#[ dash commentary ]

[aparticularbandit]

@princescar - can I maybe THIS Swifer

I love making a gag character for D&D, forgetting they’re just a gag character, and then take a step back to look at the original ref

[lorekeeper-z]

Something very funny about us Zinnias getting on like a house on fire as a stark contrast to the Magmas doing... that.

[harteofthehart-ayyy]

WHY IS EVERYONE SENDING ME THAT POST. IVE NEVER FALLEN AND HURT MY BACK IN A PUBLIC SHOWER.

Maybe in a SAUNA once like yknow the onsen in Lavaridge like I’m not gonna pretend I haven’t tripped on a rock and fell on my face there and I’m not gonna pretend I didn’t scream about it and curl up into the fetal position but NOT IN A PUBLIC SHOWER.

An onsen is not a shower. I don’t care. FUCK YOU KEAHILANI

[king-of-wrath]

Apparently, even in the year of Our Lord Two-thousand and Twenty-four, people need this simple chart explained to them at length

[the-starling-files]

"......"

"Coffee first. Important revolutionary changes in society and Hell's hierarchy later."

𝕰𝖉𝖎𝖈𝖙 𝖔𝖋 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝕬𝖌𝖊 𝖔𝖋 𝕴𝖒𝖕𝖊𝖗𝖎𝖚𝖒

" Many of you are aware of the issues that have transpired as of late. The controversy with my son, and all the fallout that has been birthed of this affair. This situation, despite my reluctance to admit it, have showcased the dire need of reform that is necessary for The Ars Goetia to function. I have discussed with our mutual master, Lucifer Morningstar and we have arrived to a joint conclusion. Before I begin listing the changes to come I will give justification through a brief look into our history.

When the rebellion in Heaven failed Lucifer's lieutenants were given their tasks. The sins were given their control over the hedonistic vice of their choice. Alongside them there was us, the Kings and Queens of the Ars Goetia. Our station was to act as minor nobility not tethered to land and sin but to governance. It was our task to rule in the name of Lucifer and his fellows. Thus was the first age of our kin when we Kings and Queens and a handful of what would becomes Earls began the construction of our power and bloodlines.

For centuries this Age of Harmony would go on, the Ars Goetia governed well and selflessly. I do not know the exact time frame that it ended, but as time went on and bloodlines became more powerful with more history a new age was born. This age was one where the Kings, and Queens competed with one another for resources and power. They made alliances through marriage as a means to keep order and their power secure. Factions came into being and the Ars Goetia became a group of wealthy nobles who hardly did much at all for the sake of Hell. We chose to place ourselves on pedestals, lord over the Hell born and sinners we were meant to treat with support. This is what I have come to view as the second age of the Ars Goetia, the Feudal Age.

As time went on and the endless contests and rivalries played out, I would emerge as the King most loyal to our original cause. I would make powerful allies in my piety and faithful service to our master, Lucifer Morningstar. I have traded alliances, bartered my children to maintain my power, and for many a thousand years of effort I have maintained absolute power over our order in all but name. As time has gone on I have only solidified my strength, my legions have grown to the point that I command nearly four times the legions of my closest rival, King Baal. Aside from military strength I have levied my other resources in such a way where the opinions and thoughts of my peers hardly see the light of day and my wealth overshadows them all combined. To summarize, I have won this contest over the Ars Goetia's soul. The people have spoken, our King has spoken. And I am now prepared to begin the third age of our existence, having bested all those who sought to undue us. The Age of Imperium is here.

Effective immediately the council Kings is dismissed and liquified. All former Kings and Queens of the Ars Goetia aside from myself shall have their titles cast aside, replaced by the title of Patriarch or Matriarch. The Ars Goetia shall be governed by an Imperial Administration with myself as its head. I place the crown upon my own head and proclaim myself THE King of the Ars Goetia, and the Tenth Great King of Hell. The Goetia shall continue to define themselves as the Parliamentary class but we shall now have our own seat at the council of nine, now ten.

