#[ 𝖖𝖚𝖊𝖚𝖊 ] ⋯ always something left to lose

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@commandslove​ - "I ruin everything, I always do." // you know who this is for smiles 

cody’s heart sank at such words. HOW? the general was one of the greatest men he had ever met. how could such a LIE be believed by him? his eyebrow knit together tightly trying to piece together what to say, how to comfort his general though the man had not asked for such a thing.

“sir,” he began, but paused, going silent. there was nothing that came to his lip. so many words wanted to spill from his lips like a waterfall. if he could, he would pour out his feelings over obi-wan until he knew how LOVED he was.

part of him wanted to sit. but another part of him needed to stand out of respect for his general. conflicted emotions were always at war within himself.

“sir,” he starts again, “that’s not true. you are an incredible general. so many men, my brothers, would not be here without your leadership. and that is just the start.” there was so much more to say, but cody was still searching for the right words.

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@fateviled - ❝ your strength has returned. but your weakness still remains. ❞ ( megatron @ optimus<3 )

“weakness,” repeated optimus, muddling the worth over in his mouth. when had simple empathy become a weakness to the mech whom he had once– who he still truly did– hold so close to spark?

where was his poet? where was his gladiator? where was the mech that he had once desired to bond his spark to his own? at what point during the war had the WARLORD killed the LOVER? or had a young, naive orion pax simply ignored the signs of danger until they stood before the senate while he listened to megatronus’ demands for the matrix. 

at one time, he could have suggested no better candidate to become prime… until that very moment where everything changed.

for a time, and he felt guilty for how much he had enjoyed that time of blissful ignorance until the lies had become too many, too obvious for him to accept, he believed himself orion pax once more. memories had clouded within his databanks which made him cling to the familiar– to his megatronus. so the other had taken him and orion had followed until he broke free, until jack was able to return him to himself. 

when he recharged, he dreamed of better worlds. optimus would have liked to say they disappeared only to start again after the return of the matrix, but that would be a lie. his sleep was plagued with fluxes of the very mech before, of losing the autobots he commanded and the humans they cared for in equal measure to dreams where he was still orion pax. there he could feel the soft touch of a mech who killed in the arena yet held his archivist as though he were made of crystal. of worlds where megatron realized the path he was turning down before the war had progressed four million long, arduous years that were littered with unspeakable acts. even now, awake and facing him, optimus could feel his touch, hear his whispered voice, and long for when they would have been half of one spark, talking about the freedom they would bring to their people. 

even now, optimus could forgive him, yes, even now…

 “there was such a time when you spoke of oppression and meant to destroy it,” optimus told him, voice cold, but spark torn within him, “now you preach PEACE THROUGH TYRANNY and i wonder how you cannot see it's one in the same.”

[faeties]

@the-composer -★- [ 𝖏𝖔𝖘𝖍𝖚𝖆 ]

continued from here . . .

joshua's neck was so damn skinny and beat would have loved nothing more than to ring it. neku's other partner had all the smug confidence of every rich kid beat had ever had the misfortune of meeting. and, to make matters worse, joshua knew his REAL NAME.

DAISUKENOJO.

who named a kid that?

"don't call me that, yo. i done told ya a-thousand times!" he snapped. not that it mattered to joshua. as far as beat could see, very LITTLE mattered to joshua kiryu.

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@kardiaerasti​ -  “⠀⠀please don't scare me like that again, i can take a lot of things, but not losing you⠀⠀”⠀⠀—⠀⠀cloud strife & aerith gainsborough OR tifa lockhart

Cloud wiped a smear of blood from the side of his mouth, mako blue eyes locked onto Tifa as she hovered over him. They had been jumped by guards on the way back to the Seventh Heaven after running some jobs. That alone wouldn’t have been a struggle for the two of them, but they had been drawn by what Cloud and Tifa had already been fighting-- a Cerulean drake far out of his usual territory. Instead of listening, Cloud had rushed ahead, attempting to take everything on at once,  mind filled with one directive: PROTECT TIFA. Tifa didn’t need his protection, not really... Yet it was hard to let go of that instinct from childhood.

Attention trapped Cloud like a deer in headlights. As it always did. Such things were usually easier around Tifa, but this was different. Her worry made things shift like a wind around them. As if someone was abusing an aero materia. But Cloud knew he couldn’t just stare at the ground.

A shaky sigh escaped him as he pushed himself up from the dirt, not bothering to brush off the dust from his clothes. Words failed Cloud more often than not. Instead of speaking, he stood there dumbly, merely letting out a grunt that sounded more animal than person.

