#[ i feel like most of this would be pretty much incoherent to 98% of my mutuals ]

[causalitylinked]

( tfw @spiritpyro​ has yet to make a tce2 verse for hayate, but i already made a musician foil specifically for him since every go-home club member happens to have one. )

He goes by RION, which happens to be his musician name, but in reality, his real name happens to be Michiki Zukawa.

Despite appearing to be relatively young, RION is actually a married man in his late thirties with two kids, but his relationship with his wife happens to be a toxic, abusive one; in fact, he ended up being abused by her for years, so his regret can be summed up as ‘entering into a relationship with a violent woman’. Of course, the whole reason he doesn’t divorce her is because they have children together and nobody would take male domestic abuse survivors seriously, but because he is too cowardly to confront her or be a present father, RION would oppose Hayate and the other Go-Home Club members at every turn... because them returning back to reality means he can no longer live out his days in Redo.

He works as a zookeeper, so his in-game dungeon would basically be a zoo called Zuutopia, which is not only the place he happens to work at, but a location where the Go-Home Club members would eventually infiltrate, because sadly, defeating all the Musicians is basically one of the requirements of returning back to their world. The animals, though, happen to be fakes made by Regret; therefore, they may appear as static by those who are already aware Redo is fake.

I can’t really find a fitting song that would serve as his theme, but his music tends to revolve around mental health, depression, self-harm, and abusive love, all while having melancholic melodies with soft instrumentals, similarly to this song. Honestly, Hayate may have listened to his music and resonated with most of it before being transported to Redo, because back in the real world, RION was a Doll-P who ended up channelling his negative emotions into his music.

Because he’s meant to be a foil to Hayate, RION is gentle, well-mannered, kind, wimpy ( in the sense that abrasive women easily intimidate him ), pessimistic, melancholic, and cowardly. Despite being soft-spoken, however, he has no qualms, digging up dirt about Hayate’s past, so rather than fight him immediately, he’ll attempt to convince him that not only is the real world not worth it, Vivian would do nothing but cause him to suffer in the long run. To him, women are really more trouble than they’re worth, so he would encourage Hayate to keep running away from her now that they are officially neighbours. Furthermore, RION would even go as far as to call Vivian an ‘awful girl’ and would claim it’s not his fault, she ended up attempting suicide.

RION is a misogynist... not in the sense that he believes women are meant to serve men, of course, but in the sense that they’re all evil, selfish, manipulative creatures who aren’t capable of genuine love. To that end, he doesn’t exactly put Regret on a pedestal and has little affection for her. Unfortunately, though, most of his fans happen to be women, which distresses him to no end.

His weapon would be a giant box cutter, but he doesn’t like resorting to fighting, so he would prefer to talk things out before exchanging blows. Why, even when fighting Hayate, one could tell his heart isn’t exactly in it and that it pains him to actually have to hurt him and the Go-Home Club members ( even if Redo happens to be a fake world ).

Like Kudan, RION also happens to smoke.

He would refer to Hayate as ‘Hayate-kun’, and unlike how most of the Musicans would despise their Go-Home Club foils, RION can’t really bring himself to loathe him, if only because he sees a lot of himself in the younger man.

Because he has experience with parenting, kids seem to naturally gravitate towards him and he seems to be really good with children.

[sanstropfremir]

some thoughts and questions:

about kingdom - seeing peniel join the mix of ateez and skz was odd for me lol that threw me entirely off and i think is the large reason why i’m personally not a big fan of it. i watch peniel’s stuff outside of kingdom and he’s just a v chill dude overall; even in btob’s performances, he’s not a big standout and is there and does his job. whereas for ateez and skz (i don’t watch skz enough but this is based on the kingdom content), their energies match very well with each other in terms of performance. ateez definitely wins in stage presence compared to skz but their sounds and dance compete, if that makes sense. what did you think of peniel in this performance (aside from the krumping mentioned in your long review, if you have any more thoughts)?

i also think wolf is such a bold song choice. it’s one of the sm staples - really only sm groups can pull off these songs and concepts because it was designed literally for them. e.g. snsd i got a boy, rv rookie, fx/tvxq/ nct songs. there’s a uniqueness to them that can’t be replicated imo. if a non-sm group is going to cover it, it’s almost always a fail (or is missing v important components to the song/performance that it lacks in comparison).

also, what do you think of the stages overall? like, in terms of variation. there’s nothing wrong with serious, dark, and/or thematic performances. but i feel like all of the groups are sticking to it because it makes their stages ‘valid’. if that makes sense. to simplify it, i wish groups did more ‘bright and fun’ concepts and played around more. ikon and btob are groups that do this but for these kingdom stages i don’t get the same energy.

about kpop in general - in your review of the recent kingdom ep, you mentioned that you can only think of 2-3 groups where most of (or all) members of the group have great stage presence. what groups do you think have this quality? off the top of my head, i think of shinee and seventeen. every time they perform, each member makes themselves known and carry their part. even for a large group like seventeen and some members get only like 3-5 seconds of screen time. when a member is missing it’s painfully obvious too.

this is so long and thoughtful, thank you! i’ll try to answer everything but if i miss something just let me know! i’m putting it under a cut because long.

ok to start: peniel. i agree, there is quite a bit of dissonance having him in with a group that’s comprised of 98-01 liners, and especially because he does have a very laid back personality. i do think he stepped it up pretty well in the stage, even if his energy wasn’t a perfect match. and he clearly did put on a different performance than he usually would, if eunkwang and minhyuk’s incoherent and hilarious screaming at the end of the stage was any indication. it was a smart choice to position him as the ‘alpha’ wolf of the stage. when there’s that large a gap of performing experience with idols, no matter what you do, it's going to show. even if he wasn’t a chill guy, his stage presence is just gonna be different. same thing with minhyuk in the rap stage. i know having a low member number puts them at a bit of a disadvantage, but btob (and subsequently ateez and skz) actually kinda lucked out in that regard for this stage. say for example, the full group was competing and they sent multiple members to the performance unit like the other two groups did. because ateez and skz are the same age and have relatively compatible performance styles, they can make a cohesive unit, but now you have multiple performers who have an incompatible style and will stand out from that group. how do you thematically bridge that gap within the performance itself? when you only have one unhammered nail, you can capitalize on that nail being unhammered. hence making peniel the alpha wolf, or making minhyuk the ‘boss’ at the end of the rap stage. there just isn’t enough time with this show to actually do the rehearsal to make a truly cohesive unit, so the best thing to do is highlight the difference. 

my position on covers is that it's futile to try and match the original perfectly, so match the energy but make it your own. one of my all time favourite covers is kings of leon’s dancing on my own. yes, the robyn song. also the 1975’s cover of thank u, next. rtk features a few stages that i think got the right idea, with pentagon’s follow and their collab with onf for kill this love. sm songs are tough for this for though because yea, they are pretty tailored to their groups, and the groups themselves have very unique signatures and theyre often so famous that it's hard to separate them from their contexts enough to pull off a more abstract cover.

honestly the variety of themes hasn’t been the worst? obviously i’m a person who likes narrative and thematic elements though so i'm going to be a little more biased towards those types of stages. i think people keep using the term ‘dark’ to describe any concept that’s vaguely thematic and has moody lighting. i wouldn’t describe any of btob’s stages as dark, or ikon’s, and i wouldn’t describe ateez’s wonderland stage as dark either.  i do want to see more variation in aesthetics, especially in the costumes. really only ateez and btob have got this one down; you can tell the group’s style and that it's the same designers/stylists, but there’s been enough variety that none of their looks have felt the same. tbz and sf9 have only worn embellished suits so far, ikon has not made much effort with their costumes all, and skz have just been alternating one stage black one stage white in like, exactly the same outfits. boring!!!! where is the drama!!! so yes, i would like to see everyone having a little more fun on stage and with their concepts, but i also dont know if i'm willing to risk the 60% chance that it will be school uniforms for the younger groups. because i really Do Not want that.

and as far as groups where all the members have great stage presence, i'm so sorry but i suspect you were typing this while i published a post where i detailed the exact reasons i dont find seventeen compelling, please do not be offended. i guess i can say they have good collective presence? the ones that i was thinking of are shinee and tvxq. shinee for obvious reasons, and tvxq is just two dudes, so they both have to have stage presence or the whole thing would have collapsed in 2011. oh, by default also superm, because sm cherry picked seven of their best performers and slapped them together in a group. honestly baekhyun is probably the weakest link in terms of stage presence but he makes up for it in screaming so i forgive him. if we wanna count 50%+, where the group has good presence as a whole but not all the members, i would say ateez, got7, mx, and vixx. vixx is a weird one because 50% of their stage presence is hakyeon, jaehwan, and hyuk being pretty normal charismatic dudes and 50% of it is leo’s absolutely incomprehensible cryptid vibes. why is he like that. we'll never know.

[whitehotharlots]

It’s impossible to square the circle of #BelieveWomen

Let’s think back a month ago, to what turned out to be a pivotal moment in the 2020 campaign: Elizabeth Warren’s bizarre claim that Bernie told her a woman could not win the presidency.

The dishonesty of the attack on Sanders was so manifest that the takes barely need to be re-enunciated: her campaign was stalling so she lied about Sanders, hoping to re-focus media attention on herself while riding the most cynical aspects of MeToo into a poll bounce. Bernie faced an accusation, and since the only properly woke response to an accusation is immediate and uncritical acceptance, he was going to be dinged no matter what happened afterward. (Only, hilariously, he was not dinged. It was actually Liz whose campaign was ruined by the stunt. And this signals, I hope to god, an end to this bullshit). 

This is all very basic. Good writers have already covered it. You don’t need me to rehash it any further.

I would like to talk, however, about how this highlights larger and more fundamental problems within the #BelieveWomen/#MeToo cinematic universe--problems that must be confronted if the people who seriously believe in the goals of these movements wish to accomplish anything other than securing book deals for a handful of shitty writers. My framing device here will be a concept introduced by Rogers Brubaker and Frederick Cooper, in their 20-year-old critique of identity politics. This has to do with the split between hard “identity,” a fixed and firm conceptualization of identity that carries immense rhetorical weight but does not hold up to theoretical scrutiny, and soft “identity,” which views identities as protean and constructed--a more theoretically sound concept that has very little purchase in everyday discourse.

To start with an aside: it’s important to note that the malignant strains of identity politics presently infesting liberalism have been around for decades. It’s just that they didn’t have much utility until the Obama years--when it became clear that the promises of Hope and Change really just meant more means testing, more austerity, mass deportation, the wanton destruction of the planet, and an acceleration of our Forever Wars. The Democratic Party had to shift gears. In response to a crushing defeat in the 2010 midterms, their media apparatus decided to aggressively pursue identitarianism. This came with two benefits: 1) It allowed them to differentiate themselves from Republicans and motivate supporters while still sharing 98% of the GOP’s policy positions (this is where we get the logic about it being, like, so important for kids to see Black Panther); and 2) it provided an easy means of discrediting any material politics (“if we broke up the banks tomorrow, would that create more trans CEOs?”). Very little has changed within cultural studies-based understandings of identity over the last 20 years, as will be demonstrated from our review of Brubaker and Cooper’s piece. 

Brubaker and Cooper posit that

 “Identity,” is both a category of practice and a category of analysis. As a category of practice, it is used by ‘lay’ actors in some (not all!) everyday settings to make sense of themselves, of their activities, of what they share with, and how they differ from, others. It is also used by political entrepreneurs to persuade people to understand themselves, their interests, and their predicaments in a certain way, to persuade certain people that they are (for certain purposes) ‘identical’ with one another and at the same time different from others, and to organize and justify collective action along certain lines. (4-5)

As a category of practice, identity is morally neutral--its goodness or badness depends upon what ends its evocation is utilized toward. The trouble is when this category of practice is spun into a foundation of analysis, at which point the conception of identity becomes reified, made to appear as sort of an inatlertable given.  “We should,” the authors note “avoid unintentionally reproducing or reinforcing such reification by uncritically adopting categories of practice as categories of analysis” (5). 

Now, you may be fine with the notion that identity markers are un-transcendable, that they serve as the primary or perhaps even exclusive determining factor of a person’s being, worth, or moral stature. That’s what’s called an essentialist point of view. There’s trouble, though, because essentialism is (at least nominally) rejected within most bodies of academic thought. The more prevailing frame is called constructivism, which posits (correctly, I feel) that there’s nothing magical or inevitable about identity groupings, that they are instead social constructs and can therefore eventually be transcended even if their present-day effects are very real. This, the authors note, points to the fundamental contradiction of how identity is actually understood:

We often find an uneasy amalgam of constructivist language and essentialist argumentation. This is not a matter of intellectual sloppiness. Rather, it reflects the dual orientation of many academic identitarians as both analysts and protagonists of identity politics. It reflects the tension between the constructivist language that is required by academic correctness and the foundationalist or essentialist message that is required if appeals to ‘identity’ are to be effective in practice. (6)

Basically, “identity” has been formulated in such a way that it can be utilized in a essentialist sense even while its purveyors issue rote denials of its essentialism--like how someone can shamelessly use the #VoteLikeBlackWomen tag while claiming to not regard black women as ideologically monolithic. Or, more generally, by asserting that social problems can only be addressed by listening to Oppressed Group X or Y, (which is done most commonly as a response to left-materialist suggestions for change), as if all members of those groups would understand each issue identically and would suggest the same response. This is a dishonest and incoherent approach to politics, but it prevails because of its utility--that is, because it poses no real threat to existing power structures.

