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runningfrom2am · 1 year ago

Text

achilles heel - VI: i. cheated. too.

summary:

Grace is the very opposite of her brother in every way. when she finally moves onto campus at UNC Chapel Hill, she feels like she gets to be her own person, make her own friends, and hopefully start a promising career in the museum industry, and maybe, one day, get married to her high school sweetheart and live the American dream for herself. Rafe Cameron however, upon their very first meeting, throws a wrench in her very perfect plan.

tags/warnings:

rafe cameron x fem!oc, rafe is giving very much homewrecker, fanon!rafe (kinda), college!au, friends to lovers, slow-burn (maybe?), minimal oc description, drug and alcohol use, mostly unedited, violence, fighting, (these tags are not exhaustive, lmk if i should add anything!)

wc: 3.2k

my master list

series masterlist

requests (temporarily closed)

February 3rd, 2019

Rafe and Grace didn't lose contact again after that, he wasn't about to let that happen. She did still go to class, but he missed that smile he'd seen on Sunday- that side of her that was so carefree, so happy. He hadn't expected that vandalizing Nate's car would cure her heartbreak, but part of him hoped it would. He discovered that he would do anything to help, and he spent his free time throughout the week either texting her or thinking of what to do the next time they hung out. They didn't have plans, but he couldn't wait. And for once, he was almost completely free on a Saturday, so now is as good a time as any.

R: gracie, any plans today?

He sends the text and goes back to making lunch, trying to ignore how nervous it made him. It wasn't a risky text by any means, what was he scared of? Her saying she's busy? It's not a date, he knows that. It's just friends hanging out to keep her from spiraling back into a pit of depression, he didn't want to let that happen.

G: Just the usual, I'm trying to get some reading done but it's hard to focus

G: how about you?

Rafe's phone buzzes twice on the counter as the messages come in and he quickly grabs it, abandoning his sandwich-making efforts.

R: same

R: I'm thinking about going to the driving range later, want to come?

G: golfing? by yourself?

R: not if you come with me?

G: I don't know how to golf but I promise I'll be a good spectator

R: you'll just make me look like a pro 😎

G: 😐😐

R: i'll pick you up at 2?

G: See you then, Tiger Woods <3

Grace was surprised when Rafe showed up with a truck instead of his bike, but it would make sense if he had to bring his own clubs. The weather was nice that day, there were hardly any clouds in the sky but it was still crisp enough out for Grace to wear a sweater without the intentions of taking it off again until she got home.

By the time they arrived at the driving range, there was a decent amount of people there. With minimal snow and mostly friendly weather, a lot of people golfed year round in North Carolina, and Rafe was no exception.

He jumps out of the truck after parking to grab his clubs, and Grace grabbed her tote bag and slung it over her shoulder before following after him.

"You ever been here before?" Rafe asks, golf bag over his shoulder as they walk up to the entrance.

Grace shakes her head, looking out to the green and all the yard markers scattered over the lawn. "I think Nate came here sometimes. He likes golfing."

"Well, welcome, then." Rafe replies, holding the door for her and ignoring her second comment about her ex.

"Thanks, I'm excited." She smiles in response, passing him to enter but waiting for him to talk to the employee at the counter.

"Welcome in! What can I do for y'all today?" The young girl asks, Grace following her friend up while he places his clubs down and leans against the counter.

"Hey, yeah, can I get two twenty baskets please? And a club for her?" Rafe asks, Grace quickly shaking her head as the employee is already turning to grab the supplies he asked for. "What? You don't want to try?" He turns his attention to Grace now, slightly laughing.

"No, I'm not a golfer." Grace smiles nervously, pulling the sleeves of her sweatshirt over her palms.

The girl working pauses, looking between the two of them. "No then?"

"Nah, I'll take 'em. She might change her mind." Rafe insists, winking in Grace's direction before taking the baskets and club, handing it over to Grace.

Rafe paid, and then the girl buzzed open the door out to the driving platform for them to enter. Down at the end there was three open spots in a row, and Rafe lead Grace down all the way to the edge so they weren't surrounded on all sides by other people.

Grace placed down the one basket she carried over for Rafe, and sat down in a chair against the wall, ready to watch.

"C'mon, Gracie, you're not even gonna try?" Rafe chuckles, watching her as he's in the process of pulling out his club.

Grace shakes her head, smiling up at him. "I'm more than content to watch. Thank you, though."

"You'll change your mind- I know you will." He says, a smug grin crossing over his face.

Grace rolls her eyes fondly, then watched as Rafe tee'd up to make his first swing. Grace doesn't know much about golf, but she could see the confidence in Rafe's posture and his subsequent swing, and the way the muscles in his arms flexed and made his veins prominent. The ball flew off onto the green and landed somewhere she didn't see- her eyes were trained on him.

"Good hit!" Grace smiles, clapping for him and crossing her legs.

"Thank you." Rafe turns to her, taking a dramatic bow which makes her laugh. "Alright, your turn." He's already placing another ball on the tee.

"No!" Grace's laugh continues, shaking her head.

"What if I fumbled a few times first?"

"No, then people will definitely be watching." Grace giggles.

"Oh, come on. No one cares. You gotta start somewhere." Rafe pleads.

"Are you just going to bug me until I agree to try?"

"Yes ma'am." He nods in response, leaning on his club now.

"Okay, just one." Grace relents, standing up and placing her bag on the ground.

"That's what I like to hear!" Rafe grins, taking a step back as she grabs her driver, smaller than his so she can actually reach the ball from a decent distance. "Just, uh, try not to out-do me, that would be kind of a hit to my ego."

"Ha, ha, Rafe." Grace replies sarcastically, smile glued to her cheeks as she rolls her eyes, awkwardly adjusting the grip in her hands.

"Need help?" He offers, making an effort to not laugh at her obvious discomfort. Not that the laughter would come from a place of maliciousness, but just that she looks really cute. It would make him a little more comfortable if he could, but he's not sure which is worse; making her feel embarrassed, or having to explain himself.

"Maybe, yeah..." She agrees hesitantly, and he's already reaching out to adjust her hands.

"So just hold it like this..." He explains, placing her fingers in the right places. "And stand with your legs shoulder width apart." Rafe steps over next to her now to demonstrate in a way she can easily reflect. "Yeah, like that, then, line up, pull your elbow back and up like this-" He explains, holding an imaginary club and lifting his arms back, before swinging them down and forward, making a popping sound with his lips and then pretending to watch the ball fly with a hand over his eyebrows. "Got it?"

"I think so." Grace smiles, nodding slightly and looking down at the white ball again, lining up as Rafe takes a step back.

"Don't forget to imagine it's Nate's dick." Rafe adds.

"Rafe!" Grace laughs, turning to him and relaxing her posture again.

"No, you're right- sorry." He raises his hands. "That would make it like, a lot smaller and harder to hit."

"Oh, god- don't." Grace laughs as she looks away, an embarrassed pink flush coating her cheeks.

"Am I right?" Rafe teases her, his sole intentions being in making her glance at him with that slightly embarrassed but extremely genuine smile again.

"Rafe, I'm not telling you." She insists, trying to line up again.

"I'll take that as a yes."

"I'll hit you with this- how about that instead?" Grace turns to him, and yes, there it is. She's threatening him, sure, but not seriously, and if that's what it takes for her to look at him like that, he'd take the risk of being hit with a golf club every time.

"Okay, yup. Subject dropped." He agrees, smiling back at her. He just can't help it.

"Thank you..." Grace mutters, head shaking fondly at him. She's grateful now that she can talk about Nate without crying, but maybe that's just the Rafe effect.

After a moment of silence and a deep breath, she swings and misses- chipping the club onto the turf just next to the tee. "Oh- oops!"

"Just warming up?" Rafe chuckles, sitting down in the seat she previously occupied.

"Yeah, that was a practice swing. I've got it now." Grace agrees, lining up again. "Pressures on now for real."

"You're good." Rafe reminds her, trying not to stare too intensely. If she could feel his eyes boring into her skin she might mess it up again, so instead he sticks to her clothes, and the way her blue sweater is so clearly oversized but somehow fits her just right, tucked into the waistband of her jeans.

She swings while he's distracted, actually making contact with the ball this time. It wasn't a perfect hit, it flew off to the side but not very far. "I did it!" She grins, turning immediately to Rafe to see his reaction.

"Hey, not bad, Gracie!" He smiles, standing up again and reaching out instinctively to run his hand over her shoulder. "You're a natural."

"Okay, that's a bit dramatic." Grace laughs.

"Few more swings and you'll be perfect. Trust me." Rafe smiles, grabbing another ball for her.

They take turns for a while, and Grace only misses several more times before she actually gets the hang of it.

She's lining up again, feeling confident now as she stares down at the ball, swaying her hips back and forth to adjust her stance. Rafe, once again is watching with a proud smile on his face, arms crossed as he stands a few feet away. He happens to look up when he hears the buzzer for the gate open, a group of boys filing in. Standard, of course, and nothing to take note of until he recognizes one of them as Nate. Not only that, but Nate with his arm draped over a girls shoulder as she laughed at something he said. No doubt in Rafe's mind that it wasn't funny.

He had to get Grace out of here before she saw him. She swings which draws his attention again, and he's quickly gathering their stuff. "Hey, uh, I'm pretty hungry. Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah, actually, I could go for a coffee." Grace nods, turning to him and he's already holding her bag out to her. "Thanks.." She chuckles, dropping it back over her shoulder and grabbing a basket before turning towards the way they came in.

"Just go around that way." Rafe stops her, standing in front of her and taking the basket from her hands. "I'll drop off our stuff and meet you at the truck in a few, yeah?"

"Are you sure? I can come with you, you'll have a handful." Grace says, reaching out for the basket again.

"I'm sure. Just go around that way." He nods, pointing behind her to the emergency exit.

"Oh, okay. I'll meet you outside." Grace agrees, smiling at him thankfully before turning and taking the other exit which, thankfully, wasn't far.

Rafe turns as soon as the door shuts behind her, dropping the basket on the ground and picking up his club again.

He's pacing quickly over to where the boys and Nate's arm candy decided to set up, scowl clear as day on his face. "Nate!" He calls out as he gets closer, only allowing a moment for Nate to recognize him before he's tossing the driver into his left hand and swinging with his right, connecting his fist directly with that jerks nose.

Everyone in the immediate vicinity gasps as Rafe shakes out his fist, already cramping from the tension and impact. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" The girl asks, immediately reaching out for Nate who pushes her off.

"Don't touch me." He mutters, wiping his nose with his wrist, blood staining the crisp folded edges of the sleeve.

Rafe is staring at him as all his friends look between the two of them in shock. "I knew it was you who fucked with my car. I fucking knew it!" Nate says, raising his voice now as he glared at Rafe, staring him up and down.

"Maybe it was someone else who can see how much of a shitbag you are, have you ever considered that?" Rafe spits at him. "I bet you haven't, actually, because the only thing you can literally think about is yourself. You're a selfish prick."

"No, I know it was you." Nate shakes his head, scoffing. "What did I even do? You're the one who she cheated on me with! I'm innocent in this, not that either of you can get that through your thick skulls to realize that I am the one who was wronged."

"I've never touched her." Rafe says through gritted teeth. "If you knew her or cared about her you would have believed that when it came from her."

"Bullshit." Nate replies. "Anyway, tell your new girlfriend that we're even now."

"What does that mean?" Rafe ticks his jaw at this, knuckles white as they're wrapped around the grip of his golf club.

Nate laughs, shaking his head. "God, of course I'd have to spell it out for you..." He mutters. "Okay, fine. Tell her I... Cheated... Too." He says it slowly, mockingly, and Rafe sees red.

Before he processes anything, he's swinging the club at the boy in front of him, taking him down and then swinging again as he stands over him. He's quickly shoved back this time, dropping the club and catching a glimpse of one of the employees coming out to intervene just has he feels something hit his face. He's quick to pick up the club and run back, looking over his shoulder as he approaches his bag. He grabs it, throwing it over his shoulder and bolting out the emergency exit after Grace.

Grace is standing by the truck, reading a book she had in her bag, thinking to herself that she's glad she brought it just in case when she looks up at the sound of feet pounding into pavement. Rafe is running towards her, looking frantically over his shoulder.

"Rafe? What happened?" She asks, brow furrowed as she quickly closes her book. He throws his stuff in the bed of the truck and heads to the door.

"Hurry, just get in." He never intended to lash out on Nate like that, in all honestly he didn't even expect to throw the first punch- but that asshole made it impossible for him to resist.

"Are you okay? Oh my god, you're bleeding!" Grace exclaims, looking away from him to dig through her bag.

"I'm fine, I'm good." Rafe says, backing out of the parking spot and driving off quickly.

"No, no, it looks bad. Pull over somewhere." Grace tells him, pulling a couple napkins out of her bag and reaching out to hold them up to the cut on his jaw.

"I'm fine." Rafe says again, turning his head away. "I'll get you home and I'll deal with it."

Grace sighs, dropping her hands down again.

For the whole drive back to campus, it was silent. Grace didn't know what to say, despite having several questions, and Rafe didn't know how to say he was sorry or even explain what happened at all. He knew she wouldn't like it.

They pull up to the dorms and she gets out, grabbing her bag again and staring at him expectantly. "Get out."

"No, no I've got to-"

"Rafe, get out and come with me. We've got a first aid kit in our bathroom."

Rafe knows from the look on her face to not argue, sighing to himself and turning off the truck before getting out and following her upstairs.

She quickly uses her keycard to open the door, and pushes it open wide to let Rafe in with her. "Hey, Grace! How was your-" Her roommate starts to ask, stopping as she lays eyes on Rafe. "Oh! Holy shit, are you okay?"

"Olivia, this is Rafe." She introduces her quickly before Rafe can once again insist that he's fine. "Is the first aid kit still in the bathroom?"

"Yeah, I haven't touched it." Olivia stammers, looking shocked now.

"Thanks." Grace nods at her, dragging Rafe down the hall and into the bathroom by his hand. The way her palm is stretched around his is tense, he wished it didn't have to be that way.

She shuts the door behind them, digging around for the kit and pulling it out and opening it quickly. "I don't think you'll need stitches." She tells him, unwrapping gauze and alcohol wipes.

"I'm sorry." Rafe mumbles, surprised even to hear it from himself.

Grace pauses, looking up at him. Her eyes are soft again, she looks like herself, though the crease in her forehead has morphed from one of worry to one of confusion. "What? Don't be sorry."

"I am." Rafe replies, avoiding eye contact with her now.

"Well... What happened?" She asked, hesitantly continuing what she was doing.

"I, uh, Nate came in, and then I just-" Rafe explains and winces as Grace wipes off his cheek with a clean cloth. "I don't know... I didn't mean to, I guess."

"Is he okay?" Grace asks quietly.

