#[ i have no idea what this is and i kinda wrote it in a disjointed manner so it's uh ]

[luka--lu]

Anthropological and philosophical analysis of Viktor’s story in Season 2 - Part I

Finally gathered thoughts that floated in my mind since Season 2 had ended. These will literally be my first posts ever, will be a bit chaotic, please be kind, I’m shy. But also very critical.

I’ll preface this by saying that I’m not a person with a disability. I cannot claim to know this experience, because I simply don’t. I love Viktor as a character and it so happens he has a disability, it’s something I always consider when engaging with his story. Besides, his story revolves around his disability since S1 Act 2 and he kind of falls into the trope of ‘disability as character motivation’, but he’s much more than that. And that’s what I want to explore in these posts.

My analytical approach is obviously influenced by my experience as an able-bodied person. I’ve had extensive courses on disability studies while at university and focused my bachelor’s thesis partially on disability representation in media (I focused on scars and ‘deformities’, something many Arcane characters have, but that’s perhaps for another post). To people out there who have disabilities and wish to engage with this post - please let me know your thoughts, I’m genuinely trying to learn more.

I want to stress that in my analysis I’m not saying Viktor is entirely ruined as a character or is bad disability representation. I analyse his story from the perspective of philosophical, cultural and social contexts, and through disability studies theory. I’m not an expert and certainly can't speak on behalf of people with disabilities, I'm talking as an anthropologist and enjoyer of storytelling and art.

That being said, I’ll try to make it coherent and divided by topics, because these’ll be long posts. Some thoughts are a bit disjointed, I’ll be sharing some of my ideas for how Viktor’s arc could’ve been improved. Hopefully it makes sense as a whole.

TRANSHUMANISM & POSTHUMANISIM

Transhumanism as a philosophy and social movement originates from the notion that many people are forced to live worse lives than necessary and can’t reach their full potential. One of the most important thinkers of transhumanism Julian Huxley argued that application of science can prevent poverty, illness and change the world for the better. He literally wrote that ‘the man can manage evolution’. 

Viktor represents transhumanist ideology in a way that, in Season 2, he literally can’t refuse the job - he was forced the moment Jayce fused him with the Hexcore. Sure, he could have refused to use its power now residing in his body. But the writers chose to disallow him that choice. So Viktor ‘heals’ Huck and begins his Jesus Era. Viktor later asks Singed if the doctor believes in fate, which is followed by Viktor declaring evolution has a course - superseding nature. This way Viktor exemplifies Huxley’s idea of what transhumanism is:

(...) whether he [man, as in human] is conscious of what he is doing or not, he is in point of fact determining the future direction of evolution (...). That is his inescapable destiny and the sooner he realizes it and starts believing in it, the better for all concerned. (Huxley, Transhumanism)

If the Hexcore was actually sentient and controlled Viktor, then I guess it’s the soul of Julian Huxley.

The same way Huxley's work was grounded in a desire to make the world a better place, so is Viktor’s. His dream of betterment of his people's lives was the primary motivation of Viktor’s character, but it got hijacked by the magical mumbo jumbo of the Hexcore and Arcane powers in S2. His transhumanist ideology wasn’t developed organically, the story just jumps to act 2 and then 3 without proper explanation as to why he turned to this philosophy so radically.

Important to add, Huxley was a eugenicist. Kinda wild to take transhumanist ideas and write Viktor’s, a disabled man’s arc, the way they did. Viktor wanted to use technology to change the world, but writers said: ‘hmm, what if… magic?? And eugenics! because he has internalised ableism now!’ But more on that later.

Central question regarding transhumanism is who decides what’s an enhancement and what’s a limitation. The short answer is: it’s a personal choice, we can use inventions to improve quality of life if we wish. Yes, some things can be a choice, but in reality it’s kind of compulsory, because the society is built in a way that demands conformity.

Viktor changed himself instead of trying to change the world the way he intended to in S1. His arc was derailed from his initial will to act for the society that needed positive change. Progress for Piltover meant technological advancement in the name of scientific and economic gain. In Viktor’s transhumanist vision progress is about extending the self - to live without suffering, to cure physical and mental afflictions of Zaunites. It goes beyond his motivation to cure his disease, his actions in S2 don’t fit his characterization in S1. This is why I believe inserting parts of his original League Lore into Arcane would have made an amazing story with transhumanism as background.

Good part of technology is that it gives us opportunities for different forms of embodiment. Embodiment, important in phenomenology and feminist studies, means how we experience ourselves as a living body that feels the world as we inhabit it -  how we experience it in connection to us, simultaneously being influenced and influencing the world. There’re plenty of theories that tackle this concept, but let me go the short way.

Transhumanist philosophers talk at length about progress in relation to embodiment. Critics ask questions about the ethical side: who’s gonna get to use the technology to enhance themselves? What about people who can’t afford technology used for the enhancement? How will technology influence the embodiment of certain people? Specifically, what does this philosophy say about disability?

I will talk more about disability in another section, but transhumanists consider physical disabilities as something open to changes. Different technologies can be used as mobility aids, advanced procedures could help with improving the standard of life for people with disabilities.

But there still remains a question: what kinds of disability are considered in need of improvement? If technology changes a disabled person's body so they can function similar to able-bodied people, then is the category of 'disabled' even relevant anymore? Is there a definite line when it comes to influencing the body with technology? What kind of progress do transhumanists actually seek and for whom?

We don't hear Viktor’s stance on ideas similar to transhumanist ones until his talk with Singed, but it's a bit convoluted and isn't developed well enough to be an interesting take on a very controversial and fascinating philosophy that is transhumanism. It’s only indirectly addressed at the end by Old Man Jenkins Viktor when he says ‘There’s no prize to perfection, only an end to pursuit’, meaning that the glorious evolution doesn't really have a destination, even though Viktor believed so.

The change transhumanists seek can never actually reach a final perfect end - who and when will decide what the end of human evolution looks like? What is the ultimate, trans- or even posthuman form we’re supposed to achieve? Arcane seems to argue that nobody will ever be able to decide, even with godlike powers and knowledge.

Old Man Jenkins Viktor calls back to primary belief of posthumanism, which Nietzshe wrote about:

Man is not the effect of some special purpose, of a will, an end; nor is he an object of an attempt to attain an ‘ideal of humanity’ or ‘an ideal of happiness’ or an ‘ideal of morality’. It is absurd to wish to devolve one’s essence on some end or other. We have invented the concept of ‘end’: in reality there is no end. (Nietzshe, Twilight of the Idols)

Posthumanism is another philosophy that provides an interesting context for analysing Viktor’s arc in S2. I first focused on transhumanism since his story originally involved using technology to change lives. But Viktor seems to mix transhumanism and posthumanism.

Posthumanism is more about getting rid of core values of humanism. it’s about going beyond what makes humans, well, humans, which is a lot of things (biology, culture, economy, science, politics, environment, religion, social relations ect.). Posthumanism states that humans aren’t really that special, and argues that there are many other creatures and things that are equally as innovative as humans. It’s a philosophy critiquing anthropocentrism. It dismisses the notion of humans as apex creatures that can control and bend the world to their needs and will. The will to extend ourselves and find power within us isn’t exclusively a human trait - all organisms and things on Earth have that potential (interesting that in the destroyed Piltover Jayce saw the flora and fauna still expanded at the top of the Hexgates).

Viktor’s story isn’t really about that, but it ties to posthumanism when Viktor declares that emotions clash with reason, humanity is a contradiction which causes destruction, so there’s the need to go beyond humanism. Viktor’s ideas about human nature aren't really posthuman. His thought as he was dying after Jayce's attack revolved around the humanist idea that humans actually have an unchangeable essence.

Posthumanism, as understood by Gilles Deleuze and Félix Guatarri, states that there’s no essence of ‘humans’. There’s only the potentiality, which comes from an individual will to create oneself, apart from fixed rules of the world. Funny enough, Viktor speaks about similar ‘charge, potential, impulse', but I don’t think it’s in any way connected to Deleuze’s idea. The philosophy of Viktor in S2 seems all over the place with trans- and posthuman ideas underneath, but it's an interesting mix that I wanted to explore, even if only on surface level.

Deleuze is fucking difficult to understand, French philosophers are the demons that always kick my ass, but they had some good stuff to say. In Postscript on the Societies of Control Deleuze claims that society is made by machines, not only in technological sense, but also by different systems: social, political, economic, religious ect. Every system is a machine. In the case of Piltover and Zaun, the social and political machines categorize people and program them to inhabit certain identities and spaces. Human body is also a machine consisting of different anatomical systems. We are machines living in machines, the flow of information and experiences between us and the world is constant. In a way, even before Viktor tried to change everyone into machines, the world was already run by machines.

I also think that technological posthumanism is an amazing lens to analyse the usage of Hextech and its final destruction of the world in Arcane. Technological posthumanism states that humans use tools and technology as integral to our identity and functioning. Inventions are made by humans, but inventions also invent humans - we use tools, art, machines that extend us, that make us. Humans don’t make technology because they’re free and rational, rather they’re free and rational because they make technology.

Donna Haraway says we're already cyborgs, because tool-making and technology is always a part of our evolution - we incorporate the world into our bodies. We use tools, but according to posthumanism, tools use us in some sense, like a parasite. Interesting that Viktor becomes literally a mix of flesh and machine, influenced by the Hexcore.

Going further, posthumanist thinker Bernard Stiegler writes:

(...) the pursuit of the evolution of the living by other means than life - which is what the history of technics consists in, from the first flaked pebbles to today, a history that is also the history of humanity. (Stiegler, Technics and Time, 1)

Evolution's course is always directed by technology and tools. Stiegler asks: ‘Who’ or ‘what’ does the inventing? ‘Who’ or ‘what’ is invented?.

Jayce and Viktor invent Hextech. Piltover, City of Progress, is made by the development of Hextech. Hextech invents Piltover’s identity, makes its citizens and government free, rational, innovative and progressive, in opposition to Zaun, which supposedly lacks these traits. Is it really Viktor who causes the calamity in the end? Or is it Viktor and Jayce’s invention of Hextech that caused the end of Piltover? Was it humans using technology, or was it technology influencing humans? Technology can be human’s progression in evolution (as Viktor represented) but it can be the destruction of the world (as Jayce saw in the apocalyptic Piltover). There is no predestined essence or course, there is only the potentiality.

Viktor’s arc with the transhumanist/posthumanist Messiah plot fits a subgenre of these philosophies which states there’s a possibility of a Posthuman God. It means that humans, no longer limited by nature, flesh and emotions, will be able to grow into a god-like state of intelligence. It’s not about ascending to a literal god like Viktor did, but more about posthumans being so advanced and intelligent that modern-day humans wouldn’t be able to comprehend it. It is tied to Nietzshe’s Overman ideal, but that’s another long story.

Summing up, the writers butchered Viktor’s character and did something typical for the general transhumanist discourse. That our problems are technological, not political and social, it’s about science that changes our embodiment, and we need this change because the world is unfair. But why is it unfair? Too difficult of a question for the writers apparently… I'll be dissecting it further below.

* Interesting to add, transhumanists of today go as far as suggesting we’ll be able to upload our minds into computers/certain devices and this way live forever. Viktor sorta reminded me about that with his astral plane self. There was a movie with Johnny Depp with this idea, Transcendence. This movie is bad tho (*Wendy Williams voice* Guess who’s jealous of Viktor Arcane? … JOHNNY DEPP!)

DISABILITY

In The capacity of contract Stacy Clifford Simplican distinguishes two ways of thinking about disability: medical and social. Medical model means that people have a medical problem when we compare their state to fixed diagnostic norms. The social model is about how society creates disability by making the world adjusted to able-bodied people, while disability is an exception to the norm, an anomaly. 

