#<- in my ‘in denial about burnout’ era

[comfortless]

Deep Water

nix! König x fem! reader

content/warnings: 18+. minors do not interact. no.. intentional harm done to reader but there are sporadic mentions of murder (drowning), König is kind of a creep here do you guys forgive me (say yes), implied sex; dubcon everything. König is wearing a fishing net rather than the usual hood because. it made sense to me sorry.

notes: yet again, i have found that i can not manage to write anything except for silly fantasy nonsense… bear with me this will pass (it will not). if you’re uncertain of what a nix is, i recommend skimming over this (or tl;dr— a shapeshifting water spirit).

You’ve always been told to beware of the river, especially on nights like this. When the singing starts up you were to run, as far and as fast as your feet could carry you. It would be the most beautiful sound you had ever heard, as well as the last. Whatever beast lies in wait along the silt of the riverbed luring people in with its haunting song isn’t kind. The drowned bodies resurfacing bloated and paled are enough for the townsfolk to assume that assuredly, a monster lies in wait someplace within the glassy water.

For all of the fear, town myths were just that— myths.

As always, there’s no singing when you seat yourself on smooth, mossy stones by the river’s bank. The moon hangs low, casting its brilliant reflection on calm, dark water. The air is alive with the buzzing of cicadas clinging to the trees at your back and night birds calling out to the wind. Nothing is amiss; it’s only peaceful, and that’s why despite the warnings, you often find yourself here when the temperature is favorable.

There are nights when the river isn’t calm, and currents are the most reliable reasoning for the deaths from past summers. The water is full of large rocks with sharp corners, teeming with plants that could so easily snare an ankle, and when the water is frothing and cruel it’s no surprise that one could be thrashed to unconsciousness if they weren’t careful.

You didn’t come here to take your chances on swimming, anyhow.

If anything, it’s a mere reprieve from the bustle of the town. No one wanders here any more since the myths gained traction, passed from mouth to listening ears time and time again, leaving this place entirely untouched. Occasionally the obnoxious teenager would cross your path on the walk here, declaring loudly to their friends about how they supposedly saw some slimy beast, eyes like moonbeams and scales like razors lying on the bank.

During your little adventures here, you often carry a snack with you, but not for yourself. Tonight, it’s just a small package of vanilla flavored cookies. In truth, they were awful— dry and near flavorless, but you suspect your friend here wouldn’t mind too terribly much, and if it got them out of your pantry without wasting it was a win for the both of you.

When the large dorsal fin crests over the water mere meters from the bank, you gratuitously crush the treats in a closed fist and toss the crumbs into the water. Time and time again, you’ve fed the large animal, watching as it thrashes about just below the surface before disappearing back into its depths. You’ve never gotten a good look at it, either, but you imagine it must stretch out past your height or further; some sort of gar or sturgeon.

Just as many times before, it glides further in, fin entirely out of sight now. The only evidence of it ever appearing at all were the small waves rippling in its wake. All is quieted once more as you embrace the placid bliss, readying your small flashlight and losing yourself into the book perched in your lap.

The next night, you’re greeted by a large snake basking over the rock you typically sat upon. It lies still, coiled into itself as it regards you, forked tongue flicking out for several moments before it simply slithers off, hiding itself away beneath the moss and stone.

“Best to leave you alone, huh?,” you ask to it’s retreating tail, feeling a bit silly for speaking to the reptile at all. It doesn’t respond, of course, nor does it bother to come out of hiding either.

You opt to seat yourself on the hill overlooking the water instead.

You find that after a day occupied by tedious tasks, there truly was no greater place to abandon your woes than here. Everything was peaceful; wild yet simplistic. Even with all of the death that seemed to haunt this place, you never feared the thought of ghosts. You’ve even entertained your imagination a time or two, that if you ever did meet one, you would only ask it not to disturb the wildlife you have grown so fond.

There’s a freedom and a mystery to places like this, places without the foot traffic of other people. It brings with it a sense of whimsy, especially when you glance towards the water and see the surface reflecting every twinkling star above.

The fish doesn’t appear, even as you listen to the water in wait, your head tilted as you lie back on soft grass to watch for ripples, for the swell of a large fin moving beneath. Nothing. You read your book as the night progresses, nearly completing it entirely before you make your way back home.

Weeks pass by like this— work, river, home and repeat. Occasionally it’s the same large snake that greets you when you wander there, more often it’s the large fish circling about waiting for crumbs of whatever treat you choose to bring. The bank and the small hill overlooking it have become a separate home to you, one where you can be away with the fairies, talking to your animal friends that never seem to stick around for long.

When the weather grows warmer, you even dare to take a swim.

You’re stood on the slick stones of the bank, wearing nothing but a t-shirt and a pair of underwear. It’s not proper swimming attire, but you reason that you’re not at the beach, not a soul is around, and it doesn’t really matter at all that you might look a bit silly. The prospect of swimming along that behemoth below is a tad terrifying, but you wouldn’t dare to wander too far in. Maybe the fish would even be intelligent enough to not attempt to eat you after you’ve been so kind to it.

It’s hot, and with a sticky layer of sweat glossing your skin, your worries seem minuscule in light of an easy way of cooling off. You toe at the calm water for a moment, testing its temperature before willing yourself to take a step forward, then another before you seat yourself in the vibrant expanse of darkened blue. Here, you realize, is the best place to stargaze, too; they shimmer all around you, within reach as you tap at the surface of water, watching it undulate beneath the pressure of your fingertips.

You could reach the moon, too, if you swam further out. A few meters from the bank and you would be directly beneath its reflection, bathed in that ethereal glow.

You watch for your friend for a time, trying to prioritize your wariness over your whimsy. When the fish doesn’t tread by you, the water remaining calm, you rise to your feet and take slow, metered steps as the water parts and flows against your shins.

Though the river is disturbed no matter how gently you stride forward, nothing slides out from its depths in pursuit of you. Nothing happens at all when you reach out to splay your hand out against the reflection, the water now gently lapping against your stomach rather than your legs.

