#[ in which she keeps pushing him away because she doesn't want to admit how much she actually cares about him ]

[buttercup-art]

i imagine Hugo being slightly pathetic about Noa sometimes. At least not when he's sober

[caraphernellie]

𝐦𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞, 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞.

tiny, silly, cute blurb today because i'm thinking fluffy!!! and fluffy in particular = cats! i love cats and ik i'm always talking about cats so… in the need to quell my desperation right now, i'm going to write about it instead. because i keep looking at cat rescue pages and crying about all those precious babies.

now it's a little hard to picture ellie having a dog because, erm… but moving away from that– i think she's one of those people who prefers dogs simply because they're playful and have such wholesome faces. who wouldn't falter over a puppy's virtuous little smile, falling over feet to give them some head pats? but imagine her reaction when you tell her you want to rescue a cat. imagine the vulgarity in her response every time you'd show her pictures upon pictures of sad babies with no homes – just a snap back to reality. "yeah, babe, s'cute, but probably got ringworm or some shit."

 and yeah, sure, all of your arguments are sound, your list of pros outway the cons, but cats are so lame. lame is what she said.

and lame is what she is, because the furry creature does win her heart fairly quickly. almost as soon as you showed her the picture of this poor unnamed cat without a family, desperate tears in your eyes just waiting to shed at her denial, she folded.

on one condition.

"if we get the cat, i wanna name him."

so much for 'not wanting a cat', it was obvious from the start that your new baby had dug his way into ellie and tugged at the heartstrings. so that was how rover became yours– never trust your girl not to name something unrelated to her interests – but rover was a cute and fitting name overall, if only a tad nerdy due to her ongoing obsession with space and the long lost dream of being an astronaut. 

but there seems to be such a common phenomenon when it comes to cats. they know exactly who doesn't like them, and they make it their mission to insert themselves every which way like stubborn bastards. rover is a smart little man, and he was aware quickly of how awkward ellie got when he'd sit on you or knead on you. it progressed into him treading into the bedroom at five o'clock sharp every morning to wake his mothers up, pushing his way between you and ellie to enjoy the warmth of your cuddles.

from that point, he started getting bolder, jumping onto ellie's lap when she was always busy. he'd nuzzle up against the controller while she's gaming and she'd scoff quietly, clumsily moving to see the screen over his body. then his tail would swipe her across the nose and she'd groan, "you're a little dick."

even then– the words are coated in affection, softly spoken and accompanied by her pausing of the game to rub her hand over his sandy coloured fur.

there's also many, many times in which he appealed to her in humour. it can be utterly amusing at the least and hilarious at most when a feline is taken over by the zoomies. watching the usually collected and calm cat sprint at top speeds and leap dangerously across the room never failed in its manner to bring ellie to laughter.

so yeah, there's a growing attachment to rover bubbling under ellie's surface, and she's never really sure what to do about it. admit that she was wrong about hating cats? she admits so with her every action, making a stop at the store on her way home from work to bring a new cat toy or bag of treats she's desperate to give him. maybe it's in the way she lets him settle on her lap and feels a rush of warmth and love. maybe it's that her lock screen is now a picture of you carrying the cat over your shoulder like a newborn.

photomode creds to @/seraqhite on pinterest!!

[stylesluxx]

wildflower – a.hotchner

[warnings: self doubt, relationship doubt, angst]

summary: in which y/n doubts her spot in hotch’s heart – inspired by wildflower by billie eilish

word count: 825

main masterlist

You've always known that Aaron had a love before you. It's impossible not to—Haley was a part of his life through so many milestones for many years. He's never talked about her in-depth, but the memories surround him, a lingering presence that never quite fades. Some days, you catch the look in his eyes, far away, like he's somewhere else entirely. And every time it happens, you can't help but wonder if it's Haley he's thinking of.

It's been a couple of years since her death, and though Aaron has moved forward, there's a part of him that you fear might still be anchored to the past. That maybe, you're not enough to replace what he lost. You've tried to ignore it, tried to convince yourself that your worries are unfounded, but the thought lingers.

Tonight, it's especially strong. You're sitting on the couch with Aaron, his hand resting on your knee as you watch a movie together. But his mind isn't here. You can tell by the way his gaze flickers, unfocused, staring at the screen but not really seeing it. It happens more often than you'd like to admit, and each time it sends a twinge of insecurity through you.

"Where are you?" you ask softly, trying to keep your voice light. He looks at you, startled as if he didn't realize you were speaking.

"I'm here," he says, offering you a small smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes.

But you're not convinced. You've been holding this in for so long, pretending that everything's fine, but tonight, you can't help yourself. The words spill out before you can stop them.

"Are you, though? Because sometimes it feels like...like you're somewhere else. Like you're still thinking about her."

Aaron's expression shifts, his smile fading as he turns to face you fully. He opens his mouth to speak, but you can't stop now. The floodgates are open.

"I get it, Aaron. I know how much she meant to you, how much you loved her. But sometimes I wonder if you still...if you still love her. And I know that's unfair of me, because how could you not? She was your wife, the mother of your child, and she was taken from you in such a horrible way. But where does that leave me? Am I just here to fill a void?"

He's silent, his brows furrowing as he processes your words. The air between you feels heavy, thick with the weight of what you've just admitted. You hate yourself for saying it, for pushing him when you know how much he's been through, but the fear has been gnawing at you for so long, that you couldn't hold it in anymore.

Finally, Aaron speaks, his voice low but steady. "You're not filling a void."

You look at him, surprised by the conviction in his tone. He leans forward, his hand tightening around yours.

"I'll always care about Haley. She'll always be a part of me because she's part of Jack's life. But I'm not in love with her anymore. I haven't been for a long time, even before she died."

His words make your heart stutter. "You haven't?"

"No," he says softly, his thumb brushing against your hand. "When I met you, I didn't know I was ready to love someone again. But you've given me something I didn't think I'd ever have. You gave me hope, and you've made me feel alive again. I don't look back at what I had with Haley and wish it were still here. I look forward with you."

Tears prick your eyes at his words, the weight of your insecurity beginning to lift. But still, there's a lingering doubt, one you're almost afraid to voice.

"But do you...do you regret it? That you're with me now?"

Aaron shakes his head firmly. "Never. I'm with you because I want to be. After all, I love you. You're my future, not my past."

He cups your cheek, his touch gentle but grounding, and you lean into his palm, the warmth of his hand seeping into your skin. His gaze is soft, and earnest, as he brushes away the tear that slips down your cheek.

"I'm sorry if I've ever made you feel like you're second to Haley," he says, his voice thick with emotion. "That was never my intention. I love you. Only you."

You close your eyes, letting his words wash over you, their truth sinking in. You know he's being honest, that his heart is yours, but a part of you also knows that love doesn't erase the past. And maybe that's okay. Maybe love is about accepting that there will always be echoes of what came before, but choosing to move forward together, despite them.

When you open your eyes, Aaron is still watching you, waiting for you to say something. You reach up, covering his hand with yours as you press a kiss to his palm.

"I love you too," you whisper.

And for the first time in a long while, you believe that it's enough. You're enough.

[AN: I want to start posting multiple times a week but idk how I want to schedule that yet. maybe every 3 days? also I was supposed to post this days ago but forgot to queue it … AND AS YOU GUYS ARE READING THIS IM OMW TO MY SECOND ERAS TOUR SHOW HEHE. anyway, here's my taglist]

[snakeredbirdbatkatana]

It was another competion the entire family all shoving and pushing each other into the car to see more of Damian's art.

Tim is excited for Damian.

He knows what it's like, to stand there and have no one show up. To be there all by yourself for hours the only one to visit your booth being the art teacher.

Ms. Carrington who would ask questions and ignore the tears that pooled in his eyes before helping him pack everything up, sometimes even driving him home because of course neither his parents or Bruce could be bothered to pick him up.

He can't really help the envy that he can feel building in his chest mixing with a good chunk of repressed anger.

A elbow being jabbed into his ribs distracts him.

"Hey what's with the face? Perk up Boy-Loser it's Damian's night."

He turns to Steph the smile that he had been attempting to plaster on falling. It's such a stupid thing it's a nickname so what if it's demeaning, he gets called pretender or replacement by Jason what does it matter.

"Do you ever think it's kinda fucked up that not a single person in this family calls me anything that isn't an insult?" He snaps.

She looks shocked. How fucking dare he have an ounce of self esteem. Someone alert the Media Tim Drake isn't a dormat.

He turns away sliding into the crowd.

There's less then half an hour left before he can leave. Pratically throwing himself down in the empty hallway as far as he can get from this entire night.

"Baby bird and Timmy aren't insults? Or are they I can't seem to keep up with the kids these days."

He turns, of course. You might be able to run from Batman or lie to him, but you can never escape the grasp of Big Brother Nightwing.

"So your admitting that your old?" he joins the banter.

His muscles start to unclench another superpower only Dick Grayson seems to have.

"Never, something you want to talk about?"

Does he? No. Should he? Yah.

"Maybe I just don't want be insulted every day of my life. So weird who doesn't want to be reminded they suck?"

He can hear the whine, he can also hear that everything he just said isn't gonna matter. You don't take whiny little boys seriously. And that's what he is.

"Hmm you know I get called Dickhead or really a lot of just penis related jokes. Always hated them not that it really stops anyone."

