#<- user error

[dont-open-dead-inside-net]

>block 'gif' and 'gifset' tags

>go to dash

>see gifset

>tumblr slows to an almost unusable speed

>attempt to make a post about it

>wait two minutes for tumblr to let me type

[faggotisaacfloofs]

Okay I have been trying to sleep for an hour but can't so I think i have to name this and since tumblr is my public journal I'm doing it here.

Went to hardware store with caregiver today.

Got paint for living room. To get paint need to have person mix the color. Person was clearly queer and noticed me and caregiver as queer as well, had the "i see I'm among family" type interaction, was lovely

But

During the like. 10 minutes. They did not pay attention to a single thing i said (using AAC obviously). They talked a lot to my caregiver. But. They sure weren't talking to me or acknowledging or responding to a single thing I said even when I thanked them at the end.

And. It sucks that queer moments are ruined by ableism. I still am happy to see someone out and about being queer and having that lovely interaction

But I'd honestly rather interact with a cis-straight person who is communicating with me, than an lgbtqia+/queer person who isn't acknowledging my communication. Like. That's not even a question.

So.

I'm sad, I guess. That's what I have to say. I wish the interaction could have just been good, and not have such a sour center.

I am going to try to allow for the possibility that they just did not hear my AAC. It's possible I guess. It wasn't loud enough that I needed earplugs tho and that is usually the measure of if someone within 3 feet can hear my device at loudest volume! But some people are hard of hearing. So. Trying to give benefit of doubt since it had multiple sounds happening.

(But honestly like. If a person can hear what my caregiver is saying they should be able to hear what my device is saying at same range. They were not speaking loudly! We were so close! The store was was quieter than normal! I wasn't wearing earplugs in a public building that's how quiet!!! (I needed them in parking lot and every store ever more of the time!))

And also this kinda thing happens all the time which is why I am more jumping to sad.

It sucks being ignored.

It sucks not being able to speak.

It sucks not being able to partake in normal conversation when I want to!!!!

Everyone learn your local sign language and stop being a dick to people who you view as developmentally or otherwise mentally disabled!! We are still people and have thoughts!! Stop being a dick to people who can't speak. Be patient when someone is using AAC of any sort (speech device, letterboard, communication cards, gestures, etc). Make the effort to communicate with us.

[thenameswintergifs]

ARNAS FEDARAVIČIUS as VALENTIN THE WHITE LOTUS (2021 - ), dir. MIKE WHITE 3x01 "Same Spirits, New Forms"

[spitblaze]

Tumblr users stop making serious American politics about Ao3 challenge

[newspecies]

trying to think of a reason [ERROR] is so possessive of the OIAR crew and my current theory is that since the Archives are gone, this thing that might be a remnant of the other universe's Beholding is searching for something else to be the seat of the Beholding's power and took notice of the OIAR because Sam and Alice are the ones that released it (however unknowingly). The OIAR is not only doing something very similar to the Archives, but also clearly has SOMETHING akin to the Beholding attached to it with all the recordings we're hearing and the use of Jon, Martin and (possibly) Jonah's voices. So TLDR I think [ERROR] looked at the OIAR, said "close enough", and claimed everyone there. Anyway I think the tape recorders should bite more people

[makerandbean]

urghhhh i just finished this very cute cowl i was knitting, and bound off using the bind-off they recommended as being nicely elastic (sewn bind-off; p2 on the needle, k1 off the needle). instead, it’s just loose, and the top edge has kind of mushroomed as a result:

i’m going to have to rip it out and redo it (including probably doing back a row or three of ribbing because the yarn will be messed up). blergh.

anyone got any idea for good elastic bind-offs that are actually elastic, rather than just Loose?

[show-tunes]

you love bugs, horror, monsters, animation and cryptids - the bear trap has already got you kind stranger 😂💖💖 good luck with your new infatuation!! :3c

GRAAAGGHH NO STOP IT I HAVE BUGS IN MY BRAIN GET THEM OUT!!!!

