal blaze of ultimately meaningless glory, 3) once again he was a slave and I think he’s allowed to have whatever coping mechanisms he’d like in order to get through the day, 4) all the while he was like this, he was still helping people, what more do you want from him, 5) once he gained his freedom he immediately went back to making big choices for himself, until 6) apparently betraying Kaladin and Elhokar again reinvigorated his self-loathing to such a point where he had to give up everything, irrevocably becoming Vyre.

At which point, we’ve decided that Vyre is a villain so Vyre will kill people and do bad things and you’re not supposed to like him.

What did Moash do? He left his people and helped a different downtrodden group. Why does that lead him to becoming a Vyre? Ultimately, because the author says so, and again, I’m not saying that I’m upset this character does bad things. I’m upset because it reads to me as if being a person who does bad things is just the natural conclusion of his actions. From the end of Words of Radiance, any character could have been developed into Vyre. My problem isn’t that a character I like developed into a worse person, it’s that he was already so deeply entrenched in all these other really interesting themes, and I think this character direction negates anything he could have added to them.

To reiterate, the crux of my problem is this. To me, Moash is the most important character in the books insofar as his relationship to the racism and caste system that exists within them. To Sanderson, Moash is the character who eventually becomes Vyre. I don’t think that fully does him, nor the very complex, very real issues he represents, their full justice.

I don’t know where Vyre/Moash’s story is going at the moment, and even though I don’t expect much to change for him, I’m very open to being surprised. With that being said, I think he deserves a second look regardless.

That’s all for now! Thank you all for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. Be sure to like, share, subscribe, and comment below. Thanks! 

[casspurrjoybell-27]

Claimed by the Beast - Chapter 10a

*Warning Adult Content*

Feed the Demons - Part 1

- Knox -

"Feel any better?" Knox asks after lying in silence with Everett for almost an hour.

"Yeah," Everett softly replies. "I know I'm not the easiest person in the world to deal with, so thanks for staying with me when you didn't have to."

Knox succumbs to the tugging at the corners of his mouth, breaking out into a smile.

"As if I'd rather be anywhere else."

The pull Knox feels toward Everett is bordering on otherworldly.

A traumatic event brought them together and now Knox can barely stand to be away from the boy.

He isn't sure how he ended up spooning Everett on his bed but this is the position they wound up in after Everett's crying fit ended.

Knox would laugh at himself if he wasn't still upset about whatever the fuck it was that triggered Everett.

Finn had placed the blame on Scar but Knox prefers to do his due diligence before falling for hearsay.

Something obviously triggered Everett and Knox has never been more determined to get to the root of the problem.

And if push comes to shove, eliminate it.

"Before I lost my shit and freaked everyone out, Finn explained to me the reason behind why you claimed me," Everett says, his fingers drawing made-up shapes on Knox's hand that's resting at his waist. "He also referred to you as The Beast. Is that your official nickname around here or something?"

"Or something," Knox grumbles.

"I didn't get to ask Finn about the meaning, so what's the story behind it?" Everett questions, and he doesn't miss the way Knox's body tenses behind him. "I'm sorry. You don't have to answer if it makes you uncomfortable."

Knox sighs at the apology, unconsciously nuzzling his face into Everett's curls.

He's been here for a while, so his natural scent has mixed with Knox's cologne, creating a unique smell that makes Knox's head spin and core tingle in the most delicious way.

"It's more so about not making you feel uncomfortable," Knox says.

"God, is it really that bad?" Everett asks.

"Yes," Knox answers with another sigh. "I've done things over the years, a lot of sick and twisted shit, that will grant me a permanent spot in Hell when I die. Contrary to how I hype up the club and my brothers, I'm not a good person, Everett. I'm a monster, a fucking savage with no remorse. I may not have been born this way but it's who I am now. There ain't no changing me."

Everett turns around at that, facing Knox.

"There's still some good left in you, Knox. A lot of good. I wouldn't be here right now if there wasn't."

"You give me more credit than I deserve, kitten."

Knox smirks but this time, it doesn't reach his eyes.

"Me calling myself a monster isn't some depressive statement to gain pity points, it's a fact. The things I've done to my enemies... they're unrecognizable by the time I'm finished with them. And you know the worst part? Sometimes I take pleasure in delivering pain. It feeds the demons that keep me alive."

