#<- so this tag is from when I started this post like a year and a half ago

[steddieas-shegoes]

you and all of your new perspective

for @steddiesongfics using 'new perspective' by noah kahan

also on ao3

rated m | 3,513 words | no cw | tags: rock star eddie munson, good uncle wayne munson, mutual pining, yearning, post-vecna, love confessions, idiots in love, first kiss, implied sexual content, getting together

🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻

He’s looking down at the letter and wondering how the hell he’s supposed to be normal about Eddie visiting him.

In Hawkins.

Where Eddie swore he’d never come back to the moment he got his ticket out of here.

“Starin’ at it ain’t gonna make him not come,” Wayne says from across the counter. “Surprised he didn’t call ya to tell ya.”

“He…he left a few messages,” Steve explains, setting the letter down and resting his face in his hands. “I just figured he wouldn’t come if I didn’t call him back.”

Wayne raises a brow, gives him a look that Steve’s perfectly familiar with by now. Four years of weekly dinners with a man that’s well aware of your feelings for his nephew leads to some knowing looks and light teasing.

“Only reason he’d ever step foot in this town again is for you and you know that,” Wayne says as he opens another beer. He has three every Friday night, but no longer indulges during the week. Ain’t so young anymore, son, and I gotta stay active to keep up with all your chores, he’d told Steve when he asked. Steve thinks the doctor told him to take it easier. “I don’t think he even told the kids.”

“Don’t see why he would. They’re all over. He’s probably seen them on tour.”

Steve tries not to sound bitter. He woke up in his own bed or whatever the saying is. He can’t blame Eddie for doing exactly what he said he would, following his dreams, getting the hell out of Hawkins the moment he could. The kids did the same, but at least they visited.

“Well, they’ve been houndin’ him to come visit you.”

Steve lifts his head. “They what?”

“They just worry ‘bout ya,” Wayne shrugs. “So do I.”

“I went on a date last week! Robin visited two months ago! I see you every Friday!” Steve stands and starts pacing. “I’m gonna go visit Dustin at school in a month. And Will has his freshman exhibition that we’re all trying to meet up at. It’s not like I’m lonely.”

“Son, I think the only person lonelier than you is Eddie,” Wayne gives him that sad smile he gives whenever they talk about Steve’s social life. It’s like he knows it’s pitiful, and he knows Steve knows it’s pitiful, and he’s making sure Steve knows that he knows. “And he’s stubborn as a mule, but he cares too much about ya to let you suffer.”

“Who said anything about suffering?”

“It’s implied by the way the kids talk about you.”

“How’s that?”

“The word hermit has been used a bunch,” Wayne explains. “Now, I’m gonna finish this beer and you’re gonna stop workin’ yourself up over something that’s still days away.”

Steve rushes over to his calendar, holding up the letter, then checking the calendar.

“He’s gonna be here in three days!” Steve yells. “I can’t be ready by then!”

“What the hell do you need to be ready for? It’s just Eddie,” Wayne is smirking again and Steve’s tired of his teasing, but he’s not gonna say anything because it doesn’t do any good to draw more attention to it. “He ain’t expecting a welcome committee. Maybe a balloon or somethin’; You know he likes the show of it all.”

Steve groans.

He does know. Eddie loves dramatics, that’s what makes him such a good performer on stage. That’s what makes him a great DM.

That’s what made Steve fall in love with him.

“I don’t even know where to get balloons,” Steve says, resting his forehead against the wall.

“The new Wal-Mart should have some,” Wayne pats his shoulder. “We watchin’ the game or standing around havin’ a crisis in your kitchen?”

Steve breathes in. He breathes out.

“I’ll have a crisis tomorrow, I guess.”

“That’s my boy!”

++++

The crisis does come the next day, but this time Wayne isn’t there to make it worse or better. He considers calling Robin, but he knows she’ll just tell him to use his good cologne and try not to be weird. He even thinks about calling Dustin, but immediately shuts that down when he remembers that Dustin is the one who called him a hermit to Eddie’s face.

He finds balloons at the store, and adds streamers to the cart on a whim. He’s sure Eddie will love it. Eddie loves that kind of shit.

He also grabs a pie crust and apples because he remembers Eddie saying how much he loves apple pie with vanilla ice cream one time nearly five years ago.

Okay, maybe it’ll be weird that he remembered that.

He goes to put the apples back when Joyce bumps into him as she’s reaching for a bunch of bananas.

“Sorry honey!” She throws her hands out to catch him, even though she’s the one who almost falls. “I wasn’t paying attention. You doing okay?”

“Yeah, how’re you?” Steve gives her a small smile, trying not to show how panicked he is.

“Sweetie, you look stressed. Is something wrong?”

“No! No, just preparing for a guest,” Steve says, unsure if Eddie’s told anyone else in Hawkins he would be visiting and not wanting to ruin any surprises if he intended on doing that.

He doesn’t even know how long Eddie’s staying; He didn’t say in his letter or voicemails. Wayne hasn’t mentioned it either, which means he probably knows exactly how long he’s staying.

“Oh, is Eddie staying with you?” She asks, brows furrowing. “I assumed he was staying with Wayne. I helped him find an apple pie recipe for his visit.”

Steve looks down at the ingredients in the cart, the evidence of what he’s going to make even more obvious now. Joyce’s gaze follows his and she bites back a knowing smile.

“Ah.”

“Ah?” He asks.

“Uh huh,” she says, nodding. “I would make sure to get the green apples. He likes sour more than sweet when there’s ice cream.”

Steve looks over at the green apples and back at the red apples he was planning on buying. Joyce winks at him before she grabs the bananas and starts to walk away.

“Enjoy the visit!”

Steve doesn’t respond.

He grabs six green apples and shoves them in a plastic produce bag.

He’ll make the damn apple pie and Eddie will love it. Steve will pretend the apple pie isn’t filled with the love he can barely contain for the man, and maybe Eddie will enjoy it and leave as if he never came.

Maybe Steve can make it through this visit with dignity.

****

Eddie shows up at three in the afternoon on a Wednesday. Technically, it’s 3:03, but Steve wasn’t watching the clock or anything. That would be ridiculous.

He looks just like he always did, just like Steve expected. He’s smiling, and playing with the ends of his curls. Steve is never gonna make it through this visit with dignity.

“Stevie!” Eddie rushes in for a hug, and it should be more awkward than it is. Eddie didn’t exactly leave on the best of terms with Steve. They really only spoke a handful of times over the last few years, and most of those were forced by Wayne or Dustin. But it’s like he never left, like he’s been hugging Steve every day for years.

Steve soaks it up, falls into it and doesn’t care how it looks. If Eddie has a problem with it, he doesn’t say so. He holds Steve tighter, his breath warm against his neck.

Eventually, Steve invites him inside and it does start to feel awkward.

Eddie’s a rock star now, and despite how normal he looks, he’s different. He’s here to see Steve, but is he here out of guilt that it took him this long to visit or because he actually wants to?

Steve talks about work, and his dinners with Wayne, and spends more time than he should explaining Robin’s degree program even though he knows Robin already talked to Eddie when she got accepted. He goes on and on about what everyone else is up to because his life is pretty boring in comparison and he doesn’t want to bore Eddie away.

“Sounds like everyone’s doing good, but I already knew that,” Eddie eventually says when Steve’s rambled for much longer than he planned. “How are you?”

“I told you, I’m fine,” Steve says. “Kinda boring around here, honestly. How’s the tour been?”

Eddie laughs and Steve tries not to let it hurt. He doesn’t think he means it in the way Steve’s taking it and that’s a Steve problem, not an Eddie problem.

“I called you 37 times,” Eddie says instead of answering him. “Every city we had a show. The first few I figured you were just busy or asleep. I didn’t think about time zones. But then I started to realize you were avoiding me.”

He isn’t mad, or at least he doesn’t look mad, but Steve feels like he needs to apologize anyway.

“Yeah, sorry. After a while, it kinda…”

“Seemed worse to call since it was so long?” Eddie asks, small smile falling from his face when Steve nods. “It’s never a bad thing to hear from friends, though. You could’ve called the bus phone anytime. Left a message. We got an answering machine because Gareth’s mom always calls when we’re on stage.”

“Right. Good to know,” Steve says. Which, it is good to know, but he doesn’t plan on calling unless there’s an emergency. He can’t look as desperate as he feels and if he calls once, he’ll call twice, and then a hundred times. “What city was your favorite so far?”

Eddie tilts his head, looks him over for a moment before responding. “I liked Boston. All the kids were front row. Except El, she somehow got backstage. Still not sure how. Missed you, though.”

Steve feels his face heat up at the words. Eddie always said things in a flirty way, even though he doesn’t really mean it that way. Steve can’t let himself think that he means it that way.

“It’s a pretty big trip, so. I couldn’t miss work.”

It’s a shit excuse because he absolutely could miss work. It’s a grocery store in a small town, and he doesn’t care that much about it.

“They couldn’t find someone to cover a couple days for you?” Eddie sounds hurt now, and Steve can’t let him think that he’s the problem.

“I didn’t ask. I-” Steve has to be brave now. Wayne’s voice is in his head telling him to just tell Eddie why he’s been so distant, why he hasn’t been the one to reach out. “I was scared to go.”