He looks finally making eye contact with his big brother. Because he's right. How many times has he heard anyone in the family other than him and Damian call Dick anything nice. Never not once. Maybe Bruce but he can't really picture it.

"Also don't think I didn't notice how annoyed you are with Bruce about this entire night, which I don't blame you for. You know I love Damian kiddo, but yah Bruce is not winning a mug from me or you."

He doesn't really want to acknowledge any of that already exhausted and he will have to apologize to Steph and if he opens the box it will be a car ride from hell home.

"Luckily for you I have a car parked a block up we can escape get ice cream and have a nice sleepover in bludhaven."

He wants to so bad, he wants to throw himself at Dick who knows him so well, who followed him out here, who isn't blinking, the only adult who has ever not somehow fucked him over.

"What about Damian? He will be pissed at me for stealing you or something. He doesn't need another reason to stab me."

He turns to look back at the floor.

"Foolish Drake I will be coming with you Father is being insesently annoying and I much rather talk about art with someone who has a brain cell."

Both him and Dick whip around to see Damian standing there a slight blush on his face hesitation making the corner of mouth twitch. He sees Dick looking on unsure. He doesn't hesitate.

"Thank god I know a great place with that Vegan Cookie Dough you like. What you waiting for Big Bird? Let's go. "

Climbling to his feet he grabs Dick and Damian dragging them to the exit he hears Dick's confused muttering sharing a secret smile with Damian before ignoring it.

The night is finally looking up.

[to-mah-to27]

Headcanon that Saiki Kusuo collects people with honest intentions.

This might be less of a headcanon and more of just a dissection of the series, but every time Saiki talks about people in general, it's always nihilistic and defeatist.

He doesn't like weddings because of hearing the guest's thoughts and how it directly opposes what they are saying.

He doesn't like Christmas because of how people are always thinking about themselves and what they want rather than about giving and being grateful, which is against the very spirit of the holiday.

Basically, people's thoughts show a darker and more egotistical side of humanity, and overexposure to this has added to the already mountainous problem of Saiki distancing himself from everyone and everything.

Almost every time a new character is introduced, Saiki treats them in this same way, expecting them to be secretly self-absorbed and immoral. But by the end of the short, they prove to be otherwise.

-That's- when Saiki goes all Tsundere and "well I guess I'd rather not owe him a favor or anything" and uses his powers to help them.

Saiki -does- hate Nendou. Until Nendou jumps in to stop him from getting mugged by two other students. Saiki knows he has been nothing but cold and dismissive to this guy, and yet while getting the shit kicked out of him for getting involved, all Nendou does and give him a thumbs up and tell him to run.

Saiki hates Kaidou, too. Sees him as another outcast trying to become friends with him on the principle that they are both alone. Until Kaidou actually jumps in front of the other student to save her from getting attacked by a snake. Kaidou is terrified, yes, and panics and thinks "Why did I do that?" but he still did it. He risked bodily harm and infection to save someone else and -that- is what heroes actually are.

Saiki doesn't necessarily hate Hairo, but he does admit they aren't the type of people who would get along. But then Hairo goes as far as to scrape his knee for Saiki, even if it was to keep him in a game he doesn't really want to play. He recognizes Hairo is someone who sticks to his morals, and he respects that.

Teruhashi took a bit longer, especially because at first she really was the type of person who says something the opposite of what they think. Their relationship is a little more complicated, I think and I've already talked about it before, but I do think that it was when she committed so hard to her appearance that she was willing to eat that "ramen" from the place Nendou showed them. Actions speak much louder than words, as Saiki as a character is a very good example of. At a certain point, is it really a facade if she is willing to go that far?

Basically, Saiki has a soft spot for people who are honest and true.

He can't force himself to really truly push them away like he could do if he really wanted to. Because that's so rare in the world to find a person like that, at least for him, and so it is very difficult to force them out of his life when he knows they are only trying to help.

At least that's how it starts.

I can do another post about the rest of the characters if y'all want

[fatcatlittlebox]

I find the recent comments from showrunners Payne and McKay interesting particularly when they state that Sauron did not want to kill Galadriel in the finale duel but for her to acknowledge him and "give him credit." Now why would that matter so much to him if not for the possibility that what he had done was done so with her in mind? Meaning, Sauron was thinking of Galadriel this whole time. His return to Mordor, the rings, his conquest. They are the broad strokes to the greater masterpiece he is shaping for her. She is his inspiration. She is his audience. Which brings me back to the theme of eyes. His eyes and hers. Eyes that see and look. The Eye is the mark of Sauron. But more than anything he wants Galadriel to see him. I made this last gifset to illustrate how this is the focus of Sauron's obsession and motivation.

Throughout his existence so far, he has been gifted and plagued by his ability to shapeshift and change form at will. He "has had many names." You see how this weighs upon his soul. He has had too many names. He has worn so many faces to too many people. He’s weary and the burden of not being seen for so many years, thousands - he almost comes apart.

This is why he desperately longs for Galadriel to see him. Not as the “abhorred” but as himself. Because to be seen is to be whole. To have one, true name even if it isn't uttered aloud. This is what Adar asked of Galadriel and I think it's meant to reflect Sauron as well. The difference is that Adar embraced the name he had earned while Sauron rejects his. Sauron hates his earned name because it is a constant reminder of how alone and misunderstood he feels in his purpose. That is until he meets Galadriel. She doesn’t abhor “Halbrand.” She loves him. She sees him. To her he is “friend" and "king."

"Galadriel. Look at me.” I believe that she did fall in love with the real him and he knows it. It's why he will always keep “Halbrand.” He will linger in the memories of when Galadriel knew him this way. That's why he continues to look like some variation of Halbrand. Because that's how Galadriel saw him. This the illusion he created for himself and one he is reluctant to leave. As long as she can see him. Just the possibility and the hope.

And while Galadriel can claim fondness for the part of him that was soft, vulnerable and human, that is not all she fell for. And Sauron won't let her get away with excusing herself or denying that she loved the parts that were truly him. This gesture, when he has her impaled with the crown and she averts her eyes away from his gaze.

He jerks her eyes upward as if to say, "Look." She fell in love with this person too. Sauron is Halbrand. The rage-filled, domineering and ambitious, violent spirit. He won't let her deny it. He won't let her look away. This is what they shared. She did not shrink before him when he pushed her away, when he told her of his darkness, when he told her, and showed her of how cruel and manipulative he could be. Remember, he saw her rage and vengeful side too. "Galadriel. Look at me." He says it aloud and presses these words upon her mind like a phantom prayer. His words probably haunt her soul. She feels it. It's what she hints at when she admits to Elrond that Gil Galad doesn't trust her alone with Sauron: You know why. The constant question that gropes her thoughts. It's the open invitation that still keeps the door open to his mind. She says she perceives "all of his mind as it concerns elves." I don't think that's because that is all that Sauron allows her to see. I think it's because that is what most occupies his thoughts. Her.

That's why, as I have previously wrote, I think the events of season 2 were setting the groundwork for manifesting the plan Sauron has for shaping the world as he saw it with Galadriel. He is going to enact their shared vision and, he believes, Galadriel will see its beauty and worth and return to him. Which leads me to her parting words to Sauron in episode 8. She tells him to heal himself. I think by now Sauron has enough insight to see that he is indeed a broken spirit. It comes up in his confessions with Celebrimbor and the showrunners have already hinted that Sauron is becoming increasingly aware that there is something about his very essence that poisons every meaningful relationship he has and dooms him to failure and despair. He also says to Galadriel at the start of their swordfight that he want to "heal..." and before he finishes with "Middle Earth", he pauses. He was going to say that he wants to heal himself. So by the time the viewer sees Galadriel tell him to basically fuck off and heal himself, those seeds are actually already planted. He has to cure himself of this blight. He has to purge himself of it. And now he has explicit instructions from Galadriel. He sees and remembers everything, right? He's going to do it. He's going to try to repair what he may see as his defect. It will be interesting to see how he interprets his marching orders from his queen. I think that is where the One Ring comes in.

The showrunners have already hinted that the forging of the One Ring will be an upcoming storyline soon. They also hinted that he's going to fuck something up. Furthermore, the audience has already been shown that the more of himself Sauron puts into a ring of power, the more corrupted and less potent of a creative, benevolent force it imparts. They've also shown that when Sauron tries to make rings on his own, he fails in the final product. He even went through a whole batch of mithril on his own without success. So if the writers have hinted that Sauron errs in the making of the ring, what could they possibly mean? Where did he go wrong? Is it that Sauron had different intentions for the Ring's purpose than what it ended up becoming? Or that he fulfilled its malicious purpose but with unintended side effects? If the former, I wonder if his true intention with the One Ring is to create another healing ring of power, his own ring as a mate of Galadriel's. Maybe he forges it, believing that this would meet Galadriel's demand to heal himself. The shownrunners have already shown that they like to put unexpected layers to the most well-known parts of Tolkien: “One ring to rule them all. One ring to find them. One ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.” Maybe those words have additional meaning.

