#<...chaos is a friend of mine wyatt...>

[onlyinthedas]

@ofandrastes “Are you okay?” | for Wyatt from Maverick

Bronze fingers twitched, a leg shifted, and shoulders hunched forward. The ambiance within the Hanged Man was white noise to Wyatt. It was a distinct keening piercing his thoughts all-consuming. It drowned out even the voices of his companions as they cackled and guffawed, staging bets and engaging in light conversation. The metallic clink of coins drew his eyes to the growing pile in the center of the table, a glittering hoard fit for any dragon, but Wyatt’s heavy gaze continued past the gilded mound. Bright eyes darkened by grief darted this way and that as if deep dreaming in the waking world. 

I could have done something. I should have spent more time with her. If I hadn’t been so far up my own Blighted ass, I could have seen it coming. 

This wasn’t supposed to happen. 

This city is poison, infected. Or maybe we’re just cursed.

Disquiet in his mind and turmoil curling itself around his heart were responsible for the miserable frown on his face, pulling his brows low over his eyes.

"Are you okay?"

Maverick's voice registered vaguely on the surface of his consciousness but escaped acknowledgment. He ignored it, ignored the questioning glances, the murmurs and the cautious hand on his shoulder after it happened. Glassy, ghoulish eyes haunted him. They invaded his memories and plagued his dreams. Nausea crashed over him like a wave, and fury simmered in his gut like glowing cinders. A single spark, that’s all it would take to stoke the flames. The acrid taste of bile crept up the back of his throat. His scowl deepened, and he clutched the cards in his hands tight enough to bend them. Wood screeched against wood as he stood up abruptly, the legs of the heavy chair scraping the floor of the upper-level suite. “I need some air.” Wyatt tossed his cards to the table with little regard for where they landed as he stormed down the stairs into the main room of the tavern.

[onlyinthedas]

"Hawke, then."

That was better, significantly so. He didn't give a fig about formality or anything so strict. Josephine would certainly have a few choice words to say regarding his flippant attitude about it, how flagrantly he shirked custom, and she wasn't wrong but nor was she "in charge" around here. Though, he was grateful for her guidance and that of his other advisors. Cullen included.

Watching this elven man brought to mind memories of Merrill, and the pang of loneliness stung harder than it ever had. Whatever she's gotten up to after his departure from Kirkwall, he hoped she was well. The others too. He sorely missed them, but now was not the time to get lost in memory.

Wyatt couldn't determine what plagued the elf, be it shame, hurt, frustration- He'd been in that position before, feeling completely helpless. Ah but there was a fire there in those eyes, a determination ready to go to lengths to *do* something.

"Any who wish to join are welcome. It's not *my* cause, it's ours. All of us are in it for the same reason, to fight back and protect -" he paused, ready to say "this city" only to find himself forgetting. This wasn't just about Ferelden, or even Kirkwall anymore, it was about Thedas as a whole. "This whole damned world, apparently. Because apparently, one country or city isn't enough for these people." He joked, grimly, and then nodded along with understanding as the elf declared himself.

"Good, I'm glad to hear it, but don't push yourself. Don't sacrifice your recovery. Keep up that enthusiasm, and if there is any way I can help, as a fellow mage, or just someone who wants to see this Blighted bastard actually put down for good- then I'm there. Inquisitor or no. I'm just the guy with the glowing hand they decided to put in charge. Can't say I agree with that choice, but that's a whole other ordeal."

With a forward hand extended, he leveled the elf with a friendly yet understanding smile. “Don’t think I got a name yet though.”

"hawke, then."

it doesn't feel right to address the man before him by name. he may not serve his gods, but if there is any hope for this world, he must have been sent by one.

his eyes drop to his lap. taking a moment to find the right words to ask what he needs.

"i wanted to ask..." those tired green eyes lift, seeking the champion's. "to join your cause. i cannot sit idly by while the monster that orchestrated the downfall of my people continues to..."

the words catch in his throat. he looks down again, forcing himself calm before he speaks again, lest the fury overtake his words or the tears flow from his eyes.

"... i am not yet capable of fighting, but i will be. in the interim, my mind is sharp and my magic is strong and i am willing to dedicate myself whatever research you may need."

[kncrowder88]

Alright, Garcy fans, I've been considering that AU engaged idea of mine some more and I honestly think it would work so well. There is a lot of ideas I recall from back when I was so obsessed with the show I was helping with the saving of it and planning the saving of it and all that ... anyways I remember Garcy fans loving the idea of Flynn sneaking into Lucy's lectures before he stole the mothership.

It is rather true that we don't get a lot of things concluded within the series but thats okay this is why fanfic exist. So, lets say we go with this idea of upon the return from the Hindenburg with Lucy getting back home and learning all this new shocking things about her changed life ... we also get Flynn getting a phone call, from Noah (lets no take the Carol route, she wouldn't put herself that close that early - and its clear in the show that Rittenhouse has a means of monitoring the changes).

Noah is very likely a Rittenhouse member as well - it would make sense that Carol Preston wants her kid engaged to and having a future with another Rittenhouse member, keep that 'royal' line going. We never even got Noah's last name for all we know he was actually a direct line descendant of the Rittenhouse family. Which honestly, would go in line with some of the stuff we saw later in the series. Anyways, back to the AU stuff .... basically the returns happened. Lucy walking through her door calling for Amy. Jump to Flynn back as well and walking through his bunker or wherever he's landed, a phone starts ringing. Back to Lucy, calling for Amy, heading through her house. Back to Flynn, diary in his hand. Maybe Anthony behind him in the background going for the phone on the table - confused as he looks at it, maybe one of the other goons doing this. Then back to Lucy as she finally gets that turn point where its her mom and not Amy and she's stunned because her mum is well. Then back to Flynn and someone telling him the phone is for him, he's turning because who calls him. He doesn't know anyone who would want to call him. Not here, not in the present. They only have a phone for needs of the mission and honestly he cant deny his goons a chance for untraceable calls to their families if they ever asked - he'd get asking. This sort of thing just keeps repeating and repeating bouncing between the two - I could see it on the screen. Playing and playing. Until its Carol Preston asking about Lucy's ring and Noah on the line with Flynn asking him out for beers, making a joke about bachelor days (but not making it clear whose bachelor days - Noahs or Flynns?) Then jump into the Lincoln episode and all that chaos. Flynn processing having a friend/person/someone close enough to want to get beers with him in his life. Lucy processing the loss of her sister and gain of a fiance. Rufus and Wyatt trying to figure out how to help Lucy process her sister being gone. Because how do you help someone just disappearing - not dying just never existing - and they dont even know she's engaged yet. And not to mention that she so easily just seemed to shove it aside when the history date was mentioned and jumped into the mission like it was so easy, and they dont get that.

Then of course, you have the encounters that would happen that mission. Lucy with Robert Lincoln, talking to him, and the way that Flynn would engage with her. The conversations. Her frustration. His boiling under the surface of "WHY DIDNT SHE WRITE ABOUT NOAH?!" And just all of that. Only for the mission to be over and them to get back and Noah is bringing him to a house, a nice house, and Lucy is returning home - her mother frustrated she is late to her own party and how dare she ask about her father on this day - and Lucy is turning from that because she cant and there in the doorway he stands. Noah's left him to go find her mum - update her of course its his job - and she's just there staring at Garcia Flynn in her house and all he could say is

"I guess its me who is getting engaged not Noah." and all she can say is

"You have got to be kidding me"

[inkabelledesigns]

When we were younger roleplayers

So a friend of mine recently uploaded an older comic she did detailing an experience from her youth involving her first time roleplaying. This story really speaks to me, so I’ll link it here for you to see. 

https://twitter.com/WolfenWingsShop/status/1135553476526821377 

You know, this makes me wanna tell some of my own roleplaying stories, because boy do I have a few. ^^’’’ My nutcracker friends Freckle and Pepper hear be joke about ‘The Night of Angst Mountain’ far too much, but that’s only been within the past year. The story I’d like to tell you today come from when I first came online, back when my only account was on YouTube and we roleplayed in the comments sections of our channels. 

Let me tell you the story of dreamerofchaos1 and her first time working as one of the Freedom Fighters.

Let’s set the stage. I was 14 years old, the year was 2011, and I had finally been deemed old enough to get a YouTube account. I’d asked my folks if I could have it for my birthday that year, which is March 29th. On April 2nd, my dad made a YouTube account for himself and then helped me to make mine, just so he could keep an eye on me should I ever need his help, but for the most part he wasn’t watching what I was doing. I had made this account intending to post tribute videos, you know, those fan art slideshows set to a popular song, and that is what I started out doing, but during that summer, I ended up hanging out with a bunch of roleplayers, and sometimes it was hard to distinguish fiction from reality. I’m still not sure how that started or how I ended up meeting these people, but we were an interesting bunch. A lot of this is really fuzzy for me

To start, even though we called ourselves the Freedom Fighters, it wasn’t at all the Freedom Fighters from the Sonic SatAM or Archie comics. We had a Sally, Tails, and Sonic who were barely present, otherwise, it was a lot of fan characters (most of which were recolors of Sonic, Tails, and Amy), along with an emo version of Kirby, Stitch and Angel from the Lilo and Stitch TV series, and a few others that referenced other franchises. We had a lot of fun on fictitious scenarios together, having picnics, fighting the Suppression Squad, it was a good time.

I didn’t stand out a ton among the good guys, but I definitely had my stuff together a little better. I didn’t have a character when I started interacting with everyone, but I developed one around the theme of my username named Dreamer. They were a tanooki that was an imaginary friend abandoned by their creator, a little girl named Ruth, that needed belief from other people in order to exist. Note that I refer to them as a ‘they.’ At that point in time, nobody online knew what my gender was, they all just kind of assumed I was a guy, and I didn’t say anything about it. I specified that my character was genderless, since why would an imaginary friend need to have a gender? But because you basically WERE your character unless you were in YouTube’s Inbox system, everyone thought I was a dude. To be honest...at the point in time, all of my friends outside of the web were dudes with the occasional girl that was super tomboyish. I was the girly one, I could never be “one of the guys,” and more than anything, that’s what I wanted. I’ve grown out of that now as an adult, I’m much happier just being me and not worrying what other people think about my body parts. I never directly lied about my gender, it was more that nobody ever asked, but eventually I did come clean about it. Unfortunately, the minute people found out I was a girl, my PMs (private messages, which are the same as DMs, but there was some amount of respect in actually keeping it private back then) got flooded with boys that wanted cybersex out of me, which was disgusting and utterly embarrassing, but that’s a story for another day.

The Suppression Squad was the main group of enemies, hell, the character you saw causing trouble the most was Miles, aka the Anti-Tails from Moebius/Anti-Mobius. That’s where I found two of my closer friends, Venice and Violet. Venice was the Anti-Silver, a fanmade concept as Silver never officially had an Anti version in the comics, using the concept art of Silver from Sonic 06 back when he was Venice the Mink. Violet was a fan character who was his girlfriend. Venice played a lot of different characters though, including a villain named No-Heart that had some Kingdom Hearts inspired elements. Sadly Venice, or rather Wyatt, dropped off the face of the earth, I never saw him again after YouTube changed its channel layout and everyone gave up our games there, but I do hope he’s doing well wherever he is. Same with Violet, or rather Whitney, I saw her a few times on deviantART, but not much. 

