#<- do we put given names or family names first on this godforsaken site

[ahaha-ahahaha]

my beautiful princess with a personality disorder

[skadventuretime]

I am shopping in your bookstore and you didn’t notice my mother was standing directly behind me when you really blatantly hit on me. - Soma

Time to bust out of that post-resbang slump. Please accept this little bit of ridiculousness as I adjust back to writing past tense and Black Star’s shenanigans.

On FFN. Edit: On AO3 too, because I was too lazy to do it last night. 

It started out as a dare.

More like a challenge, really, one to see who could ask out their respective crushes first, and Maka refused to lose to her muscle-headed nincompoop of a neighbor who still insisted on being called by his childhood alter ego’s name.

Black Star. More like Black Death the way his nonsense seemed to kill all logic and reason with the speed and ferocity of deadly bacteria.

Gritting her teeth, Maka peered around the edge of the bookshelf she had strategically chosen for surveillance purposes - it was far enough away from the checkout that the grumpy object of this godforsaken mission would have a hard time seeing her, but close enough that she could gauge both how busy the store was and how tired he seemed. If she played her cards right, she could walk up when there were few people around, dazzle him with some tried and true wordplay that she had spent all of the previous night researching, and then be done before he woke up enough to realize he’d agreed to go on a date with someone as pathetically endowed as her.

She lurked in the sci-fi/fantasy section for another thirty minutes while the lunch rush came through, nearly forgetting about her mission entirely when she overheard a couple of teens talking about Anne McCaffrey’s Dragonriders of Pern series and getting into an animated discussion about the pros and cons of being soul-bonded to another sentient being. But then they left, and the relative quiet reminded Maka she had a job to do.

A final peek around the shelf confirmed that there was nobody else in the store but her and Sir Slouches-A-Lot. Remembering the Internet’s reminder that men like confident, assertive women, she put on her competitive jiujitsu face and strode up to the counter with her back straight and her head held high. Her script was memorized. Her research was iron-clad. There was no way this could end in failure.

“Do you have a name or can I just call you mine?” she asked him in the most neutral tone she could manage. No need to pull out the sultry yet - all of the articles she’d read had agreed that pacing was important.

“Excuse me?” he stuttered, eyes wide as he half-tripped, half-collapsed onto the counter.

Maka frowned. It seemed the initial line didn’t work so well - perhaps something more poetic would get the point across. “Do you have a map? I’m getting lost in your eyes.” That should definitely provoke the needed response - his eyes were a brilliant shade of wine-red that did funny things to her stomach when she thought about it too much, but she supposed that was why Black Star teased her about him so often. That’ll stop when she wins this bet, though. Surely Star couldn’t be faring any better with Kid given his utter inability to form coherent sentences that didn’t involve some inane portmanteau of ‘bro’ and the meme of the week.

“I’m sorry, I still don’t understand?” he wheezed, red splotches making his cheeks glow in an awkward, adorable way. “Do you uh, need some help finding something in the store?”

Maka took a calming breath. Of course she’d fall for the one who couldn’t take a hint. Third time’s the charm, they say, so she summoned her most seductive smile (the amount of time she spent practicing it in the mirror the night before was borderline embarrassing) and said, “Are you my appendix? I have a pain in my side that makes me feel like I should take you out.” If he missed the subtext of that last bit, she might have to resort to some of the more drastic measures mentioned in the article, like showing up at his window with a boombox and 80s music or giving him a bouquet of roses, and flowers were expensive.

“Are you hitting on me?” he said, voice cracking in the middle and rising an octave or so while he looked at her with a strange mixture of incredulity and something a little like hope.

“It appears that way, Soul,” an amused voice said to their right, and oh god, someone else was there the whole time. She had waist length blond hair, fine cheekbones, and some of the sharpest eyeliner Maka had ever seen. With a growing sense of horror, Maka realized this must be his mother.

Soul jumped and turned to face her, groaning when he saw the satisfied smirk and delicately placed hands on hips. “Why are you here? Weren’t you doing inventory?”

“Now now, is that any way to treat family?” she chided, still smiling while moving past Soul to collect a stack of receipts by the register.