What the social model explains is that the problem isn’t the disabled person’s body, the problem is that they didn’t have a chance to design the world that would accommodate everybody. Medical model is appealing to able-bodied people because it allows them to dismiss their anxieties connected to disability and the possibility of acquiring it. People would have to then face the fact that society is actually unfair, so the medical model allows thinking there’s a distinct difference between able-bodied ‘normal’ people and persons with disabilities. There is ‘us’ (able-bodied) and the Other.

The idea of a cultural Other is key in various theories, especially in post-colonial critical theories, disability studies, social stigma theory ect. It basically means that the dominant group considers everyone who’s an outsider or lacks certain attributes essential to the group, as inherently different, oftentimes meaning lesser, therefore considered ‘other than us’. The Other needs to be distinctly alien to the normative group or culture. In case of people with disabilities the line marking the difference is located in their bodies.

In season 2 Viktor literally crossed the line (haha see what i did there) by rejecting his disabled body and changing into the Machine Herald. By rejecting his embodiment, he wished to fit into the ‘perfect’ embodiment represented by the people of Piltover. However, I consider Machine Herald Viktor as the epitome of what Piltover society considers as the Other. At the end of S2, for people of Piltover the line between what’s worth saving and what’s dangerous yet again locates itself in the body of the Other. The body that originated from the embodiment of the disabled Zaunite.

Viktor’s body is central to his character. We see his embodiment is an experience of pain, struggle, not only physical (he feels his body eroding) and emotional, but also social, he’s a Zaunite in Piltover. He’s double stigmatised as an undercitizen and a disabled person. Theory of stigma tells us that problems disabled people experience oftentimes aren’t connected to the disability itself but to the unequal, negative approach, harmful representations and institutionalised practices that cause the stigmatisation. It all reveals itself in ableism. One of the most important authors of disability studies, Rosemary Garland-Thompson wrote at length about these topics, notably in Extraordinary bodies. I’ll be referring to her work a lot in this post.

Viktor changed his body in S1 and then again in S2, he became Machine Herald, what he thinks is ‘the most he’s ever been’. But Piltover still thinks of him as the Other, a threat - and we know that in their worldview ‘Zaunites’ equals ‘danger’. And here’s the thing - ‘disabled’ is a position you get in a concrete socioeconomic context.

Viktor’s Jesus arc and commune activities focus on ‘fixing’ people and allowing them to live on the outskirts, away from the stigmatising society. Paradoxically, he fixed Zaunites to be able-bodied, like Piltover’s society accepts, but Zaunites can’t join that society, they’re still on the outside. Arguably, they’re trying to create an alternative for the stigmatising society, a new ‘Herald’s vision’. But why does this vision involve getting rid of disabilities? 

‘Overcoming limitations’ isn't really about transforming the body. As Abigail Thorn said: ‘You're not gonna fix homelessness by turning homeless people into inspector Gadget’. Arcane S2 Viktor took the wrong angle on the whole ‘helping the Zaunites’ thing. The show for sure states that. And that makes me sad and mad because it’s just.. idk stupid? Viktor as he’s established in S1 is fiercely intelligent, has very strong morals and convictions. He acts recklessly and crosses ethical limits only when it comes to saving himself from literally dying. I don't see how he would go from ‘In pursuit of great we failed to do good’ to complete opposite and being SO misguided in act 2-3 in the 2nd season. They character assassinated him so hard it’s almost unbearable. Still love him, but gods, look how they massacred my boy. Anyway-

Viktor’s disability makes him significantly different from the rest of the cast - as Garland-Thompson wrote, the figure of Otherness is a result of interpreting and giving meaning to bodies. It gives categories and paradigms, which then give us identities. By making Viktor a person with disability the creators had the responsibility of understanding that their writing has real life consequences. Representation in art and media is a means of identification for real life people who relate to Viktor’s embodiment.

Disability is not only a physical state of being, a form of individual embodiment, but also an economic one. It’s true for Viktor - he self-described in S1 as ‘a poor cripple’, using the language of his oppressors, clearly to pinpoint how he’s perceived by the normative majority of Piltover. I’d argue this doesn’t tell us how he actually feels about his disability. We don't really get his thoughts on it. I see many people assuming he thinks of it as an imperfection from the start and point to S1 when he shies away from the spotlight and then more obviously in S2 Jayce basically confirms to the audience Viktor’s internalised ableism in The Speech.

But I’m not so convinced. Viktor in S1 strikes me as someone who hopes his work will talk for itself, so he doesn't crave the spotlight, but it absolutely could be argued that the reason he hides in shadows is to protect himself from the scrutiny of onlookers. It might be an argument for him thinking poorly about himself and Arcane is known for ‘show don't tell’, but I sort of… wish they told us?

Viktor talks about his disease and focuses on his incoming death, which is central to his character in S1 after act 1. Disability and actively dying are different things though, but in sociocultural contexts are often considered almost the same. It seems to me that the writers made such an assumption - treating Viktor’s leg and his disease interchangeably.

Viktor’s internalised ableism wasn't prominent, I'd say nonexistent, in S1, his focus was on preventing his death, not on getting rid of his disability. He experimented on his leg and tested its durability when running. Season 1 already established that it was the wrong choice (although the running scene is contradictory with its message because of the ‘victorious’ framing and music). Viktor changes his mind at the end of S1 and asks Jayce to destroy the Hexcore. Never, not once, in S1 Viktor declares that he wishes to help people of the Undercity with getting rid of disabilities or that he wants his own to go away. He only speaks about his general health deteriorating.

But then we get Jayce saying Viktor ‘always wanted to cure what he thought were weaknesses; his leg, his disease’. Um- no, not true? Viktor always wanted to invent things to make a change for the disenfranchised. He couldn't do so because of his terminal illness and Piltover’s politicians not giving a damn about Zaunites. We don't know how he feels about his disability apart from recognising it as a part of his social status as a Zaunite in Piltover. We get the scene when as a child he shows Singed his leg, meaning he can’t play with kids and is lonely. This could mean he’s either shunned or can't access places where kids play. That's an issue of accessibility and how disability is created by alienating disabled people. It’s not enough proof to argue that Viktor dislikes his disability to the point of wishing to fix it when he becomes an adult.

I argue that Viktor’s internalised ableism was forced onto him by the writers. This way they put the responsibility of dealing with ableism on the disabled individual instead of asking the real question: why is Viktor experiencing ableism in the first place? Why is it Viktor who has to bear the burden of injustice and feel bad about himself? Apart from the positive sentiment of ‘disability is a part of humanity and doesn’t mean you’re broken’, the message of the ending seems to be: 'it's sad you feel bad about yourself, you need to hear you’re valid and get over your internalised ableism or you’ll doom everybody, but we won’t be addressing systemic oppression you'd experienced'.

The feminist, lesbian, poet, mother, warrior and an icon Audre Lorde pointed out the issues that stigmatised people face, especially having to be representatives of their marginalised position, having to use their intellectual and emotional labor to address oppression. I can’t agree that Viktor taking on the labor of realising his internalised ableism thanks to Jayce’s Speech is amazing writing. His humanity was denied by the oppressors so much he ended up rejecting it all together? The framing of Viktor’s motivation after becoming Machine Herald is extremely detached from his original character’s. I can’t- it seems like they made him self-loath and cause harm just because the final battle would look cool?

I like Arcane’s message that erasing disability is like erasing humanity and love wins in the end. But it's so naive, because it’s done at the cost of the disabled character’s entire arc and positions him as the villain to a society of mostly able-bodied people. I don't vibe with that writing choice. If the writers had the guts and we didn't live in capitalism, maybe we’d get more seasons and something truly revolutionary.

Feminist scholars pointed out how people’s standpoints shape politics, how identity, personhood and body are cultural constructs that need to be questioned. Standpoint theory suggests that representation is always a political act and thus disability representation needs to be treated as such. I don't think Linke and others thought about it this way while writing Viktor. They created a great character though, so allow me to open my ao3 tab and look up canon divergent fics.

Because of Viktor’s arc in S2 becoming about having his autonomy revoked and his supposed internalised ableism, we unfortunately got an interpretation that Garland-Thomson notes as widely accepted - that physical disability is a part of lower social status and a personal tragedy. We could have had Viktor as a transformative example of a physically disabled person who exposes social institutions of power and questions the notion of othering as a rule that permeates the Zaun-Piltover conflict. For that to happen, it wouldn't be Jayce who affirmed Viktor as valid - it would be Viktor affirming himself.

And we know he had the capacity to do that. In S1 act 1 he’s self-confident and we know he got to Piltover thanks to his intellect and resilience. Why would he lose these parts of himself so radically in S2? I understand that he was severely depressed and dying, that did change his perception of self when his health deteriorated. Yet, I believe in S2 the acceptance Jayce talks about could have come from Viktor seeing his own value. Garland-Thomson calls it 'speaking with one’s voice’. To be seen and accepted means having autonomy and possibility to speak about our embodiment with other people. We don't get to see/hear Viktor do that. He speaks of his mortality and deteriorating body in the context of disease, not disability. And he doesn’t really react to Jayce’s Speech.

If the creators wanted a really empowering story about a disabled character, they needed to address that. According to Garland-Thomson, the body is a text that needs interpretation by their owners. Giving meaning to his body, affirming it (maybe choosing to change it only to stop himself from dying) would mean that Viktor frees himself from symbolic and systemic violence, and rebels against fantasies and anxiety projected onto him by the normative society. That would have been based as fuck.

I ship JayVik, but it doesn't mean The Speech is all fine. Jayce might understand some of Viktor’s struggles but he’ll never understand him fully. It’s true that Jayce experienced horrors beyond comprehension, saw how his dream destroyed the world, he starved, had to reflect on his decisions sitting in a dark cave and injured his leg. Him acquiring a disability to parallel Viktor is a very important moment, yet it’s not the same as knowing Viktor’s experience of embodiment.

Jayce didn't live with a disability all his life in the society that considered it as something inferior. Jayce didn't live with despair and desperation of struggling to prevent himself from dying of an illness caused by the actions of an oppressive state. Jayce’s speech is emotional and important for his relationship with Viktor, and I did get teary eyed when he expressed how much he adored Viktor. But they lost me with ‘fix weaknesses, your leg, disease, and there’s beauty in imperfections’.

The Speech is sweet on the surface level but it rubbed me the wrong way, because not only it didn't make sense with Viktor’s arc, but it also feels weird to say that disability and terminal illness are an imperfection in which there's beauty. Imperfection is a tad insensitive of a term in this context... Having Jayce - who was more privileged socially, essentially able-bodied all his life and acquired his disability only recently - say this to Viktor, is kind of an odd choice. I do see what they’re trying to say: such experiences shape us but they don't define us. That Jayce loved Viktor as a whole human being with every part as integral to who he is.

At the end Jayce frees Viktor from his loneliness. Lovely stuff and I like it on a personal level, altho the Speech was poorly worded. Narratively, it tells me that the disabled character needed another person to say he was all he needed to be from the start. But it ignores the social context of why Viktor was lonely. Jayce's speech shifts focus from systemic oppression and inaccessibility to interpersonal connection he had with Viktor and the emotional side of it. It's possible to both establish a loving bond and acknowledge the discrimination Viktor experienced. But that didn’t happen in the story.

Viktor’s actions as written in S2 seem to stem from an immense need for acceptance and a wish not to be lonely. Of course he has Jayce in the end. My JayVik side is kicking its feet in the air and giggling, but when I look at it from a representation perspective it's kind of bad. Jayce is after all a privileged man who has never experienced life long marginalisation, chronic pain and despair of accepting his death when there's so much work to do for a good cause. And he might have understood how lonely Viktor was, how Jayce neglected his partner but still, Jayce cannot fully get it if it's not his lived experience.