This seems to throw Eddie off balance. His eyes squint and forehead wrinkles adorably as he tries to do mental gymnastics to find out why Steve of all people would be scared to visit him. Steve is known for throwing himself in the line of fire, being the first one to step in when everyone else is scared. Too bad this type of courage is different.

“Are you scared of flying? I didn’t know, maybe we could have figured out a hired car.”

“No, I don’t mind flying,” Steve admits.

“Then…why were you scared?”

“Because if I let you in, you’ll see how much I miss you and if you see how much I miss you, you’ll see how much I love you. And then you’d never wanna have me around and it would be just like everyone else I love who leaves because I’m not enough to keep them around,” Steve lays his head back against the couch. The Wayne voice in his head is suspiciously quiet.

So is Eddie.

Steve isn’t going to talk anymore; He’s said enough.

Eddie’s hand covers Steve’s. It’s warm and surprisingly soft, and bigger than Steve’s. He never realized that before, not even when he held his hand while he was in the hospital after Vecna or when he watched him play guitar for hours while he was trying to gain his confidence back.

“People don’t leave because you aren’t enough, Steve. They leave because the world is big and they want to be a part of it. Everyone wants you to do that, too,” Eddie says softly, carefully. “I think most of the kids hoped you’d leave Hawkins once they did. Dustin thought you’d come on tour with me.”

“Why would he think that?” Steve doesn’t remember ever having a conversation with Dustin that would make him think that, but his memory isn’t the best.

Eddie’s lips curl up into a smile and he leans forward.

“You know you’re incredibly obvious, right?” Eddie whispers even though they’re alone and there’s no need to be quiet. “You’ve always been easy to read.”

“What does that mean? Read what?”

“You wear your heart on your sleeve and it’s been right there with Eddie written across it since I was in the hospital, sweetheart.” Eddie points to Steve’s arm. He looks down as if he would be able to see the heart Eddie’s talking about. “You’re an open book.”

The timer in the kitchen goes off and Steve jumps up. He rushes to the oven, grateful for the distraction.

“Is that apple pie?” Eddie asks from a few feet away. Steve really should’ve known he would follow him.

“Yes, it’s gotta be perfect.”

“You made apple pie for me?”

Eddie’s right behind him now, and when he turns, there’s no space between them at all. Steve smells the airport on him, the rental car, the cologne he’s worn since Steve bought it for him before he left Hawkins.

He looks up and sees the years that have passed in smile lines on Eddie’s face, in a single gray hair that Eddie’s probably keeping because it makes him look cool. Steve hasn’t found any gray hairs yet, but he’s only 25. Eddie always said Wayne went completely gray by 30, so his genetics wouldn’t be as kind to him. Steve kinda hopes he’s right. Eddie would be beautiful with gray curls.

“Just like I said: heart on your sleeve,” Eddie whispers, leaning in until his lips are just barely brushing against Steve’s.

He’s waiting for Steve, to see if he’ll finally give in after years of near-silence, after whatever flirty and semi-codependent friendship they had before Eddie left to be a rock star.

Steve’s spent enough time waiting, and he thinks Eddie probably has, too.

His lips press against Eddie’s, sure of their movements despite the anxiety crawling through his chest and the unfamiliar taste of him on his tongue.

It’s full of hunger even though it only lasts a few seconds. Steve’s wanted this, wanted him, for so long, he puts everything he has into this moment. If it’s all he gets, he wants it to be perfect.

“You’re kissing me like you’re sending me off to war,” Eddie says when they’ve caught their breath.

“Feels like I am,” Steve admits, corner of his mouth turning up in a sad smile. “At least a little.”

“I think the odds of me dying on stage are probably extremely slim,” Eddie laughs. Steve doesn’t laugh with him. “Steve? What’s wrong?”

Steve pulls himself away, ignoring the way his chest aches at the separation. He’ll have to get used to that when Eddie leaves.

“You have a whole new life. You’re a rock star, Ed. I can’t force my feelings on you now.”

“Who said you forced anything on me?”

“I made you apple pie!” Steve exclaims, pulling away so he can breathe again. Having Eddie in his space alters his brain chemistry, maybe his DNA. “I bought all your favorite things so I could try to convince you I’m worth staying for, even though I can’t compare to going on a world tour with your band. I cleaned out the guest room and made sure I put your favorite shampoo in the shower as if you would even notice that. As if it would be enough to keep you around.”

Eddie steps closer, but Steve steps back.

“Your life is different now. It’s good. I wouldn’t add anything to it, and I don’t know why I even tried to make it seem like I would.”

Eddie steps closer, and there’s nowhere for Steve to go. He’s boxed in against the counter, and Eddie’s face is red with anger. He’s not scared– he could never be scared of Eddie– but he does swallow around a lump in his throat and try to take a deep breath to calm his racing heart.

“My life is different now, you’re right about that. My life doesn’t even feel like mine most days. I belong to fans, and the guys, and the record label. But you know what does feel like mine?” Eddie leans in close enough that his breath is hot against Steve’s face. “How much I love you. How much I have always loved you. You’ve always felt like mine, Steve.”

It’s a hell of a confession, and definitely not what Steve expected from this visit.

The Wayne voice in his head decides to speak again. Except this time, it’s something he’s said to Steve in person before.

He’s surrounded by people, but he seems pretty lonely. Kinda like he still needs a certain someone.

Steve’s brows crinkle as he thinks about the words Wayne said after a phone call with Eddie during the first part of his first tour nearly two years ago. The words were accompanied by a look that Steve has since come to recognize as his sad puppy look.

The same one Eddie’s giving him now.

Steve can’t help it; He laughs.

“You and Wayne could bottle that look and sell it to people who need someone to feel bad for ‘em,” Steve says. He cups Eddie’s cheek in his palm, rubs his thumb against the angry red that turns into a flushed pink. “I don’t know how you could love me-”

“Steve-”

“But!” Steve interrupts. “I know you wouldn’t have said it if you didn’t mean it. And you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t want to be. If you didn’t care, you wouldn’t have taken the time to come back here at all, let alone stay with me. I won’t understand it, but I’ll believe it.”

“That was easier than Wayne said it would be,” Eddie’s smile grows slowly, lighting up his face and the room.

“He’s been buttering me up for years,” Steve shrugs.

“Doing all the hard work, more like,” Eddie leans forward, rests his forehead against Steve’s. “He must’ve been sick of hearing me yearn for your love.”

Steve rolls his eyes. “You know, you could have come back sooner. You didn’t have to wait until I was convinced I’d be alone forever.”

“And you could have called me to let me know I could visit sooner.” Eddie pokes the tip of his nose with his finger, smirking as he leans away to look back at the apple pie on the oven. “Especially if I could’ve been having apple pie on every break.”

“It might not even be good,” Steve says as he wraps his arms around Eddie’s waist.

“Is there vanilla ice cream?” Eddie pecks his lips.

“Mhm,” Steve kisses his cheek. “And you can have some if you promise to sit down and tell me everything about the band.”

“You wanna waste time hearing about Gareth drooling over every woman who looks his way? We could be making love on the couch.”

Steve raises a brow. “We won’t be making love anywhere but my bed. And it won’t be until we’ve talked more.”

“Fiiiine,” Eddie rolls his eyes, but grabs for the pie cutter on the counter. “Cut me a piece of pie and I’ll do my best to resist taking all your clothes off.”

“I never said you couldn’t do that,” Steve grabs the pie cutter.

“So I can take your clothes off?”

“Shirt only. And after pie…we’ll talk.”

“I thought after pie we’d be done talking.”

“How long are you staying?” Steve asks as he puts the slice of pie onto the plate and hands it to Eddie.

“Four days.”

Steve tilts his head side to side, considering what he can accomplish in four days.

In any other situation, he might be worried about how quickly he throws off his shirt. In any other situation, he would probably insist on talking to Robin before throwing his heart on the plate next to the scoop of ice cream Eddie just put next to his steaming slice of pie. In any other situation, he would take things slow and get to know rock star Eddie who left Hawkins to be someone.

But he’s finding that he’s okay with speed-running things.

He’s got a new perspective on Eddie’s visit, and maybe a new perspective on what their future will look like.

Steve drops his pants. Eddie’s eyes widen.

“Eat your pie. We’ll talk while we make love on the couch.”