There are a few roleplays that stick out to me from that time. No Heart stealing Dreamer’s heart and having them fight for the villains temporarily is one of the finer memories, hell, when I had her betray everyone and join the bad guys for real later on was quite fun. Duking it out with an evil clown and Anti-Guy from Paper Mario was kind of cool too. But the one that really sticks out to me is the one with Albert Wesker. Now, Albert Wesker is a Resident Evil character to my understanding, but I have no idea what his story is, and I wasn’t smart enough to look it up as a kid when this was going down. This guy came out of hecking nowhere, I never did learn who played him in the end. I remember he was going after everyone with needles, and once pricked, they’d be under his control. Dreamer of course had ended up kidnapped and trapped in wherever his domain was. Being the rebellious and narrow-minded child that I was, I had Dreamer go off on a long speech about how Wesker would never win, and good would always prevail over evil, blah blah blah, it had to have sounded so stupid and naive to him. 

And then he killed my character. That had never happened before. Another player ended up godmodding them back to life with a “revival seed,” but like? It was so garbage. I felt so bad about it after the fact, like yeah, we beat the bad guy, but I felt like a dirty cheater, and I was! But it dawned on me why it happened later on in time. There was no formal system to how any of this worked, just a set of unspoken boundaries that were never crossed, and therefore a lot of godmodding happened, where people would be defeated who shouldn’t have been, powers were unfair, etc. But the thing is, I was one of the few who ever bothered to get creative with my attacks and have some sort of strategy, which in turn meant that I was often the one doing most of the fighting. During the Wesker stuff, I was the only one online that actually had any of that going on, the rest were content to play damsels in distress, that’s why my character got revived. I think Wesker showed up one more time after that and there was a fair fight before they disappeared, but dang. It was an interesting experience. I think it was the fact that I was the only one doing anything in battle that I opted to join the bad guys for a while, not to mention the good guys weren’t all that great to me. There was a lot of hugging and saying “you’re one of my best friends” all the time, but no one meant it, it was just fluff. 

I wasn’t there for fluff, I was there for action, to do something, to challenge myself. Yeah, I wanted to make friends, friends with respectable people who were interested in actual plotlines. But I didn’t find that there, I didn’t find that anywhere in an RP community up until recently. Things have changed with my style over the past eight years. I’m a lot slower to jump to combat nowadays, in fact fighting hardly ever comes up, which is nice, even though I do have times where I miss it. I think I’ve realized that I’m happier being in a smaller group, about three people, where we ask each other about the plot and figure out where its going with a mix of improv and planning. One day though, I’d love to run an RP blog where I invite a bunch of people to participate in the chaos, one where I get to run the story and challenge them to survive. That was the idea behind OATS, maybe one day I’ll be able to run it. For now though, I’ve got some bigger fish to fry than roleplays. ^^’’’ Still, it was fun to reminisce on this, I hadn’t thought about this for a while. 

[pendesvoyage]

Movies to Look Forward to in March!

March is going to be a good month for movies. Not only is the first female-led feature film from Marvel finally here, but March offers laughs, scares, and edge-of-your-seat action. Here are the movies I’m looking forward to this month.

The Hole in the Ground

Sarah and young son Chris move to the fringes of a backwood rural town, but a terrifying encounter with a neighbor uncovers disturbing changes in her little boy. Is this connected to an ominous sinkhole buried deep in the forest that borders their home?

Release Date: March 1st

Genre: Horror

Starring: Seána Kerslake, James Quinn Markey, Simone Kirby 

Director: Lee Cronin

Apollo 11

A look at the Apollo 11 mission to land on the moon led by commander Neil Armstrong and pilot Buzz Aldrin. 

Release Date: March 1st

Genre: Documentary

Stars:  Buzz Aldrin, Neil Armstrong, Michael Collins

Director: Todd Douglas Miller

Greta

A young woman befriends a lonely widow who's harboring a dark and deadly agenda towards her.

Release Date: March 1st

Genre: Drama/Horror

Stars: Isabelle Huppert, Chloë Grace Moretz, Maika Monroe

Director: Neil Jordan

The Wedding Guest

A story centered on a mysterious British Muslim man on his journey across Pakistan and India to kidnap a guest from a wedding. 

Release Date: March 1st

Genre: Thriller

Stars:  Dev Patel, Radhika Apte, Jim Sarbh

Director: Michael Winterbottom

Climax

French dancers gather in a remote, empty school building to rehearse on a wintry night. The all-night celebration morphs into a hallucinatory nightmare when they learn their sangria is laced with LSD.

Release Date: March 1st

Genre: Thriller

Stars: Sofia Boutella, Romain Guillermic, Souheila Yacoub 

Director: Gaspar Noé

Captain Marvel

Carol Danvers becomes one of the universe's most powerful heroes when Earth is caught in the middle of a galactic war between two alien races.

Release Date: March 8th

Genre: Action/Adventure

Stars: Brie Larson, Gemma Chan, Ben Mendelsohn 

Director: Anna Boden, Ryan Fleck

Gloria Bell

A free-spirited woman in her 50s seeks out love at L.A. dance clubs.

Release Date: March 8th

Genre: Drama/Romance

Stars: Julianne Moore, Sean Astin, Michael Cera

Director: Sebastián Lelio

Triple Frontier

Five former Special Forces operatives reunite to plan a heist in a sparsely populated multi-border zone of South America.

Release Date: March 13th

Genre: Action/Adventure

Stars: Ben Affleck, Charlie Hunnam, Adria Arjona 

Director: J.C. Chandor

Captive State

Set in a Chicago neighborhood nearly a decade after an occupation by an extra-terrestrial force, Captive State explores the lives on both sides of the conflict - the collaborators and dissidents.

Release Date: March 15th

Genre: Sci-Fi/Thriller

Stars: Machine Gun Kelly, Vera Farmiga, John Goodman

Director: Rupert Wyatt

Five Feet Apart

A pair of teenagers with life-threatening illnesses meet in a hospital and fall in love.

Release Date: March 15th

Genre: Drama/Romance

Stars:  Haley Lu Richardson, Cole Sprouse, Claire Forlani

Director: Justin Baldoni

Wonder Park

Wonder Park tells the story of a magnificent amusement park where the imagination of a wildly creative girl named June comes alive.

Release Date: March 15th

Genre: Family/Animation

Stars: Brianna Denski, Jennifer Garner, Ken Hudson Campbell 

Director: David Feiss

The Aftermath

Post World War II, a British colonel and his wife are assigned to live in Hamburg during the post-war reconstruction, but tensions arise with the German who previously owned the house.

Release Date: March 15th

Genre: Drama/War

Stars: Alexander Skarsgård, Keira Knightley, Jason Clarke 

Director: James Kent

Superpower Dogs

Join an immersive IMAX adventure to experience the life-saving superpowers and extraordinary bravery of some of the world's most amazing dogs. (Narrated by my- not mine, I don’t own him- man, Chris Evans.)

Release Date: March 15th

Genre: Documentary

Stars: Chris Evans, Dayna Hilton, Matt Abrams 

Director: Daniel Ferguson

Hotel Mumbai

The true story of the Taj Hotel terrorist attack in Mumbai. Hotel staff risk their lives to keep everyone safe as people make unthinkable sacrifices to protect themselves and their families.

Release Date: March 22nd

Genre: Drama/Historical

Stars: Dev Patel, Armie Hammer, Nazanin Boniadi 

Director: Anthony Moras

Us

A family's serenity turns to chaos when a group of doppelgängers begin to terrorize them.

Release Date: March 22nd

Genre: Horror

Stars: Elisabeth Moss, Lupita Nyong'o, Anna Diop

Director: Jordan Peele

The Dirt

The story of how Mötley Crüe came to be one of the most notorious rock 'n roll groups in history.

Release Date: March 22nd

Genre: Biopic

Stars: Machine Gun Kelly, Iwan Rheon, Douglas Booth

Director: Jeff Tremaine

Maze

Inspired by the true events of the infamous 1983 prison breakout of 38 IRA prisoners from HMP, which was to become the biggest prison escape in Europe since World War II.

Release Date: March 22nd

Genre: Drama/Historical

Stars: Tom Vaughan-Lawlor, Barry Ward, Martin McCann 

Director: Stephen Burke

Dumbo

A young elephant, whose oversized ears enable him to fly, helps save a struggling circus, but when the circus plans a new venture, Dumbo and his friends discover dark secrets beneath its shiny veneer.

Release Date: March 29th

Genre: Family/Musical

Stars: Eva Green, Colin Farrell, Michael Keaton 

Director: Tim Burton

Unplanned

One of the youngest Planned Parenthood clinic directors, Abby Johnson used her passion to help women to become a spokesperson for PP, until the day she saw something that changed everything.

Released Date: March 29th

Genre: Drama

Stars: Ashley Bratcher, Brooks Ryan, Robia Scott

Director: Chuck Konzelman, Cary Solomon

The Highwaymen

A pair of police officers come out of retirement to catch the infamous outlaws Bonnie & Clyde.

Release Date: March 29th

Genre: Drama/Historical

Stars: Kevin Costner, Woody Harrelson, Kim Dickens

Director: John Lee Hancock

A Vigilante

A vigilante helps victims escape their domestic abusers.

Release Date: March 29th

Genre: Drama/Crime

Stars: Olivia Wilde, Morgan Spector, Betsy Aidem

Director: Sarah Daggar-Nickson

These are just the ones that caught my eye. March has a near endless offering of movie to pick one. There is something for everyone on this list so take some time and enjoy a flick! 

