#<-sentences that will only make sense if i actually get the energy to write up the rest of my rough bullet point of things.

[invidiatechdemo]

I really do need to write down some of the specific weird 'writing a re:coded sequel version of remind but writing it like it's the novelization of a version that's a game with baffling mechanics related to power scaling/difficulty' situation I have stuck in my damn brain. The thing is the thing requires outlining + specifically outlining vis a vis : worlds visited order and the locations of Specific Plot Beats, and as I think i've mentioned here before writing is my nemesis and makes me ill.

For a super basic plot synopsis without spoilers for some of the specifics the concept was basically uh. (this is actively split up into parts because as it turns out i have a lot to say).

Initial section of story is post3 but pre the timescale of ReMind and MoM, and addresses that the journal still exists and addresses a thing that a lot of fics that remembers them don't (that textually, it's not just data-sora who forgot those events but likely has them etched in heart, the entire thing in many nomura interviews is that Data-Riku forgets in a similar way once the message abt Xion + Wayfinder is conveyed. bottom text.). It specifically actually uses them in a 'hey did you notice/feel anything weird when Sora (irl) disappeared' questioning by Riku and Mickey, and this planting the seed of. Upcoming things, because those bonds are /still/ etched and Data-Riku and Data-Sora would still have the feeling of being friends w/ Mickey and stuff.

ReMind starts with 3 Riku starting the damn boss rush but after a certain point when the computer is unattended, Data-Riku and Sora getting involved, with reasonings for that being those bonds to Mickey and Donald and Goofy still echoing, and a Castle Oblivion style 'I had a feeling that maybe if we came here, we could help' situation.

Hey don't worry that I'm going to keep alluding to KH2 and RE:COM in this metaphor, ok? :)

In Cid's words, the Data True Org stuff's composition is as follows: "This computer, the one in Twilight Town, and the one in the castle are all connected to the same network. They sent me all of their data and I merged it with the stuff I already had".

The castle in this statement is likely Radiant Garden. Later story stuff would actually dig deeper into /where specifically/ all the data is from in terms of where the castle and twilight town got their info, because if you take the Data Greetings serious, Scala Ad Caelum is just. In there, huh.

Data-Riku and/or Data-Sora enter one of the boss arenas, and start fighting. This is a terrible decision. For some. Later things. This being Young Xehanort's boss arena /specifically/.

The overlap of Jiminy's Journal Info (which /already/ has been shown to be able to reveal cutscenes/events that Sora was not there for as a weird world-memory thing (Riku interacting with AnsemSOD after island's fall, Riku at the clock tower in Neverland with Kairi, etc) and the info collected from Cid's vast repository of data results in something /extremely/ bad happening that initially just looks like generalized errors but quickly devolves into Bug Blox, and DS and DR being separated on two different levels.

It's at this point IRL Riku gets back. Bottom text.

Riku basically acting as mission control/the framing device from this point, with other characters coming in as things get worse and worse.

Hey remember the funny messages Data-Riku sent to Mickey. Riku does start getting those, but all they ever say is 'GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT' or 'LEAVE'. This is fine.

As a note, whoever they were fighting in the boss arena has frozen in a single place from the moment that the crashes/errors/bugs started occurring, with the boss arena visually being in the 'hub area' for what this game would be, with the boss arena basically crashed down and half submerged in the weird circuit bg and other miscellaneous debris from various worlds. Visually the hubworld riffing off End Of The World, with it becoming less luttered/chaotic at certain story beats/world completions.

Data-Riku landing in said hub world, with a framing device being Riku and Cid basically gmod prop spawning in a gummiphone so they can see info/data, since the camera is focused on Data-Sora by default. Comedy routine of Data-Riku selfie with a fucking damn frozen data greeting True Organization member. Cutscene dialogue where Riku and Cid talk about what the hell could have happened.

… Oh hey. Where did the player-controlled KH3! Sora go in all of this mess, since Riku was using that initially to interact with the garden of assemblage computer stuff. Oh well, probably got lost in the initial errors. It's fine. Surely.

Meanwhile Data-Sora is doing basic plot progression stuff in Data versions of some of the Disney Worlds, eventually meeting up with Data-Riku in the hub area. In my gamer-brain where I'm treating this as a game with mechanics, hub world meetup point would explain some of the initial base mechanics for people not accustomed to coded, and level selection. The gummi-phone mechanics now being used as a way to detect certain types of errors/bugs/reveal them, as well as for sections of game that are essentially Somniums. Info split between puzzle gameplay tutorials being explained via Data-Riku, and combat-related tutorials explained via Data-Sora, which is why they're split up initially so it's not a bunch of tutorials all at once.

There is a third game mechanic, but we haven't reached it yet. Smile.

Game tutorials and cutscenes slowly revealing something Very Specific about the game-scaling: Data-Riku and Data-Sora... were /not/ ready for this; the two of them are based on the Riku and Sora of /multiple games ago/, they can fight blox and stuff fine, but even the initiating cutscene implies they would have lost /horribly/ if the fight had gone on uninterrupted, and it unclear if if they would have uh. lived. Unlike the kh3 data sora, there's an issue.

Riku wanted them to leave/quit and let him just handle it, Data-Sora and Data-Riku point out that the way Riku was interacting with that data world is gone.

This conversation happens in the Hub World, and specifically mentions how Data-Riku can make portals to and out of the datascape/into other datascapes This is established early on as a thing Data-Riku still can theoretically do, despite the weird errors/glitches; outside of attacking them, whatever is going on with the system cannot intervene with Data-Riku or Data-Sora's programming, very likely because they have hearts alongside them being outside context problems.

Speaking of: yeah, the Bug Blox unlike in the previous game feel /really/ targeted, with lots of instances of stuff showing up specifically to impede progress.

But yeah, instances of true organization difficulty-wise veer into superboss territory, but in many cases they basically stick to their arenas. (some of which have basically collided into the various data worlds, puncturing through them like paper with large empty spaces and indestructible blox leading out to them. It's quite nasty, and there's this weird mixture of standard bug blox textures and the weird gummi-meaty world of chaos textures. This only gets more and more severe in the Radiant Garden and Destiny Islands sections.)

The bosses in question tend to have idle animations if left alone, typically sitting at the edge of a platform and looking out, either out into an endless abyss if one of the ones that hasn't crashed into a data worlds, or actually doing something a little bit more invested, like throwing stuff off their platforms, or straying slightly outside their arena to do something. This turns off immediately when Data-Sora or Riku are in range.

After one or two worlds are done, pretty early into the game but still with some 'game time'/plot stuff... hey so remember that super-duper frozen in place Young Xehanort? The one in the hub world and you likely have hit the 'interact' button on multiple times and probably gotten some dialogue with Data-Riku, Data-Sora, and Riku being a little bit creeped out/upset that there's just like. A dude. Yeah, that guy is gone now. It's completely unclear where he went. "Hey, Riku what do you think-" Data Riku is missing.

This is where the text limit cuts me off so. Mean cliffhanger.

[cozycottagetarot]

The Next Chapter Of Your Life

How To Pick A Pile:

Everyone has their own technique for choosing a 'pile'. My recommendation is to clear your mind and focus on each image for a few seconds. The image you find yourself coming back to even when you focus on the other images is the pile for you.

Quick notes on this reading:

It's a long one -- This reading is a lot longer (I think) than what I typically post. I'd appreciate any feedback on the length since it's something I'm experimenting with. The pile titles are colour-coded -- Hopefully, it helps make scrolling to the next section quicker.

Each pile references multiple scenarios -- some scenarios came through stronger than others, but I did my best to write what I was getting to be applied to situations not mentioned.

‼️ THIS READING IS MEANT FOR SELF-REFLECTION AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY -- While this reading does contain a bit of advice and reflective questions, IT'S IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM MEANT TO REPLACE PROFESSIONAL ADVICE OF ANY KIND. Please use your discretion, think carefully before you act and only take what resonates be it a little, some or none at all. (The usual disclaimer is at the bottom).

Reading Masterlist | Patreon | Paid Readings -- Open 🥂

PILE 1 (Scrapbook)

Who are you? Cards: The Poet, The Founder rev, The Queen of Roses

This pile may be the pile for you if any of the following resonates:

Wanting to connect or being very connected to your loving, nurturing and supportive side. You've been receiving messages or sensing that a new connection is on the horizon. Motherhood/parenthood or marriage. Seeking resolutions to a relationship. Leaving behind relationships that have been in your life forever. Giving too much to others. Ending toxic relationships. Finding or wanting freedom. Finding your voice. Finding you. Tapping into your creative side. A quest for happiness.

If none of these individual sentences resonate feel free to check out a different pile.

Who will you become throughout this next chapter? Cards: The Muse, The Gambler

You will begin to bloom. Maybe not fully, but you’ll be more open to taking the necessary steps (which may feel like risk) to flourish. The end result will be you tapping into your creativity and creator energy. But also putting in the work, and changing your approach. I pulled all the cards at once so being able to take in all the cards at once, it’s this sense of making you happen. Gone will be the sense of being who you think you should or are expected to be. You’ll be gaining a new sense of self that is brighter and more wild. The risk is non-existent. It’s more perceived. It seems like a risk to indulge in the aspects of yourself that may seem like they’re more whimsy, but by actually making those things happen, you will transform into someone who can inspire themself. You won’t have to look for inspiration elsewhere, you’ll have it there within you.

How will you find success? Cards: 3 of Keys (The Chess Game), The King rev

Through changing your tactic. This chapter won’t necessarily be easy. There will be conflict with those around or above you, especially if this relates to career or relationships, possibly even both. Detach from the situation and be objective. Waiting for your opening will be the key to your success. For some, it’s a situation where everyone is only looking out for themself and I’m picking up that it's creating a stalemate. With the king reversed, you know what’s best in the situation but someone with more authority than you or a level of seniority if this is a personal relationship thinks they know better but they don’t. It’s about being firm and holding your own as well as not letting your emotions, or the part of you that’s super connected to the situation, get the best of you and influence you to make rash decisions.

Challenges you may meet: Cards: The Astronomer, The Orator, Reflection rev.

I see the biggest challenge here for you being one of mastering yourself in this next chapter. There’s a battle between your emotions and your intuition. To navigate this you need to have a conversation with yourself and determine why you’re having such strong emotions. Where are these feelings stemming from? The astronomer card is here to remind you that whatever the situation is, it’s not really about the past-- it’s not going to help you navigate this chapter. Especially if you’ve been acting according to what’s expected of you when the current/upcoming situation(s) requires you to do what is true to you. I hope I'm not repeating myself too much here, but the challenge becomes exploring the why behind the emotions so you can better make decisions and listen to your intuition. BUT, keep in mind that it doesn’t mean not to listen to your emotions at all.

Another message here is that working with other people may also show up as a challenge. There's a reminder to listen to other people's perspectives but also know that choosing to hear someone’s POV doesn’t mean you have to absorb it as yours either.

Finally, even when it gets tough, don’t doubt yourself. Take your time. It may seem like you have to have it all figured out and know what to say and which decision to make, but not really. It’s easy to feel that way when it feels like everything is at stake, but again, if you feel that way, pause and ask yourself why? Once you have your why, you can take on the world.

Lessons To Be Learned: Cards: The Painter, 8 of keys (the master artisan)

This definitely feels like it relates to career or passion projects, but of course, just adjust to your individual situation. It may or may not mean anything, but your cards have lots of florals.

Your lessons in this next chapter of life relate to learning to connect with yourself, speaking up and putting yourself out there. Your energy is one that makes me feel like you have such an amazing talent you're hesitant to embrace. You have so much to learn and just as much to offer... this is the beginning of that journey. Don’t be shy. There are opportunities out there waiting, you just have to figure out the way to pursue them that is most authentic to you. Even if it’s simply an opportunity to give love and kindness. I know I focused a lot on career and creativty, but this goes for relationships too. There is a lot of heavy energy covering this beautiful light-hearted one that just wants to break free. If you are considering going into teaching or taking up a teaching opportunity (not necessarily even in a formal education system) or enrolling in a course of some kind, I feel like this is a nod to say go for it. Especially pottery or beadwork? Trade work as well, maybe even culinary school or food-related skills. (I could be projecting there on the culinary aspect though as that's what I did and the imagery on the card reminds me of it).

Advice to take with you in this next chapter: The hound and pear (loyalty) — This card is always a bittersweet card whenever I see it. The message here is one of loyalty and friendship. A new relationship (of any kind), one founded on friendship, is precious but also delicate. Don't make irrevocable decisions based on conclusions. It must be treated with care on both sides because it can be damaged easily.

The deer and oat (healing) — Rest and recharge. Moderation and mindfulness are also key for recovering from difficult or intense situations. Ask yourself, how you can rest and nurture yourself?

