#[ addressed to idk. evil intern no. 3

[etruatcaelum]

🍁 + /chinhands/ hi, which fairy tales are written by Salem?

“I do not,” she says, silk-soft, “…think highly of fairytale.” The question is not uncommon. Salem doesn’t like it, but she can allow that, having been made aware of Ozma’s fanatic control over the development of popular folklore, it is only natural to wonder about hers; so she does make an effort to conceal her impatience with the subject. Flatly, she adds: “That was always more Ozma’s purview. All the more so now. Truth—” A venomous smile. “—is the greatest threat to their design.”

That is not to say she’s made no contribution. Disinterest in strategic manipulation of folklore aside: she is hardly exempt from the desire to tell stories, and in times past—well.

It is just rather painful to think about.

Her mouth presses into a tight, unhappy line. “The… Gift of the Moon,” she murmurs, “has its roots in a story I used to tell. Some of the oral traditions of fauni in southeastern Anima date as far back as my presence among them, although the modern endeavor of assimilation with humans has… diluted that influence.” A thin sigh. Dismally, “Esoteric texts of unknown origin are usually mine. Ozma never did have much respect for occult pursuits; easier to maneuver where they do not think to look.”

She smiles, sly.

“But I do not write fairytales, no. Fairytales are the stories people tell each other about me; I am not their girl in the tower.”

[nailgunstigmata]

@certifiedeccentric yeah ofc!! i realized i was probably a bit vague on this dhdjdb putting it here instead of comments so i can hide for the cws

ok so yeah cws for everything dennis childhood trauma related and also for me thinking way too deeply about the bed pooping show about horrible people <3

this is all me making stuff up and extrapolating from what i think would fit the characters but to me its just further confirmation of how frank influenced the twins and particularly dennis, since so much of his mysogyny is picked up from frank and thats the angle he takes in repressing his trauma, aka a woman cant rape a man since the man always has the power, so sleeping with an older woman as a minor is cool and not statuory rape. its exactly the kind of fucked up outdated belief system that frank has i think. so yeah frank fantasizing about sleeping with an older woman in middle school?? huh. u could argue hes joking but its frank. i dont think its too farfetched to say that he wasnt. i dont think its too farfetched to say that thats a genuine belief he holds and held in the past. so yeah

and its interesting to me that frank represses and minimalizes his trauma too!! like i know hes a joke character but he still obviously carries trauma that he doesnt address and thats played for laughs so i think its natural that dennis should have picked up on that, especially since sleeping with an older woman is, in his mind, supposed to be an achievement and something to be proud of. so even if hes uncomfortable with it and doesnt really understand why and even if it doesnt really feel like a good thing despite being supposed to be one, hes never been taught how to adress feelings like that. frank doesnt talk about things and i dont think barbara did so why should dennis?

and frank might not have actively told dennis those things verbatim, but im pretty sure he signaled it through his actions at least. thats where the book excerpt kinda confirms my headcanon, because even if frank was joking (and im not sure if he is because. well. hes frank) thats still him as a fully grown adult talking about sleeping with a older women when in middle school. you know, middle school, the one you go to aged 11-14 (thats what the internet said at least im not american lol)

also maybe thats me being annoying about the trash twins but dee showing the video is such an interesting thing for me too because it just kind of rubs you the wrong way, like it seems almost cartoonishly cruel. and i know that this is the worst people on earth show and dee is supposed to be evil and all that stuff but i do think that her feelings on the original event are kind of conflicted if that makes sense?

i think that she recognizes it as something fucked up that happened (because she literally rightfully points out it was rape) but she also still has internalized way too much of franks bullshit to really aknowledge the severity of it? and i dont mean that in a „she wouldnt hurt dennis like that“ way, but in a way where she still struggles with the internalized misogyny from frank and also her own baggage from being sexualised at a young age with the beauty pageant thing despite on a logical level knowing that its wrong.

idk i think it fits with how dennis and dee were influenced by frank in general, how dennis follows his beliefs more and dee seems to reject them on the surface level but obviously still carries tons of internalized mysoginy around and falls victim to it even when she knows that frank is being gross and in the wrong.

also dee literally says a woman cant rape a man in times up. she says it to justify her own actions maybe but it still seems like something she believes in. she felt secure in women not being able to rape. i mean. i dont think i even need to say more here!!

also dont forget frank pimping dennis out and how dennis let him treat him. also remember dennis saying he doesnt want to get a beer and frank praising him :) that last ones kinda unrelated but remember it anyways

tldr frank gave dennis the mindset that led to him still being unable to accept his assault as assault which makes the ireland scenes between them even more insane <3

ok and what if i said that franks crush on eleanor roosevelt in middleschool has very upsetting implications when it comes to dennis‘s unwillingness to accept his trauma? yes im taking the joke section about frank wanting to fuck eleanor roosevelt seriously because it fits perfectly into my headcanon. frank says „the things she could have taught me“ what do you expect me to say about that. come on now. there was a reason dee made fun of what happened

[nothorses]

i don't remember if i've sent a similar ask before but i just wanna talk about how i feel that my political stances (while ideologically consistent and aligned with my personal values) are out of place where i live.

i live in a country where violence of all kinds against women is insanely common, which results in two things i'm conflicted about: the very eager internalization of radfem rhetoric in the few social circles where feminism is even accepted, and pretty extreme social media callout culture (similar to the metoo kind) which spirals into cancel culture.

i know for a fact that saying shit like "kill all men" and "all men are evil" is unproductive at best and harmful at worst. but this is just one example of the sort of rhetoric that is very very common in the most progressive of feminist circles here - it's literally the tip of the iceberg. i feel like i can't speak out against it (as a trans man myself) because i would be offending every woman who's had a horrible experience with a man. it would undoubtedly be seen as "incel behaviour" or misogyny (i actually got called an incel the one time i did it lmao). and anyway that just makes me wonder how we can ever manage to embrace a better form of feminism without first seeing progress already, so that refuting the aforementioned statements (and the feminism they represent) isn't seen as a personal or misogynistic attack. and if things do get better on their own, who's to say that people won't just take it as a sign of radical feminism working? idk it's really confusing

in a similar vein, i despise cancel/callout culture, but i don't know how to reconcile that with my support for victims who speak out. every time someone does that, it triggers a movement of others following suit, but this eventually spirals into attempts to cancel people for very minor incidents that can easily be learned from and moved past. i don't see any point in encouraging people to speak out as long as they're doing it for "good reason" because obviously that's kinda hypocritical, so that leaves me with two options: either nobody speaks out about anything or everybody does about everything. both of these lead to harmful outcomes, whether it's a toxic culture of silence and suppression (which is already a problem here) or a toxic culture of demonization and not allowing growth at all.

i know this doesn't sound great lmao, but i formed most of my feminist opinions based on the things i saw on tumblr and other online spaces (plus some readings by historical feminists) that i felt were logical and effective. the problem with that is that all these spaces are predominantly white - which i am not - so the things i read are mostly by white people. and it leads me to wonder whether, even by critically thinking about the content i consume and forming independent opinions, i'm trying to apply a mostly white solution to a non-white situation. that implies that the brand of feminism i practice and advocate for is only useful in white spaces. it acknowledges the intersectionality of race, class, and gender but it doesn't feel like something that is readily acceptable to my own community - and i don't really blame my community for that either. so i wonder: is it my feminism that's the problem or the situation we're all in?

anyway. idk this is just some stuff i've been thinking about, especially since all the current tumblr drama started again. thank you for reading. stay safe <3

Hey you sent this to me ages ago- I'm sorry it's taken so long to get around to answering!