Viktor is defined by his body by the unfair society he exists in and it's impossible for him to ignore it, because that's what shapes him every day. It's understandable he’d want to be healthy but I dislike the ‘Magic Cure for disability’ trope they went with in S2 when Viktor merged with the Hexcore. The trope is widely considered regressive and even harmful when it comes to nuanced disability representation. Viktor's case isn't as obvious, so I'm not trying to pass any finite judgement here. But I generally don't vibe with it.

I wish we knew if there were people with disabilities or sensitivity readers at any stage of the creative process of making Arcane.

I’ll be referring to the topic of Viktor’s disability in other sections of my posts, so it’s not really the end of this subject.

THE RADICAL OTHER

As I wrote earlier, the concept of the Other is extremely important in anthropology. There’s a more expanded and emancipatory theory that I'd like to touch upon - the concept of Radical Otherness.

In itself, this concept is disruptive. When we’re faced with the Radical Other, we’re confused. We cannot relate to them, cannot ignore them, our predisposed opinions and structures of understanding are being postponed. It creates a cognitive dissonance, forces us to change perspective, create space for the Other and look for Otherness in ourselves. It can also cause bigger fear and cause us to alienate the Other even further than we initially did.

Experiencing Otherness touches our bodies and senses without us having prior notice of it. This experience disturbs us, it calls on us, it asks us to respond and to react. German philosopher, Bernhard Waldenfels writes in  Bodily experience between selfhood and otherness that people usually either welcome the Other as a guest or exclude the Other as an enemy. The Other is always transformed in a way that the normative society has disposal over them or they're available for the society's intentions. Radical Otherness, according to Waldenfels, is not available to anyone.

Viktor's disabled body is turned into a grotesque fusion of flesh and metal, then into an alien-like creature, not a cyborg which would be more in sync with transhumanist ideas of technological augmentation of the human body. The way Viktor looks in his god-like form is aesthetic but foreign.

What it means for disability visual representation is that Viktor either reinforces or rejects the sociopolitical relations that make the disability a kind of Otherness.

Interpreting Viktor the Machine Herald as rejecting oppressive notions, I’d say he symbolises what’s rebellious, exposing injustice and disrupting social order. He left Piltover behind and came back to cause a radical reinterpretation of the world. He looks absolutely different, strange, magical - and we know people of Piltover fear magic. But because he’s the villain and dies at the end, I'm more inclined to say the writers meant to show his transformation as a symbol of unpredictability, lack of stabilization, anarchy - and that’s both dangerous and brave.

Viktor as Machine Herald can be read as embodiment of personal freedom by rejection of cultural uniformisation. But if it were to be true, he should have rejected conformity while still disabled or at least not transform with Singed’s alchemy. By the time we reach the last episode his arc is a story of Piltover having to tame 'the freak’ as Garland-Thomson would describe it.

The freakiness of Machine Herald’s form is also an interesting choice, because it’s somewhat humanoid but unnatural. It reminds me of the practice of freak shows where people with unusual bodies and disabilities were displayed as freaks of nature, odd creatures. Able-bodied audience gawked at them and while looking in the face of the Others, they’d re-establish themselves as ‘the normal ones’. I hope you catch my drift and see how this is not a good look to have Viktor morph into an alien looking creature that all of Piltover fights in the end…

If I try to find positives in S2’s writing, I can speculate that Viktor becoming the Radical Other in an empowering sense would mean that he embodied an alternative to the status quo. Him leaving and in sense rebelling against domination of Piltover wouldn’t be an intellectual choice but a manifestation of his condition as a person. In this interpretation, his transformation is radical, it’s a positive marker of his individual story.

It’s still a story of oppression though - our Viktor doesn't save himself, Jayce does it for him. I’m not gonna be talking about Old Man Jenkins Viktor orchestrating everything to save himself by having Jayce sent on a mission to save main timeline Viktor. I’m focusing on the Viktor we got to know in S1. It’s beautiful to be seen and supported, the scene at the end was so loving and my AroAce ass relished it. I love JayVik, yeah, though I think the message of Viktor’s arc being so centered on Jayce’s affirmation of him made the message a bit less complex. They’re soulmates, your honor, but they’re so codependent it’s really toxic yaoi.

Jokes aside, it would be amazing if Viktor chose to become the radical Other. He’d make an autonomous decision to use his status of the Other as the ultimate ‘fuck you’ to the system. The system that overlooked him and prescribed him the identity of an undercitizen, ‘an outsider looking in’.

His arc would be even more profound if he recognised his internalised ableism and chose to become the Machine Herald the way he did in the League Lore. In League, his practices aren’t entirely ethical either, but that's besides the point. His decisions were made out of dissatisfaction with Piltover’s corrupt academia and politics, and the moral duty he felt to aid his fellow Zaunites in the face of calamities and everyday hardships. The old LOL Viktor is actually iconic for that.

The Arcane version of the Divorce arc could’ve made JayVik more complex if they let Viktor express disappointment with Jayce’s decision to weaponize Hextech and Council’s lack of interest in the Undercity’s issues. Then the 'our paths diverged long ago' would be more inpactful.

The character arc is a mess but I tried to reach and look for sth more interesting within it. I think the Radical Otherness of Machine Herald is a compelling angle. Not what writers intended, for sure not, I don’t think they taught anything through that deeply.

ENDING PART I...

I think it all could have been more interesting if Viktor wasn't influenced by Hexcore as we’re led to believe, because… this is cheap writing and yet again takes away his autonomy, which he was denied far too much in S2. The magical stuff took away from Viktor’s character and lost focus of his actual motivation.

I think what we got isn’t good enough, but I appreciate bits that can be read as more meaningful, that's where my idea for this 'essay' came from. I just wish the writers had the guts to let Viktor be angry, come back to Zaun, not do the cult stuff and just help people, join the rebellion, basically tell the Pilties: ‘I hope I confuse the hell out of you’.

That’s it for the first part of this analysis. Part 2 coming soon i guess. (Edit: Second paaaart here)

 literally me writing this fucking dissertation:

[ylvaisawolf]

Messy thoughts on Fred (and Tubbo?)

This is really disjointed. This was just me typing everything that popped into my head down.

I have opinions on Fred (and everything around him atm)

Like everyone saying he is evil. Fred himself knows he did wrong things 

He knows he isn't a saint he just has a single person hae loves and cares about [Tubbo]

Fred told Tubbo he did wrong things and yes he did not specify what (From what I recall) but he told Tubbo and he said he didn't care (Tubbo said he would be a villain if Fred is sooo…)

Is it very cruel to tell someone you wish they would get tortured again? Yes! Hell yeah it is. 

Quackity has his reasons for hating the Feds no shit but he threatened Tubbo which is why Fred said that.

(Also I am biased towards Tubbo. I am Foolish/Jaiden in spirit aka I side with the characters I like more over my irl morals)

Like I do think he cares because he has to for the other workers but they are not friends, they are his underlings or bodyguards so you have to be nice there (Or you would hope. Even if manipulative)

Like I would be an idiot to not acknowledge him taking notes on Aypeirre’s torture or again his very cruel comment to Quackity

Fred acts different ways with different people. Like he is definitely more nice with Tubbo for example when he said he was a bad penpal for not responding much and “I genuinely felt like a stalker and that it wasn't morally correct what i was doing…”  (Day 195) of which Tubbo responded in his letter back with “ I don't think you should worry about the morality of trying to find them as kidnapping itself is very immoral.” 

Which is true but still.

Fred also said on the day of the movie date he has done bad stuff to Tubbo. (“You don’t understand, I’ve done bad stuff.” … or something similar as I am not watching the vods.)

So to me I am wondering where some people have been?

Fred is deny deny till he cant then bites back when out of options 

He is seemingly questioning himself and the Feds but atm he is following them along still

Back to Tubbo for a sec I have to mention that he said something along the lines of It seems everyone but the morning crew likes him so it wouldn't be hard for him to be a villain.

I keep bring that up whoops but like Tubbo is really protective of Fred warning him to stay away from Aypierre and that he will gladly listen to anything that worries Fred

Tubbo and Fred really love and trust one another.

ALSO!

Fred wrote on October 8th “I must admit… I don't know what my morals are or trust for the Federation is..” 

Man knows he is messed up <3 

(Also Tubbo just told him it is ok to question your morals)

Fred not trusting the Feds doesn't mean he doesnt follow what they want like torture btw. I am not ignoring that dont worry 

He still is doing his job. He acts like he doesn't like it but he is still doing it.

Also Fred at one point told Philza he loves snitching. Yes, kinda sassy but he did say that. (I think October 4th or 5th)

If it isn't obvious I Adore Fred even if he turns out evil. I find him to be a very interesting character.

Also I am not touching him leading Tubbo, Roier, & Slimecicle to the Maze. I have no idea what the deal is there.

Yeah this post is a mess but I don't normally post my own thoughts or do essays (this isn't even an essay). If I wanted to put more effort in I could but me typing my thoughts down and semi looking for direct quotes is all this post is getting haha.

I don't care if Fred gets better or worse as long as he is a fun and interesting character the whole time .

[charmac]

I really liked your answer to that last anon! I just got into this fandom (and macden) and it's the first one I've been in many years. I was still a teen when I was kinda obsessed with shows like spn and bbc sherlock, and after those I just can't help but think that I'm once again just reading too much into the choices of the writers etc :/ like I want to believe my own eyes but I'm afraid to lol

What you have to try to remember (and constantly remind yourself) is that Sunny isn't like any other show, it's not Supernatural relying solely on Network demos to stay alive, and thus constantly feeding into bait to draw views, it's not a writers room completely removed from the actors.

The heart and soul of the show is completely, from the ground up, Rob, Charlie, and Glenn, in almost complete control. So when you see things the actors do in the show and you think "ugh I'm reading into this just like Destiel, those looks mean nothing, this is just the actors playing it up for..." For what? They've been renewed through 18, they don't even really rely on bringing in a large audience, it's FXX. They make this show for themselves, the audience is just a bonus.

Shows like Supernatural have teams that are often separate, so when something is written it might not be acted as the writers intended, which might not be edited as the actors and writers intended, which is all overseen by the Creator(s) and Producer(s), who have different visions and intentions for their show, which is heavily guided by what The Network allows/approved and believes will bring in views. So what you see in Credits is like any 'normal' show: Created by X, Produced by Y, Written by Z, Top billed cast: A, B, C. What happens with long-running shows like Supernatural, is that all the players develop different ideas and attachments over time, so you'll end up seeing the actors play their characters (and thus relationships) in a way that's a little different from the writers writing it and what the creator(s) want and what ends up in post is some conglomeration of all of these ideas, then pushed out a certain way by The Network to hold their demo and draw views. So you "read into" what you're seeing, it's very much there in many forms, but it's being chopped at the throat and comes out disjointed. Because XYZ ABC all have different ideas and attachments and visions from each other and they have enough sway based on long-standing to (kinda) have their voice heard. You're not reading into something that doesn't exist, you're reading into something that exists but is being butchered and warped by conflicting visions and power. (Just Misha Collins opening his mouth post-SPN Finale is perfect proof of this, lol)

Now look at Sunny, it's not that. Episodes like Bowling are really great examples: you look at the credits and it's: Produced by Rob, Charlie, Glenn; Developed by Rob and Glenn; Created by Rob; Written by Rob, Charlie, Glenn; Top billed actors: Rob, Charlie, and Glenn. So what you're immediately affirmed is that there's very little disjoint even possible. And, not even credited, we know Charlie and Rob were heavily involved in editing and post production (per TASP, Glenn was in Hawaii when they did post on Bowling). So what you're seeing is ALL deliberate, as intended. They are acting out the script exactly as it was written because, they wrote it. And then it's edited exactly how they want it to be because, it's their show and they sat there in the editing room. The final product isn't some conglomeration of different teams with different intentions, it's RCG from breaking the idea in a writers room to approving the final cut of the episode. There's no conflict, your eyes are telling you exactly what the intention of every moment is.