[stealingpotatoes]

POTES SEMI-LIVEBLOGS KOTOR!

ive been writing my thoughts in the notes app but due to popular demand (one person asked for it) i'm posting my liveblogging DO NOT SAY/TAG/COMMENT SPOILERS PLEASE i read tags

warning im a yapper, im 10 hours in and theres a lot already (separated into sessions):

SESSION 1

whos this clown i thought i would be playing as revan

ive been too spoiled by dragon age origins this character creator sucks ass

only human???? ): fr?? ill just imagine her different in my brain or some shit

my life is being mansplained to me. is this bad writing or do i have amnesiacs

hes meta now??? hes talking abt the screen controls?????

omg a jedi and an evil jediii

omg their asses suckedddd they both died immediately

i <3 bringing a sword to a gun fight

WHY R THERE SO MANY SITH WHERE IS TJE RULE OF TWO

i clicked a workbench and it said lightsaber so either i get a lightsaber or i get a jedi friend whose lightsaber i can steal if im careful

I assume u play as revan in kotor2 so im gonna buy that now so i can play it when im done playing w this clown

i got light side points im getting a good grade in game morality which is something both normal to want and possible to achieve

everyone keeps saying revan is dead but thats my friend revan from tumblr hes clearly alive. or they???

my characters ass is distractingly present onscreen

huge fan of the way everyone collapsed drunk what the FUCK was in that wine

ok these sith ppl might be the bad guys but their armour is DRIPPY AS FUCK

ideologically i dont agree w the sith but they kinda went off w the fits

googling how to become a sith without being evil cause they have Drip

SESSION 2

i paid £1.19 to see revan he better show up in this game at some point

all these sith n i still cant find one revan….. stop faking ur death rn come out n talk to me babygirl this isnt like u….

why can i be light/dark side if im not a jedi. give me a laser sword

maybe this jedi gyal will know where revan is faking his death. or give me a fuckin lightsaber PLEASEEE

was just thinking 'does this game have romance' and then carth called me beautiful. i dont think im gonna romance anyone until i get this amnesia sorted

why is carth questioning me so much abt the crash im pretty sure i have amnesia

why tf did the jedi lady have me transferred to this ship are we in lesbians with each other???

carth's not wrong it is suspicious but i lowkey have amnesia so i coulda done that i coulda not

a lot of clone wars voice actors in this. was lucasfilm so broke in the 2000s that they could only afford the same 3 VAs for every project

mission is 14??????? we need to get my girl back in school

SESH 3

tale as old as time i fucking suck at racing games

ok i didnt realise you had to mash click i won

REVAN!!! REVAN!!!!!!!!!

why am i dreaming abt revan tho. real as hell but ?????

lmao cringe revan getting blown up. i thought the jedi beat rev-meister in a fight but no. accident

"such visions are often a sign of force sensitivity" COOL YAY GIVE ME A LIGHTSABER

BASTILLE LOST HER FUCKING LIGHTSABER??

CARTH IS RIGHT THATS LIKE DAY ONE JEDI SHIT. ok i still love her even tho shes a bit of a bitch and also doesnt have a saber

if we find a lightsaber im taking it first tho

whys carth getting weird abt me being weird that he doesnt trust me. i just wanna be friends mate

SESH IV: A NEW HOPE

'i mean no disrespect, but perhaps one of the male slaves could serve you better' i went in here to start a slave revolution and instead got called a lesbo

LMAO THERES A SPICE LAB???? WALTER WHITE WHERE ARE YOU

thats insaneee they blew up BILLIONS of people to get to one jedi?????? these sith arent fucking around theyre scary

UM THIS IS CRAZY GRAPHICS THE LIGHTING IS CLEARER/DARKER WHEN I COVER THE SUN W THE SHIP EDGE?? 2003 IS THE YEAR OF THE FUTURE

someone just called me padawan i kinda assumed i was in my late 20s do i just have baby vibes

all the jedi in the movies are so chill but every kotor jedi i've met so far has been a bit of a bitch

YO THEY HAVE A YODA!!! its not THE yoda but

cool so these guys are just the regional managers at best. your asses are not the council

why can everyone smell my force juju so strong

THATS STRAIGHT UP YODA'S CLONE WARS VA

why does fake yoda not blink both eyes at the same time. im calling him master tortimer he reminds me of the animal crossing mayor

bastila there was no need for such a fancy bow

malak is like evil aang

revan is so much shorter than malak omg

are me and bastila sharing dreams. are we both obsessed w revan

poor mission ):

WHAT WAS MASTER TORTIMER ABT TO SAY????????? EVER SINCE WHEN??? DID WE KNOW EACH OTHER BEFORE MY AMNESIACS????? DID BASTILA TELL U SMTHN MORE WHEN I WASNT IN THE ROOM???

im intrigued i like this whole hidden jedi shtick its very compelling. so is whatever theyre hiding from me

kinda surprising no jedi found me before tho given my force juju is so strong

IM A LEGIT JEDI NOW??? SICK!!!

does revan rlly not have pronouns i thought that was a tumblr thing but they straight up are a nonbinary icon ive never heard a single pronoun used. revan's pronouns are revan/revan's

damn revan seems so cool in these stories (charismatic war hero that convinced their troops to join them as conqueror?? julius caesar) and yet all we've seen them do onscreen is get blown up and die by accident

A YEAR AGO? the way they were talking i assumed revan died like. a week before the game started

master uh i forgot his name he has martin scorcese vibes said revan was a paragon of the jedi so what im getting is that all jedi gifted kids turn evil

even if i didnt know revan as a tumblr darling id KNOW revan has to be alive somewhere they way everyone talks abt them is too cool for a character who exploded and died. i think. i hope. I PAID £1.19 TO MEET REVAN

'only you and bastila can stop malak' seriously????? just us two?? ive been a jedi for like, 6 minutes and you guys keep calling bastila young???? do you guys not wanna help??

omg im getting carth to traumadump! <3

HE WAS ON REVAN'S ARMY>??

i totally knew the jedi code and did not have to google it whatsoever

they rlly said fuck going to illum heres a crystal from the bin

he told me id be a great sentinel and i was like i know but i want blue cause i dont wanna be matchies with bastila

OGH!!! I HAVE A LIGHTSABER!!!! THIS IS GAME OF THE YEAR!!!!

omg i made my lightsaber perfectlyyy which is rare <3 getting a good grade in jedi

maybe i was a travelling lightsaber salesman before my amnesia

seriously though WHO was i everyone's kinda stopped acting like i have amnesia since the first mission BUT IVE PLAYED DRAGON AGE THAT GIVES YOU OPPORTUNITIES TO RP UR PAST. THIS DOESNT. EITHER THIS GAME IS BAD (but i love it so its not) OR I HAVE RETROGRADE AMNESIA

also everyone keeps being like "Oh ur force juju is so strong" AND NOBODY FOUND ME TIL NOW??? suspicious. did getting a really bad concussion activate the force in me

im too confused and amnesiac'd to think abt anything except the fact i have a glowing stick now

FSESH FIVE:

big fan of using aliens to avoid having to get VAs to read every line

oh so carth's boyfriend saul betrayed him and became leader of the sith fleet so he has trust issues

well he needs to calm down. i can't betray him cause i dont know what the fuck is happening

yooo i love the design differences on the mandalorians

oh my god this lady wanted to fuck her droid cause it was her husband's. and then it killed itself. wtf. game of the year tho

wtf they jebaited this juhani person into going dark side but then i talked her out of it. that seems a bit mean of them

i hope she can join my party she looks too unique to be a random npc

ive been thinking and I might be going crazy but there was a loading screen tip ages ago that said jedis could wipe ppl's mind and all i thought at the time was 'fuck the shitshow acolyte didnt make that up'. but what if one of them wiped MY memory and i used to be a jedi or smthn ????????

cause they keep being like ur weirdly good at this??? did bastila steal my memories??????????

I KNOW I HAVE AMNESIA!! EVEN IF EVERYONE DOESN'T BRING IT UP BC THEYRE PROBABLY TRYING TO SAVE MY FEELINGS

if i dont have amnesia and im just deeping the fact the opening had my life being mansplained then im gonna look real stupid

anyway time 2 go to the fuckshit ruins cave where r-dog and malak went to

"it must be referring to revan. the dark lord and malak--" revan's pronouns are revan/thedarklord

bastila said theres no mention of the Builders in the archives. does she just know every text off by heart

THIS DROID IS 20K YEARS OLD ???

omg i can equip 2 lightsabers at once. game of the year

OK I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING I SAID ABOUT THE AMNESIA BASTILA IS ASKING ME QUESTIONS ABOUT MY BACKGROUND THAT I CAN ANSWER. I REPEAT I DO NOT HAVE AMNESIA

ok i didnt get choices and i didnt really uh… say anything that i didnt already get told im still not ruling out amnesia

also booo i didnt get to find out how old i was

master tortimer rlly looks like the ultimate ketamine yoda

LMAO THERE WAS A DIALOGUE OPTION 2 CALL JUHANI A CATGIRL

omg kashyyk from jedi fallen order!!!