[coldinternetllama]

My thoughts on Maomao and her parents

Spoilers for Maomao's backstory and maybe for some future instances in the LNs. Also this is not a proper analysis, do not expect much structure, lol

One of the saddest things to me in this story is that Maomao probably craved Fengxian's love until the very end, regardless of what she is saying. After all, who wouldn't want to feel their own mother's love, right? Maomao keeps saying that she doesn't know how to love, however I believe this is simply a coping mechanism for her. We know that she loves Luomen, her sisters, the Granny, even Xiaolan and Loulan (yes, I do think she loved them). Hell, she also has "certain affections" for our beloved red flag, as she herself states in her mind. Yet she doesn't classify any of that as love proper. Instead, she comes back to the cut tip of her pinky and repeats her favorite phrase about how she left that feeling somewhere in the past. There where she also left her mother, who is now just the woman who gave birth to her. Still, she administered Fengxian's medicine time and time again. Still she set up the perfect opportunity for Lakan to find her. Still she danced for her under the night sky with a heavily injured leg. Still she bowed to her remains and played her last game of go for her. I don't think she had it in herself to love the woman who pushed her away, but part of Maomao wanted to love her, I believe. And to be loved back. Granted, Luomen and the women at Verdigris house did their best to raise Maomao, but it wasn't enough to replace what could have been.

If anything, our dear apothecary is probably more frustrated than anything. She doesn't hate her parents, no. I would go as far as to say that she actually feels bad for them ( I mean, who wouldn't). Of course, she would never admit that, which leads to her other coping mechanism, namely her extremely abrasive language when referring to Fengxian and Lakan (come on now, breeding mare and stallion? Girl, chill). She would rather feign indifference, lest she has to confront her feelings, which is her least favorite thing to do, as we know. After all, it's these two people's feelings that got them all to that state. If even such intelligent people could make such a blunder because of feelings, why would she want to feel love or be loved? This is also reflected in the scene where she is telling Jinshi that she wants to be executed with poison. Jinshi answers that he would never execute her. Maomao's answer? It doesn't matter what he wants to do, it only matters if he CAN do it. To me, this is a direct reference to her parents' story. Lakan wanted to be with Fengxian, but couldn't. Fengxian wanted to reach out to him, but couldn't. It all ended in ruin because of that damn feeling called love. Of course, this is also why Maomao just refuses to even consider that she can love (btw, I don't mean strictly one type of love, this is a very vast and complicated feeling with many facets, and I mean all of them here). So she simply claims that she doesn't, yet her actions tell a different story.

Now, I have never been in a similar situation, so I do not claim to know what a person like Maomao would truly think and feel of this. But I think that deep down she wonders what it would have been like to have been loved without being hurt. For her cries to have been met with warmth and not with silence. For her mother to have hugged her instead of having chased her away. And maybe Fengxian wanted the same, but knew that it was not possible. Maybe she was ashamed and disappointed in herself. What good would it be for that child to love her? The child, whose destiny might turn out not too different from her own. Indeed, in the end, no matter what anyone wanted, Fengxian could only become the woman who gave birth to Maomao. And Maomao could only learn to accept that.

[heartfullofleeches]

Do the cow hybrids go into heat? And if so how pushy are each of them during their heat?

Yes. You could probably call some of them pushy, but here are general behaviors during heat for them-

Eggnog - Terrified/Ashamed of their body's natural functions. Would hate to burden you with their needs/the thoughts that pop up because of them and avoids you because of these two factors. Probably steals your underwear or watches you change, but feeds absolutely terrible about it when they're back to normal. Either extremely submissive in bed or roughly dominant, though apologetic about it.

Screamsicle - Horny Gremlin. No shame in humping your hand or thigh. Will bite if you take your attention off them for five seconds. Hands down the clingest of the bunch, but one of the easiest to deal with as they are very sensitive to touch. The type to pass out immediately after and use all of their weight to keep you down with them

Cotton Candy - Similar to Scream in the sense they'll rub all over you, but is a tad nicer/less rough about it. Brings a more romantic approach with cuddling and flowers before admitting how much they need and love you

Peach - When is this woman not in heat? The type to not say a word and just put her boobs on your arm or drag you away. Ten times more possessive and cancels any and all plans you had with others. Uses her heat to pull you away from things like a person with a small cough would use that as an excuse to call in sick for work

Apricot - Pretends they don't exist entirely. Would feel horrible for leaving the lake/calling you over just to deal with his heats and can't get off alone. Goes for a late night swim which takes his mind off it... Most of the time.

Spice - Heistant to do anything related to it unless your relationship is well established. Tries to chart out that time frame so the both of you are able to clear your schedules and enjoys the time together at home. Cooks meals for the days ahead as they know they'll be too exhausted to do anything, but still wants to care for you as you'll take care of them. Switch, but submissive leaning as they take the time off and your company as stress relief

Rootbeer - Gentlemanly like, but it gets to him overtime. Doesn't seek out your help until he's no longer able to through it using photos or memory. All bashful when he finally approaches and lets you take the lead so he doesn't push any boundaries. Still fairly handsy/flirty. Tries to make sure you get your fun too

Milk Tea - Dominate and demanding, but play with his chest or pulls his hair and he'll be at your mercy. Denies any part of it once he's back to normal, but screams like a bitch during heat and pretty much is one

Vanilla - Pretty much treats it like a disease. Goes on and on about how she normally doesn't go through heats and how grateful she'll be if you help her just this once.

Banana - DemiAce which leads into how hybrids don't usually go into heat until they find a suitable partner. Rarely does anything about them or brings it up unless you notice her odd behavior. Dismissive, but accepts any offer to help

Mint - Brings it up casually/not at all and just excuses it as a side effect of the all weed they smoke. It's definitely more intense than any high induced arousal which they'll quietly admit to when kissing all over you and acting more touchy/possessive than usual

Apple - Incredibly flustered. As the town doc they're supposed to help you not the other way around. Inevitably caves and begs you on their knees for your touch - but by that point just seeing you naked would make them explode

Chocolate - Takes care of himself in his bedroom/in the shower. Hates how needy and desperate for your attention heat makes him. Milk Hybrid heats also relate to their milk production and as he never milks himself he'd loose up alot more if he allowed himself than release which he could be persuade towards

Licorice - Didn't know this man could get weirder, but he proves me wrong everytime. Sends recordings and voicemails of him pleasure himself to photos he took of you, rambling on about what you do to him in each tape. Leaves the stained pictures on your bed and other places you're likely to find. Once your relationship is more established he will just drag you into a room or his van

Strawberry - sits you down and fumbled over his words as he tries to explain heat and everything he's going through. Ends up just kissing you (on the cheek to be polite) and guiding your hands to the source of his problem. Probably has the most sensitive horns which is good because he loves oral and they'd be good handlebar

Cherry - Right to the point - asks if you want to fuck for days with little to no stops

Oat does not go through heat.

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

Butterfly I

a/n I'm clawing my way into this fandom since salt and pepper god took over my brain! Be gentle with me since it's my first time writing for this man! Happy reading! 🤍

summery: When Joel thinks that his life is over his little butterfly sends him a new reason to stay alive. The only problem is that he doesn't know how to love but when you are the meaning of love itself how can he not fall.

Part II can be found on my blog

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

World had ended twenty years ago for Joel. Even more so, he was sure that he had died alongside Sarah. If he had a chance, he would have gladly been buried by his little girl. He didn't have a reason to be alive. Well, there was Tommy, but at that moment even that didn't seem like enough to keep him going. The moment Joel failed to do his first and most important job—protect the ones he loved—changed him without a chance of going back.

The morals had to die soon as well, and Joel had learned it the hard way. He tried to fight and protect the innocent at first. To stupidly ensure that everyone had been taken care of in the same amounts. Well, that resulted in him getting beaten multiple times. He didn't fight it at first. The physical pain numbed the emotional scars. But then something snapped in him, and he longed for the first blow. Then the second. Third. With a realization that this was how his sorry life was going be for the rest of his pointless existence. To fear less, Joel needed to become someone people feared, and he did just that.

Until, after one of his deals, he ended up running into you. Completely by accident as he tried to get away from the people he just had business with. Joel bumped into you, knocking you to the ground and causing you to hit your head on the pavement. "Shit, fuck", the male kneeled beside you cursing. You just laid there, and for a split second, Joel was convinced that you had died, until you let out a growl as you moved your hand to gently touch your pounding head. He debated whether he should just leave you there or take you back to his place. The first option was less complicated and demanded fewer efforts from him, but when he saw your eyes as you tried to look around, seeking to find who had caused such a collision, that's when he knew he couldn't just walk away like that.

Then a smile crept onto your face, followed by a light chuckle, and something inside Joel twisted again. He hadn't heard the sound of laughter in years. "Dang, for a moment I saw white horses running around", you laughed out loud, covering your eyes with your hands. Even more, concern washed over Joel. Had you hit your head that hard? He couldn't afford to get you medication or even a doctor for that. So he did the next best thing - assisted you in getting up and walking you to his place.

Everything after that was made up of Joel trying to hurt you so you would leave him and go your way. He desperately wanted to push you out of his life because he was afraid to admit that Sarah would have loved you. That she would have been nagging him constantly to bring you around. Imagining how life would have been with you before the outbreak. How would it have felt to come home to you making dinner? Hearing you and Sarah laughing together. Joel knew—he knew without even needing to think about it much—that his daughter would have loved you. He wished she had had the opportunity to experience your motherly love. The effortless, endless love that poured from within you. And finally, have a truly normal family built on love.

