#< the smaller tag I'm gonna use for these silent pieces

[bad12amcomic]

Mixed Signals

[ddalgichocolate]

falling // jeong yunho

SYNOPSIS: After experiencing countless messy break ups, Yunho can't seem to find himself to love and to be loved once again. Not until he met y/n who’s as broken as him. Sharing their stories, Yunho found out that they’re almost the same but their difference is Yunho can help himself be whole again after being shattered into pieces. But y/n? Well, maybe God has plans as to why they met each other.

PAIRING: Yunho x fem!reader

GENRE: fluff, angst

WORD COUNT: 4.5k

SONG RECOMMENDATION: falling by harry styles

WARNINGS: mentions of drinking, cheating, cursing, verbal fighting, emotional breakdowns, toxic relationships, self doubts, unhealthy way of coping up with heartbreaks

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hello! This is my first work for the tag, hehe. I also have another work drafted but it's quite long so I decided to post a /shorter/ one first to test the waters since I'm too shy sharing my works because I know I'm not that great of a writer ssjdjsjk. Some character names are also made by me and doesn't exist in real life. I'm so sorry for grammatical errors as well! English is not my first language >.< Feedbacks are welcome and accepted, enjoy!

Masterlist

Silently sitting at the couch of a friend’s party, Yunho chugged down his 3rd bottle of beer for the night. Just today, his fourth girlfriend decided to break up with him through text, saying their usual “it’s not you, it’s me” line that he is tired of hearing.

As much as it’s supposed to sound reassuring, he can’t help but think that maybe there really is something wrong with him as a boyfriend. Does he not spare them enough time and attention? Does he spend way too much time with his friends? Does he always stay up late all the damn time, playing his god forsaken video games and occasionally forgetting to text his past significant others back unintentionally?

He really can’t answer his own questions but he knows.. he fucking knows that he’s nothing but a good, loyal boyfriend to those who he used to date. But why do they always leave him?

He felt someone nudged on his knee, cutting him off of his thoughts. Looking at that person, he saw Mingi with eyes full of concern. “Dude, we’ve been looking for you for the past five minutes already then I see you sitting on the couch, glaring at everyone. What’s wrong?”

San was the first one to notice their arrival and smiled the brightest smile he can muster while clapping his hands. He looks like he’s not yet drunk.

San was the first one to notice their arrival and smiled the brightest smile he can muster while clapping his hands. He looks like he’s not yet drunk.

San was the first one to notice their arrival and smiled the brightest smile he can muster while clapping his hands. He looks like he’s not yet drunk.

“There’s our Yunho!” He exclaimed which gained the others attention, some even greeting him with enthusiasm as they went back to playing. He silently sat beside Wooyoung who looked at him full of curiosity. Usually when they party, he’s one of those causing chaos but due to how he’s acting now, Wooyoung must’ve sensed that there’s something wrong.

He put his arm over Yunho’s shoulder and shook him slightly, “What’s bothering you, bud?”

That single, simple sentence seems to break all the emotions and questions that Yunho’s been keeping to himself as he felt his eyes get teary and he asked, “Is there something wrong with me?” 

The chaos surrounding him suddenly became calm as the rest of his friends circled him. No one spoke and the silence was unbearable until Hongjoong decided to break it.

“Yunho, what happened?”

He took a deep shaky breath, “Eunhae broke up with me.”

A scoff was heard and everyone looked at Yeosang, “See what I told you? This is what you get for not listening, Yunho.” He said as Yunho stared at him with a hardened expression.

Hongjoong, who’s trying to do damage control, decided to peel Yeosang away from their circle but the younger broke free, “Yeosang, now’s not the time–”

“Now’s not the time to what, Hongjoong?” Yeosang spit out with so much hatred, making Hongjoong look away. The younger man proceeds to walk and stand in front of Yunho, gripping both of his arms tightly, “Jeong Yunho, what did I tell you? She’s not good for you, she’s–”

“Gonna break your heart and leave you broken like the rest of them did. I know, Yeosang. I know.” Yunho cut him off, voice full of regret, “I should’ve listened to you.” He said, this time, with a small voice.

Yeosang just rolled his eyes and pulled Yunho in a hug with his head on his chest, steadied by the smaller’s hand. The action caught him off guard and all of a sudden, the only thing he could feel and hear is his sobs breaking free from his mouth, tears falling down from his eyes as his body trembles in brokenness.

The whole pool house was silent and the only thing that’s audible is the ongoing party happening outside. His friends let him cry until he’s too tired and broken to let anything out. Wiping his eyes, he giggled tiredly,  “I’m a fucking fool. I don’t want to love anymore. I just want to be loved the way I deserve.”

No one spoke but his friends’ hearts broke at what he said. Yunho is loved by everyone but he’s just too engrossed in giving away his heart to someone that he didn’t notice it.

Wooyoung removed the hair from his eyes and whispered, “Let’s get you home, buddy, so you can rest. You consumed enough alcohol.”

“I’m not fucking drunk, I want to drink more!” He tries to argue, making Seonghwa speak up, “You may not be drunk but you’re tired and have alcohol in your system. That’s not healthy. You know that drinking is not the healthiest way to cope up with heartbreak, Yunho.”