(And per the Meg Ganz Argument: she was quite literally a fan of the show, hardcore Macdennis shipper when they brought her on in 12. Post filming Season 14, she was still tweeting about shipping them. You don't work as an EP, in the writers room, and as a director for a show for three full seasons (ONE BEING TWELVE) and walk away from S14 still hardcore pushing your ship if there wasn't way more going on behind the scenes than we even know.)

Welcome to Sunnyblr! Believe your eyes, trust the structure, appreciate the hints, knowing it's all very deliberate, and be certain RCG(M) know what they're doing, and definitely enjoy driving us mad with it all. We're in it for the long haul, there's just always so much preamble :)

[dashielldeveron]

Hi Dash! I hope you're doing well. I'm writing this ask literally 1 hour before I need to leave for one of my sem finals (which I'll be fine at hopefully, since I studied). But while I was anxiously awaiting purgatory, I read one of my favourite of your works again - Monoma's route in Soulmate Trope. Istg I am not exaggerating, no writing has made me laugh harder than that single scene where he just... wordlessly pulled down his pants. I laughed so hard that my roommate had to come check on me. And the word "cum gutter" had dealt irreversible psychic damage to my brain. Sometimes while doing some mundane stuff, I think back about that scene, or countless other scenes from the book and had to remind myself I'm in public. I've only watched MHA up till season 3 and a bit into 4 but I was kinda already spoiled about the ending, so I'm so in love with the world you build there. I've always kinda wanted to try writing my own work because I sometimes have a budding idea that had me go, 'oh I think that'd make an interesting story', but then I realised I suck at writing. Writing just 1000 words took me an hour or more, I don't know how you wrote 60k words for 1 chapter!! That's absolutely insane. Also also, because your writing is so hilarious, when you get emotional, it hits so hard. "and i've gotta crow" is absolutely one of my all time favourite fan work, though idk what the title means. My writing, just after the first few paragraphs, feels like sandpaper to read. But your work really inspired me to want to at least try, even if I don't post anything. Especially after my finals, I'm going to try shitting this one idea out of my head in the summer (oh I'm in Australia so my summer is almost here). So yeah thank you for making me laughed so hard and also fingerbanged my heart. If you have nothing better to do, would you mind sharing your general writing process with me? As in, is there a forbidden jutsu move that amazing authors use when writing? For me, I feel like I'm typing and deleting and retyping until it forms a coherent sentence, but after putting them together it's dryer than my chicken breast that I forgot for 30 minutes in the oven. If not it's okay too, I hope you have a wonderful day!

yes.......YES.........let the monoma adoration flow through you!!!! we need more people in our monoma coterie!!! it's now you, me, 📌 anon, and like, two other anons i believe???? we are officially a Club, i say!!!

writing discussion/advice/process under the cut

okay, who told you you suck at writing? and why do they think so??? odds are you don't. odds are, you're overthinking your own work too much. when i look at stuff i've written, i see the writing process in every sentence, and odds are, you might, too. seeing the process takes away parts of being able to immerse yourself in the writing. so, your stuff probably isn't bad; it's just that you know all about how it was made!!!

writing takes me a long time! mostly bc i have academic/work writing to do all the time, so writing fic as my breaks from work isn't always efficient and fun. and i'm pretty sure some people may get frustrated with me for taking so long to update, but that's just how my life is rn. it's ultimately perfectly fine if you take a long time, though, because this is a hobby. we're not getting paid for this. we're providing art for free.

anyway......my process.....hmm. well. step one is to be haunted by visions.

step one is actually to think about that first idea you have to spark the fic. doesn't matter if it's in the middle or end, or anything. and you want to consider what kind of people would get in this situation (helps define what kind of character reader will be) and what could possibly lead up to it. it's okay if it seems like a bunch of disjointed ideas at first.

i am a big outliner, but i always allow seredipity during the writing process. as in, if something starts happening that's cool that i didn't plan, i'm cool with it, so long as it makes sense for the characters.

so, if i start a fic, i will start with an outline that's just a list of things i want to happen in the fic. sometimes it's specific events, and sometimes, it's something like "and they get romantically closer here through some tragic accident." put those events in an order that makes sense for the emotional progression of your characters.

i also keep running lists of hot lines of dialogue that i come up with, sexy outfits to put people in, sexy gestures, domestic things that would ruin me, or other fic-specific lists--like for tenko's soulmate route, i kept a running list of weird facts that reader could bring up. not many ended up going in the fic, but still.

like, this is a screenshot of a working outline/list from aizawa's route:

not all of this happened!! and more scenes got way fleshed out!!! i plan for Large Events and Emotional Resonance, but i am open to strange directions that just happen while writing the scene itself, so long as i get to where i need to go eventually. like.....the only one bed stuff on the undercover mission never happened, because suddenly, the club scene got super detailed, and aizawa would probably be too exhausted to spend the proper time having the argument, let alone sex, with reader that night.

but basically, i always want to know where i'll end up, even if i don't know how i'm going to get there. because the process of the characters getting there is where fun, detailed, character work happens. bc if your characters are distinct enough, they'll drive the story more than whatever plot you have.

i'm not every writer ever (obviously), so i know that more thorough outlining or not planning at all works better for other people!!! maybe try experimenting with completely planning and completely pantsing some shorter stories to see what works better for you.

i don't have a daily routine for writing bc i am Busy All the Time, but i carry a notebook in my purse if i am struck with visions, and when i type on my computer, i usually turn on an ambient mix from ambient.mix.com to block out other stuff. usually, i can find an ambience to fit the mood of the scene i'm writing, too lol, which doesn't necessary help but makes things more fun.

i honestly think i spend more time daydreaming about the story than writing it?? i am a big advocate for daydreaming. it's important that you spend time thinking about everything that could go wrong, bc it often makes for a better story if it's fucked up, somehow. idk it may also be bc of work that i'm away from a computer so often. i like writing in the notebook by hand bc it's less pressure to make it "good," and so i can edit as i type it in a word doc later.

and editing is, of course a huge part of the writing process!!! i would say it'd be weirder to write a sentence just right the first time, as opposed to deleting and rephrasing repeatedly! you're doing just fine!

but i wouldn't say there's any secret besides doing it a lot!!!! i know i'm not a great writer, but i know i'm okay, and that's the result of working and practising it for about two decades now. i just have practise, read a lot, and spend a lot of time, academically, discussing written stories.

so!!! if you're feeling like your stuff isn't as good as you want it to be, you just need to start allowing yourself to suck!!! nothing is perfect the first time!!! and eventually, you can edit your sucky stuff into stuff that's compelling.

good luck with your semi finals and finals!!! and thaaaaaank you for 1) valuing my advice as an artist (gosh!!!!!) and for 2) saying such nice things about the silly little stories i write!!!! it means a lot to me!!! you're so kind!!!!! i hope any of this helped at all!!!! and i hope your day is peaceful!!!! xx.

[vivacissimx]

a murder of modern AUs: baelonviserra edition

as promised a while ago, I do have a list of modern AU prompts for BV! disclaimer that these are unlikely to ever be written (by me) but I do think about them, write miniature snippets, and so on. most of the time when I translate asoiaf relationships into a modern setting I get rid of any pesky incest because I do not think it's remotely the same in this Day And Age and in fact there are other variables which better recreate the tension of medieval incest. generally the tension/friction between two people is more interesting to me than the actual incest (which in the least harsh way possible—because many asoiaf writers do tackle this—in My opinion, is like completely unsolvable a dilemma for any modern au I could write. I do definitely use it thematically though. putting this tangent aside because others may feel otherwise on that point). would love to hear people's ideas, obviously!

under the cut because there are, frankly, A LOT:

-not really a 'baelonviserra' story but in the background of any mod au for rhaenyra (and specifically I am thinking of this gossip girl-inspired book!laenyra Thingie, story for another day) there is an unspoken enmeshment between viserra and baelon reflected in daemon/viserys's relationship to their one aunt who hung around them and who rhaenyra thinks of as her grandmother. viserra is like a catherine deneuve type in personality yknow mysterious glamorous elusive but before all that she was Gymnast who suffered a career-ending injury

-onesided baelonviserra Context In Any Viserra Story Ever: viserra using baelon as a measuring stick for every person she entertains, basically. they feel like it's impossible to measure up but viv is all [dramatic flourish] look at the material! the problem is YOU not my toxicity!

-disjointed tales of viserra's youthful attempts to get baelon to pay attention to her. I talked about this on xwitter the other day but imagine that viserra (14) wants baelon to see her as grown so when he sends her into the convenience store, she buys him a pack of cigarettes. he says ok thanks. do you see? these types of interactions where he's not completely unaware of her vying for his time or even her attraction to him, he just thinks it's a harmless thing and she's a lonely confused pretty girl figuring out how to Handle men using her much older brother as practice, because he is, conveniently, a man himself! (and in the bg of this is viserra feels neglected by her parents, baelon is almost too attentive to his sons with alyssa gone, viserra having transferred her desire for a loving caring family onto baelon has crossed wires between wanting to fill the space of wife or daughter. really she just wants to matter in her family)

-OK so getting into the Real Stuff: widower baelon, hasn't 'dated' since alyssa passed away, this modelactress whatever has been Gunning for him lately though and he's kinda... been entertaining her? they talk. he doesn't understand it himself. in this AU aemon and jocelyn have adopted him into their Unit so on a trip once he's telling them about viserra, jocelyn is jokingly insecure about it to which baelon is all what! joce you're beautiful! anyway they have a boat moment where aemon and jocelyn tell him to invite her, let's see what this is all about. viserra comes and is very fun and seductive about it, she plays it quite well. they start sleeping together and viserra meets rhaenys (who is an upcoming 21 year old child bride). she's invited to the wedding, rhaenys just adores her, but viserra & baelon 'break up' in the meanwhile. they fuck again at the wedding and now Baelon is the one trying to get serious. they go around town and what not together but they have a very 'private' relationship generally. if you have seen my other asks on this topic: this is the AU where viserra helps guide daemon thru his teenage arrest/his and mysaria's trashyfab public relationship. I wrote 1/8th of a snippet years ago, here's the relevant baelonviserra bits:

-you knew this was coming EMPLOYEE! VISERRA x CORPORATE! BAELON :) some hotshot executive viv + equally hotshot old money baelon. he's all haha oh her? Viserra? my workwife! just a little joke of course. it's all very appropriate and above board, i'm only mentoring her, what's an above-the-suit massage between Two People Who Like to Flirt, only words, bit of release, lord knows i've been stressed lately [meanwhile viserra is locked In]

-this is an AU where baelonviserra are together already but viserys&aemma have a teenage pregnancy neither of them are ready for so baelonviserra raise rhaenyra for the first few years until those two are ready

-I DO have a long-winded thing that involves desmond manderly but I don't wanna get into all that because while he's forgivable as a character in love doesn't live here, I use him like an OC outside of that and it's quite embarrassing 😅 all you need to know is viserra and baelon are both single parents in this here story

-I have not one but TWO messy baeserra + baelyssa brainrots:

-baelyssa DIVORCE AU! this is a no incest AU so only aemon & baelon are siblings. sitch being after losing a baby alyssa and baelon wind up divorced, it's complicated because they still love each other, things just Happened and alyssa actually is the one who pushed it through because she was emotionally drowning and couldn't open back up to baelon or even stand to be looked at by him. while perhaps knowing it wasn't The Solution she nonetheless needed distance from baelon STAT! he kinda fell into this relationship with viserra who is an up and coming Someone because a) he needs comfort too and b) he thinks it's what alyssa wants from him, that the idea of him as a romantic/sexual person is Oppressive to her rn so if he makes that side of him inert, to her, he can keep some access to her outside of that. so then it becomes this dynamic where yes She pushed him away and He still loves her, would take her back in a heartbeat and doesn't give a damn about his pride, but as a result of these happenings he is also a bit in love with someone else. and he has moments of real connection with viserra that muddy his 'big picture wife and I will get back together' planning. on alyssa's end she has several emotions: genuine relief at being able to take the time she needs and having space/fondness for baelon re-blooming now that he's not on her back all the time/empty space where she Misses him/jealousy that she feels guilty for having/the moment where she realizes it's no longer her and baelon the Life Partners Who Can Laugh About Everything Eventually. he just isn't responsive to her ribbing him about viserra. for the first time he has a relationship which isn't her Business, Oh.