That wouldn’t due. She deserved better than that. He nodded at her, “Sorry...” Still, he knew he would always jump to protect her. It was simply in his nature. Even though he was growing certain Tifa could break his arm if she wanted. Truly, he was lucky that they were friends.

Though the single word was barely any better. Still, it was an apology-- one that she deserved for making her worry. Yet, Cloud still didn’t regret his actions. No, he regretted that it accentuated the lines of worry on her face, the curve of her mouth, the tenseness of her body. He slung the Buster Sword to the magnet on his back in a single motion. “Won’t happen again,” he lied, poorly. The words were clipped tight and awkward on his tongue. While he did not stumble over them, he sped through them as if they were necessary. They were necessary. Cloud had made the critical mistake of attempting to cast Thundaga and then simply rush them all, Drake included, in one foul swoop which effectively cut him off from Tifa when the guards circled him. Had she not been there, carrying their strongest cure materia and a will that made Cloud lose himself to the overpowering nature of her presence, Cloud would have been a gonner. He had made her worry, he had been reckless-- he just wished he could be honest, but that would involve not putting her first when he cared about her above all others.

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“  if i tell you to leave me behind,  would you listen?  ” ( fives @ echo )

“no,” echo said, without hesitation, without even thinking. he cleared his throat a little, “rule number one. never leave a man behind.” the words came easy, a mantra that he had repeated time and again since the final days of their cadet-hood.

but it was more than that. 

fives was MORE. of five batch-mates, only two remained. he and fives had been closer with each other than with the rest of their batch. even if it had been fives who had strapped him with the name echo. names were important to fives in a way echo wasn’t sure he fully understood. but it didn’t make him any less loyal to his vod.

it didn’t mean that echo could afford to lose him like they had lost hevy, cutup, and droidbait. echo would see himself FALL before any true harm came to fives. not that he ever said that out loud. echoes repeated after all-- they did not speak with their own voice.

life had not been kind to any clone, but echo felt the searing weight of it all each day. a sadness had settled into his chest that was not inclined to leave him. yet, fives remained his SUNLIGHT, his pathway away from the storm clouds that followed him. they were vode, tight-knit and ever intertwined. at least, that was how echo chose to see it.

[faeties]

@fateviled​ - ❝  when i’m with you i feel like myself.  i feel like every side of me is present and accepted.  and i feel good about it—  i feel good about who i am when i’m with you.  ❞ ( rex @ anakin :)) ) 

Many Jedi were lax with their clones. They knew the men were controlled from birth, or decanting as they called it, and shoved into the war against their will. (Did either the clones or the people leading them truly want to be fighting this war or were their hands merely tied by circumstance?) Anakin liked to take that laxness as far as he could. So, if there was reason to celebrate and they didn’t have a pressing mission, he allowed the men to drink. 

Currently, they were on leave, the Resolute floating high above Coruscant. Many of the men had taken the revelries to 79s, but Rex had stayed with him on the ship. Padmé’s niece’s birthday was growing close and she had returned to Naboo for a brief reprieve. He had hoped their mission would be done in time to join her, but they had gotten called to aid on Dantooine. Such was war, he supposed...

But he had also supposed that Rex would would join his brothers. Not yet ready to head back to the temple, he had decided to sip something in his room and actually go over his reports for once. Rex had come to drop off some more flimsiwork for him, but had stayed, to his pleasure. Work forgotten, they had started to speak as they often did. Comfort came easy around Rex. And they both had probably had a little more than they should.

But such honesty... The words that spilled from his captain that warmed Anakin’s heart. A sun beam smile, small and gentle, twisting like binary stars above a sunrise. He nodded at Rex. “I... I’m glad, Rex,” he said, voice unusual gentle, “That you feel that way. It means I’m doing something right.” Rex’s comfort was it’s own reward. Anakin didn’t have many friends-- but he liked to consider Rex ranked highly among that few.

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@fateviled​ - ‘‘  i  broke  up  with  you  because  i  was  mad  at  you,  not   because  i  stopped  loving  you!  ‘‘ ( this is unrealistic but megatron @ optimus fuck it ) 

BROKE UP?

Was that what Megatron thought of it? Of the abandonment he wrought upon a young Orion Pax, being told that he was supposed to become Prime? There not much left within him for true anger. Instead, he just an eternal EMPTINESS that existed within his spark, all of his emotions seeping out through a crack that had been wrought by the mech before him. 

A long slow, vent escaped him. A bit of smoke escaped him, into the cool night air. Above them, the stars watched their meeting in silence. Out there, at an unfathomable distance, was Cybertron. It’s dying light could not even been seen from Earth. 

