#<- so thats certainly a lot of fun when you have to type a lot but your finger is bruised :<

[skitskatdacat63]

Girls when it's finals week and instead of working on their mountain of coursework, they spend 5 hours researching and writing a fandom post....

[cybrasigilism]

how dae-ho would act like if he had a crush on reader and how he’d ask them out

this is too cute! i desperately need to write for dae-ho more, he’s just such a sweetheart i fear :>

Crush Headcanons! (Player 388/Kang Dae-ho Headcanons)

warning: no smut! | lowercase intended | not proofread! | these are my headcanons for this character, please be respectful even if my opinions on the character differ from your own :)

character: kang dae-ho (player 388)

A/N: this is a mix of headcanons + drabble but i hope thats alright it’s nice to take a break from smut every now and again :) i’ve got lots of dae-ho in my requests so i’ll try my best to feed you all .3. of course, i hope you enjoy!

   ────  ☽⃝ ────

⟢ the moment he first took notice of you as everyone was getting their photos taken for the games, he was completely starstruck. from that point forward, dae-ho found his eyes being drawn to you wherever you guys were

⟢ he felt a new sense of urgency to make sure you lived throughout these games, after red light green light he made a vow with himself to ensure you were protected at all costs. he was quick to introduce himself post the first game, and you guys were fast friends.

⟢ he’s not the type to be insecure or jealous when he sees you interacting with the other men inbetween games. there was few men you did talk to anyways, seeing as most of them either got on your nerves or intimidated you way too much. however, he did find himself a tiny bit jealous when he saw how easily you got along with the other guys in his group

⟢ you didn’t end up making it on dae-ho’s team for the six legged pentathlon, but he did his best to calm your nerves before the game started up. he promised he would cheer you on and that he definitely did. he definitely lit up when you ran up to him afterwards, going on about how worried you were about him after you left

⟢ he 100% would share his food with you, especially if he noticed you were particularly shaken up after a game

⟢ adding onto the last piece, dae-ho will also definitely try to cheer you up after the games

⟢ i think he would definitely hold off on asking you out, especially during such a high stakes situation as the squid games. at some point later on, when you guys are closer, you two will promise to see more of each other once the games are finished.

⟢ although dae-ho certainly isn’t one to start a fight, he will put himself between you and any unruly players who try to start something with you. he doesn’t have any trouble putting someone in their place if he feels you would be in any sort of danger

⟢ insisted that you slept with his group during lights out, so he could watch over you and be certain on your safety when you were sleeping

⟢ 100% hugs you tightly after the mingle game, especially if you two got separated. you could tell he didn’t want to let you go at this point, as he was definitely worried that you didn’t make it into a group before the time ran out

⟢ will for sure ask you all about your life before the games, and even about what you’ll do with the prize money when you guys get out

────  ☽⃝ ────

apologies for the less headcanons this time around! i saw more opportunities for small drabbles between the headcanons and i had to seize it! i had a lot of fun writing this out, and i hope you guys all had just as much fun reading it! as always any advice/constructive criticism on how i can improve my writing is appreciated and requested

have a splendid day lovelies 💋

tags: @gongyoosgf @agorsnotsworld @kvstjwonnie @marymustdie @pink-apples001 @wonestro @luvlyfandoms @putrescentpoet

[sadly-in-active]

What type of yandere do you think the Ancients would be if they were one

Thank you for the idea anon <3

Yandere Ancients x Reader

Summary: Oh, lookie, lookie here! It seems that you've managed to charm each and every ancient into loving you dearly...a bit too dearly perhaps. But that's just how they show their affections, right? Maybe that one cookie you were talking to the other day is alright and well and not dead in a closet?

TW: Stalking, manipulation, murder, threatening, not beta read and has never done yandere hcs before. Have fun pookies :D

(It goes from least scariest yandere to most)

REMEMBER WHAT I SAID WHEN I HAD NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE 😭

Hollyberry Cookie

She's definitely attached to you, thats for sure.

You know love bombing? Make it like she's sending a tactical nuke right towards your heart.

She's very clingy, but would allow you to go and do things on your own, you just have to tell her what you did and where you went. Oh, and who exactly you were with.

Hollyberry would never lay a finger on you in a harmful way. Why would she if she knows you'll never want to hurt her affectionate and adorable heart?

Golden Cheese Cookie

She treasures you much, much more then any piece of gold or glittering item she could ever create in her kingdom. The kingdom would be worthless without you in it.

Golden Cheese would stalk you and your every move, sometimes even commanding the marzipan cookies to follow you and photograph your day.

Talking to someone that wasn't the Golden Sovereign? Consider them gone, turned to dust in mere seconds.

She's a goddess! Why would you not want to worship her as much as she does to you..?

It would almost make her sad. Luckily, her best option is to make you do it.

And how could refuse such godly words and beautiful voice?

White Lily Cookie

She’s certainly worse then most of the Ancients. White Lily may just keep you inside the Faerie Kingdom at all times, perhaps even convincing Elder Faerie to keep you under house arrest. Although, she wouldn��t tell you specifically…

White Lily always had her eyes on you, the way you smiled at her words, how you hold her close and say how much you love her.

And she’ll convince you almost every time that you need her.

How could you refuse such a sad and pouty face she makes every time you want to doubt her? It’s almost pitying.

Knowing her goals and past, she would want you to reassure her that you love her, no matter what.

No matter what.

Dark Cacao Cookie

He CANNOT lose you. Anything that you do must be monitored.

Hell, he may even want to use Affogato Cookie’s old spells to keep you under his watch, all agreeable and soft..

He has threatened you once or twice whenever you try to question his judgement, saying stuff like:

“My love, don’t fret. I’m only protecting you.”

But your fears and suspicions were confirmed after one of the Watchers you were talking to suddenly went missing the next day. All you did was say hello and made small talk…

You knew he lost a lot, of course he had the right to be protective over you.

Except being so overprotective and going so far as to…eliminate someone out of sheer jealousy?

You had caused this situation. This was worse then what Affogato Cookie did to the King, because you were doing it completely on accident.

So, to stop hurting anyone else, you just…accepted his love, remaining safe and unharmed within the citadel, avoiding everyone in case of another accident.

Pure Vanilla Cookie

He was supposed to be a pure soul. Someone who’d never do anything horrible or wrong…

Yet when he met you, he instantly got attached. Why? Not even he could explain. You just had some sort of connection with him that made Pure Vanilla love you so dearly.

He definitely hurt you while you were sleeping once or twice, and the feeling of watching you thank him after healing you was…exhilarating.

His habits started from little cuts on your legs to full blown “love” bites and deep cuts on your arms and hands.

At first, you didn’t realize it was him, but after becoming concerned by how much it was happening, you decided to pretend sleeping and wait until something happened.

And it was an understatement that you were shocked.

It was more…terrifying, honestly.

And when you confronted him? He practically almost broke down crying, pulling on your clothes and begging for forgiveness and that he wouldn’t do it again.

Oh, how a King fell so far from purity, nobody will know.

Because after this incident, you forgave him. Surely he was going to stop? You loved him after all, of course he wouldn’t do it again..