I can't address everything here, but I can offer some thoughts to maybe chew on:

It seems like you're muddled up in a lot of very black-and-white questions: "either nobody speaks out about anything, or everybody does about everything" is a pretty all-or-nothing way of looking at callout culture.

I've been talking to a large audience for a while now, and I've noticed a few things:

Pretty much everything I say and do will be interpreted and responded to in ways I could never have predicted, especially if it reaches enough people.

However far my reach seems, and however serious my impact, it is always, always going to be a drop in the bucket in the grand scheme of things.

The circles I run in & the shift of culture within them are lightyears away from even the circles some of my friends run in. Whatever the culture here, the culture in a neighboring circle could be vastly different.

I very often don't have the knowledge, influence, or power to try to speak to every person, every culture, every issue, or every circle- or to predict what my words and actions might do. That's not a bad thing. It also neither absolves me of responsibility for my actions, nor means I'm insignificant.

I say that because I think it's important to have some perspective, and because at least personally, it's taught me that it's pretty pointless trying to act based on what kind of impact I think I'll have.

My advice is to evaluate this stuff based on what you actually believe. Incorporate some nuance. Choose what you say and what you do based on what seems right for that situation, and allow that decision & the ideas behind it to evolve over time. Be guided by your values, not other people's potential reactions.

So to take your callout culture question, for example: ask yourself, what makes a callout bad? When might they be useful? Why do people make callouts? Who is hurt when a callout is made? Is it worth it? Is there an alternative? What is that alternative? What does the ideal situation look like? What is reasonable to advocate for?

Those kinds of questions are what critical thinking is, and you'll probably start to uncover a lot of nuance once you start asking and answering them. Embrace it. It means you're giving the issue the care, complexity, and space it deserves.

[isdisorigionalenoughforyou]

Super sexy aa7 ideas that will never happen

*puts on my clown shoes

Themes: “the worst times are when lawyers have to smile their brightest, but you can’t be a lawyer 24/7” “sometimes (esp now) the system is WRONG”

CASE 1

Klavier Gavin prosecutes, because society has progressed beyond needing Paynes

And if the widespread complaint is that he’s too nice, this position is perfect

Make a witty remark abt feeling demoted >:(

Athena and Trucy dream team girls

Murder took place at a theater/has something to do with acoustics, to ~fit the characters~

Maybe Lamiroir was there 👀

Phoenix is once again a witness, but hes less infuriating. But still fucking funny infuriating

He mentions his college degree, vaguely. Pressing him reveals nothing.

Also address that TRUCY AND KLAVIER PROBABLY HAVE SOME TRAUMA FROM MURDERS AT THEIR PERFORMANCES

Defend a rando

The twist: the murder only could’ve been committed by someone with superhuman hearing, so Athena’s senses are vital here!!

End: the culprit tries to psychologically fuck with everyone, but Athena stays strong, maybe uses some noise cancelling headphones, and corners the SHIT out of them

Also, there’s a new judge. A higher judge than your normal judge, who is a boomer. BOOMER JUDGE

Post-trial: a comment about all them missing Apollo…

CASE 2

Athena vs Franziska von Karma

Athena calls her out on the whipping if that’s still a thing

[Maybe Trucy is there again for extra spice,,,] but Solo Thena would be EPIC

NEW FRANZISKA DESIGN

Maybe we can bring Maya back here, but NOT ACCUSE HER FOR MURDER

Or accuse her at the scene but quickly disprove it

Idk also address her trauma

Wow this is turning into ATHENA CYKES- ACE THERAPIST

Put Simon there too because he’s hilarious

Maybe him and Maya are casually attending Comic-Con for the Steel Samurai panel

Defendant: some toxic celebrity with DRAMA

the twist: the murderer was targeting several high-profile ppl, but only killed like. A janitor instead. They aren’t found OR arrested, but you get a not guilty by… indicting their accomplice. And it HURTS but you have to or its your not-guilty kinda-a-dick client that gets guilty

New judge plays by the written rules, so u can’t ague ur case

Franziska is skeptical of the Accomplice’s guilt, but she lets the verdict go because your client is innocent.

Athena cries to Phoenix about how she feels like she fricked up b/c she empathizes with the accomplice but also everyone, Phoenix does his best dad comfort—this is the truth that’s allowed in the confines of their court system.

CASE 3

NARUMITSU DATE

Open with a call from Maya. She loudly thanks the god/the holy mother for this

MURDER!!! AT THE VENUE  

Kay and Sebastian are there

GUMSHOEEEEE (OLDER SPRITE??? Higher salary?? Maggey too?)

Classic Wright vs Edgeworth

All the options are flirty

Everything is an innuendo

Trucy co-council is embarrassed by ur Old Man Flirting (NEW SPRITES)

Lampshade conflict of interest what with dating opposing council. Gloss over it completely

Phoenix’s college degree is vaguely mentioned to be helping him. This is Not elaborated on

The murder is some crazy shit that basically parodies the whole series

TWO SETS OF EVIL TWINS

3 cross poisonings and with INTERESTING results of chemicals mixing (Ema: 👀)

All the dying messages were faked

Handedness contradiction.

Some gross old guy appears, but you can punch him

The murder weapon goes from bloody knife with defendants fingerprints on it to glass shards of a broken bottle to an icicle to an overly spikey piece of hair

EXTRATERRITORIAL RIGHTS

For extra funnies: BOOMER JUDGE IS NOT USED TO THIS. They are the straight person of this comedy clown case.

For extra feels (the twist): Phoenix actually has an emotional breakdown on one of the investigation days. Maybe Trucy gets put at risk again, or something with poisoning, or even something with Kay or Seb (to show how much Phoenix cares, in general) and we address all the shit that he’s gone thru

Awkward comforting by miles

HUG SPRITE/ART

CASE 4

(shoves Klavier into Khura’in) GO FAKEGERMANBOY GO

Play as Apollo (khura’inese clothes sprites)

KLAVIER CO-COUNCIL (CASUAL SPRITES?? Put his hair up in a bun capcom im begging)

ADRESS AA4

Maybe at the end of one investigation, theres just. A heartfelt talk.

Ok ill make it heavy (b/c if its lighthearted these fuckos will never talk about their feelings)

LAMIROIR IS HERE TOO??

TRUCY ALSO- im sorry truce im shoving you everywhere because I want you to develop

maybe she and Klavier are like, performer bros

Apollo is happy that Trucy is but also feels alienated, like AA6 totally pulled him from his AA4 roots [COUGH]

CASUAL TRUCY SPRITE??? I would cry capcom

Nahyuta, Rayfa, and Apollo being awkward but trying (and mostly succeeding) siblings, Amara being a scary but p good queen momther

FRANZISKA INTERNATIONAL PROSECUTING??? Idk it’d be epic tho

She roasts Klavier so bad

Though he is very smart so she just roasts his terrible German

Resolve the Gramarye siblings here?