"He'll be fine." Rafe clenches his jaw and she just nods a little bit. "Why do you even care?"

"He's a person, Rafe." She replies, delicately as possible trying to clean up the wound. "I mean, I know he hurt me, but that was superficial. I've loved him for years. I'd never want to see him in pain. But it happens, I suppose."

Rafe chews on the inside of his cheek as she talks. "You still love him?"

"Of course." She mumbles, almost embarrassed. "For now. One day that will change, I know that, but it's difficult to move on from the only love you've ever known."

"I'm sorry." Rafe says again. "I... I didn't know, I didn't mean to, I just wanted to try and talk some sense into him but he was with another girl and-"

"It's okay." Grace gives him a small smile. "Just... don't make a habit out of beating up my ex boyfriend, yeah?"

"One and done." Rafe promises, relaxed immensely by the forgiveness on her face.

"Thank you." She grins to herself, grabbing the alcohol wipe and brushing it over the area. "It's stopped bleeding, which is good. Now that it's cleaned up it doesn't look too bad."

"You should see the other guy." Rafe jokes, a slight tinge of pain in his tone as the alcohol gets into the cut.

"Oh, I'm sure." Grace chuckles, shaking her head. "Can I be honest with you for a sec? And you have to promise you'll never tell a soul."

"Of course." Rafe nods, smile fading as he's not sure what she'll say.

"You were kinda right." Grace blushes, giggling as she places a bandage over his cheek. From the confused expression on his face, she knows she'll have to explain. "It's... It's kinda small, I think." She whispers, face red now.

Rafe laughs, dropping his head back. "I knew it! I could just tell. And I knew you wouldn't have been embarrassed like that if I wasn't right."

"Shh, okay- never tell anyone." Grace giggles, holding a finger up to her lips. "I didn't tell you that, okay?"

"Nope, I didn't hear a thing." Rafe says, mock zipping his lips at that as he smiles down at the girl in front of him.

taglist: @newbooksmell777, @tahliac11, @slut4drudy, @madelynie, @angelw33dz, @whore-4-drewstarkey , @winterrrnight, @sadfury, @bookishbabyyy , @madelynie , @totalswag , @sadfury @fullfledgedemo @rafemotherfuckingcameron, @urfaveluvr , @hxnnah-397 , @s-we-e-t-t-ea , @saccharinesammie , @redhead1180 , @chenslucy

#obx fanfic #rafe cameron #rafe obx #rafe fic #outer banks #obx #rafe fanfiction #rafe outer banks #outerbanks rafe #rafe cameron fluff #rafe imagine #obx fanfiction #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron fanfiction

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justan0therstar1nthesky · 11 months ago

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Response to recent nonsense allegations

(I had a friend proofread this post because it is important)

Discourse under the cut

For the record, these come from ex-friends from high school and the homestuck fandom who made me abandon my entire online presence back in 2020. They deadnamed me (as may you have seen). Please do not use my deadname.

proship

I am not a proshipper, I am also not an anti. I was only vaguely aware of these terms until this year. I am indeed neutral on this issue because I am an adult with a job and I simply do not care. I have read theory and arguments from both proshipper and antishipper people and this remains my position. My honest position is gross\triggering smut should be hidden behind multiple warnings and not easy for minors to find, and that harassment is wrong. I will reblog from whoever I want to.

transmisogyny

First of all, hi, I am transfem. The clique/group who I'm pretty sure are making these claims are 7/8 not that.

This is about homestuck fandom discourse. If you know about the John/June Egbert gender controversy, this is what this is about.

If you don't know, the creator of Homestuck ran a contest to allow a fan to make something (semi)canonical and that fan chose to "canonize" John Egbert, the main character, being a trans girl named June.

Now, I am a June Egbert believer personally, but these people's problem is that I spoke out against "hardjuners", people who believe it's transmisogynistic to have another opinion on Egbert, and that I refused to disassociate from people who consider Egbert to be male. I maintain this position.

zionism

This entirely comes from a document one of them found after I accidentally left my google drive logged on on a public computer. It had arguments for a case in a debate class in October 2016, and the topic was whether Israel is an apartheid state. I argued the negative on this question, which they took as evidence I was supposedly a Zionist, ignoring the fact that I did not choose which side I had to argue, as anyone who has done speech & debate will understand. I am an anti-Zionist, and against the state of Israel. I don't feel comfortable speaking on this issue both because of this and some touchy family history, but that is my position.

minor/adult ship

This claim is that I shipped Aranea Serket (19.5) and Jake English (16) from again, Homestuck romantically. I did write an Aranea/Jake story in 2019, but it was a piece of vent art where I was projecting on Jake (yippee). This story portrayed the relationship as abusive, as it is canonically.

#certified kay original #discourse

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golbrocklovely · 2 years ago

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I sincerely hope colby finds a girl that isn’t toxic (like the other ones you mentioned because let’s be honest those are the vibes they give off) seeing all these games that are being played just proves to everyone that colby hasn’t found “the one” yet. I believe if he did find that girl all this would stop (let’s hope so but I think it would) but knowing colby and the hopeless romantic he is it’s probably not gonna stop anytime soon until that girl finally comes into his life.

also you mentioning colby hates being alone, that man needs therapy bad instead of using these girls for attention 😭 lord help this man please. let’s hope he realizes how toxic it is and gets the help he needs. attachment and abandonment issues are hard to deal with trust me I know, but if it’s that bad to the point he can’t be alone he needs to talk to a professional. it’s always nice to have people to talk to about your issues with but these women are not going to “fix” you. it’s not anyone job in your friend group to do that. I just hope he gets better with whatever is going on in his head.

i would love for colby to find someone that isn't toxic that either he can be with romantically or just have as a friend. i think there are some girl he's friends with that aren't like that, but it's just these main two that play games equally as much as he does.

maybe he needs a woman to put him in his place lol

and as for him needing therapy…. yeah. you and i aren't the only ones who think that.

interestingly enough, i never mentioned this on here, but one day i was scrolling thru snc's facebook page and saw a video that was posted that was old snapchats made into one video. and this was back when they had the life project, so circa 2016. colby in his snapchat was talking about something called "danger zones", basically places where your mind tends to wander into negative thoughts/overthinking. and this man, outright, listed pretty much any time of day he was alone. literally he said when he would first get up in the morning, when he was showering, tanning at the pool, eating…. like these were all places he tended to overthink at/during. and bc of that, he (in his own words) must avoid these places, or avoid overthinking in these places at all costs. he gave the example that in the morning, bc he tended to get overwhelmed while he was getting ready for the day, he would just…. speed rush getting ready so he didn't have time to think. he said he needed to constantly preoccupy his mind.

and he wasn't saying this as like "dear lord i'm overthinking too much", this was him saying "guys, you too should also avoid danger zones." which…. babe, if you can't be alone with your thoughts for two seconds, please seek therapy. i mean that with all the sincerity in the world.

like i get the idea in theory, but again - if you can't be alone at any point during the day without it being an issue, something's wrong.

and while i don't think he's like that anymore, that type of constant overthinking doesn't just go away. i love colby, truly; but i think there is a lot more darkness in him than he admits to. maybe that's just me trying to relate to him, or see something in him that i see in myself. for all i know he's extremely healthy mentally and i'm just reading into something that isn't there. but from the things he himself has admitted to - attachment issues, commitment issues, overthinking, not being able to trust ppl, pushing ppl away, emotional unavailability, not being able to get out bed for weeks on end (back in 2019), being on the verge of vomiting due to anxiety, ect - personally to me that reads as someone that needs therapy. and…. someone that probably has some form of depression and definitely some form of anxiety.

now, i'm not diagnosing him. i know nothing. but as someone who has depression and anxiety, it's hard not to see myself in some of the shit he does. and even if, for argument's sake, nothing was wrong with him mentally, there's nothing wrong with seeking therapy regardless. everyone needs therapy.

#ask #personal #colby brock #part of me doesn't want to tag his name but at the same time.... baby boy needs therapy #and maybe he'll see this and get some

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princesslocket · 1 year ago

Note

rolls in HAPPY PRIDE MONTH now do some pride head canons for your 2 fav ships. any of them lol rolls out

🌈 Happy Pride Month to you & everyone as well! It's gonna be an awesome June 🥳

And any ship you say?!

Well... Not sure if this counts as "cheating" since the characters for this first ship are my own and can be taken as "canon" but since nothing is set in stone yet...

Angel is heavily implied to be a lesbian (with a hard preference towards a single girl named Locket lol)

She shows love through actions instead of words: tending to Locket's wounds, secretly gifting Locket useful items when no one else is looking, and other mundane things that could easily be misinterpreted as Angel trying to gain an upperhand (because hardly anyone has ever been able to predict Angel's true motives)

And while I'm constantly reworking Locket's identity to better fit her original story. She's mostly depicted as a demiromantic asexual

Love is hard for Locket. She can get real distant if someone starts taking taking a heavy interest in her (romantic or platonic)

Which is why she gets practically abandons Angel after coming to terms with her own romantic feelings towards her. Locket claims the reason she teams up with Zoe is because she wants to continue their revolution but really, she's just running from gay thoughts XD

And in case anyone was wondering what Locket & Angel looked like... Behold my girlies!!! ((Got this art as a commission from the incredible MilkyBiscuits on DeviantArt way back in 2019 ;w;///)))

As for the second ship- Ik I don't talk/post about as often anymore but Siscooza will forever remain a big fav in my heart!!! Idk if I shared any pride headcanons for them before but if I haven't then you're in for a treat <3

Always been in love with the idea of Cuza being pan and Sisco is a biromantic asexual

For Sisco, I lowkey feel like he started to develop a crush on Cuza several months after they started rooming together. And then spent a good year in total denial about it because he really didn't want to be held down by lovey-dovey feelings until Kristina pulled him aside to have a heart-to-heart about their views on love and the future of BC Sol.

Don't tell Sisco but Kristina hadn't originally planned to discuss anything along the lines of love with him- The poor guy just started ranting about the acrobat when his name was brought up and Kristina just went along with it because she could tell he needed someone to confide in so she let him talk

As for Cuza, surprisingly enough, he fell in love slowly. Like, he knew he had some kind of feelings towards Sisco but never acted on them- He just went with the flow and allowed his feelings to develop over time.

#thank you so much for this!#ozrockbitway #happy pride month #omp this was a lot of fun #never really thought about sharing these before #it was nice #locket talks #langel #siscooza #gif #art by op #ocs #my ocs #locket cantu #angel wings #sisco karlisle #cuza ackermann

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clovercoin · 2 years ago

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Girl there's a storm inside of you, I can see the clouds every time you sigh. Starcrossed feeling a bit heavy. :C

---

Starcrossed is feeling mega depressed lately. Just hard to keep pushing forward, but luckily she has lots of pillowings who are here to remind her of the good stuff! Zippity is helping out today~

---

Lil more vent art borrowing my ponysona Starcrossed. Just in a pony mood lately I guess?

I'm just feeling really vulnerable right now, so you'll have to excuse my babbling here.

I've been really shaken to my core about the abuse I face online and it's... All relatively calmed down finally. It's quite for the most part except for random hate-mail or comment to insult me or loved ones around me. I'm just... So tired.

Pillowings were such a huge source of community and joy, I was so excited to share it with the closed species and adoptable creative communities. But since 2019 it's all completely been ripped apart and it's so painful to interact online constantly seeing people openly being anti-fan/terf/homophobic I just... It's like living in my red state home town all over again and being forced into church to "straighten out". How can so many artists I love be accepting of that... So many of my exfriends proudly claiming the anti label. I'm just... heart broken I guess.

I've just been trying to be... Quiet? I guess. Keep to myself. I've thought about quitting and deleting my work online many times. I've thought about hurting myself or just abandoning my life often. I have successfully isolated myself completely where I don't talk to anyone (except for the Cloverse Discord server). And even then it's only in the public formats. I only feel sick and stress when I get messages, even the positive ones. I just panic every time.

And because of everything that has happened in the closed species/adoptable communities, I am just scared. All the time. It never ends. I don't feel supported. I only feel people are watching, waiting for me to fail. I want to believe that's not true, but it's sadly been proven time and time again it is.

I'm not making any big decisions right now. Just venting out my raw feelings because... So many people I know have quit making art, writing, all creative sharing online because of the anti/proship arguing online that has slowly devolved back into removing the queer community as a whole from the public spaces.

I'm still trying. Still trying to create. I've been taking a lot more time offline to just focus on my pets, the housework, and pairing with Prov about the pillowing/cloverse website. He is still actively working on it and says he wants me to move forward with Clo as a story/art/community... I just feel scared talking about it because it's been so long I feel like I a liar at this point. So I don't bring it up too much since I don't understand how to share his programming milestones.

I'm just.. Really really sad. I feel so alone. I'm still trying, but it does feel rather hopeless. Hopeless? I guess maybe I mean pointless...

Right now I just... like drawing. So I'll just draw.

#aj personal #clovercoin #ajarting #starcrossed #pony #ponies #ponysona

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scarluxia · 11 months ago

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alright, i'm taking to The Tumblr for this just to get some thoughts and feelings out. I've written in my diary and bitched to friends ad nauseum about this but... And I'm not censoring my fucking thoughts so if this comes off ✨problematic✨, fucking touch grass and cope.

So I had this friend since 2016, and I mean, sure, there were some red flags in hindsight in our interactions. Going back and reading our old conversations, she's extremely self-involved and seems more interested in appearing concerned than actually helping someone's emotional situation improve, and then she fuckin pats herself on the back for her Cracker Jack wisdom. But we became buddies and she made me some edits for one of my old accounts and that was nice.

2017 I had all this drama with guys who, essentially, I'd start dating them, I'd get attached, and they'd ghost me. She was THERE seeing all my fuckin post about what neglect, ghosting, and abandonment did to me and all the shit from my past it brought up to the forefront. That's relevant later.

2018 we have a few fandoms and boy-crushes in common. She knows about some specific *cough* issues I have and recommends me a fic for a ship that 50/50 would have that dynamic. The fic was absolutely terrible and I told her straight-up "I'm never reading anything you recommend me ever again", to her confusion. When asked, I explained what I didn't like about it and she acted all confused, but I figured she wasn't smart enough to get it at my level and I didn't feel like delving into a big conv about it.

2019 (?) this show comes out that's diametrically opposed to my religion and she B E G S me to watch it so I can RP one of the main boys for her. I explained more than once that it was against my religion and seemed too dark for me anyway, to which she replied (gleeful) "It gets SO MUCH DARKER AND COOLER later!" Yeah I dropped the subject again because it's not worth getting mad enough to smash her ✨oblivious✨ head in with a mallet, whatever.