And he didn’t. The reason? It’s because you’ve started to lose sleep now. At a concerning point…

Was that coffee in the air? No, just vanilla, as usual…

[the-s1lly-corner]

hello I hope ur request are open! If not be free to ignore this!! Okay so TADC x y/n? (The amazing digital circus also it can be muti characters or one!! The choice is yours!! ^ ^)

OKAY OKAY SO WHAT IF..🥁🥁🥁 y/n was like Jessica rabbit from "who framed roger rabbit" 👀 and was very like motherly to everyone but when she was called doll,/toots,/ect, by jax or anyone SHE WOULD PUNCH THEM HARDDDD (kinda like the lola bunny fanfic??) Also she is like one inch taller then jax (she a tall women👀❤️)

(HAVE FUN WITH THIS IDEA!! DONT RUSH YOURSELF TO DO IT TAKE UR TIME ON IT!! AND DRINKS LOTS OF WATER AND EAT FOOD!! HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY/NIGHT!!🫶🫶)

Digital Circus x a jessica rabbit-type reader!

since im a little melty brain from blasting through a bunch of requests today im going to do part of the cast! mostly characters i think would be interesting with this kind of reader as well as some characters i just wanna write more of (cough cough kinger cough cough)(i was originally going to do gangle as well but uhuh!!) ...this reminds me ive never watched who framed roger rabbit... or rather i have, but its been so long that ive truly forgotten nearly every aspect of the movie relying on the character wiki talking about her personality to guide me through this

CAINE:

caines and jax's parts are both likely going to be on the shorter side thanks to both of their cores holding similar themes in regards to half of the idea

anyways he's going to call you pet names, especially if he's interested in you.. good luck trying to land anything on him, though, he's going to easily zoom through the air

okay nod to the lola bunny request aside, i think caine would be just head (jaw?) over heels for you, i mean, he would be anyways, but something about your caring and quick witted personality

probably makes literal heart eyes at you and audibly goes "awooga"

absolutely loves watching you do your thing during the in house adventures, on the few times he actually spectates them; though you may or may not be the reason he watches

seems like the kind of person to call you "hot stuff" or "babe"

doesn't really care about the height difference since he rarely ever stands on the ground anyways, plus he doesn't care how small he is

JAX:

to get a good idea of how jax would interact with you, i recommend this similar post! hope this links correctly, im still new to linking stuff in my posts!!

a lot of elements from the post above bleed into this, but lets add some more to it to make it a little more unique to the jessica rabbit idea!

takes it upon himself to try to get some sort of reaction out of you, outside of the name stuff... which proves to be a little harder than he thought.. actually, oddly enough, you seem to enjoy his antics?

well thats certainly new to him...

aaaaaand oh! hey would you look at that you've officially caught his attention, congratulations!

does not take too kindly to being the new second tallest, though... sure you're barely taller than him but its the principle! how can he lord his height over everyone else now!

KINGER:

so here's where i may be biased since i love kinger and i wish more people wrote for him, so his part may be a little longer, we'll see! i write these lil notes as i work on the post

right away i dont think he would call you any of the petnames listed above, or anything similar. i think, should you guys get on a nickname basis he would call you sweeter ones, "my love," "my darling", "my sweetheart", and similar stuff!

does not have lightning reflexes like jax and caine but if the names genuinely do bother you he would likely stop, you'll just have to remind him

imma be so real this man needs someone to stand back and just be there for him because he is going through it, so to have someone in his corner who has his best interests at heart will really do a lot for him

no comment on the height difference since kinger is pretty tall himself (and hes taller than jax! the only reason jax isnt upset about that is because kinger is always hunched), but i dont think he gives a darn about height

i am once again thinking about the in house adventure prompt with kinger that i had earlier, where he gets stuck somewhere and you have to go rescue him... this + that prompt, JUMPS UP N DOWN

[twst-drabbles]

How about yandere with either cater or vil (maybe both if you dont mind) trying to fight for you anyway they can. Id love if there were tears, bruises and a lot of nsfw if thats alright ¤v¤

Cater 5

Summary: You really should've blocked Cater the moment he sent you those pictures, but there's a morbid part of you that's curious. And so, you end up wanting to give him a taste of his own medicine.

(Got struck with an idea that I thought was neat. Got pretty long so I couldn't stuff as much nsfw stuff as I could've wanted. The stuff that is there is... well it painful nsfw stuff, you'll see what I mean. Either way! Enjoy!)

You've come to know Cater as a liar. A fun liar, the drama queen type that likes to exaggerate things for the sake of either getting more views or just get more engagement out of people. He stretches out stories in such a weird way that it entertains you.

As such, when he texted you that he got his ass beat from trying to "clear your name," or whatever, you thought it was just another one of his stories. Perhaps he got slapped to kingdom come, or his clothes or hair got damaged. The students here in this college are prissy like that, preferring less the messiness of physical fighting and more the magical variety.

Then he sent you a selfie. Took a picture of himself in front of a mirror, shirt open as if to entice you, with belt loose and everything. "Like what you see?"

You never took him for a masochist, but the evidence was all on display.

Dark purple bruises littered his ribs, torso practically warped with those swelled up lumps of skin. The knuckles of Cater's hand were scrapped, a large blister over his forearm, and a long cut that traveling from his wrist all the way to his elbow.

He should be in the hospital, but he was smiling with bitten lips and red eyes, as if nothing is wrong with the world. It was painful to look at and you texted as such.

"Oh come on, it's not that bad! You should see what I did to the other guy. Lookie here!"

…there was exposed bone, glittering with it's drying viscera as the sun laid its gaze upon it. Two of Cater's clones grinned with missing teeth, giving peace signs to the camera as a body laid prone on the grass, face twisted away all the way around into the ground.

Sometimes, you forget how dangerous magic is, and how fatal it can be when combines with the brutal need to hurt and maim.

You did not ask Cater to do this. You're in a college as a magicless half-student, filled to the brim with people who's egos are constantly on the hunt for something to feast on. You happen to be a rather perfect target, a person that everyone can talk shit about because what are you gonna do? You have no magic, no family, no nothing in this world, so therefore, no standing or power to ever defend yourself with.

Naturally you had to complain, and who better to have listen than Cater? He's always hungry for drama and you certainly had a lot to give.

That and you were always under the impression that he wouldn't do anything drastic, at least, wouldn't kill someone.

"Now you don't have to worry about this little hater for a bit, okay? See you tomorrow, love ya!"

…so, what do you do? Simple. You go to sleep, and pretend that he doesn't exist. Because you know what happens when you try and tell the teachers anything? Crowley gets a whiff of it somehow, then silences the situation until things are back to normal. Normal, at the expense of you.

Again, what can you do? You just do what's in your power. Ignore, ignore and ignore.

This college was always strange. You never should've made the mistake of trying to find any sort of familiar comfort here.

Days passed and more photos were sent. You didn't reply, but you always saw because you couldn't keep your curiosity at bay. A cycle of Cater getting himself hurt on his hunts, then him showing off the injuries to you in the form of a collage of selfies in increasingly salacious poses.

In one picture, he was straight up grabbing himself. On that day, you didn't look at his texts at all. And so, he begged you to not block him, to at least mark his messages as read so he can cling onto the fantasy that you're looking at him, you got an idea.

"Send me a clone. One clone. And it better be a clone and not you."

It was the middle of the night, you should've waited until after class to send the text. But oh well, the clone--probably--is here, happy and waiting. Looks pretty bright-eyed and bushy tailed for someone that keeps getting beat up for the sake of your attention.

It was… annoying, irritating.

You didn't wait. You stabbed him with the skewer you forgot to put away, right on your front porch. He fell upon the rotting wood floor and curled over his stomach. His eyes were wide, tears leaking out from the pain. Now if only his mouth would stop those yearning moans.

"Quiet, Grim's sleeping." You tried stabbing his spine but bone is a lot harder to pierce through. Instead, it sank between a rib and through a lung. And Cater, listening to you, covered his mouth. "Hold still."

You didn't like him looking at you, so you grabbed his hair and forced his head to bow at your feet. His throat bobbed, and you stabbed that too. It… wasn't as messy as you thought it would be. There was blood, there was gurgling, but it wasn't a gash.