Include something with gender dysphoria to contrast how they butchered Robin Newman???

This is huge headcanon territory here tho

The Twist: realizing that this case cannot POSSIBLY be resolved in 3 fucking days. Also that Apollo is so backlogged that hes stressed and he probably needs help

Also someone tries to frame Klavier with his Gavinners-brand shoeprints

End: answer yes/no to Klavier working at Justice Law Offices. The choice affects his dialogue with Apollo in 7-5

CASE 5

Some fuckin. International level scandal

Elaborate on whatever the fuck “the phantom” was spying for? btw is the same that the culprits froms 7-2 and 7-4. maaybe 7-1?

And it involves MORE AUDITORIUMS

Open w/ calling Trucy, whos in the states. She mentions that Klavier casually got a Japanifornian defense attorney badge. Cue exasperation/fondness/incredulity (I promise this is relevant)

In Khura’in

Starts small- like a robbery, which leads to an attempt on Thalassa’s life. Again

Athena gets to therapy her

Then someone high-profile actually fucking dies

Athena (co-council Apollo) vs FINAL BOSS FRANZISKA

Lots of investigating with them

Talk about space center and grief

The twist: a person with low emotional output is framed, but they are innocent because LOWER EMOTIONAL REACTIONS DOESN’T MAKE YOU FUCKING EVIL

The other twist: Bring in 7-2 framed person for a character witness, show that they’re innocent. Athena is panicking because of Fear(?) so Apollo is determined to Do Something, and points out how this only happened because the system is Stupid and calls Klavier and Trucy

BECAUSE:

At the same time, there’s a stateside investigation. some botched, continued interreference at the Space Station

Klavier can pull an Edgeworth and investigate with Trucy

With parently narumitsu

Klavier talks about Apollo a lot, Trucy calls him out on it

Nahyuta is prosecuting this case

Depending on the relations between Klavier and Nahyuta established in 7-4, this will be hilarious or disastrous

Protective Yuty route: makes scathing comments about petty parts of Klavier- a petty-off

Teasing Yuty route: brings it up whenever Klavier talks about Apollo. Rlly funny banter. Klavier showing more human emotions sprites!!

Revisit the Space Center and get emo. Simon is here, arguing with Nahyuta

Because the cases go to trial simultaneously, the comment about the wrong conviction in 7-2 can be brought to the Japanifornian courts by Klavier and Trucy

They argue that Athena was forced to do that to spare an innocent and press HARD for legal reform

They call in Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth for reforms??

They also start a twitter war (that can be investigation minigame) and get public opinion up abt it

Yuty vouches for change, w/ khura’in as evidence

SO AA4 CAN GET KINDA RESOLVED!!

DUNK ON BOOMER JUDGE

BONUS: CASE 6: TURNABOUT CHILLOUT

Phoenix vs Franziska

Larry time

Scruffy time

Idk man. No more international stuff, just good old fashioned cleaning up ur shitty dad’s messes amiright

Resolve things with the Shelly card?

oldbag cameo but you file a restraining order

help trucy and pearls with college

TLDR: Athena actually tracks an international conspiracy that has weight, the AJ gang once again changes the system, Phoenix gets emotional resolution, Franziska helps international stuff AND gets emotional resolution, and i finally stop trying to throw hands with capcom. 

[relictraveler]

hmmmmmm. thinking about b5 today. i think its like the closest to My Tastes Exactly a tv show will likely ever get but heres some points i think it couldve stood to improve. under the cut because its long as hell and so i dont spoil my friend whos watching it with me still lol. feel free to come and yell with me in the notes

love all the characters but i feel like jms had too many to fulfill too many specific plot functions. he really should have combined some and it wouldve fixed the issue of so many characters having to choose between complex inner psyche development and actually contributing to the plot. specifically i feel like marcus’ plot/dev could have been given to lennier and explained away as something he simply hid or was under oath to hide from everyone else. it wouldve cut down too the time jms needed to introduce marcus and used it to flesh out lennier and potentially other characters. love the british bastard to death but it was the best option i think. also ivanova should have been given the “telepathic equivalent of a nuke” plot after talia left. some kinda hand wave excuse where she gives her the ironheart powers. lyta i think has the issue of having literally no relationship with any main character at all besides zack which gives her the impression of being totally seperate from the rest of the show except when they need her to do telepath things. ivanova getting the plot instead fixes this issue. giving it to ivanova would have given her more depth to explore beyond her traumatic past relationships and more to do in the plot beyond being the commander when sheridans away

franklin got some amazing fucking development in season 3 but god with the s4 compression he got to do fuck all for the main plot beyond being an errand boy with marcus. i think the easiest solution would have been to let his dad be a major contender on earth’s side of the war. it doesnt need to be a huge facet i get that they were pressed for airtime trying to fit two seasons into one. even just a few scenes where franklin struggles with it wouldve been a huge boost for his character

i havent seen this part of s5 in like 6 years but god. garibaldi’s ending in s5 fucking sucks. i feel like jms accidentally wrote himself into a corner giving garibaldi a visible family in sleeping in light, operating under the assumption it was a quick character wrap up and he wouldnt have to develop it more, but then whoops s5 happens and now he was to write in how garibaldi famous rebel and wildcard somehow settles down into a nuclear family. in my perfect world his ending would have wrapped up either one of his two biggest plot threads, neither of which the edgars industry ending really addresses: his relationship with sinclair or his relationship with the psycorps. i am more inclined toward the sinclair one because its simply a huge facet of his character jms never addresses and we never let garibaldi deal with the on-screen grief of having his best friend, the reason hes even on b5, the one who gave him a second chance at life, abandon him without a proper goodbye. this might get into fanfic territory but god i would have loved to see a subplot where as hes going through the trauma of bester’s influence he throws himself into figuring out how to go back in time with sinclair. ending with him finally reconciling with that trauma and going into the time rift with a tearful goodbye to everyone else. other option here also would just be to resolve the psycorps issue instead. i havent thought about this one too much but i imagine it would just be a mercenary arc where he systemically destroys the psycorps from the inside out and it ends with him inflicting some ironic fate worse than death onto bester as revenge fro the internal block preventing garibaldi from killing him outright

s5 main plot in general was shit i genuinely dont think any part of it was good enough to justify its presence beyond maybe like one or two episodes. telepaths got enough development and moral quandry episodes throughout the 4 seasons we did not need byron’s vampire diaries ass. also dont care for the centauri arc there we already know the ending and londo is literally already the most developed bitch on the show he didnt need a whole half season arc seeing unnecessary build up to the character ending we've already known about since war without end. i appreciate what s5 is trying to do because so few stories deal with the aftermath of the main plot like b5 does here but we couldve gone a different route. im not claiming to know what the correct answer here was but personally i think the bureau 13 thread would have been interesting. u know that thing sheridan brings up randomly in s2 and its such an interesting thing to his character and we literally never see it again. yeah i think bringing up a secret evil society within earth gov/psycorps after we dissolve the current gov would have been a really interesting plot. a narn arc independent of the centauri also would have been interesting. idk i know jms was burnt out as hell and i appreciate the character dev we did get in s5 so im not too cranky about it but god the potential

[cassandra1447]

Lucifer 5A Thoughts

Lucifer season 4 was great. It had a nice solid plotline, it had great character development for pretty much everyone, I actually thought the Eve-Lucifer-Chloe triangle was done both purposefully and realistically with reasons why all three of them acted as they did, and just generally felt like a breath of fresh air after the mishmash that was season 3.

