#<- prev but also true of me
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luck-of-the-drawings · 9 months ago
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[<==PREV PAGES] [NEXT PAGE==>(not out yet.wait a year.or maybe more.imagine.]
saw alot of comments on prev pages; saying 'i HATE that mean teacher! im gonna FIGHT HIM!!' & i LOVE the energy!! it WOULD be nice. to have that catharsis. but the story of young tidestrider is Not one of catharsis. it is a story of being so small and so special and sucking so bad.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#gillion tidestrider#GONNA START FORMATTING MY COMICS BETTER. W THE PROPER 'PREV' 'NEXT' LINKS#REALLY DIDNT EXPECT TO CONTINUE THIS SERIES BUT AAAUUUHH MY BRRAAAIN MY BRAIN IS SO IDEASSS. I HAVE 3 OTHER PAGES SKETCHED OUT#NO PROMISES ILL FINISH EM ANY TIME SOON OR EVER. MY WHIMS ARE THEIR OWN BEAST AND I ONLY DRAW ON MY WHIMS#THAT BEING SAID IF U COMMISSIONED ME ILL GEEETT TO YOUUU IM SORRYYYY. ART IS AN EMOTIONAL RELEASE FOR ME N BABY I HAVE EMOTIONS.#ESPECIALLY ABOUT GILLION TIDESTRIDER CHAMPION OF THE UNDERSEA HERO OF THE DEEP.for the desc here i put smth that i typed up in the tags of#another thing i made. i gotta make a proper Baby Gillion tag or smth. eventually.. eventually...I LOVE DRAWIN THIS LIL BABY GUY..#i also LOVE depicting the teachers as just being so fuckin mean. ofc theres variation in that. just like in all things.like the teacher her#idk if itll be mentioned but the octo lady is named Ms Octburn.an octopus pun based off the name of an actual councilor i had#when i was in elementary school i got bullied alot but teachers never did anything. i hated adults and didnt trust them.#but this councilor o mine was so genuinely sweet. i remember spending alot of time w her. she doesnt work there anymore.#but that one school adult that actually earns ur trust and is there for you when they can be.its SO important for a child i think#i hope she knows how much she helped me.youll see in the next page that ms octburn isnt perfect either.but she tries. they all try.somehow.#ALL these comics are gonna be inspired by somesorta experience o mine in the school system. school is so fucked up u ever thing abt that#AND GILLIOOOOONNN IN THE MOST FUCKED UP LITTLE SCHOOL OF ALL. MAINTAINED BY A CULT. CENTERED AROUND HIM. OUR CHOSEN ONE#I IMAGINE ALOT BANKS ON HIS SUCCESS. THIS IS THE WORLD. THE WHOLE WORLD. THE PROPHECY IS GOING TO COME TRUE N UR TELLIN ME#THAT ITS THIS LITTLE IDIOT THATS GONNA BE SAVING US? WHAT IF HE FAILS. IF HE CANT GET THIS RIGHT THEN HE WILL FAIL AND WE WILL DIE#WE NEED TO TRAIN HIM. WE NEED HIM TO LEARN. AND TO SUCCEED. OR ELSE WE'RE DEAD. WE'RE ALL FUCKING DEAD. I IMAGINE THAT MUST BE STRESSFUL#in other news i hope ppl actually giggle when they read these. they ARE intended to be comical. dark humor or whatever. like its also sad#this is intended to be a sad comic series. but a funny one too. does that make sense? god i hope so.saw some1 say they had flashbacks-#-reading this. like YES!! THE INTENDED EFFECT!! YOU GET ME!! i love seeing ppl get upset on this lil baby boys behalf. i LOVE seeing ppl-#-wail n weep n cry in the comments. i LOOOVE seeing ppl RELATE to baby gillion. and i love letting u all know that this wont be a happycomi#gillion gets his happiness arc in the actual show. this series is one of unfortunate events. teehehehe. do u guys remember that show#i keep listening to the lil songs from A Series of Unfortunate Events for inspiration. GOOD STUFF!!#anyway uuhh uhh thats all i got in my brain. for now. feed me ur comments give me ur input i NNEEEEEDD THHEEEMMMM
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meamiki · 4 months ago
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vtuber loop !!!
[reverse entry au? the reverse isekai part of it? tangentially related to this post here, and also the last part of this post too]
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seaweedstarshine · 6 months ago
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Thinking about the convolution of Eleventh Doctor's expressions of love for River Song in Season 7B. He does not trust Clara. He is utterly (wrongly) convinced that he and Clara are playing a grand manipulative game together. “What are you, eh?! A trick? A trap?!!”
So naturally, the last thing he should do in this game is to clue his opponent in on something that could be used to hurt him. Something like River, so painfully near the end of their time together, whose data ghost he can always see, who “it would hurt too much” to acknowledge. He can't let Clara know of the loss which constantly floods his senses; (“You are always here to me. And I always listen, and I can always see you,” he professes, once Clara has vanished into his timestream).
And yet. River fills his every moment (irregardless of any sneaking out for dates with increasingly-young Rivers while Clara is asleep like he did while the Ponds slept, which would explain his absence when the TARDIS is hiding Clara's bedroom). Even though it's not strategic, he can’t help but tell Clara about her. The best defense he can manage is to phrase it as if River isn’t as important to him as she is. Not only is avoiding her first name in his grief; he's also completely avoiding pronouns; which seems extreme given that he's still mentioning her as often as: “Oh yeah, of course he has! Professor Song! Sorry, it's just I never realized you were a woman.”
Leave out the emotion — leave out the details — don't show the cracks in the armor — play the part — win the game.
“Well, there's no point now. We're about to die. JUST TELL ME WHO YOU ARE.”
#I mean we KNOW that the doctor immediately started pouring his hearts out to Clara as soon as NotD ended <3#Clara tells the war doctor “he's always talking about the day he did it” okay so he's always talking about it starting after the prev ep#eleventh doctor#river song#clara oswald#words by seaweed#yeah I know the implication in Name of the Doctor is that eleven is two-timing them / worried abt Clara being jealous. which. eh. maybe.#but I like this better. also both things can be true if we want them to be#eleven is in SUCH a bad way in Season 7B too he needs to be held#“I thought it would hurt too much and I was right” ever think about how Clara was there for in the deepest moments of his grief?#whether his sad victorian cloud… on the Last Day… or on the day he was finally able to say Rivers name. he thought it would hurt too much#Tia made a really insightful post recently about how eleven can’t speak rivers name when she's gone and like. god. yeah.#it also made me think about. who would he even talk to River about? if he could? after years on a cloud drowning in her present nonpresence#ever think how if HoRS had happened before Hell Bent he never could've dealt with it and coulda broke the universe for River instead#Series 9 was a continuation/escelation of eleven's (and next twelve's) “he hates endings” - endings for Amy and Rory. for River. for Clara.#he hit rock bottom. and then Clara saved him#“You said memories become stories when we forget them. Maybe some of them become Songs.”#thank you Clara <3#one episode later:#“When the wind stands fair and the night is perfect when you least expect it but always when you need it the most- there is a Song.”#bc this is NOT to undervalue the Doctor's love for Clara he has a Duty of Care she's more Breakable than him (also than river!)#but it can it really be a coincidence? bc he is talking abt river in the second one. unless Moffat is obsessed with Song imagery? I MEAN
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averlym · 11 months ago
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@remylong :
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#newest broken telephone installment#the remy renaissance#or rather standard avvycc dms. broken telephone elements include ccsims designs of my old designs plus prev hp art plus the general sepia#of everything on fire. bonus to the chromatic aberration on hp it feels quite fitting (yknow bc the chorus behind his lines..) idk vibes#this colouring style is actl terribly fun i'm quite !!! about it. i'm also glad that I made reference sheets for them all long ago bc#otherwise i would have gone insane rrying to rmb them from scratch. lately despite the rainbow hp seems to overall be turquoise blue? which#is so fun compared to the more purple/ neutral blues and greys i have in mind for mark...#anyways doing well! getting back slowly into Making things again! having fun etc etc#have been in OC-land late​ly but nothing i'm ready to share yet haha#so occassional bit of fanart it is. i inexplicably want to draw hands now though i was walking back home#pondering my adamandi era (mad the most insane fanart i've ever made; no recollection of it now) and after enough mulling it over#it would be nice to return to it. don't think i'm as obsessed anymore but it's certainly not lacking in inspiration#ideas are there just havent reached the sweet spot where you get so taken by an idea you're compelled to turn it to reality#and i think itwould be fun. perhaps even gratifying to set wips to rest#so maybe. in the meantime px11 brokentelephone is sustaining my urge to make miscellaneous fanart haha#melliotverse so true. wonder why despite watching taopp i haven't been compelled to draw it but i get the inkling it's just that specific#aesthetic that doesn't do it for me. <blinks> it was very good and i enjoyed it immensely! i think i just surprised myself by being normal#about a musical for once. i think also bc irl i've been more Good Busy the drive to engage in fandom has dissipated somewhat..#so overall i think it's a good thing. just different. but then again this stretch of time is a transitory period for me so changing ought to#to be expected. ah well tldr don't overthink just do what sparks joy be happy? literally so lucky to be spoiled for choice wrt things#i want to do. so much to do and see and learn and time still to get to figure it all out!
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aftout · 2 years ago
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Sorry i got emotional and ploded them
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conflictedkismet · 1 year ago
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Hoping and praying that I can give my side order character an afro. Idk why they Wouldn't be customizable but it is my One True Fear
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spin-in-time · 2 years ago
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If you prefer the newer seasons of ninjago over the older seasons (pilot-s5/s7) we are fundamentally different people
#kind of a neutral statement#s8 and s9 get excused to an extend but i will not for forgive them for garma/don#s6 and s7 aren't that amazing to me but they get a pass bc at least they feel like they're about the same characters as the prev seasons#and similair with 8 and 9 except yeah..... this is where it starts......#s11+ means little to me in regards to characters. sure they have some cool stuff and the stories are neat (i love s12 SOO much for example)#but. yeah it's what i call the cardboard treatment because most characters especially when they're not the focus feel like -#- cardboard cutout versions of themselves#guys isn't zane so funny because he's a robot hahaha! what a source of comedy that is so in character! /s#and i'm not gonna say that i hate the new seasons cause that's not true#i bawled my fucking eyes out at s15#but it's. kind of a different show to me and the characters often feel off.#also some recurring things that i'm sooooo annoyed at sigh ugh ugh ugh#also they start this thing around s6 where for some reason the police is involved??#and the explorer's club pls fucking DIE#it's fine if you like the chicken also man but holy crap this is just NOT for me at all#the older seasons were many times more charming and if you disagree then - well we simply have differenzt tastes#which is fine#but my god it's something i do need to point out#i didn't actually mean to ramble so much but yeah.........#one of my favorite examples is the reduction of jay's and zane's characters to goofy guy and robot smart guy#the taking jay's inventing skills is the most insane thing they have done to date and they openly admit this this is literally a thing#they really only cared about tropes and archetypes at this point even though this is simply NOT where ninjago shines#i feel like someone might unfollow mr for this but you literally don't have to#it's all fine! just feel like saying this every now and then because ninjago is one of the shows that have been THE most special in my life#forgot the / for ninja/go oh wel l sorry#the reasons i like this show lie in the early seasons and not the later ones
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Me when Demetri says he So Totally Likes Women He Promises
...and people believe him ;_____;
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omegapheromone · 1 year ago
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Sometimes I post a text post on this blog then get a note on my main blog (for some random post on there) and it absolutely never fails to make my heart stop in a second of blind panic thinking I've casually posted some ramblings about being an omega to my main blog.