I do not make this decision simply to take from the men and women who were once my peers. All Patriarchs are to be granted new authority, rather then being a vague individual in our order lording over you all I shall release you. You may each rule your own families as you see fit, no longer will I come to you seeking your aide and children unannounced for marriage. No longer will you be pressured into following my micro management and autocratic tendencies. My chosen cabinet alongside my Imperial family shall see to the governance of yourselves and all else within our designs, we shall not dictate the actions you perform in your politics and personal affairs so long as they do not contradict our own.

For the Imperial family made up of MY descendants I have this edict for you all specifically. All arranged marriages are hereby annulled and the practice is ended. For those couples wishing to stay together you may do so and I shall approve them once again should you elect to continue them. For all others and those who are yet to be wed, you are free to find your love in any way you wish, and with whomever you wish, from a hell hound in the slums of imp city, the royal family of sins, or perhaps no one at all. Let us heal this gaping wound that has placed us in such an unhappy state."

[thaumatology]

Therapy doesn't 'fix' you, it's not magic. It just gives you tools to deal with whatever your problem is.

[battle-subway-ghost]

You guys just need more things to talk about than Pokemon I think

[dannyphantom-fenton]

Okay, I saw a comic of Dash telling Danny he respects his bisexuality and is bullying him as a nerd, not as a member of the LGBT community, and it got me thinking.

What if Dash eavesdrops on a conversation and believes Danny is pregnant?

Obvs this is a trans Danny au, and something happened to Ellie, and Danny is carrying her core. Vlad finds out and is himself about it. However, Dash hears this argument and puts things together in the wrong way.

Vlad corners Danny after school. Dash is staying after to practice for football and is going to practice when he sees Vlad dragging Danny into a room. He decides to listen in at exactly the wrong time.

“Daniel, you must stop being so irrational about this-“

“Irrational! You almost killed her because she isn’t a boy! I barely managed to save her! Now I have to stop taking testosterone because of you, and I have to worry about raising her during high school and putting off College-”

“I can raise her.”

“Not a chance, fruitloop. She’s my daughter.”

“She’s mine as well.”

“You were the one who decided to throw a tantrum and not only create her, but try and destroy her because she isn’t a boy! You don’t get to touch her!”

Cue a conveniently timed ghost attack or call from Maddie, but they leave without realizing Dash was listening in. Dash now has to grapple with the fact that the nerd he’s been bullying is pregnant, and the mayor, who he thinks he’s heard Tucker say is his godfather, is the other dad!

(Dash grew up with them, so he already knew Danny was trans.)

Dash immediately enlists the other A-listers to help him protect Fenton.(Because Dash may be a bully, but he’s not evil. He’s not gonna beat a pregnant man, especially since the mayor has apparently been creeping on Fenton.)

This all culminates into protective A-listers making it known Fenton is off limits and an extremely confused Danny who doesn’t know what’s going on.

[tadcpomni-blog]

The wedding is starting rn!!! Happy wedding (first) anniversary for Ragatha and Pomni!

[fog-with-a-blog]

humans are SO BAD at flirting. this is why we foxes just scream. you can't miss that even from like three miles away

[siirlendikalbimiz]

Dash de kaydırmanızı böldüğüm için üzgünüm ama harika olduğunuzu ve mutlu olmayı hak ettiğinizi bilmeniz gerektiğini düşündüm..

[soughtserenity]

" The only woman he needs to be listening to is me. The rest of you bitches need to find a hobby. Or a cliff to jump off. " Ruthie may or may not have been told to stop being an ass by Topper.

[spiderman2-99]

PSA:

Under any circumstances, do not enter my office or the cafeteria. We are dealing with wild animals that may be dimensionally displaced.

If you find any sightings or evidence of raccoons or chipmunks anywhere else in the building, tell me immediately.

Do not engage with it yourself, especially if you have not had rabies or tetanus shots.

[harteofthehart-ayyy]

What do you mean kids are born and raised in like Rustboro and Lilycove and Hau’oli and Tyamo and shit. Who allowed that.

[songofsilentechoes]

Noelle sighs and breaks out her cigarettes. People casting hate on furries and a heated argument within earshot.

Yeah....she didn't want to deal with this.

[king-of-wrath]

Reblog if you like long-winded lore posts