You hadn’t expected any sort of shift in your reality, that would be ridiculous, but perhaps some sort of clarity; a further calm for a weary mind. It doesn’t come, and with a disheartened splash you wade your way back towards the shore.

This has been your sanctuary for some time. Excusing the snake, there’s not been any sort of threat to you, not here. A safe water world all your own. Though, that peace is shattered the moment that you make it to the bank and hear the water shift some small distance behind you. Turning your head, you’re met with the sight of a man, the bulky muscular silhouette towering in the patch of moonlight you had just stood in. Bright blue eyes catch the light, reflecting like an animal’s as you scramble back to where you’ve left your shorts.

He stands there, silent and unmoving like an obelisk even as you hastily dress yourself with a thundering heart and breaths that sound more or less like gasps, senses heightened by your panic as you turn tail to run.

No one had been there. You were sure of it when you sunk into the water. There was no sound when this person had swam over to take your place. He was just there, as if he had been the entire time and you somehow failed to notice.

You make your way into the woods framing this place, hurried steps and untied shoelaces. You don’t even bother with your flashlight.

Finding your way back home with aches in every muscle, the desperate rampage you had taken to get away finally coming to a close when the door slams shut behind you, you quickly shower and mull over what’s just happened. A ghost, perhaps. It had to of been. Any other person would have made noise in their approach, especially being that big. The mind could play its tricks; what you had seen was likely not even there at all— a terrifying figment of your imagination. That sets you at ease, somewhat, but not enough.

You don’t sleep well that night, tucked beneath your blanket and staring at the filtered moonlight through your curtains. Work isn’t on your mind at all come morning until your phone chimes with a notification from your manager, questioning your tardiness. A languid crawl out of bed follows, another shower, an unsatisfying breakfast, all before you opt to send a text back to let him know you won’t be in today.

It could be excused, you’re reliable and decent enough at the job; not one to boast, but far more eager to please than the rest of your coworkers. You would be entirely useless if you went in on no sleep, you reason.

You don’t want to go back there, not under the veil of night, but you find yourself horribly curious the longer that you bide your time indoors. You had to know if the thing that you saw was really there, had to calm your nerves. What if he had always been watching each time, and you simply hadn’t noticed? The forest bordering the river is terribly dark at night, anyone could crouch behind the shield of a tree and remain undetected until they willed the courage to drag you in, cup a palm over your mouth to silence your cries.

Maybe it was the monster the people in town rumored about.

The thought of some strange, silent thing living beneath the water waiting for an opportune moment to take you by the neck and drag you down to the silty floor to watch you drown horrified you. Yet, that’s the one conclusion that sticks. Those eyes… so lurid and haunting, no human being had eyes like that.

You inhale sharply, steeling your nerves as reach for a pocket knife for defense, toss it into the bag slung over your shoulder, and storm out the door.

The trek there is nothing short of dull.

No matter where you look, what shadows rise up beneath the dim glow of a falling sun, there’s nothing out in the woods. The river is equally tame. The water babbles over rock, cicadas buzz off in the distance, and not a thing seems amiss. Your search for footprints that don’t belong to the soles of your shoes turns up empty. The only thing that suggests just maybe it wasn’t all in your head is the book you had neglected to retrieve in your fear the night before.

The cover, every page within, now warped as though it had been pulled into the water and spit out to dry. You pick it up, peeling through damp pages, running your fingertips over the smeared ink. It’s possible that a particularly aggressive splash could have sullied it, but something tells you that that isn’t the case. Either way, it’s unreadable now. You sulk a bit as you slip the ruined thing into your bag and step towards the smooth stones to watch the water instead.

Night creeps in slowly with you there, and you’re on high alert for a time before you begin to relax as usual. Even giggle to yourself at how silly it was you believed you saw a ghost at all as you entertain yourself by skipping small stones across the water.

No large snake, no massive fish, no titan of a man appears before you, only a calming crescent moon and a few wandering wood ducks, gliding down from the bank to splash about. A thought comes to mind as the calm emboldens you: what would happen if you got in just one more time?

There’s nothing to suggest that you’re playing with fire as you leave your shoes neatly in the dry sand. If the ducks could swim unbothered by fish or men, then surely you could, too. You watch the little creatures a distance away as they dip their heads beneath the surface and chitter away amongst themselves while you take your first step in.

You don’t dare to go as far this time, stopping when the water brushes over your knees. You wait there while time seems to slow to a crawl, expecting the absolute worst, glancing further down the river, dipping your hand below the glassy surface until your fingertips brush the sand beneath.

It’s horribly hot and you’re still exhausted from the sleepless night before. The water feels nice, and you feel as though you have some sort of claim to it as you’ve been here more often than anyone else would dare to. Ghosts and monsters be damned, you seat yourself and let the water lap over your shoulders, tilting your head back to watch the stars.

When the singing begins it takes a moment to register just what it is that you’re hearing. It’s not beautiful, not like the myths have said. It’s hissed, a low whisper, a mockery of what a human song would sound like. The voice is rasped, lilted yet cold. The realization that it sings words from your book of poetry is what terrifies you the most, the warped pages all making sense now.

Your eyes dart to either side of you, forward, before realizing the voice is coming from behind you. Cold spreads through your veins as you try to force yourself to stand, but in your fear you find yourself petrified, rooted in water that would surely become your grave.

You can’t bring yourself to turn around, to inevitably find your eyes locked onto the shadowy frame of a man far too large, his eyes glistening and pale like the moon hanging above.

The voice pauses when it finds you unmoving, and you can hear the rustle of the creature shifting its weight where it’s stood on the rocks lining the bank. You’ve no clue how deep the river gets, where the opposite side leads, but your only chance of escape seems to be swimming through in the hopes that this thing doesn’t choose to chase after you. A part of you knows that he would, that that is exactly what he expects you to do, goading you to flee deeper with his eerie song so that he can drown you just as he did the others.

You do the opposite as you squeeze your eyes shut and crawl back towards the bank, making sure to keep some distance despite your willful blindness. You wouldn’t look at it, wouldn’t talk to it, you would just go home and never come back.

“Best to leave you alone, hm?”