#I don't mind saying I read the occasional omegaverse fanfic or whatever on main which is true and not really an underestimation either#but it's more like my posts here are so often something like 'waaah im in heat i hate it' that turn into incoherent ranting in tags#at times about which pixel men I find attractive and would like to help me through said heats#that it's genuinely a moment of true horror for me every time#seriously I'm gambling with my cardiac health having this as a side blog and not a fully separate one#if this blog mysteriously disappears one day IT'S BECAUSE I ACCIDENTALLY POSTED TO MAIN#okay#and HAD to delete all traces immediately#it's that or deleting my entire tumblr all side blogs included. and also myself. there are irl friends who follow my main.#listen they're cool and accepting but I would never survive the level of mortification#(i know they wouldn't sweat it but I don't want them to know my private life!!)#(I don't want them to be hanging out with me and then randomly think 'oh right this person is into knotting and heat cycles' even if they-#-don't necessarily MIND it!!! it's a mortifying thought! I want the cover of normalcy and to not be poked fun at!)#also I don't want to risk any drama in case it's actually somehow a turn-on for anyone in my extended friend circle#or even mainblog mutuals who live nearby but aren't irl friends#in a ridiculous turn of events I think this only solidifies my prev post#this screams 'omega pretending to be a beta for convenience (and because trauma)'#gamietxt#i do always double check which blog I am posting to but I'm not immune to forgetfulness so the thought that MAYBE... maybe I didn't check#is enough to terrorize me
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5sospenguinqueen · 6 months ago
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Lullabies Pt 2 | Max Verstappen x Singer! Reader
Summary: Max left without letting you fully explain. Nearly a year later, he realises he made a mistake when he thinks you're moving on.
Warnings: Swearing. Angst but also fluff. Redemption arc.
Female reader with various faceclaims (pics found on pinterest). Takes place in 2021 with slightly altered timelines.
Main Masterlist
prev.
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Oct
YourUserName just posted
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YourUserName a huge thank you to everyone who came to my album release concert! 🥀 a huge apology to anyone who missed out but after such a phenomenal crowd this evening, i'm pleased to announce the GUTS tour coming 2022!!
11,998 comments
User1 a tour!!! release the dates/countries now please and thank you
User2 mother treating us
User3 okay but when she SANG The Grudge with the tears rolling down her cheeks, poured her whole soul into that
→ User4 omg yes, you could legit feel the pain in your own chest
→ User5 no no no because what about the gasp through her sobbing at The Stranger
User6 nobody can tell me that Obsessed wasn't written as a kelly piquet pov
→ User7 haha literally because y/n has never said a bad word about this woman but she is all up in her business 
→ User8 and all up in her likes too from what i saw
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User8 not my delusional ass hoping it’s max and that the lighting just made his hair darker
User9 love how she’s still featured on the wags page despite her and max not being a couple for 10 months now
→ User10 legit. they post her more than kelly
User11 i bet max is kicking himself for letting her go now that someone else has realised how much she’s worth 
FutureF1Wag i need to know where f1 wags got that pic from because it’s SOOO much clearer than the one i got
User12 okay but where can i get a man like that because that kiss looks hawt!
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Nov
YourUserName just posted a new story
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lilymhe have the best time, babe. brunch debrief tomorrow?
→ YourUserName 11?
→ lilymhe absolutely 
YourBestFriend oo look at you being treated right 
→ YourUserName i know. how sweet
they're sooo pretty as well
→ YourBestFriend you’ve had bigger though 
→ YourUserName don’t do this today 
→ YourBestFriend sorry. be safe. text me when you’re home 
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Dec
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User1 max really said, just because i didn't want her doesn't mean anyone else can
→ User2 be serious, he clearly loves her. he just confused his priorities for a hot second
User3 the way these rumours have been floating since max and kelly went social media official though. like everyone has constantly said they're on the rocks since we found out about them
→ User4 literally. like i loved max and y/n but they've both moved on. people are just creating drama because they can't accept that max and y/n aren't together anymore
User5 no because y/n is literally max's forever after and nobody can convince me otherwise
User6 max and y/n are literally each other's one true love. kelly was just the poison apple that leads to their true love's kiss
User7 y/nstappen shippers rise!
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User8 she's watching his races again!
User9 she watched him win!!
User10 @ YourBestFriend is just like us for real. you can tell she's been praying for them to get back together
→ User11 she's feeding us crumbs and we're lapping them up
User12 not red bull down here fighting with us in the trenches
maxverstappen1 just posted
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maxverstappen1 FUCK YEAH! WORLD CHAMP! 🥇🇳🇱 a huge thank you to @ redbullracing for their support throughout the whole season. you made all of this possible.
7,330 comments
redbullracing what a season! here's to many more, champ
christianhorner so unbelievably proud of you! enjoy the celebrations
danielricciardo congrats, mate. couldn't be happier for you. looking forward to celebrating later 🍾
landonorris woohoo! my shirt is still wet from your tears
→ maxverstappen1 don't lie. you cried more than i did
→ landonorris true
mclaren well done, max! an amazing achievement
YourUserName congrats, world champ x
liked by maxverstappen1
→ User13 mama en papa
→ User14 not the best phrase to use when the reason they broke up is due to a miscommunication about having children 
User15 omg omg omg, not a drill, guys. the queen has commented. and max liked!! 
→ User16 user we may not get them back together but i’ll take the tiny trickles of friendship they give us
→ User17 same sis same 
→ User18 may our delulus come trululu
YourUserName just posted
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liked by maxverstappen1, carmenmmundt and others
YourUserName so i may have just won my first grammy? my ultimate gratitude to @ lovelessofficial for taking a chance on me when no one else would, the biggest love to those who supported me before i deserved it, and a final huge thank you to the inspiration behind the album 💕🦁
9,556 comments
User1 miss thing, looks like you got more than just your first grammy
→ YourUserName it's definitely a nice collection ;)
francisca.cgomes so proud of you, minha linda 🌼
→ YourUserName couldn't have done it without you pouring wine down my neck, kiks
lilymhe that's my girl!!
YourBestFriend wow, look at that dress. it would look better on my bedroom floor
liked by maxverstappen1
lewishamilton amazing achievement, y/n. well done
→ YourUserName thanks, lewis. you raced so well this season
danielricciardo did somebody say celebratory drinks later? 🥂
maxverstappen1 congrats, grammy winner x
liked by YourUserName
→ lovelessofficial thanks for joining us for the celebrations
→ User2 max was at her after party!!!!
→ User3 over a year after their breakup and we might be getting them back together??
User4 the trophies in their house must be overwhelming 
→ User5 love that we’re talking like they’re already back together
User6 'the inspiration behind the album' is so shady and sweet haha, poor max. i love that he'll be forever reminded of how badly he fumbled
→ User7 what makes you think she's on about max
→ User6 um, she wrote the album after their breakup and used the lion emoji, which she always used in posts about him. read the room, babes
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Jan
YourUserName just posted
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liked by victoriaverstappen, charles_leclerc and others
YourUserName happy new year's from me and my loved ones to you and yours (yes, he got drunk after this and ruined the rest of my photos)
13,441 comments
User8 omg omg omg omg!!!
User9 they're back together! they're back together! we win!
charles_leclerc beautiful couple. glad to see you both happy again
danielricciardo yuck. i haven't missed the pda
→ YourUserName you're just jealous you can't be our third
→ danielricciardo every day baby
maxverstappen1 i didn’t ruin them! they just become less pg
→ User10 woah, mr verstappen, we were not familiar with you
redbullracing our favourite trophy winning couple. can't wait to have y/n back in the paddock next month
maxverstappen1 looking forward to all that the future brings us, mijn mooie vrouw 🥰
→ YourUserName mijn lieve echtgenoot 💕
→ User11 um, the pet names!!!
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I know some people said on Danny’s that they wanted it to be longer but this are only planned as a duo series. Sorry, guys! 💕
Baby Fever Angst Series
Tag list
@bibissparkles @barcelonaloverf1life @rlalliehayes @dullypully @softtina @callsignwidow @lav3nder-haze @minkyungseokie @luvrrish @fall-bambi @evans-dejong @sadsierra2 @justdreamersdream @spookystitchery @dark-night-sky-99 @majusialikesfastcars @luckyladycreator2 @bborra @mrosales16 @reguluscrystals @tvdtw4ever @alwaysclassyeagle @gigicisneros @spanishcorndogs @thecubanator2 @goldenharrysworld @awritingtree @jxnellat @sbrn0905 @hc-dutch @buckybarnessweetheart @ironmaiden1313 @dreamercrowd @yourbane @reguluscrystals @peachiicherries @g-l-o-b-e-w-h-o-r-e @itsjustmyopinionf1 @evesfile @openthenyoor01 @princessria127 @hrrorflm @the-untamed-soul @nataliambc @oliviarodrigostan13 @sweate-r-weathe-r
As always, so sorry if I missed anyone. Thanks for all your support x
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nobodysdaydreams · 6 months ago
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The characters in my fanfics and shows
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this image makes me emotional too if i look at it too long
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alternautxyz · 2 years ago
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new blorbos acquired cower in fear
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anyways update im going insane over lego monkie kid i thought it would be a fun time but i did not expect some of the rawest scenes ever from a lego show selling you $100+ sets
this show deserves the world please watch it
#warning like 20+ tags here that i do want to move#sucks that actually watching the show legally is a pain with the limitied and random options there are#if your wondering it's basically a journey to the west next gen sequel and the way they build on the world is pretty neeto#but it seems to check out for most people so yeah#but bro legged-os show needs support#like i watched it because the artstyle and animation was really good and i knew the basic plot of book well enough#somehow the animation is better than i expected and contantly really good and nice to look at even in the chill eps#but then i also ended up really liking all the characters and would honestly enjoy a character focused ep on all of them#like its rare for me to hate a character#but the fact that i really love all of the main cast and a lot of the supporting is pretty rare#the way they mirror the prev squad in the og book is pretty interesting since its like on two sides of the chara development spectrum#and i would be fine if it was exclusively slice of life stuff but the plot also ended up being really good#like the s3 finale specials are so good and climactic with a banger of a villain and some of the coolest moments of the show#and somehow s4 seems to be building to something that might even surpass it in some areas#the emotional moments especially later on hit hard too#like there are way too many times where this show hits so hard and can be so raw with like one line or one scene#like that one s3 ep where they reverse exorcise a nuke into someone and they have a big 'reasons you suck' speech with cool visuals? banger#the s3 finale is all around cool but that final convo with the antagonist is so striking that s4 quotes it multiple times#s4e7 aka ''i am the shadow the true self'' my beloved it has everything#cool fight scenes great emotional character moments that stick in your mind and a soundtrack that wrap it all in a bow#even some smaller episodes like one where they normal exorsise a gramdpa has really nice moments that cover stuff like grief and moving on#because every child(?) protagonist in a kids show is destined by fate to become insanely traumatized by the end of the show#yes these examples are more recent but thats because recency bias and the Cerberus syndrome it gets later down the line#thats a whole tag essay to say that this show is so good and deserves as many seasons as it needs#i would buy a set but every modern lego set that i want is over $100 and i cant do that#i could ramlble about it so so much more but thats the gist of it go watch it#alttalks
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edorazzi · 8 days ago
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Page 44 of my Miraculous Mentor AU comic A Matter of Trust! In which there's more than one kind of "true love", and Felix has a lot to say about Richard's declaration... 💜🧨
Index | Start | Prev | Next
Weekly updates each Sunday! You can also read ahead early on Patreon, and/or buy me a Ko-fi if you'd like to support my work! 💖
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pedroscurls · 3 months ago
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training partners (pt. 4)
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summary: you meet ryan reynolds and shawn levy, and hugh does his best to keep your nerves at bay. pairing: hugh jackman x fem!reader warnings: implied age gap (hugh is 55, reader is in late 20s-early 30s), reader has some description (hair, outfit), smut (oral - m receiving), shower sex (unprotected p in v, hugh bends you over 🫣), dirty talk, hugh briefly calling you a "good girl", no use of y/n. word count: 8.5k a/n: wow, this got filthy real fast but idc lol - i need it to fulfill my fantasies lol (thank you to the anons and @celestiamour who gave me these ideas!). i promise the story is progressing, just needed this little chapter lol. little fun fact about me - i'm also an 'amateur' photographer (who does specialize in engagement shoots, but also love taking landscape / street photography pics) and i've always dreamt of being an on-set photographer so here's to me living out my dream through this story (if you guys ever wanna see my photographs, i'd be so down to post them here too!). this is purely fictional! i mean no disrespect to hugh jackman (it's the only way i can live out my fantasies of this man lol). prev part. - next part.
Hugh wasn’t lying when he said his schedule would become much busier. It’s been a couple of months since meeting him and while he’s been very busy, he stayed true to his word and prioritized making time for you. When you both weren’t at the gym, he insisted on you staying at his place… and the man can be very convincing when he wants to be. 
He’s been traveling a lot and whenever he does get back, he goes straight to your apartment and spends the night. You’ve started to leave a few of your things at his house and he’s started to leave more of his things at yours. Even when he’s traveling and away from you, it never truly does feel like he’s gone. Physically, yes, but he makes time for you and it makes you feel special. 
