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the sparkledog of the family
#in my lore they all can transform fully into quadruped wolves but they dont do that often because it is Especially Painful because#of how anatomy has to be extremely altered#but for the sake of exaggerating how ridiculous rozkurw looks when compared to literally everyone else. regular wolves it is#i mean none of them is 100% realistic wolf. they keep their piercings and glasses and such#fiona has small anime fringe. małgo has a bit more dog-like features because shes kinda like an akita to me#man i wanna make an infographic on my werewolf lore theres quite a lot of it. and also proper refs for all the 3000 with lots of info#that most would find unnecessary lol#my art#3000#rory oaklow#<- posting this to the tag idgaf. barely any original drawings happening in there#i do still check it every now and then. love u rory#the sims 4 werewolves#the 3000 the most important sims 4 werewolves. to me. and to yall also
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day 65 drawing len until my preorder arrives
i like that stupid edgy song a lot
requests open! ☆ 3 in inbox (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*.✧
#my art#art#kagamine len#vocaloid fanart#vocaloid#drawing len everyday until my preorder arrives#technically a request bcuz my alter really wanted me to draw this one 😭#dude i completed this in LIKE AN HOUR. CAN U BELIVE IT. IT WAS SO FAST#usually paintings take 2-7 hours....#or weeks sometimes.... im getting better..#scheduled for like 13:00 on Friday so i dont have to draw that day bcuz im going to the doctor 😔😔#if it makes u feel worse the file name for this one was ''black and white ward more like gay faggot ward am i right"#qiekz hall of yay
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tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"
#bakuspeech#number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u#he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up#(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out)#we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment#and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here#but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something#but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku#but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this#this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and#that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing#but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it#its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with#and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually#I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay#but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol#not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real#and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself#and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god#that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao#but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them#have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway
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know that im constantly thinking abt the tag t4t!mai/todo. gotta be one of the most iconic tags ever.
#the fic is abt like a different pairing. we're ignoring that part. but like#trans todo changed my world view. i dont even like him that much but i adore that hc#then again u can trans most jjk characters and id be like yeah that fucks#trans!nanami? incredible as a metaphor#ykw what would alter me? t4t!stsg#i feel like thats already a thing#Trans gojo has 344 fics?? damn#good for him/her/them??#trans geto has 178 fics which also impressive#barely a scroll in and ive found a t4t!stsg fic. ok win.#myle yaps abt jjk
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the villainess flips the script is a really fun manhwa with gorgeous art and my wonderful son luca who is a little bitch who i love so much BUT i will say. the family tree situation as the story has gone on makes my head hurt
#luca buddy im sorry ur family tree has at least one circle in it#somehow the most. ethical? incest? his parents were unknowing um. second cousins? hold on i need to work this out#are they second cousins or are they first cousins once removed. i need to consult charts#I THINK they were second cousins. lets go with that. okay so they were second cousins who didnt know they were second cousins#accidentally having a drunken one night stand and thats how luca came to be. no personal relation and apparently risk of like#genetic issues goes down with second cousins. so i guess its like. the most um. 'ethical'? it could possible be. but still :(#but also luca love interest is his second cousin too maybe? the kid of his blond great uncle???? i dont know man#all so the main character can turn out to be secretly royalty orz TOO COMPLICATED too complicated#although i guess this is how a lot of historical royal and noble families were tho. a bit circular.