#[ me: no i can't kill a dog what if i homeward bound it ]

[epicbuddieficrecs]

Favorite Season 6 fics

So these used to be called "Fic recs for my BFF", but unfortunately I was unable to sway her to buddie, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ these are just for me now (and you guys too I guess 😅)

Season 6

🔥Curl Up in My Heart and Let Me Keep You by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (Animal Transformation | 10K | Teen): When an orange tabby cat starts hanging around the Diaz house, Eddie doesn't think anything of it. The little guy's cute and cuddly, and seems to always know when Eddie's having a bad time. Weird how the cat's never around when Buck is, though.

🔥let the world have its way with you by fleetinghearts/ @shitouttabuck (Post-Coma AU | 54K | Explicit): “It’s just that—I died,” Buck continues, voice unsteady enough that Eddie wonders if this is the first time he’s acknowledged that out loud. “I died, and there’s so much more. There’s so much more I want to do, things I don’t even know I want to do yet, and I almost had the chance to have and live them taken away. I don’t want to die and regret missing out on everything else, Eddie.” “So let’s make a list,” Eddie says. “Let’s do them.” or, a bucket list that’s really about buck needing to make a change and an eddie who’s ready to do anything to see him fall in love with life again. it takes some crossing off for eddie to realise—the thing at the top of the list in his own heart? it’s been right here all along

🔥like a dog with a bird at your door by fleetinghearts/ @shitouttabuck (Post-S6, Getting Together | 51K | Explicit): The kid with blood pouring down his shins is not so far from the dog lonely enough that he thinks breaking his housetraining is worth it for the ten minutes of berating that come with it, the ten minutes of undivided, if reluctant, attention. Buck thinks, sometimes, that at least he wasn’t the kind of puppy that gets put in a sack and drowned at birth. He wasn’t always unwanted. And he isn’t anymore. or, evan “i love you like a dog” buckley has only ever known how to love like, well, a dog, but maybe eddie diaz is the kinda guy to give a flea-bitten mongrel a forever home

🔥Something Dumb to Do by glorious_spoon/ @glorious-spoon (Post-S6, Getting Together | 8K | Explicit): "Too bad we can't just date each other." Eddie laughs. "What?" "No, I'm serious!" Buck sets his beer down, the better to gesture with both hands, face lighting up, and Eddie just—he really loves the guy, okay. Ridiculous as he is. "It would be so much easier! You wouldn't have to introduce a new person to Chris—he already likes me anyway—and you could tell Pepa so she'll stop setting you up on dates that don't go anywhere—" "And what would you get out of this?" Eddie asks, grinning. — Or: Buck and Eddie try something out together. (Part 1 of homeward bound)

🔥find a way to you (if it kills me) by foxwatson/ @eddiediazes (Post S6E13: Mixed Feelings, Pining | 19K | Mature): It’s something about the way Eddie phrases it. Something about the combination of his words and the way he’s staring down at the floor, and the flush in his cheeks and the way he’s fidgeting. Buck thinks, abruptly, he’s going to ask me on a date. “Well I - wanted to tell you first, and I need someone to watch Chris, anyways - I know he’s getting old enough now he doesn’t like feeling like he’s got a babysitter, so I was hoping - sorry. Not the point. Uh. I have a date on Saturday.” Just as abruptly as his own hopes had come soaring up above the cloud cover of his own unawareness - they go crashing back down to the floor - to the basement, and into the mud. “A date?” Buck rasps out. — the one where eddie decides to start dating again, buck figures out his own feelings just a minute too late, and then he spends a week going through the five stages of grief

🔥Being Eddie by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Time Travel, Post-S6, Getting Together | 80K | Teen): When Eddie starts seeing a new therapist, he’s presented with the opportunity to revisit several days from his past and right regrets that still bother him. OR: Eddie goes through the time travel therapy process of the 2009 Canadian TV show Being Erica.

🔥 Evan Buckley & The Coma-Verse of Madness by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Coma AU, Multiverse | 58K | Teen): After being struck by lightning on a call, Buck experiences a plethora of alternate realities showing him different directions his life could have taken. Fighting hard to get home, Buck learns what, or who, is important to him in every lifetime.

🔥 Both Blade and Branch by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Post-S6 | 62K | Mature): The chances of being struck by lightning twice are incredibly minute, but Buck still manages to pull it off. During a double date with Marisol and Natalia, nonetheless. Eddie manages to resuscitate him, but as Buck recovers from yet another trauma, Eddie can’t help but notice there’s something very different about him. He’s not quite sure what version of Buck he got back.

🔥 where all of the people dancing and clapping would greet me with such warmth by trysetmeonfire/ @try-set-me-on-fire (Season 6, Magical Realism | 15K | Mature): In the fall, Buck begins to disappear. (or: Buck can see that people become transparent when they're about to die) (Part 2 of All I Am, All That I Am)

🔥 Ace of Hearts by glorious_spoon/ @glorious-spoon (Post-S6, Getting Together | 9K | Teen): "I've been wondering…" Maddie pauses, watches Buck make a face like he's bracing to be smacked. "What happened with Eddie? You two were dancing around it for so long, and then… what, it just didn't work out? Was the date really that bad?" She's expecting another wince, or even for him to duck out of the conversation entirely, but instead Buck is staring at her like she's grown a second head. "Maddie. I've never been on a date with Eddie." Or: the poker game was a date. It takes Buck a while to catch on, though.

