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ghostenluvs · 1 year ago

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Secrets in stone

hullo! here is my fic. can’t put it on ao3 (tragic) so it’s gonna be all on tumblr until i can!

thank you to @ghostshadowmx for the very cool title!

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summary:

Sun Wukong is given a horrible mission by the Jade Emperor, he is to kill the newest stone monkey, or else.

with threats from heaven, and the life of one of his own kind hanging over his head, he is faced with a very precarious decision.

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warnings for: mentions of death and injury to children, violence in later chapters, it isn’t gory, just that it exists. if i’ve missed a warning please tell me i don’t wanna mess with anybody.

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it’s gonna be a feel good-esque story i promise guys. there’s gonna be fighting but i’m leaning into the found family part of it as much as i can.

long post beware everyone.

Chapter 1: first meeting

Sun Wukong was having a pretty good day, all things considered.

He was lounging on the hammock he’d set up on a ledge near his waterfall, having a nice midday nap. There wasn’t anything really wrong, he’d got up and had the same breakfast he always does, peaches, of course. He’d tripped going down the stairs in the cave but none of the other monkeys saw so that’s not too terrible.

Everything was going normally.

So why is he getting a bad feeling? Those are usually indicative of bad things. But there’s nothing going on here.

So why does he feel like he’s being watched?

He gets up from the hammock, shushing some disgruntled monkeys who were hanging out with him. He hops onto his cloud and floats upwards, surveilling the landscape. Nothing seems to be amiss, but the bad feeling doesn’t leave. Maybe he’s sleep deprived?

Nah.

He floats about for a few minutes, just looking around. Finding nothing wrong, he sighs, and turns back towards the waterfall, intent on napping it off…

There’s a beam of light shooting down from the sky directly in front of it.

Of course there is.

He speeds back towards the waterfall and drops down onto the edge of the water facing the entrance to the cave, he narrows his eyes at the light, raising his fists in a defensive position.

Damn, he misses his staff.

The shining beam disperses, revealing a man in heavenly armor, he doesn’t recognize them. They’re holding a basket with a cloth over it, and facing him.

“What are you doing here?” he asks in a warning tone.

The man clears their throat, “a message and task from the Jade Emperor,” they hold the basket towards him stiffly, there’s a scroll attached to the handle.

Now that, sets off the alarm bells. He hesitates. This could be a trick, heaven hasn’t contacted him in centuries. What do they even want from him? What’s the deal with the basket?

The man gestures again for him to take it, seeming impatient.

“The scroll details your task. It is of the utmost importance that you complete it swiftly.”

Right, the scroll that cannot possibly be good.

He carefully takes the basket from them, detaching the scroll from the handle and lets it unroll, it reads:

~Address to the Monkey King;~

Inside the attached basket is a stone monkey that was recently brought into existence. Heaven’s court has reviewed the circumstance of its birth and come to the conclusion that if allowed to persist, it will bring unimaginable chaos and destruction to the denizens of the world.

You are to end this being’s life.

Sun Wukong, you are to fulfill the set task immediately. If you refuse, there will be steep consequences for you and your subjects. Keep in mind that this being will likely grow to a destructive power even higher than your own. In the event that it turns against the world and by extension, you, you will be rendered helpless against it.

Make the correct decision.

~Signed the court of heaven.~

What.

“What?”

He must look rather dumbfounded. He is, but still. There’s another stone monkey?! Heaven wants him to kill them??!! They can fit in a basket???!!!

“The letter is clear, is it not?” The man sounds even more annoyed now. The feeling is mutual.

He needs to process this. This guy isn’t going to let him do that is he? Alrighty then, it’s excuse time.

“No, no. It's clear. I get it. Iii just… don’t have a weapon, you know? No staff! Can’t really kill somebody like this without a weapon!”

The messenger looks at him with a deadpan expression, or, just the same expression as they've had on this entire time. Can’t really see much of their face through those masks.

“Retrieve one, then. This task is of the highest priority.”

“Right, right. I’ll just. Go, and grab one. from my weapon stash. I am totally on it.”

