#[ barney's coming to bully you into self care ]

[lloyd283]

Custom dead end ep 2: I was a teenage barney.

Hey all, today I'm sharing my next custom episode, this time focusing on barney and his teenage years.

We begin post S2 finale with barney at home, alone as he laments pugsley and tries to remember his teenage years. Specifically, let's revolve around yr 11. We see barney in a school hallway with his locker with wrestling detail and some essentials including a special vest as it's America (if set in uk, get rid of vest bit here) and he's getting picked on by bullies when a man helps him up and barney questions himself as he falls for him. Fun fact, each episode features at least one appearance of Lloyd, and here he's moving in the crowd uncomfortably and in the school's chess champions photo, out of place, somehow. I think everyone was in turtlenecks that day.

At home, barney considers the fact he may be gay. However he feels like something else is missing. The next day, they hit it off and barney agrees to a visit to a zoo, when we cut back to present day and he's not getting better, crying more when Patrick enters the room, seeing him crying and decides to give him a hug.

Back to the zoo and it's awkward as barney's trying to come to terms with the bullies present at the zoo too, leading to a confrontation. It ends with barney locked in a small janitor closer as the person he fell with revealed he led the bullies over because he thought barney was a freak, unable to decide who he wants to be. A hurt barney stays inside before a janitor opens the door and lets him out, giving advice that he can be whatever he wants to be, and to confide in himself foremost in which he thanks him and races towards the bullies. He confronts them with self-confidence and dishes teenage vengeance within reason before returning home, in which we hear him openly be honest that he's trans and gay. Of course, after this, he wouldn't be open until the events of the show or when he talked to younger pugsley about himself.

Present day, logs arrives after his parents were concerned about how he's handling events in which he replies "badly" and the group hug. Elsewhere in another reality, a private investigator group unearth documents relating to Phoenix parks Europe.

Next time:

The best nightmares never end at phoenix park Europe's dead nights, with all new experiences for fall 2010. You won't stand a chance against Alligator anderson in ghost town. Take a chance with XOh in dead man's wager, or even experience dr love in a new fantastic stageshow themed to Halloween.

Enter xoh's show set as you face fear to the max in pursuit of your ultimate goal, your life. But be careful what you wager as red you win; black you lose and remember, the house always wins...

Dr love comes alive in a new stage show, as Dr love tries to mend a broken heart on Halloween night. You know what they say: true fear comes from within...

What evil has taken root? Alligator anderson is back as a vengeful ghost, hellbent on revenge against dynamite doris and justifier Jones. As visitors in this quiet town, you're caught in the crosshairs...

Our latest nightmare: dead end takes you back through time as you and your friends face an ancient evil in the iconic dead end residence. Miss bonapart, ever the lonely soul, built a golden elevator unaware of the horrors spilling out. Step inside and escape the nightmare if you can, as once you're in, there's no way out.

With 3 haunted houses, 2 shows and 3 fear zones, what more do you want? Pauline phoenix can't wait to meet you. Remember, the only thing left to fear, is fear itself...

[agirlwritingthingsforgirlstoread]

The Autobiography of a Neurodiverse Oreoette (Can Shorten to TANO (or just....NO)) Chapter 1

I warn you. This writing piece might come across as a bit pitiful. I'll write out all of the trigger warning before I get started. This writing will contain childhood suicide ideation, bullying, Marxist musings, social rejection, social anxiety, adulthood suicide ideation, anger management issues, empathy deficiencies, so much failure, and maybe after all of that, just sprinkle of acceptance and hope.

This author has loved writing see the beginning of time ( yes really), and may or may not be partially stuck in some mixture of childhood, teenage, and young adult reasoning. This author has also spent most of her life alone, so please forgive any misperceptions on the outside world. This author can only conceive of what is in her head, a side effect of her neurodiversity. This writing will likely not be written chronologically, but the author hopes that the order makes some sense to the reader. This author wishes the reader luck on this journey.

Now that the disclaimers are written and the audience is established, let's begin. There are things that are different, but in a normal way. Let's take fashion. For decades, centuries, millennia even, each generation has felt a need to reinvent their expression of themselves through the clothing adorned on their bodies. In high school in the late 2000s, skaters and their admirers waltzed through the halls very tight jeans that hugged the ankles, known as skinny jeans. Other students wore bright red lipstick, and dark hair, a reflection of a vampire obsession caused by Young Adult novels. But the perceived norm were expensive shirts from labels like Abercrombie and Fitch, Hollister and Aeropostale, maybe with a pair of flip flops from Bebe. There were norms, and accepted deviations from those norms. Deviations could mean you were treated with hostility from the accepted norms, but there were usually at least a handful of people to clump up with in the cafeteria, even on the furthest points from the norm.

And then there are people like me, who wore clothes from elementary school, that were untaken care of, who who thought less of her appearance because they had read Dr. King and took his statement on being "judged by the content of their character" as literally as possible. This was not a deviation from the norm, it was an attack on unspoken values that our culture holds dear, it is never socially acceptable to look "unkept" or as if you just rolled out of bed and threw on garments. That is not a fashion statement. That is a failure to do humaning correctly. And so one might imagine the confusion at the way may classmates ignored me, snapped at me for asking questions, moved away from me when I approached, and held a general disdain for my existence. You also might imagine that when others respond to a person negatively, that person may be inclined to do some self reflection and change things about themselves to covert to more acceptable ways of being. But not me. My brain works differently. Like many students of the Barney era, I was taught that uniqueness was a prized possession, and I was stubborn enough not to change, even when facing painful isolation. After all, if all of your friends jumped off a bridge, you wouldn't do it too would you? Yet another idiom that I took literally. Nuance was not, is not my forte. It really doesn't help that flat out rejection of social norms are usually not met with kindness, not from students or adults. My parents and teachers, god bless them, were just as curt and cruel as the students in school. I think the most cutting comments about my appearance came from my mother, and my stubbornness and unwillingness to let go of my core principles, that a person's appearance has nothing to do with who the person is on the inside, caused a household where compliments were non existent (at least towards me), and violent outbursts were the norm.

There's that word again, norm. See, another unspoken rule is that it's okay to be cruel to kids if they are failing at grasping one of the basic tenets of society. There was so much sympathy for her .How could she have been cursed with such an evil child? We know she's evil because of how she looks. Surely these acts of cruelty we witness are acceptable because when a child exists outside of the rules, the abuser is justified in any and all attempts to force them into compliance. Particularly true if the child has very poor hygiene, like I did/do. That would exhaust the compassion of any reasonable person, thus violence is a completely fair response. I wonder if his is how terrorists groups justify their behavior.

End of Intro

[trickshxt]

barney, king of “oh my god you do NOT live like this so help me I will kick your ass myself then stock your god damn fridge and make you food”, while also spiraling and living off of peanut butter sandiwches and tortilla chips when his ptsd is kicking his ass

he’s taking no criticisms on this point at this time

[myblueeyedbuggers]

My Boys

Chapter 11

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14

Pairings: Steve Rogers X Reader (Best Friend) Bucky Barnes X Reader

Word Count: 1531

Warnings: Language, Bullying Themes

Summary: After being abandoned by her parents in Brooklyn in 1929, y/n makes a living for herself by working for the Црни лабуд gang until she meets two boys in a back alley and her life slowing begins to change.

Eyup my Loves! so it’s been a while since I last added to the story, I tried my best to keep my writing similar to my previous chapters, let me know what you all think! any advice or constructive criticism is welcome :) I’ll shush now, enjoy!