-baelyssa INCEST AU (🤯) so baelyssa siblings but viserra not, she's like a ballerina or whatever the hell, point is only relevant because she meets supposed bachelor baelon thru an endowment/organization run by alysanne. they start up together she thinks he's just really close with his sister who's a single mother to daemon and viserys. eventually it gets serious and viserrabaelon are engaged, or maybe even they've just gotten married... when she finds out it's not Platonic and baelon is the father of those kids! at first she's freaked out and sickened but eventually viserra does go with him on their honeymoon. it surprises her a lot when baelon touches her, tries to seduce, yes they've been sexual but she thought she was basically a beard...? but no baelon does expect to have like intimate conversations and relations with his Wife. he simply Also has alyssa. they've always had each other, what's the problem?

probably there's more. I have a problem as you can see. doctors can't fix me sadly

[rivalsforlife]

Hey!! No pressure but I would love to hear about the takarazuka musical threequel!

I'm glad you asked about this one, because when I was skimming through my old wips I came across this line that completely knocked me out:

“Dude,” Larry whispered, reverently. “You’re telling me you scored a MILF?”

takarazuka musical threequel is currently a bunch of disjointed ideas I have about what would happen after the events of all the AA takarazuka musicals (which at the time I wrote this was only up to musical 3). Created June 2021 and last updated November 2021 but I think it's very funny so if my brain goes down that rabbithole again I want to keep working on it. It is also specifically based on my own interpretation of the musicals which is not at all how I was supposed to interpret the musicals. And since it's based on the musicals everyone is out of character compared to the games.

The story focused on Phoenix, Lucia (the almost-love interest from musical 2 for those who don't remember), and Edgeworth. Phoenix is refusing to move on from Leona and it's deeply damaging his personal relationships - since he has the attitude he has towards Maya in the musicals, Maya gets fed up with it and leaves and goes to live with Franziska, the only person who kinda gave a shit about her in musical 2, in New York running a fortune-telling business out of Franziska's apartment. She's out of most of the fic and is saved from the musical's characterizations.

Lucia's ex-fiancee Roland gets out of jail after a very short sentence (??? extenuating circumstances I don't think I fully figured that bit out) and, following Phoenix's advice, tries to get back together with him but she's struggling with it. I think she and Phoenix were supposed to hook up at some point? But eventually she realizes there's something Seriously Wrong With Him. And she runs away to another city or something to restart her life away from both Roland and Phoenix.

Edgeworth gets caught up by an international time-travel investigation organization (which Lang is an agent of because I felt like dragging him into this shitshow) which leads him to reunite with his love interest from musical 3, Emilia, who is muuuch older now because time travel and has kids (but for whatever reason is not currently in a relationship). They try to have a relationship but Emilia's kids are understandably weirded out by this. They eventually break up, Edgeworth questions his sexuality, tries to confess to Phoenix, but at some point realizes that he actually murdered his father and has a crisis about that. I don't think I decided if he actually did or if MvK just got away with it... oh well.

It ends with Phoenix having a breakdown at the ocean about Leona. Unfortunately I have not written very much. Under the cut (since it's a bit long for a tumblr post) is one of the scenes I did write where Maya leaves Phoenix:

“Oh, Nick! You’re back early…”

“Hi, Maya.” He took in all the bags again, and a feeling of dread rose through him. “It’s not another vacation, is it…? I swear I didn’t agree to anything --”

“No, Nick.” Maya dropped the bags to the floor and her face took on an unusually serious look. “I’m moving back to New York.”

“What?” Maya picked up the bags again and moved them to be with her other stuff. (Had she always had this much stuff?) “Why back to New York? I told you I wanted to stay in California…”

“I know.” Maya spun around, tears welling in her eyes. “I was talking to Franzy. I mean, Prosecutor von Karma. And I realized some stuff. And I want to go back to New York. She’s going to pick me up in fifteen minutes. I…” She wiped her tears on her sleeve and pulled a letter from the pocket of her weird robes. “I’m sorry. I just wrote it down here for you.”

Phoenix took the letter from her and opened it. It was weirdly long for something Maya wrote. He didn’t think she could keep her focus long enough to write something like this. “What’s this really about, Maya?”

“I-I wrote it all in the letter!”

“I know, I know, I’ll read it later.” He didn’t plan to. “When are you coming back?”

“I’m not coming back, Nick!” She pouted and stomped her foot. Oh no. He hoped she wouldn’t throw a fit. “This is why I’m leaving! You’re always like this! You never take me seriously!”

Phoenix sighed and gestured to her robes. With that getup, how could I? “What brought all this on, all of a sudden? You said you were talking to Prosecutor von Karma? She told you to do all this?”

“No, I decided that for myself.” Maya crossed her arms. “I didn’t want to move to California. I’ve been in New York all my life. But I came here because I wanted to continue to work for you, Nick. I mean, you remember how we met, right?”

… He couldn’t remember. “Yeah, for sure.”

“I didn’t know what to do with my life otherwise. I mean, I left the spirit medium trade for a reason. And -- see, you’re making that face again!”

“What face?”

“The ‘oh, Maya’s going on about spirit channeling again’ face!” More tears rolled down Maya’s cheeks. “You never take me seriously! And it’s not just about this. You never explain what’s going on in crime scenes or at the trials.”

“Because I don’t have the time to explain it to you, Maya…”

“Every time I suggest we do something fun like go to the beach, you go off doing something else…”

“Again, I’m too busy for that, Maya…”

“Every time I make you lunch or coffee you don’t care. Even when I was kidnapped! You totally forgot about me, didn’t you? Franzy was the one who had to come and save me! Even after she’d been shot!” 

“I didn’t forget,” Phoenix lied, because he hadn’t. Well, except for most of the trial. But a lot had been going on then, in his defense, like helping Lucia.

“I don’t want to spend the rest of my life as -- as a comic relief sidekick!” Maya shouted. “I had dreams and ambitions too, Nick! I gave them up to be your legal assistant! But ever since that trial back in New York, you’ve been so strange. And I started realizing that I’m really not helping you out, am I?”

“You help out lots, Maya,” Phoenix tried to assure her. These sorts of outbursts were quite unlike her. “Your smile has encouraged me many times.”

“That’s it? That’s all you can say?”

“Your quips in court can be entertaining, too.”

For some reason, this didn’t seem to make Maya feel better. “Well, I’m sure you’ll be fine without them,” she sniffed. “You’ll have to be. Because I -- I’m really leaving!”

Phoenix sighed. He could tell he wasn’t going to win this one. Women can be so stubborn. “Alright, Maya. Just let me know when you’re coming back.”

“You don’t believe me?”

“No. I do believe in you.” Phoenix smiled and spread his arms out. “After all, you’ve always been my legal assistant. Even if you stray from that path, I’m sure you’ll come back. I believe in the Maya I’ve known all this time. I’m sure she won’t change, I just know it.”

[dandunn]

Fic author interview tagged by @vampirenaomi

1 How many works do you have on AO3?

42

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

728,089

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Fic that annoys me so much I disabled comments (go find it yourself lmao), Marked for Death, Tiger by the Tail, What's coming through is Alive, The Sea is Getting Rough Again

my one piece fics all have way more kudos than my recent stuff basically

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i do sometimes, im usually tired from writing and editing so sometimes ill just say thanks lol

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

i wrote a fic anonymously which is horrendously dark and doesnt have a happy ending but I think most other fics i write at least have a bittersweet or happy ending hdfgb

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

uhhhhhh i dunno man I like the ending of the fic i wrote where goemon threatens to cut one of jigen's exes' dicks off and then they go hang out by the pool. that was fun :)

7. Do you write crossovers?

not really, I've had a few ideas for them but they're hard to write and wouldnt have worked out

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

not... really? i got a really weird backhanded compliment where someone talked at length about a ship i dont like (the fic wasnt about that couple) then said the first chapter was alright apart from being painfully slow (thanks) and then accused me of virtue signalling because of the difficult topics i handled in the fic.

It was really, really strange like I genuinely think they were trying to pay me a compliment but they were incredibly shit at it lol

And then in another fic I turned off comments because a minor started bitching at me about the porn I wrote not being sexy enough and when I told them to go away they harassed me for a little while. That was fun.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yeas. I prefer it when smut is incorporated into the story because I kind of need the emotional stakes to be high enough otherwise I kind of lose interest. Smut without feelings is just kinda boring to me. Of course I have some exceptions but those are rare nowadays.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes, though it's on wattpad apparently so I have no idea if the person doing it credited me because I dont use that site lol.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yeah and I dont recommend it. we only wrote like 2 chapters of it but i no longer speak to the co-author and the whole thing ended up feeling a bit disjointed and weird.

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Uhh I have a couple, zoro/luffy, ace/sanji, jigen/lupin and jigen/goemon

zolu probably wins here because i have not so far written a 200k fic about anyone else lol

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

*gestures weakly at literally everything in my google docs*

I forgot how to write sorry

15. What are your writing strengths?

*tv static noise*

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

i cant speak english

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I don't know whether its bad or just handled badly by a lot of writers but I don't like it. Speaking as someone whos been learning japanese for the past 2+ years I hate it when I come across a word and have to either look it up myself or scroll to the bottom of the fic for any footnotes there are to explain it. Gonna use myself as an example for how I go about this kind of thing:

Fujiko tries to smile at his robotic, overly formal speech patterns, when really it's a little off-putting. She hasn't heard anyone use the word sessha, 'my humble self', for themselves outside of a period drama.

each to their own but i prefer putting in a small aside like this rather than shoving in foreign words and expecting for the reader to go and break the flow of the writing by looking it up for themselves.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

id say pokemon mystery dungeon but the first fic i wrote i instantly deleted after getting one negative comment, i think one piece is more where i cut my teeth

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

i dont really know? ive gotten into a couple of new things recently but they havent triggered my "oh i gotta write something" reaction

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

i dunno man i dont like my work very much right now heres an image if u read all of this

[pink-strawberry-kissess]

DRUNK ANON! tryna not make mistakes here. THAT TOOK ME 20 Seconds to correct it because am drunk but BROOO. don’t call me baby. i catch feelings QUICK! hehehe. wink wink. when u say “ily” i feel a lil bit special (LMAAOO JKl

ANYWAY!! it’s SOOOO hard for me to write in Ada’s POV because we get so little of Ada’s back story or just in general, but then again it leaves room to explore Ada. Question, do you hear more of Ada’s voice or Leon’s? How do you stay motivated to write? What music evoke emotions out of you or have you think about Aeon? this is sooo messy 😭😭😭😭 i’m all over the place. SORRY.