I had few complaints - a few but not many. 

I was super hopeful about season 5. Guess what I binge-watched this past weekend?

Me:

Cue rant (under cut b/c there are spoilers aplenty and if you liked this season - please keep scrolling)

To be fair: I have only watched season 5 once. 

Unfortunately, I have no desire to watch it again. 

First of all, the lack of creativity.

Maze betrays Lucifer (again for like the 10000th time)

Michael being a jerkass - I’ll grant them his fear mojo, but could you have reached for any other concept than Lucifer vs. Michael? Or give him something more interesting than an ego-problem to fuel his evilness?

Ella’s boyfriend - look, there’s foreshadowing and there’s eye-rolling, damn it really, this guy is clearly only here to serve a plot point and he’s either going to be the victim or the murderer

Ella deserves a genuine good person and good relationship - WTF did you have to do that to her? There’s no point besides hurting her

It would have been better - and more surprising - if he had been a truly decent person even if the relationship ended up not enduring

And then there’s Chloe...and oh dear...

“Being a gift” consternation

Okay, yes Chloe is allowed to be upset and to be struggling with the divine side of things - in fact, I actually liked how they depicted that in Season 4

But in Season 4, when Chloe’s reactions hurt Lucifer, there’s a clear consequence. It’s part of why he turned to Eve, and there are a couple of excellent moments - the part where he confronts Chloe about neither being an angel like she wants or the devil like Eve wants for instance - that showed Lucifer was coming to understand himself and to stand up for his own sense of self to a degree

This time round, we get a lot from Chloe but little from Lucifer aside from him desperately wanting to be with her and willing to do just about whatever she wants to have that 

And unfortunately, whereas by the end of season 4, we definitely get Chloe seeing past the divine bombshells and remembering that she cares about Lucifer for himself - that progress is completely nullified by the “you’re a miracle” bombshell and I didn’t need to see that again

Also - WTF does Amenadiel’s spiel to Chloe about seeing Lucifer truly work on her anxiety over being made for Lucifer? Did I miss something? Chloe’s upset over this seemed to me to be because of a lack of free will - not that she didn’t know who Lucifer was. Why - when free will is such a major deal for Lucifer - was that not discussed? Why did no one - Lucifer for example - come out and say “Humans have free will. Period. You can choose to walk away from me or tell me to go, and I will. I don’t give a damn what my Father did or wants or intends. It’s your choice.”

The “I love you”

I do not get why Chloe doesn’t know if Lucifer loves her. He may have not used the three words but he literally told her the prophecy (his first love) was about her not Eve. Or what about “I would do it again”? Or any of the many actions through which he’s demonstrated that he cares about her, that he values her, that he loves her. 

And okay, maybe she needs those three words to be 100%, absolutely sure, okay. Then just ask him. How do you feel about me? What do you want from this relationship? Where is this going? You know, normal adult questions.

I’m not expecting Chloe to do emotional labor for Lucifer but if she needs something from him, she needs to ask him. I think that’s fair.

It also highlights a problem with Chloe’s empathy for Lucifer IMO - it feels like she’s once again so caught up in her emotional turmoil, she’s incapable of even seeing his. This is someone who literally just returned from thousands of years in hell, who has a family  had cast him out and treated him like the worst, has been vilified by humanity for millennia, and because of all of this has a low sense of self-worth and has come to believe that he’s a monster - love is something Lucifer literally hasn’t been shown in millions (billions?) and until very recently hasn’t been in a position to express love in return - and you expect him to drop an “I love you” nonchalantly?

Again, it’s okay to have Chloe focus on her emotions rather than Lucifer’s. But if I say something hurtful to someone - even if I’m under duress - it’s still hurtful. I still owe them an apology. 

The “not in relationship” evasion

Despite the fact that Michael lying was such a key factor in Chloe knowing he wasn’t Lucifer and Chloe clinging to the fact Lucifer doesn’t, Chloe doesn’t seem to make the connection that telling the truth to Lucifer is essential

One unaddressed factor from last season - Chloe lied to Lucifer and allowed him to think that everything was fine and that she wanted a relationship with him...and then on what he happily thought was a date almost roofied him (at minimum, who knows what was really in that vial).  Lucifer subsequently found out about the plan - so there’s a historical basis for her to lie to him about how she feels (in order to betray him) -  Chloe, he already thinks he’s unworthy of you, he’s already used to people he loves hurting him - you need to be straightforward with him

This includes not evading (or lying) about being in a relationship with him. 

At least she does eventually tell Lucifer she needs time & space I suppose

Mojo switching

Why? Just why? It happened and then it stopped. What?

Various other characters:

Linda:

Why did we only have like 2 therapy sessions? Why did Linda not get to do her job this season? Her sessions with Lucifer did help him grow - why the hell didn’t she help Lucifer & Chloe work through some of their issues

I don’t like having her plot this season revolve around children. It’s a personal thing I know - but it’s such a default plot device to use with female characters. 

Amenadiel

IDK about the timing of filming for this season but it felt really off-key to have a black man depicted as thinking the best way to make the world safer for his son to be aggressively trying to work with the police. Season 4 had an episode that dealt with the endemic racism in our justice system - why in the hell was that not carried into this season? Why don’t we see Amenadiel protesting or volunteering with a local group trying to address the systematic racism? 

Where the hell did the “reflection” thing come from? I never saw Lucifer’s mojo as reflecting, more bringing to the surface what someone already felt/wanted/knew. And even if I buy that - Amenadiel never had people behaving as if he was reflecting love before. Oh and for Lucifer’s mojo, for it to have a visible impact, he generally has to be intending it to (except for when he’s in his devil form). There’s a few examples in earlier seasons where there’s an indication there’s a low level field continuously but nothing like what Amenadiel had happen in the convent. And doesn’t that give Amenadiel two powers (time + love mojo) while Lucifer and Michael only get mojo? 

Maze

Oh look, Maze betrayals Lucifer again. Never seen that before. 

1 freaking episode with Trixie!!! And it’s also the only episode with Lucifer & Trixie and Lucifer being adorable with Trixie and then - oh, it’s not that Trixie likes Lucifer, it’s that she’s being paid by Maze to get information  (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

WTF does Maze believe Michael? He’s a lying liar who lies. I can’t believe Maze would be that stupid. 

God

Just no. 

Previous seasons seemed to be having the message that God isn’t responsible for your life, you are. Lucifer has a similar realization at the end of season 4. So why are you going to muck that up by making God an active participant???