[tj-crochets]

My mothman hair clip from @shopwitchvamp arrived! It’s so darn cute, even when I just put it in my hair by feel and didn’t use a mirror to see what I was doing so one of his antennae is a little covered by hair, but that’s okay lol

[toasty-owl-arts]

slamming my head into the table about them actually

[casualavocados]

I want you to tell me the truth in person, or I'll burn your mouth with chilies!

AI DI, our 小辣椒 (little chili padi)🌶️🎉 KISEKI: DEAR TO ME Bonus: Cayenne Auto Shop

[oofouchstovehot]

Some mostly Dreamswap themed doodles ft. some vaguely vampiric afterdeath

[kitconnor]

@lgbtqcreators event 15 — lgbtq+ around the word + creator challenge — layout and typography

[secretagentsloveblogs]

personal hc that hush can change his form at will, so each time he visits doc, he looks just slightly Off. but they cant really tell why. maybe its the lighting? well hush has definitely grown an inch or two since they met him, but maybe thats not concerning enough for them to notice. however, the two differing eye colors are new- could just be contacts tho, right?

they couldnt really tell you (or care that much, doc is tired) why hush is different now. all they know is something seems... Strange.

[mossspond]

this is the most incompetent bs i've ever seen in my life. Amazon as a website is built with cardboard and tape on every level.

[operator-report]

In middle school, I read a short story for English class called Flowers for Algernon. Maybe you’ve read it, too. In the story, a disabled man named Charlie is given a medicine that cures his disability. Over the course of the story, he comes to realize that his “cure” is temporary and that he will “regress” into being disabled again. The story makes it clear that this is a tragedy. As a disabled teenager when I first read it, the story affected me deeply.

I’d like to talk about David and Noelle. 

Content warnings for discussion of suicide, self-harm, ableism and eating disorders below the cut. Spoilers for Worm through arc 27. 

When I was first reading arc 18, one of the things that stuck out to me is how much time the story spends on Eidolon. For me, it was the first time I paid much attention to him - prior to that, Eidolon was just an extremely powerful background character to me. But in arc 18, we learn that (1) Eidolon is losing his powers and (2) he believes that fighting Echidna will allow him to tap into some sort of reservoir to bring them back.

We find this out, of course, through Tattletale exposing him, which is always an extremely embarrassing event for Tattletale’s target. It makes it extremely clear that what Eidolon is doing is pathetic. He is going to kill a teenage girl so he can feel something. 

Which would be messed up enough, right? We don’t need to make this even worse, right? Wrong. Because Wildblow has spent the last several thousand words building up the Case 53s as X-Men style metaphors for oppressed groups, and one of the forms of oppression that Wildblow generally writes well is ableism. I think you can consider most, if not all of the Case 53s as disabled in some way. I think the link is extremely clear with Noelle.

Noelle doesn’t get her powers from traditional Cauldron human experimentation - at least, not directly. Instead, she and Krouse are facing what is, to them, a no-win scenario. They’re quarantined with limited access to medical care. Breaching this quarantine would permanently render them criminals. If Noelle survives her surgery, which is a pretty big if, she’ll become disabled, in a way that both Krouse and Noelle agree is ugly and undesirable. She won’t be able to do “boyfriend-girlfriend stuff” because she won’t be “any good to look at, after.” 

Krouse and Noelle are terrified of death, yes, but they’re also terrified of disability. They are desperate for control over Noelle’s body, control that, as of that moment, only the state has. (Remember the quarantine?) Krouse pressures Noelle into drinking the vial. Noelle is cured. 

Noelle’s cure does not last. In attempting to assert control, her body becomes uncontrollable. Her body is her trauma and her eating disorder made literal. She still needs care.