#that is something i would change tho if i wrote this. first of all i would make judith his bio mom instead of pretending#because i think a fl who had a drunken one night stand the dead playboy brother of her LI is just really interesting LOL#but also i would just like. remove her relation to the royal family entirely#but thats me personally. i find the main character finding out about secret royal blood trope suuuuper boring LOL#but it is common in stories like this so i deal. but in this case i would absolute strike out that plotline. maybe give it to#luca instead like make him look oddly like his great grandma and make the former king obsess over him instead#we'd still get a lot of the same plot beats because of judiths relation to him but just without the loopy family tree JKSDJHDKs#ALSO also i would make lucas relationship with rudiger stronger. NOT SAPPIER like the original in universe novel i like the difference#but i would make them closer in like a shitty uncle who sucks that you hang out with anyway and the shitty nephew u lovingly bully#sort of way. if that makes sense. one problem i have with a lot of villianess stories that have a kid in it is when the love interest like#doesn't have much of a relationship with the kid. i think its lame. i want them to be CLOSE not just like mild coworkers#but thats just me. thats just me#despite all i just said i still really like it. rudiger is cute luca is my baby boy who i love so much and judith is so silly and i love he#great characters even if i would personally alter their relationships
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#sorry i cant shut the fuck up today. i think i just feel worse on the weekends bc i kno i shoulf b relaxing#ppl r telling me to relax. take a break. let me kno how i can help. let me kno if theres a problem. bc my behavior is apparently ya kno like#visibly somethings not right. but how tf am i supposed to relax when i have so much to do#so im stuck spiraling like dont work but also think insistently abt working. but get nothing done. its horrible#mostly rn im stressed abt all the grading i havent done and the work on my masters data i havent done#but its like. something in my head is on fire and it's burning thru all my cognitive energy. i am just trying to keep existing#how tf am i supposed to find the energy to read 45 lab reports? im like illiterate#and idk i just feel bad about coming into a new lab being so sick. i just dont like being a problem#it also does not reflect well on my future career that im being such a flake on things. like sorry if i have to work on my research#assistant data rn i might die ✌️ ugh. itll b fine. i just need to find a way to effectively manage my head#and i keep hearing my dads voice in my head talking abt personal responsibility but like i dont even kno how to employ that. i could suck#it up and double down on productivity but that way leads to burnout and self destruction. do i doubke down on relaxing?#i dont kno how to do that. like u would probably just have to drug me. which is y i do not partake in substances. that way also leads#to self destruction. so what am i do to? cross my fingers and pray for a fluctuation in my general mood?#hope that aliens invade and that an incoming invasion sharpens my focus onto only one single thing?#idk. but my sister is finally working on the fish i askrd her yo draw me. so i gotta think of how i wanna get it tattooed#bc shes not an art person and its an act of indulging chaos to get an imperfect image tattooed onto me#so i might have to do some things to make it make me not insane. i asked for this bc i like causing myself problems. also i was in a#slightly altered state of mind when i asked lol but i stand by it haha. anyway. idk things r just annoying and hard rn as i knew they would#b. and im good at catching myself before things get dangerous but it sucks that i feel like a ticking time bomb of destruction. ugh.#unrelated
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I'm in a Mood. anyone want tarot readings this week? don't ask me anything your fate hinges on like should you quit your job but DO ask me where that thing you're missing is or what kind of meal you should cook or, like, what your cat wants you to know. or just advice for your week idk
I'll be reading with the alleyman's tarot
EDIT: OH YOU SHOULD ASK ME QUESTIONS ABT UR STORIES
#but I can be tempted into reading with the numinous tarot or one of my wtnv decks if u ask extra real niceys#also you can ask me anything lol#i just dont like reading for things that can. like. completely alter the course of your life. do not put that in my hands fjfjdkfjd
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i feel like an ass for asking my irls to like. Not Buy shit from a western artist who knowingly platformed a grifter who would go on to directly cause a friend of mine and one of my alters to attempt suicide. but at the same time its like. are the lives of those people *really* not worth missing out on a kure chan collab w her???
#my post#tired#vent#not gonna mention the artist/influencer in question#bc her fans and coworkers again#harass people incessantly#but if u know who im referring to as kure chan#and u know ab the upcoming collab#u can probably guess#just. dont put her name on this post i dont feel like getting suibaited#or told to kms#or sent gore#or have my url posted on twitter and have teenagers be enouraged to send me hate asks#or any of the shit that happened to the two ppl i mentioned as a result of what the person did#im not leaving her name out of the post out of respect#its out of not wanting to be killed by an alter committing suicide
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ykno how sometimes u maybe 'forget' what u were doing and have to say smth outloud like 'what was i doing?' to remind urself when u prob knew all along? its like when u hear clearly and understand what someone said but go 'what?'. i think thats how i could describe our experiences in more understandable terms.