After all, Joel was convinced that Sarah had sent you to him herself. As if it was her way of making sure, even from heaven, which Joel barely believed in, that her father lived. Not just used up air and wasted his days away but found something to live for. You angrily bandaged Joel's arm one evening after yet another deal had ended poorly, leaving the man with a nasty cut on his forearm. Well, if he could even call that anger. Joel doubted you had that emotion implanted in your brain. You had pushed up your sleeves, not wanting the ends of them to get damp as you moved back and forth between a bowl of warm water and a cloth to clean the blood off his skin. That was the first time Joel saw the ink on your body. A butterfly, and then another one just above the first one.

Joel thought he imagined it at first. He knew he must have looked like a lunatic to you when he gripped your left hand firmly before pushing the material of your sleeve even further up. Three butterflies. All inching further up and up. Butterflies. Sarah loved them; she was Joel's little butterfly. The butterfly that got crushed by the brutality of this world.

"Joel," you carefully mumbled as his fingers traced the tattoos. A flicker of what was behind the mask flashed in his eyes. You knew that he was a broken man. People talked, and even if half of what they were saying was true, it was a lot to go through. Especially alone. Especially after losing the main purpose of your world. "This… when did you get this?", his words came out harsh, as if you should have felt guilty, "Not long before the outbreak. It just…", you giggled to yourself, "Feels silly now that they symbolize growth, a new beginning, and shit". However, it didn't seem stupid to Joel even if he had yanked the cloth out of your hand, pushing you out of the bathroom. Emotions took control of him. He couldn't love you. Couldn't stand you. But the way you kept knocking at the door, concern in your voice as you pleaded with him to let you in, only proved what he already knew. You two had found someone to hold onto. As scary as it may sound.

When Ellie first met you, she couldn't believe that you two were even here and had somehow mutually agreed on something. It seemed impossible to her. You were the polar opposite in her eyes. From the moment in the hallway when Joel had yanked her against the wall, you had warned the male as you leaned over to the girl. Ellie backed away at first, but it's like you had a magical touch, and not even a blink later, she was clinging to you as if you were the last straw for her survival. Joel had only grumbled more at the sight of that. "Get your hands off her," he said, motioning with the gun for the girl to move away, but all you did was tilt your head to the side, giving him one of those looks. "Joel…" you warned him, before turning your attention to the girl, "I'm Y/N, and that's Joel. He's always grumpy. It comes with age, so don't pay too much attention to him." For a moment, Ellie got scared that the gun might now end up being pointed at you, but the male only tightened his jaw before lowering the weapon. And that didn't change when you crossed the wall. You were there talking with her, making sure that she was okay, ensuring that Ellie's desire to communicate was satisfied, while Joel just frowned.

"Here you are", Joel's voice brought you out of your thoughts, and you smiled at him softly. You had just made your way to the safe house. Days of traveling rubbed off on all of you, so you were more than happy to indulge in some peace. "Was wondering where you crept away", even if Joel was 99 percent sure that he was going to find you here once he didn't find you in the dining room. It only took one look outside to know you'd be on the patio. Curled up on the bench watching the sunset. Any time you came by Bill's and Frank's, you always spent your evenings there.

"Missed the view," you mumble, resting your chin on your knees, "Or maybe the fact that there is nothing to fear here." Joel moved to sit next to you. His own eyes admired the view. He stopped doing stuff like this. Before the outbreak, it was work, work, work to keep a roof over everyone's heads, bring food, and give Sarah the best life that she deserved. After… well, moments like this felt almost forbidden. Not to mention that letting your guard down could get you killed. "Come here," Joel said, nudging your shoulder and wrapping his arm around you. Interactions like that between the two of you were rear but not completely foreign. You two had shared the bed numerous times. Joel had offered you a warm embrace when he saw that the world was close to crushing you. But you had never talked about who you two were or if you were anything more than a bed warmer for one another. "You do know that I would do anything to protect you?", Joel spoke out under his breath, bringing you even closer to him. Your heart skipped a beat as you moved your palm to cup his jaw, leaving a couple of kisses there as you nodded.

"Do you think they were happy when they…", you couldn't bring yourself to finish your sentence as the lump in your throat grew bigger. Joel hummed, "They had each other. That's all Bill and Frank needed". You moved to rest your head on Joel's shoulder. Breathing in both the scent of him and the brisk evening breeze. "Do you ever dream about finding the love they had?", the question was silly, truly, and you knew it. You and your existential questions had pissed Joel off more than once, but for some reason, you never stopped asking them. And for some reason, even through gritted teeth, Joel always answered them. The silence fell between you two for a moment. Joel hesitated to give you an answer. The truth was that the ten years you'd spent by his side had been surreal for him. Even if he constantly pushed you away, no matter the arguments you two would have, he always came back to you. Always. And you never walked away. You were always there waiting for him, even when he quite literally told you to get lost. When you were apart, all Joel could think of, was you. Nothing else mattered. He didn't matter. It was you who swirled around his mind. "Well," the male trailed off, "I've already…" But the door on the patio shot open as Ellie walked out, still looking down at the drawing on the shirt you had found for her.

"Hey, did you know that wild berry soup smells like strawberries?", she beamed till her eyes fell on the two of you. Her face instantly shifted since she had never seen you two this close. Well, she assumed that you might be together, but since she didn't see any grown-up interactions being exchanged, she just pushed that thought to the side. "Shit man, you are together. I was talking shit about him to you," Ellie practically cried out as she raised her hands above her head, making you let out a laugh against Joel's shoulder. "We're not dating, bug", "She talked shite about me?" you and Joel said at the same time. The fact that he had gotten visibly offended by it made you let out another chuckle before you tapped his chest a couple of times.

"Girls have to stick together," you shrugged, and Ellie quickly gave Joel the middle finger. "Okay, enough, you two. Go insane, pick something for dinner, and I'll be right behind you," you said, throwing the blanket you had with at the girl, as ushered Ellie inside. You brushed your hand over Joel's chest as you walked towards the door. Joel's brain screamed at him to catch your hand. To make you stop so he could tell you the words he was meaning to say before Ellie walked in, but he didn't. Only tightening his jaw as his lips thinned into a tight line. He was a fool. A true fool who never truly learned to express himself. If only he could, maybe he would be able to call you his.

Joel's gaze immediately shifted to the window that peaked into the inside of the house once the sound of something falling echoed through the air. You and Ellie were on different sides of the island. The girl had one of those smirks that usually led nowhere good on her face. Then the sound of laughter shot through the space as you took off running to grab hold of whatever Ellie was holding in her hands. The girl squealed as you both ran in circles. "Give me the spaghetti hoops, you little thief!", you yelled, but that only made Ellie laugh more. "I'll tell Joel", you tried to threaten her, but she only let out a huff, "You wouldn't snitch", Ellie narrowed her eyes at you. You quickly hopped onto the island and slid to the other side, taking hold of both of Ellie's hands but losing your balance as you two tumbled to the ground. Joel practically ran inside at the sight of that, the worst scenarios already running wild. He couldn't let you get hurt. Neither of you could get hurt.

Joel rounded the corner, his heart already beating fast. And here you were. Ellie was nearly on top of you as you, as you two stared at each other, both still confused at what had just happened. And then there it was again. The laughter. The whole-hearted laughter drenched Joel's heart dry. Your arms wrapped around Ellie as she giggled away, pressing her cheek against your chest. Joel picked up the can of spaghetti hoops that had rolled off and were long forgotten. "Oh no, daddy is here, and he is mad," Ellie shrieked playfully, not lifting her head away from you. "Don't call me that shit," Joel warned her before slamming the can against the counter. He quickly turned around, running a hand over his face. Your expression clouded as well. Carefully, you helped Ellie stand up. Her eyes were looking at you as if she were silently asking if she had overstepped a boundary, but you just gave her a quick wink before pointing to the pot. In a couple of steps, you reached Joel as your hands ran down his back. His muscles tensed under your touch, but the moment you pressed a kiss in between his shoulder blades, Joel let out a sigh. "How about you take a shower while we heat up the food? Clear your mind and all that?", you continued to draw patterns on his skin. Joel didn't say anything as he stepped away from you and over to the stairs.

"Is he mad with me?", Ellie's voice made you turn to her. Her big eyes watched you as you shook your head. "He… well, Joel struggles with his emotions. He cares a lot, but that ends up overwhelming him, and then this happens," you said softly, Ellie nodded her head as if agreeing with you. You nudged her shoulder gently and asked, "Want to make the whole feast tonight? Get the canned sausages out." The shower was indeed all that Joel needed. The hot water took that extra weight of tension off his shoulders, and the fresh set of clothes made him feel like a new man. He was excellent at ignoring his basic needs, but with you, there was no need to worry about that because you always reminded him about all the little things. Things to made him feel better.

Ellie was delivering joke after joke while you all ate. Her energy was surprisingly high, considering that the last couple of days had been rough. "I'm telling you, he just knows all the jokes", she grumbled when Joel hit the right answer to her fifth joke, defeating the purpose of her performance. Joel's hand had slipped under the table, casually resting on your thigh, and you occasionally gave it a little squeeze as if to ensure him that you were here with him. "Okay, can I try?", you weren't much of a jokester, but everyone knew a joke or two. Ellie nodded her head eagerly. You cleared your throat, "What do you call a fish with a bow tie?" You questioned the two of them, trying not to break into a smile. Ellie shrugged her shoulders. "SoFISHticated," Ellie just gaped at you, but Joel snorted under his breath. Your eyes fall on him in an instant. He shook his head, trying to keep the smile off his face. "You laughed, you fucker," Ellie said, pointing her fork at Joel. "I didn't," Joel argued back, "Yes, you fucking did. Y/N tell him", "Yeah, Joel, I consider that a laugh", you moved your hand to gently rub the back of his neck, and his eyes met yours. He got lost in the depths of them just a bit before another laugh escaped his lips. You bit your lip as you watched him, realizing how much you had missed the sound of that. Since the only time you heard it was when the two of you got shitface drunk, and he fell while trying to take his pants off.