Hugh’s heading back home today and you’re sitting on your couch, dressed in one of his t-shirts and panties with a throw blanket draped over your lap. You hear your phone go off and reach for it, seeing his name and the text he sends you: Coming up, baby. Can’t wait to see you. 
You’re about to send a reply before you hear a knock on the door. You grin excitedly, tossing the blanket to the side and standing up, lightly jogging to the door. You swing it open and see him standing there, looking very tired, but still so handsome, his eyes lighting up at the sight of you. 
“Hey, baby,” Hugh says, voice hoarse and low as he drops his duffle bag to step past the threshold and wrap his arms around your waist. He nuzzles his face against the side of your neck, letting out a sigh of relief. 
You smile against him, arms wrapped around his shoulders. “Missed you,” you whisper, kissing his cheek. “Come on in. Did you eat?” 
Hugh releases you and grabs his duffle bag, stepping back inside as you shut the door and lock it behind him. You follow him to your bedroom where he drops the bag on the floor near his side of the bed. He sits on the edge of the mattress and pulls you closer to him, to stand between his legs as he rests his forehead against your abdomen. 
“Not hungry,” Hugh says, looking up at you and taking notice of the shirt you’re wearing. His gaze darkens as he runs his fingertips along the sides of your bare legs, biting his lower lip. “This was a longer trip than intended,” he continues. “I’m sorry, love.”
Your fingertips stroke through his locks, eyes locked with his. “You don’t have to apologize. I understand. It’s part of this…” you motion between the both of you. “Part of us.” 
“Mm, how’d I get so lucky, huh?” Hugh asks, gripping your hips and pulling you onto his lap. 
You gasp quietly, feeling his length pressing against your core. “Hugh… You’re tired, baby.”
“Never tired for you, and seeing you in my clothes just does somethin’ to me,” he whispers, leaning up to press his lips against the side of your neck. His beard has grown out, having heard him say multiple times that he needed to shave. You like it though, the salt and pepper look, the scruff and the feel of it against your skin. He knows just how to use it to get you excited. “At least on my next trip, you’ll be coming with me. I can have you every day.” His hands move further underneath the shirt, running up along your back. 
“Hugh,” you whimper, feeling his teeth graze against your neck. Gently, you place your hands on his shoulders and push him onto his back. Slowly, you roll your hips against him, letting out a quiet moan against the fabric of his jeans. “Let me take care of you tonight. Is that okay?” 
“What’d you have in mind, baby?” Hugh pulls back to look up at you, a quiet groan escaping his lips as he feels you press further against his hardening length. 
Slowly, you climb off his lap and then sit up on your knees, biting your lower lip innocently. “Lean against the headboard,” you tell him. 
Hugh doesn’t even hesitate. He scrambles on your bed and sits up, leaning back against your headboard. He reaches the end of his shirt and pulls it over his head, tossing it to the side. Your mattress certainly isn’t as big as his, but you both make it work. His hands move to the button and zipper of his jeans, undoing them quickly as his eyes take in your frame and the position you’re in. You’re leaning forward on your hands, your tongue slowly darting out to lick your lower lip as your eyes move towards the center of his pants. 
Hugh’s exhausted and he knows he isn’t going to last long, but he has missed you so much. He knows that this relationship is still new and not that many people know about it, but the more he leaves you, the more he realizes that he wants more of this. He wants everyone in the world to know that you’re his and while he wants to make sure you’re comfortable and move at your own pace, he can’t help but feel excited to know that one day you’d both get there. 
“Take off your pants,” you tell him, slowly crawling towards him as he parts his legs for you.
“I kinda like this side of you,” Hugh smirks, pushing his pants and boxers down his legs and tossing them over the bed. He groans at the relief in pressure, looking down at himself to see his manhood at attention. He reaches down and grasps himself, holding onto his base and tugging a few times. 
You would never get over the sight of his manhood. So long and girthy, leaking at the tip, and hair at his base. Every time, you’re at a loss for words. He’s so beautiful and you try to show some restraint, wanting so badly to just wrap your lips around his length and gag–
“Come ‘ere,” Hugh calls out, breaking you out of your thoughts. “Take that shirt off, baby.” 
You nod and sit up on your knees, pulling the shirt off your body, now only clad in your panties. Slowly, you then crawl towards him, settling yourself between his legs as you gently push away his hand to replace it with your own. Once you wrap your fingers around him, barely able to grasp him in one hand, Hugh lets out a groan. You lean down, wrapping your lips around his tip and sucking the pre-come from his tip. 
His large hand moves to your hair, holding it away from your face as he leans his head back against the headboard. “God, baby,” Hugh moans. 
Your tongue swirls around his tip as your hand strokes his base. You love doing this for him, just as much as he loves going down on you too. Just like him, you’re always so crazed and yearning for more. You feel Hugh’s hand move to the back of your head, urging you to go further down his length. You slowly begin to bob your head and with each movement, going further and further until you feel his tip hit the back of your throat. 
Hugh lets out a loud moan at that, accidentally thrusting his hips upwards for more. He hears you gag and he has to pull you away for a moment so that you can catch your breath, eyes gazing down at you as he sees tears stinging the corner of your eyes. 
“Sorry. I got carried away,” Hugh pants, his manhood throbbing for more. “I just– You look–”
“Shh,” you interrupt him, placing your mouth back onto his cock and beginning to quicken your pace. Your head bobs up and down, going further until you feel the tip of your nose brush against the hair at his base. He’s so deep in your mouth and you’ve learned to relax your throat because the sounds that come out of him is something that you yearn for more of. 
Hugh lets out a litany of curses under his breath, hand gripping your hair as he watches you. Your hand pumps him in time with your mouth moving along him and he shuts his eyes, head hitting the back of the headboard as a loud moan escapes his lips. 
“Baby,” he growls, feeling the tightness build in his lower stomach. “Baby, I’m about to–” 
You interrupt him by lowering yourself until you hit the back of his throat again. You don’t slow down and you don’t make a move to pull away because you know that Hugh’s close and you want nothing more than to taste him and swallow. 
When Hugh realizes that you weren’t going to pull away, it’s enough to make him reach his climax. He holds your head down against him as his hips slightly lift upwards. You pull inches away, your mouth still around his length, as you feel his come in your mouth. You open your eyes to look up at him, lips slightly parted, eyes squeezed shut, chest heaving, as he releases his spend. 
You swallow immediately, tasting the salt of his release as you slow your movements. You continue to suck and stroke until he shudders, gently pulling you away from him as his manhood softens against his lower half. 
You sit up on your knees and swallow again, licking your lips as you stare up at him. You wipe the fallen tears away from your eyes, lips swollen as you tilt your head at the sight of him. Hugh slowly opens his eyes and stares at you, a small smile lining his lips. 
“That’s a nice thing to come home to,” Hugh smiles, lowering himself on your bed and pulling you into his arms. “That was amazing.” 
You smile, leaning up to kiss his shoulder. “I can’t help myself sometimes. You’re just so–” you stop yourself, biting your lower lip. “Anyway, I’m glad you’re home.” 
“I’m glad I’m home too, baby.” Hugh kisses the crown of your head and pulls you against his chest. 
You try to pull away from him to grab the shirt from the floor, but he just pulls you back to him. “Hugh,” you giggle. 
“No,” he smiles sleepily. “You don’t need a shirt.”
“What if I get cold?” 
“I’ll warm you up,” he says softly, leaning over to kiss your temple. “I really did miss you, love.” Hugh’s eyes slowly fall shut, feeling completely satisfied and relieved to be with you now. 
“I missed you too, Hugh,” you respond, head resting against him. “Get some sleep, baby.” 
Hugh nods and within minutes, his snores begin to fill your small room. 
Hugh decides to stay at your apartment for the next few days and it gives you a glimpse of what a “normal” life would be like with him. You know that you’re set to meet Shawn and Ryan soon and as the day nears, you feel your nerves begin to settle in the pit of your stomach. You don’t tell Hugh though, not wanting him to have to worry about you. 
“So,” you tell him, trying to think of anything else but the meeting with Shawn and Ryan. “I was thinking we can tell our trainer about… You know, about us.” 
Hugh’s eyes light up, turning to look over at you. You’re both sitting on your couch, his arm draped over the back of it as you snuggle against his side. “Yeah?” Hugh can’t help the excitement bubble within him. He knows you’re still a bit wary about this relationship, but if he had it his way, he’d let the whole world know you’re his. “Are you sure, baby?” 
You nod, looking up at him as an arm drapes over his midsection. “Besides, I think she already knows. It’s not like you try to hide it when we’re at the gym.”
“Me?” Hugh playfully gasps, looking into your eyes. “You’re the one who can’t keep their eyes off of me.”
You roll your eyes. “Okay, we both know that’s a lie,” you tell him, though, you know you’re only lying to yourself.  
“Is it though, baby?” Hugh smirks, pulling you onto his lap as he looks up at you, hands resting on your thighs. “You do this thing, and I’m almost certain you have no idea you’re doing it.” 
“And what’s that, hm?”
“You bite your lower lip,” Hugh grins, bringing a hand up to run the pad of his thumb across your lower lip. “When your eyes zero in on my arms… especially when we’re doing biceps.” 
You narrow your eyes at him, bringing your arms to drape over his shoulders. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” you say innocently. 
“Oh, so now we wanna act all innocent? You were all talk a minute there,” he chuckles, arms wrapping around your waist and pulling you closer. 
“Okay, hush you,” you smile, burying your face against the side of his neck. He holds you like this for a few moments, but he can tell there’s something else on your mind. He runs his hands along your back and up your shoulders, and back down to your waist. He can feel the tension in your shoulders, can hear the quiet sigh that escapes your lips, your breath fanning against the side of his neck.
“What’s up?” he asks quietly, slowly pulling you back so that he can look into your eyes. “What’s on your mind, love?” 
“Nothing,” you tell him, shrugging a shoulder. 
Hugh sighs. “You’re a terrible liar, d’ya know that?” 
You roll your eyes. “I’m not lying.” 
He lets out a quiet chuckle and brings a hand up to your cheek, gently cupping it. “Talk to me. What can I do to help ease that mind of yours?”
“How do you know something’s bothering me?”
Hugh sighs, tilting his head. “You know, I’m very observant. Especially when it comes to you.” 
“Ah, so you stare too.”
Hugh chuckles lightly, knowing that this is only your way of trying to lighten the mood. “Well, obviously, but that’s besides the point. I don’t know how I can ease that mind of yours if you don’t talk to me, baby. We talked about this already…” 
“I know,” you sigh. “I know. I just don’t want to burden you with my problems and–”
“Your problems are my problems, baby,” Hugh says seriously. “Let me help you. What’s going on?” 
“I’m just nervous,” you tell him. “Meeting Ryan and Shawn… I just don’t want to disappoint them and what if they realize that my work isn’t even that great and then also, it’ll be the first time I’m meeting your friends and–” you ramble, feeling him lean in to peck your lips. 
“Okay, first of all,” he says, pulling away. “Your work is absolutely amazing and they already know that. And second, as long as I’m happy, that’s all that matters to them. Just be you, baby. That’s what got me in the first place,” he smiles. “Don’t try to be anyone else, but you. You make me happy and I haven’t felt this way in a very long time. That means something to me.” 
You nod, looking deeply into his eyes. You can sense there’s something else he wants to say because you also want to say it too, but it’s too early. It’s only been a couple of months and you don’t want to scare him away, but you’d be lying if you said that your feelings for him weren’t getting any deeper… 
Because it was. 
And you’re afraid to fall because you know that if you do, there’s truly no going back.
“I just–” you sigh, leaning in to press your forehead against his. “I just want you happy.”
“I am happy, baby,” he replied quickly, lightly pecking your lips. “I’m happy with you, love. You’ll be okay,” he promises. “Besides, I’ll be there with you.”
You nod and wrap your arms around his shoulders tightly, burying your face against the side of his neck. Hugh’s hands come up to your shoulders and he can feel a tremendous difference. There’s still some tension, but it’s certainly not like how it was before. 
“Okay, I believe you,” you tell him, pulling back to look down at him. “Should we go get ready for the gym?” 
Hugh nods, standing up from the couch with you holding onto him. You smile down at him, legs wrapped around his waist as you lock your ankles together at his lower back. He holds you up against him, leading you down the hallway to your bedroom. 
“If I wasn’t training to get back into shape for the Wolverine, I’d take you right here,” he says quietly, leaning in to pepper kisses along your neck. 