You still as your fingers brush against wet moss, the voice no longer a whisper but loud, loud as it echoes your words from days past just above you. Beating back your own curiosity proves futile, because you look up at the damned thing then, expecting to see an impossible terror before you, sharp fangs wet with blood and appendages too spindly reaching out for you. Instead, you see only a man.

He’s crouched, only a meter or so away, and you immediately recognize his broad figure. The same as the night before. From this distance you can make out the finer details, the length of net covering his face and neck, the webbing between each finger. Still a scary sight, but only in the way it’s unfamiliar and imposing rather than instilling any sort of primordial fear.

“Excuse me?” You pull yourself fully out of the water, rising to your feet and taking a tentative step back. You’re prepared to run, a coil pulled too tight on the verge of snapping.

The man, creature, whatever he may be just tilts his head, lets the silence hang in the air for a moment before he has the audacity to laugh whether to himself or at the strange, bewildered expression on your face.

His stare is assessing as he sucks in a breath, follows suit in rising to his full height. From the size of him alone, you know you’re not getting away. A mere stride for him would be two or more for you, a deliberate tug of your wrist from him could snap it in an instant.

Yet, he doesn’t reach for you, only gestures toward your bag lying on the ground with a subtle flick of a finger. You give him a quizzical glance in turn, not bothering to retrieve it. You could come back during the day with a friend, gather it and never return. Only, your knife sits somewhere inside, the only protection that you’ve got. The realization spurs you to bend over and toss the strap over your shoulder.

“I’ll… I’ll be going now.”

The stare remains fixed upon you as you take another step back, blinking slowly every now and then as you both remain in some strange stasis.

It takes you a moment to put the pieces together. The reciting of words from the book, the mimicking of the words spoken to the snake, the hint at your bag… he’s expecting something and it’s not to steal away your life, only to be fed and have your company. It’s not charming, it’s awfully strange and eerie, but you find yourself giggling at the prospect of taming some murderous, shapeshifting monster with subpar treats and poetry.

You pull open the bag, searching for anything you may have brought along that he could eat, eventually prying out a small package and offering it out to him.

“Is this what you want?,” you ask, voice hushed and trembling.

He shakes his head, rustling the net cloaking him in the process. So, he understands, he’s just been willfully ignoring every other thing you’ve said prior. You store the package away with a perturbed expression crossing over your face.

“Then what?”

Any relief you had felt seems to dwindle when the giant takes a half-step closer. His skin is cool and wet as the river as he brushes his hand over your forearm, curling a set of fingers around it. The touch is gentle, but there’s a promise of violence lurking somewhere in the depths of his eyes.

“Come with me,” he urges in that harsh whisper from before, delicately squeezing as he pulls you towards him, leading you back to the river with a tight grip and a step back over the stones. Though his touch is passive, there’s a frightening strength lurking someplace beneath his flesh, tacked to bone, and as your gaze trails lower to rest to rest at your feet, the space between you two, the evidence of a life prone to violence and strength is laid bare before you.

You don’t fight the hold as he leads you to water so deep it caresses the base of your neck, right below the milky glow of a waning moon. Deeper still, as you’re pulled below, pressed down to the very bottom with his body lain over you. You can only hold your breath so long before an involuntary gasp leaves you, and a wave is funneled straight into your lungs.

Panic is fleeting, but the adrenaline stays ever-present. You claw, push, kick, to no avail. Pinned down by a hand weighing like an anchor you feel your vision flooding and hazy as his head knocks against your jaw, mouth sealing tightly over yours. It’s not a gentle kiss, the net fashioned into a hood digs into your skin, teeth scrape over your lip until you feel the sting of blood drawn.

All at once, your vision darkens and it’s over.

You find yourself lying back on the shore as the morning sun warms your face, causes your dampened shirt to cling to your skin. Disoriented, but alive, brushing your thumb over your lower lip as you sit up to stare at the subtle waves lapping over moss and rock.

Just a dream, you tell yourself, knowing full well you hadn’t fallen asleep.

Just a dream, even though you avoid the river entirely now. Your route home from work changes too, avoiding even a glimpse of the path that leads down to that place. You don’t even replace the book, you toss what remains of it after fishing through your bag, murmuring something about it surely being cursed and entertain yourself with film at night instead.

Sleep remains tentative, you wake with every sound, and your dreaming is filled with visions of a figure pushing you down into deep water, his weight bearing down upon you so heavily that you can not move until you wake with a start, eyes searching your bedroom.

Several weeks, and the fear does eventually fade.

The morning that the rain begins to fall, you realize you haven’t even thought about the river in days. There’s no monster prowling your nightmares anymore. You lived through what may or may not have occurred, and that was the end of it, simple as it may have been.

A late shift at work has you wandering out into the rain, umbrella in hand. You’re grateful that you live close, that you’re not entirely soaked to the bone when you step inside of the mundane building. Your coworkers notice your change in demeanor immediately, chirping about how glad they are that you’re finally feeling better, looking more yourself as the hours pass you by. It brings a smile to your face, a real one that you haven’t had in place since that last night.

Even in the summer, there’s a chill to the air in the late afternoon as you hurry home from work and make your way inside, stripping out of your wet clothes and setting your umbrella aside. It’s darker outside than it should be, even more so indoors. Reaching for the switch to turn on the lights proves useless— the power’s out.

You light your way with your phone, ignoring the way your pulse quickens and your heart flutters with the fear that something just doesn’t feel right. Your skin prickles with the thought of some unseen pair of eyes watching you, blue and cold. You only relax when you slam your bedroom door shut, locking it and pressing your forehead to the wood as you sigh. The puff of breath that escapes your lips is not the only in the room, you find out when the light of your phone illuminated your bed. Crouched beside it, a towering figure with a face veiled by fishing net. Words don’t come when you open your mouth to speak, and your heart stutters in your chest as you stand shaking but otherwise petrified.

“You didn’t come back.”

Of course you hadn’t.

Most people wouldn’t have.