“Let me be!” He shouted as he tried to pry off Wooyoung’s grasp on him as he tried to stand up to get more alcohol.

“No I won’t let you be!” Seonghwa argued back, pushing him down to where he’s seated, the tension coming back again, “You’re broken enough and if you drink more you’ll be nothing but an unrepairable mess and I don’t want that. We don’t want that to happen.”

Sinking the older’s words in, Yunho has no choice but to agree. Seonghwa’s right, damn, he is always right. He decided to silently follow Wooyoung to his car and the drive back home was silent. No one spoke until they arrived at his condominium.

“Take care of yourself, Yunho.” Wooyoung said, “We care for you. We love you, always remember that. I know it’s tiring but we’re always here to help you be whole again.” After saying those words, he decided to drive away and go back to Jongho’s house.

Entering his apartment, he didn’t bother to turn on the lights and decided to do his night routine and lay down in his bed as he looked at the view of the city on his window, thinking about Wooyoung’s words. It helped bring a slight smile on his face as he decided to let himself slip off to dreamland.

—

The next day, Yunho decided to visit his favorite coffee shop to grab his usual favorite treats for the morning to start it well instead of moping around because he got his heart broken.

Arriving at the cafe, he was greeted by the Mrs. Kim, the lady who owns and baked the treats in this coffee shop, “Good morning sweetheart! Do you want the usual?” 

“Good morning Mrs. Kim! I think I’ll grab a hot chocolate instead of cold, this time.” He replied with a kind smile as he watched Mrs. Kim fusses over the cashier (who’s her daughter) to punch his orders. Haru smiled at him when she gave him his receipt but leaned forward, gesturing Yunho to do the same.

“You see that girl over there?” She asked, pointing at the girl in the corner, “She entered earlier looking sad and all. You think you can cheer her up?”

Yunho rolled his eyes, “I’m not a clown, Haru. Also, I can’t even bring myself to cheer up when I just went through a break up myself.”

Haru was taken aback by his response then she rolled her eyes, “But you don’t look broken unlike her! You look completely fine.” She pouted and gestured to the girl again, “She looked like she’ll pass out due to sadness.”

Yunho just let out a sigh, “What do I get in return?”

“Two extra cinnamon rolls under my tab.” She said and winked at him. Yunho held his hand out and she took it to seal their deal. “Good luck, Yunho!” She singsongs and Yunho just rolled his eyes.

Approaching her table, Yunho decided to tap the girl on her shoulder and she thankfully looked up but didn’t speak. The curiosity in her eyes though, was enough to voice out her question of “who are you and what are you doing here?”

Scratching the back of his head, Yunho smiled shyly, “Hi, I’m uh, Yunho. I’m alone and have no company. Is there anyone seated there?” He asked, pointing at the empty seat in front of her.

“There used to be someone seated here but they left me.” She said in a quiet voice enough for Yunho to hear but didn’t comment on it then she proceeded to answer him while shaking her head, “No one’s seated there.”

“I hope you don’t mind if I.. sit here?” He asked cautiously, “But it’s okay if you don’t want me too! I’ll just look for an empty space.”

Y/n decided to look around and noticed that the coffee shop is a bit packed. Feeling guilt immediately eating her up just in case she rejects him, she answered, “You can sit here, it’s okay.”

Without saying any more words, Yunho sat down in front of her. They were silent for a while until Yunho spoke up, “You know, me and my friend noticed that you’re actually not well.”

“Your friend?” She asked, thinking if this guy was playing with her, that he’s with someone else even if he told her no, just like what he did with her. “You’re with someone yet you told me that–”

Her sentence was cut off by a giggle from Yunho, “The cashier is the friend I’m talking about.” He clarified and she can feel the heat of shame spreading through her cheeks.

And after that, silence was there again.

No one really spoke until Yunho’s order arrived. He was munching happily on his cinnamon roll and took a sip of his hot.. coffee? Chocolate? When he looked at her and said, “You know I heard you when you said that there’s someone seated here before. Where are they?”

Y/n looked at him with an unpredictable look and that’s when Yunho realized that it must be a sensitive topic. Immediately waving his hands that are holding the utensils, he added, “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it! I’m just a mere stranger, I know.”

The look of panic on his face made y/n smile a bit as he resembled a puppy that got caught doing something wrong. She picked on the loose thread of her sweater when she decided to speak up, “You know, it’s my dream to rant to a stranger because I’m certain that we won’t meet again and I think that time is now, though I’m not sure about the not meeting you again part. I’m y/n, by the way.”

A soft smile flashed through Yunho’s features as he understood what she meant, “You can speak whenever you’re ready.”

She let out a deep sigh and started, “You know the feeling when someone you gave your all just decided to fuck you up emotionally?” She asked and laughed humorlessly, “That’s what he did to me. I won’t be saying his name, I hope you don’t mind.” She added as she wiped her tired-looking eyes.

Yunho nodded silently and gestured to her to continue, “I’ve been living with my boyfriend, well, ex boyfriend for six months now. We’ve been together for a year and a half after I met him at my best friend’s party. We were happy, really. After dating each other for a year, he decided to move in at my apartment unit.”

“The first three months were full of legitimate happiness. There were times where we just laze around, play with each other and sometimes do some random things. I thought it’ll stay that way but I was wrong. Somewhere around April, he started to be distant towards me. I was trying to reach him out but he just kept on pushing me away.” She paused for a while and wiped the tear that fell from her eye.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, she continued, “I thought he was just stressed with college and all but no. Somewhere mid-April, I was waiting for him to come home late at night then he went home drunk. Really really drunk. We had our fair share of parties but that’s the first time I saw him like that and he didn’t tell me that he’s going to a party as well. I mean, I wouldn’t stop him but asking for permission could’ve been nice.”

“We started screaming at each other that time and it was the first ever huge fight we had. He left my apartment that very same day and I don’t know where he went. He went home in the morning and apologized to me then of course I accepted it. Those things just continued until recently, he said something that I really won’t forget which is also the very same reason why I broke up with him.”

“He was drunk that time again when he shamelessly and proudly confessed to me that he’s been seeing my best friend and that she’s the better girlfriend than me. I mean, I’m okay with breaking up with a lying, cheating asshole but my problem is I gave up everything for him. He’s my first love and she’s my only friend who didn’t leave my side. Now I have no idea on how to bring back my life from before.” Tears were now falling down her face nonstop as she tried to wipe it off her face but the waterfall from her eyes showed no sign of stopping. Yunho frantically pulled his handkerchief on his pocket and offered it to her which she gladly accepted.

“We’re stopping here, okay? I don’t want you to faint due to crying.” Yunho said as he fidgeted with his fingers and she sobbed quietly. This girl is the same as him. Broken, left alone, not appreciated. But their difference is that he has everything she doesn’t have and can do anything she can’t. He has friends to help him fix himself and welcome him with open arms when he’s too overwhelmed with sadness and that made him realize of how fucking lucky he is.

Until now here he is, conversing with a very broken girl and thinking of a crazy thing that he never thought he’ll be doing.

Silently grabbing y/n’s trembling hands into his he smiled, “Let me help you.”

She was taken aback by what he said and before she can react, Yunho explained his intentions, “We’re both broken, my girlfriend just broke up with me yesterday but that doesn’t fucking matter. Between the two of us, I can completely keep myself going. I still have friends who can help me when I’m in my most vulnerable state but you.. your only friend betrayed you and I just realized that maybe this is the time someone needs me.”

Too stunned to speak, y/n just clasped Yunho’s hands tighter, “Yunho..”

“Y/n, you don't have to say anything but please reconsider my intention. I want to help you.” 

A set of fresh tears fell down from her eyes as she looked at him. This time, with a smile. The most beautiful smile that Yunho has ever seen because no smile can be compared to a smile of a broken one.

“Thank you, Yunho.” She said in a whisper but enough for the both of them to hear.

He softly patted her hand and answered in return, “Now’s not the time to say that. Thank me when you’re whole and fixed again. Deal?”

A laugh bubbled out of y/n as she agreed, “Deal.”

Six months later…

Laying down on his bed with his eyes closed, Yunho couldn’t help but think through the sudden turn of events in his life. His mind immediately flew through the memory of the day he first met y/n. 

Weeks after their encounter, it was quite hard to reach out to her despite knowing her side of the story. They agreed to meet everyday at the same spot in the same cafe and just talk about their own feelings. Y/n had a hard time letting her emotions out during those times as she really won’t be able to speak without crying and Yunho has to offer his handkerchief all the time since she always seems to forget to bring hers all the time.

Right after that, a month passed by quickly and she started to smile and laugh more. She also met the boys who welcomed her into their circle with open arms but at the same time, she has her guards up just in case things go wrong. The boys never failed to notice it but they chose not to comment on it. She immediately warmed up to San and Wooyoung and they’re labeled as the chaotic trio in their circle. Y/n felt herself getting happier.

In the second month, however, despite having enough friends, she still finds herself going back and forth to the past. There are times where she had her emotional episodes and she’s just thankful that Yunho’s been there for her always. She spent most of her time staying over Yunho’s place than she spent in her own place, telling each other stories that the other doesn’t know and just laughing her sadness away. 

And in the last week of the second month, y/n decided to move over the empty condominium space beside Yunho’s as she reasoned out that she can’t stand the memories made in that apartment so she decided to move out. As Yunho helped her unpack with a fair share of giggles and laughter, that’s when Yunho realized that he’s healed.

In the last month of the year, which marks the fifth month after they met, Y/n seemed to go back to her normal self and Yunho saw her as a very giggly and carefree person. Yes, there were times where she remembers her ex boyfriend but instead of wallowing in sadness like she used to do, she started making fun of that memory that left her very broken before. The first time they spent Christmas together was when Yunho realized, he’s in love.

He’s falling for her and he’s scared.

He’s scared that the same thing will happen to him all over again. That after making her happy, she’ll leave him like how they did with him. Cancelling all his plans the day after that, he decided to voice out his concerns to Yeosang.

“Sang, I’m scared.” The first thing he blurted out with panicked eyes by the time Yeosang opened his apartment door. 

His friend guided him to his couch and patted him in the back, “What happened, Yunho?”

“I..” he let out a deep sigh and he felt tears pooling in his eyes, “I’m falling for y/n, Sangie.”

A breath of relief rushed out of Yeosang’s mouth and he smiled warmly, “What’s so scary about that?”

“I.. I don’t know. Maybe she’s going to leave me like all of them did. Maybe I’ll get broken again but this time I won’t be able to pick myself up and–”

“Yunho, it’s not love if it doesn’t hurt.”

Yunho was dumbfounded by his friend’s words; he opened his mouth only to find himself closing it once again, making him look like a fish gasping for air.

Yeosang stared at him intently as he took a hold in Yunho’s hand, “Yunho, listen to me. Y/n, she’s thankful for you. Though I don’t know what really happened to her the day you met but I can tell that you helped her.”

“I assure you, y/n’s not the type to leave the only person she’s relying on. She’s too grateful to do that, used to be too broken to think of that. She’s not the type to put herself in the same situation that I’m assuming other people used to put her in. And I get it, you’re scared but Yunho, the happiness she gave you is not describable by words. It’s not just me who noticed it but the other boys as well. She’s different, one of a kind.”

“Give it a try and maybe she’s the right person for you.” Yeosang said as he put finality in his words, drowning Yunho in realization.

“Yeosang..”

“I know, you’re welcome. Now go home and fix yourself. I know you had fun staying up with her yesterday.” His friend pushed him out of his apartment door and before he completely left the place Yeosang called him out once again, “If things go wrong, we’ll always be here for you.”

And that made Yunho’s heart swell in happiness.

Except, when he saw her again, Yunho just chickened out and decided to avoid her like a plague and y/n is not dumb enough to not notice it. 

January is their sixth month together and it’s also been a few weeks now since Yunho started avoiding her. It made her sad to the point that she ranted to Wooyoung and San on their separate group chat on how Yunho’s not talking to her and how it frustrates her.

Y/n, unlike Yunho, is aware of the feelings that bubbled up in her heart. The way she felt the butterflies on her stomach two months ago when she heard Yunho sing for the first time and she blatantly told herself that yep, she’s in love with her golden retriever-looking friend. She immediately told San and Wooyoung about it as the two boys called her suddenly and started squealing like high school girls in the duration of their call.

She thought that everything was going fine and she kept her secret well not until Yunho started avoiding her after they all spent the New Year’s Eve together. She started to get worried, thinking if she did something wrong.

Deciding that instead of wallowing in her own overthinking tendencies, y/n went to Yunho’s apartment and didn’t bother knocking as she punched his too familiar code at the door. It’s in the middle of the afternoon and she figured that maybe he’s still at his bedroom after experiencing one of a hell week because college already started again.

Opening his bedroom door silently, y/n saw Yunho laying down on his bed with his head turned to the side of the window. Eyes obviously blank and void of emotions. She silently made her way to his bed and jumped on it and shouted, “Yunho!”

“Jesus, you scared me!” Yunho exclaimed as his arms wrapped around y/n’s torso with his eyes wide, “What are you doing here?”

She laid on her stomach and giggled as she removed the hair covering her eyes, “I came to visit you.” She replied with a pout and she spoke once again, “You’ve been ignoring me since the year started, I miss you.”

Yunho stared at her incredulously and he tucked her hair behind her ears, noticing the blush spreading through her cheeks, “I’m sorry, I just have a lot of things in mind.”

She let out a huff making Yunho raise and eyebrow at her and she smiled, “I’ll listen to you this time.”

“Y/n–”

“Come on, Yunho. You helped me a lot so now it’s my time to repay you. Maybe talking can help you get your mind out of the gutter.”

Yunho just laid there silently once again thinking through things that can possibly happen. If he tells her, their friendship might either end immediately or she reciprocates his feelings for her. But then, he can hear Yeosang speaking in his mind.

Give it a try.

He watches as she fidgets with his fingers that are laying in his stomach. He stared at her eyes and it reflected the night sky filled with stars even if it’s the middle of the day. He let out a sigh making y/n look at him and giggle, “That’s a deep–”

“I like you.”

Y/n was dumbfounded for a while as she stared at Yunho with her mouth open making the latter laugh and guide his hand under her chin to close it. She stared at him still and it’s been a minute that passed by when he confessed and Yunho couldn’t help but feel nervous so he added, “I-I understand if you don’t like me back it’s just that–”

“Idiot.” She suddenly blurted out, as she sat down beside him from her lying position, cutting his words. Yunho looked at her confused, “Huh?”

“You’ve been avoiding me because you like me? What are you trying to do? Damage control?”

“Well, yes–”

“That’s dumb, Yunho.” She said as a matter of factly and Yunho’s eyebrows were knitted, “Look if you’re just going to roast me–”

“I like you too, you fucking dumbo. Are you going to kick me out?” Her words sounded confident which made Yunho stare at her in wonder. They were silent for a while and it’s enough time for Yunho to help his mind process her words.

Giggling as he did so, y/n looked at him confused, “Why are you giggling?”

“Come here.” He said as he pulled her beside him, y/n’a face tucked in his neck, “I really like you.” He said once again then chose to proceed, “I was scared that you’ll leave me like they did if I told you.”

She hummed, “I really really really like you too. I know when we first met that I was broken but that didn’t make me afraid to love. I won’t leave you like they did.”

Yunho smiled through her hair and dropped a kiss on the crown of her head, “Let me take you out on a date?”

“We still have some time today. We can go to Mrs. Kim’s coffee shop. We can visit an arcade then eat dinner out? Maybe do a little bit of shopping?” She suggested as she looked up and their gazes met. He smiled softly at her and hummed, “Sounds like a plan.”

“For now cuddle me here in your bed.” She said in a cute demanding voice causing a laugh to bubble out of Yunho’s mouth.

“Whatever my princess wants then she gets.”

She let out a squeal and squeezed herself tighter into him as if they weren’t too close enough yet. She thought about the first time she met the light of her life and remembered a very important thing they agreed on.

“Yunho?”

“Yes, baby?”

“Thank you.” He looked down at her and booped their noses together as they cuddled in the warmth of Yunho’s bed. Yunho, smiling like an idiotic fool, immediately knows the true meaning behind her gratitude because he feels the same, he’s thankful he met her that day.

Maybe Yeosang is right as well, she may really be the right person for him, and for the first time in years, this is the only relationship Yunho had that made him feel so happy and content.

thank you for reading!

[heresathreebee]

Garrote part 4

[Starz Power Diego Jimenez X Jazmine Mann (Black!OC)]

Warning(s): Mature (+17), sexual tension, graphic violence and language. Previous Masterlist Next

Word Count: 2.3k words

AN: Surprise bitches! I'm an impatient bastard and couldn't wait anymore. This picture is finally appropriate (speaking of, assume all photos for this series are not created by me unless specifically stated otherwise). 

@nicke0115 @1zashreena1 @mental-bycatch

Something Nice turned out to be a dress Jazmine bought two years ago. A floral print with white petals she was sure a guy like Diego would laugh at. He still hadn't told her what he wanted with her, so she brought a change of shoes depending on the occasion. He got caught up in some work stuff, so the meeting had to wait until the morning. When he texted her the address, she wheezed. When she rolled up into the lobby, she gasped. It screamed elitist big money in every way from the high ceiling to the marble floors. A man who worked for the Jimenez's led her to the elevator, punching in a code for the right floor and stood silent as a statue. A dangerous, beefy, ranch-smelling statue. 

It's impossible to say why she expected anything less than the secure ritzy elevator to open straight into the home like a front door. There were voices in the room that the bodyguard led her away from, taking her up the stairs and planting her square in front of a door at the end of a hall. 

"Stay here." 

Jazmine did not enjoy waiting. She tapped her foot until her leg cramped, she stretched, she tried the door (locked), and she tried to guess what year the paintings on the wall were made. It was probably pay back. When Diego did show his face, he had the audacity to look surprised to see her. 

"What kept you?" 

"Just business," he said smiling. Bastard. "Inside." 

He let her enter first and it wasn't a bedroom like she had anticipated. There were large picture windows on the northwest corner of the room and a grand piano, other furniture suggesting a kind of study like a bookshelf and an armored cash (she knew a weapons locker when she saw one). Diego's hand slotted itself on her waist as he locked the door behind them. 

"Want to take some pictures," he said by way of explanation. 

"What kind of pictures?" 

Diego smiled cryptically. Jazmine did not miss the way he appraised her form, fingering the soft fabric of her dress before backing up. He pulled his phone from his pocket and snapped a candid before she could stop him. He turned the screen her way, showing her own face in the amazing lighting and quality. 

"Nice, right? Sit down." 

He waited until she was situated on the piano bench before he took a seat of his own. She watched him set the picture as his home screen and shook her head. "We can do better than that." 

She missed the big, cocky smile he pulled when he said, "what do you have in mind?" 

"A guy like you? With a picture of a clothed woman in your phone? Unlikely." 

Diego hummed playfully. "I don't think your clothes are the problem." 

There was a huge plush bean bag next to the smaller book stand under the window. An odd choice for such high class taste, but it didn't look like this room got much use anyways. Diego plopped down on top of it like he had just come home from a long day at work. He looked up at her from between his legs, and beckoned her with a crooked finger. 

"Right here," he patted the inside of his thigh. Jazmine wasn't sure if he wanted her to sit in his lap or... but then he said, "on your knees," and she fell easily into position. "You look pretty like that. Haven't asked me what the pictures are for yet." 

Jazmine shrugged, picking up his phone and snapping a picture of him for herself. "I've already got ten ideas for how to use these. My back up plans have back up plans, but I usually go with the flow. It's saved my ass this long…" 

He hummed, motioned for the phone. "You trust me?" 

Jazmine tensed up immediately. "Yeah." 

His movements were slow as he reached up for the back of her head. Gently, he pulled her down until her cheek rested against his clothed thigh, her chin practically inches from his zipper. He watched her gulp but she didn't pull away and he let her go free. 

"That's a good one. Come here." He pulled her up into a wet kiss and she melted into it. He licked his way into her mouth and swirled his tongue around her plush lips until he was satisfied with how shiny and swollen they became. Jazmine settled back instantly into position, proper her hands on his thighs for support as she posed. If his pants were loose, the sight would be obscene. As it happened, he tried not to move too much as the space in his pants became too tight. Diego snapped a couple of pictures, frustrated he couldn't get far enough to get the framing right. She watched him lean his head back to get it right and she couldn't help but laugh. 

"Alright, alright. We done?" 

"One more." Oh, the way she crawled up his body should not have felt so good. She sat her plump rump right over the button of his jeans and he bit his lip to stop from groaning. Jazmine sat up on her knees, sinking into the bag and snapping the perfect picture. "There." 

He could tell she was doing something, her fingers flashed over the screen and he resisted the urge to snatch it from her hands. Her eyes lit up as a notification sounded and just as quickly her eyes averted. He saw as he took the phone she had her contact open, sending herself her favorite pictures (the first and the last), and he also saw that Alicia needed him. 

"I gotta go," Jazmine announced as she headed for the door. 

"Don't get lost." She did a double take at the sudden turn in his demeanor. It sounded like a threat. Diego’s verbal threat paled in comparison to the ice cold, regal look a woman gave her on her way out. That was how Jazmine got her first look at Alicia Jimenez. 

~

Bored at work, Jazmine let her mind drift back to the morning. She couldn’t get it out of her head, the way his hands absentmindedly twirled the fabric in her skirt between his fingers when he could have easily done so and felt her up. It was intoxicatingly soft, especially for how cheap it was. She slapped some pants underneath it and wished she’d taken out her earrings before her shift– they itched now but if she put them in her pocket she’d never see them again. 

The flow of customers was that of a leaky drainage pipe. They often rolled in and out without so much as a look at her eyes or her name tag, some even going out of their way not to touch her and to turn their bodies sideways as if her existence offended them. Pricks. 

This last guy was acting extra suspicious. Young man with a hat, sunglasses, and a hood drawn up. He was wearing loose basketball shorts in the middle of winter and had his head on a constant swivel. Definitely going to rob the place. Snatch and runs were commonplace, but they hardly looked like this. He was too old not to know you needed a crew for the best haul. But then that means… 

Fucking kid had a gun on him and he was pointing it in Jazmine's face. The chips he had thrown down on the counter were forgotten in favor of the cash in the register– all the cash. He seemed like he was looking for the thrill rather than the kill, but the way he was waving his piece around, he hadn't had much gun safety training. She wasn't dumb enough to try and correct his form right now. Every second he took his eyes off her to scan the area and the barrel of the gun drifted away from her person, she was able to breathe. He ran out the back door. 

Now came the real worst part. Yeah, almost getting shot over $87 wasn't the worst part– calling her boss was. He didn't like his employee's making reports to the police, they had to go through him. Jazmine knew he was into some shady shit, she never felt curious enough to have a look. She barely even registered how long the grown man had been screaming in her face when she heard the door open. 

"Sir we're temporarily closed--"she started to say until she turned to see Diego standing there. 

"What," Frank huffed, "no we are not closed– sir, take as much time as you need, we'll be with you in just a moment." 

Jazmine rolled her eyes. 'We' really meant 'she'. She didn't know how he expected to make change if we didn't have cash, but then something strange happened. 

"This guy bothering you, baby?" Jazmine did a double take. Diego was leaning dangerously over the counter and had locked eyes with Frank. Her boss actually gulped. Taking control of the situation, Jazmine pulled Frank's ass around the counter. Diego followed closely, mirroring their every step with an uncontrollable itch in his fingers. It was beginning to make her nervous. 

Frank turned to snap at Jazmine, "who the hell is this guy" when he came nose to nose with Diego himself. He looked like a panther baring his teeth, and Jazmine watched his hand disappear behind his back. She snatched his wrist, pushing him back to get between the two men. 

"Don't," she hissed in Diego's face. The cool metal of his gun sent tingles up her fingers. "Just my boyfriend, Frank. I asked him to take me home." 

"OK," Frank still sounded confused. Diego's hand slipped away from the gold plated handle of his gun and Jazmine stepped away to gather her bag and wrestle the vest from her shoulders. "Hold on– I didn't say you could go!" 

"Yes you did," she affirmed with a lie. Diego caught the bag thrown at him with a huff, and she fisted his shirt to push him backwards towards the alley exit. 

"No I didn't!" 

"Sure you did! I'll see you tomorrow." 

She knew Diego was pissed. But so was she. As soon as they were free from prying eyes, Jazmine stupidly punched the drug king in the arm. 

"You need to learn about something called boundaries!," she yelled. "From now on, there's gonna be rules about when and where you show up, and who you're allowed to shoot." 

"Eres loco?!" Diego's hand fisted in the collar of her dress and dragged up to look up at him. He pressed the barrel of his gun into her neck and crowded her into the wall of the building. "You think you can tell me what I can and can't do, little girl? Do you know who the fuck I am?" 

He put the gun down so he could slam her into the wall, harder this time until her eyes spun with stars. "You're fucking nothing, cabrona. Todo nada. Do you know how many drugs go through my organization into this city alone? How much money I make?" Jazmine's eyes screwed shut and she let out a loud and regrettable sound. "Are you really shushing me right now?!" 

Diego was about to put a bullet in her head when her hands flew up in surrender. The blow to the head had rocked her– if he wasn't holding her up, she would have fallen to her knees already. 

"I don't want to know about any of that stuff," she said. "I-I can't, Diego. You can't say shit like that around me." 

The man was at a loss. She truly amazed him with her audacity. He let her go as soon as holding her no longer interested him and she slid onto her butt to catch her breath. One hand clung to her throat and the other came up as if to protect her head from a bullet. He considered it, then put his piece away. Alicia would be furious if their deal with Healy fell through like this. For Porsche. 

Cooler heads prevailed. Diego only helped her stand so she would be easier to get into the car, and they drove in silence the whole way to her apartment. Not once did she look him in the eye or apologize, nor did he take his ferocious stare off of her person. Jazmine sighed in relief when the car finally stopped, but as she was climbing out, Diego caught her by the throat one more time and pulled her ear close. 

"I'm not your fucking boyfriend, Jazmine. We are not friends. Don't forget that, querida." 

~

Healy was waiting for her in her living room. His eyes drifted straight to the red marks rising at her pulse points and the soul crushing exhaustion in her eyes. He offered her a plate of pasta and let her eat in peace for a while. 

"I'm sorry, Jazmine. Really, I am." Healy kept his hands to himself, but he did offer Hercules a treat to keep her busy. "I'll have a talk with los Hermanos Jimenez so you don't have to be on the receiving end of another tantrum like that. The next time you see them, they'll be more careful about what they say around you." 

Tired and beaten, Jazmine merely nodded. 

"Make sure you charge your device. I can't help you if I can't hear you, sweetheart." He left in a moment and for once, she was so glad to be alone. 

[ohparis]

Fandom: Supernatural

Pairing(s): Dean Winchester/Castiel, Dean Winchester/Original Female Character

Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Original Female Character

Rating: T

Tags: Angst and Feels, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms

Summary: Dean finds him in her eyes and smile and laugh, even in her name; and he can't fucking bring himself to let that go.

ao3

He meets her on a June afternoon, the sun so fucking bright it hurts his eyes.

And it’s not that- he just can’t help himself, he really fucking can’t.

Never stood a chance, with eyes like that.

Her dog runs him over, that’s how it happens, and she apologizes and tilts her head and he just, he needs to get out, out, out of here because he can’t breathe, and his eyes sting and he knows, it’s not the light.

He excuses himself, pats the mutt on the head and flees.

-

When he gets home, it’s a whirlwind of bourbon and cheap whiskey.

Sam finds him passed out on the couch, glass shattered on the floor and against his hand, maybe yells at him, but he doesn’t really remember much.

On their way to the hospital, Sam is silent, gripping the wheel so tight his knuckles may have turned purple, and he doesn’t look at Dean, spread out on the backseat, murmuring incoherently.

He wants to explain himself, say he’s sorry Sammy is stuck with this mess, but instead just mutters that he needs more time.

“One minute, Sammy, just one.”

Sam doesn’t answer, stares at the road.

“Just to say goodbye. Tell him, just once”

And he can hear his brother sigh, then, shoulder slumped and eyes closed, and maybe he speaks, this time, but how would he know; by the time they arrive at the emergency room, he’s unconscious again.

When they discharge him, when he’s back in baby, her leather stained with blood, Sam looks tired and stressed and so worried.

He says, “You need to stop this. Please.”

Dean looks down, asks for the keys. Sam doesn’t let him drive.

-

They bump into each other again at the grocery store, and this time she doesn't let him run away.

"We met at the park, the other day, I'm Cassandra."

Because of course she is, and Dean wants to tell her to get lost, that he doesn't really care, hasn't been able to for a while now, but piercing blue eyes are staring back at him for the first time in so very long.

He's only human, he tells himself, can only fight with himself for so long- and it's only coffee.

Only coffee turns into a movie and that turns into dinner and he can't really say how the hell he got himself in this situation but here he is.

And this girl is wonderful, looks at him amused but doesn't really mind that she's the one doing all the talking.

She has a pretty voice, some pretty interesting stories to tell.

A beautiful smile.

Christ, he's such an asshole.

When they say their goodbyes, he closes his eyes, says: "Goodnight, Cas", and it's been so long.

Fuck.

So long, and his eyes are closed and it's almost real, almost alright.

They make plans for the weekend.

-

When he goes to bed, that night, he opens the drawer where he hides his secret stack of liquor and it’s empty.

Sam must have gotten rid of all the alcohol in the bunker, he supposes.

It’s fine, he tells himself as he lays on the bed, scrolls through his phone looking for pictures that are not there, cause if he can’t drown himself in booze, he can do it in sorrow instead; but there’s nothing tangible, here, no homevideos or polaroids, anything he has left is in a box under his bed.

The coat, the tie, a cassette; but that, he won’t touch.

He searches through his contacts instead, dials the number he refuses to deactivate.

“This is Castiel...”

He falls against the pillows with a loud thump, phone tucked against his neck-

“...make your voice, a mail.”

-and cries himself to sleep.

-

“I used to be a pilot, you know.”

And, you have got to be fucking kidding me.

He tells her that.

She just laughs against her ice cream.

“I swear, is that so hard to believe?”

He sobers up, offers a tissue for the cream dribbling on her chin.

“No it’s just, I was friends with a pilot. Sort of.”

“You sort of were friends or they sort of were a pilot?”

He gives her a smile that’s barely there.

“Both.”

“Well, that’s something.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s just,” she says “I don’t know anything about you.”

Dean hums, keeps strolling through the park.

“You know what my favorite ice cream flavor is.”

Cassandra rolls her eyes, playful; she chuckles, her nose scrunches up when she does so.

He’s not an idiot, he knows he’s not imagining things, connecting dots and finding similarities that are not there, that he would find suspicious, was he not so desperate for something, anything to cling to.

“I have a brother.”

She looks at him encouragingly.

“His name is Sam. We’re really close.”

“Does he live here too?”

Dean nods.

“And the rest of your family?”

There’s a park bench behind them, a playground.

Dean closes his eyes against the staining sunlight.

“He’s the rest of my family.”

He doesn’t mean for it to come out harsh, but it does.

Cassandra doesn’t pry.

“What about you?” he asks.

“I’ve got a bunch of siblings I’m not really close with, and an older sister who’s like a mother, father and hippie aunt all in one package.”

He smiles at that.

“Must be fun.”

She shrugs, “She’s family.”

-

When Sam finds out he’s seeing someone, he starts asking questions a thousand miles a minute, looks so excited Dean fears he might actually pee himself.

The thing is, he doesn’t really want to answer, doesn’t know how to be truthful and avoid Sam seeing through his bullshit at the same time, so he downplays it.

“Sammy, don’t take this the wrong way, it’s just… I wanna take this slow, be quiet about it.”

And of course, Sam takes that to heart, ensures him they’re going to do just that, that he’s going to encourage it, whatever it is.

“It’s, I mean, this is really good. I’m happy for you. This is good.”

And he looks so goddamn relieved, Dean just wants to cry and scream and drink and cry again.

He tells Sam he’s gonna need the Impala to take her out, and for the first time in weeks, he sits in baby again, drives to town.

He buys a bottle of scotch, downs it sitting on the ground next to the car, and waits for the sun to go down.

Then, he prays.

He prays to stardust and dirt and lighting and everything that Castiel used to be.

He sobs, says “I hate you so fucking much,” and “Why won’t you return to me?”

He falls asleep in baby’s backseat, curled up on himself; when he gets home, in the morning, Sam smiles at him.

-

Cassandra works at the library, volunteers every other weekend to read to the kids, then talks about it with Dean when they go out for coffee on Sundays.

He brings a book with her, once, opens it when they’re lying on a worn sheet in the park.

She thumbs the pictures, explains the story, starts reading bits and pieces of it in between plot points.

“You - you alone will have the stars as no one else has them...” she recites, “...In one of the stars, I shall be living. In one of them, I shall be laughing.”

Dean rests his head on hers, closes his eyes.

“And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night...You - only you - will have stars that can laugh.”

A beat.

“Do you like it?”

He drops a kiss against her hair, “It’s beautiful, Cas.”

She tilts her head, then, kisses him, soft and tender, on the lips.

Dean holds back the tears.

-

He calls him, that night.

The voice on the other end of the line is colder than the metal against his cheek.

“This number has been deactivated, if you...”

The box under his bed lies untouched.

-

Sam runs into them as they’re about to enter a Soap Shop Cassandra likes, greets them with barely feigned surprise and excitement, a grin the size of Texas.

“I’m Sam, it’s so nice to finally meet you.”

“Likewise, I’ve heard so much. I’m Cassandra.”

“Oh”, says Sam.

And Dean tries to make himself smaller,

“Or Cassie, if you want,”

and smaller,

“or Cas, but only Dean has ever called me that”

and smaller.

He can see it unravel on Sam’s face, as he begins to take in her hair, and her eyes and the shape of her mouth, just like Dean has.

His expression flickers momentarily, in anger or disappointment or pity or all of them.

He schools it almost immediately.

“Well, it was a pleasure, I gotta go now.”

They start to go their ways, when “Dean, I’ll see you at home?”

He can only nod.

-

Of all the things he expects to find when he gets back, booze definitely isn’t one of them.

“It’s not for you,” Sam says.

“I figured.”

A beat.

“Look, I’m-”

“Yeah, you’re sorry. Good, you’d better be.”

Another one.

“Tell me at least you’re not fucking her.”

At that, Dean recoils.

“I’m not that much of an asshole. I wouldn’t use her like that.”

Sam nods.

“She seems great.”

“She is.”

“You should break up with her.”

“I know.”

“But first...”

And he’s holding it out, the box, he’s opening and taking the tie and coat, leaves the mixtape alone.

“...First, we say goodbye.”

And the booze, the coat, and in his pocket, a fucking lighter.

“No,” he says, furious, “No way, Sam, no fucking way,”

“Dean...”

“Give that back.”

“Hear me out, Dean-”

“Give it back or I fucking swear, Sam.”

“Why are you keeping them?”

“It’s called fucking mourning, am I not allowed?”

“Except that’s not it.”

And the thing is, he’s right. Because there’s a reason he won’t touch them, there’s a reason he chose to keep them.

“It’s not,” Sam sighs, passes a hand through his hair, on his face, rubs at grim filled eyes, “He’s not coming back.”

Dean takes it, then, grips it tight, looks at Sam, is suddenly so, so much younger: “Why?”

And Sam is shaking his head, taking him by the shoulders and pulling him in.

-

He says goodbye to Cassandra the following afternoon.

A few hours after, the coat is burning in a pile of leaves and wood on the ground.

The wind blows.

The stars are getting there.

As the sun sets, he says “I love you”, like it’s not the first time.