🔥 situations, circumstances, miscommunications ( i just may like some explanations ) by heartbeatdiaz / @lonelychicago (Didn't Know They Were Dating | 4K | Teen): "You didn't know?" Eddie asks, calmer but not less confused. He frowns. "How could you not know?" "You never said anything?" Buck tilts his head to the side. "We were dating?” “I guess not,” Eddie sighs. His heart is beating a little faster, an unpleasant buzz beneath his skin as he all but chokes on a feeling he can’t quite name— it could be hurt or disappointment or maybe a mix of both. In that moment, he knows three things very clearly. 1. Buck is going to be the death of him. 2. He is in love with the most dense, most oblivious man on planet Earth. 3. He is too gay and, honestly, too old for this shit.

🔥listen to you breathing (is where I wanna be) by Yavilee/ @theladyyavilee (Presumed Dead | 41K | Teen): The thing is – and Eddie should have known this, has been taught this cruel lesson over and over and over again – the thing is most of the time the worst day of your life will start like just any other day. A million small moments, so familiar and mundane you almost don’t even notice them slipping by - until you would give anything to go back and get just one more. (You can’t.) — Or the one where Buck is presumed dead after a building collapse and Eddie has to live through the reminder that tomorrow isn't promised to anyone

🔥Eddie Diaz vs The Feelings by ElvenSorceress/ @elvensorceress (Season 6, Sexuality Crisis, Demisexual Eddie | 62K | Explicit): Eddie dives into the mysteries of attraction, romantic love, and asexuality because there's a good chance he's fallen in love with his best friend. AKA demisexual!Eddie figures out he’s demi and finds the happily ever after he’s been longing for

🔥tomorrow will always and forever now be today (tomorrow is our always and forever) by withmeornotatall/ @chronicowboy (Post-S6, Time Loop | 43K | Mature): "Think I can get a hug from my best man on my wedding day?" he asks, quietly hopeful in a way that makes Eddie want to tear off his skin. "Sure," Chris replies with a shrug, turning to throw Eddie a cheeky grin. "Dad, Buck needs a hug." Two things happen at once then: Eddie has to plaster on a smile authentic enough to convince the one person on this planet that knows him inside out—except he doesn't really have to fake his smile, not at first, because of number two—he sees groom-Buck for the first time. And groom-Buck is every bit as beautiful as Eddie might have imagined him over the years. For a moment, Eddie falls into the greatest betrayal his brain has ever laid out for him, imagining that he might have got to see Buck like this for the first time from the other end of the aisle— (OR: eddie gets trapped in a time loop on the day buck marries natalia)

🔥 Muscle Memory by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Post-S6, Amnesia AU | 40K | Teen): After a disappointment in his personal life, Buck wakes up one morning to find everyone he loves has forgotten him completely. No memories. No recognition. Almost like he was never really there.

🔥 but i can see all along, love (it was you all the way down) by diazchristopher/ @captain-hen (Post-S6, Time Loop | 28K Mature): He puts his laptop away after a bit, and paces the length of his apartment as he tries to take stock of the situation at hand. One: The date is March 22nd, 2024. Two: It has been March 22nd for 3 days now. Three: Buck is trapped in some kind of time loop that is forcing him to relive this day. Four: Eddie is, apparently, in love with him. And. And. Five: Buck doesn’t feel the same way.

🔥 a blaze in the dark by woodchoc_magnum/ @woodchoc-magnum (Post-S6, Eddie Coming Out | 117K | Explicit): Set post-Season 6, where Buck has inadvertently sacrificed his friendship with Eddie in order to focus on his new relationship with Natalia, and is shocked when Eddie comes out to the team and subsequently reveals that he is dating a guy.

AUs

🔥Nothing Left But You by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars ("Blip" AU, Post-S4E13: Suspicion | 27K | Teen | Warning: MCD): In May of 2021, 25% of Earth's population suddenly disappears. Including Eddie. In May of 2026, they all come back. Eddie finds himself suddenly in the middle of a world he doesn't recognize, where the people he loves most have changed significantly.

🔥 Your Love is an Oil Slick (It Glows like Rainbows, It Stains My Soul) by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (Canon Divergent - Supernatural Elements, Ghost Buck | 67K | Explicit): When Eddie's son claims he has an imaginary friend, Eddie doesn't think much of it. Christopher is seven, it's what kids do. But then weird things start happening around the house, and Eddie starts dreaming about a handsome blue-eyed man. Turns out, Christopher's friend isn't so imaginary. Their house is haunted.