Here we find a rhetorical move that is foundational to contemporary identity politics: leaning on popular but theoretically indefensible understandings of terms and slogans while claiming that we actually understand these terms and slogans in obscure ways that are unpopular and rhetorically weak. Simply put: this is a lie. 

Brubaker and Cooper go on to explain that “weak or soft conceptions of identity are routinely packaged with standard qualifiers indicating that identity is multiple, unstable, in flux, contingent, fragmented, constructed, negotiated, and so on. These qualifiers have become so familiar--indeed obligatory--in recent years that one reads (and writes) them virtually automatically. They risk becoming mere place-holders, gestures signaling a stance rather than words conveying a meaning” (11). And the parallels here to Intersectionality are manifest--like how class is perfunctorily nodded toward but never substantially engaged with, or how what is purported as a means of understanding a multitude of identity positions is, in practice, a victimhood hierarchy that’s used to determine the (in)validity of people’s actions and observations. As long as we keep allowing people to hide within this double-conceptualization, we will continue promulgating an understanding of social problems that contradicts itself so fully that it cannot lead to any actionable analysis. 

This is fairly obvious now, in 2020, with identitarians having taken control over our liberal institutions and failing miserably at enacting any but the most superficial of changes. But in 2000, Brubaker and Cooper pointed out the simple fact that “weak conceptions of identity may be too weak to do useful theoretical work. In their concern to cleanse the term of its theoretically disreputable ‘hard’ connotations, in their insistence that identities are multiple, malleable, fluid, and so on, soft identitarians leave us with a term so infinitely elastic as to be incapable of performing serious analytical work” (11). And so they wondered, naturally, ““What is gained, analytically, by labeling any experience and public representation of any tie, role, network, etc. as an identity” (12)?

I find the answer pretty simple: leaning on an intellectually dishonest understanding of identity allows writers to cosplay as radicals without giving up any comfort, status, or power. Liberal leadership (by which I mean, those with power in academic and media spaces, as well as the center-right mainstream of the contemporary Democratic party) embraces this charade, as they realize it poses no threat of disruption or upheaval. Conservatives (Republicans, and more generally those in power in business and finance sectors, as well as the military), however, despise this, and are ideologically unaware enough that they regard it as an actual threat, and react to it with physical and fiscal violence (mass shootings are domestic terrorism are conspicuous examples, but selective austerity is much more commonplace and causes more harm on the whole). But now, most terrifyingly, a whole generation of young humanists have found themselves inculcated into this belief system but utterly unable to interrogate its foundational contradiction. They don’t realize it’s a grift. 

This is why the left-leaning criticisms of Warren’s’ campaign stunt fell so flat, even when they were being issued by writers with whom I usually agree. Warren was accused of cynically misappropriating the #BelieveWomen mantra. Writers explained that, actually, everyone knows that we shouldn’t seriously believe every claim by every woman, that the hashtag is instead meant to encourage people to simply be more empathetic and less dismissive to women who claim to have suffered abuse. This is the same fundamentally dishonest contradiction we find in the split between hard and soft identities. The hashtag isn’t #BeSomewhatLessIncredulous. It’s #BelieveWomen. It a blunt mantra, a demand so intense and absolute that no one could possibly take it literally--that it sometimes comes packaged with some post-facto qualifiers does not change this; it just makes its purveyors seem dishonest.

Warren’s stunt failed because most people could see through it. We recognize self-contradiction as easily as we recognize cynicism and hypocrisy, and unless someone has an awful lot of charm we tend to react negatively to all of those traits. A movement founded on such a flimsy edifice is never going to attract outsiders and is never going to achieve anything of value. It’ll elevate a small number of people and make everyone else even less likely to engage with social justice going forward. 

[muchadoaboutm]

So I'm gonna talk about Bat Out of Hell the musical bc I went to see it yesterday and I am in love. I’m going through it v. incoherently one song at a time with random interjections, so the actual thing is under a cut bc despite appearances I’m not that cruel

The theatre was packed for one thing. It was mostly people who wanted to see it one last time before it closes next week, but I'm sure I wasn't the only person seeing it for the first time. And the thing I love most about seeing something with people who already know it is how they react. You feel the person next to you tense up before the bad thing happens, they're the first to laugh, you can hear them start to him along and then realise where they are and stop. It's a little magic I think, and I want so badly to see it again and I CAN'T. because it closes in less than a week.

It started gradually which I wasn't expecting, and then all of a sudden the lights went down, the spot light came on, and it was love death and the american guitar times one hundred. And the the sound filled the space---i didn't know you could hear like that. All revved up with no place to go went straight through me, and this is a song that is already incredible

There were lights and there was sound everywhere and it was fucking electrifying and I wanted to fight someone. I stg I've never felt so fucking alive as I did for that six minutes

And oh my fucking god jordan Luke gage's voice--i die

Also, strat looked so fucking outraged when raven took his top

And who needs the young with that one note that went on forever and how do you even hold a note that long? Also??? Sharon sexton????? god

Out of the frying pan? God guys. Damn but that was fucking fun-kinda creepy with the kidnapping talk but at this point I'm like 98% sure they're taking the piss (is that a type of song I like now? Friends make fun of guy who's sure he's in love?) And the choreography?

Two out of three, no lie I think I might be in love with zahara

Paradise by the dashboard light fucking traumatised me with those pink pants-never going to recover. But the commentator just being there, and all the backing dancers, and Sloane and falco in that fucking car. And raven pushing it off stage? And the orchestra members just kind of emerging after?

Strat you cannot just go in her room and hover over her, it's fucking creepy. Seriously dude. And raven-a duet is not the right way to respond to your crush randomly turning up while you're sleeping. Also I adore making love out of nothing at all but guys?? Really? The line about pickup lines though. The entire audience laughed at strat's on a hot summer night but bc seriously? No one in their right mind immediately has a response to that-

And then it was bat out of hell and the bike. The fucking bike.I was on a actual high and then the bike exploded and I stg I gasped out loud. Like I knew it was coming and all, but still. It fucking exploded. And the lights came up and they were still clearing his body off the stage

I'm gonna talk about the stage now, because oh my god. I've never seen a stage like it. There was an actual pool of water in the rocks, and there were stairs, and there were other little stages about which could also be screens, and whole set pieces just moved out to create different places. And they did a live feed from one stage to the screen at a couple if points, but you could see the camera man which was just incredibly cool. And have I mentioned the bikes?

Back from the interval it goes straight into in the land of the pig and there's a fucking cage, and the lost are in orange jumpsuits, and someone's being fucking electrocuted, and someone else is being drowned and fuck but that was disturbing and horrific. And there's people strung up from the ceiling hanging over the cage and zahara tells them strat is dead and my heart broke

And then it was heaven can wait and that was on screen so the main stage I'm pretty certain still had the lost on it. And damn Christina Bennington can sing. It was celestial. And the whole drawing on her arms thing? The most accurate representation of a teenage girl imo (if only bc I've been known to do that exact thing)

And then it was objects in the rear view mirror and I almost started crying because I never really listened to it before I guess? Not properly anyway because it hit me like a train.

Strat when he just woke up and he was rambling and feverish and tink was there the whole time, and I can't even fathom how heartbreaking it must be for tink, to love so much and for it to never be enough. Like I genuinely can't blame him for wanting raven gone-shes taken his best friend and almost got him killed and he still loves her.

And for crying out loud will haunt me forever. It was so desperate and there was so much longing and I felt it in my bones.

So you took the words out of my mouth with the lost realising strat's alive, and the return of his wolf line, and the wedding, and the tossing of the bouquet and I just loved the whole sequence so much

I'm honestly glad tink interrupted strat and raven before things got too heated bc honestly there's only so far you can go on stage, but then of course we had tink suddenly speaking up, and I'm not allowed to love, and you suddenly understand so much more about him. Like he was frozen younger right, and so he can never feel equal really, and he doesn't let himself show any emotion (the lost do show emotion so I think this is tink trying to force himself to appear older but I could be wrong).

What part of my body hurts the most also broke me bc its falco just realising everything he's lost (is he holding a photo album?) And I think for a moment he thinks sloane's come back, and then she leaves all over again, and he's lost everything and I just-----

And then you've got tink come to make a deal, and you can kind of see how young he really is, and how in many ways he's very naive.

Can we talk about dead ringer for love? That song-god that song is something else. And it's all so fucking jubilant and as an audience, you know something they don't, bc you know it's all about to go to shit. And then of course falco arrives and tells everyone what tink's done, everything happens at once and then tink's been shot and everything stops.

And strat makes raven leave, because of course he does, because tinks lying on the floor with a gunshot would and her father fired the gun.

I think it's important here that strat uses the word soulmate, because we only really see that word in a romantic sense, but here it means something so much deeper, and I'm crying again because of course I am. And rock and roll dreams come through, the song that we know was their song and

And then we're looking at falco and raven, and you can see just how intensely she blames him, and for once he doesn't know what to do, and despite all his efforts he's still do very alone.

Six months later. Ravens pretty obviously still broken, and the strat comes in, creeping though her window and he speaks and I think she thinks she's dreaming (it kinda mirrors for crying out loud I guess, in that she becomes coherent when she realises he's real, idk). And it's all coming back to me now is a song I adore, and strat actually kneels in front of her which seems pretty damn symbolic, and they still aren't toughing. I don't think they actually touched until flavour came in and raven had to stop strat climbing out of the window again, and then it was Sloane's verse and there were many many tender embraces which made me very happy.

I'd do anything love always drags a bit just the song (it's 10 minutes long and I have a short attention span) but I didn't find it dragged at all on stage. There was a big laugh before the song at raven's "what about when I'm 38, or 48, or *horror* 49" and a pause during the song after screwing around but then strat replied and all was right in the world. There was a heart which was on fire over the stage

Bat out of hell was the song for bows, and then it was over and I stg my legs were shaking during the ovation

Anyway it was wonderful, and I'm in love, and I'm sorry this is so long but I had to write it all down

[matazz]

entries

diary entries of roy endoza

here’s some journal entries of roy endoza that i wrote for the duration of the campaign. for the most part, i kinda wrote these in my twitter drafts just to write down roy’s thoughts. sometimes to remember events that happened, and sometimes just to vent out roy’s feelings to myself. i ended up saving these on a document for safe keeping and i’m glad i wrote these.