“No. I’ve been… busy,” you choke out the excuse, hoping to pacify whatever emotion you imagine lurked beneath his tone, undetectable through the hiss of his voice. “I’ll visit soon, promise,” you lie, back pressed against the door as your fingers curl over the knob.

Your fear seems almost unwarranted. He doesn’t move toward you, only stands to wander back to the window where he must have broken in.

“Tonight?,” he asks in a voice so soft, the voice he must use as a lure because tugs at your heartstrings immediately, makes you want to follow despite the threat this thing poses merely by existing, despite everything.

“It’s cold— I’ll get sick,” you murmur. “How did you even find me..?”

“I will keep you warm.” The question goes unanswered.

You find yourself stifled again as he lumbers towards you, brushing cold fingers across the side of your face. It’s not a mockery of a kiss you receive next but a firm bite where your neck meets shoulder, not yet hard enough to draw blood, but enough to make you shiver, to grip at the wall of muscle that makes up his chest.

There’s a desperation to his movements as he herds you towards the window, pushes you toward the path leading back to the river. You’re soaked to the bone in seconds, hardly able to keep your eyes open past the weight of dampened eyelashes. The rain is so heavy it feels as though every step is like the first you took into cursed water, your feet sinking into the mud along the path with each tentative stride. The realization that you’re there doesn’t even hit you until you’re chest-deep in the chill, violent waves pushing against you, each carrying the threat of toppling you over entirely.

The palm splayed out against your bare back keeps you upright, leading you to a smooth rock jutting out in the midst of what seems a sea of frothing white and blue. The sea above is just as dark, angry clouds roaring as you’re pressed down onto your back, shivering terribly.

He keeps his promise though, a tight grip on each thigh as he pries your legs apart, sinks in between them and blankets you from the rain. Even with the cold pressed to your back, you feel the warmth of a summer sun above you, scorching from inside, just as blazing as the look in his wild eyes. The last of any resolve slips when you’re pulled beneath the violent waves, a tangle of limbs and desperate kisses coaxing oxygen into your lungs. Each roll and pull no less tumultuous than the waves overhead. A placid end when the rain comes to an impromptu halt, just as he stills over you. Hands rush to cup your face with one final, desperate and biting kiss.

When the morning sun pulls you from sleep, cool moss against your back and the weight of his head resting over your middle, the shallow water lapping lazily at your figure, you find that you no longer fear drowning.

[pant--eater]

what do you think fry's family is like!!! i love him sooo much every time you draw him it's like a gift 🥺🥺🥺

WAUGHGHGHJ these Fry questions make me so happy since he's my Blorbo(TM) <3 Gah I'm itching to talk about him, so ask and you shall deserve!! Also thank you SO much I'm so glad you love my art <33

little sketches related to what I'm about to yap about. ANYWAYS here's wonderwall

So on my old account I used to hc he is Indian-British, whose family hails from Travancore (Kerala nowadays). This was based on what I ASSUMED was canon info since back in January, all Chicken Run wiki articles about him mentioned he's Indian-British. But apparently that's not 100% settled info what his ethnicity is?? And the wikis have been edited since. His VA Nick Mohammed is from a mixed Cypriot/Indo-Trinidadian family though and I spent time reading about Indian-British immigrant history to get Fry's characterization accurate, so imma keep with that hc.

Anyway! I headcanon Marcus is the only child of wealthy businessmen that owned a highly successful trade company. His Vaishya grandparents moved to Britain during the late Victorian era; after all one of the only ways a PoC family could make it back then in Britain was by being filthy rich, and very early on the Fry family had been forced to adopt a "British" way of living in order to be taken seriously by the shitass imperial society. Such as switching to a British surname and avoiding to display too much of their original culture in public. A colonial trauma that still prevails, since Fry's parents christened him with a heavily English name.

I REEEALLY wanna give a try to designing Fry's parents sometime!! But I imagine his parents as sort of a healthier parallel to Melisha's parents; his father is a pristine and calm gentleman with a soothing voice and a love for theatre and literature (a trait that Marcus inherited LMAO) while his mother is more stern, headstrong and very, VERY proud of her status. (but she also has a infectuous smile and laughter and has a bombastic overdramatic streak...something that Fry inherited as well)

They're both native Malayam speakers, and while their family in public strives to keep Keralite culture hidden, they made sure to teach Marcus to speak his native language fluently as well, along with Hindi, Bengali, Tegulu and Tamil. Along with that, they frequently go on family trips to Travancore and enjoy things like inji neer, Kathakali performances (which inspired Fry on his love for theatre <3) and Carnatic music.

Both parents pushed Marcus to study hard and gain multiple academic degrees - it was all out of love and concern, because they wanted Marcus to be able to survive in the cruel world out there without only relying on his money. (Once again, a PoC immigrant family experience that I can identify with as well... even if society nowadays is not nearly as racist as it was back then, unfortunately PoC people are often forced to study waaaay harder than white people in order to make it.) Because they had lived through the years of great depression in the 1930s, and while they managed to survive with most of their wealth intact, they knew that one should not rely only on money for support since anything could happen.

Fry, as a child, was a gifted A+ grade student and a very well-behaved, so his parents called him a little ray of sunshine and a future hope. He yearned to be perfect so his parents would never be disappointed in him. Something that later on contributed MASSIVELY to Fry's gifted child burnout, and how he adopted a sinister, sadistic fascination with mind control and manipulation during his Cambridge years.