Lost in dictation,

Jess

[speci-society]

the people have spoken heres the list (alphabetically)

In use

42.35479, -101.48729

AloneSnail71 "Snail"

Another's Arms

Iteration: Antares (1)

Apollo

Aria Celeste

Arvin Fenwick

Artemis

Dr. Arthur Alice Addington

Austin Wallace

Azrael "Pixie" Castillo

Dr. Barnesi Carukia

Bill Dillard

Cadence

Captain Callisto

Friend-Entity Ceres

Charlie "Charlie Circuit" "Charlie Warthruster" Howard

Cheez-It

Cherry Smallhurt

Chip

Chronoraiel

Cici Caspian

Clementine Cooper

Colzos Ludasnath

The Crouste Family

Cyrus Reid

Dakota Sanguine

Damien Immel

Danman Omega

David Abernathy

DAWN EYRE and STEREO MIKE

Dean B. Crewe

Delta "Zip" Marshall

DJ Deathwish

Dynamite and Flashbang

Dr. Edward Crow Boccaccio

Eileen Rose

Elliott Way

Emily Lévêque

Erebid Astaret

Euphoria

Researcher Europa

EXIDY-0110

The Extended Universe

Ezekiel Riorin

Voyager Ganymede

Fig

"Dr." Fink Stoma

Fortitude

Habrix

Harmony Flores

Hell's Kitchen

Holy Vapor

I LOVE YOU/Love Bug

Io the Undaunted

Iron Dynamo

Isaac Abernathy

Izzy Vazquez

Java

Jenny "Cam Flash" Dunn Millard

Jude King

Jude's Dead Boyfriend

Jude's Missing Girlfriend

Junipere Zameia

Justice

Kaphon Lorciar Heskan

Kass

Kotone Doremi

Lappy

Legacy

Lelane Bonk Bighurt

Levimine Noell Tobias Way

Listening Thing

Lorelai Edie Howard

Lyra "Raven" Adgolor

Mac

Maid Knight

Maria Abernathy

Marina Neoma

Mattie Rose

Maxwell

Mike "Stereo Mike" Martin

Monica Tempest

Milo G.T. Midnight

Misty

Mystery The Horse

Nada

Nescoria Kruldrenaal

Nico

Nikolas Crouste

Novalord/Mortalord

Null

Orbital Strike

Order Lord

Paperdoll

Paragons of Acceptance

Pepper Immel-Boccaccio

Pickles

Piper Sterling

Plague Doctor

Polo

Python

Ronny

DJ Red

River

Rory Morales/RORYKATZXP

Ruby "Waveform" Chip

Scott

Sigma

Smolder

Spark

Spilo Astaret

Star and Eclipse

Sun Lord

Sylphine Wynra

Tallulah

Tam Hyatt

Terra Baylock

Ticking Timebombs

Trevor C.

Tutorial Subject

Unnamed June mother

Unnamed Levi mother

Valentina Sangria Crouste

Verthus Kruldrenaal

Vexx Valentine Rexxwood

Dr. Vineon Astaret

Viola Loretta

Vivian Angelivio

VOLT

Xavier

Wendell Lestat

Wyatt the Guide

Yorzire Kruldrenaal

Zach Simon

Zinnia Perthyra

Dr. Zylovar Elren

Not in use (not alphabetical)

Unsure if i wanna use them or not they're kind of in oc limbo

Guy Manderson

Society for Otherworldly Experimentation

Gabriel

Lock

Riddle

Chenri

Ms. Marybeth

Kennedy Lansky

Atticus Gardner

Ari Oyama

Rowan

Other Jude

Giovanni

Gregory

Lilac

Venus

Finn

Cecilia

Mercury

Vicky Karmino

Dante Karmino

Maurice Fletcher

Theatris

Mark Barista Boy

Carlo Barista Boy

Dylan

Suzie

The girl Dylan met in the lab whose name escapes me but she had red hair

Wyatt

Kyoto

Other Sigma/Oliver

Other Atticus

Dako

Vox

Arcturus

Capella

Brooklyn

Lori

Asenneth Lucia

Harendra Lucia

Kaela Lucia

Tarell Lucia

Maggie Dreemurr

Steve

Herobrine

Eva

Other guide whose name i dont rember who was scared of heights

Adam the Enderman

I'm about to list out each and every endercat. brace yourself

Crystallite/Amber

Percilla

Selena

Eliza

Sagin

Jade

Whilma

Laura

Sara

Midnight

Angel

Pandora

Gania

The snow one

Ignis

Nivva

Susan

Herobrine Again

Those 4 angel characters i dont remember the name of except Lydia

Luke

Zach

Tahli

Laura

Tori

Other Susan

Anabelle

Mary

Carrie, Mary’s twin

Max

Millie

Grimm

Herobrine yet again

I literally almost forgot abt ATOTD. Fuck me

Terry

Queen Aquarius

King Taurus

Another Dylan. the more important Dylan

Alt. Dylan

I do NOT remember if it was me or a friend of mine who made Dr. Beatrice and Oni. Will take this entry off if i am incorrect

Chaos Kitty

Kem

Am I including Hairy and Claude and the robot from 3rd grade? Yes, yes i am

Love

Care

Naivete

Watch

Spirit

Pa'yme Alvalok

Iscienth Sarrus

Avarus Alvalok

Beth Grant

Kageleth Avalok

Bernadette

Town of Clover

Sonar

Yea does anyone want my full unedited list of relevant ocs and possibly past ocs i dont use anymore but i have a record of their name somewhere. 217 of them roughly

[illlicitaffair]

⁂ shelby & caleb

x. send ⁂ for my muse to take a bullet for yours 

            It’s   been   THREE   years   but   he   feels   like   he’s   lived   a   lifetime   –   &&   maybe   in   some   ways   he   has.   Losing   his   dad,   SHELBY,   giving   up   on   something   he   had   DREAMED   about   since   he   was   a   kid,   overcoming   his   addiction   –   you’d   think   with   all   of   that   history   he’d   learn   to   steer   CLEAR   of   Nancy   Drew   &&   her   supporting   cast,   but   here   he   is,   right   in   the   MIDDLE   of   yet   another   crisis   revolving   them   ALL.   Only   this   time,   HE   was   responsible   for   the   idiots,   &&   every   day   he   spends   with   them   it   makes   him   only   wonder   that   much   more   how   Booth   made   it   through   Quantico   not   once   but   TWICE.      Long   digits   pull   at   the   damp   label   of   his   beer,   scattered   pieces   lay   amongst   the   EXPANSE   of   the   table.   This   night   out   is   MEANT   to   be   relaxing   –   after   the   week   they   all   had,   he   figured   they   deserved   it   –   to   be   reminded   that   this   TASK   FORCE   only   worked   as   well   as   it   did   because   of   the   UNDERLYING   friendships.   Not   that   you   would   catch   him   openly   admitting   to   the   fact   he   considered   these   people   part   of   a   small   circle   that   he   genuinely   CARED   for.   Which   unfortunately   for   him   still   very   much   included   the   GHOST   of   girlfriends   past.  

         When   you   learn   about   STORMS   growing   up   –   you   acknowledge   that   they   are   TEMPORARY,   the   thunderous   glow   that   expands   farther   than   you   can   comprehend   is   fleeting,   the   mist   that   COATS   the   ground   will   dry   &&   that   CRACK   of   lightning   will   fade   into   nothingness.   What   they   don’t   teach   you   is   what   it’s   like   to   LOVE   one   –   they   don’t   teach   how   to   love   a   hurricane   that   DESTROYS   the   support   beams   of   your   home,   they   don’t   PREPARE   you   to   deal   with   the   rubble   they   leave   in   their   wake.   &&   you   never   learn   to   accept   than   when   a   STORM   returns,   it’s   different   from   when   it   left.   LOVING   Shelby   Wyatt   was   like   preparing   to   drown   in   a   tsunami,   you   had   to   be   willing   to   be   marooned   in   worse   shape   than   you   were   before.   She   had   been   so   worried   that   HE   was   going   to   hurt   her,   time   &&   time   again,   but   the   REALITY   of   the   matter   was,   SHE   was   the   one   who   had   to   power,   he   handed   that   over   the   night   he   told   her   to   SHUT   HIM   UP.      He   never   meant   to   get   swept   up   in   the   tide,   but   she   never   gave   him   a   CHOICE.   So   what   happens   when   a   poorly   diffused   LAND   MINE   falls   for   something   so   TRAGICALLY   beautiful   ?   The   true   meaning   of   CHAOS.        

          He   isn’t   aware   he’s   staring   –   he   USUALLY   never   is,   his   eyes   naturally   gravitate   in   her   direction,   grey   hues   trace   the   outline   of   her   jaw,   follow   the   CURVE   of   her   lips   –   he’s   almost   blinded   by   white   of   her   teeth   as   a   RARE   smile   finds   its   place   upon   her   features.   He’s   mastered   knowing   WHEN   to   look   away   to   avoid   being   caught   –   to   know   when   her   head   starts   to   tilt   in   his   direction   that   keeping   his   focus   would   only   result   in   a   long   WINDED   conversation   he   isn’t   looking   to   SUBJECT   himself   to.   When   his   gaze   drifts   from   the   blonde,   it   catches   a   FLASH   of   metal   pulled   toward   her,   leaving   him   with   a   singular   thought   that   MISERY   truly   does   love   company.   The   next   move   isn’t   a   CONSCIOUS   one   –   it’s   more   like   breathing,   his   mind   doesn’t   have   a   chance   to   comprehend   what   he’s   doing.   They’ve   barely   mended   fences   &&   he’d   hardly   consider   them   FRIENDS   –   she   was   the   girl   who   stole   his   heart   &&   didn’t   have   the   decency   to   ever   return   it.   But   despite   it   being   THREE   long   years   –   that   love   for   her   is   as   DEEP   SEATED   as   it   was   when   he   first   acknowledged   it.   Putting   himself   between   Shelby   &&   danger   comes   down   to   the   FUNDAMENTAL   certainty   that   her   life   has   &&   always   would   be   more   IMPORTANT   to   him   than   his   own.            

          Caleb   had   made   a   choice   all   those   YEARS   ago   when   they   had   thought   they   were   facing   CERTAIN   death,   that   he   wouldn’t   leave   her   behind   even   with   the   GLOWING   red   numbers   trickling   downward.   He   still   isn’t   sure   that   the   decision   was   made   because   SHELBY   was   there   or   because   of   what   LITTLE   regard   he   has   for   his   own   well   being.   If   he   had   time   to   DWELL   on   it,   he’d   realize   that   even   then   there   was   no   real   CHOICE   to   make.   The   BLOW   to   his   chest   has   him   stumbling   slightly   –   it’s   not   what   he   expected,   he   barely   registers   the   ECHO   that   bounces   off   the   walls,   there’s   no   blinding   pain   –   just   SILENCE   as   his   legs   fail   to   keep   him   upright,   the   sheer   FORCE   of   the   bullet   sending   him   back   a   few   steps.   It’s   not   until   a   blurred   flash   of   PLATINUM   enters   his   line   of   sight   that   he   GRASPS   he’s   on   the   floor,   his   hand   gripped   around   her   smaller   one,   their   fingers   intertwined   coated   scarlet   as   rose   stained   lips   mutter   words   that   seem   MILES   away.   The   edges   of   his   vision   begin   to   CLOUD   as   the   pool   of   crimson   grows   underneath   him,      his   chest   rising   &&   falling   at   a   rapid   pace.   There’s   something   else   they   don’t   TEACH   you   about   storms   –   those   people   who   put   their   lives   on   the   line   CHASING   them   ?   Might   not   be   as   UNHINGED   as   they   seem. 

[gadgetgirl71]

Top Ten Tuesday 15 September 2020

Welcome to this weeks Top Ten Tuesday. Originally created by The Broke & The Bookish, which is now hosted by Jana @ That Artsy Reader Girl. Each week it features a book or literary themed category. This weeks prompt is:

Cover Freebie:

(choose your own topic, centred on book covers or cover art)

So I have chosen to list my favourite MC (Motorcycle Club) Covers.