When you were done, when this clone became a still body, you brought out your phone and took a picture. You sent to Cater without any words.

Thirty minutes later, Cater sent you a voice message. You knew that if you clicked it, you would be subjected to a disgusting session of self pleasure.

"Thank you," he texted, as if you gave him something most delicious. How gross.

"Send me another clone tomorrow." Because, as messy as it initially was, it was fun. And, the clone was self cleaning.

[oh-no-its-bird]

sorry but I genuinely need to know what the outside perspective of stoner Itama is- the ultimate weed supplier of Konoha?? At what point do they draw the line with this guy 😭

A wonderful question that makes me lose my mind a little bit to even consider actually

So we've already talked about how in this verse, Itama and Tobirama were trained to fight together as a duo, so they probably have at least a battle reputation that's tied pretty closely together

Actually hmm I'm thinking and that could cause problems for Izuna specifically, bc him and tobirama are on even ground and Itama would definatley tip the scales there

Ok so rewind -> they're trained to fight together and fucking terrifying, but for Reasons(tm) Itama tends to stick close to home base as a last line of defense / resident healer and clan poison master

When they send Tobirama and Itama out together it's to get shit DONE. Maybe Hashirama, in his desire for peace, actually specifically leaves him behind bc he knows if the twins go out on the battlefield together, certain pieces he doesn't want moved will certainly be doing some goddamn moving

As such, he doesn't have much of a reputation / maybe there's some sort of rumor ab him being sickly floating around

This also means he can do fun spy things bc no one knows what he looks like!! Which is even more reason to keep him off the battlefield, yayy

Funny bit where Itama and Izuna run into eachother in the wild and Itama totally knows who this guy is but Izuna has no idea who he is. Maybe they help eachother out a bit and Itama makes a joke about how he got separated from his brother, who's "tall and grumpy and acts like a cute little kitty cat <3"

And Izuna is like, haven't seen him, sorry

Then Tobirama shows up and Izuna is screeching "THATS Bibi-chan???" As Itama uwus and goes "I told you didn't I? My bibi-chan is tall and grumpy and acts like a cute kitty cat <333"

(Izuna feels like he's having an aneurysm)

Blah blah blah Konoha is made early yayy friendship peace and ninja drugs galore what a beautiful world we live in

The consensus on Itama inside Konoha is that he's very nice and the most reasonable / easy to work with of the 3 Senju brothers (HIGHLY debatable, they are all insane in very different ways)

Anyone who meets him personally within professional bounds finds him very charming and soft spoken, with the type of personality on the surface that'd make you think he isn't fit for shinobi work (which, to any shinobi worth their salt, is a red flag in itself)

Itama is very conscious of public opinions, and he's friends with Izuna who's like got spy master vibes going on for him— they probably collaborate together sometimes in that field. So he has a good grasp on what people think of him / how to manipulate that

OUTSIDE of the village, since Itama mostly avoided public eye for so long, he doesn't have too much of a reputation. Even after he started going out with Tobirama on public missions regularly, bc of Tobirama's own big reputation, whenever they do insane shit it tends to be attributed to him— not the harmless looking guy standing innocently behind him

Konoha's secret weapon,,

Anyways !! I don't think the fact that Itama is specifically the mind behind the really good konoha weed is public knowledge. It's definitely known that it's a Senju product, and a lot of people probably assume it's Hashirama

Itama IS however known as the guy who totally always has that good ninja weed, and he's totally always on staff as one of the first faces any visiting important people see. He's so disarming, he's great at charming dignitaries

He and Izuna probably get sent to the capital whenever they need court representation actually. Konoha's pretty politics duo here to smile nicely and feed you pretty lies

What the fuck was I talking about again

RIGHT OK SO

Outside of the village people don't really know Itama has as much importance / influence as he does, due to a mix of on purpose subterfuge and just everyone around him having really big reputations that he carefully allows to overshadow his own

It benefits him :)

They never see the Itama inquisition coming

<- This also means that when he does insane shit he never fails to get "oh what the fuck" reactions from anyone new around him (he finds the process of watching people realize he's just as bad / possibly even WORSE than his brothers very, very funny)

[stedebonnit]

Okay but what if Ed and Stede occasionally have guests at their little inn that are not safe to be openly gay around, and the first time this happens they convince themselves they can just pretend to be friends, that'll be easy!! But every time they look at each other they just can't stop themselves from getting all lovey or pushing each other into a closet to fuck. They get caught and threatened, so they just kill that guy, of course.

"But," Ed says, "thats no way to run a good business."

They can't make a habit of killing every rich guy who visits just because they don't like gay people. They'd never get any stuffy rich guests that way, and while they're certainly not the only rich people, they also don't want to limit their market that way.

So, the next time a rich fucker comes to visit they decide pretending to be friends doesn't work, so instead they'll just have to have one of them dress as a woman. Stede offers, saying Ed already had to learn the high society rules for men and this is a lot of information in a short time before their guest arrives, so it'll probably be easier if Stede does it, he'll know how to act like these people expect women to act. Ed agrees, of course, but the second he sees Stede in the pretty dress (and right after having sex with Stede about it because damn he looks good in that dress) Ed finds himself daydreaming about wearing it himself. He'd make a pretty lady, too, wouldnt he?

So once this guy leaves with a promise that he'll tell all his buddies to come and visit, too, Ed turns to Stede and goes "can I be the lady next time? I want to try to the dress."

Stede eagerly agrees, now that Ed has seen the way to be a fancy high society lady it should be easy for him to repeat the process, and besides, it means Stede (who has begun to make his own clothes) can make Ed a custom fit dress for the occassion that suits him even better, and Stede always loves to take on a fun new project!

When the time rolls around and Ed is dressed up for their next guest (and after Stede has fucked Ed thoroughly about it because HE looks hot as hell in his dress), Stede starts fussing over the dress.

"It would look nicer if you tied it like this-"

"Fuck off, I like the way I tied it."

"I'm just saying you could-"

"I could, but I don't want to," Ed snips, smacking Stede's hands away with the fancy little fan he made for himself.

"Its just it would really look nice if-"

Ed frowns, then it dawns on him.

"You're just jealous that I get to be the pretty one this time!"

Stede blushes "Pft. No! Besides, you were plenty pretty last time, too."

"Yeah, but you miss wearing the dress and having all the fancy frills and extra lace."

"...maybe. Only a little bit."

"Well I'm the girl this time, you promised!"

"Yes, of course, I know! Thats fine, of course-"

"But maybe we can take turns? You know, both get an equal number of chances to be frilly and shit."

Stede grins.

"I'd like that."

And so every time they have one of those guests, and even sometimes when they don't, they switch up who gets to wear the pretty dresses, and Stede gets busy making plenty more options for them both. Ed, in the meantime, has taken up the hobby of making a variety of accessories. Fans, bows, hair pieces. They both get incredibly talented at various updos that work for each of their hair types.

One time, when a familiar face is visiting, one who doesn't mind seeing two men in love, they decide its the perfect time for them both to dress up for the weekend, and they have a truly lovely time both getting to be fancy and frilly together for a weekend in their fancy dresses. Their guests don't question it.

[twistedwonderlandboiimagines]

Hello, I'd like to request a twst matchup if you don't mind, thank you <3

About me:

I'm Australian, chubby with an average build, 5'5 or 166cm tall. Panromatic-Asexual. INFP 4w5 - Been described as responsible and mature, or sweet and calming to be around. A pretty childish person, and kind of sensitive but I can brush most stuff off. Lil dumb to common sense, specially in social situations. I struggle to get into things, finding it embarrassing to do stuff in front of people. I have trouble deciding things for myself without affirmation from others. I have a habit of taking different traits from the people around me, but I hate it cause sometimes I can't tell if it's how I really act or just some mimic act. Forgetful! Specifically about myself, somehow. I like to look after and comfort people, or even just listen to them rant. I also have a habit of poking and prodding people, whether as a sign of affection, or just to remind myself that they are there.