“We literally had sex earlier this morning,” you tell him with a giggle, hands playing with his hair at the nape of his neck. 
“Do you know what you look like?” Hugh says, gently setting you on your feet once you both get to your bedroom. “You make me feel young again,” he teases. 
“Ah, right,” you tell him, grabbing the ends of the shirt you’re wearing and pulling it over your head, tossing it in his direction. “I forget you’re such an old man,” you tease, walking shirtless to your closet to change into your workout clothes. 
Hugh’s gaze darkens and he strides over to you, wrapping his arms around your waist from behind. His hands come up to cover your breasts, kneading them into the pit of his palms. “How about I just bend you over right across your dresser and just–”
“Hugh!” you whimper pushing back against him. “We have to get to the gym.”
Hugh grunts and then pulls away, turning you around so that he can look at your exposed chest. “Fine,” he says with a huff. “But after our workout, we’re coming back here and you’re gonna let me have my way with you.”
“Oh, I’m gonna let you, huh?” you grin, running your hands across his hardened chest. 
“Yeah, you are,” Hugh growls, stepping closer to you and wrapping an arm around your waist to pull you flush against him. “Now, go and get ready or else we’re never going.” 
You turn around to grab clothes and feel Hugh smack your backside, causing a gasp to escape your lips. You look over at him and he’s staring at you with a grin and winks in your direction before walking away to let you finish getting ready.
You and Hugh are both halfway through your workout, both already drenched in sweat from yet another tough workout from your trainer. You get a brief break and walk up to your trainer, taking a deep breath. This will be the first person that you’ll be telling about your relationship and you’re a bit nervous. It still feels surreal to say (or even believe) that you’re in a relationship with Hugh Jackman. 
“Hey you,” your trainer says, smiling in your direction. “Great first half of the workout.”
“Yeah right,” you laugh quietly, using your towel to wipe the sweat off your brow. “I felt like that just kicked my ass. Listen, I wanted to tell you something and…” 
A knowing grin lines her lips. “What’s that?” 
Your eyes narrow in her direction, tilting your head. “Why are you looking at me like that?” 
“No reason,” she chuckles. “What did you want to tell me?” 
You look over your shoulder at Hugh who’s looking down at his phone and your eyes linger on his arms, especially his arms. When he looks up at you, he winks in your direction and you clear your throat, turning your attention back to your trainer. “So, Hugh and I… We’re in a relationship… It’s still new, but–”
“I knew it,” she interrupts you with a larger smile. “You guys don’t make an effort to hide it, you know,” she laughs. “You stare at him a lot.”
“Okay, let’s never tell him that because he won’t ever let me live it down if you do,” you laugh. “But, I’m really happy. Like extremely happy and I’m afraid I’m going to end up self-sabotaging it because I don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like, but he’s… He’s amazing.” 
“Take it day by day,” your train responds. “You deserve a good man and Hugh’s definitely one of the good ones. Let yourself be loved the way you deserve,” she tells you. 
“Thank you,” you reply, pulling her into a hug. “You know just all the right things to say, you know that?” 
She hugs you tightly and then releases you, smiling at you. “Lots of experience. Now, let’s get back to the workout.” 
By the end of the work out, you’re lying on the mats trying to catch your breath. You’re about to stand up before you feel Hugh hover above you in a high plank position, his hands resting above your head at shoulder-width distance. 
“Care to motivate me to complete my finisher?” he grins, looking down at you as he tightens his core to keep himself upright. 
“I don’t think I can even move,” you chuckle, looking up at him. “That workout was–”
“Don’t gotta move, baby,” he winks, pushing himself down in a push-up, chest hovering inches above yours as he leans down to peck your lips. “Just motivate me with your kisses, can you do that for me?” 
“That’s gonna motivate you?” you tease. “And how in the hell are you holding this push-up position?” 
Hugh just chuckles and then pushes himself back up. “Just answer the question. Every time I come down, gimme a kiss. Seems easy enough, isn’t it?” 
“If I must,” you wink. “Now, come on then. Finish this last exercise so you can take me back home and have your way with me,” you repeat. 
Hugh’s eyes narrow, pushing himself down into a push-up. You meet him halfway and lean up to peck his lips before he pushes himself upright. He continues this for a few more reps, but you’re beginning to distract him because you bring your hands up his chest to his shoulders and down his flexed arms. 
“I have one more set, baby, stop that,” Hugh says, pushing himself down and pecking your lips. He notices the look in your eyes and he can feel himself stirring within his shorts. “You’re not helping me,” he chuckles. 
“I think I’m helping you plenty,” you reply. “But are you helping me?” 
Hugh pushes himself down once more, but moves his head to the side of your neck as his lips brush against you. He feels you shudder against him and let out a shaky breath. He barely pushes himself back up as he moves to hover his lips closely over yours. “I will be after this.” 
“Mmm, promise? Because all I’ve been able to think about is you bending me over and–”
Hugh growls and moves into a high plank once more. He looks down at you, watching as you bite your lower lip. He doesn’t bother replying to you, wanting to just finish his last set of this exercise so that he can just take you back home. 
“Okay, get on up and meet me in the car while I finish this.” 
“You don’t need me to motivate you anymore?” you ask innocently, batting your eyelashes at him.
Hugh shakes his head and then stands up, reaching down to pull you on your feet. His hand darts out to rest on your hip, giving it a gentle squeeze. He has to remind himself that you’re both still at the gym and while your trainer isn’t in the same room, he can’t just take you here. 
“Go to the car and wait for me there,” he repeats. 
“Or… what?” 
Hugh lets out a low growl, gaze darkening. He steps closer to you, pulling you flush against him at the same time as his lips hover near your ear. He whispers quietly, voice laced with desire and it shoots straight to your core. “Oh, baby, are we not gonna be a good girl today?” He nudges against you, hand dipping from your hip to move around your lower back, inching further to grasp your backside. “Because I’m sure you remember what happens when you ain’t being good.” 
“But, what if I like being bad?” 
“Then don’t whine and beg for me to let you come,” Hugh says with a husky voice. You can feel chills wash over your body as you pull back to look up at him, eyes narrowing in his direction. “Now, meet me in the car. I’ll be there shortly.” 
You want to call his bluff, but you just want him so badly that you move away with a huff. “Fine,” you tell him, turning around to grab your bag. He reaches for your hand for a moment, his touch soft and gentle in comparison to the words he just said as he pulls you back to him. 
“Gimme a kiss at least.”
“So needy, so demanding,” you tell him, leaning up on your toes to peck his lips. 
“Yeah, we’ll see who’s needy later.” he replies almost instantly. 
The ride back to your apartment was quick. You can tell Hugh was trying to get back to your place in record time. His right hand remained on your upper thigh, but throughout the entire ride, he didn’t say anything. You know where his mind had drifted to, what he was probably thinking because when you reached over to rest your own hand on his thigh, he just grabbed your wrist and pushed it away. 
“No, baby,” was all he said. The moment he pulls into his parking spot at your apartment complex, he quickly climbs out to grab your bags from the trunk. You step out of the car and begin walking towards your door, looking over your shoulder at Hugh whose eyes are staring directly at you.
And once inside your apartment, Hugh drops both of your bags and shuts the door with his foot. The moment you both remove your shoes, Hugh is on you. His arms wrap around your waist, head dipping down to press light kisses on the side of your neck. He pulls you flush against him and he hears you gasp, knowing that you can feel his hardening length beneath his shorts. 
“Hugh…” you whimper, arms snaking around his shoulders. “Can we–”
“Shh,” Hugh interrupts, lifting you in his arms as you quickly wrap your legs around his waist. He begins walking down the hallway towards your bedroom until he feels your lips on his neck, gently biting down and sucking on the skin afterwards. 
Suddenly, Hugh stops and turns you so that your back is pressed against the wall. He pulls back to look at you, grabbing your hands and pressing them roughly against the wall above your head. Your legs remain tightly wrapped around him, rolling your hips slowly as you yearn for friction, yearn to feel more of him. 
Hugh’s gaze is filled with lust as he stares at you, gripping your wrists as he leans forward, nose nudging against yours. “I should punish you for not listening to me earlier, for teasing me…” Hugh says, his breath fanning against your lips. 
“But?” you ask, tilting your head as you squeeze him closer to you. “But you’re too nice and won’t do that, right?” you smile, letting out a quiet giggle. 
Hugh shakes his head and rests his forehead against yours. “You’re really testing me, aren’t ya? And you know exactly what you’re doin’.”
“I have an idea,” you tell him, leaning in to gently nip at his lower lip. “How about we take a shower and… and see what happens?” 
Hugh lets out an involuntary groan, just thinking and imagining bending you over in your shower or even just holding you up in his arms like this while the water cascades down your bodies. He suddenly sets you back onto your feet, releasing your wrists as he looks down at you. 
“Lead the way then, baby.” 
“Yeah?” you ask excitedly, eyes lighting up in anticipation. Without waiting for him to reply, you grab his hand and lead him towards your bedroom and into the connected bathroom. Once inside, you release your hold on him and lean over the tub to let the water run so that it can heat up. You reach out to test the temperature, feeling the water hit your hand. When you turn back to Hugh, he’s already stripped down to his boxers with an obvious bulge beneath it. 
Your eyes take in his frame, moving along his chiseled and muscular upper body and down to the waistband of his boxers. You swallow quietly, hooking your thumbs into the waistband of your shorts and pulling it down your legs. Hugh stands there, watching you undress as he moves his boxers down his own legs. He lets out a groan of relief, hand immediately reaching down to grasp onto his throbbing length to stroke himself slowly. 
Your clothes pool at your ankles as you stand before him, completely naked and bare, watching as he strokes himself at the mere sight of you. You feel a wetness pool between your legs, throbbing and yearning to wrap around something. 
Hugh takes the initiative to step inside the shower, the water instantly hitting his sore muscles and the heat of the water doing its job to provide relief. He watches you step inside with him and immediately, he reaches out to grab you and pull you flush against him. The water cascades down both your bodies from above as you reach up to stroke back your wet hair and see Hugh do the same. You lean up on your toes and slowly press your lips against his, moving it almost instantly as you feel his manhood stir and throb against your lower abdomen.
His hands move down your wet back and to your backside, gripping both cheeks tightly in his large hands as he feels your breasts push against him. He’s throbbing so painfully that he knows he can’t tease you and drag this out long enough to have you begging because he needs to be inside of you now. 
Slowly, Hugh pulls away to look down at you. Eyes searching your own and it’s in this moment that Hugh feels like this can be something so much more than he expected it to be. He reaches up to cup your cheek, thumb brushing against you as the water continues to trickle down your bodies. 
“Absolutely beautiful,” he whispers. 
When Hugh’s gaze softens like this, eyes staring deeply into your own, it almost feels like you know what he’s thinking, what he wants to say but doesn’t. You feel his thumb move down your cheek until the pad of his thumb brushes lightly along your lower lip, causing your lips to part instinctively. 
“Hugh, I–” 
He interrupts you with a soft kiss on your lips. “I know, baby. I’m gonna take care of you.” Then, he turns you around, eyes drifting down your back to your backside. Hugh then moves a hand to your middle back and slowly guides you to bend over as you reach out to rest your hands on the shower wall in front of you. 
Hugh grasps himself and runs his tip along your folds, growling to himself. He uses his free hand to rest on your hip, fingertips digging into your flesh as he slowly slides into you. Your warmth and tightness surrounds him and he forces himself to keep the slow pace, your moans mixing in with the sounds of the water. He reaches up to take hold of your wet hair in his grasp, tilting your head slightly to the side so that he can see your face. 
You moan loudly at the feel of him stretching you out. You don’t think you’d ever get used to his size, but despite the painful stretch in the beginning, you know that your walls will slowly begin to give way for him. And you’re always dripping wet for him that he just slides right in and this is certainly no different. 
When Hugh fills you to the hilt, he has to remain still for a moment because you’re gripping him so tight that he knows once he starts to move, he won’t be able to stop until he reaches his high. But he suddenly feels you move back against him, eyes immediately drifting down to your backside as this position gives him such an amazing view. He moves his hand from your hair to your hip as both hands grip you and begin to move you back and forth on his hardened length. 
Your moans filter into the bathroom, the steam from the shower encompassing the entire bathroom. As Hugh pulls you back against him, he pushes his hips forward, groaning to himself at the sensation of your warmth. Hugh will never get enough of this, of you. He’s had plenty of conversations with Ryan about you, about how he can see himself falling so deeply in love with you that it not only scares him, but also excites him too. 