(This is what I Imagine Annetta to look like :) )

So, in case you were all wondering, the day didn’t get any better. I mean I kinda knew that kids my age could be massive A holes to each other, but I didn’t really expect to see it literally the flipping second I ‘walked’ through the doors. And by walked I mean dragged by the duo known as my own personal demons, or Steve and Bucky to the rest of the population.  A crowd of kids were all gathered around a row of lockers, loads of the shitheads were cheering and encouraging whatever the hell was goin’ on, and as I was about to find out it wasn’t a surprise performance by Frank Sinatra. Safe to say that was a bigger disappointment that diet coke. Anyway, what was I saying ? oh yeah, stood at the front of the crowd were a bunch of lasses that couldn’t of been older than 16, in their hands was a bunch of eggs and flour. At the bottom of their feet, on the floor, was a kid around the same age as me, her glasses were snapped in half and the bottom of to shirt was ripped, but what disgusted me the most was the fact she was begging for help as these girls smashed egg after egg into her face. You know how bulls lose their shit when they see somethin’ red? Yeah imagine that but 10x worse, the lads didn’t have time to stop me as I tore through the crowd ready to beat the ever-loving shit outta these pricks.

“‘OI! WHAT THE ACTUAL SHIT ARE YOU DOIN’”  the crowd fell silent as the girls turned to me with what one can only assume was supposed to be a ‘threatening’ glare, if I’m being completely honest it looked like they’d all simultaneously crapped em self’s. One of the girls stepped forwards, she was only a tad taller than me, her hair was a bright red, her green eyes were narrowed at me like she couldn’t believe someone was actually talking back to her. I think this is the part where I yell surprise right ? no? okay then. “Not that I care, but who the hell do you think you are? You got any idea who I am?” she sneered at me, oh my god! I’ve found someone with a bigger ego than Bucky. How in the hell is that possible. “well from first glance I’da said Santa Clause’s ex-wife but I reckon he’d have a better taste in girls now I’ve seen you up close”. And que the outraged gasps from her minions in 3,2,1…. I could hear a few people laughin’ and if I weren’t mistaken a very loud “Oh Jesus wept” from barney boy. Oooh yeah that’s when I know I’m doing my job right.

“YOU BITCH!” she screamed at me, her grubby little hands started swinging towards me in such an exaggerated way it was almost funny, I mean come on anyone coulda seen that comin’ from a mile off. And like the genius I am, I literally just side stepped her as she lunged forward,  an’ from the look on her face she weren’t expecting that, it was like the world slowed down as she surged forward unable to stop herself. Well that was till she landed head -first in the bin. I’d be a big fat liar if I said I wasn’t on the floor dying from laughter. Her legs were flailing above her head as she struggled to pull herself outta there, her cronies tried to help by grabbing her legs but that ended with one of em sporting one heck of a shiner on her right eye. A small sniffle pulled my attention away from the rather hilarious sight, glancing behind me I saw the young lass still on the ground, holdin’ her glasses which were in half with tears rolling down her cheeks. “hey, it’s okay now, they’ve gone. Here take my hand, lets get ya cleaned up eh? Reckon they’re be a bathroom round here somewhere”. The lass didn’t say anything to me, only looking at me with apprehension before taking my outstretched hand and leading us to the bathroom, the sound of the crowd growing quieter as we moved further away from it. “Thanks for saving me from Monica, she’s been bullying me since we were 11, nobody’s ever stood up for me before.” Her voice was so quiet, it shook from the effort it took her to hold back her tears, and I admired her strength, not a lotta girls woulda gone this long and not tell a teacher. “Don’t worry about it mate, I’m sorry it took so long for someone to defend ya, my names y/n by the way, don’t think we’ve met” her brown eyes met mine, as a small smile spread across her face, I couldn’t really tell what colour her hair was but I’m guessing it’s a shade a brown,  other than that she looked like a completely normal person. “My names Annetta, you’re right we ain’t met yet but I’m glad we did”.

-Later that day

It took us ‘bout 30 minutes to get all the egg off Annetta, best we could do was wash it off and cover up the stains with the cardigan I leant her, but what really put the icing on the cake was the teacher in period 1 yellin’ at us for being so late. The temptation to yeet my shoe at someone had never been as strong as it was in that moment, fortunately for the overgrown turnip of a teacher I had to settle for a mean ass side eye. And man was it a mean one.

Apart from that the day had gone by with no more incidents, well unless you count me chasing Bucky round the canteen with a carton of milk for stealin’ half my lunch, much to Annetta’s entertainment and Steve’s embarrassment. I mean the butthole deserved it, nobody and I mean NOBODY messes with my lunch. Even blue-eyed boys with a smile that could charm the devil….what am I sayin’?!

ANYWAYS it’s now what? 4th period I think, which meant English with Annetta, and maybe my favourite boys in the world. Shakespeare and Charles Dickens. Bet ya thought I were gonna say Steve and Bucky right? Well they’re currently sat behind me debating who’d win in a fight, Popeye, or Bugs Bunny. I’m surrounded by idiots. Thankfully, the teacher walked into the classroom and saved me, Mrs Davis seemed like a nice woman, she had a friendly smile and roundish face, her hair tied back into a neat bun as she took a seat. Now I’ll save you the boring bits, she started the lesson with a pop quiz which was just plain rude, about halfway through it the door burst open and there stood my best friend in the entire world. Monica. I have to say I loved her new style, the schools P.E kit really brought out the judgement in her eyes, did you detect my sarcasm yet?.

You wanna know what made her entrance even more dramatic ? the lovely aroma of gone off milk and rotted banana skins that followed her around the room,  I could help the smirk on my face as everyone around me started gagging at the smell. If you ask me I reckon it’s an improvement, I mean she certainly captures the attention of everyone in the room. Monica’s face started to match her hair, quickly racing over to Mrs Davis to give her the tardy slip before taking her seat which just had to be across from me, whoopee for me. Eventually Mrs Davis got the attention back to her, carrying on with her lesson, which moved onto matching up the famous English literature quotes with the character and book. To be fair this was actually a load of fun for me, even if Steve butchered a line from Romeo and Juliet, I don’t remember Shakespeare saying, ‘ A rose by any other name would smell as bad’. The way I banged my head on the table made Annetta think I broke my neck. Fun times people.

Of course, my reaction didn’t escape Mrs Davis’s attention, just my luck eh?. “Miss y/n, seeing as you seem to know everything, answer me this. Elizabeth Bennet is a main character in a well-known book, she’s known for the quote ‘I am a no bird and no net ensnares me. I am a free human being with an independent will’. The question is who is the author of this book is it A) Charles Dickens B) Jane Austen or C) Arthur Conan Doyle ?”. Is she being for real right now?. “Miss? With no disrespect the question itself is wrong, that wasn’t said by Elizabeth Bennet from pride and Prejudice, but said by Jane Eyre, and it was written by Charlotte Brontë”. A small smile spread across her face, which was confusing as all heck and a tad creepy to be honest, “very well-done Miss y/n, that’s the first time a student has gotten that question correct.”……

What in the name of ever-loving fluff just happened?….

So our girl is back and kicking butt! hopefully it’s not as bad as I think it is, and again I want to thank you all again for being so patient with me, good news is I’ve got the rest of the book written already! I’ll be posting them at least once a week.

Lots of love,

Rose xxx

[asthearrowflies]

Cursed

Word Count  1068

TW: Mature Audience , Abuse , No self worth , loss

Clint Barton

CBB bingo  -  Middle Square  Birthday

Picture drawn by Essoulfe found on Google

Summary

First Dark fic so be kind . Clint never has had a good birthday. So he belives that his birthday is cursed . Lots of sad Clint moments

Story

Clinton Francis Barton at the age of five  had just started to discover what other children had that he simply did not. Like Birthday Parties.In his Kindergarten class it was birthday season, One of the boys, James a friend of Clint was having a party at something called Chuck E Cheese. He was so excited when he got the invite . He waved it at Barney when his older brother came to collect him.