Everett doesn't respond right away, just stares at Knox while he tries to paint a picture with the man's morbid words.

If he ever finds what he's looking for, Knox can't tell but Everett speaks a few seconds later.

The question he asks this time, oddly enough, is one that Knox has never gotten asked before.

"Would you classify your enemies as being bad people?" Everett asks.

"Every single one of them?"

Knox's jaw ticks while thinking of his answer.

Face after face after mutilated face rushes forward into his conscious mind, along with a few repressed memories that evidently had not been buried deep enough.

"My brothers and I don't harm women and children," Knox responds. "All the men I've put down, they ranged from drug dealers to sex traffickers. So, yeah, they were bad people. The world is better off without them."

"Then maybe what you're doing isn't so terrible," Everett says. "Despite how you do it, cleansing the earth of bad guys doesn't sound all that horrific to me. You're neither a monster nor a beast. You're just... Knox."

Everett smiles, poking at his broad, still very much bare chest.

"My big, annoying panda."

Knox chuckles, relaxing a bit as the darkness of his past drifts back to where it came from.

"How long do you plan on calling me that?"

"How long do you plan on calling me kitten?" Everett playfully counters. Knox doesn't respond.

"That's what I thought, panda. I wonder how your brothers would react to hearing me call you that instead of The Beast. Bet they'd get a kick out of it."

Knox laughs.

"The fuckers wouldn't let me live it down, so let's keep it between us for now."

It feels like Knox has entered The Twilight Zone and he isn't sure whether to stay or look for a way out.

He just confessed to being a heartless killer and sadist, so why hasn't Everett run out of the room screaming?

People are smart enough to steer clear of Knox based on his intimidating looks alone.

His resting bitch face is no joke.

Though, for whatever reason, none of that seems to phase Everett anymore, which further piques Knox's curiosity about the boy.

"So, uh, where'd you go earlier?" Everett asks, averting eye contact. "After we almost, you know... were about to do something we shouldn't have."

"You mean kiss and fuck?"

Knox arches a brow as Everett's cheeks redden.

"I'll never force myself on you, Everett. You ran into the bathroom because you weren't ready to do more with me and that's fine. When the rational part of my brain kicked in, I left to give you some space. Hell, I needed it, too. I think we can both agree that we're too fucking explosive together when riled up like that."

Everett nods, still blushing hard.

"Everyone is probably upset about us skipping out on our party. This isn't how I wanted my introduction to the club to go. I'm sure they all think I'm some kind of a nutcase now..."

"No one here thinks that," Knox interjects, speaking with assurance.

He gently grips Everett's chin, forcing their eyes to meet.

"And you shouldn't either, understand?"

Everett nods again, his eyes drifting from Knox's eyes down to his lips.

"Careful, kitten. Trouble happens when you look at me like that." "Sorry."

Everett scoots away, putting distance between them.

Before Knox can scold himself for ruining the moment, his cell vibrates in his pocket.

"One sec."

He sits up in bed to read the new text from Finn, informing him that Scar has rejoined the party.

A hard scowl settles on Knox's face as he stands to leave the room.

"I need to take care of something important." He pauses when his hand touches the doorknob, looking back at Everett.

"Will you be okay on your own while I'm gone?"

Everett sits up on the bed and immediately begins fiddling with his fingers.

"You're not leaving the property, are you?"

"No, kitten," Knox says, smiling. "I'll still be in the house."

"Okay. I'm fine here," Everett says, studying Knox's demeanor. "You look tense all of a sudden, so... be careful doing whatever it is you plan on doing."

'It ain't me you should be worried about.'

[weird-is-life]

Don't leave

Pairing: Steve harrington x fem!reader

Summary: Steve doesn't want you to leave

Warnings: like one swear word, use of petnames, fluff, very short

Words: 0.5k Masterlist

"No" You and Steve were cuddling on his bed and he was clinging tightly to your body, refusing to let go.

You and your family were leaving for a week to visit your aunt and Steve was very very unhappy about it.

"C'mon love, i need get home and pack my bag, i can't leave with only my clothes on" you poked his side, trying to wriggle out of his embrace.