‪entry 47‬

‪i miss milo so much. his laugh, his eyes, his smile. i would do anything to have that back.‬ ‪i know its my fault he’s gone. its only been a few months, but i’ll fix that; all of it. no matter how long it takes, no matter what happens. i’ll find some way to do it.‬ ‪entry 53‬ ‪i’ve retrieved a letter from a dream telling me to visit latham and retrieve a key. i’m curious, so i’ll check it eventually. it was definitely odd.‬ ‪entry 55‬ ‪i met a young boy. his name is fox. he’s some sort of shapeshifter. he’s quiet, but his presence is nice company. he also received a similar letter to mine. i have a feeling we’ll be travelling for a while.‬ ‪entry 62‬ ‪we retrieved the key & met some other ppl with letters too. we’re heading to a trinket store back in origin now. i dont wish for them to know of my life so i’ve found a way to steer them as far from possible to finding out about myself. i’ll probably visit ma too.‬ ‪entry 63‬ ‪an elf woman named leera attacked us after i told her i wasnt going to give her this key. i dont like her. she seemed very cocky.‬ ‪entry 65‬ ‪delilah is kind.. i feel like i’m able to trust her. i asked her a question about my goals, vaguely, and it turns out that ayce asked a similar question. based on the message in his later i get the feeling he’s undead.‬ ‪entry 66‬ ‪i told ayce the biggest con in all of history.. but i confirmed he’s undead. i have more hope in my goals now that i know its possible. he hugged me bc he thinks we’re similar. i dont usually allow people to do that but i’m sad for him. i wish i could ask more about him. ‬‪entry 69‬ ‪i’m getting closer to ayce, unexpectedly, but good for me. i need his information.‬ ‪he talks to me a lot about his life; i think he’s become dependent on me which is easy for me. its hard for him to see i’m using him when i lie to his face.‬ ‪entry 72‬ ‪we’re travelling to copper coast now for another key. if it werent for ayce, i wouldnt see any other reason for me to come. fox is still around, but i feel like he's doing his own thing. the other two arent big presences for me to care about.‬ ‪entry 73‬ ‪atlas is a werewolf? i didnt think those were real. this group keeps getting stranger. first a shapeshifter, second an actual living zombie, third a werewolf.‬ ‪ive continued my lie to the rest of them. they all seem to have believed me, strangely enough‬ ‪entry 74‬ ‪copper coast was very pleasant. i wish to come back someday.‬ ‪entry 88‬ ‪this trip to clandesteine has been a disaster.. what the honest fuck‬ just happened ‪entry 90‬ ‪fox told everybody about himself, finally. i feel this huge sense of pride?? i’m very proud of him. i dont understand why i feel so attached to him but i adore him so much‬ ‪entry 92‬ ‪((incoherent scribbles, kinda like “vsdjfsasifwnqkosdkv”)) i think i accidentally implied to ayce that i love him romantically and i think he loves me too... i’m freaking out and i dont know how to react... i think he thinks i’m cool and romantic but i didnt mean to be. ‪entry 93‬ in all honesty, i just wanted to tell him he needs to be more cautious of me. a part of me wishes he could figure it out himself so i dont have to tell him. ‪seriously! i dont know how i did that! i do love and adore him too but i feel like shit.. i dont deserve him, especially considering who i am. on the other hand, i hope he never finds out the truth about me.‬ ‪entry 94‬ ‪oh my god. atlas killed a man and ayce and fox proceeded to tell the guards. i feel sick. i’m currently at home but if they say my name at witness testimony i’m royally fucked. i dont know. i might just run for it and live in myr’s peak. maybe no one will find me.‬ ‪entry 95‬ ‪the group managed to get bailed out using ty’s name. benefits of being friends with rich people?‬ ‪fox found my poster though, so he saved my name during eyewitness testimony. i told him the truth. its been the first time i told someone how i really felt. he wants me to tell ayce but hes the last person i can tell. ‪entry 97‬ ‪we’re in lunarden! it feels nostalgic to be back.

i want to go back to every place i miss. i took ayce to that me and nori used to go to back in high school. i think shes currently performing in solardome? i miss her‬ entry 97.2 ‪i came up with a few different ways to complete my goal. i have a few more probing questions, but i will have to ask later. i think i’m getting closer to the answers‬ entry ‪97.3‬ ((scribbled out)) ‪i havent had sex in a while. i’ve wondered this before but realized it was an inappropriate question to ask. i wonder if ayce’s dick works? it probably doesnt. this is so sad. i dont know how i’m going to fuck him if thats true.. yikes‬ ‪entry 98‬ ‪i’m planning to get completely smashed once we get to solardome. i feel like i deserve it.. ive been pretty stressed and havent got laid. i’m crying remembering that ayce might not even be an option.‬ ‪entry 98.2 ((lost)) ‪i love ayce so much, and its confusing. am i just sexually frustrated? am i just lonely? am i just sad? i feel guilty because it tears me apart. im confused because i love milo still, too. i know i should tell him the truth, its whats right but i know he’ll hate me. i dont know what to do. (extra note inbetween the pages, torn out: to mom. i love you venhfrhdy mcuh. thank you fir everhything. yes. roy.) entry 98.3 what happens if i succeed? i hope ayce doesnt kill me. entry 100 ‪good morning. ayce & i are officially dating. were in solardome atm; i dont remember much of last night but i remember thinking he‘s beautiful. is it wrong to fall for him?‬ ‪entry 101‬ ‪good evening. i saw ms winters. she was undead, just like ayce. she died a year ago. her soul was lost though. i killed what remained of her undead corpse. i assume she was trying to remain in this world.. i’m scared that this will happen to him too. maybe ill have to do the same to him. entry 101.2 i hope ayce's soul is able to sustain in his body for longer. i cant afford to lose him. entry 101.3 ‪the blackness on my fingers has risen up more than it has before. its almost hard to write with my hands anymore. i assume its bc the gods know what i'm doing & are against it, so they're trying to give me more recoil than usual. but the last time i killed an undead corpse was in my house 6 months ago, and i promise that the last time i will use it is when i bring milo back. (torn note inbetween the pages: hi ayce. its unrealistic you'll ever find this but there's some things i want to say. back when we first met, i lied to you as a reflex when you asked me why i'm dealing with necromancy. to be honest, i could kind of gather you were undead, but i still lied anyway. my story is personal, its hard for me to be honest. i know i'm an idiot, and i'm sorry i used you. to be truthful, i still am a horrible person and for the entirety of our relationship i've already known that i was using you and i've felt so guilty about that. my feelings are complicated, but i've never lied when i said i loved you, and i still do; but i still want to bring milo back. i made a mistake and i want to fix that. the truth is that i still love him too. i know you deserve better. i'm sorry about lying to you. roy) entry 102 a dragon made us experience our dreams and nightmares. jade's scared of blindness and bugs. a valid fear, in a way. and she was dreaming of doing shows. i think it was supposed to display a feeling of happiness and joy, but it was just spooky since we all experienced her dreams with no sound. i never realized how scary it was to be deaf until i experienced it. atlas' was morbid. people were dying and there was so much gore. then there were people saying they owned him. i knew he was a bad person but it was scary to see all of that again. he dreamt of a workshop with a girl and a young boy. it seemed sweet, with a tinge of nostalgia. i would have never expected him to have dreams. he just seems like a horrible person with no sympathy to me, but i guess he has feelings. i still think he should go to jail, but i feel like he'll just try to kill me if i say anything instead. fox's was sad. we got thrown into a void

of empty space where we were surrounded only by dopplegangers and a vaguely humanoid figure. he seemed so lonely and upset. he's scared of being forgotten by us and that made me so sad. i adore him, and he's grown a lot since we first met. i gave him a hug when we went into his dream sequence. i hope he knows i will never forget him. his dream was sweet. he just wants to save people and hang out with us still. i think he'll go far, and i would love to be there for him still when all of this is over.c (the rest of the pages with entry 102 are torn out) when i saw milo in the old house again just being his happy lovely self i felt miserable and happy at the same time. i love him so much, and i knew i missed him already but seeing him again just made me feel so much love for him all over again. it just makes me miss him more. it's hard not to cry thinking about what i've done to him. i wish he could come back. ayce's was hard to watch. i witnessed myrkul force ayce to choose between killing me and quri. ayce cried as he couldn't make up his mind, and then i watched as i fell into a void. i felt sick and i wanted to puke. i thought ayce found out about me. i thought he knew that i was using him for necromancy, but when i asked him about it, he told me that he thought i killed him with quri. i... personally don't have any reason to ever kill him so that was a bit sickening to think of. i dont ever want to kill anyone. i dont even have anyone i hate enough to want to murder. the only person i hate enough to want to kill is me. i know based on what i said before i guess it might have seemed that bad; but haha... i would never ever want to do that. putting people down at hospital was rough. god, putting ms winters down was rough and she was already dead. i love him, but it's probably better if we end the relationship and just stay as friends? he's already witnessed me still loving milo, and he thinks i murdered him... i'll try to clear up his misunderstanding, but it'll be hard to without giving more of myself away. this relationship has so many problems. entry 103 a new discovery. the world isn't flat? the god's are using their powers to “lock off” the rest of the world. apparently sanctuary is only a small part of the world. that was a really weird discovery to find out? it's kind of hard to believe, but at the same time, not. apparently they keys we've been collecting hold the respective power of the gods, and they're used to “open” the gateway. i have no idea what that means. apparently beshaba wants to use our keys to do exactly that. and also they can kill the god's? entry 112 when we came back to lunarden we discovered that delilah and allen were kidnapped by atlas’ syndicate. i knew atlas was trouble. i hate having to associate with him. we’re going to save them yet it makes me nervous. entry 114 i feel like i almost died in there. we saved the others and no one was hurt though. we’re going to trip back to lunarden and then travel through the travel gates back to origin to try avoid people. allen mentioned something about strange readings. i have a feeling i know what it is. i’m going to ask lathandar questions. entry 115 nvm we encountered leera. this group genuinely scares me. I’m travelling with people who are down with murder. i should seperate. she uncovered my posters to them and i want to die. she also mentioned the last key at a ball. i need to bounce. lathandar also confirmed my suspicions last night. entry 116 fox left before i could. i feel bad. like maybe it was my fault. i miss him. we have to continue though. entry 117 its so hard to find a bag of holding. i just want to have this spirit stone around without having it in the open. entry 118 we’re in origin now and delilah let me rent out her bag of holding. an absolute kind soul. we bought tickets to the ball. so expensive. i wish i didnt do that. entry 123 i’ve done so much in preperation of whats to come. Soon. i hope it works. i’m going to travel to solardome and investigate those readings. entry 124 suspicions

confirmed. miss winters is alive. she captured my biological father. a strange way to meet him. i cant see him as my father. i told her about the key, and we’re going to rearrange our circle. we’ll still use the spirit stones, just as a backup. i’m scared. i’m terrified. i dont know if it will work and i dont know what will happen if it does. i know the gods will be mad but i’ll deal with the consequences when it happens. i’m sure i won’t be a champion anymore. we’re doing this on friday evening, which means i’m no longer attending the gala. they don’t need my assistance anyway.

[lqtraintracks]

Year in Review Meme

I was tagged by the super-lovely @magpiefngrl! Thanks much! This took for-fucking-ever.

1. List of works published this year (2017):

Too Sweet (H/D, 98 words)

Simple As It Is, Complicated As You Need  (Harry/Teddy, 3.5k)

Vacancies (Millicent/Hermione, 900 words)

Pretty Fond of Not Very Good Ideas (H/D, 5k)

Anywhere with You (Albus Severus/Scorpius, 1k)

Going Again (Millicent/Hermione, 700 words)

Cloaked (Harry/Teddy, 200 words)

Brilliant (Hermione/Pansy, 850 words)

The River Thames on a Sunday (H/D, 1.2k)

Into You Like a Bludger (H/D, 500 words)

Salve (Fleur/Ginny, 1k)

Significance (H/D, 200 words)

Open Doors (sequel to Significance, H/D, 900 words)

At the Last Minute (H/D, 5k)

Putting Out Fires (with Gasoline) (Harry/Teddy, 14k)

Drinks After at the Drunk Doxie (or Hermione will get to everyone eventually) (multi-pairing/orgy, 3k)

Heat (James Sirius/Scorpius, 7.5k)

My Favourite Weapon Is the Look in Your Eyes (Pansy/Ginny, 3k)

In the Shadow of Your Heart (H/D, 52k)

Mine (Teddy/James Sirius, Albus Severus/James Sirius, 500 words)

Autumn Light, Winter Rain (Hermione/Pansy, 5k)

Blood and Fire (H/D, 45k)

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

I would definitely say Blood and Fire. I wanted to do something sort of the opposite of what I’d just written. I’d written fake relationship, and while I love In the Shadow of Your Heart so much, some of the tension really relies on what goes left unsaid between Harry and Draco. With B&F I wanted to do the opposite. I wanted them to say what they felt and for the tension to derive from that, for it to come not from a misunderstanding (although that can be fun and awesome when the situation calls for it) but from all that’s between them being thrown out there and for very real, human failings and fears to be the obstacle, not a miscommunication. I love Draco in this story so much. I love how brave he is, speaking his heart but still trying to draw boundaries to keep himself safe emotionally. It doesn’t always work, but then he acknowledges the truth of that too when it happens. In essence, I love how much they say to one another in this story. I love that intimacy -- even before they believe they can be together.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

Is it cheating to say none of the above? I actually have two: my Firewhiskey Fic for November and a Kingsley/Tonks I tried to write for Daily Deviant and it was so bad, I just trashed it instead. LOL! The FWF piece, I got too drunk and passed out in the middle of it, so there’s that. *snort*

4. A favourite excerpt of your writing:

This is hard! Not for conceited reasons but because my memory is so crap! Regardless, I think I’ll do Blood and Fire here too. This is during their dinner date:

Harry sighed. "Merlin, Draco. What are we doing?" Draco huffed an unamused laugh. "We? I'm not the one who needs to get myself sorted. I'm bloody sorted, Harry." He shook his head. "I'm so sorted it's disgraceful. I feel like a bundle of kindling who invited fire over for dinner.”