“Barney Barney” He called excitedly

“Clinton whats up short stuff Good day at school” He asked putting on the Captain America  backpack on the younger boy. It was a little faded and ripped but Clint didnt mind It had Captain America on it , He didnt know it had been a dumpster  find, that Barney had gone searching for when Clint had told him he was going to be a Hero some day

“Im going to a Birthday”Clint informed him with self importance

“A Birthday? “Barneys heart sunk for the boy “Really now” He found himself asking as they headed home , taking the long way around, in the hope that Harold, their father would be passed out drunk. It would give Barney time to distract him hopefully. Talks of Birthday and the mysterious land of Chuck E Cheese  kept invading his plans . As  his bad luck carried on just as Clint asked his mother about the birthday, and would not take the hint . Harold back handed him enough to make him to bruise on his face . Meaning days of missed school . Clint didnt mention birthdays again. It was a bad word that made his father angry.

Time moved on as it always did, things staying the same, his father drunk or hitting out at his Mom, or occasionally him and Barney. Barney was his quiet hero. Keeping him safe, protecting him. Something that contuined well beyond his years,.He no longer needed a fictional picture on a faded backpack  . There was one time  Barney wasnt there . It was on his six birthday he tripped up , waking up Harold who then in a drunken rage punished the boy , hitting him hard enough to loose some of the hearing in his left . Birthdays was  a bad thing , a bad bad thing.

Clinton liked the  circus there he didnt have to worry about bad words, not catching words  when he tried to listen  to foster carers. The boys had been thrown into the system after their parents had dued. It hadnt stopped the beatings, and the fact he was bullied more on his birthday, an extra punch  or locked up. Once again Barney had been his hero and come to save the day. Barney was his hero  bringing him to the Circus to live.  Here there was no bad words , no birthdays, no school or ripped clothes Just hard work, and talent. Praise was earned and brand new  to the young teen. Barney didnt like Clint getting the praise or the fact by ten he was a star attraction instead of helping backstage like Barney did. So once more Clint became careful of his words , of his actions in the bid to make his brother happy. He was careful not to question Barneys dissaperance at night. Yet still he did something wrong when Barney beat him and left him alone .

He was just  fourteen when he first got his record. Processing him for the crimes Barney and his gangmates had left him to take the  fall for. He would spend the next few years in and out of Juvenile prison system. Not that it could hold him . During this time his birthday got fortten he didnt need it. He didnt need a hero . Hero's left you alone, without a home . He created an identy while on the street Ronin. An Archer for hire. He wasnt a hero, just a man with a bow. Not caring why he had a job , he just wanted money and a place to live. He didnt care for anything .Not his heros just the money.

His Heros came for him though . Shield came for him in the form of Coulson. He wanted to hire the archer and self trained assasian. Clint was cautious , waiting  for  the reject once more. His assignments grew and they tested his ears. Gave him aids and slowly tamed him alittle. The young archer had created nests, hide aways where he could be secure. A habit that didnt go away even though Shield became a family of sorts, he even brought Natasha to its folds. He wasnt sure at first  if that was  a good idea. She tamed him a little more , teaching him how to accept friends as she in herself learned  forgiveness. He was surprised that on meeting Steve Rogers , the man from his backpack all those  years ago , he was a little unawed by the blond. More intrested in the man with the metal arm Bucky. Although he let down his walls he still would not risk a birthday . Taking missions when he could arround the time of the day of his birth. When that didnt work he took to finding a bolt hole and drinking till it was over.

It just wasnt worth risking another bad birthday that would  take this life  from him. This time he wanted to keep a family even just for a little while . That was his one hope, not to be rejected by the other Avengers. He was after all the weaker one of the team. It was why he didnt miss on his shots , to prove his worth to them all,

He just couldnt go back to the streets, to be alone once more. It would break him he was sure of it

So no more cursed birthdays  He would do anything to keep his place here, do anything they told him, go anywere  they wanted . Just to be a part of something again, because even though he had tried to stay distant as they promoted him to Shield Agent, to Avenger . He found being in Shield he found he missed being part of a family , being part of a team and it would hurt being  on his own again

It might just break him for good this time ….

@averyrogers83 @shield-agent78 @withoutadoubt-bingo  @marvel-ouslythirsty  @threeminutesoflife @ past-perfect-future-tense   @phoenixwithoutadoubt @clintbartonbingo @darkbuckybarnesanon

[cwartsy]

I think Baxter would be strict as a parent but fair. He’d make his children do chores from a young age to make sure they learn responsibility and know how to take care of themselves as adults. He’d be firm with his rules but every rule he has would be within reason and within his children's best interest. He’d also believes he and Alastor should follow the same rules in place for their children while in their presence because otherwise, it wouldn’t be fair on them. But he takes it a step further. He thinks he and Alastor should face the same consequences for breaking the rules as their child would. For example, somebody on Tumblr came up with this headcanon that if Baxter’s child swore in front of him, he would pop a tablet in their mouth that would be harmless but disgusting. So they learn they learn not to say that word if they don’t want the tablet. I’m totally on board with this but I think if Alastor swore around their child, he’d get the tablet too.

Alastor meanwhile would be much more laid back and mostly focuses on having fun with his kids. He’d find any mischief they have to be delightful and probably encourage it.

Despite being the stricter and more serious parent, Baxter is more than capable of being fun for his children. He is kind of a not-now-I’m-busy parent since he’s a workaholic but instead of telling them that, he’d tell them, “Just a moment, darling. I’ve just got to get this thing done and then I’ll gladly play.” And he will. He’d finish up whatever he was doing as quickly as possible and join in on the fun, even if he was planning on working for a few more hours. He’d play games with them, he’d muck about. He’d make up new games so his children are never bored. He’d delight in making them smile. 

Alastor is kind of a troll when it comes to disciplining his kids. He’d come up with many creative and terrible ways to punish his kids if they misbehave. For example, say his children grew up hating a character on TV. Let’s say, Barney the Dinosaur. Because everyone fucking hates Barney the Dinosaur. He’ll tell his children if they didn’t behave, Barney the Dinosaur would come. This would work for a while but naturally his children stop believing it. But Alastor would be prepared for this. When that day comes, he’ll hire someone to dress in a Barney the Dinosaur costume and come to his house to “entertain” the children. When really, when that purple dinosaur comes through the door, the kids jaws will drop in shock an horror. They’ll be as good as gold until they’re old enough to realise that was just some guy in a costume and their dad is an asshole. Then Alastor will wonder why his children have stopped talking to him all of a sudden.

They would decide to educate their children at home rather than send them to school. That’s how Alastor’s parents educated him and to this day, Alastor believes they couldn’t have made a better decision. Meanwhile Baxter’s first job was as a school teacher so he’s very confident he can give their children a good education. Especially with Alastor by his side. 

While they would be confident in their decision, they would be concerned that it might isolate their child and deprive them of a social life, as school is a main place for children to make friends. So their solution would be to send them to as many clubs and activity groups as possible so they can spend time with other children, and also so they can try new things. 

They would like their children to learn to play a musical instrument but wouldn’t force them if they didn’t want to. If they did want to however, family jamming sessions would be common place. 

Wouldn't hesitate to send their children to school if they told them they wanted to go. 

Alastor would definitely be the type of parent to sing his children to sleep while Baxter would read to them every night.

Baxter would be pretty insistent on sending his children to martial arts lessons so they can learn self defence. Unless they inherited Alastor’s powers, then it wouldn't be nessercary.

They would both be ferociously protective of their children. You don’t want to know what would happen to someone if they hurt their kids.