The snake and fern (starting over) — it’s time to finish breaking free from the past so you can become something new. So you can return to your true self. What has protected you and brought you to this point? Are you in a position to release it? Are there any parts of your past self that you can regrow from (like snipping off part of a plant that may be unhealthy and leaving the rest so it can re-catch itself, not sure why I picked that analogy) or must you grow anew? (Planting a new seed, from the old plant. The essence is still there but a completely new plant will grow)

If you made it this far I appreciate it. Feedback is welcomed and if there's a topic you'd like me to cover in a pac, feel free to let me know!

Pile 2 (Compass)

If you’re drawn to pile 1 feel free to check that out as well.

Who are you? Cards: The Oracle of Delphi, the Sentinel, the Forgotten

This pile may be the pile for you if any of the following resonates:

Intuitive. Connected to a higher power. Diety work. Past lives. Psychic powers. Perseverance. Fighting back. Confidence threatening to become arrogance. Dominance dancing on the lines of domineering. A force to be reckoned with. Someone who's sometimes brash. Amor fati (love of fate). An academic. Dreamlight Valley. Self-esteem issues (past or present). Someone who was looked past and from it learned not to try. Fear. Anxiety. A lost soul stumbling in the dark. Chaos. Morally grey. *You may be an avid reader or enjoy fantasy media as well.

My Overall Impression: You’re a force to be reckoned with and reckon you will. Your energy is just pure power and chaos. I low-key feel like you’re battling with life/the universe (call it what you prefer, that’s just how I prefer to call it). There’s this energy of "Try me" and the universe is like "I got one for you, watch and see". But there’s no malice. I just get fed-up vibes from you and the response from life is like "Okay 👀, but chill." Enemies to lovers with life itself.

Who will you become throughout this next chapter? Cards: The Ark of the Covenant, Beith — Birth, The Queen, The Assassin

The Queen and The Assassin flew out with such fury! You’re going to become someone worthy of wearing a crown. But it comes at a price, though it’s not one you can sit around and sulk about. The next chapter of your life reminds me of being forged in fire. Now you’re stepping into the role and identity of someone who can achieve your goals. It’s dark at times, but you’re gaining the skills to do what you want to do and I get the feeling this "thing" you're meant to do is one you may feel on a deep or soul level. (It is) fulfilling a higher calling or purpose. At the very least, you’re becoming someone who has decided that this is the last time they repeat a cycle.

You’re working towards something more and it feels like by the end of this chapter, you’ll be granted a brief reprieve. There’s still more work to be done though. You’re stepping into a new era where so much will grow from you. For some of you, a new romantic relationship is coming in and/or you're expanding your family-- that includes found family as well.

How will you find success?

Cards: 4 of Roses (views of the ego) the Witch. Rev

The first message that comes through is that your success lies in cutting someone off. Someone selfish and self-absorbed to be exact. It’s a relationship you’ve stayed in too long... they could have had some kind of hold over you, not necessarily in a controlling way, but they could have meant something on a deep level which could have been why you held on. You may have done a lot you’re not happy with because you’ve done it with this person in mind. Cutting ties with them grants you success as it allows you to focus on what’s truly important to you.

The other message with the witch reversed is the importance of remembering that while you’re forging your own path, it’s okay to look to others who have made it or 'gotten out'. Maybe they haven’t gone through the exact same thing, but it doesn’t mean there isn’t wisdom in the stories of others who’ve forged through and paved their own way as well. Pile one was about breaking away from the expected, but you’re being called to review what is expected and see if there’s anything worth considering. Kind of like shopping around for inspiration? You might come across someone else's story and it might spark an idea within you on how to navigate your own.

Challenges you may meet-- Cards: The Tailor Rev, The Scribe

Your challenges in this next chapter involve trying not to force your will upon the flow of your life and refining your focus. I know, I said forged in fire. There’s an imbalance of sorts... instead of firing and hoping you hit the target (your goal), you need to pause and take a good look at what’s working vs what isn’t. The 'wheel of life' worksheet/exercise comes to mind but I personally hate that exercise so much. I bring it up because it allows you to get a visual of what areas of your life you've been focusing on vs neglecting and pinpoint which areas of your life you’re lacking in. From there you can further assess and gain a better grasp on what you should be focusing on. After all, you can do anything, but you can’t do everything.

With the scribe, you may need to study or fine-tune your skills regarding a specific matter more. Here, there's something you need to learn to influence your life in the way you want, but you have to take the time to figure out what it is that you need to learn. It doesn’t have to be formal learning either. It could be something such watch a YouTube video, reading a book or article, or even taking a free online course or masterclass. Nothing is too big or too small here, as long as it's helping you to develop to get from point A to B.

Lessons To Be Learned:

Cards: 8 or scrolls (path unknown), the diviner, the puppeteer

The 8 of scrolls here reminds you that you’ve been travelling on a path where you know the outcomes, but to get to where you want to be sometimes requires walking down paths that may mean you don’t know what’s going to happen until it happens. At the same time, that’s how opportunities we didn’t know we needed arise. In the card imagery, there’s a basket next to the girl filled with scrolls, the same type of scrolls pictured in the scribe card. I think for you it’s learning the skill or information I mentioned that is going to help you feel more confident and assured on this path you’re following. You’ve got the energy of the queen archetype (regardless of gender), and though it may be a challenge, you’ve equipped yourself with the skills necessary to go after what you want. You’ll have what it takes 100% to move on to the next phase (after this one we're talking about).

The Diviner is about divine timing and evaluation. Here you’ve done all that you can with what is in your control. What’s left now is waiting for your desires outcomes to come to fruition. While you can’t rush or force things, you can make sure you set yourself up for success when you get it. So let's say you're waiting on receiving a sum of money, in the meantime you can learn/brush up on the skills to manage money etc.

Finally with the puppeteer, mending relationships could also be a lesson. Although I think it’s more about learning to interact with others better? But also remembering that sometimes apologies can mend relationships and other times they can’t. Going back to that relationship mentioned way before, it could be a matter of "are you willing to forgive the other person if they were to apologise and see the error of their ways?" (Though with the type of person mentioned that may be unlikely but, who knows).

Another possibility with the assassin card is that you may ruffle feathers at some point, so you may learn the power or limits of an apology in that sense as well.

Advice to take with you in this next chapter:

The Finch and Peach (romance) — romance is on its way to you. Things to ponder on could be: do you feel ready to welcome love into your life? What are some things that make you feel loved/how do you like to receive love?

The Marten and Foxglove (mischief) — this card asks you to stay open to opportunities that allow you to tap into your playful side, be spontaneous or travel. Ask yourself how can you make room for spontaneity? (It could be through trying new foods, reading a different genre, visiting a place you wouldn’t typically visit, changing up your daily routine etc). Also are you at a point where you can open yourself to new adventures, big or small?

The Boar and Pumpkin (confidence) — You’re not wrong to be confident in yourself, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Take a moment to acknowledge your accomplishments and think about what you’ve done that you’re proud of (doesn’t always have to be tangible, it can also be mindsets, situations you’ve walked from etc).

The Snake and Fern (starting over) — Again, if you were drawn to pile one, I suggest you check that out. Here this card nods to beginning a new and asks you to see if there are any parts of yourself you can return to, or if it’s time to completely start anew and discover yourself from scratch.

If you made it this far I appreciate it. Feedback is welcomed and if there's a topic you'd like me to cover in a pac, feel free to let me know!

Pile 3 (The Trunks/Suitcase)

Who are you? Cards: The Smith, The Twins, The Lookout, The Askashic Library, 3 of Forces (Bird’s Nest)

This pile may be the pile for you if any of the following resonates:

The overthinker. Having a twin or prominent Gemini placements. If you're considering something you’ve been wanting to do for a while but keep putting off. A relationship with someone in which you both started on the same path but they went in another direction. Holding onto resentment. Feel like everything is up in flames. Writing. Seeking self-awareness. Manifesting. Intuitive. *Read that book you’ve been meaning to read. Needing a backup plan. Expanding. Hopeful prospects.

*If this doesn't feel like your pile, and you were eyeing pile 4, definitely check it out. This pile was actually the last I pulled and the hardest to read for and it felt like many aspects of it related to other piles as well. I recommend checking out a secondary pile in general if you were drawn to one.

Who will you become throughout this next chapter? Cards: The Waker, The Runaway, The Warrior (Sorry, I forgot to write down some of the cards 🤦‍♀️, I believe it was 'Fated Meeting' and 'Queen of Scrolls')

You’re becoming someone who is becoming centred/aligned and more intuitive. Your internal world and external world are going to become more connected. Connected to your ‘higher self’ as well, it’s going to be you vs you (levelling up). You’re going to become someone who can face the things you’ve been running from head-on.

That thing you’ve been putting off, you’re going to be able to finally put into action. Coming into being filled with inspiration, clarity and direction. This is especially if you’re considering careers/education, or projects in the fields of writing, publishing, marketing, communication, counselling or teaching. If you’re seeking a mentor, this person could help guide you to becoming this way. It could also be someone in your life already that may help you who is in one of these fields.

For a select few of you, you’re becoming the version of you that was meant to meet your person. If it’s not a romantic partner, then you’re coming into contact with a soulmate (meant as someone you have a ‘soul bond’ with).

Where Will You Find Success? Cards: 4 of Keys (Clearing The Way), Reflection, The Cartographer rev, The Weaver

If you find yourself prone to many different avenues of ideas and project but never settling on one, you’re going to find your success through settling on one thing and focusing on it. It’s time for you stop buckle down and stick with one of those brilliant ideas of yours and make it happen.

Also while it may be time for you to focus on one thing professionally or creatively, when it comes to yourself, it’s time to embrace all the pieces of you that seem random. It reminds me of this post I saw a couple of days ago about how we don't have to force ourselves fit perfectly into an aesthetic... that it's okay to have and embrace parts of your personality that are completely left field of the other bits that go hand in hand. So for some of you, maybe it’s time to embrace all the pieces of you that don’t go together neatly. Maybe that’s why you have these ideas and start them and then ditch them, because you’re a multifaceted being and you’re not allowing yourself to be so and that is the way it manifests in your life? Maybe it’s time to learn how to let all the sides of you coexist without getting lost. Food for thought maybe?

Regardless, it’s time to remove distractions that are holding you back. Tap into your intuition. Become more aware of your emotions. There's a sense of self-mastery is needed here.

Challenges You May Meet? Cards: The Pathless, The Miser, 1 of Scrolls (On Track), Up In The Air, 6 of Forces (The Waterfall) rev

Your challenges kind of relate to the things that were mentioned already. Being in your head, overthinking things, being unable to settle, but also trying to avoid falling into a headspace where you’re being pessimistic and stubborn. Just because you stick to one thing doesn’t mean you can’t shift and adjust your approach. And if you find that you’re really stuck don’t be afraid to just take a step back. If this is all relating to something where other people are giving you their unsolicited advice, don’t be afraid to brush it off and say “Hey, I might have hit a block but trust that I know what I’m doing”. Another scenario is to not internalise any unsolicited advice or opinions because I feel like that could be a trigger for getting lost in your head for some of you.

For overthinking, it'll be about learning to accept that you won’t be able to know the exact outcome of certain things. If you’re working with someone else, then feeling like you are in control or that you have a say may be the challenge. For others, the challenge may simply be making the decision or committing. It could also be coming to terms with the fact that you waited so long to pursue this goal.

Lessons To Be Learned: Cards: The Brawler, The Forgotten, 2 of Roses (The Winged Messengers), Uriel and the Sphinx, the king of roses

With the Forgotten you’ll learn that you can’t be afraid of mistakes. Mistakes help you grow. You'll come to realise how much fear has been holding you back. There's also learning how to make something out of your anxiety. Learning not to run from conflict or maybe how to properly address it could also be another lesson. This could be regarding internal conflict or conflict with another person as I am getting multiple scenarios come up.

Again there's a message here that for some of a romantic suitor specifically coming in. Overall for everyone there’s an important relationship making its way into your life. The mentor shows up as a neutral energy throughout the reading (or balanced feminine and masculine). Their energy is thoughtful, nurturing/comforting and supportive.

Advice — The Goat and Willow (overdoing obstacle) — even though there are losses to suffer, you can overcome them with renewed energy and the right balance. When obstacles appear, prioritise realigning yourself with your goals. You can even get ahead of the game and brainstorm ways to handle potential obstacles before they arise. The Chipmunk and Laurel (success) — Your path to success will be a unique one, one you have to create on your own, but there will be adventures along the way. The Elk and Ash (strength) — Don’t be afraid to fight back when met with a challenge.

If you made it this far I appreciate it. Feedback is welcomed and if there's a topic you'd like me to cover in a pac, feel free to let me know!