Once Marcus came out as trans and genderfluid to his parents, his father was very patient and accepting, but his mother spent several years in denial before finally accepting him. Not directly out of transphobia - but because she was afraid that Marcus would be discriminated, attacked and hurt by people, and that he should focus first on building a career for himself instead of bringing a bad name to the Fry family like this, with an outrageous gender identity. But she soon realized that hiding himself would only hurt her child on the long run. Also - the way Fry managed to fully bribe (cough mind control cough) British officials to switch the gender in his personal info and passport was nothing less than impressive to both of his parents LMFAOOOO and they're very proud

However despite all of this, Fry retains a loving relationship to his parents!! He goes to their mansion every Christmas, and they're also VERY accepting and encouraging to his marriage to Melisha. In fact, his mom was relieved to see Fry had married a very orderly, stern and no-nonsense woman, because Marcus had always been a scatterbrained mess and a reckless money-spender. He made a wonderful scientist, but business-running had never been his thing, so Melisha taking care of all that is like a lottery win to the Fry parents. ESPECIALLY since Melisha came from a poor household - a woman like this, who knows what it's like to live at the rock bottom, surely knows to keep Marcus humble and not let him make flimsy business decisions!! (either way Melisha is still a bit intimidated by Fry's mom, which says a lot considering what kind of a girl Melisha herself is LMFAO)

Pluuuus... the Harsh Expectations(TM) is something that Melisha can relate to </3 It's something that catches her entirely off guard, when she learns this detail about Fry's past. After all, the silly goofy doctor is like an endless ray of sunshine, he's rich and successful. (and we all know what Melisha's mother told her about money bringing happiness...) How could he ever have any worries or feelings of inferiority??

It's a detail that makes (in my hcs) Melisha fall even deeper in love with Fry and become tenfold more protective over him :''') <3 Once she realizes what a horrific burden this goofball is carrying on his back, and yet he still finds the energy every day to stay positive, be optimistic and support Melisha during her hard days.

[circuit-music]

2023 Music Recomendations

2023! This year really propelled right along at a nice pace. Seems like after years of chaos and uncertainty that many things were starting to return to familiar while still looking cautiously ahead. A lot was happening and thankfully there was PLENTY of good music to coincide. Observations and listening habits:  • Techno-ebm still ruling the majority of what I listen to and purchase.  Still remains exciting to me and there’s still plenty of fuel left in the tank in my opinion. In that genre, enjoyed the new releases from Comfort Cure, Semantix, Nuxx Vomica, Red Deviil, MVTANT and more. • That new beat/Italo/future-synth sound really had my attention this year with some absolute bangers. It’s got a bit of 80’s retro flair, it’s uplifting and absolutely motivating.  Absolutely loved the entire “Love Lines” album from Nuovo Testamento, while Rue Oberkampf, Facets, Fiero, More Ephemeral and more all brought sprightly energy in 2023 as well. • Synthpop and Wave continued to be robust this year with releases/singles from Fragrance, Korine, and Lust For Youth amongst others. The New Division “Modern Life” album was an absolute gem, as was the phenomenal Zanias “Chrysalis” LP. • Lots of releases crossed genre lines in 2023 (without being pretentious af about it either). While often difficult to categorize, many still perked my ears right up including Die Selektion, Years of Denial, Mission to the Sun and Frett.  • Few things in alternative, shoegaze and pop this year were engaging, including a new album from Everything But the Girl after a lengthy absence, a teaser single from ambient/shoegaze darlings Mint Julep, a jangly guitar pop single “Ayn” from my not-so-guilty guilty pleasure The Ocean Blue, and new work from OMD.  • The industrial genre still churns and yes, will still give a listen especially when it’s material like Klack “Body2Body2Body” single! Great fun! Mode Bionics “Precise Control”, Realite “Crusher Zone”and PC World all thrust me back to 90’s era stompy-stomp rivethead delight. “The Incomplete Truth” by Sheffield powerhouse EBM masters Randolph & Mortimer delivered a force from beginning to end.  • Post-Punk seemed oversaturated, and the term over-used in 2023, but cutting through the clutter was the magnificent “Playground” album from House of Harm who seem to want to distance themselves far from the label altogether. That gorgeous track “Roseglass” reminded me more of synth-darlings Iris than anything dark and mopey. • Essential reissues from Code Industry, Schicksal and MCL (“New York” on the legendary ZYX!!), Section 25, Max and Intro were all cool to see. Can’t forget those notable tunes amongst all the modern gems.  alright then without further ado:

:: My Album of the Year for 2023 :: Zanias – Chrysalis Unveiling Chrysalis, her third monumental solo effort, Zanias marks some of the finest work of her musical career, further solidifying her reputation as a dynamic channel for raw emotional catharsis and intellectual exploration. This latest album, released via her label, Fleisch Records, is a hopeful and optimistic ethereal pop opus. It represents a significant evolution in her production techniques, offering the most genuine avatar of Alison Lewis’ (Zanias) musical philosophy to date.

Zanias masterfully interlaces avant-garde, otherworldly sonics with elements of darkwave, dazzling dance rhythms, surreal synth textures, indie pop, and folk harmonies. This intricate blend carves her unique signature within the astral pop landscape, evoking ethereal otherness. ‘Chrysalis’ was seeded by a number of unfortunate events in Lewis’ life but using her own music as therapy, she has weaved a cocoon of hope from the despair. Song topics include the human condition, burnout, disillusionment, bereavement and the toxicity of capitalism. Written and recorded between her adopted home of Berlin and the rainforest of Queensland in Australia, despite the various foods for thought, this is the possibly the most accessible Zanias album yet.

The excellent ‘Simulation’ opens and is a bittersweet ode to Berlin where “This city is a fable, nowhere else to go. This city has enabled us all and it’s breaking my soul”. Despite the introspection as expressed by a hauntingly contralto vocal, the backdrop glistens. Capturing “a broken reality” where “everything’s shattering”, a joyful escapist euphoria counters those feelings.

The swaying avant pop of ‘Metrics’ is beat-centric, ghostly yet danceable with a catchy buzz. Meanwhile if Madonna had more gothic tendencies around her ‘Bedroom Stories’ period, the dark and ethereal ‘Burial’ might have been the end result. Its lush synth strings and voiced-derived layers points towards global pop, but is much deeper. If you listen to one song this year from my playlist, make it “Burial” – words and emotions escape me. I danced to the song, other listens gave me a good cry. A cathartic experience with a solid beat. With glorious arpeggios and lush synth strings, ‘Lovelife’ is wonderfully trance, bolstered with bass guitar by live bandmate Laura Bailey aka NEU-ROMANCER while an array of pitch-shifted voice samples act as an abstract lead vocal before the actual one kicks in. With ominous tones reminiscent of THE CURE’s ‘A Forest’, ‘Closing’ uses a number of interesting vocal treatments which provide intensity over the snappy rhythmics.