2020 we've both got new babies and I'm quietly comparing and contrasting our parenting styles. Can't remember if it's here or next year when I video call her for the first time freaking out about how to calm down my baby when my husband's out of the house. (Spoilers: Newborns hate EVERYTHING and everything makes them cry. For anyone who needs to see it, you're not a bad parent if your baby bursts into tears at the drop of a hat. They're also highly empathetic so your stress makes them even MORE stressed, which is great for those of us with pre-existing emotional dysregulation, amirite?)

2021 I'm browsing for shows to watch and ooh, this one looks interesting! The title is something I've been called and the premise is something I would totally do if I had the resources! So I start watching it and it's like the perfect mix of hilarious, cringey, relatable, and schadenfreude. Also, it's a musical. So anyway there's this guy who shows up in a few episodes who is EVERYTHING. He's sweet-natured, out-of-touch in that he does things that would be scary out-of-context but he means them in a nice way, BUILT AF, successful, with a great smile and dimples, and his actor just radiates this wholesome energy. He's so much fun to watch and I immediately PM my friend and say, "You've got to watch this show with me, you're gonna love this character." I also vent to anyone who will listen (and catch some heat for it in the fan groups because WAAAH PROBLEMAAATIC) about how the main girl did him dirty, took advantage of his kindness, led him on, etc. And like I predicted, she absolutely fell in love with this character as much as I did.

So we started writing together. We'd had a few casual threads here and there with our OC's and we knew a couple friends in common but I'd never really been invested in anything. This, I was HARDCORE into. We were gonna write a fanfic and it was gonna turn into a book and I was just so excited! Yeah problem was, now I felt obligated to watch the show she had wanted me to watch back in 2019, like a... you scratch my back, I scratch yours. Anyway, yeah so, not to suck my own dick but the ship from MY show would actually work with a little bit of work. The ship she proposed from HER show? uhhhh would not work with the OC she chose; it's completely OOC for the guy she wanted me to play to show any kind of interest in that OC. But I figure, you know what, she's being nice and letting me drag her into this fandom so I'll be nice and not play her dream boy as the misogynistic prick he is in canon.

Then my characters sort into dynamics that intrigue me from a psychological perspective. I'm not sure how much of it I let happen and how much of it I made happen, if that makes sense to fellow writers. Like ok, character A on my side attacks character B for power reasons. Character B has displayed masochistic tendencies in canon, both physically and emotionally, and he gets bodied more than once so ykw I figure he's into it. Problem is, my Character A is shipped with her Character Z, and Character Z doesn't like it.

even though canonically, character Z would totally be down for a devil's threesome.

but WHATEVER, so, her reaction is confusing to me, and I try to explain Character A's point of view, like, now that he's inadvertently got Character B in love with him, he can't just abandon Character B, because he knows firsthand what that psychological damage does (psst: Character Z did similar to character A in canon). And Character Z's reaction is basically, "But you're not responsible for the feelings of those around you." Which fucking BAFFLED ME.

So naturally our minds being so different led to some conflicts that we did manage to sort out in side-chat/DMs. Then we started bantering in DMs alongside the main RPs that were happening. Enter the next problem: her OC for Verse 2. This chick has

☑ a dead mother

☑ an abusive father

☑ a kid brother on behalf of whom she takes extra beatings from their dad

☑ purity culture taken to its logical extreme-- she's not just a virgin at the tender age of 24, she's a SUPER VIRGIN!

☑ her family's been exiled from various different states due to her father's misuse of power

☑ EXTREME UNTAPPED POTENTIAL in a type of magic uncommon to canon!

☑ a crush on the canon her admin wants me to play (who's her married professor expecting children btw)

☑ the jealousy of all her classmates for... no known reason!

☑ a ZOMG WORST ENEMY (also an OC) who shows up in like two seconds

My sister and editor doesn't like the term "Mary Sue", but like... if you've got another succinct way to describe this chick, be my fuckin guest. In the main RP she actually wasn't too bad, but dear GOD, the fucking SIDE CHATS! You couldn't throw a spitball without hitting one of her shills! This rubbed one of my characters-- let's call him Character N, who was shipped to one of her characters-- let's call him Character G-- the wrong way when G was paying unwarranted attention to MS. And when I say "unwarranted", I mean both "What she was doing wasn't worth the OOH'S and AHH'S," and "Canonically, G would literally catch a grenade for N, and wouldn't even THINK of ignoring him in favor of anyone else."

I tried, both in and out of character, to explain what was so fucking annoying about MS, and her admin's response was basically just refusing to get it. At one point there was a conversation between our characters that went something like:

"I don't understand why you hate her so much!"

"UGH I've explained this fifty fucking times. I'm not getting into it with you again because you refuse to fucking OPEN YOUR GODDAMN EARS AND LISTEN."

"See, you can't even come up with a reason!"

But I mean, I was emotionally invested in continuing my verse's RP and she was emotionally invested in continuing her verse's RP so I did my best to just talk to her person-to-person and say, "Listen, this here is a problem for me so how do we deal with it?" Nowadays I don't know why I fucking bothered. Anyway, that conv was in September or so and we were still going pretty strong for a while!

November/December I noticed she was tapering off more. Things kept coming up. They sounded plausible and innocuous at first like "oh my friends kidnapped me to go kayaking" or like "it's really hard to get my son to sleep so i have to go for the rest of the night." I tried not to let it get to me because everyone gets busy, but then I noticed there was a new person she was writing with during the times she claimed she was too busy to talk to me. You know, rather than saying, "Sorry, I'm caught up in this plotline with so-and-so and I'm going to have to put our project on hold for a little while, but feel free to continue it without me," like a fucking adult.

So mental health things started happening with me. Extreme depression, thrill-seeking, taking more of prescriptions than I was supposed to or like multiple downers at a time that I wasn't supposed to mix. She performed concern but looking back, I doubt she actually felt it.

So the person she was chatting with had a screen name that's indicative of one of my lifelong special interests and I thought, "You know, this person seems actually really cool." So I add and start chatting. At the time I thought "him" and this person's pronoun-neutral so that's what I'ma go with. He actually is super fucking awesome. His characters are intricate; he's so creative with backstory; bantering with him, whether or not I know the fandom, is an absolute joy. We're among each other's best friends to this day. Anyway so at first, yeah, we're all bantering and it's chill. Friend 1 suggests a group chat for banter and things. Friend 2 and I have amazing writing chem and bounce off each other sooo fuckin easily, like, there's one ship he actually warned me against because my favorite OC is the opposite of his canon's type... but they actually ended up having great chemistry AND he (admin) helped me figure out how to get his character's attention!

Friend 1 was... weird... about it, like, I remember thinking at the time that she gave off the vibe of a tagalong trying too hard to be one of the cool kids, butting into threads on main that she had no business butting into. At the time I also judged Friend 2 for not asking her to stay out of threads she wasn't tagged in, but present-day I understand that Friend 2 doesn't like conflict or pushing people away & didn't want to get in the middle of things he believed were going on between Friend 1 and me. We both got frustrated and irritated with her and vented privately to each other about things we'd noticed-- first with her characters and then with her as a person.

It was... a while... before Friend 2 told me that Friend 1 had warned him off me. Friend 2 was skeptical of me as a person because he was told that I was clingy, pushy, this-and-that. Which is weird to me because I had asked Friend 1 in the past, before meeting Friend 2, "Am I being too much? I'm sorry to push you on this thread, is this okay?" Like I constantly checked in to make sure I wasn't pushing any real-life boundaries. So for her to say that about me was really disingenuous.

Then I think Friend 2 started noticing Friend 1 had gone off him a bit in favor of another new shiny. I don't remember if this came up before or after the Big Fight, but Friend 2 brought up an excuse Friend 1 had made that didn't match up with either something Friend 1 had told me or something we saw her posting about. Anyway that sparked a whole new series of conversations between Friend 2 and me.

February 2, 2022. I'd started getting fed up with Friend 1's transparent excuses and neglect. I'd started being a bit more passive-aggressive than I really should be and she got super butthurt over things that plausibly could have been about someone else because she knew what she was doing; she was just mad about me """retaliating""" or whatever. She went on this fuckin rant out of ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE, calling my OC a Mary Sue, calling me a hypocrite, saying she's sick of my OC insulting her canon (it's IN-FUCKING-CHARACTER but go off), and then blocking me before I can respond, because you know, she's almost a decade older than me and wanted to showcase her shining maturity, I GUESS.

So about my character-- she KNEW my OC did not like her canon. There were things in my OC's background, Character S, that made them basically the nemesis of hers, Character R. So yes it was fully IC for S to call R a "fat slut", even though I as a person would never fucking say that about R. Meanwhile, she had this OC for another verse-- everything was crossover-- who had healing powers similar to what S has. Mine just happened to get to Friend 2's character first, and she got all jealous and butthurt instead of taking it OOC and saying //hey next time I'd appreciate it if you gave me a chance to heal him, because your character gets 90% of the spotlight// or whatever.

Anyway, things had become so bad by this point that probably on both sides we had people saying "you should probably unfriend them", but it was a huge shock to my system because I didn't even have a chance to defend myself or talk things out. Like, I was SURE this shit was a misunderstanding! And this was... a week? ish? after she'd said something to the effect of "you guys will never be able to get rid of me, I love you so much" to both of us.

I'ma leave out a few of the behaviors I resorted to but none of it was harmful to her. Fast-forward to June (I think?) 2022. I'd been devastated for months, like, Loki noticed I could barely fucking function. He'd sent her a message telling her to get her fucking head out of her ass. Meanwhile Friend 2 had felt caught in the middle and just gone on hiatus. Impetus for that was, I was frustrated with a project I was working on and I didn't tell him because I wanted to keep it a surprise; at the same time, Friend 1 was paranoid about me """stalking""" her and kept asking, "Is this her? Is this her?" to which of course the person who's known me for two months is going to have a concrete answer, amirite?

So out of nowhere in June/July/something, I get a message from Friend 1 on Discord, Instagram, maybe another platform? apologizing and wanting to talk. I was fucking ecstatic! I got to have my friend back?! I hate losing people so I was over the moon and so ready to just put the past in the past. We VC'd for a bit and then she unblocked & re-added my known Facebook accounts. She had posted a status along the lines of, "This is either going to be my best decision or my worst mistake." Two people she'd been gossiping about me with (as told by another source) reacted to the status but neither of them said anything. P sure they wanted me to see it, like, it was definitely for show but I'm not sure how so. We did some karaoke together later that week, we started writing again, like, everything was awesome for a little bit.

Well, then the excuses started to set in again, plausible at first. "My daughter's visiting and it's her birthday but I'll TOTALLY plunge headfirst into writing again when she's gone!", things like that. We did plot and write some new things, but she dragged her feet on the project she KNEW I wanted the first draft finished by August. I publicly announced that I'd replace her as a writing partner if she didn't help me finish the draft and... WELP. She claimed she wanted to, and then didn't, but she got so threatened by the idea of being replaced that she made these promises to get me to stay my hand.

This time round I didn't care so hard. Friend 2 came back shortly afterwards and apparently he and Friend 1 had linked up on Discord. Friend 1 had told him she was gonna add me back like a week or two before she actually did. I later learned she'd read my frantic apologies/attempts at resolution (one message sent to multiple accounts trying to clear things up), and the letter I'd sent to a mutual in a last-ditch effort to find out if she was okay because she'd made some pretty serious claims about her physical health. Friend 2 and I started comparing notes again. I cleared up some things and we started discussing Friend 1 and some of the disingenuous things she'd been saying and doing yet again.

September or October she invited me to an event in November in the city she moved to. At first I wasn't gonna go but my son had a doctor's appointment the day before so I figured it'd be fine for me to leave for a few days, have fun with my friend, come back refreshed. I miss traveling and I needed a vacation. Loki agreed to it and told his boss he needed those three days off.

I did find it a bit weird that leading up to the visit, she barely talked to me, like, she'd already been barely talking to me but now it was she'd pop in with a token "OMG I'M SO EXCITED TO SEE YOU FINALLY" and then bounce every few days. Event got cancelled but I went to see her anyway. I thought we had a great time! I had so much fun hanging out with her, she was a lot cooler in person, didn't get on my nerves (which is SUPER RARE for in-person); nothing I had been afraid of about the visit happened. I got along great with her family and her kid really liked me. I thought things were golden between us. I thought we'd be chatting more, RPing more, doing more banter and skits....

hahahaha nope. I staged a fight with a mutual who found out for me some things she was saying about me, things she was still saying even though I thought for SURE we'd be good after that visit. I video called her to look her in the eye and confronted her about it. I asked her if she has any problems with me that she hasn't told me about, and then I asked her about what was in the screenshots. She made it sound to me different from how she made it sound to my source, and she was putting out heavy "make this not my fault" vibes. At the end of the call I asked multiple times, "So now we're good? We've got everything out in the open, and you're gonna tell me straight-up if you have a problem from now on?" And she said she would. (We'd gone over some things she'd like me to change and I agreed to them calmly, you know, so I didn't think it'd be a problem.)

Next day she's whining to my source about how she "couldn't sleep" and "can't believe [ I ] did that to [her]." We've spoken maybe once since. My physical and mental health took a downturn as a result of just the stress caused by being lied to multiple times. God, that sounds so fucking dramatic but take it up with my stupid body.

Now I consider us basically on meme-sharing terms, like, if I see something I think she'd like I send it to her and then promptly archive the conversation. I'm not going to make a big dramatic statement by unfriending her. I was being a little passive-aggressive again recently, but that's a bad habit, so I've decided to stop doing that.

And like I know this friendship is a dud. I also know that all the things she wants to pretend to be are things I actually am. I know that most of the people she spoke to about me decided to give me a chance & get to know me anyway, and turns out they have some similar issues with her that Friend 2 and I have had, and they DON'T have those same issues with me.

I just wish I could stop thinking about it. I wish these things didn't hit as hard as they do. I feel like anything I have to say is just redundant and irrelevant, and I regret giving her the chances I did. I regret buying her a $300 painting of her BIGGEST character crush (that's an estimate including shipping). I regret sending her a Chromebook with a bunch of books and read-aloud services (along with Facebook and Messenger because she'd been having trouble with her laptop and didn't like accessing them on her phone). I regret growing so attached to our friendship that I felt like I was in love with her. I regret letting myself hope things would be better the second time round.

But I don't regret taking that trip. I was torn for a while between, "I could have saved myself $2,000 and gone to fucking Santa Cruz," and "No, actually, Myrtle Beach is a different experience." I now know the truth about what she's like; if you can talk that much mad shit after meeting someone in-person and claiming you had the best time, then you're two-faced.

And yeah I'm saying a lot of stuff ABOUT her but believe me, I've also tried to say things TO her, albeit phrased far more kindly because I actually don't like stepping on people's toes if I can avoid it.