It was hard speak with Megatron under a sky like this without thinking of all they lost. Their planet. Their home. Their love. How many nights like this had Orion imagined their lives together. Of a peaceful life after changing the world for the better, Orion back with the archives and Megatronus as a leader for their people.

But that was a fantasy, and Optimus Prime lived in reality. “You stopped loving me,” Optimus corrects him, “You can’t pretend you didn’t.” Because if he hadn’t, why hadn’t LOVE been enough?

[faeties]

@fateviled​ - ❛ you’re important to me, you little shit. ❜ ( obi to anakin oops ) 

Avoidance had stopped working. He had to leave Padme’s rooms eventually and the minute he did, Obi-Wan was on him like a hungry krayt dragon who just came upon their favorite food. Anakin couldn’t handle this, couldn’t do this. The last thing he needed was Obi-Wan’s disappointment, to know he had failed his perfect master by being tempted, by hiding everything from him.

"You’re important to me, you little shit."

“I’m taller than you,” was the only reply that Anakin could muster. It was a pathetic quip, at best. But it was all he could do when he couldn’t even look Obi-Wan in his eyes.

On his hip, his lightsaber felt a burning iron. This was hardly the Jedi Temple-- no, Obi-Wan had chosen to accost him at the Senate building just as he was trying to leave. Now, he was trying to walk away, get back to her apartments. But it was no use-- he was trapped.

He had tried to argue that he didn’t want to talk, tried to push passed the man whom he had called family since he was nine. The one man who had always believed in him, cared for him, trusted him. And he had thrown it all in his face.

“...And I shouldn’t be,” he finally added, “I failed you. Now, if you’ll excuse me...” Anakin once more attempted to shoulder his way past his master.

[faeties]

❝  i haven’t stopped thinking about the way you laugh.  i’m hoping i’ll get to hear it again.  ❞ ( obi @ cody 👉👈 ) 

Once, Quinlan Vos had mocked his general for having a tender heart. Cody was to understand it was a friendly jest. Apparently, the two were close, though he never understood the appeal of Vos. But, now he was wondering, the truth of the matter. Of his general’s tender heart. Cody knew his own-- his kar’ta laid with a man made of honor, threaded with duty, and crowned with the brightest sun. A man of spun gold.

AND HE WANTED TO HEAR CODY’S LAUGH AGAIN.

No amount of training could have prepared him for the very human emotion of falling. Even now, Cody could remember catching glimpses of Obi-Wan-- the mysterious Jedi-- that day on Kamino that seemed to be both yesterday and a lifetime ago now. An old painting as bright as the day it was painted. Never would he have thought that man would now be his general. Much less also be the man he harbored feelings for.

A smile crept its way onto Cody’s face, “I’ll make an effort to find things funny then, sir.” Many thought him a boring man, but Obi-Wan had understood his dry humor immediately. To most, he would have sounded abundantly serious, but he knew that his general would understand. It was a tease. To tease a general felt forbidden, but the longnecks weren’t here to watch them. And Obi-Wan never minded the teasing.

But then he knew he said something he shouldn’t, “I think I would like to hear yours again, as well, General.” Cody cursed himself-- his FORWARDNESS... That truth he laid bare like a pink, open wound just above his heart. Foolish. It was not his duty to all but flirt with his General. It was his duty to serve. His purpose had to be enough, no matter where his heart found itself. Especially when Kenobi was tender hearted-- just because the comment made Cody’s chest clench tightly like his hands around a blaster, did not mean that was the intent.

General Obi-Wan Kenobi was sunlight, each threaded sunbeam served to make him shine above the rest. Jedi had a peculiar relationship to attachments-- that they must be put aside for duty. That was where Cody related to him. But Cody was no Jedi, nor would he ever be. The complexities of the Order did not escape him, per se, but he knew the clones with their purpose to protect the Republic were not so different. At the end of the eternity of this moment, however, all Cody could see was a comment shared between two men would never have anything more.

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@fateviled​ - ❛ you’re more family to me than my own family is. ❜ ( kendra @ ed oops )

Knives.

Kendra had always been like the knives she and Ed favored. Ice cold metal could peel skin so gently, but gut a man like he was a fish. In those few words, Ed felt gutted. Organs tumbled out of him and onto the floor. Did she have to say this now? Today?

What did Ed even know about family? His father had reappeared out of nowhere. The woman who raised him-- Jezebel, his aunt, who did it all anyway-- had tortured him and encouraged the children he was raised with to do the same. Sure, the Nights were family, but they had also kicked Ed out. There was only a handful he liked anymore.

