#[ me @ myself: y dis ? ] | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cuttledreams-bugs · 2 months ago

Text

me trying to hype myself up to posting online again despite The Horror

#so turned out taking a break was both needed and the worst thing I could have done #having Anything to do day to day was the one thing keeping my brain from engaging nuclear meltdown lol #was trying to tell myself if the election went well maybe there'd be a chance for someone like me and it'd be worth trying again #but uhh no need to explain the flaws in that logic lmao #still stuck in the same place with no where else to go #and like #the more I learn about the scale of history the more I understand that relief won't really come until long after I've died #not at a scale needing to overcome the sheer ocean of grief and blood my country is built on and continues to feed year by year #have to live with it now somehow #its not liberating to acknowledge #but there's no such thing as miracles so I guess I'll stop hoping for better #that kind of thing has to be built by hand #really feelin that pingu rn #anyway time to stop whining I gotta start planning to post art or something #might need a second blog for my other non-nature-y artwork #trying to figure out how to make things manageable #maybe will make something silly just to break the ice #rompopolo calls

12 notes · View notes

opens-up-4-nobody · 9 hours ago

Text

...

#do you ever think about the way thinks die? i dont mean bodies. i mean the idea of things.#when a building was a place where people went and worked. somwtimes thousands of them. and then the people stop coming and the idea of the #the place gradually dies. and people start to forget. the writing on graves wear away until theyre just empty pillars #marking the location of someone that no one remembers. someone whose name will never be spoken again because all of their #impact has been washed away. how an object you poured your whole life into can suddenly become a scrap of technological trash.#how the bodies of a million plants and animals hundreds and millions of years old. compressed into soft smearing #sedimentary rock can be burned away to ash. obstructing the sky over point pleasant where 46 people died in a bridge collapse 10 days before #Christmas and people only remember the mothman. dying towns and dying building and dying ideas. i do this dumb thing all the time where i #declare the death of ideas. sometimes to myself. sometimes out loud. i dont thibk anyone knows im doing it. i just give them a 'so it goes'#bc i read slaughterhouse 5 in high school and couldnt shake the repeated decorations of death. i was going to read a book today. so it goes.#my mom was going to fly out and take care of me when i got my wisdome teeth out. so it goes. that place used to be a glass factory but the #y abandoned it 20 years ago. so it goes. life is a sequence of dying ideas. living by falling through a corpse. and its not that im in #dispair about it. its terrifying and sad that nothing lasts and change is the only constant. and i grieve for the dead things that will #never be known. the things that were born in the dark. were never seen and then died there. but there's something about the process of #living and dying that i find deeply compelling. to watching something spin into life and then sputter out to nothing. and that every other #thing to ever exist is on the same trajectory just at a different timescale. i dunno. theres something beautiful in that. and theres #something beautiful in thinking about all the dead and dying things. at least. i think there is...#unrelated

17 notes · View notes

bonesdontmelt · 2 months ago

Text

Honestly the worst thing 4kids did to the yugioh anime was gaslighting me into thinking puppyshipping was way less valid than it was

Fanfic authors be like:

And then Kaiba was the one who dropped the key in the water to save Jou

Here we can see the way that Kaiba's respect for Jou increased over the course of the series

Yes his words were harsh but the implication was that...

and 14 y/o me be like: haha not from what I saw. I like it though, Picasso.

And then TEN YEARS LATER I read the manga and I start watching the sub for the first time and I'm like

#but actually 4kids committed innumerable crimes #had they not died before I realized that I would have killed them myself #14 y/o me like “romanticization of an abusive relationship”#(not that it stopped me from reading it)#but it's so real???#yugioh #puppyshipping #jounouchi katsuya #kaiba seto #4kids bashing

10 notes · View notes

alukaforyou · 1 year ago

Text

every time i go out, i see SO MANY PPL w this exact claw clip hairstyle!!!

#me x mads 4eva #i just got my roots done last week so i dont have to draw myself w black regrowth yayyyy #i didnt kno lee dong gun aka the sexy fuked up prince from queen from 7 days had that iconic dialogue like that was him????#yall i for real struggled drawing that red outfit help i donut like it #will not be drawing him in it again : |#naruto #mads #uchiha madara #sowwy dis weeks madarapicmonday is a shitpost lol #also if ur wondering y my wip quality is always so bad its cuz i put it thru hella filters on my phone photo editor #cuz i rly dont feel like doing post production on a WIP in photoshop 😩 thats for the final piece baybey!!!#madarapicmonday #alulu art

77 notes · View notes

fatehbaz · 8 months ago

Text

.