I just... really hate not being heard. It should be enough for me that I have all these amazing friends, and that I've met people through her who are basically the best people in the world next to my sister. It should be enough for me that most people are siding with me when she's trying to warn them off me. But it still stings that she's gotten a few people to block me for no reason or keep me on their friends list but refuse to interact just to spy on me (you know you have to actually talk to your mark, right?) to see if I'm plotting against her.

Well... I'm not plotting against anyone, actually. I'm sharing the truth about what was said between us. I'm sharing receipts. If I could afford a lawyer I'd go after her for libel, since I was told you can do that if it's online. I talk some mad shit about the story we wrote together, but guess what? I talk equally mad shit about my cringe parts as hers; there's just fewer of them, and either way, I'm getting a lot of help rewriting the story into something that's not cringe.

I'm going to have to continuously recommit to just Being my Awesome Self and not trying to reach her because it's fucking impossible to reach her and it's not worth the effort, but I also can't fuckin help wondering-- and I wish I could stop thinking about it-- how the friends she's retained don't see through her chicken-fried baloney.

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tokiro07 · 1 year ago

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Martial Master Asumi ch.22 thoughts

[Alright, You Wrestling Assholes...He's BAAACK!!!]

(Contents: timeline placement, light thematic analysis, looking forward)

WHOOOOO!!! YEAH, BABY! THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR! THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT!!!

Who gives a damn about Asumi?!?! Okiba who?!?! What the hell does Kaz-low mean?!?! We're here for one thing and one thing only, and that's our girl Okome!!!

Oh, and Kunisaki's here too, I guess. Yay.

Joking aside, I'm really glad that we're getting to see Kunisaki again, especially since the latter half of Hinomaru Zumou really felt like it abandoned everyone aside from Hinomaru and Ozeki. Sure, we got to see them a little, but their character arcs pretty much ended with nationals, and it was especially a shame because Kunisaki clearly had his own story happen completely off-screen

I'm sad that we're probably at most going to get a brief flashback covering that time here, but seeing where Kunisaki's left went after the events of Hinomaru Zumou is absolutely welcome, and gives me hope we'll get to see everyone else down the line too

I don't really know what I was expecting from Okome, I just really wanted to see her as an extension of how much I wanted to see Kunisaki again, and yeah, she's definitely his kid. Love that her first words were "KYS," she really feels like a modern brat

...Hm? That's really modern slang, now that I think of it...she's fifteen now, so...no no, this timeline doesn't add up at all! Trump was canonically president during the events of Hinomaru Zumou, so even if you fudge it so that HZ ended in 2017 after he was inaugurated, that would only put Okome at about 7 if it's supposed to take place now! So MMA has to take place in 2031 at the absolute earliest! The slang is going to change so much by then!!!

But ahhh, who cares? It's a comic, they can do what they want. The main point is that this confirms that the story takes place 14 years after the end of Hinomaru Zumou, as Okome was 10 months old (just shy of a year) at the time. If Hinomaru Zumou is otherwise supposed to line up with our world, Trump famously being rude at the sumo match was 2019 (when the manga ended), so that would place MMA in 2034, ten years from now

Back to the actual chapter, once again I'm glad to see that everyone in this series is so...y'know, normal about it. Amagaki apologizes for breaking Yakushima's ankle but has a tough time looking him in the eye or finding the words to do so, and Yakushima graciously accepts that apology both because he knew what he was getting into and because he just genuinely loves the sport. No one is sneering down their nose at the rest of the world, no one's holding long-standing grudges, they're just people. They make mistakes, they get angry, they get hurt, but also they understand, they apologize, and they grow. That's one of my favorite things about this series, the people feel so real

Even Orino, who feels like such a stereotypical greedy slob, threw in the towel on Amagaki's behalf. It's hard to say exactly what he was thinking, but if nothing else, he clearly was concerned for Amagaki's wellbeing and didn't want him to get horribly injured. He could have left him to the wolves and let him get his arm broken, but even before Amagaki admitted defeat himself, Orino went out of his way to pull him out of danger, and that shows real promise for the type of man he's going to be going forward

Speaking of going forward, I'm not really sure where the story is going to go from here; obviously we're building to the confrontation between Asumi and Kazuro, but with Kunisaki talking about the "J-Futures," clearly his take on the National Treasures he met during his time in sumo, I'm wondering if that's really the direction this series plans to go. Okome seems to refute the idea pretty much immediately, which might be Kawada's way of saying that he's not going to reuse the idea of reclaiming Japan's glory through combat sports, but it might not be and the goal may be to actually put Asumi on the global stage somewhere like the Olympics. It's hard to say at the moment, but all I really want is a deeper exploration into the bloodlust concept that Kawada presented in Hinomaru Zumou. That was always my favorite part aside from the characterization, and now that we have a second chance at it, I'd really like to see it capitalized on

#martial master asumi #fouryearsandananime #4y1a reviews

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xviruserrorx · 2 years ago

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Title: "The Rain Before The Rainbow"

Chapter 4/7: "That's When You Stu-stu-stutter Something Profound" (DRAFT)

(Prev Chap-Edited) (Next Chap-Edited) • (Prev Chap-Non Edited) (Next Chap-Non Edited) • (Edited Chapter) • (Story Masterlist)

This fic was originally written around late 2019-early 2020 ish, but was abandoned for reasons and now I'm gonna re-write it to but I have a no-delete rule so I'm posting all the original drafts here for anyone who still wants to see them. "But Virus these are terribly written" you may say and, yeah I know, this story was one of the first things I had written after a 5-6 year writing hiatus... But here they are terrible Grammer and all!

Fandom: The Umbrella Academy (Tv & Comics)

Relationship(s): Five | The Boy & Everyone

Character(s): Five | The Boy, Klaus Hargreeves, Diego Hargreeves, Allison Hargreeves, Vanya | Viktor Hargreeves, OC - Ymir Cyprus

Important Tag(s): Alternative Universe - No Sparrow Academy, Comic Book Elements, Time Traveling, Five-Centric

Rating: Teen and Up

Warning(s): Major Character Death, Cannon Character Death

Word Count: 10,176/41,006

The Hargreeves return from 1963 and find they have averted the initial Apocalypse. The siblings return to life as it once was but now together and not expecting impending doom. Five begins to adjust to life with his siblings how it used to be but knows something is missing. By something, he means someone. What happens when Five decides to jump back in time and try to save Ben. Is he successful? Or will he face the consequences of his actions?

"The End To The Beginning, The Beginning To The End" - Tumblr | Ao3

->Next: N/A

Continue reading below or read the edited version on Ao3

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Diego(POV)

" Hey make sure to call me when rehearsals over so I can come pick you up," Diego called out to Vanya as she jumped out of the car and ran to the theatre.

"Got it!" Vanya yelled already at the doors of the place. Diego watched her go into the building safely before pulling away and driving in the direction of his work, which wasn't far from the theatre.

Diego yawned, he had been woken up at 4 in the morning by Five getting ready trying to leave the house to get coffee. Diego obviously shot down Five's idea unless he was able to take him, Five had made a fuss about it but soon let Diego take him to the nearby coffee house.

Then when they got back home he was expecting to go back to a nice, quiet house and sleep. He should have learned by now that there is no such this with the Hargreeves.

Klaus had woken up all the siblings, minus Luther, over some argument he was having with their ghost brother. Had he expected anything other from the Séance at 5 in the morning? No, Klaus is just…….Klaus. He had decided not to head back to sleep and instead started making breakfast for the bunch.

Diego pulled into the station, parked his car. Shortly after they returned, Diego pretty much had asked for his job back at the police station, which he ended up getting. This time around there was no Eudora now, he's been assigned a kid who had just graduated the academy. He was young but he fit in with the team, Diego remembered working with before he had left.

He continues to do his night stalks and is just more careful that he doesn't get caught by his team if they're called to the scene.

Diego opened the doors and was greeted by Albert, one of the newer guys on his team. He was a smart and quiet guy compared to most of the other people.

Diego walked over to his desk and looked at the new file that was left there and opened it.

" Hell of a new case huh ?" One of the girls commented, walking over handing Diego a cup of coffee. Diego gladly accepted the coffee and nodded his head at her comment on the case as he finished reading it.

A man has been seen spying on young children and trying to lure them to him, all the descriptions the kids have given is almost close to nothing aside from all of them calling him, "The Boogeyman."

They have had many cases over the past couple of weeks of children disappearing and have no lead or any trail of them, many people are saying it's like their vanishing out of thin air.

Diego had been suspecting that they were all tied into each other, till a letter had appeared at one of the parent's houses and she had brought it over to them.

It stated that the one writing the letter was the one responsible for all the crimes, he led onto explaining how he captured multiple children, tortured, sexually assaulted, mutilated, and finally ate them.

Once again they couldn't get any leads with the note, their guy who deciphered the letter suggested he wrote the letter with his non- dominant hand because of how it was written.

Diego didn't like the thought of this guy roaming the streets especially with the intent of him being after children. Diego hated these types of cases, especially because of how young Five is.

Diego downed the rest of his coffee he was just given and went over to pour himself another cup to keep himself awake.

" Woah there Hargreeves that's already your second cup in the last 5 minutes," The girl, Amy commented returning to her desk.

Diego yawned again and continued pouring his coffee. " Someone had a long night," Mitch, one of the other guys said.

" Correction early morning, 4 in the morning to be exact," Diego said to the group as he walked back over to his desk.

They all picked up their files and sat around Diego's desk, " What were you doing at 4 in the morning Hargreeves?" Nico, the last guy on the team asked.

" Younger Siblings, and that's all I'm saying," Diego didn't want to talk about his siblings in front of the team, he had predicted they all started kinda catching on once they saw the umbrella tattoo on his wrist by accident, but they never questioned him about it.

"Awwwww you have little siblings," Amy started gushing over the fact that this brute guy they worked with had little siblings.

"I bet he's a big softie with them," Mitch whispered to the others. Diego glared at him, "I will throw this pen at your forehead."

Everyone quickly learned how good Diego's aim was on everything, whether it be shooting a gun, a game of darts, or throwing something at one of them.

"Back to the case!" Amy yelled before any of them got hit. They all returned back to the file and began discussing it in a more serious manner than what their conversation was about earlier.

Today was a short day, all he had to do was close up some old files and wait till they had leads on the newer one. " Hey you guys can head home me and Albert over here will finish up the last files," Mitch said to the rest of the team.

They all gave him a thumbs up and started cleaning up their desks, Diego glanced over at the clock.

4:32 pm

Vanya was gonna be out of rehearsal soon anyway, she's been staying late to work by herself on some solo she has coming up.

Diego looked over at the corner of his desk where he had a picture of Vanya, Klaus, Five, and apparently Ben was In the picture too based on what Klaus said.

They were all laid out on the couch watching a movie, Five and Vanya had fallen asleep on Klaus, so while Diego was covering the two with blankets Allison saw them and decided to take a picture of them. Klaus had drawn a little blue arrow over towards the back of the couch and said Ben was right there when Allison had taken the picture.

Five had seen the picture and wanted to tear it up, but Diego immediately brought it to work and put it in a frame.

As soon as Diego slipped his jacket on and grabbed his keys his phone began to vibrate in his pocket. He pulled it out and looked at the caller ID that had Vanya's name on it, he stopped the green button and brought it to his ear.

" Hey, rehearsal finished?"

" Yeah just hanging out here with some other members till you come."

Diego placed the picture back down before answering Vanya.

" I'll be there in a bit, remember no meeting any serial killers." Diego messed with Vanya over the phone.

" I won't, I won't, I promise."

Diego laughed," Okay but be careful, I'll be right over there alright? Bye Vanya."

She said a small Goodbye before Diego hung up the phone and placed it back in his pocket before looking back over at the picture in front of him.

Amy peeked around him and looked over towards the photo.

"So that's them?" She asked in a much quieter and softer voice so nobody would hear their conversation.

Diego smirk and nodded his head," 3 of them." Diego remembered not to count Ben. She turned back to him," how many including you?"

He turned around and started walking towards the door with her," 7 in total, 5 boys and 2 girls."

They both walked out to the parking lot," and you're the oldest?" She asked, her eyes wide.

They walked over to their cars which were parked near each other," Second oldest, but the eldest is a bit of an asshole to all of them."

She laughed," Aren't they always." She waved her hand at him and smiled," Bye Hargreeves."

Diego waved his hand bye to her and got in his car. Any conversations he has with her always remind him of Eudora, Diego looked down at his hands and remembered that day.

They had found Five but then got a message from Eudora saying she found his brother. He quickly realized that in all the commotion they had completely forgotten about Klaus. As soon as he stepped in the door he had been hoping to find Klaus and Eudora, instead there was no trace of Klaus, and Eudora was dead.

Diego took a deep breath and turned on the car, with all two Apocalypse happening he never had time to even know what happened to Eudora or attend a funeral of any kind.

He pulled out of the parking lot and headed towards the Icarus Theatre to pick up Vanya. Diego pulled to a stop at the street across from the theatre, he pulled on his jacket, got out of the car, and walked into the theatre.

Diego walked in and saw Vanya talking with some guy and girl, most likely other members from her orchestra. She looked around and saw Diego and waved at him. He waved back at her while she turned back around to who she was talking to.

Both of the people leaned into Vanya and whispered something which made her start laughing. Vanya waved bye to them while she ran over to Diego still smiling.

"What's all the whispering about?" He asked Vanya as they walked over to his car. She laughed," They thought you were my boyfriend, but I told them you were my brother so they both proceeded to call you hot."

Diego smiled at Vanya

'Wait, Both of them?'

Vanya looked over at him and must have taken the hint from his expression," Don't worry I told Skylar you don't swing that way."

Diego rolled his eyes, opened the passenger seat door, and waited for Vanya to climb in," Thanks Vanya," He said, sarcastically.

He shut the door and got into the driver's seat, " You can always tell them Klaus is available."

" Noooooo of all people, I think Klaus would be the last person I would recommend as a partner."

Diego put the car in drive and headed for the Academy, "I think you're right on that one Vanya."

They continued to talk the rest of the drive, mostly Vanya kept picking on Diego that her friends called him hot. " You're not gonna take either of their offers, Diego," she said while nudging his arm with her elbow and a smile on her face.

He glanced over at her," Very funny Vanya." He turned the corner onto the Street the Academy was on."Awwwww come on Diego, I mean not Skylar's offer, but Melanie is a nice girl, she's our age, she plays the harp."

Diego pulled into the Academy and turned the car off, he turned and gave Vanya "the look".She unbuckled her seat belt and swung open the car door while putting her hands up defensively," Okay Okay I get it."

They both walked into the usually loud house and found it strangely quiet.

'That's a first'

"Diego look!" He and Vanya turned towards where they heard the voice, Klaus was levitating and was crisscrossed but upside down in the air. Klaus' sweater was hanging from his frame and so were his dog tags.