OHH happy Holidays! OMG ANd ur layout for Leon’s apartment is how Totlaly how I imagined it. um. fuck. i lost track of my thoughts. it’s 1:22AM. Thank you for always having time for AEON NATION. you’re da best! 💕

YOU DIDN'T SAY IF YOU WERE GONNA DRINK WATER >:(

YOU BETTA DO THAT AFTER U DRUNK

sjkdbfsjkfnslkfsniofesidfh

u did a good job spelling hehe

yessss i do think that it's harder to write for ada. i think that we all subconsciously add our own ideas into how ada behaves and acts. and i think that's fine to some extent since she is "playing a role" isn't she? she's always this kinda cold person but we see her becoming softer for leon. so i think we have a bit of space to explore that and make a more "real version" of an ada. i do think that some people (even ada and aeon stans) still mischaracterize ada or her backstory, which is fine tbh since we have so little of her childhood, but like the egregious mischaracterizing (usually from anti ada and anti aeon people) is the kind of shit i hate- like her wanting to kill leon or something like that. or the flip side of her wanting to save the bunnies - although i do like the addition of her saving the chickens in re4r lol.

i like to think of them in both povs because i feel like it gives us a better way to move the plot along. if an entire fic is only from leon's pov it's a bit boring to me. i like the alternating povs and i usually write like that. the only ada only pov that i've ever written is this one.

even my other fics i add some of ada's pov.

i think it's important to explore both of their motivations and thoughts and ideas even if you don't end up writing one of their povs. it makes the writing disjointed sometimes if you don't think about the other characters and how they feel. even side or secondary characters i think it's important to flesh out just enough so that they're not just used as a plot device. (not to say only writing in characters for plot devices are bad, but keep them secondary characters or minor background characters.)

uhhhhhh honestly i write for fun so i just try to write a little bit when i feel like it T_T sjkdfbsjkfs i wrote a post on how to stay motivated but i don't remember what it was called. it might be tagged under like #heart writes or something like that

uhhhhh i have lots of songs that i like! i have a bunch tagged with #aeon coded song

THAT'S OKAY MY LOVE

ujjjhhhhhh

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!! heheheheh im glad! i did try to explain it when i was writing but it's also okay if people had different ideas for apartment layouts. i wasn't like super specific about some aspects of it.

THAAANK YOOUUU 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕 DRINK SOME WATERR 💕💕💕

[sugawarassoulmate]

Hey i know this is kinda random but i just wanna know what you think the best way to get into writing would be? I’ve already been good at coming up with story’s and stuff in my head i just have a hard time actually writing it

ahhh for me, i get a lot of writer's block so what i like to do especially when i have an idea for a story that i can't get out of my head, i just like to write out the dialogue for a particular scene.

so for the bully!osamu love confession fic (which turned out to be 8k+ words lol) the first thing i knew i wanted to write was the love confession part but obviously that had to be near the end of the story

i actually wrote that part first and then wrote the rest of the story around it. so i tend to get the easy/more interesting parts of writing out of the way first and it actually makes it so i get a lot of the work done before i get into the other details.

writing is really fun but can also be a bit tedious and daunting especially when you have soooo many ideas for stories but the best thing i can say is just getting your ideas written down no matter how disjointed they sound at first bc it makes putting stories together so much easier

[triple--a--threat]

so about voltron

idk where this post is gonna go, but i have thoughts and feelings about this show and needed to get them out. so. rambley post it is.

i dont think it's new information for anyone that voltron and its fandom suck major ass, unless you've been living under a rock, and in that case, get back under that rock sweetie. this show sucks a fuckton and this rambling will be nothing more than critique and bashing. anyways

at the end of season 2 shiro was going to die in the original "plan" as far as we know. we were gonna get a heroic sacrifice and the team would go back to its 1984 setup with allura piloting the blue lion. except of course the machinations of the universe are beyond us so shiro did not in fact. die. he was the most popular character and his merch sold the most, so he couldn't possibly die this early on. who else would've made dreamworks their pure gold bars?

so as daddy dreamworks demanded, the writers delivered and un-unalived shiro, completely disregarding their original flimsy shambling excuse of a plan in exchange for among the worst plotlines i have ever seen anywhere. possibly the worst that exist in all of television ever. we got 4 seasons (well really 2) of completely directionless, contrieved, contradictory, and mind-numbing bullshit. stuff happens because someone wanted it to. 2 eps later something very contradictory happens because someone else wanted it to. i cannot stress this enough it feels like the writters were split into factions each of whom had very different ideas about literally everything in this fucking show. some of the dialogue actually feels like someone just wrote down the arguments and fighting going down in the writer's room. shit was made up along the way as the show went on for far longer than it had the right to, and for each and every fucking plotline the writers were divided and kept on shooting themselves (and the others too don't forget) in the foot for the sliver of chance that their story will be canon. just completely backstabbing each other for the sake of it and no regard for what is actually happening. it would be hilarious if it hadn't destroyed my sanity. and for a bit of a personal opinion, a liitle ymmv, none of the writers had any good ideas actually. even ignoring the nonsense opposite fuckery happening, none of the plotlines were good lmao. please end this and me oh god.

as a result we got a completely wish-washy, flip-flopping, self-contradictory, reductive mess of a show which never had any good original ideas or story much less a fucking plot or even a plan in some direction. the writers had no goal except to get their plot on the paper disjoint from everything else with jackshit regard to the overarching storyline. well if there was anything resembling an overarching storyline in the first place.

ig i'll talking specifically about the some of the worst offenders in the "the writers never thought of anything" situation - the allura racism arc, the clone shiro arc, and fucking lotor. oh my fucking god motherfucking lotor. holy shit they fucked him up.

i dunno where to begin with the allura racism arc except for the fact that it was DUMB. completely out of the blue and so fucking forced. for a princess of a diplomatic people she sure is fuckin racist for no fucking reason. even if she doesn't trust any and all galra (ig they didn't have unity in diversity activities in altea), she has no reason to not trust keith. like. my guy what. he proved himself as a paladin of voltron and has directly and indirectly saved her ass. why is she racist oh my god. and why doesn't coran hold any animosity towards the galra? he also lost his homeworld (and alfor)? and he lived on altea for far longer? ig women are emotional or smth. man. i also liked (absolutely despised) the the fact that it kinda took a #notallgalra turn and i was jesting about it and then they actually said that in the fucking show. hey allura not all galra are bad. hey allura stop being a bitch. and then the writers forgot about it btw and made allura racist again 2 seasons later. hmm. wut. also they never checked their own internalised racism or whatever as *points to zethrid's design*. lmao. WAIT also the conflation of racism with speciesism. yknow. using anti speciesism messages as anti racism messages. classic white person living in california moment.

alright the clone shiro arc. because its the keith and shiro show and we can't loose half of our money milking cow. and we shan't make them explicitly gay. only allude to it and sprinkle in family brother stuff so nobody actually thinks they're gay. that would be blasphemous. we shall continue with our pseudo-incest for the rest of the show and give shiro a last minute husband so they don't haul our ass for gaybaiting and burying our gays because we somehow managed to do both of them. anyways where was i. oh right shiro died but they had to bring him back blah blah but they made a clone of him for? reasons? while the real shiro is in the subconscious of the black lion or smth for unexplained reasons. i have absolutely no idea why they did that. they have a carbon copy of shiro in terms of everything - personality, fighting capabilities, homoerotic scenes with keith - for jackshit reasons while they could have the actual real shiro running around but i guess not. the clone is the exact same as the real guy until he isn't. because. we need more drama in this over extended bullshit show i guess??? clearly we don't have enough stuff going on we must make it more exhausting and confusing to watch. also clone shiro is as good and noble as normal shiro until he got a headache and now he's evil at the flick of a switch and retains none of his previous personality and is therefore irredeemably evil and nothing can be done to save him. he's bad and evil and must be forgotten. they never mention him again later on except for a throwaway comment on how evil he was except he wasn't evil guys you're not gonna fool anyone. oh and btw the real shiro's soul or whatever got supplanted in the clone's body because idk man where his original body went and he retained all the memories of his clone self because isn't that convenient. fuck everything. also this arc culminates in the best episode of this show despite everything wrong with the events leading up to it and the way they handle lotor in this episode. more on him later. it's literally among my favourites now 10/10 would watch again it was so fucking good. kill me. i.

again, i don't know where to begin with lotor - such an interesting character who got the short end of the stick. the worst victim of the writers' squabbles. i genuinely liked him a lot and then. such a shame. well there are other characters- oh no. there aren't any other even remotely interesting characters. not good, no no, no one is good in this show, but just fun to watch.

he starts off as an antagonist to team voltron but he's not actually a threat. he maybe wants to use them to further his goals but really he isn't the villain per se. which sucks because there aren't any villains in the show now cause the previous main villain is out of commission for who knows how long. and then whoops lotor has to kill one of his generals and then the other generals betray him and now i guess he's with voltron now. sure why not. interesting turn of events. at least it isn't boring. i'm having fun can't you see. then he kills the previous villain (who is his father did i mention that) in episode two of season five. yes s05e02. i dont know any more than you do. and now it sucks even more cause theres literally no fucking villain rn. then he and allura start working on quintessence or whatever because she learns that he is half altean and btw do you remember she is racist. now since he is not 100% galra (bad people) but half galra half altean (good people. her people) she smooches him and stuff and. also btw all this fuckery is happening alongside the climax of clone shiro arc. yeah this show may suck. whatever evil shiro who wasnt evil is defeated and lotors really helped team voltron and the galra empire is going to stop conquering worlds and the show is going to end on a mid note. well.

EXCEPT SIKE BITCH LOTOR IS PURE CRAZY EVIL FUCK YOU FOR EVER ROOTING FOR HIM. FUCK HIS WHOLE CHARACTER BEING ALL "IM NOT MY FATHER" AND THEN AT THE END 180ING MAKING HIM JUST LIKE HIS FATHER. FUCK EVERYTHING FUCK THIS SHOW YOU THOUGHT IT WAS SOMEWHAT GOOD. WELL FUCK YOU IT AINT EVEN SOMEWHAT GOOD.

i. im just so disappointed in his character and the plot twist for the sake of twist that i cant even express how disappointed i am except for shouting through the use of all caps. one final fuck this show

[knightsdeath]

they're sitting side by side, watching the slowly setting sun in the distance. ashe scoots himself closer to felix, linking their arms before resting his head on his right shoulder sleepily. it's quiet for a while. he likes it. after a few minutes of silence he speaks, a sort of pensive curiosity in his voice. "do you think-- do you think if there hadn't been a war, would we still have become as close as we did? do you think we would've just forgotten each other after we graduated?" he hopes not

there is a certain level of unreality to it.

this place and this time and this man and the idea of peace that surrounds them in a strange and uncertain way, as if hesitant to even consider itself a concept. the paths that they have walked to reach this place and this comfort ( or the idea of it, that is ) that brings him closer and allows their bodies to : sigh into each other.

one of the two, at least.

the learning of comfort ( or the figment of ) is a steady process that he undergoes constantly in the presence of this man and it’s the wearing away of his paranoia, for now, for a time, for these seconds and moments wherein they are together and there is nothing else to contend with / nothing else to grapple with / nothing else to attend to and there is something UNNATURAL ABOUT IT. far more than he actively wishes to acknowledge. something unsettling. like a vase shifted out of place. a blade left to rust. blood caked beneath his finger nails after washing and washing and washing. as if ————

as if he isn’t meant to be here. as if he doesn’t belong in this picture. as if he’s put on armor meant for another, molded perfectly to their form. his skin crawls.

but there’s ashe’s warmth and their shared and mingled silence before / the question that is posed and drifts so quietly through the air and / dampens the stretching rays of the sun. a question understood and comprehended but one that doesn’t warrant a true answer because the consideration of WHAT IFS are so inherently dangerous that the concept sits strangely in his chest / sticky / a thick layer of sludge on his heart that dulls its continuous beat.

if there hadn’t been a war. if and if and if and if ———— he knows the answer well enough / knows it without even truly thinking about it / knows it the way that he knows the eyes that gaze back at him in a mirror and the fall of his hair and the freckles that dot ashe’s skin. this is not a what if to agonize over in the technical sense of this is where they are and to go back into time and change everything is such an impossibility that it’s laughable.

yet to say aloud : i would have forgotten you feels like a cruelty.

but he knows himself. far better than most would begin to assume / far better now than he had when their lives had first intersected and then diverged / the tangle of his mind and the compartmentalization of anything and everything so thorough and absolute that had life continued and war hadn’t begun and they had never arrived here once more : ashe would have been so thoroughly removed from his mind / it would be as if he never existed.

no need for disbelief. he’s done it before and before and before and while the entire expulsion of his memories of ashe would have been unlikely given that he had been a TECHNICAL NONENTITY IN HIS LIFE in spite of his trailing and enthusiasm and excitement and nerves / that he would have simply / faded into the background / half-forgotten.