🔥like when the sun came out by spaceprincessem/ @spaceprincessem (Canon Divergent, Ghosts | 39K | Mature): He completely pulls the charger from the wall as he fumbles to put in his passcode. He doesn’t know who to call first. Everyone is busy, carrying on with their lives and Buck is stuck here in the loft with the terrifying ghost of his childhood like an omen. Out of the corner of his eye he catches the Crooked Smiled Man now standing in the dark entrance way to his bathroom. He swallows around the taste of blood in his mouth, hands shaking, useless as his list of contacts blur beneath the burn of tears. Eddie Eddie Eddie. He doesn’t know where the feeling comes from, but it’s sudden and sharp and excruciating. Eddie is the first name at the top of his list, his most recent calls and texts, and he doesn’t hesitate to hit the call button. [or buck can see ghosts au]

🔥All My Shattered Oaths by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (Vampires AU | 107K | Explicit): Eddie wants to stay away from his family’s legacy and give his son a normal life. Buck’s desperate to find a way to get over the love he lost. Fate has other plans for both of them.

🔥 Further Than Blood (Or Than Bones) by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (Vampires AU | 50K | Explicit): Once, Eddie chose to save a newly turned against his better judgment. Five hundred years ago, Buck was saved by a rescuer he thought was a hallucination. Now they're together again and about to find out just how far either of them will go to try and deny what they are to each other.

🔥 let it pour out of your soul series by Rianne/ @rianneeyre (Magical Realism AU, Witch Eddie | 3 works | 71K | Complete):

collectively unconsciously composed (S4E6: Jinx | 46K | Explicit): Or: in which the author re-watched Buck Begins and Jinx and thought: what if this was gayer and had actual magic?

that systematic drug (PWP | 5K | Explicit): Eddie’s mouth goes dry when he opens the door and sees Buck. He’s clean-shaven and with his hair carefully styled back, smiling at Eddie sweetly and a little teasingly. Buck is wearing his dark jeans and his light blue v-neck polo shirt, the one that’s tight enough that it shows off the bulge of his biceps and the definition of his pecs and abs. Eddie knows this shirt. Buck's favourite, because he knows he looks good in it.

something binding us together (Established Buddie | 20K | Teen): Or: Eddie plans a long-avoided visit to his parents, discovers some things about his magic, and begins to build his family a home in LA's witching community.

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

Mads, I've been Autistic about what breed(s) of dog the FireFam could be and even if you don't like interact w this post I just would like to make you laugh- I may have to post multiples b/c there's A Lot. Ok, so, Bobby is a yellow lab a la Shadow from Homeward Bound and I will die on that hill. Athena is, obv, a Dobie- she's stunning, but a softy for her family but she also makes smiling look like a threat. (1/?)

Thank you for your patience dear I was rushing to finish the F&F AU and was also rather busy this weekend in general. I'm including your other three asks here as screenshots and this all is going to get a bit long so I'm putting everything below a cut to spare people's dashes!

FIRST OF ALL, HOW DARE YOU. HOW FUCKING DARE YOU.

SHADOW FROM HOMEWARD BOUND!?

I'M GOING TO DROWN IN MY OWN TEARS.

WHEN THE KID IS LIKE OH MAYBE HE WAS TOO OLD AND THEN SHADOW APPEARS BECAUSE HE'S GOING TO COME HOME TO HIS BOY NO MATTER WHAT!!!! G O D

I NEED TO BE SEDATED!!!!

Ahem.

STICK A LITTLE CROWN ON HER AND CALL HER ATHENA!

I babysat for a family that had a Doberman and he was truly a sweetheart. So protective of me and would stay glued to my side while I was there. "A softie for her family but makes smiling look like a threat" is soooooo Athena.

oh my GOD I'm DYING

Look at this baby. Pure fucking ADHD right here. *pats puppy* This guy can fit SO much anxiety and innate need to be of use in him!

I'M FUCKING HOWLING OVER EDDIE. LOOK YOU'RE NOT... YOU'RE NOT WRONG ABOUT THE CORGI COMMENT. THERE ARE TEARS IN MY EYES. BUT.

This is still Eddie in my opinion.

Someone send that bit about Chim to Kenneth Choi I think he'd find it hysterical.

BEHOLD. CHIMNEY HAN. Look at those EARS.

I also personally could see Chim as a greyhound or a whippet.

Chim's just got this fastness about him that makes me think of that kind of dog. Is this me remembering how he literally just SPRINTED away from Albert while playing basketball because he panicked about lying? Maybe. You can't prove anything.

I had to remind myself what a Chow Chow is and OHMYGOD IT'S SO FLUFFY???

However I always saw Hen as a Great Pyrenees.

These things will fuck you UP. They're flock dogs but not in the Border Collie sense. They don't herd. They kill the predators that try to go after the flock. They will chase down the wolves and destroy them. And they are super super SUPER protective of and gentle with kids. They ADORE kids. So that's my two cents there!

Ohmygod Maddie is SUCH a Border Collie.

INCH resting that you say Standard Poodle for Karen...

Poodles are actually what my mom grew up with and she's always talked about how smart and wonderful they are, she's owned three in her lifetime and adores them. I know they kinda have this stereotype of being snooty but I think they're great and they ARE so fucking smart holy shit. They're smarter than some humans I've met.

However. Chris.

I'm gonna have to fight you (lovingly) on this one, Nonny.

I will say that when I googled this dog I laughed so fucking hard my ribs hurt. I CRIED.

They are very cute as puppies!