Worm would be bad if this is why her life sucks. But Worm does something better, instead. Noelle goes through hell, not just due to the sheer difficulty of having her power, but because of the way her teammates and Coil treat her. They talk about Noelle like she’s already dead. They’re ashamed of bringing her the food she needs. When Krouse “includes” Noelle in a discussion in arc 12, it’s mostly perfunctory. They do not believe Noelle is human any longer. They lock her away.

Noelle doesn’t want to be put in a cage. Noelle doesn’t want to be dehumanized. In interlude 18, when we get insight into Noelle’s thoughts, we learn that what Noelle is angry about is the fact that Krouse locked her in a concrete bunker and placated her. When she tells people not to look at her, there’s a coda to that sentence that she doesn’t get to verbalize: don’t look at me like that. 

This is the person who Eidolon is going to kill. 

Via the Simurgh, this is a person Eidolon has unknowingly created.

A few thousand words of Worm go by. It’s Gold Morning. Eidolon is fighting Scion. Now, at the end of the book, we finally get substantial insight into David, the man behind the mask. 

David takes a Cauldron vial to cure his disability. David sees this as the only way out, after an unsuccessful application to join the military, and then, an unsuccessful suicide attempt. David is bearing an immense amount of shame and internalized ableism. David is worried that father’s friends are watching him. (Don’t look at me.) David cleaves the world into two kinds of people: those who can have jobs, who are liked and respected because they are useful; and people like him, who are useless.

It’s a terrible way to think. Without that worldview, how could a person not take the vial? David wants to be used, because David wants to be useful. He never gets the independence he craves – not when he’s in that level of debt to Cauldron – but he gets to be useful, and that’s one of the best things you can be.

Like Noelle’s, like Charlie’s in Flowers, David’s cure doesn’t work. His abilities are wearing off. He is essentially told, when Doctor Mother administers his booster shots, that his medicine is too expensive. 

Cauldron creates Noelle. David, as Cauldron’s soldier, has a role to play in her creation. David knows exactly what he is doing to Noelle. It happened to him. Worm fandom talks a lot about David being a father. He’s a father in more ways than one. (David’s father is always watching him.) (Don’t look at me.)

Cauldron never cures David’s ableism. In his world, you can be useful, or you can die. David asks Noelle if she wants to win. Noelle tells him no. You can have a job, or you can kill yourself. When David tries to kill Noelle to help himself, isn’t that a mercy?

Of course it isn’t. It goes without saying that all of this is extremely fucked up. When it comes to disability, “cure” is a complicated concept. I’m not going to get into all the ways it can be treated; this post is already a thousand words long. But I do think that Worm, through Noelle and David and the concept of the Cauldron vial, provides an extremely vivid picture of the problems with cure. 

Under ableist logic, when you have a disability, a cure is something you’re expected to want. Without it, the story goes, you can’t be useful. You can’t do boyfriend-girlfriend stuff. The expectation is social, like the act of staring. Your desire for it should drive how you organize your life – it is control, like a quarantine. David is crushed by that expectation. He throws his lot in with Cauldron, the cure-makers. The expectation is passed along to Noelle, and even though David can recognize that inheritance, he cannot imagine any other way to respond to it other than attempted murder.

At the beginning of this post, I mentioned that Flowers for Algernon is a tragedy. The reason that story has stuck with me so long is that I keep going back and forth as to why. Is it a tragedy because Charlie goes back to being disabled? There’s a good chance that’s what the author intended. I don’t know. It would be a pretty shitty story if that were the case. Is it a tragedy because people only treat Charlie well when he’s “cured,” and when that stops, he’ll go back to abuse? Seems plausible. I don’t think there’s one right answer. Regardless, when you’re disabled, there’s an immense pressure to seek out a cure, and a cognizable loss when it is withheld. The fact that Worm captures that social pressure and social loss so well is extremely compelling for me, and I’m going to be thinking about these characters for a long time.

[twintailedtheophany]

ignore every little detail u dislike i got tired