Interests:

Gaming, researching obscure topics that catch my eye, frogs, old disney, sleeping and music. Also, sharp objects, not for any particular reason, just think they look pretty. An example would be pencils.

Dislikes:

People commenting on my appearance, positive or negative. When people judge something or someone before they get to know them. Loud rooms, overstimulation, overwork, being forced into things when I'm tired.

Love language:

Don't really have one. I'm willing to give and receive love in any kind of way.

Partner preferences:

I don't really have a type, I like all sorts of people. I can handle most negative traits in others. But, I do like people who are willing to take the time to listen to all my little rants, or try out the music I reccommend. Also, someone who's okay with things like holding hands and hugging, cause I need comfort sometimes. Head pats too, honestly.

Thank you again! Hope I'm not taking too much time out of your day.

spongeofaces, the bat-like fae seeking to claim your heart would be..

Lilia Vanrouge

I feel like Lilia is very adaptable when it comes to partners, but some of your traits would blend well with his own quite well!

You may be a bit childish, but so is he! He loves that side of you and for Lilia's preferences himself, a person that can let go and have fun is what he desires in a partner

When it comes to physical affection, he's willing to give everything you're comfortable with, especially the headpats (even though you're taller than him) and holding hands.

As a fellow rambler himself, he'd listen to you talk all the time, even if its a subject he doesn't know much about, itd certainly get him intrigued.

Lilia shares some of your hobbies! He'd love to game together and get into obscure topics with you! He'll be just as if not more invested than you are.

The fae has a lot of years under his belt, and wouldn't mind sharing some life advice with you and affirmations when you feel down. He raised Malleus and Silver so he's used to things like this.

He can be a bit forgetful as well due to his age (or at least thats what he claims) so you two can help remind each other of things!

Lilia is a bit of a collector, so if you like pencils and sharp things he'll pick up whatever he can find for you! (for better or worse-)

[saiyanwitcher]

I have been waiting for part one to be finished, because when I first started eyeing Prince of Death, it was close to being done. And oh my it hit just right. I devoured the whole thing.

I love it, my honor. It is the perfect combination of high-stakes plot, romance, main characters being a self-sacrificing dumbasses (always peak literature) and everything i was looking for. So from all those ingredients, you have created the perfect meal and I have been fed and watered and everything is great.

The whole thing just flows so nicely. You have a very clear, lovely writing voice.

I think I understood everything I needed to with ample additional mystery to be uncovered, but I never felt like I had no idea what was happening even though I had no prior knowledge of the universe. And this is indeed a feat, because honestly sometimes I read whole published books and I’m like, "Wait, what? WTF is happening?"

Another thing that is so hard to master, which you just got down here, is the pacing. It never stalls, but there are enough quiet moments for me to breathe and get to know the characters. And for Max and Charles to fall in high-stakes, low self-esteem love, which is just chef’s kiss.

Talking about Max and Charles, they are so dear to me in this fic. I live for the protective boyfriend trope and this is all set up for greatness in that regard. Kicking my feet, jumping in joy. I’m just overall a happy reader when it comes to this fic.

Also, I need to make a shout-out to all the effort you have put in outside of just writing the fic. All the pictures and posts and playlists. It adds a lot and I know that it must take effort and time; it is appreciated.

To conclude this rambly too long ask: thank you for writing this and sharing it with us. You are a gift and a treasure.

I may come here with some more superlatives later. I hope thats alright 😅

Hello there!

I always forget that people wait until fics are finished to start reading. I'm so impatient, I generally just jump right in and then get stuck on a cliffhanger and want to kms. I respect the self-control I definitely do not have!

So happy that you enjoyed part 1 ❤️ As I stated in my authors note at the start of the work, this is literally the first thing I've ever tried to write and I almost trashed the whole thing at least a dozen times through the learning process. I'm also pleased to hear that it isn't confusing or like boring to read (things I've been very worried about).

Pacing is something I wasn't quite sure if I got right either, so I appreciate the feedback! I love slow burn as much as the next person, but I also want to be engaged with a work and not get too bored with slice-of-life type stuff. I'm also a huge fan of "okay, we're together now, but the universe isn't going to let us be together," which is the definition of this entire fic. 🫣

If the angst doesn't make my chest doesn't ache every few chapters, I don't want it your honor lol

Max will continue to struggle with many different issues (as he should) in part 2, and Charles will have to learn what his triggers are and how to handle someone with such a traumatic past. He will be over protective and do some things that Charles/the reader might be confused by, but the poor guy has been through some shit, and he needs some time. I'm really looking forward to exploring that dynamic if I'm honest. I've read a lot of fic where it's either, all the trauma and no recovery or trauma happened off camera and it's all focused on recovery. Attempting to have both feels like a big ask, but I'm certainly going to try!

Making an edit for the start of each chapter was a fun idea I had starting on chapter 2, and then quickly got out of control by the time I was on chapter 20 😅 but I really like visual aids, and I will probably continue to make them for part 2 as well.

Come back any time as my ask box and DMs are always open! There's a lot of clues and subtle things in the finer details that may not have seemed important in the early chapters, but on second or third inspection, have HUGE implications on the later plot for this story.

[switch-writer]

Could I request Lee and Ler Buggy the clown hcs? (I'm so sorry)

Buggy The Clown Tickle Headcanons

A/N: I’ve seen both the live action and anime and we NOSE that BUGGY IS ON TOP 🗣️ So I had a lot of fun writing these HCs, I’ve been busy recently so I liked writing these in my spare time. So, do enjoy and feel free to request more! 💙

• Okay. First off, he isn’t usually the type to start tickling, it’s rare if he does, and if he did, it’d be within his first mate(s) due to the fact it’s silly and he likes to be a bit more feared. Tickling doesn’t help that usually.

• On the off chance he does choose to tickle someone first, he will constantly have a big grin on his face.

• “Oh? Repeat that again. Please. I dare you.”

• He will detach/chop(?) his hands and hover them above whoever it is, wiggling his fingers all dramatically.

• He also likes using his detached hands to sneak one hand behind someone and poke/tickle them from behind to be sneaky.

• When he was growing up with Shanks, he would probably get easily offended (though that hasn’t changed) and then tickle Shanks to get back at him.

• He likes to occasionally detach his hand and poke someone to get their attention then act all innocent as if he didn’t send a little electric sensation through someone for the fun of it.

• Buggy however is someone who usually doesn’t full on tickle someone, he’s too ‘feared’ to do that… BUT. If he does, he likely was provoked and is doing anything for you to take back whatever you said.

• So on this rare chance, he will constantly be changing spots, tickling you all over and sporadically. He also doesn’t have a gentle touch, so his tickles are messy and meant to make you burst out laughing.

• Won’t stop until you take it back so he can fix his wounded ego.

• Buggy when he’s on the receiving end however. He’s honestly going to be a moody/pouty child after receiving tickles.

• Besides the moodiness, he is certainly ticklish and will burst out laughing with simple scratches towards a spot.

• Soft/very gentle tickles throw him for a loop and confuse him. He doesn’t expect it to be gentle so it throws him off, but he finds it slightly more tolerable.

• He’s the type to flail his arms or be smacking his fist on the ground to make it more bearable.

• Snorts a fair amount. He also always has a loud laugh. He naturally is very loud, so you have zero chance for him to be quiet.

