#<- inb4 you weirdos point at that LMFAO you KNOW WHAT I MEAN

[flowerslut]

I might be projecting because my love language is gift giving and I am the kind of person who needs every detail of my life planned down the second and even my routines have routines but-

I have so much pity for Jasper. Like, don't get me wrong, he's got a great family and his wife is the fucking best thing since sliced bread, but she can see the FUTURE. imagine him trying to plan something special for their anniversary, a trip abroad or something, a wonderful surprise. First of all, he can't even decide until the very last second because he wants to keep it a surprise, which is already impossible, but then, THEN. He books the tickets and before he can even tell Alice what he's planned, she's packed their bags and figured out the itinerary and has already experienced the whole trip in her head and is already telling Jasper how great it will be and how much they will love it and how much nasty back-breaking sex they will have at every opportunity. He would love it, I'm sure, and loves her power and her having total control over him but!!! This poor man can't even plan anything special for his wife because she sees it happening before he does it!! Every gift is left to the last minute, and every experience has to be spontaneous, I don't know why he even tries honestly. That's why Alice is in charge I suppose

(I say this all in jest, I love Alice and her ability and that's probably one of the things Jasper loves most about her but. Imagine the suffering)

Jasper having to go along with any and all schemes he gets roped into is such a goldmine for comedy. It’s so great. I don’t feel the least bit bad for him; it’s like a delicious extra layer of karma. Like, sure sure we can argue that his empathy superpower is karmic justice being served against him, but him being reduced to a standing lamp who sometimes gets plucked out of Alice’s accessory pile to be promoted to Bag-Holding Arm Candy is absolutely incredible.

Listing out his trauma/problems just gets funnier the longer you go on because his problems range from "horrifying appearance that terrifies other vampires no matter what" to "wife has never once taken his advice". He’s a vampire who is hardwired to kill because murder = survival but he has an honest-to-god eating disorder because he feels the suffering of all his victims. He’s a two-time veteran where he was nothing more than a body tasked with inflicting violence on opposing forces to retain power and control over others but he’s married into a family of pacifists who like to play human in a world where being found out by said humans can and will get you killed by the vampire mafia. He has dogshit willpower but he has to sit through high school English classes with depressed/horny teenagers over and over again for appearance’s sake. He's a bulletproof immortal struggling to get a good grade in Being Good because of his ingrained ruthlessness and he will never once surprise his wife with an anniversary present because she’s a bratty, meddling little psychic.

I agree with your entire assessment here but I also laugh so hard when people try to woobify Jasper or be like “poor baby” because as a Jasper stan I love seeing this bitch suffer. Jasper will never know a moments peace no matter what happens to him and I can't help but point and laugh at his misfortune ♡