Other things that bug me:

Lack of LGBTQ+ representation

The old-timey bit doesn’t count IMO - Lucifer gender-flipped characters at Trixie’s request so any LGBTQ+ moments aren’t genuine

Lucifer & Maze are attracted to men and women (no defined label - maybe bisexual or pansexual) but there are no moments where either of them actively show it (or someone of the same gender was obviously attracted to them); I think we get a single line about Lucifer having been with both men & women but that’s all I can recall

Is there a single non-hetero couple depicted on screen (that didn’t have to be gender-flipped)? Seriously. I’m asking. 

Ella’s treatment

Already talked about this - but it was blatantly obvious the boyfriend plot served no purpose for Ella herself, just was a way to get this character looped in for other plot purposes

Chloe’s horrible advice to ignore Ella’s internal alarm bells. I don’t - how - what - yeah, feeds into what I said earlier about Chloe being too wrapped up in her own turmoil to be able to see from even a impartial (let alone another’s perspective)

Azrael! Why do you not use this sweetheart of an angel who has an established relationship with Ella? If you had to do this terrible Ella + bad guy plot, then for heaven’s sake, at least give us Azrael to warn Ella? Or something? 

Lilith was good...but where is Eve? There’s not even a throwaway line of “Eve’s in Madagascar” or show some postcards she sent to Maze or have Lucifer check-in on her and say “Eve says hi” - does Eve still exist? It’s not like Eve understand about “being made for someone” and maybe help Chloe, right? 

The Mock-Lucifer show episode -

 if you have an episode in your show that’s parodying your show...it had better be because you work for a secret government agency and it’s being allowed b/c the government can claim anyone trying to blow the whistle got it from the TV show (Stargate fans out there?) - otherwise, no. 

I know Lucifer likes to use the case-of-the-week to mirror what’s going on with Lucifer and the rest outside of the case - but this is too blatant, to the point it feels condescending

I didn’t actually want to know the story of Lucifer’s ring. Officially at least. Leave me some mysteries please, something to speculate about with other fans, something to develop headcanons for, something to write fanfic about - the story itself was fine, but doesn’t seem necessary

Hell Repercussions

Despite Michael using it as an excuse why “Lucifer” was behaving weirdly, once Lucifer is back, there’s little to no indication of the impact Hell had on Lucifer - thousands of years, and he’s pretty much the same as the moment he left Earth

Could have had Lucifer regress somewhat because he no longer had any support structure, was among literal demons who aren’t good for socialization, and perhaps had to revert to a more violent and vicious version of himself

Could have had Lucifer return to being more hedonistic - which would have been a good point of tension with Chloe - because he was starved of anything good in hell and is now trying to soak in as much life as possible (music, drink, drugs, parties, maybe flirting/dancing)?

One thing I did like was Lucifer talking to a human in hell - could have done something with Lucifer trying to help humans who felt guilty for things which shouldn’t qualify for eternal torment - connecting with semi-decent humans in hell b/c he couldn’t go back to Earth and b/c he has more empathy for them now (although I would argue Lucifer has always been kinder towards humans than other angels - look at the very first episode and how he treated Deliah)

Did no one try to contact Lucifer in hell? Amenadiel could have visited, he could have brought letters or messages from the humans in the know...did no one think of that? To help ease Lucifer’s isolation even in the smallest way? It felt like - as soon as Lucifer left - everyone was just like ‘well, he’s in Hell now, that’s too bad.’

What I did like:

Dan

He’s struggling and he knows it, and he’s trying to be a better version of himself while knowing he’s deeply flawed

The scenes with Dan & Lucifer working a case together are some of my favorites 

While I do wish he had recognized Michael’s ploy - in light of his history of doing something morally questionable “for the greater good” and his current self-examination - his reaction makes sense to me. He’s terrified and he reacts very honestly and directly; I think Lucifer would far prefer Dan’s reaction of just shooting him to Chloe’s reaction that involved her lying to him and allowing him hope only to learn she planned on using his feelings for her to allow her to get close enough to use the poison (and send him back to hell). 

Lucifer & Trixie - loved it (up until the elevator scene at the end)

Lucifer’s very practical solution of marking Michael so they couldn’t be confused - brutal yes, but practical 

This turned out way longer than I thought it would. I could be wrong - I did only see it once so it’s entirely possible I’ve missed something or don’t remember something - and I know we’ve got more episodes to come that may improve the season.

But compared to season 4 which had a tight plot that worked in concert with the character arcs, my initial impression of season 5 is overwhelming disappointment. I expected better than I got. 

[mrsroryhuntzberger]

hi im back on my borderline unhealthy love of a book from my elementary school days

if yall dont know i love cryptid hunters by roland smith and like i always do about twice a year I was thinking about it the other day. the hard thing about reflecting on books from childhood is how much fucked up shit happened that is not properly addressed. so under the cut is my rant/things i would change if someone ever gives me my dream job of turning my favorite books into tv shows (@ CW i’m looking at you i may hate riverdale but this would probably work in a similar fashion i was the co-authored of a great thread on twitter about turning cyberchase into a riverdale like show so you know i got skills)

the plot is basically teens sent to live with uncle they didnt know existed who is searching for dinos and theres a bad old white guy who hates people and animals and also mystery

1. how tf does grace have a passport?? i know wolfe’s friend was in the US gov and wolfe also did work for the government so does that mean grace has a bunch of false documents??? what happens when she applied for colleges?? does she have a social security number??

2. did we ever find out what wolfe did that made the us government agree to give him a fucking island??? (idk if roland smith mentioned it in the 4th book, i read it once and havent read it again bc its my least fav and i didnt like the hitler stuff)

3. no hitler. if i remake this into a tv series theres no hitler connection. blackwood is just gonna suck on his own and we wont have any clones or hitler. i want roses mother to be some random chick blackwood knocked up (if we are going dark its an intern or young employee) and then paid off to keep the baby and then probably had killed because hes evil. 

4. rose is an abuse victim. this is one of the more serious changes i’d make because in my head i have a whole four season tv show plan where season 3 focuses on grace at noahs ark and we also get flashbacks to when rose was alive and there. in my tv show/headcanon blackwood is hella emotionally abusive, rose could leave but he gaslights her and guilts her and is awful and basically makes it so while she could leave she can’t really leave. rose meets wolfe, they form a bond, and he helps her get out, then they run away and eventually go to the congo (#honeymoon). this abuse is echoed with grace and blackwood but grace wasnt ya know raised by him so it has a different effect. the abuse is one of the main reasons why rose doesnt want grace to ever be with blackwood because he is awful. 

5. Blackwood is the worse that needs to be highlighted but also hes not a cartoon villain. he also has a power complex thats why he has a whole display of taxidormy animals and thats why he wants all the rare animals to be his cause he wants power over others thats also part of his abuse

6. grace is very conflicted throughout all of this because she found out her parents arent her parents, her mom is dead, her thought to be parents are still missing throughout all of this!! and her grandpa is a fucked up madman who wants her dad dead and she also has preexisting anxiety. i would want to showcase her inner turmoil and this idea of her being unsure of who she is in the later books/seasons and this plays with her relationship with blackwood, not that shes on his side or anything, but maybe how manipulative he is and how desperate she is to learn about this whole other side of her apparent family. grace didnt get enough attention in the later books. also doesnt she straight up think marty and luther are dead at one point in book 3? girl is not walking away from all of this trauma free she doesnt need to have a breakdown but shes confused and should be allowed to be confused

7. reluctant dino parent grace I SAID WHAT I SAID i just have this humorous headcanon that grace has always been a bit afraid of dinos (repressed from ya know the dino that killed her mom) (also she couldnt watch juarassic park as a kid and mentions that whenever someone references it because no one is gonna be dealing with dinos and not quoting jurassic park)but she and the dinos bond at noahs ark and she ends up in a comedy relief bit where she has to feed them and gets annoyed at them in season/book 4. this may or may not be inspired by me and my dog

8. yeah marty and luther have a thing lets be real here

9. more laurel 

10. im sure i have more but i have class tomorrow and ive already spent too much time on this thanks for reading (and im sorry)!!!