Baker (The Devil’s Disciples MC #1) by Scott Hildreth

ANDY: I got a job next door to a tattooed biker named Baker. He was an outlaw, a criminal, a biker, a bad boy, and a thief. I should have run as far and fast as I could. Instead, on the day we met, I let him have his way with me. I couldn’t help myself. His intensity and swagger lured me, but it was the crazy sex that kept me coming back, day after day.

His sordid ways scared me, but I simply couldn’t stay away…

BAKER: When she moved in next door, I knew I was in trouble. She was sexy. She was irresistible. She had spunk. She was also the manager of a bank my MC robbed six months prior. She didn’t recognize me, because we wore masks during the robbery. If she ever found out who I really was, there would be hell to pay.

It would be nothing like the hell I’d be living in if my MC found out I was fucking her.

We’d issued an order to kill her on sight. She was off-limits if anyone ever was.

So far, the men in the MC hadn’t seen her. But, I couldn’t keep her hidden forever.

Beyond Reckless (Lost kings MC #8) by Autumn Jones Lake

Marcel “Teller” Whelan, Treasurer of the Lost Kings MC, has always been two things—honest and responsible. At ten years old, he was already taking care of his baby sister. At eighteen, he patched into the Lost Kings MC and took a major role in shaping the club’s future. Three years ago, he thought he’d met the perfect woman, only to have her reject everything he is—a Lost King. One bullet is a lifetime supply. Now, after an accident that left a girl dead and Teller almost crippled, he’s struggling through the darkest time in his life. His niece, sister, and Lost Kings MC family are the only things holding him together, but his reckless actions are bound to drive everyone away. Then, in the most unlikely place, he crosses paths with her again. The woman he once thought might be his perfect match. Love soothes our inner demons. Sparks fly for both of them. She’s the ride-or-die woman he needs, able to calm his many demons and bring the light back into his life. But she has a secret—one that forces him to lie to his brothers. In chaos we trust. When Teller’s brothers find out who he’s falling in love with, it will create a storm of chaos for the Lost Kings MC. But if there’s one thing Teller’s turbulent life has taught him, it’s that sometimes love is worth the chaos. Beyond Reckless is the 8th book in the popular Lost Kings MC series, but can be read as a standalone.

Big (Satan’ Fury MC #6) by L Wilder

How much would you risk to save the one you love? From NYT and USA Today Bestselling Author L. Wilder comes book six in the Satan’s Fury Series, a standalone MC romance.

Big: I don’t use a knife or a gun to get the guy I’m after. I find that my weapon of choice has a much longer, more crippling effect. With just a few keystrokes, I can have him scrambling for his life. I’ll take everything he’s ever worked for, everything he’s ever loved, and I’ll destroy it. That’s what I do.

My brothers don’t ask questions. They don’t want to know what I do behind the closed door. They know I bring results, and that’s all that matters. It’s my job to protect the club, and nothing is going to stand in my way–not even Josie Carmichael.

The girl with the tantalizing curves and emerald green eyes is an unexpected threat, but a threat nonetheless. It’s my job to take her down, but there’s just one hitch. I can’t get the smart-mouthed beauty out of my head. She’s trouble. The kind of trouble that would turn my whole world upside down, but I don’t give a damn. I want her.

Josie Carmichael will be mine, even if that means I’ve got to break her first.

Big is book six of the Satan’s Fury MC series. This book is a full-length standalone novel that’s intended for mature audiences due to the explicit language and violence. Reader discretion is advised.

Bull (Kings of Mayhem MC #6) by Penny Dee

She could be the end of me BULL: I lost my wife on a rainy night almost two decades ago. Since then, my heart has been a barren wasteland. It only knows love for family and the club. And for revenge. Then I meet Taylor and I know I’m doomed. Because she’s everything I didn’t know I wanted. Everything I’ve denied myself for years. But my club is about to storm headfirst into a war and I can’t afford the distraction. Yet I can’t get her out of my head. We both say we’re not interested. But we are both liars. TAYLOR: For years we’ve been running from my past. My kid brother and me. Hiding in the shadows. Now we have a chance for a new life in a new town … far, far away from trouble. I crave freedom and a quiet, simple life for us both. The last thing I expect is to fall for the enigmatic biker king, Michael “Bull” Western. He is magnificent. White-hot and scorching. With the touch of an angel and eyes of the devil. He could be the love of my life. But I have a secret. A very big secret indeed … Bull is book six in the Kings of Mayhem MC series. For mature readers 18+.

Claiming Mine (Unforgiven Riders MC #1) by Amy Davies

Sex, secrets and motorbikes.

When Ana starts working in a small but quaint café, after running from her old life, she never expects to be surrounded by sexy as sin men… Little does she realise they belong to the local motorcycle club. She’s had more than enough of controlling alphas in her life, but can she keep away from them?

Ace is the Sergeant-at-Arms of the Unforgiven Riders and yet another controlling alpha. He sees Ana’s reluctance to him, but Ace always gets his own way, and he wants Ana. Will Ace be able to prove his feelings for her and break down the walls of protection Ana has built around her heart? Can she let him in?

When secrets of Ana’s past are revealed and her life is threatened, it’s Ace’s job to save her. But will he be too late? Will Ace still want her when he finds out about her past?

Compass (Valiant MC #1) by Mary B Moore

Piper: When Hunter left, he cut me out of his life with no explanation. I sent him letters, but each time they were returned back to me. I had no choice but to raise my son alone and move on with life. I love being a mother, but every day I miss the other half of my soul.

Hunter: Four years ago, I joined the Marines. What I did for my country changed me. I saw my buddies, men that I’d fought alongside return home and set up their lives. Seeing them settling down, I took a risk and returned home to the woman that I’d left behind.

War changes a man. A majority of our military come home scarred inside and struggle to return to the civilian world. Learning from my friends in Piersville, I’ve established an MC called Valiant. Our training and military contacts will help assist the government with tackling the ongoing issues of human, drug, and arms trafficking along North and South America. Those responsible are like the mythical Hydra – cut off one head and two replace it.

I’m willing to fight that war, but more importantly, I’m going to fight the battle to get Piper back and become a father to my son.

Link’d Up (Dead Presidents MC #1) by Harley Stone

President Tyler “Link” Lincoln of the Dead Presidents MC, runs a club dedicated to helping military vets readjust to society. When his sergeant at arms is arrested for the attempted murder of a prominent Seattle figure, Link’s search for a lawyer brave enough to fight for justice leads him to an alluring defence attorney with a bleeding heart and a steel backbone.

This isn’t the first time Emily Stafford’s commitment to defending the falsely accused has put her in harm’s way. Smart, cautious, and independent, she knows how to defend herself. At least, she did until she joined forces with one sexy, overbearing, tattooed MC president.

Flames run hot as Link and Emily seek shelter in the club’s converted fire station, working against the clock to uncover the truth and save a somewhat innocent man.

18+ for language and sexual situations…

Primal Howl (Primal Howlers MC #1) by Piper Davenport

Orion: I’m the oldest son of MC royalty. My father founded the Primal Howlers and he expects me to wear his patch one day. The problem is, I don’t know if that’s what I want. Lately, I couldn’t give two sh*ts about anything.

Until her.

Raquel: I moved to Monument, Colorado to write my thesis and get some much-needed distance from my overbearing family. What I didn’t expect was to find is myself hung up on a biker who appears to have nothing to lose.

I, however, have everything to lose and I’m worried Orion just might be my downfall.

Stitch (Satan’s Fury MC #2) by L Wilder

From New York Times and USA Today Best Selling author L Wilder

Stitch: As the club Enforcer, Stitch is the man chosen to protect the club. There are no limits to his brutality, no lines drawn in the sand. The club is his life, and he’ll do whatever it takes to keep his brothers safe.

He’s a man who keeps to himself, guarding the walls that he secured so long ago. Then, one moment, one chance meeting, changes everything.

Wren: Life for Wren and her son, Wyatt, isn’t exactly easy. Yet, Wren faces each day with determination and courage. Wyatt is her joy and motivation; for him, she will find a way to make their lives better, even when obstacles are continually thrown in her path. The last thing she needs is another complication, but what is life without complications?

Stitch appears when they need him the most, protecting them when no one else can. Wren can’t understand it. She should feel threatened by his bulging muscles and menacing tattoos, but she’s somehow able to see past the mysterious biker to the man inside. She is drawn to him for reasons she can’t even begin to comprehend. All she knows is that her body craves his touch.

Can Stitch let his guard down and allow these two strangers into his heart? Can Wren see beyond the scars of her past long enough to let him in, or will her fear drive him away?

** This book is intended for readers 18 years or older due to bad language, violence, and explicit sex scenes.

Stitch is a standalone romance, but you may also be interested in reading Maverick: Satan’s Fury MC #1.

The Diary of Bink Cummings Vol #2 by Bink Cummings

Note: Must Read The Diary of Bink Cummings Vol 1, previously.

When changing life’s course you never consider what twisted curve-ball fate might dump in your lap. Growing up in the MC, then gaining my own personal independence was not only a curse, it was a blessing. So when I decided to say fu*k my past and embraced my future, away from the only place I called home, I tried to re-invent myself, by becoming the woman I am today. Until one day, fate reared its ugly head, forcing me to return to the place I ran from. The place where I had no choice but to face HIM. And hide the biggest secret of my life as I wallowed in silent fear, of the insurmountable repercussions it would evoke when anyone found out the truth.

Steamy Adult romance Warning: Contains Mature scenarios, and mass quantities of profanity. For Ages 18+

-This is not a Standalone.

I’m sure that some of the men on these covers are the same person! What do you think?

*** This majority of these books are intended for readers 18 years or older due to bad language, violence, and explicit sex scenes. ***

Until next Tuesday

#BikerErotica, #BikerRomance, #Bikers, #JustForFun, #MC, #MC-Erotica, #MCRomance, #Top Ten Tuesday, #TopTenTuesday, #TTT

[drabblesaf]

Break The Rules - Mieczyslaw Stilinski AU (pt 3)

REQUESTED: No, but I’m really enjoying writing this series, so I’m keeping on with it!

WARNINGS: None (yet)

SUMMARY: After one of your fellow NATs shoots himself, you are all dismissed, and it’s time for you and Stiles to have a heart-to-heart.

NOTES: Honestly, I’m loving this series and all the various FBI!Stiles imagine out there because they’re just hyping me up massively for Sunday/Monday. I managed to finish the last bit of my Yr 12 project work, so I’m now essentially done with Yr 12!! Yay!

This part also features a couple more of the characters from the show. We meet (very briefly) Eric, and we have a run-in with Shelby and Alex. I think this may actually be the longest part I’ve written so far, which is a good thing for me (I’m definitely keeping up my writing even though I’m dropping the Creative Writing course!).

Pt 2 can be found here, and Pt 1 can be found here. Enjoy!

“I never thought she'd die.” That was the last thing Eric said to Caleb before he shot himself in the head. The room we were all sat in, watching the interrogations play out on the screen in front of us, erupted into chaos the minute we saw him do that. Everyone was yelling, or in tears, or silent, and nobody quite knew how to process the scene that was in front of us.