“Hugh…” you moan, reaching back to grab a hold of his forearm as your nails dig into the skin. His thrusts are slowly beginning to pick up in speed, the sound of skin slapping against one another now mixing in with the sounds of your moans and the water that has now turned cool. 
“Oh, baby,” Hugh groans, taking your hand and holding it firmly against your lower back. He pulls back, looking down at where you’re connected and it turns him on even more. Your slickness coats his entire length and he pushes back into you with ease, your walls giving way to his girth but still so tight around him.
You feel your body begin to tremble as Hugh’s thrusts bring you closer and closer to the edge. As you’re about to reach your high, you quickly pull away from him, his length slipping out of you with ease. You turn around to face him, biting your lower lip as Hugh looks at you with a confused look.
“You were close, weren’t you?” Hugh smirks, stepping closer to you. 
“Sorry, it was too much and I–”
Hugh presses his lips against yours and then lifts you up into his arms, allowing your legs to wrap around his waist with ease. He uses his free hand to reach down to grasp his base, lining himself at your entrance. He pressed your back against the shower wall as he slowly slides back into you, growling against your lips. 
Your arms wrap around his shoulders as your fingernails dig into the skin at his upper back. He wastes no time in thrusting up into you, his hands resting underneath you. He’s careful not to slip, even with the water continuing to run down but he needs you to to come, needs to see and hear you. Slowly, he pulls away from your lips, forehead instead resting against yours as your lips brush against his. 
“Come for me, baby,” Hugh whispers, driving his hips upwards. The muscles in his arms and chest flex as he holds you up against the wall, pulling his hips back only to push them back towards you, his length kissing that sweet spot within your depths repeatedly. 
Your walls begin to tighten around his length and you squeeze your legs even tighter around him to pull him closer to you as your nails drag down his back. “Hugh!” You hold onto him tightly, feeling his movements become more erratic. 
Hugh buries his face against the side of your neck, teeth dragging along your skin as he feels himself get closer and closer to the edge. He feels you tighten even further around him and he pulls out abruptly to shoot his release in the inside of your thigh. 
You stare at him, completely breathless as you lean forward to peck his lips lightly. “We didn’t even shower,” you tease, panting against him.
Hugh chuckles, nudging the tip of his nose against yours. “Worth it,” he replies. “And you called my bluff… I just couldn’t tease you and have you beg when all I wanted to do was just be inside of you.”
“Good…” you smile, slowly unwrapping your legs around his waist so that you can fully stand upright. Your legs feel a bit wobbly, bracing yourself on his shoulders as his hands move to your hips. “Because I’d have been a mess if you left me begging.”
“Mmm,” Hugh grins. “That doesn’t sound too bad. Maybe next time,” he winks. “Now, come on. Let’s get cleaned up, love.”
For the rest of the week, you’re spending it at Hugh’s place. It’s easy how you both can slip into a routine with each other and how well you both coexist. Even though this relationship is still very new and in the beginning stages, you’re starting to see exactly how easy you can fit into Hugh’s life. You still have some reservations, still nervous that this might not work out, but the more time you spend with him, the more you realize that this is something you’d want to give a chance for the possibility of being something greater than you ever imagined. 
You’re set to meet Ryan and Shawn tonight and you’re nervous. Knowing that Hugh would be there with you does ease your mind, but this is the first step in truly seeing if you can fit into his life. 
You’re in the kitchen, whisking pancake batter in a bowl to cook breakfast for you and Hugh. You’ve gotten used to wearing his clothes and this morning is no different because you’re just dressed in one of his black t-shirts and nothing but. You’re so deep in thought, focused solely on making breakfast that you don’t hear him coming down the stairs and it isn’t until you feel his arms wrap around you from behind that it pulls you out of your trance. 
“Morning, baby,” he whispers, leaning down to kiss the side of your neck. “Making me breakfast?”
“Mhm,” you nod. “Protein pancakes and then some scrambled eggs.” 
You turn your head and kiss his cheek, smiling in his direction before you continue to whisk the batter. 
“You spoil me,” he smiles. “I’m going on a run with a few friends, but I should be back by the time you’re done.” Hugh then pulls away from you to grab a glass of water as you turn to look at him. He’s dressed in a fitted white t-shirt and a pair of black sweatpants, tennis shoes, and a hat. Your eyes take in his frame, lingering at his arms and chest and down his legs. It isn’t until he clears his throat that you finally look up at him who’s staring at you with a knowing smirk. 
“What’s on your mind, hm?” Hugh grins. 
“You just look…” you bite your lower lip, reaching down to play with the end of your (his) t-shirt. “I like seeing you in a white t-shirt and the one you’re wearing is literally about to rip. It’s so tiny!” 
“It is not,” Hugh chuckles, eyes lingering on your frame as well. “I’m just getting bigger…”
“Oh, I’ve noticed,” you grin and walk towards him, hands running across his chest as you feel him flex underneath your fingertips. “I like you either way, but seeing you get into shape as Wolverine again is just…” 
Hugh leans down and pecks your lips, hand moving down to your hip. “Oh, I know. You practically stare at me every chance you get.” 
“Do you blame me?” 
“Not at all…” Hugh smiles, staring deeply into your eyes. “But that’s only because I stare at you every chance I get too.” 
“We’re quite the pair, aren’t we?” 
“I’d say the best pair,” Hugh says softly. “You ready for tonight?” 
You shrug and move your arms to wrap around his shoulders. “No, I’m nervous… But I think knowing that you’ll be there helps a bit.”
“Just a bit?”
You smile. “Oh yeah, a very tiny bit.” 
Hugh’s eyes narrow. “If I’m only gonna help a tiny bit, then I might as well not go with you.”
“No!” you say immediately, shaking your head. “Don’t do that. I need you there.”
“Ah, so more than a tiny bit.”
“Yes,” you laugh quietly. “Since you’ll be there, I know I’ll be okay.” 
“You’d be okay with or without me there,” Hugh reassures. “But I’m happy to spend time with you, Ryan, and Shawn tonight.”
“It’s going to be very casual, right?”
Hugh nods. “Very casual.” he pecks your lips lightly and then pulls away. “I better get going. I’ll be back soon, baby.” 
“Have a good run, Hugh,” you tell him, hands slowly sliding down his arms before you move back to the task at hand. Your eyes focus on whisking the batter as you move around in his kitchen to grab the necessary things you need to complete breakfast. Hugh watches you for a brief moment, eyes filled with so much love and appreciation that for a split second, he wants so badly to tell you what has been on his mind since his last trip. 
But he doesn’t. 
Not yet. 
You’re staring at yourself in the mirror, dressed in a pair of high waisted denim pants with a black, loose fit collared v-neck knitted sweatshirt. Your makeup remains light and natural and you play nervously with the black belt on your pants. 
Hugh comes up from behind you, dressed just as casually in a pair of black jeans, black t-shirt with a black bomber jacket over. He wraps his arms around you from behind, resting his chin against the side of your neck. 
“You look amazing.” Hugh smiles. “You ready to go?” 
“I’m nervous,” you admit. “Not only do I want them to like my work, but there’s a bit of added pressure because they know we’re together and they’re both your closest friends and–”
Hugh quietly hushes you with a gentle kiss against your temple. “They already like your work,” he reassures you. “And I talk about you all the time. It’s like they already know you.” 
“I don’t know if that helps me or not,” you tell him honestly. “I just–” You turn around to face him, looking up at him. “I just really like you and I want to get along with your friends, even if they are really fucking famous and–”
“Stop,” Hugh says, gently resting his hands on your hips. “Just think of it as a night out with friends. We’re gonna grab dinner and a couple of drinks and then call it a night.” 
“What if you realize that I’m actually not all that great and then rethink this entire relationship?”
“Okay,” Hugh sighs quietly and rests his forehead against yours, eyes staring deeply into yours. “I like you, a lot, baby. I know this is still new for us, but there’s nothing I want more than to be with you.” He brings a hand up to your cheek, thumb brushing against your soft skin. “Just be you.”
“But what if–”
“Nope,” he interrupts. “What does our trainer tell you?” He tilts his head, eyes gazing into your own. “Ah, yes. Self-talk, baby. You gotta treat yourself just as kindly as I see you treat others.” 
“Okay,” you nod, letting out a quiet sigh. “We should probably go before I talk myself out of it.” 
“Oh, I wouldn’t let you back out,” Hugh smiles, taking your hand and leading you out of the bathroom. Your heels click against the tile floor as you follow Hugh downstairs. “We’re taking a car tonight. I know you still want to keep this relationship under wraps from press, so I figured–”
“Thank you, Hugh.” you say softly, following him out of his house and towards the black SUV parked out front. “You think of everything, don’t you?”
“I just want my girl to be comfortable and happy,” Hugh smiles. 
My girl. 
You slide into the car and immediately greet the driver, who looks at you from the rearview mirror with a shocked expression. Hugh slides in right next to you and shuts the door, hearing you make small talk with the driver and he smiles to himself. It baffles him how kind, sweet, and considerate you are to other people, but to yourself, it’s a very different story. He wishes he can make you see just how amazing you are or make you see the way he sees you. 
Hugh also chimes in on the conversation as the driver begins driving away from Hugh’s house and towards the city. His hand moves to rest on your thigh, looking down at you with a small smile on his lips. He leans in and kisses the side of your head, feeling your hand move to cover his own. 
It doesn’t take long before you and Hugh arrive at the restaurant. You look outside and let out a breath of relief, glad that you don’t see one paparazzi as Hugh steps out first. He reaches a hand out for you and you tell the driver to have a good night before you take Hugh’s hand and climb out after him. 
He leads you inside and immediately spots Ryan and Shawn at the corner of the restaurant, waving in both of your directions.
“Just be you,” Hugh repeats, whispering into your ear as you follow closely behind him. 
“Well, look who finally decided to show up,” Ryan teases, hugging Hugh as you bite your lower lip. You watch him greet Shawn before he turns to you, a large smile on his lips. He rests a hand on your lower back, urging you closer to the table. 
“And this is…” Hugh smiles, saying your name as he introduces you to Ryan and Shawn.
“Okay, you’ve told us a lot about her, but you didn’t say she was this beautiful,” Ryan replies, causing a quiet chuckle to escape Hugh’s lips. You feel heat rise in your cheeks as you instinctively lean against Hugh for comfort, for support. 
Just be you. 
Just be you.
Just be you.
You take a deep breath and then reach your hand to shake Shawn and Ryan’s hands, smiling up at them. “I’m eager to hear what things he’s said about me if beautiful wasn’t part of it,” you tease. 
Hugh shakes his head and pulls out your chair, waiting until you sit down before he takes his spot next to you. Ryan and Shawn sit across from you, already each with a drink in front of them. 
“I like you,” Ryan chuckles. “I’m Ryan.” 
“I’m Shawn.”
You smile and feel Hugh’s hand move to rest casually on your thigh. You don’t realize how much it brings you comfort and you glance up at him for a moment before you turn your attention to Shawn and Ryan. 
“I’m a huge fan of you both… And I’m excited to join you for the movie,” you tell them. 
“Oh, Hugh’s shown us some of your work and it’s impressive. I can’t believe you only do engagement shoots,” Shawn says, his eyes lighting up. “I mean, those are great too, but your landscapes and street photography are amazing.” 
“I still can’t believe it,” you tell him, laughing quietly. “I mean, I’m just a woman with a camera–”
“Who takes fucking awesome pictures,” Ryan finishes for you. 
“He’s right. We’re excited to have you join us too.” Shawn adds. 
Hugh smiles proudly in your direction, looking around the table as you continue to have a conversation with both Ryan and Shawn. He envisioned this so clearly, how well you fit in in his life and to see it firsthand, it makes him feel the love he has for you bloom in his heart. 
He looks over at Ryan, who’s staring back at him with a knowing grin. Hugh narrows his eyes, tilting his head before he interrupts you and Shawn briefly. 
“Ryan and I are gonna grab a drink at the bar. What d’ya want, baby?” 
“White wine, love,” you say almost instantly, your pet name for him coming out naturally that it causes you to blush. 
Hugh grins at that and then stands up with Ryan, walking towards the bar. He feels Ryan place a firm hand on his shoulder and he looks over at the other man, letting out a quiet chuckle. 