'Nevermind that thought of quiet'

Diego walked over to him till they were face to face and flicked his forehead." Ow! What was that for?" Klaus brought his hand to his forehead and rubbed where Diego flicked.

He slid off his shoes and hung his jacket up, "Cause I wanted to and where's everyone else?"

Klaus turned to his side," Oh shut your Pie hole, Ben." He turned back towards Diego," Allison is on the phone somewhere, Luther is…..being Luther I guess and Fivey is being a recluse in his room which I wouldn't bother him if I were you."

Diego nodded his head and turned back to Klaus," Isn't all the blood rushing to your head like that?"

Klaus flipped back upwards," it's either this or drugs," He landed his bare feet back on the floor softly," I need distractions."

Vanya piped up and walked to Klaus," I got one, Diego got hit on by my friends."

Klaus gasped," Diego you stud, see you're always running around in that little dominatrix get up of yours, your bound to draw somebody in…… and See I keep telling you guys he's-"

"Klaus! One more word and my knives will be in your skull."

"-into Kinky stuff," Klaus finished off his sentence, while one of Diego's knives almost decapitated him, but instead stuck into the pillar beside him.

Klaus jumped away and crouched behind Vanya.

Diego slipped the other one he had in his hand back in his pocket," And it's leather, not Spandex by the way." Diego said this out of habit because people always assumed it was spandex.

" Who said I didn't think it was leather?" Klaus giggled, and still hid behind Vanya."Klaus!" Diego growled at his younger brother.

"What are you guys doing?" Allison came down the stairs with what looked like some fruit and milk in her hand.

Klaus ran over to Allison and hid behind her," what about animals Diego are you into that type of stuff, I mean your name is The Kraken." He peaked up from behind her and wrapped his arms over her shoulders.

"Klaus!!" Diego raised his hand to throw one of his knives at Klaus before Allison stopped him.

" Hold up, hold up he's hiding behind me and I don't feel like getting stabbed with a knife at the moment."

Diego sighed and dropped his hand, replacing his knife in his pocket, " what's that for anyway?" He pointed to the food she had in her hands.

"Five's lunch, he's been cooped up in his room since breakfast, dead to the world"

Diego sighed," So all he had today was that gross sandwich he likes so much?"

Klaus put his head on Allison's shoulder and reached over grabbing a piece of watermelon out of the bowl," And coffee, you can't forget his coffee." Diego rolled his eyes at Klaus.

" Well, I'll make dinner early today since he hasn't eaten all day practically." Diego went upstairs to his room and changed out of his work clothes to a more casual t-shirt and jeans.

When he was dating Eudora he learned how to cook since she wasn't one much for cooking. So when they all returned to the present and decided to stay mostly at the academy he had taken up the role of cooking almost all of the meals.

Diego hesitated before going back down the staircase and instead turned around, and walked up the other flight of stairs that led to where Five and Ben's rooms were. Diego raised his hand to knock on Fives door but paused before his hand made contact, if Five had locked himself away he knew he was probably busy. He dropped his hand back to his side and turned around.

He froze and stood there as he faced Ben's room which had housed someone in it for over 13 years. Diego walked over and opened the door carefully gently turning the door knob. Everyone agreed to leave his room how he had left it but occasionally someone would come in here to dust it up a bit.

Diego looked around, like most of the siblings Ben had posters on his walls and a bookcase with a ton of books. They always would call him a book worm because he was always reading. His bookshelf was organized and dusted, while most of the other siblings' books were covered in dust or trinkets lined their bookcases. Diego smiled to himself and softly closed the door back up

He walked back down the many flights of stairs and waltzed into the kitchen to make dinner. Diego began to get everything out and started prepping everything. Diego turned around when he heard footsteps getting closer and saw Klaus walking over and sitting on the counter beside him.

Neither of them said anything to each other aside from Klaus talking and making comments towards Ben.

" You ever wonder what broccoli is thinking?"

Diego creased his eyebrows at Klaus' question and went over to the sink to wash his hands.

" What about you Diego, cause Benny boy over here is all Mr big brain." Klaus turned to Diego while he stuck his tongue out at Ben. Diego shook his head," I'm ignoring you, Klaus."

Klaus laid out more on the counter getting in Diego's way," You can't ignore me, Dee, you care about me too much."

Diego sighed and pushed Klaus' legs off of the counter letting them swing down," That's the problem."

Diego picked up a bowl and shoved it into Klaus' hands," Here help stir that at least." Klaus obliged and slowly started stirring the contents of the bowl while swinging his feet.

Klaus stayed in the kitchen with him the whole time occasionally stirring things, or helping Diego with smaller things that he knew Klaus wouldn't be able to light a fire to the house.

When Diego couldn't find things to distract Klaus with he began asking a random series of questions that Diego never answered.

" You ever think about how Five would look with long hair?"

" Or even Ben over here always with his slicked-back hair, I bet he would look great with a man bun!"

Diego stopped for a brief moment to imagine their two youngest brothers with long hair, Diego shook his head.

'Yeah, no'

" Does Luther ever shave, anywhere for that matter?"

" Or does he feel weird eating meat, like he's eating one of his own?"

Diego sighed, every glimpse he got into the thing Klaus called a brain was just getting weirder and weirder. Klaus went silent for a couple of seconds, which Diego was grateful for the moment of peace until he started talking again.

" Do you think all the dead animals can see me when I eat them? I mean they are dead and I can see the DEAD and they use me as this sorta gateway thing."

Diego stopped what he was doing and glanced over at Klaus who looked distraught over what he was rambling about.

" So it'd make sense for all these chopped up animals to just appear whenever they want to remind me what was killed so I could eat."

Diego slowly walked over a couple of steps so he was in front of Klaus before softly speaking.

"Klaus"

" Just these slaughtered pigs with their intestines hanging out, I mean not that I don't see enough human intestines everyday bu-."

"Hey!"

Diego put his hands on Klaus' shoulders, snapping him out of it and brought his attention back to Diego.

" Go wash up and call Five down for dinner for me, yeah? I'll get the others."

Klaus nodded his head

Diego patted his shoulder and motioned with his head for Klaus to go upstairs to retrieve Five. Klaus hopped off the countertop and walked out of the kitchen.

Diego walked into the living room where both of the girls were sitting on the couch deep in conversation with one another.

" Hey, girls dinner," Diego motioned with his hand for them to follow him to the kitchen. He never bothered with Luther, knowing Allison always called him or shot him a text to come down from whatever he was doing. All three of them walked into the kitchen while they waited for the others and Vanya and Allison sat down.

Diego placed a plate in front of Vanya first then Allison who were separated by a seat between them. Klaus had insisted that Ben was to sit there, so even though nobody could see him they kept the seat empty for their youngest brother.

Allison and Vanya muttered a thank you as Luther came bounding down the stairs into the kitchen. He had been more angrier with the others lately and always cooped up in Dad's office but nobody knew what the ape of a man was doing, mostly just pissing off Diego more than usual.

Diego ruffled Vanya's hair as he passed by her to get glasses for water. He placed all 6 glasses down as he heard two pairs of footsteps coming down the stairs into the kitchen.

Usually, they could only hear Klaus' bare feet against the flooring of the house followed by them seeing little blue flashes here and there from Five.

Five walked into the kitchen and sat down in his chair across from Allison, " Wow you actually walked down here for once." Diego commented to Five as he put down a plate in front of him.

Klaus came walking in after Five and sat across From Vanya. Diego put down Klaus' plate in front of him as he started talking," See told you he wasn't dead, Allison."

Diego stopped what he was doing and looked between Allison and Klaus wondering if he should even question it. Five turned his head towards Allison as well with his eyebrows creased.

Allison's eyes widened at Klaus' remark as she turned back towards Five," I knocked on your door for lunch and you never responded, but I did NOT think he died, Klaus."

Diego shook his head and sat down between Five and Klaus, across from the empty chair for Ben. Klaus let his body sink down in the chair while muttering under his breath, "You acted like it."

" And why would I think our brother would be dead Klaus?"

" Well, you can never truly know, sister of mine."

Diego chuckled and decided to zone out the two and their bickering towards each other. He looked towards Vanya who seemed to be enjoying the two siblings and their bickering, then he looked towards Five who seemed to have Zoned out from the argument a bit ago.

'Did he have those scratches this morning?'

Diego saw Five's cheek had two little scratches on it one was light, but the other was already scabbed up a bit.

"Where did you get these scratches from Five?" Diego questioned him while he lightly ran his thumb over Five's cheek. Five looked over at him and lifted his hand to feel the scratches on his cheek.

Diego reached and turned over Five's hand on his lap which had the same scratches. Five looked at his other hand which was the same then slightly scooted out his chair and pulled his shorts up a bit where there were marks on his knees and shins also. He lightly chuckled at Five's feet that weren't able to reach the floor without him being on the edge of his chair.

Diego knew Five was technically a kid, but he was never the type to go outside and play with all the other siblings unless it was something he could beat them at. So even now he doubted that Five tripped while outside or something because of how scratched up he was.

While Allison and Klaus stopped bickering at each other to overhear the conversation, Diego continued looking at Five waiting for an answer from the small boy.

"....uhhh," He saw Five quickly look over to Klaus and his expression slightly changing before he looked back up at Diego still not saying anything.

Allison cleared her throat to grab everyone's attention, " Five fell out of a tree this morning."

' Of course, he would '

Diego turned back towards Five with his eyebrows raised, " A Tree?!"

' What the Heck was he doing in a tree?!'

Diego didn't say that out loud but he guessed his face expressed it enough that they knew what he wanted to say.

Allison laughed," Ask Klaus he knows ."

Diego redirected his glance to Klaus who had moved to the farthest end of the table where Vanya used to sit when they were kids.

"What me? I'm just Number 4, the one who doesn't know anything," Klaus said while being very nonchalant.

Diego pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a sigh.

'Don't get into any trouble he says'

'But do they listen?'

'When do they ever!'

"Klaus was the one who dropped me from the tree, " Five said to the group as he took a bite of his food. Diego and both of the girls turned their gaze back to klaus.

"Klaus!" They all yelled at him.

"What- but that's-…....uh…....Fivvvveeeee, " Klaus whined and looked over at their smallest brother.

" I said don't do ANYTHING stupid and you go and drop our brother out of a tree, " Diego said as he scolded Klaus. Klaus crossed his and pouted while Diego continued to scold him.

" You asked me the definition of stupid this morning, Klaus I didn't think I'd literally HAVE to define it to you-."

Diego turned his head towards Five at the sound of him sputtering. Five reached for his serviette and hurriedly brought it to his mouth as he continued to laugh.

"Aha, see he's lying," Klaus jumped just out of his chair and started spastically gesturing to the younger. Five continued to laugh more but this time without the risk of spitting water out at any of them.

Diego smiled and looked up at the others who were smiling at Five as well. Klaus moved back in his seat next to Diego as they dropped the topic but was still unsure of why Five was in a tree in the first place.

Allison shook her head," Anyways aside from these boys' adventurous day, how was work and rehearsal, you two?" She questioned Diego and Vanya.

Diego motioned for Vanya to start, " The programs coming along well and I finally decided what I'm gonna play for the encore." Diego smiled at her as she lit up and continued talking about her music.

" What song?" Diego asked

Vanya laughed and lifted her glass to her mouth and answered before taking a sip of water.

" Piece not song"

Diego rolled his eyes

' Ugh his Musician of a sister'

" Okay piece, what piece Vanya?"

" Oooooo I like pieces of stuff" Klaus jumped into the conversation. " Cake, pie, Men"

Diego almost spit out his water as Klaus had ended on that last note. Allison looked over at Klaus with an amused look, " Klaus hon please don't talk about your sex life at the table."

"Who said it was about my sex life?" Klaus said while looking at his nails, which looked like he had just repainted them.

Diego scoffed," Unless your a cannibal all of a sudden, I think it was about your sex life their bud."

Klaus turned to Diego, " I'll have you know I haven't gotten any action since we came back from the 60s."

" Yeah with that girl I saw you with in that garden?" Diego pipped up.

Allison widened her eyes at Klaus, " Klaus you could have gotten someone pregnant! And that would have messed up the timeline."

" Awww come on Ally tiny little me's would be adorable," Klaus said cooing at the thought of it.

Diego took a sip of his water before he started talking again, " I mean this is Klaus we're talking about for all we know there could be a bunch of his offspring running around our own time."

Luther, who had been looking at everyone confused, spoke up.

"But I thought you were-?" He pointed over at Klaus.

"Thought I was What?" Klaus replied sitting on his chair like it was a hammock.

Luther shook his head and continued back to his meal not saying anything else on the topic.

Diego peeked over at Five who seemed to have zoned out the sibling's conversation once again a while ago. Diego was about to say something to him when Allison called Diego's name, " Okay that's enough about Klaus' sex life, what about you Diego how was work?"

Diego sighed, " We got the file for the same guy we've been after." Diego said trying to shrug it off not wanting to talk about what this creep was doing to these little kids. " All I'm gonna say is don't let Claire come over here till we catch this bastard."

Diego saw Allison look at him then move her gaze over to Five, then back to Diego with a concerned look. He knew she took the hint and was probably gonna ask him about it later.

" Don't worry I'm gonna go see her When I go out for the photoshoot I have coming up." She paused for a couple of seconds then started again. " One of you should come, I mean to meet Claire you know Five, Klaus, Luther maybe considering you guys aren't busy much." Vanya looked up and smiled at Allison and nodded her head at wanting to meet their niece.

They all continued chatting for a few minutes till most of them were finished with dinner. Diego looked around and saw only Klaus and Five we're still finishing up their dinner, he got up and started to clear the plates.

Diego put down his and Vanya's plate near the sink and turned around when he heard someone clear their throat trying to get the other's attention.

" I wanted to ask you guys something," Five said while looking down at his plate and moving around a single piece of food with his fork.

Diego leaned back against the counter as he noticed Five wasn't asking any random question but looked torn up over what he was gonna ask. Everyone stayed quiet so they could let Five talks without being rushed.

"........I-I want to know the full story"

Diego heard the hesitation and nervousness in Five's voice compared to his usual smug way of talking.

Five paused for a second and took a deep breath before continuing.

" Of what happened the day Ben died"

Diego grimaced at the memory those couple of words brought back. Everyone remained quiet until Allison spoke up, " We've told you what happened Five and you also read what happened from Vanya's book." Allison replied to Five calmly, picking up her and Luther's dish and bringing it over to the counter.

" But not everything," Diego felt the tension rise as Five's voice got slightly louder than it was before out of frustration.

" Five," Vanya spoke up with her soft voice that was laced with sincerity. Five looked up from his plate and looked around at all the siblings in the room.

" Bud, you've asked us all on separate occasions about that day and we've told you all we can," Diego said, remaining calm much like Allison, trying to talk down Five.

" Can tell me or want to tell me?" Five snapped at Diego through gritted teeth.