• Probably someone who needs to sit or lay down or else he’ll just tumble to the floor and roll around. He gets very weak from tickles.

• Buggy will probably be recovering for a bit after being tickled, but give him 30 seconds and he’ll whip his head around and scold whoever tickled him afterwards.

• He’ll squirm as if you’re murdering him, he will thrash and kick his legs like crazy, and his hair will be all over the place. He’ll look like he was just in a tornado.

• Buggy can’t handle anticipation in the SLIGHTEST. He will start squirming and practically shrieking at you to quit thinking about what you’re about to do and probably try and have a boxing match with you.

• Revenge is very common with Buggy. Its a way for him to gain his pride back.

• His weak/worst spots are probably his soles and his belly. Although, a honorable mention would be his ribs.

• Despite the pouting/hurt pride and all, he actually admires the bravery and will comment on it. Thats his way of saying he’s fine with what happened afterwards and excusing it.

• However, usually after that, he’d quickly shift gears and go running after you to get you back.

• In short, he’ll be angry and pissy. If you’re someone like Shanks? He’ll tolerate it… He needs the trust aspect to find it alright and allow the vulnerability.

• Don’t get cocky however, his hands will always manage to catch up with you.

Hopefully you enjoyed!

[aihoshiino]

half formed and maybe incoherent thought honestly but akane puts it well: ayumi is simply a failed mother who was left alone due to her own terrible treatment of her daughter. she can blame no one but herself (and her ew fiance) but she _still_ ping pongs between victimizing herself and then blaming herself for ai's horrible treatment, as if trying to get rid of the weight of her own actions, while also putting herself at fault, but the blame runs hollow because its just so apparent she never thought of ai as her child as she continously shifts any culpability to ai

side note, about adultification of ai, she was twenty (close to it) when she died but she had been treated like she was twenty her whole life and thats. fuck.

have a good day!

"HAVE A GOOD DAY" SHE SAYS AFTER HITTING ME WITH AN EMOTIONAL GRENADE LIKE THIS </3

tbh I have mixed feelings on Akane's line there. on the one hand, I think @gallantblade's read of it is really good - Akane responding to Ayumi's renouncement of agency in her own abuse of Ai by putting that agency back in Ai's hand, empowering her and disempowering Ayumi. That's an interesting read but I also... don't know that it's Akane's call to make?

(Belatedly realized after typing all the below that this looks like I'm ragging on their take or analysis here which is absolutely not the case!! They drop baller Oshi no Ko takes and I love reading their thoughts, the below is my perspective on that line and its place in the scene in general and not gallantblade's reading of it)

Like, at the end of the day, Ayumi abandoned her daughter. That's unavoidable fact. That abandonment was deeply traumatic for Ai and I don't love the idea of Ai not going out of her way to contact a person who was violently physically abusive towards her and almost certainly emotionally abusive and neglectful in myriad other ways as Ai 'abandoning' her mother. Ai already clearly held a lot of guilt and self directed blame for the fallout of that relationship so I don't think making her at all culpable in their separation is the way to go. An abused child who was abandoned by their parent is not the one with the responsibility to reach back out to mend those fences, especially given that Ai believed – with very good reason!!! – that her mom hated her and did not want Ai in her life.

My most charitable reading of the line & the one I'm choosing to go with to not make my head explode is that Akane is talking about what Ayumi's perspective of the situation is – that Ayumi views herself as a mother who mistreated her daughter and ended up abandoned because of it. That certainly lines up with her, as you put it, ping ponging between self blame and flagellation and then still choosing to put blame on Ai's shoulders regardless.

Anyway, here's a fun note to end on: Do you ever think about how Ai was literally never allowed to be an actual adult in the public eye, in a very literal sense? The infantilization of idols is a process of preserving the illusion of them as eternally pure, eternally childlike, eternally juvenile, virginial and unthreatening and Ai was this as a minor to an absolute T.

The instant she became an adult – on her 20th birthday, just before her first public appearance as a legal adult – she was immediately killed and frozen in time as an eternal child who will never poison her virginial femininity by growing into an adult woman.

FROM COMEDY MANGA WRITER, AKA AKASAKA, EVERYBODY!!!

[yukito-mutsuki]

taking custody of them from eve. so i gave them some fun outfits... (click on images for better quality)

(extra doodle + rambling about knk/designs under cut. oh my jesus i spent way longer than i expected on the ramble if you read it id be eternally grateful!!)

put them together becasue they are my babies anyway

i've totally overanalyzed kara no kioku because: what is even happening in this manga??? i'm not sure but i think it could be happening BETTER!!! my brain has created dots that dont even exist and started to connect them. i also very much love motifs/symbols so theres that.

Ramble Time: Let's talk Nagi. He's one of the first notable "antagonists" yet I don't see people discuss him? There's a few points that I use as the basis for my rambling, like him being bullied that causes his shadow to form in the first place, being a bit naive that belies his 'desire for destruction'/his desire to be in what he believes is 'right', as well as him trying to find a reason to be alive (actually, i completely forgot about this until i went back and skimmed knk for my ramble!) It's seriously unfortunate how well the Kara no Kioku cast (that aren't MCs -- also debatable?) could be written if there was just a bit more time focusing on them.

A while back when I was rereading Kara no Kioku, I mistook his shadow's transformation (you can see bits and pieces of it in ch14) to take an appearance similar to a plague doctor's mask, though I soon realized that was not the case, I also thought that fits Nagi's character somewhat well...

(bewarned!! i suck at history so things may be wrong) I'm assuming most people know what the bubonic plague is; being basically one of the worst things to hit the Middle Ages, and I will also be assuming most people know what a plague doctor is -- there were a good amount of plague doctors hired by governments without medical experience trying to cure people of a disease they hadn't found a cure to yet. If we put the concept of heart desolation/shadows in general in place of this info, Nagi fits the bill! He has little knowledge of zingai and their workings, whose being used as Yuu to "cure/correct" his tormentors, (well, its technically spreading an illness if anything, but work with me here!) they were also seen as harbingers of death, which aligns with how the desolation incidents and how most people involved get inflicted with it.

Nagi's zingai also has bug like antennae and wings, which I choose to interpret as a butterfly mainly for recognizability/'cause it's fun. I suppose if I were to try and find meaning in here -- butterflies are most commonly used to show the process of metamorphosis; growth into an adult through multiple stages. Of course, not with adulthood, but how Nagi comes to realize his character from his first appearance to his final. Butterflies are stereotypically seen as the most beautiful kind of insect; perhaps we can say that 'beauty' was Nagi trying to find his desire to live throughout everything? That's just me making stuff up on the spot.

My favorite time of all... Yukito time! He's awesome. Can you tell I like him? Unfortunately also suffers a bit from not-enough-character-development-itis like his dear friend Nagi. Yukito's backstory/details essentially involves how he's attempted to conceal his emotions from anyone he worries might take advantage of them -- he's pretty scared of being vulnerable. I wanted to have his outfit come across as soft/dainty... and then I gave him a big 'ole sword to contrast that. (also because he deserves to have it but thats off-topic) It's like a papercut, if that means anything.

I really wanted to give him a prince-like vibe, now I can't say I have any experiences with royalty (except that time i stood in the cold for like two hours to see king felipe... that hurt my legs a lot!!) but I feel like they're the type of people that encapsulate "look, but don't touch". I chose to use 'prince' over 'king' here, because while a prince is certainly in a position of power, they fall under the power of a king. The king here is... Yuu. I don't imagine there's much to explain here.