I CAN UPGRADE MY LIGHTSABER THIS IS JUST LIKE JFO

omg this ship is fun i wish everyone had personalised bunk spaces like hfw… a game which came out 19 years after this i should probably just take what we have

im gonna start w manaan cause im p sure thats what B-dog said n its the same language the droid was speakin

omg hyperspace from star wars

THE GUY THE BUILDING FELL ON???

am i having dreams abt revan bc bastila killed revan and im connected to her this is so roundabout

maybe i'd sleep better if my ponytail wasnt clipping into the pillow

[kiwi accent] six

carth needs a xanax every time i think we're friends he stops trusting me

also lmao he actually pointed out how wild it was that a day one padawan is being sent on this uber important mission and HES RIGHT IT IS WEIRD!! i thought it was main character logic but he's calling it out

i really really like the sense of unease that's setting in like at first i thought it was just cause im not used to 2003 games but no this is on purpose bc carth my friend carth keeps calling it out

THERE IS A CHILD ON MY SHIP ??????????????????

lmao the representative for menaan is roland wann. its like poetry it rhymes

there are no cameras in the sith hangar <3 rookie error i can commit crimes now

bastila's favourite hobby is getting shot and walking into my grenades

this isnt a combat system this is a missing system

I GOT ARRESTED???? IM JUST A GIRL

nvm i had a datapad that said the sith were evil so theyve let me go free and we're besties

why do i feel like ive just walked into an underwater horror mission

this suit waddles at the speed of a penguin on fentanyl

i tamed the beastie this is like how to train your dragon

MALAK FIRED ON REVAN?????? WERENT THEY BEST FRIENDS???????

but maybe revan escaped when bastila wasnt looking THEYRE FINE THEYRE OUT THERE SOMEWHERE. I BELIEVE

so hopefully when we run into revan they'll be like agh i changed my ways cause of the being shot thing and they'll be my bestie

great news i successfully communicated w the ship child and gave her back to dantooine. my girl has shockingly good linguisitics skills

bastila is so dour "oh watch out for the dark side" GIRL I AM. I NEED TO GET THE BEST GRADE IN GAME MORALITY

ok OFF TO KASHYYK i hope cal kestis is there… thru the force i guess… bc he wont be born for another 4000 years but its whatever

omg you'll never guess what. another vision. wow its one of the thangs. cool this is a tomorrow me problem

[twddixonn]

Good Boy

Daryl Dixon x Reader one shot

Warnings/Tags: not proof read!!!, sfw, some swears, shane.

this is my first fic on this account, my first time attempting to write a fic in 4-ish years and my first time trying to write a twd fic. honestly it’s probably not great but I hope it’s at least somewhat decent. :-)

(also written and posted mobile so not sure how it will appear on browser, hopefully not too terrible!)

“Leave me the hell alone.” You harshly whispered, turning on your heels and storming away from the scene in front of you.

Your best friend reuniting with his wife and son. Alive. Not dead. This whole time he had you believing that Rick was dead and gone, never coming back. Yet your eyes were seeing a whole different story to the one Shane painted out for you a couple months prior.

Shane followed pursuit, ignoring the former comment you had made and put a firm hold on your wrist before pulling you behind Dales RV to conceal you from the others.

“Hey, hey . I swear to you Y/N, he was dead when I left that hospital room. He wasn’t breathing. Th- the monitors, they all stopped. Everything went dead. He was dead.” Shane iterated, time and time again.

You feel the anger bubbling up inside you, just like all those other times when Shane had told you Rick was dead and to get it through your head he isn’t coming back. Your hands curled into fists, your nails stabbing into your palm leaving crescent shaped indents.

“Except he wasn’t. Is this why you didn’t want me to go there? Didn’t want Lori to go there? Because you knew if you swooped in and saved her and Carl when Rick couldn’t that what- she’d become your damsel in distress? Is this why? Just so you could get your leg over and fuck your partners wife and become Carls daddy? You’re pathetic Shane.” At this point your head was swarming with thoughts and ideas of what you wanted to do to Shane but better judgement got the best of you.

You began to walk off when a hand reached for you again, this time rougher. Shane pushed you against the RV, his brows furrowed and sweat dripping off his temples- smoke nearly coming out of his ears at this point.

“I don’t know what you think you know but you’re wrong either way. I think you’re forgetting that I didn’t just save Lori and Carl, I saved your sorry ass too. I didn’t have to. That was on me Y/N, That was on me. An’ I ain’t ever looked at Lori like that before, she was Ricks wife and he was my best friend. It happened because I thought he was dead.” He all but growled at you in a hushed whisper.

You remained quiet and stoic for a few moments, registering your thoughts before smirking slightly and speaking again. Pushing Shane’s hand off of you, you began to walk away but not before turning and giving one last snide remark, “I think I know right. And, by the way.. really interesting use of the past tense in those last few sentences there.”

Dickhead.

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“I’ve been here for quite a few hours now and yet, still no hello?” You looked beside you to see Rick crouched with a smile on his face, placing an arm around your shoulder which you leaned into graciously.

“Sorry Grimes.. just- a lot to take in y’no.” You said.

“Na’ I get it. Shane told me what happened.” Rick remarked whilst kissing his teeth and shaking his head.

“He did? Really? What did he say?.”

To say you were shocked was an understatement, Shane had really gone out of his way to-

“Yeah.” He breathed out, “Told me how it started, he tried to get me from the hospital but I wasn’t breathing and he thought I was dead. How he saved you and Lori n’ Carl and got you all here.”

“He told you that huh.” You should have known.

Rick started to stand back up, giving you a pat on the back and a kiss to the forehead first “I’m gonna go get some shut eye, you need too aswell. Talk more in the morning Y/N.” Rick turned to walk back towards camp, not before turning and speaking again, “Y/N.. go nice on Shane though ok? He’s a good guy, you just gotta give him a chance.”

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You wake up the next day to the sound of what you thought was - for once - peace and quiet. Until you hear the shouts outside and a woman screaming stop.

Debating between laying back down and just going back to sleep or getting up and out of your tent to see what was going on, you went with the better judgement and begrudgingly dragged yourself to get changed and step outside.

Shielding your eyes from the rays of light beaming off the Atlanta sun with a sigh escaping your lips at the slight breeze that hit your clammy skin.

“You’d best let me go!”- what the fuck was happening this time?

Walking closer you take sight of Shane with his arms wrapped around Daryl’s neck. A fuckin’ cop getting someone in a choke hold the minute they raise their voice? New worlds maybe not as different from before.

“I’d like to have a calm discussion on this topic, you think we can manage that?” Rick spoke calmly whilst he crouched in front of Daryl, his chest heaving with rocky breaths as Shane’s tight grip didn’t let up just yet.

“You think we can manage that?” Rick repeated.

You zoned out at this point, eyes boring into the side of Shane’s skull with anger.

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“I’m coming.” You didn’t hesitate to jump at the opportunity to get away from camp for a while. The rising tension taking over was beginning to grate at you.

“That’s five”

Shane piped up “It’s not just five, you’re putting every single one of us at risk.” “Just know that Rick”

“Come on man you saw that walker. It was here.

It was in camp.

They’re moving out of the cities.

They come back, we need every able body we’ve got.

We need em here, we need em to protect camp.”

Staying focused when Shane’s voice is droning on for what seems like eternity is quite the mission lately. Listening to him is beginning to seem like nails on a chalkboard.

“-Shane is right. Merle Dixon? He’s not worth one of your lives, even with guns thrown in.”

Hearing Loris voice made you gain attention again.

“If someone left Rick behind-“ you began to join the conversation, maybe with the words aimed at Shane slightly. He clearly picked up on it as his eyes shot to you, if looks could only kill, you’d be six feet under.

“Would you want them to go back for him? Or would you let him stay handcuffed to a roof to die slowly?” Your eyes landing on Lori.

“That’s different. Rick.. he.. he isn’t like Merle. He wouldn’t get himself into that position in the first place.” The stern mom tone coming out as Lori tried to keep her composure and not snap in front of Carl.

“You think Merle purposely got himself into that position? He’s an asshole yeah, and he may have deserved it. But he didn’t expect to be handcuffed and then left behind. Not knowing if anyone was going to go back for him. It may have been an accident. But he shouldn’t have to sit there wondering if he’s just going to die from thirst and hunger or if he’s going to get torn to pieces at the hands of walkers. He may not be your family, but he’s someone’s family. You have your husband, your son. You have Shane. Merle is all Daryl has.” You’re not sure if you were even breathing during that, your chest rising up and down at a rapid speed. You felt rage. How could anyone justify this bullshit?

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Sitting in the back of the van was a bit more awkward than you anticipated. Glenn and Rick up front. You, Daryl and T-dog in the back. Maybe the tension in the back of this van was worse than the tension at camp?

You looked up smiling at T-dog as he avoided Daryl’s intense stare, before he got up and headed to the front to talk to Glenn and Rick.

Daryl kept shooting you glances whenever he thought you couldn’t see, a grunt leaving his mouth every so often as if he was about to talk but decided against it.

Just as you looked up at him, he was already staring with his open yet no words seemed to come so he just scoffed and averted his eyes anywhere but at you.

You began to grow a bit frustrated at him. “What?”

“Nothin’” he all but murmured.

“Stop grunting and scoffing at me like a dog who didn’t get enough treats, be a good boy and just say whatever it is you’ve been wanting to say for the last 15 minutes.” You couldn’t help but chuckle at yourself.

You could have sworn you saw a light tinge of pink cross his cheeks before his head dropped down facing his lap.

His mouth opened and closed, before opening once again “Why’d ya stick up for me.. for Merle back at tha’ camp?”

Oh. That’s what this was about? The intense looks he gave you before this made you think it was about anything but this.

“What do you mean?” You had to admit you were somewhat confused at this.

“Ya said it y’self, Merle, he’s an asshole. So why’d ya go out of ya way to defend him? Why didn’t ya just side with the others and leave him?” Head dropping once again as his thumb found its way to his lips as he gnawed on the nail.

Silence.