Diego didn't know how to answer Five's question for himself, he knew they would all tell him everything that happened that day if it was easy for them to talk about it. Diego kept the same straight face at Five as he immediately dropped his head back down and looked at his lap.

Diego looked over at Klaus who had opened his mouth to say something but wasn't even given the chance when Luther cut him off.

" It's none of your business Five, " Everyone turned towards Luther. Diego bit his tongue to not say anything to the eldest sibling, one for not letting Klaus speak and two for what he said to Five.

Five firmly placed both of his palms flat down on the table before speaking," Was I talking to you Number One?!" His tone from earlier quickly dissipated into his normal bite that carried on with his words.

" You did address everyone Number Five, " Luther said back to Five, with that usual I'm Number one tone.

Five and Luther both stood up from their chairs which made him and Allison jump forward to stop the two.

" Stop it, Luther!" Allison said with a warning and serious tone, she had her hand outstretched in front of him. Diego was still near the counter behind her, but ready to be on his toes in seconds if needed.

" Maybe I was addressing everyone who isn't to blame for Ben's death!" Five said his words filled with venom as he slammed his right hand down on the table that had curled up into a fist.

The wooden chair Vanya was sitting in skidded across the floor as she hurriedly jumped out of her chair and exited the kitchen.

" Vanya!" Allison called out as she moved around Luther to go after Vanya. She paused at the entrance to the kitchen and turned around.

" You just had to ruin dinner didn't you?" Diego was sure she meant it towards Luther but let the assurance falter as he saw the look on Five's face change. Allison turned back around and ran out of the kitchen after Vanya with Luther hot on her heels as he attempted to go after her.

There was a couple of seconds where everything was at a standstill till Five slowly sat back down in his seat, head looking back down to his lap. Diego brought his hand up to his mouth as he leaned back against the counter taking in what was happening.

The arguing of both of his sisters and the slamming of the door was hard to miss as it echoed through the house leaving more drowning silence.

He saw Five flinch at the loud noise, which for Five was on the chart of today's things he never has seen Five do.

Diego turned his head in the direction of the creek from one of the wooden chairs and saw Klaus slowly standing up from where he was sat.

Diego watched as Klaus slowly walked over and gently laid his hand down on Five's shoulder. He saw the slight jerk from Five but he didn't push or smack Klaus' hand away.

" I'm sorry Five,"

Their usually boastful brother's voice was almost unrecognizable as he spoke in a more somber tone. Klaus looked up at Diego with a guilty look when Five didn't answer him, Diego swallowed and gave a half-smile to Klaus unsure of what he even meant by it. Klaus looked back to Five and let his hand fall off of his shoulder before walking out of the kitchen.

Diego stood across from Five still leaning on the counter trying to think of a way to approach the situation.

"F-Five," Diego stuttered out his name. He ran his hand over his face through his hair before taking a deep breath.

He let his head hang down as he stared at the tile floor trying to think about the words he wanted to say.

" Di……?" The nickname took Diego by surprise as his head shot up to look at Five. Diego pushed himself off the counter and slowly walked over in front of Five.

He looked down at Him before bending down so he was face to face with Five. He slowly reached out his hand and cupped Five's cheek so his Thumb was on his cheek, he felt Five slightly flinch on contact but he didn't pull away.

Diego took a second to realise just how small he was, him and Ben we're always the smallest out of all 5 brothers. But here Five was sitting in front of him with his schoolboy shorts and knee-high socks and feet that couldn't quite reach the floor on the large wooden chairs.

Diego finally broke the silence between the two, " What's wrong Five?" His voice was laced with sympathy unlike earlier where he knew Five didn't want any of that.

Diego knew what was wrong, Five just wanted to know what happened to their brother, his brother. Their always quiet and small youngest brother that didn't ask for anything to happen to him, that didn't deserve anything to happen to him!

Five looked up at Diego and opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. He slowly closed his mouth and let his head drop back down to his lap not making eye contact with Diego.

Diego wanted to shake the small thin boy in front of him and make him talk to him, make him accept the emotions he had that he wasn't willing to share with anyone; not even to himself.

Diego took his hand off of Fives cheek, tempted to walk away and let everything end like that, let him figure his stuff out, to let Diego himself figure Five out.

Instead, he brought his hand down to Five's knee in an act of comfort and rubbed small light circles, being careful to not touch one of the scratches he had. He stayed like that for what felt like minutes upon minutes possibly an hour but in reality, was only 1 minute at most.

He didn't know what to say, how to approach their tiny murderous gremlin who was actually a good almost 30 years older than all the siblings but somehow found himself trapped in this 13-year-olds body.

Diego pushed back what he wanted to say to the small boy and instead veered towards the safe option.

" Why don't you go upstairs and get some rest then we can all talk tomorrow." Diego felt like he was talking to a child not a 58-year-old but the small 13-year-old kid that disappeared all those years ago that they had only had back for a little over a couple of weeks.

Five nodded his head at Diego and stood up to walk out of the kitchen. Diego stood up from where he was on the floor and watched as Five walked to his bedroom.

Diego sighed, his siblings were probably scattered around the house and outside from whoever of the two sisters had left.

He walked into the living room hoping to find at least one of the others there but found no one aside from Grace who came up to Diego.

"Is everything alright dear?" she said with a concerned tone.

Diego smiled at her," Yeah just us siblings being siblings I suppose." Diego said trying to shrug her question off as he saw Klaus bounding down the stairs towards the front door. He put a hand on Grace's shoulder as he ran towards Klaus before he could leave.

" Klaus! Where are you headed?" He was dressed in his normal laced leather pants and lacey see-through black shirt accompanied by his black fur coat and leather boots. Diego walked in front of Klaus before he could escape.

" Out," was all Klaus replied as he moved around Diego and reached for his set of keys which were hung up on hooks alongside the door.

He grabbed the ones that had a small keychain with the number 4 on it and other various keychains. He stuffed them in his pocket before reaching for the door handle.

Diego reached and grabbed Klaus' shoulder to, " Hey hey hey can I drive you wherever you're going to? It's already dark out, I'd rather you not be out so late by yourself."

" It's somewhere you wouldn't want me to be," Klaus mumbled as he fumbled with a cigarette box opening it and sticking one between his lips, then reached to his other pocket and grabbed out his lighter.

Klaus's trembling hands struggled with striking the lighter till after 4 times he brought them down in defeat knowing it was out of lighter fluid.

" Fuck!" Klaus said throwing his arms down and taking the cancer stick out of his mouth.

" Hey," Diego grabbed both sides of Klaus' arms and looked him in the eye," Let's go to the roof yeah?"

Klaus' eyes lingered towards the door then looked back over at Diego and nodded his head 'yes'.

Diego put his hand on Klaus' back as he pushed the Séance towards the stairs. As they were about to climb the stairs to the top floor where both younger brothers' rooms were and the attic Klaus stopped in his tracks.

" Uno Momento, " Klaus held up his index finger before racing off into his room and returned clutching another lighter in his 'HELLO' hand.

Diego rolled his eyes as he started ascending the last staircase with Klaus right behind him. They rounded the corner and saw the light from Five's room shine out from under the door. Diego contemplated going and checking up on the younger but went against his idea and continued to the attic.

They both climbed over to the already open window and sat on the ledge. Klaus swung both legs over the ledge and crossed one over the other while Diego kept one leg on the ledge with his elbow leaning on it and the other hanging down.

Klaus struck the new lighter and lit the cigarette before taking a deep inhale. He jiggled his leg that was hung over the other as his hands started to shake less than they were before.

Both brothers stayed quiet looking at the sky till Klaus spoke up.

" This morning was only a one-time thing," He said quickly, taking a puff from his cigarette.

Diego turned towards him with his eyebrows creased unsure what Klaus was getting at.

" What are you talking about Klaus?"

" This morning Ben he-..... I can make ghost corporeal including Ben," Klaus grabbed the cigarette from his lips and put it out against the window seal then turned to Diego.

" Wait, Klaus what do you mean," Diego resisted the urge to walk away and pretend like everything Klaus was saying wasn't true.

" Last night I went out after everyone was asleep and got a few drinks so I was drunk and hungover so that's why I couldn't make him corporeal this morning," Klaus said very quickly and almost tripping over his words.

" Klaus! Your not making sense right now-"

" I've been able to make any ghost corporeal Okay! Those 3 years I was alone and sober I figured out how to do a lot, The only reason I was arguing with Ben is that I chose not to and because I couldn't today Cause of the alcohol that was still in my system from last night."

Diego reached over and grabbed Klaus by his shoulders hard and shook his small petite frame.

" How Long Klaus!! How fucking long are you gonna keep lying to us, we've all been here thinking and believing that Ben was completely gone when you could see him all these years."

Diego pulled back and took a deep breath as he saw tears began to rim Klaus' eyes and cascade down his face.

" He's our brother too, Klaus and you were selfish and kept him to yourself for all these years, Even during the 2nd apocalypse, you lied to us the whole time that he was there," Diego was fuming but couldn't help but feel a little bit of guilt as Klaus choked out a sob.

" I know I'm selfish I know I'm sorry! I- He was all I had, When Dad kicked me out I never saw any of you guys again. You all became successful and got jobs and girlfriends, boyfriends and Allison had a kid and got married."

"you all moved on with your life." Klaus brought his hands up to wipe at his face smugging his makeup.

" I lost you all and I-I just didn't want to lose him too," Diego brought his hand to his face and ran it over into his hair, he was pissed at Klaus for lying and hiding all this for so long.

" I just I'm so sorry to you guys and Ben, I just keep fucking things up as I've always have in this family."

" Fuck!" Diego cursed. He stood up from where he was sitting with Klaus and paced the room for a couple of seconds. He looked back over at Klaus but didn't say anything, the latter still crying and trying to wipe away his tears with his coat sleeve.

" I'm sorry Diego I- I should go," Klaus jumped up and began to walk out of the room. Diego hurriedly grabbed onto Klaus' upper arm and turned him back around.

" Klaus come on sit back down," Diego put his hand on Klaus' back and guided him back to the window seal where Diego sat back down next to him.

Diego scooted closer to Klaus and this time lowered his voice, " come here, " He wrapped his arms around Klaus and put his chin on top of his head.

" I'm sorry Klaus I Didn't- I sh-shouldn't have said any of that." Klaus continued to cry into Diego's shirt as Diego tightened his arms around Klaus careful not to hurt him.

" You're not a fuck up Klaus okay? Just your Klaus and after all these years you stayed you, that fun kind sibling we all care for and love." Diego lifted up Klaus's chin gently so he was looking at him.

" That I Love"

He lifted his thumb to Klaus' face and used it to wipe away smudged eyeliner and the still falling tears. He pulled Klaus back close to his chest and at this point, Klaus was practically sitting on Diego's lap.

They both sat like that for a couple of minutes and let the breeze from outside slowly drift over them, blowing the fur lining on Klaus' coat. Klaus' tears disappeared but Diego kept his hold on the younger firm.

Diego only started to pull away when he felt Klaus shiver as a gust of wind blew in.

Diego pulled back with his hands still on Klaus' shoulders but in a comforting manner and Klaus fist still grabbing onto the front of Diego's Shirt.

" Come on let's head inside where it's warmer and get some rest," Diego patted Klaus shoulder as they both jumped off the window seal onto the attic floor. Diego closed the window behind them then followed Klaus down the staircase to where their bedrooms were.

They both walked in front of Klaus' bedroom where Diego pulled Klaus into another hug," try to get some sleep, Klaus." He pulled away and turned to go towards his room but stopped when he felt Klaus grab his shirt sleeve.

" Can I sleep with you tonight?" Diego was shocked, he couldn't recall a time Klaus had asked him his permission if he could sleep with him rather just walked in whenever he pleased.

He contemplated his answer which would usually be yes but right now the anger of what Klaus had just revealed to him was still simmering deep down.

" I….I just need some space right now kay'?" He watched as Klaus' expression on his face dropped, Diego couldn't recall a time he's ever denied Klaus from sleeping with him this would be one of the first.

Diego reached over and ruffled Klaus' hair then turned to walk away this time Klaus' hand didn't reach out for him. He heard Klaus' bedroom door close softly behind him as he continued to walk towards his room.

He had planned to go on his normal nightly escapade but after everything that went down, he reframed from going, even though the thought of that bastard hurting kids was still lingering in his mind.

Diego reached for his doorknob and was about to turn it When the front door opened followed by arguing. He stepped back and rounded the corner to the stairwell to see what was going on.

Allison stood in the middle of the foyer looking up at Luther while she argued with him," You just couldn't keep your mouth shut could you Luther?"

" Allison I-," Luther attempted to sputter out but Allison cut him off.

" You know what save it, Luther. We finally were being a family except for you……. I don't know what problem you have against our siblings but you need to grow up and get over that Number One complex of yours you have going on because this is ridiculous Luther."

Allison spun around and walked towards the staircase Diego was leaning on. She stopped at the top of the staircase to talk to him, " Vanya went back to her apartment for the night. I'm not sure if she's gonna be back tomorrow morning or not." Allison gave a sympathetic smile to Him then continued to walk up the set of stairs, the clicking of her heels faded out as she got farther from him.

Diego walked down a couple of steps and sat down letting out a low whistle," you made somebody pissed."

Luther quickly turned to him and glared at Diego," Shut up Diego it's none of your business."

Diego let out an airy chuckle," You know what it is my business cause she's my sister, much like how Ben is Five's brother also."

Diego pushed himself off of the steps while shaking his head," You know Five was right, these past 13 almost 14 years we've all blamed you for Ben's death because if you were of have had actually acted like the leader you supposedly were, He would not be dead right now………. You never protected our siblings as much as you could have only the bare minimum."

Diego turned around to go back to the bedrooms when Luther spoke up," like you were any better of a brother."

Diego could feel the anger boiling and bottling up inside of him the whole time and that last mark blew all of his control out the window.

" NO Luther I was not the best I could have been to them but at least I'm man enough to admit that…. And I did more for them than you can imagine, was it as much as I should have? No, but I did something Luther. Heck, what have you done? Lock Vanya away like an animal where she was scared and terrified, toss Five off of a staircase like he was a piece of trash, throw Klaus around, and actually killed him all because he was trying to help you."

Diego ran a hand through his hair and took a breath before continuing," Y-you pulled Vanya into a hug just so you could knock her out, And Five what if he didn't use his powers in time? Fuck, you would have just tossed a defenseless 13-year-old knowing he would have possibly gotten hurt, and all Klaus was trying to do was help you; the person who has never given a damn about him, but in return, he gets pushed around and visits upstairs for a hot minute."

He was seething as all the memories came flooding in of all the times Luther had hurt all the siblings but of course with the exception of Allison. He was glad that even though Luther did all those things it was a situation where they could use their powers to not get hurt or in Klaus' case die.