Pile 4 (The plane around the world)

CW: Brief implication of strong language

Who are you? Cards: The storyteller, the mascareri, 1 of roses (commitment), 6 of roses (the war of roses)

This pile may be the pile for you if any of the following resonates:

Someone who struggles with the 'self'. You may hide your true self and struggle to accept others' true selves. For you, you could spend a lot of time crafting your persona. For some of you you maybe in positions where you delegate to others or are responsible for others' behaviour (managerial or boss positions). Some of you could work with kids or want to work with kids. Putting on a mask. Neurodivergence. You could enjoy writing or be a writer of some kind. The arts. Struggling with a partnership (romantic or business), trying to balance honouring yourself and their wishes? Conflicted about a relationship. Feeling like there's a battle between your head vs your heart.

Who will you become throughout this next chapter? Cards: 4 of Scrolls rev (The Karmic Trenches), The Patron rev, The poet You’re becoming someone with so much to offer and is still looking to grow. However, people may want to take advantage of that. Becoming someone who doesn’t hesitate and is in love with life. Embracing that life is imperfect. Becoming more vulnerable. Finding like-minded people. Embracing happiness. Tapping into your creative spirit. There could be an ending of some kind, though you didn’t want it, it brought a world full of new opportunities. You're finally breaking a pattern but also having the awareness to know when you’re tip-toeing along the lines of going back. Coming out of the dark. This sense of being healed on multiple levels and being able to finally experience joy.

Where will you find success? Cards: The Astronomer Rev, The Hound, 5 of forces (summer/winter), 7 of keys (The Ascent) You’re going to be finding success through setting long-term goals. If this is about a financial situation especially, then also finding a balance between focusing on what is necessary and not letting the 'wishlist' desires lead you astray. It can apply to any situation in general though. Focusing on what’s necessary and the things you would like to do coming afterwards.

There's also a matter of assessing where your loyalties or priorities lie and releasing habits, relationships, and ideas that are no longer serving you. Loyalty and staying true to your word might be something you value heavily and stand by, but I also see you finding success in this next chapter of your life by realising, you know what, sometimes you have to cut your ties, count any losses and move on because staying is only doing more harm than good. For some of you who have a relationship in mind or the relationship part resonated with you, this is especially true.

Taking action in general will bring success. This chapter could either close out or begin in the summer, or summer will mark an important time for you. With the 7 of keys, your success is guaranteed as long as you put in the work.

Challenges You May Meet: Cards: The Founder, The Shepard, 3 of Scrolls (Setting Your Course), Caught in The Ruins With The Founder, a challenge you might run into is needing to put yourself before someone else who is asking you for your help, although I'm also feeling it maybe asking you to put them first. You might struggle to determine whether or not you should offer them your help. The Shepard urges you to step up and take the lead when others need guidance. However, I think the best question to ask is what kind of person do you have to show up as in order to offer them your support? And also what type of person do you have to show up as to meet your goals? I’d say make a decision on how to proceed based on whether the two can successfully coincide or not.

A lot of different situations come up in this pile— relationships, career/finance, behaviours… but the common theme here seems to come down to mindset. Whatever the situation is that has you feeling trapped, you have to realise that it’s not definitive, even if it seems that way in your head. It seems like a lot of what is going on, and what you have to overcome, is self-sabotage and realising that just because you’ve always done something a certain way or a situation has always played out that way, doesn’t mean it will always be that way. You have the power to change; the challenge here simply lies in picking yourself up and dusting yourself off. There’s so much more out there for you than what you’re seeing right now. If relocating or travelling, especially where you have to cross the ocean, is something you’re hoping to do, then the end of this chapter we’re discussing in this reading might be the beginning of that next chapter in your life.

Lessons To Be Learned: Cards: 3 of Roses (Loving Elementals), 5 of Roses (The Garden)

The lessons here are about having a sense of child like wonder, and learning to find joy and exploration in life. Being able to laugh and play and find inspiration once more. If any of you have been thinking about starting a family (not necessarily right away) then it’s likely that this chapter will set you up for that. If not then I think a matter of legacy here. Being exposed to opportunities to nurture and grow the future you desire.

You’ll learn that sometimes you are the one who has to be the catalyst to change your life. I love this line from the guidebook of my Citadel Orcale cards regarding the catalyst. It says “ You are the bolt of lightning that topples the tower”. If you think about the Tower card in the traditional tarot deck, there’s lightning striking the tower and setting it on fire. Whenever it comes up it talks about upheaval and there’s often a sense of “oh great, something’s about to come **** up my life” but maybe [we] should consider that we’re not always the tower, but instead, we are the lightning. You have to make the decision to do or become something different, even if goes against what you've always known or what everyone tells you you should do.

What’s also important is not dwelling on past mistakes or regrets, it’s about learning from what happened and using it to make a better decision. Stop doubting yourself and overthink until your head hurts. Give yourself some grace and self-compassion. Take your time, changing isn’t going to happen overnight and often times we have to adjust to who we’re allowing ourselves to become.

Advice to take with you in this next chapter:

The Bee and Pomegranate (productivity) rev — If you find yourself struggling with procrastination, don’t be afraid to rest a while before giving whatever it is another go. Consider what makes you productive as well as what you can do to change why you’re not feeling productive towards another task.

The Racoon and Sycamore (curiosity) — The time is now to do some self-exploration. Explore new interests and hobbies as well as take time to think about how you’ve evolved and how you’d like to further evolve.

The Finch and Peach (romance) — Love is on its way to you. (I did kind of feel like it’s romantic love but it wasn't a prominent message in the reading.)

The Bear and Cedar (leadership) — You’re being guided towards leadership opportunities but remember to ‘rule’ with fairness and care. Ask yourself how can you be a better leader? Who can benefit from your knowledge and experience?

If you made it this far I appreciate it. Feedback is welcomed and if there's a topic you'd like me to cover in a pac, feel free to let me know!

*** Disclaimer: All readings and tarot/blog games are for fun and entertainment purposes only. It is in no way meant to act as or replace professional advice of any kind. You know yourself and what’s going on in your life best so I ask that you trust yourself above all else. Finally please take only what resonates from the reading which may be some of it, all of it, or none at all.

[youreyeson1y]

01. and every time you breathe his air, just know i was already there

ⓘ now playing: track 01. taste ▷▷ 0:24 ─●──────── 2:37

pairing: student council president!yang jungwon x reader(f) cw: controlling relationship (context, (mostly) in the background), lots of swearing (y/n's love language is cursing basically lol), lmk if i missed anything !

synopsis: it has been months since you and jungwon broke up, so it shouldn't bother you if he's dating your bitchy nemesis, but you still can't help but get into catfights with her because you love to get a reaction out of little miss perfect. definitely not because you still have feelings for jungwon, right?

tags: high school au, exes to lovers(?), lowercase intended

author's note: not my best fic as a writer (since i literally wrote most of this in language class) but its become one of my favourites as i've come to love this fic so much because of all the feels and the character personalities, so i hope someway you'll find yourself here <3 ngl won's character is heavily inspired by en-drama because i'm obsessed. my first try at writing for my fav enha boy so i hope i did well !

word count: 2.8k

“bitch, are you actually crazy,’ with bright orange soda dripping down your shirt, you let out a slow chuckle, “or are you just mad that you taste me when he’s kissing you?” 

“fucking whor—,”

“that’s enough for today, girls, leave some energy for the rest of the day,” mrs. kang, the only teacher in the cafeteria, finally stood up from her seat and walked towards the commotion. 

“you just earned an hour in detention, you lady.” you couldn’t help but smirk when the teacher shot miss. ‘perfect’ a disapproving glare. “stay back tomorrow and maybe help out the volunteers, make yourself useful for once.” 

“but, uh, mrs. kang, she provoked me! she should be the one getting detention!” it was funny how she thought crushing the soda-can in her hands would deem her as innocent. 

“ma’am,” you knew you were a trouble-maker, but the only reason teachers trusted you was because you were sincere— or at least good at pretending you were. “i was only here to have a conversation, but she was the one who assaulted me out of nowhere,” 

one of the reasons you maintained a friendly relationship with the teachers was for situations like this. 

“and you know what ma’am, i’m not even mad that she attacked me, but wastage of food? oh, to think a thirsty kid could’ve been drinking that soda, but for it to get wasted on me like that?”

“that’s enough, y/n; don’t think i don't know your antics.” mrs. kang looked at you through her glasses. “another sentence and you’ll be enjoying detention with your best friend here.”

you flashed her a guilty but thankful smile. "of course ma’am, i understand.”

“and what are you all looking at? the bell’s about to ring, get back to your classes!” the teacher cursed under her breath, the crowd around you disappearing in an instant. 

mrs. kang looked around the cafeteria, and her face instantly lit up when she saw bitch #2. “ah, yang jungwon! thank god at least someone responsible is here.” 

you didn’t give him the satisfaction of looking at him, but you sensed him stand taller and simultaneously become smaller at the acknowledgement. 

“son, please take this menace to the nurse’s room, i don’t trust her enough to send her alone— god knows what more she’ll end up causing.” you flash mrs. kang a guilty smile. “meanwhile, you, young lady, come with me to the staff room.”

as you saw miss perfect follow mrs. kang with her tail between her legs, you couldn’t help but crack a triumphant smile. 

“thank you, ma’am, i’ll remember your kindness for the rest of my life!” you leave the cafeteria, seeing mrs. kang roll her eyes and say something along the lines of ‘i don’t get paid enough for this.’ 

not waiting for what's-his-face, you make your way towards the nurse’s room to find a spare shirt. 

“y/n! wait up,” your pace quickens as naturally as possible when you hear his voice, but jungwon easily catches up to you. “are you okay?”

“what do you want, yang jungwon?” it takes all effort in you to not look at him.

“here, take this,” you turned towards him when he offered his coat to you, his fingers slightly gripping your pocket, keeping you in place. with a glare, you take a step back.  “you're drenched, y/n. you’ll catch a cold like this.” 

“i don't need your charity,” maybe you did feel a chill go through your body, but you'd rather be dead than take help from jungwon. “you don’t have to help me just because a teacher asked you to, mr. president, i’m fine.” 

“y/n,” his tone was pleading but assertive. “don’t be like this,, i’m here as your friend—” 

“don’t even,” you scoffed, an annoyed expression adorning your face. 

“i thought you were my friend, but the way you have been acting lately tells me anything but. i know things are awkward because we broke up, but is human decency too much to ask for? 

"i’m not asking you to take sides, but you could've— nevermind now. i guess years of friendship goes down the drain just because your pretty little girlfriend can’t stand me.”

there goes your shot at being cool and nonchalant.

you didn’t mean to say that all, but words came spilling out of your mouth once you made eye-contact with him. 

jungwon looked shocked, speechless at your unexpected outburst. he took a step back. “i… i’m sorry, y/n.” 

you felt betrayed at yourself when you felt a pang of disappointment when he walked away. 

maybe you had expected him to say something? finally clear out all the misunderstandings and go back to how things were before? 

nonetheless, you also knew you could never go back to being just friends with him, yet you were starting to miss his company, and your aching heart was making it clear that you weren’t even a step closer to getting over him. 

but it didn't even matter now.

you sighed, resuming your journey towards the nurse’s room, your heart growing heavier when you find a bunch of napkins in your pocket where jungwon had touched you.  

“i mean it was kind of stupid to think mrs. kang would let you off the hook for causing a scene like that,” your best friend smirked, clearly enjoying this. 

“hey, whose side are you on?” you half-heartedly throw your eraser at her, slumping into your seat. “oh man, i was so excited to go back home and watch the new episode of the drama with you. guess that'll have to wait because apparently dusting books that people will never even read is way more important, i guess." 

"calm your dramatic ass down," your best friend chuckled, patting your head as you groaned and playfully banged your head on the table. "at least there will be no record of detention on your report." 

"i guess you're right... but i'll miss you," you blow kisses at her, making her laugh. 

"whatever weirdo, love you too," she stood up, giving you a smile. "i'll get going then. you better start your work soon if you don't wanna stay back for another hour." 

"see you soon!" after you wave at her, you stretch out in your chair, giving yourself a pep talk to survive the extra hour of work that was given to you by mrs. kang as "not a punishment, but something that will make you think twice before causing trouble again." 

although you weren't happy about this, you couldn't help but feel a sense of calm as you entered the library and walked through the many bookshelves, finally situating yourself amidst the very last shelves. 

life had gotten pretty hectic lately, so having some time in the library, when not a single soul was there, felt like pressing pause and breathing for a moment. you put on your mask, and some music as you half-heartedly start dusting the old books on the shelves. 

the quiet and solitude was something you longed for, but with nothing better to do, your mind couldn't help but go back to thinking about yang jungwon. 

maybe you were being irrational with him today, because of course, which guy would choose a friend over his girlfriend? you felt guilty, because you realised it was your selfish feelings that made you act that way. 

while you were accusing jungwon of not giving efforts to sustain your friendship, what had you been doing? 

weren't you the one picking the longer route to avoid running into him, or helping random people with their errands whenever he came into the room just to avoid a conversation? 

but you couldn’t bring yourself to face him; not because of the awkwardness, but because you couldn’t see him being with his girlfriend.

jealousy was another thing, but you couldn’t tolerate the way miss perfect treated him— it shouldn’t matter to you that she didn’t understand his niche habits, or that she didn’t let him finish his sentences, so you chose to stay quiet instead of making a scene, because you knew it was of no use anyway. 