[bughead-fic-request]

I would like to thank @leaalda for making these amazing banners.

This is an effort to spread the word about all fan fiction writers in our little fandom. If you would like to be featured or nominate a writer, please contact me. Please reblog this post if you can and check out some of @onceuponamirror work!

1. First things first, if someone wanted to read your stories where can they find them.

Ao3! url: onceuponamirror, same as tumblr. i also post on them tumblr at this point. no longer using FF, but it's got old ouat stuff.  

2. Tell us a little about yourself.

I'm Sarah, i work in a creative field (i always vacillate between how much i like talking about my work on my blog, because i like to keep careers and hobbies separate) and i live in the states.

3. What do you never leave home without?

A hairbrush! my hair is wild

4. Are you an early bird or a night owl?

The utterly terrible combination of both

5. If you could live in any fictional world which one would you choose and why?

HP universe, obv, as long as i'm not also a muggle in this scenario. i mean. magic. need i say more??

6. Who is the most famous person you’ve ever met.

I mean like, what is fame / it's a different barometer for everyone. for me, i met Regina Spektor when i was 16 and that was like touching god for that time of my life but wouldn't be now. More currently, i've met some artists/musicians that meant a lot to me, but like...feel like they might not be considered famous in the sense asked by this question.

7. What are some of your favorite movies/TV?

Parks and Rec and The Office for tv. and for movies: tbh, The Princess Dairies.

also, i was mostly an OUAT blog for the last 5 or so years, though at this point have a love-hate relationship with that show, but all those years still gotta count for something.

8. What are some of your favorite bands/musicians?

Right now i'm listening to a lot of Sade, Rhye, and Sylvan Esso but Belle & Sebastian are one of those bands i've listened to my whole life and never gotten sick of, so there's that.

i like a real range of eras though; lot of groovy 70s disco, a lot of 50s dreamy doo-wop, etc. just depends on my mood.

9. Favorite Books?

I read a lot of psychology/sociology books, tbh all about love by Bell Hooks are kind of the greatest thing ever written and I highly recommend it and right now i'm reading a book about cultural relationships with independence in America. i'm into it.

But honestly I need to read more fiction because this stuff can be heavy to read back-to-back all the time. I'm on the lookout for healthy romance fiction, but it's hard to find fun rom-com books that don't feel cheesy and filled with internalized "i'm not like other heroines" misogyny.

I also like a lot of Haruki Murakami's books, but after a while, they all become some morphed story of "The Missing Wife and The Mysterious Talking Animal that leads the character through the seedy underbelly of magical realism"

(if you've read his books, you know what i'm talking about) (but if you haven't: read them!) (Kafka On The Shore and the wind-up bird chronicle are both great!)

10. Favorite Food?

Nectarines!  

11. Biggest pet peeve?

People being presumptuous. drives me bonkers

12. What did you want to be when you were little? What do you want to be now?

I'm one of those really lucky people who is doing exactly what i wanted to do as a little girl as an adult with a career!

13. What are your biggest fears? Do you have any strange fears?

I get freaked out by being near edges of any kind, which is probably just vertigo in disguise. I also don't like swimming out to spaces wherein you can't touch down (if you've read my fic heart rise above, this makes an appearance)

I also hate daddy-long-leg spiders because i used to have nightmares about them poking my eyeballs out with their freaky ass legs

14. When you are on your deathbed what would be the one you’d regret not doing?

As of right now, i'm young, so i'm trying not to look at things with regret already, but rather as things to learn from as i go forward.

Okay… lets talk about your writing!

15. Which is your favorite of the fics you've written for the Bughead fandom?

Well, i've only written 3, and one was a oneshot. The Winged Beast was something that i helped me over a lot of humps I'd been blocked by before, but I think Heart Rise Above has been an experience that has been kind of innumerably personal in terms of my growth as a writer and as an individual.

16. Which was the hardest to write, in terms of plot?

Both mc-fics have had their trials and tribulations but reaching 30k words in The Winged Beast kind of made me realize that I could do sustained plot, though for me, that story is a lot more about plot. It was a challenge to tackle the heavy themes that came up. I wanted to get it right, do it justice, but also a lot of those topics are not personal to me, so i was scared to handle it appropriately.

17. How do you come up with the ideas for you fic(s)? Do you people watch? Listen to music? Get inspired by TV/movies?

I'm actually really inspired by Hayao Miyazaki as a storyteller, even though he's known for animation. He has this quote that i really love, so i'll just share it:

I told [Hayao] Miyazaki I love the “gratuitous motion” in his films; instead of every movement being dictated by the story, sometimes people will just sit for a moment, or they will sigh, or look in a running stream, or do something extra, not to advance the story but only to give the sense of time and place and who they are.

“We have a word for that in Japanese,” he said. “It’s called ma. Emptiness. It’s there intentionally.”

Is that like the “pillow words” that separate phrases in Japanese poetry?

“I don’t think it’s like the pillow word.” He clapped his hands three or four times.

“The time in between my clapping is ma. If you just have non-stop action with no breathing space at all, it’s just busyness, but if you take a moment, then the tension building in the film can grow into a wider dimension. If you just have constant tension at 80 degrees all the time you just get numb.” (http://www.rogerebert.com/interviews/hayao-miyazaki-interview)

Ma as a concept of breath within scenes is something i really consciously put into my writing. Both as in breaks wherein it's just a quiet, observed action---and as in, literally. My characters are always physically exhaling and sighing and breathing between speaking. like. constantly. probably to a fault.

I also try to explore this through pacing and structure of paragraphs, as well. bricks of text are not fun to read, so i break things up a lot more than i probably should.

I get into my writing inspirations with more detail down a few questions, but: i always set out with thematic structures in mind.

For example, i wanted to write the winged beast because i'm super excited by the upcoming "class divide/civil war" plot for season 2 and wanted to write a canon divergent serpent jug story! i also wanted to address "dark betty" because i thought there was a lot more nuance to the anger inside her, coming from a place of moralistic justice and disillusionment, and not just simplified into some sort of evil alter ego.

I was seeing a lot of romanticization of the Southside serpents too, so it kind of turned into half of an exploration the cycle of gang psychology through classism; empathy but not rosy glasses. the fic kind of devolved into a story about drug epidemics too, at some point. idk. like i said above, heavy themes.

With heart rise above, it was the concept of time; how much we have of it, what we do with it, and how we handle the passage of it/marks left behind but i'll come back to that.