He sidesteps the messenger and swiftly hops across the stepping stones and opens his waterfall gate, stepping through before the messenger can get another word in. the water crashes back down behind him, returning to its normal flow.

As he carries the basket back through the waterfall, its weight feels much greater than what it should be. His mind races a mile a minute as he reads and rereads the scroll handed to him by the messenger.

Another stone monkey? How could that be? He supposes it’s possible, he and macaque had basically just popped into existence out of nowhere one day too so is that just how it works? There hadn’t been another in millennia, he’s just finding out about this and now heaven wants him to kill this one or else? How is he even supposed to go about that, not that he’s feeling particularly inclined too, the threat of attack from heaven is no light one.

He needs to think critically about this. Shocker, he knows.

He sets the basket down gingerly, so as to not disturb the kid inside, probably either sleeping or silent out of sheer terror. He hasn’t even lifted the blanket shielding them from view yet. How can they ask this of him? Why? The scroll said this kid was prophesied to rain destruction and chaos in the future, so why outsource the job?

Thinking like this is some random unpleasant chore rather than an actual child -apparently- sickens him,but it’s important to ask the question.

Did they already try?

Nope- that train of thought is worse. Screw it.

He crouches and lifts the blanket on the basket, opening the inside up to the light. The suddenness of it earning a disturbed grumble from the little monkey. They’re curled up in a tiny ball in the center of the basket, now beginning to stretch out their tiny hands in a way strongly reminiscent of a cat, giving a little yawn. The kid then opens their eyes, blinking owlishly up at him, not moving from their comfy spot on the blanket.

He feels that this is going to be an ongoing crisis. For a good while.

Internally screaming, he stands up, pivoting and taking a few steps away from the ACTUAL WHOLE BABY THAT IS AN INFANT OH GOD-

This is not good. How could he do this?! He knows he’s been pretty indiscriminately murderous in his time but this?! This isn’t some random demon who’s inconvenienced him, or a really annoying guy who had it coming, or even an adult in the first place! This is one of the only others of his kind he’s ever seen or heard of AND IT’S A BABY. HE’S GOT SOME MORALS NOW! HE’S CHANGED FROM CONSTANTLY KILLING HIS PROBLEMS. HE CAN’T-

He can’t do this.

He can’t do this. He won’t do this- so what is he gonna do? He needs to get out of this somehow. The heavenly messenger is still outside he can tell, and they’re not going to buy it if he just lies outright with no proof. So he’ll just make proof! Fake the kid’s death and get heaven off his dang mountain. But what’s he gonna do with the kid? Eh, he’ll cross that bridge when he comes to it.

So how do you fake a death here…

A clone won’t work, they’ll check for that and the kid’s aura will still be glaringly obvious. Wait, their power! If he hides the kid’s power and just. Tells the messenger they got obliterated, that might work! Worse comes to worse the messenger doesn’t buy it and he has to fight them, win and… he’s on limited time here, if it comes to that he’ll improvise.

So the most effective way to hide their powers is obviously just to seal it away right? He can do that easy peasy, probably best to change their appearance too… he’ll make them look human. Just seal their power as deep as it can go and glamour over their monkie-ness. Great. That's at least a third of a solid plan! Better than usual anyways.

Alrighty, no time like the present, he guesses.

He takes a deep breath, stepping back and rolling up his sleeves. He holds his hands out toward the small monkey. He steadies his stance, gathering up his energy, and exhales. Then he begins the sealing spell, focusing his energy around the child as a golden aura fills the room. The kid begins to float upwards, cooing at the glowing energy beginning to spiral around them.

The kid’s sheer magical energy is intense, he can feel it flaring up, battling his seal, as if desperate not to be restrained. He feels himself too, being pushed back as the huge force of energy fights him. He squares his stance once more, willing the seal to solidify, increasing his own power output, and in moments the energy surrounding the child is swirling around a final time, before gathering at their chest and sending a pulse of energy through them. In a flash of light, what appears to be a human baby, the smallest bit of power thrumming around them, now basically undetectable amongst the sheer amount of mystical things on this mountain, begins to fall.