You were stuck for words. “He is an asshole. Maybe one of the biggest assholes I’ve ever known. But he’s your brother, maybe not the greatest one but still your brother no matter what. He’s all you have left. The others may not understand, but I do.” Taking a deep breath in and thinking about your next words carefully, “I honestly couldn’t give a shit about him. Doesn’t mean I want him to suffer up there on that roof. No one deserves it. Well I mean maybe some people y’no? Really bad people. And maybe Shane. Merle, he’s not necessarily one of those really bad people. He makes mistakes, says things he definitely shouldn’t and has actions that match, but don’t we all in one way or another?”

Daryl was slightly overwhelmed. Not expecting you to be so honest and caring? Somewhat caring anyway. He didn’t know what to say.

You hummed and tapped your fingers against your legs, “Nothing to say?”

“I dunno what you want me to say.”

A grin made its way to your face.

“How about a thanks?”

“Thanks.” He grumbled trying not to scoff afterwards to avoid being called a dog again.

The van began to come to a stop, Glenn saying something about walking from here.

You stood up whilst stretching your arms above your head.

“That’ll do. Good boy.”

You smirked at him before opening the back of the van and climbing out. Leaving a blushing Daryl in the back trying to hide his face as he groaned standing up.

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authors note: it’s not the greatest, I am very aware. but I really wanna get back into writing in general and I thought starting with twd would be the best place to start as it’s one of my comfort shows. there’s not much happening, it’s very heavily based on s1 e3 obviously but it’s mostly just to try and get back in the swing of things! if you have an constructive feedback or any comments you’d like to make, please feel free as it will be much appreciated :-) I’m hoping to improve my writing skills more and more. It will probably take a while (I’ve literally had the first half of this thing in my notes app since June 2024) but I hope to get to the point of making some good fics! thank you for reading if you managed to make it this far!:)

[booasaur]

I'm not very good at text posts, I never know where to start, it's why most of what I write are tags on gifsets and replies to asks. It helps me to have something to go off of.

Yesterday, I wrote a bit about the first day of the ceasefire in Gaza, but I left out some events in the West Bank. I saw this tweet today and I think it gives me a good starting point:

A few people in the replies asked: what about the ceasefire?

This IS Palestine under a ceasefire. This is Palestine before Oct 7th. They don't have the right to defend themselves, the peaceful status quo that creates no headlines is the steady hum of Palestinians being attacked and killed as their homes and livelihood are destroyed, kidnapped and held for possibly years on "administrative detention", which means no charge or trial.

And "It begins."? I searched Google news for "West Bank killed" and picked a random page:

To be clear, this is the West Bank, not Gaza. Hamas is only the ruling party in Gaza and ostensibly the target of Israel's "war", but that clearly hasn't protected Palestinians in the West Bank. Israel increased their attacks after October 7th and might yet escalate now, with Gaza quiet, but for those that say "there was a ceasefire on October 6th", there is this headline:

As astute observer might note the date.

To go back to current events, this happened yesterday in the West Bank:

This child was killed.

This detainee died in Israeli prison, held for months without charge:

A youth injured:

Did you hear about any of that? Did the media and world governments talk about Palestine's right to defend itself or how it can possibly live with a violent, hateful neighbor like this?

Today, day 2, back to Gaza, more aid is getting in, thankfully:

Finally! Imagine the number of young children going without candy or even fresh fruits and vegetables for so long.

Rebuilding continues:

The recovery and identification of bodies continues:

We also have Israeli forces firing on Palestinians who get near to Rafah, killing two. Yes, already on day 2 of the ceasefire in Gaza, two people (just in Gaza) dead. There's video of their deaths here, a child being shot and the man who tried to help him. Apparently instead of warning him off, they decided he was a threat:

There continue to be new attacks in the West Bank today, the ones referred to in the very first tweet. They tend to come from any combination of Israeli settlers, police, and the IDF.

Currently, the police have shot two settlers they thought were Palestinians and the whole area has now been locked down.

They've arrested many Palestinian men...for what? When will they let them go?

So ends day 2 of the ceasefire.

[drawloverlala]

January status update

(˶ˆᗜˆ˵) So I'm back from my break! and I'm ready to start the year proper!

🌼Regarding commission info

I've been trying to update my carrd site, which is where my commission info is and also I've been trying to update some prices and such, but I haven't yet finished with that

I'm hoping to be able to do that and announce next commission date on Sunday at most though!

just really hoping the new layout of my card will be easy to navigate in general lol

though there's something I'd like to ask, I've been wondering which option is better should i take chibi and sketch page commissions on Ko-fi or do I take them on my email?

it's fine either way but I wonder which option would be easier for people to order 😅

🌼New listings?

and well besides that I'll be offering ink/black and white commissions! that is to say an ink drawing, I currently don't have too much examples though but I'm hoping to get some after I open commissions

and I want to add background options to the chibis! and I haven't made yet some examples but I'll probably be doing that later this week and I'll be also be making the line art a bit smoother!

I'm also thinking on adding some variations to the sketch pages

🌼Ko-fi shop

It may still not be open but I want to work on some new items for it! and I also gotta get some new supplies, this year I want to focus more on stickers but I won't stop with some stationary stuff like notebooks and bookmarks.

And well last year I really wanted to go sell to an art market here in my region, I applied to one but I didn't get chosen for it, which honestly was a good thing because I was very much unprepared and busy with commissions lol 😅

I'd like to try again this year so I'm hoping to set a better balance when it comes to the time I spend on making products and working on commissions.

so yeah that's all for now, really looking forward to giving my best this year!

I'll comment more on the things I did on my break on another blog post later this week, I'll also start using a different tag for these kind of status updates, so any info regarding commissions and shop isn't mixed up with personal or unrelated stuff 👍

I'll be also posting some commission work I did last year here! so yeah! ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

[hyperfix-wip]

The Price of Conviction

Pairing: Prowler!Hobie Brown x Fem!Spider!Reader

Word count: 2k

Summary: What happens when the Prowler finds out the spider vigilante all the criminals are hunting down is the love of his life?

Author's Note: The first post of 2025, and I decide to kick it off with angst of all things 🥲 I would say sorry, but I low key am not... Anyways, big shoutout to @pinksugarscrub for beta reading this fic! Also tagging @the-kr8tor , @frostbitten-writer , and @rexlroze for our one discussion a long time ago as well as @seasharkz for their comment on it 😇

Tags: Prowler!Hobie, Spider!R, Angst, Lovers to (Future) Enemies, TW Violence, TW Graphic Violence, TW Slight Body Horror, TW Thoughts of Death, TW Conspiracy to Murder, TW Anxiety and Spiralling, Brief Mention of US Healthcare System, No Y/N

This was supposed to be an easy job for Hobie.

That was what that bastard Kingpin told him earlier this afternoon. All he had to do was hunt down that spider hero that suddenly popped out of nowhere a year ago. That spider that started getting attention from everybody in the Underworld the first time they stopped one of Green Goblin’s attacks in Central Park. That spider that took down Sandman during one of his “freakout” sandstorms all over New York and sent his ass to Ryker’s. That damn spider that exposed the Sinister Six– the top people who controlled the Underworld– to the public, in turn fucking over the rest of the criminals as those blue pigs in the NYPD tried to hunt down every single criminal and enforce all security in every bank, jewelry store, politicians and CEOs’ houses or wherever money can be found.

That spider was fucking up everybody’s money– fucking up his money. Money he was trying to save up to finally leave this city, this life, behind him. To buy a damn boat and sail away from all the crime and violence in the Underworld. To invest in a prosthetic arm that wasn’t built by some scraps of plastic and metal and spite for the bullshit health insurance company policies.

But most of all, to finally give you– his girlfriend, the love of his life– the life you deserved. To live in your own home rather than pay rent at a shitty studio apartment. To go out on actual dates rather than just buying greasy pizza at that disgusting pizza parlor down the street. To buy you actual presents and nice clothes rather than stealing them from those ridiculously expensive department stores. To finally buy you a ring like the two of you always talked about for years, to get down on one knee in front of you and wait for you to say yes, to watch you walk down the aisle in a beautiful white dress he knew you always wanted to wear.

That damn spider was fucking all of that up for him, and if getting rid of that infuriating pest gave him all the money Kingpin was willing to shell out for a mere bounty, then he was signing that dotted line. He would gladly drag that spider by the neck, through gravel and broken glass, like a rag doll. He would gladly break that spider’s arms and legs and fling them over the tallest building to watch them splatter over the sidewalk. He would gladly stab that spider through the chest with his clawed gauntlet, watching their blood slowly run down his chromed arm while they gasped out the last of their breath.

This job was supposed to be fucking easy.

So why the fuck are you under that mask?

Why the fuck are you standing in front of him in that stupid red and blue suit? Why the fuck are you just standing there in the middle of your guys’ bedroom, giving him your usual beautiful smile? Why the FUCK are you just looking at him with the same hope and love in your eyes with that godforsaken mask in your hand?

The smile on your face started to falter the longer he stared at you in stunned disbelief. “Baby?”

God, don’t call him baby. Not when you’re in that damn suit.