“Okay, out with it. I know you have something to say.”
“What? Me?” Ryan playfully gasps then laughs quietly. “I’ve got nothing,” he lies.
Hugh’s eyes narrow. “We both know that’s a lie. What is it?” 
Ryan smiles genuinely. “You’re happy.” 
“I am, mate. She makes me happy,” Hugh replies almost too quickly. He glances over his shoulder at you, seeing you in such natural conversation with Shawn. He doesn’t see the tension in your shoulders, doesn’t see the concern or anxiety in your features; you’re completely relaxed and comfortable. 
“And she’s great,” Ryan adds. 
“She is, isn’t she?” Hugh smiles. “I think…” he sighs, biting the inside of his cheek. “I think I’m falling in love with her, Ryan.” 
“Oh, I could have told you that,” he chuckles. “Does she know?” 
Hugh shakes his head. “No, no. It’s still too early. I don’t– I don’t want to scare her away.” 
Once at the bar, Ryan raises a hand in the air to get the bartender’s attention before he turns back to look at Hugh. “Well, something tells me that she probably feels the same way.” 
“You don’t know that, mate.” 
“Hugh,” Ryan says. “Do you not see the way she looks at you?” 
Hugh looks over at you, catching your gaze briefly. He feels the warmth in his chest at the sight of you smiling in his direction. He winks over at you before he turns to Ryan. “It’s still too early,” he repeats. “I’ll tell her when… when I think the moment is right.” 
Before Ryan can reply, the bartender comes by and Hugh tells him your drink order and his. After a few minutes, he thanks the bartender as he and Ryan make his way back to the table and realizes that you aren’t at the table. 
“She went to the bathroom,” Shawn tells them, then he turns to Hugh with a grin. “Hugh, she’s amazing.” 
Hugh smiles, sitting down. He looks over at the hallway towards the bathrooms, seeing you walk down the hallway as you begin making your way back to them, back to him. 
“Yeah, she is,” he says, voice laced with so much love and appreciation as his eyes stay locked on yours. “I don’t think I’m ever letting her go.”
---
taglist (if links don't work, i'm sorry!): @corvusmorte - @dragonqueen89 - @whimsiwitchy - @kellyxo1 - @wolviehugh - @moonxknightx - @sullyselena - @angelofthorr - @spectorrrhgf - @needz1nk - @fandomxo00 - @godlypresley - @kythefangirl25 - @callsignyourmom - @sue8724 - @squishyfruitloop - @sylviavf - @emotrash1 - @dissentientss - @sir-thisisadndserver - @absolutepie - @millajay
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yourheartinyourmouth · 9 months ago
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and if you just don’t be negative in general. it sucks when you’re depressed as fuck and you just want to indulge in some quality negativity, but i promise you it wins you no friends or admirers, and it significantly drags your mental health down. you do have to work to suppress those thoughts, ignore them, and grit your teeth and actively have “fake” happy thoughts. it sounds so stupid and made up, but the thoughts you allow into your brain really do make all the fucking difference.
learning that self depreciation isnt cool and just makes the people around you uncomfortable unironically improved my mental health a lot. like if you just stop saying negative shit about yourself you will genuinely like yourself more and other people wont be repulsed by your attitude and you will have more friends. it's true.
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winterzsurprise · 3 months ago
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Change My Mind [4]
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Pairing: BTS x reader
SUMMARY: As a make-up artist, you were expected to glamorize your clients with brushes and products that cost a week-worth of food, not to befriend them outside of work, let alone have them save you from dates yet here you are five years later as one of their closest confidants.
Being a stylist of the world's biggest boyband is no easy feat, someone is doing flips, someone can't stay still and one's asleep but its fine, you can work around their chaos but then one day, you find out they're all your soulmates, a whole different can of chaos you don't think you can handle.
Tags: Soulmates AU, Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Not Beta Read, Slow Build, Polyamory, Attempts at Humor
Words: 7.1k
nothing much to say this time but this is not beta read, my friend who was supposed to read it is unfortunately unavailable, idk if the argument makes sense in the end cause I personally run from confrontations so idk how to write good arguments so yeah.
ANYWAYS, Happy reading!!
<<<Prev || MASTERLIST || Next>>>
TAGLIST: @wildestdreamsblog @canarystwin @prettywheenicry @jmnscutie @sassy-snassy @misuguru @11thenightwemet11 @yoongibaybee @rinkud
___________
In all of your years working for Bangtan, as one of their staff and the youngest stylist, you've been included in every life events and celebrations there is. Birthdays, first wins, comebacks, everything there is even something as important as family dinners. You've never skipped or forgot a single member's birthday, period.
But as Guwon stands before you, a plane ticket to Jeju in hand with the departure scheduled tomorrow and returning just a day short before the tour, you find yourself at a crossroad. It’s Jungkook's birthday tomorrow and Jimin has planned a small party tonight at their dorms before the formal celebration at the company the next day.
While you've been trying to rectify the awkward air between you and the maknae since his confession by starting conversations, the maknae only replied to you with silence before promptly vanishing in two seconds flat.
But despite the strain in your relationship, you could never think of not attending his birthday. You'd never thought to be petty enough to return his energy. His present was already wrapped in a pretty bow under your bed for a week now for Christ's sake!
“I-I can't… It's one of their birthday’s tomorrow.”
“Oh.” His smile falls. “Can't you just give your gift today? Surely they can party for one night without you.”
It was a genuine question, logical and true but for some reason, his tone raised concerns within you. You swear to the highest heavens you could hear a bit of irritation hidden beneath dejection.
You winced. “I can't, I'm really sorry… I-I can pay you back what you've spent for the trip. I'm really sorry, I just never missed any of their birthdays. I swear I'll make it up to you next time!”
Guwon's shine dulled the further you went on and your heart twinged with guilt. In another universe where some humans gained animalistic features, he'd have dog ears pressed to his skull, staring at you with wide and glistening eyes.
You waved off the image immediately, disturbed.
“It's also my fault for not asking for your schedule. The tour is next week and then you'd be away from me for months so I kind of… panicked. I'm sorry.”
He should've known better than not to do research on your bosses , a voice at the back of your head scoffed and you waved the thought away as you put a hand over his. 
“I should've notified you as well. Tell me if those are refundable or not, I'll pay you back.”
He waves you off. “Cute but I've been raised well to know not to ask a lady to pay for my mistake, so don't worry that pretty head of yours about not being able to go.”
The date continued and thankfully, no dead air remained and conversation eased out of the both of you. Guwon sorted out his reservations early on, he'd stopped eating every once in a while to pick up his phone to either receive a call or respond to an email.
With how often he answered the chimes of his phone and how long it took for him to finally put it down, you figured he must've prepared a lot for the week and it made you feel more guilty every time he did it.
Today, he brought you both to an indoor park he rented for an hour for a picnic. It was on the outskirts of Seoul and he also cooked most of the food placed between you both, his mother however, was responsible for the side dishes.
Speaking of mothers, yours called earlier to congratulate you on whatever it was she was adamant on keeping secret but you already knew what it was and you were glad Jungkook’s mother gave birth on such a perfect day almost 21 years ago.
Guwon was planning to propose to you during the trip.
It left a bitter taste in your tongue. Sure you had expected to be married to him at some point but you barely knew the man outside of his colorful stories, and knew none of his actual behavior in his home. You haven't even visited his house yet for a vibe check so why is he rushing too fast?
Despite the guilt in your heart, relief is more palpable knowing you'd have more time to figure out if you truly want Guwon in your life.
Your phone vibrated in your pocket and you took a glance at it.
           [17:29] Jinnie: I'll pick you up at your apartment by 6.            [17:29] Jinnie: please be prepared😊
Seeing the t̶h̶r̶e̶a̶t̶e̶n̶i̶n̶g̶ friendly smile attached at the end of his message, you're suddenly reminded of the present. You hadn't told any of them of your date today, something that had drawn out longer than you thought it would. You frowned, fingers drumming on the side of your phone as you pondered on what to reply.
You had promised to help with the food yet here you are, out of town and on a picnic date inside a garden observatory.
“Who is it?” Guwon asks, seeing the frown on your face. Your mind immediately picks up the odd tone he has.
“Their oldest, Jin. We're supposed to cook together before the rest comes home.”
He furrowed his eyebrows. “I thought the birthday was tomorrow?”
“Oh, we're planning a small party before it, just his closest friends.”
Guwon nodded, eyes distant and thoughtful as he took a bite of his sandwich before continuing. “What time are you expected?”
“Their eldest said he'll pick me up at six.”
He looked at his watch and frowned deeper. “It's already 5:30. Maybe I can drive you to their dorm instead?”
You immediately shook your head. Remembering the promise you had with Jin and Jungkook. The maknae had recently begun to look at your direction again yesterday after Hoseok had talked to him, inviting Guwon would ruin the smallest progress you’ve had. 
Not to mention, you can't reveal their dorm location even if he is to be your husband. Company rules and you've signed an NDA.
“Company rules, can't reveal their location.”
“If we're going to be a couple soon, I'm going to need to know more about these guys you're hanging around. I don't trust them.” He says as he turns to the picnic basket to take another sandwich out, unable to see the twitch in your eye. 
“Well, you have to learn how to, they’re my bosses and my best friends.”
“I’m having a hard time believing that. I mean,” He scoffed. “Did you notice how they look at me whenever I’m around? That rapper—Yun–Yoonmi stared at me like I’m an insect he stepped on.”
Anger boils deep within your soul and you’re sure it's visibly contorting your face at this point but the man didn’t notice it and continued chewing on his food.
“Besides, their location is pretty well known already, no? Just a couple searches away, why be so secretive about it?”
You refrain yourself from frowning and it takes all of the energy within you to not react as wildly as you would’ve. It was amazing how the illusion of something good could shatter with only a few words and you set down the sandwich in your hand.
There's something terribly humbling upon realization that the man you're talking to is indeed, a man.
Noticing the shift in the air, he set down his cup of coffee with a slight raise to his brows.
“Why are you looking at me like that? It's true though, I just think it's pointless to try to hide it when some people already know, so what's the use of trying to hide their dorm?”
Where's Jimin and Taehyung at times like this?
You dreaded the conversation you're about to bring up to your mother once she calls, and could hear her scolding you for having such high standards. Guwon being indifferent to the possibility of being stalked, and your boys’ privacy being breached immediately raise red glaring flags over his head.
A lawyer himself who shrugged at the threat of crimes, the joke just writes itself.
“Don't look at me like that, I'm just… trying to understand why you didn't want me to interact with them after our second date. It makes a man overthink, know?”
Whatever thread you were holding onto, a sliver of hope that you might've misheard or misunderstood him, decayed within you and you picked up your phone to stuff into your bag.
You had hoped, wished, that after your deep talk on the night Seokjin had scolded your ass to the nines he'd understand your dynamic better with the boys or at least try. You could already hear Yoongi's drawl out ‘I told you so’ as you packed up, even imagine him bringing up Namjoon’s statistical analysis and how I should've listened to it.
“If you're implying what I think you are implying then I don't think we should meet each other anymore.”
Tossing the food back into the basket carelessly, you slung your bag over your shoulder and stand, only for his hand to shoot out to grab your wrist in an iron grip.
“Wait, I-I'm sorry! I just got… jealous, that's all.”
Even with the apologetic look displayed clearly on his face and the fear swimming with them, nothing could bring back to life the trust you had on the man and you pushed his hand away.
“I can't stay with someone who can't understand why those boys are important to me, sorry Guwon but we're over. Don't you ever contact me again.”
“You can't possibly be breaking up with me because I said what I felt? Over them? Really?!”
You don't even recognize the man sitting opposite you.
He knew, he saw how close you are with them and even sat through the stories you told him during your dates. Guwon knew you cherished every single boy in the group yet he disregarded it all because of jealousy? If that isn't a warning, then you might be blind.
“It's like I never even knew you at all.”
He scoffed. “Same with you. Can't believe I actually believed your words telling me you were friends but I saw how those boys treated you!”
Sure your relationship with your bosses is unusual but it was built from hardship and loneliness from being taken away from home and surrendering their time for a glimpse of fame in a field where they're at a huge disadvantage. It was special in ways not many could fathom because in their head, what reason would there be for a man to befriend a girl other than having the intention to fuck them?
It was the mindset of the old and “ wise” and it had infuriated you to the nines.
For him to reveal himself as one of those old cogs when he expressed himself as a gentleman and be convinced by his act of kindness, even the word disappointing could express how greatly upset you are.