However. I must counter-argue and say that Christopher is...

AN ENGLISH CREAM DACHSHUND

*sobbing* look at how CUTE it is!!!!!

*continues sobbing over the cute*

Anyway thus concludes the nonny's opinions, and mine! I had a good laugh over this series of asks, thank you nonny. I hope you had a good weekend.

[survivors-redux]

Ok I know this blog isn’t super active- but I got this random memory of Sunshine the other day. In the hypothetical redux… she doesn’t stay a wild dog right?? Or she gets a breed change perhaps?

I have dogs a similar breed to her and they need (NEED) to be brushed at least weekly. At least and that’s pushing it. And the idea of a dog similar to them being out just… living as a wild dog bothers me a tad. Her coat! The matting I couldn’t imagine.

I was pleasantly surprised to find this in my inbox! Don't be afraid to send in asks, I mostly don't know what the end-state of arc one should be so it can pick up from arc two and that's the paralyzing factor.

As for Sunshine, you are absolutely correct about her coat. It's even weirdly highlighted in this passage from Book Five The Endless Lake:

I couldn't find much of a long-term narrative use for her, so she'll probably be shipped off the plot somehow during the Homeward-Bound-esque first leg of the story. She'll have her utility in that she's the only dog who can understand TV and she likes being helpful to the others like in Survivors Proper, but her narrative usefulness quickly drops as soon as the pets integrate with the Wolfdog's pack.

So here's the options I got for how to deal with her. Content warning for backstabbing and suicide below the cut, reader discretion is advised. If you're unable to read further, know one of the options for her is one where she ends up happy and healthy.

Leaning into the more adult side of YA, dogs believe that they should serve the purpose humanity bred them to fulfill. Sunshine, being bred to sit and look pretty, is much more of a load on the party, unable to hunt or scavenge well. Her one utility might bring them out of a scrape or two, but as her fur grows longer and gets dirty and matted, she runs the risk of getting infections in her skin and succumbing to a slow death.

If we want to give some of our protagonists some unsavory qualities, they can discuss (potentially with Sunshine present) that she's a burden on the party and needs to be gotten rid of for the survival everyone else, though other dogs can argue on her side that she's their friend and they can't just let her die.

Here are her options:

One of the dogs arguing against her kills her on the spot. Or kills her some other time. Could even just be an attempt on her life that the other dogs thwart, and now they have to deal with wounds inflicted from infighting that could get infected.

Sunshine's special item is the leash her old lady gave her walks on. If you know that one discussion at the beginning of Isle of Dogs... She still has her collar on...

Alternatively, if they last long enough to get out of the evacuation zone, Sunshine could be left with a lonely human who desires animal companionship. The human cleans her up, trims her up, and makes her feel personally fulfilled being a sweet little lap dog.

If anyone has alternative options for her narrative path, I'd love to hear it. I'd even like to hear others' thoughts on these options. Whatever fits best.

[illfatedvoyage]

Mya could hear screams in the distance, but for now, her mind was focused on the people in front of her. Her friends, her family--the one she made, the people she chose. Everyone she loved, putting their lives on the line for her. They were under no obligation to be here, they didn’t have to risk their lives, but here they were, anyway, for her. For Ferelden, for the world. 

And now they were all looking at her. Damnit. She was expected to lead them into battle. Tightening her grip on her sword, Mya shook away her thoughts and straightened her back. Sucking in a deep breath, she lifted her chin and began giving orders. “Loghain, Morrigan, Zevran, you’re with me. Sten, I’m putting you in charge of the main gate. You hold this position and you let nothing through, understood? Shale and Oghren will be right behind you--Leliana and Wynne, I want you on the walls, firing down. Keep your distance and manipulate the battlefield--funnel enemies towards whoever’s available, like we planned.”

Everyone nodded before saying their goodbyes. There were hugs and well-wishes, threats and promises of survival, and at least one awkward goodbye. Just as she was turning to follow her party towards the Market Square, Mya felt something butt against her hip. Looking down, Lockjaw stood at her side, jaws open and tongue lolling with a big smile on his face. “No, Lockjaw. You stay here at the gates, with Sten. He needs you. Stay.”

Mya turned to walk off again, except Lockjaw grabbed the belt at her waist, tugging her back with a whine. Gritting her teeth, she turned and dropped to her knee, putting her swords on the ground. Lockjaw sat whining until she ran her fingers through his short fur, scratching at his neck and behind his ears. They perked as she began speaking. “Lockjaw, you listen to me. I need you here, holding this gate. I need you to be brave, because I’m not right now. I need you to protect the people I can’t. Can you do that for me boy, can you watch out for them?”

Lockjaw whined, licking gently at Mya’s chin before giving a low woof. He stood and padded towards the party staying at the gate, pausing to look over his shoulder as Mya stood. He whined as she wiped her eyes, but she managed a smile as she picked up her swords. “Lockjaw, you’re Sten’s second. You’ll take the right side of the gate while Sten guards the left, Shale and Oghren dead center. Understood?”

At the mabari’s bark, Mya nodded, turning back towards her small group. Jogging towards them, she passed Zevran, not quite able to meet his eyes. “Let’s go.”