They’d background check all their children’s boyfriends/girlfriends as soon as they start dating to ensure their love life is happy and loser/douchebag/creep/homicidal maniac free.

If a potential partner turns out to be particularly concerning, no one ever sees them again.

If their children ever have any problems with bullies growing up, they won’t for long. 

They’d watch children’s shows with their kids. Partly to spend quality time with them and partly to monitor what they’re watching and ensure it’s appropriate. They quite enjoy it despite the gruelling baby and toddler years when nearly every program they watched made them think, what the fuck is this? Is this supposed to be educational? How? I feel dumber watching this!

They watched Caillou with them once. Caillou is now banned. 

Captain Pugwash is also banned. You can imagine their horror when the captain said, “Ready the sails, Master Bate!”

Since having children, Baxter has developed quite an extensive list of things banned from their household. But to be fair, all of the things on that banned list are very reasonable. Such as no flamethrowers, no crawling along the ceiling no and no eating anything Angel Dust bakes. 

They would both set their own parents as examples when raising their children but in complete opposite ways. Alastor adored his parents. He would always take their parenting methods into account when raising his children and often use them himself. He would ask himself what his parents would do whenever he faces a difficult parenting problem. Baxter on the other hand, despised his parents and long ago vowed never to do anything they did him to his own child. Everything they did, Baxter would see as an example of what not to do. 

They would certainly consider adopting a child. They may even choose it over involving a surrogate mother or creating a child themselves with their DNA and various forms of science and magic. They might adopt and have their own children but regardless of where they got them from, they would love them equally. 

[dirtycoolcatconfessions]

COOL CAT DVD PACKAGE FULL ANALYSIS

  As some of you may know, as a birthday present I have finally received the Cool Cat movie from a friend of mine. Seeing as I am the self-proclaimed front-runner of the ironic Cool Cat fandom, I feel it is my duty to provide you all with my full analysis of all that comes with this monstrosity, so strap in fellas, this is gonna be a long one.

  Here's an image of the full package:

  Alright, let's start off with the "Thank you for your purchase" type paper.

  Right off the bat, let me say that every paper (bar the "poster", though that one is still preeeetty bad, though I'll analyze that when we get to it) is literally just standard-fare 8.5x11 printer paper. Now, let's start from the top. It says "Cool Cat Productions" as opposed to Derek Savage Productions, what he listed in the movie from what I can remember, so that's pretty strange. To the sides you can see two horrendous pictures of the cartoon form of Cool Cat, which both look like they were drawn in different art styles, with the one on the right for some reason reminding me of some kind of old 2D Chuck E. Cheese drawing, and the other on the right appears to be crying out in pain with weirdly-detailed clothes, a curly pig-like tail, and looking like a failed attempt at perspective. After that it lists the website, (nothing new here) and the email, which uses Yahoo, which I find fairly unsurprising.

  Another thing I love which shows just how much love and care (sorry, "love" and "care") Derek puts into his products is the fact that it doesn't even specify what you ordered, (in addition, the fact that it lists "bookS", since Derek doesn't even have the Cool Cat books for sale, and the Cool Cat Stops Bullying book comes with every purchase of the DVD, and soundtrack, of which they don't sell at all, though I believe Derek stated something about wanting to sell it in the future) which really lets you know that Cool Cat Loves You in particular and cares who You are as a person. (The capitalization is really weird throughout the paper, especially when listing the various products you could have bought, really lending to the "Copy-paste" feel of the whole thing, and the Cool Cat Loves You part somehow evokes a ™ without one even being there.) Further down it asks you to print out free "Cool Cat Loves You" posters (instead of just saying Cool Cat posters, for whatever reason) which is strange for a vast number of reasons. First of all, the poster section of the website is NO LONGER ON THE WEBSITE, and second of all, using the Wayback Machine to go back to an instance when there was shows that the 11x17 "poster" is identical to the poster received in the movie package, which makes you wonder why you would want a second one. 

  (One fun thing to note about this image is the fact that promises that Cool Cat greeting and birthday cards are "Coming Soon!" which I feel really shows you just how much commitment Derek has towards his projects.)

  Back to the original paper, we reach the bottom third of the page, we have Derek begging you to tell everyone you know about Cool Cat so that they know it's time to cut off all ties with you, followed by a call to follow the official twitter @CoolCatLovesYou, officially confirming that that twitter is indeed the real one, fucking weird and not-so as it may seem. Then there are a number of images of potential merchandise you can buy, mainly consisting of the horrendously drawn books that Derek isn't even selling because he's "still looking for a publisher." (Yeah, he couldn't get anyone to publish his books, what a fucking surprise, right? In addition, upon incredibly close inspection of these low-res images, I found that they don't even list the "Illustrated by" that's shown on the Cool Cat Stops Bullying book that came with the movie, since Derek wasn't actually the one who drew this shit. And it's not because it was only on the Cool Cat Stops Bullying book, since among the books on here IS that exact book, sans the "Illustrated by" like all others on the page. I just found that interesting.) Finally, reaching the very bottom of the FIRST ARTICLE OF LIKE 6 (told you it was gonna be a long one) we have a reminder to visit Cool Cat online for Game"s" (There's only one game on the Cool Cat page, "Cool Cat's Fun MatchGame") "Cartoons" (Neither of the two cartoons are accessible from the current page anymore) and More! (Which if by more you mean continuous self-advertising, shitty web design, and child-unfriendly content that can be easily clicked to from the page.) 

  Alright so, the next article, well, honestly I'm not sure what to call this one. It's got two sides, so let's start with the side I'll probably spend less time on.

  Alright, so I guess this side is some kind of info paper? Still not sure what to refer to it as. If you notice at the top it lists the quote that's on the cover, "Cool Cat is Cooler than Barney the Dinosaur!" and I would like to bring to attention the fact that the quote is attributed to Ben Daka, the producer of Cool Cat Loves You, which helps in making the quote seem as incredibly unbiased as possible. (Also yeah, the fact that someone actually produced this steaming pile of dogshit surprises me likely just as much as it might you.) It proceeds to list the summary of the movie, saying what kinds of movies it is, etc. etc. etc. It also lists that it "Includes FOUR Original Cool Cat Songs" however as someone who has watched the movie before online when it was on Youtube for a brief day or two before getting taken down, I can say that there are only two that actually play in the movie proper, "Cool Cat Boogie" and "Cool Cat Loves To Rock", while one is only in the movie as an instrumental while the actual lyrics are only in the DVD menu from what I can remember ("Cool Cat is My Best Friend") and the other only plays during the credits, and is just the song from the now-defunct Cool Cat "cartoon" ("Cool Cat is Cool") however the one in the credits does have an instrumental track behind it, but I'm too lazy to find somewhere you can find that version at the moment.

  Moving on, we have the "STARRING" portion of the page, in which it lists Vivica A. Fox and Erik Estrada despite their 2-3 minute appearances. In addition, if read from right to left, then it technically lists Vivica first, and even if you do read it from center outwards, the way it was likely intended, it still has Derek listed where you would most likely begin reading instead of Cool Cat, which I feel really shows off his vanity.

After that, we have the imperative ">Get Your COOL CAT Today<" which makes it sound like some kind of cat adoption poster or something. After that there's the blatant lie of "We Appreciate Your Business" followed by a statement saying that discounts for schools, libraries, and stores are available, which honestly makes me wonder if there are any places that even carry the movie that aren't online. Also it's kinda weird that they'd have that on one of the papers that comes with the movie. Does Derek expect people to be so blown away by their movie that they just have to bring this flyer to stores and shit so that others can feel the joy of the movie? I don't fucking know this entire analysis is just me talking to myself and probably pointing out shit you could have noticed yourself, but hey if that's not what the blog itself is I don't know what is. Anywho, another fun thing to note is the fact that according to the flyer, the runtime of the movie is 75 minutes, which actually makes it debatable as to whether or not it could actually be considered a film. Final thing to note of this side is that I was indeed correct in my previous assumption that the movie was supposedly made by "a Derek Savage Productions" as opposed to the "Cool Cat Productions" stated on the earlier paper, which is weird.