Tangentially to this original question, i think my training/career as an artist has had a pretty interesting impact on the way that i write. i'm a visual learner, and i see things so clearly in my head as moving scenes; as if i'm watching a movie of what i'm writing---but literally the whole picture. the music in the background to highlight the mood, the expressions on their faces as they happen, etc. it's also why i use a ridiculous amount of visual metaphors, i think, because i'm borderline obsessed with atmospheric graphics.

Idk if others do this too though, i haven't talked to a lot of other writers about process. (however if you'd like to, please please @ me, because that's my favorite thing in the world)

18. Idea that you always wanted to write but could never make work?

I think a multi-chapter (or, at least, more than 4) fic set in another era, or at least one that's pre-1900. I'd get too obsessed with making it feel relatable and readable but also being accurate to the history and getting all the facts right but also while really not wanting to write any "historically accurate" sexism/racism etc. so it just wouldn't work for me.

19. Least favorite plot point/chapter/moment you’ve written?

Hmm. i think if i could go back and do it again, i would add in a lot more at the beginning of The Winged Beast and move things a lot more slowly as jug and betty got to know each other.

That story was a lot of me testing the waters and getting back into the swing of writing while also pushing myself to write a multi-chapter fic, which I'd never successfully done before, so i definitely set a low bar in the beginning. I wanted to keep it to like, 12 chapters, so I think I rushed things at the start.

20. Favorite plot point/chapter/moment you’ve written?

Disclaimer: this turned into an essay and I'm not even sure I answered the question

I feel like overall my favorite plot point is just thematic structure. I know that's a broad answer to a direct prompt, but I'm gonna take this there anyway because I get pitchy about process. so! i set out to explore a few things in Heart Rise Above. One: the cycle of a person's greatest strength usually also being their greatest flaw.

(Betty as a person who is so giving, that she never gives to herself. Jug as the apt observer, who observes within his own life rather than live it. etc etc)

Two: thematically, I really, really wanted to explore time.

I wanted explore both jug and betty coming to grips with the identities formed by adolescence and whether or not those have had inhibitive impacts---as in, coming to terms with change. insofar as represented physically, as friends all start to head in different directions or make career choices, but also emotionally, as people start making the personal growth decisions for ourselves that force them to often choose themselves over work, family, relationships, etc.

Basically: the reflective transition from childhood to adulthood, and how when we reach our mid-twenties we're kind of forced to think about what has defined the last 20 years of our life vs. how we want to define the next.

(lmao I'm also definitely working through some personal shit, considering i'm turning 25 soon) (like, really working through something)

This is also why I set the story with such a specific time constraint: a very looming 3 weeks that sets the stage for the relationship tension. it makes them both question a lot of what they're feeling and whether or not their emotions are exacerbated by time, or the opposite.

It's also why I heavily have peppered the story with quote-un-quote timeless americana aesthetics (the one the tv show loves playing with: neon signs, vintage cars, etc) (and on my end, also doo-wop music that is equal parts lovely and sad and absolutely meaningless in terms of language) because i really want the story to feel stagnant because of while also ominously shadowed by time.

Also omfg i'm sorry for unloading this actual goddamn thesis on a very simple question. i'm a massive over-thinker and I love to talk about this kind of thing and i haven't had a chance to put these thoughts out in such a direct way so it just exploded outta me. I'm sorry, I know this was annoyingly winded.

21. Favorite character to write?

Probably Veronica. Jughead is fun too, and has the kind of measured angst vs. wry wit that is satisfying to parcel out in sustained character growth, but Veronica has that kind of silver tongued whip that lets me exercise a type of voice i would never otherwise get to.

I mean, who the fuck else would say, "just enough décolletage to make your mail-order love interest swoon" and get away with it?

22. Favorite line or lines of dialogue that you've written?

Betty tucks a damp, tousled strand of hair behind her ear. Jughead's eyes follow the movement.

This line was the last sentence of chapter 6 of heart rise above. It was this intensely visual scene in my head that I really wanted to read that way; while saying almost nothing but representing a major shift in their relationship. i'm not sure it sells without the context, but within the chapter I feel like I pulled it off, so I'm proud of it.

23. Best comment/review you’ve ever received?

writing-as-tracey and @village-skeptic always leave me the kindest, most thoughtful reviews that really makes me feel stupid kinds of happy inside. I put a lot of thought into my writing and when the little details I don't want to over-sell but not go unnoticed are picked up on, it means so much.

24. How do you handle bad reviews or comments?

I had a troll once, which is different. I just deleted it all but I think being able to handle constructive criticism is really necessary in all parts of life, so it's important to take those kinds of points in stride and not personally. we always can be better!

25. If you could change anything in any of your stories, what would it be?

kinda answered this in #19

26. What is your favorite story you’ve ever written? Any fandom?

Definitely Heart Rise Above!

27. What are you reading right now? Both fan fiction and general fiction?

Answered for the on-paper books above in #9, but as bughead fics, really loving the work of @lessoleilscouchants, @sylwrites, and @stillscape right now! but there's so much more to get to, I feel like I'm just barely scratching the surface.

28. Do you have an advice for writers that want to get into this fandom but might be scared?

yo idk, i was kinda lurking on Riverdale for months and then i just...started writing for it, without really accepting or realizing that indicated how much i liked the show/bughead. it wasn't until about 30k into The Winged Beast that i was like "ok ok ok I guess i'm here now" and actually started sharing my fics on tumblr too.

Also, I'm honestly not sure if this question was meant to be about entering fandom or entering writing, so i'm just gonna answer it as both i guess.

So, I guess that means my advice is, very ironically, to not think too much about metrics beforehand, and just start doing it, which, I realize, sounds completely at odds for how much i've talked about process and over-thinking.

What i mean is: get passionate about what you want to write, and write it for yourself. I’m encouraged by reviews to an immeasurable degree, but i'm telling these stories because i really want to explore certain themes or certain parts of the characters i love. if you're not doing it because you're excited by it, you just won't have the motivation to get through it, honestly.

So find out what it is you love about Riverdale, or about your ship, or about your fave character. then write that down, and then make a story around that. if your favorite part about jughead is that he pushes people away because he's afraid of getting hurt, write a story about why he is that way. etc

Ask yourself a lot of questions about what or who you like and why you like that. fandom is a really useful looking glass into ourselves and reflecting on what we're interested in or have gone through by way of analyzing what it is that resonates with us. turning that into fic is just a deeper part of that self-exploration. (again---i love psychology)

And comment on other people's stories! that really creates the sense of back-and-forth that builds a community. but i'm still poking my head around the fandom side of Riverdale/bughead and am more or less still living on ole hermit mountain, so there's a long learning curve and an individual way to do it.

[toralyzer]

apparently there was this series of personal writing prompts for autism acceptance month that i missed, but i decided to do them all now cause i like talking about myself. http://doingcollegedisabled.tumblr.com/post/159842938764/30-days-of-autism-acceptance

Day 1.     Make yourself known.

I’m Amanda I’m 19! I was professionally diagnosed at a young age but by the time they told me I already long since knew I was weird.

Day 2.     Talk about passing and/or being out.