She only stumbled a little at hearing a howl behind her.

She was alive.

People were already saying she was blessed by the Maker himself, that she’d been chosen by Him to give the killing blow to the Archdemon and because of her faith, she lived. Morrigan wasn’t around to scoff and take her credit, but Mya rolled her eyes at the claims at least once in honor of her friend.

The true miracle was that the party at the gate was alive as well. They all slowly gathered in the Throne Room in Denerim’s castle, trailing in one by one. Zevran and Loghain had been with her, helping her to the nearest bench. Her ribs were broken still, and there was a partially healed gash on her side from the Archdemon’s spiked tail, but she’d live. As she took her seat on a bench, she cast her gaze around the room to see who all had made it. First Enchanter Irving and Knight Commander Greagoir were conferring with each other, while Eamon and Teagan shared an embrace. Across the room, she caught Alistair’s eyes for a brief moment, pain lancing through her chest when he turned away first to talk to Anora. 

Sten and Leliana were the first to arrive from the gate. Sten was sporting a cut on his cheek, and Leliana was cradling her arm, but she broke into a grin when she saw Mya. Even Sten looked a little pleased, the corners of his eyes crinkling in an invisible smile. Mya heard Shale before seeing here, the sound of stone-on-stone too unique to mistake. She was following Wynne, the two chatting about Maker-knows-what as they entered the hall. Upon laying eyes on the injured parties, Wynne let out a put upon sigh, tsking Leliana as she took her arm in her hands. Oghren was the last to meander into the hall, somehow toting a whole barrel of beer, to the excitement of all the soldiers who had amassed in the hall.

The room quickly filled with the sounds of a celebration, laughter filling the air after what seemed like days worth of hellish screaming and an Archdemon’s screeching roars. But Mya felt off kilter, a frown slowly forming as she continued to look around the room. When Wynne approached to look at her side, Mya reached out and grasped her wrist to stop her. “Where’s Lockjaw?”

Her friends turned to look at her, then around at them. The mabari was nowhere to be seen. Mya’s gaze jumped to Sten as he spoke. “The gates were overrun with darkspawn. Lockjaw leaped at a hurlock general, and then I heard a yelp, but I could not find him when I turned to help.”

All eyes turned back to Mya as she paled. She didn’t feel Wynne’s hands on her side, knitting flesh back together, nor could she tell whose hand rested on her shoulder to steady her. 

“Oh.” She opened and closed her mouth. Slowly her gaze slipped away from Sten and down to her hands, brows creasing as she kept trying to find words. “I--I--”

Her breath hitched and a sudden sob broke her, hands coming up to press hard into her eyes as she tried to stem the tears coursing down her dirty face. Mya’s shoulders shook with each new sob, and it wasn’t long until she felt like she couldn’t breathe, like she couldn’t catch her fucking breath--

“I have to--I can’t be here--I just--” Unable to meet anyone’s gaze, she pushed past her companions, ignoring the curious looks of soldiers as she made her way towards the front of the hall. The doors were wide open, but there were few people on the steps, for which she was thankful. Mya sat down hard on the stone, wrapping her arms around her waist, ignoring the faint pain as she bent forward with a keening sob. She could hardly catch her breath, each one loud and sharp to her ears as she tried to breathe around the snot coming from her nose and the vice on her chest.

She barely heard it above her sobs. A high pitched whine, more air than sound. Mya struggled to open her eyes, prying a hand free from her side to swipe tears away and clear her watery vision. The gait was unfamiliar--as if the creature’s front left leg didn’t quite work--but the kaddis--the kaddis--

“L-Lockjaw?” Mya snuffled, rubbing her nose against the back of her hand, the other furiously pushing tears away from her eyes. If only they weren’t caked in blood and dirt, she could see if it was really--the creature managed a low woof as it limped forward, the panting somehow louder in her ears despite the fact that the dog was still at the bottom of the stairs. 

She knew.

Scrambling from the top of the stairs, Mya half-fell, half-sprinted towards the bottom steps, sobbing again when the hound at the bottom gave a weak wag of his tail and tried to limp up the steps. She barely made it to the bottom when the hound--her hound, her Lockjaw--toppled her to the ground, licking incessantly at her face as she drew the mabari into her lap, arms wrapping so tightly around Lockjaw that it he’d never be able to escape. Sobs were pushed from her chest as relief flooded her lungs, tears quickly licked up by the happy hound in her lap.

They made it. 

They made it.

[themousefromfantasyland]

The Tale of the Dead Princess and the Seven Knights

Or, russian Snow White and the seven Bogatyrs, legendary slavic warriors, similar to the knight-errant in Western tradition

This is a 1833 poem by russian poet Aleksandr Pushkin, inspired by the childhood tales told by his nurse. It's basically russian Snow White, been astonishly closer to the Disney film than the original Brothers Grimm's fairy tale

With his suite the Tsar departed. The Tsarina tender-hearted at the window sat alone, wishing he would hurry home.

All day every day she waited, gazing till her dedicated eyes grew weak from overstrain, gazing at the empty plain. Not a sign of her beloved!