Hobie continues to stare at you from his work desk, his hand clutching onto his fake arm that he was about to take off. Sharp tingles shoot up from his amputated arm, the base of his elbow screaming underneath his makeshift prosthetic, the metal around his limb chafing his skin and making the tingles worse. White noise screams in his ears, piercing through his rampant thoughts, while his body refuses to move from his spot.

You nervously squirm under his intense scrutiny as you glance down at the floor, suddenly finding the scuff on your shoe interesting while you ignore his eyes burning into your very being.

“I-I know this is a lot,” you swallow the lump lodged in the back of your throat before looking back up to the shadows hiding his eyes, “but I can explain…”

You slowly cross through the cramped bedroom, shuffling through the crack between his desk and the bed until you’re right in front of him. Your fingers curl into themselves, itching to pick at your cuticles through the web-lined gloves.

“So, uh… y’know how I got really sick right after I finished my story on Alchemax? The one about their new genetics department?” you start off, the ghosts of the fluctuating chills and hot flashes rushing down your spine haunting you, the muscle memory of your throat burning from dry heaving bile. “Something actually happened while I was there…”

Despite your sheepish reassurance, your hands still tremble as you slowly take off your left glove by the middle finger sleeve, exposing your skin little by little, until you peel it off and reveal two small dark bite marks with small web-like veins sprouting around your ring finger.

“I got bit by a spider over there, and I was fine the whole day until, y’know… I wasn’t.”

Hobie’s heart seizes as a flashback of finding you collapsed and convulsing on the bathroom floor, gagging and hacking out yellow-white foam onto the checkered tile, forces itself up the forefront of his mind. That moment still sends a wave of panic over his body.

“I mean, I got better the day after, but…” your voice wavers as you glance up at the ceiling, your heart rattling against your ribs, before you slowly curl your ring and middle fingers into the middle of your palm. Hesitation lingers in your fingers, but the moment you press them against your palm, a thick web-like rope shoots out of your wrist and sticks onto the ceiling. You swallow the bitter bile down your throat before you shakily wrap your free hand around the web and slowly climb up, catching the quick gasp from his lips while his eyes follow your dangling figure.

An overwhelming urge to scream bubbles up in Hobie’s chest as he continues to stare at this unexpected nightmare. His loving, sweet, normal girlfriend is hanging off the fucking ceiling, climbing and sticking herself onto the ceiling, crawling across by padding your hands onto the surface while wearing a stupid spandex suit like a child in a Halloween costume playing on the monkey bars.

This. Can’t. Be. Happening.

Your voice gradually muffles out through his ears while white noise starts to ring in his head again. All the news articles and rumors from the Underworld about that damn spider suddenly flood his mind, but denial still clings onto him.

You, his girlfriend? You, who would yelp and quickly smack his hand away for pinching your ass? Who would run away when a fly buzzes too close to your ear? Who would rather swallow needles than to tell a fast food worker they got your order wrong? Who would rather back off from an argument than to dig yourself deeper into it?

You stopped that crazy Green Goblin from destroying Central Park? You sent Sandman to Ryker’s? You took down The Lizard— one of the members of the Sinister Six— in front of the press and exposed the rest of them and the Underworld to the public?

You’re the one Kingpin put a bounty on? The one everyone in the Underworld is hunting down? The one everyone wants dead?

Horror trembles in Hobie’s eyes as the spider he had in his mind slowly morphed into you. The sick image of him dragging your body across the floor churns his stomach. The idea of your body falling down until you hit the pavement like a bouncing ball nearly makes him gag. The thought of the light in your eyes being snuffed out in front of you while blood from your fatal wound on your chest runs down his clawed prosthetic gauntlet, hanging limp by his hand, sends him to an overwhelming spiral of despair.

God, not you. Anyone but you.

Oblivious to Hobie’s inner turmoil, you unstick yourself from the ceiling and drop down onto the bed feet first, bouncing up in the air before landing back down on the spring mattress on your rear. Anxiety fills your eyes and chest as you keep your eye on his rigid figure, his knuckles turning white from gripping onto his prosthetic arm for dear life, before you frantically rush to his side.

“Hobie? Baby?”

For once your voice falls on deaf ears, and panic squeezes at your lungs. Your heart lurches the moment he flinches from your touch, your hands trembling as you try to pry his hand away from the makeshift arm with as little strength as you can without hurting him.

“Baby, please talk to me,” you whisper-plead to him while tears prick up in your eyes. “I need you to talk to me, please.”

When his hand finally lets go, you desperately thread your fingers through his and squeeze, and a small flicker of relief pricks your chest the moment he briefly squeezes back before you keep going.

“I know this is hard to believe, but I need you to.” Fear and heartbreak clings to your throat while you blink away some stray tears and kneel in front of him. “I’m trying to keep New York safe– not just in general, but for you, me, us!-- but I don’t know if something is gonna happen to me out there later on, or if something’s gonna happen to you–”

A sharp hiccup sneaks up your throat before you could stop it, and more tears drip down your face as you bite back a sob and press your lips against his knuckles. “I love you so much, baby, I can’t lose you…”

The moment you utter those words, Hobie finally manages to break through his spiral and pull you into his embrace, running his fingers through your hair while the prosthetic arm wraps around your waist and pulls you between his legs and against his chest. You tense up from the sudden movement, but as his warmth slowly seeps into your body, the rest of your tears finally stream down your face before you bury your face in his chest and strangle out another sob.

“God, I can’t lose you, Hobie,” your voice cracks with each painful breath, “I can’t do this without you, please don’t leave me–”

Anguish floods in Hobie’s glassy eyes as he clings to you for dear life, pressing his lips hard against the top of your head, silently praying that this whole ordeal is just a fucked up nightmare for him while you continue to beg him not leave you for lying to him for a year.

The sick, twisted irony of it all– you, a vigilante hero, agonizing over losing him. Meanwhile, just hours ago, he relished the idea of killing you for money.

Hobie nearly gags from the bile clinging to his throat, but he struggles to swallow it down as he shushes against your head and gently rocks you back and forth in his arms.

“It’s...it’s gonna be okay,” he finally croaks out, hating how the blatant bittersweet lie easily spills through his lips. “It’s gonna be okay, I’m right here. Nothing’s gonna happen to me, nothing’s gonna happen to us…”

His desperate attempt of reassuring you– and himself– only worsens your cries as you snake your arms around his waist and cling to the back of his shirt, repeatedly stabbing him in the heart with each tear running down your eyes and seeping into the cotton fabric. Guilt and despair looms over his shoulders as he hiccups his own frustrated cry, struggling to push away the intrusive temptation of the bounty and fear of losing you, but he continues to silently pray for your forgiveness while feeding you more poisoned sweet lies, if only for them to somehow miraculously become true.

“Nothing’s gonna happen to us…”

[cruel-as-sin]

but one out of twenty isn’t so bad (is that so bad?) | logan howlett

↳ summary: set three months after the events of westchester and nine months before the movie logan, this story follows logan and a mysterious man he meets as they work to achieve their own goals and end up growing closer in the process

word count: tbd (ongoing)

song: normalcy | gigi perez

pairings: old man!logan x original character

content warnings: 18+ content (MDNI), SO much angst i’m warning you now, eventual fluff, eventual smut, slow burn (and i mean slow), canon-typical violence, any themes you see in the movie logan you can expect to find here, this story may not have a happy ending, read at your own risk

↳ a/n: i am so SO excited to start writing this fic you have no idea! i’ve been cooking this idea for months, so trust me this has been a looooong time coming. i will try to have updates out as fast as i can and keep you guys posted, but just know i am a college student with a very busy life and inspiration can be hard to come by. i hope you guys will enjoy this story as much as i do!

more specific information regarding tags/warnings, word count, music inspiration, pairings/characters, etc. can be found at the start of each chapter

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There are no more mutants on Planet Earth.

That’s what the government will tell you, what you’ll see in the papers and learn in history classes for generations to come. People have beaten the subject of mutation into the ground- they’ve made podcasts about what powers they’d like to have, written articles about the societal consequences to treating anyone different as less than the rest of us, done scientific research on the short-lived ‘mutant phenomenon,’ studied the ruins of Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters, hypothesized about their evolution and extinction.

The world was left reeling in the aftermath of the incident in Westchester. Questions arose of limitations on powers, mutant control, the threat these otherworldly abilities might pose- the same old arguments, time and time again.

But none of it matters now. Charles Xavier is dead, the X-Men are gone, and there are no more mutants.

Well… almost.

Logan Howlett is one of the rare few that are left, a survivor of the last recorded ‘mutant disturbance.’ He has one goal in life- take care of an ailing Charles Xavier. That’s it. Nothing else matters to him anymore.

Rowan Hawthorne has spent years living life in the shadows, trying his best to keep the demons of his past at bay. He wants to settle into a quieter life, one that doesn’t involve so many things that could haunt him- but for now, he’s on a mission.

One is determined to uncover the truth behind his past, the other is intent on burying the past forever. When their worlds meet, they find themselves inexplicably bound together.

The world wants to bring them down. The question is, will they let it?

══✿══╡°˖✧✿✧˖°╞══✿══

series masterlist

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ chapter one - the neighborhood keeps getting smaller [coming soon!]

tags: @flowersforbucky @gewrgia-black @atleastpleasetelephone @namikyento @r0ttedcherubim @logaenhowlett @th3mrskory @pidgeypidge-pidge @thinkinonsense

if anyone wishes to be added to or removed from the taglist for this series and/or any of my taglists, please let me know!