“Bet you've slept with all of them at least once, hell, I don't even know why your mother bothered when you're already busy whoring yourself for seven men.”
Anger flooded your veins, it was hot and rampaging under your skin. Before your mind could even register your actions, your hand had already moved, making contact with his cheek in one swift motion. The slap echoed like a clap of thunder in the silence of the observatory.
Even after seeing the angry red mark beginning to mar his skin, your anger remained.
“Goodbye Guwon, I hope we never see each other again.”
Walking away was easier said than done.
You got picked up by Guwon earlier and since you've run far enough from the indoor garden, away from your supposed ticket back home, you're now waiting for an uber at a small library sequestered between towering and loudly designed buildings. You had half a mind to ask your friends that lived nearby for a ride but decided against it.
They might be busy with their own family. 
Unlike you.
As you sit there waiting for your ride to come, your mind takes you to your mother and her genuine glee at the thought of you getting married. Ever since your second date, she had been sending you photographs of weddings for inspirations, links to event places and tailors, and flower shops where you could have your bouquet arranged. She was beyond ecstatic, if she heard what had happened, she would be devastated. 
A loud, exasperated sigh left your lips, the volume catching the attention of the bookkeeper who was quick to shush you.
As you waited longer with only the deafening silence of the library to accompany you, doubt began to form at the back of your head. 
Was breaking up with Guwon really the right choice? 
An angry, louder voice screamed at you for doubling down on your decision. You knew your boys longer than you knew him, if the trip had gone through, Guwon would've proposed to you despite the short time you've known each other. Something you didn't want. Not to mention, he would've gone through the idea while contemplating on your loyalty.
So yes, it was the right decision!
But you were to be married .
Your mother was so happy to have finally matched you with a guy you attended three dates with. The thought made your heart clench, she was excited to see you on the altar and has most likely spread it around your town with pride. She was about to have three married children.
Gods, you don't want to imagine the conversation later on, she'd be distraught.
Your phone buzzed and you dreaded looking at the screen to see your mother's name. Luckily, it was Jin instead.
           [18:01] Jinnie: where are you?            [18:01] Jinnie: knocked on your door but the neighbor said you were out.            [18:02] Jinnie: you're late😒            [18:02] Jinnie: I'm going to have them deduct your pay this month for making me wait            [18:03] You: I'm sorry your highness for disappointing you, please forgive this servant of yours🤧            [18:03] You: was on a date            [18:03] You: not that it matters anymore, I broke up with Guwon            [18:04] You: does it even count? I mean, we weren't official, he didn't ask me to be his girlfriend yet.
You paused, face souring as you realized what you've just typed. 
Guwon hadn't asked for your hand officially even after three dates, he had the chance on your second date during the stroll but he didn't. Despite this, he went and asked your parents for their blessings when he hadn't even asked you first.
           [18:04] You: wow I just remembered that            [18:04] You: then he had the audacity to propose to me!
There's a pause in between his usually instant replies and you had an inkling he's already spreading the gossip around the group somehow.
           [18:08] Jinnie: wow there's a LOT to unpack there            [18:08] Jinnie: but worry not            [18:08] Jinnie: I'll have Jimin get us the strongest drink there is for later            [18:09] Jinnie: we'll drink that sorrow away and you're going to tell me what the hell you meant by proposing while not being official             [18:10] You: I don't think I should tell you that…            [18:10] You: considering… ya know            [18:11] You: also don't you guys have an early schedule tomorrow?🤨            [18:12] Jinnie: bold of u to assume I don't want hear how massive of a failure he is            [18:12] Jinnie: nothing better than hearing your enemy’s downfall😌            [18:13] Jinnie: also what do you mean ‘you guys’???             [18:13] Jinnie: you're literally our make-up artist!
You scoffed at the message but before you could type up a reply, the notification from your uber app popped out to inform you about your driver now waiting outside the library and you walked out.
           [18:23] You: and just because I'm your make-up artist, doesn't mean I should let you all get away with this            [18:23] You: and I won't even drink much :pp            [18:24] Jinnie : if I ever see you stumbling around the house, you owe me 100000            [18:25] You: WOW            [18:25] You: AREN'T YOU RICH ALREADY????            [18:25] Jinnie: money is money😌            [18:26] Jinnie: just get ur ass over here already before I add more zeros to the bet
The smell of Jin’s cooking, both spicy and something savory, welcomed you first before the sound of sizzles did. At the sound of the door closing, Jin appears round the corner with an apron hung from his neck and a tong stained with red bean paste in the other.
Despite the disappointed look he's going for, reminiscent of a mother who caught her daughter coming home past curfew, the relief you feel upon seeing his handsome face after earlier was palpable and the knots in your stomach loosened.
“I should have your pay deducted for showing up late.”
You winced. “Sorry boss, can I appeal for a heartbreak discount on that?”
“Only if you give me a hug and cry on my shoulder.” 
He opened his arms wide, plush lips widening into a smile when you approached to wrap your arms around his torso. The fabric of his sweatshirt was soft and the scent of new laundry overtook his usual scent of freshly baked cakes and gentle vanilla perfume, it almost made you boneless in his hold. Moreso when he started stroking your head while the other ran up and down your back with his palm, fingers still wrapped around the tongs.
He didn't pull away despite the awkward position with him bending down and practically melting against your smaller form. In your years of being friends, you could never recall Seokjin being the first to pull away from a hug and once more, you're grateful for that.
“You wanna talk about it?”
“I’ll do it while cooking, we might burn whatever you're cooking if I told you all about it here.”
He shook his head, his rubbing motions on your back turning into gentle pats. “We can just order it online if it does, I even bet that they'll still eat it even if it was. Hoba was relentless today.”
His nails raked through your scalp and you resisted the urge to shiver. 
“He was being an ass towards you guys. Then when I defended you all, he accused me of sleeping around.”
His first instinct was to curse the man down to his ancestors who bred with each other until he was born, but stopped himself when he realized what he's about to say and cleared his throat.
If his arms coiled tighter around you, you only leaned into him further.
“Normally I would say "I told you so" but I know Yoongi has it covered later. So I'll just say—"
"Don't you dare. Jin don’t you dare finish that sentence."
"I knew it."
He let out a cry when your hand slapped his arm but it quickly dissolved into a fit of squeaky laughter and he pushed your head back under his chin before you could even continue hitting him. Hand continuing their petting as you let out an annoyed groan.
“My mom was so excited! God. I hate that bastard for disappointing me and her. She was sending me links to wedding planners and dressmakers because apparently he was supposed to take me to Jeju tomorrow and propose.”
He stills in your arms, the hand in your hair stopping its motion as his breath hitched in his chest. It took him a moment before he recollected himself and continued to pat your head, pressing a kiss on top of your crown.
“I'm sure auntie will understand, I know that she would've wanted you to find a good man like she and your sister did.”
A voice at the back of your head told you he was referring to himself but you threw the thought away as soon as it went.
“Personally, I would've taken the ticket and ditch him.” He laughed and you hit his arm with a barely concealed grin. “All I'm saying is that free things should be used and if it's gifted then better! You get to decide how to use it so refund it!”
“I don't think it's that easy.”
“Just say Kim Seokjin of BTS asked for a refund and they'll immediately accept it.”
Pulling away, you playfully rolled your eyes at him, earning you one last laugh as you walked to the kitchen where the sizzles of the food being fried on the pan had long been muted. Jin followed you with an onslaught of words spilling from his lips, justifying and detailing how he would've done in your place as you placed your bag down on the island counter before reaching for the spare apron.
Hearing his rants filling the silence made it easier to relax, made forgetting how upset you were at Guwon a walk in the park.
It was familiar and his voice, despite his fiery indignation, was oddly comforting.
Soon enough, your conversation halts and you both position yourself over the counter, following his orders mindlessly; which is mostly dicing the vegetables and the slabs of meat he marinated last night in soy sauce and spices. 
You found the repetitive motions of chopping soothing and silently thanked the man now hovering over the saucepan, gently stirring the seaweed soup. 
As if sensing your eyes boring holes on the back of his head, his ears reddened and he looked over his shoulder to meet your gaze.
“W-what is it? Wh-why are you looking at me like that?”
“Just admiring how huge your shoulders are and how reliable you are.” 
You recalled how dearly he cared for his group despite the exhaustion from practicing singing and dancing the whole day. Despite being the youngest in his family, Jin took on the mantle of the oldest brother in the group easily and selflessly provided for his members alongside Yoongi and Namjoon. If it were anybody, you were sure the boys would've been sick or had long given up, especially when the company was about to file bankruptcy in their earlier years.
From the bone shattering dances, exhausting practices and routines stretching from dawn till dusk, you were thankful Seokjin was there to catch the others when they fall.
It was a hard task nobody would've assumed since selfishness is a built-in trait of a human yet Seokjin proved you wrong when he stayed up every night despite the muscle cramps and exhaustion weighing his bones to cook for his members, taking the role of the eldest like it was a second nature despite being the youngest in his family.
He barked out a half-hearted laugh as his red ears brightened from the compliment. “I already know that of course!”
“Thank you for everything, Jin.”
His face crumpled when he laughed bashfully, the bright hue in his ears crawling to dusk his cheeks as well. It didn't take long before he recovered and like clockwork, in reaction to being flustered by compliments, he got defensive and raised the saucer threateningly at you.
“Ya! If you're planning to compliment me, at least be original! I'm done hearing about how wide my shoulders are from ARMY and how reliant I am from the others! We've been together for years, do better and be original with your compliments!”
It was a joke, obviously.
But staring at the older man childishly brandishing his cooking utensil like a bludgeoning weapon, you couldn't help but ponder about what truly pulled you into him only to realize that you've never truly dove deeper than surface level details. It was disappointing to find out how shallow you've been when expressing your appreciation for the man.
Like he said, you've always pointed out how reliable he is but never have you pointed out the small things such as the warm food he claimed have been extras and the hot soups sectioned off for you on cold days.
He was the first to approach you on the first day despite being the member who mostly kept to himself, asking you if you wanted to celebrate their Rookie of the Year win with them instead of the rowdy staff behind you. 
The first one to build a bridge leading to this deep companionship you had with the rest of the members, have you really never thanked him for that?
“You're so caring and humble despite your background and where you are right now. If it was anybody else, they would've left the boys to fend for themselves once they were able to yet you didn't stop cooking for them, for us. I don't think I have ever met a man so down to earth and as loving as you are,” You paused. “Well, except Jimin but if you want something more original I'd say I love your hands even when you think they're weird because they—”
You didn't even realize Jin crossed the distance between you both until his hands clasped around your lips, silencing you completely.
Unlike earlier with only his ears blushing, his cheeks now glowed red, the flushed skin spreading down to his neck, continuing past the collar of his dark blue pajamas. When your eyes meet, you find his glistening with unshed tears no doubt touched by your hastily put together declaration of your appreciation for him. 
When it was clear you wouldn't continue your rant, his arms fell to your shoulders and pulled you into a tight embrace. 
His violent heartbeats thudding against his chest was the first thing you've heard before you registered the stuttered exhales and his gentle saccharine scent filling your senses, clouding your brain completely. For a moment, it was just you and him in the kitchen, hugging a little longer than friends should be.
But then again, since when have you guys ever drawn the line on how platonic touches should last?
“God… You gotta stop doing that.”
“I'm just following what you told me like a good dongsaeng and I think I did exceedingly well on it. Does that guarantee a deduction on my pay deduction?”
There's an odd, invisible weight that lifted off of you, something you didn't even realize you were carrying. But there's also a tinge of guilt pinching the edges of your heart.
Jin was the first to approach you, and the first to confess four years ago. He was all shy looks and sweet smiles, his sweet words accompanied by a bouquet of flowers that must've cost him more than he could've gotten from being an idol of a new group. 
When Jin loves, he gives his all and doesn't think twice to give half of himself as well. In a way, he and Yoongi were alike, just with different approaches.
He was open and unapologetic while Yoongi was subtle and often silent.
His laugh twinkled in your ears but it dwindled later on, as if he remembered something towards the end of his mirth. “You're driving me crazy, how am I supposed to move on when you're this lovely?”
Hearing him confirm your suspicion about his crush—is it even called that at this point?—relieved you from an unknown anxiety most likely sparked by Jungkook's words a few nights ago. Why are you even relieved hearing him still liking you when all you've done is hurt him?