5. Share or describe a favourite review you received:

I’m very lucky and have received a lot of wonderful comments over my life in the fandom. My favorites run the gamut between long, detailed comments which include favorite quotes/parts ; to flailing, incoherent, capslock comments (those are so great!); to those really funny ones where someone, in this case Novemberraining (on AO3) on B&F, says something like, “This story cleared my complexion, watered my crops, and saved my family.” LOL!!! I love that! I’ve also gotten some amazing comments on Right Hand Red where someone says it’s now book 8 canon to them, and I’m really touched by something like that. But really any and all comments (barring flames or unsolicited crit) are wonderful, and I cherish the interaction with my stories! I really do get excited every single time a new comment comes in! Fwiw, I will never not be thrilled when somebody comments on the smut being hot, just saying. ;) ;)

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

LOL two days ago. I’m in the process of packing and getting ready to move across the country, and I was just having an awful time the other day. I’m still toying with the idea of just not using the ~4.5k words I’ve written toward my Salt & Pepper fest fic. I restarted it today as a much shorter piece, and that might be the direction I decide to go in. But the other day didn’t just feel like a non-writing day (and I’ve bitched to some of you already about this, so I’m going to sound like a broken record), but it felt like an anti-writing day, which is just a much darker, yuckier feeling. It’s that feeling like not only are you not writing, but maybe you won’t ever be able to again, and the darkness is sucking all the ability, skill, and inspiration out of you rather than just leaving you in a neutral place about it. I’m past that, thankfully! But it sucks when that happens. It’s just a matter, I think, of acknowledging it and seeing it for what it is: a completely transient and normal (though shitty) state of the writing process.

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

I guess I’m using this meme to talk in depth about Blood and Fire. Anyway, Draco surprised me a bit in the last scene in the first chapter. Spoiler warning here if you haven’t read it. You can just skip down to the next question. But yeah, when he said, "You know, I'm not even angry at you,” it was like a switch flipped in me and he just became so clear. He’d given me a glimpse in the scene in Harry’s hotel room when he just ‘flippantly’ kisses Harry’s cheek goodbye, and I was all, oh so that’s how you’re playing this? But for him to admit he’s not angry with Harry… it really steered that scene and the rest of the fic in a really clear direction for me, and everything he did stemmed from how much he loved and wanted Harry but also his fear of getting hurt, neither of which was based in anger, which to me was a really interesting Draco to write -- since anger seems to come quickly for him pretty often. This Draco just… wasn’t. He was a lot of other things, but he was done being angry with Harry. I think he felt it was a waste of energy. He could be sad, frustrated, hopeful, yearning, aroused, amused, happy, wary, all these other things. But not angry.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I think I learned how to consistently write long. Long for me, that is! I mean, 73k is still my longest for this fandom, and I wrote that 3 years ago (holy fuck, I posted RHR three YEARS ago?? Wow.) Anyway, long for me is anything over 35k, and I did that twice this year and really enjoyed learning about how to do stories of that size. Meager for some but meaty for me. ;) I think I might have learned it too well though. I’m struggling now to go shorter. So for me, this year will probably be about mastering (as much as one can ‘master’ anything about writing) the ability to switch at will. Between drabbles, ficlets, and long stories that is, you pervs. :D

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

Just get better. Do all of it a little better. Same goal as every year I expect. Just write things that make me proud, stretch my abilities, push my vocabulary and way with words, do new things with the characters, maybe explore some, uh... new kinks? :D But yeah, just keep trying and keep putting it out there. 

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Oh my god, well, you all inspire me all the time! I’m inspired by just chatting with you: writers, artists, commenters, etc. I’ve been blown away by some of y’all’s works too. I doubt I’d even be here without the crazy-amazing love and support of my friends, @capipuff,  birdsofshore, @elrhiarhodan, @bixgirl1... And then there’s Shelly/ @whipmyhairlikebangbang. Words can’t describe what she means to me, as my girlfriend and best friend, as my beta, cheerleader, writing partner, confidant, everything. <3

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Wow. Yes. So much of Blood and Fire. What it’s like to want someone and think you may never get the chance to really be together -- but to be unable to stop wanting, yearning, loving. To be unable to let go and then to try to compromise instead and ‘just be friends’ and that ache and pain of trying to do that but also the elation of getting to still live in the delusion that maybe you can have it like that and be happy.

So much of that story is about my own journey back home after having been gone from my family and friends for 14 years of my life. And it’s not only about that but also about how I’m feeling now as I prepare to move away from my family again but move in with my amazing gf and how long we’ve been long-distance and waited for this, but also how bittersweet because I’m both moving toward her and also moving away from people I love too. I wanted to work through the complexity of that by having Harry have to make this choice and sort out his life. Also, I lived for a long, long time sort outside my own life, and I wanted to give Harry a little bit of that and then give him the homecoming and the reorientation with himself that I’ve been so blessed to have received in the last three years of my own life.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

I’m going to totally cheat here and steal @magpiefngrl‘s answer because it’s a good one and she’s an incredible writer: “Indulge yourself. This year I discovered that the more indulgent I was, the better the fic turned out and often the better reviews it received (I don’t necessarily mean in number of kudos). So new writers: Write what you love and pour yourself into your stories. Oh, and don’t be afraid to take risks.”

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

Shelly and I signed up to co-write for the @harrydracobang and we are both SUPER excited for that! I’m also really tickled by the prompt I took at @hdconsentfest , so I’m looking forward to that as well!

14. Tag three writers whose answers you’d like to read.

I’d love to hear from @jadepresley, @ruinsplume, and @elrhiarhodan! 

*All answers should be about works published in 2017. Also, you can skip any questions you hate or don’t want to answer, but please leave them on the list so that others can do them if they want.

[bromosapiens]

How much would you hate me if I told you to do every fuckin' one on that ask meme.

a lot

1) Sexuality? 

if you need to ask you obviously havent spent more than five minutes on my blog

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? 

snoop dogg i think we covered this

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. 

“...de ses plus belles trouvailles. Il semble que certaines réalités...”

4) What do you think about most? 

how fucking insane it is that in america annotating and analysing six essays in the span of an hour constitutes an education

5) What does your latest text message from someone else say? 

“like damn”

6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on? 

mmm usually without cest la vie here in texas

7) What's your strangest talent? 

i can rap all of lose yourself backwards to the tune of the backyardigans theme song

8) Girls.... (finish the sentence); Boys.... (finish the sentence) 

girls are scary and powerfulboys are also scary and powerful but sometimes its hot

9) Ever had a poem or song written about you? 

if you count shitass stoned rambles sure

10) When is the last time you played the air guitar? 

like yesterday

11) Do you have any strange phobias? 

freezing to death

12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? 

sure who doesnt

13) What's your religion? 

im a karkatstian

15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? 

in front of it bitchbut back in my photography phase both were applicable because all i took pictures of was myself and likerocks

16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? 

crywank rn i just feel em in my soul

18) Do you believe in karma? 

ironically sure but not really

19) What does your URL mean? 

take a wild fucking guess

20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? 

my inability to comprehend literally anything; my mario skills

21) Who is your celebrity crush? 

probably darren criss or pete wentz but only because i still have his dick pics saved on my laptop

22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping? 

hells fucking yes

23) How do you vent your anger? 

ask karkat

24) Do you have a collection of anything? 

swords knives lighters pipes and bandaids with designs on themwhat else do ya need

25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? 

on the phone because video chat is just awkward af

26) Are you happy with the person you've become? 

could be better idk

27) What's a sound you hate; sound you love? 

nails against a wall; incoherent whispering

29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? 

im not so sure about aliens but i can reassure you right now that ghosts are real and they are dicksi have first hand experience

30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. 

i almost knocked over my coffee thanks

with my right id have to reach behind me a bit but the side of the futonbelow my left arm is navy

31) Smell the air. What do you smell? 

coffee and sweatwelcome to my home

32) What's the worst place you have ever been to? 

new york city

33) Choose East Coast or West Coast? 

east coast west coast seems really white

34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? 

janelle monae

35) To you, what is the meaning of life? 

taco bell dicks out

36) Define Art. 

art: when people do things so that other people can enjoy those things

37) Do you believe in luck? 

i dont really think so nahreminds me of an old friend though

38) What's the weather like right now? 

its kinda chilly actually and clouds are rollin ingood thing im inside and not outside

39) What time is it? 

about 8

40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? 

i do and i have but i wasnt the one that crashed iti was in a crash though

41) What was the last book you read? 

the one im reading rn is A l'ombre des jeunes filles en fleurs but its for class so im not sure that counts

42) Do you like the smell of gasoline? 

yeah actually

43) Do you have any nicknames? 

avi / asshat / furry / birdfucker / the weird strider / oh him again / god that hurts my eyes / is he okay

44) What was the last movie you saw? 

im pretty sure it was some documentary on bbc

45) What's the worst injury you've ever had? 

uhhhhhhhh i havent really broken any bones or anything but i was stabbed once*multiple timesi was grazed by a bullet once too

46) Have you ever caught a butterfly? 

nah i wish

47) Do you have any obsessions right now? 

ive been playing my horse prince

49) Ever had a rumor spread about you? 

uhhh i dont think so unless any of yall wanna fess upwell there is the birdfucker thing

50) Do you believe in magic? 

listen do you know who i live with

51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? 

not really nookay maybe a bit

52) What is your astrological sign? 

i have no clue im gonna take a wild guess and say sagittarius

53) Do you save money or spend it? 

spend it

54) What's the last thing you purchased? 

...a collar

55) Love or lust? 

why not both

56) In a relationship? 

hells yeah

57) How many relationships have you had? 

five or six i think

58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue? 

nah i wish

59) Where were you yesterday? 

god that sounds so threateningi was at work

60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? 

yeah my fuzzy socks

61) Are you wearing socks right now? 

see above

62) What's your favorite animal? 

birds are rad as hell

64) Where is your best friend? 

in nyc probably at home grading papers or doin homework or smth

65) Spit or swallow?(; 

swallow i aint a fuckin wimp

66) What is your heritage? 

white probablynah uhhh my moms actually half black but bros as white texan as it gets so all i inherited was some vague facial structure and borderline full albinismro got a bit more that i thinkand then roxs dad is black so we dont really look alikei dont know anything past my parents so dont ask

67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM? 

god do you really have to aski think i was uhtalking to karkat

68) What do you think is Satan's last name? 

strider

69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? 

if anyone answers no to this i will be very concerned

70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? 

hell yeah life of the party

71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? 

im already getting fired save the damn dogif i wasnt though id leave iti aint no hero aight

74) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? 

any fucking song from grease

75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? 

0747 try and guess that one bitch

76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? 

god i have no clue this is my first

77) How can I win your heart? 

if you have to ask youve already won it

78) Can insanity bring on more creativity? 

i sure hope so cos thats where im headed

79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? 

proposing to hex

80) What size shoes do you wear? 

9 1/2

81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone? 

“cest la vie on this bitch of an earth”

82) What is your favorite word? 

bussy

83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. 

aardvark

84) What is a saying you say a lot? 

...cest la vie on this bitch of an earth

85) What's the last song you listened to? 

skateboard p (elijah who)

86) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors? 

fuck uhhhhhhhhhhh idk red

87) What is your current desktop picture? 

88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? 

derrek j fucking strider

90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do? 

“so whos going first”

91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? 

probably time travel idk just seems cool

93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? 

can we just trim my timeline up to about a year ago

94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? 

kevin abstract seems like hed be good in bed tbh

95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? 

the bermuda triangle

96) Do you have any relatives in jail? 

i have no clueif dirks in jail no one told me

97) Have you ever thrown up in the car? 

sure fucking have

98) Ever been on a plane? 

sure fucking have

99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? 

dont fucking waittime runs out

[godsavetheq]

1-30 c;

*GALE FORCE SIGH COMES IN FROM CENTRAL PENNSYLVANIA*

1: Do you try to stay away from walkthroughs?

Yes. I want to win through my own merit. But I need that old ass game guide magazine for Perfect Dark because I want to unlock all the things and beat all the things (Perfect Dark will be a recurring theme from start to finish so buckle up)

2: Company you're always loyal to?

For consoles, Sony for the most part. XBox is the devil. But I do most of my gaming on PC these days. 

For games, the Creative Assembly (which makes the Total War series of grand military strategy games). Although my loyalty is being tested because their cranking out fantasy Warhammer: Total War games like hotcakes now, presumably because their SEGA corporate overlords like the money they’re making off them. Though apparently they have a separate team that’s pretty far into developing the next historical Total War game so I’ll come back around when that comes out, probably.

3: Best game you've ever played?

What a hard question. You know I have 111 games in my Steam library? We’ll say 100 because some of those are like expansions of other games or test servers of WIP games. So 100 games just on PC, plus god knows how many PS1, PS2, PS3, PS4, N64, GameCube, and Wii games I’ve played. It comes to a point where I can’t objectively single out one game from all of my favorites, so I’ll take “best” as meaning like highest production quality and best execution of the game, and I’ll hand it to Resident Evil 7. So professional, so fun... so Shoney’s.

4: Worst game you've ever played?

Shower With Your Dad Simulator 2015. Yes that’s a real game, it costs like $1 and someone bought it for me on Steam and it is the simplest, stupidest game that it probably belonged on a free online game site to justify its existence in some way.

5: A popular series/game you just can't get into no matter how much you try?