❝ ———— we wouldn’t be like this, ❞ it’s the honest truth ; not quite as cutting as the first option. the distance between them would have been insurmountable, in both distance and their lives and the differences that laid between them, then.

or maybe that’s his personal brand of pessimistic realism speaking.

he can feel ashe shift next to him and can imagine, with vivid clarity, the disappointment and hurt and foolish understanding that clouds his expression that was once peaceful and almost serene. felix would mourn his passing if he were anyone else ( and isn’t that always the key? if he were anyone else. if he were anyone but himself. if he were anyone but ———— ) but he doesn’t remain unmoved by the mere thought, in spite of appearances. there is that horrible tenderness that throbs in his chest that is softened and made something kinder by ashe’s warmth / thawing his frost / and the closeness that they share / and the creation of : THIS. whatever this is. he knows what this is.

❝ it doesn’t matter. we’re here, aren’t we? ❞ through war and strife and battle and bloodshed and walking over the mass graves that have been so seamlessly erected over a land that has never TRULY KNOWN PEACE / and it’s a strange concept to think that they’ve found each other / or rather that ashe has found him / and the thought is so disgustingly saccharine that it turns his stomach. like something out of a damn fairy tale, in the end.

❝ it’s useless to dwell on what if. ❞

( but there’s this : the concept of that what if. the concept of that strange and unknowable place where there is no war and there is only a tense and false peace that reigns over this land and there he would be THE DUKE TO BE and a soldier, still / would he have abandoned his house? would he have stayed? would that winter stretch eternally? skipping and skipping and skipping until it reaches autumn in the form of a SQUIRE traveling alongside a faceless and nameless and pointless knight and their paths would meet again and what would happen? what would become of them?

they wouldn’t be here / but they would be there / and would their eyes have met beneath that yawning and fathomless sky? would he know the freckles that scatter across his face and the scars that crawling along his body and the beat of his heart beneath his ear and the fall of his hair into his eyes? would they have ————

well. the truth is : no. he’s right, about some things. )

@gasbardian​ // hm

[nokwisi]

Hey, I just saw what you wrote with the botanist idea and was wondering if you would want to try something similar with a songwriter S/O, obviously not like immediately or like at all if you don’t want to, I feel kinda bad just like making a request like this right after that one

hello, don't feel bad at all, anon! I really enjoyed writing the botanist drabble, and I enjoyed this just as much! and just like with the prior, this is written off the top of my head. admittedly, I may have veered a bit off track...🙈 I hope you like it! [fluff, light nsfw, like a teeny little sprinkle, because ✨seasoning✨]

You craft words with an elegance and ease that is surely something of magic, as though the arcane sits on the tip of your tongue; gracing each little hum, each softly spoken lyric with a flourish of otherworldly grace.

Viktor could listen to your fragments all day, little pieces of a whole, and sometimes, he catches himself trying to fit them together in his own head, murmuring them under his breath as he works. He looks at them in terms of variables and equations—which phrase best fits where, slotting them together by way of logical progression.

Admittedly, the finished product is far from melodic.

You are a songwriter; he never truly appreciated the art before you, and a part of him feels guilty for it. It is something of an innate talent, he has decided, because no matter which angle he looks at it, he can never seem to find the niche you so gracefully fall into. It's as though you were born to string words together; and you do so with all the fluidity of a silk ribbon slicing through the air.

"It's not a math equation." You giggle, and even your laugh is melodic, seeping through the cracks of his concentration, alluring like beauty in sound. "You just...feel it."

Viktor sits on the edge of your bed, his attention flicking between the papers he holds in either hand, before promptly dropping them to his lap. He's mindful not to crinkle the parchment, and scattered across your bed are pages upon pages of scrawled words. Flowery and poetic, sharp and poignant, disjointed and choppy. You haven't put them together yet, and Viktor had decided he wished to try.

How very arrogant of him, he thinks.

"Feel it?" He echoes, incredulously. You resist the urge to smooth out the pinch between his furrowed brows. "How does one feel writing?"

With a gentle sigh and a shake of your head, you pluck one of the papers from him. It's torn right from your journal; both sides littered with ink that radiates with feeling. Viktor leans in, as though seeing from your perspective would illuminate the answers he seeks.

"Don't think of it as writing then." You muse, a fond smile pulling at your lips as you skim over the lyrics. "Think of it as a song already, one you're familiar with. Like...tasting something you've had before."

Viktor quirks a brow, visibly amused, "would you demonstrate, for me?"

You indulge him, starting with a hum. That gentle noise catches in your throat, carrying into wistfully sung lyrics that you build as you go. Viktor can't help but search for the patterns in your cadence; the structure he knows is there, but can never seem to decipher. He slants his gaze from the paper in your hand, to your face.

He fixates on your mouth, and you're acutely aware of the way he's looking at you. A bit like a conundrum, as though you're an equation he is trying to unravel, but somewhere along the way his amber eyes soften; like he's been put under a siren-spell. It makes your stomach flip, a gentle blush blooming across your cheeks.

Your voice wanes down to a whisper, before the melody dissolves on your tongue entirely. You're left feeling bashful and shy under his unwavering look. "Like...that."

The faintest hint of a smile curves his lips, "you said to, hmm...taste the lyrics?"

Then, he reaches up to gently cradle your chin between his fingers. Paired with the mischievous glint in his eyes, it makes a wild, excited shiver stipple across your skin.

"Y-Yeah, but—"

His thumb sweeps across your lower lip; your brain stalls, and you exhale with a shudder, absently crinkling the page in your hand—ensnared within the cage of his attention like his own little songbird.

"Perhaps, if I make you sing a song I am familiar with, I will taste it, hm?"

Viktor resolves to the only feeling of lyrics he experiences being that of the papers on your bed, prickling against his bare skin; and the pitched litany of his name on your lips—a melody he knows quite well.

[mine-sara-sp]

Hey! I was rereading some old fics I’d saved and rediscovered The Memory Of The Observer and I just wanted to tell you how much that story means to me. I particularly loved chapter 4 and the way you wrote how Grian is trying to put his thoughts together through the book. I thought Mumbo’s idea to use building as a medium to try and remember what he’s familiar with was very clever too, I was really looking forward to seeing where you were gonna take the story. I wanted to ask, if you don’t plan on finishing the fic, is there a chance you could share the outline? I’d really love to know how the story was supposed to go, even if it’s just a summary

Hello! I'll admit I still haven't entirely given up on the story ^^ as much as I struggle to write in general I would still love to get back to it one day.

I had a lot of things planned, but working on that fic was a ton of work since I was constantly rewatching old Evo videos and rereading what I had already written (Since there were many disjointed thoughts coming from Grian I had to be careful not to repeat stuff when not meant to or forget to include something) also when I was writing that the area 77 arc was still going. I had a very clear image of where everyone was and what they were up to which I really liked, now I wouldn't have that, I would have to go back and rewatch a lot of videos, even if the events of the story move away from canon.

I actually wrote a scene for the story not too long ago (I woke up at like, 4 am, with the need to write Keralis and Grian interacting because BOI do I like what I had planned for Keralis's character in that story) in the scene Grian wakes up after Keralis bonked him on the head with a bottle because he was doing the thing again and then proceeded to offer him a sangria, they are wonderful and Grian has a headache.

I'm kinda scared of trying to get back to it fully, my old google doc is like pandora's box but with like 40+ pages of notes and unusable scenes and also reading my old writing sometimes irks me so I would have a hard time rereading the old chapters (maybe I could edit/rework them, I don't know). Welcome to my little personal Hell I go through whenever I get a kudos on The memory of the observer xD

[crazedauthor]

😅 💞 ⛔

😅 What’s a story or scene you’ve created that you’re a smidge embarrassed exists?

Hmmm... I suppose some of the interactions in chapter 2 and chapter 3 in 404 kinda embarrasses me. Not a lot of it, but I had an idea for what I wanted Moon and Sun to be like, but that ended up either evolving in Sun's case or changing entirely in Moon's. Not like I went through my outlines and scrapped a bunch of characteristic. More like I just wrote in a different direction. If the level of dangerous Moon gives off ever feels disjointed when you read, this is why. How much he was a threat to Reader kept changing in my mind.

💞 Who’s your comfort character?

Definitely Sun and, to a lesser extent, Moon. I adore them both, but I find myself thinking of fluffy scenes where Sun comforts me or the Reader way more. I have several other comfort characters I rotate through as well (like Leo from TMNT and Sans from Undertale), but Sun is my boy right now.

⛔ Do you have a fic you started, but scrapped?

Dozens. Looking at my writing folder, I have 555 files and 98 folders altogether. At least about thirty of those folders are fics I started, but never finished. I don't delete my writing, though. No matter how bad. I let it be a lesson in how far I've come. And sometimes, rarely, I do come back to stories and start working on them again.

For a less vague answer, I used to post fics on fanfiction.net. My old account still has three fics up on it, but they will never be finished. XD

[bookofmirth]

after rereading the series and finally finishing silver flames ( which i truly enjoyed, even when there were points which felt disappointing and a little incoherent ) i feel like i can finally pinpoint what is so jarring to me regarding this series. It just seems so disjointed, which becomes especially apparent after reading MaF and the immediately reading WaR.

We move from the first two novels of the series, which are coherent and clean, to WaR - which is hoenstly just a mess, something which was so blatant to me on the reread. during this time, it’s clear that sjm made several massive changes to link this book to the future spin offs, and also obviously changes her original plan to pair mor and azriel - which monumentally changes the way that the previous book is read, and the perception of their characters.

Even with FaS - setting up for cassian and nestas story, sjm completely changes direction between this release and silver flames. And all of that lead up with the Illyrian rebellions and cassians not being respected as a bastard, and his mission fighting for Illyrian female rights - amounts to absolutely nothing.

Don’t get me wrong, I really really enjoyed silver flames, and perhaps some of these ideas will crop up in azriels book and therefore won’t be wasted. But it just makes the series feel disjointed and leaves me at least, feeling unfulfilled.

Sjm is such a good author, in ToG the plot was expertly executed and when you reread the series, you can see hints and foreshadowing even back to book one. She knew exactly where she was going almost from the beginning, and each decision and plot point was used to create impact and build up to the ending. I don’t get that with acotar.