Anywho, next side of the paper, let's go.

  Now this side, this side infuriates me to no end. It's pretty much one glorified advertisement for the movie you already purchased. To save on time, I think I'll probably speed through this one tbh since the last time I wrote this thing it took me like 4 hours and it mainly consisted of pointing out every little thing on the page, so I'll just give the main things. First of all, why the fuck would you advertise your own movie in the flyer that comes with the fucking movie??? In addition, why does it advertise the books? As I previously established, the books aren't for sale, since Derek's still looking for a publisher. After that, it states that there are Cool Cat eBooks, which I'm pretty sure there aren't any, and they wouldn't even need a publisher I don't think. Also, just to point out, Derek actually managed to misspell merchandise as "MERCHINDISE" at the very top.

  The movie also claims to be a "DOVE AWARD" winner. After some research (I.E. one single google search) I found that the "Dove Award" is actually an award given to exceptional Christian music, so unless the soulful ballad of "COOL CAT IS COOOOOOL" won one of those, I find it highly doubtful that its correct. Next to it, you can see a logo with the words "FAMILY APPROVED" and "ALL AGES". This is the "award" Derek was actually talking about, which is really just an organization that makes sure that movies are family friendly, which sure is a real fucking accomplishment. Below that the flyer claims that it's **STARRING** Vivica A. Fox & Erik Estrada, who really nailed their 2 minute "starring" roles. After that there's some quotes, including one by the late Adam West, may he rest in peace, saying "Cool Cat is Cool!" despite the fact that on the Cool Cat site the quote from West actually says "Cool Cat is Fun!" which shows just how trustworthy this quote was, plus the fact that Derek most likely got the majority of celebrity quotes by walking up to them and asking them to say it. After that there's a quote of "I Love Cool Cat!" from Bo Derek, an actress starring in such great films as Tarzan the Ape Man,  Bolero, and my personal favorite, Ghosts Can't Do It. (All of those films had incredibly negative reception btw, apparently all three of which won her three seperate Golden Raspberry Awards). Finally, below the advertisement for some hideous hats and shirts, there's the godawful pun of "Get Your Cool Cat Purr-chindise" which manages to misspell the latter half of merchandise again, though on the current website, it says "Purr-chandise" so Derek had to have fixed it sometime, but seeing as this flyer is advertising the hats which only just came out a month or two ago, this flyer was made recently, so I don't fucking know.

Moving on, we've got the Cool Cat Loves You Poster.

  The first thing to note is that the poster feels like it was made on 11x17 printer paper, and all-in-all feels really low quality. In addition, it's fairly creased and banged up since Derek apparently doesn't know that you're supposed to roll up posters when shipping them. The main thing I want to note that stands out to me is the fucking background. When I first got it, I thought Derek, like, spilled coffee on it or something, but when I went to look at those posters online using the Wayback Machine, I found that it was completely intentional. I have no worldly idea why anyone would think that this would make a good background, since it gives off either an accidental coffee spill vibe or a 1984-esque dilapidated post-apocalyptic "Big Brother is Watching" sign from it.

That's about all I have to say for the poster, so let's move on to the keychain.

First of all, I'm debating whether or not to put this keychain anywhere since I would probably run a high risk of getting the shit kicked out of me. Anywho, there's not much to say here, it feels like a generic truck stop souvenir keychain, except the fact that Cool Cat is weirdly not centered is bothering me.

Here's the back side to the keychain.

  Again, not much to say, other than the fact that I never want to see the question "Got Cool Cat?" ever again.

  Now we have the book that came with the movie, Cool Cat Stops Bullying. Here's the front cover:

  As you can see the art is fucking hilarious and it looks like Cool Cat is being held at gunpoint. And again, I'd like to point out that it wasn't even Derek who drew this, it was some guy named Robert Rainbow. Imagine paying someone to draw your book and getting this in return. Also, fun thing to note, Daddy Derek is actually a cat in this one (Yes, that is actually supposed to be Derek, since Cool Cat refers to him as Daddy Derek in the book) which poses the question of why the ever-loving FUCK isn't Derek a cat in the movie? (I'll tell you why, it's because Derek still thinks he's hot and wants to show off his "body" in the movie, plus the fact that he was likely way too cheap to have more than one costume made, though it could have easily been avoided by not having the parents, namely Derek, show up often, or in such complex scenes, etc etc. You get the drift, it's just lazy and self-aggrandizing).

Following that, there's the back of the cover.

  Again, not much to analyze in detail, except for the fact that Derek would apparently charge $3.49 for this shitty thing, despite the fact that you can read it in around 2 minutes or under.

  After that there's the side of the cover, which actually has some sad little tidbits of its own.

  If you look closely enough, you can see that the book is fucking stapled together, which I find hilariously depressing. In addition, the publisher is sourced as "Blue Thunder Books" which from my extensive google searching towards the topic, doesn't seem to be a real publisher.

  I would love to post every page of the book itself, but I feel like that might be grounds for some kind of copyright takedown from Derek, though I'll continue looking for some legal way for you guys to see each page, since each one has an illustration, and they're fucking hysterical. Here's a single image for you guys as a little teaser:

  Anywho, onto what you all have been waiting for, the main attraction, the only thing that was purchased and all this other junk just came with for free: The movie. You all have probably seen the box a hundred times, so there's not much for me to analyze there, but here's the front:

  One thing I'd like to point out that I haven't seen anyone else discuss is the fact that Derek and Maria, though most notably Maria, are incredibly low quality and poorly cropped in, to the point where you can't really even make out Maria's face since it's so blurry.

Here's the back:

And here's the side:

  What's interesting to note here is the fact that on the top of the side there's two little icon image things, one of Cool Cat, and one of Vivica Fox, both of which are pretty low quality.

Anywho, enough stalling. Time to open this motherfucker up.

  I'll be honest, when I first opened this thing up, the first thing I noticed was the smell, oddly enough. It's really hard for me to describe, though I will say it's a weirdly bitter, sour smell, maybe something like glue mixed with something else. I have no idea. Anywho, as it was previously pointed out by YMS, the image on the disc is literally a fucking sticker. Unlike YMS's, however, is the fact that it doesn't come off just by breathing on it, so I'm guessing it was just glued to the disc. In all honesty, I haven't even put the disc in my computer to play it yet, since I'm afraid I'll either somehow get a virus from it or that it'll melt inside my computer. I'll just put it in.

Okay, so after putting the disc in the DVD the Disc Drive I got this.

Alright, so there are two folders, the audio one is empty. Great. Then there's the video one.

No idea what this means. Guess I'll have to play it on a DVD player for now.

  Anywho, I guess that there wraps up my analysis! It was mainly me just blabbing on and on about things you probably don’t care about, and doesn't really have a conclusive "end'' or anything, but hey if anything else pops up I'll be sure to notify you guys. Thanks for reading this far if you did, and hopefully Tumblr won't crash before I can post it this time.

[zero-point-energy-field]

HL headcannons - part 1/???

I might do more of these but idk.

Here goes one for Gordon’s life before the Black Mesa Incident, even if I don’t feel like it’s detailed enough but if I will take time to add more detail chances are I would never publish this because perfectionism is a &*@!#^% :

Before BMI, Gordon lived a rather nice life, despite the fact that there were some tragedies that unfortunately occured in his life.