#checkmates chatter#for the most part memories are shared ykno?#but its an alter specific experience#i dont feel comfortable speaking on a headmates exp#nor do i feel like i can#its not locked away its in vision#but its like theres a clear glass wall between it#for some of us when memory is worse#its clouded and foggy#u can barely see through the glass#metaphorically at least#but yeah#/leo
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Another year closer to 25 🤡
#this is so depressing 😭#because i dont wanna graduate and i dont wanna move out for mba and shadi AND ADULTING JUST FEELS SO REAL WITH EACH PASSING YEAR#I JUST WANT TO STOP AGEING OR AN APOCALYPSE THAT ENDS EVERYTHING BECAUSE GROWING UP IS SO OVERWHELMING#just the fact that im in my twenties and not a teenager anymore is SO HARD TO DIGEST LIKE HOW DID THAT HAPPEN WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN#IM SORRY I WAS TOO BUSY BEING NUMB AND DEPRESSED TO REALISE I WAS GROWING UP AND I DONT EVEN REMEMBER MY 20TH FROM LAST YEAR WHICH IS SOON#GONNA BE 2 YEARS AGO AND THEN ILL BE 30 IN A FEW YEARS AND ALL OF THIS—MY LIFE— WILL FEEL LIKE A BLUR LIKE HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN#im deleting my tumblr on my 25th birthday. thats it#also a very serious question (istg im not being cocky) how do people in their early 20's decide they wanna get married or have kids#because oh boy its like everyone's getting married young and having babies like how do you feel youre ready because that is some MAJOR LIFE#ALTERING SHIT#HOW DO U WRAP YOUR HEAD AROUND IT#HOW DO U FALL IN LOVE AND KNOW THIS IS THE RIGHT PERSON GOOD GOD LIFE IS NOT THAT EASY BUT PLEASE SHARE LIFE HACKS AS TO HOW YOU FIGURED IT#ALL OUT#like anytime i think about shadi its like no im too selfish to share my personal space with another person and then having to interact with#their family is all SO FKING DRAINING ESP WHEN YOURE NATURALLY NOT A PEOPLE'S PERSON#like how do people not get the urge to runaway before their wedding because holyshit my 19 year old self couldnt deal with all that#responsiblity and neither can this 21 year old#like its being stuck between feeling old AND young simultaneously like as a baby why would i want to have my own baby 😭#and oh god the pain that comes with it makes me envy men SO BAD#like its so easy for u to say oh yeah lets have a baby and its gonna be shared responsibility BUT YOUR BODY DOESNT GO THROUGH HELL FOR THE#NEXT 9MTHS AND EVEN AFTER THAT I KNOW MY BODY WONT BE THE SAME AND SUE ME BUT IM NOT LOSING THIS FIGURE AND THEN FEEL SHIT ABOUT MYSELF WHEN#I DRESS UP WHILE YOURE OUT THERE CHEATING ON ME WITH OTHER WOMEN#i know not all men do that but knowing my luck i know i wont be ending up with the exception so fuck marriage and kids and having a family#and then he gets to excel at his career while i raise this kid and then few years down the lane when I consider getting a job again ill be#way behind in my field and i cant be financially independent. how do housewives not feel miserable? how do u make peace with catering to a#family#ZINDAGI KYUN AKELE NAHI GUZAR SAKTE BHAI LIKE IM ALREADY SO USED TO BEING ON MY OWN I DONT FEEL THE NEED FOR A HUSBAND OR BABY#WHY IS THAT THE ULTIMATE SETTLEMENT WHY CANT IT BE A GOOD JOB AFTER MBA#at this point the only way out of all that is death before 25 and im manifesting that for the next 4 years#i missed ranting on tumblr so much omg this feels heavenly
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Im sorry that i keep coming back every half hour but i have more thoughts. One thing ive noticed on twitter mostly is that, when theyre unhappy with a story, people form 2 groups: those who start blaming the characters as if theyre real people, and those who jump straight to "happyele should fire akira". You can have nuance and find a middle ground of normal discussion without getting overly emotional in either direction. Sometimes a character's actions are telling of the writer's personal biases. Sometimes they're highlighting another trait of the character. There's a reason we have both Doylist and Watsonian frameworks of analysis. But i cant expect a huge fandom to sit down and have these conversations collectively.