Well there’s a lot of popular games that I can’t get into, but that’s partially because I’ve internalized that I hate them without having given them much of a chance (looking at you, Dota, League of Legends, Overwatch (Or as we in the trade call it, “$40 Team Fortress 2″))

But now that I think of it, World of Warcraft. I got my free trial and played it some with Perry & Good Old Boys™ from Steam, but I just did not enjoy myself. I also had a prejudice against this one before I played it but at least I tried it and confirmed that I didn’t like it.

6: A game that's changed you the most?

Fallout series I guess. Kind of got me into post-apocalyptic stuff, RPGs and the like. Kind of opened the door for fantasy for me somewhat. I generally don’t like fantasy and I like to make the distinction between sci-fi and fantasy to justify my liking Fallout but truthfully half of the shit in Fallout is too over-the-top to qualify as like realistic fiction. Still haven’t played Skyrim because it’s too fantasy, but I’d at least consider it because it’s not all that different from Fallout if I’m willing to excuse the magic and shit.

7: A game you'll never forget?

Surgeon Simulator. What a titan of ridiculously clunky medical malpractice. 

The Stanley Parable because that game messes with you and is comedy gold

POSTAL 2 because rarely does a game execute low-quality production and lack of taking itself seriously so beautifully 

Hotline Miami because it fucks with you even worse than the Stanley Parable. I mean seriously, what a rollercoaster ride of mental fuckery. Am I a good guy? Am I a bad guy? All I know for sure is I’m killing a copious amount of Russian mobsters while masked figures in my head whisper nonsense at me and everywhere I go I see my dead best friend and........

Rollercoaster Tycoon (the old one for like Windows 98) because muh childhood

Destroy All Humans! 2 because they just don’t make any alien games that compare to it. Also muh childhood.

KHOLAT because it’s like a clinic in how to do horror right. And it came out at a time when it was a sad time to be a horror fan because Resident Evil was all “hurr durr our games need to be like Call of Duty” and there were no new Silent Hill, Outlast, or Slender games coming out. Of course eventually Resident Evil got good again, Outlast 2 came out, Silent Hills was SUPPOSED to come out (RIP)

Kerbal Space Program. I held out on this one for so long because I was turned off by the little green alien people and I figured it wasn’t serious. But holy fuck it’s actually like the best simulation of running a space program and designing rockets and shit oh my god like they train Astronauts with that game no lie.

8: Best soundtrack?

Slender: The Arrival. Honorable mentions go to Hotline Miami and Supreme Ruler: Cold War

9: A game you turn your volume off every time you play it?

None

10: A game you've completely given up on?

Five Nights at Freddy’s, like, all of them. I can’t beat all of the levels in any of them. I beat the five nights in the original FNaF but not the edgy sixth night. Didn’t even get that far in the second or third. Kinda lost track of which is which too...

11: Hardest game you've played?

Fucking Perfect Dark. I’ve been playing that game effectively for my entire conscious life and only just this summer have I begun to win A FEW levels on Perfect Agent difficulty. For context, I beat the entire game on Special Agent difficulty years ago, but at the time, I could not even beat the first level on Perfect Agent. 

12: Shortest time you've beaten a game in?

When I got GTA V for Christmas several years ago I did almost nothing but play it all day every day and beat it in a few days.

13: A game you were the most excited for when it wasn't released yet?

Probably Total War: Rome II. Honorable mentions go to Saurian, Resident Evil 7, Silent Hills (RIP)

14: A game you think would be cool if it had voice acting?

I dunno, I feel like most games that SHOULD have voice acting DO have voice acting. Nothing comes to mind.

15: Which two games do you think would make an awesome crossover?

I got nothing.

16: Character you've hated most? From what game?

I have to do it. Ashley from Resident Evil 4. I don’t care if you are the President’s daughter, you are useless and annoying.

17: What game do you never tell people you play?

I mean, games that I don’t like I guess.

18: A game you wish your friends knew about?

I got nothing, my friends know about most such things.

19: Which game do you think deserves a revival?

Spore, 100%. Nobody before or since has saw to completion a game where you literally design your own organism from a microscopic sea creature, evolving onto land, gaining sentience, building a civilization, uniting your planet and pushing out into space to build a space empire. It deserves to be remade, and done right this time.

20: What was the first video game you ever played?

The first REAL video game was GTA 3, but I may have played something stupid before that.

21: How old were you when you first played a video game?

I dunno, young.

22: If you could immerse yourself in any game for one day, which game would it be? What would you do?

Kerbal Space Program. I’d finally make that manned mission to Duna (Mars), baby. It has eluded me for so long, and to see it with my own eyes... 10/10

23: Biggest disappointment you've had in gaming?

Rome Total War - Alexander expansion. It seemed like such a simple thing. Make an expansion for Rome Total War about Alexander’s Empire. It was the most pitiful thing I’d ever seen. I mean, I know the original Rome Total War is old as dirt, but the base game and the Barbarian Invasions expansion were pretty good.

24: Casual, Hardcore, or in the middle?

In the middle. I tryhard sometimes and just fuck around other times.

25: Be honest; have you ever used cheats (like ActionReplay or Gameshark)?

I mean... do the cheats in GTA 3 count that spawn a bunch of guns and tanks for you? I didn’t use them to beat the game, I just wanted to fuck around because that’s the best way to play GTA 3 :P

26: Handheld or console?

Given those choices, console. Never was too into handhelds after Gameboy Advance. I had a DS Lite and was into Scribblenauts on that for a while, but since then, nah.

27: Has there ever been a moment that has made you cry?

Don’t think so, but it hit me in the feels when John Marston got killed by the crooked wild west cops in Red Dead Redemption.

28: Which character's clothes do you wish you owned the most?

The only thing that comes to mind is Trent Easton from Perfect Dark because he has like a fucking red velvet suit and it’s so ridiculous like he’s the head of the NSA you’d think he’d wear a black suit but no, bright red. I’ll take 20.

29: Which is more important, gameplay or story?

Don’t make me choose. Depends on the game I guess. I like Perfect Dark despite the fact that its storyline is an incoherent mess. Try to follow along.

It involves a plot between Cassandra de Vries, owner of a shady arms manufacturing corporation with private paramilitaries on the march in every corner of their corporate HQ as well as all over the city streets (I, too, voted for Trump so that he could legalize corporate-owned private armies) that also has a massive underground research lab hidden inconspicuously under the city of Chicago; Trent Easton, the fashionable Director of the National Security Agency, whose goons start shooting up Air Force One in a plot to kidnap and clone the President of the United States, and a mysterious tall blonde man known only as Mr. Blonde who wears evil clothes and, unbeknownst to the other two conspirators, is a massive alien dinosaur thing that sounds like a jaguar in disguise who eventually kills both of them once they’re no longer useful. But don’t worry! The plot to give the dinosaur aliens a super-weapon fails when some guy sends his on-staff professional mass-murderer to go kill endless corporate militias and NSA agents to get to the bottom of it with the help of a flying laptop that has developed a moral code and a different race of aliens who look much less impressive. Or something. So that game makes a compelling case against storyline, but in other cases it’s not so XP

30: A game that hasn't been localized in your country that you think should be localized?

Everything that I care about is localized to the US.

[kjack89]

The Way I Am, Pt. 4/4

Thanks, as always, to everyone who’s read, and thanks yet again to @myhufflepuffpants for letting me use and abuse your prompt in this way.

Penelope AU, modern ExR with some magic thrown in for good measure.

Read part 1 here, part 2 here and part 3 here.

ENJOLRAS — ENGAGED.

As far as headlines went, it wasn’t particularly original, and Enjolras, who was still trying to adjust to the fact that, after being treated like a freak for as long as he could remember, everyone seemed to suddenly care about every detail of his life, scoffed as he chucked the newspaper onto a table at the Musain. “You’d think there wasn’t anything else going on in the world that matters,” he said, sinking into a chair and feeling suddenly exhausted.

“Well, it’s not every day that our very own pig-faced hero gets engaged to the son of a baron,” Combeferre pointed out reasonably, passing a cup of coffee over to Enjolras, who accepted it with a grateful smile. “Besides, all this publicity is great. The second or third line of every article has mentioned Les Amis.”

“Yeah, right after they mention my pig snout abnormality,” Enjolras grumbled.

“If it makes you feel better, people have started dogging my footsteps now, too,” the freckled man sitting next to Combeferre offered, with a tentative smile. “Though of course, they’re mostly trying to figure out if I’m just after your money. Or what my sexuality is. Or why I had a temporary restraining order placed against me, which was a complete misunderstanding, I promise.”

Courfeyrac patted his hand. “Marius, m’dear,” he said gently, “shut up.”

As Marius sulked slightly, Combeferre produced a set of legal documents, which he laid in front of Enjolras and Marius. “These are the pre-nuptial agreements, per your terms, written out by Bahorel, who only agreed to break his hiatus from the law because he — and this is a direct quote — loves you fucking fools, hashtag bless.”

Enjolras flipped through the document. “Everything seems in order on my end,” he said. “Marius agrees that he has no claim over any of the Tholomyès inheritance, property, name, etcetera, etcetera, and in return, I will grant him a divorce or annulment within 36 hours of receiving of receiving said Tholomyès inheritance, and I…” He paused, squinting at the document. “And I write a letter of recommendation to the woman that he loves?” He glanced up, bemused. “What is this?”

“A late addition,” Marius said brightly. “I hope you don’t mind. I just think that a letter from you explaining everything would go over well.”

Courfeyrac propped his chin on his hand. “Now, will you be giving her this letter before or after you actually introduce yourself?” Marius turned red and looked away, muttering incoherent excuses to himself. “But that should have everything covered, right?”

Enjolras shrugged. “Works for me.” He hastily scrawled his signature on the indicated lines and passed the document back to Combeferre, not quite meeting his eyes. “Well, if that’s everything, I’ve got things to do.” He pushed his chair back from the table and stood. “And Marius, I’ll, uh, I’ll see you at the altar. I guess.”

With that, he was gone, leaving Courfeyrac, Marius and Combeferre staring after him. “I should go, too,” Combeferre said abruptly, also standing.

“Where have you got to go?” Courfeyrac demanded.

Combeferre just smiled tightly at him. “Wedding preparations. I’ll see you both later.”

And with that, he was gone, too. “So, just you and me, Pontmercy,” Courfeyrac said, fluttering his eyelashes at Marius. “Just like old times.”

Marius turned beet red. “Actually,” he muttered, “I also have to go.”

“How am I the only one who doesn’t have any plans?” Courfeyrac demanded. Marius just shrugged meekly and left, and Courfeyrac pouted for about five seconds before making his way over to two very pretty brunettes at the bar. “Enchanté,” he said with his most winning smile. “My friends all seem to have abandoned me. Perhaps you both would be willing to keep me company?”

The girls looked at each other and giggled, and Courfeyrac grinned, his abandonment entirely forgotten.

Combeferre didn’t bother knocking on Grantaire’s door, instead letting himself in and leaning against the doorjamb, watching Grantaire paint. After a long moment, and without looking away from his canvas, Grantaire asked, “Can I help you?”

“Have you seen this?” Combeferre asked in lieu of answering, strolling over and tossing that day’s newspaper onto Grantaire’s stool, its headline prominently displayed.

Grantaire barely glanced at the headline and accompanying image of Enjolras and Marius before looking back at the canvas, only the tightening of his grip on his paintbrush giving him away. “Hmm, cute couple,” Grantaire murmured.

Combeferre shook his head. “That’s all you have to say? Really?”

Now Grantaire glanced sideways at him, a muscle working in his jaw. “What do you want me to say?”

“I want you to tell me the truth,” Combeferre said steadily. “There was only one person who didn’t run away from Enjolras, and it doesn’t take a genius to gather from everything he’s told me that this person was you. So you can’t tell me that this isn’t killing you.”

“Why would it kill me?” Grantaire asked, slamming his paintbrush down. “He’s getting everything he wants, the day he’s waited for all his life. Breaking this stupid fucking curse.”

Combeferre rolled his eyes. “You don’t actually believe that, do you?”

Grantaire raised an eyebrow at him. “You don’t?” He snorted and shook his head. “It’s an odd day when our roles are reversed: you, the cynic, and me, the believer.” He shrugged and looked away. “But I guess when you spend enough time down a bottle with only your demons for company, it’s a lot easier to believe in curses.”

Combeferre had no response to that, so he simply shook his head and told Grantaire softly, “It’s not too late to stop the wedding.”

“It’s what he wants,” Grantaire said, equally quiet, though the pain was obvious across his face.

“But it doesn’t have to be!” Combeferre said heatedly. “Look, if all it takes it getting married to break this ‘curse’, why not have it be you?”

Grantaire just shook his head sadly. “Because the curse can only be broken by ‘one of their own’,” he quoted. “And you forget — I’m no blue blood.” He looked back at Combeferre, his expression resigned. “It’s what he wants,” he repeated. “And I want nothing more than to give Enjolras everything that he wants. And the only way that I can do that is by doing nothing.”