  He was born around early 80's. He had an older sister who was 7 at the time he was born, and they were raised by their single father. His mother divorced him a few years after Gordon was born. He didn't remember her well but from what his sister told him she never was a good person. Whether it was because she tried to deal with her departure or it was actually true is up to debate, but it was true that she wasn't the most responsible of people. Their father however, always tried his best to take care of his children, often staying for long hours to make money for them to survive and live nicely. He always felt bad about that, so he also always tried to take time to spend with his kids whenever he could. Gordon and his sister would often spend long days and sometimes even nights alone, once they got a bit older.

Gordon quickly developed an interest in science, something his sister was also interested in, but while she was more interested in chemistry and medical things, Gordon was intrigued more by what science fiction books and movies were showing him.

He always was a very curious child, wanting to get to know the world around him. He was intrigued by all sorts of sci-fi inventions, and wanted to build his own. While being very nerdy, he was also quite a quiet child, never really being vocal about anything. Despite being very clumsy and weak-ish, he was quite an independent kid. He was also obsessive about the things he was into

And in the beginning he couldn't really communicate/connect well with other kids, he was also bullied by older kids in his neighbourhood for some time. He used to spend a lot of time alone, he didn't really want any friends as well which was worrying to his family and teachers. However he never complained when he had to spend time with his family, in fact it was one of those events when you could see him be happy (other being when he’s reading about scientific research on teleportation, aliens etc or trying to build his first inventions) They supported his interests, especially his dad despite the fact that he always felt like the different one because he was more of an "artist" type. He loved playing his guitar and singing and was passionate about music. He would often bring it to cheer his kids up, and played on it whenever he felt like it. He wanted to be a music star, but because of family duties it became impossible, he was ok with that though. Gordon loved music as well and he was told many times he has a great singing voice, but he was always too shy to sing

As he grew older, he became more confident.. some would say too confident. He started having friends, even close ones. His interests still were science (esp. physics ofc) and making inventions, and he would still be very VERY nerdy about them.... Which is why he was the "please don't tell him anything about science or he will start to ramble for another two hours about things we don't understand" guy. Despite that, he was still liked, now he was just seen as odd and quirky more than anything. Gordon struggled with some subjects at school and was quite a troublemaker, but he was still liked by his teachers. His intellect was noticeable right away, but so was his stubborness and rebel-ness.He wasn’t loud or cocky, but he sure liked to prove that he’s right about things. Because of his love for everything science related, he didn’t focus much on other subjects. His secret “guilty pleasure” were literature classes. Gordon had a  talent to get into trouble despite not wanting to be involved aka. when his friends were doing something crazy, he was a part of it, which meant that he was usually the one who had to figure out ways to get out of what they got him into. He was always “that last guy”, but it didn’t irritate him much. He still liked them, he thought that at least his life is interesting, after all, it's not like there are any major consequences to care about, they always seemed to get out of them fine too..... well, for the most part. Because of a dare, he once blew up their science class because of being careless. At this stage in his life he wasn't bullied much, but even when it would happen from time to time, he had a healthy distance to what others would try to tell him. He knew his self worth.

He was seen as quite a social guy, very talkable and smart, some even would claim he's handsome. He didn't really get into any relationships, though he thought about it. He mostly focused on his dreams of working as a scientist and doing what he always wanted to do. Teleportation, further space exploration, potential alien contact and inventions like laser beam guns among other things.

At the same time, he wanted to be around others; His friends and family were really important to him. They motivated him. Even when he would claim to be selfish, everyone knew that he cared about others. A legend says that once a full moon, on a bonfire by a nearby lake, surrounded by his friends he would sing and charm anyone around him

He felt proud by his achievements, perhaps even too proud. He thought his life couldn't be any better, he had everything he wanted. His sister began to work to get her degree in chemistry, he himself soon got into MIT and things only seemed to get better and better.

Unfortunately, because of his visit to Innsbruck his passion towards science calmed down. Teleportation was in its infant stage, not to mention other things,it wasn't easy to get into a research lab either. His dream was to get into Black Mesa, the second biggest there is. He began teaching as a teacher in a public school for a short while, he was quite dissappointed, but still thought that everything was going to be fine.

Except one day while driving to his job he got caught in a car accident. They told him that his injuries were very serious and that it's a miracle he isn't even more harmed. But the ones he did recieve were enough to cause brain damage and broca's aphasia. He can understand what others say with no problem, but he completely lost his ability to speak. the only sounds that could come out of him were ones he felt ashamed of, causing him to not want to even attempt rehabilitation despite being told that it’s possible for him to regain his voice. He was extremely shaken by that event, slowly developing depression

After some time, he got to know that he got accepted to Black Mesa, all thanks to his old mentor at MIT Isaac Kleiner. He decided to treat it as a chance to start a new life, he got the dream job he wanted to get, he thought he deserved to get. He was excited, even if deep inside he feared that it might not be what he expected. And his first days were spend on getting to know the place, visiting his friends living in there such as Eli and Isaac. Spending his first days of work around Kleiner and getting to know Barney. Barney at first having difficulty understanding Gordon as he didn't know ASL, which Gordon learned in order to avoid any attempts of speaking, thinking he was a weirdo, but soon enough getting to know him better. They started to have "talks" about aliens and conspiracy theories while goofing off around Kleiner.

Even if he was feeling better, something was still hurting him from inside. Ever since the accident, he had trouble sleeping and often ended up falling asleep late and so waking up while being late to work. And one day he thought things will be like they usually were.

but things turned out differently.

Traits of adult Gordon before BMI:

Curious, open, ambiverted, talkative, a bit fearful but also a bit egoistical, snarky, kindhearted and warm, energetic, passionate, proud, rebelious but not loud, stubborn, intelligent, troublemaker, optimistic

Gordon’s fave music genres: Rock, Alternative, Electronic, Experimental, Retro (20′s - 50′s music)

His fave bands: Aphex Twin, Eels, Daft Punk, King Crimson, Kraftwerk, Beck and Led Zeppelin

Fave movie: Doesn’t have a one because he can’t decide, but loves a lot of sci-fi B-movies, The Fly is among is favourites too.

Favourite books: Return from the Stars & The Futurological Congress by Stanisław Lem, Foundation series by Isaac Asimov

Favourite color: Sunflower orange

[parabcllums]

⌜   PHOEBE TONKIN, CIS FEMALE, SHE / HER   |   angel of small death and the codeine scene by hozier, melancholic, the amy elliot dunne   ⌟    ⏤   blink and you’ll miss MONICA LAUREL BARTON, the TWENTY FOUR year old daughter of CHARLES BERNARD “BARNEY” BARTON ! they’re an UNDERGRAD student at paragon academy, and i’ve always found them to be pretty SELF RELIANT & RELENTLESS, though i’ve heard that they can also be really SARDONIC & REACTIVE. i don’t think getting their way is a smart thing to do - everyone knows that their ability is SEXUAL PROWESS & VIOLENT SELF DESTRUCTION. redirect to her stats page HERE and her pinterest board HERE.

what did you EVER do to deserve THIS?                 in all PROBABILITY, something terrible.