Going back to "powerful prince" idea, I feel Yukito holds some sort of power over Rei -- not physically (we know the outcome of that) but mentally. After all, it's not everyday you decide to go to hell to save for best friend from the literal devil. Yes, it is said that is Rei's motivation is the need to 'save' everyone who's been put in this mess, not just Yukito, but in a way, Yukito is sort of the initiative for this plan! Rei is so willing to start putting himself on the line once Yukito is involved. that Mai literally has to remind him to think straight instead of charging into danger impulsively. Here we come to 'keys' -- recent chapters that involves Yukito associates him with the idea of "being the key", that being the last piece that Yuu need's to get access to Rei and Q-Ta. I'm sure with how I described Rei's reaction, that Yuu is very much correct in this.

It's somewhat difficult to talk about Yukito without bringing up Rei, considering how their stories are so intwined (or, yukito being used to further rei's plot, but i prefer not to think about it like that.)

It was a bit of a last minute addition, but I thought it'd be neat to add that exposed 'sliver' of his back-skin. It's a showcase of his vulnerability again! It's not only to literally use the expression "backstabbed", but it's also in the shape of a heart to represent... well, his heart. Yukito is the only character to not possess a zingai when the story takes place (though he had one as a child,) which is interesting in itself; furthering the idea of him trying to hide his emotions even more.

I've written so much, aha. There might be more I wanted to add but forgot in the process, so I'm open to discussion. Seriously so. Please disscuss Kara no Kioku with me. I'm happy to share my thoughts on this series, since it's consumed so much time in my brain, hopefully someone enjoys it~ really hoping these designs convey the ideas behind them well! Character design is honestly difficult... I should leave it here; can you tell I love to ramble about my hyperfixations?

[the-campaign-coach]

Game Review #2 The Konosuba RPG

As part of a year-long GMing challenge where I ran 12 new to me RPGs, I ended up with a chance to run the Konosuba RPG with a few friends. 

I had never seen the show previously but in anticipation of the game day, my partner and I jumped on CrunchyRoll and binged the first season. Having a fresh view of the series, I was very pleasantly surprised just how well the game managed to be true not only to the tone of the series, but to the mechanics of the games the series itself is drawing inspiration from. In a future post, Adapting Stories: Themes versus Aesthetics, I'll be speaking more about my personal philosophy about running games based off of pre-existing IP. 

This RPG is one of many using a base system created by a company called FarEast Amusement Research, otherwise known as FEAR. This game system is primarily used for them to adapt pre-existing animes, and while I haven't played any of the other games using this system, I do like how it works with Konosuba. For those looking to try out a new type of game, this one's nice because instead of using any special dice, you're simply going to be using piles of d6. 

This is a dungeon diving RPG, and this as a guiding principle allowed for other rules to support the core gameplay loop in a way that was unique and interesting. 

We decided to go with pre-generated characters for this event, and my only complaint would be that some of the translations of the original text leave certain things up for interpretation.  I'm sure that if I had spent a little bit more time learning the system, or had played any of the other FEAR games , certain aspects would be a little bit more intuitive. It felt much like any game that is made here in the West assuming you are familiar with the D20, as well as the Six Attributes. I feel some of this confusion might stem from this being my first RPG from Japan. 

Overall, I really enjoyed this game. It was a fun experience to bring a bunch of people of different levels of games savviness into this world. My players were, my partner who had played less than a dozen sessions of any RPGs, a friend who primarily had only played 5th edition,, and the owner of the rule book, who is the most voracious reader of RPGs I've ever met. Each session you're going to be given a chance to select the mission that you wish to go on. Rather than a lone quest giver in a tavern much like the traditional setup of other sword and board RPGs, this is a guild signup board, so you should be able to provide the players with a lot of options each time. The players have a choice to make.  Do you go for the high payout mission, knowing that there's a chance you might not survive? Or do you choose to spend this week trying something a little simpler. 

The crux of this choice is not just the opportunity to do a harder mission for the XP, but the payout. Where normally this might be so that the players have money to buy things like magic items, this game adds a subsystem I am certainly going to steal. You can choose a higher standard of living to get buffs for the dungeon dive, or a more simple room will leave you going into the fight at normal strength. You can even choose to rough it for the night and that ends up with you taking some hits to your stats, including the resources you use for spells and special martial abilities.  While I am not normally one to use XP for leveling, this concept of room and board affecting character stats is such a good implementation that it makes me want to use it more often. The game takes the decision so seriously that most of the game will hinge upon this one choice. For the game play itself, I commend the application of a single resource for both spells and martial maneuvers that allow all players to have a similar sense of scale and effectiveness . One of my favorite, “oh thats why” moments was when we realized that our fighter was carrying a sword so large it actually affected her speed stat. From there our funniest situation was when the player with mostly only 5e experience, made a wild decision to carry around a goblin corpse as a way to trigger traps. This led to some wonderful comedy when they came across other goblins, drawing agro in a way that can be defined in the system mechanically simply as “angry”. We also didn’t know going in the way bosses are designed. Rather than in 5e where you are pretty hardy for the day, until you have seen multiple serious fights, this game is all about preserving each and every HP and MP you can till you hit the bottom of the dungeon (or in this case Rocket Mushroom Forest) I don’t think that the system as a whole really struck our group in a way that left us wanting more immediately, but I would be glad to run it if someone really connected with it and I will certainly be working on implementing my favorite rules from it. 

[zombiezonurlawn]

Casey and Pershing are so cute! They've seriously caught my attention, I really like that Pershing doesn't need to sleep but still cuddles with Casey and watches her, that is absolutely adorable!! Can you tell me more about them? I'm really curious!

AHH i will take any opportunity to infodump about my ocs tbh THANKYOU!!

I have really crazy lore just rolling around in my head for fun, but Ill just condense it down to Casey and Pershing because I love them so much!!

Casey and Pershing are just awkward teens trying to figure out their little path in life (very much inspired by a lot of my highschool experiences/figuring myself out). They are pretty much opposites of one another, kind of general nerd x jock trope to be honest

casey has had most of life handed to her, to be honest. She's the only heir of an extremely innovative, successful tech company (Branningco.) and her father is literally a supermodel. She is in her school's rocketry club and varsity flight team(kind of like futuristic cross country, how its treated at school). Despite this, she largely rejects the life thats been given to her. Her mother is an extremely paranoid transhumanist who believes in mechanical systems and hard schedule more than anything else, a woman who simply had a child to produce an heir to her massive wealth and was more fanatically in love with her own creations rather than her husband or child. When Casey was very young and ended up to be farsighted, her mother forced her to have cybernetic goggles attached which can't be taken off (they have an extreme magnetic attraction from the base of the goggles to a thin metal fiber which is embedded around the face and eye area), her mother would have preferred to have her eyes replaced altogether, but the treatment was considered too invasive, especially since Casey did not consent to any treatment whatsoever. Due to this trauma and just simply living with her mother, constantly falling short of her expectations, Casey deeply opposes any type of cybernetic upgrades or the development of conscious androids/robots and works as kind of a figurehead against the transhumanist movement (kind of a hot political topic in the story), although she hardly understands the true effect of exploitative businesses like her mother's simply because she has spent the majority of her life benefitting from it, class-wise. She's extremely extroverted, but often struggles with listening to others as deeply as she should.

Pershing has lived a mostly opposite life. Her mother is a worker at a humble start-up alongside a few family friends (they mostly work in inventing satellite and rocket travel safety mechanisms) and her father harvests metal scrap and trash from Venus's orbit (its kind of like a more intense version of arctic fishing-- massive ships with massive crews grab metal and trash slightly above the dense atmosphere and suffocating clouds of the planet, trash which they recycle and sell back to those on earth), typically the 'harvest season' happens in the summertime. Neither of these careers are particularly profitable, but they get by well enough and take very good care of their only daughter, Pershing, who they love more than life itself.