“well, so much for not making a scene,” you groaned, glancing at the too-tight shirt you’d borrowed from the nurse’s office. 

finally pulled out of your thoughts by the alarm you’d set on your phone, you looked up at the giant clock at the library, and let out a quiet squeal when you noticed an hour was up. 

as you packed up your phone and belongings and walked towards the front of the library, you were stopped in your tracks as you heard a familiar voice in the otherwise silent room. as you slowly crept towards the front desk, the voice became clearer.

“yes sir, of course. no, i understand. i’ll make sure there’s no— yes sir, sure. right. thank you, sir, thank— oof.” yang jungwon slumped into the chair, his voice immediately losing its energy and him looking more tired than ever as he gently placed his phone on a cluttered table. 

as he closed his eyes and ran his hands through his hair and rubbed his face, it gave you the perfect opportunity to walk by, unnoticed, and— 

“won— hey, jungwon,” a small, comforting smile crept up on your face, as you slowly made your way towards him. “what are you doing here so late.” 

your heart fluttered in an act of betrayal when you saw his face instantly light up when he noticed you. 

“y/n! hey, hi. have a seat,” jungwon smiled, quickly trying to push the various open notebooks and leaflets towards himself to make space for you. “i uh, i just had to stay back for some work for next week’s event. what about you, why’re you here so late? everything okay?”

“haha, yes, mrs. kang just made me do some extra work to make up for today,” you took a seat beside him, both of you facing each other. “but wait, don’t tell me you’re doing work here so late? can’t you do it at home?”

“well, yes and no? the teachers are counting on me to look after everything because, you know…” he looked sheepish as he scratched the back of his neck, forever uncomfortable about his position as the president of the student council.

“and since most of the things require me to double check with the faculty and the campus, it’s easier to do these things at school. plus, i’ll have to take the measurements for the posters and all too, so i was planning to get it over by today itself instead of weighing down someone else with the work,” 

“goddamn, i didn’t know you had so much work to do. I could never handle such responsibility,” you let out a slow whistle, but then turned to him with concerned eyes. “it must be hard managing everything. are you okay, though? you can distribute the work between the members, you know? you don’t have to shoulder everything.” you gently put your hand on him, making sure he listens. 

jungwon was the type of person who always took on more work than it was healthy for them to carry out, but he always made sure he completed each and every task with perfection. 

you knew the boy struggled with being a people pleaser and a perfectionist, so you made sure to remind him to relax and take a breath every once in a while whenever you got the chance. 

“giving the work to other people doesn’t make you a bad leader, won, it is literally their job to help you. so, chill out a bit okay? and make sure you take breaks in between and not—”

you were interrupted by the soft hum of jungwon’s ringtone, and as you looked down on it, it was almost as if a bucket of cold water was splashed on you as you saw his girlfriend’s name flash on the screen. 

in an instant, you let go of his hand, your hands reaching up  to play with your hair and hopefully hide the red creeping up on your face. “you… you should probably pick that up.” you hoped your smile did not look lopsided. 

to your surprise, you saw jungwon silence his phone, and place it inside his pocket. “you were saying?” he gave you a small smile, acting as if nothing had happened. 

“um, dude, wasn’t that your girlfriend?” you sounded confused. “you should’ve picked up, i’m okay with it.”

“uh, ex… girlfriend.” 

“what the fuck?” you shrieked in surprise, your face red, both of you looking around to see if anybody heard you. you lowered your voice once again. “bitch what? didn’t we just argue like hours ago? because of you? wait, oh my god, don’t tell me she broke up with you because of me? oh god, i’m so sorry jungwon, i swear, i never meant to—”

your ramble was cut short when jungwon gently placed his hand over your mouth, chuckling at your wide eyes and flushed cheeks. 

“y/n, calm down, i’d broken up with her weeks ago,” this dude literally had the audacity to smile after giving you a mini heart attack. “actually… it's a pretty long story.” he cringed. 

“well i would very much like to know why the fuck i’m wearing some random girl’s shirt if you guys broke up weeks ago?” you huffed; but when you saw his quiet expression, you blushed. “wait, i mean, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. it’s okay, i was just kidding.” 

“No, y/n, its okay.” jungwon had a weird expression on his face. “it’s just that… do you have any idea how much i’ve wanted to talk about this, or just talk like this, with you? i missed us.” 

“won,” you were sure your face was permanently red now. “i’m always here, you know that.” 

“thanks,” he said. “the truth is, i wasn’t really in a happy relationship with her. i don’t know, maybe i didn’t want to admit it to myself too, but at some point it just got too suffocating; it was like being with a tyrant.” 

though jungwon was trying to play it off with a casual demeanour, you could hear the pain still eminent in his voice. the reason he was so closed off, always so busied by his books or duties, it all made sense now. 

“i know it sounds weird, but being in a relationship with her felt like i was constantly being criticised and forced to be someone i’m not. i can’t always be this perfect, responsible, ideal boy friend, and i felt guilty for trying to put on this fake act of being perfect and i…” 

you genuinely ached for him, your heart reaching out to the boy who was finally opening his jar of bottled emotions. 

you wrapped jungwon in a gentle but warm hug, hoping it helps ease him, who was on the verge of breaking down.”

“shh, its okay, won. you’re out of that relationship now, and it takes alot of courage to do that; i’m proud of you, yang jungwon.”

“you know what the funniest part is, she wasn’t willing to break up with me so she acted as if we were still together and telling me that she’ll stop and change and what not, and me being dumb enough, probably did believe her. but it was this morning, when she threw the soda at you, it was almost as if she’d done it to me. 

“it was different when it was just me, but when she’s hurting people i care about?  i know where to draw the line then.” jungwon finally cracked a small smile. “and you know what? i finally understood that i made the right decision when you came here and told me that i don’t have to take on everything on my own. it made me realise that there are people who look out for me, so i’m not worried anymore.”

“of course, you dumb fuck,” you flicked his forehead, laughing to stop yourself from actually tearing up. you felt guilty knowing that he was going through so much on his own, but you also felt beyond ecstatic that he trusted you enough to share all that with you. “too bad you have such a stick up your ass that you didn’t realise that sooner. and its not just me, but all our friends are here for you too. So don’t you ever dare feel alone or suffer through all that by yourself.” 

“I know that now…” jungwon chuckled, his flushed face mirroring yours as he rested his head on the table, looking at you with the softest eyes. “thank you, y/n. You have no idea how grateful i am to you.” 

“shut up up with your cheesy lines, jungwon you slut, or i might just fall in love with you.” you rolled your eyes, playfully covering his face to hide your blush, because you both knew the truth anyway. 

‘i already have,” he smiled. 

author's note: if you see my personal feelings etched into this fic, no you don't :D also did y'all notice the way i didn't even name the ex because like i was so afraid of it breaking the fourth wall like, what if its the name of your best friend or cousin or literally just your name 😭

please leave comments and reblogs because i could really use some motivation, thank you ! 🤍

short n' sweet masterlist 💋

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[miasmaghoul]

Okay, you said you wanted non-sexual prompts, so if this is a no thats totally fine. Could you write like casual piss? I don't know how to word this. No smut involved, just domestic? If that makes sense...

anon please know that the phrase "casual, domestic piss" has been on repeat in my weird little brain since i first read this, and also that i had an idea for it immediately

god i am such a pissboy smh

anyway, here, have some soft rulti ft a little casual, domestic piss.

what a sentence.

Rain is not what you could call a morning person.

He never rouses before noon, at least not willingly, and even when he is awake he simply migrates. Shuffles out of bed and drapes himself dramatically over a sofa to doze back off until someone pays attention to him. Trying to wake Rain up before he's ready is a futile task at best, and at worst a bite risk. Generally this isn't much of a problem - mass is in the evening, there are no strictly scheduled mealtimes or chores, so Rain is free to be as slothful as his heart desires.

Even rehearsal doesn't usually interfere.

On an average day, any practice happens whenever the ghouls feel like it. There's no rhyme or reason to it, really; sometimes they have creative energy that needs expressing, sometimes Dew gets a bug up his ass about working on a solo and drags along company, sometimes Mountain gets in one of his moods and hauls Rain over his shoulder for an impromptu...rhythm session.

Point is, it's not really something that's planned. More of a casual affair, something they do every day but never the same way twice. Again, this works out perfectly for Rain. There's never a rush to start the day, and the others know by now not to expect him at anything close to a reasonable hour.

The issue arises when tours approach.

Unfortunately (for Rain), Copia has proven to be a morning person. Rain (somewhat) silently laments that fact every time Sister Imperator announces a new leg, a new cycle. Every time, Rain hopes it'll be different. That Copia will suddenly despise the idea of singing with the morning sun, that he won't expect them to be up and ready to go by 9am, can you imagine?

(It should be noted that Rain is the only ghoul that actually minds this.)

Alas, this never proves to be the case, and as soon as his phone chimed with the notification of an Imperator meeting Rain knew that his beauty sleep was soon to be severely compromised.

"Next week," Copia had said after Sister Imperator laid out the proposed itinerary. "Next week, on Sunday, we will resume our standard rehearsal schedule."

He'd handed out a list of thirty songs to each of them, a not-so-short list for the ghouls to study and provide input on. An opportunity for them to put together their own setlists to compare and contrast them with one another.

Rain had used his sheet of paper to hide his frown, dreading the fact that Sunday was only five sleeps away.

"I know that face," Swiss had teased when they left the meeting, looping a strong arm around Rain's shoulders. "Someone's being a pouty princess again."

Rain had given him a hiss, but Swiss just grinned at him in that very Swiss way and, well, Rain can never stay mad at him anyway.

"Not all of us look good with eye bags like yours" he'd grumbled, a statement that had wrung a loud ha from Swiss.

"I dunno," he'd snickered, ducking his head to knock his horns with Rain's. "You look pretty damn good when I tire you out."

Rain had rolled his eyes so hard he'd gotten dizzy, but it wasn't an accusation he could deny.

He also couldn't deny Swiss the opportunity to prove his point, and as they lay in the afterglow Rain gives a mighty yawn.

"This's bullshit," he slurs against Swiss' chest, nuzzling into the spot that smells the most like pepper and whisky and old weed. "Who even gets up that early?"

"Most of the abbey is up at dawn," Swiss chuckles, settling into Rain's lanky hold. "You're the exception to the rule, starfish."

Rain would argue, but then Swiss' purr kicks up and he's sinking his fingers into his sweat-damp waves and Rain feels little desire to do more than enjoy the way Swiss envelopes him. The way their skin sticks together with drying sweat, among other things. Swiss had given him a courteous cleanup where it mattered, but Rain's entirely too wiped out for a shower. Wonderfully sore all over, drained, and way too dehydrated to stand up for very long.

He doesn't mind it though - not when it makes him smell like Swiss too.

"Whatever," he grumbles, grabbing the covers and tugging them up over his shoulders. "S'still bullshit."

He's been fighting to keep his eyes open for the last twenty minutes or so, drifting on casual conversation and the brush of Swiss' fingertips along his bare back. Now that they're finally settling in Rain finds himself fading by the second.

"Don' wake me up'n the morning," he adds with another yawn, and the last thing Rain hears before all goes quiet is the raspy little laugh Swiss gives in return.

The next thing he hears is rushing water, creaking pipes and the telltale twitter of birdsong.

It feels like no time at all since he sunk into the peaceful realm of sleep, but when he dares to crack an eye Rain finds himself assaulted by rosy sunlight. Morning. Early, by the look of it. Rain shuts his eyes tight and groans.

"Finally," a deep voice hums, clearly amused. Footsteps pad across the floor and Rain feels the mattress dip behind him. "I've been shaking you for ten minutes."

Swiss reaches up to scratch at the base of one of Rain's horns, affectionate. Rain makes an unhappy sound, as close to a real whine as he ever gets, and Swiss gives his shoulder a squeeze.

"Why 'm I awake?" Rain hates his morning voice, all thick and inelegant. "Did I sleep 'til Sunday?"

"If that's what it takes to get you out of bed," Swiss chuffs, reaching up to tuck a stray curl behind Rain's ear. "Let's go, up 'n at 'em," he encourages, regardless of continual grumbly protests. "You might as well get used to existing before lunchtime while you can."

"This is torture," Rain complains, tucking his knees up towards his chest. "Inhumane."

"Good thing we aren't human, I guess."