Nothing but the snowflakes hurried, heaping drifts upon the lea. Earth was white as white could be. Nine long months she sat and waited, kept her vigil unabated.

Then from God on Christmas Eve, she a daughter did receive. Next day early in the morning, love and loyalty rewarding. Home again from travel far, came at last the father-Tsar.

One fond glance at him she darted, gasped for joy with thin lips parted. Then fell back upon her bed and by prayer-time was dead.

Long the Tsar sat lonely, brooding. But he, too, was only human.

Tears for one sad year he shed... And another woman wed.

She (if one be strictly truthful) was a born Tsarina. Youthful, slim, tall, fair to look upon. Clever, witty, and so on.

But she was in equal measure stubborn, haughty, wilful, jealous. In her dowry rich and vast was a little looking-glass.

It had this unique distinction: It could speak with perfect diction. Only with this glass would she in a pleasant humour be.

Many times a day she'd greet it and coquettishly entreat it:

"Tell me, pretty looking-glass, nothing but the truth, I ask: Who in all the world is fairest, and has beauty of the rarest?"

And the looking-glass replied:

"You, it cannot be denied. You in all the world are fairest and your beauty is the rarest."

The Tsarina laughed with glee, shrugged her shoulders merrily, puffed her cheeks and bat her eyelids, flicked her fingers coyly, slyly, pranced around with hand on hips, arrogance upon her lips.

All this time the Tsar's own daughter quietly, as Nature taught her, grew and grew, and came quite soon like a flower into bloom: Raven-browed, of fair complexion, breathing kindness and affection.

And the choice of fiance lighted on Prince Yelisei. Suit was made. The Tsar consented and her dowry was indented:

Seven towns with wealthy store. Mansion-houses, sevenscore. On the night before the wedding, for a bridal party dressing, the Tsarina, time to pass, chatted with her looking-glass:

"Who in all the world is fairest, and has beauty of the rarest?"

Then what did the glass reply?

"You are fair, I can't deny. But the Princess is the fairest. And her beauty is the rarest."

Up the proud Tsarina jumped. On the table how she thumped, angrily the mirror slapping, slipper heel in fury tapping!

"O you loathsome looking-glass, telling lies as bold as brass! By what right is she my rival?Such young folly I shall bridle. So she's grown up? Me to spite! Little wonder she's so white: With her bulging mother gazing. At that snow?What's so amazing! Now look here, explain to me. How can she the fairer be? Scour this realm of ours and seek well, nowhere shall you find my equal. Is not that the truth?" she cried.

Still the looking-glass replied:

"But the Princess is the fairest and her beauty is the rarest."

The Tsarina burst with spite, hurled the mirror out of sight, underneath the nearest cupboard, and when breath she had recovered, summoned Smudge, her chamber maid and to her instructions gave:

"Take the Princess to the forest. Bind her hand and foot and forehead to a tree! When wolves arrive let them eat the girl alive!"

Woman's wrath would daunt the devil! Protest was no use whatever.

Soon the Princess left with Smudge for the woods. So far they trudged that the Princess guessed the reason. Scared to death by such foul treason, loud she pleaded:

"Spare my life! Innocent of guilt am I! Do not kill me, I beseech you! And when I become Tsarina I shall give you rich reward."

Smudge, who really loved her ward, being loth to kill or bind her, let her go, remarking kindly:

"God be with you! Do not moan!"

And, this said, went back alone.

"Well?" demanded the Tsarina. "Where's that pretty little creature?"

"In the forest on her own," Smudge replied. "And there she'll stay. To a tree I firmly lashed her. When a hungry beast attacks her, she'll have little time to cry, and the quicker she shall die!"

Rumour spread and caused a panic: "What, the Tsar's own daughter vanished!"

Mournful was the Tsar that day, but the young Prince Yelisei offered God a fervent prayer and departed then and there, to seek out and homeward guide, his sweet-tempered, youthful bride.

Meanwhile his young bride kept walking through the forest until morning, vague as to her whereabouts.

Suddenly she spied a house. Out a dog ran growling, yapping, then sat down, his tail tap-tapping. At the gate there was no guard. All was quiet in the yard.

Close at heel the good dog bounded as the Princess slowly mounted stairs to gain the living floor, turned the ring upon the door.

Silently the door swung open and before her eyes unfolded a bright chamber: all around benches strewn with rugs she found, board of oak beneath the ikon and a stove with tiles to lie on.

To the Princess it was clear, kindly folk were dwelling here, who would not deny her shelter.

No one was at home, however. So she set to, cleaned the pans, made the whole house spick and span, lit a candle in the corner, fed the fire to be warmer, climbed onto the platform bed, there to lay her sleepy head.

Dinner time. The yard resounded, horses stamped and men dismounted. Thick-moustached and ruddy-skinned, seven lusty Knights walked in.

Said the Eldest: "How amazing! All so neat! The fire blazing! Somebody's been cleaning here, and is waiting somewhere near. Who is there? Come out of hiding! Be a friend in peace abiding! If you're someone old and hoar, be our uncle evermore! If you're young and love a scuffle.We'll embrace you as a brother. If a venerable dame, then shall 'mother' be your name. If a maiden fair, we'll call you our dear sister and adore you."