Enjolras stood nervously in front of the mirror, adjusting his cufflinks and trying to ignore his mother, who was sobbing into a handkerchief. “I’m just so happy,” she blubbered, accepting another handkerchief from Matelote, who patted her shoulder with a clear look of revulsion on her face.

“Well, at least that makes one of us,” Enjolras muttered, abandoning his cufflinks and attempting to do something about his bowtie, which was choking him. “I look like an idiot.”

“You do not,” his mother told him, wiping her eyes carefully so as to not smear her makeup. “You look…” Her eyes flickered to Enjolras’s snout and away again. “You look as perfect as you can,” she pronounced. “And in only an hour’s time, you’ll look as perfect as this day is. And everything we will have worked for will finally, finally…”

It was all too much for her, and she dissolved into tears again.

Matelote looked just plain embarrassed as her employer sobbed into her dress. “At least it’s a beautiful fall day,” she offered. “A week before Halloween, and the weather couldn’t be nicer. Perfect. And your colors — red and black — they go so nicely with the foliage.”

“Well, at least that means the important things are taken care of,” Enjolras muttered, as the band struck up a march.

“Oh, goodness, it’s time!” his mother exclaimed. “Come on, are you ready to finally get married?”

“No,” Enjolras said honestly, offering his arm to his mother. “But let’s do this anyway.”

The justice’s voice was shaky and could barely be heard above the hundreds of onlookers, 98% of whom Enjolras didn’t know and didn’t particularly care to know. “Do you, Marius Pontmercy, take Enjolras Tholomyès to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish from this day forward, until death do you part?”

Marius shot a nervous look at a pretty blonde girl sitting in the third row before forcing a smile on his face and turning back to Enjolras. “I do,” he said, more confidently than he looked.

The justice turned his gaze to Enjolras, who could barely stand still, his hands in Marius’s sweaty. “And do you, Enjolras Tholomyès, take Marius Pontmercy to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish from this day forward, until death do you part?”

Enjolras opened his mouth to say ‘yes’ and was as surprised as anyone when he instead said, “No.”

Marius stared at him. “No?” he repeated.

“No,” Enjolras confirmed, pulling his hands away from Marius’s. “I’m so sorry, Marius, but I...I can’t.”

With that, he turned and fled back inside. The crowd broke into nervous whispers as Enjolras’s mother stood, looking around wildly. “Nobody move! He’s fine!” she shrieked, running after her son. “Enjolras, wait! Enjolras! Stop!”

She caught up with Enjolras just as he got inside and grabbed his arm. “What do you think you are doing?” she hissed. “Get back out there and marry him!”

Enjolras shook her off. “I can’t, Mother,” he said, his voice quiet but determined. “I’m sorry, but—”

“What do you mean, you can’t?” she shrieked, her voice shrill. “You are getting married, Enjolras, or else!”

“Or else what?” Enjolras challenged, turning on her, his eyes flashing. “What can you do to me that hasn’t already been done?” His mother shook her head, her eyes darting around the room, and Enjolras shook his head. “Look at me,” Enjolras commanded.

Her eyes narrowed. “I am. What is it?”

Enjolras shook his head. “No, look at me,” he said, and when his mother still refused to look him in the eyes, he grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her. “Look at me! For once in your life, look me in the eyes and acknowledge that I am your son, just the way I am!”

“That’s enough of that,” his mother snapped. “Enjolras, you need to think about what you’re doing. This is the moment we’ve worked so hard for!”

Shaking his head again, Enjolras let go of his mother and turned away. “Go away,” he said softly, but she ignored him, grabbing the sleeve of his tuxedo and tugging insistently on it.

“Sweetheart, listen — we are just a single ‘yes’ away from a whole new life! A whole new you! Don’t throw it all away!”

Enjolras whirled around. “Don’t you understand?” he shouted. “I don’t want a whole new me. This whole stupid thing—” He gestured wildly towards the where the wedding guests waited. “—It’s only because I want my inheritance. I could care less if I break this stupid curse or if I’m stuck with this pig snout for the rest of my life! I can do — and I have done — amazing things, pig snout or no pig snout!”

His mother shook her head. “But think about how much more good you can do with a pretty face to match—” she started, but Enjolras cut her off.

“I don’t give a damn!” he told her. “I like my face just the way it is. In fact, it’s only taken me this long to realize it, but I fucking love myself the way I am! And until the day I die, I always will!”

Without warning, Enjolras’s entire form seemed covered in golden light. His mom shrieked again and covered her eyes as the light grew brighter. Then, as quickly as it had arrived, the light disappeared, revealing a very confused-looking Enjolras, with a normal human nose. “Oh my god!” his mother said, staring at him with wide eyes. “I don’t...I don’t understand…”

Enjolras felt his nose carefully, a sudden smile breaking out on his face. “Don’t you?” he asked. “I’m a blue blood, and I just promised to love myself until death. I broke the curse.”

Combeferre ran inside, out of breath. “Enjolras, there’s something I have to tell…” He trailed off, his eyes widening at the sight of Enjolras. “Your nose!”

“Yeah, curse broken, old news now,” Enjolras said dismissively, though he was grinning. “What do you have to tell me?”

Combeferre just shook his head. “I was going over your great, great grandfather’s will for a bit of light reading during the ceremony, and you need to read this.”

He shoved a photocopied version of the will into Enjolras’s hand, and Enjolras scanned it, unsure of what he was looking for. “What?” he asked. “I don’t see anything.”

“Don’t you?” Combeferre asked, a note of triumph in his voice. “See — there. It doesn’t say that the next firstborn Tholomyès male will inherit when he gets married, it says he’ll inherit on the day of his wedding.”

Enjolras just stared at him. “So what?” he asked.

Combeferre grinned. “So today was the day of your wedding. The will doesn’t say a damn thing about you having to go through with it.”

Enjolras’s eyes widened. “You mean…”

“I do,” Combeferre said, his grin widening. “Congratulations. You’re now a very rich man. With a very normal nose. And I’d say you can go let Pontmercy down easily, but he’s already left with some blonde girl.” His expression suddenly turned serious. “And you know what this means?”

“Yeah, I can start all the grant programs I want and start giving all the Tholomyès money away,” Enjolras said eagerly, and both he and Combeferre ignored his mother promptly fainting in the background.

Combeferre sighed. “Yes, of course, but more importantly…” He hesitated. “More importantly, there’s something you should know about Grantaire.”

Courfeyrac linked his arm through Enjolras’s, pulling him through the hallways of the apartment building. Almost all the apartment doors were open and people were mingling and drinking as music raged. “You’re everywhere,” Courfeyrac muttered, grinning, as they passed the seventh person they’d seen wearing a pig mask that Halloween, clearly dressed up like how Enjolras used to look. “Are you freaking out or what?”

Enjolras shook his head. “I mean, yeah, but not from that,” he said, adjusting his own pig mask as they approached one of the only doors that wasn’t open. “Ok, there we are. Apartment 1832.” He took a deep, shuddering breath and went to knock on the door.

“Hold on,” Courfeyrac said, and Enjolras turned, frowning at him. “Sorry, it’s just...It’s kind of great to see the old you.”

Though Courfeyrac couldn’t see it behind the mask, Enjolras rolled his eyes and turned back to the door, taking another deep breath before knocking.

After a moment so long that Enjolras had time to run through every worst case scenario in his head, Grantaire opened the door, looking warily at the pair. “Hey, Courf, what’s up?” he asked.

“This is my friend,” Courfeyrac said brightly, shoving Enjolras forward. “He’s gotta pee. Let him use your bathroom?” He leaned in and kissed Grantaire’s cheek. “There’s a darling. I’m off to get more punch.” He winked at Grantaire and vanished back into the party.

Grantaire looked at Enjolras without smiling. “I guess it’s ok,” he said reluctantly, stepping back and holding the door open. “Come on in.”

Enjolras cautiously stepped into Grantaire’s apartment, heading toward the bathroom in the direction Grantaire gestured to buy himself some time. “It looks like a good party,” he called, a little lamely. “Why aren’t you out there having fun?”

“I’ve got to pack,” Grantaire said, and Enjolras peeked out of the bathroom, surprised to see a suitcase open on Grantaire’s bed.

“Oh, are you moving?” Enjolras asked innocently.

Grantaire shrugged, tossing a balled-up shirt into the suitcase with perhaps more force than necessary. “Yeah, I’ve got an out-of-town job. I just…” He shook his head. “I needed to get out of the city for awhile.”

Enjolras slowly came out of the bathroom. “Away from the crowds?” he asked, edging towards the door.

Snorting, Grantaire sat down on his bed. “Yeah, the crowds at the bars,” he muttered.

“Oh, so you’re an drinker?” Enjolras asked.

Grantaire shrugged. “Trying to cut back. I’ve been told that stuff will kill you, so I’m trying to, you know, avoid temptation. In more ways than one.”

“Right,” Enjolras said, swinging his arms awkwardly, not sure what he was supposed to say to that. “Well that’s good. I, uh, I had a friend once who really liked to drink. At least, well, I’ve been told he liked to drink. And he had to stay away from—”

“Take off the mask,” Grantaire said suddenly, and Enjolras froze, staring at him. Grantaire shook his head, his shoulders slumping. “I’m sorry, it’s just...all Halloween, I’ve been running into...well, somebody that I used to know.” He ran a tired hand across his face and forced a smile. “Sorry. Being ridiculous.”

Enjolras swallowed and asked in an attempt at a light and airy voice, “This someone, did he mean a lot to you?”

Grantaire shrugged. “Yeah,” he said softly. “Yeah, he did.”

“So what happened?”

“I couldn’t give him what he wanted,” Grantaire said.

The stark honesty in his voice cut Enjolras to the core, and it took him a moment before he was able to ask, his voice soft and strange-sounding to his own ears, “What did he want?”

Grantaire shrugged again, his eyes staring at something far away. “To be free.”

Enjolras was about to respond when he noticed for the first time the half-finished canvas in the corner. “You lied to me!” he exclaimed, stalking towards the canvas. “I guessed that you were a painter, and you—”

Without warning, Grantaire stood and grabbed Enjolras, pulling him into a deep, fierce kiss, one hand cupping Enjolras’s cheek while the other wrapped possessively around Enjolras’s waist. Enjolras kissed him back, a desperate, hungry edge to his kiss.

When they broke apart, Grantaire rested his forehead against Enjolras. “Enjolras, I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“I know,” Enjolras murmured, because he did know, more than he could ever explain.

Grantaire shook his head, his tone turning urgent. “No, you don’t understand — I don’t have the power to break the curse. That’s why…”

He trailed off, and it was Enjolras’s turn to shake his head. “It’s ok,” he said softly, reaching up to take his mask off. “It turns out that I did.” Grantaire just stared at him for a moment, and Enjolras bit his lip. “Grantaire, it’s still me.”

“Of course it is,” Grantaire said instantly. “I just…” He reached up to touch Enjolras’s face gently. “You always were beautiful. And I’m a little jealous that everyone’s going to be able to see what I always have.”

Enjolras kissed Grantaire then, and Grantaire’s lips curved against his into a smile, his fist balling in Enjolras’s shirt as if he would never let go.

So with the curse broken and the inheritance received, they had nothing left to do but to live happily ever after. And they did. Or at least, happily ever after so far.

[bunyip92]

S O

i usually avoid reviewing the ‘’’’’’’classics’’’’’ because they’ve already been talked to  d e a t h

BUT. BUT. thoughts are thoughts and my thoughts are thoughts so i’m putting them out there, uneducated as they are.

first thought: why did no-one tell me how gay this book is. i’d have devoured it back in high school, no further info required. this particular edition has a whole bunch of footnotes, most of which go along the lines of “that was pretty gay, but let me tell you how gay the 1890 typescript was because you will not believe.”

second thought: Lord Henry was an absolute delight although i am not sure i have ever wanted to claw a fictional person’s face off more.