Rain cracks an eye open just to shoot Swiss' blurry visage a sideways glare. Swiss winks as he lifts the covers just enough to lean down and press a kiss to Rain's shoulder. He rests his chin there after, gives him a warm smile.

"C'mon, raindrop," he lilts, sneaking lithe fingers under the covers. Dragging them along the nape of Rain's neck. "I'm drawing you a bath, surely you can forgive me."

Ah, that would explain the water he can still hear. Rain blinks at him, sluggish.

"Remains to be seen," he grouses, "but it's a start."

Swiss flashes him a grin, and then those warm, cozy covers are ripped from Rain's naked body with no ceremony. He yelps as the chilly morning air hits his skin, more awake than he ever intended to be and scowling at the other ghoul.

"Oh don't make that face," Swiss teases, reaching down to give Rain's nose a gentle flick. "C'mon, I put that weird shit you like in the tub and everything."

Swiss holds Rain's ankle, rubs his thumb over the bony ridge of it while Rain sniffs at the air. Picks up notes of rosemary and peppermint, citrus and rose. The bath salts Mountain had gifted him for Yule, an energizing scent that's sure to chase the exhaustion from his muscles.

Still, he can't give in that easily.

"Fine," he pouts, stretching his legs and not at all adoring the way Swiss' fingers glide along his skin. "But only if you carry me."

The words earn him an extreme eye roll, but Swiss can't hide his amusement. He heaves a mighty sigh, cracks his neck and knuckles, and Rain most definitely doesn't watch the muscles in his arms and chest flex.

"As you command, princess."

Swiss says it with an exaggerated bow, and then he's scooping Rain up with no further preamble. Rain snickers, looping his arms around Swiss' neck and nuzzling into his shoulder. He's warm and solid, comfy, and if the walk to the bathroom was more than ten steps Rain could very easily drift off again.

As it stands, he's being set down far too soon for his liking, letting out a squeak when his bare ass meets the cold marble of his vanity. Swiss kisses him on the forehead when Rain frowns once again, giving his stomach a little tickle just to make him squirm.

"You want it hot or scalding?" Swiss asks as he strides to the tub, steam wafting around him. Rain stares unabashedly at his ass, eyes tracing the obvious bite mark he left there the night before.

"Boil me like a lobster," Rain sighs, stretching his arms over his head and trilling at the way his spine pops. Swiss gives him a thumbs up, twisting the faucet knobs while Rain yawns. "How much salt did you put in?"

"Enough to make you smell like the greenhouse for a week," Swiss replies, testing the temperature and only hissing a little at the heat. Rain takes a deep breath, taking in the herbal steam and letting it soak into his skin. "Mount'll be all over you."

"Don't sound so jealous," Rain says with a sleepy tilt, scratching at his chest, "you can share me once in a while."

Swiss snorts as he wipes his hand on the bath mat, turning back with a lazy smile on his face. Rain blows him a kiss while he swings his feet, ankles crossed, and doesn't complain when Swiss crowds him closer to the mirror ar his back. Palms planted on the vanity so he can lean in and nose at Rain's temple.

"You assume I want to share," Swiss rumbles, possessive fangs grazing Rain's jaw. It gives him the shivers in the best way, but Swiss doesn't push further. He steps back so Rain can see the sparkle in his golden eyes, the wrinkles at their corners. He's beautiful, and if Rain were in a more giving mood he'd say so. As it stands...

"You can cope," he mumbles, nose in the air, and earns another eye roll. Rain sticks his tongue out at the other ghoul just because he can, reaching for his comb to try and work out some of the knots Swiss gifted him last night. Before he can grab it, though-

"Ah," Swiss interrupts, batting at Rain's hand. Rain raises a brow as Swiss picks up the comb instead, moving to stand in front of him again. "You're playing princess this morning, remember?" He twirls the comb between two fingers, the same motion he does when he steals Mountain's sticks. "Lemme take care of you like one."

Swiss offers a roguish wink, and while some part of Rain knows that an offer like this - especially from Swiss - always comes with caveats, he can't find it in himself to argue. Blame it on sleep deprivation (nine hours isn't nearly enough), but all he can do is hum and nod.

"If you insist," he yawns, leaning forward to rest his cheek gainst Swiss' pecs, "but don't be surprised if you put me back to sleep."

Swiss' laugh resonates through his skull, dull claws scratch at his scalp, and the purr that kicks up in Rain's chest when he begins to comb is one he has no control over.

Swiss talks to him while he works, picking out every tangle he can find. Talks about everything and nothing, from the places they'll be playing this next tour, to the fitting for their new uniforms. Rain hums where appropriate, but mostly he drifts. Basks in the scratch of Swiss' chest hair against his cheek and the care with which he fixes his hair. It can't take more than a few minutes, but it feels like forever in the best way.

"Alright," Swiss eventually murmurs, stroking delicate fingers through Rain's knot-free waves. A delightful feeling that could put Rain back to sleep all on its own. "Ready for the bath, your highness?"

Rain huffs out a soft laugh, nips at his chest just hard enough to make Swiss jump. He's woozy when he sits up, half present and more than a little floaty, so relaxed he may yet melt into the sink beside him. He yawns again, smacks his lips while Swiss twirls a curl around his finger.

"Mm," Rain hums with a bleary blink. He reaches up to sling both arms around Swiss' neck, pulling him down for a quick kiss. "Almost," he sighs against Swiss' mouth. The other ghoul pulls back, gives him a quizzical look. "Gotta pee first," Rain elaborates, shooing Swiss away. "C'mon, lemme up."

"Nah," Swiss replies, waving a hand, and it takes Rain a second to register it. He grins again, happy as a clam, and then he's hoisting Rain up by the backs of his thighs and all Rain can do is scrabble at his back with a yelp, clinging.

"What the -"

Before he can get the words out, Swiss is setting him down again, right in front of the toilet. Lets Rain get his feet under him, holding his hips until he's balanced, and then he's pressing a quick kiss to his horn. Rain blinks up at him, opens his mouth to speak, but then Swiss is turning him on the spot. Snuggling himself right up to Rain's back and hooking his chin over his shoulder, dragging the tip of his nose along the shell of his ear.

"As you wish," he croons, low, and Rain chuckles. Leans back into that broad chest and moves to aim at the bowl, eager to empty himself so he can finally slide into the herbal soup Swiss has so lovingly prepared.

Swiss grabs his wrist before he can manage it, though, and Rain just stares at it. Blinks. Swiss lifts his hand to his lips, kisses Rain's palm.

"Uh-uh," he breathes, warm against his skin, "I told you, sweetheart," another kiss, to the inside of Rain's wrist, "lemme take care of you."

Rain shivers at the feel of a large hand coming to rest low on his stomach, the one holding his wrist guiding in to rest over Swiss' own hand. Rain stares down at them, laces his fingers with Swiss', and heaves a deep sigh when Swiss' other hand slides over his hip. Tracing the line of his happy trail with two fingertips, until he reaches the soft swell of Rain's cock.

Swiss takes it in hand, aims, and Rain feels the strangest bloom of warmth in his chest.

"Go on," Swiss encourages, kissing the hinge of his jaw, "when you're done I'll even scrub your back."

"You'd do that anyway," Rain replies, and Swiss gives him a half shrug.

"A little incentive never hurts."

Rain snorts, but doesn't feel the need to argue. He takes in the way his cock looks in Swiss' hand, pale against his skin, nothing sexual about it regardless of their position. Of the way he can feel every inch of Swiss against his back, warm and comfortable and familiar. It's intimate, to be sure, but in a context Rain isn't sure he's ever felt before.

Rain offers a pleased sigh when the last drops hit the water, lets Swiss give it a couple shakes, and then he's turning in his arms. Planting a kiss on his stubbled chin.

He gives Swiss' hand a squeeze, presses it into his belly, and both of them groan when the first few dribbles leak out. It's no time before Rain can let go fully, a steady stream of relief, silly giggles escaping him when Swiss moves his dick around to draw shapes in the water. Swirls and circles and a their initials, because Swiss doesn't know how not to be a sap.

"Better?"

"Better," Rain smiles, wrapping long arms around Swiss' waist. "Now get me in that tub, I'm sick of being sticky."

Swiss laughs, gives him a squeeze, and this time Rain's expecting to be lifted.

"Such a princess," Swiss complains, lowering him into the steaming bath, and Rain groans. Swiss ruffles his hair, wasting no time in sliding into the tub behind him.

"Guess that makes you my prince," Rain mumbles, resting back against him the moment Swiss settles, and the pleased purr that rattles through his chest is almost enough to turn it into a jacuzzi.

[littleguypumpkinsheep]

May I request something with Ted? It may be a bit too specific, so feel free to ignore this if it is!

I did read your fic, and man I would love to see Ted actually finding a partner after everything AM put him through. Even as a giant slug thing, with all but the tiniest shreds of his former self stripped away, someone still loves him, tries their best to understand and find a way to communicate with him, and still sees him as a person.

(I love for hurt/comfort lol, and DAMN does Ted need some comfort)

Absolutely, not too specific at all!! In fact I really loved this idea hehe

It took time, at first. Things always did. 

For Ted time was the only thing he had for the majority of his life, or rather, his existence. The state he was in now, well, that could hardly be considered a life. Being this amorphous blob was AM’s way of giving him an ultimate punishment, making him experience even a fraction of the misery the computer dealt with for its entire existent non-existence. He’d been happy about that for a time. About making it angry enough to reduce him to this state. But now… there wasn’t much of anything left for him to feel. 

Ted felt tired, but he’d been like that for so long it’d turned into a default way of being for him, not an emotion anymore. 

Sometimes, if he was lucky, he’d grow tired physically. Moving took a lot of energy. Energy he didn’t have, at that. 

Recently, though, something had changed. 

You. 

After its tantrum AM realized its mistake, destroying the only creatures it had for company on the entire planet, and grew panicked. Ted was essentially just a thing it threw around sometimes, but it wasn’t fun anymore because he couldn’t respond to the abuse. So AM created life.

Using leftover DNA from the survivors, the computer artificially grew you, in a sense, speeding up the aging process until you were an adult because it couldn’t deal with a child. It’d have likely killed you, although unintentional this time. 

And like the garden of Eden, AM set you down in the world it had crafted and watched with renewed interest as you lived. 

Ted knew of your existence, because the computer had bragged about its abilities and about creating you all by itself, but he avoided you purposely. He didn’t like you because he wouldn’t let himself. Things like getting attached and relearning love were concepts he couldn’t afford to have, now more than ever. AM would let him get a taste of kindness and friendship, enough to make him used to it, and then rip it all away again. Ted couldn’t bear it. He knew he wouldn’t. 

But god, you just kept coming back. 

He couldn’t help it. He became utterly and hopelessly attached to you. 

You were just so wonderful to him. So kind and understanding, so warm. You’d talk to him like he was still a human being, even ripping off one of the computer monitors from AM’s complex and making it into something he could communicate with. Even when it took him minutes to write only a few sentences, you were so patient with him. And you’d listen. You’d listen to every single thing he had to say, for hours, because god did he have a lot to talk about. 

He’d never realized the value of communication until that point, of being able to express your thoughts. The feeling had been… indescribable. Euphoric, maybe, but even then he didn’t feel anything could accurately describe what he felt upon being able to just say hi. He found it almost funny, in a way. Before this, before AM, never, never had he been a talkative person. The fewer words he said the more likely his lies and charms would be believed. But now he couldn’t shut up. He had something to say about everything, even things as stupid and mundane as a slight change in temperature because it just felt so good to express it. Suddenly everything he said had meaning to it. Every word had value. Every sentence. He hated computers but god did he love keyboards. That was his outlet. His freedom. His ability to live again. 

And you had given it to him. 

You had given him everything. 

But most importantly, you gave him love. 

On especially bad days you’d hold and comfort him, telling him that everything would be okay, that he wasn’t alone anymore, that he was safe now. He believed everything you said because, to him, you were an angel. You loved him, and he knew because you had told him. You’d made it a point to tell him every day at least once, and soon, feeling loved became natural again. Right. 

But you expressed your love physically, too, and he found your touch addicting. The first time you pet him he nearly lost his mind completely. Ted had leaned into your touch so hard he’d knocked you to the ground, and after ensuring you were alright, proceeded to crawl on top of your chest and didn’t move for hours. The idea of kind touch had become so foreign he’d almost forgotten it was possible at all. 

Oh, but you. You hadn’t. 

He was sure the earth was only around still to inhabit you. Nothing else mattered. His angel was the only good thing left in the entire universe. In this galaxy, and any other. Nothing would ever compare to your kindness. And so, for once, time was useful again. Meant something again. 

Because he got to spend his forever time, with you. 