#thinking of dinosaurs and troodontids were my favorite dinosaurs as a child #when younger i had a real full troodontid tooth fossil that meant a lot to me #for a time we lived within a few kilometers of hadrosaur sites and troodontid sites #while wider general area had many sites of recovery for the big celebrities like tyrannosaur and multiple dromaeosaurs #at that time troodontids were kinda infamous for i think the depiction in some childrens field guides and dino books #which depicted like a fantasy speculative humanoid troodontid based on 1980s model at Canadian Museum of Nature in ottawa #anyway would visit a small local paleo center a lot and woman in her 70s or 80s ran the counter of their center and rock shop #one day she asked me what my fave dino was and i said troodon so she pulled out the tooth and just gifted it to me #in little black case size of ring box with padding and transparent plastic viewing cover kinda like laminate for displaying a trading card #tooth got stolen from out my vehicle while giving some people a ride while at university before i got too poor for tuition #later during first year of pandemic owner of my storage unit died and new property owners threw away everything i ever owned #i was homeless anyway lost job due to early pandemic closures and had to allocate any money to insulin and other prescrip meds #but wouldve found a way to save my things if the new owners had contacted me #they threw out photoalbums y backpacking gear y books y musical instruments y clothes y artwork y camera y all family keepsakes #and all childhood treasures like souvenirs and gifts and school awards and writing portfolios and all the little memories #which i was always sentimental about as child #from earliest age my room looked like a natural history museum with plants and maps and library of field guides #and rocks and field trip keepsakes and all kinds of little animal figurines and mother had painted room in forest greens and browns #to feel like a forest and among the succulent plants and a globe sat the troodon tooth #parents passed when i was a child #never near any family and were always moving never got to settle into proper stable place then father passed after long sad illness #and mother put in so much effort but she passed few years later and i could not take care of myself or my remaining material possessions #and so im still quite hurt having nothing whatsoever remaining of my childhood or school friends or mother or life generally #and when trying to process grief my thoughts often come back to the troodontid tooth as a focal point a distillation of what was lost #even when young i knew it was advised not to become too connected to material physical possessions #but still there are some small little trinkets in our lives that seem to hold so much meaning and i tortured myself for losing that tooth #thinking about troodon reminds me of childhood

40 notes · View notes

fandom-geek · 25 days ago

Text

the downside of being a medievalist is sometimes you keep stumbling across one woman and her family from 700 years ago but none of what they're doing or being said to have makes any sense so you're just there jumping between utter bafflement and infuriation

like why the fuck is a woman who is explicitly a free tenant paying heriot???? that's not how any of this works! why does she have ~120 acres in 1350 and apparently ~240 in 1355????? is she or is she not the woman with the identical and otherwise unheard of forename in the same area from 1308 and, if so, how did she go from transferring her share of their father's land to her brother-in-law to having an entire bloody hide or even two????

#brought to you by: why the fuck does a free tenant have a heriot entry #like i'm glad i know when she dies because usually you have zero idea for free tenants unless you get insanely lucky with rentals #but what the utter fuck #and a man with the same surname paid heriot a few decades earlier so like. what the fuck again.#and what is this random latin word that i cannot figure out for the life of me which is associated exclusively with her son #that i have literally never seen before in the court rolls #and why is another person from this family said to own the manor of [place] when that place is a goddamn royal park #this is the closest i've come to doxing myself but my god. what the fuck. this entire family is my goddamn white whale #like now i know she has a son i'm assuming marriage for the 'wtf with the land' part but like. is it r e a l l y though???

5 notes · View notes

just-spacetrash · 4 months ago

Text

😖

#big things are happeningggggg im gonna watch sentinel too pt1 aaahhhh #i almost talked myself out of it but this is NOT gonna be one of those series i like so much that i'll never finish it #ive been saving it so that i only watch episode per day #but i cant just watch pt1 what if blair diess #sorry 90s fujos thank you for your service but im not as strong as you i cant wait a day much less a cancellation between pt1 and pt2 #aaa so exciting!!!!!#ive heard sm about alex i wanna see what she looks like #expect a LOT of updates to this post #omg right away the sound quality is awful omg gshdjdj #this is actually someone just recording their box tv i think #my post #omggggg alex is finally here and woah mama she is gorgeousssss #also real subtle with the jaguar pants fshdhd #they rly found a woman with a real jaguar-y face i think #its hot #omgg a music montage?? i love ittt weve been getting more of these on s3!!#woahhhhh the famed homoerotic preminition-animal-symbolism-dream????#YES AND THE SHITTY 90S ANIMAL/HUMAN MORPH CGI I LOVE ITTTTT #fellas is it gay to see a dream of yourself shooting a wolf in a blue jungle and as it dies that wolf turns into your roommate/life partner #asking for a friend #sandburg is WHIPPED i dont blame him i dont think i could talk if a woman like that was speaking to me #cassies still my favorite sentinel girlie but can u blame me for liking evil blondes

4 notes · View notes

xisanamii · 9 months ago

Text

i want to bark at these women (awooga)

13 notes · View notes

jerrsterrr · 2 years ago

Text

I CNAT STOP THIBKING ABT THEM 💥

Old?? doodles of

RS AU by @silliemop

25 notes · View notes

dormiloncito · 1 year ago

Text

ok, i had felt hideous horrible ugly espantoso horroroso and like i needed to wear a paperbag on my head for a hot minute but today i saw myself on a tri-fold mirror and was like... hm. well i don't look that bad, actually!

#NEEDED THAT #idk #i felt really stupid for no reason 😭 but all is well again i needed to see myself from another angle i guess #menti. me sentia del asco pq volvi a ser yo mismo y luego de fingir ser girlsona como por 2 años pues me faltaba costumbre #pero nadie me ha tratado diferente nadie me ha dejado de respetar entonces me di cuenta que yo soy demasiado cruel conmigo mismo

7 notes · View notes

opens-up-4-nobody · 10 months ago

Text

...

#sorry im thinking abt death again #because it's weird to think that ive been in the room. maybe a meter away from someone as they died #that someone being my mom. its just weird. the time in the hospital feels like it happened in some dark little pocket universe detached from #time. a calm room and then the soft blips of a monitor then the nurse rushing in to say she'd passed #i dont kno y ppl use that phrase: passed on. i mean i do. it softens the topic. makes it sound peaceful. ive yet to use it. i just say she #died bc thats what happened. is that insensitive? i dunno. when i was home i realized that i come off as much stranger than i think. the way #my family see me doesnt fit how i see myself. i dont kno what to do with that. i dunno. theyre all together today #for an early easter. and im halfway across the country again. nose so stuffy ive had to mouth breathe for the last 3 days #and again. everything feels the same as it did before but also profoundly different. sometimes i cry in the mornings. or when i think abt #future vacations she wont be there for. bc in the end she quickly slipped away in a way that couldn't be described as peaceful until her #last half a day. and all i can think about in that tiny room is how scary it would be to lose control like that #and how its not fair and she didnt deserve to die only halfway through a lifetime. but its not about fair and its not about deserving.#sometimes bad things just happen. that's life. and now i own a book called motherless daughters. and now im standing with the countless #others who've lost their moms too early. ive already become aware of 3 ppl in my daily life who are in the same club #i keep thinking about this moment that happened between my parents at the hospital. apparently my dad was helping her get cleaned up and her #stomach was so bloated she looked like she had a bby in there. which my dad said. and my mom apparently said: but it's a baby no one want. i #dont kno y that upsets me so much. all the things i heard abt her being in the hospital before i got there upset me. and the rest of my #family was there to see it. so i have the least traumatic version of the story. and i got almost 27 years with her. except my sisters #probably got more time with her bc i spent so much time away. or maybe not. i dunno.#i dunno. im just sad that shes gone and sad that it was drawn out even a little bit. 6 days isnt long but im sure it felt like an eternity.#again not fair. nothings fair. 53 years of unfairness culminating in a tragedy. she would hate me characterizing it like that. she lived a #full life as they say. full with an asterisk on account of length #unrelated

13 notes · View notes

flamboyant-king · 1 year ago

Text

You know me. I like barely ever show any NOT SAFE FOR WORK drawings on here. So instead, I'm sharing drawings of my face AS I was drawing each NOT SAFE FOR WORK thing.

And the subject is right there, smack dab in the middle. Being tormented by the sins of the egg. (I drew him really cute but I can't share the rest.)

ALSO, I'd like to state that it's not corngraphic except like two maybe, it's more so like violent. We are all just having fun beating this guy up. Like, step right up and stomp on his face type shih. I never ever ever draw violent stuff, unless it's lewling related, so this is like cathartic.

This uhh feeling will fade after Halloween hopefully and we'll go back to our regularly scheduled wholesomeness and cammypus.

#i looked in a mirror 20 feet away as reference because im like NYAHAHA WHAT EVILS HAVE I COMMITED #and i see my own smug face in the mirror like 'yes this will get me hunted down'#sketches #i do comedy slapstick violence but ya know doing more darker jokes and adult humor feels nice like im not censoring myself #i mean i still am by not showing you guys a lot of the bloody or even H O RN Y stuff but ya cant expose everything #like for those of yall who have followed me for years id say were all legal here for more than my usual 13+ content #i just want ro be appealing to a broader audience IN CASE i ever did make it somewhere but haha its been what #8 years since i started this blog. any credit i had died off with teeny taku fhjdjsksajsk #ive got no image to uphold. i have nothing im trying to promote anymore. i do but ive lost the plot ya know #im just having fun and im glad you guys are just ...letting me? like i looked at my old stuff #with the cookies the pokemans the fehs the ocs. and yall just let me go freaking wild and thought #yeah ill give that a like. bless yalls hearts. bless ya souls. ive got thousands of posts on here and yall just let me run wild #and thank you for that. ya never pit pressure on me. kts me outting pressure on myself.#i do wish there were folks that did look forward to some actual tangible content instead of me shitposting with no cohesiveness #but thats just hard with adhd. and try as i might with medications and alarms and deadlines and what have you. its just. difficult #like even the tags here are derailing. but i hope that alongside me just having fun doing my thing. i hope i can get on course #where there is a clear line to follow in my life but i dont lose sight of it as i trail off #but for now. im just drawing experimenting and straight up goofing around. have fun you guys #i may not show you everything but just know im having fun too.

10 notes · View notes

foragings · 7 months ago

Text

i feel so aimless and full of despair like 89% of the time. and i need to just go to bed but i took a nap earlier and there is only so much time you can spend asleep

#i ply my brain with content in hopes of making it shut up but aaa #like i ask my peers and friends like does everyone feel like this? does anyone know what theyre doing?#and people are like yeah haha im aimless too all while seeming to work towards goals and futures #and i just feel so pointless . i want to be nothing . i want to fast forward until it's all over #there is more to life than a career but whenever i want to really believe that i feel naive #everyone here is so ambitious and driven and it makes me feel pathetic and slovenly and horrible #im lying to myself saying i'll apply to X and Y and doing nothing to work towards it #even the things ive been most excited abt this summer dont seem all that fun anymore. because it's just time marching on #i want to embrace that spirit of 'sometimes i imagine i already died and begged god to let me live again' to appreciate everything #and it helps sometimes but other times i just still am So sad and lost #and it's such a privilege to be able to feel this aimlessness and wonder about like what to do with myself but i also just feel so naive #like have i squandered my potential? my opportunities? should i go into investment or consulting or tech like 40% of my classmates?#i just want to do something meaningful #this is just the 11pm talking . but this is my blog and if i want to despairpost i will #im gonna go shower.

2 notes · View notes

sol-draws-sometimes · 10 months ago

Text

You can tell not a single Venezuelan was involved in the making of Jane the Virgin, cause NOT ONCE DID THEY SING THE BIRTHDAY SONG!!!

It's a comedy show, like wouldn't it have been so funny to see a white man(or Rafael since he's not Venezuelan) celebrating a birthday at the Villanueva household and they're just expecting "Happy Birthday" but with the words in Spanish and they get fucking hit with; a song with a completely, different ass melody; with 4 verses, probably with Happy Birthday in Spanish afterwards; one more time in English cause, "We're immigrants so we gotta do it in English"; and the whole ordeal is about 5 times longer than the normal birthday song. Like, that shit is hilarious! Missed opportunity!!!

I caught it when Mateo turned one and they just sang Happy Birthday in Spanish, which latinos DO do, but that's just not Venezuelan. And like, yah Michael will probably have known about the existence of the song since he's been dating Jane for a while, but like it doesn't even have to be funny(I know that scene supposed to be serious), it's just a small thing that's Venezuelan you know.

Also, I'm not even super Venezuelan, I just have extended family cause I had a visabuelo(great uncle) that was Venezuelan, I'm sure an actual Venezuelan would've caught more things.

Anyway if you don't know what I'm talking about, go watch this skit it's super funny. Or here's the song in a form you'll normally hear it. There's also additional quips, you can see in this video. I don't know them cause my cousins don't really do it, but other people do, so it makes it even more chaotic.

#sol talks #my post #jane the virgin #jtv #venezuela #latino #latine #Like imagine a flashback of Miachle's first time over for a birthday being absolutely confused out of his mind #And I only know the main song #The only quip I know is “Y los pañales que te di”#Technically you don't have to repeat “natal” or “felicidad" but MOST people do(my family included)#idk missed oppurtunity for a funny bit #I may be Cuban but I remember visiting Venezuela more than I do Cuba #I always get excited when I find Venezulan shit cause it's like not exactly me but also MEEEEEEE(kinda)#Also I DO like Jane Virgin #TEAM MIACHLE THEY DID HIS ASS DIRTY #Personally S5 is the weakest but honestly I remember it being a good show I watched #Idk there just little details that make charcters feel more lived in #especially when they are from a nationality not commonly shown #Yo I'm so proud of myself learning the song #for the longest time I only knew the first verse and the ending #the middle is always a blur #BUT I DID IT #I only hear it when I'm with my Venezulean family or more recently I'll sing it to my Venezuelan friend since I know it now!#IT'S SUCH A LONG ORDEAL YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND #One time my family was at a park and we spotted Venezuleans and started talking to them cause they sang the song #I haven't watched Jane the Virgin in a while #But this is a thought I regularly have

3 notes · View notes

lanayrutower · 1 year ago

Text

i'm about to throw hands with this yt poll.

this is the zelda version of that twitter butch post to me.

#the best zeldas arent even here!!! if og 'i was like 8 y/o when i SHATTERED the triforce and hid it ALONE in a monster infested land' zelda #and st 'the only one with a character arc u see play in real time & goes from i'll wait here to i will STAB malladus with my own 2 hands #and alone if i have to' zelda were here they'd obliterate the competition. maybe not in votes but just in terms of correctness #BUT EVEN IN THIS CASE. ur not voting for ms. 'i saw my family home and kingdom be systematically destroyed over the course of 7 years &#stood back up said no & changed my ENTIRE self to try to save everyone largely on my own for 7! years! as a child!! only to at the end of #it all be the only person who can truly empathise with the hero who had his childhood stolen from him and return it even though i will #never have mine again'????????????#or even ms. 'i was normal & happy & loved until i wasnt and i learnt i was the orchestrator of my own and everyone else's misery because im #not even myself & im so much bigger yet lesser than who i thought i was and if i cannot be divine then i will be less than worthless i will #be a blight who couldnt execute the plan i had tossed everyone into and they will have lived in my lie and died for nothing so i will be #divine even if that means sealing myself away for an eternity. even if i will never know happiness the way i did again'????????#i cant say anything about twipri. i barely remember her bc i watched that playthrough ages ago and she was barely in the game idk what ur #voting for #but botw???????? /BOTW/?????????????????#girl wasnt even the best princess in her own game and she only had one other competitor smh #(<-THAT'S A JOKE. THAT'S A JOKE. I AM JOKING.)#this whole thing is half a joke. i love botw zelda (dont look at me like that. i do) and i get why she's winning but like. come on. that's #way too big of a divide. how are oot and skysw losing that much. botw zelda's voice alone should have cost her half her votes #WKSHDKSDHKKA #anyway this whole thing is for funsies so dont be weird on my post ok <3? ive had a shit three days and if being fake mad at a silky video #game poll makes me laugh then that's fair ok? and if you're weird i have the license to explode you with my mind and curse your family for #3 generations ok <333?#freya talks loz

4 notes · View notes

malikselfindulgence · 1 year ago

Text

Being the bigger person and emailing my mom's inactive email "kys" instead of saying it to her face directly

#malik's rambles #OAUAGHJ&!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#mymom when im not crying screaming killing myself over grades like i used to #HOWcan you say youd rarher i hurt myself daily and study than relax all day WHAT the fuck is wrong w y #Ive been clean for over a year I am not !! doing that shit again . why did you love me only at my lowest !!!!#i hope she DIES a million times over . GOD .#ok thisis venting at this point sorry #vent #im so mature . sooo mature iam so capable of being the adult in this mother daughter relationship when i am the daugh ter .#i feel ridiculous for being so angry when this is one of the tamest things shes said or done . it feels stupid #me x oversharing on the internet . my badim just rlly fucking mad and have no time to do anything w it i have to study #“id rather have a dead daughter than a failure” smiles normally . because im so normal .#ok ENOUGH of that im just gonna take a break and relax andthen study actuall y im getting overwhelmed .#may she never breathe again AMEN !!!!!

6 notes · View notes