In a departure, ‘Teatree’ features virtual strums and could be considered an eerie ZANIAS folk ballad while also taking a more sedate approach, ‘Departure’ projects a more atmospheric tone with rung textures and a white noise backbone. To close, the ‘Chrysalis’ title song goes for a full acoustic intro before beats and electronics make their presence felt as our heroine emerges from her sheltered state into her next stage of growth.

Evocative and captivating, ‘Chrysalis’ is the best Zoe Zanias long player to date. Alison Lewis remains independent and true to her art while providing a new-found immersive immediacy that will help her music reach a wider audience. That balance is no easy feat to achieve but with some new approaches, she has managed it. Look for Zanias to release remixes and alternate versions from Chrysalis in 2024 as well as a new experimental follow-up titled Ecdysis in the coming months, featuring tracks from the same time period.

::: ::: :::

Ah, I could go on and on. I love writing and talking about music. Your comments and conversation are welcome, but let’s wrap this up…

This isn’t a top 10, top 25 or even a top 50. Instead, it’s an A-Z recommendation list encompassing many genres as those lines are getting more and more blurred. A good tune is a good tune, regardless of genre.  

HIGHLY encourage you to get out there and seek out new music; Visit the record stores, go hear a new DJ, fire up Spotify or another streaming service, check out some new music via podcast, DJ mixes, label sites, online retailers, even Facebook. One of the best sources for discovering new music is Bandcamp – a plethora of discoveries to be found out there. If you do the work, you’ll be rewarded ;)      Speaking of Spotify – I made a playlist this year featuring plenty of the bands on my list. There’s at least a track or more from the artist who have a presence on Spotify. Sadly a few bands on this list aren’t on the platform but check Bandcamp and you can have a listen. Here’s the link:   https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1PYVw5uRCYlu9RGLnno861?si=ea8eb848f834415d

As in years past I’m certain I missed a few things, ignored the hype on certain releases or just plain forgotten something. It’s a chore to compile this list, but I love to do it. There’s a ton of new pioneering music out there for sure waiting to be discovered and it’s the “what’s next” that keeps me a motivated music fan. There’s never a dull moment in speaking, writing, DJ'ing or promoting new music, so I’ll keep doing it and hopefully be a guide for you all ;).   If it needs mention and I overlooked it - I may do an addendum in the next week or so. Anyways, got your notepaper and plenty of beverages ready? Don’t be a TL:DR (Too Long: Didn’t Read) fool. Read up. Enjoy the music of 2023!

::: ::: :::

Abby Knives – The Flowers of Evil

Alpha Sect & Weever – Machine Crime

Alpha Sect – Geile Tierre

Andi + Machino – Parafernales

Asymetric80 – Meraki

Autumns – Eaten Inside

B1980 – Body Awareness

Body of Light – Bitter Reflection

Brixx – Erotomania

Chrome Corps – Intimidation Tactics

Code Industry – Structure (RE)

Comfort Cure – Design International

Comfort Cure – Not My Taste

Curses Presents Tutto Vetro – No Mercy

Cyberaktif – A Single Trace

Damaged Clock – The Key of the Future

David J Bull – The Energy EP

Die Selektion – Zeuge aus Licht

Djedjotronic – Smog on the Dancefloor

Ethan Fawkes – Belgium is Back Remixes

Everything But The Girl – Fuse

Facets – Breakable

Fiero – Pulse Seductor

Fragrance – Dusts & Disorders

Frett – Nottwo

Fuedal – Unit 1

GBxCL – Carved Upon my Stone

Ghosts in the Machine / Kris Baha – Ghosts in the Machine

Handful of Snowdrops – Gabrielle 35th Anniversary EP

Hanged Man – Deathwish

House of Harm – Playground

ISO City – Back on the Grid

IV Horsemen – Parade Nocturne Remixed

Inva//id – Cover Story

Jorgen Thorvald – Ghost Citizens 7”

KRSSV – Coupe Fuego

KLACK – Body2Body2Body

Korine – Tear Lust for Youth – Accidental Win (single)

Lust for Youth – Giorgia (single)

MVTANT – Low Culture Metal Bodies

Magnum Opus & Ravetop – Fear in Our Veins 7”

Max & Intro – We Design the Future (RE)

Meshes – Always Against

Mind | Matter – Ode a La Foudre

Mint Julep – All Summer Long

Mission to the Sun – Sophia Oscillations

Mode Bionics - Precise Control

Monolith – Concrete Playground

Nasdrowie - Hardlines

New Division, The – Modern Life

New Frames – Scherben

New Scene – Waves

Notausgang – Shredded With Time

Nuovo Testamento – Love Lines

Nuxx Vomica - FTEV

Nuxx Vomica – Easy Go (Semantix Remix)

Omon Breaker – Compromat

Ortrotasce – War

PC World – Infinite Dream Weapon

Parasite – Cipher EP

Randolph & Mortimer – Solta No Caos feat. Avnoar (Alen Skanner Remix)

Randolph & Mortimer – The Incomplete Truth

Realite – Crusher Zone

Red Deviil – Overkill

Red Deviil – Seperado De La Realidad

Red Deviil – Tendencias Ocultas

Rhys Fulber – Brutal Nature Reux

Rival Cults – Indoctrination

Rue Oberkampf – Moths (single)

Rue Oberkampf – Solitude (single)

SDH – Fake is Real Section 25 – Retrofit (RE)

STKD:999 – Borders of the Mind

Schicksal – 24 Hours / Perpetum Cycle I + II

Semantix – Caustic Motion (single)

Semantix – Violent Protocol

Serfs – Half Eaten By Dogs

She Lost Kontrol – In The Realm of Electricity Remixed

Soft Crash – Free Yourself (single)

Soft Moon – Exister remixed

Spike Hellis – Altitude Sickness (S/T Remixes)

St. Theordore – Majesty

Survival Paradox – Dysfunctionalism

Various Artist - 5 Years SOIL Records

Various Artist – Cage of Flesh (Kindcrime Records)