[whatevertheweather]

an ask game for writers to procrastinate working on your WIP(s)

Thank you for the tags @bookish-bogwitch @aristocratic-otter @youarenevertooold I've been in search of ways to procrastinate <3

1. 🦈Tell us the name of your/ one of your WIP(s):

I'll go with one that isn't being posted yet: Callous.

2. 🍄Describe your WIP/one of your WIP(s) in the format of “___ + ___ =___”

Touch starvation + poor communication = Baz's No Good Very Bad Night

3. 🌍What tags or warnings will one of your WIP(s) need if you intend to share it?

PTSD, disassociation, and, uh, emotional hurt/comfort?

4. 🧭An alternative title to one of your WIP(s)?

Bold of anyone to assume I'm good enough at coming up with titles that I have multiple to choose from. Oh! But actually I do for Bait and Switch, thanks to Dre brainstorming fishing idioms with me. There were 4 alternatives, but my favorite is All is Fish, because it makes no fucking sense.

5. ⚠️Which WIP your most likely to finish or update next?

It had better be Musical Chairs.

6. 💾What is your document of your WIP/ a WIP called? (not the stories actual title but what you’ve saved it as)

In an uncommon turn of events, I only have one (active) WIP right now that's not already named as it will be posted, and that's "yeah sure let's just write some shit that's way later and not finish the other that's fine"

7. 🖍Post Any sentence(s) from your WIP.

It’s just…there’s also some deer in the headlights energy to him, which, mixed with the general aura of barely tamed violence, is throwing Shepard off. Truly, it’s been a good long while since he’s done this kind of pinballing over what he’s seeing when he looks at someone.

He does know what he’s seeing when he looks back at Simon. It’s the sort of face that has him politely averting his eyes to examine the bland thread of Simon’s shirt instead. He thinks walking in on the two of them tangled up without a stitch of clothing wouldn’t feel half as intrusive as looking at that expression did.

8. ♻️A scrapped idea for your current WIP.

I had to abandon about a page of the above misnamed WIP (now to be succinctly abbreviated as YSLJWSSTWLANFTOTF) because it no longer fits the tone of the rest of the fic at all, which is sad because it made me laugh. It's too long to put here in its entirety, but here's part of one line, which shall function as the dead darling's eulogy: "I know you have a dick, Baz, I’ve fucking well been thinking about it!”

9. 🤔What’s a story you’d love to write but haven’t even started yet?

Okay there's one I don't want to say much about because, selfishly, I want to be the one to write it, but it's related to truth spells. (Technically I've started it because there's a document with 10 scattered lines of dialogue, but I haven't started it started it.)

10. 🤡How many WIPS are you actively working on?

I'm trying to focus on 3, but I might have to say 4 here.

11. 🛠Is there a scene or anything in the WIP you are struggling with right now?

I have rewritten the same 4 pages of Musical Chairs about 5 times. It's absurd. I know what's going to happen, I have the ending written, I have almost everything that gets us there written, and yet this section is u n d o i n g me.

12. ❤️Not a question, just a second Kudos to send.

I'm gonna take that as me sending kudos to all these lovely people: @cutestkilla @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @artsyunderstudy @fatalfangirl @whogaveyoupermission @iamamythologicalcreature @thewholelemon @facewithoutheart @martsonmars @ileadacharmedlife @ivelovedhimthroughworse @larkral

[ninadove]

watching character ai lukadrien create the most heart wrenching debilitatingly angsty love story to ever love story ever

Hey, I can tell there’s no malice behind your ask, but — don’t do that.

I write fanfiction myself, and a lot goes into it:

1. Unreasonable amounts of ✨ Time and Effort ✨

Just the other day, my WIP kept me up until 2 AM, because I wanted it to be neatly polished before even sending it to my beta readers (@paracosmicfawn and @dragongutsixofficial). The first thing I did the following morning was re-read it again, to correct any typos and inconsistencies my tired brain might have missed the night prior.

2. Research and analysis

For a cute little Lukadrien scene I wrote with my ✨ awesome girlfriend ✨ — something that was never even going to be published — I went through a dozen different sources trying to get a better understanding of what meditation actually is and to capture the philosophy behind it accurately. This does not make me special — all authors do it out of dedication and love for their craft, but it’s energy that could be spent doing literally anything else, especially when you consider how horrifyingly lonely the writing process can be (see point 1).

Also, there’s a reason I spend so much time making analysis posts on Silly Little Blorbos who do not exist! It gets my brain running and allows me to sharpen my understanding of the characters, so I can write them properly in my works.

3. A unique perspective on the characters, the source media, and life in general

Which gives all the flavour to my favourite AO3 works out there.

Like, yes, that extract you sent in your follow-up ask is cute, I guess, but it’s also incredibly generic:

When actual living breathing human (or Senti) beings share their work with you, they’re inviting you to a special part of their brain that they’ve decorated with their own experiences, references and visuals — things that they love and passed onto their favourite characters, so they can hopefully reach you. For instance, Character AI would never have had the genius idea to compare Felix’s eyes to an aurora borealis; this could have only sparked from @wackus-bonkus-maximus’ brain. Similarly, my version of Felix will often reference works of art and literature that left a strong impact on me as a child — an impact I’m sure can also be sensed in my approach to storytelling and even in the way I structure sentences and paragraphs.

Which leads me to my final and most important point:

4. EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE™

Because let’s be real — there’s a reason our brains latch onto certain characters, and said reasons aren’t always sunshine and rainbows. I’ve cried more writing about the Senticousins than over the loss of certain people or relationships in my own life. Long before that, I latched onto Clive and gave him everything I felt was missing from my life as a teenager, so I could live vicariously through him. And of course, I always make my characters some flavour of queer, because for a long time this was the only outlet I got for my own feelings and identity.

It takes a lot of vulnerability to put all of this on the Internet for others to read and judge, and it’s very disheartening to see that people would rather ask a machine to spit out some easily digestible but impersonal interactions than give your work a chance.

I can guarantee there are beautiful pieces of fanwork out there that will cater to your tastes and haunt you for years in a way Character AI or Chat GPT never could. And the good news is — if you don’t find anything, it means it’s time to write it yourself!

And of course, I cannot end this post without encouraging everyone to read about the writers’ and actors’ strike currently unfolding in the US.

[zoobus]

I'm not normally a victim of FOMO tactics, nor do I usually let being late to the party stop me from chatting about a piece of media but I'm genuinely sad I didn't get into Obey Me/Nightbringer earlier. It makes me want to write a million essays but the disposable and decentralized nature of gacha kind of makes it feel like you missed your chance to talk about it. I keep coming across years old, unrepliable comments that I want to jump on sooo bad but I can't because the moment is gone and most of these people have likely moved on to less overtly money-hungry games.

Which sucks! because one essay I want to write in particular is how this game is extremely skilled in arousing your desire to create, to actively engage with the characters and worldbuilding, to do fandom shit, and I find this enormously fascinating in itself. The story isn't good but to a certain extent, it's not supposed to be; it functions as an elaborate set of writing/art/rp prompts for its audience to expand on and tailor to their needs.

And I think Obey Me does this well! Amazingly well. I find discussion of narrative structure fascinating, the study of how we define writing as effective, good, or as failures, so I'm drawn to this story full of contradicting lore, one-note characters, and half-finished plots. The story isn't good but that hardly matters because it's not here to be a good story; it's here to throw you into imagination boot camp. It compels you to speculate what it could be, what this character could be, what a slightly different tone would look like, what other people think about it. It feels distinct from the average popular show fandoms where, to an extent, creators congregate simply because that's where the people are. Creating for your own sake is nice and all but validation is usually a stronger force. Usually.

I keep coming across old high effort researched posts about abrahamic religions and occultism from fans setting themselves up for inevitable disappointment. I keep coming across creators leaving notes on their work like "I haven't written a thing in ten years, but,". I keep losing it over heartfelt posts defending x and y canon story decisions with their whole chest, oblivious to the fact that they're misremembering their personal tweaks/headcanons as what happened in the game, like it's seriously so cute when they're so passionate and completely wrong.

I have no idea if fandom actually plays a role in the lucrativeness of a franchise (though as a personal anecdote, I 100% started Obey Me after a single piece of horny Mammon fanart crossed my dash), but it makes more sense to me now, less a projection of wishful/haterful thinking from those with strong opinions about Fandom. Maybe it really does matter.

---

Other essays I missed the boat on:

A Casino Right in Your Home: goddamn is the pre/sequel's gacha obscene

Satan: how to put a mid character into S-tier with one simple trick (make him insane)

Sorry Belphie defenders but you're imagining a better psycho than you were given

Solmare added a shiny new rhythm game but didn't fix the now four year old coloring error on Levi's hands lmfaooo the disrespect is crazy

Remember when you saw the Nightbringer trailer of them glaring in bdsm gear with freshly blackened wings, and you thought "ah, so this takes place right after they fought god and lost. After they went to war to protect their sister only for her to die anyway. After one brother in particular saves someone, but not her, the focal point of the war. They will finally take these to their logical, guilt despair rage pain and grudge filled ends." And you were correct until that very last sentence? lol

Remember when the Ruri-chan event gave you the option to tell Levi you're not cheating on him and then the rest of the event was just making out with his brothers? Then it ends with you kissing him in front of them? Bring that energy back!!!

[lilacerull0]

RE: CHASE: YOU GET IT!!!!!!!!! (i'm allowed to use multiple colons in one sentence english isnt real). i think actually that everyone else on the team is a scientist and then a doctor and chase is a doctor, if that makes sense

I think this is true even when you extend "everyone else" to Cuddy and Wilson because one part of Cuddy lives vicariously through House and Wilson isn't a scientist about oncology, I think he is also strictly a doctor in that regard, but he is a scientist when it comes to people in the same way that Cameron is. Terrible at relationships, but in tune with humanity as a whole. We are supposed to perceive Cameron and Wilson as the main caregivers, but I think Chase is more sensitive than either of them precisely because he doesn't waste energy caring about every single person that exists as though he was obligated to do that. When he cares he genuinely cares about the individual and when he doesn't, he doesn't really need to? As long as he's helping the patient, why would he need to be emotionally attached? Also with Cameron and Wilson I think they enjoy the security of knowing that their time with the patient is limited so they don't have to worry about getting bored of them or committing to anyone... Cameron married a man she knew was dying and Wilson loses most of his patients which isn't the point, the point is that he expects to lose them. Chase is the only one brave enough to dedicate himself to someone. (Kind of ironic considering how everybody views him as a manwhore??? The key to understanding House M.D. is literally the show's motto: EVERYBODY LIES!!!!! Even when they belive they're telling the truth. The character analysis is more telling of the person coming up with it than the person they're analysing. You can’t take anything at face value and that's soooo realistic to me.) Oh and it's significant that only Cameron and Foreman were busy writing articles and fighting about them. I think Chase even says that Cameron has always been more interested in diagnostics than he is in one episode.

[tomfoolies]

selfshiptober: tomja edition days 25-27

in the home stretch now!!!! just as i promised, here's some more fluff, just because i can and i want to. this month sure has been great for opening the fluff floodgates, even if it still feels too self-indulgent and silly at times i just keep writing it nevertheless and i love that for myself <3

25. rest 

Crawling along the avenues and boulevards, one car amongst the others, mindlessly blending into the traffic, into the evermoving crowd of commuters and tourists. A relieving feeling of complete insignificance surrounds Tom, but he'll rather have that than the usual numb exhaustion after a day like this.

His rumination is disturbed when he feels Sonja lean against him.

He lifts his arm and she shuffles ever so closer, sighs deeply when he wraps his arm around her. Her slow, steady breathing indicates genuine unwinding — she's dozing off, giving into her tiredness in such earnest fashion that he can't help but be slightly envious.

Looking out the window into the city, her body warm against his, an evening of leisure ahead of them, he feels strange clarity overtake him. He's struck by the infrequent but familiar feeling of having lived this moment before.

If that is the case, he thinks to himself as he presses a kiss on top of her head and breathes her in, he's just content he gets to experience it again.

26. beautiful 

Sonja doesn't even bother to knock, so he has no time to react. The door opens and he's being witnessed in the act faster than life can flash before his eyes.

She puts her hands on her hips and takes in the scene; him knelt down in the middle of his office, almost a comical amount of papers spread out in front of him. A frantic energy in the air.

"Huh. An actually valid reason to miss our briefing. What's going on?"

Taking a few careful steps over the papers, she comes to stand next to him before sitting down on the floor.

"I really don't think you should—"

The rest of the sentence gets lost somewhere in his chest and replaced with an unexpected, warm flutter. The distance between them has been rendered short, her focus in the papers he should be deterring her from reading — yet he find himself looking at her instead. Her hair, longest he's ever seen it on her, falling like a curtain, obscuring her profile before she tucks some of it behind her ear. Her brow furrows and a half-hearted smirk of concentration tugs the corner of her mouth as she tries to make sense of the mess.