Lord Henry laughed. ‘The reason we all like to think so well of others is that we are all afraid for ourselves. The basis of optimism is sheer terror. We think that we are generous because we credit our neighbour with the possession of those virtues that are likely to be a benefit to us. We praise the banker that we may overdraw our account, and find good qualities in the highwayman in the hope that he may spare our pockets. I mean everything that I have said. I have the greatest contempt for optimism.' [pp.73]

incredible! what an asshole

also:

There is a luxury in self-reproach. When we blame ourselves we feel that no one else has a right to blame us. It is the confession, no the priest, that gives us absolution. When Dorian had finished the letter, he felt that he had been forgiven. [pp.94]

so while i am not sure i agree with this whole ‘Aestheticism’ business, i do apparently love to identify with shallow characters. i think it’s like stacking bowls. if they are a touch less deep, then they will fit inside. if they are bigger than me (or the same size), then i must grow and that is just too much to ask.

this is why i do not sympathise with Aestheticism:

‘I fancy that the true explanation [of why Dorian Gray does not feel much about his fiancé’s suicide] is this. It often happens that the real tragedies of life occur in such an absolute incoherence, their absurd want of meaning, their entire lack of style. They affect us just as vulgarity affects us. They give us an impression of sheer brute force, and we revolt against that. Sometimes, however, a tragedy that possesses artistic elements of beauty crosses our lives. If these elements of beauty are real, the whole thing simply appeals to our sense of dramatic effect. Suddenly we find that we are no longer actors, but the spectators of the play. Or rather we are both. We watch ourselves, and the mere wonder of the spectacle enthrals us.’ [pp.98]

it’s mad stupid. can you imagine having no compassion and no interest in compassion? can you imagine art being more important than people? wild.

third thought: at the end there are a bunch of contemporary reviews included and i s2g critics have not changed at all in 125 years and i am delighted. hyperbolic passive-agressive vitriol. the best thing about the vicious reviews imo, is that it prompted Wilde to print an answering preface saying that the Author is definitely dead, super dead, the actual deadest & ya’ll are so ugly for dragging me into your interpretation of this book.

like - this argument is 1000000% still going on today? on this very website? with exactly the same amount of passion in either camp? (i am camp Art Does Not Exist In A Vacuum, But Man Wouldn’t That Be Sweet)

(i’m just now realising that all those quotes are taken from the same 30 pages, which is honestly so lazy of me.)

in conclusion!! i really enjoyed this book. 10/10 would recommend. the writing is beautiful (as it must be), the moral was odious, and there’s a good 50-60% chance that i missed every real meaning because i have not done any research at all.

- bunyip, xo

ps. my favourite chapter is chapter xi, which could alternately be titled ‘list of things that are expensive’.

goodreads review

[rolandfontana]

Eight+ Things to Read About China and Other Things, Part 3

This is part 3 of our (relatively) new series on listing out eight+ things to read about China and a lot more. We constantly get emails from readers asking what to read on China and all sorts of things related and even barely related to China and the plan of this series would be to constantly and consistently answer this very question. We also have a few very loyal readers who often send us truly great articles on China (and other things). We owe these unpaid and truly superb researchers a big debt and this week’s post is dedicated to them!

As I said in our initial post on this, our plan is to list out eight (or so) articles we benefitted from reading and think you our readers would also benefit from reading, along with a very brief explanation why the particular article was included. More specifically:

The articles will likely include many on China and on Asia and a few on international trade, international politics, Spain and Latin America, economics and really just anything else we believe might benefit our readers or even that we just want people to read. We do not plan to choose articles that push our or any other political agenda or any other agenda for that matter, but having said that, we are not objective and our views may creep through. Our goal though is to focus on articles that are important or helpful or — most importantly — that make you think. Our posting of an article will NOT mean we agree with all of it or even any of it. Most of the articles will be from the week preceding the post but we will also sometimes throw in older articles (classics if you will) as well.

And though I have said this previously, it is important enough that I feel compelled to state it again: Please do not hesitate to comment at the end of this or any other post. We cannot tell you how much we appreciate your comments, good, bad and indifferent.

Here we go, in absolutely no particular order

1.Let Go of Your Grudges. They’re Doing You No Good. New York Times.  Because the older you get the more you realize how true this is.

2. The Preachers Getting Rich from Poor Americans. BBC. Because if there is a hell, there has to be a special place there for those who (1) steal from the poor (2) in the name of religion. It is also troubling how many Americans fall for this sort of thing. Is there any other country where this goes on as much as in the United States? This is not a rhetorical question; I would love people to answer it.

3. Iraq’s Christians close to extinction. BBC. Speaking of religion, why is the world being silent as the Arab world moves apace in getting rid of pretty much anyone who is not a Muslim. Within 25 years, there very well might be no Christians nor Jews left in any Arab country, but for an expat or two in a place like Dubai. For a somewhat more uplifting flip side, read this BBC article, The man who might have stopped Sri Lanka’s Easter bombings, on a Muslim in Sri Lanka who acted on his belief that “people of different religions should get along.”

4. What Four Decades of China Trademarks Says About Chinese Trademarks. Managing Intellectual Property. The data say that the number of trademark filings are exploding in China and the reason is because they are super-important and they work. See China Trademarks: Register Yours BEFORE You Do ANYTHING Else.

5. Five Reasons Why Valencia, Spain Should Be Your Next Holiday Destination. Because I spent a summer in Valencia, Spain, working on my Spanish and I loved living there, but if you are going to Spain for a week or two, there are easily 20+ places you should visit before going to Valencia. Valencia is a really nice city the way Grand Rapids, Michigan (45 minutes from where I grew up) is a really nice city, but if you are a tourist in the United States and you go to Grand Rapids over New York or San Francisco or Las Vegas or Santa Fe or Yellowstone National Park or…. you are making a mistake.

6. Bart Starr was the toughest football player who ever lived. ESPN. Because, along with Walter Payton, he was. And because I get to use this Bart Starr article as an excuse to cite to a 1999 article I read on Walter Payton at least once a year, entitled, He Was the Rock of the Bears, because it is maybe the singular best/most moving piece/most accurate piece of sports journalism ever:

Walter Payton always got up. Always.

For 13 years with the Bears he took every hit, survived every collision, confronted every menace, shook off every tackle, always gave better than he got. Walter Payton always got the extra yard. Always.

He was the rock of the Bears, the one to take the ball every time anyone wanted to hand it to him, and he outlasted a full dozen Bears quarterbacks, any one of whom can claim no higher accomplishment than having handed the football to Walter Payton.

Because I would watch Payton on TV every week and when he retired my football consumption decreased by about 98%.

7. Why Business Schools are Shutting Down their MBA Programs? Because there is a lot of talk out there about how MBAs are neither relevant nor worthwhile, but all I know is that my clients with MBAs always strike me as exceedingly well educated in a wide range of areas relevant to operating a business. At the same time, what’s the deal with all of these one year practical Master’s Degrees springing up that look more like certificate programs. Is this degree inflation?

8. How to Pack a First Aid Kit for Extended International Travel. New York Times. Not because I don’t think it’s possible to easily secure Ibuprofen at a Oaxaca or Hohhot pharmacy, but because there is a lot to be said for being able to reach into your carry on to pull out bandages to stanch the bleeding you get from a badly constructed/maintained Qingdao Airport security scanner or to give your kid Ondansetron when she wakes up at 3:00 a.m. in a Seoul hotel throwing up.

9. China won when Trump blindsided Mexico with tariffs, says former Mexican ambassador to China. CNBC. Because Trump’s proposed tariffs on Mexico are stupid/incoherent/unnecessary/bullying/etc. and they give China the ability to argue that the tariffs against China are no different, even though they are. Because they make the world further question how much they can trust the United States. Everyone better hope these tariffs never go into effect, but even if they don’t there will be long-lasting damage from this.

10. Want to Keep Your Business in China? Do These Things Now. This is the first time (and it very well may be the last time) I’ve listed another China Law Blog Post on here, but I feel compelled to do so because the post came out late on Friday afternoon (not exactly prime time) and it was the second post of the day and I worry not enough people will see it. Yesterday, China’s Ministry of Commerce announced it will kick out of China “foreign enterprises, organizations and individuals that do not comply with market rules, violate the spirit of contract, block or cut supplies to Chinese firms with non-commercial purposes, and seriously damage the legitimate rights and interests of Chinese enterprises” and I take that threat exceedingly seriously. This post explains the things foreign companies and individuals need to do now to minimize their chances of being shut down and/or booted out. So yes, it is important!

Your thoughts?

Eight+ Things to Read About China and Other Things, Part 3 syndicated from https://immigrationattorneyto.wordpress.com/

[thatothercosplayer]

i want to watch the uc gundam timeline. there are many animes in this timeline. some people say to watch in cronological order others say to watch in production order. i am overwhelmed.

Eeeeeeh. It’s six dozen one, half dozen the other. Personally, I recommend watching in production order, simply because 

Everything builds off each other and the themes contained within logically follow up on ideas introduced in prior works

It can be rather jarring if you’re watching chronologically to go from stuff like 08th MS Team and Stardust Memory to Zeta Gundam, or MS Igloo to 0079, etc. Animation quality jumping all over the place drives me nuts. 

Little cameos from characters (EG: a certain waifu’s cameo in the middle of Stardust Memory

Having context from at least the UC Trilogy, CCA, and Unicorn goes REALLY FAR when it comes to the good majority of the UC timeline sidestories (seriously there are so goddamn many One Year War stories) 

Watching the animation and mechanical design evolve is absolutely thrilling

Now, that said, there are some major UC installments you can watch independent of everything because they’re really self-contained: 

MS Igloo: The Hidden One Year War + Apocalypse 0079. MY GOD. The CG may be a bit aged but the characters in this make this one a strong contender for my favorite One Year War sidestory. You get to see a lot of cool experimental Mobile Suits (❤︎ Hildofr❤︎ Zudah❤︎ Big Rang❤︎) and the writing is AMAZING. Bring tissues, it’s sad as hell. Speaking of sadness….

Mobile Suit Gundam 0080: War in the Pocket. While this is another OYW sidestory, the thing is that….after the opening sequence, this takes place ENTIRELY on/around a single colony. For the first OVA series that Gundam ever had, it is HIGH QUALITY and Chris is still one of my favorite Gundam pilots SOBS BERNIEEEEEE ;W;  

Mobile Suit Gundam: 08th MS Team. This, right here, is in the contender for top 3 most beautifully animated UC installments (Stardust Memory was the king of this until Unicorn came along). It’s about a Federation ground team in the Southeast Asian front, and has the single most hotblooded Gundam pilot in the franchise’s history, save for maybe Domon Kasshu himself. Also, did I mention said pilot is voiced by Nobuyuki goddamn Hiyama, Mr. King of Braves himself!? NO?! WELL NOW I HAVE. (Also be sure not to miss the short film 08th MS Team: Battle in the 3rd Dimension, set between the 9th and 10th episodes….which is a convienent buffer if you’re watching 08th through the compilation movie, Miller’s Report). 

Gundam Thunderbolt. I need to sit down and watch this one, honestly, but FUCK I just can’t get over the interpretation of the Full Armor Gundam in that series. WHY COULDN’T YOU JUST USE THE ONE FROM MS-V!? Sunrise what’s your fucking deal. Hanging shit off a Gundam doesn’t always make it cool. AND THAT PSYCHO ZAKU. GODDAMN THAT BACKPACK. But, uh, mechanical design gripes aside, I have heard nothing but good things about this- whether you watch the compilation movie or just the series itself. 

Twilight Axis. I still need to get around to watching the other episodes, but honestly I am waiting on a compilation movie given how fucking incoherent and disjointed the first episode was (I mean, swapping repeatedly between two points in time kind of does that), but the animation and music is so fucking beautiful that I’m gonna watch it. Look, I cried actual tears when I saw that final trailer. I was fucking hyped.

Mobile Suit Gundam the Origin. Actually a prequel to 0079, but it has a SHITLOAD of spoilers that would kind of ruin what parts of 0079 hasn’t been turned into It Was His Sled territory. 

Mobile Suit Gundam F91. It’s set 20 years after Unicorn, and 23 years after Char’s Counterattack. It’s so far removed from the UC timeline’s major events that, honestly, you don’t need to worry about continuity. Though I insist you watch it because a) this movie is fucking beautiful and b) Seabook and Cecily are great. Yeeeah it has its hiccups due to the fact that it was meant to be a TV show and it got converted into a movie, but it’s worth the watch.

G-Saviour. Look….let’s take a step back from the odious reputation this film has. Yes, it was written by someone who had no experience with Gundam prior. BUT there are a few things that go into enjoying it a bit more. For one: it’s good popcorn movie. Like, Godzilla ‘98. Watch it with some friends and riff it if you have to. The score of the film is brilliant, and the idea behind the G-Saviour’s mechanical design is actually pretty good itself (a skeletal frame that gets its shell exchanged depending on what environment it’s fighting in). If you absolutely can’t deal with the movie and you happen to be Japanese, I recommend picking up the novels. Much more faithful to the UC timeline, and you get a detailed description of a colony drop. Now, as for the supplementary material: there were several audio dramas released on vinyl that were prequels to this movie. They were 3 stories that kind of expanded on the backstory of Mark Curran (the Gundam pilot), and two other characters in the film. And, of course, there’s the badass PS2 game, which contains the equally badass G2 Saviour and G3 Saviour. Give them a chance, honestly. You might be surprised by how much you enjoy it. Not to say the film is perfect; far from it. There are little to no Mobile Suit battles (only at the end), the CG is stiff and makes the designs feel like tech from the One Year War considering how slowly they move, and the majority of the characters are hard to follow and rather generic. Oh, yeah, and save for like 3 most of them are unlikable. So, again, not perfect, but I bet with some booze and a few friends it’d be a blast. 