#i need a proper tl of the hello new year story soon...#and speaking of tsumugi. i got someone being upset(?) that i like an 'ableist character' recently in my tags#i am fairly certain theyre refering to the Nocturne story where tsumugi didnt acknowledge that madonee is an alter#this is why i said sometimes what a character says is indicative of another trait than what you see at face value#to me that interaction was clearly about tsumugi deliberately ignoring that his actions in the war had such permanent repercussions#if you dont acknowledge you traumatized someone then you can continue to think your actions were necessary#im not justifying his actions. if anything ive also gotten vagueposted about that i interpret tsumugi too negatively once#but idk i feel like. if u wanna hate him then hate him properly#you cant interpret a character's actions in a vacuum#theres plenty of characters i find annoying and dont like but i can see their place in the narrative at the end of the day#except for...well. im working on liking him more...ik these jokes are overdone but theres a reason he had mid in his name
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first off, a hundred thousand thank yous for continuing to upload the eps.
second, i'm part way through the premiere and laughing so hard i can't breathe. you could not pay me to believe they planned this.
you're very welcome!!
and they 10000000% did not. that's just lying out of your ass to pretend they did like. there would have at least been a reference that made sense somewhere if this was a master plan backstory they were going with.
#easks#half of s1 is just carlos being like. maybe shes just dead michelle !#ur telling me thats what the plan was then. really.#maybe u can twist and turn all those things in ur mind to make sense now but it definitely still alters s1 LOL#which like. this show doesnt know how long its gonna last or who is gonna be able to come back so its not like its unheard of#i just find this particular thing silly enough to lose a bit of the waning interest i had#it sucks LKFJDSKL I WAnTED IT TO BE AnYTHInG ELSE I RLLY DID#I WAS OK WITH IRIS BEInG HERE in general like that actress is great#it just is bridging into soapy territory i dont think it was in before tbh#THATS On ME FOR EXPECTInG MORE OF THEM#but i also think u should be able to admit smth is inconsistent and not the best (read: bad) writing and planning#and still be able to enjoy it honestly. thats so much tv. i love bad tv.#i dont love this particular bad turn but imma stick it out those boys are still cute
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#sometimes i wonder if i should just go by maryam professionally#i feel like this would extremely lower my chances of getting outed on accident lmao.#all my branding is centered on my renegaedz username anyway like if i switched over itd alter pretty much nothing.#my dad simultaneously being so neglectful but such a fucking busybody and all my transphobic irls literal only reason id need to do this.#in theory i would not have to have literal separate art identities to keep up the facade but then i would have to play a balancing game#but then this means letting everyone i know irl into my little zone lmaooo i hate everyone .#i hate so many of my irls lol you all make me so fucking mad and make me hate being trans so fucking much sometimes.#why do i have to compromise on who i am just so i can fucking exist#'what if i compromise on how i present myself so i dont need to worry about being open about my art ventures'#all this so i can be open to people who i went through hell for over a decade to#connect to who rejected me already just because im autistic . everyday im violent.#people who would want me to fucking die and spit on my existence forever if they knew i didnt hate gay people#let alone that im fucking trans haha ? hahaha yeah so true i should suck up forever and vie for the attention of people#who hate me already and keep me around to be nice#i hate everyone so fucking much sometimes honestly. you all act like youre on some moral warfront fighting against westerners pushing queer#as if historically queerness was pushed out of muslim communities and south asia because of FUCKING COLONIZATION#i fkjhckjhk يا الله the people on this earth are in their stupidity arc#i hate u all i hate u all . acting like we must fight to protect our communities but then turn a blind eye to how u hurt ur communities.#there aint no fucking queer epidemic and even if it WAS haram you know what is worse? fucking LYING. go worry about THAT#vent#sorry i am so insane rn i have suddenly gotten so mad for no reason lmao