Her unmistakable presence radiating off of her in a way that he thinks others must be able to see it, too. Or is he the only one? Would he be that lucky?

Staring down right at the edge of the death pit, the gravity of the situation dawning on her. And all he can think about is how blind he has been, this entire time.

27. decorations

Her movements are certain, almost automatic — despite not having tied his tie that often she's learned it quickly, and now does it without much though — but they slow down once she tightens the knot for the final time.

She tugs on the tie to straighten it, very gently, but his breath is caught short nevertheless. Her mischievious expression tells him her move was deliberate, successful.

She reaches her hand towards the dresser and then presses her necklaces into his palm; his turn begins.

Once he's done and she turns back around, he fixes the collar of her (well, technically his) dress shirt so that it peeks nicely beneath the sweater vest. Complementary shades of blue both in her and his attire; their unconscious, not-so-subtle way of connection.

She blinks at him in unspoken gratitude, reaches up to pat his cheek with a smile, eliciting one from him as well.

Both all set and ready for the day.

[chthonic-cassandra]

I have been feeling more reluctant to take chances on books, more frustrated when a book turns out not to be as good as I had hoped, or in the ways I had hoped. I know why this is happening - when I don't have enough time, or energy, I feel more guarded in how I make use of it. This is understandable, but not workable for me. I need to be able to try things, to be curious about how they work or don't, that's how I interact with the world. I will push myself on that again.

But for now I have been rereading Byatt (The Children's Book this time, which has improved on repeated rereadings, as what I originally saw as infelicities of structure make more sense to me). I am feeling a great hunger for good prose, well-turned, tight, and Byatt always gives me that. It is the next best thing to writing, which is what I really want to do, except that I still don't have time, not for the way I do it. I can't write on the train (well I can, and am, writing this. I can't write fiction) but I can read Byatt and think about how her sentences work and that frees up something in my own mind to work at building sentences of my own.

I have worked out everything I need to about part 13 of Compromise; the only thing left is to actually write the parts not yet written. I would like to do more of that in snatches of time, but my mind longs for uninterrupted stretches of hours, and I don't know when I shall get those. There are so many, many things I want to write; that is only the most urgent.

I have too much still to think about, and to feel. I am hungry for more good prose, for novels I can take apart and think through how they are made. The Byatt I just reread has the most beautiful descriptions of pottery, of the process of making, of what it is to see everything as possible material for art. The writer characters in Byatt's novels are always more ambiguous; their absorption in their art edges more into the sinister. They hurt those around them, sometimes, often, by making use of them in their fiction. There's something I want to think about there. I think I could have been like that, but I chose something else instead, a life focused on hearing other people's stories and not making use of them. Anyway. I want to write. Maybe I will reread some Baldwin next, or Murdoch or Barker or Delaney. Or just more Byatt.

[purrincess-chat]

For the writers truth or dare ask: 🌿❄️🍄

Give some advice on writer's block and low creativity

So, this is something I've actually been dealing with a lot over the past year. Some of it is out of my control, but the other side is just a general lack of motivation. Here are a few tips I've found that are helpful for me:

First, identify where your block is coming from. Is it because a scene isn't working and you don't know how to fix it? Is it because you don't know what to do next in the story? Is something else in your life stressing you out? Do you suffer from a mental illness that may be making you feel disconnected? Once you recognize what kind of block you're facing, you can find ways to overcome it.

The way you handle your block is going to depend on what kind of block it is. For me, I've been dealing with a lot of outside stress in my personal life that doesn't usually leave me with much mental energy to devote to writing or even some of my other hobbies. In cases like that, I've found it's best to be patient and kind to yourself. I've been working on managing my stress and taking breaks to fight the burn out. If this is the case for you, I can tell you it's sadly a slow process depending on your circumstances. Be kind to yourself, write when you can, and don't beat yourself up if you are struggling, it will only make it worse. Try to rebuild a habit of writing. Maybe set aside a certain time every day or every other day to write, even if you can only manage a few words. Building a habit will help you get back into the swing of things. If your daily life is too hectic to allow for that, then put the writing down and take care of your business. Sometimes things are just more important than writing, and you shouldn't feel guilty for putting aside a hobby. Life is hard. You'll get there.

If your struggle comes from being stuck on a particular scene, I have a couple of remedies that usually work for me. One way is to skip ahead and bridge the gap later, so for me if a conversation between characters isn't going how I want, or what happens more to me is filling in exposition between conversations, I might skip ahead to the next portion of the scene or chapter that I can clearly picture in my head and work on that for a while. Often times I find when I go back to bridge the two sections later, it's a lot easier seeing where exactly I need to end up, and I can usually fix the problem with a sentence or two that was previously tripping me up. The second option that I also sometimes run into is if I follow a particular thread and find out it's a dead end or just not flowing how I want, I might cut a chunk of the most recent bits I've written. Sometimes I delete it, other times I just cut it and paste it either further down on the same doc or by itself onto a blank doc. That way if I decide I want to keep it or add it back later, it's not totally gone, but sometimes going back and rewriting a particular bit that isn't quite working how I want gives me a fresh start to try something else. Writing sometimes is throwing things at a wall until something sticks. It's okay to delete something you've already written or cut it. In fact, oftentimes it's needed. It can be frustrating when you realize something you've spent a lot of time on just isn't working, and you have to cut it, but in the end, if it will fix the issue, it's unfortunately time to swallow your pride and just cut it.

On the other hand, if your block is coming from just not knowing what to do next in the story, I have a few options to re-spark inspiration. First, I recommend rereading over what you've written. Get a sense for what you already have on the page or in your notes. Next, revisit the source material you're writing from if you're writing fic. Sometimes I find that putting myself back into that world helps me put myself back into the characters heads, and sometimes getting a renewed sense for who the characters are and what drives them can help me figure out how they would react in a given situation or what choices they might make. Third, ask yourself what your end goal is, then work on figuring out what you need to get your characters or plot there. I know a lot of people don't like outlining, but if you find yourself running into this issue a lot, it might be worthwhile to figure out a system that works for you. I utilize a number of different kinds of outlines when I write. I usually start with a bare bones outline and summarize each chapter in a sentence or two. What is the main focus of each chapter? After that I work on a more detailed outline and fill in the blanks, focusing on what I want for each character throughout the story. What challenges will they face, what lessons do they need to learn, what flaws are they going to overcome, and how are they going to grow? Once I know that, I work on putting them in situations that will accomplish that. Sometimes, when you're making things up as you go with no real plan, it can be easy to write yourself into a corner. Planning a little bit ahead of time can help you see where you're going and hopefully avoid pitfalls. If you've already fallen into a pitfall, I'd recommend advice I gave earlier and go back to the point where things went wrong and cut the parts that aren't working and try a new approach. Writing takes patience, and you don't always get it right the first time. That's perfectly fine, just keep trying.

Some other remedies that work for me are taking time to clear my mind and refocus on the story I'm telling. I may go for a walk, or clean my room, or listen to a song that reminds me of the characters/story. I'm not the best example of it, but also sometimes reading other people's work (professional or otherwise) can spark inspiration, or studying the way they tell their story can help you figure out how to tell your story. Also, keep in mind that you're not going to crank out 3k every single day. Sometimes all you can manage is 500 words or even one sentence. That's fine. Every day is different. Just keep going. It's difficult to give a blanket piece of advice because everyone suffers differently. Hopefully any of this advice was helpful 😅

What's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

Ooo, so it depends. I have a lot of ideas all the time, and I love all of them in different ways for different reasons. I've been dipping my toes into the LoZ fandom lately, particularly the botw/totk side. I've been working on a Zelink fic that picks up right after botw ends and bridges the gap between botw and totk following how they began recovering from the calamity, so right now that is my dream fic, I suppose. I've also been working on my secret project for ML that I'm not quite ready to reveal yet, but it's another Adrinette centric story (surprise, surprise, Cat) where the reveal has happened and they're together, but things aren't as wonderful as they'd hoped. As for who will write them, ehhh me 😅 all of my ideas are things that I would write. But typically if I post about something publicly like in one of my brain dump posts, I don't mind if other people get inspired by the idea and want to write it. 🤷‍♀️

Share a head canon for one of your favorite ships/pairings

I'll give two because my brain lately is oscillating between love square and Zelink.

For the love square, I headcanon that Adrien would be the dad that wants to take his kids to do everything that he couldn't do as a kid, and Marinette has to reel them back in bc I don't care if it's fun for you, you can't take our five year old skydiving. Let's just go to Disneyland 🤦‍♀️

For Zelink, I headcanon that post botw, pre totk when Zelda is a teacher at the school in Hateno, that Link often brings her a picnic lunch, and they sit outside under a tree in the school yard and eat his cooking while talking about their day. I also hc that Zelda would absolutely rope him into teaching PE to the kids.

[katyspersonal]

How do you think Aldrich would speak? Is he rambling on philosophically like Aldia? Goofy and cryptic like Micolash? Is he flamboyant and manipulative like Shabriri?

I KNOW IT'S YOU @heraldofcrow !!!!!!!! There are only three people left that care about Aldrich: Tail does not send asks on anon, and I am literally right here, which only leaves YOU!

But yeah... He is the only of The Guys for whom we do not have any speech patterns reference, isn't he? I mostly come from the context and analysing characters' place and motivation in the story. Whereas Aldia is like Laurence and Micolash combined (affectionate), Aldrich is like Laurence and Micolash combined (derogatory)! THIS MAKES SENSE AND YOU KNOW IT OK!! He is of course less selfish than Laurence and Micolash in corruption, and past his epiphany about how the world is doomed anyways he wants to take people to the """better place""" (?) with him; be it by assimilating them into his body or be it by teaching them how to mingle with the horrors of the Deep on their own accord! I guess the 'still caring' aspect is just common Dark Souls thing, huh. BB guys just go 'fuck you plebs I'm out' fdshjsdhsd

I imagine Aldrich being giddy like Micolash, but with far more energy and genuine joy about his ramblings, however morally twisted, whereas Micolash feels completely lost in his madness and laser focus on reaching Kos, only acknowledging the Hunter because he is being hunted lol. Micolash feels very... sleepy, for a guy that spends his boss battle running, if this makes sense? Aldrich likewise emits strong excitement for what he witnessed but also wish to share it with allies and victims both. Whereas Laurence is revelling in how 'holy' and 'heroic' he is by doing things for humanity that no one else would dare, Aldrich would have less egotism about it and go more the 'don't worry guys I have a plan for us all you can trust me!' route. Less focus on how great he is and more focus on some twisted "reassurance" for everyone that everything will be alright.... that he secretly hopes would not work because people being scared and desperate is more fun for him 💀

I also have fun taking the line 'a right and proper cleric, only, he developed a habit of eating people' seriously, as in, he funny enough does try to be "good" despite what he's doing fdsdgfs That would mean not getting prideful, being generous and inviting, not holding grudges, all that. And all this comes naturally, he barely has to put an effort in it? He naturally smiles often, giggles between sentences and laughs off most of the unpleasant things, he gets smug but in a self-confident way, not in an insecure asshole way. It is just very hard to get to him, his self-esteem is as thick as his body I swear fdshdshfd Honestly, he'd be a very pleasant male mom friend (not to be confused with dad friend) in a way less insane setting? XDDD LISTEN I know it sounds weird, but you are a writer with a very strong intuition, you can probably paint the vivid picture from my (sorry) attempts at describing.. Actually, here are a few examples from when @val-of-the-north wrote his dialogue:

I absolutely love this vibe. Basically from time to time I ask Val to "talk" with me as a character that has no dialogue in canon, because Val is an actor (like, seriously) and always psyched for breathing more life into characters that never spoke in canon. Dude you should see how he depicted Sulyvahn and Alberich, I am still impressed so much, he's crazy good???? What we do is that I share the vision and very precise descriptions of what I imagine about the character (as what I literally just did above), and Val cooks according to my recipe as someone who actually knows how verbal communication works xd An autist and an actor the best team-up!!!!!!!!

I hope this helped though! (Use it to write a more unsettling shitpost skits if you want to fsdjsdfh)

[duhragonball]

Nanwum VII Update: 72,197

I'm starting to run out of gas, which is probably not a big deal since I already cleared 50k, but this bears out my whole strategy of building an early lead. My intention was to pull down 2k per day from the 13th to the end of the month, and I'm still on track, but on the 14th I fell a little behind and only got to 1709. It's not a problem, since I got caught up, but I need to be careful from here if I want to make it to 100k. Not that I need 100k, but I like bragging rights.

To reward myself for the insane wordcounts I put in earlier this month, I decided to watch all of the recent DBZ review videos that TotallyNotMark put up. You know, the ones with the new Team Four Star DBZA clips in them. I'd already watched the "Buu Bits" in a separate compilation video, but now I'm finally checking out the review and...