“...I don’t really have one of those,” he admitted, unsure of where to go from there. He knew about Kendra’s father, about all he had done and tried to do. Andrew was a monster-- it was a miracle Kendra wasn’t worse.

Each word she had said was incredibly melancholic. Ed was seated with a plexiglass prison wall between them, curled up on the floor and leaning on the cool material as he stared at Kendra. They had a plan to finish fleshing out after all.

Because he was stupid, of course. But because Arlo loved-- loves? -- her too and even if she did carve into him, Digory had done worse. And he was walking around scot-free. Forgiveness was never really Ed’s style.

Abby would have wanted him to forgive Kendra.

Which was why he had started coming here. And she wasn’t wrong. Dark things that slipped out Ed’s mouth like venom could scare Arlo. But they never scared Kendra. She knew when things were jokes, she knew when he wanted to self-destruct because everything around him was overwhelming. Weirdly, he felt like he could talk to her-- let her keep him in the moment rather than the spiral.

[faeties]

@acharnemcnt​ -  ❛  that’s the stupidest question i’ve ever heard.  ❜ ( for finn ) 

Teeth grit. Fist clenched and open. A long slow breath escaped him. Focus. Center himself. Even if he was dealing with the biggest piece of bantha shit-- no. No. Anger inevitably lead to suffering. He remembered that lesson at least. And Hux being rude was hardly worth him losing control over, no matter how much the other man tried his patience. 

“Forgive me for asking it then,” Finn replied, barely containing his sarcasm. In fact, not containing it at all and adding a roll of his eyes for good measure. Poe was rubbing off him; the pilot would probably like that, but he wouldn’t be surprised if Hux didn’t find it nearly as charming.

Part of him wanted to grill Hux on if he really was the spy again. Finn wasn’t a random stormtrooper he didn’t know the name of anymore. Actually, if he thought Finn’s last question was stupid...

“Are you sure, you’re the spy? Because you’re being pretty difficult.”

On the bright side, he wasn’t angry anymore. That was a plus. Finn didn’t think there was anything against him taunting someone when training to be a Jedi. Besides, he was still only just training.

[faeties]

@godforge​​  - ‘you ought to rest some. you look like death.’ - for ash!

Arriving at the Inquisition had been raging over hell and high water. Leaving Anders behind for his safety was half the stress. Ash leaned against a brick wall, wondering where Varric had gotten off. In their stupor, they almost hadn’t heard the Inquisitor. She seemed a decent sort-- Ash thought they had a knack for knowing when people were-- and they tried not to snap at her.

Their temper had always been their greatest downfall. At least, they weren’t Carver. Who they missed. Sorely. Wherever he was right now, in this horrible war. Hopefully, sending Avaline to retrieve him from the templars had kept him from being strung up as a mage sympathizer.

Bloody rotten templars.

They shook their head, “I will. Soon.” Probably. Hopefully. They still wanted to talk to Varric again.To be honest, they hadn’t been here long at all and still had a fearsome journey ahead. Not that they weren’t used to fearsome journeys. A quiet laugh, that tried so hard not to sound bitter passed through their lips. 

How quickly Ash had lost everything. Their mother. Their city. Their friends then scattered to the winds. Once they were done here, they planned to go retrieve Fenris and drag him back by the ears. Every day was trying to survive one to the next-- but Ash couldn’t afford not to think ahead. The future kept them going.

“Don’t worry about me, Inquisitor,” they said, a confident smirk curling their lips, “I’ll be fine.”

It wasn’t a lie. Hawk was always fine. They had to be. For everyone else. Maybe the Inquisitor would understand something like that.

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@fateviled​ - ❝I only remember feeling completely alone. Empty. I just….endless nothingness.❞ ( yen to geralt :gun: ) 

Geralt didn’t look at Yennefer while she spoke. Instead, he watched the rise and fall of Ciri’s sides as she slept. She had described the dream she that had been shown to her. Every twisted piece of perfection that the Deathless Mother had wanted her to see. Now, he listened to Yen describe her own experience. 

Endless nothingness.

There were few things worse, Geralt imagined. There was difference between the life of a lone wolf and the deep emptiness Yen described. So much of him wanted to be angry. Ciri had almost died to Yen’s fear of worthlessness.

Why could she not see herself as he had seen her?

There had been people before Yennefer. But they were destined, somehow, some way. Every inch of him felt drawn to her. Even when they were apart, he could always recall the curve of her face, the softness of her skin, those brilliant eyes that spoke the volumes of a woman in pain, but who kept going. How could Geralt not buckle before her? 

Apparently, when she threatened the girl who had become his daughter. He let his teeth run over his bottom lip, thoughts shifting slowly through the sands of his mind. Yennefer... How could one woman hold so many complexities? How could her simply describing the torment she endured leave him without words? Geralt grunted.