So the Princess rose, came down to the Seven Knights and bowed. Her good wishes emphasising, blushing and apologising that to their delightful home uninvited she had come.

Straight they saw her speech bore witness to the presence of a Princess.

So they cleared a corner seat, offered her a pie with meat, filled a glass with wine and served it on a tray, as she deserved it.

But the glass of heady wine she politely did decline, and the pie she broke with caution, savouring a tiny portion.

Pleading she was very tired, soon she gracefully retired and the Seven Knights conveyed her to the best and brightest chamber and, away as they did creep, she was falling fast asleep.

Days flew by? The Princess living all the time without misgiving, in the forest, never bored, with the Seven Knights abroad.

Darkness would the earth still cover when at dawn the seven brothers would ride out to try their luck with a long-bow, shooting duck.

She, as lady of the house, rose much later, moved about dusting, polishing and cooking, never once the Knights rebuking. They, too, never chided her. Days flew by like gossamer.

And in time they grew to love her. Thereupon all seven brothers, shortly after dawn one day, to her chamber made their way, and the Eldest Knight addressed her:

"As you know, you are our sister. But all seven of us here are in love with you, my dear, and we all desire your favours. But that must not be. God save us! Find some way to give us peace! Be a wife to one at least, to the rest remain a sister! But you shake your head. Is this to say our offer you refuse? Nothing from our stock you'll choose?"

"O my brave and bonny brothers, virtuous beyond all others!"

In reply the Princess'said, "God in heaven strike me dead if my answer be not honest: I've no choice. My hand is promised! You're all equal in my eyes, all so valiant and wise, and I love you all, dear brothers! But my heart is to another pledged for evermore. One day I shall wed Prince Yelisei!"

Hushed, the brothers kept their station, scratched their foreheads in frustration.

"As you wish! So now we know," said the Eldest with a bow.

"Pray, forgive us, and I promise you'll hear nothing further from us!"

"I'm not angry," she replied. "By my pledge I must abide."

Bowing low, the seven suitors left her room with passions muted. So in harmony again did they live and friendship reign.

The Tsarina was still livid, every time she saw in vivid memory the Princess fair.

Long the mirror, lying there, was the object of her hatred;

But at last her wrath abated. So one day it came to pass, that she took the looking-glass, up again and sat before it, smiled and, as before, implored it:

"Greetings, pretty looking-glass! Tell me all the truth, I ask: Who in all the world is fairest, and has beauty of the rarest?"

Said the mirror in reply:

"You are fair, I can't deny. But where Seven Knights go riding, in a green oak-grove residing, humbly lives a person who is more beautiful than you."

The Tsarina's wrath descended on her maid: "What folly tempted you to lie? You disobeyed!"

Smudge a full confession made...

Uttering a threat of torture, the Tsarina grimly swore to send the Princess to her death, or not draw another breath.

One day by her window waiting for her brothers homeward hasting, sat the young Princess and span.

Suddenly the dog began barking. Through the courtyard scurried a poor beggar-woman, worried by the dog she kept at bay with her stick.

"Don't go away! Stay there, stay!" the Princess shouted, from the window leaning outward.

"Let me call the dog to heel, and I'll offer you a meal."

And the beggar-woman answered: "Pretty child, you take my fancy! For that dog of yours, you see, could well be the death of me. See him snarling, bristling yonder! Come here, child!"

The Princess wanted to go out, and took a loaf. But the dog its body wove round her feet, refused to let her step towards the woman-beggar.

When the woman, too, drew near, wilder than an angry bear, it ttacked her. How perplexing!

"Had a bad night's sleep, I reckon!" Said the Princess. "Catch it! There!"

And the bread flew through the air. The poor beggar-woman caught it.

"I most humbly thank you, daughter, God be merciful!" said she. "In return take this from me!"

The bright apple she was holding, newly picked, fresh, ripe and golden, straight towards the Princess flew...

How the dog leapt in pursuit! But the Princess neatly trapped it in her palms.

"Enjoy the apple at you leisure, little pet! Thank you for the loaf of bread..."

Said the beggar-woman, brandished in the air her stick and vanished...

Up the stairs the Princess ran with the dog, which then began pitifully staring, whining, just as if its heart were pining for the gift of speech to say: "Throw that apple far away!"

Hastily his neck she patted: "Hey, Sokolko, what's the matter? Lie down!"

Entering once more her own room, she shut the door, sat there with her spindle humming, waiting for her brothers' coming.

But she could not take her gaze from the apple where it lay, full of fragrance, rosy, glowing, fresh and juicy, ripe and golden, sweet as honey to the lips! She could even see the pips...

First the Princess thought of waiting until dinner. But temptation proved too strong. She grasped the bright apple, took a stealthy bite and with fair cheek, sweetly hollowed a delicious morsel swallowed.

All at once her breathing stopped, listlessly her white arms dropped. From her lap the rosy apple tumbled to the floor. The hapless maiden closed her swooning eyes, reeled and fell without a cry, on the bench her forehead striking, then lay still beneath the ikon...

Now the brothers, as it chanced, were returning in a band from another warlike foray. Out to meet them in the forest, went the dog and, running hard, led them straight into the yard.