I don't know, there's a lot of good material in these things. The editing is top notch, and you could play these videos with the sound off and still enjoy it just as an hours-long DBZ highlight reel. And Mark has a lot of salient insights on the series. I particularly liked his analysis of Gohan and Videl's dynamic, and it's also refreshing to see a DBZ fan who, you know, actually likes the show. Like, he's gushing over Vegeta's character arc, or talking about how great the androids and Cell are without a bunch of qualifiers, and it's just refreshing to see that.

That having been said, the writing for these videos often ends up sounding like this:

Like, arguably, you can't do a six-hour review of a cartoon show without being a little pretentious, but there's sentences in these videos where it feels like YouTube is paying Mark by the word.

Also, he tends to make these off-the-cuff style remarks, like he's discussing creative decisions about making the video in the video. I get that too. I write my blog with that same stream-of-consciousness energy, because I really am making this up as I go. It's a blog, there's not gonna be a second draft. But he's doing a YouTube video, and there's a lot of production values involved and the work is pretty polished. I don't think it makes a lot of sense for him to talk about how the sausage is made. Just give me the sausage, which is footage of the cartoon with a guy telling me what he liked about it.

I've sort of had this fascination with the writing style throughout the series, and I think if I had to spoof it, I'd go with something like this:

"Again, as I said before earlier in this video, when I started this review, I wanted to avoid sounding pretentious, an attribute the likes of which can be disastrous for the making of a successful review. But, having established that fact firmly and decisviely, perhaps even conclusively--not withstanding earlier comments made about the length of Piccolo's cape, which is a subject for another day-- I can say with great certainty that Goku and Vegeta do indeed comprise a dramaturgical dyad, not only upon which the series depends upon, but through which we can see the true genius of one of the most influential manga authors of all time."

And while you hear this word salad, there's a cool shot of Vegeta beating up Pui Pui or something.

The weird thing is that I didn't really pick up on this in his GT, Super, or OG Dragon Ball review videos. It's almost like he's purposely writing more stuff so he has room for all the cool footage.

Right now I'm in the tail end of the Buu Saga, and while I give him credit for being diplomatic about it, Mark still falls into the same trap I see with a lot of critiques of the Buu Saga: They keep comparing the existing text with some hypothetical better story that they assumed Toriyama was planning to write instead, before he changed his mind.

I think everyone has run across this before. People saw Gohan take the main-character role after the Cell Games and assumed this was a guarantee. When Gohan gets demoted and Goku takes the lead again, they cry foul and complain about how Toriyama failed to make it work, or he just plain gave up. There's an old fan rumor about how he was "forced" to put Goku back in charge because of backlash from angry fans, but this is absurd on its face.

This leads to critiques of the Buu Saga that operate on the premise that there's some idealized "correct" version of the story, where Gohan trains really hard, beats Buu all by himself, and so on. Whenever the published version of the story deviates from this "correct" version, critics suggest that Toriyama got his wires crossed, and blame everything on the awkward pivot back to Goku.

To me, that doesn't make sense. "Gohan and the Next Generation defeat Buu" is a what-if fan theory. Maybe it's better than what we ended up getting, but it's not fair to review the published work by comparing it to a hypothetical draft that may never have existed. That's like if a food critic gave a steakhouse a bad rating because he thought it was a pizzeria and he's still mad that his sirloin didn't have anchovies on it.

When you look at the Buu Saga as it was actually presented, the throughline is clearly not about passing the torch to the kids, because they all get jobbed out and killed. So it's dumb to review the thing and complain that the Gotenks stuff is pointless, and Gohan's power up is unearned, and his loss to Super Buu really sucks the life out of the story, and gosh, this is a really terrible passing-the-torch story. Well that's because it's not a passing-the-torch story. It's a story about Goku trying to pass the torch, failing, and discovering that he still has a place in the world after all. The "torch" he was trying to pass was his identity and personal responsibility, things he can't just confer on someone else.

You can't just tell someone else they're the new protagonist of your story and now they have to go do your job and feed your pets while you play video games. Everyone talks about Vegeta going Majin as a manifestation of his mid-life crisis, but Goku's mid-life crisis was him dying at age 30 and nope-ing his way out of life to train in Valhalla for the rest of eternity. The Buu Saga forced him to accept that this was a mistake, which is why he doesn't just drink a vial full of heart-virus juice after the story ends. He's back in the world of the living and this time he knows he needs to stay there.

And when you look at it from that perspective, suddenly all the Gotenks/Elder Kai Ritual stuff makes a lot more sense as awkward farce. It's anticlimactic and unsatisfying because none of those plans were ever going to work. Nothing worked until Goku and Vegeta both got their heads out of their asses and worked together. The world didn't need martyrs or torch-passings or a 'next generation', it needed adults to put their personal feelings aside for the greater good.

[tjerra14]

20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by @foibles-fables, thank you so much, buddy! Tagging @philliam-writes and anyone else who wants to do this!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 26.

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 126,430.

3. What fandoms do you write for? Currently Horizon, mostly. I still have some Dragon Age fics lounging about my WIP folders and I do plan to continue them some day, but who knows when that day will come. Probably the same day DA4 releases. Which, at this point, might just be never. You know how it is.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? All Horizon ones: In You, All Things; Inertia; Unfold Your Empty Space; Plasticity and Linger.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I do my best to respond to them, because I just feel it's a nice way of interacting with my readers, and expressing my gratitude for them taking the time to read my fics. However, sometimes I get a little overwhelmed, or life just drains me of all energy until I straight up forget that I still have some unanswered comments waiting for me, so if you left a comment I never replied to, have my deepest apologies and the reassurance that I will get to them. One day. Very likely before DA4 releases.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Hmm, that's a good question. I usually make a point of ending on a more hopeful note, even if it's sometimes turning it around with literally the last sentence, so... Homecoming, maybe? Although that one is mostly just sad.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Bit of a tie between Unfold Your Empty Space and In All Its Splendour here, but given I like to put Aloy and Ikrie into situations and Splendour is a special one for me, I'm leaning towards the latter. It's actual fluff! For once!

8. Do you get hate on fics? No, at least not that I know of. Gonna chew off the ankles of anyone spreading hate on fics, be it mine or other people's, like a crazed chihuahua though, if I ever come across it.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Yes, and no. I tend to tiptoe the line with implied sexual content (sometimes it's heavily implied), but I have considered writing primarily smut before (and technically done it? For Dragon Age??) and will probably do it one of these days. Expect many more music metaphors. And hands. So many hands. I'm sorry.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? No. I'm struggling to come up with scenarios for even canon or canon-adjacent things, I simply can't fathom to throw multiple things together and somehow make them work. I'm in awe of everyone who can, though.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? I don't think so. (Once again, chihuahua bites--)

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Not in the sense of this question. I did translate my own writing a few years ago, since I started writing All Things Desolate And Forgotten as well as some parts of A New Beginning in German (even going as far as translating parts of the Chant of Light for myself since I didn't feel the official German translation kept the flow and melody of it), but quickly came to realise that Dragon Age and German just won't work for me, so I switched to English and stuck to it ever since.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Not in earnest, but there was a fun joke project @philliam-writes and me discussed over a bottle of wine or two years ago. Still thinking about disaster Trevelyans with a side of power couple Eleanor/Imira sometimes.

14. What's your all-time favourite ship? Aloy/Ikrie. What can I say. They have seized my heart and refused to let it go ever since. Beta/Milu is a close contender, though.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? Realistically speaking, A Little Faith. I keep telling myself I will work on it again, but right as I was getting back into it, Horizon came along and demanded all my writing juice. I suppose only time will tell.

16. What are your writing strengths? Characterisation and evocative language. I like to think I'm fairly good at portraying the emotions and atmosphere of a scene.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Anything action. Fight scenes especially are the bane of my existence. Choreographing things? Horror. Then turning said imagined choreography into words that make it understandable and real for a reader? Torture.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? Neat, if it serves a purpose and is done well. Wouldn't overdo it though, because it might take away from the effect.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Dragon Age. I used to write original fiction only and looked down on fanfiction writers for most of my teen years because they "didn't do the entire work", but hitting a hard block, getting into gaming properly at around the same time and then realising there were stories I wanted and was able to tell within the setting presented within those games quickly turned those sentiments around. Absolutely for the better. I'm very glad to have started writing fanfic and was able to meet so many lovely people through it.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written? There are many fics very dear to my heart so this is hard to decide, but I think the circumstances surrounding its creation ultimately push Reprise to the top.

[merge-conflict]

💕 self-love time! talk about which ones of YOUR creations (edits, artworks, fanfics) you like the most then send to other creators to do the same 💕

🥰

Alright, so unfortunately all I have to share for this one is pieces that are either technically a WIP, or a cut scene, but c'est la vie.

When I'm drafting out an important scene that isn't dialog-heavy I tend to write in stream of consciousness, hitting all the sensory descriptions and metaphors at a high level, which sort of gives me a frame to actually write the rest of it along? I had to search to find a small example because I've started just deleting them after I've written it.. so from cyberhanami I had:

Born To Die [Johnny Silverhand - thats what the name is for, a construct just like the tower. the whipping wind, the smell of burnt plastic, scorched metal and ganic flesh. moving into the belly of the beast. gummy lids. pain too intense to think. half blinded by the blast but it doesn’t matter. from hotblooded to sluggish. triumphant and then just Dead. he wakes up to see the tower. he wakes up to see the tower!]

I took me a while to start doing that, I think because I felt like it wasn't the Proper Way to outline anything, before I realized that was a dumb reason not to use a tool that works lol. Anyway, at some other point I also realized that if I clean this up a little, it has a very particular energy that is perfect for writing a sensory overload moment, or a sort of dissociative scene. Think like those moments in movies where all you hear is a loud ringing sound while a character is trying to deal with either too much at once, or the literal or metaphorical outcome of an explosion. And I really like having found a distinct style to tell those scenes in, which I did first roughly in a now outdated scene (probably 2-ish years old..) for my longfic:

Which direction she picked she couldn’t tell. Johnny’s voice buzzed in her head, subtle as a jackhammer and just as incomprehensible. She passed people on the street, who regarded her with the well-founded hostility all Pacifica had for outsiders, and she had to strangle the absurd desire to shriek with laughter.

Her throat ached. Her body ached.

Her heart, her sorry bruised broken dead heart, sat in her chest and she wanted to pull it out and scrape it clean, bite it, cut it, eat it, anything to make it stop.

The sun was too loud, glinting off concrete like a spotlight. Her skull heaved. She could feel thick blood oozing out of her nose, her ears, her mouth but though she kept wiping at her face she found only sweat. Tears, too, which stung at her eyes. Every part of her vibrated with panicked fury, shivering in the heat of the midday sun. Johnny’s speech gradually had more pauses, more profanity, demanding a response, but it all washed over her like autumn wildfire.

Which was a lot of fun to write, but even though it's kind of pushing at what the Rules of writing are that I vaguely remember from school, it's still pretty regular. So I thought, what happens when I say fuck the rules, and really mess around with style and presentation. Who gets to decide the format and encoding of this piece I'm sharing? Me! :3

And so even though this is an out of order scene that I still have so much to get through before I decide how and in what form to keep it, I'm very attached to the extremely dissociative style of a WIP I've shared in a few iterations:

“Valentina?”

it was a calm voice, a strong voice, wielded in the kind of tone reserved for something feral and dangerous and pathetic. she could not be valentina, and she could not be johnny, and she could not be human, but the awful cacophony in her head would not allow her to be nothing.

Just with the lowercase formatting, it creates a sense of unease, a sense of distance from being fully conscious and fully present. The sentences run into each other, over each other. Not a fully formed thought, but more of an animal stream of consciousness. The following should resonate with anyone who has had to bear the mortifying ordeal of being comforted during a breakdown:

“I need an answer, Valentina. Yes or no. You don’t have to speak if you don’t want to, but I still need your answer.”

“No.”

her voice weak. her voice soft like rust. an impression where once something used to be.

“Thank you. Now how are you feeling?”

her lungs wheezed, a madman’s laughter, but that was hers that was her right and she was weak and tired but her laugh was sharp like a blade and so long as she could hide her face from light it was enough to keep the ground underneath her feet.

“Valentina–“

“No.” Wrong.

this doctor was not stupid. “V?”

agreement could be a sort of silence– if you were petty about it, if you were cornered and angry and helpless like a cat in alley. a fox in a trap. (no. no more. no more–) if you were coiled in and around yourself, where you could not be, but could not afford not to be, that could be yes.

Even like this, you can see that the panicked animal brain is still being managed by V's reflexive and somewhat painful self-awareness. And I'm really happy with dipping into that style when the story is specifically about sense of self, how far self-control can go, and fighting against your own nature.

Aaaaaanyway this got stupidly long and I'm sorry for that, but I just love deliberately playing with writing style and finding and playing to my strengths, even if it's not everyone's cup of tea. :3