“Fuck.”

[faeties]

@bravewielder​ - “  don’t bury your feelings.  sadness.  hurt.  rage.  feel it.  acknowledge it so you can decide what you want to do with it.  not what it will do to you. ” - (for Xigbar or Cloud or Axel)

Riku’s words floated around him, but they only served to make him angrier. Axel lifted his hand, flicking his wrist. Still, the keyblade would not appear. Things had been easier when he couldn’t feel at all. He never had trouble summoning his chakram. Even now, he didn’t. But his keyblade? Impossible.

It seemed to have a mind of its own, only appearing when it could make Axel the butt of its joke or when it was truly needed. But truly needed didn’t help when its wielder wanted to practice with the damn thing. The blade was nothing like his chakram. Which meant fighting with it was mostly guesswork and imitating Roxas and Xion. “This blows!” he snapped, throwing his hands down quicker than lightning, fire all but licking at his fingertips, “I’ll just stick with my chakram.” If it was only going to summon when it wanted to be summoned, there was no point to using it at all. Who was he kidding? Axel was no hero-- much less one of light. For all Riku might try to teach him how to bring the keyblade to him, it wasn’t going to work. As if to prove his point, he summoned one of his trusty bladed circles to his hands and swung it around his wrist. The weight was blissful-- familiar and cold against his wrist as it rolled before spinning into his palm. He lifted it toward Riku-- it wasn’t his fault that Axel apparently was worthless at being a wielder.

“Thanks for the help anyway, man,” he said, trying to hide the frustration, the weariness that lined each word, “But it’s not going to happen.”

[faeties]

@fateviled - ❝ you’re bleeding. ❞ ( kylo @ hux )

iron tang was flooding his mouth, his lip split wide and bright against pale skin. his hand wrapped around his side, clutching a far worse wound. hux fought the urge to snap at kylo ren that yes, of course i’m bleeding, idiot. they had just dealt with a failed insurgence from the resistance. 

he had taken a bad beating from those fleeing rebels. it was the kind of beating they only dared on those who could not take an open palm and send them careening into the nearest wall or robbed entirely of the air in their lungs. hux went to take another step, to head towards the medical wing, when his body lurched. 

the fall down to the floor wouldn’t be far. already hunched over to nurse the shot to his side, hux knew that he could at least brace himself. eyes slipped closed. the last thing he needed to see was kylo ren’s smug smirk once he hit the harsh metal floors of the ship. never more than now did he miss the mask the man would hide behind only a short time prior. now, it was gone. nothing protected hux from seeing ren’s judgment. 

would the other leave him there on the floor? or would he hold the HUMILIATION over his head like snowstorms over hoth? it was a wonder how falls could be so quick, but feel like an eternity. hux could only wish for it to end swiftly.  

[faeties]

@commandslove ​ -★- [ 𝖔𝖇𝖎-𝖜𝖆𝖓 ]

Obi-wan was tired as he spoke, his mind running back through his latest conversation with Anakin. The strategy meeting had somehow turned into a argument between them, and Obi kept his silence as Anakin left in a huff. He hadn’t even realized he had spoken out loud until Cody spoke, and he just smiled sadly at the man. “Ah...thank you for the kind words Cody. However, one could argue just as many more men would be here if I wasn’t leading them into battle. Such is the nature of war I suppose.”

"no," cody replied instantly, as though he had no control whatsoever over his own mouth, "more men would be LOST without you." 

lives for clones were short affairs. even the ones who survived the war would age faster than any human had a right to. perhaps that was why they were so content with the service they were made for. what else could you do but fight and protect? jango told him once that protection, duty, and honor  were part of their blood as the clones of a mandalorian. boba had been a mere infant then; jango was slightly kinder in those days, more attentive to the young clones who sought his approval. it hadn’t lasted. 

obi-wan kenobi’s praise of the 212th seemed to never cease, even though it was his leadership that won them so many victories. cody knew what had caused this doubt in his jetii. rex and he had shared glances as the tension bubbled between their generals. skywalker was a captivating hover crash, one that his vod’ika seemed unable to look away from and his general seemed determined to prevent despite the vehicle already being in flames. certainly, that conversation afterward had become some argument.

 with an amount of daring that surprised himself, he touched obi-wan’s shoulder, “general, the 212th sees no better general than you. you are our jetii,” MY JETII, “and we care about you as one of our own,” AS THOUGH YOU WERE MINE, “never doubt yourself, sir. not with me. not when it comes to my vode.” AND NEVER DOUBT HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU.