#<< not that there's no merit it just. not to my personal tastes yikes

[daisywords]

anyway my stance on "reading the classics" basically boils down to the fact that what is or is not defined as "a classic" is somewhat arbitrary, and therefore it makes no sense to treat "the classics" as some sort of uniform genre that you either like or dislike. Whether you liked Great Expectations has no bearing on whether you'll like 1984 or Rebecca or Pride and Prejudice or East of Eden or Frankenstein or Crime and Punishment. Because those are all vastly different books. "I don't want to read Classics; they're all boring and probably sexist or something." <<free yourself from the arbitrary category of "classic." It just means a lot of people liked the book. You might not. but you might. Treat it as an individual title.

[applejuiz]

Look, am I completely biased towards Parker because she’s my favorite Leverage character and one of my favorite characters ever? Yes.

Am I still right that Leverage: Redemption (especially season 2) functionally ignores her? Also yes.

The closest we come to getting a Parker-centric episode in Redemption is The Paranormal Hacktivity Job and The Date Night Job. (I’m counting a Parker-centric episode as one where her emotional arc is the one with the most weight/screentime. I can see an argument for The Hurricane Job being Parker-centric in the same way as The Date Night Job but I think Eliot’s arc is given precedent and also I hate The Hurricane Job.) That’s one episode out of 16/13 per season. I can also count on one hand the number of emotional moments she gets outside of those episodes (her convo about Hardison leaving, her being nervous about mentoring Breanna, her being worried about Eliot leaving, her giving Eliot advice about Maria, and I’m literally blanking on any from season 2). Everyone else, new and old, get to have episodes where they face an exceptional challenge, confront their past or something that reminds them of their past, or just get too invested in the client like in og Leverage. But not Parker! She just is there to be comic relief where the joke is look at how weird and zany she is. And sometimes she is allowed to mention that she misses Hardison. (Actually it does feel a little like the show doesn’t know what to do with her without Hardison, and seems to forget that her relationships with Sophie and Eliot are just as deep and important to her as her relationship with Hardison. Which is a little yikes.)

(Also I don’t have a better place to put this but Sophie sending Breanna along with Parker when Eliot’s going to visit his father because apparently nobody trusts Parker to be emotionally competent enough to handle the situation was a line seemingly constructed as a personal attack against me. Parker has been Eliot’s friend for fifteen years! Sophie once believed in her ability to connect to people despite her neurodivergence! Did the writers of this show even watch The White Rabbit Job?!?!)

I was foolish enough for one second to think that The Museum Makeover Job would be about her. One of her international teams need help, and they’re up against an Interpol agent she has a past with. Surely, we will get to see her go into Mastermind mode or reflect on a past job that had emotional weight or confront something challenging for her or get too invested in the con or— oh wait, the Interpol agent is Sophie’s daughter and the whole thing is a ploy to get revenge on her and she and Eliot will have their deep convo about redemption and purpose while Parker talks about vents for the dozenth time? Cool. (And not to be exceedingly bitter, but then also the whole joke is that Parker’s actually the one overly invested in her rivalry and it isn’t important at all to Astrid and we never get a beat of resolution for that at all. Thanks, I hate it.)

My bias might be showing, but Parker is the character in the og series that grows the most, and watching her development is one of the great joys of the original series. She becomes the Mastermind because of how much she learns and changes in front of us. She was allowed to be funny and competent and weird but also emotional and scared and loving and she got to feel things and to learn things and to be things. I used to think that Redemption was exaggerating her neurodivergence in a way that felt ooc, and while that might have some merit, I think the real issue is that they just took away everything else that made her a character. Her being WeirdTM and a TheifTM and ParkerTM is all that remains to a once complex and revolutionary character.

Maybe I should just be glad that I don’t have to watch Redemption potentially butcher her character on the main stage instead of in the background. But it does leave a pretty bad taste in my mouth that she is uniquely sidelined and ignored by a show that once ended by handing her the reigns.

[captaincravatthecapricious]

Ill and Alone- Prompt Fill

cw food mention, nausea mention, fever, anxiety, the concept of not feeling bad enough to merit comfort, depression, isolation

Hi!  I am still accepting bingo prompts!  The crossed out prompts are already written, the starred ones are ones that I have gotten, but not posted yet!  Let me know which character you want and if you prefer writing on a drawing! Bingo sheet by the wonderful @celosiaa​

Jon wakes up to Martin leaving before dawn.  Walks him to the door, hands him breakfast and a thermos of tea.  Goes back to bed, the sticky exhaustion nipping at his heals, at the back of his skull.  Inserted in the grit in the corner of his eyes.  

He wakes up to an empty bed, Martin’s side of the room looking sad and empty, usual trinkets of their cohabitation lacking.  No prescription on the nightstand, no glasses, no poetry book, no neatly folded outfit set out for the morning, closet looking empty.  

The room is bathed in the grey light of early morning.  Jon goes back to sleep.  

He wakes up properly at nine.  He makes tea, staring at the faded sticky note that Martin had written precisely how both he and Jon respectively take their tea.  Jon remembers by this point.  It’s been years since he Needed to look at the note, but he still looks at it because… well… it’s Martin’s writing.  Instructions written with care and precision, with a little heart and a smily face.  He doesn’t trace the writing, he isn’t that pathetic, and he doesn’t want the paper to disintegrate any faster than it already is… but he wants to.  

Martin will be back in a couple days.  He shouldn’t be this clingy…  But the flat already feels empty and cold.  Jon shivers, holding his tea close to his chest, and resisting the temptation to make a second cup for Martin.  

Jon teaches his classes.  He eats lunch in his office.  A sandwich that tastes like chalk and fills his mouth with cement.  He grades a few papers.  He teaches another class.  He rides the tube home.  He falls asleep on the couch.  He wakes up on the couch.  The flat cold around him, the cushions stiff and frozen against his slight and hurting frame.  Joints stiff against the chill.  

He thinks about making dinner, or even just reheating some leftovers, but he doesn't.  He texts Martin.  'Love you, hope the volunteer training is going well.'

He falls asleep.  Heavy and aching and so tired.  

He wakes up on the cold couch to a buzz from his phone.  'Going well, just finished up for the night.  Love you!'

It's dark now, but not late.  Daylight doesn't last long in the grey of winter in London.  Jon shivers.  He thinks again about dinner, and how Martin would want him to eat, but he just wants a warm shower and to go to bed.  

He considers his cane, but doesn't feel it worth the effort.  It is out of his way, and he would just like to get this over with.  

Jon hates sitting in the shower, but he hates baths more, and his hurting limbs won't keep him up any longer.  

Jon wakes up in a cold sweat.  Salt on his lips, saltwater on his lashes.  The flat is cold.  Cold like his dreams.  Panic on his breath as the Lonely dreams still hold him in their vice.  He wraps his arms around his chest.  He tries to rub his own back despite aching muscles, trying to make his own boney hands sooth him like Martin can.  He shakes and he cries silently.  

He checks his phone, the low brightness still stinging his eyes, and smears the numbers of the time beyond recognition, but he makes out no new messages.  

He pushes himself out of bed on aching legs, and shaking arms, pulling on one of Martin's sweaters and stopping by the loo.  

He makes tea.  And tries to take comfort because it is almost as good as when Martin makes it.  

Jon goes back to bed.  

It's morning and Jon's head hurts.  His head hurts and his arms hurt and his legs hurt and his back hurts.  

He almost pushes himself up to get ready for work, but he remembers it is Saturday.  

Jon rolls over to Martin's side of the bed.  Placing himself in the divot where Martin would be, if he were not out of town.  

Jon texts Martin.  'Morning, have a nice day, love you.'

Jon dozes.  

He should make breakfast.  But he isn't hungry, and he doesn't want to move.  Even if his small frame isn't holding heat, even under the thick covers of their bed.  He wants the weighted blanket.  He wants the heated blanket, but those live in the closet.  Those are for bad nights.  Mostly of the time He and Martin under the thick duvet is enough.  

But it isn't night and it isn't that bad, is it?  And even so, that is more effort that he thinks he can spare.  

He texts Martin.  

He texts Martin.  

He texts Martin.  

He texts Martin.  

Meaningless texts with the mundanities that are beyond him.  Little messages about missing him, about making tea, about reading.  None of them lies, but cutting out the dragging exhaustion that has given way to a dragging fever.  

And Martin texts back.  

Jon bundled in the heated blanket and Martin's jumper on the couch.  Dosing off to the Archers.  He still hates that show, but it's easier to hate something for the content than admitting he feels too shitty to even enjoy the documentaries he has been saving for the weekend.  

He grades some.  Not much.  And he makes tea.  

He thinks again about the leftovers in the refrigerator, but he doesn't have the energy to eat them.  Lacks the appetite.  

Jon falls asleep on the couch.  Tea cooling on the coffee table.  Papers spread around him in uneven heaps.  

Jon texts Martin.  And Martin texts back.  

Only the buzz of the phone keeping him from sinking deeper into misery.    

Jon texts him whenever he is awake to do so, and Martin texts back during his breaks.  

Jon's head hurts.  He is shivering despite the heated blanket that is tight around him.  Woken from another nightmare by his own gasping breath.  The Stranger this time.  

He calls Tim.  

"Jon?  Everything okay?"

Still gasping from the phantom hands rubbing him down, fighting the nausea that comes with that particular brand of terror, of that trauma of his invaded personal space.  And the desperation that someone come and save him from his cold and empty flat and end this lonely weekend.  

"Jon, are you alright?  Where are you, do you need your inhaler?"  

Jon probably does, but he fights for breath for a minute and he's more or less okay.  

"I'm home.  It's fine, sorry for calling."  He feels foolish for being needy, and more foolish still because he's fighting back tears now.  Tears over nothing at all.  Just the fever.  Just the dreams.  Martin will be home tomorrow, and Jon will probably be feeling better by then, and if not, it's probably mostly exhaustion anyways.  He's been having a hard time getting restful sleep.  

"Hey, hey, hey Jon.  It's okay to call.  Are you alright?  Do you need someone to come over?"  Tim isn't angry.  It still surprises Jon that there is no bite to his voice.  No snipping, not sarcasm, not annoyance.  Just... warmth, caring.  

"Just a little under the weather.  I'm okay.  Sorry for bothering you... Had a dream... and just... Sorry it's foolish.  I'm alright."  Jon shivers, and hoping he doesn't sound too soggy over the phone.  He aches.  Stupid joints.  Stupid immune system.  Gives out the minute Martin leaves.  Which... good.  He guesses… at least Martin isn't losing sleep over him this time.  He hates that Martin doesn't sleep when caring for Jon.  He Hates it.  He hates stealing sleep for him, even if this is the mundane way of doing it, he still has cost Martin too much over the years.  

"I'm gonna come over, okay?  It's not a bother, it's not an inconvenience, I had been planning to give you a visit anyhow, I've been too busy to drop by in a while and I want to see you because you are my friend, and if I make you soup as well, hey we both get dinner out of it.  I promise I Want to.  Sasha still has work, so I don't have any company tonight anyhow.  No plans.  Nothing."

"Not been hungry."  That's all Jon has the energy to argue.  

"Feeling queasy, or just the usual fever nonsense?"  Tim asks.  He sounds too cheerful for this.  

"Nightmare queasy now, but mostly just... fever probably."

"Oof.  One of those nightmares?  Yikes.  Well, that kind usually passes in a bit, then we can make you some Spicy Stoker Sick-day Soup.  This Is to my benefit.  Sasha isn't a big fan, and Martin isn't either.  It's a good excuse to make some good comfort food."

Jon almost smiles.  "'kay."  

Tim must guess he's falling asleep again.  "Get some rest.  I'll be there soon with some soup stuff and meds.  Don't worry about letting me in, I have a key, remember?"

Jon falls asleep on the couch.  

He wakes up to tea being set in front of him.  

Jon groans and rubs at his eyes.  

"I know I've said it before, but that note in the kitchen is fucking adorable!  I mean... a little sad that it took you that long to learn how to make yourself tea, but still fucking precious that the note still has a place of honor.  Not to mention, it's good reference for when I want to make you the perfect comfort cup of tea!"  Tim smiles at him.  

And it isn't the same as with Martin, but it still warms him up.  At least a little.  

"Hey bud, how are you feeling?"

Jon tiredly rock his hand in a so-so motion.  

"Mind if I take your temperature before you drink that tea?"

Jon turns his attention inward to see if what remains of the Eye wants to be helpful today.  "38.6."

"That... I can't tell if that is handy or inconvenient.  In any case, not bad but not great.  You okay if I start the soup?  You can either get some more rest of join me in the kitchen and we can watch some Buzzfeed on my laptop?"

Jon nods.  He gathers his blanket and his tea, and limps to the kitchen.  

Tim sucks in his breath at Jon's clearly stiff movements, and rushes to plug the blanket back in before Jon can move to do so.  

"You.  Are not gonna help, okay?  You can help by drinking your tea, and some water and then getting back to the couch and using me as a pillow and eating a little something."

Jon opens his mouth to argue, but sees the steel in Tim's glare.  Nothing unkind, but still solid resistance.  He nods.  

Jon falls asleep on Tim.  On the couch.  Empty bowls stacked next to Tim's laptop, cord plugged in next to Jon's blanket.  

Tim stays the next afternoon until Martin gets home.  Marin scolding Jon for not telling him he was ill.  Martin thanking Tim for coming.  Martin wrinkling his nose at the soup.  

Martin's prescription and glasses, and clothes and book back in their proper places.  Martin in Martin's divot in the mattress, Jon smooshed against Martin, still a shade too warm, but much better than earlier.  

Jon falls asleep in Martin's arms.  

[ruinousaltruism-moved]

Leverage: Redemption, The Tower Job

I don't care. Just get it done. Time is money.

I don't want money or revenge. I just don't want this to happen again.

Tell me that this doesn't merit justice.

Old money family, posh education, she did a year at the Royal College of Art in London, so she thinks she has taste.

A power imbalance, we can work with that.

Yeah. I had to level up my game.

There's only one problem with that.

I mean, this thing could withstand the apocalypse.

Even a fool buys stone for his house.

He bet me that I couldn't learn the language. He lost.

They only have ten million? Yikes.

That sentence hurts my brain.

That's their soft spot.

Yeah, but that's just hitting him in the wallet.

We'll do what we can.

There's nothing to find. I made sure of it.

Oh, I hate business clothes. They make me feel so starchy.

Why are we doing this at the same time?

Besides, if it was easy, it wouldn't be fun.

It doesn't work if you say it like that.

What do you mean? You guys act like there's rules to this, but nobody ever explains what they are.

I'm sure we know the same people.

Something you forgot to mention?

Wow. Talk about burying the lede.

You can't keep stuff like this from us. That's how mistakes are made.

I saw a chance to make a little bit of it right.

Wait, do we get a vote?

I reserve the right to push him off the roof if he screws up again.

We control them until it's too late.

Okay. But I do all the talking.

I am going to handle it!

I like to think it captures the essence of American masculinity challenged by the modern paradigm.

This painting really makes me consider the juxtaposition between chaos and order.

You know, these artists, they can be a bit fickle.

You can't do that because we have a contract!

Contract Law 101: you can get away with anything if you bury it well enough.

Why do bad things always happen to me?

A party? Why'd they invite you?

You've been invited to a party. We never say no to parties.

Oh, your taste is very discerning, your accent impeccable. Have you been abroad?

Oh, if there's one thing I know, it's how to schmooze dirtbags.

You're not that person anymore. And that speaks volumes.

Are we the bad guys here?

We're not heroes. We're just necessary.

For what it's worth, we all got regrets. You'll move past it.

How did you learn to live with what you've done?

Like I said, best in the country.

What, uh, would it take to get you out of retirement?

You know, hors d'oeuvres is French for "outside the work."

Your jaw is tense, your hand is shaking. You're ashamed. And you're letting it get in the way.

You just got yourself burned. Get out of there. You're off the con.

I know, I screwed up.

Yeah, that last name thing, that's kinda spooky. Let's not do that anymore.

So, uh, shall we discuss the terms of this partnership?

Sorry about that. I was just... I was just a... just a little unsteady there.

Maybe just a little too much champagne?

It's about time you called me back, I've been leaving messages.

That is most definitely a brag.

What happened to you? What, are you drunk?

The people who are dead are dead. They don't matter. We matter.

So please, calm down, clean yourself up, and stay out of sight.

Uh, we're running out of time.

So the deal closes, I get half in the divorce, and then we are free.

Oh, this is so much better in person!

Okay, I got a little bit out of my lane right there.

I think you could make use of our services. Call me if you need something cleaned up in a hurry.

Don't rush the ending.

Is she coming down feet first or head first?

I think I owe you an apology. I was too close to this.

What you need to understand is that we don't keep things from each other.

It's not perfect. But it is a win. Here.

Please. I want to help. But you've gotta come clean.

Well, it's not everyday someone gets a little piece of their soul back, is it?

[jeanvaljean24601]

Teen Mom: Ranking the Most Insane Feuds of All Time!

From on-camera brawls to social media feuds and legal threats, the cast of Teen Mom and Teen Mom 2 sure know how to go hard. Moments that made you cringe 'cause they were so painful, or smile ear-to-ear. Scenes that were fights, or made you fight back tears.

The franchise really does have it all, and as such, it's become one of the most entertaining in the history of the reality TV genre.

Below, we look back at some of the MTV gang's most explosive feuds, and however you might rank them, this much is undeniable: Way back then. Not so way back then. Last year. Last month. Last week. Probably right now. There is no shortage of beef.

NOTE: We’ve saved the craziest for last, so we suggest that you a deep breath, sit back, grab a hat and hold the f--k onto it …

When Briana DeJesus joined the Teen Mom 2 cast in 2017, she was not welcomed with open arms. In fact, she quickly became persona non grata at her first get-together with the cast - with one exception. Jenelle Evans, Briana said, “is the only one who was acting like her s--t ain’t stink. Plus she was the only one who wasn’t acting fake and choosing sides.” Leah Messer’s response was to “pay no attention to those who try to bring you down … they’re just envious of where you are and how well you’re doing.” As we'll get to in a bit, relations haven't exactly gotten more amicable since.

Maci Bookout and Taylor McKinney's relationship has produced three kids, and they seem very happily married ... most of the time. Like, 85 percent of the time. Bookout alarmed fans with the confession a few years ago that revealed some trouble in paradise: “Eighty-five percent of the time we’re good to go … Fifteen percent is hell. All of our stress and emotions, we take out on each other. When the cameras leave, we’ll drink and freak out. It’s always literally the smallest things. It’s such small stuff but it blows up. It’s not going to go away.” Yikes ... but at least they've had plenty of time to work on things?

So Jenelle has this weird thing about Chelsea -- she accused her of copying her because she made a website for herself after she'd already made her own, because making a website is something totally special and unique. She also kind of accused Chelsea of copying her when she gave birth to Watson the day after Jenelle gave birth to Ensley, which is just wild. On another occasion, Jenelle went off about Chelsea ignoring her older daughter, Aubree, after having Watson, insinuating that she's a bad mother. Chelsea liked a tweet from someone who called Jenelle "pathetic" for bringing up Aubree, which is pretty much the most she's ever participated in this feud.

This one is pretty weird -- one time Babs "jokingly" threatening to "kill Kail" during an Instagram Live session with Jenelle. Lowry was understandably not amused and threatened to quit the show over Barbara's threats. That didn't happen, of course, and it's no longer an issue since Jenelle and her family are no longer on the show, but how bizarre, right?

Brooke Wehr was never a Teen Mom 2 cast member, but due to her mercurial relationship with Jeremy Calvert, her impact was felt just the same. A few years ago, the couple's engagement ended after Brooke accused Jeremy of cheating on her with multiple women, one being a Teen Mom 2 producer, another being her best friend, and a third possibly being his ex-wife Leah Messer. Brooke even shared a screen shot of a text message conversation between Jeremy and the best friend as proof, while Calvert responded in a drunken stupor that yes, maybe he did sleep with Brooke's best friend, but ... only because Wehr slept with some other guy first. Or, as he put it, Brooke was "f-cking his brains out, every day," and he was single, so "my dick was happy to do whatever the f-ck it wanted to do, and it did." Shocking that these two didn't work out ... but neither party was completely off base with their allegations. Just saying. Jeremy and Leah did hook up.

Briana hooked up with Luis in a bathroom while she was drunk, and she got pregnant. They tried to make a relationship work, but he cheated on her and was generally just not great. He's never really been around for their daughter, Stella, but he did come back around last year for a bit. Briana even decided to give him another shot -- except this time, she got the clap. So yeah, they're not on the best terms.

Devoin is the father of Briana's first child, Nova, and they haven't gotten along for many, many years. Briana says that Devoin is a deadbeat dad, Devoin says that Briana won't let him be an active father, it's this whole thing. However, things got especially bad last summer when Briana let him take Nova for an overnight visit and he ended up getting drunk while he was with her alone at a pool. More recently, she criticized him for not giving her any money to help with Nova.

This feud has been going on for years, but has taken on many new forms due to ever-changing circumstances and new tensions. The main point of contention for awhile was Javi's relationship with Briana DeJesus, who came on board the cast of Teen Mom 2 in 2017 amid a lot of controversy. Bri and Kail are bitter rivals (more on that later), so it's not surprising that Ms. Lowry would take issue with DeJesus hooking up with her ex ... or proposing to her. Kail was so salty over Javi's new relationship that she even canceled plans to collaborate on a pair of memoirs with Marroquin. android tv boxThese days, the two of them seem to be doing OK for the most part, but of course that could change at any moment.

Jenelle and Leah used to be friendly, but then things changed -- possibly because Leah became so close with Jenelle's mortal enemy, Kailyn Lowry. Jenelle has thrown plenty of jabs at Leah on social media, like the time she claimed CPS removed the twins from Leah's care and that there were more shocking details about all that that no one knows about. She's also criticized Leah for allowing her daughter to wear makeup and short skirts for cheerleading. As for Leah, she doesn't really seem to pay too much attention to anything Jenelle's ever said about her, although she did speak out after David killed Nugget, Jenelle's dog.

There was a time when Jenelle and Farrah were friends, but no more -- to be honest, both ladies seem to have trouble maintaining friendships with anyone. Jenelle has made remarks about Farrah's plastic surgery and her adult entertainment ventures, and Farrah has called Jenelle out on her bad parenting and her horrific taste in men. After Jenelle left David last year, Farrah offered her support, then ultimately decided to block her on social media because it's none of her business.

Jenelle didn't like Cheyenne from the moment MTV announced she was joining the cast of Teen Mom OG because of some tweets she'd made about white people several years ago. But the feud really started last year when Jenelle made a comment about Amber Portwood's assault charges -- Cheyenne tweeted that Jenelle "should be the last person throwing shade." Jenelle told her that she had no clue what she was talking about, then Cheyenne hit back with "Coming from the real racist, dog killer, abuser and honestly the most unstable individual I’ve witnessed.. GREAT STATEMENT.. get custody of ALL your kids and stay out of court before you talk about me." Jenelle tried to come back from that by calling her a "replacement," but Cheyenne said "And you're fired... soooo?" Beautiful.

Mackenzie has often criticized the network that made her a D-list star -- she once blasted both MTV itself and Teen Mom viewers who have been critical of her relationship with Ryan, particularly her decision to let him drive to their wedding while he was so high that he lost consciousness behind the wheel. "It’s easy to show the ‘half truth’ and portray it as a whole," Mackenzie wrote in a lengthy social media tirade. "But that’s ok because regardless of what happens, whether right or wrong, you’re considered scum.” She's also accused MTV of making her and her husband look bad with editing, but we'd argue that Ryan has always made himself look bad just because of who he is as a person. android tv box

Jenelle Evans' relationship with David Eason has been suspect from the start, even to members of their inner circle - and their own families. One of the loudest voices of disapproval of Jenelle is David Eason's sister. Her complaints were nothing new - Jenelle's a bad mom, a violent criminal, a drug addict, etc. But just because Jenelle's heard these criticisms before, that doesn't mean she took them lying down. In a public Facebook exchange that was at once amusing and horrifying, Jenelle tore into Jessica Eason Miller, accusing her of child abuse and hard drug addiction. Jess shot back by accusing Jenelle of going to great lengths to keep her numerous abortions a secret. Needless to say, these sisters-in-law won't be meeting up for cosmos anytime soon.

Following a slew of gossip stories shared by her co-stars a few years ago that she deemed unflattering, the Carolina Hurricane unleased her legal fury ... to widespread mockery. Jenelle sent cease-and-desist letters to a number of her co-stars, including Leah Messer, Chelsea Houska, and Chelsea's father, Randy Houska. She also took legal action against peripheral friends such as Ryan Dolph, and even her own mother, Barbara Evans. It's yet another reminder that Jenelle is not someone you want to mess with. Not because there's any legal merit to what she was alleging, but just because she's certifiably bonkers and when you kick a hornets' nest of that size, you open yourself up to all kinds of mayhem, bedlam and chaos.

Farrah hasn't gotten along with her former co-stars for years, but on one memorable occasion, she hopped on Instagram to allege that Lowell is a closeted pothead and Baltierra is secretly gay. Yes, for real. Catelynn was unable to defend herself as she was in rehab at the time being treated for various emotional issues; Tyler simply dismissed Farrah's claims as the ravings of seriously unstable woman. Probably the best way to conduct one's self in that situation, but they don't always brush it off. Tyler later stirred the pot once more when he said MTV was right to fire Farrah for her porn career, to which Abraham responded with an iconic word salad in the third person. android tv box

Catelynn has also attacked Farrah over the years - who could forget when she called her fellow Teen Mom a "hoe bag," or when she pretended not to know who Farrah was and instead started talking about Farrah Fawcett? What about the time that she charged out during Farrah's reunion fight with Amber yelling "TRASHY BITCH"? And then there was the time that Catelynn posted this just before Farrah's canceled boxing match with Hoopz. Stay classy, everyone!

This was a feud no one saw coming. Apparently Ryan was active on the dating app Tinder, despite the fact that he's, ya know ... married. When Mackenzie found out about this RIGHT AFTER they tied the knot, she was understandably not pleased. Catching your husband swiping and chatting with other chicks after you married him days earlier? Insane. But, instead of taking out her frustrations on Edwards himself, she decided to let loose on a random girl he was chatting with online. Edwards' Tinder Girl was the undisputed victor in this one, destroying Mackenzie's argument simply by stating, “Your husband is the one on Tinder.” Enough said, really. Incredibly, they stayed married, Mackenzie got pregnant ... TWICE. To quote the legendary Kieffer Delp, "You know how choices be."

Jeremy has never been a fan of David and Jenelle -- he spoke out against the homophobic remarks that got David fired, and he got into a spat with Jenelle after she was shown pulling a gun on that guy (he called her a "dumb bitch" in case you forgot). Later, David commented on a photo that Jeremy shared to tell him that he looked "like a bitch," and Jeremy went off on him in a long rant that concluded with "keep f-cking with me and I'll fly my ass to nc and I'll show u what kind of bitch I am pretty boy." So yeah, they don't like each other.

Where do you even start with these three? Ryan and Maci have experienced their share of rough patches over the years as they've struggled to peaceably co-parent their son, Bentley, but in the past, they've always been able to sort out their differences eventually. But then Ryan started doing heroin and brought Mackenzie into the picture, and that's not really the case anymore. Maci thinks that Mackenzie enables Ryan, Mackenzie thinks that Maci stresses Ryan out -- it's a mess. The two ladies have said plenty of nasty things about each other over the years, while Ryan went in and out of jail and rehab. Like we said, it's a mess. Poor Bentley.

Farrah has said a lot of things about the network that made her famous, like that time that she bizarrely claimed that MTV forces stars of the Teen Mom franchise to continue having children, even when they'd prefer not to. Abraham also accused the producers of encouraging Amber Portwood to attack her during their reunion show melee (more on that later), and even claimed she was fired from the network for partaking in "adult" pursuits on the side. Even more amazingly than the fact that she threw around the term "hate crimes" to describe how MTV treated her? The apparent fact that the folks who made her famous are actually willing to continue working with Farrah. Or were, until she finally got fired or quit, depending who you believe. With Farrah, every day is another day in the Post-Truth Era.

Where do we even begin with this. In late summer 2019, a 911 call was placed from Javi's home, following a dispute there. No charges were filed, but the truth came out. You see, Javi had recently gotten engaged to Lauren, with whom he welcomed his second son. Not long after that, he got busted cheating on her, banging one of the members of his CrossFit gym ... IN HIS BATHROOM while Lauren was asleep (or so he thought) IN THEIR HOME. As if that weren't crazy enough, he then called Kailyn to mediate; Kail later put him on blast, claiming he'd been cheating on Lauren back when she was pregnant and chastising him for wanting her to "clean up their mess." Don't worry, Javi posted a cheesy apology on Instagram, for everyone to see, and it was all good with Lauren after like 12 minutes.

There's always been some seriously bad blood between Farrah and Debra -- remember that time that she hit her in the early days of Teen Mom OG? Deb forced Farrah to become a mother when she insisted she wasn't ready, she didn't support her after Sophia's father passed away, and she was just generally awful towards her. Things got so bad between them that at one point, Farrah said that she'd wished that her mother would "just f-cking die already." They've been estranged for a long time now, although Farrah does sometimes allow Deb to see Sophia.

Jenelle Evans and her mother, Barbara, have always had a tumultuous relationship, with Babs unafraid to dish it out as much as she's forced to take it. In previous years, they would fight a lot and trade zingers (such as this classic image), then eventually put it behind them. For a good long while, Jenelle and Babs were at each other's throats more often than not, and the stakes couldn't have been higher. Barbara now has permanent custody of Jenelle's oldest son, Jace, and Jenelle has mostly come to terms with it. Thankfully, they're not fighting so much these days -- yep, they're actually managing to get along. For the moment, anyway.

Things neared a boiling point between Amber Portwood and Matt Baier after he vowed that would never marry her ... because she wouldn’t marry him on the spot in Las Vegas, obviously. “I will not marry her,” he said. “I will not marry her now, ever! I’m not gonna let her [brother] dictate my life. That f—king f—got. She wants to marry her brother. That’s who she wants to marry. F—k her. She just humiliated me on TV. I’m done!” Matt, who was livid at Amber’s reasoning for not eloping in Vegas - her brother Shawn not being present - went on to tell a producer, “I don’t care who you have to give oral pleasure to, keep the Amber and Matt wedding thing off [the air]. She just embarrassed me in front of 12 million people.” We’re pretty sure you did that to yourself, Matt …

As if it wasn't bad enough that Matt Baier offered Catelynn Lowell a Xanax before a press event, casting serious doubt over whether or not he remains drug-free, he ultimately took a lie detector test to prove his faithfulness to Amber Portwood ... and failed. The polygraph revealed that Matt made sexual advances toward other women during his relationship with the Teen Mom star, and that was it for her. "Trash! TRASH! I got you money. I got you deals! And you tried to f--k her! F--K YOU!" Their breakup, which was a long time coming, was not undone despite a stint on Marriage Boot Camp ... though she did meet crew member Andrew Glennon while on the set and went on to have his baby. Matt also got married (seriously) to Jen Conlon. Funny how life works out. h96 max tv box

Perhaps the longest-running feud of the franchise, Chelsea Houska and Adam Lind face off mostly through their lawyers these days, because the derelict of society can't stay out of trouble or pay child support. In recent years, he's failed drug tests with meth in his system, and he's also been arrested more than once for domestic violence. Because of all of that, he's only allowed to see his daughter with Chelsea at a visitation center (which he rarely seems to do), and he gave up his parental rights completely for his other daughter, Paislee.

Amber and Jenelle have never interacted all that much since they were on different shows, but still, Amber felt the need to speak out after one of David's many abuse scandals -- she ranted about it on Instagram, calling him names like "bitch" and "disgusting clown." Jenelle told her to leave her family alone, and she also said "You’re the one who went to jail for domestic violence but you’re sitting here pointing fingers at my husband?" Amber then threatened to beat her up, because of course she did. Their feud was reignited months later when Jenelle started saying that it was unfair that she got fired when Amber got to keep her spot on the show. Amber never responded, but a source did report that “She doesn’t feel the need to get into a feud with Jenelle with everything going on in the world right now."

This feud has been going on for a long, long time, and it started back in the day when Jenelle needed Kailyn to post bail for her, but then she never paid her back. These two have traded insults over the years, and Jenelle was actually low enough to leak the news of Kail's pregnancy with Lux. Since then, they've been making snide remarks about each other on social media, with David even joining in to insult her about things like her weight and her sexuality. Most recently, Jenelle took a break from her newfound body positivity to call Kail "a giant compared to me," and Kailyn hit back by saying that at least she has custody of all of her children. Classic stuff there.

Nathan and Jenelle were terrible together, and things didn't change after they broke up. The big issue was that she didn't waste any time in getting with David, and David has always hated Nathan. Like, a lot. The feeling became mutual after a while, and Nathan started claiming that Kaiser had told him that David was abusive. Nathan once even tweeted photos of some suspicious bruises on Kaiser that he said were from David hitting him with a stick, but Jenelle turned it around, suggesting that Nathan was the abusive one. Nathan has been talking about getting custody of Kaiser for a while now, but of course he has his own issues on top of everything else.

Amber Portwood and Farrah Abraham’s iconic beef may never be topped, at least in terms of how it came to a head on an MTV reunion special with the cameras rolling. It was pretty standard - or at least it was until Farrah said that Amber's then-boyfriend, Matt Baier, looks like a pedophile. With Farrah and her then-boyfriend, Simon Saran, just trolling Matt incessantly, Portwood hit her breaking point off camera. She stormed the stage, trying to fight Farrah, hurling insult after insult at her rival, and even throwing a punch that missed. Baier and Farrah's father, Michael, then got into it physically, forcing security to break it up. Crew members stormed the stage to pull Amber away from Farrah and it was all a mess. An epic, chaotic and glorious mess. h96 tv box

The bad blood from their epic reunion fight lingered long after the dust settled and only worsened in the years since.. Farrah said Gary Shirley should have full custody of Amber’s daughter, and that Amber needs to stop "using me to get attention … I want nothing to do with [her] criminal behavior or lying evil groups of people [she associates] with.” Fast forward to 2019, in the wake of Amber's arrest for assaulting Andrew Glennon (below), Farrah said again: "I do not speak to others who are very vulgar and abusive. I haven’t spoken to her. I feel that children, adults, family members, everyone associated should be treated with care, love. And that’s where the society and the world is going. I really hope that, not only Amber, but I hope Catelynn, I hope Maci… gets some help. They seriously need it." Vintage Farrah word salad.

This feud never really stops, but boy does it take more twists and turns than we can even count. Most notably, Javi started dating Briana, and even proposed to her in 2018, resulting in a lot of bitter feelings from Kailyn. THEN, he broke up with Briana and started dating Lauren Comeau ... who quickly became pregnant with his child, prompting more feelings from both Kailyn and Briana. THEN Kailyn revealed that after his split from Briana, but prior to him impregnating Lauren, Javi tried to bang Kailyn repeatedly. After that, it came out that Javi was actually juggling all three women at the same time. Who has the energy?

One of the best, for obvious reasons. As we mentioned, Bri's was dating Kailyn's ex-husband, Javi Marroquin, a move that effectively drove a dagger into the heart of their friendship - whatever that consisted of. They had a very heated argument at one reunion, and at the next, they wanted to physically fight each other. First, Kail invited Briana for a private chat in a room backstage, but Briana left before things could get bad. Later, when it was time for all the girls to to onstage together, Briana tried to attack Kailyn, but security guards were able to keep them away from each other. They don't do reunions together anymore, but they do get sassy about each other on social media!

There's a lot here, so let's just breeze through, all right? Kailyn met Chris at college, she slept with him when she was still married to Javi, and he ended up impregnating her when the marriage was over. He was never around throughout the pregnancy, and she even said he had another girlfriend, though he did show up for the birth and for a little while after. Kail has said that things went bad a few months later, and she's even claimed that he broke into her house and broke a window in her bedroom at that time. Still, she had a big thing for them, and they hooked up every now and then. Eventually, he got her pregnant again, and she soon got an order of protection against him. Right now, she's nearing the end of that pregnancy, and things don't seem to be much better with Chris.

Nothing funny about this one. On July 5, 2019, Portwood was arrested and charged with two counts of domestic battery and one count of criminal recklessness with a deadly weapon after she struck her boyfriend, Andrew Glennon, in the neck as Glennon held their son James in his arms. She then threatened to commit suicide by overdosing on pills, and used a machete to attempt and break into the room where Glennon was hiding with their son. She was convicted on felony charges of domestic battery and intimdation, and she's currently on probation. Later, audio recordings were released in which Amber could be heard verbally abusing Andrew, and in one she even admitted to punching him in the face. There's no contact between them now, and Amber has been allowed visits with their son. h96 tv box

Where do we even begin? Jenelle and David have always gotten in awful fights, and they've only gotten worse as time has gone on. In the beginning, they argued a lot, but a couple of years ago, she called 911 in hysterics, claiming he pushed her down so hard she thought he'd broken her collarbone. She called again a few months later because she'd locked him outside and he was beating the door down. Last year, she left him for a while after he killed her dog, which resulted in them losing temporary custody of the kids, and she even got a restraining order against him after telling a judge she feared for her life. She went back to him, but things definitely haven't been good -- she recently left him again and threatened to get a restraining order. She didn't, and we guess things are supposed to be OK right now, but it's only a matter of time until things get bad again.

