#> like theoretically. its doable. but i dont know how to do it just yet
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i love the second hideaway sm i wish i could figure out a way to make it part of the kosmos lore/timeline
#jupiter.speaks#🎮.ff16#> like theoretically. its doable. but i dont know how to do it just yet#> cids hideaway is cute but its. well. hidden. the 2nd/clives is on open water n it has such good music eughghhh i want to be there#> and theres just smthn abt clives hideaway bein in the middle of a lake in a fallen ruin thats just so. <3333#> maybe ill figure out a way to lore it. hm
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trying to do some financial math for if i move out and getting sick to my stomach
#ohhhhhhhhh god. oh christ alive.#my problem is that my discipline used to be great when i was both severely depressed/agoraphobic AND unemployed#and stopped wanting for things altogether. not the case anymore#wanting for things usually being...eating during or after work or getting a ride to go somewhere nice for a bit. whatever#i think its...DOABLE theoretically but im like. um. nervous#asked my manager for full time hours which im already kicking myself over but well if i want to get out of here#and i do so so so fucking badly#then. things have to change#struggling hard. i hate change and i hate making decisions especially ones i have yet to tell my mom about#NUMBER of things keeping me from acting quite yet but thats probably the worst is the thought of telling her#i dont know...how financially me moving out is going to work for her and my brother (who also wants to move eventually)#and i dont...i dont want to leave them here to drown#but i cant DO IT ANYMORE MAN if i dont try to get out i never will and the despair of being stuck here has done IMMENSE damage#to me over the last few weeks particularly after being able to envision a future where things are different#thinking about getting out of here gives me the energy to do things. i want to get out. i NEED to get OUT#god i really should just start making the body of the post the title and then writing the tags where the post should go#this is not how blogging works generally. embarrassing. well it probably wont change because i dont care enough
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