Pershing, obviously, isn't an 'ordinary' human daughter, despite both of her parents being human. I won't get into all of it how it works, just because its a LOT to explain, but Pershing isn't an ordinary domestic robot, while its not unheard of for human parents to raise androids (and rarely, full on robots) its certainly rare and usually prevalent with upper-crust society, not a lower-middle class family like Pershing's. Not only that, domestic robots look and operate extremely different, their inner systems being similar to personal AI (I guess the most similar thing I could compare it to is like, ChatGPT) with prepackaged parts for each life stage. Pershing is not any of that. Her origins are extremely mysterious. She was a primitive computer found by her father in Venus's orbit(somehow), when her father found her, she was deactivated and simply just her little head, alongside the mysterious jacket she wears throughout her life. Nobody quite understands HOW she learns, she doesn't possess the learning AI of conventional bots and more closely resembles, software wise, a military computer built purely for human function. Despite this, she learns, she persists, and she feels extremely deeply. Every physical part of her was built by herself, with the help of her mother along the way, from scrap copper on earth and from Venus. She isn't legally recognized as the child of her parents, but since they lived in a small town and her mother had good standing in the community, Pershing was able to attend public school and live a relatively normal life, despite othering from her classmates. In the summer, Pershing lived on the massive Venusian harvesting ships alongside her father, although she rarely did any of the dangerous harvesting and preferred to spend most of her time reading and writing (which she formed a real skill for). Pershing is generally extremely awkward and though she finds herself squarely in the robotics and rocketry groups at school(due to a slight talent for it simply due to years of repairing and building herself) she doesn't find any real joy in that trade, or real connection with the group, and is deeply artistic, intuitive, and introverted.

Pershing and Casey met in sophomore year of high school. Both of them go to prestigious school called Clearwater High, which is uniquely found on Jupiter's moon, Europa. Casey was bound to go there since elementary school, Pershing, however, was let in through a writing contest the school had in her freshman year, to cultivate more of a humanities culture within the science and robotics-centric school. They met through the school's rocketry club, which Pershing was hardly enthusiastic to be a part of but joined anyway for the sake of getting the 'most' out of her rare opportunity to be at such a prestigious institution. Although they initially didn't get along, they kept meeting through the concerts of the indie band "48 Hottake" (Annika, the lead guitar, being Casey's idol as she is the captain of the varsity flight team and Milly, the lead singer and bass, being Pershing's childhood friend who had won the student position much like Pershing but through her music). They realized they had a lot more in common: feeling isolated, a complicated relationship with conforming to their gender, and just a general appreciation for art. Its a lot deeper than that, of course, but this is already MASSIVE so I won't get into it too much. Pershing and Casey find each other deeply beautiful. Pershing, because she isn't a typical domestic android, doesn't have the software to imitate sleep patterns like some other bots. She doesn't sleep, doesn't feel tired, and doesn't WANT to sleep, she likes the extra time (although she is curious about it, and would fake sleeping at sleepovers when she was younger in an attempt to fit in). She usually spends the night quietly writing, drawing, or playing video games. The few times she has been able to sleep over with Casey, she doesn't do any of that, she just simply looks at her girlfriend, one of her favorite things to do.

[breakingbutch]

preface / a key for this concept map 

hi im thalia, curator of this collection, theres a lot of shit in here i’ve learned over the yeaars trying to be kind to myself as best i can and enjoy life and be nice to other people and shit. this is what helps me do that i think. i have memory issues and this is all stuff thats been said before but i’m gonna put it in front of u in some somewhat neat somewhat messy piles. some of it probably has ssome academic backing or smth but i could never honestly tell you which parts i’m stealing and which parts im making up. try to read with an open mind lmao. that way i can really get my worms in u. i'm also typing this howeveer idrc my keyboard is weird sometimes n i jus let it do that if it wants. could also be my shaky hands. whaatever, call it a unique narrative voice

its gonna draw a lot on concepts i talked about with my class n they all probably have notes somewhere and they might notice similarities between this n like death of ivan ilyich, wit, trans a memoir, safe, the elephant man, stuff like 

disability (for me its h-eds, go google it, but like essentially its the youre in a doubtable amount of agony always disease its so fun)

transness

autism

ocd

cptsd

multiplicity

schizophrenia

depression / mania

borderline personality disorder

immune system / stress disorders

"hypochondria" (BULLSHIT concept)

mortality (confronting and embracing and resisting and whatever)

#thefreakshow (reassurance for able bodied folks that they are normal and not so unfortunate, a place for freaks to see themselves empowered through freedom from shame and monetary gain, an instance where someone is deemed abberant and laughed at, and all the cruelty that implies)

#caregiving the dynamic between a sick person (hi thats me) and their caretakers and people around them and doctors and such

#medicaldrive trying to become “healthy” in whatever that means

being #monstrous, inhuman, needing to be changed or fixed to be acceptable for society, having caretaking needs beyond what others are capable of, acting in strange or harmful ways, being visually unacceptable (elephant man)

#unseendescent living in a body you know to be certainly doomed while others insist on the lie of hope, refusing to mourn you with you before you leave (death of Ivan ilyich, butterfly and diving bell to an extent)

#butterfly having a vast internal life you have no way of externalizing, thru paralyzation of the body socially or physically (the diving bell and the butterfly, trans memior)

#intrainterpersonalvoid the great distances that can exist between a self, the surface of the self, and others (elephant man, the diving bell and the butterfly)

#selftorture finding joy in a monotonous or painful or humiliating or degrading or otherwise negative state of being (the diving bell and the butterfly)

self sacrifice for society, #martyrdom for academia and medicine and other institutions, the beauty of it when it is chosen and the horror when you are selected arbitrarily or otherwise for sainthood (wit, the silt verses)

#lonelyartiste dedication to a craft as isolative

#happyhermit isolative existences as bearable and free of judgement, but also as lonely and maddening

#amisafe drives for saftey, for hiding and running away from pain and fear and negativity and how that doesn't guarantee a better life, how it can easily lead to a more isolated life (safe)

#woundedchild disability feminizing all forms, how it makes one appear less strong or capable or trustworthy or autonomous, needing a caretaker (safe)

#woundeddog disability masculinizing all forms, driving us to seek strength and autonomy over others, to impose pain on them (death of Ivan ilyich)

#whereisme questions of where identity is stored in the body, whether it is the brain and the memories or the body and it's reactions

#dataerror dementia / alzhiemers, memory loss and the fear and distress it can cause the self and others

#erraticity parkinsons, mania, loss of control of the self and the body and the fear and distress it can cause the self and others

loving the body as an animal that once had a self attached to it, as a monument and memory of that self (a splinter of a dad is better than no dad at all from the diving bell and the butterfly

#interpersonaldependence, living in symbiosis / parasitism with those around us, communication and trust without judgement surrounding needs

#narrativizingillness telling stories, simplified or romanticised or wwhatever versions of the past, about ourselves to better understand how to move forward, relying on others to read that story and give us kind and helpful advice, sometimes by telling their own story

here's the playlist of songs that will eventually be featured on this blog for lyrical analyzation

questions of this text

which philosophical approaches help me to be kindest to myself?

which attitudes towards death and suffering free me most from fear and discomfort?

how can I inscribe my identity upon my body in a way that protects me from those that wish me harm and endear me to those who wish me well?

to what extent can my strategic mental frameworks ease and reinterpret my pain?

how do we find ourselves? through others? through experimentation? through reactive aversion?

how can we love those with monstrous qualities?