[merriemelodie]

I FEEL LIKE I MUST GET EVEN so here's some more for the ask meme: 8, 16, 26, 37, 38, 100

I am DELIGHTED, but I think what I enjoy most is the implication that GIVING ME EVEN MORE STUFF TO WRITE ABOUT is a punishment.

Writing. A punishment.

HOW DROLL

(okay enough of that nonsense here we go)

8.) What artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

NO PRIZES FOR GUESSING

Honestly, though, words have always been what I’ve fallen back on when it comes to parsing through my (extensive) thoughts and feelings, and they’ve never steered me wrong, not once. Of course, I’d be remiss if I didn’t also bring up music—I’ve always been a highly musical person, and I firmly believe that there are some sentiments that words just can’t touch or adequately express (and vice-versa).

…I’m afraid of jinxing myself, but I’ll go ahead and say it: I’ve been working for a little while now on a story (or a bundle of stories) that would be best told through musical theatre, and I’d love to see it come to life. I wrote a play that was mounted locally a little over a month ago, so I already have a theatre writing credit under my belt—but I’m dreaming bigger. 

Much, much bigger. 

It’s not necessarily that I’m in a rush to put it out into the world, but it’s a piece that’s very personal to me, so I want to find the right people and strike the right chords (PUN INTENDED), so the work that I bring to life is everything it should be and more.

BUT I DIGRESS

16.) What’s your favorite pasta dish?

FETTUCCINE ALFREDOOOOOOOOO

26.) What are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

Black Croc ballet flats. 

DON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT THEY’RE V. COMFY

37.) Do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

I like having order and structure.

My room does not exemplify that desire on my part.

LOL IT’S A LANDFILL WITH CARPET

38.) Tell us about your pet peeves!

[TEETH GRINDING INTENSIFIES]

In what surely must come as a surprise, I HAVE MYRIAD OPINIONS ABOUT THINGS. Some are quiet ones that you’d likely never hear from me unless it happens to come up in conversation.

HERE ARE SOME OF THE ONES THAT ARE DECIDEDLY NOT:

Washing my hair, getting out of the shower, and realizing that THERE IS STILL SHAMPOO IN MY HAIR

People who consider a violation of basic human rights and decency “an opinion,” as well as a good enough reason to treat others as inherently inferior. BISH WHET

THE 2016 AMERICAN PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION CYCLE

Tea that goes from “I LOVE THE TASTE OF THIRD-DEGREE BURNS IN THE MORNING” to “JUST HEAR THOSE SLEIGH BELLS JINGLING RING-TING-TINGLING TOO” in, like, .6 seconds flat.

People who purposefully say incendiary and willfully-ignorant things in an attempt to shut down a ~real~ conversation they don’t want to have.

Accidentally pulling out my earbuds RIGHT AT THE GOOD PART OF THE SONGGGGG

People who call your name EVERY 5 SECONDS LIKE WHAT SERIOUSLY WHAT DO YOU NEED FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CAN YOU PLEASE JUST HIRE A PERSONAL ASSISTANT AND GET IT OVER WITH LIKE LET ME LIVE

People who say “nice.” BUT YOU KNOW THEY DON’T MEAN IT SINCERELY OR KINDLY. Like, okay, I’m no stranger to sarcasm. I like sarcasm. I am well-versed in it. Here’s the thing, though: if somebody is doing something and are genuinely into it, or proud of it, or are anything OTHER than ALREADY SARCASTIC, DO NOT MEET THEIR SINCERITY WITH UNMERITED SARCASM. (I mean, obviously the line between “merited” and “unmerited” is an arbitrary one, but IF IT’S SOMEONE TALKING SO GENUINELY HAPPILY ABOUT THEIR COLLECTION OF QUEEN ELIZABETH II STAMPS, DON’T JUST ROLL YOUR EYES AND SNARK, “NICE.” NEITHER THAT PERSON NOR THEIR STAMP COLLECTION DID A SINGLE STINKING THING TO YOU. DON’T DO THAT. STOP THAT.)

EVERY PERSON WHO POSTS IN THE #DIABETES TAG WITH ANYTHING BUT CONTENT THAT IS LEGITIMATELY DIABETES-RELATED

Okay that’s all I’m making myself angry again hahaha whoops

100.) If you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? Why?

First off, let’s just get this out of the way: both of these options suck (as least from my POV). Think about it: you either get to go back in time and re-live what you’ve alrea—

Okay, no, wait, hold on. I need some stipulations here. Do I go back five years in my own life, or am I just thrust back half a decade and dropped lord-knows-where? Like, am I restricted to my own thread in the timeline, or is it just kinda free game, and I find myself suddenly burdened with the responsibility of fending for myself after being unceremoniously deposited in the middle of the arctic circle five years in the past?

(This is getting lengthy. Okay: in the context of this specific question, I’m gonna go ahead and assume that I’ll be confined to my own personal timeline.)

…You know what’s stupid? All of that deliberation, and I’d STILL choose “five years in the past.” I’m way too afraid of the future (especially NOW) to have to face it any earlier than I absolutely have to.

SO, Y’KNOW, THERE YOU GO

THANKS MICHELLE IT’S BEEN A REAL SLICE

FEEL FREE TO PUNISH ME ANYTIME

(…yikes, what a sentence to end this on. ALRIGHT GOTTA GO~)