“I try to forget I’m related to you,” he grumbled, scrubbing at his face in a vain attempt to rid himself of the color in his cheeks. “Don’t you have better things to do than creep around up front?”

She laughed and ruffled his hair with an easy kind of affection that made something in Maka’s heart twinge. What it must be like, to have a mother like that.

“I’ll leave you two kids alone. I can’t be late to my modeling gig, anyway. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” She winked and, after making her way around the counter towards the door, turned and stage-whispered to Maka, “And that only involves anything without clearly negotiated safe words and boundaries, so have at it!” Another wink and she was gone, the small bell above the door chiming her exit.

“Your mom seems nice,” Maka said cautiously, not wanting to say much more because Soul already seemed like he was one wrong look away from disintegrating on the spot and she was busy trying to figure out how to steer this conversation back to dates.

“Mom?” he said, aghast. “That wasn’t my mother, that was my brother.”

Now it was Maka’s turn to blush. “Oh! I’m sorry, I guess I presumed with the hair and — do you think he can teach me how to do eyeliner like that? I always mess it up.”

Soul’s laugh was more like a whimper while he lowered his face into his arms, sinking into the small stool behind the counter like he wished he could simply fade away. “Probably. He’s always picked to do high fashion stuff like this.”

Maka allowed him one minute of embarrassed sulking before clearing her throat and asking, “So, is that a yes?”

He raised his head, confusion breaking through the pained set of his features. “Huh?”

“Will you go out with me?” she said impatiently, glancing at the clock. Kid had gotten out of orchestra almost an hour ago and she didn’t want to risk Star somehow being smooth enough to fingergun his way into a relationship before she could apply her hours of thoroughly researched technique.

“I mean, that sounds—” He’s cut off by the door slamming wide to none other than Black Star and Kid, the latter wearing an impeccable neutral face despite Star’s large bicep curling into the back of his neck from the arm around his shoulder.

“'Sup nerds,” Star said, sauntering over to join them by the counter. “This hot piece of sass agreed to go out with me just a few minutes ago, and given the awkward tension I felt from down the street, you two haven’t even gotten to the confession yet. So I’m gonna say booyah and you lose, Maks.” He raised his other hand over his head, fist formed, and didn’t break eye contact with Maka as Kid sighed and lifted his fist to bump Star’s.

Maka seethed. She’d been so close! All of her planning, her research, was for nothing after all.

“Actually, she was just waiting for me to finish my shift,” Soul said, glancing between Black Star and Maka. “She asked me out hours ago, and we’re also heading out on our first date soon.”

She tried not to look so surprised when he made eye contact with her then, that warm feeling coming back in waves and allowing her to return his smile with a genuine one of her own. “Yeah, right. We’re thinking about a movie.”

Star gaped at the two of them. “Are you kidding me? Punch Ya Albarn got a date before moi? Jeez man, we gotta be friends if this one’s nerdery didn’t scare you away. We were going to the movies, too, so how about a double date?”

“Sounds good to us,” Maka said.

“Great, we’ll meet you out front.” Black Star and Kid walked back outside, and the longer Maka looked at them, the more she saw the bashful tilt to Star’s smile and the small fidgets he made when Kid leaned into his arm. It looked like Star wouldn’t be the only one with teasing ammo.

“Thanks, by the way. For covering me,” Maka said to Soul when the others were out of earshot. “We’d had a bet about who could ask their crushes out on a date first and—”

“I’m your crush?” Soul looked dazed again, but this time with such an honest, open smile that Maka couldn’t help but indulge the melting emotion lapping at her heart.

“Yeah, you are,” she said, tamping down her own starstruck expression and remembering the need to project confidence. “I spent a lot of time looking up how to flirt. I’m glad it wasn’t all for nothing.”

“Well, that’s cool because you’ve been my crush for a while.” That wide-open smile seemed to be a permanent fixture on his face, and he held out his hand to her as he walked towards the door. “But just so you know, you shouldn’t take dating advice from cheesy pick-up line sites.”

Maka’s eyes widened. “How did you know where I sourced my information?”

Laughing, Soul enveloped her hand in his and opened the door. “Call it a hunch.”