The thought of another one of his siblings dying made Diego's stomach turn and bile threaten to climb up his throat.

Diego turned back around," So fuck off Luther."

He didn't receive any comments from Luther as he made his way back over to his bedroom actually going in this time.

Diego closed his bedroom door and changed into a thin t-shirt and some sweat pants before switching the light switch off. He flopped down on his bed and tried to close his eyes to sleep. The events of today barreled through his mind as he thought about the case, Five, Vanya, Klaus, and Ben.

He opened his eyes and turned onto his side facing the clock on his bedside table.

11:53

He huffed out a breath and sat upon his bed, switching on the light. He knew he wasn't going to get any sleep tonight, but he also knew who else wasn't either.

'Fuck'

' Maybe Five was right about him too, he was a pushover'

Diego tried to push the thought away until the bright red LED lights on the clock shone 12:15. He started to feel guilt that he knew he shouldn't be feeling till he pushed himself out of his bed and out his door toward klaus' room.

He didn't bother knocking and slowly opened the Séances door to his room. As soon as the door was open Klaus shot up from his position curled in on himself buried under multiple blankets, despite it being warm in his room.

"Diego…?"

Diego chuckled a little," The one and only, now come on before I leave you in here alone with Ben the friendly ghost."

Diego didn't want to openly tell Klaus it was fine for him to come sleep with him so he was glad when Klaus took the hint and tumbled out of his bed over towards Diego.

They both walked into Diego's room where he went over to the farther end of his room and switched on a small lamp, so there would still be a little bit of light for Klaus once all his lights were off.

He turned back around and saw Klaus had found one of Diego's hoodies which he had slipped on and was hanging off of his small frame. Diego let him wear the hoodie, stealing clothes from all of his siblings wasn't an unusual thing Klaus did anyways.

They both didn't say anything as Diego grabbed some of his old smaller sweat pants and tossed them at Klaus. He slid them on and had to double-knot them so they wouldn't fall down this thin waist. Diego slipped under his blankets first then moved over and held up the blanket for Klaus to crawl under.

He felt Klaus curl up to his chest as he pulled an extra blanket around Klaus who was always cold as ice. Diego reached over and turned off the lamp beside his bed which made the smaller light at the other side of the room brighter.

Diego laid his arm over Klaus and wrapped it around him as the younger began to drift off. Diego stayed like that with his 30-year-old technically younger brother cuddled up next to him with his legs twisted in Diego's. He glanced down and saw Klaus was completely asleep yet he himself still couldn't fall asleep.

He glanced over at the clock multiple times throughout the night. The first time reading 1:31. Then the next time he looked over it read 3:05.

A couple of minutes passed as Klaus started to stir a bit, Diego found his hand in klaus' hair combing through it which stopped his squirming around. Diego let more time slip by, occasionally focusing mostly on Klaus' soft breathing and the rise and fall of his chest.

He dreaded looking over at the clock as it read 5:42. He sighed for this was the 2nd night with little or no sleep in a row. This was usually the time he got up to do everything but there he was laying, having got no sleep whatsoever. The sun had already begun to rise as the tiniest bit of light started streaming in through his windows.

Diego looked down at Klaus, who he pondered on squirming his way out of Klaus grip or just waking the latter so he could escape. Diego decided to try his luck and just squirm his way out of Klaus' lengthy limbs. He carefully pulled back the blankets from him but still kept them on Klaus and started to peel off each extremity that was tangled with his own.

He moved off of his bed and covered Klaus back up with the blankets. He threw on one of his sweaters and exchanged the sweat pants for some jeans before exiting the room, softly letting the door click shut behind him.

He made his way down to the kitchen and began to prepare Breakfast as he does most every morning. The only difference was he didn't have work today so his work clothes were replaced with more comfy clothes.

Allison was the first to come down to the kitchen followed by Klaus who was still dressed in Diego's clothes. Diego heard the front door open then slam back shut as Vanya walked into the kitchen and sat down. Nobody was talking to each other besides Klaus who kept making small jokes to cheer everyone up.

" Did I ever tell you guys about the time I waxed my ass with chocolate pudding? I know I told Five and Luther but I don't think I told you guys." They all turned to him mostly with a disgusted face.

" It was so painful, Kinda what I imagine if you wax Your you know bits," Klaus let out a whistle while pointing down to his crotch.

Allison chuckled a little, " Klaus dear what were you doing with chocolate pudding in the first place?" She questioned him

Klaus' eyes lit up even more than they were before," Well you see meine schwester it started when-."

At that moment Luther came in and interrupted Klaus in the middle of him explaining his antics," So let's start the family meeting."

Diego scoffed," Forgetting one still if you hadn't noticed with that monkey brain of yours." Allison jumped in before the boys could start arguing," He might be asleep still he was up late last night."

" Or he might've never gone to bed, this is Five we're talking about," Vanya said more quietly than the other.

" She's got a point," Diego agreed as he stood behind Vanya's chair.

"Well then someone go get him," Luther said while sitting down in the chair at the head of the table.

Diego's grip tightened on the back of Vanya's chair as his anger got the best of him," You know Luther you cou-." Before Diego could finish Klaus jumped up from his chair making everyone look towards him.

" Oh look I'll go get little Fivey, but if I get murdered I'm blaming one of you," Klaus walked out of the kitchen towards all the sibling's rooms.

Diego loosened his grip on the back of the chair as Vanya looked up at him with a small half-smile. He smiled back and pulled the chair at the farthest end of the table close to her and sat down. They waited a couple of minutes then some more time passed that Klaus hadn't returned with Five.

" What's taking him so long," Luther asked in an agitated way. Diego crossed his arms and leaned back in the chair, " Not that you would know or care but Five hates being woken up and is quite hard to wake up as well."

They waited a couple more minutes till Diego started to notice that this was too long just to wake up the small Boy.

At that moment Klaus came running back into the kitchen, " Diego, Allison!" Klaus yelled. His hand was holding his chest as he took fast sporadic breaths clearly out of breath.

" Five he's- he's gone." Diego got up and walked over to Klaus," What do you mean he's gone, Klaus," Diego questioned even though Klaus had already Given him the answer.

" Gone Diego as in not here, Me and Ben searched everywhere we thought he would be in the house he's not here," Klaus gestured with his hands as he spoke trying to emphasize his point.

'Fuck'

Diego ran up to Fives room with most of the siblings trailing behind him. He walked into Five's room and noticed his light was still on even though it was day time. And his normally organised room had his books littered over his desk and bed along with an equation on his wall circled multiple times in chalk.

"Do you think the commission got him?" Allison asked unsure of where Five was as well.

Diego looked around Five's room trying to get anything to tell him where he was. His eyes landed back on the circled equation and noticed a date scrawled out next to it. Diego walked over to the wall that the smaller usually stood on his bed to reach, but was in perfect height with Diego.

He immediately recognised the date, the one that was in newspapers for weeks, the day when only 5 siblings came home instead of the 6 they had at the time. The day they were all covered in blood that wasn't theirs or their enemies but rather their brothers.

'NoNoNoNo'

"Fuck!" Diego cursed aloud this time hitting the wall and walking away not looking back at his siblings who all had worried looks. They all looked at each other then walked over to look at what Diego had seen. The realisation hit everyone as they saw the date, everyone remained quiet letting their minds piece together where Five had gone.

Diego knew that it might be a couple of days, months, or a couple of years before they saw their brother again. Maybe even another 16 years or more.

This time Five was gone

And possibly

Forever

#virusfanfic

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elizasidepiece · 9 months ago

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ASK AND YE SHALL RECEIVE

under the cut I'm going to include some minor versions of a few of my brain vomits for why I think these songs fit (only a few I don't want to make a massive post no one else will read lololol) so uhhhh read on if you want to see the result of two major hyperfixations colliding!!!!

Say Don't Go - Taylor Swift

first off may I say MISS SWIFT WHAT A BANGER!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU KEPT THIS FROM US!!!!!! one of the best songs on 1989 but that's a long post for another day

second, to me this is from Tonks' perspective. specifically the two moments when she feels most betrayed by remus: when he turns her down in the hospital wing in front of everyone, and when he walks out on her after finding out she's pregnant

"I've know it from the very start, we're a shot in the darkest dark"

Then we get to the chorus, which I can only imagine fits in right as Remus has walked out to go try and join Harry on his quest

"Why'd you have to lead me on, why'd you have to twist the knife, walk away and leave me bleeding? / Why'd you whisper in the dark just to leave me in the night, now your silence has me screaming" Why did you let me believe you had fallen in love with me? Why did you get married to me and make a vow that we would stick by each other no matter the trial, only to abandon me when times got hard?

The second part of the chorus says "I would stay forever if you say Don't Go". I can perfectly imagine Tonks feeling like she's ready to drop this relationship and give up. She tried for too long to get him to see reason, what's the point of continuing to fight a losing battle? But....if he came back, she would take him.

THEEEENNNNN THE BRIDGE THIS IS THE PART THAT MAKES ME THE MOST FERAL

"Why'd you have to make me want you/give me nothing back/ make me love you...I said I love you, you say nothing back" GODDDDDDDDDDDDDD

(During the pause after this line I can just imagine an edit or something of Tonks dropping that "if you weren't too busy feeling sorry for yourself you would know who I'd fallen in love with" line before the music starts back up again, a la a certain 2019 Little Women edit on tiktok that has since been deleted, but iykyk)

2. mirrorball - Taylor Swift

this one. is not a remadora song. it is just a Tonks song to me

HOWEVER

I need to talk about it I feel legitimately distraught over this

"I want you to know I'm a mirrorball, I can change everything about me to fit in"

right off the bat we know this song is about identity. not feeling like you know your "true self", and that you change based on circumstance and situation and present company

a mirrorball (a disco ball, for the uninformed) is not its own thing. it's just a warped reflection of it's environment

I imagine as both a metamorphmagus and a woman Tonks suffered from some sort of self-image issue as she was growing up. When we meet her in the series she's a self assured young woman who knows who she is and doesn't care how others perceive her, but people who become that in their adult years weren't always that way. They had to go through times of internal and

"You are not like the regulars ... drunk as they watch my shattered edges glisten" as metamorphmagi are very rare, Tonks has been a subject of intrigue by everyone who has come across her. I read in a fic once that when she was little researches tried to "borrow" her from her parents in order to study her, since little is known about them and their abilities. this has since become canon to me.

Remus, to my knowledge, has

"I'm still a believer and I don't know why / I've never been a natural, all I do is try" and "I'm still trying everything to keep you looking at me" I love a girl that is aware of her anxieties and need to be loved and adored and tries so hard to be effortless <3333 she's so me

I think that's why I like Tonks so much. I see a lot of myself in her

I also see a lot of myself in this song. it was my most listened to song in 2023 LOLOLOLOLLLLLLL

3. slut! - Taylor Swift

"flamingo pink" omg first line talks about her hair color 💕

this song to me fits more as an observation of the general fandom's opinion on Tonks as a character

specifically the BANGER line

"everyone wants him, that was my crime / wrong place at the right time"

ie, Tonks often gets brushed aside in favor of the favorited mlm ship, Wolfstar

and dont get me wrong. I like wolfstar! I think it's fun in the context of au's and canon divergents!

but. it's not canon and some people need to get over that LMAO

my personal "canon compliant" view of wolfstar is they were a thing towards the end of their Hogwarts years / the first war, but it all fell apart after the events of the war / Halloween, 1981. then after sirius escaped and they were both part of the order they realized it wasn't going to work out, and they had bigger fish to fry and other trauma to work through, and during this time remus starting developing a crush on Tonks (bi4bi is my head canon) but shoving it aside

anyway back to the lyrics

"in a world of boys he's a gentleman" aww <3

isn't that a great lyric? I feel like it fits remus really well

he's a gentleman :)

"you're not saying you're in love with me, but you were going to"

people hate on Tonks for being so up front about her feelings for Remus and "nagging" him into a relationship, but honestly I love her for it

other than that being a gross intentional misinterpretation of her character and the situation, in general we need more characters that wear their hearts on their sleeves and are emotionally intelligent to know how other people feel and work to make their combined desires a reality

4. ballad of a homeschooled girl - Olivia Rodrigo

ummm once again another Tonks song ❤️ im not sorry

obligatory no Tonks wasn't homeschooled BUT she went to a boarding school and some may say that was worse

but really, this song continues the theme of self-identity and trying to find out who YOU are in the context of your environment

"I broke a glass, I tripped and fell, I told secrets I shouldn't tell / I stumbled over all my words, I made it weird, made it worse" I mean come on. that is the most baseline lyric you could apply to tonks. even if you only know her character from the combined total of seven minutes she was featured in the movies, you would know this would fit her.

also I'm sorry but "talked to this hot guy, swore I was his type, guess that he was making out with boys like the whole night / everything I do is tragic, every guy I like is gay" is so funny if you're ALSO a wolfstar shipper / enjoyer (guilty as charged sorry ladies)

also this song just FEELS like something she would actually listen to. she likes more punk-rock type music and I KNOOWWWWW OR is pop and not punk-rock, but this is pop-punk-rock ok. let me have this. im making an executive decision

it's my fictional character and I get to cultivate the Spotify wrapped for her (I imagine she has the same music taste as Kat Stratford from 10 Things I Hate About You ("angry girl music of the indie rock persuasion"))

ok last one I'll talk about

5. peace - Taylor Swift

A REMUS SONG YIPEEE

this song. kills me. in the best possible way

"our coming of age has come and gone, suddenly the summer it's clear" Remus makes it very clear how much older he is than Tonks. he loves hating himself for being a cradle robber (JOKE)

summer is often used as a metaphor for adolescence, since spring is youth and infancy. he's not a young adult like Tonks, he's nearing his 40s and is very aware of it. he's left behind the "summer" of his life and is able to look back on it with clarity and perspective as he enters his "autumn", which is not something Tonks can relate to as she is still in her "summer"

"and it's just around the corner darling, 'cause it lives in me / no I could never give you peace" while the original lyric is about the negative impacts of extreme fame on personal relationships, in the context of Remus Lupin it can easily be interpreted as the underlying anxiety of his lycanthropy. His whole life revolves around it, it lives in him. he could never give her peace, as he reminds her several times

"I'd give you my sunshine, give you my best / but the rain is always gonna come if you're standing with me" he WANTS to be in a relationship with her, he WANTS to enjoy life with her, but the inevitable "rain" that comes with knowing him would ruin any happiness they could have together

"would it be enough if I could never give you peace?" is the closing line of the song, and gives a sense of ... not resignation, but something more hopeful. acquiescence? acceptance? unsure of the word, but yk what I mean. he's going to give it a chance, but only if she can accept that he won't be able to give her any peace.

would that be enough?

anyway!!!!! there's many more songs on that playlist, and I'll definitely keep adding to it, I just wanted to dump some of my recurring thoughts about a few of the songs where people could skim them if they want :)

Not everything applies in my opinion, BUT I do listen to "Lavender Haze" picturing Tonks venting about her relationship with Remus.