[american-horror-whore]

what are your opinions on natalie? i feel like we haven't seen her and evan in a while.

woo, okay, so (long ramble under the cut)

To start off, as i’m aware they haven’t been seen together (relationship wise) since october, though they were spotted hanging out, as what was assumed by many, as friends + accompanied by someone else. As far as the fandom is aware, they didn’t spend Christmas, Thanksgiving, or New Year together, considering Nat was in Australia (her ex was assumed to be around the same area, as he made a post on his story near the same location but take that with a grain of salt since the story is no longer available) and Evan was assumed to be in St. Louis.

As far as my stance goes, i’m neutral on her. there’s some things i like about her, and some things I don’t like, which we’ll be talking about here. as of recent, i’ve heard on many accounts she’ll block anyone that asks about evan. she also turned off her comment section after an argument with a fan where she had called the bond between her and Evan, a ‘friendship’, which threw off many of us. Another account stated that back during the coachella ‘scandal’, she had her friends take a video of her and Evan (while he was assumed to be intoxicated, because well it’s a music festival) and send it off to Deuxmoi, which was then confirmed by them in a podcast, saying the video was sent in by someone in Natalie’s “inner circle”. That part was later cut out of the podcast episode after someone, most likely natalie, reached out to them. she also stated in the comment section argument that she was ‘traumatized’ from said incident, when there is in fact footage of her looking straight at the camera while being on top of him, and she still allows herself to be tagged in that video on instagram, not even attempting to remove it. i personally consider that extremely contradicting, but that’s just my opinion.

I was never ever one to dislike her from the start. I had a hopeful stance on her, but there’s been a few ‘fishy’ incidents with her, and i’ve been trying to dig up as much proof as possible. She seemed like a good-intentioned person, and I don't particularly hate her, but I do wish she wouldn't try these mind games with Evan's fandom, it's like a whole “where's waldo” situation in all of her stories and it's why i’ve been kind of fed up with her. she’d starting to irritate me and adding more things to the pile that make me like her less and less. she doesn't benefit my time at all, which is why i try not to dwell on her too much, but she can’t seem to escape my fyps and dashes. most of the aforementioned evidence was sadly lost after the original evan peters subreddit was privated. I’m currently in contact with a few of the original screenshot sharers to see if they still have them and I will edit this post one I gather the receipts. I’ve been very very open minded about her until these incidents came up, and i still try to be open minded, but it’s started to get a bit difficult. I understand this post might get some backlash, but at this point, it’s my blog, and people on the internet have no say in my actual life. anon, thank you for allowing me to talk about this subject. anyone else who has thoughts, feel free to interact. a respectful back-and-forth is always welcome !!

and to everyone else, consider this my resumé for a position as an official evan peters gossip blog, as well as being a writer 🖤

[realtapiocafan]

hiiiiiii i was reading your tags from the fic snippet and learned something new in that i did not Know ja’marr moved to dallas omgg 😀 can u provide some more info on this ✍🏿✍🏿✍🏿

Ofc! (This is long)

So from what I gather, after opting out, Ja'Marr went back home (Harvey, Louisiana - close to NOLA) until about November, when he moved to Dallas to get ready for the draft. In the Najee-Jaylen-Ja'Marr house thing they did (which includes what Pro Day was like post-COVID and has some other videos about the draft itself), Ja'Marr says himself that he hasn't actually been at the LSU campus ever since he opted out. (Also if you look at his twitter, he was live-tweeting LSU games lol).

Everything else below are articles mentioning Ja'Marr going to Dallas, as well as some other information regarding COVID-era Ja'Marr, sprinkled with my own little comments in between 🙂

So first off, the Dallas thing is specifically mentioned in this article by the Advocate (I'm going to include the necessary paragraphs bc some of these are paywalled smh)

There were more uncertain times, too. Chase opted out of the 2020 season during preseason camp last year, a time in which the pandemic was surging and there was tension in the football operations building after a mishandled team meeting regarding the team's player-led march amid national protests against police brutality. Chase told reporters at LSU's Pro Day that his decision to leave was because "I had a lot of stuff going on with my family at the time." Chase dedicated his time toward becoming a professional. From November until March, he lived and worked out at the EXOS training facility in Dallas. After almost a year out of public sight, he coolly ran a 4.38-second 40-yard dash at pro day — an impressive enough time that Jimmy said coaches and trainers told Ja'Marr he could shut it down. "I came here to put on a show," Ja'Marr told them, then proceeded to run routes and individual drills.

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The Athletic (which i honestly trust more) goes more into detail into Ja'Marr's exact location. Apparently, Ja'Marr moved from Baton Rouge back home (it sounds like it was about September). Then in November, he went to Dallas. This article also includes some more information on Ja'Marr's experience in quarantine. That quote by Ja'Marr's dad really opened my eyes, because Ja'Marr was never really alone before this. He was always part of a team, always surrounded by people until... well, he wasn't. (Also now that I think about it, Ja'Marr did say he started watching tape because of Joe and apparently spent most of this year -which was away from Joe- watching tape... maybe it reminded him of Joe 👀)

Ja’Marr stayed in Baton Rouge initially after opting out in August. He remained close with his teammates, especially the receiving corps at first. But once the season cranked up, Ja’Marr moved back home, feeling a sense of isolation without football... “We kept him close to home. We noticed that he was struggling a little bit. Life without football. Life without a team. His whole life changed. It was his first time not playing sports since he was a young kid. Gamedays were the hardest day.” One thing jumped out to Jimmy as they watched games together, though. He never fully grasped his son’s football IQ. “We watched the games with him,” Jimmy said. “He would call the plays before the snap was gone.  And he would say how Terrace (Marshall) needs to do this because the defense is about to do this. And Racey (McMath) needs to do this so he needs to watch out for this. He’d call the play and I was like, ‘Damn!’ It would happen just like he said. So sitting out actually helped in that sense. He never really watched football. He was always playing. Now all he could do was watch it. He told me and I saw how much it helped him.” Watching games with Ja’Marr, his parents sensed his pent-up energy. He was healthy, but he wasn’t playing. The energy fed right into Ja’Marr’s passion for working out. He’d run to the gym often after games to let that energy free. The regimented workout routine really kicked up about six months ago. “He’s been at EXOS (A Dallas-based training facility) since November,” Jimmy said. “They had an opt-out session group that started out where they would work out three days a week. So he started out there at the end of October or early November. That lasted until the end of December. Then in January, he started getting into the more combine workouts. He’s been working hard and getting stronger. That’s really the only thing that’s been keeping him sane is working. That’s all he could do.”

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This Sports Illustrated article further confirms he was in Dallas for at least part of 2020-2021. It also adds that Ja'Marr was so pent-up that he apparently wanted to opt back in (probably bothered by LSU being kinda shit that year -that third game, LSU lost 45-41 💀).

He spent the off-year training in Dallas, studying film and watching his former college teammates struggle through to a 5-5 COVID-impacted 2020 season. What many don’t know, his dad says, is Chase nearly returned to LSU midseason. “People don’t realize how close he was to coming back,” Jimmy says. “After the third game, he was watching and jumped off the sofa after they lost. He said ‘I’m about to opt back in!’ It was killing him.” The family seriously explored whether Chase would have been eligible to return (Jimmy says Ja’Marr would have) and spoke to coaches at length about his reinstatement. In the end, Ja’Marr remained on the sidelines. 

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This Washington Post article also goes more into depth about the impact COVID had on Ja'Marr's family and what went into the decision to opt-out (Ja'Marr apparently has a hole in his heart which SHOCKED me the first time I read it) (It also goes the most in depth into Ja'Marr's aghast reaction at Les Miles saying he should be a DB and why Ja'Marr didn't want to commit to LSU at first)

But that March, Jimmy Chase says, their family began suffering from flu-like symptoms, and older son Jimmy Jr. and Toleah would be hospitalized with what they later learned was covid-19. “I was like: Shake it off, man,” Jimmy Chase Sr. says. “I can’t die now.” During a most unpredictable spring, when the coronavirus pandemic paused sports and shut down the world, the Chase family survived but eventually learned about “long covid” and the heart and respiratory problems some patients reported. Jimmy Chase says his son’s heart problem has healed, but it remained a frightening preexisting condition and again placed the father and son on opposite sides of a tense debate.

~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ · ~ ·

Last thing, if you were wondering about the team meeting in the first article, here's what information i found. Again, I don't know how reliable The Advocate actually is and unlike the article above, this is literally the only source I found that mentions this. I don't recall Ja'Marr or any other LSU players saying anything remotely negative about Orgeron - most of them say he was a great coach!

(At the same time, an old white guy giving ... maybe not racist, but tone-deaf advice to a bunch of college-aged black men, in the height of Black Lives Matter -it's not out of the question.)