"You can fucking laugh. Dude, you're normal," Ellie beamed, watching Joel chuckle. "Eat your noodles before I take them away," Joel warned, reaching over and scooping some of the spaghetti hoops from Ellie's plate, making her protest straight away. She leaned across the table to do the same, but Joel brushes her spoon away easily. "No playing with the food, you two," you gently warn them, even though you enjoyed watching them interact, especially Joel letting her in. They instantly settle back down, even if they continue to watch one another from the corner of their eyes.

Yeah, this was the closest to home that Joel had gotten in over twenty years. Now all he needed to do was own up to his feelings. Admit to himself that the scary feelings won't disappear. But he was going to be equally scared with you or without your officially being a part of his life. And he had promised Sarah, his little butterfly, that he wasn't going to let this go to waste. And that the three butterflies on your hand were possibly you, Joel, and Ellie; that you were all fated to meet. Maybe you two were sent here to change his life. Teach Joel how to fly again.

[elipri]

My maybe unpopular opinion is that Damian and Anyas dynamic shouldn't change in significant ways until Anya actually views Damian as a genuine friend and not a shiny prize. Because at this point her motivation isn't exactly better than all the other girls' and Damian can probably sense that, it's just that he can't figure out her why.

This post is based on a pretty interesting discussion in a DA server I'm in where some fellow fans have criticized Endo's writing, mainly because there wasn't as much impact after the bus arc as people expected (which is ofc valid crit). I just want to share what I wrote:

Late to the whole convo, but I lightly disagree that the da dynamic didn't change *at all*, however it does seem as though there wasn't as much impact from the bus arc as hoped. However, we did get some subtle shifts that should be noteworthy, namely Damian actually getting jealous and shivering at the mere *thought* of Anya getting "stolen" from him. This has never happened prior to the bus arc and is now a recurring development. That and Becky now teasing Damian in addition to cheering on Anya, especially when comparing her very open hostility towards him earlier in the story. Not only is she friendly to him now, it seems like she has seen through his crush too. I don't think that Endo will change the dynamics too much anytime soon, especially because of how little time has passed in the sxf universe. Keep in mind that damian doesn't really have a proper role model who actively helps him unlearn the toxic mindset he quite literally grew up with; the closest he'd get is his mother wishing for him to be friends with Anya too, but that is only something he heard from Jeeves and not Melinda herself. But he definitely was reflecting on that in the cake chapter. I also think that Damian is in his "I'm too grown-up for this kiddie shit" phase, he probably thinks he's better than *everyone else*, not just Anya (like him scoffing at Bill). He really doesn't want to dance with anyone and is just annoyed with all this attention imo. But he's also jealous and doesn't want Anya to dance with anyone else, but ofc won't actually admit that because he's a brat. He's just a kid with many Big Feelings™ going on that he doesn't understand and doesn't even get the privacy to unpack, so ofc he's lashing out and acting even worse than usual. I wouldn't be surprised if he just runs away in the next chapter because he's just so fed up with everything and everyone. I feel like us fans keep forgetting that Damians boundaries are straight up being pushed if not disrespected, he's been saying multiple times that he doesn't want to dance and literally everyone is ignoring him as a person with feelings (except his friends who probs set the competition up in order to reject everyone on his behalf) Nobody but his two best friends actually care about his feelings on this whole matter, he's just a shiny prize to everyone else *including* Anya.

Anyway I think Endo is saving the big dynamic change for something far more significant such as the telepathy reveal 👀

[yilinggusu]

Rak might not believe in love but he feels it and it's probably scaring the shit out of him. On the island they could play pretend but now they are back in Bangkok and it's all getting too real. On the island Rak could be himself but now that he is back in the city he falls back into the person he was before he went to the island. The person we're seeing in episode 4 is who Rak was before he went to the island. Rak is closed off, cold and aloof with people for very good reasons.

Rak clearly didn't want to leave the island but only went back because Mook forced him into it. Rak even apologized for going back on his promise to stay with Mut for longer. He was also hesitating and stalling the whole way from his room to the boat. Rak didn't want to leave and Mut didn't want him to leave either. It was change from how we saw Rak in episode 1 with wanting to go back home. He definitely regretted his decision to go back when Mut pointed out that he was used to people going back on their word.

Rak was truly happy on the island during his time with Mut but he thinks Mut will only spend time with him if he pays him. He got used to Mut taking care of him on the island for those 2 weeks but he doesn't want to admit it to himself. Rak probably even liked having Mut take care of him too but again he won't admit it to himself yet. Even though Mut is teasing him neither one of them wants to separate. Mut broke me when he told Rak he would never forget their time together.

This whole 'buying services' is a defence mechanism to protect Rak from the possibility of his very real developing feelings for Mut. Is it any wonder he is clinging onto 'how much' every time Mut offers something to him. Rak may not believe in love but he feels it and it terrifies him. He feels it every time he is with Mut and it scares the shit out of him. It's why he keeps asking 'how much' because he doesn't believe Mut could have any genuine feelings for him unless he pays for it.

I do feel bad for Mut having to put up with Mook's disgusting treatment towards him but the way he turns it all into a joke is just another defence mechanism. Mut is used to people looking down on him and Mook is just another person in the long line of people that have done that to him in the past. It's how he deals with people like her at the expense of his self-esteem. It explains the 'someone like me' and the 'I'm used to it' comments.

The whole thing with Mook is just leaving Rak on edge and he is shutting down and becoming more defensive. He doesn't do anything when she talks down on Mut and he doesn't tell her to stop at any point unless he wants to or until he wants her to leave. I don't believe Rak looks down Mut at all. He's just falling back into the cold person that Mook knows him to be. She didn't see him at the island and she doesn't know that Mut is not a stranger to Rak at all. Mook didn't see how carefree Rak was with Mut on the island. Rak is a completely different person when he is alone with Mut compared to how he is with Mook but she doesn't know that.

At the house Rak is pushing Mut away by telling him he's not allowed in his room. That Mut can sleep where ever he wants just not in his room. Rak doesn't mind Mut being in his space just once it's not his heart or his room. Rak is just setting clear boundaries to protect himself from the one thing he is scared which is Mut who making his feelings for Rak very clear. Mut is constantly letting Rak know he is interested in him and Rak doesn't know what to do with that which is why he is pushing Mut away. Mut is getting closer to Rak's heart by the day and it's scaring him because it means his belief of 'love doesn't exist' is on a very shaky foundation. Rak is doing whatever he can to hold on to that.

Even the next morning Mut respects Rak's boundaries and stands at the bottom of the stairs looking at Rak's door with the saddest look on his face. He knows Rak is shutting him out not just physically but also emotionally. Rak forbidding Mut from entering his room is symbolic of Rak closing his heart off to Mut. Mut knows that too but you know he won't let that stop him from loving Rak. Rak doesn't want to let Mut into not just his room but also his heart. But Mut is patient and he will wait until Rak is ready whenever that will be. Fort's acting in this scene is so good. He does the emotional scenes so well. I love this scene so much.

Rak is slowly getting used to Mut being in his house and he is growing to like it too. Just look at the small smile on his face while listening to Mook and Mut bickering in his kitchen. Rak's getting used having Mut around but there is certain limits he has with it too. Rak is going at his own pace and finding his own comfort zone and Mut is willing to go along with it.

I don't think for one second that Mut agreed to the contract for the money because he just wants to be with Rak even if Rak pays him for it. Mut even tells Rak that it's up to Rak to decide how much he wants to pay just like he told him on the beach in episode 3. Mut is willing to go along with Rak's safety net for now because they are both getting something out of it. They both clearly want to be together and need to find some middle ground. That's where the contract comes in, Rak gets to feel safe by giving Mut the contract and tell himself that Mut is only doing it for the money and there is no real feelings involved. Keep telling yourself that Rak. Mut is already half way to being crazy about you. The man literally left his home on the island for you with nothing but the clothes he was wearing. Mut knows he wants to be with Rak so agrees to Mut's terms and even tells him that it's up to Rak how much he wants to pay. Mut isn't in it for money, he just wants Rak and is willing to go along with what Rak wants if it means getting to be with Rak.

Onto the next scene. I absolutely loved Vie roasting Mook and then Mut and Rak joining in with her. When Mut says that he can love Tongrak because he has the thing and that Tongrak can love him that is when you can to see Rak start to close off and become even more on edge. Rak had been on edge the second they got back to Bankok and spiralling. He finally shuts down when Mut tells him that loving him is easier than dumping him. Rak feels cornered and gets defensive before leaving the room. Mut is getting too close to his heart and Rak does not like it one bit at all. He probably reminds himself he doesn't believe in love. It's easy for Rak to hide behind the contract but Mut isn't going to let that stop him from loving Rak. It didn't help with Mut saying to Rak that loving him was easier than dumping him. That's when Rak's walls went up and he shut down completely. The whole teasing from Mook and Vi didn't help either.