#eliza talks #taylor swift #Harry Potter #hp #remadora #Tonks #remus lupin #so sorry to all my mcyt followers for posting so much about Harry Potter lately lol #ive got some hermit craft stuff ive been working on ill try and share soon

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rcksmith · 4 years ago

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Not you — Five Hargreeves

Requests: “Five Hargreeves x fem!reader, Fluff prompts 9, 52 and 53, please? (You can do this whenever you feel like it) Five and Y/n are both hit by one of Hazel and Cha-Cha’s bullets in the Gimbel Brothers store and they immediately go to the academy (Five wants Y/n treated as soon as possible.) after they’re fine, the siblings start to question them on Five’s protectiveness over Y/n”

“Hii could I request 4 & 23 off the fluff prompts for Five pls ty 😌✨”

Fluff prompts:

4. “Sweetheart, you’re my entire world”

9. “So you're saying that girl is your girlfriend?!" "No, that girl is my wife!”

23. “i’ve dreamt about this.”

52. "Help her first."

53. “There are no limits when it comes to you. I’ll do anything to keep you safe.”

A/N: We not tolerate any pedophilia here !!

I write about Five with their 20s. I write the same about the characters of Harry Potter.

I hope you guys like💖I decided to compile these two requests, since they were the same energy and they prompts connect to a central plot. I added all the elements that were asked for individually, and made sure that all ideas were respected and written down. Good reading.

I used here some fragments of the central plot of Five, but, guys, keep in mind that he is 20 years old, and that when he comes back to 2019 Five does not make a mistake in the calculations. I changed the location of the fight too, but a really I hope you, Anon # 1, don't mind.

English is not my first language, so I so sorry if have a mistake.

Requests are open. Love you ❤️

Couple: Five Hargreeves / Fem! Reader.

Warnings: blood, mention of death, swearing, fluff too.

— — — — —

You remembered perfectly when you met Five Hargreeves, the commission's golden ball, The Handler's award-winning shamrock. If you closed your eyes, even after years, you could still smell the male cologne wafting in the air, and you could relive the same feeling in the pit of your stomach that you had when he looked at you with those obsedian eyes.

Five Hargreeves was gorgeous. Absurdly gorgeous. But absurdly arrogant, boastful, presumptuous and completely absent of any delicacy in relation to empathy and kindness. He was the type who would open the door for you to enter first, but who would be the first to make fun of your erroneous reasoning.

And that was why, at the time, when you were assigned to be his partner, you lived in conflict with what you really felt. It was a mixture of tantrum and physical attraction.

But unlike all the people around Five, when he spit fire at you with all the anger at his difficult temper, you didn't run. In fact, when it exploded the first time in front of you, you crossed your arms, arched an eyebrow and looked at him with boredom.

“Have you finished your show yet?” You said, as if you didn't care, leaning against the hood of the car while Five screamed through the 7 winds “Stop to imply with everything.”

Five had been your partner for a few months now and it became clearer each day that the irritation was mutual. He made it perfectly clear that you pissed him off until his last hair.

But, unlike you, it was for another reason.

Shit, you were a fucking goddess! Your beauty was notorious, but that was not all that caught his attention. You were smart, canny, brave, Five never saw you in fear of any situation or shaken by any scene of blood. You knew your goals and went after them. It was strong, decisive, and, goddamn, he loved it. You had a fist, you were firm, and you always made it very clear that you were no helpless maiden.

It felt like you had gotten out of his imagination, from the daydreams in which Five rambled about what kind of woman he admired. And, hell, you came with the full package. It was a combination of overwhelming beauty, intelligence, dexterity, and he never thought that someone like that could be real.

But of course you were. And now Five was completely irritated because you were real, and not just another his dream and daydream in which a sublime woman starred.

“To Imply?” Five turned to you, eyes on fire “To Imply?!”

“Like a 2-year-old who didn't take his afternoon nap. It's not the end of time, it doesn't have to be childish.”

Now Five felt himself ignite. He was a dry, rough fire and you were gasoline, igniting everything saw ahead.

Was that damn woman calling he a child?! You?! Just you, the person whose Five wanted to tie the bed and do all kinds of sinful things.

Oh hell no!

Five came forward, furious, like an angry god, his coal eyes never leaving your direction.

“Childish, isn't it?” He snarled “I'm going to show you the childish!”

Five held your face tightly in his hands and pressed your lips to his. Fierce, needy, set on fire, lost in half sentences of feelings about you. He slid his hands to the back of your neck, closing his fingers in your hair and invading your mouth with his tongue, letting you taste the caffeine, danger and lust he had.

You sighed, or Five, or both. You held him as close as he was, with the two of you being on the same mission: to conquer, to take, to possess. But Five had an extraordinary intensity, a magnitude that managed to win you

Then your touch became more docile, your kiss became submissive and you were surrendered. When Five walked away, not with his body, he still held you against him, but with his head, enough to look you in the eye, you sighed.

“I’ve dreamt about this.” You gave up your game, because you couldn't pretend anymore, and Five responded by kissing you again, this time tasting your whole mouth.

After that day, Five and you never came apart. You two were like a dynamic duo, crime partners in the morning and intense lovers at night.

But Five spent so much time with affection, love and caring being denied that when, on a night when work got the best of him, Five fell into the bed you shared in a Motel room, very close to your lap and you smiled sweetly and ran your fingers through his black hair, establishing the affection there, Five was catatonic.

His wild mind wanted to take it away and go, tell you to swallow those loving gestures and that he would never need them. That they were a nuisance, a distraction.

But his body and heart... well, they begged Five to stay another second. Just one more second enjoying that touch, the care, the importance that someone felt for him. He liked to be pampered, who knew.

So he ended up falling asleep with your touch and, after that day, Five realized that if his body and heart couldn't get any further from you, then no one would ever take you away from him. You would stay with him, until the end. As long as you wanted to stay.

And you wanted to. You wanted all the stages, all the moments, all the fights. You wanted Five, completely. And after some time like that, he said that you two were going to get married. It wasn't a request, it wasn't a speculation, it was a fact and that's it. You laughed, it was Five's style to be embarrassed about something and treat it more coarsely, just because he didn't know how to deal with the emotions he felt.

“Of course I do.” You reassured him by bringing your hands to his face, tracing affectionate circles on his cheek with your thumb.

“You would have no other option.” He grunted, not looking at you, trying to divert attention from his own racing heart.

You laughed and sealed the future of the two of you with a kiss.

After five years of making it official, Five said he had found a way for him to get home. And as he spoke, you noticed a flickering hesitation in his eyes. You knew, at that moment, that Five would leave it behind if there was a chance that you wouldn't want to go along. He promised to love you, in joy and sadness, in difficult times and in good times, and he never broke a promise.

Five Hargreeves would stay for you. In 1963, in 1988, in 2019, it didn't matter the season, the year. It wouldn't be worth anything if didn't have you by his side.

But, like him, it was logical that you would never abandon him, ever. So you went along. It was together in the murder in 1963, it was together at the time of the target, and it was together when he jumped in the portal. You were with Five when he reunited with his family, they all amazement by the 13 year old little brother who disappeared to reappear as a man of 25. On top of that accompanied by a girl.

But Five still couldn't administer his emotions properly, he still couldn't say that he missed his brothers and that being without his family had been terrible. His past contained many shipwrecks and he did not know how to open up about it. After so many years alone and then killing without any judgment, it was difficult to connect with emotions.

So, instead of saying everything that screamed inside him, after just some time with the siblings he took your hand and pulled you out, telling the Hargreeves that he would go after a decent coffee.

“I wish I could have talked to them better.” You grumble whit Five and he rolled his eyes.

“As if they were going to understand the things you were going to explain.” He murmured, covering the whole issue of the Commission and time jumps.

“This is not difficult to explain.” You raised your left hand, signaling the silver circle that hugged your finger.

Five laughed, sipping his coffee.

“You will be my wife forever, there is plenty of time for you to tell that.”

But as soon as Five's words had just left your lips, blowing in the air like fog, the door to the store opened, and you two didn't have to turn around to find out who they were. Years on the commission have earned you enough training to even recognize the sound of their footsteps.

The exchange of looks that Five and you gave was enough to know what each one was thinking and how they would act. That was your secret language, the superpower that you two shared. No words were needed to understand each one like the back of your hand.

You took a deep breath, while your fingers on your right hand steadied yourself on the coffee cup and Five on the knife. There was no waiting for speeches, exchanging words, you both knew that the Commission would send the best agents besides you, and Hazel and Cha-Cha were not known to be late at work.

Then the action started, Five turned and teleported with the knife, shoving it into the leg of one of the agents covered in rabbit masks. You didn't stay behind and swivel your chair around, throwing the sizzling coffee into the second's hands, causing him to drop the gun on the floor. You didn't wait to kick him in the chest, making him stagger backwards as you got up from the chair. You and Five were good, but so was Hazel and Cha-Cha, and you couldn't count on the powers to dodge physical attacks.

Everything was very fast indeed, windows were broken, punches were exchanged, blood was plucked. But when you looked to the side and saw who was probably Cha-Cha pushing Five against a broken glass stake, you understood why love at work was so dangerous. You understand completely. Because you've lost your focus. It took a thousandth of an instant for years of training and improvement to be thrown out the window. Only the possibility of Five getting hurt got you off track, and that was fatale.

The agent who fought with you took advantage of your distraction, reaching for the gun that was on the floor in that split second. And a shot reverberated through the place.

Suddenly, the world for Five stopped the axis. Everything was suspended, appalled, frozen. And in that very second, his body shivered from head to toe, as if misfortune had sighed in his neck. Five Hargreeves never feared anyone, even death itself. But as soon as he heard the sound of the shot, Five tasted death. Was rough, metallic and cruel, the blood drained from the body and the world released a dark and funeral note, sinking into a black sea.

Because fear is not the bullet hitting you, but someone you love.

Five turned back, eyes wide, hands shaking, and he didn't know what was beating faster: his fear or his heart.

He would remember that moment as the most cruel and frightening of his entire life, years in the apocalypse and killing had no comparison to the terror that was seeing your white shirt start to be stained with blood, the bullet hole marking your abdomen. You looked up at him, shocked, livid, and Five could see death perfectly, pulling the vitality out of your eyes.

He didn't think, he didn't reason, he just teleported himself to you, taking your body in his arms and teleported you two away from there. Five’s hands were shaking, a visceral pain snaking through his body and suffocating him with the worst sensation Five had ever felt in his life.

He took you both to the Hargreeves mansion in the blink of an eye, his powers failing when the blue flash left you both in the giant living room.

“Five!”

Maybe it was Luther's voice, or Klaus, or Diego, he didn't know. Everything was a distant echo, a note submerged in the water. Five saw or heard nothing but your body in his arms, your eyes closed and face frighteningly pale, his right hand, which was pressing on your wound, was already soaked in blood.

It was too much blood, the smell was overwhelming, and for the first time in a long time, Five Hargreeves was in despair.

Hands touched his shoulders, and Grace's voice was heard in the background. But he didn't want treatments, whatever the goddamn his wounds were going to be.

“Help her first!” Five shouted, his voice finding strength in the terror he felt. And also in fury.

The Handler would pay for that, and so would Hazel and Cha-Cha. And, by God, the whole world would pay if you never opened your eyes again.

“Right now.” Maybe it was Pogo “But, Five, are you…”

“No!” He ordered “She first!”

Then Grace's hands took you out of his arms and Five refused to leave you for even a second. He was beside you at the operating table, holding your hand, with him bloody fingers of your blood and the agent he had fought.

But Five didn't care about the himself state, the people around it, or anything. His eyes were focused on you, his face frozen in a livid expression.

And when Grace said that you would need a blood transfusion and Five barely let her finish speaking before rolling up the manga and extending his arm, the siblings Hargreeves and Pogo were shocked. What they saw in Five's eyes was not a man afraid of losing someone, but of losing the person he loved.

I shouldn't have come back. Was Five's first thought when the surgery ended well and you were still asleep. It was his fault that you almost died. And everything was buzzing in Five's head like a propellant.

“So…”

Klaus appeared in the kitchen, with the siblings, while Five was washing the blood from his hands, now calmer since you were alive.

“That was heavy.” Luther let out a little gasp, a kind of choked laugh.

“Aren't you going to tell us what happened?” Allison sat at the table.

“She almost died because of my decision, that's what happened.” Five replied, turning and picking up a cloth from the table, drying his hands.

“Five...” Allison made his eyes go towards his sister “Who is she, actually ?”

Five gave a bitter laugh. Who were you? How would he explain it?

You are everything. The reason wake up everyday was good, what made the summer breeze and the sun's rays warm, the reason why his world was still spinning.

Who were you? It was absolutely everything for Five.

“Someone very important.” His whispered escaped.

“So you're saying that girl is your girlfriend ?!" Luther looked at Five in shock, as if the possibility of him having a girlfriend was absurd.

“No.” Five looked at Luther with fire in his eyes, his voice hoarse “That girl is my wife!”

The room's breath evaporated, everyone was dumbfounded and bewildered. But Grace came in at that moment, saving Five from continuing that conversation.

“She woke up.” His mother's voice was soft, and Five dropped everything he was doing and disappeared into the blue flash.

The first thing he noticed when he entered that room was you sitting on the bed, your back against the headboard.

“Hey...” the smile you gave made Five's world spin again.

He didn't wait a second before walking up to you in quick steps, holding your face in his hands and sealing your lips in a desperate kiss, as if that could prove that everything was fine.

“I thought I lost you.” He whispered against your lips, hands shaking, thumbs stroking yours cheeks.

“Bad vase doesn't break early.” You joked and Five laughed softly, his forehead touching your. “Were you hurt?”

He denied it, still with you, as if letting you was impossible. Maybe it was.

“I got distracted, I'm sorry that we let them escape and...”

Five interrupted your sentence

“Sweetheart…” You stopped, bewitched by his tone of voice “You’re my entire world.”

Five wasn't calling Hazel and Cha-Cha right now. He would kill that entire Commission later. Later. Now the only thing that mattered was you.

“I shouldn't have broken our contracts with the commission. I shouldn't have put you in this.” He said “But ... but I am very selfish, and even though I knew it would be better to let you go back to the Commission, I cannot live without you...”

“Hey, I not go come back.” You held his hands that were on your face, looking at him with love "My place is with you.”

“I promise you that I will never let anyone else hurt you. Even if I have to kill every single person on this planet. ” Five guaranteed “There are no limits when it comes to you. I'll do anything to keep you safe. ”

You smiled, put your lips together in a passionate kiss and whispered:

“I only need you, my love. Forever.”

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