I’d be open about it I think but it hasn’t come up many times. I guess I did work really hard growing up to be able to pass as allistic though. Oh... I’m not sure if that’s ever caused burnout!

Day 3.     Talk about relationships, both platonic and romantic. 

Yeah as a kid I had a hard time making friends but now I’m a lot better at being sociable - in the allistic way I guess. But now lots of my friends are proudly autistic anyway!

Day 4.     Talk about your family and support. 

I think my family was fine about it. Unless in fact my trauma comes from them dealing with my autism badly. It’s unknown.

Day 5.     Talk about employment and your career. 

Yeah I gotta get one of those...

Day 6.     Talk about music, art, writing, and other forms of creativity. 

Yeah I do that stuff! I’m really creative. Sometimes I think about autistic themes but I don’t think I know what they would be, I think I have too many bad depictions internalized. Sometime I wanna do something with the changeling comparison though...

Day 7.     Talk about community. 

I guess I’m really not out as autistic anywhere ‘cause I pass well. So idk. And I’m not in any communities of autistic people.

Day 8.     Talk about traditional media. 

I think as a kid, media depictions gave me this horrible sense of condescending superiority toward myself and added to my complexes of not listening to my feelings. It’s like, you get these books that put you outside the autistic kid to laugh at his misunderstanding things, and I think then I felt like any sincere expression of my own feelings and thoughts was an immature misunderstanding and worthy of shame.

Day 9.     Talk about Autism Speaks.

Ya, fuck them.

And/or  Talk about special interests.

Damn I’m not sure if I’ve had a special interest lately? I guess some things I’ve been constantly thinking about lately are, um, Sports Anime RPG and my Zimmy fanfic. Okay so Sports Anime RPG is a roleplaying game I’m making based on sports animes even though I haven’t actually seen many but I thought it was a cool idea. It’s split into two sections, one is for the sports games and you can swap out different rulesets for different sports, and in general it’s focused on strategy and mechanics, similar to traditional RPG battles. The other is more freeform roleplay for the story outside sports matches, with light skill checks that are mostly social-based. And there are friendship mechanics where you can build friendships with other characters and get friendship abilities that you can use in either mode! And then the Zimmy story is this fanfiction idea that I always come back to when I feel really fucked up in my head - the premise is basically to throw together all the most viscerally upsetting surreal gore and horror set pieces I can think of, in the context of Zimmy from Gunnerkrigg Court’s reality warping getting set off bad. I’m a little frustrated because I can’t figure out how to express how much I love Zimmy and want to save her but also address how abusive she is.

Day 10. Talk about a cure. 

It’s a divergence not an illness so it wouldn’t be a cure so much as just mental modification. And no that would be really evil for other people to be able to make us allistic

And/Or  Talk about stimming. 

Yeah I like stim toys sometimes. I have a bracelet of rainbow stars and a thing of rainbow blocks you can put in different shapes and a fidget cube. I think a bigger thing for me though is that if I’m listening to a podcast or so I need to play a video game that uses my hands but not my listening brain. When I do that it can be the most fulfilling and engaging activity ever. Watching video fills my attention too much to do a simultaneous activity but not enough to keep me from being distracted so it’s not as easy for me.

Day 11. Talk about sensory issues. 

When I was a kid I only wore shorts all the time. Now I’m hugely self-conscious about it and I’ll never wear male shorts again. Yeah, I guess there are various sensory things I have a problem with... It’s not too intrusive to my life though.

Day 12. Talk about ableism. 

I don’t think I’ve got any stories here. I’ve never been targeted directly.

Day 13. Talk about something funny. 

“Has anything humorous or ironic ever happened to you because you were autistic?“ Haha probably not anything I’d want to joke about!

Day 14. Talk about role models. 

Uhhhh I’m not sure I know any autistic role models. Sometimes there are tumblr users who are vocally autistic who seem cool. Role models in general? I was saying the other day, I used to have a list of people I wanted to be like, but several of them have since become my enemies, so. Yeah, I think every celebrity disappoints you eventually. The last person about whom I thought “well, at least so far, this person seems really good and kind and a cool artistic inspiration” was... Rebecca Sugar.

Day 15. Talk about identity. 

I was diagnosed with aspergers but later I learned that’s just a subset of autism now. I like autistic better.

Day 16. Talk about treatment. 

I haven’t done any that I can really remember. I should go to therapy though. Like in general.

Day 17. Talk about empathy. 

I guess usually I have more sympathy than empathy for people? But sometimes when my girlfriend does a kind of cutesy sad voice as a joke I get some kind of weird hyper empathy and get really sad.

Day 18. Talk about functioning labels. 

I hear those are bad. I would probably be on the higher functioning side but yeah, those seem like a bad idea because they describe how well society is ready to engage with us as if it was our own success or failure.

Day 19. Talk about your struggles and strengths. 

I don’t really know which of those are because of autism or not and I’m self-conscious about finding out because I spent so long trying to learn to be “normal”. On the other hand sometimes it feels like it’ll turn out that autistic traits just account for my whole personality.

Day 20. Talk about communication. 

I’m verbal, sometimes I like when I can communicate in other ways though, like when I can get something across with quick hand signs.

Day 21. Talk about comorbid conditions.

Well I’m not sure about any of those and I don’t think I’ll speculate here to make sure I don’t appropriate anything.

Day 22. Talk about autism parents. 

Wow fuck them! Yeah I was just reading about #BoycottToSiri. People who abuse their kids because they can’t fathom trying to interact and listen to them to understand what they really need and instead go to great lengths to train them like animals into simulating “normality” should die.

Day 23. Talk about your living situation. 

I have a roommate who I know enjoys being able to stay in their room without ever encountering a single allistic or cis person. ^u^

Day 24. Talk about the stereotypes and misconceptions that neurotypicals and allistics have. 

Luckily I haven’t encountered it much in person but I know people see us as a young boy with a slightly distant expression with a single savant skill but also enough tragic disconnection from the rest of humanity that they can safely feel intellectually superior. Wow now that I think about this it’s actually this really unique way of viewing a person where they feel that the stereotypical expression shows that this child doesn’t really exist outside of his mysterious, unknowable brain and therefore all of his personal space and bodily autonomy is up for grabs. It’s really unsettling how autistic bodies in media are dehumanized into dolls because the portrayer is so obsessed with emphasizing this perceived unbreachable distance between the subject and the human observers.

Day 25. Talk about meltdowns/shutdowns. 

Kinda had one earlier because academic research is so frustrating. I think work pressure like that is the usual cause, other than social overload.

Day 26. Talk about echolalia and scripting. 

Yeah I don’t use really specific scripts for most things now, but when it comes to formal things like phone calls I do really need to work out my full sentence before I start.

Day 27. Talk about eye-contact. 

I think I’m pretty okay with eye contact? I don’t think I give people the wrong signals? This always makes me self-conscious X(

Day 28. Talk about autism as a disability.

It’s not a disability ‘cause it’s just different, right? Or are there aspects that strictly make things harder? I don’t really know...

Day 29. Talk about executive functioning.

IT’S DEFINITELY AN ISSUE.

Day 30. Talk with pride. 

“Are you proud to be autistic?” Yeah definitely!!! “How do you show the world your pride?” Oh. Hm...