Now, given there are compilation movies out the wazoo and shit, there are honestly multiple ways to go about watching pretty much every major UC installment save for ZZ (WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY COMPILATION MOVIES, MAN) but I’ve got a handy guide for you here: 

Gundam 0079: Watch the TV series and the movies. Why? Because while the movies take out the goofy things (read: everything related to Clover pushing Tomino to put out stuff so they could make toys. RIP Guntank) and actually add bits to the story that would be acknowledged as canon, you don’t get to experience some of the things that made the tv series so good (EG: THE ENTIRETY OF THE DESERT ARC, FUCK YOU SUNRISE RAMBA RAL DESERVES BETTER). 

Zeta Gundam: TV series first, and you can come back for the compilation movies later. The movies are in a separate timeline due to how the ending is so radically different that basically ZZ doesn’t happen, and as such it can be a bit more of a palate cleanser/pick-me-up after you watch Zeta or 0080 just because your ass is gonna get destroyed with feels. 

Mobile Suit Gundam 0083: Stardust Memory: Just watch the OVAs. They crammed the whole series into one two hour movie. As you could imagine, 6 hours and 30 minutes of footage and story being condensed into that did not go over well. Characters disappear without any reason (only clear if you’ve seen the OVAs), not much new animation was put in (even if 0083 has aged spectacularly in the animation department), and just….look, man. You miss out on the homoerotic bonding sequence between Kou and Kelly Layzner. You gonna tell me you want to ignore Stardust Memory living up to the memory of it’s spiritual predecessor (Top Gun)!? PLAYIN’ WITH THE BOYS (YEAH) 

08th MS Team: Both the OVAs and the compilation movie. They took a much different angle to this, and instead of doing a straight-up compilation they added a new substory. Miller’s Report is really only a compilation of episodes 1, 7, and 8, anyways, so you’ll be missing out on a lot of stuff regardless. Since you’re going to be at it, just go ahead and throw in Battle in the 3rd Dimension because hot damn modern animation for a series already known for looking really damn good. 

Gundam Thunderbolt: Considering how short the series’ episodes are, honestly you’re not missing out on much with the compilation movies. The new footage just extends the fight between the two main characters and that’s about it. The new music for it is nowhere close to the awesome jazz they used in the series anyways. 

Gundam Unicorn: Look. Unicorn is really good. Treat yourself. Watch the OVAs and RE:0096 because. Treat yourself. Like. Really. You get to see old, obscure designs kick ass and have their day in the limelight, Banagher and Audrey are fucking adorable together, and you get sexy Mobile Suits like the Unicorn, Banshee, and Sinanju. If you’re a mechanical design nerd like me you’re going to be salivating the whole time. Just. TREAT YOURSELF.

[ratharee]

1-117 do it :')

Okay fine, I suppose I did ask for it 😜

1: Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?

How people can be so blind and ignorant. It confuses me.

2: Do you ever get “good morning” texts from anyone?

Yes I do sometimes and it’s quite nice.

3: If your significant other smoked pot, would you care?

I’d prefer it, but he doesn’t.

4: Do you find it easy to trust others?

No.

5: What were you doing at 11PM last night?

Probably something with the reptiles or on here.

6: You’re drunk and lost walking down the road; who is with you?

God lmfao

7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?

I called into work and managed to through my incoherent babbling tell them I couldn’t come in, screamed and threw shit, cried, lots of crying. Burned some of his stuff and threw other stuff off a cliff. I’m not going to type the rest because it went on for awhile and I’m not proud of the shit I did afterwards. Now I’d just move the fuck on.

8: Are you close with your dad?

I met my bio Dad when I was 14, it’s been weird. We are ok now but I wouldn’t say close. My Dad who isn’t biological my Dad, I am very close to. He’s the shit!

9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right?

You win!!!

10: What are you listening to?

Schneider skinks digging around in the sand.

11: You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?

Gasp get ready for this….WATER!!!

12: Do you like hickeys?

Not where people can see them, but I like them.

13: What time do you go to bed?

Four am ish.

14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down?

Yea that would be my Mother.

15: Can you text as quickly with one hand as you do both?

Naw bitch.

16: Do you always answer your texts?

No, no I do not.

17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?

No, I don’t.

18: When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?

Today.

19: Is there someone that makes you happy every time you see them?

Quite a few people actually :)

20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

Did I remember to turn off all the geckos UVBs?

21: Is anyone else in the room with you?

Human, no.

22: Do you believe what goes around comes around?

I do, that’s why some people don’t even have friends or people who like them or even a place to live because no one wants them around :3

23: Were you happier four months ago than you are now?

Nope, the opposite.

24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?

A couple people I suppose.

25: In the past week, have you cried?

I have several mental illnesses, crying is just part of my life lmao.

26: What colour is the shirt you are wearing?

It’s black, like my soul.

27: Do people ever call you by your last name?

Like one person.

28: Is anyone ignoring you right now?

Not that I know of.

29: Do you have a best friend?

I have a couple.

30: Would it be hard seeing someone else kiss the last person you kissed?

Yea, yea it would be.

31: Who was your last call/text message from?

My father.

32: Are you mad at anyone?

I’m always mad fam 😜😡

33: Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

I have.

34: How old will the last person you kissed be on his/her next birthday?

He will be 26.

35: How many more days until your birthday?

277 days until I turn 24!

36: Do you have any summer plans yet?

I’m leasing a horse, hopefully vending at the Vic reptile expo, lots of beach time/hikes with my boys. So not a lot so far no.

37: Do you have any good friends of the opposite sex?

I do have a few .

38: Are you keeping anything from your best friend(s) now?

Not intentionally, if anything.

39: Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone?

Yes?

40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

I have, yes yes I have.

41: Do you think age matters in relationships?

If it’s legal, then who cares?

42: Are you available?

Noooo.

43: How many people have you had real, strong feelings for since high school ended?

Less than one handful.

44: If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?

All of them. Lol I have/have had so many, maybe some dermals?

45: Do you believe exes can be friends?

Yes, I’m friends with a few.

46: Do you regret anything?

Everyone regrets something, I regret yes but you can’t change shit so why dwell.

47: Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?

That new boa coming, I can’t stop thinking about him and all the gorgeous babies I’ll be producing soon.

48: Did you ever lose a best friend?

Yea I’ve lost a couple, some I’ve more just distanced myself for my own well being.

49: Was your last kiss a mistake?

No it was great.

50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?

I don’t have to, he’s snuggling me lol.

51: Has the last person you kissed ever seen you cry?

Uh yea.

52: Do you still talk with the person you LAST kissed?

Everyday.

53: What was the last thing you ate?

Green grapes motherfucker.

54: Did you get any compliments today?

I sure did 😊

55: Where are you going on your next vacation?

Well that probably won’t be for awhile but somewhere in South America or New Zealand. I’ll think about it more in depth when it becomes more likely to happen soon.

56: Do you own anything from other countries?

A White lipped python I imported from Indonesia, coins from around the world, bits and bobs from England

57: Are most of your friend guys or girls?

A mix of both.

58: Where have you lived most of your life?

BC

59: When was the last time you took a long drive?

My friend and I went for a decently long drive last night, and we got tea as well :)

60: Have you ever played Spin the Bottle?

Yes yes I have.

61: Have you ever TPd someone’s house?

No lmao, do people actually do that?

62: Who do you text the most?

Hmmm I don’t know, I message a fair amount of people on the daily. Probably Emily, Joel, Amelia, or Alyssa.

63: What was the last movie you saw?

Mechanic: Resurrection 64: What’s preventing your current boyfriend/girlfriend from going back to their ex?

Oh boy, I could write a book on this 😂😂😂

65: How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have in 2011?

None that were significant lmao.

66: Is the last person you kissed younger than you?

Older.

67: Do you curse around your parents?

I sure fucking do, but I try to tone it down.

68: Are you happy with where you live?

Yea it’s pretty decent for the price and the town I live in.

69: Picture of yourself?

Tomorrow I’ll post one, promise :) Like I have said before I don’t know how to attach a photo to these on mobile cause I’m dumb shit.

70: Are you a monogamous person or do you believe in open-ended relationships?

Monogamous.

71: Have you ever been dumped?

I have been dumped once, I didn’t like it very much.

72: What do you most like about making out?

All of it ? I like lip biting and teasing.

73: Have you ever casually made out with someone who you weren’t seriously involved with?

I’m a bit of a hoe so yes, a lot of people. Girls, guys. I like to have a good time and I didn’t give a fuck when I was younger.

74: When you kiss someone for the first time, is it usually you who initiates it or the other?

I think not, maybe 68% of the time.

75: What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive?

In a girl, I love curves…hips and soft thighs oh fuck me!!! In a guy I’d say chest and shoulders.

76: Who was the last person you talked to last night before you went to bed?

Joel.

77: Had sex with someone you knew less than an hour?

Shhhh noooooo , maybe, yes fuck D: Maybe it was a little over an hour, had to have been. I don’t know for this one for sure.

78: Had sex with someone you didn’t know their name?

Nope!

79: What makes your heart flutter and brings a big cheesy smile to your face?

Reptiles 😊

80: Would you get involved with someone if they had a child already?

Yes, I would. I did.

81: Has someone who had a crush on you ever confessed to you?

Only a lot. We call them Zanbies 😜

82: Do you tell a lot of people when you have a crush?

I hate the word crush, it’s irritating. I usually would tell a few people.

83: Do you miss your last sweetie?

😂 hehe sweetie? That’s cute. Sure sometimes maybe for a brief second.

84: Last time you slow danced with someone?

Last week, awkwardly in the living room.

85: Have you ever ‘dated’ someone you’ve never met?

Yes? I suppose when I was like 14.

86: How can I win your heart?

You can’t, I don’t know you 😜

87: What is your astrological sign?

Aquarius.

88: What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

Probably the same thing I was doing at 11pm.

89: Do you cook?

I can, I don’t do a ton of it if I can avoid it. I cook for Jasper.

90: Have you ever gotten back in touch with an old flame after a time of more than 3 months of no communication?

I have yes.

91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?

I’m not though.

92: Do you prefer to date various people or do you pretty much fall into monogamous relationships quickly?

I prefer to do whatever it is that I feel like doing at the time.

93: What physical traits do you look for in a potential interest?

I don’t, if I like them I like them.

94: Name four things that you wish you had!

My own house.My own horse.My own storefront/shop.My own dog(s). Presa Canario and Great Dane.

95: Are you a player?

I don’t think so.

96: Have you ever kissed 2 people in one day?

I’ve kissed more than two people in one day.

97: Are you a tease?

I’ve been told I am. I don’t know maybe.

98: Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?

Not someone that I didn’t already know.

99: Have you ever been deeply in love with someone?

Yes I have.

100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?

If I was single, a couple yes.

101: Hugs or Kisses?

Both!!

102: Are you too shy to ask someone out?

Nope!

103: The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?

Eyes!

104: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you babe?

I like it.

105: If a sexy person was pursuing you, but you knew he/she was in relationship, would you go for it?

Lololololololol

106: Do you flirt a lot?

Yea I think I do. I’m flirty, it’s part of my personality. I’m not even aware of it most of the time.

107: Your last kiss?

Was right after he blew his load in my mouth.You so needed to know that, right!?

108: Have you kissed more than 5 people since the start of 2012?

Yes, I have.

109: Have you kissed anyone in the past month?

Durrrrrrrr

110: If you could kiss anyone who would it be?

Jason Momoa!!!!

111: Do you know who you’ll kiss next?

My boyfriend.

112: Does someone like you currently?

Uh I’d like to think the man I’m dating lmao.

113: Do you currently have feelings for anyone?

Other than my boyfriend? Nope

114: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?

I liked flings a lot. But serious relationships have a lot more benefits.115: Ever made out with just a friend?

Yes yes I have.

116: Are you happier single or in a relationship?

I wasn’t very happy when I was recently (before Jasper) single, but I was going through some fucked up insane shit. I wasn’t very happy in my relationship until recently either. I’m still not at times, but no ones relationship is perfect. My boyfriend can be a dick, but I also have a severe personality disorder and several other mental illnesses that affect our relationship. That’s why we go to counselling and work on learning the tools no one ever taught us, so we can actually have a healthy relationship. And oh god yea it’s been shit in the past, and I’ve vented on here because some of you actually are supportive and caring. And sometimes after a long day a few kind words make me feel a thousand times better. But!!! Most of the time now it’s good between us. We are working on bettering ourselves and supporting each other. I still go to bed alone and bawl my eyes out some nights, but I choose to do that. I push him away, that’s my fault. I’m happier than I was when I was single, but honestly every relationship has its issues and you have to keep working at it everyday.

117: Your own question that you want me to answer. Just write it.

Uhhhhhh ok, why do you follow me?