Multiple sources told The Advocate that team morale turned south before the season even began, when a large group of players felt Orgeron mishandled a team meeting regarding the team's player-led march in August amid national protests against police brutality. The players skipped practice that day, met outside Tiger Stadium and marched to the university president's office without Orgeron, who later told reporters he didn't know about the protest before it happened. Orgeron met up with the players at the president's office and took part in a meeting that lasted about an hour. He later told reporters he and the players talked "about the things they're going through and how we can be a part of the solution." Privately, the meeting did not come off as productive as described. Orgeron and some players were upset during the meeting, multiple sources said, and while some players said the situation could've been handled better by all sides, other players left feeling Orgeron wasn't supportive. Three days after the meeting, star wide receiver Ja'Marr Chase announced he was opting out of the season, joining starting nickel safety Kary Vincent in preparing for the NFL draft. By the end of the week, starting nose tackle Tyler Shelvin opted out as well.

[joyful-soul-collector]

random numbers from the ask game: 4,5,19,22,38,55

4. what are you looking forward to?

I'm looking forward to hopefully being in some singing lessons soon! I sent an application and I'm waiting for them to get back to me :D

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?

Ngl it's totally my cat. Her name is Catt Murdock, and I love her so much. I love my friends, family, blah blah blah, but she can never fail to make me smile haha

19. have you ever been to New York?

Yes! I saw Wicked on Broadway there when my school had a field trip for the music students! I loved it, had a ton of fun :D

22. description of crush.

They're my friends and random tik tokkers lol. I get multiple crushes at a time, but with my friends I have crushes on, 1. some have partners already (and don't want more lol), 2. We have some fundamental differences that I think would make up incompatible ultimately. Biggest one is that they can be self destructive, and closed off when they're upset. That and they're into spirituality, witchcraft, crystals and stuff. I'm perfectly fine with that, up until it starts warring with logic and that just makes me upset haha.

38. favourite comedian(s)

Either James Acaster or Taylor Tomlinson, I genuinely love them so much haha. Both have hilarious bits about queer and trans people (and actually funny, not just being shitty to queer folks), and I love them.

55. tumblr friends

Oh I have a few! We haven't been in touch much since I abandoned tumblr for a bit but some of em are still here! @sarah-sandwich @bitchqueen1114 @romanarose @howaboutcastiel @my-secret-shame @enigmatist17 @copingchaos @drifting-pieces-blog-blog @official-impravidus @spagbol99 @peter-is-a-bean @doctordumblesstark @alicecasch @jelly-pies @sunnylemonss @littlemissagrafina @ferretshark

Tbh I just went through my following and tagged the people who 1. I'm mutuals with, 2. is still active lol 3. I remember their username, and remember looking forward to their posts, which means their user hasn't changed in like 2 years at least haha. There's probably more people ngl, but if they changed their user and/or profile picture I'm not sure who they are. Anyways I totally recommend these blogs, thanks for staying my mutuals even after my absence!

[xxplastic-cubexx]

🧙‍♀️🐈‍⬛

[lotus-pear]

i think you guys are onto smth..

i unironically got invested in this HELP

[imerian]

Vr46 academy keychains

Set of five charms that all match in different ways

˚　　　　✦　　　.　　. 　 ˚　.　　　　 . ✦　　˚　

Open for detailed pictures of each one

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ *ੈ✩‧₊˚

ִֶָ 𓂃˖˳·˖ ִֶָ ⋆★⋆ ִֶָ˖·˳˖𓂃 ִֶָ

:･ﾟ✧:･.☽˚｡･ﾟ✧:･.:

˖⁺‧₊˚⭒✮⭒˚₊‧⁺˖

. ݁₊ ✶. ݁ ˖ˎˊ˗

I ran out of tags so I'll say it here but i would greatly appreciate a reblog, especially if you share your thoughts on these pieces in tags (⁠｡⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧

(Also i forgot that bez have matching part with luca so I didn’t add that to tags sorry

[garbagequeer]

my most old little lady opinion is that it is actually off putting when people go on their phones a lot during a hang out. not saying if it's disrespectful or whatever but it definitely does not help curate the vibe + people do it when they get bored and it actually makes the boring lulls even more boring and harder to break since the other person has disengaged + if done often becomes a habit or an easy fallback which makes it happen more. like if you get why pulling up your phone while watching a movie makes you less engaged and less able to appreciate it fully you can just extrapolate that to other activities that aren't supposed to be interchangable sources of entertainment. like spending time with people you love. it's easy

[youling-the-ghost]

More handwritten fanfiction!!

I've decided to just write this entire bubbamiah fic in my notebook and honestly it's so much fun to write on paper. I've said this before but I genuinely recommend you try this out if you're a writer, even if it's just for a bit. It makes you think about your word choices more because it's so much harder to edit a mistake when it's on paper.

[2hoothoots]

i was having a chuckle to myself last night about Gristol, and how his plans are basically:

Restore Ford Cruller's memory

Find Maligula

???

Profit

but then... of course they are, right? this is Gristol we're talking about. Fatherland Follies drives home again and again that he's still operating on a child's logic, a warped and reductive version of the world that he never bothered to grow out of. both of his memory vaults center on the images of his childhood, this idealized version of the past that he clings to no matter what. and that's still how he remembers Maligula, too - as this saviour figure, who rushes in to help him when he's in trouble.

[ID: Two slides from Gristol's memory vault, Glory to Grulovia! Left: Gristol clings to Maligula's back as she summons waves to sweep away his assailants. Right: Gristol and Maligula waving from a balcony as the people cheer. Gzar Theodore brandishes a dagger in the background.]

like so much else, Maligula represents a return to this idyllic childhood - to the peace and simplicity of his youth, when he was free from worries and responsibilities. in his mind, he doesn't need to make any further plans - once Maligula's back, everything will go back to normal. Maligula will make everything better.

...is what i thought, but then i remembered this line:

[Screenshot source. ID: Gristol, in Truman's body, bows on his hands and knees in front of the newly-awaked Maligula. The caption reads: "Yes, High Priestess! I am here to correct the mistakes made by my father!"]

and that's kind of interesting, right?

to be clear: this happens directly after Maligula sees Helmut-in-Gristol's-body, and recognises him. her line before this is:

"Little Gzesaravich! Have you come to pay for your father's sins?"

my first thought was that Gristol hadn't expected to still be in Truman's body by the time he managed to find Maligula, and this was him trying to placate her and buy some time until he could explain the situation. but watching the cutscene back, that's clearly not what's happening here. Gristol is answering as himself, and his response of throwing himself to his knees before her is, as far as i can tell, genuine.

so what is going on here?

in Fatherland Follies, there's this line in the ride narration that stuck out to me:

"Why didn't the Gzar help Maligula in her time of need? No one knows, but historians agree - it is Gzar Theodore's biggest failure."

other lines mention Gzar Theodore's "mistake", and it's wording Gristol himself echoes in the screencap above. evidently, he believes that his father abandoned Maligula, leaving her to her fate at the hands of the Psychonauts, and it was that mistake that lead to them being driven out of the country - that mistake which he seeks to correct. maybe he even feels like he has a debt to repay to her for his family turning their backs on her all those years ago.

the 'High Priestess' thing, though - that's kinda weird, and threw me for a loop the first time i played the game. it took me until my second playthrough to connect the dots, and remember how the room in the Lady Luctopus - Gristol's room - was full of Delugionist scribblings and symbols.

[Screenshot source. ID: left, the walls of the hidden backroom in Gristol's hotel suite, covered in scrawlings of eyeballs and Maligula's name. Right, the pinboard from the hidden backroom. On its surface are photographs and newspaper clippings connected by pieces of string.]

i mean, look at this stuff! he had a whole conspiracy board and everything!

we learn very little about the Delugionists and their beliefs as a whole during the game, but i think drawing the connection here suggests two important things. one: that Gristol was in deep with this stuff. i don't know how he linked up with them - maybe via old family connections, or just good old-fashioned digging (we know he's skilled at worming his way into peoples' good graces, after all) - but it seems likely that he's begun to internalise their ideas, maybe even warping his own memories of events. and two: the Delugionists themselves are, if you'll pardon the pun, pretty far off the deep end.

like... i understand why PN2 didn't go heavy on the "mass-murderer cult worship" aspect of things, in the end, but man this is such a tantalising glimpse into the wider mythos around Maligula. Gristol is proud and haughty and thinks himself above everyone else; the fact that his first reaction seeing Maligula is to throw himself to the ground at her feet says so much about the way he's come to see her. he's not just trying to bring back Maligula, his childhood bodyguard. he's trying to bring back Maligula, the High Priestess of the deluge, the semi-mythical figure whose supporters believe even death couldn't stop. he doesn't even flinch at the way she confronts him, and maybe it's because he's bought in so completely to this deified figurehead, this idea of Maligula; more a living force of nature than a person. and it all comes back to the same place: an abdication of responsibility, not just to the person who protected him when he was little but to this avatar of floods and destruction. Maligula will make everything better.

i'd write more about my thoughts on the Delugionists but that'd be taking a hard turn into speculation, and this is already kind of long and rambling so i'd better end it here. but what an unexpected and evocative line, right? it's some of the only stuff we have to go off of regarding the Delugionists as a whole, but i think it does such a good job of hinting at the wider story - at teasing another layer to the mythos surrounding Maligula, one whose ripples we see throughout the game but which never quite breaches the surface.