Said the Knights: "An evil omen! Grief in store!"

The door they opened, walked into the room and gasped. But the dog like lightning dashed for the apple and devoured it. Death that instant overpowered it. For the apple was, they saw, filled with poison to the core.

By the dead Princess the brothers bent their heads in tears and uttered holy prayer to save her soul; Nothing could their grief console.

From the bench they raised her, dressed her, wished within a grave to rest her. Then had second thoughts. For she was as rosy as if sleep. Garlands of repose were wreathing round her, though she was not breathing.

Three whole days they waited, but still her eyes were tightly shut.

So that night with solemn ritual, in a coffin made of crystal, they laid out the body fair of the Princess and from there, to a hollow mountain bore her, where a tomb they fashioned for her:

Iron chains they used to fix her glass case to pillars six. With due caution, and erected iron railings to protect it.

Then the Eldest smote his breast, and the dead Princess addressed:

"Ever peaceful be your slumber! Though your days were few in number On this earth spite took its toll? Yet shall heaven have your soul. With pure love did we regard you, for your loved one did we guard you, but you came not to the groom, only to a chill dark tomb."

That same day the bad Tsarina, waiting for good news to reach her, secretly the mirror took and her usual question put:

"Who is now by far the fairest, and has beauty of the rarest?"

And the answer satisfied:

"You, it cannot be denied. You in all the world are fairest. And your beauty is the rarest!"

In pursuit of his sweet bride, through the country far and wide, still Prince Yelisei goes riding, weeping bitterly. No tidings!

For no matter whom he asks, people either turn their backs, or most rudely rock with laughter: No one knows what he is after.

Now to the bright Sun in zeal, did the bold young Prince appeal:

"Sun, dear Sun! The whole year coursing through the sky, in springtime thawing from the chill earth winter snow! You observe us all below. Surely you'll not grudge an answer? Tell me, did you ever chance to see the Princess I revere? I'm her fiance." "My dear,"

Said the Sun with some insistence, "I have nowhere seen your Princess, so she's dead, we must presume. That is, if my friend, the Moon, has not met her on his travels, or seen clues you may unravel."

Through the dark night Yelisei, feeling anything but gay, with a lover's perseverance, waited for the Moon's appearance.

"Moon, O Moon, my friend!" he said. "Gold of horn and round of head, from the darkest shadows rising, with your eye the world apprising. You whom stars with love regard as you mount your nightly guard! Surely you'll not grudge an answer? Tell me, did you ever chance to see the Princess I revere? I'm her fiance." "O dear!"

Said the Moon in consternation,

"No, I have not seen the maiden. On my round I only go, when it is my turn, you know.

It would seem that I was resting, when she passed." "How very vexing!"

Cried aloud Prince Yelisei. But the Moon went on to say:

"Wait a minute! I suggest you have the Wind come to the rescue. Call him now! It's worth a try. And cheer up a bit! Goodbye!"

Yelisei, not losing courage, to the Wind's abode now hurried.

"Wind, O Wind! Lord of the sky, herding flocks of clouds on high. Stirring up the dark-blue ocean, setting all the air in motion. Unafraid of anyone, saving God in heaven alone! Surely you'll not grudge an answer? Tell me, did you ever chance to see the Princess I revere? I'm her fiance." "O hear!"

Said the Wind in turmoil blowing.

"Where a quiet stream is flowing, stands a mountain high and steep. In it lies a cavern deep; In this cave in shadows dismal, sways a coffin, made of crystal. Hung by chains from pillars six. Round it barren land in which no man ever meets another. In that tomb your bride discover!"

With a howl the Wind was gone. Yelisei wept loud and long. To the barren land he journeyed, desperately, sadly yearning, once again to see his bride.

On he rode. A mountain high rose before him, soaring steeply fom a land laid waste completely.

At its foot, an entrance dim. Yelisei went quickly in. There, he saw, in shadows dismal swayed a coffin made of crystal, where the Princess lay at rest, in the deep sleep of the blest. And the Prince in tears dissolving threw himself upon the coffin...

And it broke!

The maiden straight came to life, sat up, in great wonder looked about and yawning as she set her bed see-sawing, said with pretty arms outstretched:

"Gracious me! How long I've slept!"

Down she stepped from out the coffin. O the sighing and the sobbing! Carrying his bride, he strode back to daylight. Home they rode, making pleasant conversation, till they reached their destination.

Swiftly rumour spread around:

"The Princess is safe and sound!"

It so happened the Tsarina in her room was idly seated by her magic looking-glass, and to pass the time did ask:

"Who in all the world is fairest, and has beauty of the rarest?"

Said the mirror in reply:

"You are fair, I can't deny, but the Princess is the fairest, and her beauty is the rarest!"

The Tsarina leapt and smashed on the floor her looking-glass.

Rushing to the door she saw the fair young Princess walk towards her.

Overcome by grief and spite, the Tsarina died that night.

From the grave where she was buried, to a wedding people hurried, for the good Prince Yelisei wed his Princess that same day.

Never since the World's creation, was there such a celebration; I was there, drank mead and yet, barely got my whiskers wet.