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yk when a character says a line in something and u can Immediately feel ur brain start cooking up an introject -_-
#also sometimes the beginning of a psychotic endel moment#but usually turns into somebody im stuck with#like.. theyll say smth so specific and u can just Feel ur brain start tying those threads to u akjhsgkhf#anyways keep us in ur thoughts i dont want any more alters thanks :)))#cutieposts
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EXTREMELY low effort plug n play cover with very default settings mixing i did in like 20 min but im trying out voisona and holy shit tsudumi's 2.0 sounds SO so good
honeymoon un deux trois by dateken (original vocal rin), UST by purblexber
#voisona#vocal synth cover#suzuki tsudumi#needs a lot of work. mostly needs better placed breaths than the default and the legato situation is dire#she just ran a marathon into the studio and immediately started singing no breaks LOL#but man you can hear anju inami's tone clearer here and its great. i always wished she did more solo music#but shes like busy with stage work and whatever else so i understand. so this will do hjkfdhgjkfdgfd thank u anchan for this gift#i dont mind cevio ai's odd max-setting-autotuney sounding engine quirk but man#am i glad they let u have a free voisona license for vocals u bought on cevio because tsudumi specifically i prefer here#she has a warmer tone i think is how id describe it#voisona aint half bad! i do which the pause and play buttons were the same tho but thats a problem i have with cevio too#and i do need to alter the shortcuts because rn ctrl scroll is zoom vertically instead of horizontal which is...lol#but every audio program will have ui quirks so i dont mind. fl studio keeps killing me with the shift scroll not being scroll timeline#and instead being move audio over?? bizarre. oh and i guess voisona keeps glitching out the text in the top bar for some reason#i do like the vibrato editing settings tho. its not super precise it seems but its fast
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#....#.......#..........#...........#..................#think i have osdd#idk though. ive heard it can be one of those things that like... therapists can sometimes suggest to a patient & then the patient sorta#starts to see symptoms that arent really there?#but like...when my previous therapist suggested it it kind of made sense already. like it was a reasonable conclusion#but i did start to notice more symptoms and tbh my memory sucks balls esp when i'm upset. so i can't say for sure#if i was experiencing those symptoms previously#and honestly i dont really have much in the way of distinct childhood trauma. lots of low level trauma but i'm p sure it has to be like...#yeah#like...idk. i feel like it explains a lot in a way that most other stuff just... doesn't.#idk. ive thought i did in the past but mistook something else for alters and im scared im just. doing it again#but like. idk. this one feels a little more likely considering that like... while they never said the word 'osdd' they u#sure did talk a lot abt parts/switching/etc during our sessions and said they thought i probably had at least two other parts#and like... idk i think im at a disadvantage here bc i know terminology and definitions used in did/osdd/etc communities but like#they literally gave the textbook definitions of a little and a persecutor alter when they described what they'd observed#and its just. idk. honestly osdd has always sounded a little bullshit to me bc like#maybe not /everyone/ functions like that but i feel like most nd people or traumatized people or w/e at least experience some level of like#idk arguing with yourself in your brain?? a constant back and forth of 'i'm such a burden i need help on everything im sorry im sorry" and#'you manipulative piece of shit youre just burdening everyone more with all your bullshit traumadumping' etc etc etc#and isn't switching just. mood swings?#(this isnt me doubting the validity of the disorder i just feel like. maybe i just am terrible at regulating my emotions)#idk anyway i just. i really do think it fits. im just worried
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