Various Artist – Die Erlosung: Kapitel II (Crave Tapes)

Various Artist – KEYI Magazine Charity Compilation

Various Artist – Next Wave Acid Punx Deux

Various Artist – Precious Decay Selections (Miseria + Oraculo Records)

Various Artist – Shedding Skin (Bite Records)

Various Artist – The Brutality of Rhythm (Mecanica)

Various Artist – Under the Stone Vol. 2 (Bruto Industries)

Visceral Anatomy – Vol. II

Yansyet – Tears of the Motherland Remixes

Years of Denial – Suicide Disco Vol. 2

Zanias – Chrysalis

Zanias – Metrics (single)

Zanias – Simualtion (remixes by Clouzer, Alen Skanner, Forces)

[rjzimmerman]

I have to admit this: the other day, I started reading David Wallace-Wells’s book, The Uninhabitable Earth. I’ve been reading about, studying and writing about climate change and the environment for several years, so I’m not a novice. I consider myself extremely aware of the causes, consequences and risks. Yet, I went into panic reading the book. I haven’t picked it up in several days to continue reading, mostly out of fear not of learning something new and different, but fear of the “oh my God, what if........” scenarios that erupted in my head.

Excerpt from this New Yorker article:

To anyone who has been paying attention, the broad strokes of “The Uninhabitable Earth” come as no surprise. We are racing toward—in fact have already entered—an era of water shortage, wildfire, sea-level rise, and extreme weather. To read the book is to ask hard questions about one’s own future. When will the city where I live be flooded? Where should I live when it does? Where will my future children live? Should I have children at all?

Wallace-Wells hits this note in his book, too, writing, “We seem most comfortable adopting a learned posture of powerlessness.” As uncertainty and denial about climate have diminished, they have been replaced by similarly paralyzing feelings of panic, anxiety, and resignation. As we begin to live through the massive dangers imparted by climate change, as one psychologist put it to me, “We are in psychological terrain, whether we like it or not.”

John Fraser is a conservation psychologist who has studied burnout and trauma among people doing environmental work. “We have to move beyond terrorizing people with disaster stories,” he told me. Responses to climate change are often discussed as a spectrum, with denial and disengagement at one end and intense alarm on the other. We are getting more alarmed. In 2009, a Yale and George Mason study grouped Americans’ responses to climate into six categories: alarmed, concerned, cautious, disengaged, doubtful, and dismissive. In 2009, eighteen per cent were alarmed; in 2018, that number had risen to twenty-nine per cent.

[silentsaturdays]

Our Role in Social and Ecological Challenges - Transforming Denial and Grief

This afternoon, I made a pause to take a look at the landscape through my window and saw a beautiful strange but unsettling reddish orange sky, not like the one from dreamy sunsets. I read later on in the news that the strong winds brought ashes from fires coming from three different locations near my city. The view reminded me to give any starting point to this blog, a resource for reviews, insights and thoughts on my recurring concerning topics: sustainability, wellbeing, mental health and social impact from the designer’s place.  

News about the consequences of our activity in the world can be so disheartening that can ultimately lead people to burnout, denial, or any other situation that prevents them from taking action, continuing working on those issues, and educating colleagues. We have plenty of resources thanks to the effort of design and tech communities who gathered during long periods to work together in methodologies that allow including our current and future challenges in the scope of our work. 

Source: El Trece

The amount of information and negative news can be so vast that Climate Anxiety is unfortunately a common thing right now. I found in Coming Back to Life: The Updated Guide to the Work That Reconnects by ecologist and Buddhist scholar Joanna Macy and Molly Young Brown (which you can buy here) a wonderful tool for everyone who wants to face the upcoming challenges with a mindset that balances both positivity and acceptance. 

“The Work that Reconnects has spread around the world, inspiring hundreds of thousands to work toward a life-sustaining human culture. Coming Back to Life introduces the Work's theoretical foundations, illuminating the angst of our era with extraordinary insight. Pointing the way forward out of apathy, it offers personal counsel as well as easy-to-use methods for group work that profoundly affect peoples' outlook and ability to act in the world.” (Amazon)

By allowing ourselves to acknowledge our thoughts, emotions and feelings we can leave denial and inaction to move onto a place of co-creation, building networks and strengthening our bonds to find solutions that benefit us all. I take this into the design practice where we can all put together our knowledge to map and assess the impact of services and products to transition them into solutions that improve our lives and also benefit future generations life quality. In this way, you can put all your skills and knowledge in a mindful way, at the service of your users and stakeholders, without being overwhelmed by the complexity of the issue you may be tackling. The book includes a wide range of workshops that can be carried out in groups with a variety of objectives and exercises, as well as an analysis of the many challenges for our subjective experience of the current situation in our world. I find this book a precious tool for everyone working in any role, from leaders to individuals wanting to take action, and to incorporate in everyday’s life.  

With this wonderful book a welcome you into a blog of resources, advice, and shared knowledge that I hope you find useful in your professional journey. Thank you for reading.

[sungwanns]

(゜o゜) ohhh mah - okay first of all thank you so much for adding pictures of seungmin and han. THOSE TWO LOOK SO GOOD! i don't think i've seen those pics of your boy jisung yet either, so thank you for gracing my eyes. add me to your list of believers in TOP jisung supremacy btw - that era was just top (heh) notch for him. coincidentally tho, if god's menu is what made me fall for hyunjin, TOP is what secured minho his #1 spot how can a boy look so pretty just staring at the camera??

oh and full agree with red being felix's color - it really makes him stand out. HAHAHA with how gorgeous they all look, i guess they can pull off any outfit anywhoos.

speaking of merch and just PCs in general, who'd you get with your christmas evel?? ahhh thank you for sending the minho/hyunjin pulls my way too! funnily enough tho i always seem get at least one (1) jisung thing per album, like a PC or something else. i guess i really do relate to him HAHAHA (I AM YOU han? (≧◇≦)) either way i take that a compliment - he's a great guy.

ahh that sounds like an adventure tho. waking up, freaking out about the new MV, then going right to sleep. have you had dreams about skz yet?