SECTION ONE OF TWO: BULLET POINT HISTORY trigger warnings: talk of alcoholism, drug abuse & dealing, death, murder, jail, physical assault / abuse and attempted rape

only daughter of barney barton aka trickshot ( a barely functioning alcoholic ) and jacqueline taylor ( a barely functioning addict of whatever she could get her hands on quickest ), MONICA LAUREL BARTON was born on the fifth of october, 1994, in waverly, iowa.

up until she was three years and two months old, monica lived with both her mother and her father in a rundown farmhouse on the edge of town that had most certainly seen better days. it was never perfect - but in those first few years that flew by far too quickly, there was a kind of balance. it WORKED. barney had his issues. jackie had hers. but they were TRYING. jackie had been clean for six months. barney was more on the wagon than he’d been in twenty years. and then - like so many addicts before him, and like many more that would come after - he fell off of it again in a spectacular fashion, going on a weekend bender that didn’t come to an end until he stumbled in on the tuesday morning right before monica was supposed to be dropped to playschool. he toppled into and knocked the rickety kitchen table and proclaimed, LOUDLY, that the baby could have a day off and spend it with her pops - and as jackie tried to hold her out of his reach ( and the range of his alcohol soaked breath ) she had an epiphany. SHE COULDN’T DO THIS. monica deserved better.

she had two bags packed with essentials just an hour later, and after loading up their shared car, left with monica in tow - never stopping to look back or reconsider. they settled in iowa falls.

she’s four, five, SIX, and her memory of her dad is dim, if not completely gone. she’s growing up, FAST, and jackie can barely keep up - and sometimes, barely keep it together. a prescription pill here and there takes the edge off enough to get by. monica is walking and talking and conversing now and she asks sometimes where her dad is and why he’s never come to her recitals - she imagines, like every little kid in her situation would, all the things her dad would do, and all the things she’d show him, and yet when he turns up out of the blue in a wrinkled old suit, a court order in his hands that says he now gets supervised visitation - she’s suddenly struck shy.

it takes a lot of those supervised visits for her to open up to him. he’s not exactly what she always imagined her dad would be - he doesn’t always know how to respond and never has any ideas for the games they can play in their few hours together - but she makes do. she realizes that he doesn’t know the rules of monopoly or the life game so she asks him to read to her instead, and over the next few years, they got through a lot of books that way, TOGETHER. it was nice.

she was eleven when her mom died. she came home from school early, and she didn’t get a reply when she shouted her greeting. she searched all of their tiny little house, jackie nowhere to be found, and when she came to the bathroom door that wouldn’t budge, she KNEW she had to call someone. the first person to come to mind was her dad. she remembers sitting on the steps out front, while he broke down the door that was locked from the inside - she remembers hearing his shout, and then his cries, and then, a little while later, the ambulance sirens as they approached the house, but it was too late. when she thinks back now, she understands the word OVERDOSE. at the time, it didn’t really click.

a lot of things had to be smoothed over following that. she couldn’t just go home with her dad - no matter how much she had cried and begged as the cops had led her to their car, KICKING AND SCREAMING AND BITING, to wait for social services. over the months that followed, monica was shuffled from foster home to foster home while barney fought the courts. she wasn’t a prime adoptee, so he had THAT in his favor - but there was a lot of hesitancy in allowing him full custody when he hadn’t had that sort of access to her since she was three years old. too much hesitancy, in fact. not a single person he came up against thought he would be a suitable guardian, and no amount of appeals were overturning the initial NO.

monica was old enough to understand, when her dad turned up in the middle of recess and urged her to leave with him, that it probably wasn’t a good idea. but he was the only familiar thing she had left. he was her DAD. so of course she went with him - against court rulings she didn’t have any knowledge of - and after an extended stay in california ( she remembers the beaches, and the ice cream, and how it was the last time she and her dad were really HAPPY ), they made a triumphant return to the now uninhabitable barton farmhouse, in waverly, where she hadn’t lived in YEARS. as they had pulled up in their tiny little car, he had turned to her with a bright eyed smile and said they could fix it up together again - just like he and her mom had, years before. the caravan out back was only supposed to be temporary. it WASN’T.

in spite of that, they had a few months of perfect serenity. for a while, barney held it all together, and monica got to just be a KID. then he fell off the wagon again - LIKE CLOCKWORK - and things changed. they always had a couple of months peace before a great many more months of chaos, and over time, monica learnt to be the grown up. she was old enough now to know that wasn’t right, but young enough, and with just enough experience of the system, to know that she didn’t want to go back to it - and it wasn’t great, but at least she was with her dad, right? and sometimes, SOMETIMES, she’s lucky enough to be sent away. sent to the OTHER barton’s.

the weeks and months that she would sometimes spend with the other side of the barton family are now memories that monica holds close to her heart. they’re something that she SMILES at, when remembering, in spite of herself. they welcomed her with open arms. the kids, her cousins, became her BEST friends - ESPECIALLY ava. uncle clint was always kind, and aunt bobbi…- at a time when monica needed an older woman in her life, aunt bobbi was everything she could have wanted and MORE. she wishes she could have been better, for them.

she wishes she hadn’t ruined things.

fast forward again. she was a bratty fifteen year old with a tongue sharp as a knife and a new name, now, given to her by her new favorite cousin - NIKKI. it was meant to be a name of love, but it fit the image that she had cultivated for herself. more out of school than she is in it, she’s a party girl. AT FIRST, she drank at them to be a part of the IN CROWD that never really did accept her, and then, she started to take a little bit of something stronger to help her have a good time, and then a LOT of something stronger when she realized it would help get her through the sleepless nights and days when she was taking care of barney and making money i the last deadend job she had instead of going to school. she was far too young to be so exhausted and taking on all these roles that she shouldn’t have had to, just to get through life, and they didn’t really have all that much money, so when a friend of another ex tells her about a job she could do INSTEAD of waitressing or delivering newspapers, she was ALL over it.

the first time she meets CALLUM MAARX, it’s in a denny’s parking lot. he’s easily TEN YEARS her senior, but she’s flattered by the attention that the overly charismatic man she shakes hands with gives her, honored when he calls her PRETTY, touched when he says he knows that she’s a SMART girl. she was. but not smart enough to say no to waverly’s most DANGEROUS drug dealer.

SHE wasn’t dealing. that was what she told herself. it wasn’t so bad when SHE wasn’t the one working a street corner and waiting for people to come on by. she was just moving his gear from place to place for him - delivering the sales wherever they needed to be. sometimes that meant skipping school for a couple days to catch a bus across the next state. sometimes it meant feigning interest in visiting the other barton’s, just so she could be nearer to whoever it was she needed to see. sometimes it was the guy next door, and she didn’t have to go ANYWHERE. she never knew, for sure, where she was going or what she was doing until she got a text to say she was needed, but she didn’t want to know, either - something told her, even then, that the less she knew about what she was doing, the BETTER. she was sixteen, when she decided to drop out of school and quit her small town jobs to start working for callum FULL TIME.

she realized, at a point, that callum got paid a whole lot more than she originally thought based on her ‘wage’ for each bag she delivered. she had been grateful, of course, at least at first. the huge amount of money coming in meant she had been able to fastrack some of the ‘never completed’ renovations on the house - she and her dad were able to move in, in that first year, and out of the caravan that she had been BULLIED for over the previous few years. but she got greedy. she was trusted, by then, enough that she thought she could get away with skimming a little powder off the top in lieu of paying for her own growing habit - and she got a BLACK EYE for her efforts, and a tarnished reputation that would come back to bite her, later.

she was a MULE and an ADDICT. she wasn’t trailer trash, anymore, wasn’t the girl that she had always been TEASED for being, but in a lot of ways, she was WORSE. back then, though, she still had HOPE. she believed the best of people. when her high school invited her back for prom, nikki knew it was a mistake to go, but she had never been to a DANCE - and she really, truly, thought that it would all be OKAY. she goes in a dress that probably cost a lot when it was new but was a hand me down, from ava, and she facetimes her aunt to show her what makeup she had done, and when she gets there, she flies under the radar - keeping to herself, and really attempting to ENJOY the night. she gets voted prom queen. she protests, but the crowd is impossible to push against, all the fellow students she had left behind making her head towards the stage where the head cheerleader, the SHOE IN, declares her WHITE TRASH QUEEN and shoves a scepter made of beer cans into her hands while her friends place a crown made of the same atop her head. she had always been quick to RAGE. always had trouble, keeping herself in line. her first instinct was to throw both back at the girls who had given them and exit for the nearest bathroom, to cry. her second, as discovered an hour later, when the would have been prom queen went looking for her boyfriend, was to bang the prom king in the backseat of his car. her third, ejected from the prom once and for all, was to head to CALLUM’S PLACE and ask for something STRONGER. something she had never TAKEN before. that night is the first night she tried coke. it’s not the last.