The only thing Rak doesn't seem to realize is that there is a possibility Mut genuinely does like him and is just going along with the 'paying for services' because it's Rak's safety net. He pushes Mut away by telling him that there is nothing more than sex between them. He definitely does not believe in love and tells Mut he doesn't see the point of it. Rak genuinely does not understand where Mut is coming from with all the talk about loving him. Rak doesn't see himself as someone worthy of love. Love is not something he gets to have. Love is dangerous because it destroyed his family. He grew up in a loveless home and that changes you as a person. You don't seek love from anyone and you don't want it. You don't believe in it or see the point of it because all it does is cause pain. Rak thinks paying for people's services is the only way to make them stay. But Mut is proving him wrong and it's turning Rak's world upside down and shattering all the beliefs he has about love. It's no wonder when they got back home he became all closed off and cagey until he was finally alone with Mut.

When Mut tells Rak that he can't stop him from loving Rak it's Mut's way of letting Rak know that he can control everything with money all he wants but he can't control how he feels about Rak. Mut knows exactly what Rak is trying to do with the contract and calls him out on it. Even when Rak points out 'I'll never love you' he is very defensive about it. He is much colder to Mut than he had been in episode 1. Mut isn't phased and warns Rak that won't stop him and to take it as a heads up before he gets serious. Mut is letting Rak know he is serious about loving him and that Rak has to love him too. Mut isn't going to let Rak push him away not after the way they got closer and had those conversations on the beach and in Mut's room.

In the kitchen scene where Mut makes Rak some food you can see the way Rak walks into the room. Rak just looks so anxious and uncertain watching Mut move around his kitchen. Rak also looks different, he's dressed in his sleepwear and he looks vulnerable. He looks so much smaller and wary of Mut still being there after their confrontation upstairs. He probably thought Mut would have left and not be cooking them both a meal in his kitchen. They fall back into their teasing because it's familiar to them. Now that they are alone Rak finally relaxes and lets his guard down when Mut hands over a plate of food. Mut tells him he made him food that isn't spicy and then teases Rak that he can be angry again when he's full. They slowly fall back into their dynamic and Rak relaxes when he sees Mut isn't angry with him at all. Rak can genuinely be himself with Mut in a way I'm not sure he ever is with Mook.

I can understand Rak's change in attitude because being back in an environment where you're already guarded and defensive can make you even worse especially when someone new is in that environment too. Mut saying to Rak that he can't control how Mut feels about him didn't help matters. Mook and Vie being there too probably didn't help at all and made things worse. Mut had made it clear how he feels about Rak and Rak has every right to feel cautious about it. The only thing knows about love is what he learned from his parents. To Rak, love is pain and why would anyone want that in their life.

He thinks the only way to make someone stay is through payments. He's not being mean to look down on Mut or for the sake of being mean. He's defensive, scared and his walls have gone sky high in trying to protect himself from his feelings for Mut. Mut making his intentions clear has Rak all off balance. The other thing throwing him off balance is that never once has Mut asked Rak for money. Mut lets Rak set the payment terms and it's making Rak feel uncomfortable because his father demanded a certain amount from his mother. It's no wonder Rak is lashing out and pushing Mut away when his feelings and thoughts are all over the place. I can't blame him for his behaviour in this episode because he is just trying to protect himself and hiding behind his walls that are sky high. Even Peat said we would see this happen with Rak when they got back to the city. I've still got more to say but I'm going to stop here because I'll end up giving novel spoilers and I don't want to do that. If you made it this far thanks for reading.

[babysubinnie]

drunk speeches // park jeongseong (jay park)

🥚 pairing :: jay park x reader 🥚 genre :: roommate!jay, fluff 🥚 summary :: you and jay have been roommates for a good three years. when you finally have a chance to confess to jay, it definitely doesn't go the way you want.

——————————————————————————

jay's pov

"jay, do you need my help?" jungwon yelled from the door as she groaned in my arms, moving her head from the left shoulder to the right. she giggled nuzzling her face closer into my neck. i was holding her thighs because she had straddled my lap at the party the next block over. when we were leaving, she refused to move.

"yeah don't worry i got it." i nodded at jungwon as he was heading into his room, i walked over to the couch and placed her on it. she had shook her head keeping her arms around my shoulders. i smiled and pulled her arms off slowly.

"don't let me go please." she shook her head again then started tearing up while she pressed her face even closer into my neck.

"y/n.." i sat down next to her, and she climbed up putting both legs on my left side, smiling as she cuddled up close again.

"jay, please stay with me. don't leave me. i need you." she started sniffling into my shoulder as she spoke, and i looked down at her face as she was speaking softly. damn it y/n.

y/n's pov

you were drunk, you knew you were, but jay was holding you. his arms were wrapped around you, and you felt like nothing in the world could make you happier than now. the only other way you would ever get away with saying these things were in this moment. he was single for the first time in a long time, and you had the chance to tell him everything you felt. well, as if you had the control over what you would say.

you liked jay since the first day he moved in, but he had always brought his girls around the house, not even giving you a second look. no matter how much you suggested it, he never heard you, forget that, he didn't even entertain you.

"jay... why don't you like me? i've loved *hic* you for so long but you only see other girls. they always end up *hic* hurting you. i would never do that to you. i promise. i know i'm your roommate but i love you. i've loved you since the first day i met you." you spoke in a softer voice than you usually did, and felt you were starting to feel tears fill your eyes. you moved to look at jay's face and he was giving you eyes filled with pity.

"i'm sorry i didn't notice you, my love." he caressed your head as you started feeling sleepy. you didn't hear what he said but it didn't matter, because your eyes were starting to close. you felt his eyes on you for a good fifteen minutes. you opened your eyes to make direct eye contact with him because he was staring.

"you're awake." he stared at you in shock, placing his hands on your waist, interlocking his hands which pulled you closer to him. you felt your eyelids getting even heavier as you were smiling at him.

"i don't want to sleep yet." you widened your eyes at him before giggling and sitting up in his lap. you moved your arms from his shoulders into your lap.

"you need to. should we take you to bed?" he chuckled before lifting you up and bringing you to your room. he pushed your door open, and closed it with his foot. jay smiled at you when he noticed you couldn't take your eyes off of him. once he laid you down, he sat next to you and caressed the top of your head.

"but i don't want to." you shook your head giggling before standing up to take a casual stroll to jungwon's room. you walked towards the door reaching towards the handle, when the door slammed closed.

"y/n, come here and sleep." he said as he stood directly behind you. you could feel him breathing down the back of your neck.

"i don't want to, and there's nothing you can do about it." you scoffed and looked back at him batting your eyelashes. you knew you were taunting him, and it was going to piss him off. he was a busier guy than you cared to admit. he had people to talk to, so of course, the last thing he wanted to do was to take care of his roommate.

"really?" he grabbed your wrist turning you around to push you up against the door. you looked up at him in pure shock, because of all the things that he could have done, this is what he chose to do.

"what are you doing?" you were not slurring your words anymore. you felt fully sober now.  

"what are you trying to do to me?" he clenched his jaw, shaking his head then looked up from the ground at you. your faces were inches apart.

"jay, what do you mean? i-i didn't do anything." you stuttered as you were looking at him, then turned your head to look away from him. you took a deep breath then tried to slide out from in front of him but he pulled you back over to where you were.  

"of course you did. you gave me that little speech about how you were so in love with me, and now you're looking at me like that." he chuckled deeply then smiled at you. you shook your head at him and responded.

"what speech? i'm just looking at you normally." you laughed then rolled your eyes while crossing your arms in front of your chest.

"don't you remember? jay... why don't you like me? i've loved you for so long but you only see other girls. they always end up hurting you. i would never do that to you. i promise. i know i'm your roommate but i love you. i've loved you since the first day i met you." he mimicked you then laughed again, while you stood there in shock. you said that?

"i did not say that." you covered your mouth, and you felt your cheeks getting hot. everything rushed back to you. you were sitting on his lap when you said this. you begged him to choose you. oh my god.

"so you don't like me?" he smirked and you shook your head, slipping away from him to run into the bathroom in your room, shutting the door behind you and locking it. as you were closing the door you heard him laugh following you up to the door.

"no. i don't." you banged your head against the door and you could hear him laugh again on the other side of the door.

"come out here y/n."

"just leave, you have way better things to do then take care of your roommate. i'll be fine." as you finished that sentence, you had heard your room door open and shut, you felt so relived that he gave up. when you were about to unlock the door after a few moments of walking around in the washroom, your room door opened again. you heard him unlock the door with the key, and smirked at you as he held the key in his hand.

"there's nothing i rather do than to take care of you." he held out his hand for you to take, and you hesitated.

"i won't bite." he laughed then walked towards you, slipping his hand into yours. the two of you walked out of the bathroom, and into the room and he smirked before turning you to face him.

"so you like me huh?" he put both of his hands on your waist, pulling you close to him.

"no-" you looked down at the floor refusing to look at him for even a second. this was the chance to tell him, but you didn't know if you were ready.

"is that so?" he lifted your chin, pressing his lips onto yours. you stood there frozen, but eventually, you kissed him back. his lips tasted sweet, something you feel like you could get used to. you smiled to yourself. weren't ready huh? just so you could win this bicker with jay, you pulled away before putting your arms around his shoulders to whisper in his ear.