There is so so so much build, and almost no pay off - and I really got that sense in acosf, I loved it as a stand alone - but when we look at it through the perspective of the entire series, there were things which grated and a lot of things which I felt were built up to and nothing happened... Tomas, Cassians mother ( was so sure we would learn where she was buried at least ) the Illyrian rebellions and the Illyrians hatred and disrespect towards Cassian, Mor and Nestas relationship, CASSIAN AND MORS RELATIONSHIP ( I understand that the mor situation will be something which is focused upon primarily in azriels book, or hopefully her own, however their relationship involves Cassian as much as them both and I really wish Cassian had actually confronted the part he played in that whole situation - a part he played for 500 (!!!!) years. It’s a role which he was unable to relinquish in ACOWAR, and actively rejects Nesta to act as a buffer multiple times, seeing it as an obligation almost - and then in SF, pays it no attention at all. Feyre and Nestas relationship also isn’t really touched upon, as if that final act healed everything - what about that interrupted conversation in the library, when Nesta was cut off ? Why Nesta always favoured Elain, even Amren and Nesta - we still don’t really know what happened there... argh there’s just so much potential and so much set up, and it just seems forgotten about ? It makes the book seem disjointed and a bit of a let down.

Yesss I totally get what you mean here. ToG is honestly the superior series, and it’s because it has the cohesion that acotar doesn’t. Everything feels like it’s meant to be there, each character, each worldbuilding detail, their histories, everything just comes together in a wonderful way that just wrecked me when EoS came out and then was resolved perfectly in KoA.

Compared to that, acotar feels like sjm is figuring things out along the way and it is seriously driving me nuts. I’ve had multiple conversations with other people in Discords and they’ve said similar things. acotar at this point feels like sjm is just coming up with random ass ideas and throwing them in. No book in the series feels more like that than acowar. And it was that point where we knew that there would be more books, right? So combined with the fact that she pounded that book out and it got rather half-assed editing, you’re probably right that a lot of things were changed in order to set up the other books, even though it didn’t make sense with what she’d written before. 

I agree with you re: Mor and Az, and I feel like I’ve been seeing more people say that lately? That there is a feeling that they actually were supposed to be together and she changed her mind? I wrote a bunch of fics for them back in the day and they’ve gotten a bit more attention lately. But once acowar came out I was like, I’m gonna reread, and I’m gonna find all the clues, I’m gonna see where all this build-up was, and.... considering how often people say that sjm is so “good” at foreshadowing, I’m sorry, but not in this series. In ToG, yes, because she had a clear goal at the end! She knew where she was going and she stayed on that path. In acotar, idfk. Anyway my point is that I’ve reread the series a couple of times through since acowar came out and I’m still over here shrugging because up until that point, Mor and Az could be read in completely opposite ways. (Maybe it’s an Azriel thing, given the current discourse, idk.)

I will say, however, that we had clues that there was tension between them and I had noted that Az is quiet troubled and even pre-acomaf, I would not have been surprised by his extra in acosf. But all of that could have been addressed with Mor and Az still being together? We all had plenty of explanations at the time for the tension, and Mor being queer was like 1 of 100 of those explanations. 

If we look at Mor’s character through the books we have so far, I still see almost zero signs that she’s queer except for her literally saying “I like women and Rita’s has a lot of women and here’s my gay story”. Other than that, there is like..... nothing that feels organically queer about her!!! And I love her and I want her to be gay af!!!! But I wonder if my forgiveness of how acowar went down was more about my personal reaction than how well the story was actually done.

And the fact that, like you said, there is still no resolution to the fact that Cassian is supposedly a buffer between Mor and Azriel? Like???? We were all sitting here after acowar thinking “okay, well if she’s gay then someone knows. Someone has to know. She can’t just be gay and NO ONE WHO LOVES HER KNOWS.” 

Then in comes acosf with a big “fuck you, y’all thought” which just.... to me, it signals that her queerness was an afterthought. It’s still an afterthought because her queerness is limited to Mor and women blushing at her and Mor has her corner of the world in which she can be gay, but that gay never spills out into any other aspect of her life. It’s just conveniently isolated so that it doesn’t touch or affect other characters. 

In terms of continuity, acowar was such a huge shifting point in the series that people left in droves. It was a huge mess in the fandom. And then acofas was just fluff with no real point in pushing the story forward - even the Nesta stuff was a sneak peek, it had nothing to do with acofas itself. And now acosf comes in ignoring things she had set up previously, with almost zero nuanced discussion of the Cassian/Azriel/Mor thing, which means she still (?) doesn’t know what’s going on there. And I think that we did get some answers with Nesta’s reflection on her relationship with her mother, but the deal with the Illyrian rebellion was just in the way so let’s nix that, and then let’s focus on Eris (🤮) just because she feels like it even though she’s set up all these other characters whose stories need more. (Much like acowar, this paragraph is a MESS LOL)

And yes I KNOW that the series isn’t over, clearly, but she keeps setting things up and then letting them go nowhere, or making them seem important and then resolving them off-page, or changing character relationships (Mor and Az) but then having the characters involved act exactly the same, as if nothing had changed (by having the “buffer” situation still exist as a real thing).

I did enjoy the book, a lot, it was a fun read. But tbh we have so many arguments and disagreements within the fandom rn because things have been so left open to interpretation that we it’s not even a matter of “oh I saw this slightly differently”, it’s “WHAT book did these people even read???” That’s kinda weird, to me. There is reader response, and then there is what we have now, which is people having absolute opposite reactions to what they think happened in acosf. 

[fancykraken]

AU Meme:

1. Jimmy Darmody/Richard Harrow. AU: What if they both lived?

2. Richie Tozier/Eddie Kasprak. AU: What if Eddie managed to live at the end of It: Chapter 2.

Leave an AU and a pairing in my ask and I’ll give you the plot of the fic I won’t write for it.

I'm so, so sorry it's taken me so long to answer this! Please forgive me. 🙏🏻

1. So... this is kinda awkward for me to answer because I don't actually ship Jimmy/Richard beyond them being friends and work buddies. I'm so sorry if this lets you down. However, I do have a bit of an idea of what could've happened and it kind of piggybacks on to sort of similar discussions/ideas that @runn0ft and @portiaadams have shared before, so I cannot take full credit for all of this.

Also, I would like to pimp out @portiaadams amazing fics where Richard does live and will continue to do so. Go check them out, Portia has worked so hard on these fics and deserves all the love:

Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow

Hand in Hand to Hell

(this is kind of a disjointed mess because I wrote it fairly quickly and didn't flesh out a lot of things more. It also still involves Angela dying, which I hate and don't want because I love her, but I'm kind of stumped on how to avoid that yet still get where I want to go. So apologies to Angela 😭)

Jimmy stays in Chicago and things start getting really hostile between him and Nucky after a few years. Old wounds etc are reopened + Gillian is pulling the strings behind the scenes as per usual.

Richard is there and working alongside Jimmy, but he's trying to get out of the game because he's through with it all and wants to settle down.

Like canon, Angela is killed because she's caught in the crossfire of Jimmy's mistakes, so Jimmy goes for revenge but fucks up harder than ever so he has to disappear to keep Tommy and Gillian safe.

So he leaves, and Richard, Gillian, and Tommy move back to AC and things move along like what went on the show. Julia comes into the picture and Richard finally sees a real out to all this. Gillian is fucking up by opening the Artemis club and Richard doesn't want Tommy to be around this anymore so he, with Julia, go to court to fight for custody of Tommy (which he is granted because the whole Artemis club etc and maybe Gillian killed someone, I'm not sure).

Richard, Julia, Paul, and Tommy move to Wisconsin where they count cows along the way.

Life goes on and Julia gets pregs. Tommy is a little miffed, but ends up really loving his little brother/sister/???.

Jump to 1931 where Nucky is killed (by someone, possibly Gillian because she deserves that) and Jimmy comes back out of hiding because he knows that the heat on him and repercussions for his family should be gone. Gillian has kept in touch with him sporadically over the years despite him telling her it's too dangerous.

Jimmy comes back to AC to maybe, idk, help Gillian cover her tracks or something. After he does that and knows 100% it's safe, he goes to Wisconsin and enters back into Richard and Tommy's life.

So Jimmy tries to adjust to Wisconsin life while he gets to know his son and he and Richard become friends outside of all the violence from the past.

Maybe one day Jimmy and Richard are on the porch having some whiskey and Jimmy breaks down thanking Richard for raising his son better than he could ever do with all that's happened. And they hug and life goes on.

2. What do you mean 'if Eddie lived?' He lived. 😂

So, this could go either of two ways. One way where he isn't stabbed or one where he is but survives the injuries he's been given. I don't really have a huge difference from other AU's for either scenario, so it's not going to be too exciting. Also, Stan is alive in this because if Eddie lives then Stan lives as well.

(and I'm going to put the rest under a cut so I don't piss off anyone who may be tired by the length of this reply)

I'm going to go in the direction of Eddie not being stabbed and Richie pulling him away just in time after he's released from the dead lights.

Pennywise bites the dust (in a better fashion than what the movie gave us, I think). Everyone exits the sewers and is shellshocked. When they get back to their rooms everyone kind of separates for a bit to clean up and decompress. Lots of alcohol is consumed. They probably get dinner or something later and they just sit and eat and try to come to terms with everything and also try to help lighten the mood. The energy between Richie and Eddie is different now, things have definitely changed between the two but they can't really figure it out (or they have, they just can't admit it quite yet).

The Losers all go back up for the night and to try and get some sleep. Some are staying an extra day while other's are leaving in the morning (one of them being Eddie).

Naturally, Richie can't sleep because he keeps going over what he saw in the dead lights and also going 'holy shit holy shit, holy shit, I love Eddie. I always knew I loved him but oh my fucking god it's real.' So he gets up and ends up knocking on Eddie's room door. Eddie answers, obviously not having slept at all. Richie invites himself in, because Richie. He's acting super fidgety and wired up even by Richie standards, so Eddie keeps pressing him what the fuck is going on. The flood gates open big and wide so Richie recounts to Eddie what he saw and how he's felt most of his life even if they forgot each other for 27 years.

Eddie's still on unstable footing because 1) he's married, even if he's come to the realization that he's very unhappy in it and 2) he's in love with Richie as well.

They kiss and talk and maybe have sex, but if they don't things definitely happen to change it all between them.

Eddie leaves early in the morning, but not without saying goodbye to Richie and the others. They all make promises to keep in touch etc, which they all do.

Richie goes back to LA, Eddie NY. By the end of the first day, there's already well over 200 text messages between the two of them, so they are definitely talking. Eddie needs space to figure stuff out and also deal with his marriage and other things. Richie respects that and tells him he'll wait, blue balling it the whole time like a champ.

A few months go by and the divorce is about to be finalized. Eddie and Richie talk every day and are basically dating long distance but neither will put an official label on it. It is what it is and they're both happy with that. It isn't until Richie brings up the subject of maybe moving to NY or maybe Eddie coming out to visit him that things get a little tense. Eddie seems a bit spooked or vague about it so Richie starts to freak out a bit that he's fucked up or pushed Eddie too far. Naturally, he shoves it under the rug and doesn't bring up the subject again wanting Eddie to feel completely at ease with the topic.

However, a little less than a week later there's a knock at his door. Thinking it's just the food delivery guy he practically falls over as he opens the door and it's Eddie standing there scowling at him. Richie is like 'man, how badly did I fuck up and what did I fuck up on?' but then Eddie says, "Hey asshole, I just moved into a short term rental a few minutes away need to give my boyfriend the spare key."

Richie's practically passed out on the floor by now so Eddie just edges his way into his place and puts down the key on the kitchen table. Eddie wanted to surprise Richie by moving out to LA but didn't want to move in with Richie right away (or so he thinks). They still want to take things a little slow, but less than two months later Eddie is fully moved into Richie's and they are living happily and hornily ever after.