He rushes forward and catches the baby in his arms, letting out a sigh at the effort he probably should've expected from that kind of seal. The kid reaches their arms up at him, cooing slightly, before startling at their now furless arms.

They babble a bit in surprise, waving their appendages up at him in as much shock and indignance as an infant can feasibly muster.

He lets out a small chuckle at the face the kid is making, sort of like he’d just watched someone steal his last cookie, but not seemingly mad at him. They had no clue what just happened, did they? This baby had no idea the absolute storm he was about to be in the middle of if that messenger didn’t buy his little ruse.

Ah, crap. The messenger.

He’s going to have to do some acting. Said acting will require emotions. Dang. What does he go for? Angry? Maybe. Uncaring?? Nope. despondent??? Hmmmmm… yeah no despondent works. Just throw on a thousand mile stare and hand the guy an empty basket, tell them it’s done, and to never come here again! He already wants to punch their face in for telling him to do that in the first place so he can either get this guy off his mountain at the speed of light, or punch his face in!

Win win!

In the short term.

He walks up the stairs to his shack and sets the baby on his couch, turning swiftly and running to grab the basket, ignoring the voice in his head yelling at him for leaving the kid alone. He can’t let ‘em get seen now.

He stands in his cave, gripping the basket firmly. He takes a breath.

In,

And out.

Showtime. (gods, he hates this.)

Putting on his best “I've seen the horrors” face, he strides resolutely through the cave and to the waterfall. He opens the waterfall with a stiff movement and steps out onto the rocks. The messenger is still there, hands behind their back.

They nod towards the basket. “Is it done?”

He steps forward and shoves the empty basket into their chest.

He swallows.

He nods.

“I did your stupid dirty work, now leave.”

The messenger takes the basket, now without its blanket. Looking inside.

“And what has become of it?”

It.

He huffs, anger worming its way into his posture. He clenches his fists, looking away.

“Obliterated, nothing left of them.”

The messenger seems to consider this.

A beat. He subtly readies his stance for a fight.

“I sensed it’s aura disperse, it seems you’ve followed through. I shall report your success.”

They then turn sharply on their heel, marching off, before jumping into the air and disappearing.

He counts to thirty in his head, before turning and speed walking back through the waterfall and through the cave, rushing back into his cabin.

The baby is sprawled out on their belly, a hand in their mouth, chest rising and falling slowly. He lets out his most relieved sigh yet, sitting on the couch and setting his hand on the kid’s back. They snuggle into the touch, latching onto his hand in a still very monkeyish way. They shiver slightly.

They’re cold.

That realization snaps his mind into a million different new problems, not all even somewhat related to the small shiver.

How is he supposed to take care of this kid? He knows how to watch baby monkeys but this one is crazy powerful AND is definitely gonna get bigger and more prone to chaos if he and macaque are anything to go by. He’s gonna need to babyproof the cave. How do you babyproof a cave?! He’s going to need supplies, he can make them with his hair for the most part, but what about food? They’ll need a more balanced diet than just peaches and berries, right? Ah crap what’s he going to do for SCHOOL?!?

How did all this drop on him in like. Not even an hour?????

He’s definitely keeping the little monkey, not much he could do otherwise that wouldn’t put them in danger. If they come into contact with magic stuff and/or the seal gets messed up the kid’ll be in real bad danger. And this one is so young.

So he’s going to raise a magic baby. Welp, it’s not like he’s been doing a whole lot of heavily responsible things lately, at least this is the only major commitment he’ll have to focus on for a while.

How does one go about parenting anyways? Nope- not parenting, just watching a small baby child and keeping them from dying horribly until they’re old enough to live on their own! That's totally not just the dictionary definition of parenting. How is he supposed to actually do it though? This kid needs to know a lot different things than the baby monkeys that aren’t made of stone.

Humans make books about that, right? He can just read some of those. Can’t be that complicated! And if he keeps telling himself that, it will most likely become fact.

Probably. He hopes.