she turned nineteen. it felt like every weekend, she was bailing barney out of the local jail. she was running drugs across a couple towns, or even a couple STATES, and during the days when she WASN’T being a MULE she was working as a chef in a shitty two star restaurant that hadn’t seemed to care she had no qualifications to be working around food. she had received her GED, and she was taking online courses because a part of her was hoping she could still make something of herself, but she was acutely aware, now, of the fact that she was living a life no one would have been proud of. and things got worse. somehow, they still could.

she realized what her dad did for a living for the first time when his “friends” turned up one afternoon, while she was trying to nap on the couch. she’d only seen them a few times before, and had always been told to leave when they were visiting. more often than not, her dad would disappear with them for a couple days and come back with more money than she could make in a year - but it was always gone quicker than she’d ever have spent it. something must have changed. she wasn’t being told to LEAVE.

instead she sat in and she listened to them talk about their next heist. SHE WEIRDLY WASN’T SURPRISED. they left and came back the next day, and this time nikki served them food, and when there was a break in the conversation as they all went quiet, trying to work out how they could get past a certain level of the security that had them BAFFLED - she dropped a suggestion. it was a good one, and she was allowed, if not ENCOURAGED, to make more. before she knows it, she’s fallen down the rabbithole and pulling off the rare heist with them - all the while continuing to run drugs and doing all the shitty stuff she’s always done, pulling herself in every direction to make things work.

and then she had just turned twenty one and she had a moment of epiphany, not unlike her mother had years before. as she’s looking down at the plans for the next job and whittling the time away until she has to go and pick up her next delivery from callum, she realizes, blankly, that something had to give. she was doing jobs more often now with her dad and his “friends” ( she learned there were airquotes around that word the first time one of them put his hand on her ass during a meeting, as she went around the room with a cheap cheeseboard. no friend of your dad’s would ever do that ) but she’s built up quite the reputation for herself, running drugs for her OWN “friends” ( she’s always known the airquotes that are there. ever since that first and last time, callum had been suspicious of her - and every so often over the years, he’d get it in his head that she must have stolen some of the product to fuel her own habits or even taken some of the money for herself, and she had broken ribs and fingers and bruised eyes and chipped teeth aplenty to show for what had happened each and every time ) - and something would have to give. at this point, she knew she was tempting fate, and eventually … fate was going to bite, hard.

even now - nikki can’t believe she was wrong. she thought it would be shield, or another government branch, who’d catch them out on one of the heists and haul them all to jail. there’d been times where they were only two steps ahead and had almost been able to TASTE the shitty prison food, they were THAT close to getting caught. she’d always sort of believed that was going to be what happened, and she’d let her guard down back home. she was waverly’s best drug runner - she’d stopped thinking that that part of her life, and CALLUM, were even a danger to her. that was a mistake.

here’s the truth: a guy in iowa city, a loyal customer of nearly eight years, had finally hit the bottom of what had seemed like an endless supply of money to waste. he had 180,000 of a 200,000 bill - meaning he was 20,000 short. nikki didn’t realize. it wasn’t her job to count all the money she was being given - she just had to get it from a to b.

here’s the truth that callum convinced himself of as he drove to her farmhouse at 3:40 am that same night, FURIOUS: she had obviously been given the 200,000 by his loyal customer, and she’d taken twenty thousand and hoped he wouldn’t notice.

her dad was out, drinking somewhere in town, or maybe already safe in a jail cell for the night. she didn’t know. a part of her didn’t care, either. she was asleep on the couch when he pulled up outside. when the furious banging had started on the door she had assumed that it was her dad, after forgetting his keys again. him, or the cops, hauling his ass home.

sleepily, she had gotten up and went to open the front door - but as soon as the lock was undone, it was pushed VIOLENTLY into her, and she couldn’t regain her balance in the time that it took for callum to launch himself at her. they fell, him on top, his weight CRUSHING. he had always had a temper. a BAD ONE, like HER. she hadn’t always known - had once thought him CHARMING - but all the injuries she had ever been given at his hands, all the times she had found herself in a&e over the years since she had started working for him, they could all attest to the truth. this was different, though. this was MURDEROUS, a kind of rage that she had NEVER seen before, and it was obvious that before they got to the finale, he had thought of one OTHER way that he could make back the money he thought she had stolen.

nikki wasn’t much of a fighter. she had never been formally trained, sloppily using her fists to solve her problems, but never really knowing how to land her shots PROPERLY. but she was a SURVIVOR. that had shown itself clearly enough throughout the years. she had survived the system for the three years she was in it. she had survived her dad, and her life, and she had pulled together SOMETHING out of nothing for herself. even SHITTY, her life was her own. she struggled beneath him and he hit her, over and over, but between it, he was finding a way to begin tearing at her clothes - making his way THROUGH them - and gods, she wasn’t going to let this happen. she REFUSED. there was an old iron doorstop in the front hall, that had been in the house since her grandparents had owned it. things were happening FAST, he was already at her underwear, she could barely move, but she stretched her arm as much as she could, grimacing through the pain, and she REACHED, and REACHED, and strained her fingers as far as they could go -

she was a SURVIVOR. she wasn’t going to die. she wasn’t going to let him get what he wanted, either. she doesn’t remember actually hitting him with it. she doesn’t remember how she KEPT hitting him with it, tears streaming down her face, until he fell away from her and she was able to move away. he wasn’t moving. a half an hour later, she was sat on the front steps of her house, just like she had when she was eleven. WAITING. except this time, she was drenched in blood and tears and waiting on the cops that she had called, not her dad, and the person that was dead inside wasn’t her mum, but CALLUM.

she didn’t get much of a fair trial. it was far too cut and dry. on the stand, everything came out - all the things that she had been involved in with him, all the things she had done without - and since he couldn’t face HIS crimes, she DEFINITELY needed to face hers. she was sentenced within a month to seven years, minimum, without a chance of parole.

she served three and a half. then, in january this year, the door to her cell swung open and she was told that she was being handed over to SHIELD custody. some sort of a new SCHEME. nikki hadn’t signed up for any - and knew she wasn’t likely to have been considered, even if she had - and naturally, her survival instincts kicked in. she kicked and screamed and kept telling them she WOULDN’T go -

and inside the room she was lead to was a shield agent. they wanted information on TRICKSHOT - still at large, under the radar ever since his daughter’s arrest. they figured she would have everything they needed, and they told her she could WALK FREE ( or, well, more free than she was at present moment - she would have to stay at PARAGON ) if she told them what she knew about charles barton and his associates. she would have been a fool not to agree.

SECTION TWO OF TWO: POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS / WANTED

foster families she lived with for a time, between ages 11 and 13 ! she bounced from home to home a lot, so she’s prob.. stayed w a lot of ppl.

a tutor !

party squad ! i have a wc for four ppl i think that she parties with, but.. gimme.

old clients ! people she would deliver to, people she rubbed shoulders w cause they knew callum. if ur character is ANY sort of a gang member, then we could prob work smth out where callum.. worked w them or smth!

flings ! current, previous, whatever

i think it’d b super fun to have that guy she slept w at prom sksk he was prom king , was dating the girl who crowned nikki ‘white trash queen’, and ,,, kinda lowkey got used , but like , it’d be FUN .

hmmm ANYTHING.