My hand had somehow made its way into Stiles’ and I was gripping it tightly as a solitary tear fell from my eyes. He gave my hand a squeeze and I looked over at him, as he mouthed “You okay?”. I shook my head and let more tears spill out as I chewed at my lip. This was going to be tough training, sure, but to witness somebody killing themselves because they couldn’t handle the truth? That was terrifying. 

The woman from earlier, who we found out was called Miranda Shaw, brought our attention over to her by saying in a loud voice, “What happened today was heartbreaking. It was tragic. But it was also a reminder.” She paused, looking over each and every one of our scared faces, as my hand remained wrapped in Stiles’. “I have no doubt Eric Packer had much to offer us, but he could not face the truth about himself. As an agent, that's the most important thing. If you cannot be honest with yourself, how can you get the truth out of anyone else? And the scariest part about all of this is that it only gets harder from here. So tonight, please, please, think about what you want for your life, for your future. More than that, think about who you are and why you're here. Thank you.”

With that last sentence, we were dismissed, and Stiles and I walked back to our dorm in a melancholy silence. One of the girls from earlier, who we found out was the famous firearms specialist Shelby Wyatt, walked with us. “What do you think this means for us as NATs?” She said quietly, and I looked at her. She was pretty, but her eyes were glittering with tears as much as mine probably were.

I let go of Stiles’ hand and pulled her into a hug, as we both cried together. “This new life is gonna be tough for us, but I’m sure we can manage. We’re becoming wise before our years, and that’s a terrifying thought, but if we can get through this, I’m sure we’ll be stronger than ever,” I mumbled into her shoulder, and she nodded against mine, pulling away from me and laughing slightly.

“Look at us, two people who don’t even properly know each other, crying on each other’s shoulders over a guy who we didn’t even know,” She grinned at me, and I couldn’t help laugh at that thought. “Shelby Wyatt, good to meet you.”

“(Y/N) (Y/L/N), and this here’s my roommate Stiles Stilinski,” I said, gesturing to Stiles as I spoke, who gave a small wave. “We didn’t know each other until yesterday, and I guess we found out a lot more about each other through this interrogation game.”

“Yeah, well it seems a lot of us found out things about each other that we didn’t know, so I guess we’re all on the same page as each other,” She smiled, before looking to her room. “I guess I’ll see you guys later if you wanna grab food in the canteen? You can come with me and my roommate Alex, I’m sure she’d love to meet you guys too.”

“Sounds great, we’ll meet you there,” Stiles grinned, and Shelby nodded at us, before opening her bedroom door, and leaving me and Stiles in the corridor. I looked at him and pushed open the door, him following after me.

“So, today was a state, huh?” Stiles chuckled nervously as he stood in front of me while I sat on my bed. I nodded, chewing my lip. He sighed and looked at the space beside me. “Can I...?” I nodded again, not trusting myself to speak. He moved quickly over to me and pulled me into a hug as I sobbed into his shoulder, his hand rubbing comforting circles into my back.

“Why is this so fucked up already, Sti? We haven’t even been here 24 hours, and already we’ve seen someone shoot themselves,” I gulped, choking slightly on the tears and words that poured out of my mouth. His breath hitched a bit as he pulled me closer to him, and I could hear his heartbeat thumping loudly against his chest.

“How about we move off of that, and we talk about the things we found out about each other, hmm? Take our mind off things a bit?” He mumbled, and I nodded against his chest, gripping his shirt tightly. I pushed away and looked at him; he seemed as though he was absolutely transfixed on my face, like he’d seen a ghost or something. His eyes traced over my (now blotchy) face, and he smiled slightly. “Okay, so about me being a supernatural theorist. Half true, but I couldn’t give all of the details because I would have seemed like a lunatic. So, what I said there was technically incredibly true.”

“Explain, please,” I laughed as he rambled slightly, wiping away the tears that remained in my eyes.

“My best friend’s a werewolf? And the majority of my friends at home, including both my exes, are somehow connected into the supernatural mess that is Beacon Hills,” He said, frowning slightly as he looked at me again for some sort of non-believing look, narrowing his eyes when he realised I looked genuinely surprised. “Okay, this is not a thing that is happening right now. You can’t actually be believing me, right?”

“Stiles, I believe you because I have a feeling you may know something about me. I wasn’t entirely truthful out there either. The chimaera thing was 100% accurate, but I missed out the fact that I occasionally get silver-coloured nosebleeds. I feel like you would know the reason for this, so, enlighten me.” His mouth fell open in shock, and he grabbed my wrists.

“(Y/N), have you ever heard of the Dread Doctors?”

Stiles and I took about two hours discussing the Dread Doctors and all the supernatural goings-on in Beacon Hills, as well as glossing over our pasts before coming to Quantico. By the time we were done, there was a knock on ou door and a voice coming through. “Hey, it’s Alex, Alex Parrish. Shelby and I were just going to go and grab our dinner, did you want to come with?”

I sat up from my position on the bed quickly, and looked over at Stiles. “We’ll be out in a sec!” I yelled back, and he smiled at me, standing up as I did.

“I’m glad we had this talk, (Y/N).”

“Me too Stiles. Now, let’s go meet Alex,” I said, taking his hand in mine once more and opening the door to face Alex and Shelby.

“Oh, I’m sorry, were we interrupting something?” Alex said awkwardly, and Stiles shook his head. 

“No, not at all, we were just talking about our lives before Quantico, and it took...about two hours. Huh.”

“Well, shall we get going then?” Shelby said, grinning at us, and I nodded, linking arms with the girl, who also linked with Alex, and keeping my hand wrapped in Stiles’. For some reason, this just felt right. Alex and I were discussing hopes for the future, with Shelby and Stiles interjecting with their own ideas, and things just felt as though they were home. 

This was home.

[grizzlefur]

WWEm - Alliance Of The Smooth-Talking Evil Big Guys

Transmission date: Monday 29/Tuesday 30 May 2017.

.

FRIDAY AFTERNOON RAW covfefe

.

(sorry, couldn't resist)

.

.

(no more topical jokes, i promise)

.

oh christ, it's the memorial day episode

.

this is going to be uncomfortably political and MURICA, isn't it

.

we're leading with john cena narrating a video package about how great the military are

.

finally ends, long bit where we just listen to usa chants, and finally the titles

.

we might actually get some wrestling on this patriotism show

.

we've apparently carried on the military theme by replacing the stage pyro with fucking mortars

.

that was somewhat excessive

.

so yes

.

double main event tonight to set up extreme rules

.

bray/joe/finn and seth/roman

.

but now, we have the miz

.

and his impeccably-dressed wife

.

and we've got carpet and chairs going on, so i guess this is miztv

.

miz is so excited about getting his hands on dean ambrose it makes him make out with his wife

.

there's a lot to unpack there

.

nice recap spot as miz just tells us everything he's done over the last few episodes

.

apparently rule-breakers are the people rules are made for

.

that seems like a flawed system

.

recap vt of miz giving elias the win over dean last time

.

miz is just like hey if that happens on sunday i win the belt fancy that

.

and now we have the guests

.

cesaro and sheamus

.

kkb in the hooooooouse

.

in the graphics for their match at extreme rules, they've stopped using the broken gurning pic of matt

.

sad times

.

miz congratulates sheamus and cesaro for being the hardest-woirking team in the company

.

can't fault him

.

mentions the hardyz getting a cheap title shot, sheamus gets to go off on one about the fickleness of the fans, only emphasised by the delete chants starting

.

miz puts his hand up, cesaro does the same, tries to convince his best friend to, sheamus is just like nah mate don't bother

.

miz has a rant about his ic title comeback tour, interrupted by dean's music

.

he agonises for a bit over whether or not to get in the ring

.

then stands at ringside and talks about his generally poor decision-making skills

.

miz is like there's three of us and one of you learn to count you moron

.

so naturally, cue some hardyz

.

who stand there bouncing in time with their music along with dean for a bit

.

and then throw the kkb out of the ring

.

miz having naturally run away

.

and then hit their music again, because this is the end of the segment?

.

oh, wait, they're making it a 6-man tag

.

jeff snapmares cesaro, but with a dropkick, because jeff legally has to be airborne for at least 40% of every match

.

matt tags in, proceeds to get the shit kicked out of him

.

he does it so well

.

cesaro kicks jeff off the apron, leaving dean wide open for the tag

.

cole somehow describes dean as "rather eccentric" while matt hardy is also in the room

.

a series of blind tags leave even the announce team arguing over who's legal

.

dean cleans house, goes to the top rope, miz distracts him long enough for sheamus to knee him in the face

.

dean dodges one of cesaro's corner uppercuts, he sells through it so hard he flips headfirst over the turnbuckle to the floor

.

god bless you, claudio

.

miz keeps the hardyz out of the way, cesaro and sheamus hit dean with a white noise elbow drop combo, dean kicks out anyway because fuck your tag finisher

.

dean's gone into that mode of selling where he thinks all pain is electrocution

.

dramatic hot tag to jeff, only marred by dean missing the fuck out of his hand

.

tags matt, poetry in motion and side effect to miz, sheamus breaks the pin, twist of fate to sheamus, dirty deeds to cesaro, twist of fate and swanton bomb to miz for the pin

.

all the finishers that's fit to print

.

jeff takes off his shirt, ties it round his waist, except he seems unsure how knots work

.

kind of a consequence when your finisher involves landing on your head at high speed

.

cesaro and sheamus stagger up the ramp, cesaro completely stacks it

.

no idea if that was intentional

.

announce team start their recap, corey gets a call and walks off without a word

.

huh

.

but later, alexa bliss does bayley: this is your life

.

but here we are in kurt's office, and corey comes in

.

there's some kind of email insulting kurt going round, which corey has forwarded to him as a courtesy

.

kurt is worried for his career

.

well this is dramatic

.

but screw drama, here's a giant hipster with a guitar on a stool

.

and a song about how he owes miz a favour

.

lights come up, and it's revealed that a random jobber was standing in the corner all along

.

that's weirdly hilarious

.

bless, he looks about twelve

.

elias straight-up lifts him over his head with one arm

.

just beating all of the shit out of this random kid

.

goes out of the ring so he can start mashing his face into the apron

.

seems unnecessary

.

just pin him, he's already dead

.

or you could bow and arrow him around the ring post, sure

.

shouts at the crowd, swinging neckbreaker for the pin

.

yeah, that was just a shoot murder

.

back to the announce table, graves comes back

.

refuses to talk about what's going on

.

does he know the camera in kurt's office was on

.

but now here's an advert for mitb

.

i hope you like gold bond

.

and now joe's in a room made of led banners watching a finn video package on a big tv

.

charly's here to interview him on how he's going to win this match

.

joe has apparently done all the research and learnt how to kill finn

.

and as for bray, hWYATT CUT

.

bray appears on the tv to lecture joe about how he's going to loose the beast of chaos upon the world and then eat it himself and embody the universe

.

this may be a metaphor for fighting brock, or it could just be the world bray lives in

.

and now we're back in the ring

.

i guess that segment's done

.

and now finn's entrance?