"and what if i do?" you smirked then pushed him away from you. you twirled around on your heels walking to the bathroom to brush your teeth. jay caught your hand and spun you back around.

"don't tell me you're walking away from me after that hell of a kiss." he looked at you laughing in shock at how confident you became. you smirked then pulled your hand out of his.

"that's exactly what i'm doing. now get out of my room or you're not getting anymore."

[leonawriter]

Somehow a thought of "Kaito looks through Pandora but something weirdly cognitive happens instead of just it glowing red" sparked off "P4 crossover: just how fucked is Kaito if he wound up on the Midnight Channel?"

Like... Shinichi, if he was thrown in, would have the element of "most of the population would think that's sci-fi/fantasy, not real life, and laugh it off if they saw" but if even a handful of random people saw something that had Kuroba Kaito blatantly admitting to being Kid? His life would be SHAMBLES. It would be OVER for him.

Part of me thinks that'd be a fun thing to play with, but part of me's just... I'd want the concept of the dungeon maybe, but with not just the Investigation Team but also that if say, Hakuba and/or Aoko were there too, the IT wouldn't need to bother with hearing details, because that'd be sorted. They'd see one showing, if that, depending on the weather.

Heck, maybe Kaito would be particularly infuriating, spy on random people, see the killer saying or doing something he really shouldn't be, and he gets shoved in without any planning. Maybe the first show doesn't even give all that much away - but the moment anyone who's In The Know sees the silhouette of Kid, they start realising that this is potentially the worst case scenario and start moving really quickly.

I've always thought Kaito's persona would be something like an alternate read on Arsène Lupin, because of course it would, and would probably look closer to his dad in Kid's outfit than anything else. As for elements? Probably Bless.

And of course Shadows aren't the nice things you repress, so... it'd be everything Kaito keeps hidden under his Poker Face; the trauma of losing his dad, the fear of losing everyone he cares about to secrets, the fear of being arrested and killed, the fact that this is a vigilante revenge trip for him, so some part of him would want to make these people suffer for what they've done to his dad, and what they want to do to him, the way he doesn't trust detectives...

Shadow Kaito saying hurtful things like wait, you think I care about Aoko? She's just a useful means to an end, at this point, I wouldn't put up with her otherwise and I much prefer it when Hakuba's away because who wants someone like that coming after you? It's no wonder he doesn't have any friends if that's how he is but also I'm better off on my own, aren't I? So what if the detectives have all the connections - the more people who know who you are, the more can screw you over in the end.

Kaito refusing all of it and denying it and the others having to fight a terrifying monstrous Kid-a-like Shadow that makes them attack their teammates and puts them to sleep and hurts them, which is going to end up in Kaito's nightmares.

His Shadow being defeated and now... now it's not a scary and angry and spewing hate, it's just small and fully expecting to be pushed away, because that's what he does to other people, and... Kaito has to go up, and accept it.

Accept that yeah, he has used Aoko like that more than he should have. That yeah, he's let his fear of Hakuba just doing the detective thing and turning him in blind him to the fact that the guy is also just lonely and in need of friends. And... yeah, he hasn't been trying to connect with others as much as he could.

They go back to Ekoda and everyone's wondering what the heck even happened, because Kaito is different. Not a bad different - he seems kind of happier and more confident. But definitely changed.

[plasticfreckles]

🪶 Amatus rookanis bc my mind is on overdrive enjoy 🪶

"I'm so sorry, Lucanis. I promise I won't leave you to deal with this by yourself-"

"This isn't your problem, Rook." Even if he tried to pull his hand away from where she clasped it between both of hers, her grip is too tight for that.

And, if he stops to admit it to himself, a little too wanted, as well.

"It doesn't have to be yours alone, either. I just need to ask Neve something really quick, before I forget it happened."

Lucanis sets down his cup.

"Which part of it? The Venatori witch bathing in an ocean of blood or where she started to turn old the minute we pulled her out of it?"

"No, no, what she said - I'll be right back, I promise. Keep the coffee warm for me?" She forces a smile onto her face as his hand drops uselessly to his knee.

Then she trips over the edge of the rug and pulls down a chair as she all but flies out of the room and into - well, the courtyard, such as it is. Their plates still sit by the stove, cold and untouched. He'd made the gratin because of her off-handed comment that she misses it. Thought it turned out good, too, when he tasted it.

And now, because of him, she goes hungry and the dish cold.

Lucanis doesn't follow. If she wanted him to know, or thought he needs to, she would haven taken him along. He brews up another coffee, instead.

Spite threatens to split them down the middle by his legs for the inaction. So Lucanis makes the coffee a little stronger, chops up some extra dill for Rook's plate.

-

"Dulzura, what's wrong?" He finally asks, after the third of her sighs, each louder than the other, each sounding troubled like a cat that needs to get up and walk three steps for food.

"Oh, nothing," but her fingers grip tighter around her cup. "Don't worry about me."

"You worry about me all the time. Let me help."

Another heavy sigh, but the one that means she's worn down. He feels a little bad for pushing her.

She puts down her cup and picks up one of the Orlesian pralinés the Inquisitor had sent with the last missive from the South. Instead of eating it, she rolls it around between her fingers and gets chocolate crumbs all over the palm.

"It's about Illario. Well, Zara and Illario. I- have a theory. If you'd rather not talk about it-"

"Tell me." Rook lifts her head for just a second, considering how serious he truly is about the request. When she replies, she goes back to considering the praliné.

"I have reason to believe they were lovers."

Beside him, Spite screams so loud it makes his ears ring.

"Lucanis?" When he looks back at her, the worry in her eyes makes him feel sick.

"Explain."

"What she called him. Amatus. Before he killed her, and when - when Emmrich made her speak." Her tongue darts out, wets her lips, takes off what little glitter the day had left on them. "I asked Neve what it meant, and- she said it's a term of endearment."

No.

"No. We- we found the lovers. We killed her."

"Seems those two weren't the only ones."

Spite's tantrum feels loud enough to make her ears ring, also, even if she can't hear him right now. She can see the candleflame move with the rage.

"I don't know which is worse - that she helped him get rid of me because they were lovers, or that they teamed up and became lovers along the way. That they fell in love because of what I do to those around me."

The saucer cracks with how hastily she puts down her cup. Puts the hand not covered in chocolate on his knee. It does not still the bouncing.

"One does not have to be worse than the other. Sometimes things just suck. It's not because of what you do to those around you, or Spite. You care too much. I know you do." The words don't comfort him, and she can tell.

"Or maybe she dangled the prospect of affection in front of him to get him to do her bidding," she offers, eventually, poorly.

"You believe that as much as I do."

"I'm sorry, Lucanis. If there's anything I can-"

He leans back into his chair. His heart hammers in his chest, in his throat. He thinks he might cry.

"No, no. I- thank you, for telling me. I'll let you know as soon as Teia and Viago send word. Excuse me. I'd like to be alone for a moment."

"Of course," she squeezes his knee, pushes the plate of pralinés closer to him before he stands. "You're welcome to the pralinés, if you like. Chocolate always helps me calm down," she waves her dirty hand and pats the other on her belly with a small smile. "If you want to - not be alone, I'll be there."

Lucanis tries one praliné, but nausea makes him gurge it right back up.

🪶

🤷‍♀️ send tweet

[~rina]

[heartsformars]

Hi! Can you please do the ramshackle trio, which are Skipp, Vinnie & Stone with a fem s/o who comes from the rich. Unlike the rich people, she doesn't seem the poor as inferior but human beings. She EXTREMELY SHY & doesn't know how to talk to people but she is kind & gentls as you get to know her. Plus she possesses an angelic beauty & a good singer. Sorry if this request is long.

Her outfit is this:

Heaven is missing an angel… ramshackle trio x fem! shy! Reader

A/N: Hi, I don't know if you wanted them separately or together but I wrote them separately because it is more comfortable for me to write them this way, but if you want me to write them again there is no problem

TW: stealing and gambling mentioned, bad jokes, vinnie being vinnie… again

───────────── ✿

SKIPP

-You share his musical taste and he loves that! -He'll probably play songs for you while you sing, although if you're a little embarrassed he won't force you to. - you and him would definitely be that kind of duo where one talks more than the other. On any given date skipp would probably be telling his fifth story of the day or telling you about the things he likes while you just listen while sipping tea or coffee (or whatever drink you like). -He doesn't care if you're shy, he'll always be sure to give you a push to encourage you to talk to more people. -Even if it doesn't always work out and ends up being a disaster he will always be there to cheer you up at the end of the day. -he LOVES your fashion style. -probably mentioned it to you several times but you never knew how to respond in a coherent way. -until one day you gave him an outfit that matched yours -and he LOVES it -you probably always see him in those clothes when you go on dates and he'll make sure they don't get torn or damaged too much. -will always be sure to keep the things you give him in good condition. -although vinnie has accidentally pawned a few of them -from that time on all the gifts you give him will be kept with a "Do not touch" note.