symbols to look for

things

houses - personification of the house, a body that is written upon and lived in, haunted by ghosts of all who have lived there, theres a great jacob geller video on this, bees are inseparable from beehives

technology - humans are inseparable from our technology, so it is part of our organism, the material world pushed through the filter of our consciousness, the computer as a part of the brain, a different storage location, medical advancements as facets of human existence without judgment, eg treatments and the states they leave us in eg prosthetics, plastic / top / bottom surgery, drugs like chemo, hrt, even medically unconventional drugs like alcohol and weed and such

burning / fire - self destruction / aggression, the stage before rebirth, the phoenix alight

life from death - flowers on graves, the stage after rebirth, the egg in the ashes, a new self from the old

eyes - perception and interpretation, scopophobia and agoraphobia as well as narcissism, desperation for it / repulsion from it

masks - the curated self as a performance for others, customer service voice, code switching, autism, the ability to be someone else with great effort

places

the void - you aren’t supposed to be here, biologically, socially, mentally, it is unsafe, if you're here you’re dead or dying, the further in you drift the farther you get from humanity at large, but we long for it nonetheless, the sea, substances, bliss, nirvana, euphoria from unorthodox sources, wonderful location for self destruction

the city - human community manifest, a place designed and intended for you, healing doctors and nourishing restaurants, togetherness, the further in you go the harder it is to get away from others, from perception, from judgement and laws

people

the internal family dynamics - seeing oneself as being made of the people who have been in your life, perspectives you have experienced the impact of, each can become overactive within the self, and overlap with the other in weight of presence at any given moment

inner caretaker - managing your self as one would a child, soothingly, that eases pain effortfully, operator the coping skills we have learned from others

inner child - the strong averse reaction to stimuli, the desire for petty comforts that must be indulged in from time to time, feels the things we need to cope with

inner aggressor - the averse reaction to self or others, Adrienne’s “dog” who tears at her sweater, the destructive responses to stimuli we have learned from others, death drive

inner protector

inner lover - the attractive reaction to self, others, or stimuli, the ability to appreciate and be drawn to, the positive, creative response to stimuli we have learned from others, life drive

inner animal - the unthinking, bodily response, the knee jerk, the growl of a stomach, the fur on your legs, the baseline default continuance, body without consciousness

feared self - the version of yourself avoided being, the most rejected version of the self, the negative aspects you think may be part of you, that you see in others and are repulsed by

desired self - the version of yourself striven to be, the positive aspects you don’t believe you have, that you see in others and desire them for

the monstrous - ways in which we are demonized and made to seem inherently cruel or evil, archetypes we are pushed into when we unsettle or harm others

werewolves - one who is inseparable from their feared self, inner animal, then inner aggressor, due to cultural pressures of perception and the confined space of the roles it is allowed in (dog or man), feral dominant dissociation during sex

dolls - one who is inseparable from their desired self, idealized moldable femininity, innocence and youth, due to cultural pressures of perception and the confined space of the roles it is allowed in (infant or maid) fragility passive submissive dissociation during sex

vampires - one who is inseparable from their feared self and desired self, inner caretaker, then inner lover, then inner aggressor, trust turned sour, an unbelievably talented and powerful and influential figure, plotter, schemer, keeper of eldritch knowledge that grants control of others, active dominant vocal intelectual presence during sex

sirens - one who is inseparable from their feared and desired self, inner child, then inner lover, then inner aggressor, alluringly talented in irresistible ways, love as illusion for predation, form that grants control over others, active submissive vocal intelectual presence during sex

parasite - any piece of the family dynamic can take this role and each do so in their own unique way, one who's interpersonal dependancy is greater than their capacity to contribute positively to those dynamics

host - this role is filled by those older or more keenly aware of the surroundings, who serve as guides and protectors, who the outside information is filtered through, has a unique capacity for inducing fear once soured, think the betrayal of a house you trusted turning out to be haunted, realizing you are a drone of a cruel machine

[owlets-outlet]

habits you should have, regardless of beauty standards:

we all know that sex sells, and if youre like me, you refuse to be a part of it. the issue is, many of the habits that are advertized to be for the improvement of your looks, are actually really important for your health as well, often times even life saving. if youre like me, you might be unaware of this and deliberately NOT participating in them as a protest against beauty standarts, which might actually be hurting you. let me tell you which! (long post)

1. wearing sunscreen:

unless you have a lot of melanin, you should wear sunscreen every time the uv index is 3 or higher, to protect yourself from skin cancer.

why does society tell us to wear it?

i always hear 'sun exposure gives you wrinkles, freckles, sunspots, etcetc' and went 'well i dont CARE, fuck you' and never wore it.

everybody tries to sell sunscreen as 'antiaging'. its crazy how thats the biggest selling point, and not the fact that sunscreen protects you from getting CANCER.

heres the thing, you SHOULDNT care about getting wrinkles! theres nothing wrong with them, no matter how 'premature' they are!

why you should actually wear it:

you should care about skin cancer though. asides from melanoma, which has very low survival rates, other skin cancers, while not as deadly, can then spread to different organs and *cause* other deadly cancers.

okay, im new to sunscreens, what should i do?

well first, let me say that mineral vs chemical doesnt really matter, as long as the spf is high enough. the general rule is the higher the spf, the better.

if i were to reccomend a sunscreen, it would be beauty of joseon. it has gone viral, and while i do think its overhyped, i think its a great basic. its pretty cost efficient, not sticky or smelly and doesnt burn my eyes.

you should apply spf if the uv index is 3 or higher, which you can check the levels in your area on any weather website. if youre staying outside for longer than 2 hours, you should reapply.

you dont have to wear suncreen indoors! your windos block most uv rays.

your face needs at least a quarter of a teaspoon to be fully protected. of course the amount varies depending on the size of your face, but usually two fingers are enough to protect your face:

to save as much sunscreen as possible, try to stay in the shade and and cover your body when going outdoors!

before you go to sleep, you should remove your spf by double cleansing!

2. working out:

why does society tell us to work out?

the most common answer is: to lose weight. the get a 'desirable' body shape. to get a 'healthy' body shape.

there are many scientific papers that talk in depth about how your weight isnt indicative of your health, so i am going to spare you, and i certainly dont need to go in depth about how nobody should conform to societys beauty standards.

another thing worth pointing out is that often times, exercise cannot actually give you the shape you want. there are many factors to this, such as genetics or hormones, but the fact is, exercise often just wont help you archieve the ideal body shape anyway.

why should you actually work out, then?

many reasons!

-being in shape (metaphorically, not literally) will make moving around easier and you'll get less tired perfoming your daily tasks.

-working out improves mood and helps with brain fog

-increases energy levels (ironically)

-good for cardiovascular health, digestive health, good for bone heath: that means that as you age, you are more likely to retain more of your mobility than if you didnt work out, and your body will in general be happier

-sometimes it helps you socialize, participate in community etc.

how to get into working out?

now, this is the fun part: there is no wrong way to go about this!

you dont need to do a specific type of working out! in fact, just pick whatever suits you!

you can run or go for walks. dance in your living room or attend dance class. shadow box. go to the gym to box.

lift weights or do at home calisthenics, do chloe ting workout videos, climb trees, go for a bike ride, whatever!

just keep moving! you should workout a few times a week :) you dont need any fancy equipment or clothes.

3. eat healthy

now, this one may be different definition of a healthy diet than youve heard of: you shouldnt eat less, but more. the biggest adjustment to your diet shouldnt be removing things but adding things.

you should eat a lot of vegetables, as well as proteins, sugar and fats.

you can keep your fries and a burgers, but you should add a salad as well!

maybe you grew up believing that you dont like healthy things, like fish or collard greens, but you might be living in a lie :D

i reccommend trying new recipes, you might be surprised!

a good diet will have similiar effects to working out- its very important to nourish your body so that it can work properly.