.

guess we're having that match now

.

seems odd to do the hype segment immediately before the match

.

huh

.

*does the arms*

.

this match to follow, after another video package about the troops and honour and murica and shit

.

cut back halfway through joe's entrance

.

hope you didn't need all that WOMP

.

but hey, at least we get to see bray catching flies in its entirety

.

i swear corey just called bray a "genuinely surprising halfling"

.

logic suggests that he must have meant 'athlete', but i'm sticking with my version

.

bray is the demon-king of the shire

.

bray's still wearing his new merch shirt that i've got, except i can't fucking find mine so i'm forced to assume that that is actually my shirt

.

bell rings, bray slowly slithers down the ring post and out of the ring to let finn and joe beat on each other for a while

.

i'm down with that, it's been a great match every other time

.

finn kicks joe in the head, bray leads a round of applause from outside

.

so joe gets pissed and drags him back in

.

and then fucks off himself, because heel

.

but that doesn't last, because even being a shitheel, joe can't resist a fght

.

throws finn out of the ring, tries to pick bray up by the beard

.

sadly finn interrupts the process

.

i was looking forward to that

.

bray runs the ropes, hits a huge running crossbody fucking*through* finn

.

this is kind of the usual one guy dicks off and the other two fight structure, but switching often enough that it doesn't feel like it

.

bray tower of dooms finn and joe, goes for sister abigail on finn, joe coquina clutches bray until finn kicks him in the head

.

throws them both out, hits a lovely tope which bray sells miles more than joe

.

cut to ads, come back on bray and joe teaming up on finn

.

it does kind of feel like raw needs to decide whether they're selling finn as 'plucky underdog face' or 'demon-channeling badass'

.

bray gets some serious offence on both of them, undermined by corey becoming suddenly unable to say 'wyatt'

.

this segment of the match is mostly showing us how amazing a bray/joe team would be

.

alliance of the smooth-talking evil big guys

.

philosopher kings of pain

.

and that immediately breaks up as he punches joe in the face

.

goes for an uranage on finn, gets kicked in the head for it

.

joe comes back in to hit everyone

.

this is proper triple threat fighting

.

booker starts talking about how great joe is, finn immediately throws him out of the ring and kicks him in the head

.

he's worse at this than me

.

finn runs around the ring to to barricade dropkicks on both his opponents in opposite corners

.

takes joe back in the ring, starts ramming him into the corner, joe counters with a lovely reversal into an uranage while still standing in the corner

.

finn stomps him in the gut, counters out of sister abigail to stomp bray in the gut, joe suplexes finn out of the ring, bray hits sister abigail on him but joe rolls out of the ring, finn hits sling blade to corner dropkick to coup de grace, at which point joe just strolls into the ring, tosses finn out, and pins bray for the win

.

lovely heel move there

.

please can we only have corey calling finn matches

.

there's a fucking e on the end of coup de grace

.

but now we're backstage, with dudeface mcforgotyourname interviewing seth for his opinions on roman

.

so naturally seth leads by talking about samoa joe

.

oh, apparently the dude's called mike

.

seth frames him selling out the shield as "some not-so-great times"

.

then claims to own roman

.

and a whole bit on how he's going to kill everyone at extreme rules

.

clip of sasha and rich swann exchanging dance moves backstage

.

and now here are noam and alicia in the ring

.

and a recap of last week and noam getting throat-punched

.

apparently this is going to be a mixed tage match at extreme rules

.

which is cool

.

but now we're just having rich/noam

.

but with the ladies lurking around

.

can i mention how much i love that they haven't used this angle to make sasha and rich an on-screen couple

.

like

.

it turns out women can have male friends they don't want to fuck, and vice versa

.

who knew

.

both of these guys look like the film's been sped up about 20%, as usual

.

the crowd seem under-enthused, which is a shame

.

but to be fair, this is coming off the back of a great match, so it could just be shade from that

.

rich bends noam over and then does a standing 450 leg drop on the back of his neck, because fuck physics

.

meanwhile, sasha and alicia fight outside and rich hits a phoenix splash for the win but we don't see it

.

rich dances to his music, cajoles sasha into doing so as well

.

she tries to underplay the obvious fact that she's got better moves than him

.

boogie on down, end segment

.

and now we're back with charly, and the revival

.

aweome

.

dash's mouth is still wired up

.

ouch

.

but hey, scott does most of the talking

.

charly tries to implicitly ask if they murdered enzo last week

.

and roll vt of charly interviewing sasha, and the revival walk past in the background

.

scott's like well duh we do work here, just doing top guy stuff other than wrestling

.

calls enzo the tilapia of raw

.

if that whole thing with the video was actually planned, that's some nicely done foreshadowing

.

corey's just like hey did anyone send cass that footage just saying

.

anyway, here's a recap of tozawa and kendrick's street fight

.

and that horrifying senton through the table

.

while they're talking about that, cass looms in to shout at corey for insinuating that he might have had something to do with enzo's death

.

i am liking the barely-controlled chaos of this episode

.

but now, byoooooooooooooeeeeeeeeeeeeeep lucha

.

seriously, that intro is weird and i still don't get it

.

he's fighting titus tonight, so have this vt of titus screwing his protégé over last week

.

apollo's still following him

.

so here's a talking head of titus telling apollo to watch and learn and maybe pick up some of his charisma

.

apollo is looking increasingly uncomfortable with this arrangement

.

kalisto knocks titus to his knees, does a lovely short-range rana into a facebuster

.

titus doesn't care, sits on kalisto and grabs his tights for the win

.

apollo is displeased with these tactics

.

he's trying to have an argument with titus in the ring, titus just kind of ignores him and shouts and selfies and end segment

.

up next, alexa tells bayley who she is

.

after this plug for barns courtney

.

who, i should repeat, is from aylesbury and thus should not be trusted under any circumstances

.

but yes, here's alexa, strutting down the ramp like isn't my hair great

.

(it is)

.

(it looks like she's had it redyed)

.

the kendo pole has been set up for some reason, and there are other people and a table full of things in the ring

.

this looks like it's going to be a thing

.

alexa continues to find new ways to reply to what chants

.

so let's begin this is your life

.

we have bayley's first doll

.

we have a trophy

.

for sportsmanship

.

alexa's like lol those milennials

.

we have more miscellaneous toys

.

and bayley's yearbook

.

voted most likely to apologise

.

alexa's like yeah that's fair

.

but now let's talk about these people

.

bayley's fourth grade teacher

.

mrs flapper

.

alexa at least leads with "if that's your real name"

.

apparently bayley was a lovely nerd and her dad came to school with her because she couldn't be away from him

.

and now her childhood best friend, tracy hevelina

.

how do they come up with these

.

apparently bayley was a lovely doormat but she never wanted to hang out because she was watching wrestling

.

which i think is just called 'having other interests'

.

alexa's like oh my god do you mean being a wrestler was her childhood dream i have never heard that before

.

and finally, bayley's ex-boyfriend phil johnson

.

like wtf everyone else got weird names why am i phil johnson

.

alexa wants to know what their first date was like

.

nice, but her dad came too

.

the crowd are just doing delete chants for some reason

.

and phil nearly kissed her dad on the first date

.

i think that reflects more on you, phil

.

but he was only dating her to get close to tracy

.

and she's like oh my god i always liked you too and they make out

.

alexa's like welp this is disgusting um

.

this is your life?

.

and now here's bayley

.

tracy, phil and mrs flapper disappear, these two commence to kicking the crap out of each other

.

bayley throws a bunch of shit off the table at alexa

.

she's got a ripped off-the-shoulder top on, just in case you needed a visual representaion of how extreme she's gone

.

so extreme she's reached the late 90s

.

crowd chant for the kendo stick, nelecting the fact that there's a bunch of those under the ring

.

bayley starts to go up the turnbuckle, alexa knocks her down and then like fuck you i just own a kendo stick it's under this table

.

and smacks bayley with it

.

end segment after one strike

.

this match is going to be really short, given how firmly we've established that one kendo stick shot to the back will cause bayley's death

.

and now we're backstage, where enzo's been assaulted again

.

cass arrives to check him out, shouts at kurt that it was the revival

.

kurt's like i saw them left the building and there was no way they could have come back in it's not like doors go both ways

.

cass pledges to watch over enzo

.

medics check him over, end thing

.

and now here's austin

.

apparently this is a tag match

.

austin/jack v neville/tjp again?

.

yup

.

tjp is now getting announced as the first ever cruiserweight champion

.

presumably his intro needed padding now he's lost 90% of his name

.

neville's pyro cannons go off, cole has to ask booker if he's ok

.

there's a story there

.

tjp kicks off by having a pose-off with austin, who just goes fuck this and hits him in the head

.

tag to jack, who gets out of a headlock by walking backwards on his hands and then suplexes tjp with his legs

.

yknow, like humans do

.

neville tags in, austin tags in, they face off for a bit and then neville just goes screw that and leaves the ring for the ad break

.

we come back on neville fucking jack up

.

apparently the kidneys are a very violent spot

.

thanks for that pearl of wisdom, book

.

neville keeps shouting proclamations at austin and making an example of jack

.

rip the happy english gent

.

tags tjp, who comes in via a rolling senton over the ropes

.

he's a twat, but he's a fast twat

.

of course, as soon as i say that, he settles into the longest rest hold on the show

.

tjp gets austin to distract the ref and proceeds to claw jack's eyes out

.

jack goes for the tag, tj grabs him by the hair, so jack just whips round and chins him

.

dramatic double tag, austin and neville proceed to fuck each other up

.

i love austin's shin breaker to facebuster combo

.

just putting that out there

.

austin sets up for a discus fivearm, tj grabs his leg, tries for a rolling senton, jack grabs *his* leg, austin throws neville at them and does his ugly suicide dive

.

goes for a top rope dropkick, neville walks out of the way, tries a red arrow, lands facefirst as austin moves, austin hits the last chancery for the tap

.

faces swagger off, heels sit in the ring like what has happened to the world

.

actually, looking at the replays, that was a phoenix splash

.

i thought it seemed less than usual

.

but in a minute, we get to hear from roman reigns

.

yaaaaay

.

and here he is

.

and mike mcsomeone is in the locker room to ask him about seth

.

roman does his usual cos i'm the big dog in the yard woof speech, tells mike to fuck off

.

cut elsewhere to charly grabbing neville to ask about his first ever submission loss, long beat, he screams incoherently and storms off

.

but now, let's replay the reinvention of goldust

.

i will never get tired of that

.

and here's a new shattered dreams film

.

i love the low frame rate and the weird colour bloom and everything

.

goldust's angle is the usual i want to be the star thing

.

and he killed truth for wanting the spotlight to himself

.

but an ending is coming

.

and the golden age is back

.

and now that warps into terrible blaxploitation credits for an r-truth production

.