───────────── ✿

STONE

-probably won't think much of your shyness at first. -however, later on he may have doubts about it, he will not ask tho -he won't admit it but your voice relaxes him too much. After a crappy day he probably ends up falling asleep when you're asking him how his day was. -He denies affection too much, so when you give him things as gifts he'll act like he's not interested or even kind of annoyed that you spent money on him. (but you can see him smiling as he turns away.) -he's definitely a softie out of that whole "I'm not interested in other people" shell, so don't feel bad when he acts aloof, he just doesn't know how to express how much he appreciates you. -he never really cared about the way you dressed, it was nice and fancy like all the other rich people in ramshackle. -although if you give him a suit that matches yours he won't mind at all. -he probably won't wear it often, but he'll always keep it in a place where it won't get dirty or broken by rats. -he has flaws, of course, but you still love your sadboi no matter what.

───────────── ✿

VINNIE

"Ermm excuse me, she asked for no pickles" ahh relationship 💀💀💀 -But no kidding, I feel like vinnie wouldn't pick up much that you're shy, you're just more reserved. -so don't be surprised when you find her shouting out things that you consider embarrassing but (according to her) are normal. -although obviously if you tell her someday she'll try to stop doing it, although it still gets away from her sometimes -Another person who LOVES your voice, whether it's a date or they're just hanging out, will encourage you to sing something just to hear you. -probably always admitting to liking your voice while you're dying of embarrassment. -Vinnie doesn't take hints very well. -I mean, outside of the basic secret steal signals if you tell her something like "the moon is beautiful, isn’t it?" she'll probably be like "yeah uh-huh." -although she'll start to pick up on them eventually, don't worry, she learns fast. -just like stone I feel like at first he didn't pay much attention to the way you were dressed, but she thought it was cute -I feel she wouldn't like wearing dresses so much, it's not comfortable to steal with those things on. -but if you give her one, she will try to wear it on occasions to look more decent, especially on dates. -although she would keep it in a special place with the other things you gave her as a present. -at first skipp and stone were hesitant to see her wearing so many expensive things -suspecting if she'd gotten lucky ripping off gamblers or if she'd stolen something REALLY expensive -although eventually they will realize it’s just her fancy gf giving her gifts

-and they’re fine with it until it’s practically vinnie drowning them out by mentioning you even before they go to sleep

-“oh and y/n is very cute and-“ AND you have stone covering himself (what is supposed to be) a pillow and skipp just telling her very politely that he wants to sleep

-but at the end of the day she’s happy with you, no matter what

—bye this actually took me so long is embarrassing but I didn’t have much time to write so SORRY!! But I have more free time so ig I’m just gonna finish some hcs & oneshots that I just left there lol

[firesofdainix]

Relativity Falls AU time

This won't be a one on one counterpart for the entirety of Gravity Falls. Since we're not doing this one on one, we're changing contents of some episodes!

Here's the swapped characters:

Ford = Mabel

Stan = Dipper

Shermie is a fusion of both twins

Pacifica = Bill

Wendy = Fiddleford

Euclid and Scalene = Preston and Priscilla

Axolotl = Smile Dip Dog

Shanklin = Waddles

Soos = Abuelita (her name's Maria, or 'Ria' for short)

Bud and Mrs. Gleeful= Gideon

And now, context!

Mason is the Pines brothers' grandpa, who had a falling out with his son Filbrick before the events of the show. The fight is unknown (but will be revealed later on) but Filbrick cuts off all contact- until he and Sherman began butting heads, teenage rebellion and all, so Filbrick asks his dad to 'set Shermie straight.' What happened was the best summers Shermie has, and annually he goes to Gravity Falls to be with his grandpa.

Much to the family's obliviousness, Shermie has been helping Mason cover up any supernatural things happening within the town, while also using the tourist trap known as the mystery shack to give tourists and other townsfolk the benefit of the doubt. Because of this, Shermie has few to several run-ins with the Society of the Blind Eye but disagrees with their methods of keeping the townsfolk safe from Gravity Falls' weirdness.

Mason trusts his oldest grandson completely with working around the house and keeping the supernatural creatures distant from their family, but he hasn't told him anything about his sister or the portal inside the basement. He doesn't trust Shermie enough for this.

In Shermie's 18th year, his parents are finally in their divorce proceedings, and Caryn wants custody of his younger brothers. Since he's been admitted to college, he offers that he and his brothers stay in Gravity Falls with their grandpa Mason for a while, to which both parents accepted.

Shermie secretly keeps the fact that he was moving away from New Jersey to California for the college years for his university, something that WILL be found out by the twins. The twins assume that Shermie is going to be studying in a community college near them.

Stanley doesn't trust Grandpa Mason at first but starts warming up to him when he sees how much Shermie trusts him, and the way Ford is smiling to be with someone as weird as him.

Ford's main gripe with Mason is the fact that he makes a 'mockery' of weirdness, which is then soured by the fact that Gravity Falls is TRULY weird and Mason seems to think they're just 'special effects.' When he found the third scrapbook, he starts trying to find out about the author, and figuring out the many weird things in Gravity Falls, even adding more information in the scrapbooks provided.

Since Shermie is included in the twins' adventures (mostly- if he's not being a distant dumbass most of the time) some of the stuff will not stay the same if Shermie has anything to say about it. He just has a hard time trying to be like... a perfect role model for his brothers. He's not socially awkward, he just doesn't feel dedicated socializing with people. It's a lesson he learns at the end of the series, that being distant won't help him in the long run.

Mason and Mabel have a good relationship. Once Mabel is out of the portal, Mason takes it upon himself to resolve the rift that had formed between the two of them, and grow a stronger sibling bond. Meanwhile, Ford and Stan's bonds are starting to fracture. Stanley idolizes the bond they shared, promising that he and Ford will be like Mason and Mabel when they grow up, minus the portal thing.

Mason feels very guilty about pushing Mabel in the portal. Even if it was an accident, he still managed to rob Mabel 30 normal years. She's always wanted to get married, and Mabel tries to make him feel less guilty over it. He was just paranoid, mad and hurt Mabel was sending him away over again. She takes responsibility, wishing she could've been more direct and explained the situation better.

Wendy is Fiddleford, wherein Mabel asks her to help her with heavy work and heavy lifting, along with Candy and Grenda who were recruited to help with the portal project. She was the one who fell into the portal the testing day and found out about Pacifica's true plans. She tries to get Mabel to stop the project, but she only ended up convincing Candy and Grenda, who admit that ever since the portal project started, Mabel hasn't been feeling herself. Mabel wouldn't budge, so Wendy and her friends left, causing Mabel to be isolated socially.

Mason married a high school sweetheart after he left his house when Mabel was still upset with him over accidentally ruining her discovery that won the science fair. He stayed with her and decided to have a family, because that's what grown-ups do, right? Start a family and raise kids? And he wants to be better than his parents, no fighting with children and whatnot.

But happy endings don't last forever, he ends up being in the same cycle as his parents are, but at least the two of them fight privately unlike what his parents have done. But it was inevitable that they end up divorcing, and his wife won the custody battle with Filbrick. But that's mainly because he had been in Gravity Falls during the entire divorce trials, seemingly not caring about the divorce proceedings and his son.

Mason and Mabel reunited after ten years of no contact on the cusp of winter. Mason is incredibly stressed with the divorce proceedings, while Mabel is paranoid, sleep deprived, and afraid of Pacifica coming to get her, and Mason is eager to get this over with so Mabel can maybe vouch for him in the divorce proceedings so he can gain custody of Filbrick. But then he sees Mabel look so broken and shattered, he stops his motivations, tries to calm her down, but it leads to the portal incident. Or accident! Mason tries to hold onto her, but Mabel still fell, and now he has lost both families in one day.

When he realized he lost the custody battle, he relocates to Gravity Falls fully, becoming some sort of monster hunter and tourist guide respectively, and to work on the portal. He introduced everyone as Mabel's brother, saying she entrusted him to take care of her house while she navigates the Arctic. Then, he fabricates Mabel's death, stating she is forever lost at sea after her shipping vessel exploded, so now Mason has the rights to the shack. Of course, when he is found by Mabel's old friends, his memories of the unknown were almost erased, since the trio ended up making a cult.

Candy is the new leader of the Society of the Blind Eye, however, because of her close ties to the author and Wendy remembering her old friend even a little bit, the twins are a lot more lenient with erasing almost the entirety of her memories. She does face the consequences of her actions about running a cult, though.

That's all I have for the characters as of this moment! As I said before, not everything is gonna be a one-on-one counterpart! Everyone is unique in their own ways!

Here's a few episodes that might be altered thanks to Shermie's involvement (idk some stuff yet ok):

Tourist Trapped: Dipper and Shermie immediately figure out that Stan's new girlfriend Darlene is a spider monster and ushers her out there. Stan becomes rebellious and rendezvouses with Darlene, causing her to reveal her true nature. Ford thinks she's a fairy about to kidnap Stanley to make him her queen.

Society of the Blind Eye: He's going to punch Blind Ivan, RIGHT IN THE FACE-

Lee, Ford, and Shermie vs. the Future: Instead of Mabel asking Ford to be his apprentice, Ford asks Mabel if she is willing to mentor him. When she asks if his brothers would be fine with that, he says so, and she says she'll think about it. When he returns, he finds out that Stan heard the conversation, and Shermie immediately begins to scold Ford for thinking about himself. The ensuing argument forces Shermie to reveal that, since he's going to California for college, the twins should stick together. This makes the Stans feel betrayed, that their only possible role model is now going away from them 'forever.' Stanley runs away, and Ford and Shermie try looking for him.

Some episodes may be different or have a different monster of the week! I want Ford and Stan and Shermie's adventures to not be identical to the Pines twins!