He’s gonna need a library card.

He’s still insanely worried about what’s going to happen with this kid, but as they blink open their eyes at him and latch onto his hand, still bleary from a tiring first day, he knows it’s going to be worth it.

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next part

#<!3 #lego monkie kid #monkie kid #lmk #lmk sun wukong #lmk mk #lego monkie kid sun wukong #lego monkie kid mk #monkie kid sun wukong #monkie kid mk #fanfiction #secrets in stone #<au tag

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krysmcscience · 4 months ago

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Did somebody say Bill shouldn't be allowed to swear? I think somebody said Bill shouldn't be allowed to swear. Thanks to that, have these retooled The Good Place jokes:

The "powers that be" can refer to either the Theraprism staff, the Axolotl, or just. Ya know. Disney in general. Or all three! Whichever you think is funniest. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The "party" Bill's referring to is Weirdmageddon, of course. He was quite the ashhole to everyone back then.

Ford has probably gotten pretty good at the 'tune out your psychopathic ex with dank memes' challenge.

It must be very cathartic to be able to make Bill shut up whenever you want with just the press of a button. I'm sure Ford doesn't abuse this ability at all.

Oh, sure, 'Not now,' he says, before he immediately backs out of the newly-made hole in the Theraprism wall. 🙄

Don't worry, Bill doesn't get far.

also yeah i know this one doesn't have an attempted swear - i just wanted to use the joke because of the massive stink-eye involved in it because it makes me laugh

⬇️ More goofs beneath the brief ramble if you wanna skip it lmao⬇️

Why is Ford even there, you might ask? Well, he either decided he preferred to watch Bill suffer in person over being distantly and repeatedly harassed with the same evil desperation book for the rest of his life, or he got roped into some kind of contrived community service for 1.) all his many counts of interdimensional thievery, and 2.) his ignoring all the very clear warnings to NOT summon Bill in the first place (which I like to imagine is also illegal). Theraprism staff were just like, 'Wait, this guy matters to Bill? Ooh, we can USE that! It might be the only thing that can help him want to get better!' It is not considered that throwing Ford at Bill so soon after Weirdmageddon could instead make them both WORSE - in new and altogether special ways! :D

Anyway, I'm calling it the Community Service AU, and I am most likely not going to do anything else with it beyond appropriating these silly Good Place jokes. So, feel free to adopt the concept if y'all wanna??? Just make sure that Bill is still not allowed to swear, no matter what, full stop. It's gotta be a real linguistic corkblork of a situation for him, is all I'm sayin'.

Finally, have these bonus Good Place jokes, but with Handyman!Bill this time:

'Opposite tortures' doesn't sound so bad...at least until it's an all-powerful chaos entity known for torture saying it.

you may think i forgot mabel's cute pink cheeks but the truth is that i did in fact forget but then immediately stopped caring which makes it okay, SHHHHHHH

And, finally:

lmao this is shit

True facts, if you cram Season 1 Eleanor Shellstrop and Michael into a singular triangle shape, they turn into Bill Cipher. This is science, look it up. Or don't, and just trust the source that is me, bro.

Anyway, I should be in bed, y'all have fun with these, I guess. Tune in after like a week or so and maybe I'll have an addendum to my comic about how Bill was drawn naked for karaoke night. Because him actually being naked was not the only thing I considered as a plausible explanation. XD

Also if you see any inconsistencies or errors in any of these comics, No You Do Not :D

Also also, reblogs are rad as hell and I appreciate every single one, just don't repost, please and thanks. Every time a repost is made, an artist somewhere cries. :,)

#fanart #gravity falls #billford #bill cipher #stanford pines #stanley pines #dipper pines #mabel pines #pyronica #handyman bill au #book of bill #the good place #incorrect quotes #heck yeah i'm tagging billford - cuz these old men are EXES #jfc i said i wasn't going to color any other gravity falls stuff i made - and then what do i do?#i fukken color all of it #i may have a problem lmao #the green area outside the theraprism is because i forgot what was outside it and just went 'lol greenscreen idgaf'

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