listen to that slap bass

.

and truth gets a monologue about how much he loves shaft, dolemite and pulp fiction

.

good to know he's not a stereotype or anything

.

and goldust is apparently going to get got

.

great

.

but now we're back in the arena, and it's main event time

.

well, that or seth's just heard the inside of the ring's nice this time of year

.

but now, have an advert for sasha being on 205 for some reason

.

and now here's roman

.

great

.

the announce team keep insistently using their epithets, and now i'm wondering whether i would rather actually watch an architect fight a big dog

.

apparently this is roman reigns vs seth reigns

.

thanks cole, that's not confusing at all

.

seth casually does a standing moonsault on roman, we all try and remember whether we knew he could do that

.

roman retaliates by punching him in the face

.

we all knew he could do that

.

does the driveby into the ring post again

.

still a nice variation on a better signature than he deserves

.

seth tries a springboard plancha, just kind of slips off the rope and onto roman

.

they both still sell it to hell and back, because professionalism

.

i'm not yawning you're yawning

.

sure, i've had very little sleep, but it's not helping that roman can just suck all the energy out of a room

.

seth doing that sling blade helped

.

goes for a falcon arrow, but sells his damaged torso from the driveby

.

see, kids, this is how we do in-ring narrative

.

seth springboards off the top rope, roman superman punches him out of the air

.

kick out at 2, because everyone knows you can't win a match until you'e gone oooooooooo

.

oh no

.

he went oooooooo

.

seth dodge the spear, superkick, nearfall

.

the announce team need to work out whether that kick was to roman's jaw or the bridge of his nose

.

they're in different places, last i checked

.

roman goes for a second rope samoan drop, seth counters it into carrying him across the ring into a turnbuckle powerbomb, and roman superman punches him as he falls

.

okay, that was a nice sequence

.

both guys are now lurking around the ring or on the apron, ref can't be bothered to count

.

seth bullfights roman into the steps, brings him in for a blockbuster, nearfall

.

seth, have you tried going ooooooooo

.

goes back up top for a frog splash, nearfall because of his damaged ribs

.

damn, but seth's good

.

cole talks about how the universe is showing great respect for both of these wrestlers literally as half the crowd are chanting ROMAN SUCKS

.

seth goes for a phoenix splash, misses, rolls through, dodges roman's punch, enzuigiri, goes for a kingslayer, roman dodges into a spear, pin

.

okay, when that match got going, it was bloody good

.

not as good as the triple threat, but that's to be expected

.

cole lists all five guys and their finishers, claims seth's is a falcon arrow

.

i'm p sure that is in no way his finisher

.

anyway

.

and we fade on roman doing big dog faces and seth lying on the floor doing architect whoi's been attacked by a big dog faces

.

or at least, that episode fades

.

here at WWEm, the stupid heat and humidity have made the doors swell shut again, so i guess we're stuck here for FRIDAY AFTERNOON SMACKDOWN!

.

(side note: daniel would like to let it be known that he proposed installing a dumbwaiter for food/water/possible escape in just these circumstances)

.

(i overruled him, citing cost, planning permission, and my personal desire to wait for the dry season while foraging in amongst the dense furniture forests, as our ancestors once did)

.

anyway, office politics aside, and ignoring the beseeching eyes and desperate mewling of one assistant producer who shall remain nameless, let's get on with the show

.

we open with charlotte in her peacock robe, telling us she's genetically superior to everyone

.

and carmella telling us she's awesome

.

and nattie doing her family catchphrase

.

and becky doing some irish jokes

.

and TAMINA SAYING WORDS HOLY FUCK

.

ahem

.

and roll titles

.

so yeah, that contender's match is tonight

.

tamina should win, because the thought of jinder mahal and tamina snuka holding the top men's and women's belts on the brand is hilarious to me

.

but now we're in the ring with kevin, doing the highlight reel

.

which has always been his show

.

and anyone thinking different should report to the back of the building for correction

.

damn, kevin just undermined that joke by talking about chris as the former host

.

shut up kevin, i'm trying to do a thing

.

the crowd interrupt with aj styles chants, because sure, why not

.

so yeah, kevin's here to sway offputtingly and tell us how he's going to win the briefcase

.

fuck it, pin all the titles on him

.

charlotte wins the women's belt, kevin powerbombs her into the apron

.

breezango take the tag belts, kevin beats them to death with each other

.

you know it makes sense

.

also in things that don't really make sense, here's his guest, shinsuke nakamura

.

i must be tired, i seem not to be dancing like a galvanised frog corpse

.

(which is my Slayer cover band,btw)

.

(check us out, we're p great)

.

shinsuke's music fades, kevin's immediately like ok dude i don't give a fuck about this shit

.

please stop dancing

.

why are you even here

.

but most importantly, remember what i did to our last rockstar

.

so by that logic, shinsuke'll be touring and recording an album in a few weeks

.

shinsuke gets two words into replying, baron's music drops

.

rude

.

baron calls it 'the highlight show'

.

dude, it's on a fifteen-foot screen right by where you came in

.

get it right

.

cues some vt of him trying to murder sami last week

.

kevin's like dude why the fuck did you interrupt my show for that i've been murdering that twat for fifteen years fuck off away from my show

.

baron calls him cartman again, lol so edgy

.

and throws some almost imperceptible shade at shinsuke

.

shinsuke's just like guys have you forgotten the bit where i totally beat you last week and the bit where sami pinned you twice

.

this is fair

.

cue kevin and baron beating the piss out of him

.

sami appears out of the crowd to break it up

.

theory: sami isn't a real person, he's a collective thoughtform that manifests from the common people when we need to protest injustice

.

sami gets a mic, and is just like welp, you guys want a fight and i'm free - shin, you free? - we're both free, so let's do the thing

.

cut to ads, come back and we're doing the thing

.

baron tries to headlock shinsuke, he just goat simulators all over him

.

does good vibrations, we are all forced to take a step back and realise how astronomically high his charisma stat must be to make that move look good

.

double tag, and we get a weirdly familiar face-off

.

kevin tags back out, and sami gets a weird amount of offence given that he's barely been hit yet

.

oh, there it is

.

kevin got a cheap kick to his head while baron distracted the ref

.

and now we have the sami getting murdered part

.

baron counters a tornado ddt attempt into a powerslam

.

it's p cool

.

but now we're doing the tiny wrestling and giant terrible american ads thing again

.

i don't love it

.

these ad breaks seem so long when they're for shit you don't care about and you're trying to watch the match

.

oh hey, we're back

.

just in time for kevin to eat a blue thunder bomb and baron knock shinsuke out of the way of a hot tag

.

sami goes for the rollup again, nearfall

.

naturally, this just enrages baron, who proceeds to punch him in the head a bunch

.

no, you fool

.

that's exactly what he wants

.

as evidenced by that big lariat counter he just threw

.

double tag, this awesome matchup resumes

.

will this match reenact my favourite moment

.

i doubt it

.

sami and baron end up back in the ring, sami whips kevin into baron, they start fighting, baron punches kevin down, sami lariats baron out of the ring, kinshasa to kevin fir the pin

.

good match, but sad lack of nope

.

valuable replay highlights of baron being big, angry, and dumb

.

sami and shinsuke just kind of look at each other, then sami goes and holds the ropes open while shin dances like um dude are you done

.

end segment, talk about ppvs and shit

.

and up later, women's 5-way elimination match

.

but now, the usos walk backstage with belts

.

film at 11

.

cut for ads, and here they are

.

day one remains h

.

they're here to talk smack at us all, but i can't tell all that well what their problem is because the feed's jumpy as shit

.

jey mocks the atlanta falcons, jimmy goes "Don't boo us, we didn't play!"

.

which seems fair

.

but here come our longest reigning tag champs

.

and also a trombone

.

the ice cream cart seems to have disappeared though

.

take that as you will

.

the magic of the new day seems to have fixed the feed

.

hurrah

.

apparently this is xaiver's home town

.

so they're fucked

.

kofi starts monologuing, the usos interrupt them and accidentally start a serious discussion about skipping

.

usos brag about their belts, big e and xavier start a creepy monologue that i'm assuming is a reference

.

so jimmy threatens to have them put down

.

seems reasonable

.

xavier's like hey we talked to the guy who actually runs this show and we're gonna smash you at mitb

.

[aggressively vibrates]

.

and then they lift kofi and present the usos with his crotch as he vibrates madly

.

what the actual fuck is going on

.

the usos leave, which seems fair

.

cuts of aj and dolph, both in new gear, warming up backstage

.

apparently they're the main event

.

but up next, we look back at last week's punjbai celebration

.

what, did we not have enough stuff to actually put in this episode, so now we just have to reuse last week's content with weird colour filters on it?

.

lots of clips from indian media about jinder taking the belt, which is cool

.

and cut back to the present

.

not sure what exactly was the point of that segment

.

but now for fashion files, noir style!

.

fashion files: the men who knew too little

.

cue moody sax and gruff narration by fandango

.

musing on losing their grasp on the usos

.

comes upon the fashion police hq ransacked, cue ominous bass and horns

.

silhouette of a sexy woman

.

dramatic reveal, it was tyler all along

.

tyler starts narrating, it's revealed that they are both psychic, so they just start talking instead

.

they look for clues

.

and find a bottle of cologne

.

fandango's tongue identifies ethyl alcohol, tree frog excrement, and hibiscus

.

can you tell where this is going

.

tyler accepts a non-existent compliment on his dress

.

and they go off to chase this lead

.

but now, women's elimination time

.

here comes charlotte in her magnificent peacock robe

.

with her shiny new surname

.

cut for ads, during which we missed ellsworth coming in

.

but we get to hear him insult all of georgia and hype his bae

.

i've just noticed, tamina's tron and entrance chanting makes it look like her name's capitalised TaMiNa like she's from the moon or something

.

nattie enters, still sparkly as fuck

.

becky puts her goggles on a girl in the crowd, who just starts straight-up screaming

.

and brawling begins immediately, before they can ring the bell

.

not sure why they don't just ring it, given that this is no dq anyway

.

tamina samoan drops charlotte into quiescence, becky throws carmella into the timekeeper's area and jumps on her from the barricade, tamina starts stripping the announce table, the ref's just stood there like um no stop it guys don't do that please guys um help

.

charlotte throws tamina into the apron and post, suplexes nattie on the floor, moonsaults them both from the ring post

.

carmella crossbodies her off the barricade

.

and then becky exploders her

.

and then tamina clotheslines her

.

and then charlotte big boots her

.

and then nattie discus forearms her

.

the circle of life

.

nattie tries to put charlotte through the table, gets whipped into the steps

.

and then powerbombed through the table

.

the refs seem to have given up on trying to restore order and are just standing around despairing

.

but here comes the money to fix things

.

here comes the moneyyyyyyyyy, dragging a middle-aged man along by his pockets

.

shane's like well that was cool but do you guys remember how a match works

.

but let's do a thing instead

.

women's mitb match

.

yeeeeeeeah

.