"Why are you so eager to leave me, sweetheart? Don't you love me anymore?" he pouted. He was being so dramatic about the whole thing and you couldn't help but to chuckle at his antics.

"Believe me, i'd rather stay here with you, but i have to go" you sighed.

Apparently your answer was not good, because Steve frowned even more.

"I know, i know, but i don't want you to" he mumbled into your tummy, " so i'm not going to let go of you."

"Steve..." you ran your hand through his hair.

"Nope."

"How about we make a deal?" you proposed and it got his attention.

"I'm listening" he propped himself up on his elbows.

"I'll go pack my back and quickly come back here. I can sleepover and you can drive me to the airport in the morning" you raised your eyebrows at him.

Steve thought about your proposal and after a few minutes he said, "okay, let's go."

"You're coming with me?"

"Of course, it's faster if i drive you, than if you'd walked" he just shrugged his shoulders. He was up and standing, before you even got to reply. He took your hand in his and pulled you towards his car.

His eyes followed your every move as you packed the bag. The loving gaze never leaving his face. Steve didn't know, how he was going to survive a week without you. He actually might die without you near him or he would go crazy.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Come here" he murmured with a longing stare.

"What, why? Steve, i need to pac-"

"Just come here for a second" he outstratched his hand for you to take it.

You took the few steps towards him and he immediately wrapped his arms around you torso, " Steve, what's wrong?"

" 'M gonna miss you so fucking much" he stated, pulling you even closer to his chest.

"Me too" you smiled at him, your expression all soft.

"Can i have a kiss?"

You didn't waste the time by answering his question. Instead you just kissed him. Steve didn't waste any time either, he kissed you right back.

Your soft lips against his made him forget everything, there was just you. Well until you started to pull away.

Steve desperately chased your lips for some more kisses, but you just giggled.

"Sorry handsome, you can have more kisses when i'm done with the packing. "

"Oh come on, that's not fair" he argued.

"Give me five more minutes and i'll be done, yeah?" you pecked his lips and continued with the packing. So Steve very impatiently waited for you to finish.

As soon as you got back to Steve's comfortable bed, he was cuddling you. He didn't let go of you for the rest of the night. He was holding onto you like his life depended on it, but you weren't complaining. It always felt good to be held in his arms.

...

...

...

Hey guys, thank you for reading. Hope this wasn't too bad. Feedback is always appreciated. Let me know what you think.

Have a great day and stay safe everybody. Peace out ☀️

[townofcadence]

A new sensation was there. Concern added to the mix, though about what, he had no inkling. He kind of doubted it was himself; after all, he was giving this poor crow guy so much more work to do just by being here and injured. Sure, it wasn't so bad, just a bruise and a rib, but... he supposed any weakness might be weakness enough.

"I see... so the heart allows entrance, but it's not..... very hard to get on their bad side. I guess being connected to the whole forest, every little action against the place counts." He speaks in a tone that is thinking aloud rather than expecting any kind of reply. "I guess it makes sense. I'm not from the woods and the wood will always be the priority if you're a part of it."

He leans forward, looking up at the guy at an angle, some of his hair draping down in a curtain at the angle. "Are you from the woods then? So you're safe from repercussions? Oh-- sorry. Getting carried away. You don't have to answer that. And-- don't worry about what I did. That doesn't really count as anything." He waves a hand, and with a swish he's back to standing straight as someone like him can manage. "I just did it because I wanted to. But you didn't have a choice. So-- it's not something I'd want you to owe me for."

"You are...hurt. They will... see you...easy prey." He did his best to explain. "You are...not allowed...to hurt...them. Heart wouldn't...like that." He doesn't think the other is weak, he's seen the magic he can wield and from that alone assumes Artair must be capable of protecting himself, but he also knows that if Artair harms one of the forest's creatures, even in self-defense or purely by accident, he would no longer be welcome in this place. Hell, he might not even get a chance to leave. Not alive, anyway.

The Heart is the biggest threat after all, and while the crow may not realize it, that's probably what he's protecting Artair from. By staying close to Artair, no creature would dare to approach. One look at the crow's hands and they'd head the other way. By keeping them away, nobody would be getting harmed. Not Artair, not the other creatures in the forest. A perfect solution, as far as the crow was concerned.

"You owe me...nothing." He was only doing what he was supposed to: protect the forest. Protect a guest that the Heart had shown an interest in. "You...healed me." That was payment enough, wasn't it? He didn't thank Artair for it, but since he'd saved Artair's life and was now escorting him to the Heart, he didn't think that was necessary. Not like he'd know, he hadn't exactly been exposed to any social norms.

[if-mirrormine]

Imagine the awkwardness of an oblivious & tipsy MC trying to matchmake Grayson with the spin the bottle guy

you mean like this?

grayson doesn't know how but their game of spin the bottle had turned into a game of truth or dare. he's been painfully sober the entire night, being the designated driver, and he's found out the hard way that games with drunk people aren't fun at all when you're not drunk yourself.

mc, on the other hand, seems to be having enough fun for the both of them. a dopey smile on their face and a plastic cup in hand, filled with rum and coke as far as he can tell, they sit cross legged beside him, buzzing with anticipation as the bottle is spun once more. he smiles to himself as the bottle slows to a stop, pointing to his best friend and they let out an excited "yes!".

"alright, mc, your turn," says erica, the girl who had just moments before had dared one of their friends to chug an entire bottle of vodka and is probably just as drunk, if not more.

he catches mc's eye and immediately regrets it when an evil smile erupts on their face. "grayson," they start. "truth or dare?"

if it were another night, another party, it wouldn't matter to grayson which he'd choose. but right now, he can't risk choosing truth, not when there's a chance mc could find out how he really feels. so he does what he knows will come back to haunt him and he chooses dare.

mc's face lights up in delight. "i was hoping you'd go for dare," they say before using their drink to gesture towards him. "i dare you to spend seven minutes in heaven with jake!"

swallowing his groan, grayson turns to look at the man in question. the man who he just so happened to share his first kiss with during the shortly lived game of spin the bottle.

jake gives him a shy smile and shrugs his shoulders, and grayson resigns himself to his fate, knowing that any kind of protest from him would only result in both of them being shoved in the closet by a horde of drunkards. he sighs,  climbs to his feet and follows the other man to the nearest closet. let's get this over with.

the closet is cramped, packed with all sorts of jackets and coats and grayson finds himself pressed against jake's side as they once more sit on the floor.

"never thought i'd end up back in the closet," jake quips. "let alone willingly."

grayson chuckles. "it's a lot more cramped than i imagined it would be."

the other man gives him a soft smile. "we don't have to do anything," jake says reassuringly and grayson notes that he speaks with a distinct clarity that their fellow party goers lack. in fact, he doesn't think he's seen him drink anything other than water the whole night.

"thanks," he replies, his voice quiet. "and sorry you got dragged into this. mc's made it their life mission to find me someone to date."

"ah." jake nods before glancing between him and the door. "let me guess; the only person you want to date is them?"

grayson makes a move to argue but is quickly met with a knowing stare. "am i that obvious?"

he shrugs. "a little. but i'm pretty sure everyone's too drunk to notice."

"too bad they can't be drunk forever," he mumbles.

"you don't plan on telling them? ever?"

it's now grayson's turn to shrug. "i don't want to risk losing them over a stupid crush."

"i don't think it's stupid... or a crush for that matter. and what if they feel the same?"

he sighs. he's thought about this before - probably too much - and he's always come back to conclusion that if the mc liked him in that way even a little, they'd have done something by now. but then again, neither has he for the better half of three years.

he glances up at jake and is met with sympathetic eyes. "i think i'd rather sit in silence for the next couple minutes," he says. "if that's okay with you."

jake only smiles in return. "sure."

the remaining four minutes pass by agonisingly slow and grayson can't contain his sigh of relief when a knock sounds at the door.

"times up, love birds!" mc calls. "you can come out now."

the two of them rise to their feet, careful to not knock their heads together. jake is the first to reach for the door handle but instead of turning it, he glances up at him. "think about it," he says, his face earnest. "telling them. no matter the outcome, i think you'd be a lot happier if you did."

grayson remains rooted to the floor even after jake has stepped out the closet. he thinks about their conversation. he thinks about mc and how he feels about them, and he thinks the possibility of rejection. the thing is, he used to think of that as one of many possible outcomes of telling them his true feelings. now? he believes it to be the only one.