oh and can i just say, the way you encountered them is so cool! i love how you actually wrote it down, looked them up, and fell down the rabbit hole hahaha. "IF SKZ WANTS YOU THEY WILL FIND YOU" << this is so true i wish i could have heard this earlier... i, uhh, actually went through a phase of denial where all i kept saying was "i'm not a stay, but - *says/does something a stay would do*" (not one of my proudest moments (;・∀・)）but after i finally accepted it, it was like i rushed to catch up with the rest of the fans...i still have a lot of catching up to do tbh.

oh wow, you're so young!! and AHH THE BRACES - HE WAS (and still is) ADORABLE! you can totally say you grew up with him - it must feel like watching a friend evolve and get better at their craft. i hope you meet/speak to him (and the rest of the gang) someday...or have you already?

oohh zettai kareshi! are you watching the japanese or the korean version? i started the manga sometime ago but never finished it...maybe i should now. or at least watch the drama version XD and i totally get you with the episode burnout. you need the time to process all the feels. ohh and well intended love! i've seen the first season, but didn't realize there was a second...is it good? as far as drama recommendations go, i totally recommend extra-ordinary you. without spoiling much, it's a drama focusing on the 'extras'/ background characters of the typical kdrama/shoujo manga and i just love how it subverts the usual tropes. the non-kdrama that i'm watching now is arcane on netflix (i follow a lot of LoL esports), which i also recommend even if you're not into league. the story is so good and the way the characters were written really hits in the feels XD

oohh that's a tough question...i guess off the top of my head, i'd love to see all of them try out (and maybe even put their own spin on) the choreography to JO1's OH-EH-OH. the choreo has a lot of domino effects and moves that require multiple members to pull off so i'd love to see a skz version also JO1 is one of my ults so that collab would kill me what about you - what's your fantasy skz cover?

(also this is kinda awkward and i probs should've asked this first, but what name do you prefer to go by? (・・;)）

Omg!! you’re so welcome! i thought it would be much easier to just add pictures than to try and describe the outfits LMAO and i totally don’t blame you!! Like the styling in both of those eras is just !! 🧑🏼‍🍳💋 I absolutely adore the colors in Top too!! But fr minho is so handsome it’s just simply unfair 😭

But unfortunately my album is still on its way!! Sometimes they take a little bit to come in but that’s okay!! it shouldn’t take much longer and i’ll let you know when it comes in!! I’m so jealous!! I like never pull jisung!! I get seungmin a decent amount and for their last album i got like seungmin everything i was in heaven Jisung hates me KAHDKSJ but funnily enough i almost always pull hyunjin!! Hyunjin said tall buddies 🤝 LMAO but felix is right up there too !! i guess we really just do attract our twins!! Speaking of albums and stuff i was just looking at the teasers for the seasons greetings and … UGH it looks so good i really need to collect some money …

it is an adventure LMAO it’s kinda exhausting but totally worth it bc then when i wake up at my regular time i get to listen to it again and there are parts that i already forgot about and then listening to it in the car !!! a whole new experience!! I have had multiple skz dreams LMAO mostly felix talking to you is making me realize how much my subconscious loves him and a lot of chan too!!

Ah!! thank you haha im shocked i remembered to look them up as well !! but after that i saw the lyrics to grow up in someone’s bio somewhere LMAO and i was like they’re out to get me … KAHDKSJ so then i really had to do some serious research and now they have me in a chokehold 😭 I encountered them so many times in such a short span they were not about to let me go i just had to accept my fate LMAO but HAHA that’s okay!! I’m not sure about you but i stan a decent amounts of groups so sometimes i’m in denial too when i find a new one bc im like i REALLY don’t need to stan anymore 😭 and don’t worry too much about it!! they let out so much content that i’m constantly behind too LMAO i think stays are all just struggling together

Oh!! haha thank you!! I’m the youngest in my family but im always the oldest in my irl friend groups bc of how grades work and since i was born in july haha so i don’t hear that much anymore!! And strangers always tell me i look older than i am but i think that’s just the height and the slight rbf🥲 He was so adorable with his braces 😭 i remember when he got them off and he was so smiley 🥲🥲 but yeah sometimes i look at him and he just looks so mature and i’m like !! we’ve come so far innie 🥲 Oh!! well i actually had hi touch with them two different times but the lines move kinda fast so you don’t get to say a whole lot!! But uh the most memorable was me telling chan i loved him sm but he INSISTED on holding this intense eye contact with me but i am so bad with eye contact it makes me so nervous when regular people do it not to mention chan 😭 So i kinda glanced over to the next member for help and it was felix and he kinda LAUGHED at me ?? LMAO AKDKWHS I think he could tell how nervous i was bc he smiled and nodded at me and told me it was okay :(( God it was so embarrassing but lixie is so sweet 🥲

Oh i’m watching the korean version!! I didn’t even realize there were multiple!! It just showed up on my hulu and i started watching it LMAO but yes the second season of well intended love is really good i think!! it’s like they meet again in another life and it has a lot of the same tropes but the roles are reversed but i really like it bc i like seeing how the other person would act in said situation!! WHAT that sounds so good i’ll have to check it out !! i always have a slight soft spot for background characters/extras so im sure i’ll love it!! Ive heard of acarne too but i never really knew much about it!! I’ll have to look into it! Thank you for the recommendations!! :DD

Okay so my fantasy cover!! we all know seungmin is a huge day6 fan and covers their stuff but i would give ANYTHING to hear him cover the rose !! like i think his voice would fit covering woosung’s so well i just !!! I especially would like to hear She’s in the rain, I don’t know you, or Candy!! And for woosung’s solo work i would LOVE to hear him cover Face too!! Oh but red velvet is my other ult so anything by them would be amazing too!! Hyunjin covering wendy’s part in psycho and they have like the same hair and he pulled off that high part so well even with not even being a main vocal I lost my mind!! his POWER

Oh!! no worries!! 🥰 My name is clare but you can call me that or bear whatever you prefer or is easier to remember haha <3 What should i call you!!

Also do you associate the members with any colors?💙