i mean, i'd heard it on twitter already, but it's pretty awesome

.

but later tonight, randy responds to jinder existing

.

great

.

but up next, breezango vs the colognes

.

the colóns have a new logo that at a casual glance looks like aleister black's brimstone symbol

.

huh

.

breezango enter, still in character as gumshoe and femme fatale

.

primo and epico are just standing there like the fuck is up with these guys

.

tyler is trying to work out the logistics of fighting in a dress and long wig

.

swiftly answered after primo knocks him down and rips them off

.

tags fandango in, who's still wearing his duster

.

primo tries to sunset flip him, gets squirted with a water pistol

.

and tyler produces his to douse epico

.

the colóns sell it like they've been tased, spill to the outside as we do the advert break but not thing again

.

during this advert for red lobster, feel free to amuse yourself by thinking about all the ways in which water pistols are not legal in wrestling matches

.

and we're back

.

apparently fandango lost his coat at some point

.

i didn't notice because i was distracted by an advert about a grown woman who somehow doesn't know that soda might be bad for your teeth

.

fandango's taking a lot of punishment, but tyler got punched off the apron and has apparently glitched through the floor and is now falling endlessly through a featureless void

.

but hey, here's a janitor to tag in

.

i am here for tyler breeze, master of disguise all day

.

primo steals tyler's mop, he and fandango tussle over it, unprettier off the distraction for the pin

.

i love this ridiculous gimmick

.

but now, renee has aj in the blue curtain room

.

apparently aj's going to win money in the bank tonight

.

that'll be a trick

.

and now here's dolph to be like hey fuck you dude i'm dolph ziggler, i've been here forever

.

challenges him here and now, aj threateningly removes his shirt, dolph fucks off

.

aj gets some home state pops

.

but next, randy talks

.

woooooo

.

feel free to distract yourself by wondering whether that was a sarcastic cheer or just that this building is haunted

.

so yeah, randy's here and he's got a new hoody and it's got his initials and a snake design on it so daring

.

starts talking, and i already want to slap him and/or fall asleep

.

boasts about all the people he and his father have beaten

.

and how his grandfather would have beaten the shit out of him for losing to jinder

.

this just in: all our grandparents were probably super racist

.

randy, please stop hanging all of this on the whole american thing

.

yes, you are american and your opponent is not

.

we get it

.

that is not a reason to be a twat

.

jinder's music drops, but he's on the tron instead

.

tight closeup, but i'm p sure he's standing in front of an indian flag

.

oh yeah, there we go

.

zoom out to show the belt and the singhs

.

jinder gives randy crap about living in the past and obsessing over his old achievements

.

which is fair

.

the singhs clap awkwardly, zoom back in, end video

.

randy poses on the turnbuckle, end segment

.

that was really strange

.

but now, here's sasha and swann to tell us to watch 205

.

and next week, we have shinsuke/kevin

.

should be good

.

but now for the main event

.

here comes dolph, in his shiny new jacket

.

enjoy these recaps from 2012/3 of dolph winning mitb before, just in case you didn't believe us

.

aj's in new red and black gear, and it looks like he's just trying to be shinsuke

.

oh, apparently it's an atlanta thing?

.

yeah, it's falcons colours

.

see, seamless research break

.

meanwhile aj dropkicks dolph in the face and gets kicked out of the ring in return

.

cut for ads, and back on a suuuuuuuuuper tight focus on the case for some reason

.

and then slowly pan out to show there was a match happening all along

.

who knew

.

dolph counters a styles clash into the most blatant dirty pin ever

.

the ref barely gets through counting one before just going waaaaaaait a second

.

ushigoroshi for a nearfall, except apparently we're not calling it that any more

.

aj hits dolph into the turnbuckles with a really uncomfortably close-range exploder

.

that did not look good

.

goes for a top rope styles clash, dolph counters to a satellite ddt

.

this match has only been going for a few minutes, but they are just beating each other to fuck

.

and they're both just throwing finisher attempts every chance they get

.

which is honestly kind of cool

.

narratively different, at least

.

but still countering them rather than just kicking out, so preserves the finishers

.

dolph goes for a superplex, aj slides out and smacks dolph's face into the turnbuckle, dolph bullfights aj face-first into the turnbuckle, rolls into a calf crusher, dolph gets out by going for his eyes, zigzag for a nearfall

.

aj goes for a phenomenal forearm from far too close, dolph pushes him off the ropes, then superkicks him while he's still tangled up in them for the pin

.

remembers to pull his legs away from the ropes as he pins him, too, which is a welcome touch of logic

.

and fade on dolph trying to strike a balance between 'yeah i'm the greatest' and 'holy fuck i actually got to win a thing'

.

and that was smackdown

.

talking smack will follow with the five women's mitb contenders, but that is left as an exercise for the reader

.

if you're watching extreme rules on sunday, hmu on twitter @waruce

.

but now, i'm off to google lists of edible chair fungi

[onlyinthedas]

@alitlantern - starterrrr. the man has plans.

Wyatt was not unaccustomed to change, to new things, to taking things in stride and following it through for the sake of letting it all play out. He was adaptable, or so his mother liked to claim from time to time. The thought did amuse him, but it also made him ponder.  New things were both thrilling and terrifying at once. There was logic in that - it was anticipation of the unexpected, not knowing what was going to happen for good or for ill. 

Fleeing their home and starting over in Kirkwall, of all places, had been unexpected and more than a little nerve-wracking. Even before he and his family realized what sort of place this was, and how heavy the Templar presence was within the city. That being the least of their woes, of course. The twins contracting the Blight while on the expedition never even crossed their minds, but once again, the Hawkes proved to be ever flexible, meeting the newest challenges head on.

It was that subject which brought him to Anders - rather - the clinic's door where he lingered, allowing the healer time enough to finish with his current stream of patients before deigning to disturb his work. Work that was so admirable, respected, selfless- Wyatt sneezed, irritants within Darktown setting him off. He was not used to the setting, even now. The Undercity was only a hair less gloomy in the daytime, but at night it was haunting and unforgiving. It was cold, damp and drafty at best - dangerous to let your guard down within at worst. Another subject that brought him here. He had a plan, but it wouldn't due to execute it without consulting his friend...

"Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt. I can wait!"

[onlyinthedas]

@alitlantern sent: ✂ but also wyatt in act one? before he has fancy people to do it for him lmao

Surprise pulled Wyatt’s brows high as Anders floated the offer past, but he sat on the cot as instructed. “I didn’t take you for a barber.” A trickle of mirth found its way into his voice. Anders was a man of many talents, it seemed, something Wyatt found to be admirable. He'd grown quite fond of the mage rather quickly over these past months. Having friends like this was more than anyone could ask for.

He released the mass of red curls free from the leather tie keeping it in a haphazard bun. "I've been slacking a little since we left Lothering...kind of hard to keep up with that sort of thing when you're running around the city doing favors for every man and their dog."

[onlyinthedas]

@alitlantern sent: shirt for Wyatt.........

(ahhhhhhhh. im gonna yell)

Wyatt fancied himself a quick thinker, but in truth, he was impulsive and not one to fully ponder the outcome of his actions or words. He was just fortunate that it often worked out in his favor. What he was, however, was quick on his feet. He knew how to recover and take back control over most situations.

This was a little different.

He'd only turned his back for a moment and now struggled to fight back the flush of red that crept up his neck at the sight of Anders standing there with a tunic two sizes too large hanging off one slender shoulder. There'd been others in his past, other dalliances and fleeting romances but nothing that ever stuck. No one that made his heart race quite the same way, or who disarmed him and shook his confidence without even trying. None of them had ever looked so beautifully vulnerable and tantalizing at once, while wearing a piece of his clothing either...

"Damn."

[onlyinthedas]

@ofandrastes sent: "Ah, you’ve got some wine--wait, no, lower. Stay still. Here--" Maverick sets his own goblet down on the wooden bar top and reaches over, his thumb brushing against Wyatt’s lower lip to wipe away a small dribble of crimson liquid that’s gathered there. The corner of his mouth curves into a faint smile, his thumb lingering for just a moment longer than necessary before withdrawing. “Got it."

(I AM SQUEAKING)

Inside the bar, the lighting was somehow both dim and severe at once. It was an effect achieved by low ceilings in an already cramped space, and the lack of natural sunlight with minimal illumination provided by candles on every table and sconces fixed to every support beam. The few worn and rusted lanterns hanging around the bar itself hardly gave off any glow but seemed to be more of a stylistic choice than a practical one.

"Hm? Where, wait-"  Wyatt mumbled with half a chuckle following, his voice mingling with the buzzing of others around them. It was so subtle, just a sudden and entirely innocent act yet it sent a jolt straight through him as Maverick's thumb grazed the skin of his cheek and lip. His breath caught in the back of his throat and maybe it was mostly inebriation but he smiled back, if a little boyish and chuckled. "That," he started, staring at Mav knowingly, "was very smooth. Well done."

[onlyinthedas]

@alitlantern sent: [ APPROVAL ] + showing up at the estate with absolutely no pretense just to spend several hours placing defensive wards around... well, every single entrance into the estate that he can find. (Wyatt <3)

(oh my god you're going to kill him lmfao)

It was raining. Pouring, even. He could hear it pelting the glass windows even from deep inside the study. It was enough to lure him out to look down at the streets of Hightown as the weather chased a few of his neighbors back indoors. There was something soothing about storms, always had been. Wyatt stole another glance outside before turning back toward the kitchen when heard a loud rap on the door. Someone had braved the squall, it seemed. Forgoing his venture into the kitchens to find Orana he followed the sound of Bodahn’s voice into the foyer as he opened up.

"Bodah-" The flash of blonde hair immediately disconnected any other thoughts or words and Wyatt stood there, eyes wide and face suddenly overtaken by a healthy flush. "Anders?!" He'd already set to work - wards. He was setting wards- Internally, his mind was reeling rather excitedly. "Here, let me help," he rattled off, jumping into action to join the mage. To say that he was giddy was to vastly undersell what he was feeling.

[onlyinthedas]

@alitlantern asked: [ MEND ] // wyyyyyyyatt /

(oh you’re in for it now)

Beneath the blurry haze of consciousness, Wyatt remembered shouting, a muffled chorus of voices both familiar and not. And then an anguished cry that had pierced the crowd once he felt his strength fleeing him. With his senses dulling, the world spun aimlessly, and a quiver in his knees had pulled him down. He could remember Anders’ hands as well, shaking as they searched him, roamed all across his torso in a feeble attempt to hold him together.

He had fallen just after delivering the killing blow to the Arishok, one foot in the Void with only the stark memory of Anders’ face as he had done so before the world went dark. Wyatt had no way of knowing how much time passed between then and now. He fought against the agony to adjust his position enough that he could see the clearly wrung out healer at his bedside. “Anders?” How much of himself had the man poured into keeping him on this side of the Fade? Too much, surely. “Oh shit,” he groaned weakly. “Are you okay? What happened?” Yes, he was far more concerned with Anders’ safety than his own. It was a bad habit, really.