“You're such an idiot, you know that?”
“Love makes you do the stupidest thing but I don't think I've ever regretted ever falling for you.”
He pulls away, a gentler, softer smile now tugging his lips up.
“God, you made me sappy! My god, my soup!” 
Even without the warmth of his embrace, you could feel it radiate in the small space of the kitchen. You continued your work as Jin fuzzed about the seaweed soup behind you, bathing in the domesticity of it all.
Your phone vibrates loudly in your bag on the island counter. Wiping your hand on your apron, you opened it to see Jimin’s messages.
           [18:56] Mimi: seokjin hyung told me to buy the strongest alcohol             [18:57] Mimi: any idea why he’s being weird?            [18:57] You: I’ll tell jin that you called him weird            [18:57] You: but yes            [18:57] You: I’ll tell you all later why            [18:58] Mimi: 🤨            [18:58] Mimi: not if I get you drunk in the first ten minutes            [18:58] You: I’d like to see you try, pretty boy
Your phone vibrated again. Namjoon had texted you, seeing the preview you rolled your eyes.
            [18:59] Joonie: Seokjin hyung didn’t say but I already figured it out             [18:59] Joonie: You'd hear enough from Yoongi hyung later but            [18:58] Joonie: I told you so            [18:58] You: I hope you trip and fall on shit🥰            [18:59] Joonie: Love you too, noona😁            [18:59] You: blocked🚫
“I'm not seeing enough chopping, young lady. Get back to your station!” Jin jokingly scolds. With a laugh, you return to your spot.
By the time some of the boys arrived—except Jimin, Jungkook and Taehyung, no doubt pre-gaming somewhere—it was already ten and some of the dishes were plated, ready to be eaten in the dining room. If it wasn't for both your and Jin's advanced thinking to ready the bowl of rice and their plates beforehand, they would have starved to death as Yoongi dramatically puts it before blaming Hoseok for draining them out the whole day.
The man in question just laughed in response before shrugging and rebuking their ‘accusations’, saying it wasn't even that hard. To this, Yoongi grumbled under his breath and Namjoon rolled his eyes.
A few minutes later, the maknaes entered, cheeks all flushed except for Jimin who was holding up a bag full of canned alcohol as if it was game from an all-day hunt.
You thanked Jimin silently for drinking the birthday boy tipsy enough to make the dinner energetic instead of the awkwardness you thought it'd be due to what happened a few days ago. There's fleeting eyes you've caught in between jokes he made, either pouring with adoration or longing, you tried to not to pay it much mind.
But of course, the alcohol pouring could only go for so long before you're all lounging in the living room to talk about anything that comes to mind. It was half an hour short from the clock tickling to twelve, signifying Jungkook's actual birthday.
The conversation started off tame with Taehyung questioning the animals who sleep standing to something more elaborate with Yoongi asking everyone's opinion about some decrypt conspiracy theory surrounding the rich of the west. It was all fun and games when Taehyung, lost in his own mind running with the most random thought, sluggishly pointed at you and asked:
“Wh-why aren't you checking your phone? G-Guwon hyung haven't been texting you yet?”
Many heads turned to you who was practically boneless in between a tipsy Hoseok and a still sober Yoongi. You didn't even need to look to know the look of concern Jin was throwing your way.
But everything was hazy, your head throbbing from the alcohol. The words slipped past your lips before you could think about it.
“We parted ways… He accused me of sleeping around when I said I didn't want to go on a trip with him tomorrow ‘cause I didn't want to skip Jungkookie's birthday.”
Hoseok patted your shoulder and Yoongi nodded, face indifferent as usual. Despite the reaction of the boys on both sides, not everyone in the circle held the same opinion it seems.
“You didn't have to decline it, noona. You-you’ve been with us for years, missing one wouldn't hurt me much.”
Jungkook's voice was softer as if he had sobered up from the revelation and you waved him away.
“What are you saying? I couldn't leave when we weren't alright.” You glimpsed at Jin before continuing. “Besides, he was planning to propose and I'm glad he couldn't anymore.”
In your drunken mind, the information didn't carry much weight but the pin drop silence following your words did, you guessed that it must've been. However, it didn't last long when Taehyung jumped up to his feet and punched the air as if Korea just scored the final score in FIFA.
The boys look at him with wide eyes, shocked by his reaction. Jimin recovers and tries to tug him down but a drunk Taehyung is determined, with a will stronger than a monk's resilience and patience, no one could stop him from doing what he wanted.
And that was bumping his glass on your forehead, a little harder than it should've been if he was sober and you reel back, a hand over your forehead.
“Noona! you're free again! Do you know what that means?!”
“Ok that's enough for you tonight. Let's get you to bed.” Jimin says, chuckling awkwardly as he stands behind his best friend, wrapping his arms around his waist before dragging him away.
“Why? Can't I just congratulate noona from recognizing something was off instead of ignoring it like most do? Noona,” He turned to you, bottom lip jutted out. “It's not bad that I'm celebrating right?”
Seokjin’s laugh was nervous when he rose to usher the man away as well. “Alright, lets all calm down so we don't accidentally say something while drunk.”
“Fuck yeah! I-I don’t even know why I even believed his lies, he’s a lawyer for fucks sake!”
“Not that it ever stopped you before. I still don't understand why you couldn't have married one of us instead.” Jungkook cuts in, suddenly irritated.
Somehow, the tension in the room grew tenfold and everyone sits up, alert and ready to interfere if their youngest decides to let the alcohol take control of him. Your brain clears once it registered the annoyance in his voice, heart dropping to the soles of your feet.
“Jungkook—”
“I just think it's a bullshit excuse and you know it. You told that to Jin-hyung four years ago and have repeated it ever since. We’re all adults now, we can handle a little rejection and who’s to say we can’t date when we’re the only idol running the company. You say it's because you don’t want to choose but aren’t you just instilling false hope in us?” 
He stood as he grew more agitated but Jin pushed him down, eyes stern as he stared down at their youngest. Seeing the conflict brew between them, the growing guilt built by years of spending time with them reawakened.
It tied your stomach in a knot and felt like a building had dropped onto your heart.
As if sensing your emotions, Yoongi’s hand found your shoulder to give it a squeeze.
“You’re not thinking straight so stop it,” Jin excuses as he turns to you with an apologetic smile. “He’s just drunk, he doesn’t—”
“I know what I’m saying and I think you’re being too biased here hyung!”
“Jungkook…” Hoseok calls from next to you, voice low, a warning.
“You too! She’s also your friend, why aren’t you pointing out how she’s just playing with us? Why are you only calling me out?”
“Because you’re being a stupid drunk right now, Jungkook. Stand down .” Yoongi ordered, voice firm and warning. His arms are crossed as he stared their youngest down but the maknae wasn’t intimidated by it, if anything, the fire in the older man’s eyes only fueled the anger boiling within him.
In years you’ve watched over them, never once has Yoongi scolded their youngest past Run BTS contents, leaving the reprimanding to their oldest and leader. For him to call him out and seeing them grow agitated by each other’s presence, dread loomed over you with your nightmares threatening to come true. 
This isn’t how tonight’s party was supposed to go.
“Isn’t there anyone who’d agree with me at how absurd all of this is?!” His head snapped at Namjoon who’s watching with a careful eye. “Hyung, surely you can also see it!”
Throughout the exchange, Namjoon had sat back and watched the interaction from the sidelines instead of interfering on the first hint of a fight breaking out. Even when the situation becomes a little aggressive, he stays silent but you don’t doubt that he’d be the first to stand if the disagreement becomes volatile and inching towards physical.
That's what he always has done, observed and let the high rise of emotions eventually tides down to a calm on their own. He's a leader, he's supposed to be fair and to do so, he must first understand both sides before taking action. He also trusts his own team to temper their own ire after years of being together.
But now that he's forced to join the argument, he sighed and stood. Seokjin stepped away as he approached their youngest with both hands placed on his shoulders to sit him back down. 
Obediently, Jungkook follows.
“While I do see where you’re coming from, I think it's a bit unfair that you’re blaming her for being scared.” Jungkook opens his mouth but a firm shake of Namjoon’s head shuts him up. “Don’t start again. There’s a power imbalance here kid. If her choosing someone could cause a problem, we’d get off scot free but not her. In the eyes of the company, she’s disposable—”
“But she’s not.”
“She is. In their eyes at least. By having her around causing problems for us, she’s nothing but a thorn in their side that they should remove. If she had dated one of us and eventually broke up, it would cause an awkwardness and riff between guys especially if it ended on a bad note and BigHit won't stand for it. You know how important this job is for her, right?”
They stared at each other for a long while, both unrelenting in silence. You all waited with bated breath, Namjoon was the only one who could diffuse the situation and if he fails, then who else could possibly calm the maknae down?
Turning to the clock, you bit your lip at the time.
It was nearing Jungkook's actual birthday, three minutes short before both hands ticked to twelve.
Which meant it would have to start during the denouement of an argument. The thought planting discomfort in your stomach. Such a happy celebration shouldn't be welcomed like this.
In the midst of raised voices and pointing fingers, Taehyung has completely sobered up from where he sat between Jimin’s thighs, staring beady eyed at the situation in his friend’s arms. Sensing your gaze, he turned to you with a sheepish, apologetic smile when Jungkook's heavy sigh broke through the silence.
His head fell to his chest as Namjoon removed his hands from his shoulders yet his eyes remained on their youngest’s hunched form.
“You get what we're trying to say now, do you?”
“Y-yeah…”
“Anything you want to say, gguk?” Namjoon was talking to him like he was a kindergarten teacher and you both were kids who fought on the sandbox for the shovel, warm and understanding but the disappointment in his tone is clear as day.
Jungkook doesn't reply but he shoots up to his feet, surprising Hoseok next to you, with eyes still trained on the floor.
When he did look up to meet your gaze, it was brief and cut off by a deep bow. You reached your hands out, trying to stop him from doing so but Yoongi took one of your hands and pinned them down between his and your thighs.
Jungkook never had to bow for you and it felt wrong seeing him bent down to apologize.
“I-I’m sorry noona, I—” He trails off.
In his speechlessness in a room full of people who—while understanding where he comes from—stood behind you, he clams up and then in a flash, he’s gone, bolting from the living room and skipping up the stairs. The sound of his heavy footfalls echoing like the clock ticking down to his birthday.
The argument has been dissolved, yet it left a bitter taste on your tongue, it made you feel queasy having everyone back you up without reprimanding you as well. It was true, what Jungkook said. 
Weren't you practically leading them on by not choosing anyone? No matter how unintentional it must be, if he thinks that way then maybe everyone else in the group does, just silently.
You turned to the clock again. A minute closer to the next day.
Frustration made you want to pull your hair out but the long, lithe fingers that have entangled with yours in the middle of it all, forbade you from doing so. As if he could hear the internal debate between logic and emotions, Yoongi gave you a comforting squeeze.
But it didn't feel right, you shouldn't be sitting on your ass while Jungkook blamed himself for expressing his own opinion, sure it was a bit aggressive but you understood his frustration.
“Jungkook!” You called out, rising to your feet to follow him when Yoongi tightened his hold on your wrist and shook his head.
“He needs time to process, leave him be.”
Yet despite this, you shrugged his hold off and followed the youngest’s heavy footfalls upstairs and presumably into his room. You caught onto him in the hallway, with the door to his room opened and half of his body already inside.
“Jungkook, let us talk.”
“I-I don't want to see you right now, noona please.”
The desperation to correct the wrongs gives you a short burst of energy and you catch his wrist.
“Jungkook please, I—”
You heard the joyful chime of the clock downstairs before you heard the sweet jingles of bells.
Then you felt it.
Electric jolts shoot up from your connected hands, waking every cell and your mind awake and you almost keel over from the wave of relieving warmth washing over your body. There’s now a low hum accompanying the bells chiming in the background, the soft harmony between them sending shivers down your spine. 
You've thought of first meetings like those scenes in Hollywood movies where a kaleidoscope of colors explodes behind your eyelids, like fireworks celebrating the precious moment where the protagonists finally meet and fireworks shoot up to the sky. They talked of a brief moment of reprieve from reality, the world slowing down and feeling the most calmed you've ever been with your soulmate in hand.
Like your soul finally recognizing its pair and suddenly, everyone became a blur in the background.
Yet when you stared back at Jungkook's mirrored astonishment, your stomach bottomed out.
Because no way in hell, after all this time, you're soulmates.
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